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I'm dating a man 13 yr older than me. Im 64, he's 77 knew after 2 months he wanted to marry me. No sex til marriage-we both agree. He made appt. with his attorney after 3 mo. he wants a prenuptial. I can live in house for 2 yrs after he passes, then he changed it to i can live there until I die. He sons are the trustees. He won't leave anything tangible to me . I broke up. Should I go back?
Agreed!! I NEVER ask a man that question. Men do not need help pursing women they ACTUALLY want. If a man wants to commit to a woman (ex: engagement and marriage) then he’ll make that known early on. Indecision is a decision. Always remember that!
Saw another dating coach who said we should not cut off sex to try to get a man to commit and that in doing so would be a bad idea. I instantly knew that coach was not able to see it from a woman’s perspective. I dated a man for almost 4 months and when I realized he wasn’t as serious as I thought he was, I immediately put a lock on my kitty cat. He faded away and that was exactly what I expected. When you’re not giving up the goods, the men who only want a good time will not stick around. And for the people who think women tend to weaponize sex, well, not in this context we aren’t! We are in self preservation mode! Why would woman freely give our most intimate selves to someone who is not reciprocating even a basic level of a respectful and monogamous relationship?? Thank you Jonathan. Everything in this video was accurate and true!
How about just not have sex with men before there is a relationship?Women need to stop being easy and letting a man have the goods before he should. Its self respect.
Weaponizing sex , as a woman, is NOT WRONG. It's intended for self-preservation. Women can't be sleeping with any man and/or every man. Even in relationships, there are boundaries.
I personally love it when Jonathon yells and found the "head smacking" hilarious, I laughed so hard 😂 That type of passion and enthusiasm demonstrates he genuinely cares and wants to help people. No offense taken at all and find his antics real, raw and entertaining 😊
It’s not about fear for me. It’s about the man knowing what he wants and asserting that proactively. Men do not need help pursing women they actually want. It is not the woman’s place to move a relationship forward. Women move relationships forward all the time but unfortunately they typically continue to lead the relationship for the duration. I know I don’t want to lead the romantic relationship. Period.
As an older person, I've learned that dating is really all unnecessary and just a bunch of drama lol. If they're right, you will meet by accident and know in the first 5 seconds. :)
If a man can't love you for who you are, he's not worth spending time with. Begin with few expectations. Most men are clueless as to what they want because they aren't in good places. When they are older, it just gets worse as the baggage gets more cumbersome. If you ask them where the relationship is going, they have no idea where it is going because they can't live that far in the future.
It seems to me so far I’m finding any man over 55 yrs is not looking for anything OTHER than friends with benefits. Actually just benefits, hardly even friends. They should all be honest with themselves and just buy hookers. It’s so pathetic!!
💯 I totally agree. These women who are doing the hookup scene are putting the hookers out of business. I honestly have more respect for someone who can be honest about it and will go and pay for the service instead of deceiving and using a woman who is looking for a sincere relationship.
This is so sad. I'm the one helping him get to where he needs. Not by supporting him financially but I'm like his therapist and best friend. I would be crushed if he left me once he was rich or in a " better place ". This hurts.
Are you not confident in your relationship that he loves you and stand by your side every step of the way? If you are not sure, then you need to walk away. Unless you are getting enough out of your relationship as a temporary deal. But, if you want forever and are not confident then I would not waste my time.
Thank you so much for clarifying my almost 2 years relationship that I’ve been in friend’s with benefits relationship instead of life mate relationship. I’ve to let him go.
I was watching SAC tonight and Miranda said to Charlotte: “Men are like cabs, when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they want to settle down and boom their light goes on. They can drive around for years picking up women and never be available”
Ladies dont fret abt wringging a committment out of the man you are dating. If he is your soul mate, he will be forever yours. If he's not your soul mate, just be glad you didnt bind yourself to him.
Jonathon, you are one of the only people I know of who emphasizes trust and focusing on finding a man who is truly willing to take care of you in all aspects of your life and who wants a life-mate.
5:18 nails it. I heard a quote about this subject, “be the cheerleader but not the teammate”. It’s okay to cheer your partner on, be a source of positivity and encouragement when they’re going through a low point in life. But the beauty of being the cheerleader is that the player never throws you the ball. Meaning, if you are taking on a man’s issues and receiving the ball tangibly, you can’t throw it back- he will see his old self in you the moment he’s healed and toss the ball (aka, you given you know his deepest, darkest demons) at the end of the game. He’s ready for the next, new game that could lead to a championship.
We clearly liked each other, so I couldn't understand why he wasn't chasing. He's not currently in a good place. I had no idea that that mattered in a relationship until now. More importantly, I'm so glad I now know that even if he gets his act together now, he'll find someone else he likes.
Yep. Except it's just the benefits. Friends do other things together as well. Once sex has happened, he's already lost interest; decided that since she gave herself so quickly, she must not be worth much. Cold truth, but good to know.
Asking a man’s intention should be asked before sleeping with him, not after. Tell him your intentions and see if he is willing to stay if you’re not willing to sleep with him,
I could usually tell they have a lifestyle I wouldn't be interested in so get rid before even getting intimate. No point taking it any further if you've got nothing in common and I'm not prepared to change my lifestyle doing things someone else wants to do all the time!! A lot of men seem to think it's all about what they want!
He left me when I was ill, alone and he knew I was spending Christmas alone. He had already found my replacement. We were together for 16 months. Once bitten, twice shy Baby.
I am what I am, he is impressed with me when I do not try. He impresses me just as he is. I know where he wants to take us. Its not just one place. I never had to ask, we were friends, I was not looking, and he initiated taking this relationship to the forever level. He has invested in me. He wants me to be with him. There is no doubt.
I agree with this so much, Jonathan! When I found my fiancé, I asked him right from the start, what are you looking for in a relationship, and I explained my expectation in a relationship. He was very receptive to my transparency of my wants and needs, and was able to articulate his needs that were very close to mine. Other men I had met were not in this place, and asking that kind of question, just wanted to run for the hills! Not will or able to commit to any relationship, and that was fine. Not what I wanted, so getting that out in the very early stage was great. Don’t waste anyone’s time if we aren’t on the same page. My fiancé was so different, and he loved my vulnerability and transparency, telling him exactly what I was looking for. He had never experienced that before. I highly recommend this strategy!❤
@@3derevo3 - I wanted to be up front about my expectations, and needs, and for others, they quickly said, no thanks, but he loved how transparent I was about my expectations, and was willing and able to go there. Obviously not everyone would be, but you only need one! 😉
@@katiebrookzorena3643 - sorry just got back from vacation. Generally, I had a pretty extensive list of what by I was looking for, and spelled out those deal breakers first. For example: I am a strong Christian and to be with someone, will work toward getting married. I will not live with him, and many are not interested in that, so they walk away. But one thing about us, is that we were both widowed, so we were used to being married, so he was happy to work toward that end. I also needed a strong Christian too, so we could grow together in our faith life and have God at the center of our relationship. Others say they are Christian, but when getting this specific, they say no thanks. Just some of my main points.
Why would anyone move in with someone they aren't married to? All the responsibilities of marriage without any of the benefits of marriage. Living together without marriage means options are still open.
When we spend time with man who is not in good place and when the man in good place the man will left the woman who go along when him not in good place , it’s true
While dating, my husband and I DID have conversations about what our plans/dreams/desires for the future were. We discussed and agreed upon many things for our life. However, after we actually married and began having children, suddenly all of the agreements and promises were figments of my imagination. Those conversations that took hours, days, weeks, never happened for him. The reality is totally soul crushing. SO, my question is simple. Exactly how does one differentiate between the narcissist liar and the genuine honest man? My experience is that men are consummate actors/liars when there's something they want from someone.
The question "where is this going?" That is a terrible question. I have felt that before in relationships. Now, I met a guy, and he was clear that he was looking for monogamy and almost within 6 weeks I could tell he was investing with me because he wants to get serious. We are happily together and going on 2 months.
When I meet someone I find attractive, first thing I want to do is slowly get to know her. If our personas connect well, I'll throw some bread crumbs to show my interest with no pressure. Soon I'll know for sure if she's interested, then from there, I can casually ask to hang out. If things go well, and there are sparks flying, I'll show her I'm interested in seeing her more exclusively. Now, If she tries rushing me, wants to know my intentions, and starts talking about the future when we haven't officially been together for at least 3 months, I'm gone. Being in a relationship is supposed to be fun and exciting. Being interrogated is uncomfortable and kills all the fun.
Yes, I was wanting to know if my man friend was committed to a life long commitment to me. Thank you, now I am sure he always tries to take care of me. He has asked to marry me.
The easiest way to weed out a scammer is meet them in person. No scammer is going to show up. If he is willing to meet your for coffee, that is a good start. Why meet via zoom? Just meet in a public place.
You are the only coach that has mentioned that we should ask what their plan is because everyone else makes it sound it we say this.... we are desperate!!! thank you!
Jonathon, I have really enjoyed your talks! I’m in my 70’s but very young looking and acting. I’m mature and that’s what is attractive to men. I do want a long term relationship with a man. You have really given me what I need to see and want. I bought your book and I have already been doing things in your book and feel I’m in a good place in my life. I have a lot of gratitude and joy in my life and I want to share that with the right man. Thank you so much! ❤
I don't understand people who serial date. That tells me they don't know what they want and/or they're not willing to wait for what they want, because they just can't stand being alone. Guys who go from relationship to relationship are huge turn-offs for me too.
I told my (then) bf that if wasn’t willing to marry me (after two years) then he needed to hit the curb. I told him don’t waste my time. He proposed the very next week. We’ve been happily married for 8 years now. by the way, his 3rd my 2nd - he’s now 70 I’m 63.
Thanks for this video! It came on my feed at the right time! I needed a little reminder to stay in my power, because I’m getting back in the clusterfuck that’s called dating 🙈🤣
Dating now is a long, drawn-out version of friends with benefits! That's gold, Jonathon. Very true. The spenders you talk about are everywhere. I need to find a rare grower/builder. Please, men and women, date intentionally. Or move on.
Thank you Jonathon. I just realized the last man in my life as of 2 weeks ago I realize is in a bad place. He seemed to have it all together but he obviously doesn’t. I didn’t need 3 months though. Only took 9 weeks. Resonates…Ty!
It happened to me. I started dating a friend I had known for 30 years. I asked him if we were wanting to be exclusive or what his intentions were and he wouldn’t even answer and exploded on me for simply asking.
What a wonderful channel I have discovered! I love you, love your channel. Thanks a lot for your valuable time and knowledge. I watch your videos all the time. It's like we all are a community, and are growing together in life. I'm definitely gonna buy your book and recommend it to my friends as well. Lots of love from India 😃
For me personally, it's always the guys I'm not into that chase.. and then there are those who want to rush into moving in or getting married but are very inconsistent...and then there are those who are fully invested with their time and effort but aren't ready for the long term commitment. And usually I don't find out which one I got until much later. The charm can always be deceiving. So I'm at the point where I have to really focus on myself to make sure if whether or not I should emotionally invest at all in a person. I've had enough heartbreaks to last me a lifetime so I'm hopeful my guy is out there somewhere and it's just a matter of time when it all unfolds together😊 and if he's acting the way you are describing with what a guy guy needs then great 👍
Jonathan, some of your memes are so on point. In my culture, men used to have to pay dowry to be with a woman. Men nowadays don’t want to do much to get a woman.
YOU ARE SO REFRESHING. I agree, was speaking on the phone for 3 hours and 4 nights in a row, had a great converation every night and covered a lot of hard hitting topics. Last night was told that he served time, The level of conversation was the best of all online man conversations. Next day he got cold feet and said he needed space. How do I handle this craziness? I thought it would be nice to meet and put a face to a name. On line dating at its finest. We had a commonality for 4 nights!
In the words of Finding Dorie- “just keep swimming…” Maybe next time you limit his(a man’s) access to you to a night or two a week? Seems like it might have been too much too soon?
Thanks Jonathan for all your videos, love this one , i feel chasing anybody for anything is no good … a relationship has to be built on equal attraction and the same level of wanting to be together… never chase😊
Great advice, thank you!!! I had given up in the search for a man to share my time with. After listening to you: I’ll continue with my search, so good luck to me 😊
I'm dating a younger man because I didn't feel comfortable with discriminating against him because of his age. After the first date, I think we both knew something special was going on between us. We are now exclusive, it feels good and I'm happy. The only thing concerning me is the age difference ~ I'm 51, and he's 30...
When my uncle was a young man just out of the Navy he went to pick up his 19 year old date. He met her mother was smitten despite the age difference. He married the mother and adopted her two year old son. They were happily married until her death many decades later. I fondly remember him saying to me at her funeral "she was always so much fun." They never had a child together, but he was a great Dad and a Grandpa providing daycare for his twin grandchildren.
Nothing wrong with dating someone younger, as long as they don't want kids or have them and don't want anymore . And there's a difference between being a cougar and being Mrs Robinson. The age difference is a lot greater with the latter.
This is great stuff! Thank you! Food for fodder! Your voice will be in my head if/when the opportunity comes along. Right now I'm figuring out my own life after a recent split.
Had this 'interesting' experience just one week ago. Dared to ask some unconfortable questions where we at on the fourth date. Where this relationship should lead to etc. He slipped away...made me wrong...got angry... and stone walled... said to take it slowly ... It would not even be a relationship. That really makes me wonder. What to say, that was the last time I saw him. Feel ambivalent and was kind of blaiming myself for perhaps being not patient enough however glad to see clearly right in the beginning. So again it's over with a man before it truely started. I should say, thank God 🙏
This last question. My love drives Indy cars. I told him, if you get in a serious wreck, I’ll be there to take care of you. I genuinely love him. We bond with same interests. We feel like the sex is real to us. I would never leave him in bad shape when he would need me.
Thanks for the many tips that you gave, Jonathon! I agree with a lot of the things that you said, and I'm going to use them when I vet through my next potential partner.
That lady who left the chat because of the smack on the head reminded me of all the men I rejected for their lack of a sense of humor. Well I immediately subscribed because of that smack I needed it!
Thank you Thank you Thank you If I had a man in my life to tell me these things my entire life would be different and I’m late finding this …I’m bout to give up and just focus on me getting my mono right and feeling really good cause I take care of myself always all I have is me and I’m speaking to younger scared me …it’s going to be ok Big Elaine Thank you again 💜💯💜
Deception is so thick in relationships, you think you know someone then they change completely to evil, scary painful waste of time😭🥵💔I don’t get why a men chases sex when in a relationship or marriage, this is really evil and painful💔😭I don’t want to be with anyone who has no plan
so let me get this straight... youre willing to GIVE your body and heart and put it all on the line ( your health, your TIME, your energy) by sleeping with someone before they even state their intentions?😵😃😅 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😵
Alot of women are just that desperate. 🤦🏾♀️Two of my coworkers were just fired for indulging in hanky panky on the job and got busted on camera, the female coworker literally just started on the job two weeks ago and she gave in to the office flirt already. That same guy was flirting with me before she started at the job, but I guess I was too much of a challenge for him and he got impatient, so he went with the easy one. 😂😂😂Both of them are nasty for messing around on the job and now they're both fired.
BAM! 💥 💪 Jonathon's hammers and smacks in the head. ❤️ Common sense and realistic. Wake up call. True fact. Listen to what men say and pay attention to their actions. They mean what they say. You have every right to ask deep, probing questions. Know what you want and define it clearly. Qualify and disqualify. How is he impressing you? Dodge the cads and bounders. There is window shopping, intentional and prepared. Don't amend yourself down and settle for these dysfunctional men Boundaries are essential in all relationships. Exactly, you're okay, no matter what. Men Who Love Bitches and Men Who Marry Bitches are great books. My mother said " Dating in midlife is like thrift store shopping" Susan Winters 👍
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Keep saying "vagina". It makes me laugh. Seriously. We need straight talk, and you give it.
I'm dating a man 13 yr older than me. Im 64, he's 77 knew after 2 months he wanted to marry me. No sex til marriage-we both agree. He made appt. with his attorney after 3 mo. he wants a prenuptial. I can live in house for 2 yrs after he passes, then he changed it to i can live there until I die. He sons are the trustees. He won't leave anything tangible to me . I broke up. Should I go back?
@@SherylDoucetYES
I am trend to my life whith l think good abouth my bisniss or opoend my mine no need about this think is more good for mylife
I am good opend my mine not time
For me to think think this enaough
My Distey
I life Reality
Tink my familli
I think if a woman has to ask where it’s going, it’s going nowhere. There’s your answer.
This is a really good thought:)
WELL SAID !!!!!!!!
I'm only a few minutes into the video and this was my first thought as well.
That’s good to know thanks
Agreed!! I NEVER ask a man that question. Men do not need help pursing women they ACTUALLY want. If a man wants to commit to a woman (ex: engagement and marriage) then he’ll make that known early on. Indecision is a decision. Always remember that!
A man that truly wants you. You’ll never have to look for him.
You’ll not ever have to ask yourself does he want me.💯
Thank You
Saw another dating coach who said we should not cut off sex to try to get a man to commit and that in doing so would be a bad idea. I instantly knew that coach was not able to see it from a woman’s perspective. I dated a man for almost 4 months and when I realized he wasn’t as serious as I thought he was, I immediately put a lock on my kitty cat. He faded away and that was exactly what I expected. When you’re not giving up the goods, the men who only want a good time will not stick around. And for the people who think women tend to weaponize sex, well, not in this context we aren’t! We are in self preservation mode! Why would woman freely give our most intimate selves to someone who is not reciprocating even a basic level of a respectful and monogamous relationship?? Thank you Jonathan. Everything in this video was accurate and true!
Exactly... thank you 😊
Absolutely! Spread the word
How about just not have sex with men before there is a relationship?Women need to stop being easy and letting a man have the goods before he should. Its self respect.
@@Just_a_girl_in_the_world exactly
Weaponizing sex , as a woman, is NOT WRONG. It's intended for self-preservation. Women can't be sleeping with any man and/or every man. Even in relationships, there are boundaries.
So true man! I have seen man who in the beginning seems to be so serious and then they change. So never chase a man . Let him chase you.
My now passed husband and I met as friends and hung out as friends for a year before we had a real date. The best 13 years of my life!
Also, it was 3 months of dating before we had sex. He said he wanted to know I was really the one before we became physical.
LOVE It 💖
My now passed husband and I were friends for 8 years before dating. We were married 30 years.
@@colleen868then he should married you first!!
I personally love it when Jonathon yells and found the "head smacking" hilarious, I laughed so hard 😂
That type of passion and enthusiasm demonstrates he genuinely cares and wants to help people. No offense taken at all and find his antics real, raw and entertaining 😊
It’s not about fear for me. It’s about the man knowing what he wants and asserting that proactively. Men do not need help pursing women they actually want. It is not the woman’s place to move a relationship forward. Women move relationships forward all the time but unfortunately they typically continue to lead the relationship for the duration. I know I don’t want to lead the romantic relationship. Period.
As an older person, I've learned that dating is really all unnecessary and just a bunch of drama lol. If they're right, you will meet by accident and know in the first 5 seconds. :)
🙂
I agree 100 percent..just happened to two months ago❤
Congrats, Heather!!!! @@heatherwhittaker6169
I no longer want to see where it goes. I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me and taking us.
Exactly
If a man can't love you for who you are, he's not worth spending time with. Begin with few expectations. Most men are clueless as to what they want because they aren't in good places. When they are older, it just gets worse as the baggage gets more cumbersome. If you ask them where the relationship is going, they have no idea where it is going because they can't live that far in the future.
We should ask, "What are your intentions?" BEFORE getting physical.
Exactly
The first conversation!
💯 agree
That would be smart but let’s be honest… most men will lie
Men lie
It seems to me so far I’m finding any man over 55 yrs is not looking for anything OTHER than friends with benefits. Actually just benefits, hardly even friends. They should all be honest with themselves and just buy hookers. It’s so pathetic!!
Indeed
💯 I totally agree. These women who are doing the hookup scene are putting the hookers out of business. I honestly have more respect for someone who can be honest about it and will go and pay for the service instead of deceiving and using a woman who is looking for a sincere relationship.
This is so sad. I'm the one helping him get to where he needs. Not by supporting him financially but I'm like his therapist and best friend. I would be crushed if he left me once he was rich or in a " better place ". This hurts.
Are you not confident in your relationship that he loves you and stand by your side every step of the way? If you are not sure, then you need to walk away. Unless you are getting enough out of your relationship as a temporary deal. But, if you want forever and are not confident then I would not waste my time.
Thank you so much for clarifying my almost 2 years relationship that I’ve been in friend’s with benefits relationship instead of life mate relationship. I’ve to let him go.
You're very welcome
Good 4 u
I was watching SAC tonight and Miranda said to Charlotte:
“Men are like cabs, when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they want to settle down and boom their light goes on. They can drive around for years picking up women and never be available”
Ladies dont fret abt wringging a committment out of the man you are dating. If he is your soul mate, he will be forever yours. If he's not your soul mate, just be glad you didnt bind yourself to him.
Jonathon, you are one of the only people I know of who emphasizes trust and focusing on finding a man who is truly willing to take care of you in all aspects of your life and who wants a life-mate.
Thank you 😊
👍
5:18 nails it. I heard a quote about this subject, “be the cheerleader but not the teammate”. It’s okay to cheer your partner on, be a source of positivity and encouragement when they’re going through a low point in life. But the beauty of being the cheerleader is that the player never throws you the ball. Meaning, if you are taking on a man’s issues and receiving the ball tangibly, you can’t throw it back- he will see his old self in you the moment he’s healed and toss the ball (aka, you given you know his deepest, darkest demons) at the end of the game. He’s ready for the next, new game that could lead to a championship.
Interesting
Very wisely phrased
I never thought of it that way! Original. 👍🏻
Yes, he uses some woman as training. Training him for the woman he really wants. That’s why if he’s broken don’t try to fix him.
I love this take - but how do you be a cheerleader, without knowing the deepest/darkest demons? Even if you don't take them on, you still know them?
We clearly liked each other, so I couldn't understand why he wasn't chasing. He's not currently in a good place. I had no idea that that mattered in a relationship until now. More importantly, I'm so glad I now know that even if he gets his act together now, he'll find someone else he likes.
He’s spot on w/ shutting down the sex if there’s no commitment.
Yep. Except it's just the benefits. Friends do other things together as well. Once sex has happened, he's already lost interest; decided that since she gave herself so quickly, she must not be worth much. Cold truth, but good to know.
Asking a man’s intention should be asked before sleeping with him, not after. Tell him your intentions and see if he is willing to stay if you’re not willing to sleep with him,
Its absolutely true - I was terrified to ask where is this going. Rediculous!!
I could usually tell they have a lifestyle I wouldn't be interested in so get rid before even getting intimate. No point taking it any further if you've got nothing in common and I'm not prepared to change my lifestyle doing things someone else wants to do all the time!! A lot of men seem to think it's all about what they want!
He left me when I was ill, alone and he knew I was spending Christmas alone. He had already found my replacement. We were together for 16 months. Once bitten, twice shy Baby.
Omg, I’ve heard that so much. And roses that cost not a penny.
I am what I am, he is impressed with me when I do not try. He impresses me just as he is. I know where he wants to take us. Its not just one place. I never had to ask, we were friends, I was not looking, and he initiated taking this relationship to the forever level. He has invested in me. He wants me to be with him. There is no doubt.
Hi , I,m 76 years old and how do I find someone.
I love the crudeness. You aren't sugar coating anything! You keep it real!!
I appreciate that!
I agree with this so much, Jonathan! When I found my fiancé, I asked him right from the start, what are you looking for in a relationship, and I explained my expectation in a relationship. He was very receptive to my transparency of my wants and needs, and was able to articulate his needs that were very close to mine. Other men I had met were not in this place, and asking that kind of question, just wanted to run for the hills! Not will or able to commit to any relationship, and that was fine. Not what I wanted, so getting that out in the very early stage was great. Don’t waste anyone’s time if we aren’t on the same page. My fiancé was so different, and he loved my vulnerability and transparency, telling him exactly what I was looking for. He had never experienced that before. I highly recommend this strategy!❤
Exactly
Great insight and advice!! Would to mind sharing what you said to him, what your wants and needs are? General or specific?
Sounds like entering into a business deal. 🤦♀️
@@3derevo3 - I wanted to be up front about my expectations, and needs, and for others, they quickly said, no thanks, but he loved how transparent I was about my expectations, and was willing and able to go there. Obviously not everyone would be, but you only need one! 😉
@@katiebrookzorena3643 - sorry just got back from vacation. Generally, I had a pretty extensive list of what by I was looking for, and spelled out those deal breakers first. For example: I am a strong Christian and to be with someone, will work toward getting married. I will not live with him, and many are not interested in that, so they walk away. But one thing about us, is that we were both widowed, so we were used to being married, so he was happy to work toward that end.
I also needed a strong Christian too, so we could grow together in our faith life and have God at the center of our relationship. Others say they are Christian, but when getting this specific, they say no thanks. Just some of my main points.
Why would anyone move in with someone they aren't married to? All the responsibilities of marriage without any of the benefits of marriage. Living together without marriage means options are still open.
When we spend time with man who is not in good place and when the man in good place the man will left the woman who go along when him not in good place , it’s true
While dating, my husband and I DID have conversations about what our plans/dreams/desires for the future were. We discussed and agreed upon many things for our life. However, after we actually married and began having children, suddenly all of the agreements and promises were figments of my imagination. Those conversations that took hours, days, weeks, never happened for him. The reality is totally soul crushing.
SO, my question is simple. Exactly how does one differentiate between the narcissist liar and the genuine honest man? My experience is that men are consummate actors/liars when there's something they want from someone.
Here's a better question: What positive things about myself did I learn from this experience?
Bingo
No one going no one if you have feelings just express directly without playing games and it works like charm.
The question "where is this going?" That is a terrible question. I have felt that before in relationships. Now, I met a guy, and he was clear that he was looking for monogamy and almost within 6 weeks I could tell he was investing with me because he wants to get serious. We are happily together and going on 2 months.
Yay!
When I meet someone I find attractive, first thing I want to do is slowly get to know her. If our personas connect well, I'll throw some bread crumbs to show my interest with no pressure. Soon I'll know for sure if she's interested, then from there, I can casually ask to hang out. If things go well, and there are sparks flying, I'll show her I'm interested in seeing her more exclusively.
Now, If she tries rushing me, wants to know my intentions, and starts talking about the future when we haven't officially been together for at least 3 months, I'm gone. Being in a relationship is supposed to be fun and exciting. Being interrogated is uncomfortable and kills all the fun.
Haha yea
I would agree with you there! Dating should be fun…..not a therapy session!
Yes, I was wanting to know if my man friend was committed to a life long commitment to me. Thank you, now I am sure he always tries to take care of me. He has asked to marry me.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 50 years. It’s hard to work through this.
Couldn't ask for a better coach. Direct, to the point, and coming from a man's mouth himself!
The easiest way to weed out a scammer is meet them in person. No scammer is going to show up. If he is willing to meet your for coffee, that is a good start. Why meet via zoom? Just meet in a public place.
Dint believe that. Yikes end up getting scammed😅 scammers absolutely will show up.
Exactly!!!
Sure will!!!
I just ended just this type of situation. So glad for this subject. I’ll be playing this over and over
Thanks Jonathan. This is exactly what I needed to hear. This advice is invaluable.
I’m sorry about the loss of your son.
Awe... thank you 😊
You are the only coach that has mentioned that we should ask what their plan is because everyone else makes it sound it we say this.... we are desperate!!! thank you!
Love your communication style Jonathon! (straight talking, no BS )
Thank you for your help with these videos🌹
Jonathon my motto to men-respect my time-match my effort-keep your word-always be honest-stay consistent-if not you go left I go right-bye
I gave up on my person. Told him he needs to come to me in the right way. No more games. I'm better off getting a puppy ❤
Actions speak louder than words.
I truly appreciate you being so candid. Such an eye opener..
Jonathan I am a in a situation to say the least and needed this information desperately. I appreciate your work and ability to be direct and honest.
Thank you for 90 days of commitment information, it made me more patient and calm down. I think, I am not attached to the outcome now.
Awe... thank you 😊
Omgosh.... This is happening to me right now !!!! It's sad ... I'm so upset with myself for going there !!! I should have known
Met a sweet man on Hinge.
And he is a gentleman, kind, and we have the same love language.
Jonathon, I have really enjoyed your talks! I’m in my 70’s but very young looking and acting. I’m mature and that’s what is attractive to men. I do want a long term relationship with a man. You have really given me what I need to see and want. I bought your book and I have already been doing things in your book and feel I’m in a good place in my life. I have a lot of gratitude and joy in my life and I want to share that with the right man. Thank you so much! ❤
We need someone like you for support in DiVORCE courts
I agree 🙏
I might be the only one who appreciates your yelling. Everytime you do it, it is something important that we neede to get thru our head.
Not taking you anywhere ladies. You are on your own. Go for it.
Yes Jonathan we all need to get smacked every so often because when we are yearning to be loved we may not see clearly for our highest good. 🌺
It seems that way...
This is the best advice I think I have ever heard . I totally went through this scenario ❤
I don't understand people who serial date. That tells me they don't know what they want and/or they're not willing to wait for what they want, because they just can't stand being alone. Guys who go from relationship to relationship are huge turn-offs for me too.
Humans are confusing
I think my hope of having a powerful romantic relationship similar to the force and beauty of Niagara Falls is actually a dripping water faucet.
Wow. "Bright shiny penny" effect is definitely real.
Exactly!!
SORRY! If you have to ask Where's it going...the answer is NOWHERE!
Sad and often true 😔
Just want to be sure your not wasting your time with the wrong guy.
Jonathon, gosh u speak such a lot of sense, I so agree with u. Thank you for being here!
Thank you 😊
I told my (then) bf that if wasn’t willing to marry me (after two years) then he needed to hit the curb. I told him don’t waste my time. He proposed the very next week. We’ve been happily married for 8 years now. by the way, his 3rd my 2nd - he’s now 70 I’m 63.
Awh...congrats!
@@palapalak.8907 Mahalo! 🤙🏽
Love you Jonathan and Marie , you are so genuine when it comes to dating and relationship topics . You never fail to amaze me with your advices ❤
Wow, thank you!
Thanks for this video! It came on my feed at the right time! I needed a little reminder to stay in my power, because I’m getting back in the clusterfuck that’s called dating 🙈🤣
Dating now is a long, drawn-out version of friends with benefits! That's gold, Jonathon. Very true. The spenders you talk about are everywhere. I need to find a rare grower/builder. Please, men and women, date intentionally. Or move on.
Exactly
Thank you Jonathan I learned so much with you. I wish I know you before great advice. Thank you.
You are very welcome
That color shirt looks nice on you....and thanks for speaking your mind.💁🏼♀️
Thank you!!
Thank you Jonathon. I just realized the last man in my life as of 2 weeks ago I realize is in a bad place. He seemed to have it all together but he obviously doesn’t. I didn’t need 3 months though. Only took 9 weeks. Resonates…Ty!
It happened to me. I started dating a friend I had known for 30 years. I asked him if we were wanting to be exclusive or what his intentions were and he wouldn’t even answer and exploded on me for simply asking.
What a wonderful channel I have discovered! I love you, love your channel. Thanks a lot for your valuable time and knowledge. I watch your videos all the time. It's like we all are a community, and are growing together in life. I'm definitely gonna buy your book and recommend it to my friends as well. Lots of love from India 😃
Wow, thank you!
For me personally, it's always the guys I'm not into that chase.. and then there are those who want to rush into moving in or getting married but are very inconsistent...and then there are those who are fully invested with their time and effort but aren't ready for the long term commitment. And usually I don't find out which one I got until much later. The charm can always be deceiving. So I'm at the point where I have to really focus on myself to make sure if whether or not I should emotionally invest at all in a person. I've had enough heartbreaks to last me a lifetime so I'm hopeful my guy is out there somewhere and it's just a matter of time when it all unfolds together😊 and if he's acting the way you are describing with what a guy guy needs then great 👍
Jonathan, some of your memes are so on point. In my culture, men used to have to pay dowry to be with a woman. Men nowadays don’t want to do much to get a woman.
I thought a dowry was paid by the father of the bride...
@@JonathonAslay a dowry is paid for by the groom himself or his parents.
@janeynget3059 my bad, you are correct... i looked it up.
YOU ARE SO REFRESHING. I agree, was speaking on the phone for 3 hours and 4 nights in a row, had a great converation every night and covered a lot of hard hitting topics. Last night was told that he served time, The level of conversation was the best of all online man conversations. Next day he got cold feet and said he needed space. How do I handle this craziness? I thought it would be nice to meet and put a face to a name. On line dating at its finest. We had a commonality for 4 nights!
In the words of Finding Dorie- “just keep swimming…”
Maybe next time you limit his(a man’s) access to you to a night or two a week? Seems like it might have been too much too soon?
Thanks Jonathan for all your videos, love this one , i feel chasing anybody for anything is no good … a relationship has to be built on equal attraction and the same level of wanting to be together… never chase😊
I have just met someone and watching this to learn before anything as we women act on our emotions and stop asking important questions.
Great advice, thank you!!! I had given up in the search for a man to share my time with. After listening to you: I’ll continue with my search, so good luck to me 😊
Just curious, how’s your search for your person?
Profoundly truthful and resonant, funny AF and has great taste in music. This channel just gets better ❤❤
Glad you enjoy it!
I think a reality check is what I need.
I love all the insightful information you have shared with us. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Sending you big hugs and many blessings ❤️
Much appreciated 🙏
I'm dating a younger man because I didn't feel comfortable with discriminating against him because of his age. After the first date, I think we both knew something special was going on between us. We are now exclusive, it feels good and I'm happy. The only thing concerning me is the age difference ~ I'm 51, and he's 30...
Chemistry is a wonderful and dangerous thing...
When my uncle was a young man just out of the Navy he went to pick up his 19 year old date. He met her mother was smitten despite the age difference. He married the mother and adopted her two year old son. They were happily married until her death many decades later. I fondly remember him saying to me at her funeral "she was always so much fun." They never had a child together, but he was a great Dad and a Grandpa providing daycare for his twin grandchildren.
Nothing wrong with dating someone younger, as long as they don't want kids or have them and don't want anymore . And there's a difference between being a cougar and being Mrs Robinson. The age difference is a lot greater with the latter.
Enjoy each other, we worry about age too much.two adults nothing wrong with age differences. ❤ go for it be happy 😊
My situation is that I want a long term relationship but happy with non marriage.
100% agree with everything you say here!!! I enjoy listening to your perspective because it just makes sense
This is great stuff! Thank you! Food for fodder! Your voice will be in my head if/when the opportunity comes along. Right now I'm figuring out my own life after a recent split.
Had this 'interesting' experience just one week ago.
Dared to ask some unconfortable questions where we at on the fourth date.
Where this relationship should lead to etc.
He slipped away...made me wrong...got angry... and stone walled... said to take it slowly ... It would not even be a relationship.
That really makes me wonder.
What to say, that was the last time I saw him.
Feel ambivalent and was kind of blaiming myself for perhaps being not patient enough however glad to see clearly right in the beginning.
So again it's over with a man before it truely started.
I should say, thank God 🙏
I think you just answered. I don’t think he wants a wife. He just wants me around and we are very connected.
This last question. My love drives Indy cars. I told him, if you get in a serious wreck, I’ll be there to take care of you. I genuinely love him. We bond with same interests. We feel like the sex is real to us. I would never leave him in bad shape when he would need me.
Thanks for the many tips that you gave, Jonathon! I agree with a lot of the things that you said, and I'm going to use them when I vet through my next potential partner.
Glad it was helpful!
Lol I just posted this meme( I no longer what to see where this is going) on my FB page, then saw this
Small world...
That lady who left the chat because of the smack on the head reminded me of all the men I rejected for their lack of a sense of humor. Well I immediately subscribed because of that smack I needed it!
so thankful i stumbled upon this video i appreciate real honestly about dating from a man keep it up.
I appreciate that
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
If I had a man in my life to tell me these things my entire life would be different and I’m late finding this …I’m bout to give up and just focus on me getting my mono right and feeling really good cause I take care of myself always all I have is me and I’m speaking to younger scared me …it’s going to be ok Big Elaine
Thank you again
💜💯💜
😂 you're right "sometimes you have to smack us on our head"😂
My girlfriend always said I would do too much for men that's why they pulled away I made it too easy
I have his pictures everywhere. Iam making myself crazy in love. And I don’t get the same back.
Deception is so thick in relationships, you think you know someone then they change completely to evil, scary painful waste of time😭🥵💔I don’t get why a men chases sex when in a relationship or marriage, this is really evil and painful💔😭I don’t want to be with anyone who has no plan
Exactly
I want a companion for life. Kisses and hugs only! But that’s me😊
so let me get this straight... youre willing to GIVE your body and heart and put it all on the line ( your health, your TIME, your energy) by sleeping with someone before they even state their intentions?😵😃😅 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😵
Yep! Used to! Not anymore. We all learn at our own pace
He can still lie to you. Only way to know he's serious is marriage
Alot of women are just that desperate. 🤦🏾♀️Two of my coworkers were just fired for indulging in hanky panky on the job and got busted on camera, the female coworker literally just started on the job two weeks ago and she gave in to the office flirt already. That same guy was flirting with me before she started at the job, but I guess I was too much of a challenge for him and he got impatient, so he went with the easy one. 😂😂😂Both of them are nasty for messing around on the job and now they're both fired.
Waiting til marriage!! Like God intended.
BAM! 💥 💪
Jonathon's hammers and smacks in the head. ❤️
Common sense and realistic. Wake up call.
True fact. Listen to what men say and pay attention to their actions. They mean what they say.
You have every right to ask deep, probing questions. Know what you want and define it clearly. Qualify and disqualify. How is he impressing you?
Dodge the cads and bounders.
There is window shopping, intentional and prepared. Don't amend yourself down and settle for these dysfunctional men
Boundaries are essential in all relationships.
Exactly, you're okay, no matter what.
Men Who Love Bitches and Men Who Marry Bitches are great books.
My mother said " Dating in midlife is like thrift store shopping"
Susan Winters 👍
Exactly!
Great reminders! Thank you. Love your directness and humor.
You are so welcome!