Playgrounds at work is a great idea. I recently read a wonderful piece about a woman collecting pretty rocks in nature, and another woman she didn't know saw and joined her. They played with pretty rocks like children, and both said how restorative it was.
I could rant on the awesomeness of rocks and stuff for pages, suffices to say I'm glad to read such a simple thing brought them relief and peace under the strains of work life.
Agree with all of this! Making friends in a city is challenging. Taking classes, performing at open mic nights, choir rehearsals, concerts, and art exhibitions have been nice. I tend to rely on my partner a lot, or just one friend. I’m trying to unlearn this pattern, but I do crave a deep “bestie” relationship I haven’t had since I was like 16. I wish I could find people who were down for the intense friendships, even if it’s just connecting a few times a week.
Totally getting this desire for deeper friendships. I used to have that a lot and thought it was due to moving every year in the last few years, but now that I've settled in a specific area I'm noticing I still strive for this but in a different way. I feel like I have friends to connect on any level with each one of them and feel like it is better than relying on intense and complete relationship (that can end like every other). I am more prone to accept others for what they can give me than expect them to be my bestest friend ever. I think that came from an insecurity on my behalf that no one would never love me as a whole. The truth is they do, just not 24/7 😂 friendship can come in a any form or intensity as long as it is caring, honest and joyful 💛
I actually learned a good way to make friends in my area was to join volunteer groups. Roadside cleanups, food pantries, the library (my personal favorite, being a writer and having my debut novel on the shelf, that's always a great conversation starter). I've met a lot of cool people through volunteering. It's also helped to make me far less cynical, a little more genuine, even (dare I say) earnest. It's certainly made me less of a jerk.
I have a friend whom I met in the strangest way 15 years ago, never talked to, then connected via Facebook a year or so ago. We get see each other in person a few times a year, and don’t text or message much in between. It’s one of the most rewarding friendships I’ve built as an adult. It’s low-maintenance but not shallow and that’s a rare find!
Volunteering is way better than hobby groups for sure as a way for introverts to talk to people regularly outside work. Something about the fact everyone is there to focus on a simple job for a good goal seems to filter out the jerks or ego centerics.
This year I had "reading more" for a resolution, and what came along with it, which I didn't expect, was the perk of sitting out in public places without feeling bored and isolated, happily reading my book. As someone who's rather isolated and well, different in ways, this has changed my life. Thanks for the video!
Challenging ourselves: yes ! We have to. And what we really have to challenge is: the self-limiting beliefs about ourselves. The stories we've been telling ourselves because of what happened in the past (in particular in childhood but also in adulthood due to culture/society). As a sensitive introvert myself (INFJ/HSP) please remember: - you're not too introverted - you're not too sensitive - you're not boring - you CAN make friends as an adult - you CAN go out of your comfort zone - you CAN find true/meaningful connections Identify your self-limiting beliefs that have been holding you back. Keep challenging them. Keep trying different things without any expectations. Even after joing several meetings, groups, etc. you may not gain friends straight away. But there's something else you will gain: self-confidence 💪 Stay true to yourself and put yourself out there every now and again.
We have an introverts network where I work. We never meet and rarely chat on our chosen media platform, except to occasionally share coping mechanisms or commiserations for working in an extroverted workplace. Best network I’ve ever been in.
this is just intended to deal with being a introvert with some humor: i was once the one that organized a party. it was the best thing ever: there was a sign put up at the front door for all the guests: "come only one at a time!"
I'm a hermit and when I decided to try it I did some research. Got into a Reddit hermit group. Interesting group but none of them were hermits. They just didn't like people or some issue like that. Finally figured out, duh, there are no hermits on social media. Closest I got to learning about hermits was the book "The Stranger in The Woods" about Christopher Knight. Guy wasn't mad or upset, just seemed to like being on his own. Good read about how he was able to be happy in Maine winters for 27 years. He would have probably been happy for the rest of his life if he hadn't been caught stealing supplies.
Thank you for this video!!! I will keep all of this in mind. My problem is that no body sticks… I meet people at work, in classes, at the horsepension, … and for the time it lasts it seems as if I build real frienships. We talk and laugh and people say I am a great listener and they trust me because they tell me intimate stories, secrets and insecurities. ( things their ‘best friends’ don’t even know…) But as soon as the class stops, the co-worker quits, sell the horse, you name it, they disappear out of my life. I am 43 and at this point I found myself out of friends again and it really got to me.
Yes, I am right there with you!! We live near a military base, so any friends I make move away in 2 years or less. It's exhausting having to start over trying to make new friends so often. 😅🤗🌻⭐🌸🌞
@nikiedewael3766 Gosh, this sounds so familiar. I feel so disposable because people just disappear. Even if they have been coming over for coffee and to chat, so we obviously have some sort of friendship being built, and then they just stop talking to me or move away and don't contact me when they visit town or whatever. They just disappear. I'm really tired of investing in friendships just to be dumped over and over again.
Social dancing (salsa for instance) is the closest thing I've found to adult playgrounds. Though there is a serious element to it, many dance to have fun and leave the common life problems behind. Also, paradoxically there seems to be quite a few introverted people getting into dancing!
That actually sounds like a good idea! I'm an extreme introvert, but I took Ballroom Dancing as an elective in college twice back in the early 2000's. I mostly enjoyed it (otherwise I wouldn't have done it a 2nd time), even though approaching the women to ask them to dance was nerve-racking, but it helped that they rarely ever turned me down (mostly because they weren't supposed to). However, there wasn't much, if any, actual socializing going on, since hardly anyone ever talked (it's kind of hard to do that with loud music and/or a professor speaking). So, I'd only do it for the fun, and not because it's a good way to make new friends, because it isn't.
This was helpful, especially the tip regarding seeking environments you feel comfortable in. So many people just advise to go out to do things you enjoy and talk to people at those places but never consider the level of comfort needed to be bold in an environment you might still feel alienated in because e.g. everyone already knows each other.
Love the first tip. Ages ago right after I'd ended a long term relationship, a younger coworker tried to get me to go out with her to a new trendy bar. Country music line dancing had just become a huge thing. I tried to politely decline several times but she persisted. Finally, I laid it out for her, "Why would I go there to look for a guy? I dont smoke, I hardly ever drink, and I hate country music." She finally got it and left me in peace. The pandemic was actually a blessing for me. I now have two really great friends that I met online. I'm so gratefull that we have language like "neurodivergent" to talk about the different ways people interact with life. Always love your videos.❤
No one ever invites me to do anything with them for any reason (not even coworkers), but sometimes I wish they would just so I could respond to them the way you did!
my problem is that i make ONE friend and then my whole world is that person that happened four times in my life, one for each "stage" in my life, because i had to move out and lose the other friend. early childhood (2x times) school, and highschool it's useless trying to maintain other relationships, I'll just stick to that person and make that person my personal self esteem gold-mine, and if that person starts acting weird or start to not like me anymore my world starts to crumble I'm in highschool and now I'm moving out again and I'm worried i might not have the same luck i had the other times since I'm as depressed and introverted as ever
@@pessoasombra which mental conditions you have in mind? i do have bipolar depression tho, i take meds but they aren't quite helping at all in the social aspect
@@ArtificialSpacetime I don't know, I'm still deciding if i will go all out and try to meet the maximum amount of people i can or just be a introverted bookworm, the latter seems to be the one I'm choosing, but at least I'll try to keep my friends through online contact
Same. I gave up on friends. I find that nobody really shares that kind of passion, and I usually just end up being a part of the background, like an unused corner shelf or a painting nobody ever really notices until it's gone. Then when I return it's all "It was weird not having you around". It's a very strange status, to be so consistently present yet so looked over, seemingly unwanted. Like a brand new tool collecting dust in the garage.
My recommendations: Outdoor type volunteering Book group Film club Art classes Hiking group Be cautious of the first people who are overly friendly and loud, as they are often too good to be true. Slow burn is better than a flash of fire.
As someone who belongs to three writing groups, I support the concept of writing groups as a social activity. "Becoming a regular.". YES! What a lovely video, Cinzia.
Being a very beautiful, highly intelligent, well educated, well spoken individual it’s nice to see you have the same issues those of us who don’t have those same qualities. Life is far too long to spend alone and far too short when deeply in love. So far, it’s been far too long.
1.identify which settings you’re most comfortable in and make friends in those ….okay I’ll make friends under my heated blanket by my fireplace….. ….hello tiny marshmallow in my hot chocolate, you are my new friend, no, please don’t melt ;_; RIP my friend 2024 - 2024, he was a tasty boi
@@kingrhino11 you haven't done anything to disappoint me,so don't apologise! I don't ever look for friends, but I do go places and speak to people and that's enough for me.
I appreciate that perspective. I've been thinking about it alot since yesterday because I *am* lonely and sometimes I try too hard or get impatient when it comes to making friends and your statement reminded me that there are people everywhere I go and that is something I can appreciate more
"The dril person drilling their drill drill" .. My new favoritre Cinzia line :) ..Thank you for the encouraging video, great points all over the episode ..
Wow! That last bit was SO good: no expectations of friendship, but curiosity of the world around you. This was really great. So many valuable ideas here for myself and others in my circle who could use some more friends.
These are really really great tips, thank you so much :) Especially the one about communicating your social limits, I've never actually considered that, but it makes so much sense. Sending much love to you and everyone who reads this and feels isolated right now. You're not alone and it can get better 💚
Turned from introvert into ambivert who is awkward but would rather be around people than not. Volunteering saved my mental health; putting myself out there without burning out 😂 I thank Cinzia for just being her, and wish anyone well who needs it :)
You’ve packed so much great advice into ten minutes. I’m going to try and rewatch this a few times over the coming weeks and months to let the ideas sink in. Thank you🧡
Often mistaken for an extrovert because I start rambling when I am nervous - might have saved me during oral exams at uni, but socially I hate it, because then I ruminate about the silly things I said meeting people. A good way I found was singing in a choir and language classes - you are there for a purpose, socialising time is limited, seating is fixed for at least the practice or lesson, so you usually have one or two people next to you. Language class has the benefit, especially when beginners, that everybody introduces themselves - and the teacher will usually call the names as well. So, one less awkward question I need to ask if I can't remember a name.
It's a thing. May be that the large group is not a place you feel comfortable 'being'/participating with. May also be that you feel that way because the warmth you guve is never reciprocated. It's okay to try another group. That's the journey. Hopefully meeting new people will become fun and the withdrawal you experience after being worn out socially becomes more shortlived or accepted as part of a necessary and enjoyable routine
Irish poet scoundrel, a loner by choice though hardly introverted nor lonely. As Milton quipped, ''the mind is its own place, and can make a hell of heaven, or a heaven of hell.''
Thank you for making this video. I have struggled for years to meet and cultivate my adult chosen family. I relate to how you described 'casual' social environments versus 'formal' settings and I, too, do well in the latter. I also appreciate your suggestions about using apps and meeting people through my interests - current *and* childhood interests. I love playing board games and have recently connected to a childhood dream of riding motorbikes and am delighted. Do you think there are other neurodiverse, queer-allied, mini-moto and scooter-riding folks in my small town? I will certainly find out Thank you again.
Got diagnosed with ASD at 28, 31 now and all that guilt and fomo that came from not having interest or energy to participate in social activities and make new friends have melted away, mostly. All I’m saying to the younger people, stick with it. It gets better.
Hello Cinzia! How are you? I actually studied psychology at university (although I currently have a different job) and I can assure you that the points you made were super relevant. On top of everything you mentioned, I would add two more things: the pandemic, which caused an increase in social isolation, and another factor which is the volatile nature of all bonds in this day and age. I have read an interesting book about this topic by a philosopher called Zygmunt Bauman. By the way, this year I will be turning 27 so hopefully I will be making more friends than ever before! Greetings from Argentina. I always enjoy your content!
@@camilar.369 It's called Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds. It was published more than 20 years ago, but it's still very relevant in my opinion.
As an introvert who has moved around quite a bit, I've learned many of the things you covered in your well thought video. The tips you've included definitely work - but sometimes they don't...Sometimes you join groups to be with people that share your interests, you volunteer, you talk to people where you shop (I mean going deeper than "Hi, how's your day?"), you talk to your neighbors and others in your every day life, etc., and nothing seems to stick. Then, after a year or two, you find that there are actually people who ARE interested in being a real friend. It's important to remember that real friendships develop slowly. In the mean time, get a pet. Even though I am content being by myself, too much time alone was not healthy for me. Having a cat gave me focus centered on caring for him, and he gave me the much needed emotional support to get through the transitional phase when I was forced by economic circumstances to make a long distance move to a community where I had no prior connections with anyone. Thank you for your thoughtful video and good luck to everyone going through the challenge of creating authentic friendships that go beyond simply spending time with others.
I AM FILLED WITH TERROR AND ENDLESS PANIC how to heal from PTSD flashbacks? the man I revered as my best friend... raped my soul. he betrayed and abandoned me. discarded me like garbage. replaced me with another. I want to die. he slammed the door on me. I want to die. he did this more than 14 months ago, and I'm still not healed, and I still don't breathe, and I still have nightmares every night. I can definitely detect my patience waning in life... I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief. I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness... I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed: trying to desperately understand someone who doesn’t understand themselves. I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me, the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure, the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...
Thank you Cinzia for another wonderful video. I've always struggled with making friends and your advice (especially the last 2 minutes) is helping me rethink my approach. It's almost Zen-like: the way to make friends is not to focus on making friends, but to be curious about the world around me.
As an introvert who doesn't want to make friends, I rather have a problem with people trying to "stick" to me, while I want to be left alone. There are some people in my neighbourhood or from my university days who, for some reason, want to stay in touch or talk to me every time we meet in the street. I'm always nice to them and try to have a conversation but all the time I'm just looking for a - polite - way out. I don't really understand why people crave human interactions. I'm happiest alone, when no one bothers me.
Learn that small talk is not useless. It's a social/biological construct that leads to deeper connections. It's not a micro-aggression and Neuro-typicals are not 'stupid' for rnaking it.- Which is becoming a standard viewpoint from comments/presenters in many other videos like this. Some of us even know it's deeper abstract purpose.
Oh gosh I have felt this exact same way with the texting increasing social anxiety and my limits on friendships. Its lost me friendships in the past where people accuse me of "picking and chosing' when to be a friend because I didnt know how to articulate this limit or even understand it myself. I love that you have shared it, thank you.
Wow, now i feel less loneley with my feelings. Im introvert, too. Im 38 right now and i have big problems to start conversations, making friends and at least, hold the contact over all this years and i felt so wrong over all this years.
Thank you for your tips! I am 31, havent had friends since I was in my early teens. I do want to meet people, but I have a major fear of rejection. Also, ive been pretty much alone for such a long time that I am used to it. Having depression too, sometimes it doesnt matter if im alone or not. Yeah, so my situation is complicated. I might have ASD, but I was never diagnosed. Anyways, im thinking of trying the gym, a local social meetup, maybe church. I also dont like bars or clubs. I dont really drink, which some people find 'boring.'
I'm am introverted, and I am not lonely. I've been this way all my life and never had much need for people. I don't care either way about friendship or a relationship I prefer solitude
Thank you so much for this incredibly helpful information! I am a recently widowed person who works remotely, and my wife was my 24/7 best friend and companion, so it is really challenging to find new friends while grieving and not having natural settings to meet new people. Your advice was very astute and I will definitely try some of your suggestions. Thanks again very much indeed!
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life and due to that I feel so lonely. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date. More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher. The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
Someone who tells you that you aren’t good enough to date because of being a dishwasher is a bit shallow. I’m sure one day you will find your person, hang in there.
Hello Cinzia. Thank you for your insights on this topic. I struggle to make friends because others simply don't want to make time. I have made connections with others at church and doing local theater, but it never turns into a real friendship, despite my efforts. I think that social media has made people lazy about making connections and then following through. Like yourself, I am also an introvert, and I don't care much for social media. I'm really not sure as to why there is an epidemic of loneliness, but I don't think it will get better until people value the effort and are willing to make it.
Because people don’t connect with people anymore. Social media has pumped everybody’s ego and ego is the barrier between you and other people. Plus everybody is lazy as you said.
Great video! One of my problems is that I tend to dissociate the activity aspect and the social aspect of a place. If I go to a church, I go there to worship, it's a spiritual thing, and even if I do make some connections, they tend not to last. And gatherings outside church, either in general or those which interest me, rarely happen. If I change the church, I mostly do not keep in touch with friends or people from the previous church, we don't really call each other and stuff. Of course, this talk is applicable to churches that are at least somewhat social and friendly to newcomers, because some are not very good at this.
Being an introvert is more debilitating for a man than a woman. Men are suppose to be assertive and at times aggressive. An introverted man will be overlooked socially and professionally!
Probably good advice but I'm way too autistic for it to work. I don't even get a crumb of energy back from everyone I talk to on apps, and being a regular at the library hasn't worked. Alas, the search to find a clone of myself continues.
Exactly. It's great advice but it's alot less effective when being an autistic person who can hardly relate to anyone you meet. And yet, what is the alternative? Hope I can find whatever it is
maybe being curious about the people around it's key point for me in this topic so thank you I think it's will be interesting to think about and do some self reflection
I love this video! I have found meeting friends through existing friends so helpful. I think it can help to be vulnerable with your existing friends about wanting to expand you network. I would personally be totally down for introducing a friend to new people.
This was incredibly helpful!! 😊 It is so nice to hear from someone who understands the world of introverts. Thank you for some amazing ideas and the support. Have a great weekend!
As an introvert I seem to have a lot of acquaintances but few close friends. My best friend is probably my wife, who is also an introvert. I feel okay with having a few close friends that I see a few times a year. Your suggestion about finding friends in places you feel comfortable is one that makes sense.
As an introvert ( INFP ) , I find people really annoying ( well most of them ) . They make me do things that I don't wanna do , some are really disrespectful and most of them are really annoying . I have been only been able to connect with a handful of people in my entire 32 years of life
I know people talk about not putting pressure on yourself. But, if it is leaving you in a bad mental state, there is some pressure on you to change that, so that's why it can still be disheartening until you are successful. I always enjoy your videos, thanks
I go to a workshop for mentally ill people 3 times a week, help out whenever i hear someone moves, and go to the forest quiet often. But so far i haven't found a real friend
I also met one of my closest friends on a dating app! And I can really recommend being upfront with your introversion. Back when that friend and I hadn't yet met in real life yet but looking for a date to meet, they suggested a day but I declined and decided to be upfront with them, saying that technically I would be free that day but would rather use that day to spend some time by myself to wind down. They later told me that when they saw my reply they liked me even more since they are also pretty introverted. In that moment I only wanted to be honest but it helped the start of a wonderful friendship!
@TheClassicalAcademic i don't know him. Maybe he looks like a model, looks wealthy on his photos, or is a smoothtalker... But i doubt dating apps are a good place for normalos with bad social skills
This is awesome, thank you! Makes sense why I always make friends dancing *when I am most confident & blissful! But I don't drink etc. I would always try to connect w a hobby and wonder why I couldn't 'meet my tribe'. Such good advice !
This was such a great video!! Currently, I’m very much involved in spending time with my husband and kids; I don’t have emotional energy for friends. When my kids move out, I think I’ll try your way of making friends- it makes so much sense!
I am quite concerned that in this video we equate ‘friends’ with acquaintances you interact with once every few months. That’s not a friend to me, and I find it difficult to imagine you can rely on such people to be there and support each other. Despite being an introvert myself I think we should aim higher. Shy people deserve to feel true connection and while I know certain settings may be anxiety-inducing, it’s important to face these moments sometimes to make progress with your own social skills. Just food for thought
Women can be lonely too, and they can be rejected. Why would I want to waste my time with some random companion who probably only wants sex. A random companion would just make me feel even more lonely because they don't desire to be with me for who I am as a person. I prefer only long term relationships, and I don't waste my time with guys who only want casual sex.
@@biteofdog They face rejection at a much lower rate than men. Every person we met in life is ''random'',so is a possible companion,. Meeting people is like taking a shot in the dark. If someone wants u just for the smex,u can leave at any moment or u can just not get in a relationship with him. It's like a w0man who wants a man for his money,why would he be with her?There are many guys out there who want a long term relationship or do u want me to believe that every guy is only interested in casual s3x?
Thank you Cinzia - this is a very well-argumented video! I'm someone who is extremely introverted and happy being alone 90% of the time... which means that loneliness can creep up on me - by the time I realize I'm lonely, I've actually spent quite a long time in isolation. I moved to a new city two years ago, and realized quite how tricky it can be to build new friendships. All good tips here!
I like to go to a local coffee shop every Saturday and read and eat. I’ve made social acquaintances, but really not friends, except the former owners. So it does work. What I’m really looking for is a way to market my landscape photography. Any suggestions?
I could barely concentrate on what you were saying because i was wondering if that cardigan slipping from your left shoulder was an accident or carefully arranged. Also love the slightly messy bookshelf in the background. As an introvert i am surprised how many people in the comments suggest all kinds of group activities. I understand that this works technically but i as an introvert absolutely do not feel comfortable in any kind of group setting. And i even did social dancing (swing) before 2020. Loved dancing but struggled with that group/community thing.
Having RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), the pain of losing (what I thought was) a good connection to another human is unbearable. It took me years to recover. The saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is simply wrong. I refuse to experience that pain again and thus stopped trying to make friends.
Yeah...I eventually let go of the persona I had been using as a tool and a shield, letting everyone see the real person (with my introverted needs and carefully managed limits). What a relief to finally not have to carry that around...but it also cost me nearly everything/everyone. At that point I suppose I should have taken a page out of your book as it were, made a real effort of building meaningful networks with more suitable people. Instead I became fiercly competitive and distrustful, and finding it hard to change into something more healthy.
Me and my sweetheart have been together for about 10 years and the secret is to 1) spend quality time together 2) no nitpicking 3) plenty of personal space.
I'm still struggling with admitting that I'm lonely because I don't want to be lonely, and I don't want to feel like I want to make friends because I feel insecure to do that, tinder kinda scared me lol, time to face my fear ig...
As someone who works in fast food and retail, I hate regular customers! They are very often the worst customers who are overly friendly and/or entitled. Therefore, I hate the idea of ever becoming a regular anywhere myself. Also, I'm too poor to afford to go anywhere often enough to be a regular.
I am surprised about the advice you give - as a neurodivergent introvert i avoid unnecessary socializing (or even proximity to people) because it drains my energy and influences me negatively - i would only do that for a reason - if i am looking for a connection. I understand that this is not ideal. But imo for a real introvert its not a solution to be told to socialize undesigned. We don't "do people" for fun.
If someone's seriously planning to move to another country, but it may take another year or two, does it make sense to look for new friends in their current area or should they tank the loneliness to avoid making close friends that you'll hardly ever see again? I'm asking for a friend...which me.
For context, I'm autistic. My issue isn't social anxiety. My issue is people turning out to be dangerous, arseholes, creepy, etc. I can't usually tell which people these are until after I open myself to maybe becoming friends with them. My most recent social attempt is now a terrifying weight dragging me down because he lives in the same building as me, turns out to be a self-aggrandising (and completely un-self-aware) arsehole who has openly, proudly bragged to me about a time he got angry at some one and deliberately tried to murder them and got away with it. I desperately want to run away because I now fear for my safety after having opened myself to socialising and *that* being the resulting person who talked to me, but I can't because of the really bad housing crisis going on right now and my lack of income. I hate trying to make friends because it is genuinely *not safe* for me to try to make friends. "Social anxiety" is the least of my damn problems.
Finding places associated to hobbies or interests that you can go regularly to helps so much, even if I don't speak to a lot of the people at my guilty gear strive local outside of the monthly visits I make to it very often, I've met so many nice people there and it's given me a lot of confidence to know that trying to expand your interests outwards you will find similar people. (Also helps the strive community is like, very very good and accepting of trans people so it's a chance for me to present as myself in public and be respected.)
Oddly most of my friends are as antisocial as me. If I am lucky I might see any one of them once a year. Speaking on the phone or texting, maybe less than a dozen times a year.
Playgrounds at work is a great idea. I recently read a wonderful piece about a woman collecting pretty rocks in nature, and another woman she didn't know saw and joined her. They played with pretty rocks like children, and both said how restorative it was.
Ooh where'd you read this?
@@dee7519 I wish I could remember. I'd not only share, I would read it again.
Sounds wonderful! So much we can learn from children!
I could rant on the awesomeness of rocks and stuff for pages, suffices to say I'm glad to read such a simple thing brought them relief and peace under the strains of work life.
We're all kids at heart.
Agree with all of this! Making friends in a city is challenging. Taking classes, performing at open mic nights, choir rehearsals, concerts, and art exhibitions have been nice. I tend to rely on my partner a lot, or just one friend. I’m trying to unlearn this pattern, but I do crave a deep “bestie” relationship I haven’t had since I was like 16. I wish I could find people who were down for the intense friendships, even if it’s just connecting a few times a week.
I totally feel this! I really crave a "best friend" and I still haven't figured out the best way to deal with it.
Totally getting this desire for deeper friendships. I used to have that a lot and thought it was due to moving every year in the last few years, but now that I've settled in a specific area I'm noticing I still strive for this but in a different way. I feel like I have friends to connect on any level with each one of them and feel like it is better than relying on intense and complete relationship (that can end like every other). I am more prone to accept others for what they can give me than expect them to be my bestest friend ever. I think that came from an insecurity on my behalf that no one would never love me as a whole. The truth is they do, just not 24/7 😂 friendship can come in a any form or intensity as long as it is caring, honest and joyful 💛
If you’re open to sleeping with someone you’ll probably find that intensity
I actually learned a good way to make friends in my area was to join volunteer groups. Roadside cleanups, food pantries, the library (my personal favorite, being a writer and having my debut novel on the shelf, that's always a great conversation starter). I've met a lot of cool people through volunteering. It's also helped to make me far less cynical, a little more genuine, even (dare I say) earnest. It's certainly made me less of a jerk.
I'd rather have no friends at all than work for free!
I have a friend whom I met in the strangest way 15 years ago, never talked to, then connected via Facebook a year or so ago. We get see each other in person a few times a year, and don’t text or message much in between. It’s one of the most rewarding friendships I’ve built as an adult. It’s low-maintenance but not shallow and that’s a rare find!
Right! We're already getting paid dirt cheap to be overworked@@MatthewTheWanderer
@@MatthewTheWanderer you reap what you sow
Volunteering is way better than hobby groups for sure as a way for introverts to talk to people regularly outside work.
Something about the fact everyone is there to focus on a simple job for a good goal seems to filter out the jerks or ego centerics.
This year I had "reading more" for a resolution, and what came along with it, which I didn't expect, was the perk of sitting out in public places without feeling bored and isolated, happily reading my book. As someone who's rather isolated and well, different in ways, this has changed my life. Thanks for the video!
Hi😊
Challenging ourselves: yes ! We have to. And what we really have to challenge is: the self-limiting beliefs about ourselves. The stories we've been telling ourselves because of what happened in the past (in particular in childhood but also in adulthood due to culture/society).
As a sensitive introvert myself (INFJ/HSP) please remember:
- you're not too introverted
- you're not too sensitive
- you're not boring
- you CAN make friends as an adult
- you CAN go out of your comfort zone
- you CAN find true/meaningful connections
Identify your self-limiting beliefs that have been holding you back.
Keep challenging them.
Keep trying different things without any expectations.
Even after joing several meetings, groups, etc. you may not gain friends straight away. But there's something else you will gain: self-confidence 💪
Stay true to yourself and put yourself out there every now and again.
We have an introverts network where I work. We never meet and rarely chat on our chosen media platform, except to occasionally share coping mechanisms or commiserations for working in an extroverted workplace. Best network I’ve ever been in.
this is just intended to deal with being a introvert with some humor:
i was once the one that organized a party. it was the best thing ever: there was a sign put up at the front door for all the guests: "come only one at a time!"
I'm a hermit and when I decided to try it I did some research. Got into a Reddit hermit group. Interesting group but none of them were hermits. They just didn't like people or some issue like that. Finally figured out, duh, there are no hermits on social media. Closest I got to learning about hermits was the book "The Stranger in The Woods" about Christopher Knight. Guy wasn't mad or upset, just seemed to like being on his own. Good read about how he was able to be happy in Maine winters for 27 years. He would have probably been happy for the rest of his life if he hadn't been caught stealing supplies.
Thank you for this video!!! I will keep all of this in mind. My problem is that no body sticks… I meet people at work, in classes, at the horsepension, … and for the time it lasts it seems as if I build real frienships. We talk and laugh and people say I am a great listener and they trust me because they tell me intimate stories, secrets and insecurities. ( things their ‘best friends’ don’t even know…) But as soon as the class stops, the co-worker quits, sell the horse, you name it, they disappear out of my life. I am 43 and at this point I found myself out of friends again and it really got to me.
Yes, I am right there with you!! We live near a military base, so any friends I make move away in 2 years or less. It's exhausting having to start over trying to make new friends so often. 😅🤗🌻⭐🌸🌞
i'm younger but same happens to me! 😭first middle school then highschool now uni, im sure ill lose contact with everyone...
@nikiedewael3766 Gosh, this sounds so familiar. I feel so disposable because people just disappear. Even if they have been coming over for coffee and to chat, so we obviously have some sort of friendship being built, and then they just stop talking to me or move away and don't contact me when they visit town or whatever. They just disappear. I'm really tired of investing in friendships just to be dumped over and over again.
Social dancing (salsa for instance) is the closest thing I've found to adult playgrounds. Though there is a serious element to it, many dance to have fun and leave the common life problems behind. Also, paradoxically there seems to be quite a few introverted people getting into dancing!
That actually sounds like a good idea! I'm an extreme introvert, but I took Ballroom Dancing as an elective in college twice back in the early 2000's. I mostly enjoyed it (otherwise I wouldn't have done it a 2nd time), even though approaching the women to ask them to dance was nerve-racking, but it helped that they rarely ever turned me down (mostly because they weren't supposed to). However, there wasn't much, if any, actual socializing going on, since hardly anyone ever talked (it's kind of hard to do that with loud music and/or a professor speaking). So, I'd only do it for the fun, and not because it's a good way to make new friends, because it isn't.
This was helpful, especially the tip regarding seeking environments you feel comfortable in. So many people just advise to go out to do things you enjoy and talk to people at those places but never consider the level of comfort needed to be bold in an environment you might still feel alienated in because e.g. everyone already knows each other.
Love the first tip. Ages ago right after I'd ended a long term relationship, a younger coworker tried to get me to go out with her to a new trendy bar. Country music line dancing had just become a huge thing. I tried to politely decline several times but she persisted. Finally, I laid it out for her, "Why would I go there to look for a guy? I dont smoke, I hardly ever drink, and I hate country music." She finally got it and left me in peace.
The pandemic was actually a blessing for me. I now have two really great friends that I met online.
I'm so gratefull that we have language like "neurodivergent" to talk about the different ways people interact with life.
Always love your videos.❤
No one ever invites me to do anything with them for any reason (not even coworkers), but sometimes I wish they would just so I could respond to them the way you did!
❤ I am happy to know you, even in a solitary, internet sense. I hope you are well, safe and prospering.
my problem is that i make ONE friend and then my whole world is that person
that happened four times in my life, one for each "stage" in my life, because i had to move out and lose the other friend. early childhood (2x times) school, and highschool
it's useless trying to maintain other relationships, I'll just stick to that person and make that person my personal self esteem gold-mine, and if that person starts acting weird or start to not like me anymore my world starts to crumble
I'm in highschool and now I'm moving out again and I'm worried i might not have the same luck i had the other times since I'm as depressed and introverted as ever
Seek therapy if you can. What you describe might be classic symptoms of a few mental health conditions for which therapy is a great aid.
@@pessoasombra which mental conditions you have in mind? i do have bipolar depression tho, i take meds but they aren't quite helping at all in the social aspect
@@ArtificialSpacetime I don't know, I'm still deciding if i will go all out and try to meet the maximum amount of people i can or just be a introverted bookworm, the latter seems to be the one I'm choosing, but at least I'll try to keep my friends through online contact
It sounds like what we call a «favorite person» within BPD, but it is a concept outside of BPD too, often referred to as «limmerence».
Same. I gave up on friends. I find that nobody really shares that kind of passion, and I usually just end up being a part of the background, like an unused corner shelf or a painting nobody ever really notices until it's gone. Then when I return it's all "It was weird not having you around". It's a very strange status, to be so consistently present yet so looked over, seemingly unwanted. Like a brand new tool collecting dust in the garage.
My recommendations:
Outdoor type volunteering
Book group
Film club
Art classes
Hiking group
Be cautious of the first people who are overly friendly and loud, as they are often too good to be true. Slow burn is better than a flash of fire.
As someone who belongs to three writing groups, I support the concept of writing groups as a social activity. "Becoming a regular.". YES! What a lovely video, Cinzia.
Being a very beautiful, highly intelligent, well educated, well spoken individual it’s nice to see you have the same issues those of us who don’t have those same qualities. Life is far too long to spend alone and far too short when deeply in love. So far, it’s been far too long.
1.identify which settings you’re most comfortable in and make friends in those
….okay I’ll make friends under my heated blanket by my fireplace…..
….hello tiny marshmallow in my hot chocolate, you are my new friend, no, please don’t melt ;_;
RIP my friend 2024 - 2024, he was a tasty boi
The urge to "fix" your sweater.
Well my groups is small. I've learnt from experience we only need a few real friends
I have no friends, but I am not lonely, people disappoint me.
same here. I've accepted that I'm just not a social person and I'd rather enjoy being by myself than be disappointed
As a person, sorry to disappoint you. Don't stop looking for people tho because surely not everyone will seem like that
@@kingrhino11 you haven't done anything to disappoint me,so don't apologise!
I don't ever look for friends, but I do go places and speak to people and that's enough for me.
I appreciate that perspective. I've been thinking about it alot since yesterday because I *am* lonely and sometimes I try too hard or get impatient when it comes to making friends and your statement reminded me that there are people everywhere I go and that is something I can appreciate more
"The dril person drilling their drill drill" .. My new favoritre Cinzia line :) ..Thank you for the encouraging video, great points all over the episode ..
Wow! That last bit was SO good: no expectations of friendship, but curiosity of the world around you. This was really great. So many valuable ideas here for myself and others in my circle who could use some more friends.
These are really really great tips, thank you so much :) Especially the one about communicating your social limits, I've never actually considered that, but it makes so much sense.
Sending much love to you and everyone who reads this and feels isolated right now. You're not alone and it can get better
💚
Turned from introvert into ambivert who is awkward but would rather be around people than not. Volunteering saved my mental health; putting myself out there without burning out 😂
I thank Cinzia for just being her, and wish anyone well who needs it :)
There no pure introverts and extroverts. We all are ambiverts with some predisposition to one thing or another
You’ve packed so much great advice into ten minutes. I’m going to try and rewatch this a few times over the coming weeks and months to let the ideas sink in. Thank you🧡
Often mistaken for an extrovert because I start rambling when I am nervous - might have saved me during oral exams at uni, but socially I hate it, because then I ruminate about the silly things I said meeting people.
A good way I found was singing in a choir and language classes - you are there for a purpose, socialising time is limited, seating is fixed for at least the practice or lesson, so you usually have one or two people next to you. Language class has the benefit, especially when beginners, that everybody introduces themselves - and the teacher will usually call the names as well. So, one less awkward question I need to ask if I can't remember a name.
I am an introvert and I never feel lonely when I’m alone. I feel lonely when I’m with a large group of people.
It's a thing. May be that the large group is not a place you feel comfortable 'being'/participating with. May also be that you feel that way because the warmth you guve is never reciprocated. It's okay to try another group. That's the journey. Hopefully meeting new people will become fun and the withdrawal you experience after being worn out socially becomes more shortlived or accepted as part of a necessary and enjoyable routine
Irish poet scoundrel, a loner by choice though hardly introverted nor lonely. As Milton quipped, ''the mind is its own place, and can make a hell of heaven, or a heaven of hell.''
My dearest Cinzia, I love you for this kind of content :)
Thank you for making this video. I have struggled for years to meet and cultivate my adult chosen family. I relate to how you described 'casual' social environments versus 'formal' settings and I, too, do well in the latter. I also appreciate your suggestions about using apps and meeting people through my interests - current *and* childhood interests. I love playing board games and have recently connected to a childhood dream of riding motorbikes and am delighted. Do you think there are other neurodiverse, queer-allied, mini-moto and scooter-riding folks in my small town? I will certainly find out Thank you again.
So you think i still have hope 😢😢
Got diagnosed with ASD at 28, 31 now and all that guilt and fomo that came from not having interest or energy to participate in social activities and make new friends have melted away, mostly.
All I’m saying to the younger people, stick with it. It gets better.
You are a light to all others. I know what it's like to be sick, to lie in bed but have to get up to go make tea because no one else can do it for me.
Hello Cinzia! How are you? I actually studied psychology at university (although I currently have a different job) and I can assure you that the points you made were super relevant. On top of everything you mentioned, I would add two more things: the pandemic, which caused an increase in social isolation, and another factor which is the volatile nature of all bonds in this day and age. I have read an interesting book about this topic by a philosopher called Zygmunt Bauman. By the way, this year I will be turning 27 so hopefully I will be making more friends than ever before! Greetings from Argentina. I always enjoy your content!
Hi, what is the name of the book by Bauman? I'm interested thx!!
@@camilar.369 It's called Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds. It was published more than 20 years ago, but it's still very relevant in my opinion.
@@marialeg2367 Muchas gracias 😊 también soy de Argentina jajaja espero que andes bien
As an introvert who has moved around quite a bit, I've learned many of the things you covered in your well thought video. The tips you've included definitely work - but sometimes they don't...Sometimes you join groups to be with people that share your interests, you volunteer, you talk to people where you shop (I mean going deeper than "Hi, how's your day?"), you talk to your neighbors and others in your every day life, etc., and nothing seems to stick. Then, after a year or two, you find that there are actually people who ARE interested in being a real friend. It's important to remember that real friendships develop slowly.
In the mean time, get a pet. Even though I am content being by myself, too much time alone was not healthy for me. Having a cat gave me focus centered on caring for him, and he gave me the much needed emotional support to get through the transitional phase when I was forced by economic circumstances to make a long distance move to a community where I had no prior connections with anyone.
Thank you for your thoughtful video and good luck to everyone going through the challenge of creating authentic friendships that go beyond simply spending time with others.
I AM FILLED WITH TERROR
AND ENDLESS PANIC
how to heal from PTSD flashbacks?
the man I revered as my best friend...
raped my soul.
he betrayed and abandoned me.
discarded me like garbage.
replaced me with another.
I want to die.
he slammed the door on me.
I want to die.
he did this more than 14 months ago,
and I'm still not healed,
and I still don't breathe,
and I still have nightmares every night.
I can definitely detect my patience waning in life...
I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief.
I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness...
I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed:
trying to desperately understand someone
who doesn’t understand themselves.
I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me,
the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure,
the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...
Thank you Cinzia for another wonderful video. I've always struggled with making friends and your advice (especially the last 2 minutes) is helping me rethink my approach. It's almost Zen-like: the way to make friends is not to focus on making friends, but to be curious about the world around me.
Great video... I am going to make 2024 a better year for forming long lasting friendships with like minded souls...
As an introvert who doesn't want to make friends, I rather have a problem with people trying to "stick" to me, while I want to be left alone. There are some people in my neighbourhood or from my university days who, for some reason, want to stay in touch or talk to me every time we meet in the street. I'm always nice to them and try to have a conversation but all the time I'm just looking for a - polite - way out. I don't really understand why people crave human interactions. I'm happiest alone, when no one bothers me.
Learn that small talk is not useless. It's a social/biological construct that leads to deeper connections.
It's not a micro-aggression and Neuro-typicals are not 'stupid' for rnaking it.- Which is becoming a standard viewpoint from comments/presenters in many other videos like this. Some of us even know it's deeper abstract purpose.
Oh gosh I have felt this exact same way with the texting increasing social anxiety and my limits on friendships. Its lost me friendships in the past where people accuse me of "picking and chosing' when to be a friend because I didnt know how to articulate this limit or even understand it myself. I love that you have shared it, thank you.
When you're a kid, cartwheels and climbing trees are easy. Same with making friends. As an adult, all three of those? Super not easy.
Wonderful advice, thank you for sharing 😊
Wow, now i feel less loneley with my feelings. Im introvert, too. Im 38 right now and i have big problems to start conversations, making friends and at least, hold the contact over all this years and i felt so wrong over all this years.
Can we talk
The simple answer is: the more places you go, the more people you can meet. 😉
parties are not a great place to meet nice people (mostly)
Thank you for your tips! I am 31, havent had friends since I was in my early teens. I do want to meet people, but I have a major fear of rejection. Also, ive been pretty much alone for such a long time that I am used to it. Having depression too, sometimes it doesnt matter if im alone or not.
Yeah, so my situation is complicated. I might have ASD, but I was never diagnosed. Anyways, im thinking of trying the gym, a local social meetup, maybe church. I also dont like bars or clubs. I dont really drink, which some people find 'boring.'
Oh it's very easy. You just go to the friend factory and shake manager's hand
I'm am introverted, and I am not lonely. I've been this way all my life and never had much need for people. I don't care either way about friendship or a relationship I prefer solitude
Thank you so much for this incredibly helpful information! I am a recently widowed person who works remotely, and my wife was my 24/7 best friend and companion, so it is really challenging to find new friends while grieving and not having natural settings to meet new people. Your advice was very astute and I will definitely try some of your suggestions. Thanks again very much indeed!
I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life and due to that I feel so lonely. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date. More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher.
The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…
Someone who tells you that you aren’t good enough to date because of being a dishwasher is a bit shallow. I’m sure one day you will find your person, hang in there.
Hi can we talk
only 2 mins in and i already love you.. also you are DuBois like Harry DuBois lol
Hello Cinzia. Thank you for your insights on this topic. I struggle to make friends because others simply don't want to make time. I have made connections with others at church and doing local theater, but it never turns into a real friendship, despite my efforts. I think that social media has made people lazy about making connections and then following through. Like yourself, I am also an introvert, and I don't care much for social media. I'm really not sure as to why there is an epidemic of loneliness, but I don't think it will get better until people value the effort and are willing to make it.
Because people don’t connect with people anymore. Social media has pumped everybody’s ego and ego is the barrier between you and other people. Plus everybody is lazy as you said.
Hi😊
Great video! One of my problems is that I tend to dissociate the activity aspect and the social aspect of a place. If I go to a church, I go there to worship, it's a spiritual thing, and even if I do make some connections, they tend not to last. And gatherings outside church, either in general or those which interest me, rarely happen. If I change the church, I mostly do not keep in touch with friends or people from the previous church, we don't really call each other and stuff. Of course, this talk is applicable to churches that are at least somewhat social and friendly to newcomers, because some are not very good at this.
Thank you so so much Cinzia for sharing this wonderfully valuable information! 🙆♀️
Nicely done. Well said. Some of those things will work for me.
I recently realised how lonely I am and how I crave true friends. I have lovely friends but I do feel very lonely at times
Being an introvert is more debilitating for a man than a woman. Men are suppose to be assertive and at times aggressive. An introverted man will be overlooked socially and professionally!
we should petition for adult playgrounds in office spaces
Probably good advice but I'm way too autistic for it to work. I don't even get a crumb of energy back from everyone I talk to on apps, and being a regular at the library hasn't worked. Alas, the search to find a clone of myself continues.
Exactly. It's great advice but it's alot less effective when being an autistic person who can hardly relate to anyone you meet. And yet, what is the alternative? Hope I can find whatever it is
I just feel like an alien looking at a zoo...
Lots of love and friendly hugs from Swede in Glasgow! 🤗☕️
Friends just complicate life and aren’t really worth it imo lol
Also: yoga people are horrible 😂
maybe being curious about the people around it's key point for me in this topic so thank you I think it's will be interesting to think about and do some self reflection
Hi😊
I love this video! I have found meeting friends through existing friends so helpful. I think it can help to be vulnerable with your existing friends about wanting to expand you network. I would personally be totally down for introducing a friend to new people.
This was incredibly helpful!! 😊 It is so nice to hear from someone who understands the world of introverts. Thank you for some amazing ideas and the support. Have a great weekend!
I just gave up on people all together
As an introvert I seem to have a lot of acquaintances but few close friends. My best friend is probably my wife, who is also an introvert. I feel okay with having a few close friends that I see a few times a year. Your suggestion about finding friends in places you feel comfortable is one that makes sense.
As an introvert ( INFP ) , I find people really annoying ( well most of them ) . They make me do things that I don't wanna do , some are really disrespectful and most of them are really annoying . I have been only been able to connect with a handful of people in my entire 32 years of life
Same here, I try to get rid of this trait, be relax and let things be without judgment but it keeps creeping up on me 🫣
@@nikiedewael3766 you’re allowed to like what you like. People can’t have a go at you for not being into what they’re into.
@@AutomaticDuck300 Thank you ...
I know people talk about not putting pressure on yourself. But, if it is leaving you in a bad mental state, there is some pressure on you to change that, so that's why it can still be disheartening until you are successful.
I always enjoy your videos, thanks
I go to a workshop for mentally ill people 3 times a week, help out whenever i hear someone moves, and go to the forest quiet often.
But so far i haven't found a real friend
Excellent and very helpful video. I really love your thoughtful and insightful content, thank you
I also met one of my closest friends on a dating app! And I can really recommend being upfront with your introversion. Back when that friend and I hadn't yet met in real life yet but looking for a date to meet, they suggested a day but I declined and decided to be upfront with them, saying that technically I would be free that day but would rather use that day to spend some time by myself to wind down. They later told me that when they saw my reply they liked me even more since they are also pretty introverted.
In that moment I only wanted to be honest but it helped the start of a wonderful friendship!
I think the dating app tip only applies to females...
When i used them, there was only one person who replied in two months
If it only applied to women, then how did my male friend make way more friends from dating apps than I ever did...?
@TheClassicalAcademic i don't know him.
Maybe he looks like a model, looks wealthy on his photos, or is a smoothtalker...
But i doubt dating apps are a good place for normalos with bad social skills
Finding things to share in what you enjoy, that does bring people together. Once again, you have to do what you are comfortable. Just be yourself.
I'm an ENFP, but what has messed me up is never having covid and then on top of that NOT wanting to get covid, so i can't do anything lol xD
Wonderful video and advice. Thank you Cinzia. It's always worthwhile dropping in and listening to you :)
Your content is really helping me - thank you, again.
This is awesome, thank you! Makes sense why I always make friends dancing *when I am most confident & blissful! But I don't drink etc. I would always try to connect w a hobby and wonder why I couldn't 'meet my tribe'. Such good advice !
This was such a great video!! Currently, I’m very much involved in spending time with my husband and kids; I don’t have emotional energy for friends. When my kids move out, I think I’ll try your way of making friends- it makes so much sense!
I am quite concerned that in this video we equate ‘friends’ with acquaintances you interact with once every few months. That’s not a friend to me, and I find it difficult to imagine you can rely on such people to be there and support each other. Despite being an introvert myself I think we should aim higher. Shy people deserve to feel true connection and while I know certain settings may be anxiety-inducing, it’s important to face these moments sometimes to make progress with your own social skills. Just food for thought
Introvert women don't have a loneliness problem,they can find company whenever they want to.If u are an introvert guy,well,i feel sorry for you
Women can be lonely too, and they can be rejected. Why would I want to waste my time with some random companion who probably only wants sex. A random companion would just make me feel even more lonely because they don't desire to be with me for who I am as a person. I prefer only long term relationships, and I don't waste my time with guys who only want casual sex.
@@biteofdog They face rejection at a much lower rate than men. Every person we met in life is ''random'',so is a possible companion,. Meeting people is like taking a shot in the dark. If someone wants u just for the smex,u can leave at any moment or u can just not get in a relationship with him. It's like a w0man who wants a man for his money,why would he be with her?There are many guys out there who want a long term relationship or do u want me to believe that every guy is only interested in casual s3x?
Happy new year❤️ great video (well, they are all relevant). You seem to be off to a great year.
Thank you Cinzia - this is a very well-argumented video! I'm someone who is extremely introverted and happy being alone 90% of the time... which means that loneliness can creep up on me - by the time I realize I'm lonely, I've actually spent quite a long time in isolation. I moved to a new city two years ago, and realized quite how tricky it can be to build new friendships. All good tips here!
Hi Cinzia duBois don't be lonely I'm here for you baby...
I like to go to a local coffee shop every Saturday and read and eat. I’ve made social acquaintances, but really not friends, except the former owners. So it does work. What I’m really looking for is a way to market my landscape photography. Any suggestions?
great video thankyou xxx
I started a local board game community. I only arrange monthly events and its amazing just how many friends have appeared in my life through there.
I could barely concentrate on what you were saying because i was wondering if that cardigan slipping from your left shoulder was an accident or carefully arranged. Also love the slightly messy bookshelf in the background. As an introvert i am surprised how many people in the comments suggest all kinds of group activities. I understand that this works technically but i as an introvert absolutely do not feel comfortable in any kind of group setting. And i even did social dancing (swing) before 2020. Loved dancing but struggled with that group/community thing.
Having RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), the pain of losing (what I thought was) a good connection to another human is unbearable. It took me years to recover. The saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is simply wrong. I refuse to experience that pain again and thus stopped trying to make friends.
who needs friends? not me (lying)
Yeah...I eventually let go of the persona I had been using as a tool and a shield, letting everyone see the real person (with my introverted needs and carefully managed limits). What a relief to finally not have to carry that around...but it also cost me nearly everything/everyone. At that point I suppose I should have taken a page out of your book as it were, made a real effort of building meaningful networks with more suitable people. Instead I became fiercly competitive and distrustful, and finding it hard to change into something more healthy.
Me and my sweetheart have been together for about 10 years and the secret is to 1) spend quality time together 2) no nitpicking 3) plenty of personal space.
How do you make friends though? I'm so negative with people because I don't know how to act different
I'm still struggling with admitting that I'm lonely because I don't want to be lonely, and I don't want to feel like I want to make friends because I feel insecure to do that, tinder kinda scared me lol, time to face my fear ig...
As someone who works in fast food and retail, I hate regular customers! They are very often the worst customers who are overly friendly and/or entitled. Therefore, I hate the idea of ever becoming a regular anywhere myself. Also, I'm too poor to afford to go anywhere often enough to be a regular.
This was helpful. I am an introvert, almost zero friends. But at 57, maybe too late ?
I am surprised about the advice you give - as a neurodivergent introvert i avoid unnecessary socializing (or even proximity to people) because it drains my energy and influences me negatively - i would only do that for a reason - if i am looking for a connection. I understand that this is not ideal. But imo for a real introvert its not a solution to be told to socialize undesigned. We don't "do people" for fun.
If someone's seriously planning to move to another country, but it may take another year or two, does it make sense to look for new friends in their current area or should they tank the loneliness to avoid making close friends that you'll hardly ever see again? I'm asking for a friend...which me.
Jesus girl, forget about this "lonely introvert" stuff and say us at least that you are in relationships and have a great sex life! 💄👠💅❌❌❌
For context, I'm autistic. My issue isn't social anxiety. My issue is people turning out to be dangerous, arseholes, creepy, etc. I can't usually tell which people these are until after I open myself to maybe becoming friends with them. My most recent social attempt is now a terrifying weight dragging me down because he lives in the same building as me, turns out to be a self-aggrandising (and completely un-self-aware) arsehole who has openly, proudly bragged to me about a time he got angry at some one and deliberately tried to murder them and got away with it. I desperately want to run away because I now fear for my safety after having opened myself to socialising and *that* being the resulting person who talked to me, but I can't because of the really bad housing crisis going on right now and my lack of income.
I hate trying to make friends because it is genuinely *not safe* for me to try to make friends. "Social anxiety" is the least of my damn problems.
I’m so sorry! I feel this. Most people are low value, unsafe vultures out there. When we make friends we have to vet them which is exhausting
Finding places associated to hobbies or interests that you can go regularly to helps so much, even if I don't speak to a lot of the people at my guilty gear strive local outside of the monthly visits I make to it very often, I've met so many nice people there and it's given me a lot of confidence to know that trying to expand your interests outwards you will find similar people. (Also helps the strive community is like, very very good and accepting of trans people so it's a chance for me to present as myself in public and be respected.)
Oddly most of my friends are as antisocial as me.
If I am lucky I might see any one of them once a year. Speaking on the phone or texting, maybe less than a dozen times a year.