I feel like 99% of the unhappiness I feel in life just comes from that nasty gut feeling that develops in you after you've been inhibited and anxious your whole life.
Same here I'm going to start expressing myself more and see how that goes , if you find any ways to feel better let me know I would like to try them out too.
This summarises it so well, why hide from embarrassment all your life? It happens to everyone, but you have to get out there and get over it, like you have to convince yourself some strange comment is just that; someone's strange comment- not the world telling you that you don't matter. You do anything in life and boring people will have something to say, you shouldn't say or do this or that because of who you are, or you liking/enjoying certain things must mean X or Y about you. Even if you're silent people will assume whatever and say whatever. There will always be things you don't have or can't do that people will use to try and invalidate your existence.
I think every person should experience a week where they live only for their fun. Once they experience that they can realize how relaxing and enjoyable life can be.
The shift from external motivation to intrinsic motivation (from “I’m going to convince this person to like me” to “I’m going to express my authentic thoughts because I value myself”) is such a beautifully simple concept and so easy to understand and implement. I’m grateful you’ve shared this, thank you.
You can never "convice" anyone to like you. Why do that when you don't even know them? Why sell yourself? If you really have so much love in your heart that you just want to spread joy to random people then great. I just don't have the energy to do it with everyone
"Flirt with the world" is some of the best advice that can be given. Don't get me wrong, as an introvert I rarely take this advice myself lol but it's great advice none the less
Funny, I recently started to read the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and in the very beginning it says something like "See every interaction like a possible seduction. The entire world is a seducers bedroom"
@@kingearth3672 i mean in a sense that there isnt someone hating on something constantly on the internet it ruins how alot of ppl feel which is the point
You made me think about how often I censor myself. I think my excuse is "they don't care about what I have to say". Online I'll type out a response (like this) and end up deleting it before pressing send. In person I'll think of something to say, then keep it to myself because I have this self-doubt stopping me. I liked your pipe analogy, I'll try to take your advice and start small. Love your videos, keep up the great work!
Same happens to me with typing a comment and later deleting it. Such a stupid thing but your comment actually made me realize how I was also censoring myself with that, so here I am not censoring myself this time
Same. I was crippled by my social limitations for years until I just started waking up early, reading/meditating, exercise, doing what I love daily, writing, talking to people I didn’t know, etc.. I began to naturally communicate with others better. Flash forward and I attracted my dream woman naturally/supernaturally just by embodying my full authentic self. I thought I was autistic and mentally broken for years so my journey may not be yours. But now I’ve never felt better or more confident 🙏
@@bossgd100 Being shy is one small symptom of being “autistic”. That can be a big enough obstacle on its own, but that’s not where my struggles ended. I only focused on that aspect because of the original comment.
I did Lyft and Uber for a couple of years. Before I started, I heard all these stories about how people never want to hear from their driver. The consensus (from what I read) was "shut up and drive." But I'm too colorful to not engage with people, and with very few exception, as long as I wasn't overly-eager and pushy about it, people were always willing to chat. After a while, my social anxiety melted away. Every day, for hours, with new strangers, I would have these cool moments and connections, and I would think about how much of that I would've missed had I listened to the world instead of my gut.
If you think about it, what you describe as „the world“ I would say that’s probably your social media bubble where you‘re getting content other anxious people like. And other anxious people would like to talk but they feel unable to, so they find such things relatable and like it
This is golden. Exactly my experience. A year ago i felt traped in my head. Exactly the same things you described happened to me until i realized i just deeply wanted to talk to people. That's who i am since i am a kid and i felt this huge desire to just be able to express my self but my fear of judgement made me supress my thoughts, and eventually my words. I started giving compliments to people around the street and every time i wante to say something i looked at the act of doing it as a demonstration of self love and acceptance. It just felt right. It takes time and effor but pays huge dividens. Great video man.
Awesome! That’s exactly what I was thinking about. I’m not a person that likes to talk especially small talk but my social anxiety is really bad for my mental health. So i thought I could just go around and give compliments around. That way I could fight that anxiety without talking with strangers that long. AND spreading some love is always great :D Thank you for your comment! This is going on my todo list for this year :D
i saw a tweet today that said "executive function is also about acting on impulses. if you deny your impulses, eventually your motivation to do anything vanishes. without motivation, the abilities that are instrumental to goal-oriented action atrophy" and i felt it, i do feel like that often
I've been a self proclaimed introvert my whole life. Yet somehow I found recently that on days where I'm most social and keep in touch with friends or talk to strangers, those are the days where I feel the most content with myself. Coincidence? I think not. This is a lovely perspective and I hope more people take it and run with it.
@@dbuck1964There is definitely a balance. Some days you may be more of one than usual, but it's about not trapping yourself in that bubble as the video describes
I’be been thinking to a lot of things around this topic but this is so interesting and fresh, this concept of “stop censuring yourself” & “express everything” are very useful and it will push me to keep going. Thanks 🙏
I’m nearly 23, live alone, haven’t had a romantic relationship since high school, talk to zero people outside of work, and don’t go out due to my fear of talking to people. Thanks for this video
Start a hobby, sport, work out... Someday you must take the first step towards your desires, have no fear. Actually, all the doubts and noise is self induced, people aren't watching you all the time waiting for you to do something awkward. Look for something you have always wanted to do
Start by approaching in places where it's socially acceptable to approach first. This will put you at ease because you don't have to worry about bothering someone there. Once you build up the courage approaching there, move on to places like streets etc (ONLY if you want to). My point is, don't start approaching in places like grocery stores etc if you have social anxiety because, these places have potential to backfire if you aren't socially calibrated.
This really hit home for me, Ruben. What I get a lot from your videos is how similar our experiences can be as people. And thus the solutions to common challenges like social awkwardness can be repeatable. Love your videos.
This video came at such a great time. I’m 20, halfway through college, and have always felt like I never made the effort towards any meaningful connections. “Did I express myself or censor myself?” is a mantra I both needed to hear and need to start asking myself. Truly inspiring, thanks for this absolute gem ❤️
I believe the pipe anology is still from a scarcity position. The way it’s explained is as a temporary desensitization to “rejection”. But since the underlying fear is still present, you fall back to square 1. I recommend the book, letting go from david R. Hawkins
@@denzellvanspanje9227 there must be a miss understanding because the pipe analogy is completely self centered and does not include the notion of an environment.... the notions of scarcity or abundance do not apply in this analogy. It has solely do do with yourself, whether you expressed what you wanted to express or not, whether you are true to yourself, this is between you and yourself...
I understand, and I think it’s a valuable lesson, useful to get to a certain point. However, the fact that you think it can get clogged if you stop expressing for a while means that the underlying issue isn’t fixed. Which would be the next step in my opinion. (Or before if someone’s mind is already open to it) Curious what your thoughts are on this matter!
@@denzellvanspanje9227 The question is why did you stop. There is a difference between not expressing yourself because you genuinely have nothing you want to say, (is there a time period after which it might be an issue on its own could be questioning) and not expressing it out of anxiety which will create a frustration and therefore "clog" yourself. As for the idea that something is "fixed", life seems to be a constant invitation be to present and alive. For something to be fixed for ever, time would need to stop.
I have been doing this exact thing in my daily life and I feel that these small things make your day better. One thing I learned is that talking to someone to make them like you makes it very hard to actually have a conversation with them and puts up a filter and it ends up being very stressful which defeats the point. Also forcing a conversation does no good. You need recognize the natural endpoint of the conversation and maybe just sit there quietly because its only an awkward silence if you make it. Just go with the natural flow and be comfortable in your own company most importantly.
@@furiousdestroyah9999 I also struggle with those things, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I'd say just give that person a compliment (as genuine as possible) and if they show gratefulness and interest in keeping the convo going, it will all come natural, otherwise, you can just go your way, you will only have given that person a compliment, nothing bad
i love this channel -Always thought "picking up girls" or talking to anyone is this esoteric thing - which only certain people possess . love how you break it down . cheers !
A really good analyzing video. I've lately started to become more aware of how I censor myself and this video gave great insight. Living inside one's own head with self-created illusions is so tiring, it's repeating the same false ideas. Right now the most important thing for me is to keep hitting the dam until it breaks. I'll try to talk to people whenever I can.
I am starting to limit myself because of my non existent skill of starting a conversation and searched and watched vids about holding a conversation or even starting one. But your story was a real eye opener for me and gave me hope!
For the last month, I was walking around a city trying to talk to girls. I bailed all the time. I was practicing "letting go" etc... so I do not feel fear or sth... but it absolutely killed motivation. Feeling nothing is not good. Yesterday, I have seen this beautiful girl and it was hmm.. strange like I visually like her, she is attractive, I do not feel any fear, or I do not have an internal talk - oh.. probably she has a bf, etc.. So I told myself to go. And it was sooooo smooth. I slowly walk towards her, said hi, I find you attractive and we start talking. It was soooo easy. Like talking to a friend :)
@@leandro6925 Doing well. I do not take rejection personally rejection - this is a great improvement. I started to control what I can. My body language, what I tell, and how I react. I do try every time after an approach to ask myself what can I improve, and what can I learn from this approach. Also, I found a friend who is willing to go out with me and he is also approaching. It is easier at the beginning.
I would just say one thing that my therapist said that changed my entire perspective. I used to go out with the intention of meeting and talking to women. I shifted my intentions to simply meeting people, regardless men or women. And even it was a woman I found attractive, I just tried to be friendly. A lot of times she would reveal things about her personality that would make her less attractive. Anyway, just try to be friendly and open. Women will be happily caught off guard by your lack of overt flirting, and you'll make more friends of all genders. Its really a win win
I would add the nuance that your intention should not even to meet people but to be true to yourself and express yourself. Interacting with people is merely a side effect of expressing yourself. Therefore I would diverge from your statement and say that if you want to flirt or give a compliment then you should also do it :)
@@socialanimal I think I am being true to myself by doing this. I would rather not pressure people into viewing me romantically right away, especially when it comes to women who just have a different perspective on romance than men due to societal differences. I do agree with my therapist that friendship is a great avenue to relationship. And trust me, if you can befriend women, you will by proxy get very good at getting them to fall for you. So I think flirting right off the bat just isn't my style. And it's better for me, because I don't even deal with rejection really, I was only trying to get to know who they were- not get the number and try to score as quickly as possible. Whereas before I might have had a scarcity mindset that if i didn't go for them romantically right away I'd miss out. It's not like that. There is an abundance of opportunities if you put yourself in them. Make friends!
@@brucet2756 I don't think the question is about how are you supposed to behave in every moment of your life or what approach is the best, I think the question is whether you are able to be genuine and true to yourself. Maybe that 99% of the time you genuinely do not want to flirt openly and thats fine but in the 1% of times when you want to do it, can you do it? You life is a series of moments, I do not see value in putting yourself into a box and say, "I am like this", instead it seems to me that its better to tune with yourself in each moment and ask yourself whether you are true to yourself or you are bullshitting yourself, only you know the answer to that question.
@@socialanimal And I think that being true to yourself is akin to "finding yourself" that truth is that there is no self. You must define it, and you are yourself defined by your environment. And sometimes you do it by finding what kind of behaviors work for you and both make you happy and accomplish what you want. I suppose you could go through life constantly operating on intuition alone but that doesn't make sense to me. If I am angry I might feel an intuition to punch someone, that doesn't mean I should do it. Does that make me untrue to myself?
@@brucet2756 Right now you are focusing on the situation that you would dismiss on your own... I am not talking about the times when you think that its better for you to keep for yourself. Lets only talk about the time, however few times it might be, where you wanted to express yourself and you did not do it.... I am only inviting you to reconsider these times and maybe in the future when such situation arise, encourage you to go for it.
Thanks! I love this concept and starting now I'm making steps to implement it in my day-to-day life. I will keep you posted and come back with another reward if this mindset is as useful as it now seems.
oh woa, thank you bro :) Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too and if you need extra inspiration checkout the subscriber videos :)
I think it comes from knowing who you are and accepting yourself as such: you acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses all the while keeping a positive outlook on life i.e. you know that you can adapt over time and reach your goals. The problem is stagnation, usually stemming from fear or chronic anxiety as well as self-limiting beliefs.
This is probably rhe most helpful video I've watched about social anxiety. Truthfully expressing yourself all the time makes so much sense, first you train the muscle to lower that barrier that causes you to stuff down things you wanna say to the point you have nothing to talk about. And when that is trained you eventually get better and all the reasons you wanted to be better at communicating are attained as a byproduct. Not even mentioning the sheer peace of knowing you live fully everyday. And the confidence you gain from giving yourself enough importance to jot stuff down your voice to fit some vague notion of what is supposed to be correct (according to your unhelpful beleifs).
Ruben, that's the story of my life :D Shy child, realizing how inauthentic I am and avoiding people I feel attracted to (I would switch to the other sidewalk just to avoid the bad feeling for not approaching)... Currently I am just beginning to talk to every person I feel attracted to on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level. Still there are many layers to be let go of that don't feel good and inhibit my authenticity. What I found to be inspiring for me is to get to know and profoundly feel the others perspective and to feel so much emotionally connected that I just am in awe of their beauty. I truly love that. I found that feeling this intimate emotional connection (not necessarily sexually intimate) opens up my heart. Thank you for your story.
:) thank for you sharing Lara Lebeu - cultivating yourself is a process, good luck out there and if you want to chat more, do not hesitate to reach out at ruben@socialanimal.us :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and understanding like this. I consider myself an introspective person, but I have never ever thought about how social interaction affects my own internal state in this way. I've pretty much always thought that being laconic is a great virtue and that in general, silence is the best option unless you have something very important to say. You've opened my eyes, and helped me realise just how important expressing one's thoughts and emotions is to allow them to flourish.
This Is the best life advice I have ever received in my 24 years of living! By the way, I've watched this video once last year and practised it last year leading me to a whole new experience - CONNECTION!! With the real authentic you. It's priceless and timeless. I will get back into this mode of not censoring myself and letting it rip, for the sake of my own peace not for validation or acceptance. Thanks bro! Ur the man
Felt like I wrote my story down and you were just reading it out loud, I'm even at that age you talked about! I have been lucky with one or two relationships in the past (university), but even most of those I get lucky to have, I still find my lack of expression holding me back from holding down most of those relationships till I eventually lose touch, I realise I censor myself a lot and even when I get inspired, I still change direction when I'm about 3 feets away (even happened at the gym today). I'm still keeping to my challenge of stepping out everyday and approach whoever I feel attracted to. Thank you for sharing your story.
How has it been going for you? I'm feeling motivated to start doing this again. I always start but am never consistent talking with someone new every day.
The pipe clogging analogy is so true. We clog our mental pipes which limits us from our own potential and the ability to express ourselves. Incredible insight!
Big ups, love your positivity. I've noticed the same thing, for example talking to the people at the supermarket where i get my lunch and breakfast when I'm at work. Instead of just saying hello, I ask them how they are, etc. Those little interactions really can get me out of myself and are usually very much reacted to positively by them.
Incredibly insightful, thank you! I have recently been talking to people more and it totally makes sense that if doing this becomes a natural part of you then it will be much easier to talk to girls, especially if you are not outcome dependent and able to express who you are freely.
Thank you for the support :) what’s important i think is to shift from focusing on talking to people to focusing expressing yourself. Talking to people is a side effect of expressing yourself. Good luck out there :)
"Self Expression is the engine of your growth." Man that's brilliant! So much of what you said resonates with me. Thank you for making this and sharing your journey!
Yes, free self expression is super eye opening, but listening is too!!! What has helped me is always trying to learn as much as possible about others! It’s one thing to let yourself speak freely but It’s also great to try to help others do it as well. With the pipe analogy, it would be like trying to open up someone else’s pipe! This can be especially handy for extreme introverts (or for people that yap too much around friends). Sometimes it’s even easier to make connections by listening and asking engaging questions!
What a powerful insight you just gave me. I feel extremely clogged. Censoring myself became my way of being. Gratefully you made me realize it early. You may have changed a life sir
I want to thank you for making this video. Pretty much for as long as I can remember, I'd always feel an unsettling feeling after interacting with people and I never quite understood it. Then from listening to what you said in this video, it became crystal clear why. It has become second nature for me to filter my thoughts, put myself down and say the socially acceptable thing, or that one phrase that would make everyone laugh, or please whoever I'm talking to. It often leaves me drained and quite frankly, borderline tired of myself, because I'd walk out of interactions constantly replaying every bit of the conversation, and it would be heavily tied to how I thought I was perceived by the other person. I think this is why I remember the nitty gritty of every interaction I've ever had, because I am in my head alot and I don't just allow myself to be. I hold back from saying things (and the sinking feeling that accompanies rejecting your inner thoughts is gut wrenching), and I feel after doing this for how ever many years, I've lost who I was essentially. But this video gives me a clear insight and the necessary steps to make a shift. Thank you so much for this.
I watched this video 10 days ago, and implementing the concepts he talks about has helped me in terms of gaining confidence and expressing my true and authentic self, so thank you so much ❤️
i began sobering up two years ago but finally did it roughly 8 months ago. what i noticed was that once everything was gone i was left with only my thoughts but worse how i thought about myself. this made it extremely hard to speak to anyone. I went to therapy while home for the summer this past summer and you pretty much summed up 4 months of psychotherapy in an 11 minute video. everything you said is on point with what i was taught. not only that but i feel the same way you used to and it is nice to have someone (a man) that i can relate to. my therapist was great but i know other dudes get me when i speak about these struggles. thank you for your videos . they are what i needed right now. i have been trying to approach women in the street for the last two weeks. only have managed to muster up the courage to talk to three but that is more than i have ever approached in my entire life. i know that it will get better eventually but right now this is one of the most difficult things i have ever tried to do. the irony in the difficulties is that they are constructed by my own mind. they do not exist. "we suffer more in imagination than in reality". i already possess everything i need to be successful, i just need to believe that
This is almost the most perfect advice ever given on this topic I feel like. Great motivation to get past what I feel like is that last hurdle for me really when it comes to being social and feeling at ease with myself.
such a good video, it’s funny. if i had heard this 5 years ago, i would’ve dismissed it as “yeah yeah blah blah do it for yourself whatever.” i was SO results-fixated that i had absolutely no view of the bigger picture and the somatic systems that you’re describing. through reading and reevaluating, i finally came to the point where i can realize the deep truth and insight in what you’re saying. if you think about it in terms of “will this make me a friend or get me a date” you don’t realize you’re harming yourself by trying to help yourself. your core problem is self expression and everything else follows from that naturally. it’s so hard to understand this but you stated it so well.
Ruben you have an uncanny ability to explain difficult mental constructs in a way that clearly resonates with people. The first principals are important so thanks very much for sending me this video.
Its due to exposing yourself to akward social situations, its a damn sure fire way to make you overcome social anxiety and also gain congruence between your feelings and your words hence the self expression through the words are more natural and sophisticated.
I can't emphasize enough how important it is to just get yourself to a place where you FEEL good. People pick up on vibes and if you can be in that place you can say pretty much anything to anyone and have successful interactions. It's much more important than trying to think of the right thing to say while feeling crappy and negative. I can assure you if you try interactions while in this place it won't work because if you're holding out hope that you'll get a positive reaction from the girl that's exactly why it won't work. As mentioned external validation is pointless. Sleep well, eat well, give yourself purpose and direction in life (which EVERY woman wants in a man anyway). Also avoid porn and don't masturbate or significantly reduce it at bare minimum. It WILL make a difference.
Im really glad i got this recommended to me, I relate with so much of what you've said, and I've recently as a result of counseling been working on working alongside my values one of which is being genuine. Id always been good at talking to people when i had a clear motive or something to gain from talking to them but this would never give me any satisfaction because i was modifying myself to get others to like me. Having recently started to just try to be more genuine I've found myself just subconsciously clearly expressing myself and saying what i want instead of saying the "right" things. This video just put i into words all the changes I have been feeling and not properly understanding. Thank you my guy.
This channel deserves WAY more subs! Best channel for seeing how to really approach women in public, with a genuine interest and not playing sleazy pick up artist games. My favorite channel for dating skills!
It is everyone’s obligation to be honest. Honest is saying what is inside of yourself and not what we think the world wants to hear. We have a duty to be honest and to share ourselves with the world. That honesty is paid for by liberty.
This video is 3 years old from when I'm viewing it right now, and I could not have asked for a better time for it to creep into my life and resonate this hard.
youtube is an surprising place :) but very happy you enjoyed this video :) you'''ll probably also like the ones in the "Philosophy" playlist, let me know :)
Glad you liked it :) you will probably enjoy these ones too: About the importance of having a healthy relationship with your desire ruclips.net/video/bZAgGiDf2lo/видео.html About what people miss about confidence: ruclips.net/video/g9msqcQedsQ/видео.html About the essence of interacting and conversation ruclips.net/video/FD7arE3Zcyw/видео.html ruclips.net/video/U3NZp2Umh5E/видео.html About what we really have in common with people and why talking to strangers can be hard ruclips.net/video/p3HKzBJRROI/видео.html Why people fear rejection ruclips.net/video/8IHZELlrxiA/видео.html
Hey man, I really appreciated the video! Thank you. Most of the content you find in the Internet is crap. Your video was very inspiring as you talk from a experience stand point, your are not trying to sell a magic formula. Thanks a lot man, I think you have a point and you convinced me to express myself more Congratulations for the channel
I just want to say I feel like you kinda saved my life or something. I watched your video yesterday morning and I've been consistently putting your advices into action. It's crazy of many times per day I censor myself. "Oh I don't know how that will come off...". I made it a point to just say it and see how it goes. All those unsaid things pent up in my mind and clogging up my mind that paralyzed me. I succesfully shared whatever thought I had in my mind that I deemed alright to say and I have experience connection with people in a way that I never had before. The people around me smile and share and connect, the mood before instantly more relaxed and just like that everyone is having a good time and we're all laughing. So really, thank you
Informative video i didn't want to watch it at first but the stopped running from myself and watched it now I'm experiencing a sense of relief don't know why.
"Everytime you wanna say something but you don't, you prevent yourself from expieriencing something new". Three months ago I saw a man who was dressed as a cowboy, it got my attention and I wanted to say something like: it suits you or whatever, but I didn't and I still remember that and regret it, I just thought it was unnecessary or stupid. I'm glad I found this video now because I have been thinking about this topic recently, just yesterday I was talking to my friend bout how when I talk with whoever in the morning, even if it is someone in the bus I'm more open to talk the rest of the day and I do, but if I stay quiet the first hours of the day, my whole day tends to be like that. I'm going to talk to everyone every moment I can. I love you social animal.
I am happy for you. In my case i don't have problems talking to strangers but the problem is in how i talk like if i talk professionally like in job i feel fake and i am acting but when talk without breaks i feel like i share negative vibes since i am realistic wich is considered pessimistic and although my closest friends are familiar with my dark humour but i still feel like imiting pessimistic vibes even though i force myself to enjoy life.
I think it’a guilt and shame. Guilt that we said something “we believe is unacceptable”. And shame because inside we feel “we” intrinsically are not acceptable.
Man, your point on front loading the day with conversations with anyone to warn you up for later is bang on. Such a fresh take that I know realize has worked for me as well. Great content 💪🏼
You won yourself a subscriber, thank you for this video and for your honesty! Summary: **Main Ideas:** - **Say What You Think:** It's important to talk about what's on your mind. Don't hold back, even if you feel a bit weird about it at first. With more practice, it gets easier and feels more natural. - **Don't Overthink:** When we grow up, we start to think too much and worry about what others will think. This can stop us from saying what we want. Try to be more like when you were a kid and didn't worry so much. - **Practice Makes Perfect:** Just like learning to throw a ball straight, talking to people gets better with practice. Start with small talk and simple hellos. This helps build up your confidence to say more. - **Talking to Anyone Should Be Easy:** You talk to your friends without feeling shy, right? So, aim to feel that comfortable talking to anyone, even people you don't know yet. - **Small Steps Lead to Big Changes:** Start with small chats, like making a joke in line or giving someone a compliment. These little steps can help you feel more comfortable talking to anyone about anything. **Your Goal:** - Focus on getting better at expressing yourself. Don't worry about the small details of someone's story. What matters is learning how to share your thoughts and feelings freely. **Keep in Mind:** - Being able to share what's on your mind is key to good conversations. - Worrying less about what others think makes talking easier. - Practicing your conversation skills helps you improve. - Treat talking to new people just like talking to your friends. - Start small with your efforts to talk more and it will lead to bigger changes.
Yes I am 20 years old and I am in this exact stage in life where I realised this, the same expression issue has been a part of me since I was younger, but now its time for a new chapter of my life
I have been watching your subscriber series and I must say its great to see people get so confident in themselves, great idea for a series man.@@socialanimal
Thank you for this video, it's an interesting way to view it, I've been oscillating wildly from free and extroverted to extremely introverted during many periods throughout my life and I never understood why, whenever I acctually leaned towards external motivation it resulted in me caving in and censoring myself more and more, till I break out again. The eternal goal isn't to be liked, that's a subside effect that will or will not happen, the primary is being true to express yourself, and love yourself, and good things will and do follow.
This is actually pretty helpful. I was afraid this video would be some pick-up artist nonsense, but the title made me think maybe it was deeper than that... and I wasn't wrong. I'm glad I clicked on it, very useful general advice for anyone and any gender.
I’m sensoring myself too much. I remember a time when I was all I ever wanted to be like, when I was a kid before the fire nation attacked. I was simply me because I valued me as a work of art and didn’t care if anyone else didn’t understand the art that was me. Just like art, they are different perspectives. You don’t gotta get it, you can simply admire, or ignore. But it’s still art. Self expression :0 dude im remembering mid text low key, this is great
I am 25. Got out of a breakup a year ago. I have the exact same thoughts, but not just about talking to women, but talking to people in general. I guess I have been wondering all my life up until now if I was alone in feeling this way, cringing years or months after interactions. I hope things change. Thank you!
This was actually helpful man, thanks for the video. I also need to improve my social skills and that "I was censoring myself" has resonated with me, I will think of it now more often.
I’d like to thank you for these insights. You’ve put it very well, very clearly and made it easy to understand. I think the key point here is, as you said, to turn from an outward goal (e.g., picking up girls, looking confident) to an inward goal (I.e., am I being true to myself and to what I feel?) I’m about the same age you were when you realised that (I’m 26) so time to try. :)
Ive dealt with exactly this kind of feeling for as long as i can remember, and this video gave it such an interesting spin. id never thought about it in terms of bottled up feelings and self expression, and always thought that something was fundamentally wrong with me. however, the more i though about it, the more i realize that all of my experiences line up exactly with what you say! even to me wanting to write this comment and convincing myself that its 'not worth it'. nah. today is my first step, and this comment marks the beginning. thank you so much.
I feel like 99% of the unhappiness I feel in life just comes from that nasty gut feeling that develops in you after you've been inhibited and anxious your whole life.
Same here I'm going to start expressing myself more and see how that goes , if you find any ways to feel better let me know I would like to try them out too.
Ahhhhh you just described my situation perfectly
@@manuel8617 how is it going so far!
Hey man! I had moments were anxiety is a nasty killer whale. Has Ruben's videos helped?
Freud also mentioned it :
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
I was considering putting the quote at the end and did not at the last moment ;)
@@socialanimal Express yourself :)
This summarises it so well, why hide from embarrassment all your life? It happens to everyone, but you have to get out there and get over it, like you have to convince yourself some strange comment is just that; someone's strange comment- not the world telling you that you don't matter. You do anything in life and boring people will have something to say, you shouldn't say or do this or that because of who you are, or you liking/enjoying certain things must mean X or Y about you. Even if you're silent people will assume whatever and say whatever. There will always be things you don't have or can't do that people will use to try and invalidate your existence.
@@socialanimal😂😂
Extremely 1000% true that statement
Self expression is way better than trying to pick up girls. Becoming a whole and free human.
happy you like this video, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
great comment
Amen
I think every person should experience a week where they live only for their fun. Once they experience that they can realize how relaxing and enjoyable life can be.
The freest humans are criminals
“The reason to express yourself is to be at peace with yourself” love that
:)
Not to mention ironically it's so much more attractive to women than *trying* to be anything
The shift from external motivation to intrinsic motivation (from “I’m going to convince this person to like me” to “I’m going to express my authentic thoughts because I value myself”) is such a beautifully simple concept and so easy to understand and implement. I’m grateful you’ve shared this, thank you.
Being comfortable in one's own skin
“You ever notice how there’s just men and boomers everywhere?” 💀
You can never "convice" anyone to like you. Why do that when you don't even know them? Why sell yourself? If you really have so much love in your heart that you just want to spread joy to random people then great. I just don't have the energy to do it with everyone
such a simple thought , but it has a very deep effect
"Flirt with the world" is some of the best advice that can be given.
Don't get me wrong, as an introvert I rarely take this advice myself lol but it's great advice none the less
Story of my life haha. I know things to be true yet on don’t utilize the advice myself.
"Flirt with the world" love that one, gonna keep that one in mind
@@williamthach7 i think you need more pressure
Funny, I recently started to read the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and in the very beginning it says something like "See every interaction like a possible seduction. The entire world is a seducers bedroom"
Fall in love with life and make life your dream girl
Damn imagine a world where people fully expressed themselves (with good intentions). It'd be pretty incredible. I want to be a part of that change.
social media rips away all chance of unity
@@troy1677 not for people who want to unite
@@kingearth3672 i mean in a sense that there isnt someone hating on something constantly on the internet it ruins how alot of ppl feel which is the point
Best way to do it is to start and implicitly inspire other people you talk to
You made me think about how often I censor myself. I think my excuse is "they don't care about what I have to say".
Online I'll type out a response (like this) and end up deleting it before pressing send. In person I'll think of something to say, then keep it to myself because I have this self-doubt stopping me.
I liked your pipe analogy, I'll try to take your advice and start small.
Love your videos, keep up the great work!
:) Glad you resonated with it and thank you for the encouragement :) good luck :)
Same happens to me with typing a comment and later deleting it. Such a stupid thing but your comment actually made me realize how I was also censoring myself with that, so here I am not censoring myself this time
that also happens to me all the time. Changing it right now!@@lucianoortiz2841
@@lucianoortiz2841 "What if someone I know see's my random comment on RUclips?" 🤣
Definitely do the same thing, I too will start expressing myself more and will try to catch me censoring myself!
Same. I was crippled by my social limitations for years until I just started waking up early, reading/meditating, exercise, doing what I love daily, writing, talking to people I didn’t know, etc..
I began to naturally communicate with others better. Flash forward and I attracted my dream woman naturally/supernaturally just by embodying my full authentic self.
I thought I was autistic and mentally broken for years so my journey may not be yours.
But now I’ve never felt better or more confident 🙏
lol sounds like you’re describing my journey up until now besides the flash forward
So you was just shy and not autistic ?
@@bossgd100 Being shy is one small symptom of being “autistic”. That can be a big enough obstacle on its own, but that’s not where my struggles ended.
I only focused on that aspect because of the original comment.
Because you shed the distance between who you were and who your ideal self is, and you became it.
I did Lyft and Uber for a couple of years. Before I started, I heard all these stories about how people never want to hear from their driver. The consensus (from what I read) was "shut up and drive." But I'm too colorful to not engage with people, and with very few exception, as long as I wasn't overly-eager and pushy about it, people were always willing to chat. After a while, my social anxiety melted away. Every day, for hours, with new strangers, I would have these cool moments and connections, and I would think about how much of that I would've missed had I listened to the world instead of my gut.
I've thought about becoming a taxidriver for this exact reason. You basically get a payed exposure therapy session every day
If you think about it, what you describe as „the world“ I would say that’s probably your social media bubble where you‘re getting content other anxious people like. And other anxious people would like to talk but they feel unable to, so they find such things relatable and like it
@@alfredsaalo1441 I started doing this while working delivery. It's so easy to connect with people once you get the hang of it.
This is golden. Exactly my experience.
A year ago i felt traped in my head. Exactly the same things you described happened to me until i realized i just deeply wanted to talk to people. That's who i am since i am a kid and i felt this huge desire to just be able to express my self but my fear of judgement made me supress my thoughts, and eventually my words.
I started giving compliments to people around the street and every time i wante to say something i looked at the act of doing it as a demonstration of self love and acceptance. It just felt right. It takes time and effor but pays huge dividens.
Great video man.
❤️
Awesome! That’s exactly what I was thinking about. I’m not a person that likes to talk especially small talk but my social anxiety is really bad for my mental health. So i thought I could just go around and give compliments around. That way I could fight that anxiety without talking with strangers that long. AND spreading some love is always great :D
Thank you for your comment! This is going on my todo list for this year :D
In my case there's a particular person I want to talk to but I'm also completely trapped inside my head. How do you just go for it?
@@furiousdestroyah9999I don't think there is a method to it. You have to force yourself to express yourself. Don't let fear win.
i saw a tweet today that said "executive function is also about acting on impulses. if you deny your impulses, eventually your motivation to do anything vanishes. without motivation, the abilities that are instrumental to goal-oriented action atrophy" and i felt it, i do feel like that often
"did I express myself or censor myself" words to live by
I've been a self proclaimed introvert my whole life. Yet somehow I found recently that on days where I'm most social and keep in touch with friends or talk to strangers, those are the days where I feel the most content with myself. Coincidence? I think not. This is a lovely perspective and I hope more people take it and run with it.
happy you like this video, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
@@socialanimalmakes one want to question ideas like “introvert/extrovert”.
@@dbuck1964There is definitely a balance. Some days you may be more of one than usual, but it's about not trapping yourself in that bubble as the video describes
I've found thr same! Only recently have I realized that I, contrary to what I had thought, actually do crave community.
Came from reddit , stayed for the video , a very good talk
Thank you Taha :)
@@socialanimal me too, to the channel and ended up making a friend in Ruben.
I’be been thinking to a lot of things around this topic but this is so interesting and fresh, this concept of “stop censuring yourself” & “express everything” are very useful and it will push me to keep going. Thanks 🙏
Thank you :) Checkout the other videos in the philosophy playlist :)
I’m nearly 23, live alone, haven’t had a romantic relationship since high school, talk to zero people outside of work, and don’t go out due to my fear of talking to people. Thanks for this video
Start a hobby, sport, work out... Someday you must take the first step towards your desires, have no fear. Actually, all the doubts and noise is self induced, people aren't watching you all the time waiting for you to do something awkward.
Look for something you have always wanted to do
Start by approaching in places where it's socially acceptable to approach first. This will put you at ease because you don't have to worry about bothering someone there. Once you build up the courage approaching there, move on to places like streets etc (ONLY if you want to). My point is, don't start approaching in places like grocery stores etc if you have social anxiety because, these places have potential to backfire if you aren't socially calibrated.
Glad you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, check them out and let me know :)
Just go for it ! Step by step !
least you have your own place man
This really hit home for me, Ruben. What I get a lot from your videos is how similar our experiences can be as people. And thus the solutions to common challenges like social awkwardness can be repeatable. Love your videos.
This video came at such a great time. I’m 20, halfway through college, and have always felt like I never made the effort towards any meaningful connections. “Did I express myself or censor myself?” is a mantra I both needed to hear and need to start asking myself. Truly inspiring, thanks for this absolute gem ❤️
This is gold. You're single-handedly taking care of the human population. All the best brother :)
hahah lol :) Glad you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
Bro the pipe analogy is so spot on
happy you like this video, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
I believe the pipe anology is still from a scarcity position. The way it’s explained is as a temporary desensitization to “rejection”. But since the underlying fear is still present, you fall back to square 1.
I recommend the book, letting go from david R. Hawkins
@@denzellvanspanje9227 there must be a miss understanding because the pipe analogy is completely self centered and does not include the notion of an environment.... the notions of scarcity or abundance do not apply in this analogy.
It has solely do do with yourself, whether you expressed what you wanted to express or not, whether you are true to yourself, this is between you and yourself...
I understand, and I think it’s a valuable lesson, useful to get to a certain point. However, the fact that you think it can get clogged if you stop expressing for a while means that the underlying issue isn’t fixed. Which would be the next step in my opinion. (Or before if someone’s mind is already open to it)
Curious what your thoughts are on this matter!
@@denzellvanspanje9227 The question is why did you stop. There is a difference between not expressing yourself because you genuinely have nothing you want to say, (is there a time period after which it might be an issue on its own could be questioning) and not expressing it out of anxiety which will create a frustration and therefore "clog" yourself.
As for the idea that something is "fixed", life seems to be a constant invitation be to present and alive. For something to be fixed for ever, time would need to stop.
I have been doing this exact thing in my daily life and I feel that these small things make your day better.
One thing I learned is that talking to someone to make them like you makes it very hard to actually have a conversation with them and puts up a filter and it ends up being very stressful which defeats the point. Also forcing a conversation does no good. You need recognize the natural endpoint of the conversation and maybe just sit there quietly because its only an awkward silence if you make it. Just go with the natural flow and be comfortable in your own company most importantly.
Thank you for the comment and happy you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
What if you really want to talk to somebody but there's no natural way to start a conversation without forcing it?
@@furiousdestroyah9999 I also struggle with those things, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I'd say just give that person a compliment (as genuine as possible) and if they show gratefulness and interest in keeping the convo going, it will all come natural, otherwise, you can just go your way, you will only have given that person a compliment, nothing bad
i love this channel -Always thought "picking up girls" or talking to anyone is this esoteric thing - which only certain people possess . love how you break it down . cheers !
thank you :)
Damn bro, what you said resonated so deeply with me, you inspired me.
Glad you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
Thank you so much for this video. I am now became committed to cultivating my self-expression
God bless you
God bless you ❤️
A really good analyzing video. I've lately started to become more aware of how I censor myself and this video gave great insight. Living inside one's own head with self-created illusions is so tiring, it's repeating the same false ideas. Right now the most important thing for me is to keep hitting the dam until it breaks. I'll try to talk to people whenever I can.
Glad you enjoyed it, checkout the videos in the Philosophy playlist as well, they will present you perspective you might have not considered before :)
I am starting to limit myself because of my non existent skill of starting a conversation and searched and watched vids about holding a conversation or even starting one. But your story was a real eye opener for me and gave me hope!
Good luck out there and thank you for sharing, its really encouraging me to do more :) Do not hesitate to reach out at ruben@socialanimal.us :)
For the last month, I was walking around a city trying to talk to girls. I bailed all the time. I was practicing "letting go" etc... so I do not feel fear or sth... but it absolutely killed motivation. Feeling nothing is not good. Yesterday, I have seen this beautiful girl and it was hmm.. strange like I visually like her, she is attractive, I do not feel any fear, or I do not have an internal talk - oh.. probably she has a bf, etc.. So I told myself to go. And it was sooooo smooth. I slowly walk towards her, said hi, I find you attractive and we start talking. It was soooo easy. Like talking to a friend :)
And now? How are you feeling? How are u doing?? I am feeling motivation!
@@leandro6925 Doing well. I do not take rejection personally rejection - this is a great improvement. I started to control what I can. My body language, what I tell, and how I react. I do try every time after an approach to ask myself what can I improve, and what can I learn from this approach. Also, I found a friend who is willing to go out with me and he is also approaching. It is easier at the beginning.
@@Tassaczek is letting go working for u ? because i have been also trying it but i cant just dive into the feeling and let it go?
yes, i does. I can just go now and talk to girls.
@@pratham3537 BTW. It is not about "not feeling". It is about acting despite of feelings. You will not "loose" feeling, but it will not stop you.
this is just amazing, I can feel very clearly you talk from the level of experience
I would just say one thing that my therapist said that changed my entire perspective. I used to go out with the intention of meeting and talking to women. I shifted my intentions to simply meeting people, regardless men or women. And even it was a woman I found attractive, I just tried to be friendly. A lot of times she would reveal things about her personality that would make her less attractive. Anyway, just try to be friendly and open. Women will be happily caught off guard by your lack of overt flirting, and you'll make more friends of all genders. Its really a win win
I would add the nuance that your intention should not even to meet people but to be true to yourself and express yourself. Interacting with people is merely a side effect of expressing yourself. Therefore I would diverge from your statement and say that if you want to flirt or give a compliment then you should also do it :)
@@socialanimal I think I am being true to myself by doing this. I would rather not pressure people into viewing me romantically right away, especially when it comes to women who just have a different perspective on romance than men due to societal differences. I do agree with my therapist that friendship is a great avenue to relationship. And trust me, if you can befriend women, you will by proxy get very good at getting them to fall for you. So I think flirting right off the bat just isn't my style. And it's better for me, because I don't even deal with rejection really, I was only trying to get to know who they were- not get the number and try to score as quickly as possible. Whereas before I might have had a scarcity mindset that if i didn't go for them romantically right away I'd miss out. It's not like that. There is an abundance of opportunities if you put yourself in them. Make friends!
@@brucet2756 I don't think the question is about how are you supposed to behave in every moment of your life or what approach is the best, I think the question is whether you are able to be genuine and true to yourself.
Maybe that 99% of the time you genuinely do not want to flirt openly and thats fine but in the 1% of times when you want to do it, can you do it?
You life is a series of moments, I do not see value in putting yourself into a box and say, "I am like this", instead it seems to me that its better to tune with yourself in each moment and ask yourself whether you are true to yourself or you are bullshitting yourself, only you know the answer to that question.
@@socialanimal And I think that being true to yourself is akin to "finding yourself" that truth is that there is no self. You must define it, and you are yourself defined by your environment. And sometimes you do it by finding what kind of behaviors work for you and both make you happy and accomplish what you want. I suppose you could go through life constantly operating on intuition alone but that doesn't make sense to me. If I am angry I might feel an intuition to punch someone, that doesn't mean I should do it. Does that make me untrue to myself?
@@brucet2756 Right now you are focusing on the situation that you would dismiss on your own... I am not talking about the times when you think that its better for you to keep for yourself. Lets only talk about the time, however few times it might be, where you wanted to express yourself and you did not do it.... I am only inviting you to reconsider these times and maybe in the future when such situation arise, encourage you to go for it.
Thanks! I love this concept and starting now I'm making steps to implement it in my day-to-day life. I will keep you posted and come back with another reward if this mindset is as useful as it now seems.
oh woa, thank you bro :)
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too and if you need extra inspiration checkout the subscriber videos :)
I think it comes from knowing who you are and accepting yourself as such: you acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses all the while keeping a positive outlook on life i.e. you know that you can adapt over time and reach your goals. The problem is stagnation, usually stemming from fear or chronic anxiety as well as self-limiting beliefs.
I don’t have a need to express myself, maybe the best I can do is mimic someone who is expressive
This is probably rhe most helpful video I've watched about social anxiety.
Truthfully expressing yourself all the time makes so much sense, first you train the muscle to lower that barrier that causes you to stuff down things you wanna say to the point you have nothing to talk about.
And when that is trained you eventually get better and all the reasons you wanted to be better at communicating are attained as a byproduct. Not even mentioning the sheer peace of knowing you live fully everyday.
And the confidence you gain from giving yourself enough importance to jot stuff down your voice to fit some vague notion of what is supposed to be correct (according to your unhelpful beleifs).
Ruben, that's the story of my life :D
Shy child, realizing how inauthentic I am and avoiding people I feel attracted to (I would switch to the other sidewalk just to avoid the bad feeling for not approaching)... Currently I am just beginning to talk to every person I feel attracted to on a sexual, emotional and intellectual level. Still there are many layers to be let go of that don't feel good and inhibit my authenticity.
What I found to be inspiring for me is to get to know and profoundly feel the others perspective and to feel so much emotionally connected that I just am in awe of their beauty. I truly love that. I found that feeling this intimate emotional connection (not necessarily sexually intimate) opens up my heart.
Thank you for your story.
:) thank for you sharing Lara Lebeu - cultivating yourself is a process, good luck out there and if you want to chat more, do not hesitate to reach out at ruben@socialanimal.us :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and understanding like this. I consider myself an introspective person, but I have never ever thought about how social interaction affects my own internal state in this way. I've pretty much always thought that being laconic is a great virtue and that in general, silence is the best option unless you have something very important to say. You've opened my eyes, and helped me realise just how important expressing one's thoughts and emotions is to allow them to flourish.
Thank you for the comment and happy you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
This Is the best life advice I have ever received in my 24 years of living! By the way, I've watched this video once last year and practised it last year leading me to a whole new experience - CONNECTION!! With the real authentic you. It's priceless and timeless.
I will get back into this mode of not censoring myself and letting it rip, for the sake of my own peace not for validation or acceptance.
Thanks bro! Ur the man
Felt like I wrote my story down and you were just reading it out loud, I'm even at that age you talked about! I have been lucky with one or two relationships in the past (university), but even most of those I get lucky to have, I still find my lack of expression holding me back from holding down most of those relationships till I eventually lose touch, I realise I censor myself a lot and even when I get inspired, I still change direction when I'm about 3 feets away (even happened at the gym today). I'm still keeping to my challenge of stepping out everyday and approach whoever I feel attracted to.
Thank you for sharing your story.
How has it been going for you? I'm feeling motivated to start doing this again. I always start but am never consistent talking with someone new every day.
Don't talk to women in the gym please
The pipe clogging analogy is so true. We clog our mental pipes which limits us from our own potential and the ability to express ourselves. Incredible insight!
Big ups, love your positivity. I've noticed the same thing, for example talking to the people at the supermarket where i get my lunch and breakfast when I'm at work. Instead of just saying hello, I ask them how they are, etc. Those little interactions really can get me out of myself and are usually very much reacted to positively by them.
Incredibly insightful, thank you! I have recently been talking to people more and it totally makes sense that if doing this becomes a natural part of you then it will be much easier to talk to girls, especially if you are not outcome dependent and able to express who you are freely.
Thank you for the support :) what’s important i think is to shift from focusing on talking to people to focusing expressing yourself. Talking to people is a side effect of expressing yourself. Good luck out there :)
"Self Expression is the engine of your growth." Man that's brilliant! So much of what you said resonates with me. Thank you for making this and sharing your journey!
Yes, free self expression is super eye opening, but listening is too!!! What has helped me is always trying to learn as much as possible about others! It’s one thing to let yourself speak freely but It’s also great to try to help others do it as well. With the pipe analogy, it would be like trying to open up someone else’s pipe! This can be especially handy for extreme introverts (or for people that yap too much around friends). Sometimes it’s even easier to make connections by listening and asking engaging questions!
He said a lot of thing that happened with me and still happening. Very Nice vídeo!
What a powerful insight you just gave me. I feel extremely clogged. Censoring myself became my way of being. Gratefully you made me realize it early. You may have changed a life sir
Happy you enjoyed the video and very glad if I can help. Where are you located? Don’t hesitate to reach out at ruben@socialanimal.us
One thing though: it also depends on who you are talking to. Sometimes, with some people, it's not worth it
I want to thank you for making this video. Pretty much for as long as I can remember, I'd always feel an unsettling feeling after interacting with people and I never quite understood it. Then from listening to what you said in this video, it became crystal clear why. It has become second nature for me to filter my thoughts, put myself down and say the socially acceptable thing, or that one phrase that would make everyone laugh, or please whoever I'm talking to. It often leaves me drained and quite frankly, borderline tired of myself, because I'd walk out of interactions constantly replaying every bit of the conversation, and it would be heavily tied to how I thought I was perceived by the other person. I think this is why I remember the nitty gritty of every interaction I've ever had, because I am in my head alot and I don't just allow myself to be. I hold back from saying things (and the sinking feeling that accompanies rejecting your inner thoughts is gut wrenching), and I feel after doing this for how ever many years, I've lost who I was essentially. But this video gives me a clear insight and the necessary steps to make a shift. Thank you so much for this.
Glad you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, check them out and let me know :)
I watched this video 10 days ago, and implementing the concepts he talks about has helped me in terms of gaining confidence and expressing my true and authentic self, so thank you so much ❤️
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too, let me know :)
i began sobering up two years ago but finally did it roughly 8 months ago. what i noticed was that once everything was gone i was left with only my thoughts but worse how i thought about myself. this made it extremely hard to speak to anyone. I went to therapy while home for the summer this past summer and you pretty much summed up 4 months of psychotherapy in an 11 minute video. everything you said is on point with what i was taught. not only that but i feel the same way you used to and it is nice to have someone (a man) that i can relate to. my therapist was great but i know other dudes get me when i speak about these struggles.
thank you for your videos . they are what i needed right now. i have been trying to approach women in the street for the last two weeks. only have managed to muster up the courage to talk to three but that is more than i have ever approached in my entire life. i know that it will get better eventually but right now this is one of the most difficult things i have ever tried to do.
the irony in the difficulties is that they are constructed by my own mind. they do not exist. "we suffer more in imagination than in reality". i already possess everything i need to be successful, i just need to believe that
Glad you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, check them out and let me know :)
This is almost the most perfect advice ever given on this topic I feel like. Great motivation to get past what I feel like is that last hurdle for me really when it comes to being social and feeling at ease with myself.
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too, let me know :)
Thanks for this. I’m bottled up! Feeling inspired to live authentically and not be tied to any expectations or outcomes. Thank you sir!
:) don’t hesitate to reach out! And thank you for the comment )
such a good video, it’s funny. if i had heard this 5 years ago, i would’ve dismissed it as “yeah yeah blah blah do it for yourself whatever.” i was SO results-fixated that i had absolutely no view of the bigger picture and the somatic systems that you’re describing. through reading and reevaluating, i finally came to the point where i can realize the deep truth and insight in what you’re saying. if you think about it in terms of “will this make me a friend or get me a date” you don’t realize you’re harming yourself by trying to help yourself. your core problem is self expression and everything else follows from that naturally. it’s so hard to understand this but you stated it so well.
You are very good at explaining yourself, that pipe analogy is spot on.
Ruben you have an uncanny ability to explain difficult mental constructs in a way that clearly resonates with people. The first principals are important so thanks very much for sending me this video.
Its due to exposing yourself to akward social situations, its a damn sure fire way to make you overcome social anxiety and also gain congruence between your feelings and your words hence the self expression through the words are more natural and sophisticated.
thank you so much man. this is a remarkable discussion
Glad you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
what you are doing for disenfranchized men is amazing
It's nice to hear genuine and insightful thoughts others have which actually has value
I can't tell you how much I needed this. Thank you.
I can't emphasize enough how important it is to just get yourself to a place where you FEEL good. People pick up on vibes and if you can be in that place you can say pretty much anything to anyone and have successful interactions.
It's much more important than trying to think of the right thing to say while feeling crappy and negative. I can assure you if you try interactions while in this place it won't work because if you're holding out hope that you'll get a positive reaction from the girl that's exactly why it won't work. As mentioned external validation is pointless.
Sleep well, eat well, give yourself purpose and direction in life (which EVERY woman wants in a man anyway). Also avoid porn and don't masturbate or significantly reduce it at bare minimum. It WILL make a difference.
Im really glad i got this recommended to me, I relate with so much of what you've said, and I've recently as a result of counseling been working on working alongside my values one of which is being genuine.
Id always been good at talking to people when i had a clear motive or something to gain from talking to them but this would never give me any satisfaction because i was modifying myself to get others to like me.
Having recently started to just try to be more genuine I've found myself just subconsciously clearly expressing myself and saying what i want instead of saying the "right" things.
This video just put i
into words all the changes I have been feeling and not properly understanding.
Thank you my guy.
This is soo good and important! Ive prayed for boldness, now Im much more chill and open to people and starting conversations easier 🙌🙂
This channel deserves WAY more subs! Best channel for seeing how to really approach women in public, with a genuine interest and not playing sleazy pick up artist games. My favorite channel for dating skills!
It is everyone’s obligation to be honest.
Honest is saying what is inside of yourself and not what we think the world wants to hear.
We have a duty to be honest and to share ourselves with the world.
That honesty is paid for by liberty.
Thanks man, I'm happy I found your channel 😀
❤️
This video is 3 years old from when I'm viewing it right now, and I could not have asked for a better time for it to creep into my life and resonate this hard.
youtube is an surprising place :) but very happy you enjoyed this video :) you'''ll probably also like the ones in the "Philosophy" playlist, let me know :)
I really enjoy how you articulate your thoughts and explain
Glad you liked it :) you will probably enjoy these ones too:
About the importance of having a healthy relationship with your desire
ruclips.net/video/bZAgGiDf2lo/видео.html
About what people miss about confidence:
ruclips.net/video/g9msqcQedsQ/видео.html
About the essence of interacting and conversation
ruclips.net/video/FD7arE3Zcyw/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/U3NZp2Umh5E/видео.html
About what we really have in common with people and why talking to strangers can be hard
ruclips.net/video/p3HKzBJRROI/видео.html
Why people fear rejection
ruclips.net/video/8IHZELlrxiA/видео.html
@@socialanimal I will definitely check out !
Hey man, I really appreciated the video! Thank you. Most of the content you find in the Internet is crap. Your video was very inspiring as you talk from a experience stand point, your are not trying to sell a magic formula. Thanks a lot man, I think you have a point and you convinced me to express myself more
Congratulations for the channel
I just want to say I feel like you kinda saved my life or something. I watched your video yesterday morning and I've been consistently putting your advices into action. It's crazy of many times per day I censor myself. "Oh I don't know how that will come off...". I made it a point to just say it and see how it goes. All those unsaid things pent up in my mind and clogging up my mind that paralyzed me.
I succesfully shared whatever thought I had in my mind that I deemed alright to say and I have experience connection with people in a way that I never had before. The people around me smile and share and connect, the mood before instantly more relaxed and just like that everyone is having a good time and we're all laughing.
So really, thank you
Man, I saw this on reddit and I must say. Dude, this is really valuable information. Thanks for sharing!
;) thank you David, that goes a long way ;) on which subreddit did you find it?
Informative video i didn't want to watch it at first but the stopped running from myself and watched it now I'm experiencing a sense of relief don't know why.
This story is full of insights, and the memory of the dam struck me. A well-spoken men here, thank you for sharing!
Probably the only video I ever liked on RUclips is this one, thank you for this
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too, let me know :)
"Everytime you wanna say something but you don't, you prevent yourself from expieriencing something new". Three months ago I saw a man who was dressed as a cowboy, it got my attention and I wanted to say something like: it suits you or whatever, but I didn't and I still remember that and regret it, I just thought it was unnecessary or stupid. I'm glad I found this video now because I have been thinking about this topic recently, just yesterday I was talking to my friend bout how when I talk with whoever in the morning, even if it is someone in the bus I'm more open to talk the rest of the day and I do, but if I stay quiet the first hours of the day, my whole day tends to be like that. I'm going to talk to everyone every moment I can. I love you social animal.
I am happy for you. In my case i don't have problems talking to strangers but the problem is in how i talk like if i talk professionally like in job i feel fake and i am acting but when talk without breaks i feel like i share negative vibes since i am realistic wich is considered pessimistic and although my closest friends are familiar with my dark humour but i still feel like imiting pessimistic vibes even though i force myself to enjoy life.
This is exactly what I'm living right now, plus I'm 25 too. It does really feel amazing growing up in that way.
I think it’a guilt and shame. Guilt that we said something “we believe is unacceptable”. And shame because inside we feel “we” intrinsically are not acceptable.
Man, your point on front loading the day with conversations with anyone to warn you up for later is bang on. Such a fresh take that I know realize has worked for me as well. Great content 💪🏼
You won yourself a subscriber, thank you for this video and for your honesty!
Summary:
**Main Ideas:**
- **Say What You Think:** It's important to talk about what's on your mind. Don't hold back, even if you feel a bit weird about it at first. With more practice, it gets easier and feels more natural.
- **Don't Overthink:** When we grow up, we start to think too much and worry about what others will think. This can stop us from saying what we want. Try to be more like when you were a kid and didn't worry so much.
- **Practice Makes Perfect:** Just like learning to throw a ball straight, talking to people gets better with practice. Start with small talk and simple hellos. This helps build up your confidence to say more.
- **Talking to Anyone Should Be Easy:** You talk to your friends without feeling shy, right? So, aim to feel that comfortable talking to anyone, even people you don't know yet.
- **Small Steps Lead to Big Changes:** Start with small chats, like making a joke in line or giving someone a compliment. These little steps can help you feel more comfortable talking to anyone about anything.
**Your Goal:**
- Focus on getting better at expressing yourself. Don't worry about the small details of someone's story. What matters is learning how to share your thoughts and feelings freely.
**Keep in Mind:**
- Being able to share what's on your mind is key to good conversations.
- Worrying less about what others think makes talking easier.
- Practicing your conversation skills helps you improve.
- Treat talking to new people just like talking to your friends.
- Start small with your efforts to talk more and it will lead to bigger changes.
woa, is this you or chat gpt? happy you like this video though, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
Bro, this was beautiful. I don't think you even realize how precious this teaching is/was. I'm taking it to heart.
Intrinsic motivation is so important. I try to find it in every aspect of my life.
Yes I am 20 years old and I am in this exact stage in life where I realised this, the same expression issue has been a part of me since I was younger, but now its time for a new chapter of my life
happy you like this video, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
I have been watching your subscriber series and I must say its great to see people get so confident in themselves, great idea for a series man.@@socialanimal
Thank you for this video, it's an interesting way to view it, I've been oscillating wildly from free and extroverted to extremely introverted during many periods throughout my life and I never understood why, whenever I acctually leaned towards external motivation it resulted in me caving in and censoring myself more and more, till I break out again. The eternal goal isn't to be liked, that's a subside effect that will or will not happen, the primary is being true to express yourself, and love yourself, and good things will and do follow.
amazing video man, i couldn't agree more with every single thing you said
Glad you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
been binging your videos the past few weeks, i absolutely love them and i've been noticing a huge difference on how social i've been in a good way.
This is actually pretty helpful. I was afraid this video would be some pick-up artist nonsense, but the title made me think maybe it was deeper than that... and I wasn't wrong. I'm glad I clicked on it, very useful general advice for anyone and any gender.
Glad you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, check them out and let me know :)
Thank you for expressing yourself in this video. Great stuff
Until the second time of watching this clip i didn't get the message, now i do. Thanks Ruben.
I’m sensoring myself too much. I remember a time when I was all I ever wanted to be like, when I was a kid before the fire nation attacked. I was simply me because I valued me as a work of art and didn’t care if anyone else didn’t understand the art that was me. Just like art, they are different perspectives. You don’t gotta get it, you can simply admire, or ignore. But it’s still art. Self expression :0 dude im remembering mid text low key, this is great
happy you like this video, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
Just gone through this and you've explained it perfectly.
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too, let me know :)
you just described my life wtf, i went through all of those stages exactly
Very true. Talk to people around you. Interact. You are what you do. :)
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too, let me know :)
Thank you for sharing your story.
Glad you enjoyed it :) You might enjoy the other videos in the "Philosophy" playlist :)
Merci pour cette vidéo Ruben, j'aime beaucoup ta métaphore du tuyau / barrage.
Merci frérot ;)
Great advice and loved hearing your realizations step by step
what an AMAZING reflection! thank you for the insight
Glad you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, check them out and let me know :)
I am 25. Got out of a breakup a year ago. I have the exact same thoughts, but not just about talking to women, but talking to people in general. I guess I have been wondering all my life up until now if I was alone in feeling this way, cringing years or months after interactions. I hope things change. Thank you!
Happy you liked it :) Checkout the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, you'll probably enjoy them too :)
Thank you so much for this video. I am a very shy guy and this really made me see things in a way I had not before
happy you like this video, you'll probably enjoy the other ones in the "Philosophy" playlist too :)
Thank you! Need more people enforcing this message
This was actually helpful man, thanks for the video. I also need to improve my social skills and that "I was censoring myself" has resonated with me, I will think of it now more often.
Happy you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist too, let me know :)
I’d like to thank you for these insights. You’ve put it very well, very clearly and made it easy to understand. I think the key point here is, as you said, to turn from an outward goal (e.g., picking up girls, looking confident) to an inward goal (I.e., am I being true to myself and to what I feel?)
I’m about the same age you were when you realised that (I’m 26) so time to try. :)
Ive dealt with exactly this kind of feeling for as long as i can remember, and this video gave it such an interesting spin. id never thought about it in terms of bottled up feelings and self expression, and always thought that something was fundamentally wrong with me. however, the more i though about it, the more i realize that all of my experiences line up exactly with what you say! even to me wanting to write this comment and convincing myself that its 'not worth it'. nah. today is my first step, and this comment marks the beginning. thank you so much.
Glad you liked it, you'll probably enjoy the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, check them out and let me know :)