I made loads of online friends through gaming, some I’m still good friends with til up to this moment, some I had to completely block out of my life due to the negativity and drama they brought. Having friends, not even a lot, you don’t need a lot - a few close friends is enough, it’ll make your life more colorful ~
i literally sobbed last night over how lonely i feel over having no friends at 22. i feel like all of my friends from high school have grown and have their own friend groups and any friends i thought i had in college have went back to the friends they had from before. i feel like people move on so quick and i have no genuine friendships anymore - someone i can text every night and i know they’ll be there. it’s hard and lonely especially as an introvert.
@melmooooo That is the whole point of graduating high school. You don't see your high school buddies anymore. I mean so far, you graduated college which means it is time to like get a job rather then to dwell on your past. Some of your high school classmate would think wow, melmoooo graduated college. They may think you moved on but you didn't. Reason why is a lot of people normally do not go back to high school. Maybe your high school classmates wanted to get some life achievement of their own and is not ready to revisit high school. You already have your life achievement which is graduating college. So I would say, if you don't move forward in life, your mind will only feel lonely all because your mind is still thinking of a past you were supposed to let go.
I’m also 24 & I have no friends as well 🤷🏼♀️ I’ve never really had more than 1-2 friends at a time. It sucks & I feel alone most of the time but it’s better than having fake people in your life.
True enough, very strange and sad how technology has distanced direct contact. I still remember when they filled your car for you at the gas station, hehe. And where have all the banks gone...poof like physical money, it's promoted as being more convenient but it's as if by design so to actually control you more. We are becoming 'numbers' in a way...
you don't have friends but you have a boyfriend. You still have no idea how it hurts when you are alone, you have no one. Just you, your brain and your apartment
crazy how different cultures interpret the word 'friend' so differently. In France where I'm from, it can take months and months of seeing someone all the time to graduate to 'friend' level. When I moved to London for uni within the first two weeks I already had like 20 people calling me their friend, which tbh made me a bit uncomfortable haha
I was thinking about this and tbh 😅 it really does take me a month before actually considering someone to be a real friend. Like a week or 2 okay were "friends" but like an actual real friend I feel like we need to genuinely hang out and talk for over a month
Finally someone fuckin understands. I don’t got social anxiety or was never a loser or none of that shit. My fuckin loyalty has always just been way fuckin higher than any “friend” I ever had. My only “friend” is my girlfriend and if I lose her I literally have no one outside of my immediate family. But I want more than my immediate family. Shit sucks….
I’m 23 and have no friends, they just never stay around, I find it so hard to talk to people pre make any conversation at all. I keep telling myself it’s okay to be alone but in all honesty it’s so hard and it feels draining to try to even make any.
Its my birthday and I just turned 24 Today, been in bed crying because despite feeling extremely lonely for a while I can’t shake the fact that my birthday went by without anyone wishing me happy birthday except for my family, no get together or party, no one remembered me. It hit extra hard on my birthday..
I'm about to turn 23 and have no friends because I was being severely bullied throughout all of middle/high school. It made it impossible to trust anyone. Now I'm genuinely not even interested in having friends and making connections.
I am 31 and have zero friends now. I genuinely being good to my friends and checked upon them helped them when they were in need but no one was there with me in the time of need. I feel like being so nice is the worst thing now on earth.
20 years old, no friends at all. When I was a kid, I never felt the need to make any. I always waited for someone else reaching out to me and becoming my friend. Kinda regret it now
1. Stop caring about what people think (about your beliefs, values, and who you are). 2. Stop trying to impress people. 3. Don't be too nice/giving things to people. This comes across as weak if you do it all the time or too much. It also comes across as manipulative because people can think "This person is trying to get something out of me." 4. Show your true self authentically. 5. Understand that most people are lazy in maintaining relationships. If you have to text them first, that's fine. 6. Find people who have a common interest. Go to websites like Meet Up to find social groups in your area.
@@OnlyMichaelJackson Difference is you had a friend but zakloneyparez didn't. Look at your part. Maintain a friendship. It means you originally had friends but you and your friends had a falling out. You had to deal with breaking up with your friends. Maintaining friendship is different from making friends. zakloneyparez had 0 friends which meant zakloneyparez did not have to deal with maintaining friends because what is there to maintain if zakloneyparez had none.
It's important to cultivate friendships. "A melancholy lesson of advancing years is the realisation that you can't make old friends." - Christopher Hitchens
@@JohnSmith-wi4xo You can only make new friends, and meeting them is nice, but doesn't feel the same as meeting old friends who you've known for many years. Once you also get old, it's too late to increase your supply of old friends.
Being smarter than the average person you tend to analyze everything more. Most people's idea of having fun is getting drunk together and if that is not your thing well then they think it is weird. And you can never be too nice to a friend. If they don't appreciate that well then they are a waste of your time. Many people are very self centered so never put your expectations too high when you meet somebody. Your are still young and have lots of time to make friends still.. Just be yourself. Don't try to be what you think other people want you to be. If i would be in my 20s and in Denmark i'd certainly love a friend like you ;)
You're not alone - thousands of people are in the same boat as you and although that doesn't make it "better", I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone. Cheers
33 and still no friends after my significant. I don’t try anymore to make close friendships, just accept this is who I am and make the best of being independent
I'm just about 52, and I tried to reach out for friends at my last job, was DESECRATED, and am even more distant from others/activities as a consequence more than ever. I can't wait until I'm dead!
This statement you make about reaching out means you have to already be an extrovert. This rules apply to anyone no matter what age they are. They don't have to exactly be 53 to deal with that rules. At any age, if you don't reach out, nothing happens. Some even reached out to a point where they go into entitlement mode. Just understand that if you choose the path of chasing, you have to also learn to accept rejection as well. So if you feel that you are done hiding and feel you must come out of your comfort zone, then do it. It should not matter if they refused the offer of being your friends. That right there does not matter what age you are. What matter is having the guts to speak your mind. If they let you join the friend group. Great. If it is a no, then just say thank you for you time and say something like I will take my leave. If you accept at least a no answer, at least you can claim you did the reaching out.
I have no friends either really. The one person I thought was a friend ghosted me and the other I decided to drop simply because I know I deserve to be treated better than how they treated me. I would rather no friends then have inauthentic people pretending to be my friend. Sometimes I find it difficult to connect with people though.
I'm 29, I used to have a lot of friends. By now, maybe only 1 left. Maybe society is changing, too, social isolation is playing a role. Truth be told, loneliness also makes a lot of people sick. If you already have company, you can throw a lot in a person’s mood. Greetings from Hungary.
I’m about to turn 24 real soon and this hits so deeply. Everything u said about the internet is so true. Personally I don’t even use FB and I stopped posting and interacting on IG ever since I went off the grid a few years ago. The ironic part is I’m on social media/the internet almost 24/7 just to distract myself from the loneliness. I have a boyfriend too but it’s long distance and it’s not fulfilling at all as my only friend. I’m just glad I have a sister that I can call when I’m at my lowest or just in need of companionship. I also relate with resenting my parents because they really held me back from having friends by moving me out the country majority of my teenage hood. I’m learning to not hold grudges or regrets either because it doesn’t do anything for your present moment. It’s tough not to blame them tbh. I’m just trying to be more positive and strong willed or I’ll lead myself down a depressive path that makes everything worse. I’d rather distract myself with entertainment than to fixate on my loneliness and ruin my life even more.
I had to stop and ask myself if I had written this comment 😂 I'm struggling with resentment too, about making us leave Denmark when I was a kid and never being able to feel like I fit in in France, as my anxious ass stopped talking from one day to another on my first day at school here 🙃 I'm now 32 and battling through all the pent up resentment, anger, grief?? Debilitating social anxiety and 9 years of selective mutism resulting in growing up with no friends and low social capacities. Man is it hard! But meds and falling into spiritual world is helping (the non religious one lol). I have some distant friends but, it's not people I can call my tribe. Maybe one day. For now it's useful learning to see that one can be happy by oneself. And it feels so peaceful getting closer to it
@@kireidoll And right when I was gonna start my own journey covid began lol so at this point I'm just gonna stop holding regrets or resentment towards myself or anyone.. life is too short!
If you have a best friend and a boyfriend that's more than enough nowadays. One must note that friendships are mostly done for entertainment, and there are other sources of entertainment available today.
I don’t know why I’m crying over this video but I just identify so well to what you say because I’m experiencing it right now as a 19 year old girl and I just keep repeating myself: why is this happening to me. Love the video btw ❤️
I never had many friends, I was always seeking approval from others. There were best friends but they burned me, yet I don’t understand there’s people that are fake and they have a ton of friends. I do talk too much. I definitely don’t expect much from people
I am 36 and have never had any friends really . No one ever . Being alone might be painful but it’s also a superpower few can handle . Depends how you want to live your life .
I’m 22 and I feel like I’m broken or something. I was homeschooled and a recluse for most of my life. I grew up in a major city so I wasn’t totally isolated and sort of knew how to seem normal but I couldn’t break through with anything past that. I can’t click with anyone. On top of all of this I went through some traumatic experiences involving men and some very irritating experiences with toxic girls I used to hang out with and now I don’t care that I’m alone. Maybe it’s not healthy but after years of feeling like a doormat since I had no boundaries and got hurt as a consequence I’d rather just be alone and protect my peace. It’s important to be your own best friend and stand up for yourself, I can’t stress that enough, or you’re going to be both unfulfilled and vulnerable.
lol it's crazy because I only have my best friend and boyfriend as the only two ppl I talk to regularly as well (I am 23 y/o). I feel like the more I see these types of videos in my recommended, I find that it is more common than we realize
Celine I cant believe how much I relate to this and your experience. I’m 24 and have been struggling with loneliness for around 2 years. like yourself my only real friend was my girlfriend who I have recently lost due to a mutual breakup. The Birthday example really hit home too as I only had one friend last year remember, someone who lives abroad and I never see. Probably the only person I can think of who loves me really outside my family and checks in on me regularly, although our work schedules seem to keep us apart like you said. I did have a lot of friends in the past who I loved a lot but I found out very quickly through Covid that they did not love me. Same situation with me always checking in, instigating conversations and keeping the friendships alive. You realise it’s not worth it Since August 2020 I’ve been dealing with an epilepsy diagnosis. going through this has felt almost impossible with such a small support network. All the friends I had that I thought I was close to grew distant and became indifferent to my stories of seizures and visits to A&E, stress/anxiety. I want to push myself out there to meet new people and make friends but I always feel in the back of my mind that I don’t fit in anymore. like a piece of me is gone forever. The epilepsy and the loneliness has taken away part of who I was on some level. But I know I’ll get it back, I’m good and there are good people out there despite what most of us believe. Don’t let the monster win. I just want to say that you’ve made me feel less alone here and I hope you see this. I’ll be your friend any day haha
You sound so well spoken, and like you think things through, considerate .. crazy how someone can have a ‘friend’ like that in front of them and not even notice the value. You sound lovely.
I really enjoyed this! I think I often take things too seriously as well and, unfortunately, that can lead to isolation when you find that the conversations you have with others aren’t fulfilling. I think that’s what mainly inhibits me from cultivating meaningful friendships. You’ll find your people!
For me it’s not about fulfilling but I just wanna be alone and when I’m alone I don’t wanna be alone it’s circle can’t help it I don’t wanna hang out with people because I’m just the opposite of them it never ends happily for me. I do it once in a while actually ( party ) and in the end I feel like yeah finally it’s ending and I’m not going back there anymore ( everything almost ) seems meaningless to me but I wanna help people if I can I don’t hesitate
I couldn't agree more about your parting shot on feeling a sense of obligation to friends where you find yourself doing things with them because you feel you have to and not because you really want to. I've come to the realization that a friendship is not true or pure when you start to feel resentful about having to spend a certain amount of time with someone in order to justify your commitment to that friendship. It becomes more of a dependency when that starts to happen. True friendship shouldn't require a certain number of hours spent together every week. Just be there for each other when it really matters.
this was so insightful and moving. thank you for your honesty. i can totally relate to the part of me reaching out to others and kind of entertaining them but the moment i hope for entertainment and mutual connecting, im out of the equation. or i am too much. im 24 as well and today the last friend i had was ending our friendship after he already left me hanging for new years without an explanation even though we had plans . we ended up not talking for 3 months and today he apologized, only to let me know what we grew apart (whatever he meant by that because up until november we had great talks and laughs). we were also in a group of 4 together and met sometimes, of course not as super open and close friends but it was fun. now that dynamic is gone as well and i am on my own. i was before as well because we met like twice a year in that group but still. i was also the only one who kept the group member entertained in a chat or with memes or whatever.. i am just so tired of being alone all the time and giving without receiving, ever. in past friendships i was used for my car and ability to listen and give advice or i was just not treated well. i am by no means perfect and have my flaws and yet at least i am willing to sit down and think about them and walk towards a person to aplogize or communicate. but as an only child with a single mom and no more family, there is also another kind of difficulty in understanding dynamics and having relations. i get the part of learning to not be dependent on it or to be fine with it but on the other side it leaves me without any mental resources, therefore making it hard to build a life i love all on my own. such a weird order in my opinion, we have to learn to enjoy being alone while we suffer from the absence of any human relations in our lives.
I’m glad you resonated with it, but sad to hear about what you’re going through. It sounds like youve been unlucky with many of the people in your life so far. I think you deserve a lot better, and I hope that comes your way fast! I’m sure you’re a great friend, don’t let other peoples shitty behavior make you feel otherwise. They’re the ones in the wrong and you’re doing everything right from what it sounds in your story ( yes flaws and all;-)) I see it as spending the time I have now alone as best as it can be spent, by being my own friend and mother in a way. This time will pass as well and we’ll be surrounded by people again. But this time around we might have a better grasp at deciding who’s worth keeping around and who doesn’t deserve your undivided attention and love. All love to you
@@celine_marie thank you so much for your warm words of encouragement, it means a lot. i have just seen your comment now, sorry for the late reply. this is my private channel and sometimes i forget it exists :D i can only say dito to everything and it felt good thinking about it as a phase that passes as well. it takes time to learn about our boundaries and communicating them. but i am sure you and i will both find our way through this 20s mess. we just have to give ourselves time and let it be the way it is sometimes, friends or not. i guess that is the hardest part when you see all those friend groups around you. for example, when i used to be at a minijob on weekends and went home again, i would see all those friends going to the club or elsewhere together on my way back home and it often even made me cry because i wished for something similar. but i guess its all part of the process. sometimes you are okay and at other times it just sucks. sending you lits of love too and i hope you are doing well
I'm 23 and I would say I only have 4 friends but still they don't text me everyday. I only see them maybe 3x a year 🙃.... I'm also an introvert so I don't need much social stimulation.
I remember I was quite needy when I had friends. I don't like that version of myself. I only feel like myself when I am alone. With people I always have to pretend, with different degrees. As you get older, you just don't want to bother with it.
I'm 24 in 2 days, I spent the past several years traveling the world and meeting tons of different people. Now after a year being back in my city, it feels like I'm away from home. Friends and people I used to know I don't anymore, but it is what it is. I just keep focusing on my goals and talk to new people everyday
everytime I get recommended one of these videos I check them out of curiosity and almost always the person talking has either a friend, partner or both. To be really alone is a whole different experience, isolation even for like 6 months is very hard.
You said something quite significant …. I’m too nice ! I think that this is my problem too. Don’t take me wrong I do have my faults like most human being but I always take friendship seriously and I am loyal too. Most people aren’t like that anymore. They move quickly and treat each other like old pair of shoes no longer wanted. It’s very sad !
Beautiful video essay. I would add that friendship takes time and only after some time and shared experiences you find out who are your friends, which is also the beauty of friendship.
I am 41 and your experience resonate with mine. To keep a connection feels like a responsibility too. I should be there if they need it… but we are adults. Things happens. We have things to do. In my case, a work, a family. Low mood. Sometimes, loving your life and being busy seems to interfere and it should not. A real friend gives space. It’s hard for me to deal with others insecurities, I feel clueless, I waste my time, time that I want to use for my health. I prefer sport to some discussions. I want to recharge my battery. People change too… For me, it’s just fun to be friend. And it always end by me feeling that this is a chore, a responsibility. I always feel guilty to not be enough or do enough. I just feel so good alone for all the reasons you mentioned.
I'm 18 and I have loyal friends I don't need a huge friend group Im also more an introvert and I love doing things by myself I don't feel lonely cause I know that I have people where I can relay on. And that's amazing. I'm about meeting people I don't need to be friends with everyone but I can be honest and nice.
I’m 19 and I have a “group” but feel super lonely in it all the time. So I pretty much have 1 maybe 2 freinds but I feel so lonely all the time and sometimes I just want to cry but I know the right people will come.
I completely feel this and relate soooo much… I do catch myself being the “distant friend” sometimes though and I’m working on that. I always assume that I’m bothering people and that my presence isn’t really missed, so I don’t reach out. I think it’s hurt some of my relationships because I’m sure my friends feel the same way. We’re all so preoccupied and worried about inconveniencing the ones we care about that distancing ourselves becomes this cyclical problem that just gets worse and worse as time goes on 😔
I had not many friends until my Bachelor studies, unfortunately lost many of them because they went to look for work and I continued my Master studies. So I often felt lonely and my girlfriends always were my best friends in this phase of my life. Thanks for breaking with the stigma and being so honest!
Got to expect that the rest of them is considered your platonic friends. They are not your responsibility. They don't have job description to pay your bills or babysit you. That is normal because friends do not share journeys on everything. Think about this. You had a goal to go for your Bachelors degree and your friends had a responsibility to go to work. Everybody including you have responsibility. 1 thing that happened is 1 friend stayed by you and never left your side is your girlfriend. It is normal because platonic friends is not supposed to be treated as your family member. Anyone can stay friends and stay connected even if they go on separate journeys. What matters is you and your friends did not end the relationship through argument. What matter is they are still your friends even if you went on separate journeys. Separate journeys do not automatically mean you broke up with them or the relationship ended.
Thanks for sharing. I feel this too, especially about how hanging out with friends is like a meeting I must do to improve instead of just having fun. Anyway, have a nice day!
I relate to what you have said, I’m 24 and have found friendships difficult since leaving school. Going to college was the hardest for me. University was a lot better but now it is finished and I only really speak to my family and those I work with. I also couldn’t connect with people online cause my internet was useless, until the past nearly two years. I am okay with being alone but I like being in small groups of people with similar interests, again it is just finding these people that is hard! There are people i know I would like to talk to it is just hard to send a message and hope they feel the same. Such a great video Celine, thanks for sharing 😊
I don't think anybody has friends anymore really. I recently spoke to a guy that said he has more than 10 friends, and he said that everyone he shares that fact with thinks he's really weird. It's now more normal to NOT have friends.
Same I've never had a problem making friends the issuebis them sticking around and getting them to hang out with me. I'm fiercely loyal compassionate and genuine. I reach out to people and i either don't get a response or they dont say a lot they don't reach out to me either like ever its frustrating and upsetting . I feel like I'm the problem
I will be 24 next year. And I've lost all of my friends. I was afraid to be alone but no more. Neither my heart or my trust can handle the people anymore. But first time in years, I really started to love myself. I saw my worth, and I love the person that I've become.
That is good because this means you won't live a lie. I mean you lost them and you and your friends went your separate ways. There are people who hangs out with friends but claims to have 0 friends. There are those who got romantically involved with their friend and once their friend becomes their lover, they claim to have 0 friends even when they hang out. So part of overcoming this is not to lie to yourself. If they are out of your life and no longer part of your life, you have no obligation to call them friends. That age 24 is like around the age where you graduate college and possibly find a new job. After all, life is not always about having friends. You still have bills to pay. You still need to make a living. You still need responsibility in your life. All that requires solitude life.
Yes same and when I say I have none I mean 0 not even a partner. I haven't dated since this whole C19 thing started and that's when I realized I had no friends won't go into too much detail I was very sick in the hospital for a month and no one cared no one called or messaged me even though I told them, I had to practically beg for any kind of response. One thing I learned is that if you ever get sick it is a true test of friendship. I get ignored at work 🤣 , there is no wining, I am getting older so its not going to get any easier finding a boyfriend but at least I have entertainment to distract from...existence. So I always had social problems, have since I've been a small child I always had a problem connecting to other people, I sometimes wonder if I am on the spectrum with my lack of social skills since a young age...not sure but anyway I subbed to you.
Your insights and courage to speak so openly about this subject are impressive. I can tell you that earlier this year it suddenly hit me that except my wife and kid, I have nobody. Many work "friends", but not true friends.
From childhood till now, there is a void in me that I like to live with, I do not have any friends in my college, I miss my childhood friends who are in other cities, today it is three to four years old. I am living without friends, when I saw your underrated channel, I thought sharing my thoughts with you, you are the only one from whom I can expect a response. On becoming famous, that connection gets lost somewhere. Currently I'm 21 I have some friends but I do not feel that affinity with them, but I try to remove this face of mine, but still sometimes I feel like this. I feel like crying and many times I have cried hugging my mother which helps me to feel lighter which is happening even while writing this comment. Even my closest friend has forgotten me, I see darkness all around me, how can such people leave their friends alone
I have zero friends , everyday is painful. Honestly I think I have no friends because having 0 friends has made me really sad and angry at life , and who wants to be around someone like that ? I probably have no friends because I don’t offer any value to the people around me ( or lack thereof ) tbh idk how much longer I can do this , every single day feels almost physically painful. Some days I wish I would be walking across the street and just get hit by a bus so I wouldn’t have to deal with my sad ass life haha
last year when I got into uni I went up to people and talked more often whereas this year I feel like it's such a waste of time since people are superficially friends but not deep! So I feel like I don't even feel like talking to anyone and just do me. AT the same time, I feel so lonely and jealous when I see my peers in groups and I'm unapproached because like I'm cool too why doesn't anyone like me enough?
I am 42 now and i had a life with a lot of people and "friends" but learn that real friends dont exist....just an illusion. Everybody live their life for their own benefits these days and everybody is "busy" with nothing.....just extern factors like status, money, material things that for me dont mean anything......just empty. My happyness start inside me and i live my life alone now.....love myself and yes people are not make for beiing alone but better alone then feeling alone in a group with no deep connection. Defenition friends is not what is was.....and the funny is that everybody you talk one on one says "you are so right" but do nothing about it. I dont trust people anymore now and dont talk to people beside of work ....but that is on another level. But nobody knows me who i am really are and that's fine because that's shows me how many are not on the same energy level.
I was a loner in my high school as I wasn't worried about not having any friends, after high school I had group of friends and started realizing how important such friendships are. I think we are social creatures and there should be people around us all the time for support in all aspects.
I went a long time without friends, and maybe today I can say I have some, but I am still a loner in my personality. But I think more important than friends is community and being active in that community. It's hard to make friends as and adult and to maintain friendships for some people, but everyone needs to belong, so you gotta find a way to be a part of some community, that's what I think is going on. It's something you have to seek out these days where in the past, it was harder to disconnect from the community.
I am about to turn 41 in two months, i have 2 kids, one coming up to 16 & the other nearly 3. I have been married over twenty years to my partner, who has lifelong learning disabilities. My mum passed away back in 2017 from blood cancer. Being a metalhead, i go out to the odd gig now & and then, including my local rock bar for some therapy. I ve got acquaintances, but no one that really makes any effort to check in on me. I dont drink or need any external validation as i consider myself a confident individual who is not afraid of socialising. It just feels so difficult to find anyone who makes the effort, let alone can be trusted. My home life is fine. Outside of that, i have no one, so i relate to alot of the comments here. My bin goes out more than i do lol
So that situation will have to be that your spouse is your only friend you have in your life by default. I mean think back before your partner became your spouse. That person does have a background of being your friend. So getting romantic relationship or getting into a relationship should never change any friendship status. If you attempt to make friend with other people you barely know, you will feel even more lonely. You may not have other people as your friend but your spouse will do. 1 friend is better then having multiple fake friends. There are tons of people who get impostor syndrome. So point about this is do not be desperate. People can have multiple friends and feel lonely vice versa. When people feel lonely right after getting friends, it is easy to claim to have 0 friends. Your mindset needs to believe you only need 1 friend because part of making new friends means you have to love yourself and not get desperate on gaining friends. Your mindset needs to believe that is ok. Your mind need to tell yourself like this I have a spouse, that is good enough. So don't try too hard to be popular. As long as you get 1 friend in your life, that is what matter. It should not matter if your current friendship with your partner is platonic or romantic.
I have no friends in the state I am living in… I have only a few friends who live out of state… they used to live here but moved. I work too much for friends. I too feel like my relationships exist only because I reach out in the exception of 1. I am also single so no boyfriend/bestie for me. I have coworkers I get along with well, but like you said they’re colleagues and not friends. I keep my life pretty quiet at work for professional reasons. I’m so lonely that if it weren’t for my cat I’d probably curl up and cry every day. I have horrible social anxiety and a lot of trauma from my childhood that has affected my self worth and how I relate to other people. I’ve tried therapy and dealt with my trauma but it hasn’t helped. I don’t know what to do anymore but I feel like my heart isn’t able to do this much longer,
hm guess cold do anoinmous voice calls with stranger guys till find one you like to talk with guess many willing but yea the axt makes that too hard. then how about a site where can listen in on such calls and join if you like what hear ... l dont know any such sites . but can happen on like the kick site but rarely.
That is the age where you should already take your time to get your educational achievements. Think about this. You are young. Most people in their 20s is about the age they are already in college. So what if you never made any friends in high school. When you had a solitude life in high school back then, that was meant to prepare you for college. Now you are a college student, try being a full time student. You will discover that you will barely have time to hang out and social. Going to college needs to be a place to learn. If you go to college for a purpose to find friends, chances are you will only sacrificing your busy schedule and ended up with nothing. Even if you do find 1 friend in college, you or your partner will only graduate and never come back anyways. So mind as well get used to solitude life at this age. At that age, busy students barely have time for friends and most likely don't want it because it effects their busy schedule. College student view solitude life as independent instead of feeling lonely. Even if you get a dorm room, you get roommates but they aren't your friends. That age is meant that you need to love yourself.
I totally relate to what you are saying about having "friendships" where you are the only one reaching out. It sounds like your "closest confidante" was gaslighting you. Meaning, she was giving you a face-saving BS explanation for her bad behavior.
I had a group of friends that would come get breakfast at the place I worked at and I would write "have a good day at work, safe travels :)" on the receipt, I guess it was creepy and they eventually stopped talking to me and coming in to get breakfast 😅 they all still hangout together and go do fun things, I'm glad they're having a good time, it just stings a little. Even calling and texting anyone nowadays is near impossible. My birthday is tomorrow and it does suck not having any family or friends to hangout with, I might go to the park and try to find someone to chat with!
Yeah that's pretty creepy lol but good luck on making new friends dude. My advice is don't be to pushy about it or come off too strong and be a try hard. Nothing is worse than a fraud and most people can sense it.
Don't let that bother you. Mind as well act like a business person instead of a friend. You may of wrote have a good day, safe travels. 1 thing for sure is they wont report you and they won't complain to you. They may not continue the relationship with you but at the same time, they won't attempt to complain about your service. They only went there just to have breakfast. If I were there to give friends breakfast service I would not do it for the purpose to hang out with them. If I were in that position. I would not care if they don't reach out to me. I would rather that they be my customer instead of my friend. You only greeted them to be polite. People can greet and not expect any relationship in return. In case they question, just tell them they you are only greeting them and welcoming them to your workplace. They don't have any excuse to claim you give them lousy service. You may failed as a friend but you did not fail as their server. If you aren't confident enough to see yourself as a good friend, mind as well stick to being a business person. Working there is not even about having friends to be your customer anyways.
It is normal not to even have customers returning to you. Sometimes you have same customers and there are times you have customers you never seen. Even if your friends don't come back do not effect your business. Besides which is worst. A complaining customer or a customer who leaves in frustration? It is better that you deal with customers who don't complain. It is common for many people working in restaurants to struggle with crowded customers and that is to a point where they rather lose customers then to deal with crowded customers. Because they feel they never catch a break so they rather not impress their customers. What matters is you still provide good service. There is no rules saying you have to impress anyone. Impressing someone requires you go the extra mile and put in extreme work. No point to quit your job just to get reunited with your friends. In the eyes of your coworkers and your superiors assuming you are not the boss, you are not ruining the business. Small losses won't be a big deal. Don't put yourself in a position where you need to impress anyone.
I have just finished my 5 years at university. To be honest, at the beginning I was hoping to make some lasting connections with people, but here I am: no friends, no boyfriend, no one. I feel like a failure to be honest. Tomorrow is my birthday and I feel so much pain in my chest. They only thing that makes me happy is having my family by my side. Although, I know it makes them sad that I have no friends, I am happy I have them. ...I am supposed to leave to a different country for 2 years and I am really scared to leave my parents... I hope they will be just fine after my return home...
Got to expect that university does have so many workloads for college students. Many focuses on studying and barely make time for socializing. There may be others that would graduate in that university in 3 years instead of 5 years all because they were living for themselves. Many have to learn to detach or let go of people they love just to get ahead in their life. So far everything you planned had been solitude life activities. Partially, when you agreed to go to university, that is your solitude life. Now if you travel to your different country, that is your solitude life. All your life, when you leave to have solitude life, you did become homesick. Just like when you were in college and you have a birthday, you wished to be with your loved ones. You can feel nervous leaving your parents because in your past such as your college life, you were not used to solitude life. So got to expect that you signed up to go to a different country which means you need to let your mind take a break from your loved ones. If you don't train your mind to adapt to solitude life, part of you will regret. Everything about your decision is a state of mind.
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my RUclips channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,933 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
I kinda am going through what you did but, i also had suicidal thoughts and Insomnia that kept me awake for days at a time I'd sleep 6-10 hours a week, but because of all these mental problems i began isolating and my friends at a point just stopped asking me to come out because they always got a no anyways, and as the years went on people just moved, got new friend groups, got kids and so on and now i have two real friends left, that haven't moved and still check up on me, makes me sad that i remember my prior self, hanging with the popular group, going to parties all the time and just being very social and now i have to restart, got emitted to the psych ward acute because i had suicidal thoughts and moderate to high depression, generalized anxiety and insomnia, 3rd week on Mirtazapin and Quetiapin (for sleep) and I'm hopeful for the future, im just waiting for the full effects of the medication and therapy, im sure we will both find friends with time, sometimes you just meet one amazing person and begin to hang around their friends and suddenly you have multiple friends that could potentially be close friends.
Try following the examples of one of your friends who managed to get kids. Look at their examples, they eventually started out being friends to a point where their friendship grew. That is why they got married and have kids. If you have your own romantic friendship, you won't have to worry about going on separate journeys from that 1 partner. Got to remember that if you choose the life of platonic friends, you have to eventually get used to separate journeys from them. Friends don't pay your bills and they are not there for family purposes. I mean if they never became your roommate, it isn't their job to live with you and do family stuff with you. Friends hang out but not frequently. Friends are normally different compared to having a family. It is just a reminder just don't treat friends like your family member. So that rules of friendship can change only after you get to know each other, married and living together. Then you may treat that friend like a family member. Since you have 2 friends left, have you tried finding out if any of them will be ok with you being their roommate?
When you go down a different path than the rest you’re always going to be alone on your journey in life but you learn to appreciate it when you get older and more wise💯🔥🔥
Gosh I feel like you put my feelings into words Im exactly in your position, I am 24, with no friends or wouldnt have any friendships if I stopped putting in more effort. I have a wonderful boyfriend who's my best friend in the world but it scares me to be solely dependent on him , even for friendship It is bittersweet though, that Im not the only one in this situation. The part at 7:19 especially resonated with me Here's hoping we find decent friends some day
I’m 24 and have no friends because my whole teen years I was good to the friends I did have and would go out my way to be there for them but I guess they had a different motive and that was to have some type of collateral to use against me when we fell out and just leaving a abusive relationship so now I’m numb ! At 21 I moved and stopped talking to everyone in my life cause my mental wasn’t ok and it just showed me that I’m strong and that no one really cared bout me and I had to buckle up and move on w/ life now I’m just so lonely and prolly will be for the rest of my life cause I don’t wanna get to know anymore people just to get back stabbed by people I thought would be there for me
I thought i was alone in this. It's such a weird feeling. I know so many people where i live but none of them i see as close friends because they all spend time together with their circle and i never get invited but when i see them it feels like i belong to the group even though i feel more alone than ever joining them in activities. I don't know if i will ever break this cycle but i will move to another country and see what life is over there.
Somehow this is exactly how I am and how I feel! I just decided that I was gonna stop trying to connect to the so called “friends” that I have to make an effort to contact! I’ve decided to try and find new friends but it’s hard
For me it's that I have this savior mentality and in the end it's pushing others away because, yeah, I might be able to see better certain situations, but that doesn't mean others are ready to face those things. So I'm pretty much a good intentioned controlling asshole. I'm too much, too invested, too nosy, a know it all, overbearing, stressful etc etc I also open up too quickly which also drives others away. I am very passionate about a lot of stuff so it can be tiring to others. I also love being active but obviously in my own way which pretty much never matches with other people's way.. I don't always like to check up on others via the phone. I am more of a tete-a-tete sort of person.. creating memories I call it. I am used to having others over or I going at their place. Opening our homes to each other. My only huge problem is what I mentioned and that I really don't care about messaging or calling every day. If the other person wants an everyday interaction then in my book we shall do it face to face and not by phone.
Watching this I feel it. I had friends in my 20s, and then when all of them started getting married and having kids(I'm also married but no kids), they started to disappear into their own bubbles. It is painful as no one is close anymore. I reach out and get nothing back. I try to put in the effort and nothing is reciprocated. I then realized that I may be a forgotten friend to them, but they have also forgotten themselves, which is worse. They don't have real friends because they themselves disappeared and in the long run, it will still be easy for me to be friends with someone, but it seems they will have the lonely future. It may be painful to not have anyone reciprocate right now, but if you're the one willing to put in the effort, then you won't be lonely in the long run.
That just means all it takes is don't dwell on the past. All your friends did get married and so did you. Your friends had kids which means kids is a responsibility and normally ,family comes first. By default, your spouse is a friend you have left. Your friends needed to consider their spouse as their friend and that means so do you. Maybe they all forgotten about you due to them feeling happy in their marriage. Because at the end of the day, a last friend that is still part of your life and journeys with you is your spouse. So I can say when the rest of your friends went on a separate journey from yours, at least it did not end in any break ups or arguments right. As long as none of them left in bad terms, that right there will be good friends to you. Just value your spouse so that you don't end up pretending to have 0 friends. Whatever friends you have left as long as that friend is not mistreating you, that right there is your friends for life. As long as they don't see imprisonment in their relationship, then they are not lost in themselves. For you not to have kids won't matter. What matter is enjoying that marriage you create so that you will not have a reason to view yourself as having 0 friends. In a long run, putting value in your current friend that is part of your life will then make you not feel lonely.
23 turning 24 this year and I only have one friend which is my best friend, and then I also consider my cousin another best friend. I even have a couple of internet friends, but still 😭
wow ive just stumbled across this video. I am the exact same, 25 and no real close friends. I am in a committed relationship so I do have that connection and do have friends that I speak to every now and again but they dont live anywhere near me so I very very rarely see them. it sounds sad but my closest 'friend' is my mother... she's my shopping buddy, lunch buddy and trip buddy. I was always that girl in school that had loads of friends, I used to go out none stop and had such amazing social life but when I hit like 21 its like everything came to a halt I ended up losing touch with people after I went traveling abroad alone for a couple of years I sadly never really kept contact with a lot of the people I left behind so when I came home everyone's life had carried on without me and mine was exactly where I left it. I LOVE going out and being social but even that is very few and far between now a days but when I am out with people they always tend to gravitate towards me and want to speak to me but when the night is over thats it its just over. I know a lot of it is my fault I have a bad tendency to disconnect a lot from my phone and social media so do take a rather long time to get back to people which has definitely led to some of my friends just not making the effort anymore which to be honest I do not blame them at all. I do work full time and have nice work colleagues but 99% of my shifts are 12 nightshifts ALONE. I have tried to befriend my work colleagues but we just dont mesh in the ways I wish we did they are all either a lot younger that me (18/19yo) or older than me (35-50yo) I also developed crippling anxiety after an event that happened when I was overseas when I was 22 that caused me to come home and disconnect even further so even thinking of making the first move with anyone made me feel physically ill for the longest time. at one point I couldn't even go somewhere like a McDonalds or a Starbucks on my own because even something as simple as ordering something made me feel like a fool as well as over thinking and second guessing every single little thing that I would do. I have definitely come a long way I can go out on my own and eat in restaurants now and I generally try not to care what people think about me but I still cannot help that deep feeling of loneliness, not having any close true friends besides my partner (whom I love very very much) but having a partner its just not the same as having friends. I know if I ever lost him I would literally have no one else and that thought scares me most of all.
Im 24 and I used to have lots of friends but turns out theyre all snakes. now I only have like 1-5 friends but I rarely talk to them and I never shared my pain with them cause they seemed happy in life. its kinda frustrating when I have noone to share my pain with or just have an ear listening. I thought Im getting used to it but its still frustrating.
Once people figure out that they can't get much benefit out of u whether directly or by association, they aren't keen to be friends. Therefore, most "friendships" r conditional on benefits and / or time one is willing to expend on it.
I think your ex-friend pointed to something you can take on board: you don't communicate your need for their time and present yourself as maybe more detached than you are.
Her best friend watching this: 😲
haha
im 21 and have absolutely 0 friends being extremely picky might be a reason , im genuinely romanticizing friendships everyday
I'm a huge one piece for a reason lmao , i rly expect to have my nakamas lmaoo
being open minded can help a bit on making friendships - then if you ever feel like they’re just making your life toxic, make new ones! 🙌🏻
I made loads of online friends through gaming, some I’m still good friends with til up to this moment, some I had to completely block out of my life due to the negativity and drama they brought. Having friends, not even a lot, you don’t need a lot - a few close friends is enough, it’ll make your life more colorful ~
@@interrupted_reverie hey I’ll do
It seems that 21 is the age of loneliness, it's the age I see the most people talking about who have no friends, I'm 21 too.
i literally sobbed last night over how lonely i feel over having no friends at 22. i feel like all of my friends from high school have grown and have their own friend groups and any friends i thought i had in college have went back to the friends they had from before. i feel like people move on so quick and i have no genuine friendships anymore - someone i can text every night and i know they’ll be there. it’s hard and lonely especially as an introvert.
@melmooooo That is the whole point of graduating high school. You don't see your high school buddies anymore. I mean so far, you graduated college which means it is time to like get a job rather then to dwell on your past. Some of your high school classmate would think wow, melmoooo graduated college. They may think you moved on but you didn't. Reason why is a lot of people normally do not go back to high school. Maybe your high school classmates wanted to get some life achievement of their own and is not ready to revisit high school. You already have your life achievement which is graduating college. So I would say, if you don't move forward in life, your mind will only feel lonely all because your mind is still thinking of a past you were supposed to let go.
I’m also 24 & I have no friends as well 🤷🏼♀️ I’ve never really had more than 1-2 friends at a time. It sucks & I feel alone most of the time but it’s better than having fake people in your life.
Same... same...
@@Maria_CheekyCat hi
Me too
I have no friends can I be your friend?
@@tom4412 Heya! 😊
Isnt it ironic how we are more connected now more than ever because of the internet but we are more lonely now than ever b4
True enough, very strange and sad how technology has distanced direct contact. I still remember when they filled your car for you at the gas station, hehe. And where have all the banks gone...poof like physical money, it's promoted as being more convenient but it's as if by design so to actually control you more. We are becoming 'numbers' in a way...
strongly agreed
legit😂
The internet has shown me how people see me and that makes me less worried about not having friends.
Technology has connected the world, while simultaneously disconnecting all of humanity.
you don't have friends but you have a boyfriend. You still have no idea how it hurts when you are alone, you have no one. Just you, your brain and your apartment
🤣 same boat but mine is weak
You're not alone, God is with you 💕
On the bright side, you have an apartment and a functioning brain.
Tell them bro
God is with you. Think about him and you'll feel it. Also get a pet if you can it really helps. I'm so grateful for my dog ❤
crazy how different cultures interpret the word 'friend' so differently. In France where I'm from, it can take months and months of seeing someone all the time to graduate to 'friend' level. When I moved to London for uni within the first two weeks I already had like 20 people calling me their friend, which tbh made me a bit uncomfortable haha
I agree so much! Makes me super uncomfortable as well in the US..
Same...I hate when others call me there bestie too or something it makes me feel so much pressure
Same in Lithuania, it takes time to call somebody a friend
i dont feel its uncomfortable. It means they think you're their friend
I was thinking about this and tbh 😅 it really does take me a month before actually considering someone to be a real friend. Like a week or 2 okay were "friends" but like an actual real friend I feel like we need to genuinely hang out and talk for over a month
Finally someone fuckin understands. I don’t got social anxiety or was never a loser or none of that shit. My fuckin loyalty has always just been way fuckin higher than any “friend” I ever had. My only “friend” is my girlfriend and if I lose her I literally have no one outside of my immediate family. But I want more than my immediate family. Shit sucks….
Yup yes exactly
Me too. I am so loyal and caring for a friend but couldn't find one like this
Have you heard of #Innerengineering also #SaveSoil #ConsciousPlanet 🌱🍃🌾🌸
SAME !!!
Felt
I’m 23 and have no friends, they just never stay around, I find it so hard to talk to people pre make any conversation at all. I keep telling myself it’s okay to be alone but in all honesty it’s so hard and it feels draining to try to even make any.
But you got a dog:)
Same thing with me. :(
I have 0 friends, been hurt so many times. Work friends are the worst
Same hare...loneliness kill me everytime.....i dont even have anyone to hangout with
Same... It's just sad
Its my birthday and I just turned 24 Today, been in bed crying because despite feeling extremely lonely for a while I can’t shake the fact that my birthday went by without anyone wishing me happy birthday except for my family, no get together or party, no one remembered me. It hit extra hard on my birthday..
That's me on everybody and holidays but it never bothered me like that because I try and not think too deeply about it
Wanna be friends?
I'm about to turn 23 and have no friends because I was being severely bullied throughout all of middle/high school. It made it impossible to trust anyone. Now I'm genuinely not even interested in having friends and making connections.
That’s sad to hear, honestly it is nice to have a friend.
😘
I also got bullied during these school years, and roughly have friends that stay around. :(
❤🤗
same. i'm just too exhausted from past negative social experiences to ever really pursue friendships
I am 31 and have zero friends now. I genuinely being good to my friends and checked upon them helped them when they were in need but no one was there with me in the time of need. I feel like being so nice is the worst thing now on earth.
Maybe they don’t know you are in need.
20 years old, no friends at all. When I was a kid, I never felt the need to make any. I always waited for someone else reaching out to me and becoming my friend. Kinda regret it now
same thing happened to me, had no idea how to maintain a friendship and it ended up falling apart after a month or two lmao
1. Stop caring about what people think (about your beliefs, values, and who you are).
2. Stop trying to impress people.
3. Don't be too nice/giving things to people. This comes across as weak if you do it all the time or too much. It also comes across as manipulative because people can think "This person is trying to get something out of me."
4. Show your true self authentically.
5. Understand that most people are lazy in maintaining relationships. If you have to text them first, that's fine.
6. Find people who have a common interest. Go to websites like Meet Up to find social groups in your area.
@@OnlyMichaelJackson Difference is you had a friend but zakloneyparez didn't. Look at your part. Maintain a friendship. It means you originally had friends but you and your friends had a falling out. You had to deal with breaking up with your friends. Maintaining friendship is different from making friends. zakloneyparez had 0 friends which meant zakloneyparez did not have to deal with maintaining friends because what is there to maintain if zakloneyparez had none.
It's important to cultivate friendships.
"A melancholy lesson of advancing years is the realisation that you can't make old friends." - Christopher Hitchens
Can you (or anyone reading this) explain this quote? I don’t understand.
@@JohnSmith-wi4xo You can only make new friends, and meeting them is nice, but doesn't feel the same as meeting old friends who you've known for many years. Once you also get old, it's too late to increase your supply of old friends.
@@michaeljmcguffin who are your friends and how did you meet them?
@@Stinkmeaner420 he doesn’t have that’s where his wisdom came from
Being smarter than the average person you tend to analyze everything more. Most people's idea of having fun is getting drunk together and if that is not your thing well then they think it is weird. And you can never be too nice to a friend. If they don't appreciate that well then they are a waste of your time. Many people are very self centered so never put your expectations too high when you meet somebody. Your are still young and have lots of time to make friends still.. Just be yourself. Don't try to be what you think other people want you to be. If i would be in my 20s and in Denmark i'd certainly love a friend like you ;)
Hhhwhaaat she's Danish? Eek. ☺
it's not for me, but thank you for this :) you are right.
I’m 22 and I’ve been a loner my whole life waiting to for the day when I can finally make friends and people would start talking to me more.
You're not alone - thousands of people are in the same boat as you and although that doesn't make it "better", I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone. Cheers
millions
33 and still no friends after my significant. I don’t try anymore to make close friendships, just accept this is who I am and make the best of being independent
My (53) experience is: if you don’t reach out for people and activities nothing happens. Pretty fast.
If I may ask, how did you find your friends? If you should had/have any.
@@nitoginko2187 no, i have none. I can’t cope with this world.
I'm just about 52, and I tried to reach out for friends at my last job, was DESECRATED, and am even more distant from others/activities as a consequence more than ever. I can't wait until I'm dead!
This statement you make about reaching out means you have to already be an extrovert. This rules apply to anyone no matter what age they are. They don't have to exactly be 53 to deal with that rules. At any age, if you don't reach out, nothing happens. Some even reached out to a point where they go into entitlement mode. Just understand that if you choose the path of chasing, you have to also learn to accept rejection as well. So if you feel that you are done hiding and feel you must come out of your comfort zone, then do it. It should not matter if they refused the offer of being your friends. That right there does not matter what age you are. What matter is having the guts to speak your mind. If they let you join the friend group. Great. If it is a no, then just say thank you for you time and say something like I will take my leave. If you accept at least a no answer, at least you can claim you did the reaching out.
I have no friends either really. The one person I thought was a friend ghosted me and the other I decided to drop simply because I know I deserve to be treated better than how they treated me. I would rather no friends then have inauthentic people pretending to be my friend. Sometimes I find it difficult to connect with people though.
has a best friend, has a boyfriend --> „I have no friends at 24“
this comment is the point of the video fr
Yeah, it's a thing to pretend. To get viewers?
@@almocramly "lives in a villa, lives on parents money --> i have no money at 24"
I'm 29, I used to have a lot of friends. By now, maybe only 1 left.
Maybe society is changing, too, social isolation is playing a role.
Truth be told, loneliness also makes a lot of people sick. If you already have company, you can throw a lot in a person’s mood.
Greetings from Hungary.
I’m about to turn 24 real soon and this hits so deeply. Everything u said about the internet is so true. Personally I don’t even use FB and I stopped posting and interacting on IG ever since I went off the grid a few years ago. The ironic part is I’m on social media/the internet almost 24/7 just to distract myself from the loneliness. I have a boyfriend too but it’s long distance and it’s not fulfilling at all as my only friend. I’m just glad I have a sister that I can call when I’m at my lowest or just in need of companionship.
I also relate with resenting my parents because they really held me back from having friends by moving me out the country majority of my teenage hood. I’m learning to not hold grudges or regrets either because it doesn’t do anything for your present moment. It’s tough not to blame them tbh. I’m just trying to be more positive and strong willed or I’ll lead myself down a depressive path that makes everything worse. I’d rather distract myself with entertainment than to fixate on my loneliness and ruin my life even more.
dangg reading what you wrote was literally as if i was facing myself in the mirror. i cut off myself almost completely from social media too 😭😭
@@xwhy888 how old r u? Cause I feel like this and the pandemic took away my early 20s 😤 but I’m not gonna victimize myself anymore I can’t afford to
I had to stop and ask myself if I had written this comment 😂
I'm struggling with resentment too, about making us leave Denmark when I was a kid and never being able to feel like I fit in in France, as my anxious ass stopped talking from one day to another on my first day at school here 🙃 I'm now 32 and battling through all the pent up resentment, anger, grief?? Debilitating social anxiety and 9 years of selective mutism resulting in growing up with no friends and low social capacities. Man is it hard! But meds and falling into spiritual world is helping (the non religious one lol). I have some distant friends but, it's not people I can call my tribe. Maybe one day. For now it's useful learning to see that one can be happy by oneself. And it feels so peaceful getting closer to it
@@kireidoll And right when I was gonna start my own journey covid began lol so at this point I'm just gonna stop holding regrets or resentment towards myself or anyone.. life is too short!
This is as if I wrote it. I moved a lot as a kid and lost touch with friends. It's so sad 😭😭. I hate loneliness.
If you have a best friend and a boyfriend that's more than enough nowadays.
One must note that friendships are mostly done for entertainment, and there are other sources of entertainment available today.
Damn. What should I tell? I (31) and never had any friends, not even a partner.
I don’t know why I’m crying over this video but I just identify so well to what you say because I’m experiencing it right now as a 19 year old girl and I just keep repeating myself: why is this happening to me. Love the video btw ❤️
All the love to you, stay strong! The right people will come along:-)
i feel likes its really hard for men to be liked by anyone
That’s hilarious. The friend saying “I didn’t think you needed me to reach out” is like the friendship version of “it’s not you it’s me”
Yeah everyone is feeling lonely it starts at the school
I never had many friends, I was always seeking approval from others. There were best friends but they burned me, yet I don’t understand there’s people that are fake and they have a ton of friends. I do talk too much. I definitely don’t expect much from people
I am 36 and have never had any friends really . No one ever . Being alone might be painful but it’s also a superpower few can handle . Depends how you want to live your life .
I’m 22 and I feel like I’m broken or something. I was homeschooled and a recluse for most of my life. I grew up in a major city so I wasn’t totally isolated and sort of knew how to seem normal but I couldn’t break through with anything past that. I can’t click with anyone. On top of all of this I went through some traumatic experiences involving men and some very irritating experiences with toxic girls I used to hang out with and now I don’t care that I’m alone. Maybe it’s not healthy but after years of feeling like a doormat since I had no boundaries and got hurt as a consequence I’d rather just be alone and protect my peace. It’s important to be your own best friend and stand up for yourself, I can’t stress that enough, or you’re going to be both unfulfilled and vulnerable.
lol it's crazy because I only have my best friend and boyfriend as the only two ppl I talk to regularly as well (I am 23 y/o). I feel like the more I see these types of videos in my recommended, I find that it is more common than we realize
Celine I cant believe how much I relate to this and your experience.
I’m 24 and have been struggling with loneliness for around 2 years. like yourself my only real friend was my girlfriend who I have recently lost due to a mutual breakup.
The Birthday example really hit home too as I only had one friend last year remember, someone who lives abroad and I never see. Probably the only person I can think of who loves me really outside my family and checks in on me regularly, although our work schedules seem to keep us apart like you said. I did have a lot of friends in the past who I loved a lot but I found out very quickly through Covid that they did not love me. Same situation with me always checking in, instigating conversations and keeping the friendships alive. You realise it’s not worth it
Since August 2020 I’ve been dealing with an epilepsy diagnosis.
going through this has felt almost impossible with such a small support network. All the friends I had that I thought I was close to grew distant and became indifferent to my stories of seizures and visits to A&E, stress/anxiety.
I want to push myself out there to meet new people and make friends but I always feel in the back of my mind that I don’t fit in anymore. like a piece of me is gone forever. The epilepsy and the loneliness has taken away part of who I was on some level.
But I know I’ll get it back, I’m good and there are good people out there despite what most of us believe. Don’t let the monster win.
I just want to say that you’ve made me feel less alone here and I hope you see this.
I’ll be your friend any day haha
You sound so well spoken, and like you think things through, considerate .. crazy how someone can have a ‘friend’ like that in front of them and not even notice the value. You sound lovely.
I really enjoyed this! I think I often take things too seriously as well and, unfortunately, that can lead to isolation when you find that the conversations you have with others aren’t fulfilling. I think that’s what mainly inhibits me from cultivating meaningful friendships. You’ll find your people!
For me it’s not about fulfilling but I just wanna be alone and when I’m alone I don’t wanna be alone it’s circle can’t help it I don’t wanna hang out with people because I’m just the opposite of them it never ends happily for me. I do it once in a while actually ( party ) and in the end I feel like yeah finally it’s ending and I’m not going back there anymore ( everything almost ) seems meaningless to me but I wanna help people if I can I don’t hesitate
I couldn't agree more about your parting shot on feeling a sense of obligation to friends where you find yourself doing things with them because you feel you have to and not because you really want to. I've come to the realization that a friendship is not true or pure when you start to feel resentful about having to spend a certain amount of time with someone in order to justify your commitment to that friendship. It becomes more of a dependency when that starts to happen. True friendship shouldn't require a certain number of hours spent together every week. Just be there for each other when it really matters.
this was so insightful and moving. thank you for your honesty. i can totally relate to the part of me reaching out to others and kind of entertaining them but the moment i hope for entertainment and mutual connecting, im out of the equation. or i am too much.
im 24 as well and today the last friend i had was ending our friendship after he already left me hanging for new years without an explanation even though we had plans . we ended up not talking for 3 months and today he apologized, only to let me know what we grew apart (whatever he meant by that because up until november we had great talks and laughs). we were also in a group of 4 together and met sometimes, of course not as super open and close friends but it was fun. now that dynamic is gone as well and i am on my own. i was before as well because we met like twice a year in that group but still. i was also the only one who kept the group member entertained in a chat or with memes or whatever..
i am just so tired of being alone all the time and giving without receiving, ever. in past friendships i was used for my car and ability to listen and give advice or i was just not treated well. i am by no means perfect and have my flaws and yet at least i am willing to sit down and think about them and walk towards a person to aplogize or communicate. but as an only child with a single mom and no more family, there is also another kind of difficulty in understanding dynamics and having relations.
i get the part of learning to not be dependent on it or to be fine with it but on the other side it leaves me without any mental resources, therefore making it hard to build a life i love all on my own. such a weird order in my opinion, we have to learn to enjoy being alone while we suffer from the absence of any human relations in our lives.
I’m glad you resonated with it, but sad to hear about what you’re going through. It sounds like youve been unlucky with many of the people in your life so far. I think you deserve a lot better, and I hope that comes your way fast!
I’m sure you’re a great friend, don’t let other peoples shitty behavior make you feel otherwise. They’re the ones in the wrong and you’re doing everything right from what it sounds in your story ( yes flaws and all;-))
I see it as spending the time I have now alone as best as it can be spent, by being my own friend and mother in a way. This time will pass as well and we’ll be surrounded by people again. But this time around we might have a better grasp at deciding who’s worth keeping around and who doesn’t deserve your undivided attention and love.
All love to you
@@celine_marie thank you so much for your warm words of encouragement, it means a lot. i have just seen your comment now, sorry for the late reply. this is my private channel and sometimes i forget it exists :D
i can only say dito to everything and it felt good thinking about it as a phase that passes as well. it takes time to learn about our boundaries and communicating them. but i am sure you and i will both find our way through this 20s mess. we just have to give ourselves time and let it be the way it is sometimes, friends or not. i guess that is the hardest part when you see all those friend groups around you. for example, when i used to be at a minijob on weekends and went home again, i would see all those friends going to the club or elsewhere together on my way back home and it often even made me cry because i wished for something similar.
but i guess its all part of the process. sometimes you are okay and at other times it just sucks. sending you lits of love too and i hope you are doing well
I'm 23 and I would say I only have 4 friends but still they don't text me everyday. I only see them maybe 3x a year 🙃.... I'm also an introvert so I don't need much social stimulation.
If you're an introvert, I wonder if you'll get married when you get older or will you stay single?
I remember I was quite needy when I had friends. I don't like that version of myself. I only feel like myself when I am alone. With people I always have to pretend, with different degrees. As you get older, you just don't want to bother with it.
I'm 24 in 2 days, I spent the past several years traveling the world and meeting tons of different people. Now after a year being back in my city, it feels like I'm away from home. Friends and people I used to know I don't anymore, but it is what it is. I just keep focusing on my goals and talk to new people everyday
everytime I get recommended one of these videos I check them out of curiosity and almost always the person talking has either a friend, partner or both. To be really alone is a whole different experience, isolation even for like 6 months is very hard.
You said something quite significant …. I’m too nice ! I think that this is my problem too. Don’t take me wrong I do have my faults like most human being but I always take friendship seriously and I am loyal too. Most people aren’t like that anymore. They move quickly and treat each other like old pair of shoes no longer wanted. It’s very sad !
Beautiful video essay. I would add that friendship takes time and only after some time and shared experiences you find out who are your friends, which is also the beauty of friendship.
It’s better to be alone than in bad company
I am 41 and your experience resonate with mine. To keep a connection feels like a responsibility too. I should be there if they need it… but we are adults. Things happens. We have things to do. In my case, a work, a family. Low mood. Sometimes, loving your life and being busy seems to interfere and it should not. A real friend gives space. It’s hard for me to deal with others insecurities, I feel clueless, I waste my time, time that I want to use for my health. I prefer sport to some discussions. I want to recharge my battery. People change too… For me, it’s just fun to be friend. And it always end by me feeling that this is a chore, a responsibility. I always feel guilty to not be enough or do enough. I just feel so good alone for all the reasons you mentioned.
I'm 18 and I have loyal friends I don't need a huge friend group Im also more an introvert and I love doing things by myself I don't feel lonely cause I know that I have people where I can relay on. And that's amazing. I'm about meeting people I don't need to be friends with everyone but I can be honest and nice.
If you're an introvert, I wonder if you'll get married when you get older or will you stay single?
I’m 19 and I have a “group” but feel super lonely in it all the time. So I pretty much have 1 maybe 2 freinds but I feel so lonely all the time and sometimes I just want to cry but I know the right people will come.
I’m 19 too, and I’ve had nobody for over 2 years our time will come 😊
I completely feel this and relate soooo much… I do catch myself being the “distant friend” sometimes though and I’m working on that. I always assume that I’m bothering people and that my presence isn’t really missed, so I don’t reach out. I think it’s hurt some of my relationships because I’m sure my friends feel the same way. We’re all so preoccupied and worried about inconveniencing the ones we care about that distancing ourselves becomes this cyclical problem that just gets worse and worse as time goes on 😔
Being clean- cut as you are, the only place to find clean cut guys will be at church. I found my girl there. GODSPEED !!!!!!!
I had not many friends until my Bachelor studies, unfortunately lost many of them because they went to look for work and I continued my Master studies. So I often felt lonely and my girlfriends always were my best friends in this phase of my life. Thanks for breaking with the stigma and being so honest!
Got to expect that the rest of them is considered your platonic friends. They are not your responsibility. They don't have job description to pay your bills or babysit you. That is normal because friends do not share journeys on everything. Think about this. You had a goal to go for your Bachelors degree and your friends had a responsibility to go to work. Everybody including you have responsibility. 1 thing that happened is 1 friend stayed by you and never left your side is your girlfriend. It is normal because platonic friends is not supposed to be treated as your family member. Anyone can stay friends and stay connected even if they go on separate journeys. What matters is you and your friends did not end the relationship through argument. What matter is they are still your friends even if you went on separate journeys. Separate journeys do not automatically mean you broke up with them or the relationship ended.
Thanks for sharing. I feel this too, especially about how hanging out with friends is like a meeting I must do to improve instead of just having fun. Anyway, have a nice day!
I relate to what you have said, I’m 24 and have found friendships difficult since leaving school. Going to college was the hardest for me. University was a lot better but now it is finished and I only really speak to my family and those I work with. I also couldn’t connect with people online cause my internet was useless, until the past nearly two years. I am okay with being alone but I like being in small groups of people with similar interests, again it is just finding these people that is hard! There are people i know I would like to talk to it is just hard to send a message and hope they feel the same. Such a great video Celine, thanks for sharing 😊
Are you ADHD
I don't think anybody has friends anymore really. I recently spoke to a guy that said he has more than 10 friends, and he said that everyone he shares that fact with thinks he's really weird. It's now more normal to NOT have friends.
Same I've never had a problem making friends the issuebis them sticking around and getting them to hang out with me. I'm fiercely loyal compassionate and genuine. I reach out to people and i either don't get a response or they dont say a lot they don't reach out to me either like ever its frustrating and upsetting . I feel like I'm the problem
Hi I’m reaching out
It feels like i could've wrote this comment. I feel the exact same way.
I will be 24 next year. And I've lost all of my friends. I was afraid to be alone but no more. Neither my heart or my trust can handle the people anymore. But first time in years, I really started to love myself. I saw my worth, and I love the person that I've become.
That is good because this means you won't live a lie. I mean you lost them and you and your friends went your separate ways. There are people who hangs out with friends but claims to have 0 friends. There are those who got romantically involved with their friend and once their friend becomes their lover, they claim to have 0 friends even when they hang out. So part of overcoming this is not to lie to yourself. If they are out of your life and no longer part of your life, you have no obligation to call them friends. That age 24 is like around the age where you graduate college and possibly find a new job. After all, life is not always about having friends. You still have bills to pay. You still need to make a living. You still need responsibility in your life. All that requires solitude life.
19 and no friends.....happy? no.....sad? also no...i feel insecure
Yes same and when I say I have none I mean 0 not even a partner. I haven't dated since this whole C19 thing started and that's when I realized I had no friends won't go into too much detail I was very sick in the hospital for a month and no one cared no one called or messaged me even though I told them, I had to practically beg for any kind of response. One thing I learned is that if you ever get sick it is a true test of friendship. I get ignored at work 🤣 , there is no wining, I am getting older so its not going to get any easier finding a boyfriend but at least I have entertainment to distract from...existence. So I always had social problems, have since I've been a small child I always had a problem connecting to other people, I sometimes wonder if I am on the spectrum with my lack of social skills since a young age...not sure but anyway I subbed to you.
Yeah very much agree about being sick, definitely a test. I'm sorry nobody was there for you the way they shouldve:-/
Your insights and courage to speak so openly about this subject are impressive. I can tell you that earlier this year it suddenly hit me that except my wife and kid, I have nobody. Many work "friends", but not true friends.
From childhood till now, there is a void in me that I like to live with, I do not have any friends in my college, I miss my childhood friends who are in other cities, today it is three to four years old. I am living without friends, when I saw your underrated channel, I thought sharing my thoughts with you, you are the only one from whom I can expect a response. On becoming famous, that connection gets lost somewhere.
Currently I'm 21 I have some friends but I do not feel that affinity with them, but I try to remove this face of mine, but still sometimes I feel like this. I feel like crying and many times I have cried hugging my mother which helps me to feel lighter which is happening even while writing this comment. Even my closest friend has forgotten me, I see darkness all around me, how can such people leave their friends alone
I have zero friends , everyday is painful. Honestly I think I have no friends because having 0 friends has made me really sad and angry at life , and who wants to be around someone like that ? I probably have no friends because I don’t offer any value to the people around me ( or lack thereof ) tbh idk how much longer I can do this , every single day feels almost physically painful. Some days I wish I would be walking across the street and just get hit by a bus so I wouldn’t have to deal with my sad ass life haha
last year when I got into uni I went up to people and talked more often whereas this year I feel like it's such a waste of time since people are superficially friends but not deep! So I feel like I don't even feel like talking to anyone and just do me. AT the same time, I feel so lonely and jealous when I see my peers in groups and I'm unapproached because like I'm cool too why doesn't anyone like me enough?
I am 42 now and i had a life with a lot of people and "friends" but learn that real friends dont exist....just an illusion. Everybody live their life for their own benefits these days and everybody is "busy" with nothing.....just extern factors like status, money, material things that for me dont mean anything......just empty.
My happyness start inside me and i live my life alone now.....love myself and yes people are not make for beiing alone but better alone then feeling alone in a group with no deep connection.
Defenition friends is not what is was.....and the funny is that everybody you talk one on one says "you are so right" but do nothing about it.
I dont trust people anymore now and dont talk to people beside of work ....but that is on another level.
But nobody knows me who i am really are and that's fine because that's shows me how many are not on the same energy level.
36 had so many friends growing up. Got sober 5 years ago and now km 100% alone. Its so hard
I was a loner in my high school as I wasn't worried about not having any friends, after high school I had group of friends and started realizing how important such friendships are. I think we are social creatures and there should be people around us all the time for support in all aspects.
I’m 17 and I don’t have friends.
23 years old and I've been lonely for years plus no friends.
It's a struggle
I went a long time without friends, and maybe today I can say I have some, but I am still a loner in my personality. But I think more important than friends is community and being active in that community. It's hard to make friends as and adult and to maintain friendships for some people, but everyone needs to belong, so you gotta find a way to be a part of some community, that's what I think is going on. It's something you have to seek out these days where in the past, it was harder to disconnect from the community.
update!! I have friend(s) now!! ruclips.net/video/pCdvnUpuJjc/видео.html
I am about to turn 41 in two months, i have 2 kids, one coming up to 16 & the other nearly 3. I have been married over twenty years to my partner, who has lifelong learning disabilities. My mum passed away back in 2017 from blood cancer. Being a metalhead, i go out to the odd gig now & and then, including my local rock bar for some therapy. I ve got acquaintances, but no one that really makes any effort to check in on me. I dont drink or need any external validation as i consider myself a confident individual who is not afraid of socialising. It just feels so difficult to find anyone who makes the effort, let alone can be trusted. My home life is fine. Outside of that, i have no one, so i relate to alot of the comments here. My bin goes out more than i do lol
So that situation will have to be that your spouse is your only friend you have in your life by default. I mean think back before your partner became your spouse. That person does have a background of being your friend. So getting romantic relationship or getting into a relationship should never change any friendship status. If you attempt to make friend with other people you barely know, you will feel even more lonely. You may not have other people as your friend but your spouse will do. 1 friend is better then having multiple fake friends. There are tons of people who get impostor syndrome. So point about this is do not be desperate. People can have multiple friends and feel lonely vice versa. When people feel lonely right after getting friends, it is easy to claim to have 0 friends. Your mindset needs to believe you only need 1 friend because part of making new friends means you have to love yourself and not get desperate on gaining friends. Your mindset needs to believe that is ok. Your mind need to tell yourself like this I have a spouse, that is good enough. So don't try too hard to be popular. As long as you get 1 friend in your life, that is what matter. It should not matter if your current friendship with your partner is platonic or romantic.
What you just described... is what happens if you're generally a confident person
I have no friends in the state I am living in… I have only a few friends who live out of state… they used to live here but moved. I work too much for friends. I too feel like my relationships exist only because I reach out in the exception of 1. I am also single so no boyfriend/bestie for me.
I have coworkers I get along with well, but like you said they’re colleagues and not friends. I keep my life pretty quiet at work for professional reasons.
I’m so lonely that if it weren’t for my cat I’d probably curl up and cry every day. I have horrible social anxiety and a lot of trauma from my childhood that has affected my self worth and how I relate to other people. I’ve tried therapy and dealt with my trauma but it hasn’t helped. I don’t know what to do anymore but I feel like my heart isn’t able to do this much longer,
hm guess cold do anoinmous voice calls with stranger guys till find one you like to talk with guess many willing but yea the axt makes that too hard. then how about a site where can listen in on such calls and join if you like what hear ... l dont know any such sites . but can happen on like the kick site but rarely.
This stuff's got me reflecting on the night before my english exam
I thought i was the only one but I'm relieved a bit now
The most important friend you have is yourself!
I am 29 no friend no boy friend.
I am 21 and have no friends. And don't know how to make one 😊
That is the age where you should already take your time to get your educational achievements. Think about this. You are young. Most people in their 20s is about the age they are already in college. So what if you never made any friends in high school. When you had a solitude life in high school back then, that was meant to prepare you for college. Now you are a college student, try being a full time student. You will discover that you will barely have time to hang out and social. Going to college needs to be a place to learn. If you go to college for a purpose to find friends, chances are you will only sacrificing your busy schedule and ended up with nothing. Even if you do find 1 friend in college, you or your partner will only graduate and never come back anyways. So mind as well get used to solitude life at this age. At that age, busy students barely have time for friends and most likely don't want it because it effects their busy schedule. College student view solitude life as independent instead of feeling lonely. Even if you get a dorm room, you get roommates but they aren't your friends. That age is meant that you need to love yourself.
I like that you have it exactly about how your colleagues are NOT your friends, especially in a competitive society.
I totally relate to what you are saying about having "friendships" where you are the only one reaching out. It sounds like your "closest confidante" was gaslighting you. Meaning, she was giving you a face-saving BS explanation for her bad behavior.
I had a group of friends that would come get breakfast at the place I worked at and I would write "have a good day at work, safe travels :)" on the receipt, I guess it was creepy and they eventually stopped talking to me and coming in to get breakfast 😅 they all still hangout together and go do fun things, I'm glad they're having a good time, it just stings a little. Even calling and texting anyone nowadays is near impossible. My birthday is tomorrow and it does suck not having any family or friends to hangout with, I might go to the park and try to find someone to chat with!
Yeah that's pretty creepy lol but good luck on making new friends dude. My advice is don't be to pushy about it or come off too strong and be a try hard. Nothing is worse than a fraud and most people can sense it.
I think thats normal and nice to do for friends, but it really depends on the culture/society you live in
Don't let that bother you. Mind as well act like a business person instead of a friend. You may of wrote have a good day, safe travels. 1 thing for sure is they wont report you and they won't complain to you. They may not continue the relationship with you but at the same time, they won't attempt to complain about your service. They only went there just to have breakfast. If I were there to give friends breakfast service I would not do it for the purpose to hang out with them. If I were in that position. I would not care if they don't reach out to me. I would rather that they be my customer instead of my friend. You only greeted them to be polite. People can greet and not expect any relationship in return. In case they question, just tell them they you are only greeting them and welcoming them to your workplace. They don't have any excuse to claim you give them lousy service. You may failed as a friend but you did not fail as their server. If you aren't confident enough to see yourself as a good friend, mind as well stick to being a business person. Working there is not even about having friends to be your customer anyways.
It is normal not to even have customers returning to you. Sometimes you have same customers and there are times you have customers you never seen. Even if your friends don't come back do not effect your business. Besides which is worst. A complaining customer or a customer who leaves in frustration? It is better that you deal with customers who don't complain. It is common for many people working in restaurants to struggle with crowded customers and that is to a point where they rather lose customers then to deal with crowded customers. Because they feel they never catch a break so they rather not impress their customers. What matters is you still provide good service. There is no rules saying you have to impress anyone. Impressing someone requires you go the extra mile and put in extreme work. No point to quit your job just to get reunited with your friends. In the eyes of your coworkers and your superiors assuming you are not the boss, you are not ruining the business. Small losses won't be a big deal. Don't put yourself in a position where you need to impress anyone.
I have just finished my 5 years at university. To be honest, at the beginning I was hoping to make some lasting connections with people, but here I am: no friends, no boyfriend, no one. I feel like a failure to be honest. Tomorrow is my birthday and I feel so much pain in my chest.
They only thing that makes me happy is having my family by my side. Although, I know it makes them sad that I have no friends, I am happy I have them.
...I am supposed to leave to a different country for 2 years and I am really scared to leave my parents... I hope they will be just fine after my return home...
Got to expect that university does have so many workloads for college students. Many focuses on studying and barely make time for socializing. There may be others that would graduate in that university in 3 years instead of 5 years all because they were living for themselves. Many have to learn to detach or let go of people they love just to get ahead in their life. So far everything you planned had been solitude life activities. Partially, when you agreed to go to university, that is your solitude life. Now if you travel to your different country, that is your solitude life. All your life, when you leave to have solitude life, you did become homesick. Just like when you were in college and you have a birthday, you wished to be with your loved ones. You can feel nervous leaving your parents because in your past such as your college life, you were not used to solitude life. So got to expect that you signed up to go to a different country which means you need to let your mind take a break from your loved ones. If you don't train your mind to adapt to solitude life, part of you will regret. Everything about your decision is a state of mind.
Trust me if you are waste your 20s you never get friends in 30s like me
Why do i feel like you're telling my own story
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my RUclips channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,933 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
Same here 24 and no friends well I have autism thats something different its hard for me to make friends.
I kinda am going through what you did but, i also had suicidal thoughts and Insomnia that kept me awake for days at a time I'd sleep 6-10 hours a week, but because of all these mental problems i began isolating and my friends at a point just stopped asking me to come out because they always got a no anyways, and as the years went on people just moved, got new friend groups, got kids and so on and now i have two real friends left, that haven't moved and still check up on me, makes me sad that i remember my prior self, hanging with the popular group, going to parties all the time and just being very social and now i have to restart, got emitted to the psych ward acute because i had suicidal thoughts and moderate to high depression, generalized anxiety and insomnia, 3rd week on Mirtazapin and Quetiapin (for sleep) and I'm hopeful for the future, im just waiting for the full effects of the medication and therapy, im sure we will both find friends with time, sometimes you just meet one amazing person and begin to hang around their friends and suddenly you have multiple friends that could potentially be close friends.
Try following the examples of one of your friends who managed to get kids. Look at their examples, they eventually started out being friends to a point where their friendship grew. That is why they got married and have kids. If you have your own romantic friendship, you won't have to worry about going on separate journeys from that 1 partner. Got to remember that if you choose the life of platonic friends, you have to eventually get used to separate journeys from them. Friends don't pay your bills and they are not there for family purposes. I mean if they never became your roommate, it isn't their job to live with you and do family stuff with you. Friends hang out but not frequently. Friends are normally different compared to having a family. It is just a reminder just don't treat friends like your family member. So that rules of friendship can change only after you get to know each other, married and living together. Then you may treat that friend like a family member. Since you have 2 friends left, have you tried finding out if any of them will be ok with you being their roommate?
When you go down a different path than the rest you’re always going to be alone on your journey in life but you learn to appreciate it when you get older and more wise💯🔥🔥
Gosh I feel like you put my feelings into words
Im exactly in your position, I am 24, with no friends or wouldnt have any friendships if I stopped putting in more effort. I have a wonderful boyfriend who's my best friend in the world but it scares me to be solely dependent on him , even for friendship
It is bittersweet though, that Im not the only one in this situation.
The part at 7:19 especially resonated with me
Here's hoping we find decent friends some day
I have no friends ,no girlfriend, feels sad ugly and Depresed I compare myself always with others.
I’m 24 and have no friends because my whole teen years I was good to the friends I did have and would go out my way to be there for them but I guess they had a different motive and that was to have some type of collateral to use against me when we fell out and just leaving a abusive relationship so now I’m numb ! At 21 I moved and stopped talking to everyone in my life cause my mental wasn’t ok and it just showed me that I’m strong and that no one really cared bout me and I had to buckle up and move on w/ life now I’m just so lonely and prolly will be for the rest of my life cause I don’t wanna get to know anymore people just to get back stabbed by people I thought would be there for me
I thought i was alone in this. It's such a weird feeling. I know so many people where i live but none of them i see as close friends because they all spend time together with their circle and i never get invited but when i see them it feels like i belong to the group even though i feel more alone than ever joining them in activities. I don't know if i will ever break this cycle but i will move to another country and see what life is over there.
"ensuring a visually not lonely life" hit hard
Somehow this is exactly how I am and how I feel! I just decided that I was gonna stop trying to connect to the so called “friends” that I have to make an effort to contact! I’ve decided to try and find new friends but it’s hard
12:24 😀 hanging out feels like a task… this makes me feel so seen and this is something i don’t like about myself
For me it's that I have this savior mentality and in the end it's pushing others away because, yeah, I might be able to see better certain situations, but that doesn't mean others are ready to face those things. So I'm pretty much a good intentioned controlling asshole. I'm too much, too invested, too nosy, a know it all, overbearing, stressful etc etc I also open up too quickly which also drives others away. I am very passionate about a lot of stuff so it can be tiring to others. I also love being active but obviously in my own way which pretty much never matches with other people's way.. I don't always like to check up on others via the phone. I am more of a tete-a-tete sort of person.. creating memories I call it. I am used to having others over or I going at their place. Opening our homes to each other. My only huge problem is what I mentioned and that I really don't care about messaging or calling every day. If the other person wants an everyday interaction then in my book we shall do it face to face and not by phone.
Watching this I feel it. I had friends in my 20s, and then when all of them started getting married and having kids(I'm also married but no kids), they started to disappear into their own bubbles. It is painful as no one is close anymore. I reach out and get nothing back. I try to put in the effort and nothing is reciprocated. I then realized that I may be a forgotten friend to them, but they have also forgotten themselves, which is worse. They don't have real friends because they themselves disappeared and in the long run, it will still be easy for me to be friends with someone, but it seems they will have the lonely future. It may be painful to not have anyone reciprocate right now, but if you're the one willing to put in the effort, then you won't be lonely in the long run.
That just means all it takes is don't dwell on the past. All your friends did get married and so did you. Your friends had kids which means kids is a responsibility and normally ,family comes first. By default, your spouse is a friend you have left. Your friends needed to consider their spouse as their friend and that means so do you. Maybe they all forgotten about you due to them feeling happy in their marriage. Because at the end of the day, a last friend that is still part of your life and journeys with you is your spouse. So I can say when the rest of your friends went on a separate journey from yours, at least it did not end in any break ups or arguments right. As long as none of them left in bad terms, that right there will be good friends to you. Just value your spouse so that you don't end up pretending to have 0 friends. Whatever friends you have left as long as that friend is not mistreating you, that right there is your friends for life. As long as they don't see imprisonment in their relationship, then they are not lost in themselves. For you not to have kids won't matter. What matter is enjoying that marriage you create so that you will not have a reason to view yourself as having 0 friends. In a long run, putting value in your current friend that is part of your life will then make you not feel lonely.
23 turning 24 this year and I only have one friend which is my best friend, and then I also consider my cousin another best friend. I even have a couple of internet friends, but still 😭
wow ive just stumbled across this video. I am the exact same, 25 and no real close friends. I am in a committed relationship so I do have that connection and do have friends that I speak to every now and again but they dont live anywhere near me so I very very rarely see them.
it sounds sad but my closest 'friend' is my mother... she's my shopping buddy, lunch buddy and trip buddy.
I was always that girl in school that had loads of friends, I used to go out none stop and had such amazing social life but when I hit like 21 its like everything came to a halt I ended up losing touch with people after I went traveling abroad alone for a couple of years I sadly never really kept contact with a lot of the people I left behind so when I came home everyone's life had carried on without me and mine was exactly where I left it.
I LOVE going out and being social but even that is very few and far between now a days but when I am out with people they always tend to gravitate towards me and want to speak to me but when the night is over thats it its just over.
I know a lot of it is my fault I have a bad tendency to disconnect a lot from my phone and social media so do take a rather long time to get back to people which has definitely led to some of my friends just not making the effort anymore which to be honest I do not blame them at all. I do work full time and have nice work colleagues but 99% of my shifts are 12 nightshifts ALONE. I have tried to befriend my work colleagues but we just dont mesh in the ways I wish we did they are all either a lot younger that me (18/19yo) or older than me (35-50yo)
I also developed crippling anxiety after an event that happened when I was overseas when I was 22 that caused me to come home and disconnect even further so even thinking of making the first move with anyone made me feel physically ill for the longest time. at one point I couldn't even go somewhere like a McDonalds or a Starbucks on my own because even something as simple as ordering something made me feel like a fool as well as over thinking and second guessing every single little thing that I would do.
I have definitely come a long way I can go out on my own and eat in restaurants now and I generally try not to care what people think about me but I still cannot help that deep feeling of loneliness, not having any close true friends besides my partner (whom I love very very much) but having a partner its just not the same as having friends.
I know if I ever lost him I would literally have no one else and that thought scares me most of all.
Im 24 and I used to have lots of friends but turns out theyre all snakes. now I only have like 1-5 friends but I rarely talk to them and I never shared my pain with them cause they seemed happy in life. its kinda frustrating when I have noone to share my pain with or just have an ear listening. I thought Im getting used to it but its still frustrating.
Once people figure out that they can't get much benefit out of u whether directly or by association, they aren't keen to be friends.
Therefore, most "friendships" r conditional on benefits and / or time one is willing to expend on it.
I'm all alone since 6-7 years ago. People are thing of past now.
I think your ex-friend pointed to something you can take on board: you don't communicate your need for their time and present yourself as maybe more detached than you are.