If A Man Is USING YOU, He Will Say or Do These 6 Things
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- Опубликовано: 22 мар 2022
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Enjoy your channel. I've noticed in what you've mentioned regarding dating sites. I'd rather do the traditional ways of meeting new people. Face to face is the best way for me. I'm of mature age and agree with what you've expressed. I use my own formula when taking action in anyone that my intuition tells me. I'm grateful for woken up. I've used my past experiences to determine what's suitable. Reinventing oneself by transforming areas in myself to attract like-minded people on the same page. People that carry fears and harsh criticism, doesn't do it for me. I take pride in myself not for vanity but who I am, my feminine qualities and and not out to impress others, it's self respect. Here's another thing I won't accept, is someone that is still in their Past connection and haven't done the steps ..... It's so important to take the time to discover people right of the bat....
You are so awesome! Love this video so much. Thank you
People meet at grocery store or gas stations
Okay. Understand. Wish you the best. Had a chance to be in. California. Boyfriend did not want me to go. Could have met you. Your advice helps the hurts that has occured.
U right us women do it for our self call it how it is forreal this what I'm talking about
I'm old ... 81 almost, and I have had two marriages, both were fine men! I am a firm believer that "BEING ALONE IS BETTER THAN BEING WITH JUST ANYONE!!!" Learn to enjoy being alone or with a friend ... !!!
50 and alone and loving it
My sentiments exactly! There is nothing more lonely than a bad marriage!
Fully agreed. I am mid 70's and single by choice. And very happy. A lot of men thinks having a wife is a whole package, wife cleans the house, cooks the meals and clean up, do the laundry... the 'maid' and for the their pleasure. And many feel their job is just bring in the money. Abd they expect to be pampered once they come home.
A wife, a husband should be a companion, love each other, be there for each other through the ups and downs...
I am 70 and have been divorced since 1985. I absolutely love being single.
@@shiny2423 Agreed! Marriage is not only a love relationship, but a business relationship as well. Proceed with caution!
Not every loss is a loss. Sometimes it's a blessing
Yes
Thank You Lord for some loss!
A Lesson vs A Blessing.....recognize the difference 🤔
Explain please
🙏 Amen
Started dating my 2nd husband 2 years after a divorce. I was 42 years old and decided that I wasn't sleeping with him. Told him, can't do it because it changes everything and I don't know you. If he walked so be it, he wasn't the right one. We have been together for 23 years. Actually, I think he saw me as a woman of worth and that I was secure in myself. He is a smart,kind and loving man. Women sell themselves short by being easy.
Yes, I am definitely in agreement AMEN... at almost 60 just learning finally and feels good to feel free and in charge of ME no one else is ever.
Im heading toward same age and putting into practice what Ive known for decades😂🎉
6 Things your man is doing if he's using you:
1. He doesn't open up to you
2. He doesn't ask about your life
3. He doesn't protect you from an emotional level
4. You never met his family or friends
5. He doesn't go out of his way
6. He avoids the commitment/exclusivity talk
True. Don't waste your good years on someone that isn't serious or could be. Want the same. Most men looking for a couch and remote control and a maid. I know how to use my remote control, don't need couch potatoe, and got better things to enjoy in life than cleaning piss off the toilet.
This is my husband...5/6
Thank you. Saved me 56 minutes
Thank you for the break down of the 6.
@@devong7124 👏👏😃 that ckeaning part.
Ladies make your inner voice heard! "You can only lose the wrong person. You can't lose the right person." This is powerful Jonathon! ❤
Agree with you, four years I scheduled a date but for some reason I began having bad feelings about this date so I made up an excuse to cancel, his response to that “you are such a looser, which man would marry an Uber driver?” , my response “well, your behavior just reinforced my bad feelings about you”, thank you . 🤣 I blocked him.
So true ♥️
Yes exactly trust your gut feeling.
Well said
I like this one
This is definitely absolutely right
Years ago my Boss had a staff
Meeting and he said to everyone there "If I can't trust you
You can't work for me"
In any relationship "Trust is a major issue"
A smart boss would fire the person if the employee is married, and the boss sees they're a cheater! Huge red flag that you can't trust the person working for, because if they'll cheat and lie the person they married; they will cheat and lie anyone!
I had a relationship where my boyfriend totally took advantage of me doing things for him. I handled it wrong when I realized it and instead of saying "no" I got mad while I was doing his bidding. I've come a long way since then. Thanks Johathon!
You can't loose the right person, you can only loose the wrong person, amen🙏
That is correct.
That’s the biggest line of bs I’ve ever heard. Every woman in these threads has a man whom they will say “lost” her. Was that because those women were the WRONG people? 😏
If so, they need to stop whining every time a man won’t settle down with them or cheats on them.
Lastly, love is what you make it, and whom you make it with.
There’s no such thing as “FINDING” the right person. There’s only a such thing as BEING the right person, and all people are responsible for that.
Why can't people understand that loose and lose are different words with different meanings?
@@tracygarrett3952
@@tracygarrett3952 pronunciations are different.
My dad used to say “If you give the milk away for free, they will never buy the cow.” God bless my father! I miss you dad. ❤️
we arent cows , what a horrible saying
I know is several men that, "bought the cow."
Mine too ❤
True
And my Pops told me
A woman loves a man with her body
A man loves a woman with his wallet
Talking to a man online and all of these points are 100% on point. All he wanted was to talk about sex all of the time, we chatted late at night, when I tried to change the subject from sex to something else he’d make his excuses and say he was tired and needed to sleep, he’d never tell me anything about himself or his life, this hurt beyond belief and made me question what I was even doing talking to this person, what was my purpose in their life? In a nutshell I ended up hurt, confused, sad, angry, it had a toll,on my physical well-being my immunity was at an all time low and I developed an auto immune illness all because of stress levels.
Ladies please don’t allow your to become someone’s play thing, don’t get into online relationships that become a game.
Hard to believe that you would be affected on an auto immune level. Maybe learn resilience
@@jl2937 Everyone’s experience is valid. Maybe learn compassion.
This should be an EASY lesson for you to learn: A MAN THAT YOU DON'T KNOW TALKING ABOUT SEX NON-STOP is Big RED FLAG WITH sirens gong off. jUST HANG UP NEVER talk to him again. His behavior is totally INAPPROPRIATE (UNLESS YOU'RE A PHONE SEX WORKER!)
Wow. I just broke off a 3 month relationship that showed all 6 of those signs! I think I made the right decision! Admittedly, it was my own fault for having poor boundaries. Glad I got out relatively unscathed.
Nathon, is it a secret that men prefer a BJ over Sex and why?
i'VE JUST DONE THE SAME THING. Going back into therapy to WORK ON MYSELF. Strengthening one;'s own boundaries & self esteem is something WE CAN ALL DO!
The man in my life now consistently does things I have never had anyone, man or woman do. Like I have to have oral surgery in the next few weeks, he has already looked up recipes that will be easy for me to eat. I didn't even think about that. He does this kind of thing all the time. He is the most thoughtful person I have ever met.
God Bless you!
When a man dose nothing for you, he is doing everything for someone else.
@Teri Page Where did you find him ?
@@bernitacenteno1326 the full answer is long and crazy, the short answer is I met him unintentionally through a friend at the start of the quarantine. My friend was here, and had known him for 5 years. He lives in another state. My friend Andrew and I began hanging out more because we had nothing to do being out of work and we got into some fun that he told his friend Jackson about. Upon hearing our shenanigans he told Andrew he wanted to meet me. We met on line, talked all through quarantine, and long story short, he is now moving here next month permanently. I honestly wasn't even looking for anyone, I hand been divorced 2 years earlier and I was taking time for myself when the universe decided to put him in my path.
Teri Page, does he have a brother ??
💕💕💕💕💕💕
“You can only lose the wrong person.” THANK YOU.
I don't think that's entirely accurate, because if you are waiting for some arbitrary amount of dates to allow sex, the person you might lose could just want an authentic woman that doesn't view sex as as a favor.
It’s not about sex being a favour it’s about getting to know someone properly and finding out if your a good fit before you jump into bed. I wouldn’t want to give my body without a relationship first.
But what about them energy/resources leeches!? You CAN’T LOSE THEM! 💁🏻♀️😆🤌🏽
"You should only lose the wrong person". Unfortunately, some people let good people go because of bad attitude 😢
Amen to that!
Amen !!! I feel very strongly that the Lord directed me towards you. Jonathon, you've certainly been a big blessing. This reminds me that a particular person just isn't the right person. And that I'm above the games and that I am God's daughter. I deserve a man that's chasing Jesus, not one that's chasing cooch. Take care, 🧡 🙏
Amen and Amen. Wish I had a brother or father who looked out for me but I have my Daddy Jesus and He is all I need!
Daddy Jesus wants us all virgins until we are married, monogamous. Find someone equally yoked. Easier said than done.
Yes, because of Jesus, my sinsare covered by His blood. But I regret sharing my body. I showed those women that God's way wasn't as important to me as putting out for them, which we all know, really, is a comparison contest. Wby pretend otherwise?
Why should a guy who loves God, and respects his body settle for a women who has been a place into whoch other guys have ejaculated and slobbered upin and had their way playing?
Same for a woman. Why sharevthe prize with a guy who stuckbit anywhere?
Many ofbus, including me, have partneted unwisely. But letcus not gloss over it. Le5s putvour cards on the table. We're used goods. Sex mattered more than any principle that sounds respectable. Now, ketvus get on with what we both require of our union. But no creating confususion.
Unless you were raped, you chose the sex with however many people.
If ya loved it, own it.But BE HONEST.
My new phone makes even more text typos than any other ever. Frustrating.
1. If he doesn't open up about his life.
2. If he doesn't ask about you and your life.
3. He doesn't protect you (emotionally); doesn't have your back or your best interests at heart.
4. You've never met his friends or family - he makes excuses.
5. He doesn't go out of his way to do things for you.
6. Puts off being exclusive or avoids conversation about the future.
@@jenniferreed4889 I feel you on this. Out of all the points above he's done the 1st in terms of opening up about his life. Hasn't/doesn't really ask me deep questions about mine. I've seen 1 of his friends only because he is always at his house. Never does anything nice for me or go out of his way like he does for his friends. I feel I have to ask and even then it doesn't get done for weeks, even months...he's great with his words but no real concrete actions to back up statements. In the beginning there was a lot of "we" talk. Now it's very much "I" so no future plans. I often feel like he doesn't truly desire me as precious relationships of his have been with women very different from me. He admires women on social media who look completely the opposite of me. I just don't feel safe, loved and cherished. I feel like a place holder and it hurts 💔
@@jenniferreed4889 I feel so sad for you reading your comment. I honestly hope you find the genuine love you deserve ❤️
Thank Gawd someone condensed this
@@thenatural.hygienist193 Place holder is a perfect description. I feel for you as well. ❤
@@jenniferreed4889 You're too young and important to your happiness not to give it a try!! Or at least talk to him about your joint ideas for the future. Or now?!
This may sound insane, but I am a “get to know the person no matter how long it takes” kind of person. I keep a friendship going, and if they give up, that is their loss. I have made most of my mistakes by allowing a man to decide when is a good time. I have been told “How old are you, you are acting like a child”. I make it clear from the beginning. I will stay at my distance until I feel it is time to go forward. I finally learned that my empathy and kindness attracts Narcissistic Personality Disordered partners.
Sooo true
amen to that! good advice
How is it childish to take your time? That guy was clearly manipulating and gaslighting you. He was a LOSER.
Had a guy do the same thing to me too, BTW. Kicked him to the curb, real quick.
They don't need empathy they want sex
I might be insane too but I also take my time to get to know the person as well, no matter how long. I am a mother of 2 young men. And I have had men say how long etc and the like yourself the ones who gave up its their loss. Men respect you more and take things more seriously when they have to wait. It makes them also evaluate themselves amd if they are ready for the same type of relationship that the woman is looking for.
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! WE are Grown-up Ladies ~ WE NEED TO HEAR the Grown-Up Truth❣️
I agree.
I’ve just gotten back into dating and have noticed that men want to have unprotected sex. Whoa!! It’s alarming! I never thought I’d be dating at this age and would have to hold the most basic of boundaries. In light of Roe v Wade being overturned, women need to protect themselves more than ever. Dating in 2022 is wild. Thanks for another great video!
I love that line,"you can only loose the wrong person not the right person."
Yea yea
Where do people congregate? Find an activity you enjoy, join a group and you'll meet people with the same interests as you.
Awnn, thank you for said the secrets , Ethan’s those types of losers they don’t think the have daughters also, God bless you 🙏🌷😊
Yes!!! That resonated for sure! He is so passionate and I SO APPRECIATE IT!! PREACH !!! I love you
That 'almost' sounds right. But its not necessarily true.
I agree with you when you said, “ men don’t use prostitutes because they have dating apps today.” I had a guy keep asking me for sexy pictures who I just started talking to. I told him my late husband didn’t even have naked pictures of me. But I do know of some websites that you can get all the naked pictures of women you want. Then I gave him the name of a few porn sites and I blocked him. I got a good laugh out of the experience and I felt like I took my power back by offering him a real life solution that didn’t involve disrespecting myself.
Tinder is for example full of prostitution and fake profiles and pictures and the company not moving them
@Gina G~🤣Absolutely super👍🏻Way to go girl! 👊🏻
Bravo!! 👏
Yup, a lot of that going around.
@@barbaratucker2924 I don’t remember. It was years ago
I had a guy do the opposite of what you spoke about.
He ended up being a psychopath, schizophrenic bipolar.
I got out by the seat of my pants.
I’m ok now, with severe PTSD, in a healthy relationship.
Thank you for your video!❤
Jonathan you are so brutally honest and say it so confidently! I could listen to you for hours.
I know that it wears down the confidence of these actors when smart women call out their obvious behaviors that lack sincerity…
I just use what they give me, to give back to them. Equality I call it!
I had a guy friend I really wanted to date to see where it might lead, and after months of phone conversations he was ready for the next level. He hadn’t even asked me out on a date or kissed me! I said no and he proceeded to ask another woman out. What a slap in the face! It lowered my self esteem for a while, but once I picked myself up again, I met another man who went out of his way to treat me well for months without expectations. We’ve been together seven years.
❤
Happy for you🙏
You can only lose the wrong person, so true.
Never too old for an intimate relationship if communication and intimacy exist.
My sweetheart and I met thru friends and hit it off. Intimacy was quick for me but we were both ready for commitment and mutual respect with a special someone. Thanks for all of your great plain talk videos. The game changer for me was letting go of the NEED for someone and connecting with myself. Life is good. ❤❤
I suppose I’m old school. The old adage about the cow and milk holds so true! I’m 71 and have learned life’s lesson’s, many the had way. Lady’s don’t just give it away! Get to know each other FIRST! Jonathan is absolutely correct! Also, if it’s TOXIC RUN! You want this guy to be a soft place to fall, to feel safe, NOT walking on eggshells. Mutual caring first. If he makes you feel less than, then don’t invest your BODY or your TIME with the guy and move on. You deserve the best!
Thank you for that comment.
Great comments, just wondering are you dating now.How did it turn out for you, share if you want too ???
I am a therapist and you are SO RIGHT ON POINT…thank you for sharing! Ladies, CLOSE YOUR LEGS‼️
🙏
What a terrible message this is. You might as well say sex is dirty.
Stop lying you are not a therapist.
@@tracygarrett3952 Yes I agree 💯👍
I agree 100%, I may sound old fashioned , a young man I worked with some years ago who was 30years younger than me said, “ why buy The Cow, if you can get The Milk for Free”! Get to know some one who you feel really comfortable with, this Man is really Basic in his advice, so here goes, when you can fart, ( accidentally) around this guy and he will understand you are human, then he is the right Guy!!!
The realest message I heard about this and thank you for holding the ladies accountable.
Thank you for sharing this strong command messages! I did everything wrong in my first marriage. Man wants more from you, sex, money, famous, power and more… now I understand every single word you say. Appreciate you!
Lord I loved this! Sooooo true! I was married young at 23 and divorced at 36. I have struggled so hard after my divorce in the age of women’s sexual revolution and independence. In a culture that tells you it’s acceptable and the norm to sleep around. I fell down the rabbit hole of being loved bombed so many times and giving in too easy because I didn’t understand my value as a women. Women are not designed to be like men. There is a cost to us emotionally when we sleep around. I had to learn that the hard way and learn to see what these 6 things were that you mentioned. Now I’m taking your advice. No commitment….no nookie. Period. Ladies remember we have the Power of the P and can absolutely say no. ☺️❤️✌🏻🙏🏻
Exactly 💯
Heard that girl!! Remember we have the.....lol
Soul ties develop when we give of ourselves through fornicating outside the realm of marriage. A no no follow Gods word …so informative and will bless you in so many ways :))
Very well said, thank you 🙏
I even had the boundary that I wouldn't sleep with him until we were in love. He told me he loved me about 3 months in. Seemed right to me, except he only told me that to sleep with me and he ended up being a narcissist psychopath. Now, I'm not giving it up until I'm married!!
I’ve discovered in the process of dating that just because men don’t get what they want in a certain time frame, they move on. That means that were not interested in anything real in the first place. So for me, a lot of times, the self discovery is in the actions of men.
Hold on to that. There is a man out there who is looking for you and who will value you for valuing your body and not passing it around and not giving yourself up as a toilet bowl. Hold on babe, hold on!
Definitely not being intimate with a man anymore until he loves me… but I will have a boy toy in the meantime💕
@@WatchMePoledance Sex without love and commitment creates soul ties .... I get that you have needs -- we all do but FWB simply trains men that so women like you are out there and willing to use them back. 🤷🏼♀️
@@WatchMePoledance I understand. When we are perfect, the other needs to get their act together. Silence is not golden.
@@lisaariottiart I’m not using anyone, I give as good as I get, I care about any partner I may have, and I always leave him better than I found him. I simply practice detachment so that there are no “soul ties“ that cannot be handled. It requires a higher level of awareness which most people don’t have. I do what works for me. I don’t suggest everyone do what I do though, because most people cannot.
@@WatchMePoledance Don't do that, having a placeholder means you may be passing up someone who is right for you. A good man isn't really going to make himself known to you if you are in that sort of semi-relationship. Think about it, is the right guy for you going to have some young side chick in his life, using her, entertaining himself with her, when he is looking for you? That being said, it's not a bad thing to be dating and having fun with lots of fun and interesting men (and women) while being open to the right one, as long as you AND the people you are dating are of the same frame of mind, dating having fun and looking for your special person while being open for the right one and not sleeping around with people you don't care about. At least that much I have figured out for myself. Now, if I can just get to the dating and having fun while being open part down.. without stupid dating apps and meeting a bunch of jerks.
I am pleasantly impressed because he speaks the truth boldly bluntly and what we all need 👏🇬🇧 💜🌍💜🇺🇲👏
Someone who lies is also someone who is not opening up to you. It isn't always just about not talking. Sometimes its about not telling the truth about themselves. This is where actions matching words plays such a crucial role. That will tell you if someone has integrity or strength of character. I know this from experience! Don't let a man try to mold himself into what you want by lying about himself, it never works. Also, I just want to say I use Gottman's work in the couples therapy that I offer. Off the bat I teach them how to avoid those Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse! Don't be harsh when you need to address something with the other person, don't be defensive when a problem is addressed to you (own up to whatever is true), give each other breaks but don't stonewall or drop the issue without agreeing to a solution or agreeing to disagree amiably! And finally, never be contemptuous of the person you are supposedly loving. Also, an important corollary, don't sweep anything under the rug if it's a problem; address it while it's still no big deal. Really, these are the essence of "fighting fair."
😊I
Thank you Jonathan for validating what I felt the whole time while I was on dating apps. Most men would think I’m being prudish when I’d tell them that I wanted to get to know them before hopping into bed. They’d say “it’s part of how we know if there’s chemistry between us.” I’d shut it down and as a result, turned many off. So be it. I don’t “owe” anybody anything and I don’t need to “audition” to see if we are “a good fit.” 🙄
Just know that the two bodies of a man and a woman were made to fit well together, by God. The woman needs to find out if the two of them are compatible for real. If he can't wait, then he's not my date. PERIOD. THAT'S ALL Folks !
@@bernitacenteno1326 My Dad once told me that if a man was serious about you he would not do anything that could potentially run you off. (Yeah - he and Mom were married 55 years).
@@twovirginiacats3753 mo
What happened to chastity in this world? Having a year to know someone, their ups and downs, in's and out's, how they treat you, do they listen? Do you listen to them? Like the same kind of books, movies, religion? On same page politically? Red meat or vegan? Pudding or chocolate crepes? Roller coaster or roller skating? Did he make you chicken soup when you had the flu? Did you help him walk when he broke his ankle learning how to ski with you? Piano or guitar? Violins, or symphonies? Opera or rap? Does he notice your perfume? Bring you flowers? Do you also remember his birthday? And how his scent lingers on your sweater? Do your parents like him? Does his family think you're the best thing since sliced bread? Apt in the city, or farmhouse in the country? Checkers or chess? There is a myriad of things to learn about one another, and the falling in love (or not) part will become obvious. And if he is the best man for you, and you know you want to make him happy forever, say "Yes!" When he pops the question. Have the wedding you both want, with a heavenly night of lovemaking for the first time on your honeymoon. You will be obeying God's Law of Chastity before marriage. And He will BLESS your union of true love.
From a 70-year-old Grandma ❤
Omg !! That’s just a line to get what they want . That’s not nice , and you deserve so
Much better than that !
I couldn't agree more Jonathon! one hundred hours of good face time where a man is fully engaged with you is necessary BEFORE sex. Jonathon, you would be proud of me. A man I had a casual relationship called me short notice and asked to see me (we have kept in touch via phone, email and text.) He drove straight through from MN to where I live in SC. We went out to dinner, had a great conversation and I offered him a place to stay at my house. I said yes to cuddles, kissing and more conversation but no to sex. He's going to have to show that he's really here for me before we go any further. I wasn't about to have sex with him just because he drove a great distance to see me. It's a start but I'll be needing more!
Sending my condolences for losing your son, I lost my son too 2015 so I share your pain & know how it feels. Thankyou for helping us not to be used by ppl on dating apps , very informative & will help me when I meet men on the site soon to distinguish between real & fake ppl xx PS your son is with you in spirit as that's what we really are in these body suits in the 3rd dimension
Sending light and love your way ✨️
I,m so sorry to hear about your son. I lost my nephew, it hurts terribly but, just like you, I cope by helping others.
Keep talking, don,t ever get tired or desperate, we understand and wait.
I agree. After dating 3 narcissists over 2 years, I decided to commit to the 3-month role. Because if there is no physical intimacy, I am logical. Not overruled by my emotions. I trust my discernment.
I came up with this because it will weed out the men with intentions that aren’t aligned with mine.
Thanks for confirming this for me.
I have a 4 month rule...not kidding.
How about a marriage rule?
Maybe it's you.
Lol lotta f boys will wait 3 months just to dog u out after. Just say ur waiting for marriage n wrong men will leave u alone. Soon as the words waiting and marriage comes to those kinds.
There's no formular really
I have been celibate since my divorce. Men don't accept it. I've been single since 2010. I don't sleep with ppl I don't know. It truly does sort out the wrong ones. I've had 2 men propose to me. Neither I could see as a long term option. I didn't sleep with either.
After 2 divorces . I was in a bad situation emotionally so I just dated as if. I was. A man.
This did not work so now I am way into my golden years and would like to have a companion but will do what you are saying if the opportunity comes. Have to get out more and doing this in a right way not dating site.
Thanks for your ideas!
U are a wise woman
Amen to this
Wow!! Amazing!!!
I appreciate the straightforward way you present your topics and points. Great reminders of truths and dynamics that I feel have gotten lost in the flood of being "sensitivite" "understanding" and careful not to "offend" that we forget to see the signs and place the boundaries.
omg, this guy needs therapy
HUH? This guy has common sense, wisdom and caring for BOTH men & women. Maybe you're the one that needs therapy.@@user-uc7bo6jr4c
Jonathon , this has got to be one of the best videos you have done that I have seen. I even cried during it but I cried with you recently too when you started to cry over Marie in another video .I wish there were like thousands of Jonathon Aslay’s out there in the world for every woman looking for their life partner. Thank you for being so real and telling someone to pray during this video. It just touched my heart so deeply when you said that in response to someone’s question in this video. I love how you try to get our attention with yelling lol and hey it works for me so don’t stop doing that !! Yell more !! 😊 I think you just feel so deeply and I love that about you !!! Keep up the fantastic work you are doing !!
If you don’t love yourself and respect yourself no one else will.
My daughter age 36 , passed away June 17,2022 . I am devastated . We were like best friends she lived with
Me when it happened . I had lost my mother this year also January 30th ,2022 so this year was a non stop bad luck year ! Trying to keep my sanity. 👩🏼🦳🙏🏼✝️💜🙏🏼
God bless you ❤ praying for you xxx
Wish we could be friends. I lost my daughter, husband and grandsons in the last two years. Alone24/7/365x2
😢🙏🏾
@@mrsdanmillerI’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through 😢
Good Communication. Not being defensive, not being critical. Not being vague, being concrete. Not coming from a place of contempt. Not stonewalling you. Does he ask you what you want to do about the future? Goes out of his way for you. "1) Emotional Intimacy. Masters. 2) I hear you.
I am virtually adopting you as my big brother ❤. I'm here listening to the the last 6 months of my life. You nailed it & I'm so happy for the realness. My chest hurts though I receive the message 😞❤
Wow, thank you
For someone who lost a son your positive outlook on life is very contagious
God bless and comfort you
AMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am an Aries Empress ! Confident, Independent and I know my worth. However in my past I have experienced being used by men. I had to learn my lessons. NOW I am blissfully alone and incharge of my life ! I am a high vibrational soul and I feel complete on my own. I will only accept the best for myself. I am open to a healthy, transparent and loyal connection, however if I never meet a sincere gentelman, then I am absoulutely content to live my life alone, happy, free and grateful for all my blessings. Aries !!!!!
same here independent mature freedom solitude content and i a Leo ♌🦁 👑 Queen 👸🏻...
I agree. 🙏🏻👏
WELL SAID I AM A RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLOR AND THIS MAN IS BRILLIANT AND YOU ARE BRILLIANT AS
WELL AND I AM VERY MUCH LIKE YOU
omg on point I'm empress aries cheers ❤❤💪💪🌹🌹🤩
Amen!!!!!
My question for you kind sir is...has anyone today told YOU how loved and appreciated YOU are??? Just know YOU are and THANK YOU so very much
I talk this very same way. And I so appreciate your words. My women friends are SO "taken aback" when I talk so bluntly like thus, specifically on this subject. Bravo! Keep it up!
Thanks for sharing!!
"Using you" can be easily recognized because if you even think he's using you, he is!! People in balanced, healthy relationships do not even consider that they are being "used". The issue simply does not come up.
Pamela Harvey:
Very true. Good comment!
I was used for 5 years, and never knew it till I ended it. Should have listened to my GUT Feeling!! It turned out he was a narcissist.
Pamela, if you met a Covert Narcissist - Run! But you wouldn't know it unless you have been with one. They are performers, con- artists, gas lighters, manipulators, etc. Until I did my after hours homework I knew nothing about them. Now I am very good at the head games played on me and how empty and disturbing hey are. Anyone can be fooled by them. And usually very intelligent people are fooled and most of these type have high adept jobs and graduated from university. My husband graduated with high honors from Princeton. You would never expect this man to do what he has done to me. I see everything now. I almost lost my mind because of his mental games. They can make you sick. They are not good people and use you no matter if they support you financially just to groom you . They have patience lije yiu wouldn't that's why they are so dangerous. They are masters manipulators. I have my opinion on what they are un the making and I kniw I am right because I can't help what my gut tells me at the sane time. If tgeycarent I bet lots of them will become very bad in society and will do bad things to certain types of people.
When you share a love, ( so I thought), you will do anything for each other. Even though he made much more money than I, I paid for ALL OF OUR DINNERS. He called the shots, but the thing that hurt me the most was being FUTURE FAKED. He gave me a beautiful engagement ring, and I really loved him, but my GUT FEELING WAS TELLING ME THAT HE'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. My friends saw right thru him! Unfortunately, they tried to help me, but I stopped bothering with them. I regret that the most. I learned thru Therapy, reading books, and listening to Coaches, especially Andrew, and it took me years to get over him. He rebounded and married his rebound in 2 weeks. How sick is that?? All I know is I'm grateful that I finally escaped a MONSTERz!
You are doing the job of a parent really! Parents are suppose to spell things out for their children
I think my parents did warn me as a teenager but what teen heeds parents advice? Morals and ethics for young adults would boost their self esteem and self worth.
@@SusanLeger you think? Lol
Yes most of us didnt have parents bc we were raised by narcissist wolves
Thank you for being honest & bold in this upside down world. Or should we say, "The theatre of the absurd." We all need this kind of frankness & honesty before we consider a relationship. Oh what we could be spared if we just listen & heed this sound & honest advice. Thank you!!!
Finally..calling it out....saying it straight up..honest talking...same old stuff going on in ireland...respect seems to be heading out the door...what a joy to listen to Jonathan....big respect to you
OMG! I agree with literally every single word you’ve said Jonathan❣️❣️❣️ We, women should NEVER be afraid of losing guys when they can’t meet our standards for respect, timing and values. They are not for us and we are not loosing anything but just saving our precious time and energy✌️
💯 spot on…. Wished I had listened to this before I was used by a married narcissist
Have never been and will never be a notch on a man's bedpost.Does it mean I'm lonely at times..yaaaa, but the man who finally sees me will have a gem of a woman....been down the rabbit hole...Will Not Go Back.
Amen
Absolutely but not easy dear. Hmmm
@@gracegifty6845 Not easy but wasting months and years on a situationship that doesn’t lead anywhere is so much more painful and has impact on our self esteem. Time is precious, life is precious.. we shouldn’t wast it on people who don’t value us.
I’m 59 and got married late in life, 49. I wish I would have had access to your wisdom when I was a young woman. Maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my time.
Wow happy for you. I'm on my 40s can wait to have mine too, Lisarae81
Amen!! 🙏🏻 Thanks so much for sharing the hard, tough facts that we all need to hear!! I’m glad that you yelled it out to us so that it sinks in hard, and we’ll remember your words when we come across someone we suspect of using us. And interesting info about dating apps. I’ve heard so many horror stories from friends and the part about them damaging your emotional state just confirms that I will never go on those apps!! Thanks for being our “brother” 🙏🏻😊
Love your honesty and your directness. There are not many men like you, straight to the point. Thank you. Ir is almost impossible to put an old head on young shoulders.
I’m sooooo glad someone is calling this behaviour out! Men treat dating now like, well if you’re not going to sleep with me straight away, I’ll just find a girl who will, there’s a list of others he’s swiped on that he’s trying the same tactics on…dating is exhausting in this day and age!
I stopped because of the toll it took on me mentally and emotionally
@@yourfutureisnow6480 I’ve decided to rest the dating apps, as I seem to be getting the same kind of individual. Happy to focus my time expanding my social networks, face to face, engaging in more activities. You can’t replace real people time with ambivalent texts on a screen.
The females just manipulate and use them.
it certainly does. I just don't want to go through the emotional BS that comes with relationship's. That also includes friendships, just all drama and emotional baggage
I love that you are talking about holding off on sex until one really "knows" the guy. Sex really messes with your head and changes one's perception. The hormone oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is released during orgasm. It is also released when a mother nurses a baby. In my opinion, this is one good reason to hold off on sex because you can bond with someone before you even know them. Hold off on sex, ladies. If he is worth it, he will be willing to hold out, too.
That's a good point on the Oxytocin bonding thing. I would add, that if you have any sort of childhood trauma, you are already prone to jumping in to relationships, so especially follow this advice and hold off for that 100 hours of face to face time, maybe even more. What's the hurry anyway?
@@thnkr0917 💯. Nothing like sex goggles to make one overlook red flags too. 😉 If I knew then what I know now, instead of jumping in, I would have followed the 100 day rule and avoided a lot of unnecesssary heartache. It may be an old fashioned idea but it is very healthy.
Orgasm? What orgasm?
I wish your comment is read widely,no lady will fornicate,no prostitution because they are self damaging.
@@sandybrowncoaching4611 please tell me about the 100 hr rule
I really like how you get passionate then say ok I’m yelling ! Always cracks me up. Don’t change
😁👍🏼🙏
God Bless you for this video. I had to cut off a 5 month situationship. This guy was emotionally unavailable, didn't want to have serious conversations, didn't want to make the relationship official, ect. A few weeks later I connected with a guy that's a better fit for me. Have an abundance mindset ladies.
I'm a single mom and since I have to navigate tough issues with my teenage son, being clear and nonjudgmental has been helpful for me. One thing I always tell my son when I know that he is going to be on a date is to always remember that she is somebody's daughter.
Hopefully, her parents will tell her that he is someone's son.
What a wonderful mom 💖✨
AMEN! I agree.. You don't get to love me, until you love me.. Love is an action...
Hello Katrina. How are you doing today?
perfectly said!
@@TraceeH Hello Tracey
👍
Self Love is the best..I rely on noone for loving me...👍💜
Not graphic, just real and truthful. Thank you 🙏❤️
Amen Sandy!! and yes dating apps are a scam. As always, thank you for your straight forward advice Jonathon. You're a gem!
I asked my ex if he would want his daughter to meet someone like him, he said "she don't look up to me she looks up to her mother".....says it all.
OMG, this is so true! What about the guys that come on so strong at the beginning, tell you you’re everything they ever dreamed of date two, that they love you date three… and become offended if you don’t allow them to paw you 😳 then shut down completely when you ask them to Slow Down!!!! 🙃
Good point their turned off when you say slow down
Love bombing narcissist? Run.
To be fair if you've asked them to slow down and they've reacted like that - that's how you know they are toxic!!!! A guy who is genuinely interested in you will slow it down and take it at your pace. That, my friend, is what most people would start explaining is the start of a toxic, particularly Narcissistic relationship because they will rush you! Speed is their weapon of choice, because if you're going to fast in the relationship that it makes your head spin, like this whirlwind of romance - you don't spot these red flags of their behaviour so easily.
It's like going so fast in a car and then wondering - wait? Was that light on red? Did I just go on a stop sign? Shall I just ignore it? Because I can't do anything about it now and you carry on.
Good on you for coming out and saying let's slow it down!! A lot of people don't!! That's the danger!!! Call it quits whilst you can in this position of the relationship and you'll never have to go through what millions of other people go through.
I'll forgive you but the price went up!👍
Narcissist
I love your reading this needs to be posted everywhere!!!
Men and women need to be more adults as well and this also would make it easier to be stopped!!
But all are not grown up!!!
Thank you 😊
Oh my goodness, I wish I'd have found you 40 years ago! Don't apologize for your delivery, its quite frank! If anyone finds you offensive then they are not ready to hear this. Thank you.
"I will forgive you, but the price is higher." Love it. Thanks for sharing that. And thanks to your friend and her mum!
Love this quote about forgiveness! But if they keep repeating the same thing over and over again, I'm out! True, it happened to me, and I walked out that relationship! 👍
@@teresacottrell787 your way smarter than me! I keep thinking he answers to God same as me. What a fool I’ve been
@@coffeebitt1 you are not a fool just too good for that twat in tin foil. Self belief is key 🔑
@@teresacottrell787 k
I have felt this way for several years now, and even before this...it was the 90-day probationary period. That's what the wait time was before "the act." The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, admiration, and trust. This doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. If the man cannot open up to you after 90-days, he isn't emotionally available. Time to move on.
I told my daughters, now 21, 27 and 30, to never even kiss a boy until after 90 days. People show their true colors after 90 days
@@erinlisabutler7808 true.
I'm not sure about waiting..that long 😬, but right on girl! I've been in 6 long term relationships now; WAS ready to walk out however NOW.. he's fallen ill; his family has disowned him.. I KNOW he loves me, I do love him but.. 🥁 textbook narcissistic.... Ad a bit fd up in the head 🥲 what kind of person would I be?
6 months actually, at 3 months you are still only seeing a representative.
This is Great 👍 I shared you're video because this is happening to so many people.
Omg you are the most reasonable and logical and honest person out here.
Jonathon you are awesome. I remember what my Mom used to say. A
Man who gets the milk for free wont buy the cow. Amen Jonathon
Omg I LOVE the “replacing prostitutes” part!!! I have been saying that for YEARS!!! ABSOLUTE truth. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Actually prostitutes are being replaced because they charge for their services. They aren’t giving the cookie or sexual acts for free!! Men don’t need hookers when there are women that will give it up for absolutely nothing!!
yup!
I am not 70 years old I have to go out today to get my birth control pills thank you for reminding me I'm not trying to trapper man😘😎🎅🔫
Excellent presentation, no nonsense , no shenanigans
Just love this guy. Everything he says is true, come on girls, take the high ground and respect yourselves.
Exactly 🙏
Good advice! Some guys ask a woman out just to have sex with her and if she declines-then he is gone. Women have to observe and figure out what a man's intentions are.
Can't lose the right person... What a great comment!
You've hit the nail on the head....I war of perception is a convulted paradigm...no one is aware of the currency..."TRUST" without FEAR
My God ! I’m going through a separation right now and will divorce soon or at least is my 100% determination. I bump in to these videos and reassured me is the right thing to do. You described everything my husband do and his way of thinking. It’s been hard but thank you. I needed to hear this 😊
Girl I don’t know you but I’m only a few months ahead of you. You got this! It’s scary as hell but there’s sweet freedom on the other side 🙏🏼❤️🩹😇
I think us woman need to go on a .march to tell the that we need them to be respectful towards woman from now on
True thank you❤
Regarding a lack of lust, my best, longest relationships were with men that I initially did not feel lust for. However, they were really good men, so I hung in there. You know what, lust grew as the bond deepened. It was nice because they became more and more attractive as time passed, instead of the other way around.
I truly believe that if you have any trauma or disfunction in your past, you need to lead with your head. Imago can easily disguise itself as lust-we are attracted to what is familiar!
Amen. I’ve just spent the last 6 mo talking with a scammer. Don’t know how it took me so long to catch on except that I was totally unaware this type thing really existed. Love your podcast.
Scammers are the worst...sorry you got into that situation...and for only 6 months
The most important thing is that you spotted what is the most important. We all have to begin our journey with the truth. Let go of the past. Break free so you can live your best life. Enjoy the journey.
Omg, u have no idea,i had been single and celibate for almost 8 years, well it was by choice cause i gor tired of attracting the wrong species of man👦 ,mama's boys,lying cheating theives ,abusing drugs and or just abusing ,well it was way beyond time to move the hell on, and also for medical life threatening conditions i had to over come (cancer) i was in the clear,so let's put ourselves back on the so called market ,fish in the sea ect. Wow i mean wow yep no fish ,shark infested waters all the way and of course the old phrase catfishing has a whole new meaning i have learned ,wow no doubt that technology has risen to the accession to help these people lie cheat and steal woman and or men blind.... Well i never have,and never will give out passwords ,pin codes,or any personal financial information ,and if they were looking for ,favorite color,parents names, pets names any personal identifiers ,well don't use any of that shit so the prize sob i thought was the one after actually putting let's say the 7 to 10 different applicants that i talk to ,(yes i honestly to applicants )i am no spring chicken so i wanted to not settle just for any one ,well letter me tell u there is no real safe system u can think of to protect your heart i found that out the hard way i have been talking to this man since August 2021 till yesterday ,well atleast i picked a smart one ,cause he really had me fooled ,he used a computer to some how link to my phone through the phone number itself +my email , and who my phone carrier was ,device type,got into my phone was re-routing my calls, messages, he turned off my biometrics that i had in place on almost all my apps ,got passwords ,got pin numbers,and any and all files ,and through Bluetooth could hear every thing i was saying or doing,or who i was talking to,my contacts on my phone were being deleted ,i seen on my recent call list calls i never made to numbers i have never seen ,and my Experian credit file was showing loans i never applied for,credit cards i never applied for ,15 hard inquiries ,i was like what the hell is going on ,well my mom was undercover narcotics and my dad was a Sergeant in The Army ,i learned over the years of listening and observing what to do next ,let's just say Jacob Metcalf of the United States Army with his so called computer skills is about to see exactly what happens when he messes with a daughter of two very honorable parents ,the special department for identity theft is going to have a field day with this ,they have already getting rid of the hard inquiries that are suppose to be on a file for up to 4 years ,gone in 24 hrs as i speak authorities are on every last detail ,Justice will be served ...so i took my anger and broken heart and directed to good and useful vengeance,well u know Justice ..Lol😂. But note and point here is next time watch out who exactly u give your email,or even phone number to ,u might be the next victim of identity theft and or being monitored ,no privacy rights ,cause they took your rights away from u and didn't even know it .. Well consider me very well informed lesson learned
I found that after, after being single 10 yrs and celibate 6 yrs I ventured onto a dating app, complete virgin at it, it was a rude awakening....what has happened to men? Asking for naked pictures, 3somes and anal just the norm
Think I'll stay single
Sorry...be healed
U are so right , I have subscribed & continued liking the videos.
Awesome! Thank you!
So sorry for the loss of your son. God bless. i agree you have to love yourself first and put yourself first and everything will fall into place.
I love what u are saying! Many women were like myself raised in a very perverted fam! We ppl must transform our minds! I did the transformation with JESUS CHRIST! I don't know how others can do it! JESUS told me that I & all ppl are precious! We must stop using our bodies as trashcan! Thank u! This is a beautiful message!!!
Amen Sis!!!!!!!Stay blessed. ❤❤❤❤❤
I'll I can say is am hearing this when it's too late, hopefully those that are more fortunate will listen keenly, wanting to share but because of the explicit,as a Christian al can't.
You so right! Women need to relax, until marriage , that is the only way to protect them.
I am a year late hearing this. No, I’m not. I wasn’t ready yet. Thank you for this! You’re saving my life, my heart.
First time I have come across you. Thank you for sharing invaluable information. We love it.
I started with a friendship five years ago from half way across the world. We spoke every day. Then all day every day we would be connected through discord.
One year later he came to visit.
The next year, he visited again.
Two years after that (COVID happened), we saw each other again, this time for 6 weeks.
We are now happily married and I moved across the world into the best partnership I could ever imagine.
It can happen, but it’s doesn’t happen quickly.
Thats why there are so many STD's out there. Too many sleazy people out there ..
men and women... yes
It's scary, I learned this many years ago from the heartbreak I saw others go through. And in two cases they couldn't have children.
@@michekids That's terrible...😔
Yes nasty!
I enjoyed this very much. It seems like you were talking directly to me. I have been in a long distant relationship, but you hit the nail on the head with 4 of your statements.
I’m get dressed up for myself. I appreciate Jon Aslay for all of his podcasts. I learned a lot. I’m grateful for Jonathan. Thank you! I have a great job coming up and I will be protected in a new relationship if I ever get one. Love you Jonathan.
Jonathan, the same applies to friendships - no different - an important lesson to learn is that the same process applies to same sex and opposite sex friendships. I was getting ready to leave 1/2 of my estate to a friend of 20 years as well as take her on some foreign vacations only to be confronted with a cold and intentionally hurtful response to me asking her to break her non-responsive pattern of making me wait 1-4 days to respond to any and all of my text messages. Instead of understanding and saying she'd make more of an effect, she got insulting, nasty and hurtful . You know what, the very next day, I rewrote my will and booked a vacation to Brazil in July for myself, the woman has no idea that she literally lost $ millions of dollars the second my eyes were opened!! And no, I don't give second chances. Her responses were all that I needed to face reality right smack in the face!!
Good for you for opening your eyes and seeing the truth! I hope Brazil is amazing for you ❤️
I feel the same about a friend. It sometimes takes days for her to respond to a text. Or when I call she is too busy etc. I was going to leave everything to her when I write my will but have changed my mind. I’m reviewing my friendships because I sometimes wonder if she is really there for me. Luckily I have a couple of friends who are great and get back to me within a short time.
When a friend starts treating me as a casual option I pull back and stop trying to contact them. Frustrating but I find that when you have stronger boundaries better people come into your life.
In the past I have taken friends on expensive holidays and been there for them through thick and thin yet when it comes to the crunch they didn’t have my back.
WOW! That was heavy, Martha. I am in a similar boat, actually. As a 40 year old widow, without children or close family, I also will be leaving my estate ( a beautiful home I helped build, with acreage) to a girlfriend someday, assuming I am not partnered down the road. It's honestly been a bit of a dilemma, deciding who to will it all to. But, I trust that God will show me. Good thing you saw your friend for who she is. I might add that I've become quite the loner, as well. I have been duped by appearances and superficiality on numerous occasions. Many blessings to you! 🙏💖
I have a really busy job and 3 sons. I could not for any reason get back to some messages within hours. If it’s an emergency or some kind of show stopper then I may be able to drop some things, however I can’t drop my kids and if I were to treat every message from a particular person as an emergency I would end up fired and would be neglecting my kids. So everything in context, for these reasons I never expect instant responses from anyone.
I’ve had the same problem. It takes me to long to realize it’s all one sided.
I have said these same things to all of my single girlfriends. When I met my current husband who is THE BEST PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN, I had 3 children. I was NOT gonna have men passing through my home like dirty socks. When I met him I made it clear that sex was not on the table and we could be friends. We started dating a few months later and decided that we would wait on sex until we went on at least 15 dates or 3 months (not all in one week either!!) We couldn't see each other all the time because I only dated him every other weekend when the children were with their dad. The children didn't meet him until we knew we wanted to be together. Friendship turned into love, he loved me and my kids. I needed to set a good example for my daughter as well as my son's. We never lived together and we married 7 and a half years later and have been married now for 12 years. He is still my best friend and is still the same man I met 20 years ago. My kids saw a constant loving relationship!. BTW ladies.....he said one of the best things he liked about me which made him stick around was that I didn't ask him what he drove or how much he made when I met met. In fact, I never asked because I could see he took care of himself and wasn't homeless. Prior to marriage we did discuss financial matters....wanted to make sure each of us didn't owe back taxes or in massive debt. I did not know what he made until we filed our taxes for the first time together. He is a wonderful husband...God is so good!
God said the wages of sin is death sex is sin with out marriage God said it's sin evil things happen repent n accept Jesus Christ as your Lord n savior who lives in the flesh will die if you have the spirit of god u will live safe under the shelter in Jesus wings don't live in the flesh turn to God in Jesus name n live in Jesus spirit
@@sharonpigeon5430 Could you write in proper English?
I can watch your videos all day seriously your sense of humor is incredible