I found out why I had no friends.
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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
- I had no friends. Though my story isn't new nor the only one, there's something very lonely about feeling alone. I never had that 'best m8s 4 lyfe' and despite going to college and university, I never really had many friends. Of course, I have 'friends', but not the ones you have that deep connection with. It seemed like those people were only in my life for a little bit, and then they'd eventually disappear in this adult life. But actually. This wasn't the truth. I actually had to admit that some of the reasons why I didn't have those friendships that I wanted, is because of me. My own behaviour. My expectations. My lack of understanding and reasoning. And I think sometimes we need to hold our hands up and admit our mistakes. It's not totally my fault, but part of it is, and I needed to take responsibility for that part.
Extra reading:
Social Relationships and Health - www.science.or...
Social Relationships and Health: The Toxic Effects of Perceived Social Isolation - www.ncbi.nlm.n...
How to Make New Friends (and Keep the Old) as a Young Adult - greatist.com/h...
4 Sitcoms That Gave Us Unrealistic Expectations About Friendship - graziadaily.co...
"I have no friends": 3 steps to dealing with the pain of loneliness - • "I have no friends": 3...
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2 years on, I've made a video on how to cope without friends: ruclips.net/video/bDvG793Kdro/видео.html Hope it helps ❤
I used to sit with a friend for hours and have deep convos and she would go on and on about how she didn't have any friends...
Fun times.
It’s strange, people have such a different view on what a friendship is to them. Sometimes poor self esteem can make us feel like we don’t have friends despite them being right in front of us. You’re a good person, don’t change ❤️
😁😆😅🤣😂😄
But u must have enjoyed feeling superior.
@@Coneman3It's interesting that you would think that would make someone feel superior.
@@Coneman3 They never stated anything indicating they feel superior...what are you smoking? They said quite the opposite...that they thought they were at least friends with this person only to be rejected in front of their face, polar opposite of "superior"...Tr0ll.
"Actually, I do have friends. I've just been defining them wrong."
Such a powerful quote to end a powerful video ✊
Thank you! glad that resonated for you!
@@RhianeHacker Sure thing. Thanks for sharing
You know the reason why some of you guys are alone because you sometimes don't know how to approach others and meet but you will be good at it I trust you
I talk to my son about this. He says he doesn't have friends, but I remind him that he has acquaintances. When I was in my 20's, before the Internet, my only friends were people that I worked with. I take analogies from that time that are applicable to today's generation, who do have the Internet.
It doesn't matter what your capability to have friends is, it's the steps you take to make friends of the people surrounding you. The fact that there are hundreds of social media tools out there, if you're not feeling particularly friendly. To have friends, you have to be friendly. No one is going to make friends for you.
I tell my son to take small steps. Say hi to someone, it doesn't matter who. Ask them about their day. If you open that door to people and make them feel safe, they are going to tell you their life story. Learn to be polite and listen to them, nod and ask questions. They will likely feel guilty for oversharing and will probably try to make it up by asking you about yourself.
I realized as I got older that ALL of us are just floating around playing the roles given to them. You can use the system to your advantage by finding the glitches. And a major glitch is the fact that nobody is completely comfortable with who they are, and would love the chance to step outside of that role for a while and just talk about their life.
@@Jewelkendraampayathe other side of it is knowing how to interpret invitations. I remember meeting a guy in uni in our first lecture. We spoke and got on well. When we left the lecture theatre in the usual rush we got separated. I saw him walking towards the computer lab. I saw him see me but he turned and kept walking. I called him over. We became friends. Now that's a normal situation. Sometimes you're unsure if you should talk to someone and their group again after meeting. But some people would do that two or three times in a row. And at that point I'm going to not bother calling them over. Maybe they genuinely don't wanna be friends. But maybe they're too shy to assume they can come over whenever now. And that represents a missed opportunity.
I’m a 26 year old guy, I didn’t start college till I was almost 23 while living with my family at the time. No friends then, only starting to make acquaintances now. You’re not alone. Everyone has their own journey and way. I learned what helped me was to stop comparing my life to someone else’s, because my journey is unique, like yours. There is a song that goes: “I’m not like everybody else” from The Kinks, and it really resonates with me. Stay strong!
That’s a great way to look at it and very true! Compassion is often the root to our problems because we feel like we’re not doing well as we should be doing. I completely agree, we’re all on a different journey! Hope you have a lovely day!
@@RhianeHacker Thanks for the reply! Yes, I cannot stress enough that we are all on different journeys. Just because your peer has a career at 23 and you don’t at 26 doesn’t mean you are “behind”.
@@RhianeHacker That meant it is best not to compare other people's friendship. I mean nobody has perfect friendship. You got at least 1 friend who is your bf. That right there can count as having 1 friend. There are also other people who is stuck in a friendzone and wanted what you have. So at the end of the day, it is always good idea to appreciate our own achievement and not ever look at other people's life as a competition.
@@jk22222sd we are all in our different unique journeys loved this phrase!
Alot of us are like this. Most people who we call friends arent really our friends in life. We really only meet one or two friends we can really trust in our entire life.
I think it depends. I think you can have real friends but it was only for that period of time.. then you grow and separate but it was all amicable. It’s also depending on effort and energy. If you keep it up then the friendship will last, but if someone doesn’t want to keep maintaining it then of course the distance will grow. Yes there are people that will be friends to get what they want but it doesn’t ever last. It’s all about effort and priorities at the end of the day as you get older, friendships require more work
@@RhianeHacker A cop told me that when I was in 8th grade. Me and my friends were skateboarding around a Hindu temple that used to be a movie theatre. The community was a bit angry at them for taking our theatre. One of my friends used his board to break the glass so he could skate inside, then the alarm went off and we ran. My school officer recognized me in the video and asked if I skated. I said yes and he led me to his office and showed me the video and asked me to identify my friend, who went to another schooi. That's when he told me 'you know, you only meet one or two friends in your life who you can really trust'. And looking back he was right. I do, and have had lots of friends. But of all those people, I'd say only three or four of them tops I could really, really trust. So the number is a little higher for me, but he was still pretty much right.
"Entire life"? Longer than most marriages? I doubt that. Friends come and go, like evrything else.
This is gonna not be what you want to hear and I definitely feel where you were coming from (I was bullied and out casted when I was younger, never really grew up with solid friends... and therefore have always felt a anxiety and fear of abandonment with friendships in general) but from my experience with having friends and still having friends... friends aren’t super reliable for your self worth or even for your self-confidence...it’s actually a very good skill to be able to enjoy your own company... I finally had the friend group I wanted in college and it dissolved after 2 years. I thought I was always going to have those girls and many of them drifted off one by one. I have two from that group, but one is in Korea and the other usually disappears during the semester. I have found some people I enjoy being around, but I don’t always feel like I quite fit it either, and never have. I would say, try to hold onto any good solid friends you have, and if socializing makes you feel energized, just join adult clubs around certain socialized activities; like book clubs, or dance classes, or even a charity organization.
You and I sound like we had the same experience and lessons to try to unlearn. I completely agree with what you wrote. I very much enjoy my own company but I do also love being around people (or types at least cause I do notice there are certain groups I don't gel with). I get what you mean cause I felt the same way with the friends I had in school, we managed to stay in touch right up till after uni and then it started to drift. Thanks for the suggestions too, I think that's probably the best places to make friends as an adult really, but also I'm trying to teach myself that people come in at phases of life and then maybe go back out but that's just the way life is. Just to let it be and only make the changes if needed for things I can actually control. Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate the time you took to write this, hope you have a lovely day ☺
thank you for this video. i'm the exact same way, my boyfriend is essentially my only friend right now. he has his own friends too and i've felt like i've been putting so much pressure on him to fill the role of many friends while
he also has his own friends and life. i also have held friends to insanely high standards. i felt so seen and understand by the video. i think i have more friends than i realized :)
I'm so glad this helped you feel seen! That feeling alone can be so comforting!
Quality is better then quantity. It is better to have 1 friend then to have multiple fake friends. There are also people who stays stuck in a friendzone and they feel lonely even if it is 1 friend. As long as you all have at least 1 friend, that is good enough. It is easy to get caught up thinking of wanting more when in reality, you all have what you wanted. That right there meant you are not 100% stuck on solitude life. What is important is value the only available friendship you all got regardless if it is platonic friendship or romantic friendship. Good friends is hard to come by.
@@hp2546 true
@@hp2546 duh, but thats her boyfriend not her best friend smarty
I understand how you feel. I just graduated university and I have left with no close friends and all of my friends from school have drifted. It is painful knowing that other girls have really solid groups and they text their friends everyday - it almost feels like I have forgotten how to be friends it's been that long since I just chatted to someone about general stuff rather than giving an info dump about my life over a catch up. It has left me feeling weird and like I am not worth being friends with. It is sad, but it makes me feel better to know that others feel the same way and I'm not alone.
Totally appreciate the parts of the video where you talk about turning inward to find out why keeping friends around seems so hard. I hadn't thought about it in terms of expectations before but that has actually really resonated and helped me. Thanks for sharing your story x
I really do feel like uni can feel like a final cocoon from the rest of life. I noticed a lot of people tended to be friends just because they were in the same class but after very quickly drifted so it was more like a comfort thing of having someone to hang out with so they didn't feel alone but haven't given a friendship a chance to really flourish. I know that feeling of being a bit of an outsider from that experience of having a tight, group chat texting friends but I realise I'm terrible at replying normally. And some people want that constant connection while others are more comfortable checking in from time to time and that's fine too. You're definitely not alone for sure and I probably expect you're very normal and not weird either! I'm so glad this video resonated with you and I really appreciate you opening up!
Same here , me in final year with no friends . Stays in the home most of my time. Have no friends in my neighbourhood bcoz , all here are above /below my age . In School i had friends, but in college all are seperated. Spends time in YT,Nf ,studies .Good to know people like me also exists.
@@littlehearts7039 I remember final year! So stressful! I hope your studies are going well though! Sometimes you don’t always need friends to be your age. To be honest I find I get along better with people older than me, and people my age tend to not click with much. Sometimes it’s hard though in a small town especially. But as you said you’re absolutely not alone. I actually find it interesting how so so many of us feel like we’re on our own but our cases aren’t isolated as many of us share similar stories. I hope you’re ok, and I hope you can find someone you can click with for the next period of your life, maybe it could come from a job or somewhere you least expect ❤️
Whether it is college or university, the rules of graduating is not the same as high school. So of course, when you were at the university, it is not guaranteed your friend will pass the same class as you and not guaranteed your friend will major in a same field as you. High school is a place where people graduate with their friends. College or university is a place where you graduate at your own pace. Normally if you are in college or university, you normally find ways to keep in touch with them that doesn't involve them coming to any school with you. College or university is a place where education is competitive. How a lot of people keep in touch with friends is they go on a separate journey but can still text or write to each other and visit each other time to time.
The problem with having no friends is that it causes you to self-reflect. Am I the problem or are others? If others are developing friendships, but I am not, therefore I must be the problem. This is the underlying psychology which chips away at one's self-esteem.
Believe it or not, but there are millions upon millions of people around the world who don't have friends. Even those who have 'friends' cannot fully rely upon them or trust them. Friends want a good time - but a close friend is a rarity (one you can truly confide in and depend on)
Furthermore, in this day and age of social media the problem is compounded to an even greater degree. Most people active on these platforms are basically highlighting the best times of their lives (with friends, etc.) and this can lead you to believe that you are the one 'missing out'! Once again, this has the psychological effect of damaging your self-esteem - which increases the feeling of despair. It's a vicious cycle that you need to break for your own sake.
Do yourself the favour and realise that friends, like most things in life, are heavily overrated.
Because we are a social mammal, we are essentially defined as a 'pack creature'. In terms of our evolutionary history, we existed in small groups, not mass societies. Therefore, having a group of friends is something deeply embedded within our cognition for the purposes of psychological health and survival.
When you have no friends, it runs counter to our evolutionary history and causes you to think of yourself as an 'outsider' (one who exists outside of the pack). Again, this chips away at your self-esteem - furthering that sense of despair and loneliness.
What you need is objectivity. The problem isn't you and it's not necessarily others. Just look at the 'RUclips' videos of people struggling to make friends or cannot make them. You could spend a lifetime watching these videos and you wouldn't emerge any the wiser.
Things are what they are and trying to make sense of anything is like pissing into the wind. As long as you've got your family and a decent boyfriend - you should thank your lucky stars. Some people don't even have that much! Try keeping perspective and don't allow the world around you access to your self-esteem. It will never end favourably for you!!
thank you for this comment. There's a lot you write here that I do very much agree with. I'm sure it will be helpful for others.
The part about arrogance and self importance hit. I’m not trying to make myself look good because I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship too but I got dropped by someone who went through what you’re describing. They talked about focusing on themselves and it turned them into someone very different from the one I was friends with. She was once the most caring person I knew. She was my cheerleader. Especially when I didn’t deserve it. It took years but I fell in love with her for it. Before I got any further I have to say I didn’t try to put any pressure on her. It was just feelings. I wasn’t even ready to express them to her. I just wanted my friend and was afraid of anything changing. But something changed outside my control. I don’t know if someone hurt her but she dropped me and virtually all of her other friends. Now I don’t have one of my oldest friends. I guess I’d lost her even before we finally stopped talking. She wasn’t the same person and now I have to go the rest of my life without one of my best friends.
Unfortunately we all change and sometimes that means people want to change their whole environment and life. Making new friends seems exciting at first but people only learn later in life that maybe there were some friends they regret letting go of. Some people never look back and you can't do anything about it. It's sad and I have to say when my 'best friend' stopped being friends, it felt like I was grieving. What I have learnt is that you only have control over your side of the relationship. If they stop putting in the effort then you have to accept it and move on or else things like these and the past will just consume the precious time we have and affect our future relationships. You have to learn to let go which is not easy but you can then appeciate and be grateful for what you had without the longing for it to be 'back to normal'.
i had the exact same friend, she was all like that. In the end, despite my efforts to keep the flame burning, she just blamed me for everything wrong about her. Just like this girl said in her video - it's a very thin line between self-respect and arrogance and she crossed it. We were our everything, but now we're not. It's really for the best, let go, and continue
Yeah. All you said is true. It hurts but your life is in front of you and you still have time to make friends. I'm closer to 50 years old now. So from my life experience, people change over time and will no longer be close to you, but you changed too and you'll find others to be close with. Friendships do get left behind (as you mentioned in your video - 10:10) but chin up. You'll find someone else too. I lost countless friends but each one that left, I cherish those good moments. Now, my best friend is actually my cousin. Keep walking on the road of life and you keep smiling that nice smile of yours. You'll be fine. If I can make it, so can you.
Thank you, I really appreciate you sharing your own experience and encouragement. It's something I'm starting to realise. I at first never could understand the concept of friendships failing because people changed, to me it seemed like people giving up on a false sense, but now as I notice my own changes and now I see how wrong I was. Although, would you say you still care for those friendships that faded? I feel with some of mine, I still care, like to see that they're doing well, even if we no longer are in contact anymore. Starting to appreciate the ebb and flow that life can bring now, makes me curious to see what the future decades bring ❤
@@RhianeHacker All that you mentioned is also me too. LOL.
So keep your chin up in life and then see what is the next scene will be.
my last girlfriend suffered tremendously because of bullying. I really feel this.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Bullying is cruel and can really stay with people for a long time. I hope more people can learn how much it can stay with people and learn to think before they speak/act.
@@RhianeHacker i get that, my ex always felt it, always.
I've been thinking for so long that friendship has set criteria. But I realised that a friend can be anyone, and that allowing yourself to see that opens you up to the potential of so much more.
Exactly!! I think many of us believed the same thing but it's so relieving when you start to realise that it can be really small things that make a friendship, sometimes we just need to notice that!
❤. I have no friends either. Stay happy!! Love yourself 😊.
One of the most difficult thing in life is to have a true friend. Most people only have "i know you " type of friends. That is not a friend a true friend is like family. I think most people in the world struggel to have true friend that do not look down on each other.
Yes I think it can be. But sometimes our judgement on situations can get in the way and see something that isn't there, like a friend that is there for you but not in the way that you want, so you see them as less of a friend. Our emotions play with us at times and so we sometime miss what's standing right infront of us
i know what u mean... it's true what they say, u go thru the hardest times of ur life, u gonna find out who ur REAL FRIENDS are! (& sometimes u get a very rude awakening, lol)
This is such a solid video, thank you for opening up on this and just being honest. "The same things that I am flawed with, being a friend for someone else, are sometimes the same flaws it is for someone else being a friend to me.'' So good!
And thank you for your comment! I think sometimes we really need to be honest with ourselves cause it’s very easy to blame others, but it can be quite freeing when we recognise that we can be accountable for things too. But it takes a lot for some to admit that because we have to admit we made a mistake but that’s just life. It’s full of mistakes and lessons and we’d never improve with it!
My girlfriend is my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for any other woman in the world. My other friends mean a lot to me, because I'm a loner as much by design as by default, but my one and only is the most cherished one of all.
You are such a beautiful, amazing and genuine human being. Big love, respect and support for you!💕
Thank you so much ❤
i have always been an introvert and a loner too. it's much rarer to find it in females than males but some of us have no probs entertaining ourselves and can find ppl. extrordinarily difficult to deal with (gossip, moods, backstabbing, etc.).
also yer story about the friend circle is not at all unusual i've always found that women / girls are often both extremely jealous of each other but then also very possessive of each other. that plus they often seem to want to sabotage each other's relationships. not saying men don't do it too but females way the hell more.
That 1st paragraph is me to a T. I really started being more inner focused at about 13, 14 ? I chose my own company over a lot of things that wee extra. Me time has always been important to me. Especially when I am decompressing or healing from smthg emotionally. It's a good thing.
Thank you for your comment. I’m not certain on whether it’s more difficult for females vs male friendships, it seems like everyone can have their difficulties considering the comment section on this video has a lot of people’s stories. But it certainly is interesting. I think ultimately a lot of it is down to our perception on things. I’ve found myself now just taking a step back and holding less tightly onto things and it seems like people do come back in time after the nuances of life settle a little bit
I had many friends in high school and early college but they all faded because I changed and they did as well. I had one last friend group but I left it and am glad. Now I have no friends and I gotta admit it's awesome. I'm really liking being alone and I know I better find some friends soon because the peace of being alone is kinda peaceful. Looking back on my life I just befriended people so I wouldn't be alone in high school. I never really felt a connection with most people aside from a few at the time but I changed so much as a person so eventually I was not compatible with them anymore. I am fine with having acquaintances and rather keep the close relationships for my girlfriend and family. I have trust issues and I don't really feel like I can really trust anyone anymore so I rather keep them at a distance.
I totally get that. I think we shift and change and sometimes that means the people we hang around with change too and it’s not a bad thing.
It’s good that you can reflect on things and see where maybe things could’ve been better handled, I think that’s really important!
It definitely can be hard to trust people after being hurt but I think you can still go into situations and relations with an open mind. You can have some very valuable interactions with people that way, even if they only come by to be in your life for a period of time, it’s good to stay open rather than close off. You don’t have to exactly trust someone but you can still open up a bit and keep your eyes open at the same time
Your story reminds me of how my ONLY friend from my neighborhood just stopped talking to me suddenly. I have 2-3 friends and he was one of them. It was 2020 when he suddenly just stopped talking to me. I don't understand the reason behind it till this day. I am a shy introvert and he was my ONLY friend in the neighborhood. Now I just spend all my time alone. It sucks tbh.
I'm sorry to hear this. I don't know why people do this either but for whatever reason, we have to learn to accept it and move on. Friendships that end are very much like breakups and can really hurt. We have to do the same thing and try to rebuild ourselves, learn who we are, and strive for confidence in us. People often are attracted (not just in a romantic way) to other confident people, not in a 'loud person' way, just someone who seems to know who they are. And that is a skill to master. I'm still working on it, and I have time to time a day where I kind of wobble, but I can get it back and make it stronger. You can do this too, I believe in you ❤
@@RhianeHacker Thanks for these kind words !
That year 2020 you brought up. That meant your friend was only following government orders. In that 2020 time period, people were forced into quarantine and did not allow social interaction. There were rules at that time where only people living in that same household can be there and other then that, the government allows nobody to have visitors. So in a way, it did start out as a restriction then eventually by the time the restriction got lifted up, you became a shy introvert person around your friend. Never know. Maybe your friend might of been shy and introvert too. So kind of ironic that by the time the restrictions got lifted up, you both have a right to see each other but most likely having a hard time to see each other.
@@hp2546 nah, i just think 2020 was a terrible year financially for most. nothing about what you said makes sense
This was recommended so I guess RUclips is trying to tell me something... I caught my "friends" talking about me behind my back, saying how much they all hated me etc when I saw them in town while grabbing food. I did talk to them right before I got food, they were going to one of their houses and one of them asked if I wanted to come. Another butted in and said that they needed to go and weren't going to wait for me. I saw them across the road talking and laughing so I went over then heard them making fun of me. This was on my 18th birthday. Never spoke to any of them again and one of them saw that I had heard them. Haven't celebrated a birthday since then, although last years was fun since our class just did karaoke and had food so the focus wasn't entirely on me. I have a friend now that I've told this to and she was ready to throw hands so I'm glad I have her
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's heartbreaking and the feeling of betrayal is a hard emotion. Well done for holding your head up and ignoring them. They didn't deserve you're friendship nor do they deserve your effort to get them back. I'm a big believer that karma comes around for people like that. You should definitely celebrate your birthday though! Celebrate you being a mature person, that you get to live another year healthy, use it as a time to be grateful and reflect on the good things you've done so far (even the small stuff btw cause they still matter too)
I learnt from a young age that popularity does not always correlate with virtue or character. Often it’s the opposite.
Ever since high school ended for me couple years ago I feel like i have 0 friends :( I’m just so depressed about it knowing you don’t have anyone to call or talk to about your feelings. I don’t have that and I wish I did. Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault for not stepping out of my shyness. Only thing I want in the world is a girlfriend right now so I could share my feelings to her, But right now I’ve been on this journey alone and sometimes I will cry about it because I just feel alone it’s a pain in the ass but I know I will get through it and find someone.
It’s really hard isn’t it. I know how hurtful it is to not have anyone to talk to, especially when that is something we rely on as a society to help us process thoughts by sharing them with others. I’m glad to see though you are trying to be positive. It’s very important you hold onto that and one day you will get there! Things don’t last forever, people change, some finally grow up and we sometimes get to start over. Plenty of possibilities ❤️
@@RhianeHacker aw thank you! That is true, things don’t last forever and people change and that is something I have hope for in Life. Right now I’ve been alone and it’s hard for me. But I know there is a lot of hope for me and having someone like you communicate with me just makes me feel better because at least someone is listening to me and letting me know I’m not alone on this. Anyways thank you so much❤️ your a really nice person.
Don't be dependable on any girlfriend for your happiness.. Do some inner work required
@@jaceallen4985 If you are going to get a girlfriend, it will require you to have friendship bondage first. You can't expect to go to a random stranger and expect her to all of a sudden be your girlfriend. If you cannot make it past your shyness of making platonic friendship, you don't have a chance to get a girlfriend. Getting a girlfriend will require you to have long bondage of friendship with her. Once you get that gf, don't erase her friendship from your memory.
I prefer no friends, tbh. No attachments, no expectations, no disappointments = happier life. :)
I can understand your reasoning for that. I think it's hard not to have expectations so if you've learnt to be able to let that go then that's pretty cool. I'm still in the process of 'unlearning' this and not having expectations, but sometimes, it's just a case of me needing to reason how the other person is probably feeling and then I can let go of my more emotional judgment and swap it with the more rational judgment.
Agree with you, Cam. I learned that back in my early 30s. I'm in my 50s now. I felt so free after deciding not to keep trying to maintain friendships that seemed more important to me than the other people.
Nope thats bs. You're just coping with your situation. With the increasing years you'll definitely feel devastated. This is not introversion, or any of it. This needs a therapy from a psychologist. It Isn't normal at all.
cam puo Ik im 7 months late but i dont think the way you worded it is that simple bro
@@reaperX779 lol and I'm supposed to believe your word over a psychologists? My psychologist said it was okay for me to do this if I coped this way
Your in good company The most caring most kind and genuine people have no friends
I’m curious, how come you believe this?
@@RhianeHacker Because most people tend to be too cold too shallow too selfish too disloyal to appreciate the value of making friendships last a lifetime.
I 1000000000% Related to everything you said my story is pretty much the exact same! all of the younger friendships the way they ended as well as my only real friend being my boyfriend. even the travelling alone right down to being almost a secret social butterfly. I have friends that live all over the world from north and south America right over to the furthest reaches of east Asia but like you said they aren't really 'friend friends' they're people I met once had a great time with and occasionally say hi to on social media.
It’s a hard one isn’t it, because travel can really break boundaries, but I wonder if maybe we’re expecting too much from such a short interaction. That being said, maybe we could also be expecting less of something that might actually surprise us and help more! Sometimes I think we’re very bad a judgements and should let things be as they are and let them show themselves as they are. Sometimes it can become clearer then. I hope you’re doing good though! Sometimes we find friends in the least expected places! ❤️
Totally know the feeling of not having long lasting friends due to having to move a lot...
It's a shame because I notice my own jealousy when other people introduce a friend and they talk about how they grew up together but I just have to accept that my background is different and I make of it what I can
@RhianeHacker my parents were never married and split before I was born. My dad joined the military and my mom constantly worked 2-3 jobs the step dad wasn't a good example of a healthy male role model to go by neither were any of the other guys I was around. So I was back and forth between parents no mother to comfort to my emotional maturity no father to show me how to be a man in society... I never could make friends or keep them since I moved at least once ever year or 2 minimally. I've been to nearly 20 different schools. Rough childhood but I never thought of it that way so that's a blessing looking back on it all. However I do now realize that I am still in need of unlearning a lot of unhealthy lifestyles and learning a lot of healthy lifestyles. That part is disappointing every time I think about it.... but then it also gets me annoyed thinking about how much I've changed and realizing that most people have less to change about them than I've already changed and they choose not to try and do better for the good of all but I feel that I'm always having to pick up for they're slack. Sadly that's just another bad mindset I try to ignore and need to replace with a good one... but I totally agree with what you got to say. Your pretty and pretty brilliant for being so young. To think if you were even 20 I'd probably be hitting on you. When your 18 if you want I'll try to hook you up with my younger brother 😂 not that you need help of course.
It is fine to not have friend - if you're personally ok with it. Man is a social creature, but not everyone needs friends, and some are simply happy to be alone. And sometimes it's just hard to find a REAL friend or love. Especially since the qualities of a true friend are rare. And then also because everyone is unique and some people are "different" and rarer, it's hard to find a soul mate. A different view of the world, other interests, hobbies, for example a higher intellect, a different nature, thoughtfulness, insight, ambition and X others.
Jung's view of loneliness is precisely defined for some (it may not be suitable for all people, for many it is): “Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.
If a man knows more than others he becomes lonely. "(it may seem arrogant, but this can often be the reason)"
However, loneliness is not necessarily opposed to society, for no one feels society more than a solitary individual, and society flourishes only where each individual is mindful of his idiosyncrasy and does not identify with others."
The problem with being alone is its REALLY difficult to make any progress in life, e.g. nobody else to help share the tasks / burdens etc and nobody to share the cost of living. Then there is the impact mentally, even if the single person feels they are fine and managing being alone; it's still an unnatural condtion for a human to undergo, and often contributes to a much shorter life and at times gruelling existence.
That nose ring. Such a magnet in reverse.
For you. But there’s people out there that are more curious and don’t allow a piece of jewellery to dictate their character. Those are my kind of people
@RhianeHacker that's fine but you are reducing the pool of potential people to connect with. Some things communicate you either don't want or care about people. You might say you dont want those people who judge. But everybody does judge.
I enjoyed your self awareness in the video though. Not trying to be harsh
@@dama301but it’s like tattoos. Once upon a time people held a view tattoos were bad no matter what you had. Nowadays most people have become more open to it. I want to connect with people based on their values not opinions and if someone is put off then so be it because it’s not my responsibility to prove to them that I’m a good person just because they don’t like my piercing. I find that kind of attitude offputting more if someone is bothered so much to what is a more common piercing nowadays
@@RhianeHacker I'm with you. I think its cute. And some things may reduce the people youll interact with, this can be a good thing. Less pointless interactions that go nowhere with non comparable people = less burnout talking to the ones that you do, which will be more like minded. If that made sense. Typing isnt my strength. Lol
this is such a powerful video, i wish it had more views
Thank you ☺️
I constantly get used, dumped, and abandoned. Narcissists seem to seek me out. So now I trust no one. Its been a lonely life.
Maybe you might be seeking comfort in others to compensate for something you feel you're missing? I didn't realise for a while but I seemed to draw towards that feeling of being cared for because I didn't get that when I was younger and had a very narcissistic mother. I can be a strong woman on my own but when I'm with people, this little girl inside of me comes out and wants the connections she never got. There's a lot of information about 'Inner child' work. It can bring up a lot of emotions but I think it also helps us strengthen our emotional wellbeing so we don't fall for the tricks of narcissists. It can also help us nip our own bad habits where we could have some narcissistic tendancies to compensate our pain.
I have had this exact same experience. They're so attracted to me and it has seriously damaged me to a point I won't leave the house, I won't talk to anyone, and I trust absolutely nobody. I do have a bf currently who is I feel an angel honestly. He's the only one who's been so kind and good to me for such a long time. But besides him, I don't even want anyone else at this point. It's just too hard and too much for me to deal with at this point in life. I'm really sorry you've been through The same thing though. We didn't deserve that:(
They say to have high standards but that really doesn't allow anyone to be Human....
That is well-stated. The way that manifests for me is a fixation on comparative effort-levels in friendship associations.
If I feel like I have given much more than I have gotten back, I usually quietly discontinue the relationship; I start avoiding the person; say hi to the person and keep right on walking by him or her, etc.
But I have been thinking that a question I need to be asking is this:
Okay, you may be giving way more to this relationship than X, according to YOU; but is the other person giving anything at all; is the other person giving according to his or her capacity?
At any given time, different people have different capacities to give..; people have different financial situations; different family situations; different job or career situations.
The point about television is a solid observation as well.
We can all be guilty of this. It's something I'm trying to be more aware of, especially when I find myself judging the situation and doing so unfairly. I can understand why you distance yourself. I've done the same thing to someone who was an old friend, but allowing myself to understand now that people will come and go and when to let go. Some people are in your life for a certain period, and its also their responsibility to be part of it if they choose to be, but I won't be upset now if they don't want to maintain it. I'll do my part but when I see its only me doing my part, then I know, ok, maybe this is now the end, so I will let go and if it comes back to me then I'll welcome it. I think over time, when you have different friendships, maybe we'll start to learn and recognise the different styles of how people give their time to people, as well as learning what we respond to. The main thing, is not to put pressure on ourselves to have to have X amount of friends, or slam ourselves with self-critism that isn't the helpful kind. Saying we're incapable of having friends is something I don't really believe. But a little self awareness can help us if we maybe have an undesirable trait we need to address, and then after, its up to other people to either see us as we are, or walk away. You can only do so much ❤
I just made a video about this not too long ago. Spending time with yourself is so precious. I support you on your journey Sister 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you! Hope you're doing ok too!
@@RhianeHacker I am I am, thank you ❤️
If I lived in the UK, I'd be your friend. It's not easy for me either. Social anxiety is my greatest downfall. I have some, but not a ton that truly "stick."
It's mainly acquaintances for me.
Social anxiety for sure makes it hard but you can find ways to break through it. Try to push yourself a little to do something new that you normally might avoid. It doesn’t have to be big, but it could be as small as saying hello to someone first. Train yourself to see that the fear isn’t as bad as it really is. And if things don’t go as planned, you’re still alive, and you can get stronger
You seem like a really lovely person. Thank you for sharing your experiences . ❤
thank you for your comment ❤
You mentioned that it was easier to have friends in school (common activity) and that friendship is work. Those two things are a big chunk of friendship. It seems to me to get a lot more complicated after that. There is such a wide variety of people who have a lot of friends. The people who many folks consider interesting and pleasant people are obvious. But what about the difficult people who have a lot of friends? I think there is a soulish and spiritual component that would help explain things.
I was born with High Functioning Autism.. It's beautiful to live without people.. Living without a single human voice other than myself have helped me a lot to develop myself.. 🤓🤓🧠🧠🔥🔥🌟🌟
I’m glad it’s working for you! Sometimes we need time for ourselves to become our best self! We shouldn’t rely on others but it’s a nice addition to have someone else around
It used to bum me out because I didn't cut it with some people; when I watched and saw the caliber of people who did cut with them, I realised they were paying me a compliment and they didn't even know it! Sometimes it's better just to scrape some people off, because they're not good for you.
Very true, we don’t need to be friends with everyone. We have to find the right people still and though could mean also you have a friend who you might not share deep secret with but they’re someone you enjoy hanging with because you share a hobby with them
I only had one true friend Victor he passed away 17 years ago at 40 year's old from cancer.And i have no friends now.
I'm so sorry to hear you lost your friend. One of my few friend's passed away when we were 18 due to mental health. Life can be so cruel sometimes. I hope you can find peace, and appreciate that you got a gift of time with that person. You never know, you might not feel like you have friends now, but there probably is someone who thinks of you from time to time of a memory you shared. You just never know the impact you have on someone at times
Im glad ur making urself vulnerable to spark this important conversation. We're also the generation with the biggest social inequalities. It's also important to be on eye level in order to connect with someone. Everyone either doesn't have the same social status or if they do they try to outdo the other one. This urge to beat everyone that we're coerced into is a conscious attempt to make urself lonely. If someone has more power over u than u have over them then u always have to deal with the fear that they're using u. Even if they don't u have to keep that in mind in order to protect urself
Thank you! I agree that society has become more lonely and more ‘out for themselves’ at times and we have to remember we shouldn’t forget about the sense of community because we all benefit from it. But also we have to look at ourselves to see where we can improve because community is about what we can offer
Friends do let us down unfortunately.... i only have one friend now, I'm not on Facebook as i think its so fake... a friendship who i was friends with for over 35 years, now doesn't seem to want to see me...shes too busy doing her own thing....so thats done...i can do things that i want to do...and i'm grateful i have one true friend...i have work friends, but its just work... do whats best for you and live a happy life
They can do and it’s about considering that we won’t be the top of the priority list. We have to be humble sometimes and our ego will hurt at times because of it but life changes as you’ve expressed in your comment, so thank you
I feel the most conferrable when i am alone. There are no distractions, no getting a thumbs up on doing something and it can end at the moment you want it to end. I don't care for phone calls, i only get them when someone wants something from me.
That’s good that you can feel comfortable alone. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, and the fact you feel good about it is strong because some people can’t cope being on their own. However I think someone’s hurt you enough to make you lose your kindness which is sad. Any kind of relationship is transactional, the point being that both sides put in the effort. Of course there are people who deliberately manipulate others to get what they want, but most don’t have that intention and it’s about learning to be at peace with the fact you can’t tell people how to treat you
Hey , Rhiane , I wanna share an old quote I've heard from others :
" No man is an island "
others may even presume that you have your " own world " & people would eventually avoid you
how can you explain that ?
there are some people in history that prefer to be in solitude : monks & nuns live in recluse just to attain " Enlightenment "
there are also some bright people who " work in closed doors ( some , not all ) " deliberately in order to " concentrate on honing their ' forté ' or gift with more time equals better " yields " ; they're I.Q. soars further , leaving others " behind " , often turns them into " the cream of the crop " & shows them in their scholastic achievement " ahead of their peers " earning them " consistent , straight-A's "
while the maxim , " PRACTiCE MAKES PERFECT " what " area of expertise " you wanna elicit , then ?
Friends never want you to outgrow them.. So you are a champ already if you have no friends. Try to understand the things we can't see.
Thank you, it takes a lot to look inside I think to understand what’s going on. I do agree we can outgrow people but it also does depend on the effort and the respect you give each other. If that goes down the priority list, then it’s harder to maintain that friendship especially from one side
I've never had friends and i'm 29. You have your boyfriend but there are people like me who are lonely and they have no friends and a partner either
I recognise I am quite priveledge in this case. I do feel your pain though, as I wasn't always in a relationship and know the struggle of what it's like being fully on your own. I have hope for you though, and you should too. Sometimes when we stop searching, it will come on its own ❤️
@@RhianeHacker Lmao you have a boyfriend and you are complaining you are alone. ♀means living life on EASY MODE. do NOTHING and COMPLAIN ALL THE TIME
It wasn't like this before 1990. Personal tech changed everything. before the 90's people had to make an effort to speak/spend time with friends, it made everything more meaningful. But today with tech people using text messages and calls it doesn't mean as much. Tech is making it worse.
I can see that in some ways, I also see how online has helped people find more opportunities and connect with people they wouldn't have had a chance to connect with before, like plenty of good online communities that can connect someone from one end of the world to another. It just depends from person to person how much they enjoy meeting up with someone. But it can also be bad, like online dating, some people can be great at texting and then the real date is awkward, some people do better with the persona they create online vs actually being that way in person. It's swings and roundabouts in my opinion. I wouldn't rule out the good sides though. We have technology but it's about how you use it
Wow you sure gave me food for thought.Thank You
You’re welcome! Thanks for your comment 😊
I’m going through a very similar situation as a sophomore in college right now. I thought I had the perfect group of friends in my freshman year- they liked me, they joked around, and I felt accepted for once- but they actively disrespected and made fun of me when I was clearly uncomfortable. There are two leaders in my friend group, one is a guy who keeps asking microagressional questions towards me as if I were the only black woman in the group, and a girl who had the same STEM class as me but only called/contacted me for answers.
What really got me upset was the constant disrespect I got. People kept overcorrecting me over things that just wasn’t that serious, and no one ever defended or stood up for me. The guy leader kept asking me questions about CA and how I’m not doing my part as a black woman for not educating others on things like AAVE…. This all happened in a group setting, and still- not one person said anything. Soon the laughs and jokes became inside jokes, I was getting left out of candid photos, and people continuously forgot of my existence. There was another black woman in the group who seemed to just brush it aside when I kept getting interrogated- I even asked her about it and she quickly shut it down. She didn’t really like me through the friendgroup, and became this sort of replacement of me. What also made me upset was of how quickly they were able to move on from this, never bothering to text or ask me why I left the group- never “fighting” for me as a friend..
I left the group 10 months ago, and I still see them on campus. Some of them see me and pretended like nothing happened and moved on with their lives.. I were really okay, I would’ve never left the group. And what hurts is that no one seemed to care that I left physically and within the group chat.
Anyways, now I’m trying to make friends but it’s so hard because it feels like I’m not getting anything genuine. Like you said, it feels like a friend that likes what I like or a friend you can catch up with.. not a genuine “friend” friend.
I feel incredibly stuck, and since I’ve been alone it’s been incredibly hard to socialize with confidence and in general.
I’m so sorry you experienced that. People can be so cruel towards eachother and sometimes there’s really no explanation for their behaviour to you. At this point now you have to hold your head up high and learn that you are worthy to life your life happy without needing them to apologise. Some people will never see the wrong they did, and you could end up waiting a long time for someone to, so don’t hold your breath for them. It’s not easy to do when you’ve had your confidence knocked but it’s the only way forward. Start looking at yourself and what you’re good at, like maybe you’re very kind, maybe you’re artistic or good at academics.. and when you find the confidence in yourself people will naturally draw to your energy, giving you more opportunities to find that ‘proper’ friend
Thank you for this video. Thank you.
I hope it helped ❤
Hang out with older people…go to a VFW club…?(veterans of foreign war)… just keep meeting as many people as you can. Even if that means moving. Moved to the country. There’s always good people in the country, even though it may seem because of the lack of population you might not meet someone. Many of my good friends are in a small country town. Good luck you’re only 24. My brother is 42 and he’s just now having older female friends. Go where older people are hanging out and you’ll find people just coming into their own self. Hang out with older people not young dummies.. good luck with your journey you’ll be OK.
Thanks for your comment. I've definitely got older friends and some my age, and some younger. I definitely don't think we should limit ourselves just to age groups, and we can learn a lot from each other
Rhine I feel your hurt & pian I was bullied at school & no friends ........
Now I have Aniexy Depresseon back problems I only have One very good friend I find this sad & makes me sad inside ....
I don't like soicaling now
You seem like a Good friendly person ☺️☺️☺️ xx
It's hard and I've been to counselling a few times to address that traumas it brought. I would strongly recommend this as for me it gave me some confidence back during the sessions as well as learning more about myself in a way I can be more compassionate. I think that's something to remember, be compassionate to yourself as you would others. It takes some practice, but it can help you feel more at ease. Have you tried meditation? I suffer with depression and I've found meditation has been very beneficial for me.
Don't stay sad, you won't be in this situation forever, believe in yourself that people can enjoy your company, you'll find your people and enjoy socialising again.
And thank you ☺❤
You can't be the only one putting in effort - so nothing wrong with letting things go. Enjoy your own company. Join groups who like to do the same things.
No that's true, but like any form of relationship, it still needs effort from both sides
This sounds like anxiety becoming social anxiety compounded by trauma and imposter feelings that lead to self sabotage and over judgement.
I have social anxiety disorder and am in the same boat eccept no gf first moving on is natural so loss of friends due to general life complications is natural.
Secoundly if you work on it you will have less sabotage.
Masking can help ie doing the things you wish others would for you as a friend but sorry the feeling of not fitting in will never end find other things to cling to. Like I know my family loves me cares about me etc but totally can't feel like we vibe and I probably won't find anyone I can vibe with for a majority of the time so being aware of this I have to explain that I do care I just have social depression.
Thank you for your comment, there's definitely some similarities. I know after being to a counsellor where my issues lie, particularly my attachment style that made a lot of sense to me so I can at least now sympathise more within myself. I'm glad you have become aware and accepted what you feel is necessary. Take care of yourself ❤
I feel for you. The best thing I can tell you is to look to God, seek first his kingdom and all else will be provided unto you.
God has the right people lined up for you in your life.
Proverbs 18:24 says that one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Jesus makes all things new again. And he loves you. You are perfect to God. That's 2 great friends already.
Hope this helps, God Bless.
The final part was perfect dammn
I’m glad it resonated with you ☺️
@@RhianeHacker ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Friend is no good.... they cant help you... they dont listen when you hv problem. They come to you just for benefits
You need to rely everything on yrself
Sometimes yes, I think we have to be able to be independent, but sometimes, you need others to help you problem solve things and give you a second viewpoint. It also helps to relieve stress when talking to someone else. Believing you can only rely on yourself and you won’t trust anyone else, you will openly show people you don’t want others around even if deep down you want. I think everyone wants to feel needed. Sometimes, when we stop looking for what we want in someone, we start to notice there are some people around actually that do fit the box even if they don’t tick everything we’re expecting them to be.
The "steer clear" bull ring.
That kind of attitude is more of a steer clear in my opinion.
@@RhianeHacker How's it working out? It's nothing but a red flag to guys.
@@toddjohnson271great actually. Thanks for being so concerned
i dont have almost any friends, why i do things with my own instead. i am social, i just dont have much friends. worst thing i feel i guess i am in my 30s single, with no kids. but same time i am happy i dont have a toxic relationship. and i cant get hurt becuse i am not dating anyone. i also feel with friends hard to find people that really cares and you vibe and grow with. i am also introvert when it comes to group of people. to nervous to chase people to much. becuse ive been used i dont chase people any more.
You do you girl! We don't have to live our lives in any kind of way, at any age. Majority of us are just winging it anyway and that's ok! The most valuable thing we can have in our lives in happiness, and you sound like you've got it! For sure it's harder to make friends as we get older because we tend to be around smaller, limited groups of people Ie, at work, at a fitness class etc. I can understand the fear, but you need to break through that. You deserve more. Don't let fears stop you because you could be one person away from finding someone who just lights you up. I can be introverted at times but the minute I'm confident in myself, I'm a different person, because all my good qualities shine. You just gotta find it in yourself of how wonderful you are, and good people around will magnify that!
I listened to a lot of this "i have no friends videos" yet i can't completly relate to any of them, I'll describe my situation, maybe somone can relate. I'm a 21 years old male, I'm in the last year of college and i have 2-4 friend, but they are all separeted and maybe i meet with them once every 2 weeks, the rest of the time i spend doing basically nothing, execpt some uni work and going outdoors, sometimes i feel joy while more often than not i feel pretty disconnected, having no one to hang out with, never ever had a girlfriend, and almost all my previous and actual friends have one. I don't really know what I'm trying to say tbh. I had to move from my hometown to the university which i really hated, so i came a lot at home and neglected my studies a bit, and basically always moving berween two places, i couldn't make connections in neither of them, now i also feel lost in life. Buuuuut i really love to talk with strangers and travel alone. I'm just confused 😅😅
Maybe you're just trying to figure out where you are in your life. Feeling disconnected from your own character. You gotta find your own spark, what stuff do you wanna do, like what do you enjoy? Maybe you wanna try out something different, like a new hobby. I often find if I'm not happy within myself, my outside world becomes more overwhelming yet empty. Nothing matters until I'm more comfortable with who I am and my purpose
OMG, I'm 45 and I still struggle with issues like this... But I found out I'm ADHD just earlier this year...
Well done for discovering more about yourself! Now the progress and forgiveness can begin
I have a question please answer it
I have a friend and she just overthink too much and I always try to handle her as a very calm person with several example to motivate her because over thinking gives you a lot of ways to think
Am I doing fine? And what recommendation would be from your side for her
Btw I really appreciate your strength ✌️
I think you're being a very very good friend. Overthinking is very hard to control because I have tendencies for doing this, but ultimately as much as you can help her, only she can really do the work to calm herself. She has to try to recognise when she is overthinking, especially if she starts to degrade herself and making unpleasant comments about herself. I found going to therapy helped, more just to learn where the roots where for why I behave the way I did. If she can learn about herself and where her thoughts stem from (maybe she has always tried to please a family member and now this has made her very self critical because the family member is self critical) and then she can start to say to herself when she notices the patterns 'ok, I'm overthinking again because I'm trying to people please'. The main things is to have awareness and respond to it neutrally. No shaming, just 'ok this is happening because X' and then you can move forward by asking how do you continue without needing to shame yourself. Remind her that she should show herself compassion like she would to a friend. We would never talk to friends the same way as we talk to ourselves so why do we do it? Ultimately though as I said, you can only do so much, and only she can make the changes and try to control her overthinking. The main thing for you is, don't push too much. You can give her an option and she chooses if to take or not, but you shouldn't get upset if she decides to ignore your option. Sometimes, if we push too much and get upset that they're not taking our help, it can hurt a friendship. I wish you all the best and I hope I helped!
@@RhianeHacker first of all Thankyou so much for your precious time and good advice & I wish if I had any friend like you really appreciable Rhiane☺️
She is an introvert and we are friends from last 5 months only.I don't have any good friend because I am also introvert but deep down I want to share with someone who may genuinely listen to me . She is in relationship with her boyfriend like past 3 yrs . Is this may be a reason that she is not sharing alot or the introvert inside her or both or anything that you have idea about because I don't have good friends.
I will be eagerly waiting for your reply because I need suggestion and help cause I want to help her.
@@captainakarshan no problem! I think honestly the best thing with a friendship is let it happen naturally. Sometimes yes, it requires a bit of effort and initiation to do things, but don’t force it. And the worst thing you can do is cling on. I used to have a strong abandonment attachment style (especially considering I lost friends in my early years because others would ‘steal them away’). So I clinged onto them when I had them. However, everyone needs space at some point. So as long as you’re giving her space that she needs as well then you’re being a good friend. So the best example is if she doesn’t want to talk about something, you’d be better off just telling her ‘ok well I’m here if you want to talk’ and then leave her to it. Don’t bring up what was bothering her, let her come out of her shell on her own, because if you keep pushing, you’ll actually end up pushing her away. It’s a delicate balance. Be there, but don’t push, and give some of the decision making to the other person too
I haven't had a friend in many years. I have extremely few hobbies and I just don't care for most people. If they are into drugs, alcohol or religion then I want nothing to do with them. As you can imagine, this eliminates an enormous majority if people.
As long as you’re content with how things are then that’s ok, you don’t need to live a life based on others opinions. But I hope you still have the door open for possibilities when they arrive 😊
I experienced abandonment with many friends when I was in my early teens and I think ever since then I feared getting close to people and kept my distance, emotionally. I feared abandonment, I feared flaws being seen in me and leading to rejection. I still fear this, showing authentically me, for the chance that I will be abandoned. Even though I know to let them leave if they dislike the wholeness of me, but it still hurts, because then I wonder if I'm bad or wrong
I recommend you to do the inner work, I was like that too! My family situation is where it stemmed from and I didn't realise how much it affected me until I really looked at my relationships and how I was a bit possessive over people and felt abandoned when I wasn't included in things. It takes a lot of practice but you can start by just being honest with yourself of breaking down your fears and why/where they came from. Then start thinking how do I want to be... maybe confident, maybe detached from the experience enough that you can just enjoy things without the anxiety of it leaving. Then you start practicing that. Keep aware when your mind is filling with fearful ideas and remind yourself that you will always be ok in the situation. I hope you can find the freedom and the hurt heals ❤
Wow, thank you so much!❤️ For taking the time and for caring:) I feel understood and encouraged, thank you.
It strikes me there is a lot of talk from people bemoaning a lack of “real friends”…. I think those in that situation should realise having people to connect with if only on a lighter level, is still important contact and amongst other things offers feedback about yourself and greater society.
Try not having ANYBODY but either immediate family or your girlfriend / wife as a source of social contact. It is ROUGH. Gets easier as you get older but that lack of opportunity to hone social skills and develop really stacks up. The good news is, at least for it me, it starts to feel a little less important entering middle age but yeah man. For those with hardly any social contact. You’re not the only ones. Keep your heads up peeps.
Exactly! That was my main point of the video that our perceptions can be clouding the reality that we do have friends. Because what actually is ‘real friends’. I’m sure we all would come up with different ideas so it’s a matter of opinion
Quality of friends or quantity of friends which is more important. Sometimes no friends equals peace of mind.
I don't think it necessarily creates peace of mind, to be at peace with something, it has to be there and you acknowledge it for what it is, not remove it
God bless you Rhiane!!!
Thank you 🙏
I'm 30 years old & I have no friends either.
Still so young! Although it probably doesn't feel it, we never recognise how young we are until we've passed it. I used to think being 18 I needed to be a certain way and now I look back and I'm like, no I was still a baby and learning, and I also recognise I am still a baby now and I'm 26 ha! So many things we can learn. If you think back 4 years ago and see how different you were, all the things you experienced in that time, and now think about all those possibilities for 4 years in the future, it gets quite exciting. I don't think this will be the same forever!
@@RhianeHacker Yeah when you put it that way. I've learned a lot but I still want some friends to experience things with.
I have the same problem, always had a boyfriend but not girl friend(friends) im a chatter box but people dont seem to connect with me
Totally get you, I've not really had the girl friends group that I see others have, and also myself am a chatterbox. What I've noticed is that when I put expectations so high in the hope of a connection with someone, especially when I think 'oh but we had such a good conversation', I start to noticed my expections are leading me to my disappointments. Is it fair to expect someone to instantly be friends just after one interaction? Not really the best. So I let things be as they are. It's a concept I've been learning about and is taking time to recognise my reactions and address them in a healthy way. Also it's made me see how sometimes my perception of things isn't always true. You might think that noone is connecting with you, but maybe they have and they just aren't great at communicating this to you in a way you can recognise 😊
Omg. I am 33 and this happened to me when I was 17, "a friend" turned my best friend against. I think I never really recovered from her stopping to talk to me and never told me the reason. I only guessed as she spent time with this girl who hated me.
It's horrible to experience this and I'm sorry you've had this happen as well, especially at that age when we have huge amounts of hormones to also deal with. I've started to believe more in that the right people will know who you are, so you don't need to prove yourself. If they can be easily swayed by someone, then that person was only meant to be in your life for that period, and now it's time for someone else to take that place who will be better.
@@RhianeHacker Thank you ♥️
That happened to me in the past
I had to many freinds now ive gotten rude and dont want any. Freinds are drama
Do you not think that we can all be dramatic at times? Friends requires balance and sometimes sacrifices, but being able to share the time with someone can still be enjoyable. Maybe you didn't have the right ones that really reflected your personality. I know that also life changes can make us hurt and end up pushing people away because we feel we have enough to deal with. I felt that when my brother passed away last year, I pushed a lot of people away because I didn't have the capacity to listen to other people's drama or felt pressured to be ok so others didn't feel awkward..the truth was what I believed wasn't the case and people did want to help, they just needed me to communicate what I felt I needed, because some people like to talk whilst others like to distract themselves and feel better that way. Sometimes issues with friendships is because of the lack of communication, since none of us are mind readers
@@RhianeHacker communication is definitely my downfall. Unless im writing a song.
A friend is defined as 'a favored companion, someone held in high esteem.'
When the true definition of a friend is applied then you quickly find out that very few people fits the definition.
Facebook has totally ruined the meaning of a friend and friendship.
Rhiane it isn't that you don't have friends is that we have been deceived by Facebook as to the true meaning of friends and friendships.
I do think this digital age has a big effect on things, it can be both wonderful and hell at the same time
yes...i think the problem is that people do not truly value someone who is different from them...humanity does not value differences...they claim it...but no one truly does it.
The phrase: ‘be the change you want to see’ comes to mind. Be the person that proves that idea wrong. Fill yourself up with so much light that no darkness can ever dim you ❤️🔥
Honestly, I don't have a friends and sometimes some of friend's ask me to go to party, I didn't like to go to party. I'm a shy person, let me ask your opinion, which one do you prefer introverts or extrovert.
That’s fine, not everyone likes parties. But also try to think why you don’t like them, cause if it’s based on fear, maybe that’s something you need to push yourself to do. Being in the comfort zone isn’t good for you all the time, and we need to learn that being uncomfortable is sometimes an opportunity for us to grow.
I believe we all have introvert/extrovert qualities in ourselves. I’m introverted at times where I’ll be a bit more shy and quiet but then if I’m comfortable I can be very extroverted and be the one to chat to anyone and even put myself in situations where I’ll be performing (I can sing and have performed but that doesn’t mean I’m always capable of doing it, it just depends on the environment).
I’ve never kept anyone they just get bored with me maybe??
I sometimes wonder the same, but I guess at the same time, it's not that we get bored but priorities change and we sometimes need a different friendship that maybe based on our new changes/needs
I have several really great friends. We happen to be involved in the same activity. It is where we met and became close friends. My friends are mostly 3 hrs away and we still see each other a lot because of our mutual activity. We have done things together outside of our mutual activity and we stay connected by text, phone and e-mail. I see a problem with younger generations not willing to get fully involved. Maybe it is the massive amount of entertainment and less focus on a few important things.
I think you're right because of the paradox of choices we now have. You can always find 'better' but what's wrong with holding onto what's good still. Not everything in life needs to be 'upgraded/updated'
I don't understand how these pretty or handsome people say they don't have friends. Makes no sense.
Because beauty is subjective. Like the saying goes ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure’, what one finds attractive, another doesn’t. And beauty isn’t everything. Someone can be attractive but cringy and that puts the others off. Just because you’re pretty or handsome, it might mean you have a bit of an advantage in some areas but it doesn’t make you invincible
Because many of those so called friends are of the "fair weather" type. They hang around when the going is good and later disappear when the friendship no longer offers what they want.
I Don't have many Friends in My Personal Life (by that I mean People I've actually met in Person) either, I've had some really Toxic "Friends" who have Wronged me in the worst Ways possible, I've been S*xually harassed so many times but No One has actually supported me through it or end their Friendship with the People who did it and often supported the People who did it instead of Me, and I've had thoughts of removing everyone that I've met in Person because of that, I Do have Online Friends who do actually care about me and often i talk to though but like i said those are online friends at best.
I'm sorry you've had to experience such things! Must have been really tough, especially not having the support! People can be shady sometimes, and it's hard to see them cause they can seem so innocent at first. But don't let yourself put up a wall cause there's still plenty of good people, as you've found with people who are online. Sometimes it's about finding our 'tribe' of people who are like us and it's ok if we meet them online. You never know, sometimes online communities end up meeting in 'real' life when they find out they don't live so far or are willing to make the effort to travel. The possibilities are pretty cool now
Gave up on friendships people in this world are takers.
I’m sorry you’ve had such bad experiences to put you off. From the comments on here though, it sounds like there’s more people out there that have a big heart
2 Timothy 4:3
For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions
2 Timothy 3:1-5
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people
Isaiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter
Revelation 22:7
“And behold, I am coming soon. Blessed is the one who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book
AMEN! May many blinded heed the Word and be saved. My life changed so much when I came to the Lord as my no 1 not worldly things.
I don't believe anyone has ever really had many close friends. I am almost 70 and I have four really close friends that I met 40 years ago, and they have stayed my close friends ever since. I can call them and talk about business, and they don't judge me, or I can talk about personal issues and how my divorce kicked my ass and not being able to see my kids every day and they listen. And I'll listen to whatever they are going through. Most people don't want to talk about their kids or what they are feeling. That's fine. You just hit it off with certain people and even if you haven't spoken with them for a long time, you pick up right where you left off. I guess I am trying to say that we all go through it so don't feel alone. The people that do love you for the most part will always love you unless you really cross a line, or they do. Just try to be kind to others and yourself. Life's tender mercies will come. "Ask and you shall receive. Knock and it shall be opened unto you." As Mick and Keith put it, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes..... you'll find get what you need."
Gosh thank you for your reply! It's always great to hear the opinions of someone who's more matured in life. I guess when we're young and it's all we know in the moment, our emotions get the better of us. We believe that such things can't change because right now we feel 'X'. It's good to be reminded that life doesn't stop at a certain age. It's funny how we can believe our experience is unique and whilst the order of events can be, the event itself can be shared. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I hope others can also be reminded they're not alone ☺️
@@RhianeHacker Thank you for your kind response. Having said what I did, there are ways we can all do things better to make friends and entice people to want to befriend us. Pay attention to how you enter a crowded room. Do you enter with your head down kind of sneaking in so as not to be seen, or with your head up, your shoulders back with a big smile on your face greeting others with that smile and direct eye contact? Saying hello to others, shaking their hands, saying it’s so good to see you. Try it both ways as an experiment and I promise you will be amazed at how drastically different your experience is. The way you decide to enter that room can and will change the entire dynamic. With your head down other’s insecurities can kick in. They might think you don’t like them or you’re too stuck up to say Hi or that they aren’t important to you, which will trigger emotions in them. Enter with the big smile saying hello to everyone at least with your eye contact and a warm smile to those you might not know and watch the world warm up. It is simply practicing consciousness or mindfulness and deciding how you want to enter the room before doing so. And I really appreciate the courage you exhibited by sharing the truth of your emotional experience with the rest of us. Please keep sharing. It is so refreshing to see the type of mental and emotional courage your post exhibited. 🥰🥰🥰
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him. The one who believes in Him is not judged; the one who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.
John 3:16-18
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1:5-6
Proverbs 20:9
“Who can say, 'I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin'?” No one can say they are without sin. We must acknowledge our sins and confess them to our loving heavenly Father
James 4:10
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up
for “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Romans 10:13
i have no friends ,i am 23 year old ,i feel alone all the time
I see your pain and struggle. But know this...You are not on your own. We sometimes feel like we are, but we can create and find a space where we no longer are. I mean, you can see in this comment section, there are people like you here with the same struggles and worries. You will find your community, through maybe a similar interest. I do believe, things won't always be like this, so have hope, and take life as it comes. As your confidence grows, you'll start seeing people around you that you may not have noticed before 😊❤️
Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life; no-one comes to God except through Me (John 14:6). Jesus wants you to to cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Only by repenting of sin and trusting in Jesus to guide your life are you spiritually safe for all eternity. I encourage you to prayerfully read The Holy Bible.
Nice speech girl.
Have a good weekend.
From Madrid spain. ☺👍
Gracias! ☺️
I'm friendless too no girlfriend either which sucks sometimes especially near Valentines Day. But I have tried to adapt trying to be helpful to strangers at work ,volunteer to do charity work.I feel better when I'm able to help others who may be down on their luck. Some days are hard but other days are better.
Yeah these days can be hard. I always find Mother’s Day hard when I don’t have good relations with mine. But your heart is good and never change that! What a wonderful thing to do. We need more people like you!
@RhianeHacker Thank you for your kind words and am sorry things aren't better with your mom.One thing I forgot to say is getting a pet is a great way to battle loneliness. I have 2 cats now and they do wonders for my morale! I'm so blessed to have them in my life.
I am very glad you have your Dad and your boyfriend! You also have God my dear woman! God loves you with an immeasurable love and will meet your needs. Jesus is alive and He loves you.
I do not think you are unusual. People have friends! Um But very few have one ride or die friend. That is the one person who no matter what will stand by and support you. That is what I call a friend not Acquaintances.
I think that's it really. We have an expectation in our head of what it's meant to be like, but life just isn't like that at times. You're very right, those are the acquaintances who you know and can get on, but not really the type to have a conversation in a bar about the more serious stuff
What about the ones who dont even have a boyfriend
i am lonely with my boyfriend - make it make sense? Do You even know what lonelinses is?????
Loneliness is a psychological concept. It’s an emotional response to want to seek more connections. You can be highly successful, even famous, surrounded by people, and still be lonely.
@@RhianeHacker of course - You can have 12 meals a day and still complain being hungry. Never knowing what real hunger is.
It’s ok to cry beautiful...it is a natural emotion I’ll give you that shoulder to cry on
We should allow all emotions to pass through, so long as it doesn’t hurt someone else with intentions 😊
I would like to be your friend
I will tell you why you were become Alone ... Don't worry we are alone as same as you but you should know this The more awareness and wisdom you have in life, the fewer your friends, it's just like that ... In this world there are those who have problems greater than loneliness and suffer every second of pain...and no one by their side...what I wanted to say is you will reach a point where loneliness becomes your last concern. Oooh i chatted too much [forget waht i said] Never mind 🙄
I agree with you, I think awareness is very powerful. I've never had a tolerance much for people who avoid self awareness, but then I guess for me, I've always wanted to be the best I could be for myself and for others. I do see your point, loneliness is what fills the gap when there's maybe not much to focus on. Haha don't worry about chatting too much, I encourage you, sometimes, chatting and discussing is good for us, gives our minds a chance to stretch a bit. I, myself am a bit of a chatterbox ☺
No friends no problems
Is it really no problems though? Or do you then create different problems
A pretty woman says shes lonely. Her comment section blows up.
I think people just want to share their own experiences and opinions. Believe it or not, being pretty doesn't make you immune from bad feelings
Thos is unheard of hearing of a girl that doesn't have besties. Its another thing for a single man to be a loner, but for a girl, it is ver very rare to hear of.
Well, a lot of things actually aren't gendered. A quick google and you'll find many people on forums or YT suffer from the same thing despite believing they are they only ones suffering. We should be less biased becaused then we can see that we share a lot of similarities and can help each other without prejudice clouding the situation.
I have been a loner for most of my life.
I’m sorry you have felt this way, I hope that you find connections that make you feel content 😌
I came to the conclusion, there are no real friends in adulthood - just good aquaitances. So, I stopped overrating it and see it as it is. Since then I feel so much happier and more loose, because I used to think people should gave friends because of social pressure I guess. "Fri3nds" are only good if you are a kid and / or in school, because of social calibration. When you grow up you do not really "need" them as before.
I think that’s the same to where I’m getting to. There’s no point in clinging onto the idea and once you’re free this a little suddenly things are a lot lighter. Plus is gives me the chance to chat to new people and not get so stuck on them needing to respond or invite back etc. I still think the possibility of friendship is there but it doesn’t need to be forced and in adulthood it needs to be more flexible as lives change and family’s grow
So many gr0ss comments, I am sorry about the h@ters and tr0LLs. I think you're beautiful and deserving of all the happiness. Don't mind the l0$ers.
Thank you ☺️
You have a bf which technically counts as having a friend. Having a friend is not about numbers. Even if your friend is 1 on 1, that partner is your friend. If you claim you have 0 friends, that will be same as erasing your bf out of existence. So the only way you will have 0 friend is if you and your bf break up right now. That guy is your bf because you 2 had a background going through friendship and you 2 went through so much together in order to build a connection. Anyone can have impostor syndrome with claims. There are even people who is popular and have so many friends but still claim to have 0 friends.
That’s precisely what I explained in the video. The summary is that we can look at things wrong because we’re judging it through a narrow scope, and how we can have more friends than we realised because we think friendships will be the same as they were in college but in our adult era it changes
Don't worry, it gets worse as you get older ;)