Hey! For anyone who might need to hear it: your life can change for the better. I'm in my forties now, and finally, FINALLY over the last few years I look at my life and my self and I'm happy. I'm still living alone (with kitties ❤) I'm still overweight, still not quite making my dream job happen. So the only thing that changed is me, my coping mechanism, my ability to look at something i am telling myself and know it's a self-sabotaging lie, etc. I just want to tell everyone who might need to hear it today: there is space for happiness on the other side of the crappy times. I'm so grateful for every time someone reminded me of that, otherwise I don't know that I could have made it through. PS you're amazing and I love you. ❤
wow thank you !! i have been going through something similar myself and it’s so validating to know a lot of us are on a similar journey in our own worlds. i wish you a lot of happy days 💛✨
I tend to find that this sentiment is fear masquerading as virtue. There isn’t really such thing as a ‘wrong’ person or a ‘right’ person for you. Of course abuse shouldn’t be tolerated, but outside of this, you could likely have a beautiful relationship with almost anybody.
Cinzia, I’ve only followed you briefly, and in that time it’s already been evident that you are heroic. Being a Ph.D student is exhausting. Being cash-strapped is exhausting. Tackling those circumstances while neurodivergent-and lonely-can feel a bit like being the main character in a tragedy, not an epic adventure. And yet here you are, with grace, style, wit, and fortitude, inviting us to elevate ourselves. You’re astounding and fabulous, and you should be immensely proud of yourself.
I am already 32. I never experienced the slightest amount of love in my life. Not because I dont want to. In fact I tried several things to find a partner: approaching women, signing up on dating applications, joining new groups. Nothing worked. Every women rejected me. That a woman once found me attractive, never happend. I am completely alone. I never had a hug, a kiss or something like a realationship. Hell not even a date. Like most humen I crave romantic intimacy. Since I have been so long left without any, I became increasingly sick. I am suffering from insomnia, depression and panic attacks. Beside that I am also poor and struggling to get by.
I'm a 33 year old woman and on the same boat as you. Never experienced romance. No bf, never dated, never had a guy be interested in me. Nothing. And now I know that it is too late for me because I'm over 30 and we all know men only goes for younger chicks. All of my friends have gotten married and some have children, so they no longer have time for friends (unless it's with other mothers for playdates) I've always been pretty lonely because I was the ugly fat girl nobody cared much abt. But I learned to cope through video games and anime lol However, the loneliness has gotten so bad for me now. Aside from being lost in life, I am so lonely and touch starved. I went back to college for a better career and there's a classmate who started showing kindness to me. He would playfully hug me and hold my hand and pat my head (he does this to a lot of girls, so it doesn't mean anything) But even though I don't take him seriously, especially since I am over a decade older than him, my lonely ass is beginning to show early signs on infatuation and I'm feeling way more pathetic than I ever did.
@@TheGreenPoncle Men don't go for younger chicks. Men are human beings just like women. Most seek out someone they are compatible with, share interests with, etc. And you know, it is more likely to find that in people your own age ;) I am in my 30s, and I have a job. Someone who is also in their 30s will be more likely to understand me if I complain about that than someone who is 20 will. Sure, in most relationships the man is a little bit older, but usually only by a few years, not... Decades. A 30-40-50 year old man with a 20 year old girl is rare (and when it does accure, I do find it a bit creepy tbh - definitely not the type of guy I want in my life). And besides, you are 33, not 80! I am 33 too, and frankly, I don't look much older than when I was 22. And neither do most of my friends. And I bet it is the same for you. We live in a society where we are constantly told that as soon as you are not VERY young anymore, you are old. But in reality there is such a grey area in between. It is a gradual process, and it isn't only negativity. In fact, I feel I am wiser, I've learnt stuff along the way and I am more stable now. And actually more attractive because of it. I know it may all feel like a lot, and I know it is harder when you feel like you are behind, because now you also feel insecure for having missed the milestones most people achieve when they are a bit younger. But if you think "I am already 33, and I have never had a man, and now I am old and ugly", it may feel very overwhelming, and you may end up not doing anything at all. But you could go to therapy and work on your self confidence. You could try to lose some weight (if, and only if, you are bothered with your weight!). You could try to go out a bit more. Maybe you can see if there are events on social media, or groups about something you are interested in and try to meet those people. And see those things as achievements, not because they might lead you to find a man, but just because you are doing things for YOU. If a man is the end goal, you may fail, because that is not all in your control, and then it might still feel like a failure. But going to therapy, going out more, etc, are things that are tangible goals within your own control.
girl, thanks for this video, you're a bit of an inspiration for me i'm 16, and when i picture myself in 10 years, i see myself in a lonely house full of books and plants, just like yours!
This is such a good video about being alone and the issues of loneliness. At 1:50-ish your dogs joined you as if they were reminding you that you are an important and integral part of their pack 🤍 I relate to being alone as an empty nester and also being an introverted loner on the spectrum. I kind of enjoy my hermit life with my dog, cats and hamster.
Animals are intuitive. I'm an empty nester too. It's taken awhile to enjoy being alone and not I do however when l9nliness roles in its hard to ignore..but it is books and my furbaby to get me through.. I've always said I wish I could meet myself as another person because we'd be great friends! 😊
I can relate to this immensely. From covid onwards I have been isolated with online university, and living in a country in which I don't speak the language, so have found it intimidating and just generally difficult to meet people, especially as an introvert with autism and adhd. Knowing other people are struggling with this type of thing doesn't ease the burden but at least I know I'm not alone in these feelings.
i've reached my breaking point, my hope is dead. i'm 43, work and live alone, have adhd and possibly autism and zero friends, no romantic partner and no way of meeting people. been alone for 8 years, haven't met people in a decade. i love being alone but 100% isolation is extremely detrimental and i'm definitely feeling the effects of this on my health.
I agree that journalling is enormously helpful. I work alone and live alone. There are people at work i can contact but im in the office on my own. If ive had a stressful day, or week, there's nobody at home to offload to. So i journal. I journal every day. The good, the bad and the indifferent. Ive tried joining various groups in the hope of finding my tribe with varying success. The only group I'm sticking with for the moment is my book group. Not because they're necessarily my tribe but they are noce enough people and it keeps my social skills alive as well as introducing me to different authors. Quite often though im more than content with a text or an email now and then to keep in touch with people. I'm quite content with my own company for the majority of the time which is fortunate
I live, and work on the road 11 months out of the year, and I have been doing it for 15 years. It is odd to me how often I change from "I love my life, and wouldn't change it for the world, and "OH GOD I AM SO LONELY, PLEASE LET ME HAVE AT LEAST ONE FRIEND!!!". My colleagues are all railroaders in the American south, so it is kind of hard to find someone to share my fascination with religious history. Right now, I appreciate my solitude, but I will remember this video when my solitude shape-shifts into loneliness. I can attest personally that keeping a journal helped me quite a lot, and it is interesting to see how my stream of conscious plays out as the days go on. I would like to add that if you do begin journaling, try to select tools that you would like to work with, like a really nice pen, and or, the journal itself, or even a space that you dedicate to that activity. Great video, Cinzia!
The “imagining yourself as an admired character” method is something children sometimes do instinctively, and can work! I really appreciate the attention to solutions other than for the lucky/privileged. It is a great video I’ll watch more than once. I do miss some of your old content in the other channels like “things to do instead of shopping on a no buy” and related content. But I understand sometimes creators need a fresh start.
I rarely comment but your videos have given me soooo much hope. I was going to quit my PhD but I now have the motivation to continue. Your work is important 💗
Thank you. I needed this today. It can be very difficult when you have to make all decisions alone. Do everything alone. I’ve learned to depend on myself. Trust my own judgement. It’s taken a long time to find the confidence to believe in myself. I have a disabled adult daughter who depends on me so every decision I make affects her too. It can be a heavy burden to bear. I’m just starting to realise that I can do it. I’m alone but never lonely. I’m happy. Content. 😊
This has been a favourite topic of mine for years. I decided one day long ago that loneliness just didn't exist, for me it was just me experiencing boredom and self-pity at the same time. I don't mean to diminish or invalidate anyone else's experience of loneliness as it's very real and impactful for many, but for me this simply worked and has done ever since. I've got to the point where loneliness just never occurs to me as the reason for feeling down, I think I've built up so many alternative coping mechanisms like distracting myself with hobbies, going on solo camping adventures, staying mildly social with free walking groups or just good old escapism of planning future projects. I hope this helps someone feel better today. ❤
25 and a dude but I relate a lot to you and your stories. I really appreciate u for putting out these videos because I have only watched 2 and just discovered your channel but from what I have seen it is helping l.
Brilliantly crafted and presented! Please keep in mind that you are not entirely alone. You have your followers here, sharing your thoughts and feelings. Enjoying your eloquence and presence, even if from afar. And, I am certain that if you reach out directly (not on the internet) you'd probably find buddies willing to help move the sofas and with the other mundane tasks after a chat over coffee or tea. The soul and spirit you present is one that many would enjoy sharing time with.
Often people who are lonely are either surrounded by incompatible or toxic people, or they’ve separated themselves from the incompatible or toxic people they used to be surrounded by. Isolation isn’t easy to fix, no matter how society’s messages may try to convince us it’s a simple personal failing, rather than a complex communal/societal failing. I’m lonely because I’m objectively quite isolated and friendless, but I’m still not as lonely as I was living with my abusive parents, dating an abusive person, with friends with people who took advantage of my vulnerability. Loneliness is a lack of mutual understanding and support. There are extremely well-connected people who are extremely lonely. I’d rather enjoy the peace and focus of solitude than chase false friendships. Thank you for sharing this lovely re-framing of being alone! I’m on an adventure, and I know there are fellow adventurers waiting to join me in the future.
Thank you so much for this video.❤ I'm 28 and had to leave my country for political reasons, without my family, and it has been hard to make friends a go through all of the hardships of being an immigrant by myself... I too find solace in books and some RUclips channel like yours. ☺
Dear Cinzia, thank you for sharing your amazing thoughts, I feel blessed to have found your online posts here on RUclips. I love how smart you are. Books save lives. Yes, yes, yes. I adore your fashion style, and your home full of books. I feel so inspired by your strength, intellect, and bravery. I too, live alone, and do everything for myself. Learning to stop and rest, took me a long time to master. I give myself 1 "lazy day" per week. I recently went on a fashion hunt for beautiful blouses, like yours, and have found some. Soft green, latte, cinnamon, cream, blush, inspired entirely by your gorgeous presentation here. So elegant, so refined, so lovely. Love Princess Holly of Australia, hairdresser and book lover 🕊🌿🌳🍀🌴🌱🏰🎄🕊🌿🌳🍀
As a writer of 35 novels (so far) I've spent thousands of hours alone. I don't mind my own company. But I do like to get out of my castle once in a while and visit my local bookstore or sit with a coffee and watch the world go by. I also have a BA (HONS) in art, so my house is decorated with my work, which helps pass the time. All my uni friends went their own ways when we all graduated. Sometimes, I just jump on a train and go somewhere! Last time, I went to Edinburgh and had a coffee at the Elephant House. I'm single at the moment and do miss that interaction. :)
I am married but I feel really lonely. I’m not sure if that’s normal. Sometimes I think I should have children just to feel less lonely but that thought usually passes quickly as I really don’t want children 😅 I am trying to work on my loneliness but living very far away from family doesn’t help. ❤
I am married and feel this way too! My husband is my best friend but besides him I don’t have any friends. I have never really had friends since 2011. It can be very lonely. I want kids but I experienced 2 miscarriages this year. It’s really changed my perspective on having children solely to feel “happier” or less lonely. Changing the way I view loneliness is still a work in progress. I wish you well❤️
Thanks Cinzia! This is by far the most compelling argument for journaling I have ever heard. Increased IQ? Yes, please! I wanted to mention that I have been lonely as an immigrant and a single mother for many years. My boyfriend was my only close friend for several years and he sadly passed away last year. Grief is hard when there's no one to talk to. Fortunately my oldest child is now 19 and working and although I still need to work on expanding my friendship circle and building up my community, there are things I can rely on him to be able and willing to help with and it has been a comfort to me. Things do get better with time ❤
I am feeling so alone right now. I started my semester abroad and am allready quitting it, because I underrestimated how bad my mental health is and how much it influences my ability to get to know people and even go out on my own to do the things I want and see the beautiful City I am in. I need to get back home to get professionell help and support from my family, my girlfruend and my friends. It was always my dream to stay abroad and I tried to see it as a great adventure for myself but it scares the hell out of me. It is not the right time for this adventure for me, but my dream did not die.
This is incredible. I’m an introvert and sometimes love doing things alone but these last few weeks I’ve been alone writing my thesis for hours on end and it can be hatd
Thank you relate a little especially since COVID, like the rest of us I imagine. I really love how your Fur babies came in As you were talking telling you we're here. Thank you so much as always blessings for you❣️
Thank you for this beautiful video Cinzia ❤ I left a good job at a publishing house two years ago for a more creative freelance life -- they were hard, lonely years, but I finally finished a first draft and started a new job last week. I want to encourage everyone to look at life as an experiment. It's never too late to make a change, to drop a project, to chase or relinquish a dream, to leave work or get work or try to fix things that don't work. Every lifestyle has its positives and negatives, and it's impossible to not have problems, but you always have some control over which problems you have. You have the power to decide which problems are worth having. Good luck out there everyone 💪✨
I randomly came across this video tonight and I felt so much comfort after watching it. I’m 25 and I’ve been alone for 3 or 4 years now, and at the start I found it to be a relief. It was something I needed to do for my well-being but as time continues to pass it has recently started to make me anxious, depressed, and scared for my future. I’ve been so worried about if I’ll ever be able to overcome this that I sort of put my life on hold and forgot how to just enjoy life as it is now. I’m hopeful for the future, and I will come back to this video when my thoughts are overwhelming me. Thank you!
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but in my past relationships not only did I still bear all my stress and responsibilities alone, I was also doing more house work, emotional labor and being constantly scrutinized. And from what I see that's the case for most women. My life is too precious to go through that again.
This video came at a very precise moment in my life. I’m slowly coming out of a depression which was only made worse by the fact that my surrounding was not available for me. In my age (39), most of my friends have kids and are busy with their families or other worries in their lives. Not wanting to be a burden forced me to go through it alone without being able to share my feelings. I lost all motivation for a while and got to the point where knowing that there are people who will feel pain if I disappeared only made me feel the weight of the chains which bind me to life as stifling. I’m now beginning to gather myself back again and building anew my life. Thanks for the share and may we all walk our different paths with a self found purpose. Every small step counts ❤
Oh yeah, in the same vein, speaking for myself, trying to reimagine my life as some sort of tragicomedy works! I also sometimes try to write standup jokes about my worst fears and memories, that helps. Taking a step back and not taking yourself too seriously is tremendously helpful, and for some people it works best with this type of creativity
As a PhD student struggling with burnout, loneliness and family issues I can't do much about because I'm living far away from home... I kind of needed this today. Thanks.
One of the oldest bits of advice I have followed was to always keep my head up and remember to breathe. If you can pull it off and smile all of the time, make people think you are up to something. We always know better, but a smile not only helps ourselves, but others as well.
This is a sneaky little video, I listened to it once and thought “mm, an interesting idea’ however the next morning I realised I REALLY needed to listen to it again as there’s an idea in here that is growing on me. Thank you!
Thank you for making this video. I needed a boost to my morale and this has helped. I am fortunate to have some people in my life but struggle with depression and loneliness everyday. The idea of keeping an audio log is something that has not occurred to me before and is something i am going to give a try. Thank you for everything you do!
It’s been an unusually hard day. I was widowed young and have been working hard to overcome the trauma that was associated with my fiancé’s sudden death. I’ve been doing much much better in that regard, but bad days come, some very bad like today, and I happened to stumble onto this video. I really related to your story of growing up alone with unsupportive parents and lots of self-reliance getting me through. That kind of only depending on yourself and my introverted nature has been a great strength and weakness as you note. I’ve thought often the last 4 years that I’m likely to continue to be alone the rest of my life. Your video gave me much to think about and I really appreciate you didn’t sugar-coat things or lapse into some sort of toxic positivity. This is an interesting set of ways to think about things that will take some practice to assimilate.
When writing about your dark times, psychologists who specialize in this area emphasize that you should NOT engage in it excessively, as this can crystallize your negative feelings further. Instead, a series of, say, 4 - 6 sessions of 20 mins of writing every 2nd day would be preferrable. One of the things of central importance is to attempt to make rational sense of your state of mind & emotions. If your writing sessions have moved in a positive, constructive direction, then you have made progress.
I think I've come to embrace being alone. I do most things by myself and honestly I just don't have anyone to do things with, but I enjoy that. I'm not a social person so being on my own relieves me from being obligated to have conversations. But the loneliness does get to me sometimes, I just wish I had someone to share moments with. I'm almost thirty years old and I still feel like I haven't found a place where I belong. I've always been that person that could be in a group of people and still feel alone because everyone just forgets about me and I fade into the background. Someone might remember I'm there and bring me back in to the conversation but not often.
This is an interesting point of view that I might need to adopt. I have a slightly unhealthy relationship with reading (thanks, school - or my specific teacher rather), but when I manage to get into a book, I can see myself in certain parts. It is refreshing. Reframing my story into something bigger than my tiny ego could really lift the curse I might have cast on myself in my head.
Thank you so much 🥹♥️. This came out at the right moment. I am really stuggling to study computer science by my self😭. I lost all my friends and I am feeling lonely for such a long time. This things hurt my soul 🥺. I'm feeling lost... P.S.: Sorry for my english.
Thank you for sharing this. It's good to be reminded that such a situation as you describe may not be forever nor unable to be overcome. Perhaps we can all be lonely together....
I like you! And you are very natural, that is lovely! I thought another cliche repetitive video it will be like other self help type content online, but no, I was mistaken. It is worth my time, well described, I needed it now.
I live in a rural area away from like-minded people and I've started to see myself as the local witch of the woods, in some sort of self-imposed exile from the path facing some hero trial 😂 sometimes I feel like my soul is slowly degrading.
The intro bit about reframing your life into a quest had me cracking up so hard haha. Seriously your channel is so rad, I love how both unpretentious and multidisciplinarily enriching your videos are!
Yes, I’m as a character in a book. And characters are dictated by authors so I must be as author too. And the goal of the author is to put their characters through as many mistakes and miseries as possible for the amusement and enlightenment of others and really not to serve the characters at all. All is going according to plan.
This is such good advice. I am an introvert who has always done so many things on my own and often felt lonely. Sometimes, it has been very difficult for me, especially during transitional periods when I could have used some company or advice. Now, in my 60s, I find myself taking care of family members which gives me a sense of being needed though I have lost some freedom. I have found there is always a trade-off, and since I prefer a slight loss of freedom to loneliness, my life has a sense of balance now. I have family obligations and an online job, and yet enough freedom to participate in my church with people I like or just to take a walk by the river with my son. Finding a way to comfortably fit other people into my life has been the key to surviving as an introvert.
I have started writing things down as well, not journalling as such but writing down reaffriming thoughts and things I do I am proud of. So I can show myself that I *can* do this even if I have to do it alone.
@3:28 Next time you need to move a bookcase, feel free to let me know. I'd need a few weeks of advance notice, but would love to have to explain to airport security that I'm just visiting for the day to assist moving some internet persons furniture. Seriously. You have an emergency redecorating team standing by.
After watching many of your videos with an interest in ancient history and myths, I just wanted to thank you! You are entertaining and so informative. It does break my heart that there have obviously been unkind or hurtful experiences for you. This is the first time I’ve seen a video of a more personal nature from you and I so respect your outlook and understand your struggles. I do hope things work out for you as you are obviously so bloody talented, f*** the negative just keep going don’t be jaded! Dogs always aid on a hero’s journey btw which you seem to have realised! I’m so enjoying your content and learning so much from your research and knowledge. Please keep going! ❤ Its not often an online presence can emote such positive feelings from me.
Could you do one on finding one's own purpose? Like, what made you so passionate about mythology and not philosophy or something else entirely? I have a few interests and I wish I could study them all in university at the same time...but I don't think anyone can manage 3 universities at the same time.
I think you are incredibly lovely and are serving as the sage for those of us that seek such wisdom from Google due to lack of external cohort resources. For some reason, I needed to hear this message today and I believe the algorithmic fates placed this video essay at the top of my RUclips feed. Thank you for your wonderful insights and I appreciate all the work you are doing. Cheers!
Hi Cinzia! Great video and boy can I relate to growing up not feeling supported or backed up. I like you had to learn things the hard way and yes it did take much longer for me to learn but you know what? I learned and grew stronger and I very much like who I am today. Sending you lots of hugs!! 🥰🥰🥰💚💚💚❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this video! I’m glad I found your channel. I’m suffering from loneliness and isolation lately, though I’m technically not alone in and of the fact I have a friend and my family is less than a half hour away. But I moved out for the first time and I’m in my practicum year of my masters degree, so a lot is going on with no real time to socialize, and it’s feeling like everyone else is moving on around me. Your video helped in a way I lack words to describe. Thank you so much! Love your videos!😊
@Cinzia DuBois Saw the video come up in my recommended last night and bookmarked it to watch later... at the ripe old age of 50, and always being somewhat of the "outcast" in my life... I never did fit in with most people and these days still don't... I found it easy to relate to your experiences even though they are not an exact match... My Mother was always there for me as best she could be, but that in itself was a "Double Edged Sword" as I became too reliant.... I did not actually "Grow Up" for want of a better term until I left home at 26! Unlike your self, I am not an introvert, but I am so socially awkward that I find communication hard and that in turn leads to me being unable to develop good friendships or interactions. So, Your video I was hoping could help... And I do feel it has! Many things you have suggested I already do in some way... But I have been doubting myself of late and hearing you speak has helped reaffirm that I am not wasting my time, I am not alone... and that many things I already do are SENSIBLE! Thank you so much!
Have you been in touch with any support groups? There may be something local to you. If not there will likely be a helpline of some sort. It's always helpful to speak to someone who understands and hopefully they can give you tips on managing your symptoms.
Another in the 40's club... You know what's weird? I don't think of myself as, "being in my 40's" or even as "being an adult." Dunno if that is a bad or good thing. Anyhow... Thank you for this video Cinzia! I understand where you are coming from - I am there too. Lately I have wanted to have someone I could talk to, someone I could trust and open up to about everything without burdening them, and it is very frustrating to have to face that such a person likely does not exist. There is no Samwise to my Frodo, and like Frodo, I have to walk this most difficult stage of the journey all by myself. We could spend some time on a, "you think you had it bad" and I could tell you how my parents were supposed to homeschool me and I ended up educating myself (not very well I might add.) But the point would be I get it, I get the isolation, I get the longing to have someone worthy to share the burden with, I get that at the end of the day all you have is you, you are the only person you can count on, depend on or rely on (at least for now) and that becomes EXTREMEMLY difficult when you have little to no faith or trust in yourself! So as alone as you may feel, there are others out there feeling similarly, and for whatever it is worth, if you ever need to talk, I will offer you what I wish I had, someone who will listen. My email is on my About page here at RUclips. At least you will have that if you want it, another castaway in the life boats scattered about who will listen, is capable of empathizing, and has some understanding. As far as burnout, in my own experience, I have found that I need to be gentle with myself. Push a little, not too much, and if resistance is met, stop. Give myself the space and time I need, try again later. As a creative, t's always about flow VS force. I haven't learned much beyond that other than sleep is vital, and if you throw insomnia into the mix he's not a good party guest. So don't invite him in. Be well. Be Blessed.
Thank you, Cinzia, for reminding me of this. I rarely recognize myself this much in a video. I will keep being unapolegitically myself. We neurodivergent loners are beautiful and valid, and we are not truly alone. For what it's worth, I'd readily choose someone like us to be with, even though communication between two neuroatipycal people can de doubly challenging. I value people like us so much.
My version of loneliness, is just me playing an rpg in solo mode. I've not got any companions to journey with me right now and must get through this area alone. Doing this, allows me to gain enough xp to level myself up. Seeing lonely life struggles as a quest, is a great way to cope!
I would also suggest taking care of your mental health, especially of the unresolved childhood trauma, that can impact the feeling of loneliness, regardless if you're actually lonely or not.
Thank you for this! Reframing as an adventurous hobbit actually resonates with me. I’m not where 18 year old me expected I would be at 31. The only thing I regret about my journey so far is not having written it down. Maybe I need to pull a Bilbo Baggins and write my own “There and Back Again”
Thanks for your in depth in loneliness its hard some days to be happy and very hard to leave the house some days as well I love to read and watch tv and other hobbies as well. Reading does help and other activities as well. Take care and god bless. Till next time
Always happy to help you move a couch - I'm probably on the other end of the world from you (gathering by your accent) but I'm sure there's others here that are closer. Feel free to drop in for a virtual coffee anytime though. All the best to those doing it tough, I'm lucky enough to have a family but I have lived in loneliness (population 1) and while it suits me well, it can wear thin even for an asocial misanthrope like me. The bad thing about the modern world is there seems to be less community spirit than there used to be. The good thing is, if you can access the internet you can probably at least find someone you can talk to. That person doesn't need to live next door these days (and if they turn out to be a weirdo they're a lot easier to avoid). You just never know when your life will be changed for the better, that's what makes living so much fun.
I am so very glad I discovered you here. I am 56 years old; I am a psychotherapist in Rochester, NY, USA. I love and have studied Jungian Analytical Psychology. I too, would love to get a Ph.D and have 2 Master's degrees (one in Biblical Studies, one in Pastoral Counseling.) I am currently working on a third Master's in Catholic Philosophy, and am drawn Heavily to pre-and post-Christian pagan Philosophy, especially Socrates/Plato, and the neo-Platonists. I am an INFJ. I am a high-functioning Neurodivergent. Many, perhaps most, of my psychotherapy clients happen to be the same, as they tell me that they were simply drawn to me like they had a radar telling them, "This man will understand me." I have a Yorkie mix named Zoe. I too am surrounded by books, and I share so much of what little I have heard so far in your videos on your channels. Please keep up your magnificent work! -Eric
Hey! For anyone who might need to hear it: your life can change for the better. I'm in my forties now, and finally, FINALLY over the last few years I look at my life and my self and I'm happy. I'm still living alone (with kitties ❤) I'm still overweight, still not quite making my dream job happen. So the only thing that changed is me, my coping mechanism, my ability to look at something i am telling myself and know it's a self-sabotaging lie, etc. I just want to tell everyone who might need to hear it today: there is space for happiness on the other side of the crappy times. I'm so grateful for every time someone reminded me of that, otherwise I don't know that I could have made it through. PS you're amazing and I love you. ❤
thank you 🙏💚
What a beautiful comment.
wow thank you !! i have been going through something similar myself and it’s so validating to know a lot of us are on a similar journey in our own worlds. i wish you a lot of happy days 💛✨
Thank you Annie, this stranger needed to hear that. Wishing you the best 💛
Yes. We are all on a journey. A quest if you will.
And being alone is way better than being with the wrong person! Good video, thanks. 🙂
both aren't very good for the human brain though
@@JhoferGamer at least platonic relationships can fill the lonely void!
@@cosmictraveler1146 i dnt have that either :d
I tend to find that this sentiment is fear masquerading as virtue. There isn’t really such thing as a ‘wrong’ person or a ‘right’ person for you. Of course abuse shouldn’t be tolerated, but outside of this, you could likely have a beautiful relationship with almost anybody.
nah i disagree if anybody wants to use/gaslight and manipulate me hmu
Cinzia, I’ve only followed you briefly, and in that time it’s already been evident that you are heroic. Being a Ph.D student is exhausting. Being cash-strapped is exhausting. Tackling those circumstances while neurodivergent-and lonely-can feel a bit like being the main character in a tragedy, not an epic adventure. And yet here you are, with grace, style, wit, and fortitude, inviting us to elevate ourselves. You’re astounding and fabulous, and you should be immensely proud of yourself.
Exactly! ☺💜
I am already 32. I never experienced the slightest amount of love in my life.
Not because I dont want to. In fact I tried several things to find a partner: approaching women, signing up on dating applications, joining new groups. Nothing worked. Every women rejected me. That a woman once found me attractive, never happend.
I am completely alone. I never had a hug, a kiss or something like a realationship. Hell not even a date. Like most humen I crave romantic intimacy. Since I have been so long left without any, I became increasingly sick. I am suffering from insomnia, depression and panic attacks. Beside that I am also poor and struggling to get by.
I'm a 33 year old woman and on the same boat as you.
Never experienced romance. No bf, never dated, never had a guy be interested in me. Nothing. And now I know that it is too late for me because I'm over 30 and we all know men only goes for younger chicks.
All of my friends have gotten married and some have children, so they no longer have time for friends (unless it's with other mothers for playdates)
I've always been pretty lonely because I was the ugly fat girl nobody cared much abt. But I learned to cope through video games and anime lol
However, the loneliness has gotten so bad for me now. Aside from being lost in life, I am so lonely and touch starved. I went back to college for a better career and there's a classmate who started showing kindness to me. He would playfully hug me and hold my hand and pat my head (he does this to a lot of girls, so it doesn't mean anything)
But even though I don't take him seriously, especially since I am over a decade older than him, my lonely ass is beginning to show early signs on infatuation and I'm feeling way more pathetic than I ever did.
@@TheGreenPoncle Men don't go for younger chicks. Men are human beings just like women. Most seek out someone they are compatible with, share interests with, etc. And you know, it is more likely to find that in people your own age ;) I am in my 30s, and I have a job. Someone who is also in their 30s will be more likely to understand me if I complain about that than someone who is 20 will. Sure, in most relationships the man is a little bit older, but usually only by a few years, not... Decades. A 30-40-50 year old man with a 20 year old girl is rare (and when it does accure, I do find it a bit creepy tbh - definitely not the type of guy I want in my life).
And besides, you are 33, not 80! I am 33 too, and frankly, I don't look much older than when I was 22. And neither do most of my friends. And I bet it is the same for you. We live in a society where we are constantly told that as soon as you are not VERY young anymore, you are old. But in reality there is such a grey area in between. It is a gradual process, and it isn't only negativity. In fact, I feel I am wiser, I've learnt stuff along the way and I am more stable now. And actually more attractive because of it.
I know it may all feel like a lot, and I know it is harder when you feel like you are behind, because now you also feel insecure for having missed the milestones most people achieve when they are a bit younger. But if you think "I am already 33, and I have never had a man, and now I am old and ugly", it may feel very overwhelming, and you may end up not doing anything at all. But you could go to therapy and work on your self confidence. You could try to lose some weight (if, and only if, you are bothered with your weight!). You could try to go out a bit more. Maybe you can see if there are events on social media, or groups about something you are interested in and try to meet those people. And see those things as achievements, not because they might lead you to find a man, but just because you are doing things for YOU. If a man is the end goal, you may fail, because that is not all in your control, and then it might still feel like a failure. But going to therapy, going out more, etc, are things that are tangible goals within your own control.
@@Eniphesoj90thank you for this!
girl, thanks for this video, you're a bit of an inspiration for me
i'm 16, and when i picture myself in 10 years, i see myself in a lonely house full of books and plants, just like yours!
nothing lasts forever....everything passes, everything changes..just do what you think you should do💫
This is such a good video about being alone and the issues of loneliness. At 1:50-ish your dogs joined you as if they were reminding you that you are an important and integral part of their pack 🤍 I relate to being alone as an empty nester and also being an introverted loner on the spectrum. I kind of enjoy my hermit life with my dog, cats and hamster.
I was just gonna say this. It’s like they came out on cue lol, it was sweet
@@lemonjuice1977 I think they were doing some emotional support, animals are just that smart and simply know when we need them most.
Animals are intuitive. I'm an empty nester too. It's taken awhile to enjoy being alone and not I do however when l9nliness roles in its hard to ignore..but it is books and my furbaby to get me through.. I've always said I wish I could meet myself as another person because we'd be great friends! 😊
I can relate to this immensely. From covid onwards I have been isolated with online university, and living in a country in which I don't speak the language, so have found it intimidating and just generally difficult to meet people, especially as an introvert with autism and adhd. Knowing other people are struggling with this type of thing doesn't ease the burden but at least I know I'm not alone in these feelings.
i've reached my breaking point, my hope is dead. i'm 43, work and live alone, have adhd and possibly autism and zero friends, no romantic partner and no way of meeting people. been alone for 8 years, haven't met people in a decade. i love being alone but 100% isolation is extremely detrimental and i'm definitely feeling the effects of this on my health.
Do you have any family members you can talk to? Why can't you meet new people? If you want, let's talk and get to know each other?
"Books save lives, so keep reading", what a wonderful and true mantra!
Cheers from Italy
I agree that journalling is enormously helpful. I work alone and live alone. There are people at work i can contact but im in the office on my own. If ive had a stressful day, or week, there's nobody at home to offload to. So i journal. I journal every day. The good, the bad and the indifferent.
Ive tried joining various groups in the hope of finding my tribe with varying success. The only group I'm sticking with for the moment is my book group. Not because they're necessarily my tribe but they are noce enough people and it keeps my social skills alive as well as introducing me to different authors.
Quite often though im more than content with a text or an email now and then to keep in touch with people. I'm quite content with my own company for the majority of the time which is fortunate
I live, and work on the road 11 months out of the year, and I have been doing it for 15 years. It is odd to me how often I change from "I love my life, and wouldn't change it for the world, and "OH GOD I AM SO LONELY, PLEASE LET ME HAVE AT LEAST ONE FRIEND!!!". My colleagues are all railroaders in the American south, so it is kind of hard to find someone to share my fascination with religious history.
Right now, I appreciate my solitude, but I will remember this video when my solitude shape-shifts into loneliness. I can attest personally that keeping a journal helped me quite a lot, and it is interesting to see how my stream of conscious plays out as the days go on. I would like to add that if you do begin journaling, try to select tools that you would like to work with, like a really nice pen, and or, the journal itself, or even a space that you dedicate to that activity.
Great video, Cinzia!
You might feel alone, but we as your audience support you and are always there for you!
I can relate being an introvert too.
The “imagining yourself as an admired character” method is something children sometimes do instinctively, and can work! I really appreciate the attention to solutions other than for the lucky/privileged.
It is a great video I’ll watch more than once. I do miss some of your old content in the other channels like “things to do instead of shopping on a no buy” and related content. But I understand sometimes creators need a fresh start.
I rarely comment but your videos have given me soooo much hope. I was going to quit my PhD but I now have the motivation to continue. Your work is important 💗
Thank you. I needed this today. It can be very difficult when you have to make all decisions alone. Do everything alone. I’ve learned to depend on myself. Trust my own judgement. It’s taken a long time to find the confidence to believe in myself. I have a disabled adult daughter who depends on me so every decision I make affects her too. It can be a heavy burden to bear. I’m just starting to realise that I can do it. I’m alone but never lonely. I’m happy. Content. 😊
Definitely caught my attention with the title
This has been a favourite topic of mine for years. I decided one day long ago that loneliness just didn't exist, for me it was just me experiencing boredom and self-pity at the same time. I don't mean to diminish or invalidate anyone else's experience of loneliness as it's very real and impactful for many, but for me this simply worked and has done ever since. I've got to the point where loneliness just never occurs to me as the reason for feeling down, I think I've built up so many alternative coping mechanisms like distracting myself with hobbies, going on solo camping adventures, staying mildly social with free walking groups or just good old escapism of planning future projects. I hope this helps someone feel better today. ❤
Yes, yes, yes!
25 and a dude but I relate a lot to you and your stories. I really appreciate u for putting out these videos because I have only watched 2 and just discovered your channel but from what I have seen it is helping l.
Brilliantly crafted and presented! Please keep in mind that you are not entirely alone. You have your followers here, sharing your thoughts and feelings. Enjoying your eloquence and presence, even if from afar. And, I am certain that if you reach out directly (not on the internet) you'd probably find buddies willing to help move the sofas and with the other mundane tasks after a chat over coffee or tea. The soul and spirit you present is one that many would enjoy sharing time with.
Amazing video that doesn’t just give empty platitudes or just advice about how to find friends. This is wonderful.
Often people who are lonely are either surrounded by incompatible or toxic people, or they’ve separated themselves from the incompatible or toxic people they used to be surrounded by.
Isolation isn’t easy to fix, no matter how society’s messages may try to convince us it’s a simple personal failing, rather than a complex communal/societal failing. I’m lonely because I’m objectively quite isolated and friendless, but I’m still not as lonely as I was living with my abusive parents, dating an abusive person, with friends with people who took advantage of my vulnerability. Loneliness is a lack of mutual understanding and support. There are extremely well-connected people who are extremely lonely. I’d rather enjoy the peace and focus of solitude than chase false friendships.
Thank you for sharing this lovely re-framing of being alone! I’m on an adventure, and I know there are fellow adventurers waiting to join me in the future.
This is brilliant. (Your dog waving along with you was adorable.). You articulated what I now see has been my experience. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video.❤ I'm 28 and had to leave my country for political reasons, without my family, and it has been hard to make friends a go through all of the hardships of being an immigrant by myself... I too find solace in books and some RUclips channel like yours. ☺
Cinzia: I do everything alone.
Dogs: you sure about that?!
😊
i have been socially isolated the past three years no friends no social contact other than fam and psych. this video was very eye opening
Dear Cinzia,
thank you for sharing your amazing thoughts, I feel blessed to have found your online posts here on RUclips.
I love how smart you are.
Books save lives. Yes, yes, yes.
I adore your fashion style, and your home full of books.
I feel so inspired by your strength, intellect, and bravery. I too, live alone, and do everything for myself. Learning to stop and rest, took me a long time to master. I give myself 1 "lazy day" per week.
I recently went on a fashion hunt for beautiful blouses, like yours, and have found some. Soft green, latte, cinnamon, cream, blush, inspired entirely by your gorgeous presentation here. So elegant, so refined, so lovely.
Love Princess Holly of Australia,
hairdresser and book lover
🕊🌿🌳🍀🌴🌱🏰🎄🕊🌿🌳🍀
As a writer of 35 novels (so far) I've spent thousands of hours alone. I don't mind my own company. But I do like to get out of my castle once in a while and visit my local bookstore or sit with a coffee and watch the world go by. I also have a BA (HONS) in art, so my house is decorated with my work, which helps pass the time. All my uni friends went their own ways when we all graduated. Sometimes, I just jump on a train and go somewhere! Last time, I went to Edinburgh and had a coffee at the Elephant House. I'm single at the moment and do miss that interaction. :)
Omg! I’d love to visit the elephant house (because of JKR). Did you have a fun experience there? :)
I am married but I feel really lonely. I’m not sure if that’s normal. Sometimes I think I should have children just to feel less lonely but that thought usually passes quickly as I really don’t want children 😅
I am trying to work on my loneliness but living very far away from family doesn’t help.
❤
I am married and feel this way too! My husband is my best friend but besides him I don’t have any friends. I have never really had friends since 2011. It can be very lonely. I want kids but I experienced 2 miscarriages this year. It’s really changed my perspective on having children solely to feel “happier” or less lonely.
Changing the way I view loneliness is still a work in progress. I wish you well❤️
Thanks Cinzia! This is by far the most compelling argument for journaling I have ever heard. Increased IQ? Yes, please! I wanted to mention that I have been lonely as an immigrant and a single mother for many years. My boyfriend was my only close friend for several years and he sadly passed away last year. Grief is hard when there's no one to talk to. Fortunately my oldest child is now 19 and working and although I still need to work on expanding my friendship circle and building up my community, there are things I can rely on him to be able and willing to help with and it has been a comfort to me. Things do get better with time ❤
I’m suffering and concerned about this topic, this is definitely inspiring, thanks for the video 🌷
I am feeling so alone right now. I started my semester abroad and am allready quitting it, because I underrestimated how bad my mental health is and how much it influences my ability to get to know people and even go out on my own to do the things I want and see the beautiful City I am in.
I need to get back home to get professionell help and support from my family, my girlfruend and my friends.
It was always my dream to stay abroad and I tried to see it as a great adventure for myself but it scares the hell out of me.
It is not the right time for this adventure for me, but my dream did not die.
The key word in self-esteem is self...👍
This is incredible. I’m an introvert and sometimes love doing things alone but these last few weeks I’ve been alone writing my thesis for hours on end and it can be hatd
Never been particularly enamoured of the company of others. If ever do get lonely, I open a book and my mind takes wings.
Thank you relate a little especially since COVID, like the rest of us I imagine. I really love how your Fur babies came in As you were talking telling you we're here. Thank you so much as always blessings for you❣️
Thank you for this beautiful video Cinzia ❤ I left a good job at a publishing house two years ago for a more creative freelance life -- they were hard, lonely years, but I finally finished a first draft and started a new job last week. I want to encourage everyone to look at life as an experiment. It's never too late to make a change, to drop a project, to chase or relinquish a dream, to leave work or get work or try to fix things that don't work. Every lifestyle has its positives and negatives, and it's impossible to not have problems, but you always have some control over which problems you have. You have the power to decide which problems are worth having. Good luck out there everyone 💪✨
I randomly came across this video tonight and I felt so much comfort after watching it. I’m 25 and I’ve been alone for 3 or 4 years now, and at the start I found it to be a relief. It was something I needed to do for my well-being but as time continues to pass it has recently started to make me anxious, depressed, and scared for my future. I’ve been so worried about if I’ll ever be able to overcome this that I sort of put my life on hold and forgot how to just enjoy life as it is now. I’m hopeful for the future, and I will come back to this video when my thoughts are overwhelming me. Thank you!
Good to know I'm not as weird as I thought for coping in this way.
Your more life-style-ish content is very original and well informed. Thanks for this one❤
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but in my past relationships not only did I still bear all my stress and responsibilities alone, I was also doing more house work, emotional labor and being constantly scrutinized. And from what I see that's the case for most women. My life is too precious to go through that again.
This video came at a very precise moment in my life.
I’m slowly coming out of a depression which was only made worse by the fact that my surrounding was not available for me. In my age (39), most of my friends have kids and are busy with their families or other worries in their lives.
Not wanting to be a burden forced me to go through it alone without being able to share my feelings.
I lost all motivation for a while and got to the point where knowing that there are people who will feel pain if I disappeared only made me feel the weight of the chains which bind me to life as stifling.
I’m now beginning to gather myself back again and building anew my life.
Thanks for the share and may we all walk our different paths with a self found purpose.
Every small step counts ❤
' "These stories we tell ourselves can become our reality." '.
So, so true.
Thanks for making this video.
Oh yeah, in the same vein, speaking for myself, trying to reimagine my life as some sort of tragicomedy works! I also sometimes try to write standup jokes about my worst fears and memories, that helps. Taking a step back and not taking yourself too seriously is tremendously helpful, and for some people it works best with this type of creativity
This is good. Thank you
thank you for that video, really helped me cope with life here.
As a PhD student struggling with burnout, loneliness and family issues I can't do much about because I'm living far away from home... I kind of needed this today. Thanks.
it's so cute that your dogs joined you
One of the oldest bits of advice I have followed was to always keep my head up and remember to breathe. If you can pull it off and smile all of the time, make people think you are up to something. We always know better, but a smile not only helps ourselves, but others as well.
Thank you for this video. I needed this!
This is a sneaky little video, I listened to it once and thought “mm, an interesting idea’ however the next morning I realised I REALLY needed to listen to it again as there’s an idea in here that is growing on me. Thank you!
Thank you for making this video. I needed a boost to my morale and this has helped. I am fortunate to have some people in my life but struggle with depression and loneliness everyday. The idea of keeping an audio log is something that has not occurred to me before and is something i am going to give a try. Thank you for everything you do!
can I just say, she has gorgeous hair😭
It’s been an unusually hard day. I was widowed young and have been working hard to overcome the trauma that was associated with my fiancé’s sudden death. I’ve been doing much much better in that regard, but bad days come, some very bad like today, and I happened to stumble onto this video.
I really related to your story of growing up alone with unsupportive parents and lots of self-reliance getting me through. That kind of only depending on yourself and my introverted nature has been a great strength and weakness as you note. I’ve thought often the last 4 years that I’m likely to continue to be alone the rest of my life. Your video gave me much to think about and I really appreciate you didn’t sugar-coat things or lapse into some sort of toxic positivity. This is an interesting set of ways to think about things that will take some practice to assimilate.
i just want to be truly alone, not around hostile-looking strangers, even when i am at home (apartment life is rough).
When writing about your dark times, psychologists who specialize in this area emphasize that you should NOT engage in it excessively, as this can crystallize your negative feelings further. Instead, a series of, say, 4 - 6 sessions of 20 mins of writing every 2nd day would be preferrable.
One of the things of central importance is to attempt to make rational sense of your state of mind & emotions.
If your writing sessions have moved in a positive, constructive direction, then you have made progress.
3:26
It's like your canon event! I wonder if everyone had a concise turning point like this...
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Cinzia!
Really internalized the “you won’t always be alone” part.
I think I've come to embrace being alone. I do most things by myself and honestly I just don't have anyone to do things with, but I enjoy that. I'm not a social person so being on my own relieves me from being obligated to have conversations. But the loneliness does get to me sometimes, I just wish I had someone to share moments with. I'm almost thirty years old and I still feel like I haven't found a place where I belong. I've always been that person that could be in a group of people and still feel alone because everyone just forgets about me and I fade into the background. Someone might remember I'm there and bring me back in to the conversation but not often.
I do identify with her. Thank you, once in a while I have to be reminded that there’s strength in solitude.
This is an interesting point of view that I might need to adopt. I have a slightly unhealthy relationship with reading (thanks, school - or my specific teacher rather), but when I manage to get into a book, I can see myself in certain parts. It is refreshing. Reframing my story into something bigger than my tiny ego could really lift the curse I might have cast on myself in my head.
Thank you so much 🥹♥️. This came out at the right moment. I am really stuggling to study computer science by my self😭. I lost all my friends and I am feeling lonely for such a long time. This things hurt my soul 🥺. I'm feeling lost...
P.S.: Sorry for my english.
Thank you for sharing this. It's good to be reminded that such a situation as you describe may not be forever nor unable to be overcome. Perhaps we can all be lonely together....
Lollllll @ you talking about doing everything alone and then the dogs start to pile on 😂
I like you! And you are very natural, that is lovely! I thought another cliche repetitive video it will be like other self help type content online, but no, I was mistaken. It is worth my time, well described, I needed it now.
I live in a rural area away from like-minded people and I've started to see myself as the local witch of the woods, in some sort of self-imposed exile from the path facing some hero trial 😂 sometimes I feel like my soul is slowly degrading.
The intro bit about reframing your life into a quest had me cracking up so hard haha. Seriously your channel is so rad, I love how both unpretentious and multidisciplinarily enriching your videos are!
Yes, I’m as a character in a book. And characters are dictated by authors so I must be as author too. And the goal of the author is to put their characters through as many mistakes and miseries as possible for the amusement and enlightenment of others and really not to serve the characters at all. All is going according to plan.
This is such good advice. I am an introvert who has always done so many things on my own and often felt lonely. Sometimes, it has been very difficult for me, especially during transitional periods when I could have used some company or advice. Now, in my 60s, I find myself taking care of family members which gives me a sense of being needed though I have lost some freedom. I have found there is always a trade-off, and since I prefer a slight loss of freedom to loneliness, my life has a sense of balance now. I have family obligations and an online job, and yet enough freedom to participate in my church with people I like or just to take a walk by the river with my son. Finding a way to comfortably fit other people into my life has been the key to surviving as an introvert.
I have started writing things down as well, not journalling as such but writing down reaffriming thoughts and things I do I am proud of. So I can show myself that I *can* do this even if I have to do it alone.
Thanks!
thank you so much
@3:28 Next time you need to move a bookcase, feel free to let me know. I'd need a few weeks of advance notice, but would love to have to explain to airport security that I'm just visiting for the day to assist moving some internet persons furniture. Seriously. You have an emergency redecorating team standing by.
😊
sincerely, thank you for this video
After watching many of your videos with an interest in ancient history and myths, I just wanted to thank you! You are entertaining and so informative. It does break my heart that there have obviously been unkind or hurtful experiences for you. This is the first time I’ve seen a video of a more personal nature from you and I so respect your outlook and understand your struggles. I do hope things work out for you as you are obviously so bloody talented, f*** the negative just keep going don’t be jaded!
Dogs always aid on a hero’s journey btw which you seem to have realised! I’m so enjoying your content and learning so much from your research and knowledge. Please keep going! ❤
Its not often an online presence can emote such positive feelings from me.
Could you do one on finding one's own purpose? Like, what made you so passionate about mythology and not philosophy or something else entirely? I have a few interests and I wish I could study them all in university at the same time...but I don't think anyone can manage 3 universities at the same time.
I think you are incredibly lovely and are serving as the sage for those of us that seek such wisdom from Google due to lack of external cohort resources. For some reason, I needed to hear this message today and I believe the algorithmic fates placed this video essay at the top of my RUclips feed. Thank you for your wonderful insights and I appreciate all the work you are doing. Cheers!
Hi Cinzia! Great video and boy can I relate to growing up not feeling supported or backed up. I like you had to learn things the hard way and yes it did take much longer for me to learn but you know what? I learned and grew stronger and I very much like who I am today. Sending you lots of hugs!! 🥰🥰🥰💚💚💚❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this video! I’m glad I found your channel. I’m suffering from loneliness and isolation lately, though I’m technically not alone in and of the fact I have a friend and my family is less than a half hour away. But I moved out for the first time and I’m in my practicum year of my masters degree, so a lot is going on with no real time to socialize, and it’s feeling like everyone else is moving on around me.
Your video helped in a way I lack words to describe. Thank you so much! Love your videos!😊
@Cinzia DuBois Saw the video come up in my recommended last night and bookmarked it to watch later... at the ripe old age of 50, and always being somewhat of the "outcast" in my life... I never did fit in with most people and these days still don't... I found it easy to relate to your experiences even though they are not an exact match... My Mother was always there for me as best she could be, but that in itself was a "Double Edged Sword" as I became too reliant.... I did not actually "Grow Up" for want of a better term until I left home at 26!
Unlike your self, I am not an introvert, but I am so socially awkward that I find communication hard and that in turn leads to me being unable to develop good friendships or interactions.
So, Your video I was hoping could help... And I do feel it has! Many things you have suggested I already do in some way... But I have been doubting myself of late and hearing you speak has helped reaffirm that I am not wasting my time, I am not alone... and that many things I already do are SENSIBLE!
Thank you so much!
I've just been diagnosed with pppd and it can be really lonely especially with no support system either.
Have you been in touch with any support groups? There may be something local to you. If not there will likely be a helpline of some sort. It's always helpful to speak to someone who understands and hopefully they can give you tips on managing your symptoms.
I cannot tell you how much your videos helped me in this new normal. Thank you so much, you are a Jim and a jewel. You are a queen with a crown
Another in the 40's club... You know what's weird? I don't think of myself as, "being in my 40's" or even as "being an adult." Dunno if that is a bad or good thing. Anyhow...
Thank you for this video Cinzia! I understand where you are coming from - I am there too. Lately I have wanted to have someone I could talk to, someone I could trust and open up to about everything without burdening them, and it is very frustrating to have to face that such a person likely does not exist. There is no Samwise to my Frodo, and like Frodo, I have to walk this most difficult stage of the journey all by myself.
We could spend some time on a, "you think you had it bad" and I could tell you how my parents were supposed to homeschool me and I ended up educating myself (not very well I might add.) But the point would be I get it, I get the isolation, I get the longing to have someone worthy to share the burden with, I get that at the end of the day all you have is you, you are the only person you can count on, depend on or rely on (at least for now) and that becomes EXTREMEMLY difficult when you have little to no faith or trust in yourself!
So as alone as you may feel, there are others out there feeling similarly, and for whatever it is worth, if you ever need to talk, I will offer you what I wish I had, someone who will listen. My email is on my About page here at RUclips. At least you will have that if you want it, another castaway in the life boats scattered about who will listen, is capable of empathizing, and has some understanding.
As far as burnout, in my own experience, I have found that I need to be gentle with myself. Push a little, not too much, and if resistance is met, stop. Give myself the space and time I need, try again later. As a creative, t's always about flow VS force. I haven't learned much beyond that other than sleep is vital, and if you throw insomnia into the mix he's not a good party guest. So don't invite him in.
Be well. Be Blessed.
Great advice ❤
By 66 you are used to it!
😅if that’s good … I’m 60 and still not got life figured 🤔
Remember Always. . . . You are Not alone. Happiness is what You can create. That is the key.
I am also lonely and I find this video so much useful!
Thank you, Cinzia, for reminding me of this. I rarely recognize myself this much in a video. I will keep being unapolegitically myself. We neurodivergent loners are beautiful and valid, and we are not truly alone. For what it's worth, I'd readily choose someone like us to be with, even though communication between two neuroatipycal people can de doubly challenging. I value people like us so much.
My version of loneliness, is just me playing an rpg in solo mode. I've not got any companions to journey with me right now and must get through this area alone. Doing this, allows me to gain enough xp to level myself up. Seeing lonely life struggles as a quest, is a great way to cope!
very important video, thank you
I would also suggest taking care of your mental health, especially of the unresolved childhood trauma, that can impact the feeling of loneliness, regardless if you're actually lonely or not.
This is such an important subject. Thank you please do more on this same subject ❤
Thank you for this! Reframing as an adventurous hobbit actually resonates with me. I’m not where 18 year old me expected I would be at 31. The only thing I regret about my journey so far is not having written it down. Maybe I need to pull a Bilbo Baggins and write my own “There and Back Again”
Get started Bilbo 📚 ✍️ 🌈
Thanks for your in depth in loneliness its hard some days to be happy and very hard to leave the house some days as well I love to read and watch tv and other hobbies as well. Reading does help and other activities as well. Take care and god bless. Till next time
Uh oh I think I’ve fallen in love…
I’ve never loved an accent so much in my life 😂
What an incredible person
I don't mind being alone either. But some days are indeed harder...
Thank you so much for this video, I think I'm going to keep referring back to this when I'm struggling with my own bouts of loneliness.
Always happy to help you move a couch - I'm probably on the other end of the world from you (gathering by your accent) but I'm sure there's others here that are closer. Feel free to drop in for a virtual coffee anytime though. All the best to those doing it tough, I'm lucky enough to have a family but I have lived in loneliness (population 1) and while it suits me well, it can wear thin even for an asocial misanthrope like me. The bad thing about the modern world is there seems to be less community spirit than there used to be. The good thing is, if you can access the internet you can probably at least find someone you can talk to. That person doesn't need to live next door these days (and if they turn out to be a weirdo they're a lot easier to avoid). You just never know when your life will be changed for the better, that's what makes living so much fun.
i’ve been struggling with this a lot recently, but this made me feel better :) thank you
I am so very glad I discovered you here. I am 56 years old; I am a psychotherapist in Rochester, NY, USA. I love and have studied Jungian Analytical Psychology. I too, would love to get a Ph.D and have 2 Master's degrees (one in Biblical Studies, one in Pastoral Counseling.) I am currently working on a third Master's in Catholic Philosophy, and am drawn Heavily to pre-and post-Christian pagan Philosophy, especially Socrates/Plato, and the neo-Platonists.
I am an INFJ. I am a high-functioning Neurodivergent. Many, perhaps most, of my psychotherapy clients happen to be the same, as they tell me that they were simply drawn to me like they had a radar telling them, "This man will understand me." I have a Yorkie mix named Zoe. I too am surrounded by books, and I share so much of what little I have heard so far in your videos on your channels. Please keep up your magnificent work! -Eric