I got rejected 60+ times. how to find the funny in the pain
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- Опубликовано: 27 ноя 2024
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WHO AM I?
Hey there, I’m Cinzia DuBois. I’m a part-time, self-funded PhD student and RUclipsr, Podcaster and writer. I’ve been creating videos for over thirteen years. I discuss productivity, personal development, PhD, academia and mental well-being on this channel. On my main channel, I talk about all things dark and ancient history, literature and folklore.
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2:35 Based turned arounder. You'd think after awhile she'd get the message that she is in fact a 4-5/10. They never learn, keep thinking of themselves as a 7/10 or 10/10, so even women can rack up rejections by chads and chadlites. This of course they think is somewhat equivalent to men being turned down by literally all across the spectrum as a 6/10 or better themselves.
2:54 Um no, it's because you did have some successes and even chad and chadlites will drop you some D making you think you were livin da drame for awhile.
3:14 Nothing is wrong with you, chad and chadlite just have a mile long waiting list of 22 year olds so don't want to be bothered with you.
3:53 great example of the face putting people off.
5:18 well that's not technically true lol. don't listen to uggos women that got rejected almost a hundred times bros and siss. Check wheat waffles for men.
5:33 well that's incorrect. And you obviously still don't know your "flaw and imperfection". Even though probably people online have told you.
5:51 women's delusion. Actually not meeting the rock bottom bare minimum req's of any avg man is in fact your fault, as they're usually tiny. Of course if we're talking about chad and chadlite's preferences not being met, yeah of course, you can't be 22 forever, and you can't be better looking and thinner than you are. O wait, you could be thinner, but not better looking.
6:05 true, but liking vanllla ice cream over earwax icecream does generally indicate superiority to the tastes of humans of one over the other.
6:34 Yeah we know about the 1000001 "icks" of women. Strangely, chad and chadlite doesn't suffer from giving too many icks. Because they're just so "good" (attractive).
7:52 or unless you watch high quality red pill channels for men.
8:51 yeah that's yet another unattractive thing. men don't need you creating a whole history of yourself, they want you to make history WITH THEM. Burpa.
Tell me you don't get any sex and are desperately single without telling me you don't get any sex and are desperately single. Fascinating case study of the most cringe comment on the internet and what I was referring to. Thank you for sharing.
On a side note, you seem to be a real simp for chads... you may want to explore that more and I think you'll find yourself to be much happier. Wishing you all the best!
@ProductivePhilosopher that comment is literally the weirdest comment I've ever seen on a video like this 😂 he's really dobbed on himself. And took a LOT of time to do it. Time stamped & all bahahaha.
Someone wasn't breastfed as a child.
@@SelfHelpShelf Note how she's trying to shame him, instead of addressing any of his points.
@@6feetunderpants I didn't watch the video, but a comment like that is pathetic. "Chad", "Chadlite"... If he's not trolling, he seems like a loser, and it is all his choice.
Women with the courage to cold approach men have my respect.
I have and been rejected and just accept it, that’s life, move on. Think I might have been like a scary man-eater for some 🤣 and scared them away. I have never thought of it afterwards, I just think they didn’t like my face and that’s ok 🤪
Well if you make a Play for Henry Cavil your probably fail
Agreed.
Yep. A rare breed.
@@burles A lot of times, since women don't usually approach us, first instinct is to look for hidden cameras.
Kids can be cruel in middle school and high school and most of us have known a guy that fell for a humiliation trap.
Not that you could've done much about it, I'm just offering another perspective that might hopefully be useful.
Either way, approaching first requires courage. You have my respect.
For a couple of years at university I had a friend with whom I was basically inseparable. She was cute, funny, and smart. We were friends for a long time before it even occurred to me to ask her out. She rejected me, but she also told me why. I reminded her too much of one of her ex-boyfriends, which was part of why we got along so well, but also why I was basically off-limits for dating. That's when I realized rejection wasn't a judgement of my worth, but was about what the other person needed. That revelation made everything about dating and relationships easier.
You dodged a bullet…
@@AbolishTheATF I think you missed the point…
I think it shows how important it can be to let the other know why they are being rejected as well - there is horror in the unknown and doubt, and it's so easy to clear it up when you can just say why.
I once rejected a woman who ask me out my immediate reaction was guilt
@@WGPhil-uw5cs what is a lie?
As a bit of reassurance, I was that rejected girl for a long time. I thought about dating constantly, went on apps, asked friends to match-make, flirted in bars, cafes... It makes me blush thinking about it. Finally I decided, sod it. I'm fed up of trying to attract a mate, to prove to someone I'm worth having. I'm fed up of having my heart broken. I decided to focus on myself, to stop being desperate to find someone, raise my standards and start thinking about what I wanted and not trying to be what someone else wanted. It was only when I had stopped trying so hard that I met my husband at 32 years old. We were engaged in 6 months, have been together 9 years and have 5 children. Love and value yourself first; make a life you love first...
All of that...but you still might not find someone, and you have to be ok with that. Learning to love, like and respect yourself, does not automatically mean you will be rewarded by the universe with a spouse/partner and children. It just doesn't happen for some.
Same and now iam alone opps
thank you for this. you know, i realize i have had this feeling like why would people want me? I was told before , oh i was the comedian in class and always happy go lucky and i was like what ? i was miserable in school . maybe my life's a joke. haha. jk. but there were instances where I felt abandoned. i always felt that even as a kid, so i've recently realize i got to work that part out and meet new people. I realize, i needed to get myself out there. rather than drown in self pity. I had a girl i was attracted to, rejected me and i'm in between should we stay friends or should i just move on? my brain knows it's time i just walk away and the heart is thinking, maybe there's a chance. bloody annoying
@@sonofage you sound like you're hiding your insecurities behind your humour and getting the joke in before anyone else can. I thought I hid my insecurities behind false confidence. The truth is, we don't hide it very well and people tend to see straight through it. Yes, you probably should walk away from this girl. My experience is that, once you've been rejected by someone, they rarely change their mind. And why would you want them if they did? But you're right, you do need to start valuing yourself and start liking yourself before you can expect someone else to like you. And like someone else mentioned in the comments, you still might not find 'the one', but you still deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and feel like you are worth something. This is the only life we get. It is too short to spend waiting for someone else to make you feel complete ❤️
Congratulations!
Whenever I would develop a crush on someone (I never develop crushes on anyone I'm not already friends with), I would always tell them very early on, for very simple reasons: if I told them and they rejected me (which I often expected), I could very quickly start to move on and get over them and be friends again without any weirdness. This really worked for me all through my teenage years, then when I got to college I told my crush I liked them and it was totally chill if they didn't reciprocate, and turns out they also liked me back! We've been together for 5+ years! I'm not generally a very confident person, but I learned very young that I was wasting my own time and creating more pain for myself by pining after someone for years and over-analysing every single interaction, instead of just getting the rejection out of the way, and moving on. Love this video!
If only someone gave me this advice when I was a teenager...
smart. i did the exact opposite 😭i only told someone that i liked them if i was like 80 to 90% sure they liked me too. i had a good run throughout high school, then crashed and burned as i entered adulthood.
Same ! I'm happy I clarified things and can now be friends with the person without any afterthought.:))
Loving the wisdom you had since early age! What stops many people from being sincere abt their feelings is we deeply inside feel unworthy or inadequate so the danger of our crush rejecting us and confirming the worst we assume abt ourselves is terrifying. When you really love yourself and have healthy self esteem the rejection isn't breaking you.
I couldn't be friend with someone who had crush on me, you cant throw away your feelings immediately , cause you rejected..knowing your friend is in love with you, damage the friendship long term and also its called friendzone...
Door to door sales taught me to remain indifferent to rejection, and keep a "numbers game" mentality about it all. In door to door sales, if they opened the door I had a 1% to 8% close rate. 8% is the very best days. For dating it's higher, but not much. *Willing to try, indifferent to rejection* is one of the best skills not only for dating, but for all of life.
Thanks. Sometimes it takes a different wording to massage ideas into the brain
Great point.
I would rather be waist-deep in the fires of Hades than in sales.
I do door-to-door sales! Jesus encourages me, that's how I get through. Without the Holy Spirit I would have given up long ago.
Men also need to recognize when they have someone on the hook vs someone just reciprocating niceness.
This video is sooooo valuable 😅 Learning to depersonalize rejection is probably the most important skill in dating
"We're just a bunch of little gremlins......it's not that serious" 💯!
Yeah but what if they don't like Star Trek enough? Or think horny bard is a legitimately creative DnD character choice?
I loved that line! So funny and so true. 🤣
If you're breathing, you will experience rejection . . . laughter . . . failure . . . success. If you are living, you experience life. EDIT: Success is not accurately defined by the world. What does success look like for you?
Still waiting for that laughter and success
@@Newton-Reuther lol
Check on the rejection, failure, and laughter. Still waiting for the success.
You're half right. Because what the world defines isn't success itself, but the degree to which you enjoy your success; for example, it's absolutely possible to succeed against all odds and to realize your ambitions; however, whether or not you enjoy that process or even reap the fruits of the labors you endure - this is determined largely by the perception of others or of what they value in your output; no matter what else you may do, the acknowledgement of others is what grants status within a community; without status, it is not possible to raise your esteem in the eyes of others or to achieve lasting security. This is the difference between a crazed, yet brilliant madman who lives in the desert and a beloved pastor who enjoys a life within the community. If you'd prefer a more basic example, it's the difference between someone like Bonnie Koloc - mostly overlooked in her day and now all but forgotten - and Taylor Swift, a worldwide phenomenon who sings pop songs about her exes.
For men in our society success is meaningfully decided by external factors
Most girls I liked didn't like me back. But I had others that hit on me all the time without my realizing it. Or they had some undesirable trait. Had no dates in high school. Thought l was undesirable to the opposite sex. Finally met somebody I liked who liked me back. Been married over 30 years.
Hello. I am 62 in Georgia USA, divorced and recently retired due to combat PTSD and a genetic form of OCD they diagnosed with it. I appreciate your content and wanted to thank you and wish you the best.
I’m wishing you all the health, happiness and healing in your retirement years.
Very nice of you. Have a wonderful Valentine Day!
Thanks to all for the welcome. I plan to speak with my doctors about ASD because current treatment doesn’t work and I’ve deceloped severe agoraphobia
Amazingly worded! For the love of coffee! ☺
@@SelfHelpShelf What is your goal in life? Do you see yourself ever interviewing Wheat Waffles? 2024, November.
2:25 that guy seeing you only to turn around and leave on a first date must’ve been out of his mind
Yeah what an a-hole!
Or he had a bladder problem.
Or he had other options... Most likely. But who knows, it's not a typical "guy" behavior.
That made me laugh so much, because we all know the type of man it was, a chad that had another line up of chicks ready to date/f*ck him that night.
And you know why he rejected her ? Because she isn't attractive enough.
I mean they talked before hand to get to the date, so he liked her personality, and when he saw her he walked away, so she can cope all day long, we all know why he did it.
Tldr. : date in your league people
seriously, she's honestly pretty cute
Even in friendship you can’t expect much from people they are going through their own changes and transitions and sometimes you move out of allignment with people the key is not take any of it personal. Don’t get your sense of self worth from anyone but yourself.
Completely agree.
I find it so admirable that you're able to take your past pain, trauma, and rejections and find the humor in them. It's safe to say that the majority of people get too caught up in the bad things that happen to them, dwelling on it and unable to move on. It takes a lot of strength to take those negative experiences and find the positive in them; incredibly commendable.
Statistically the more you keep putting yourself out there the more rejection you'll face in comparison to someone who doesn't try at all. The way I see it, I don't need a bunch of people to say "yes". At the end of the day, I just want one person to make that commitment. If Edison gave up, he wouldn't have discovered how to make the lightbulb. Maybe i'll discover a hundred relationships that didn't work out, but that'll just prepare me for the one that does.
👏
Sorry, maybe out of topic, but Edison didn't invent lightbulb.
@@warzachew4343 No, but he's commonly credited with that due to him being the first to get a patent on it, so please take the analogy in context. If I explained the technical aspects, the meaning of the message would've been lost in wordiness.
My post was about perseverance through failure, and it's a common phrase that "Edison learned 100 ways not to make a lightbulb" which is a way of saying "dont give up, you can learn from mistakes". The post isn't about lightbulbs or Edison, it's just using them to illustrate a point.
How to deal with romantic rejection:
Step 1. Play Disco Elysium
Is it really that good?
@@diogenesleite6249 Pretty damn good, quite long though. Just watch a best of and you'll quickly see if it's something you'd enjoy.
It's one of the greatest rpgs games of all time. @@diogenesleite6249
what? I played this game and I don't get the connection 😂 maybe it's because I didn't finish it lol
🫠
Thank you so much Cinzia! I appreciate rejection because I wouldn't want to wind up dating someone I wouldn't be compatible with on a fundamental level (I've accidentally done it before anyway and it's not fun 🙃).
Sometimes people reject others because they actually make them feel inferior. When i was young I was rejected by a guy who really opened up to me while we were in the friend stage and then asked me out. He seemed very excited and then broke the date off a few days later. I found out later that he thought I was too smart for him, lol.
The fact you chose to ask him out means you perceived him to be of either higher or equal value to yourself on the social/dating marketplace hierachy. Women tend to not date down. He must have already have had the confidence to believe he was good enough for you in the first place for you to have subconsciously have even been attracted to him.
This is one of the healthiest rationalizations that I’ve heard about rejection. Thank you for sharing
As someone who was badly bullied in school about my appearance I am abnormally terrified of dating 😞 I’ve put it off for years but I’d really love to meet someone, esp now I’m in my thirties. Thank you for this video. I can see myself rewatching it often.
I feel you ): Even if some men seem interested in me i run away i don’t feel i am beautiful enough.
@@camilac3346 @tan261 you both got this! Best of luck in the dating world 🫶
In reality your attractiveness can have a lot more to do with your presence and confidence level than with your looks (ask anyone) and start to notice when you find people attractive or magnetic if they’re EVEN conveniently attractive or just good at being themselves
I was in a similar boat. Eventually my dread of loneliness won over my fear of rejection. But it was a whole road to get there.
Thank you for this video. Rejection from a crush, a job or a scholarship is part of life. The second I started to cry less for being rejected by my peers or universities, is the second I actually got more offers and deeper and more meaningful connections. Because instead of focusing on why was I rejected, I started to think, "oh well, maybe it was not meant to be" and working towards my goals in a different way. There is more than one way for doing things, and sometimes a rejection is a blessing in disguise.
There are so many different factors that may result in rejection. A person you're approaching might be having a bad time, be depressed, sad or in a peculiar state of mind (even while still finding you attractive at that moment). Some might like you but reconsider - after recognizing that they are not ready (emotionally, financially or because of some external situations). Blaming society and genders frankly sells and spinning and weaving negative stories and opinions won't help you in the long run (even though - some sad trends might be applicable).
People feel better about pinning the blame externally because self reflection about how they manage things emotionally is harder and not instantly gratifying. People are individuals with complex inner worlds and further more don’t OWE anyone their personal time and space just to make them feel accepted.
Id say the sole reason for rejection if its within the first 30 seconds of meeting is physical attractiveness. After that its less clear.
Exactly. And you might not be emotionally compatible with someone which is apparent in the 1st conversation. It's better to say bye than forcing things just bc "they are good person". It's about finding genuine chemistry.
I admire a lot your courage to talk openly about that. As I struggle with rejection myself, you inspire me a lot. I wish you the best!
I submit that like so many things that have steadily gone to crap in society, in the world, and in life in general, social media's role in making romantic rejection/romantic and relationship failure seemingly worse is kind of undeniable. Social media is the realm in which we compare our lives (good, bad, or ugly) against the often carefully curated, idealized facades of the lives presented by others. If nothing kicks you in the teeth harder than the timelines of beautiful people who are happy and romantically fulfilled, whilst you just got dumped for the third time this year, I don't know what can.
I relate to that sentiment a lot, as I'm sure many do, but comparing oneself to the romantic lives presented on social media is as legitimate as comparing one's life to the romantic stories in books, films and television. Social media, particularly from influencers, is largely fictional. You don't know the fights that happen off camera, the screaming matches because one person in the couple wanted to post one picture and the other didn't want them to, the shallow silent dates where they spend more time on their phones photoshopping their pictures than talking to one another, etc. The happiest couples I know are the ones who don't have social media, and the social media couples I've met in the past have been some of the unhappiest. It's best to see them as nothing more than fictional characters putting on a theatrical show and focus on finding the love you deserve. It'll happen if you keep trying. Kiss a lot of frogs, as the saying goes
@@SelfHelpShelf I agree with this take wholeheartedly. I should have spent a few more minutes to clarify my own thoughts on this (As a boss of mine used to say: "Don't point out a problem and walk away, You better have a solution hiding in your pocket") However, you hit it exactly. We don't see the real lives of people on SM, warts and all. My best advice to someone who takes it in the gut every time a romance fails (and SM seems to make it worse for them) they should either disengage, or at the very least recognize that they're not seeing anyone's real face online, just the best face they got.
@@SelfHelpShelf I agree with this. Social media is curated.
I think the reason we get sad and hopeless when we experience a lot of rejection is because we know many people (friends, cousins, neighbors...) who have not had that many rejections and who even find another partner much faster than us if their relationships end. So our unconscious mind analyzes those close situations and tells us that we are worse than those people and that we possibly have more defects that make it difficult for us to find love.
yup i feel this to my. bones
I wish there were more people in the world like you who made sense. Thank you for sharing.
This has got to be the absolute BEST video on the topic of rejection I’ve ever seen! Sometimes I forget that I’ve got my own preferences and there’s nothing wrong with that, and other people have their own preferences. And the other person doesn’t owe me an explanation. Top notch.
Rejection is re-direction and so common!! Rejection is so hard romantically it hurts but there’s hope, it’s re-direction, a no means next opportunity!:) I’ve also been rejected but rejected guys too mainly been rejected and hurt.. but not taking it personally is KEY!! Cynthia is right! I have heard rejection causes physical pain in the brain scientifically.
I don't even know 60 people.
60? Those are rookie numbers, you gotta pump up those numbers. I've been rejected over 1000 times IN A ROW. I just have the bad luck of being ugly, no one owes me love. Fate decided I would spend my life alone, but I still have the choice to be bitter about it or be quietly sad about it like a gentleman.
Hello Cinzia, I found your channel last week and I must be honest, you have been such a balm to my soul. Your personality, your thoughts and thought process and vulnerable honesty in these videos are so touching that I adore every single one, no matter the topic. Just wanted to say thanks and as someone who just last week got brutally rejected, I think I will thoroughly enjoy this one hahahaha
One can either have the scarcity mindset (and to be anxious, pushy, stalking - because "it must be the only one person...", cuz "I won't find anyone like that...") or the mindset of abundance (to put the soul at ease). Hopefully there's always someone for everyone - and there's too many people around anyway. Now to only filter that out...
The best solution: take rejection for granted as the default state. No hard feelings if it wasn't meant to be.
Results: there is nothing to lose, only to be pleasantly surprised.
one of the best things about sales is learning how to deal with both rejection and success. people who get high on their own success tend to fail in the long run.
The struggles you talk about resonate with a lot of people. You articulate your points very thoughtfully.
Think of the most beautiful, intelligent and talented people you know or can think of and even they have been rejected and dumped by people, it’s a pretty universal human experience.
I don’t think I’m that great but I’ve honestly never been rejected in my entire life
I haven’t taken many shots though I’ve had maybe 12-13 partners and let things develop organically
I have been cheated on and dumped well every time so far
That's not necessarily true.
Those guys who stood you up must be bonkers Cinzia - you're absolutely lovely!
Simp harder - maybe she'll notice you
From a women's perspective
As much as I empathise with Cinzia, as a man the amount of rejections you have to go through is astronomical compared to most women. I rarely get to the stage where I woman would actually ask me.out. ive had 2 long term relationships with women in my 36 years on this planet but Ive also had and suffered from a lot of loneliness. Im wondering who these 60 men are, unless she is only going for the upper echelon of men ie the top.1%, then there is no way she has received so much rejection, she is an attractive and intelligent woman, men dont reject womannloke that ubiquitously. Even a good looking and intelligent man will be rejected by probably 95% of women he approaches and shows interest in.
This is immensely comforting and such a great way to look at rejection. Thank you for this gem. I needed this.
Thank you for this video. I’m a guy with red hair and freckles. I was bullied in high school… by girls. The cheer leaders were the worst. I had paint poured on my head for looking at a girl. I’ve been treated like the most disgusting pervert who ever lived for asking several girls out. I had a drink poured on my head for asking a girl to dance. I was accused of sexual assault because I asked a woman out. I’m not a pervert. I’m just not handsome by western standards, though I have been called handsome by many Asian women. My favorite movie when I was younger was the hunchback of Norte Dame. I related to that guy, to how he was treated. I’ve probably only asked 30 girls out in my whole life, and I’m 66, so I haven’t been rejected as much as you. But I’ve had had 2 ten year relationships and had a wonderful 15 year marriage to a wonderful woman who sadly passed away, so it’s not all bad. You’re right, it’s not the end of the world to be turned down rudely and it’s not illegal to be a 2 and like someone, though it seems some women would like it to be. I was a damn good husband and my wife and I really loved each other. I appreciate the time we had together. I’m grateful for it every day of my life.
Aw, your story touched me. And you're so right. Thanks so much for sharing - from one redhead to another. ❤
Jesus Christ people can be disgusting animals, respect for making it that far in life anyways
Brillant! Thank you Cinzia, much needed on this Valentine's day. I'll be my own Valentine and I am thriving. Sending you lots of parasocial love!
If you have been rejected 60+ times I applaud you actually because that requires inner strength to dust yourself off and approach someone else again,
also in keeping the faith to not give up.
I commend you on your courage, tenacity an relentless pursuit of love.
You didn't become a debbie downer or a female 'Elliot Rogers' psychotic shootout.
You've preserved a positive attitude to life.
So thumbs up to you lady!
When I have today a look on different people that rejected me, in the past, I think, thanks god.
*The world would be a better place without me which is why I have to keep living.*
Shine on you crazy diamond 💎
@@JasonValadezVEVO I love Pink Floyd!
i tend to fall into those self-pitying 'shame spirals' [someone coin that] even in the face of the most minor inconveniences, mistakes or failures; _it's all generalised into a personality trait_
i imagine i'd do the same with rejections [although i haven't quite yet reached that level of bravery required to approach people to begin with].
slowly learning to embrace and welcome these tough moments; they're what add flavour to my life story and make it more interesting.
thank you for calling me out on my shit :P
you earned a new sub
Thank you for putting this out there. I’m glad people like you exist :)
Thank you, this video is definitely for me who is a single 29 year old and about to be rejected 64 times , but seeing this i can say that i will be successful the 65th time 😂😎
Thanks for an honest and insightful post! I usually skip these kinds of videos, but it was so genuine that I couldn't click away. I look forward to more of your great content.
The last time I had a date they were in the discount bin at the grocery.
Thank you so much for doing this video on rejection. Not many people talk about it so openly which makes people believe they are alone when they are not.
You must have been so glad that guy turned around and walked straight out. So much time saved having to find out he was a rude individual the long way.
Thanks you, was very uplifting, and unlike alot of the negative voices on here, you strive to be humble and help others.
Mad respect towards you for saying you don't hate the entire male gender after so many rejections.
Thanks. Though not going to lie, the men in my comment section are working hard at trying to make me change my position
Men tend to have that mindset more. They both can get insecurities but mostly women blame themselves for not being enough and men blame women for being too picky or arrogant.
Thank you for making this video, it finally made things click in my head and now I can move on in peace. You are wise beyond your years!
Honestly, this is such a mature and inspiring outlook it's refreshing. God bless ❤
Thank you so much for this. Very refreshing to hear a woman talking about rejection.
Thank you very much for your content, as a guy who never has dated and who knows many who never as well and that have been rejected it's really reassuring to know that some people especially girls can go through to struggles alike and made us feel less lonely.
So thank you for your testimony and your honesty 😌
Thanks for this video. There is a billion dollar industriy very present here on youtube feeding on everyones insecurities. This approach to this unpleasant subject was challenging, comforting and also motivating at the same time. Great job!
I bloody love your videos. They are so comforting because even though you look like you’ve figured it all out and you’re living the life, you are so open with how you aren’t and how we are all in the same boat of not having a single clue about what’s going on in life and yes, maybe we are sinking but we WONT sink and we are all flapping around together 😂
I greatly appreciate your view on this topic and this video has helped nudge me closer to taking rejection with more humor and humility. Its not easy given how sometimes we can be so starved of necessity affection, but that doesnt mean we have to hurt ourselves in the process. It reminds me of the two arrows story, the rejection is the first arrow, and our self pity is the second -- you dont need to send the second arrow.
Again, thanks for the perspective
Such an important topic you talk about here. So glad that you've spoken about this for all those people out there that have experienced the deeply cutting pain of rejection
You didn’t deserve that, Cinzia, your dog just had a different preference
I never really understood rejection as a judgement of a person, but I see now that other people could and would
Thanks for this beautiful video. I got rejected last week and this made my life a little better
You're brave, intelligent and gorgeous.
Keep doing what you're doing.
I just keep getting on the horse. The fact you approach men gives me hope.
The fact you laughed at 2:32 proves you're a legend!
You're an absolute hero for making this video and talking so openly about it!!!! ❤
I rejected this perfect young man once. He was very good looking, fit, incredibly smart, successful, friendly, spoke multiple languages, my family adored him, but went on a date and he talked so much gave me a headache. A huge migraine headache I knew not to waste his or my time. He was extremely bitter afterwards…
Rejection isn't nearly as bad as never making the attempt. At least you don't have to live with the depression caused by "what could have been".
I wouldn't say that. I live with the regret of ever asking in the first place.
Another great video, thank you for your vulnerability! I have found more success with relationships when I feel at my best.
It literally goes to show that rejection can happen to anybody. You’re so pretty, you’re super smart I’ve seen your other channel and you’re full of great vibes and interesting things to say. You were really unlucky for a bit but I’m glad that streak has ended!
I just discovered you and I am watching the 3rd of your videos in a row. Every single one has inspired me readjusting my mindset. The topics you choose I find highly beneficial. Your Subscriber/Video-Relation is evidence of the high quality content you provide. So, I'd like to say, that I am happy, 1st for me and all the others to have you and, 2nd, I feel happy for you beeing succesfull with what you do here. Thank you deeply Cinzia!
You are an absolute delight.
This is your first video I am watching and I am already enchanted by your wisdom
Thank you for this video! I do think that if we all just took ourselves less seriously then this world would be a lot less fraught, so right on!
Also, the little "subscribe" button does light up!! Its so cute!
Thank you for this video, especially because women don't often talk about rejection. I got over rejection/heartbreak by realizing a) that it has nothing to do with me and b) that I'm actually pretty cool.
An observation: I've been watching your videos for over 2 years now and (making allowances for only knowing about you only through your videos), I can safely reach some conclusions: you're smart, you're a good analyst (one of my careers), you're both intellectually curious and rigorous, you're honest and you are exceptionally good-looking (speaking as a professional photographer and portrait artist). This adds up to a boatload of intimidating qualities for most men -- perhaps the vast majority, and (I suspect) most especially in current society. In my experience, men have always had a hard time with honest women who are smarter than they are and better looking than they are, and I think it's gotten worse in the last 20 years. Some of these will (sadly) lash out (see pinned post), especially online (the most toxic environment there is). So in the vast majority of cases -- when faced with women of this superior nature -- men are not "rejecting" them but fleeing in the face of their inadequacy... and then trying to blame someone else.
I recall in another video you commenting you were "below average" in most things and not a "high quality" person, which made me wonder who exactly you were "averaging," about which qualities, and where the threshold of "high quality" was set. Whoever we are , it's trivial -- especially in the era a social media (don't get me started) -- to find a zillion people who make us look bad at something or even many things. Everyone is "below average" in some way: Einstein didn't write plays like Shakespeare; Shakespeare couldn't prove Fermat's Last Theorem; Homer I doubt would have succeeded as a power forward in the NBA.
Conclusion: the concepts of "average" and "high quality" when applied to people is never useful and often harmful -- we are not mere data points to be put on a graph. The truth is, you shine. You cannot be blamed if some allow themselves to be blinded by your light. Carry on...
Thank you for reframing rejection in this positive way. You're wise beyond your years, Cinzia. What I would like to share is that in my experience, common interests and values wasn't as relevant as sort of "looking for the same thing" was. With my current partner, maybe we don't listen to the same music but we were both wanting to get to know each other respecting each other's boundaries. With other guys with an identical music taste to mine, we could have a fun conversation but they would lose interest the minute I told them "hey I just met you like 40 minutes ago, I'm not going to your house". Lol.
Really excellent video, positive and encouraging but also challenging. It helped me a lot to start to think about things differently. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
A very good take on the subject. In my experience charity begins at home, and therefore oneself. Afterall, if we cannot be kind to ourself in respect and love, how can we possibly do the same for another? You could say that we attract what we are, and the trick is to work on ourself and leave the door open to the right people...if they want to come in and say hello. If chasing someone is a no to ourself...something's wrong.
Another thing to keep in mind is that some people look like a million bucks but harbour a dark past, and you just can't tell today who a person really is. You could be inviting in disaster or completely unaware of a hardship that makes personal relationships almost impossible.
Oh my goodness thank you for this. I recently concluded many men rejected me because of me being "different" which I see now is autism. Fair enough to them. When people get the weird radar they can attribute it to anything and it may be more to do with them than me. Don't take it personal people ❤️
I would'nt have rejected you but it's they're loss. I'm still searching.
All salesmen know that the hardest sell is a cold-call. Most dating these days is cold-calling. You really need to find a way of developing a relationship with potential mates, but without entering into the friend zone. By making it clear that your intentions are potentially romantic.
Thanks for the video. Dating is very tough from my experience, I'm in a similar age range to you but a bit younger. I think in part a lot of this is driven by our quite atomistic culture. People no longer have the communties and support networks like they used to, where it was likely you could meet someone compatible - in many ways that still seems like the best way to meet someone. I do agree with you to see the fun and humor in it all, although this can be hard to do in the moment
That is a great point. I think social media has killed a lot of real interaction, but those spaces are still out there. The absolute best way to meet someone that has similar interests to you that will probably become friends and may, rarely become a romantic connection, is to get out into the world and pursue your interests and hobbies.
Its not like there less compatible people around and they are hard to meet, its just dating app commercialized our bodies. All you can put on your profile are superficial things like your face, height, and cheesy opener, high competition inflate those superficial characteristics and create overabundancy of choice. Apps are utterly useless in finding something but casual hookup but people still use them and hope they will get different results somehow
2:24 - I like how Cinzia had the right amount of confidence and optimism to brush off experiencing the Ross Geller. Great video and crucial in these awful internet dating app obsessed, isolationist times where real interaction and the concept of 'putting yourself out there' are more and more foreign to people. Sad times.
So timely! I got rejected yesterday by the man after 20 minutes of the first meet-up walk. right after, when he asked me what I studied and where I work, I said that after my PhD, I started to work at university, he pulled out his mobile murmuring something in it, and then he told me "Sorry, have to go, I have a business call".
Wow :0 he just wanted someone more boring
If you did not ask him out, I would not call that a rejection. Is a “meet-up walk” some kind of speed dating event?
I’m also a 32 y,o ❤ ive been single for 5+ years and honestly I needed it. It’s been a long journey towards self love and appreciation which I didn’t have previously for myself.
Just the video I was looking for, I always hate myself for letting myself get so caught by what others think about me. It is good to have some outside confirmation on how insignificant rejection can be
Your videos helped me so much. Thank you with all my heart!
It's very hard to not take rejection personally, when your parents drilled into you that you are a broken person, not good enough and not worthy of love. If anything, each rejection feels like proof that they were absolutely right! It's not being comfortable, it's the only thing that some of us know.
I know it’s hard but it’s not impossible. I’m estranged from both my parents - because they made me feel that way. It’s hard, but not impossible.
I'm very happy for you finding your love and will remember this story in my journey through this world.
This is the first time I've seen one or your videos, and I have liked, commented, subscribed, and saved this particular video to return back to when I face rejection of any kind. Thank you, and keep making awesome videos!
I rejected a lot of girls because I had a medical condition called chronic pelvic pain syndrome that made me not want to have sex. I feel bad for not telling them why; I was embarrassed to talk about it.
The story of the person that saw and immediately turned around and walked away, is terribly funny to me, rude, but funny as you are exact the type of person that I would love to meet on a first (blind) date.
at least you would have had more understandable reasoning to walk out if the date was blind! He knew exactly what I looked like from the dating app (I mean, he wouldn't have recognised me otherwise), haha. Still, it's one of the funniest moments ever -- I cried laughing over a voice note to my friend in the cafe as I told them
@@SelfHelpShelf but how is this possible if he had seen you in the photo? I understood that we look better in photos, but not to the point of being other people. I'm referring to unedited photos obviously
none of us will ever know. I’ve never edited my profile photos (aside from lighting and colour grading). clearly something about me in real person wasn’t appealing, but I’m not going to lose sleep trying to guess what it was.
@@SelfHelpShelf tell me your secret please... i'm so insecure about this thing
it’s all about reframing the situation. I could be paranoid about what was so ugly about me that I repelled a man at a distance. or, I could think to myself, “wow, thank god I have the character and kindness that I do, because I would never have such little respect for another human to treat them the way that man just did me. I’m a real catch.”
I feel like I just had a great lecture from a former professor. And as an American, the English accent made it all the more better
I like the ice-cream analogy! Good way of looking at it
I used to get upset about rejection because I thought I wasn't interesting or cool enough, but then friends and family let me know I just rank very low on the scale of attractiveness and the realization that the rejection was for superficial reasons actually boosted my confidence. It is a matter of personal preference and I'm ok with not being a preference. Also it's silly to believe firmly that you will or won't find love, we aren't fortune tellers and we don't know how life will turn out. And what a lovely channel you have! Watched a few videos, new subscriber ❤
I take rejection well just oh ok & just move on. The world & my life won't stop because of that.
Cinzia, you forget about the psychology of mate selection in the internet age which reduces to the most basic decision making factors looks & status.
The only thing changing the outcomes is familiarity:)
Cinzia, I find it very difficult to believe that anyone would find you unattractive. Mayhap your intelligence could be threatening to someone's fragile ego, but you are breathtakingly beautiful so I would have expected that you'd be needing a rather sizable stick to keep the skirt-chasers away. Add to that fact another: your voice is absolutely mesmerizing. If I were single, and not 30 to 40 years older than yourself, I'd be overjoyed if you took any interest in me.
During my teen years, I knew exactly why I couldn't attract any of the ladies in school. I wasn't in the correct, shall we say "micro-culture." I was always reading a book instead of playing sports. Listening to the wrong music. Actually doing the assigned homework. Interested in art, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and too many different kinds of music rather than the things the people around me were into. Of course, being a socially awkward geek instead of a smooth Don Juan football player was only the tip of the iceberg. Once I got into college and found a large peer group which included women with whom I shared many various interests, I merely had to overcome my innate shyness to enter the dating scene, and even then there were any number of possible relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. Sometimes, no matter how great the initial attraction between people is, things just don't work, in the long run. That's just life, and a perfect illustration of the complexity of interpersonal relationships. Hurts when it doesn't work out, hurts when it worked for a while but then ceases to work anymore, and hurts worse when someone you've loved gets snatched away from you due to accidents or illness. I'm 66 years old. At one time I was simultaneously married, widowed, and divorced. That made filling out income tax forms and census forms quite humorous, at times.
You're absolutely right. The reasons for rejection are many, varied, and almost always trivial. Blame shouldn't be either internalized nor externalized. If something didn't work, there's no blame or shame involved, I've learned. It just didn't work. People are complicated. Each of us are individuals. When the lightning strikes, enjoy the ride for however long it may last. Whether it's forever or just one day, it's still special. It still has value. --Dan
Rejection just means that you weren't a (good) fit. That's all. That means that you would probably be a better fit for someone else, which is better for you.
People are too picky, and forget that all humans are flawed.