I NEVER dated before 26. If You're Single in Your 20s, watch this.
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2023
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Hey there, I’m Cinzia DuBois. I’m a part-time, self-funded PhD student and RUclipsr, Podcaster and writer. I’ve been creating videos for over thirteen years. I discuss productivity, personal development, PhD, academia and mental well-being on this channel. On my main channel, I talk about all things dark and ancient history, literature and folklore. 
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For anyone out there feeling alone or weird for being single in their 20s, I didn’t have my first proper boyfriend until I was 27. And I honestly don’t feel that it was “too late” or that I was “behind”. It happened exactly when I was ready.
I am happy that it worked for you. But -and I assume you're a woman here - most women do not actively search for a partner (meaning they don't approach men or otherwise initiate contact) so finding a boyfriend is more of a chance thing, namely a man making the first step towards you. And usually, the older women get and the less pretty they become, the less likely men (especially those who have options) are to approach those women. So while it can still work out in your late 20s and even 30s, it is probably not a very wise idea to wait until the part of you that is most important in the eyes of most men starts deteriorating. (And I am not passing judgement here, whether it is good that most men look at beauty first is a different question, but it's just a fact)
@@thomasmann4536 sorry Thomas but I was talking to and about other women, not men. And I find the attempt at “scaring” me by saying the classic “you’re gonna be an old hag if you aren’t married by 25” very immature and petty. Anybody who isn’t chronically online knows that life does not end after the age of 25 and people get married and remarried at all ages. Plus women’s life actually gets better when they’re single, statistically speaking whereas for men it’s the opposite. Are YOU worried about your dating chances when you get older? What is dating like for men who are older and have less hair and have more weight? You are the one bringing it up to me unprompted so maybe you’re projecting a bit there.
@@cass465 I wasn'T talking about men either. Women's life gets better when single? I'd like to see your statistics for that, because according to all data I know, having a partner and children are the biggest predictors for female happiness. Do all women aspire to that? No. Are some women happy without partners? Of course. IF you mean to say that women are generally better at dealing with being single due to larger social circles than men, then I agree. If you are saying that being single makes women happier than being in a relationship then all data Ive seen is at odds with this statement.
And as I thought, you missed the point completely. Nowhere did I say life ends at 25. But you're committing a logical fallacy here. Just because people get married after 25 doesn't mean they are more desirable after 25. You conveniently omit the fact that it usually takes some time to marry someone after you get to know them, a few years to be exact. So when people nowadays marry at the average age of 30, it means they get to know each other at 25 or earlier. It's as if we said: "Uni isn't everything, so just half-ass it because you can get a good career with a shitty degree." Yes, you can, but the chances are smaller. Why would you deliberately sabotage your future life by making poor choices? (This is ofc assuming you want a relationship. If you don't that's fine)
Oh, and by the way, the divorce rate for people who remarry is about 3 times higher than for first time marriages, so you can see how well that works out.
To answer your question: Dating for men who are older is much easier, even when gaining some weight (which you have full control of and can avoid),. It's certainly easier than dating at 20 when you don't have anything going for you, no career, no personality, no achievements, etc.
@@thomasmann4536. Just google "women happier when single". Women usually put in more work and effort into relationships than men do, not to mention that they normally take up the bulk of house chores, child-rearing duties as well as emotional labour in relationships, on top of having their own careers, most of the time. Not to mention societal expectations of being the ones responsible for all those things, when men aren't held nearly to the same standards - because let's be real, even if someone doesn't care about the opinions of others, women are still the ones who listen to random people butting into their private lives and hearing "well-meaning" comments and advice about finding a partner and having kids far more than men are, so it is annoying as well as exhausting. Oh, and don't forget about how we are judged far more harshly when it comes to parenting - men can do less than the bare minimum for their kids and get praised, while women are constantly criticised if they're not bending over backwards to put their kids' needs first - and even when they do, they *still* get criticised for "lacking" in some other aspects of their lives, like not taking care of their looks "as they should" so as to keep their partners interested - after all, if their partner cheats or leaves them, it *must* be the women's fault for failing their men, right? So overall, it's a lot less emotional and physical work, as well as less taxing on the health (since we are the ones who go through pregnancy and are still expected to look flawless 24/7) to *not* get married or have kids.
I think the fact I have to even tell you what key-words to google to find the research the original commenter mentioned shows how women are expected to do the work because men can't be bothered to do it themselves.
@@thomasmann4536 as a guy myself this is a straight up unhealthy way of looking at dating. It's counterproductive to view a partner as a need in life similar to food, water or shelter. Building the role of a partner in your head and then looking for someone to fill that role gets in the way of genuinely fun and healthy human connections. We're emotional creatures and relationships are emotional structures. Yeah a little logic can help you set certain boundaries and expectations, but how are you ever supposed to enjoy dating if you've turned it into a job in your mind? The best relationships I've had have happened without me looking for them.
I once read a comment of women said” my best years didn’t start until my 30s” and it gives me so much hope for me as in my 20s
Same here 😭 I had a lot of stuff regarding family issues and mental health stuff that I feel like I'm only now getting out of in my late 20s, and I always feel like I lost my "best" years to all that stuff out of my control
Don't raise your expectations)
I'm turning 33 soon and it's absolutely true for me. My 30s are way better than my 20s
Your 30s can be better for everything except physical appearance and strength, let's be real here (unless you were extremely overnight/untrained in your 20s for some reason)
@@suschilegge1683 This is red pill narrative. Women don't find resentful incels attractive at all. Be better.
I’m 32 (male) and never been in a relationship due to my social anxiety.
It’s a tough and frustrating scene.
Also a 32 yo male with social anxiety who has never been in a relationship. It's tough
It’s rough out there but don’t worry about it too much. I knew some people who didn’t get married to the right person until 45 years old. He also still lived with his parents around that age. He still dated around and didn’t move out until he met his wife.
32 year old is bit late, you guys need some sort of experience before you could find a love one, get yourself out there and find someone as soon as possible, don't stay at home at complain.
@@vovanminh999 This was a very unhelpful comment. You said nothing
@@vovanminh999 lmfao I never knew there was an age limit to meet someone? I call bullshit. But yea I agree on the getting yourself out there part. Even getting yourself out there doesn’t work all the time either. I’ve went out plenty of times and had no luck.
Not being interested in dating and waiting till you are is not the same as actively trying to find a relationship and not being able to. It is very embarrassing for the latter
Incredibly underrated comment
There is probably a reason you can't find one. Work on yourself👍
@@festivefish1103 ya I've been working on myself since the beginning of the year. If I don't have any success by the end of the year in gonna kill myself, but thanks for the advice anyway 🙏
@@festivefish1103 did you actually think this comment through before you made it? Because that’s so not congruent to what the video was about or OP’s statement
@@zacariasnelson5753 is it not? there's no point in trying to find a relationship if you hate yourself.
Young ladies, BE PATIENT! Impatience breeds bad decisions. I dated one guy when I was 20-21. He was the first and only man I dated for years. He was a big mistake. The next guy I waited for. I was 34 when we met. We've now been married 18 years, and he was totally worth the wait. Oh, and I was virgin until we got married when I was 35. That's not a bad thing. PS...
I'm 53, and that thing she said about aging? Spot on, lol.
I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys
Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@@nobodythenobody9779 I saw a person that looked like their torso and limbs were very small and a shaped unnaturally on a wheelchair on YT shorts with a pretty attractive woman.
@@kv4648 that’s great and it does happen but that’s an exception not the rule
With 8 billion people you will see a lot of exceptions
@@nobodythenobody9779 I used to think, as a woman, that I was "too picky" until I realized that 1. it's not a bad thing to have standards despite what men try to tell you about how wrong you are for it, 2. many men will date women they don't even like. it's not about the individual women for them, it's about bagging someone who provides them access to sex, and finally 3. weeding out that type of man is obviously rather important. it's not that men aren't "picky", they just literally don't see women as individuals.
and obviously, because I need to say this every time, that's not true for ALL men, but it is a behaviour I've noticed repeated across many of them.
@@K.C-2049it's a pattern if you only date players, no one said standards are bad but it is a long longgggg list of things to "check" just to even have a shot and no, men aren't picky tbh, if we were most women wouldn't qualify
As someone who’d been married and divorced by 30 I can absolutely see the sense in learning about yourself before anyone else.
Did you learn anything yet? Was it something you could have learned when you were younger had you had BETTER mentors? Or was your head so filled with feminist bilge, that you were a lost cause before starting? Remember, there is a LOT of copium being taken when you FAIL, to help you feel better about it. There is a little bag of mental copium ALL your little girly girlfriends will hand out, so that you NEVER have to face the reality! Your lack of wanting to be responsible for yourself!
I'm nearly 22. Due to bullying and my upbringing, I have terrible social skills; I can't even make friends. I have several mental health related issues and all of my "friends"/acquaintances from High School have "normal" social lives. Honestly I sometimes think that I am a lost cause, but this video gave me a bit of hope, and motivation to keep working on myself. Thanks for that.
I also was abused as a child by my mother and bullied. And it was hard, but after I turned 19 and got out of school, just trying, getting out there, made me realize it's actually okay, people are way nicer and actually downright treat me very well.
def do keep on! nothing is immutable and you will surely find a little miracle and end up into the light and with new friends!
-an empathizing internet friend
Sometimes when I see my new friend group I feel so left behind and unable. Like I unconsciously try to fit in but after some time I realise that I can't and I have to play the cards I have been dealt in my own way. This feeling of being lost and not able to make it really hits then.
People have fake friends who would throw them under the bus to save their skins. Don't feel bad for yourself as much as for those who live that lie.
@@MelindaSordinoIsLiterallyMe People are nice as long as you don't say the truth. Keep those relationships superficial, and they will seem like good people.
This really spoke to me. I'm 25 right now and never dated, and now I have a lot of trouble getting over the regret and how unprepared I feel not having done the song and dance in my teens. It's really crazy how much pressure society puts on us to "get it together" right away. I needed to hear those points you made about how much I and my circumstances will change over the coming years, and the higher value you've gotten from dating in your early thirties. And that "date yourself, and give yourself the wonderful romantic life you want" really hit home. Thank you so much!
Society puts NO pressure on you in 2023! Go talk to your grandparents and ask THEM what it was like as a single? They had social pressure; comparatively, you have NONE! The only pressure you have is FOMO (fear of missing out) and thats an INTERNAL pressure not an external one! You cant blame that on society, and if you try to you are NOT worth dating! learn to take personal responsibility. Either you are strong & brave or you are not! You cant pretend to be strong & brave when you are winning, but blame your losses on society, men or some nebulous other!
@@inconnu4961 Society still does put pressure on you though. I remember joking around with a friend in high school and she told me, "That's why you will never get a girlfriend". Made me feel like shit. Also, when I see reality shows titled, "The sex lives of college girls", yeah, I'd say that's a bit pressuring. Makes it look like everyone, but you are sleeping around. I'd say in some ways it's worse with social media.
I am 33 and still single. Never had a date, a hug, a kiss and obviously never a realationship. Not particular because I not want to but more due to the fact, that no women showed interest in me.
What stops you from dating though? You'd be better off getting your sh*t together in the coming weeks and months than finding comfort in some random girl's video telling you your life will unwind exactly the way her did and using it as an excuse for taking a back seat in a bus of your life's events. Been there' done that.
@@inconnu4961 You are correct in identifying the internal pressure thing but you are misunderstanding my comment and making the worst possible assumption about it lol. I understand that the pressure is internal - i would say i have internalized an external pressure, and this video reminded me that i don't have to do that. Secondly, part of what I got out of this is that it's okay to just focus on myself and becoming a better person without the explicit goal of finding a partner ASAP. I'm not blaming anything on a nebulous other just to say that my internal issues (which are of course my own to deal with) come from somewhere.
I'm 22 and I've been going crazy worrying that I'm a freak for never having done anything romantic or wanting to. I feel uncomfortable and tired just thinking about dating, but also feel like a weirdo when my friends talk about relationships or all of their cool experiences. I found this video and everyone in the comments at the perfect time. I'll try to be more accepting of myself from now on!
The Internet is a great thing for this. Even when it seems all people around us don't have problems with dating and having partners, there are actually so many people in the world whose timeline is more similar to ours and are not ready for dating. Or never will be. And that's okay too.
Same here 😁
same here 🤍
23 long time single gal here! Remember that your life is precious, and that giving ANY of it in the fear of being alone is not worth your precious time. Explore your interests, passions and opportunities, and you'll meet people who possible share them and possible are dating material.
I'm 19 and I kinda feel the same...this video is very helpful and comforting, we will make it folks 🎉
21 year old female here and I loved this video! I have barely even talked to guys, let alone date. Nothing religious, nothing trauma-related, it just happened. My degree consists of mostly girls and I have never encountered a person to whom I felt attracted. Even the last friend who had 0 experience in dating like me, recently entered the dating world. I, on the other hand, hope I will find someone some day but I’m in no rush and it is definitely not a priority of mine right now. I loved your story and what you said about liking yourself more now that you’re older!
Don't try and 'date' just try and meet as many people as possible, make friends and see what happens naturally. Social situations where you have time get to know people over weeks/months are best and you don't need to be trying to find a partner, just making friends and seeing what happens. Also you only need to meet one person, Saw my now husband every day for months before he asked me out and now we have teenage kids!
@@hollythebordercollie2257 imo this is indeed the best way to meet someone.
@@hollythebordercollie2257 Hello miss, i am in a similar situation as the poster lady as a 25 year old man. I started going to dance class, would you say this is a nice place to get to know people better and possibly find someone ?
I feel a bit insecure about having never dated at my age.
@@akiraraiku If it gives you a chance to meet and get to know people of a similar age yes - just try and meet as many people as possible, people with a similar personality/interests/temprament and don't be desperate or needy, see it all as a opportunity to improve your social skills lean something new etc and meeting someone just as a possible side effect of improving yourself
@@akiraraiku Dont try to meet women! Never! women can smell that a mile away and they will never give you the benefit of the doubt! Go out to try to meet men. men to do business with, to play sports with, to have hobbies with etc. men make infinitely better friends than women do. Women are NEEDY, so she cant be your friend nor partner. She needs you to 'feed' her, she is NOT there to 'feed' you . If she realizes she is she will resent you, and the sex will dry up (for you)! Go do what you like love to do, live your day, and the women who are interested in you will come to YOU! These are the ONLY women who will give you a shot? you wont be able to woo a woman who believes she is better than you! Never happens! Do your thing, be content but be mission focused, including ALL the attendant self-improvement work that goes with it. The women you can get will come to you! good luck.
This is so comforting... I thought I was alone. I'm almost 27 and I've never dated.
As a man that spent his life pushing his literary and writing dreams to the side to meet societal expectations of getting a good career so I can be a good provider, serving my country in uniform, and then having two failed marriages that were both devastating in their different ways, I can say that there is no rush to do anything outside of explore yourself and become who you are. I am in my early 40s, having spent the last two decades living for expectations rather than personal happiness, my recovery is creating small fissures in the walls I've built around me and I can feel the warm light shining through. Pursue yourself first. That is my advice. Thank you, Cinzia, for this lovely message.
I am glad you found more happiness! This is heartening and encouraging as I am in my late twenties already feeling like I've spent too many years living for expectations. Finally started to take a good look at my life and take responsibility for my own happiness/future.
I feel you bro. Sounds like the story of my life. You have my well-wishes for a happier future from another man who has been there. Thank you for sharing. Thank you Cinza.
i’m so so glad you can feel the light coming through. and thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing this in case it might help someone. because it did. i wish you kind days. 💛
eloquently spoken. in just four lines you've shifted my mindset completely. thank you for sharing, i won't forget this
I'm 28 and I used to feel so much shame for not being in a relationship. seeing all your friends enter "new stages of life" and seeing them prioritize their romantic relationships it became increasingly obvious to me that, in the current circles I'm in, not having a romantic partner may well mean I end up alone. at 23-26 I was so ashamed and embarrassed of never having been in a relationship. at 28, I'm glad I never succumbed to the pressure. sometimes you do have to work on yourself and your trauma before being able to enter into a HEALTHY relationship. I also have that same fear of men and I just know, without healing some, I would have probably just traumatized myself even further if I had dated/had sex just to "get it over with". mind you, I am on the asexual spectrum so that is a contributing factor to my not physically needing sex (which I can understand may be a reason why some people go into relationships they aren't completely excited about).
right now I'm cautiously open to anything but I still have work to do to get to where I feel safe enough to actually have a relationship. and recognizing that, because of this past history of trauma, I should not rush into anything no matter how old I get
That’s awesome that you’ve accepted that and have a healthy mindset about it! I’m married now but leading up to it had a similar experience and I’m gonna say I’m extremely glad I didn’t do something I regret like force myself to be with someone I didn’t want to be with. If anything, my relationship now just taught me I was right to wait for the person I truly want to be with instead of succumbing to the pressure that I have to just get it over with. It was scary enough being intimate with someone I trust, I really can’t imagine how badly it would have affected me if it ended poorly with someone I didn’t feel that towards. And honestly even if I never met my husband, I could have been happy just in a different way.
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date.
More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher.
The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
Thank you for your input! I have been rejected all my life and now with 33, i finally gave up at all.. I don't believe in such things as 'Dating, Love, Relationships etc.) For me, all these topics sound like a miracle.
I'm nearly 39 and got married a year ago to my first ever partner that I met at 34. And I think that I looked fantastic in my wedding dress 😃 There is no "too late". I find it bizarre that there are young people in their early twenties or even teenagers that think they have already missed their opportunities to date someone because they have no experience yet - they are SO young!
Yes, sometimes I envy a bit those people that meet the love of their life as a teenager (friends of me are in their late 20s, have been together for 10 years and are getting married soon) because they had the chance to see their partner grow and share more of their life. But I'm NOT envious of all the people that got married super young and get divorced in their early or mid twenties ... And I don't think I missed out on anything in general. I didn't have all those relationship struggles and tearful brake-ups, what a loss ... not! Being single has its perks and people who permanently in relationships are missing out on something, too. I'm happy that I had a life of my own and were living alone before I moved in with my partner.
Poorly aged white♀️
As a dude who's 35, has no romantic experience, I often wonder if I somehow missed the boat, so this is heartening to hear.
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date.
More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher.
The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
Well that is your view of your situation. I can not talk about that one exactly, I can say that there is too old for a lot of parts of the relationship. Are you guys going to raise kids? there is really on the edge for it. Are you guys going to get a morgage? good luck on getting the means for that at that age. Are you guys getting along each others friends? it is way more difficult to get it at that age. Are you planning to go on trips together? It is again more difficult at this age. There are plenty of examples of too old for something in a relationship. Same is valid for too young.
Its different for woman being single. Being single man is normal. They think you are looser but single woman its like she is picky or she doesnt want anyone.
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date.
More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher.
The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
I'm sorry. I'm a generation older than you, but I can tell you there is nothing wrong with being a dishwasher, and that woman should not have been so rude. Some people seem to value money a lot - but not everyone cares so much. Your kindness and personality are the real things that matter.
My favorite boyfriend was disabled, and couldn't work a regular schedule or hold a regular job, though he worked when and how he was able. He was convinced very few women would care about him because of these things - which might have been true - but I was glad he was still around for *me*! :-) His patience was one of the things I loved most about him - and the way he was never pushy and never rushed things. We met online and he asked to just be penpals, that he didn't believe in any romance before people got to know each other. So we were just new friends, and then better friends, before anything else. That was great! We talked about everything - funny stories, sad stories, happy stories, sweet stories. In the process we got to know each other's values. After several months, he asked if I would consider "going steady" (sweet old fashioned phrase), and he was sure to tell me to (a) take my time thinking about an answer, and (b) feel ok saying no, because he was fine being just friends. All that made me feel really safe, and therefore very very attracted. To this day I'm a big believer in Friends First, and Slow Burn Romance. I betcha that's out there waiting for you!
If you've never seen the old 1955 movie, "Marty", I recommend it - one of my favorites!
Are you a Lesbian or a straight man? Just interested!
@@floralfancy7814 Im a heterosexual man
Sometimes what we need is a friend more than a romantic partner. Friends will help us find ways to accept ourselves for who we are. I used to think I sucked as a person but just having people that genuinely enjoyed my company helped me feel so much better about myself. It helped me realize that romantic relationships aren't the best way to find belonging and build confidence/happiness. Building strong platonic relationships can be more valuable and media just likes to make romantic relationships seem like the only thing that people need (which is not true).
@noeliagutierrez4223 I have friends, I am happy with who I am, but I am ill due to the lack of any romantic contact in my life.
I don't believe anyone who trivialize my suffering. Most normal people would go insane if they were put through what I'm experiencing. You could get a glimpse of that in the video. She said that a situationship is better than no romantic contact at all speaking she isn't able to abstain from romantic contact because it makes her feel bad.
I'm 26 now and I honestly feel so worried that I'll end up with someone only to settle down and not for love … but your words are so true. I'm going to focus on building the life that I love instead of waiting for the love of my life .
Salaam alykum am a Muslim brother from Somalia with great looks physically and mentally and religious. All I want is true partner who is religious Muslim
This really resonated with me. I’m 26 and have never been in a relationship or had my first kiss or anything like that. I have watched my friends who are younger than me and family members get into relationships while I’m continuously single. One of my friends often pressure me to get onto dating sites and I tried once but just don’t think it’s for me. I would like to be in a relationship one day but it also does scare me. When I was younger it used to bother me more than it does now but it still does get to me every now and then. It also doesn’t help that I can’t tell if people are flirting with me, I think they’re just being friendly and the people I do get crushes on are always unavailable as they’re in relationships. I have been to university but never experienced finding anyone there cos I didn’t like to go clubbing like everyone else did. I am also really busy in my life now so wouldn’t have time for a relationship. This video has helped and given me hope that it might just happen later in life for me and that’s ok.
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date.
More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher.
The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
@@ceooflonelinessinc.267I’m so sorry you feel that way. If it’s meant to be, I’m sure it’ll eventually happen if that’s something you seek for your life, but don’t be afraid to be alone. Chase after what you enjoy doing and just keep growing as a person. Finding happiness with yourself is so much more important than seeking other people’s approval. It seems you’re a working hard person so be proud of that! Whoever rejected you might really just not be good for you after all.
The hard truth I've told women that, whenever you had a huge crush on a guy, theirs 95% chance they're not interested in you or they're already taken. You have to go for the average looking ones that you kinda like but can tell they could be great as your crush
Hi Cinzia. As an arab girl who is 18, my mom is constantly pressuring me to find a husband and start looking in college now. Even though I have no aspirations of marriage right now and I just want to focus on my degree. it is so hard being told that if you don't find someone now, you will die alone because the moment you turn 25 "you're expired goods". I am so happy i found your channel because I also plan on pursuing higher education, (my dream in life is to become a neuroscientist)getting my phd after my bachelor's is my goal for my 20s. thank you for this wonderful video, i really needed to hear what you said.
بصفتي عربية هنا ايضا اريد فقط ان اخبرك ان لا تخضعي اضغط المجتمع و انا ايضا في 18 من عمري اهتمي لدراستك و علمي انا الفرص تبقى دائما للزواج الدين يقول تصبحين بداعة مستهلكة فقط يحاولون الضغط عليك الزواج بشخص لا تستحقينه للأسف هدا حال مجتمعنا العربي 😑
I really hope you succeed in your goal of getting your degree, wish you the best of luck
Focus on your goal and what you truly want family and environmental pressure can be challenging but never more important than your own happiness don’t listen to them and be proud with your future degree! Best of luckk 🤍
Wow, neuroscience! We need more folks to study the brain. I say go for it, my dude :)
Hello from Brazil! I’m also 18 and my mom also puts some pressure on me to find a boyfriend as if it were my job as a teenager. I’m also studying science and focused on my dregree lol!!! It’s so cool to find someone else with a similar story and so far away. I hope you’re able to fulfill your dreams!
As an almost-30 year old who started so many things late due to a strict religious background, I relate to your story so much, and this video was genuinely so encouraging. Thank you.
I'm fed up of telling people I'm single and still a virgin at 26 and them replying "well that's good that you're saving yourself for the right person".
I haven't made the decision to still be stuck in this lonely position half way through my 20s ffs 😒 it's just that dating in the 21st century for an introvert is really difficult.
It's not just difficult........ modern dating SUCK! save yourself from that poison my friend. Im single, NOT LONELY and Im fine with it. (I mean hey you do you)
I can definitely identify with this! I am in my mid-40s and have never dated, not because I didn't want to, but partially because the people I wanted to date didn't feel the same way about me, and the people who were interested in me, I could see would not be the kind of person who would treat me well in a relationship. Your life does not end if you are not in a relationship! You are normal if you are not in a relationship! Unhealthy relationships cause so much pain and trauma (as I could see in my friends who went through it and leaned on me for support), that it is a real benefit to escape that!
I am the same. It annoys me a bit when people say that I'm just scared or try to explain my own feelings to me and say that I won't know until I try dating. How about, no thanks? I am happy as I am, and I'm not interested. I am happy they are happy in a relationship, but they somehow think it's so offensive I don't want to date or be with anyone.
I honestly feel that if I hadn't dated, it would have been better. Shitty things started happening to me in my teens, and I feel like several things related to relationships affected my education, which really altered my life and my sense of self worth. I didn't feel like I had a support system, but there are better ways to find one. Don't risk what's important to you for someone who is only temporary.
Same.
I am 33 and still single. Never had a date, a hug, a kiss and obviously never a realationship. Not particular because I not want to but more due to the fact, that no women showed interest in me.
It’s reassuring to see that people in their 30s+ feel this way. I’m 23 now but I feel I’ll likely wind up in the same boat. I know I’ll be okay so I won’t worry too much
I'm 23, never dated and still don't want to xD sometimes societal pressure can get into one's brain, but when I think how comfortable I am on my own and how much freedom it gives me... for me, dating isn't worth it and that's okay. I think we have to normalize being single in our society xD
I’m so happy to hear you say this! I also think that the ideas are all pressures from society, then they become our beliefs and then we confuse them for desire. 💜🌟🙏🏼
Same here, I'm 23 too
Same I'm 24 and I never dated, I do talk with girls but its just exhausting and I know I cannot handle a relationship so I'll rather be single and focus on my skills and hobbies 😅
23 is still young though! You have no
Idea if your mind will change down the road .. trust me, the last thing you want to do is not try dating or meeting possible mates in your 20s because when you hit 30 - it becomes so much more difficult. You’ve been warned
@@brianmeen2158 men are scary, why are you shaming a woman for not wanting to date and trying to make her fear getting older? Wtf.
It’s interesting hearing from people who didn’t want to date at my current age (23), because there hasn’t been a single point in my life where I haven’t wanted a relationship. Not because I’m “missing out” or “falling behind” either, it’s just unbearable to be alone like I am.
Why is it unbearable?
relatable
I used to think similarly but then I watched this cliche romantic comedy from the 90s called "My Best Friends Wedding" and it made me realize that what I truly wanted was the friend she has in the end not the romantic interest. Platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic ones.
Yeah, I feel that every day. You're not alone in this, keep going
im 24, life is so strange that even all the people who relate to this video wont relate to this video. everyone is so all over the place and concerned with things we would have no idea about & cant see. people just want a partner who is genuinly interested in them. struggles, past, how they see the world. the key one is how they see the world. as ive gotten older (im talking like im so much older) i realized you can find "hot" anywhere but personality is what will pull you into a real relationship. you'll know when you experience something cool and that other person just 'has to see this' too
This is so refreshing to hear. So many young people these days feel that they are "behind schedule" or that there is something wrong with them if they haven't dated or had meaningful relationships by a certain age. They feel they are "out of the norm", when in fact the norm is really what best fits your life. Thank you for your wise words. Great advice!
I did a ton of dating in my 20's. Ppl. can be brutal on each other in the 18-25 age range. There's nothing wrong w/being single even if it's for the rest of your life. I enjoyed dating in my 20's, but there were a lot of extreme ups & valleys. Developing yourself is the key along w/self-awareness. 70% of my close friends are divorced; many of them divorced in their 20's. If U develop yourself. U may even attract ppl. Whatever is going to happen will happen.
If you are a guy in the 20s is very rough as most women already want a guy who's confident and financially stable and tend to date older, girls in their 20s with guys in early 30s.
I have seen this with my own personal friends and other acquaintances
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date.
More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher.
The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
Nah at that point pass 30+ you got to look somewhere else if it’s not in your area.
Hi cinzia, I’m a 53 year old lady who had to wait until almost 40 when I met my now husband, I would say to your viewers, live your 20s, 30s, or even 40s for yourself first before worrying about meeting your partner, it usually happens when you’re not looking for it, we are here on this earth for a good time, not a long time! Please don’t waste your life worrying about will it happen, what people think about you if your single, enjoy your life, love yourself first, best wishes, Debbie
I’m, also, a 53 year old woman who married at 36. My husband was 41 at that time. I can’t imagine marrying in my 20’s.
Poorly aged white♀️
I'm 22. I needed to read that. You are right. Thank you so much for your advice🙏☺️
That only applies if you are a woman, if you are a guy waiting, you'll keep waiting your whole life
@@AnaLu07
It's crap advice. Most men don't want aged women. They definitely don't want you after you've had 'your fun' (whatever that euphemistically means), and it's much harder to give birth at those ages.
I've never dated in my life, I'm terrified of making the first steps. I'm scared of being judged and rejected, made a fool of, not being good enough for someone, just the imagining the process makes me feel even worser and want to hide in a shell. I think Love is a scary thing, imagine falling in love with a bad person, but you can't control it.
I'm a 20 year old guy with no interest in dating who was getting a bit anxious about dating due to social pressure and sincerely I can't find any words to describe how good it felt to hear this, this video was absolutely for me, you definitely nailed it with that incredible speech!!
My biggest thanks to you, couldn't be more grateful
I didn't date until my late 20s, I was a virgin until I married my husband in 2012 and that was when obviously I moved out of home for the first time. Some people take a while to get to where they are in a happy relationship. I never thought it was going to happen, I figured I'd become a cat lady.....it just took me a while to meet my fellow nerd!! If it's meant to be it'll happen!!
Congratulations!❤ and God bless you and your husband❤ hope both of you enjoy and experiences lots and lots of happy and enjoyable moments together and happily ever after ! ❤ 💖😊
I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys
Still don’t give up, always keep trying
I’m glad nerds are so abundant these days, now the challenge is finding one with similar interests or at least something in common
I am 33 and still single. Never had a date, a hug, a kiss and obviously never a realationship. Not particular because I not want to but more due to the fact, that no women showed interest in me.
@ceooflonelinessinc.267 Dude
You should approach women
Women won't apprach guys
I doubt below-average girls would reject you so try that and if that works try average-looking girls next
Don't keep chasing attractive women and ignoring other women
I'm in my 50's and not in the least bit worried about being single! In fact, I enjoy my drama free solitude. 😊
Facts! Who has time for that?
It's really just a societal program. I'm 37 and only had one real relationship and this year I finally had the thought......"hey, if I was 60, 70,80 with the life I have now.......the inner life I mean.........I wouldn't necessarilly miss a relationship". I'm okay being single forever. Never thought I'd say that but.....when I consider the pressure and fear of not having.....are really external impositions......it's clear it's not serving me to adhere to what is considreed "normal".
Poorly aged white♀️
You are the drama! if there is drama in any relationship its because the women bring it the vast majority of the time. women are highly emotional critters AN are always encouraged to be so! You are rarely checked, called out on your drama. you are always encouraged to be emotional. Men are generally no. Most men will counsel another man to set drama aside and be rational. We rarely encourage each other to be hyper-emotional (unless its a team game) So, considering these widely divergent social expectations,it is totally reasonable and completely true that most drama will be originate with the woman. younger men, who have not been counseled to check their emotions and mentally less stable men will bring drama. but that is generally a minority of men.
@@vklnew9824 The copium flows like cocaine at a yuppie bachelor party!
This felt like a heart-to-heart conversation with a slightly older sister (I'm 27). Thank you, Cinzia. I appreciate you so much. ❤
i'm soon 27 and i used to be really worried about still being single, but it was definitely skewed by the coincidence that a lot of people in my circle got in serious relationships young and married in their early 20s. all my friends from university are married with kids now, so i felt very much "behind". what helped me get over this was i went to group therapy a bit over a year ago and met a lot of people across ages who all struggled with different stuff that we all related to. the waking moment was that i opened up about feeling behind all my friends and feeling like i should "grow up" by now, and a man in my group responded "i'm in my late 40s and i also look forward to the day i grow up". like, realizing this wasn't a unique feeling to being in my 20s really helped actually, lol. i still have bad days where the feeling of being behind gets to me, but it's much easier to deal with now because i'm comfortable having a good time with my hobbies and my friends, dating myself!
I identify 100% with what you say here. As someone that struggled with loneliness for years, now I can say that I´m grateful with the people i met in my 20´s and how wholesome the people i met (and I´m still meeting) are to me. I learned to value those who chose to stay wth me in my hard times. Thanks for the video Lady!☺
I started dating at 26, and I just wanted to have fun that year, but I've met my husband on the first date ever 😅 We are happily married (4 years together) and we have a wonderful son. :)
You are so lucky!
That’s really nice, I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys
Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@@nobodythenobody9779 this kind of 'guys have it harder than girls' sentiment will never make sense to me because it always ignores that there are plenty of women who are considered ugly/unattractive by men at large. there are straight/bi women who are fat + have skin conditions + 'bad' facial features + weird proportions etc who aren't getting any attention from ANY men because even men in the same 'league' aren't interested, whether they're autistic or not.
like, where do y'all think the whole 'ugly guy/hot gf' trope in media came from?
@@fortunamajor7239 ugly girls still get hit on and more attention than guys, you have studies that show fat women get more matches on tinder than male models
It’s an objective fact men have a much harder time in dating because society expects so much more of us, it’s not a controversial offensive statement, it’s just life
@@fortunamajor7239You say this as if women didn’t care about looks and all. Not saying that it’s wrong though. I certainly don’t expect my future partner to look like a supermodel but I wouldn’t date someone that is fat or overweight because she has bad habits.
So many beautiful quotes in this video. You did a great job on script-writing and obviously on the delivery!!
Thank you Cinzia for uploading, and thank you to everybody else for sharing your stories in the comments.
I'm gonna sleep so much better at night knowing I'm not alone and what I've been going through is normal.
I started dating at 25, but didn’t have boyfriend until 31. I won’t have met anyone more amazing in my 20s❤
This is exactly what I mean. Nice guys do finish last I guess
I loved this video! Thank you! It speaks to my soul. I will be 30 next year and a majority of my life I have enjoyed being single. While it’s nice to have a “best friend” as to not be lonely, I think society puts too much focus on “romantic love” and not enough of romantically loving yourself. I hope you are doing well! This little gay boy in the US has fallen in love with you and your videos, and I appreciate your honesty and transparency when it comes to mental health! Take care!
As an 18 yo guy who constantly worries that things are over, I needed this video. You're right, no one cares that you're single and never been in love. Probably no one knows either, except for you, your close friends and family. And I need to stop defining my self worth by my relationship status; my brain will sometimes say such hurtful things to me that I could never repeat to anybody. Maybe I'll find love someday in the future, or maybe I'll just be at peace with it. No one knows the future. Great video
Holy shit I wish I was your age again. Hell I'm not even old I'm still early 20's but damn do I wish I could start fresh with what I know now.
This is honestly such a powerful video. I really needed to hear this articulated so completely and logically. The pressure is immense
100% agree. I grew up in a family that told me that I would never find love and that I'd be alone forever, so I just sort of processed the "fact" that it was true. Now I'm 30 and planning to propose to my partner in the next few months. Things will happen for you, loves.
Poorly aged white♀️
@@vklnew9824Lmao your pathetic ass spamming that to make yourself feel better.
@@vklnew9824 tf you talking about
are you in a lesbian relationship?
Your partner is very lucky is all I have to say!
This video was honestly so comforting and gave me such a better perspective on being single in my 20's. Thank you so much for making this video!
My perspective as a male, 23: It's only natural for us to want someone that makes us feel appreciated and loved, but that natural desire on its own (while nothing inherently wrong with it at all) will lead to all sorts of self-destructive behavior if left unchecked. It's why it's very common to hear someone talk about their S/O but every other word out of their mouth is seemingly negative or shows a great level of fundamental irritation with them. Both genders, maybe leans more towards men but I've heard both.
You could go way more in depth but I'm always just reminded of that one Eagles song - "Take it easy".
I’m so thankful this appeared on my page, I really needed to hear it. Thank you so much!
Thanks for sharing, Cinzia! I am feeling that way in my mid-20s right now. I had a two-month relationship and several minor flings between ages 20 and 21, and not a darn thing since. Covid happened shortly after I turned 22, and during lockdowns I was diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer.
So on top of thinking about possibly dying soon, as well as worrying about the finances (which are very much on my parents' dime, even after insurance claims), it honestly feels like I may never date again. It saddens me quite deeply. Especially being ghosted all the time on Tinder. I want to date again.
I’m sure you will date again and people will find you attractive also please don’t ever forget how superficial Tinder often sadly is, it almost never is about you as a person or the way you look but the way your photos look, wishing you the best
Thank you for sharing... My piece of encouragement would be for you to focus on all the "loves of your life." The love you derive from your friends and family - especially with the limited time you have. Personally, I've never dated or been in a relationship. One of my parents passed away from pancreatic cancer before COVID. There's more to life than romantic relationships. Sometimes, they can be overrated. Invest in the love you have around you, the faith you have (if you believe in something - as for me, I'm a Christian), AND don't waste time thinking about "What could have been, If only I dated X, Y, or Z" LOVE YOURSELF @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep & God Bless 💙
That's horrible... Wishing you a speedy recovery and hope you live a long happy life 💜
I hope you get well soon.
Focus on building a life that you love, rather than waiting for the love of your life- this is a wonderful quote! I'm currently twenty years old and have never dated before and people around me are already getting married - sometimes I feel like I'm really behind. But your video really opened my eyes and I absolutely love the idea of "dating yourself"☺️💜
Just had my twentieth birthday yesterday, and this is such a fantastic video to watch. The decade ahead feels daunting, but we ball.
Thank you for speaking about this. Sometimes it's hard to feel okay with not fitting into societal norms and following your own pace and time.
You're wise beyond your years Cinzia. This is wonderful advice to young people. I wish I'd heard it thirty years ago.
Dear Cinzia, thank you very much for your insight. This deeply resonated with me. I understand what it's like to grow up being terrified of boys or men. When I started dating at 23, I felt ashamed, rushed and mentally fragile. Please, to anyone in this community, do not sleep with people because you think it is expected of you or "so long overdue" because society tells you it's supposed to happen at your sweet sixteen. If you are scared of dating, or people in general, abstain from romance if you can and invest, as Cinzia described, in making yourself happy as best as you can. I'm now in my late thirties and happily married. Love will find you all, whether you look within yourself or in the beauty of the outside world.
Your husband didnt do his research, sad
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 what do you mean
I love this video. I am not sure how this video ended up in my recommended, but I am glad it did. I think it's very easy to define your self-worth by conventional timelines, especially when it comes our romantic needs. The most successful relationships I've seen are of people who know who they are and what they need from a relationship. Everybody figures out those two things in different ways, so there's nothing wrong with just living your life and finding out what you want out of it outside of romantic partners. Everything you learn in that time can also only help you be ready for meeting someone who's good for you, and navigating that relationship healthily.
I am 21 yo guy who have never dated and a bit anxious about it. That's very helpful. Thanks❤
As someone who got married at 26 and is still happily married, this is GREAT advice. Thank you for sharing this Cinzia!
Thank you so much for sharing Cinzia! I hadn't dated until I was 21, but could have happily waited until I was 42 🙃
I'm coming up 31 and still single. Part of me hasn't felt ready to start dating however I do sometimes put pressure on myself to find a partner. I spent my twenties dealing with health issues and never felt I was able to start dating as my health was all over the place, as a result, I had little confidence in myself. Thank you for this video as it has given me some hope that my thirties I may be ready to start dating and enjoy life at my own pace.
I'm a 21 year old guy, I remember getting the pressure to be in a romantic relationship since I was 15 because I always wondered how it feels to love somebody and be loved, during the past years I also got it all mixed up with sexual frustration, which also led me to constantly battling myself if I want to be in a serious relationship or not, I also went on a couple of dates but none of them actually led me to make a deep and meaningful connection with my partner, so it would always end after the 2nd date or so.
To this day the thought of even approaching somebody, talking to them and slowly knowing them kinda scares me, probably because of HUGE shyness, overthinking about how It's gonna go, not feeling like they are totally for me, still being stuck on mistakes I've done in the past and just not being fully content with myself and accepting who I am with all my flaws.
So this video was really nice and comforting, reminding that my whole life is still ahead of me and that I'm not alone, thank you so much 🙏
Thank you so much for this video. I’m in my early 20s having never been in a relationship so hearing you have a similar experience at my age and doing so much better now has my feeling excited about the future rather than trying to rush the present 😊
Great to hear you are feeling so positive about your relationships in your 30’s. I am in my prime now in my 50’s 😂 . But seriously it’s all a personal journey we navigate and kindness is so important to us all. 👍
8:15 onwards I needed to hear this sooo bad that I've spent 12 years from the time I made that decision until just hearing this to have that switch click again in my head. Thank you soo much for this @Cinzia DuBois. May you live a long and satisfying life. I've just been freed!!!
Thank you for this video! As a recently single 30 y/o man I was quite rapidly falling into the "my life is over" spiral, but your words of wisdom managed to snap me out of it!
I never dated in my life. I was not interested in any kind of relationship until I was in college and even then I never really found anyone that I saw myself with in the circles I frequented. The only thing I was certain of was that I was not going to settle just to conform to society standards. I didn't get together with my now husband until I was 27 (I'm now 43 and still together). If you actually want a relationship but can't find one. Let me tell you, I couldn't find one where I lived. I moved half way across the world for the one I really wanted.
Thank you so much for speaking about this! This really helps. I'm 23 and never even held hands with a guy romantically, and I'm really ashamed of this and it's really frustrating. Seeing other people who are in a similar situation helps. Thank you, much love!
I’m a 23 yo guy and I’m in the same boat as you. I wasn’t interested in having a gf until last year of HS (primarily because I’m ASD and I wasn’t the most social butterfly). Now I’m about to end my career and nothing happened. It’s quite frustrating tbh. But I have hope I guess :/
I’ve in your shoes and let me tell, be careful for what you wish for.
I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship or anything, just like you had been saying. But this feels so removed from how I feel. I've wanted nothing more than to share my life for years. I've focused on growth and become a better person numerous times, tried not to chase it, tried to chase it. It just feels like no matter what I do no one has room in Their hearts for me to get that close. And it hurts every day
Phenomenal execution of this video. Tons of great wisdom and info packed in the video.
The experience you shared about your 20s resonated so much to mine, finding out all about my abused childhood and dysfunctional family system, struggling to complete 2 studies being neurodivergent. Been in therapy for 2 years, leaving a toxic long term relationship just half a year ago and feel like life has just started. This video feels like a warm hug and I felt so seen, heard and less alone. Thank you:)
Hey. I hope you’re doing ok out there.
I remember being 18 and how concerned that I was that gonna be some old ugly hag because I hadn't had any of the experiences that the people around me or those TV had had. But looking back in my mid to late 20s, now I realize how ridiculous that kind of all is.
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, and you don't need a partner for that; if you have good relationships, do things with family and friends if not being at peace with your self is important and healthy. You might find a great love, or you might not, but don't put life on hold for an imaginary person. You deserve to enjoy life to the fullest.
Love is a huge part of life, if you dont have a partner you can still be happy but it doesnt change the fact that somwthing is missinh
I take it you still didn't find your soul mate then based on your comment
Omg, turned 25 this year, i literally have 0 exes. I really was starting to believe that something was wrong with me. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I believe more than ever that God is probably preparing a partner that will be just suited with me ❤❤
LOVE THIS. thank you for shedding so much light on this!
Thank you so much for this video. I turned 30 this year, only had one ldr (which doesn't really counts as a relationship at all, but that's a whole other story) and never dated at all. And honestly pretty happy with it. Firstly I don't think I'm ready for it, because I still have a lot to work on character-wise. Secondly when I hear all the weird dating and relationship stories from my friends, I don't think I want to go through the whole dating experience. I'll just live my life for now and see what life throws at me.
Thank you Cinzia!!! I’m very happy single and excited about making my own life. I’d say to anyone, take your time. No need to rush into anything. Really just enjoy your life, part of enjoying is working on yourself, getting to know yourself. You are your best relationship, might as well spend time getting to know you. I hope this is encouraging 💜🌟🙌🏼🙏🏼
Thank you so much for this. It's always nice to have a reminder that all experiences are valid when the media still really consistantly portray the one nuclear experience as key
Idk man. No amount of cope is gonna fill the void inside of me that just wants to be hugged and told I deserve love.
I think Kati Morton once made a great video about that.
Understandable have a great day.
I’m not even in my 20s yet but I still worry about that type of thing and this really helped, thank you so much
I'm so glad so many people are seeing through that pressure to couple up and (likely) settle for someone you're not super interested in just to avoid the stigma of being alone. inviting people into our lives because we *want* them to be there is so much more satisfying than settling for someone because we perceive that we *need* them when we really don't. glad we're all waking up 👌
Well said
so much wisdom packed into one video! im also single in my 20s and this made me feel a lot better
Thank you for sharing your ideas. I think not deciding your worth by your relationship status is critical. I also think working through early trauma is a game changer. Thanks again, and good luck to you!
Yeah it's difficult because I remember how appallingly terrible I felt before I was in a relationship and how I felt like being single was this negative thing that defined me, but also the moment you do start dating you realise how much better it would be to be single than in the wrong relationship. In most cases if you're a late bloomer, it's probably not because you're unattractive, it's because you have the sense to be somewhat picky and not lower your standards.
Facts!
Yep. I consider myself fairly handsome and charming...and able to get my foot in the door with many many women.....but it's just that I don't stumble among many that seem worth the effort. When I was in high school this was even MORESO the experience.
Yes!
And often the ones like me who waited until they were ready for a long-term one have more successful ones. Hate how our culture makes you feel like there is something wrong if you are not 'dating' as a teen. (20+ yrs together and teen kids and feel like I absolutely made the right choices in my teens/twenties)
ok, I'm 22 and I've known I have really high standards for a lot of things in life, but I've always felt like having super high standards is a negative because that makes it harder to compromise with someone on various stuff. In terms of relationships, it's made me feel like I'm getting in my own way of finding 'the one', when realistically I'm in that grind phase of working hard at a good job and trying to finally move out. If I read your comment correctly, I should reinterpret my high standards as a sort of evolved relationship seeking attitude that's saving me from bad experiences, right?
I found you yesterday and you have easily made your place near the top of my favorite people list 😊 love your perspectives and knowledge its aligning with my current mindset so much, just what i needed! Have a wonderful week :)
I’m so glad you raised this topic! Thank you for opening up💓
I've been trying to find the words to describe this to my younger family all getting started in their lives and rushing to settle down with every potentially crazy / non crazy person they meet! I just never had the right words and I think; Call it a hunch but, I might be sending this video to people often hahaha! Thanks for putting so eloquently what I've felt for a few years now! I relate so heavily to this! Fellow 'Waiting till I'm mentally and physically a great partner' crew we're out here!
This is really solid advice!
I've recently accepted that I'm truly happy on my own, if I end up meeting someone that's great but I'll be content by myself. It took 32 years to realise but I'm glad I got to that point. The eureka moment for me was realising the reason I wanted a relationship so I could more reasonably afford to buy a home, which is just so bloomin stupid. The pressure I put on myself in my 20s was terrible and had a negative affect on my mental health and view of the world.
You are gonna keep waiting as guy as we have to do the chase
What a lovely video. I've had pretty awful social anxiety my whole life; I was also homeschooled, so I couldn't consistently get used to being around people as a kid. In my early twenties I was just starting to break out of my shell, making a few awkward stabs at romance, and then the Covid pandemic hit and my grandmother's health started to quickly deteriorate, so I've been staying at home looking after her the past several years. Pretty much impossible to meet people with no income or free time, and watching my twenties slowly roll away without sharing them with anyone has filled me with a lot of despair. I've done my best to keep believing in my future, but it's so easy to tell yourself that it's wishful thinking, that the future will obviously be just like the present and hoping for some big change is just inviting disappointment. It's really nice to hear someone assure me that it's not a delusion, that I do still have plenty of time and the best versions of myself to become. Thank you, very much indeed.
This helps, thank you. My ego controls me a lot by saying that I am worthless without some kind of love. I have to remind myself every day that isnt true.
I love this. I’m in my early 60’s and totally endorse this advise.
where was this advice for me so many decades ago. never married, never even considered it ... but fortunately i did end up having several very, very copacetic long term relationships (which i still treasure). on my own now, but happy to be so. if you don't mind, please continue telling us your lived experiences and how you've been able to grow your better self. (don't stop with the mythology and history, though. it's my guess that the knowledge and wisdom you've aquired by the life you've lived, has helped build the brilliant woman you've become) thanks!
I just discovered your channel with this video, I loved it! Thanks for sharing your thought on this topic.
❤
Some quotes I am going to write on my journal:
“The pool you are in now does not reflect the ocean that you are about to swim through.”
“Focus on living a life you love rather than finding the love of your life.”
THIS IS AMAZING, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WISDOM!
Thank you for sharing. Yes, books are lifesaving. I’m almost finished with Johannes Fried’s Charlemagne biography. Yellowface is next (Local Public Radio & NYPL book of the month).
The point you make about devotion to your journey is important. We need to carve out spaces that speak to where we are so we can flourish with partners that want to thrive in said spaces.
I've literally only just started dating at 30. I had no interest when I was in my 20s and also just found it unbelievably difficult to put myself out there. It turns out that I have been dealing with gender dysphoria and only realised last year that was the case and only started hrt a few months ago and that gave me the confidence to put myself out there.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but hrt is literally going to ruin your health in the long run. Changing your hormones to make yourself feel better ain't going to cut it. Have you heared of the suicide rate of people who have "transitioned"? Let me tell you that it's 10x higher than people who haven't (you can look it up yourself), so anyone who tells you otherwise is a satanic liar.
Have you heared anyone having done hrt for 10 years and being content about it? Because I haven't.
There was a person that I once heared of who transitioned at an early age and regret it very deeply, but I can't remember his name. He is now actively telling people about the dangers of doing so as a form of activism.
I know you won't believe me, I know you're probably calling me a dumbass as you read this, but I had to respond after reading your comment just in case I manage to make you think about this differently. NEVER take choices like changing your hormones lightly, it can easily destroy your health and your life, regardless of what anyone says.
If you're still curious, I think this activist was interviewed in Matt Walsh's documentary "What is a Woman?". That's all, take care
Great perspective. Making the most of your 20's and waiting to date until you're ready to prioritize a relationship is a good plan.
Hey this video helped in a tough time still getting over a break up and working a lot on my career ive been in a bad state thank you
A lot of this still holds true at the age of forty, thank you.
I am 27
Spent most of my life studying hard to get my dream job. Now i am finally a pediatrics resident. And all my friends are married and have kids. It sometimes feels awful to feel left behind. But I just like to remind myself that I am just not ready to commit. I want to work on myself and enjoy being free. Let’s not force things just because of societal pressure.
Thanks for talking about this!
This was genuinely so helpful and relatable! Between not growing up with examples of healthy romantic relationships, struggling with my mental health, body insecurities, focusing on my academics and now, in my 20s, trying to build a fulfilling life of my own - *dating just hasn't been a priority.* And I've become content with the idea of perhaps never being in a relationship. But it's hard to not feel insecure sometimes when your friends are in committed relationships and your family keeps asking you when is it going to be your turn.
This kind of videos are so comforting.
Never dated, i dont get out much these days, its normally work then go home for me. i don't think its really worth it, ill just live my life as is.
I am so glad that I watched this video. I'm currently in my 3rd year of university and I've never been in any relationships either, never held hands nor kissed. It used to be alright because everyone around me was like that too but ever since university has started I feel like there's something wrong with me. Not because I've never been in a relationship but because I have no interest at all that I also started to think that I might be aromantic. It feels like I'm forcing myself to like people around me in a romantic way because I'm scared if I don't force it, it won't ever happen and I'm gonna dxe alone! However I am aware that I'm not ready for a relationship and if I were to date someone right now I might not respect my own boundaries. I think there are a lot of things I need to work out in my life before being a huge part of someone else's. I'm a 20 year old teenage girl, though, so I still dream about it lol
Im 28 with same feeling. You are still so young.
That was great video! I turned 22 back in August and I have never had a girlfriend. I hope one day I can experience what true love is all about 🙏🏾.
I turn 26 next month and have never dated or even kissed anyone. This is so helpful to me
Wow, this was a huge eye opener. I am a man, 37 years old, married with a 4 year old with my wife. I went to a boarding school for high school, unfortunately, where dating was allowed, but actually having sex was near impossible so many relationships just fizzled out. It was a couple of years before I started to be sexual. I started to hook up with women I met at parties at about 21 years old, but quickly realized that I did not enjoy it after hooking up with two or three women (none of these hookups led to sex, just sexual touching.) I didn't lose my virginity until the next year (22), to the woman I was dating at the time. And I would date her for those last few years of university. Then I met my wife in graduate school in 2011-2012, and have been with her ever since. So, add that together, and I have only been sexual with 5 women, and only had sex with two of those (my wife and my immediate ex before her).
I guess I am going through all of this because men like us, who have had few sexual partners, do in fact exist. You don't hear about us much. But we are there.
Thank you for your comment. Men like yourself need to be amplified.
I loved reading this!
I love this.
I'm the same age. Single, but have a similar story minus the boarding school. Never dated until I was 23, and had some flings but just one real relationship (not married nor do I have kids tho).
Both relationships and sex are incredibly overrated experiences. Society conditions people to think they are nothing without them. Relationships should develop ORGANICALLY between two people, and not as a means to get happy or make yourself feel whole.They should be an extra in life.....not the main course. But of course, we are thought relationships are the end all be all of being human........and that have no purpose without them.
Men with few sexual partners are the rule, the average man has had 5 sexual partners(according to a UK poll anyway). So you are average.