10 SNEAKY WAYS Men Use Women (Warning: Reality Check)
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- Опубликовано: 13 мар 2023
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Let me guess.... Redondo Beach? Seal Beach?
I appreciate you making this video.
I was just curious about this, because I've only experienced toxic relationships and this healthy relationship I'm in now, it's foreign and I'm always questioning everything about this relationship.
After hearing everything you had to share. . . Thank you so much for validating this euphoric sensation.
No I Don't Want To Be Used😢
What is the cost of relationship counseling after free call?
Thank you! Helping me a lot !! 😊
If you are scared that a difficult conversation is going to ruin a relationship, then he's not the one. Period....
Like your honesty!!
❤True words spoken .
So true
I quit dating because I'm not ready for a physical relationship and I haven't met a man who respects this.
It’s also hard on the men that didn’t have a good role model. Some dads abuse their kids. My husband is a very good man, with lots of flaws, but with, love, respect and patience… you can work with any man that wants to be a better person than his father was. ❤❤❤
I keep saying “Men do to you, what you allow them to do.”
Women, take your power back.
Love yourself enough so you know your worth and refuse to put up with BS.
@@sonyasmith1991 exactly. Very well said.
Correction:
Boys playing dressup in grown bodies. . .
Rubbish
So true!
I once asked a very old woman (97 ), who was still full in life, with no age problems, what was her " secret ". She said, " I don't really know, but I think it's because I've never been married "....😊
That is totally right ! ❤️ I believe so also.
Basically ~ LIFT your standards, morals & value ladies, keep yr knickers on and stop being so desperate that you'll do anything to hang on to anyone just because you want someone. It's sad & emotionally damaging to your soul in the long-run.
Exactly
Amen sister! 🙏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
Yes!! You can't lose what you don't have!! Accept and move on ❤️
Preach!!!
I can't find your books anywhere
I decided a few years ago i am tired of being men's conquests. I have been able to spot men's true selves in about 2 months time when i don't sleep with them. Ladies, stop giving it up too soon. If they really like you, they will wait for 6 months so you can get to know eachother. You will save yourself a lot of heartache!
6 months? That still makes you an easy hoe....he gets the snatch with not commitment....boyfriend got wife privileges. You are giving wife duties at girlfriend prices..good deal for him....serrano alot of brown people like Puerto Ricans are named that....are you one? If so your thinking on 6 months aligns with the low standards you people have....
Love ❤️
“Wife benefits at girl friend prices”
Very well said.👍
Rubbish. Women are not commodities for men. If a man thinks like that then you are best not bothering with him at all. Marraige is a load of patriarchal rubbish as well. Know that!
Damn truth in that statement.
This is so true, I love this.
I felt the lack of equity in my relationship…damn. This sums it up. He stopped taking me out after a certain point in dating stages and we’d just Netflix and cook food 3x a week and somehow still expected us to have sex every time we hung out, and expected for us to talk on the phone every night so he could have a therapist 🙄 I feel so used ☹️ Not only was he taking up all my time and energy, which was the only valuable resource I have, he definitely was not spending enough his money to have the things I was giving to them. Then blamed me for not appreciating him…
Ended my "relationship" with my boyfriend 2 days ago. He was never available on weekends, did the therapy thing with me, was always doing the small talking, and a lot more. All I said was, it is not working for me and I cannot accommodate your unavailability.
He has not contacted me since then...do I care? NO.
Good for you for protecting yourself!
Good for you 💛
Take care of yourself first, always!
I guess he didn't work in hospitality then, because hospitality workers are rarely available at weekends - I know, it absolutely kills dating opportunities 😢
How long were you both a couple?
Good for you!
"When fretted by this single life which seems to be my lot, I think of all the many men whose wife I'm glad I'm not" Aunt Ada.
❤
My mom used to say it's better to be alone than wish you were
Awesome saying!
Great video. Must watch it for all the details.
How women give their power away:
1. The relationship is on HIS terms/his beck and call.
2. You're afraid to say how you feel about your relationship with him.
3. When the relationship ends, you focus on him instead of yourself.
4. Waiting for him to initiate contact.
5. You stop doing your pre-relationship life and focus solely on the relationship.
6. You feel you can't live without him.
7. You think this is the one person you'll feel good about (the only bus in town).
How men use women:
1. He pretends he wants a relationship but acts otherwise.
2. He always makes excuses about not spending time with you or blames you.
3. After sex, he says let's take it slow.
4. He avoids sharing personal things about himself.
5. His conversations with you are rather surface.
6. He talks to other women constantly but claims it's just friendly.
7. He breaks up with you constantly and tries to get back together.
8. He's selfish in the bedroom; just cares about his pleasure.
9. He teases you; introduces you to people who are important to him but communications are rare.
10. He's secretive in his life; won't acknowledge that you're in his life (ex. posting pictures).
11. He uses you for money.
12. He uses you as his therapist!!!! (so familiar!)
13. He avoids commitment conversations.
Or says something like this for example: let's just go with the flow, were not in a relationship, but likes to sleep with you. Then if you don't do what he wants sexually he threatens to see other people? Playing games & house 🏠 with you! Crazy making!?!!!
Number 12....I am a retired clinical psychology professor so being cast as their therapist (in their mind) happens far too often. I try to avoid the what did you do conversation...I will say Im retired or was faculty but the field always comes up...cant lie...guess I could say IQ testing but that might scare them to death. Hmmm. Maybe learning theory ...any innocuous part of psychology??????But people are drawn to me before they know, women do it too. I need to cultivate a mean bXtch face.
Noted!
The only bus in town !
Great saying !
Hahahahaha
This all was spot on. I recently did an "autopsy" of my current and past relationships and saw how I have really lowered my standards with my current relationship and just accepted it because of our long history and connection. Definitely was getting less than I deserved..so I just broke up with him. Now I'm focusing on me and also my pattern for dating very broken and emotionally unavailable men, and how it goes back to my father and trying to people please him. I'm sad for the breakup, but happy to not continuing to accept so much pain. I know the right guy is waiting for me, when I am ready. ❤
So many women were loved right by their fathers, and had to work hard with that so later they did the same within their relationships, im so lucky to have worked in healing my inner child in a program by one of the hest in Sacramento. Years after before my dad died he supported me after my mom died to being reducated..and in that the love he showed was so great another level of healing..
We must be twins 🤔
I can relate to your story sooo much😔 it's fecking hurting to realise we do it to ourselves
Spot on for me too!
I did too had no boundaries in place I had a woman years ago tell me I needed to put them in place period for myself and also for men. It was an aha moment..opened my eyes up..~
Your protectiveness over women is so apparent. Your straight talk is so pertinent to anti-victim mindset. Thanks You Jonathan
I met someone on line who wanted to meet shortly after we connected with each other. We had plans to meet for coffee. When I got there he got very close to me & asked "do you feel a spark?" I said, "well no." He said "me either. No sense wasting time," and left!! 😅
Lmao at least he was honest...
U dodged a bullet!!
@@brianaschino4903 haha, I believe you are right!!
Did you get a coffee 😂
Very insecure man indeed. Wanted it all without working on it. You are lucky he left.
'Loving yourself' and not allowing yourself to be used or disrespected doesn't automatically bring happiness. Sometimes it just brings an honourable loneliness and sadness.
It feels lonely but at first but you don't have to be stressing about what the jerk is up too and being upset when he doesn't do what he says he will and let's you down again.
Disagree. You can have fulfillment and contentment with solitude. It all comes down to a sense of purpose.
Never said you couldn't, just that it's not a given
@@sarcodonblue2876 how long is 'at first'?
@@mmmgyrl1976 7 years, still waiting for it to 'turn up' 🤷♀️
As women we are brainwashed into thinking that there is someone out there for everyone and that having a man is wonderful. We haven't met Mr right yet LOL . People don't have to be married anymore and men have always been weak but our mothers and grandmothers had to put up with it. Any man who isn't weak and pathetic has a girl friend or wife and gets snapped up in his teens or 20s and a rare few reform their ways and only mellow out over time.
My sentiments entirely. We all pick up emotional baggage along the way and the older we get the more baggage we are all carrying. Younger attachments seem to be purer and simpler.
@@vonnytighe517I share that.
You are 💯 speaking facts. The good ones get snagged up early. The indecisive and just use woman like trade in cars with the meh whatever energy seems to be the only ones lurking out there. The older you get the harder it gets. It also depends on the area you live in😢
💯
I definitely agree with your comment.
Hahah “ do you really want to be with a guy who’s all Fucked up emotionally?😂😂😂
😁😁😁
Thanks Jonathan. As an older lady, your advice is “right on.” Lol. But I will say, being single causes much less stress. And frankly, at this stage of my life, I’m actually very contented and happy. 🙏
Thanks for sharing!
I agree same here
Indeed!
Me too. Single is best. So happy.
46 tried dating for 2 mo ths and just ran into men only wanted booty call.
I figured it out that being single os juat fine. Im content w my circle of family, friends and furbabies.
I was off the market for 43 years. I’m widowed and I found this video a little late. If I knew 8 months ago what you taught here, I wouldn’t be in a situation that I regret right now.
I have too been used many many times.
I’m grateful for the men who make these videos and take the place of the father figure many of us never had…
And I used to feel something was wrong with me 😂 I don't care if people assume I am a lesbian or hate men. The fact is not many good people are available to date and lead to a long term relationship.
Men don't want to hear the truth. I experienced rage and irritation if I spoke what was on my mind. I felt like walking on eggshells, hiding my deep emotions or insecurities because he couldn't take it. As we got to the point to speak about what kind of a relationship we both want ed, we both talked about different things and I felt my needs weren't heard at all. He also ghosted me multiple times, didn't introduce me to anyone (friends, family). It would've be so easy not to let myself trust him in the first place and not to fall in love with him.
Because they have fragile egos
He was a classic narcissist.
You sound like your me Rita Wow! I had the same thing happened to me. Whenever I was completely honest to him how I felt not getting my needs met, he would fly off the handle and turn it on me that it was all my fault. Very sad how long I put up with that because I didn't love myself and was looking for love from a man instead of putting myself first. I no longer do that and am not giving my power away to anyone yayyy! I'm not in any intimate relationship for awhile now and am just focusing on loving myself and I'm OK and not feeling lonely anymore 😊
Yes this too..some men do not understand their must be reciprocal..communication in a true partnership it goes both ways / radical honesty with kindness..so no one feels closed off to open up verbally from an authentic place ..to share oneself in a naked way..to let the the other person see the person they are at ♥ heart level..
You were smart not to trust him or give him your heart. This is a trauma bond.
So much seems to revolve around male genitalia. I accepted myself as asexual so that has relieved a lot of the anxiety. I find interacting with other’s genitalia and orifices off-putting and can’t continue with that in order to secure a relationship. I’ve tried with both women and men. At 41, I feel great not forcing myself to do unpleasant things that require loads of alcohol on my part and have not had sex for 5 years. I would still love an intelligent and creative companion of any gender.
Same here
I third this!
Have you thought about getting a roommate?
This. Ppl wonder why I don't settle for a relationship with any man that takes an interest in me. I have raised my children, had a successful career etc. And it's not a hurry to dive back into the place of inadequate relationships, it's been 18 years since I have been in one, and each year brings more contentment to wait for the right fellow. I know what I'm bringing to the table, and its good. Not going to settle for casual use of my love,or my body by another fool that doesn't appreciate what I give until they've betrayed my trust, because after betrayal I have no more interest or desire to be with them. I like what I see in my mirror, don't ever sell yourselves short or you may damage your own self image, and that's truly despair.
Emotional safety is a huge deal if you don’t feel safe to discuss anything and everything with the guy you aren’t with the right guy.
I will not have sex ever again until I’m married ! I’ve been Celibate over 15 years !
That's really neat! You go girl!!
Spot on!!!! Sex is for marriage, that's how it was designed by God!
Me too.
Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued. Berne Brown 🎉
Exactly
❤️
That is the bare minimum of a connection from a man, it should also be protected, provided for and romantically pursued.
I ended a relationship 4.5 years ago. Dated for 6 years, talked about commitment a year in, then all talk stopped when intrusive adult daughter would be extremely disrespectful to me. I began to see the true situation but enjoyed having hom in my life. But I noticed he never stuck up for me and finally he told me his daughter was "my problem " and I had to deal with it. She was the most mean and self centered brat. Out the door I went and never looked back.
I had to leave him because of this exactly that was 13 years ago. His life didn’t change wrapped up in his daughter’s and parents demands. He just died of heart attack so suddenly, everyone says that could’ve the best thing that could happen to him. It’s so sad. He made his choice how to
Live his life no one could rescue him.
I would have asked why the hell should someone else's badly raised child be my problem? It isn't so goodbye. Brats are the problem of their parents, nobody else and I've seen teachers kick them out of classrooms. One substitute teacher hauled off and slapped one who was a constant smart ass hard in his face. He was sitting there with tears coming down his face afterward, an entirely different kid.
Oh yeah. Family can sure interfere in relationships. Sounds like emotional incest.- enmeshment. Been there done that.
I had one of those!!!!! The now-adult daughter is used block to keep him from having to commit Lmao. Fck 'em
@@dsoule4902 The guy can also use the kids as an excuse to avoid spending time together, dodge committment and not be serious. I will not date any single father's again with school- age or adult children. Learned that through trial and error twice.
So refreshing to hear this message
I’ve been told countless times by men I’ve dated or chatted to online that I expect too much too soon
But always try to become intimate too soon
A guy I dated once was very nice but by the third date he got mad because I didn't want to have sex with him. He actually said I'm not going to keep seeing you just like we're friends my answer was okay and then I never called him again. When he called I didn't answer
They have no problem or shame when they ask for what they want but if you ask for anything you are shamed.
OMG, my ex boyfriend broke up with me three times! I was dealing with an "emotionally constipated child"! I only have myself to blame for taking him back. Thank you for this video!
Here's the thing, I'm on my own personal growth journey. My husband passed away, and so many guys don't want what I want. I would rather be alone and miserable than with someone who chooses everything on his terms. This is why I'm just learning to make new and good friendships. I am taking companionship on my terms. No ghosting, no sex unless they make me a priority. Several guys tell me what they want, and not willing to listen to what I want. There has to be reciprocation, I gave a couple gifts, and they didn't give me one.
Who's miserable alone?!? Man I've had peace alone
sane situation but have low opportunity to meet any men
Exactly..if it is not reciprocal it's not a true partnership..which..both participate..I have noticed those same traits..undesirable..
@@AG-nn8lp amen
So sorry there’s so many scumbags. I hope you take the path that makes you most healthy and mentally sane. I’m sorry you endured those losers, I can say so far through my 20’s most guys I’ve experienced were like this too. I’d say 77% of men in general this generation are complete garbage.
“You don’t know who someone is until you live with them.” Yes! So true.
Exactly
The problem is men are raised to believe the world is theirs and they can do as they please. Women are raised to accommodate, change their lives around and be silent. Women aren’t stupid. They see everything; but the message they’ve been given is that they are too feminist if they don’t put up with BS.
Universally woman need to keep their knickers on while dating.
Yes ! I’m 56 my kids are all grown and I’m a yia yia ( nana) I will never break my own heart over a man again ❤
I don't shack up. If he wants me like a wife, he'll have to put a ring on it. If I have to boggle my mind with a man who doesn't meet me in moving forward. He doesn't need to bother coming back.
I have stopped being used !!! Thank you Jonathan you have started huge changes in my dating experience !
Fantastic!
Staying single has been the best thing. No drama, life is good.
I'd swear you knew everything going on with me and my relationship. I actually laughed several times because you hit home and showed me how ridiculous Ive been. Ive done everything you pointed out. I'm wising up!! Tired of giving my power away and having NO BOUNDARIES! GEESH!!
Women should start asking men to MARRY THEM. If he says no, move on. He’s not the one.
I agree...
" I don't wanna be used anymore",never again😢😊says Katya from Cuba🇨🇺
Really glad to have found you Johnathan. I’ve recently entered this crazy dysfunctional world of “modern dating” educating myself on everything I can to not be used again. My recent experience has really been a lesson learned for me and has made me tap into my own insecurities, my attachment style and focus on bettering myself. To love myself and see my worth. To also realize the power I actually have. All my life I have given emotionally unavailable men my power. Even in my 23 yr marriage. Still trying to detach myself from my recent 4mth experience. Your videos are a huge reinforcement for me. I’m scared, but staying strong through my faith.
❤
Excellent podcast Jonathan. You're so right about what you say. I will not allow men to use me for anything. I send your podcasts to men. They frequently cannot handle the truth and feel inadequate. Also calling them out on bad behavior and boundary setting causes deflection blameshifting and gaslighting. Life is too short for bs and gameplaying. You're right about about men saying what they need to get laid.
Lovebombing and future faking
I think there's a large population of avoidant attachment men that want casual situations hips. The keepers are rare.
Agree with having the self love and self respect to cut them off say you're done and walk away. The texting and expectation of therapy is crazymaking!
You crack me up. My daughter joined one of the local groups from when she was in high school? One guy talk to her about meeting up. Hanging out. He lived down the way from us as a kid. So she said sure. They never dated. They were just neighborhood friends. She gets there and he's trying to walk hand in hand. She suggested they walk outside. Then they sit on a bench he wants to put his arm around her shoulder. She felt creeped out. She cut it short. She asked me.. wth was that?? We never dated or anything. I told her people don't have basic social skills forget first meeting skills.
I am with you!!! I am done being used by these men!!!!
Thank You ❤ !!! Wish I would have heard this sooner in life. I will be alone to my dieing breath before I ever again "beg" for someone to "understand" my needs and feelings !!!!!!!!!!!
So grateful for this advice. I was so paranoid because I have never been in a serious relationship before. After watching your video, I can confirm that my partner wants a serious relationship and is not using me. Thank you 🌸
You are so welcome
I would rather be alone and respected than in someone’s company, and look like a pushover. That’s why I have been alone for almost six years. If that’s the way it’s gonna be that’s fine with me. I’m extremely grateful that I enjoy my own company lol because for people that have a hard time being along that’s the trap that leaves you vulnerable to the con man.
Exactly
NO I Don't want to be used anymore, I'm not going to allow men to use me anymore. I'm not giving my power away anymore.❤
I definitely agree on the texting stuff - most days I wanna toss my phone in the river. Texting is convenient for, "Hey, can you grab a gallon of milk on your way home, maybe a pint of Ben & Jerry's too." 😄
p.s. - great shirt Jonathan 🤩
Exactly!!
😂😂😂
@Laurie Simonds - re: "Ben & Jerry's" = the ... Ultimate, Overpriced, WOKE Ice Cream using UN-Funny Names !!
It's Impossible To Have A Texting Relationship ---Natalie Clarice ♥️
@@warriormanmaxx8991 you're right. I grew up there and miss the days back in the 80's when it was just great homemade ice cream 😕
You came up in my feed, so I watched. Took me years to realize everything you’ve tried to get across. Sometimes women hear it and still can’t seem to implement it. Thanks for your sincere efforts in rehabbing women. I’m doing very well.❤
Wow, thank you!
While I'm looking for a real relationship, I have no desire to get married again.
Save yourself 38 minutes girls, just Live your Life with your knees together. Sorted!!!!!!
My last ex would go icy cold if I told him I wanted more, or he would ghost me so it programmed me not to ask him, of course that is what he wanted and at end I resented him so much for that. I will never do that again.
Thank you! I needed this! Just got out of a 2-year relationship with a man who couldn’t commit!!
Got someone that I've known off and on and I finally realized that I have been used physically and emotionally and he just wants to come back. However, I tried desperately to talk about the importance of communication is very important rather than to been taken advantage of. So I've given him the truth about his immature behavior that I've been tired of being taken for granted about my feelings that I told him that I nolonger want to be involved in this immature relationship and he never responded back. I'm done 😢
My last relationship was stressful. He was so moody that I felt like I was walking on egg shells. Of course I broke it off. Now, my number one rule if I ever do this again, is: I would have to really enjoy being in his company. (we would have really good communication). Of course, things happen, so it cannot always be that way, but the majority of the time, yes.
This resonates with me Jonathan! Thank you for giving it to us straight! You are a wonderful “big brother”! I am tired of being used and he not accepting any responsibility for his actions and then trying to turn it around on me. I rather be alone then with the wrong person! I’m happy with me and my life and can be patient. I have a great family support. Bless you Jonathan! ❤
I really appreciate you for doing this. My father passed away and I remember asking him, what did he think about my boyfriend, and he always would tell me: It’s your choice, you are a grown woman. Now I am realizing that pretty much everything that you say it is happening to me. As you can imagine, we are not in good terms right now and I have asked for a divorce. I really wish I had stopped it long ago, because honestly it is very hard to leave a long time relationship even if it wasn’t a quality one. Thanks to RUclips and you, I came across your gentleman honesty and truthful hurt. Thanks for waking me up.
When I married this last man, I didn't realize that he was a narcissist, all of the 10 that you mentioned relate to toxic narcissist. I am finally free of him after 23 yrs.
Emotionally constipated child! Jonathon 😂😂😂 you nailed it and this whole video is spot on!
WOW....this is excellent....girls in highschool, women of all ages should listen to this....don't trample your values ladies....stop being used by men...... what an excellent video!!!!
Thanks for listening
Yep had all of this happen the last 6 years from dating having sex before coommitment felt used like shit they picked the other girl. I took myself out i'm celibate and have no time for this nonsense from them anymore. Haven't even chatted more than hi then they go right to sex and i block now. I've had enough. Thank you jonathan for recognizing this!
Stef5779 I'm thinking that many women would be extremely rich if they charged the men who do what you mentioned, but most of them would probably change their minds, if that was the case! 😊
I'm with you. Right on the money.
1- 900 What's Your Fantasy Today?
OMG THE TEASE JUST HAPPENED TO ME!! I already dumped him, glad I did. He brought me to his family's house for dinner, then showed me their texts to him saying they loved me! Then bam, his good morning/good night texts stopped and he went to one word responses. So I dumped and blocked, ugh all attraction and respect instantly lost.
Thank you for opening my eyes to men's sneaky ways. I don't want to be used anymore, you are very much appreciared and to me you are somewhat of a hero to women. I have been experiencing this type of using behavior by men/boys since ( maybe kindergarten!) In some way or another. It seems to me that this also goes on in female/male friendships also. Glad your here to help us😍
Glad to help
Yes ladies Jonathan is real talk. No, I'm not going to be used anymore. I will not allow men to take advantage of me . I have learned so much and still learning.
Awe... thanks ☺️
Been divorced 11 years now and dated on and off and I have seen it all! Total different perspective at this point in my life and it all resonates with me!
I flip flopped. Now I dictate the terms and I don’t give up ANY ass. Ever. A man is paying my bills while I get my business up and running because he offered.
I seriously think I’m onto something here.
You have absolutely nailed it! I see strong, beautiful, intelligent women giving it away all the time!
I allowed a guy to use me for years as an emotional dumpster or just listen to him. I always thought it might go somewhere, but years later it never did. I stopped answering his calls with no explanation. I do believe he was also a narcissist too. Very much a taker! He never mentioned any of the girls he was seeing which is manipulation as well.
Similar situation.
I really love this video, Jonathan! And I really love your emotional rants because you care! You are so right in all you're saying. People who are seeking a long term-relationship need to be forthright about what they want when starting a dating relationship. I agree with you 💯%😊
A married man who wants to date me. He said he separated but still lives in the home. He said he’s being transparent. I told him I’m not comfortable dating a married man.
Not a good idea. My ex was separated when we met. That divorce took a year and I found out he still texted her after the divorce for belongings he still had at her house. Long story short I went to see him in the UK over the summer, a text came through from her while we were at the dinner table. The squirming way he tried to justify it made me realize he was still in contact. Bottom line is don't date a man who is still attached.
I’m a singel mom, husband past away to cancer almost 5 years ago, afraid to date again after abusive relationship.
Thank you so much for this healthy father talk. I think a lot of us did not have good or present fathers and thats part of the issue.
Many men will try to tell you what they think you want to hear
Here is the deal. Most men look at women as what they can get from them. It could be sex, money, female energy, wh a tever. Then because he can attain what he wants from you, he treats you badly. He will always want what he can't have. Men have egos because of society, religion and what culture has told him. Women are not told the same, so she feels like she has to work harder for everything. If she is smart, she will realize that she alone is responsible for her happiness, and not believe the lie that she is nothing without a man. She is more valuable than she can possibly imagine and no one will let her know her worth.
VERY well said, Love!
True Absolutely true
The whole thing is really basic when it comes down to it. Women need to look at the dating process like a tennis game mixed with an astute power of observation. The man makes a move, she likes it so she matches it. If he makes a move she doesn't like, she can either let him go or give him an opportunity to do better -- depending on her values. It's as simple as that. She doesn't ever over-invest because he's making all the moves first and she either matches him or not; and she's observing everything he does and says. She takes her time getting to know this human being and eventually she is able to accurately determine if he's a person of integrity who has earned her trust. And, of course, she doesn't ever become intimate with anyone until she's done with that getting-to-know-him process. This strategy keeps us women safe and sane, and quickly exposes the users who won't be able to keep up their act long term without cracks appearing along the way. 👌💯💥
So so true!
❤ good video. Many women can benefit from this.
Just a quick note: sometimes your man is not always the best person to express EVERYTHING to. Keep your friends, family, and space. If the man doesn’t respect your privacy, family, or personal life. Consider it a warning. Having a supportive partner is the key.
Supporting him as well.
It’s a two way street.
Jonathon. You're all that!!! 😊 You've just confirmed what I had been doing for the last six years on and off!!! It's finally hit home knowing he will never change. I feel so free and spiritually lifted. I appreciate you and your expertise on relationships. Thank you so much!!! ❤️
Good rant Jonathan! We need the honest truth. I hate when people try to sugarcoat so they don’t step on anyone’s toes. Love your style of teaching/coaching. I bought several of your books. Thank you.
Awesome. Ive needed to hear all this my whole life! I always believed it was me being "too demanding" so hated myself for it but hey, I got to 60 years old and it was the last one that made me feel so disgusting that I walked away from him and ive spent the last two years "home alone." In hiding. Needless to say I never got any of this education as a kid. Thank you so much as I can now draw a line under my past. Thank you so much.
I will never allow a man to use me again 🙏🙏🙏 thank you so much for this video
Great to see you having your rant live!
Thank you for being a big brother!
Love your honesty
I appreciate that
2007 he was told he had a colon mass and did nothing. 2009 he met and dated me for four weeks then we married. Six months later he asked my a vague question about “not having a long time together” vs. never being married. I was so inexplicably happy for the first time in my 51 years of life that I told him I’d rather have six months of “Happy” than to have lived without ever knowing this beautiful, loving and blessed utopia. His health began to deteriorate in 2018 and I was told of his 2007 diagnosis. Being a retired PA, I did everything in my power to persuade him to seek care. He maintained his determination to avoid the agony of cancer treatment as his father had died @ 65 after four years of fighting the same condition. We had committed ourselves to clean diet and healthy living long before we ever met so this was consistent throughout our 12 years together. His health deteriorated at an increased pace from 12/2020 until his death 10/2021. We were intensely bonded as we had 12 years of constant, uninterrupted companionship; We had retired early and relocated to build our homestead in an isolated area. Retrospectively I’d say that I wish I would’ve known his level of pain and heartache which he chose not to share during our time together. He wrote a letter conveying his deepest emotions and concerns for me (which letter I found a few days before his passing.) I asked him to read me the letter as I videoed his reading. We had a few days time of processing his heart-longing and shared tears together. Ours was a beautiful love story that will hold my heart captive until I’m again with him in the next world. I would’ve wanted to know of his diagnosis and his suspected shortened lifespan before I made the decision to sell my home and relocate to an isolated place and invested in building a homestead which,( although being everything I could ever need or ask for,) is now suffering neglect as I’m unable to sufficiently care for the maintenance. I have no attachment to the local backwoods society and am far removed from a community of familiarity.
I believe, that if one has sufficient reason to believe he is to die at 62 years old, it becomes incumbent upon that person to share this matter prior to making lifestyle changes on behalf of another person who also has the God-given right of free-will choice to direct their own life. Don’t wait until three days before passing to say, “I always knew I would die at 62.” Moving forward, I’d like to invest what I’ve learned of emotional bonding, radical honesty, pure commitment and spiritual camaraderie. Finding someone like-minded….that’s a whole other story!
That was fantastic. Thanks so much for the straight talk. It’s so refreshing. Just fresh on the dating scene so it’s just what I needed to hear. Thanks for looking out for us!
Thank you Jonathan,appreciate your love and support.This message is spot on ❤
I really appreciate your work Jonathon - this video was another outstanding one. I know if I listen and truly take your advice (and rants) to heart, it will make a huge difference in my life. ⭐️
I appreciate that!
When I wouldn't let him drive my car - because he needed to do a work task - he blew up. That's when I knew. I said go get yourself a better car or use your bosses minivan, he had a complete meltdown.
There are definitely guys who use women for their cars (and for their professional titles/status and for free psychological counseling and/or coddling).
They''ll also borrow their fwb's car so they can drive other women (to whom they're attracted) around in them. So pitiful.
Set boundaries early on, never put someone else’s needs above your own. (Not love) never be codependent.
Thank you Jonathan. ❤ Speaking to us like someone who cares. We NEED to keep our power.. and NOT be afraid to speak up. Grazie
Not a rant ,,,just the cold hard truth much appreciated
I think so too...
This is the best advice I’ve ever heard.
I wished I’d heard it a long time ago !!!
Thank you 🙏🏼
Glad it was helpful!
You totally nailed it. I've been through this and had no idea at the time what was going on it's so good to hear someone articulate the scenarios so well. I now feel more equipped to avoid ending up in the same situation again.
Thank you Jonathon for this reminder. Terms like "relationship" and "friends" can mean very different things to different people. And you're right about being a "free therapist". Especially, when, like myself, you actually are a professional Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor. After a long marriage of some years, I realise how rusty and out of personal practice I've been. Texting is not a relationship. Nothing, NOTHING replaces in person, face to face, up close and very personal.
Very true, emgee
Great content!! ❤️ It's always good to reboot with these reminders! Thanks bunches Jonathan 💫
Glad you enjoyed it!
Relationships are the only aspect of our lives where we have ONE position available, we have no "practical" idea of the non-negotiable qualifications, we've put in minimal to no effort vetting true potentials, and yet expect the first person who tells us we're pretty or smart to be our soul mate and perfect fit for that position. SMH
It's weird to me. Society has effectively gaslighted women into believing that by engaging in a process of "vetting" potentials over time that, that is tantamount to prostitution.
SO women give away their bodies and power without ANY investment from potentials because we inherently value being "good" in the eyes of others.
When people tell me I'm being unrealistic and that my worst nightmare will come true I say SO BE IT (that image of a skeletal woman sitting on a park bench alone with the caption: waiting for the perfect man).
I believe there are at least hundreds of good men with whom I "may" be compatible with and I'm not settling for the first guy to come along because I'm unwilling to say NO THANK YOU....NEXT while vetting thousands. My numbers are exaggerated to make a point. I'm not looking for perfection. I'm dodging trauma bullets. I only need ONE [more] after the previous failed attempts 😆 and NOT ONE of them were psychotic. Just not able to overcome critical obstacles as a couple. I have had one "user" but hey nobody bats 1000.
I refuse to be fear mongered into settling. NOPE
I think people settle because deep down they either don't believe good people exist OR they don't believe they are worthy.
Just shared your message on my video today... thank you so much.
@@JonathonAslay Very Cool ! Please let me know which video so I can watch? Hopefully you don't use me as an example of everything I'm doing wrong in my approach 😂😂
@@emiolaomotayo7497 I detected no wrong-doing on your part. I detected NO LIES in what you stated about today's society.
I'd say that Jonathan most likely immediately recognized the value (and beauty) of the truth you laid out so well. You could very likely have a RUclips channel as successful as his (perhaps more so) if you enjoy encouraging, empowering/uplifting, teaching others. If you feel called (inspired), DO answer! So many ladies could/would benefit from your wisdom/wise words.
As I read your comment, one of my favorite quotes came to mind: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." J. Krishnamurti
Much Love to you, Emi! XOX!
I agree with you 💯
I fully agree and support what you're saying Jonathon. Thanks as always for your wise and helpful advice.
Thank you for pointing these behaviours out for what they are!
Very good rant. Thank you for reminding women that we have more power than we believe!
As I passed into a very difficult life choice, I both focused on caring for my family & giving up my needs in order to raise my self awareness & love. Now, years later, I wrote to his sis & shared that we cared during difficult times and I reminded her that at that time she warned me that we should distance ourselves from his brother... THAT had her realize the problem. I believe relating should be one on one without manipulative interference. She saw my value & told me not to worry. I will get what I wanted. She knew I deliberately let him cook in the pot of soup he made... alone/with the brother.
Huh?
@@redwoodrebelgirl3010 Huh what??? Jonathon knows. He's the one I wrote to and I agree with him about speaking one's mind & not giving away our power.
I'm there right now. I will not be used by him anymore.
I needed to hear this years ago. But due to some recent events I really needed to hear these exact things you discussed. Thx