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I'm dating a man 13 yr older than me. Im 64, he's 77 knew after 2 months he wanted to marry me. No sex til marriage-we both agree. He made appt. with his attorney after 3 mo. he wants a prenuptial. I can live in house for 2 yrs after he passes, then he changed it to i can live there until I die. He sons are the trustees. He won't leave anything tangible to me . I broke up. Should I go back?
Agreed!! I NEVER ask a man that question. Men do not need help pursing women they ACTUALLY want. If a man wants to commit to a woman (ex: engagement and marriage) then he’ll make that known early on. Indecision is a decision. Always remember that!
Saw another dating coach who said we should not cut off sex to try to get a man to commit and that in doing so would be a bad idea. I instantly knew that coach was not able to see it from a woman’s perspective. I dated a man for almost 4 months and when I realized he wasn’t as serious as I thought he was, I immediately put a lock on my kitty cat. He faded away and that was exactly what I expected. When you’re not giving up the goods, the men who only want a good time will not stick around. And for the people who think women tend to weaponize sex, well, not in this context we aren’t! We are in self preservation mode! Why would woman freely give our most intimate selves to someone who is not reciprocating even a basic level of a respectful and monogamous relationship?? Thank you Jonathan. Everything in this video was accurate and true!
How about just not have sex with men before there is a relationship?Women need to stop being easy and letting a man have the goods before he should. Its self respect.
Weaponizing sex , as a woman, is NOT WRONG. It's intended for self-preservation. Women can't be sleeping with any man and/or every man. Even in relationships, there are boundaries.
It seems to me so far I’m finding any man over 55 yrs is not looking for anything OTHER than friends with benefits. Actually just benefits, hardly even friends. They should all be honest with themselves and just buy hookers. It’s so pathetic!!
💯 I totally agree. These women who are doing the hookup scene are putting the hookers out of business. I honestly have more respect for someone who can be honest about it and will go and pay for the service instead of deceiving and using a woman who is looking for a sincere relationship.
It’s not about fear for me. It’s about the man knowing what he wants and asserting that proactively. Men do not need help pursing women they actually want. It is not the woman’s place to move a relationship forward. Women move relationships forward all the time but unfortunately they typically continue to lead the relationship for the duration. I know I don’t want to lead the romantic relationship. Period.
As an older person, I've learned that dating is really all unnecessary and just a bunch of drama lol. If they're right, you will meet by accident and know in the first 5 seconds. :)
Thank you so much for clarifying my almost 2 years relationship that I’ve been in friend’s with benefits relationship instead of life mate relationship. I’ve to let him go.
Yep. Except it's just the benefits. Friends do other things together as well. Once sex has happened, he's already lost interest; decided that since she gave herself so quickly, she must not be worth much. Cold truth, but good to know.
Jonathon, you are one of the only people I know of who emphasizes trust and focusing on finding a man who is truly willing to take care of you in all aspects of your life and who wants a life-mate.
so let me get this straight... youre willing to GIVE your body and heart and put it all on the line ( your health, your TIME, your energy) by sleeping with someone before they even state their intentions?😵😃😅 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😵
Alot of women are just that desperate. 🤦🏾♀️Two of my coworkers were just fired for indulging in hanky panky on the job and got busted on camera, the female coworker literally just started on the job two weeks ago and she gave in to the office flirt already. That same guy was flirting with me before she started at the job, but I guess I was too much of a challenge for him and he got impatient, so he went with the easy one. 😂😂😂Both of them are nasty for messing around on the job and now they're both fired.
This is so sad. I'm the one helping him get to where he needs. Not by supporting him financially but I'm like his therapist and best friend. I would be crushed if he left me once he was rich or in a " better place ". This hurts.
Are you not confident in your relationship that he loves you and stand by your side every step of the way? If you are not sure, then you need to walk away. Unless you are getting enough out of your relationship as a temporary deal. But, if you want forever and are not confident then I would not waste my time.
Ladies dont fret abt wringging a committment out of the man you are dating. If he is your soul mate, he will be forever yours. If he's not your soul mate, just be glad you didnt bind yourself to him.
When I meet someone I find attractive, first thing I want to do is slowly get to know her. If our personas connect well, I'll throw some bread crumbs to show my interest with no pressure. Soon I'll know for sure if she's interested, then from there, I can casually ask to hang out. If things go well, and there are sparks flying, I'll show her I'm interested in seeing her more exclusively. Now, If she tries rushing me, wants to know my intentions, and starts talking about the future when we haven't officially been together for at least 3 months, I'm gone. Being in a relationship is supposed to be fun and exciting. Being interrogated is uncomfortable and kills all the fun.
Why would anyone move in with someone they aren't married to? All the responsibilities of marriage without any of the benefits of marriage. Living together without marriage means options are still open.
I was watching SAC tonight and Miranda said to Charlotte: “Men are like cabs, when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they want to settle down and boom their light goes on. They can drive around for years picking up women and never be available”
If a man can't love you for who you are, he's not worth spending time with. Begin with few expectations. Most men are clueless as to what they want because they aren't in good places. When they are older, it just gets worse as the baggage gets more cumbersome. If you ask them where the relationship is going, they have no idea where it is going because they can't live that far in the future.
I could usually tell they have a lifestyle I wouldn't be interested in so get rid before even getting intimate. No point taking it any further if you've got nothing in common and I'm not prepared to change my lifestyle doing things someone else wants to do all the time!! A lot of men seem to think it's all about what they want!
We clearly liked each other, so I couldn't understand why he wasn't chasing. He's not currently in a good place. I had no idea that that mattered in a relationship until now. More importantly, I'm so glad I now know that even if he gets his act together now, he'll find someone else he likes.
Asking a man’s intention should be asked before sleeping with him, not after. Tell him your intentions and see if he is willing to stay if you’re not willing to sleep with him,
I personally love it when Jonathon yells and found the "head smacking" hilarious, I laughed so hard 😂 That type of passion and enthusiasm demonstrates he genuinely cares and wants to help people. No offense taken at all and find his antics real, raw and entertaining 😊
5:18 nails it. I heard a quote about this subject, “be the cheerleader but not the teammate”. It’s okay to cheer your partner on, be a source of positivity and encouragement when they’re going through a low point in life. But the beauty of being the cheerleader is that the player never throws you the ball. Meaning, if you are taking on a man’s issues and receiving the ball tangibly, you can’t throw it back- he will see his old self in you the moment he’s healed and toss the ball (aka, you given you know his deepest, darkest demons) at the end of the game. He’s ready for the next, new game that could lead to a championship.
While dating, my husband and I DID have conversations about what our plans/dreams/desires for the future were. We discussed and agreed upon many things for our life. However, after we actually married and began having children, suddenly all of the agreements and promises were figments of my imagination. Those conversations that took hours, days, weeks, never happened for him. The reality is totally soul crushing. SO, my question is simple. Exactly how does one differentiate between the narcissist liar and the genuine honest man? My experience is that men are consummate actors/liars when there's something they want from someone.
I am what I am, he is impressed with me when I do not try. He impresses me just as he is. I know where he wants to take us. Its not just one place. I never had to ask, we were friends, I was not looking, and he initiated taking this relationship to the forever level. He has invested in me. He wants me to be with him. There is no doubt.
The question "where is this going?" That is a terrible question. I have felt that before in relationships. Now, I met a guy, and he was clear that he was looking for monogamy and almost within 6 weeks I could tell he was investing with me because he wants to get serious. We are happily together and going on 2 months.
He left me when I was ill, alone and he knew I was spending Christmas alone. He had already found my replacement. We were together for 16 months. Once bitten, twice shy Baby.
Dating now is a long, drawn-out version of friends with benefits! That's gold, Jonathon. Very true. The spenders you talk about are everywhere. I need to find a rare grower/builder. Please, men and women, date intentionally. Or move on.
I don't understand people who serial date. That tells me they don't know what they want and/or they're not willing to wait for what they want, because they just can't stand being alone. Guys who go from relationship to relationship are huge turn-offs for me too.
BAM! 💥 💪 Jonathon's hammers and smacks in the head. ❤️ Common sense and realistic. Wake up call. True fact. Listen to what men say and pay attention to their actions. They mean what they say. You have every right to ask deep, probing questions. Know what you want and define it clearly. Qualify and disqualify. How is he impressing you? Dodge the cads and bounders. There is window shopping, intentional and prepared. Don't amend yourself down and settle for these dysfunctional men Boundaries are essential in all relationships. Exactly, you're okay, no matter what. Men Who Love Bitches and Men Who Marry Bitches are great books. My mother said " Dating in midlife is like thrift store shopping" Susan Winters 👍
For me personally, it's always the guys I'm not into that chase.. and then there are those who want to rush into moving in or getting married but are very inconsistent...and then there are those who are fully invested with their time and effort but aren't ready for the long term commitment. And usually I don't find out which one I got until much later. The charm can always be deceiving. So I'm at the point where I have to really focus on myself to make sure if whether or not I should emotionally invest at all in a person. I've had enough heartbreaks to last me a lifetime so I'm hopeful my guy is out there somewhere and it's just a matter of time when it all unfolds together😊 and if he's acting the way you are describing with what a guy guy needs then great 👍
Deception is so thick in relationships, you think you know someone then they change completely to evil, scary painful waste of time😭🥵💔I don’t get why a men chases sex when in a relationship or marriage, this is really evil and painful💔😭I don’t want to be with anyone who has no plan
I agree with this so much, Jonathan! When I found my fiancé, I asked him right from the start, what are you looking for in a relationship, and I explained my expectation in a relationship. He was very receptive to my transparency of my wants and needs, and was able to articulate his needs that were very close to mine. Other men I had met were not in this place, and asking that kind of question, just wanted to run for the hills! Not will or able to commit to any relationship, and that was fine. Not what I wanted, so getting that out in the very early stage was great. Don’t waste anyone’s time if we aren’t on the same page. My fiancé was so different, and he loved my vulnerability and transparency, telling him exactly what I was looking for. He had never experienced that before. I highly recommend this strategy!❤
@@3derevo3 - I wanted to be up front about my expectations, and needs, and for others, they quickly said, no thanks, but he loved how transparent I was about my expectations, and was willing and able to go there. Obviously not everyone would be, but you only need one! 😉
@@katiebrookzorena3643 - sorry just got back from vacation. Generally, I had a pretty extensive list of what by I was looking for, and spelled out those deal breakers first. For example: I am a strong Christian and to be with someone, will work toward getting married. I will not live with him, and many are not interested in that, so they walk away. But one thing about us, is that we were both widowed, so we were used to being married, so he was happy to work toward that end. I also needed a strong Christian too, so we could grow together in our faith life and have God at the center of our relationship. Others say they are Christian, but when getting this specific, they say no thanks. Just some of my main points.
The easiest way to weed out a scammer is meet them in person. No scammer is going to show up. If he is willing to meet your for coffee, that is a good start. Why meet via zoom? Just meet in a public place.
When we spend time with man who is not in good place and when the man in good place the man will left the woman who go along when him not in good place , it’s true
The reason that is, is because then you ask youngish (35+) people how they got married.... and it will be two people who swore off kids or swore off both marraige and kids ... and boom, they want to. It makes you feel like you need to be the women who lie and say they don't want marraige. And you feel bad as an honest women cause you know you're not gonna lie, and will watch them pass you by to go play with a l'air, a woman who let's him believe she wants only as much as he does not having any goals for herself. As if that is compatibility.compatibilité. I don't want a lie. I want a man with balls.
Had this 'interesting' experience just one week ago. Dared to ask some unconfortable questions where we at on the fourth date. Where this relationship should lead to etc. He slipped away...made me wrong...got angry... and stone walled... said to take it slowly ... It would not even be a relationship. That really makes me wonder. What to say, that was the last time I saw him. Feel ambivalent and was kind of blaiming myself for perhaps being not patient enough however glad to see clearly right in the beginning. So again it's over with a man before it truely started. I should say, thank God 🙏
I see men claiming they don't want a relationship, then quickly change their mind when they are dating up. But as a woman, should I have to date down to get a relationship? Then there is the nice guys who claim he wants marriage but not getting secure in their finance. It shouldn't be so hard to find a man who doesn't sleep all day, has good finances, and doesn't have a dog in his house...who is decent looking. Not drop dead gorgeous...just decent looking.
@@JonathonAslay well. ..in my mother's defense.. she was young and got trapped into marriage. she was taught by the holy bible not to date. She was taught not to Wear shorts. I wasn't allowed to be in cheerleading...they are all whores. I thought my dad was right until my classmate broke down. She got the funding to sit on the back of the buss. She was privileged.
@@JonathonAslay Me and my daughter had this conversation the other day. She says people in relationships are holding on by a thread. The husband of the happy marriage had recently been fire for social media post. The wife is standing by him.....she became a Nazi too. My happily married coworker got our other coworker pregnant. Now they are proud parents of a new baby. The wife doesn't know yet. She still thinks she has a good hardworking husband who goes above and beyond with all that overtime he claims to be working.
Question: In a relationship, bf lived with me, found out he was sexting other women behind my back. (We weren’t having much sex.) I had him move out. Once out, he begged to come back and kept apologizing. Kept telling me he loved me…Why? I kept refusing. I’m still sad.
I asked my ex who had been in a relationship with me for 9 months, are you really sure with me? What are your plans and intentions for this relationship? Baaam he told me sorry to end this way not my intention from the beginning 😂
I’m so sorry! I had a 3 1/2 year relationship end in March and it’s painful! I’m resolved to do things differently, ie listening to Jonathon and taking notes. It’s funny that a close friend is critical of my being upfront and intentional while dating. Her bf just asked for a break because he’s “stressed out”. 🤔
That’s frustrating but at least you don’t have to waste time in this anymore. So asking him was a good thing as you could get a direct response instead of waiting and not knowing.
This sole video needs to be a requirement before graduating high school, and because you're still a teen, the information needs to be stapled to your forehead as you leave the class! 😂❤
Thank you Jonathon. I just realized the last man in my life as of 2 weeks ago I realize is in a bad place. He seemed to have it all together but he obviously doesn’t. I didn’t need 3 months though. Only took 9 weeks. Resonates…Ty!
Honestly Johnathan, you are great, read the books you have suggested… love them… but… when I go online, it seems those are same old dudes… emotionally unavailable and immature.. I’m 41. I think good looking… sweet… go getter… and I feel at this point, that taking my life to the freedom. Financial freedom is the main goal. My dog is amazing and it is genuine love. I honestly I would rather be alone than with a wrong guy. But I don’t want to give any more chances. Waste time even it’s 6 months. Last guy I dated was nice but yaks, I realised he was just using me…. I can’t bring myself to online dating and I’d at her get my life to where I want it… I know exactly what I want in relationship, I just don’t seem to find it. Val
Thanks for the many tips that you gave, Jonathon! I agree with a lot of the things that you said, and I'm going to use them when I vet through my next potential partner.
I told my (then) bf that if wasn’t willing to marry me (after two years) then he needed to hit the curb. I told him don’t waste my time. He proposed the very next week. We’ve been happily married for 8 years now. by the way, his 3rd my 2nd - he’s now 70 I’m 63.
What if they say they can’t be committed because you’re still married and at the end of your divorce and you won’t sleep with them until you’re married but they still hang around and text you what does that mean?
I'm dating a younger man because I didn't feel comfortable with discriminating against him because of his age. After the first date, I think we both knew something special was going on between us. We are now exclusive, it feels good and I'm happy. The only thing concerning me is the age difference ~ I'm 51, and he's 30...
When my uncle was a young man just out of the Navy he went to pick up his 19 year old date. He met her mother was smitten despite the age difference. He married the mother and adopted her two year old son. They were happily married until her death many decades later. I fondly remember him saying to me at her funeral "she was always so much fun." They never had a child together, but he was a great Dad and a Grandpa providing daycare for his twin grandchildren.
Nothing wrong with dating someone younger, as long as they don't want kids or have them and don't want anymore . And there's a difference between being a cougar and being Mrs Robinson. The age difference is a lot greater with the latter.
You are the only coach that has mentioned that we should ask what their plan is because everyone else makes it sound it we say this.... we are desperate!!! thank you!
I didn't ask any questions.. I knew I wanted to love and be loved and I settled where I felt some comfort now I am in a situation where I need get out🙈I'm not being respected or honored here or being protected.. 🙄 I didn't know what to ask.. I was just vulnerable and took the first best one. Now I find I'm not being appreciated or respected here.. Its okay though... Atleast I know now what's going on. He does not have my best interested at heart.. He's not in my corner..
What a wonderful channel I have discovered! I love you, love your channel. Thanks a lot for your valuable time and knowledge. I watch your videos all the time. It's like we all are a community, and are growing together in life. I'm definitely gonna buy your book and recommend it to my friends as well. Lots of love from India 😃
Yes, I was wanting to know if my man friend was committed to a life long commitment to me. Thank you, now I am sure he always tries to take care of me. He has asked to marry me.
@@JonathonAslay caveat: if there's a timestamp on the pic that says 2009 or a mixture of old and new pics, maybe with a disclosure (...me at my son's wedding in 2013) that's fine. Just don't be dishonest with something so basic. It's not the right foot to start out on.
I use my actual photos in dating apps. And not all men want younger women. However, I do agree that men avoid women that are older thinking they are not playful or similar. I am dating a guy that is almost 3 years younger than me and pursued me. He does find my silliness and playfulness refreshing and has mentioned it often. So, I think this is why men may avoid older women. He mentioned some women being so serious.
The first date I had with the guy I am dating now was eight hour. We have now been dating for almost six months. He is always stepping up to help in anyway he can. My concern is that he stays in contact with one of his exwives ( one that walked away from him to another state and two months later sent divorce papers to him). They have no children between them so I don't understand why he continuse to text and someties calls her. Am I over reacting?
It happened to me. I started dating a friend I had known for 30 years. I asked him if we were wanting to be exclusive or what his intentions were and he wouldn’t even answer and exploded on me for simply asking.
This is great stuff! Thank you! Food for fodder! Your voice will be in my head if/when the opportunity comes along. Right now I'm figuring out my own life after a recent split.
I’m 30 - my boyfriend broke up with me a month or so ago. He said he wanted to focus on his career (he owns 2 businesses), but I think he really ended things because he’s not ready for marriage & I am. We lived together, so he moved out. Initially (before living together) we were on the same page - both wanting marriage, kids, etc. He did take care of me in a lot of ways. I’m scared to eventually date & have something like this happen all over again. Any advice?
@@JonathonAslay I learned he probably has ADHD & a more avoidant attachment style 😓 we did live well together, but he wasn’t ready to move the relationship forward
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Keep saying "vagina". It makes me laugh. Seriously. We need straight talk, and you give it.
I'm dating a man 13 yr older than me. Im 64, he's 77 knew after 2 months he wanted to marry me. No sex til marriage-we both agree. He made appt. with his attorney after 3 mo. he wants a prenuptial. I can live in house for 2 yrs after he passes, then he changed it to i can live there until I die. He sons are the trustees. He won't leave anything tangible to me . I broke up. Should I go back?
@@SherylDoucetYES
I am trend to my life whith l think good abouth my bisniss or opoend my mine no need about this think is more good for mylife
I am good opend my mine not time
For me to think think this enaough
My Distey
I life Reality
Tink my familli
I think if a woman has to ask where it’s going, it’s going nowhere. There’s your answer.
This is a really good thought:)
WELL SAID !!!!!!!!
I'm only a few minutes into the video and this was my first thought as well.
That’s good to know thanks
Agreed!! I NEVER ask a man that question. Men do not need help pursing women they ACTUALLY want. If a man wants to commit to a woman (ex: engagement and marriage) then he’ll make that known early on. Indecision is a decision. Always remember that!
A man that truly wants you. You’ll never have to look for him.
You’ll not ever have to ask yourself does he want me.💯
Thank You
Saw another dating coach who said we should not cut off sex to try to get a man to commit and that in doing so would be a bad idea. I instantly knew that coach was not able to see it from a woman’s perspective. I dated a man for almost 4 months and when I realized he wasn’t as serious as I thought he was, I immediately put a lock on my kitty cat. He faded away and that was exactly what I expected. When you’re not giving up the goods, the men who only want a good time will not stick around. And for the people who think women tend to weaponize sex, well, not in this context we aren’t! We are in self preservation mode! Why would woman freely give our most intimate selves to someone who is not reciprocating even a basic level of a respectful and monogamous relationship?? Thank you Jonathan. Everything in this video was accurate and true!
Exactly... thank you 😊
Absolutely! Spread the word
How about just not have sex with men before there is a relationship?Women need to stop being easy and letting a man have the goods before he should. Its self respect.
@@Just_a_girl_in_the_world exactly
Weaponizing sex , as a woman, is NOT WRONG. It's intended for self-preservation. Women can't be sleeping with any man and/or every man. Even in relationships, there are boundaries.
My now passed husband and I met as friends and hung out as friends for a year before we had a real date. The best 13 years of my life!
Also, it was 3 months of dating before we had sex. He said he wanted to know I was really the one before we became physical.
LOVE It 💖
My now passed husband and I were friends for 8 years before dating. We were married 30 years.
@@colleen868then he should married you first!!
I no longer want to see where it goes. I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me and taking us.
Exactly
It seems to me so far I’m finding any man over 55 yrs is not looking for anything OTHER than friends with benefits. Actually just benefits, hardly even friends. They should all be honest with themselves and just buy hookers. It’s so pathetic!!
Indeed
💯 I totally agree. These women who are doing the hookup scene are putting the hookers out of business. I honestly have more respect for someone who can be honest about it and will go and pay for the service instead of deceiving and using a woman who is looking for a sincere relationship.
So true man! I have seen man who in the beginning seems to be so serious and then they change. So never chase a man . Let him chase you.
It’s not about fear for me. It’s about the man knowing what he wants and asserting that proactively. Men do not need help pursing women they actually want. It is not the woman’s place to move a relationship forward. Women move relationships forward all the time but unfortunately they typically continue to lead the relationship for the duration. I know I don’t want to lead the romantic relationship. Period.
As an older person, I've learned that dating is really all unnecessary and just a bunch of drama lol. If they're right, you will meet by accident and know in the first 5 seconds. :)
🙂
I agree 100 percent..just happened to two months ago❤
Congrats, Heather!!!! @@heatherwhittaker6169
Thank you so much for clarifying my almost 2 years relationship that I’ve been in friend’s with benefits relationship instead of life mate relationship. I’ve to let him go.
You're very welcome
Good 4 u
Yep. Except it's just the benefits. Friends do other things together as well. Once sex has happened, he's already lost interest; decided that since she gave herself so quickly, she must not be worth much. Cold truth, but good to know.
We should ask, "What are your intentions?" BEFORE getting physical.
Exactly
The first conversation!
💯 agree
That would be smart but let’s be honest… most men will lie
Men lie
Jonathon, you are one of the only people I know of who emphasizes trust and focusing on finding a man who is truly willing to take care of you in all aspects of your life and who wants a life-mate.
Thank you 😊
👍
so let me get this straight... youre willing to GIVE your body and heart and put it all on the line ( your health, your TIME, your energy) by sleeping with someone before they even state their intentions?😵😃😅 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😵
Yep! Used to! Not anymore. We all learn at our own pace
He can still lie to you. Only way to know he's serious is marriage
Alot of women are just that desperate. 🤦🏾♀️Two of my coworkers were just fired for indulging in hanky panky on the job and got busted on camera, the female coworker literally just started on the job two weeks ago and she gave in to the office flirt already. That same guy was flirting with me before she started at the job, but I guess I was too much of a challenge for him and he got impatient, so he went with the easy one. 😂😂😂Both of them are nasty for messing around on the job and now they're both fired.
Waiting til marriage!! Like God intended.
This is so sad. I'm the one helping him get to where he needs. Not by supporting him financially but I'm like his therapist and best friend. I would be crushed if he left me once he was rich or in a " better place ". This hurts.
Are you not confident in your relationship that he loves you and stand by your side every step of the way? If you are not sure, then you need to walk away. Unless you are getting enough out of your relationship as a temporary deal. But, if you want forever and are not confident then I would not waste my time.
Ladies dont fret abt wringging a committment out of the man you are dating. If he is your soul mate, he will be forever yours. If he's not your soul mate, just be glad you didnt bind yourself to him.
When I meet someone I find attractive, first thing I want to do is slowly get to know her. If our personas connect well, I'll throw some bread crumbs to show my interest with no pressure. Soon I'll know for sure if she's interested, then from there, I can casually ask to hang out. If things go well, and there are sparks flying, I'll show her I'm interested in seeing her more exclusively.
Now, If she tries rushing me, wants to know my intentions, and starts talking about the future when we haven't officially been together for at least 3 months, I'm gone. Being in a relationship is supposed to be fun and exciting. Being interrogated is uncomfortable and kills all the fun.
Haha yea
SORRY! If you have to ask Where's it going...the answer is NOWHERE!
Sad and often true 😔
Just want to be sure your not wasting your time with the wrong guy.
Why would anyone move in with someone they aren't married to? All the responsibilities of marriage without any of the benefits of marriage. Living together without marriage means options are still open.
I was watching SAC tonight and Miranda said to Charlotte:
“Men are like cabs, when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they want to settle down and boom their light goes on. They can drive around for years picking up women and never be available”
If a man can't love you for who you are, he's not worth spending time with. Begin with few expectations. Most men are clueless as to what they want because they aren't in good places. When they are older, it just gets worse as the baggage gets more cumbersome. If you ask them where the relationship is going, they have no idea where it is going because they can't live that far in the future.
I could usually tell they have a lifestyle I wouldn't be interested in so get rid before even getting intimate. No point taking it any further if you've got nothing in common and I'm not prepared to change my lifestyle doing things someone else wants to do all the time!! A lot of men seem to think it's all about what they want!
The cheaters always say you have to have trust or things aren't going to work. I say well you have to be trustworthy first MF!
We clearly liked each other, so I couldn't understand why he wasn't chasing. He's not currently in a good place. I had no idea that that mattered in a relationship until now. More importantly, I'm so glad I now know that even if he gets his act together now, he'll find someone else he likes.
Asking a man’s intention should be asked before sleeping with him, not after. Tell him your intentions and see if he is willing to stay if you’re not willing to sleep with him,
I personally love it when Jonathon yells and found the "head smacking" hilarious, I laughed so hard 😂
That type of passion and enthusiasm demonstrates he genuinely cares and wants to help people. No offense taken at all and find his antics real, raw and entertaining 😊
I want a companion for life. Kisses and hugs only! But that’s me😊
5:18 nails it. I heard a quote about this subject, “be the cheerleader but not the teammate”. It’s okay to cheer your partner on, be a source of positivity and encouragement when they’re going through a low point in life. But the beauty of being the cheerleader is that the player never throws you the ball. Meaning, if you are taking on a man’s issues and receiving the ball tangibly, you can’t throw it back- he will see his old self in you the moment he’s healed and toss the ball (aka, you given you know his deepest, darkest demons) at the end of the game. He’s ready for the next, new game that could lead to a championship.
Interesting
Very wisely phrased
I never thought of it that way! Original. 👍🏻
Yes, he uses some woman as training. Training him for the woman he really wants. That’s why if he’s broken don’t try to fix him.
I love this take - but how do you be a cheerleader, without knowing the deepest/darkest demons? Even if you don't take them on, you still know them?
While dating, my husband and I DID have conversations about what our plans/dreams/desires for the future were. We discussed and agreed upon many things for our life. However, after we actually married and began having children, suddenly all of the agreements and promises were figments of my imagination. Those conversations that took hours, days, weeks, never happened for him. The reality is totally soul crushing.
SO, my question is simple. Exactly how does one differentiate between the narcissist liar and the genuine honest man? My experience is that men are consummate actors/liars when there's something they want from someone.
Here's a better question: What positive things about myself did I learn from this experience?
Bingo
Its absolutely true - I was terrified to ask where is this going. Rediculous!!
I am what I am, he is impressed with me when I do not try. He impresses me just as he is. I know where he wants to take us. Its not just one place. I never had to ask, we were friends, I was not looking, and he initiated taking this relationship to the forever level. He has invested in me. He wants me to be with him. There is no doubt.
Hi , I,m 76 years old and how do I find someone.
The question "where is this going?" That is a terrible question. I have felt that before in relationships. Now, I met a guy, and he was clear that he was looking for monogamy and almost within 6 weeks I could tell he was investing with me because he wants to get serious. We are happily together and going on 2 months.
Yay!
He left me when I was ill, alone and he knew I was spending Christmas alone. He had already found my replacement. We were together for 16 months. Once bitten, twice shy Baby.
He’s spot on w/ shutting down the sex if there’s no commitment.
Dating now is a long, drawn-out version of friends with benefits! That's gold, Jonathon. Very true. The spenders you talk about are everywhere. I need to find a rare grower/builder. Please, men and women, date intentionally. Or move on.
Exactly
I don't understand people who serial date. That tells me they don't know what they want and/or they're not willing to wait for what they want, because they just can't stand being alone. Guys who go from relationship to relationship are huge turn-offs for me too.
Humans are confusing
My girlfriend always said I would do too much for men that's why they pulled away I made it too easy
This is the best advice I think I have ever heard . I totally went through this scenario ❤
BAM! 💥 💪
Jonathon's hammers and smacks in the head. ❤️
Common sense and realistic. Wake up call.
True fact. Listen to what men say and pay attention to their actions. They mean what they say.
You have every right to ask deep, probing questions. Know what you want and define it clearly. Qualify and disqualify. How is he impressing you?
Dodge the cads and bounders.
There is window shopping, intentional and prepared. Don't amend yourself down and settle for these dysfunctional men
Boundaries are essential in all relationships.
Exactly, you're okay, no matter what.
Men Who Love Bitches and Men Who Marry Bitches are great books.
My mother said " Dating in midlife is like thrift store shopping"
Susan Winters 👍
Exactly!
I think my hope of having a powerful romantic relationship similar to the force and beauty of Niagara Falls is actually a dripping water faucet.
For me personally, it's always the guys I'm not into that chase.. and then there are those who want to rush into moving in or getting married but are very inconsistent...and then there are those who are fully invested with their time and effort but aren't ready for the long term commitment. And usually I don't find out which one I got until much later. The charm can always be deceiving. So I'm at the point where I have to really focus on myself to make sure if whether or not I should emotionally invest at all in a person. I've had enough heartbreaks to last me a lifetime so I'm hopeful my guy is out there somewhere and it's just a matter of time when it all unfolds together😊 and if he's acting the way you are describing with what a guy guy needs then great 👍
Deception is so thick in relationships, you think you know someone then they change completely to evil, scary painful waste of time😭🥵💔I don’t get why a men chases sex when in a relationship or marriage, this is really evil and painful💔😭I don’t want to be with anyone who has no plan
Exactly
I agree with this so much, Jonathan! When I found my fiancé, I asked him right from the start, what are you looking for in a relationship, and I explained my expectation in a relationship. He was very receptive to my transparency of my wants and needs, and was able to articulate his needs that were very close to mine. Other men I had met were not in this place, and asking that kind of question, just wanted to run for the hills! Not will or able to commit to any relationship, and that was fine. Not what I wanted, so getting that out in the very early stage was great. Don’t waste anyone’s time if we aren’t on the same page. My fiancé was so different, and he loved my vulnerability and transparency, telling him exactly what I was looking for. He had never experienced that before. I highly recommend this strategy!❤
Exactly
Great insight and advice!! Would to mind sharing what you said to him, what your wants and needs are? General or specific?
Sounds like entering into a business deal. 🤦♀️
@@3derevo3 - I wanted to be up front about my expectations, and needs, and for others, they quickly said, no thanks, but he loved how transparent I was about my expectations, and was willing and able to go there. Obviously not everyone would be, but you only need one! 😉
@@katiebrookzorena3643 - sorry just got back from vacation. Generally, I had a pretty extensive list of what by I was looking for, and spelled out those deal breakers first. For example: I am a strong Christian and to be with someone, will work toward getting married. I will not live with him, and many are not interested in that, so they walk away. But one thing about us, is that we were both widowed, so we were used to being married, so he was happy to work toward that end.
I also needed a strong Christian too, so we could grow together in our faith life and have God at the center of our relationship. Others say they are Christian, but when getting this specific, they say no thanks. Just some of my main points.
My situation is that I want a long term relationship but happy with non marriage.
I gave up on my person. Told him he needs to come to me in the right way. No more games. I'm better off getting a puppy ❤
Thanks Jonathan. This is exactly what I needed to hear. This advice is invaluable.
I’m sorry about the loss of your son.
Awe... thank you 😊
The easiest way to weed out a scammer is meet them in person. No scammer is going to show up. If he is willing to meet your for coffee, that is a good start. Why meet via zoom? Just meet in a public place.
Dint believe that. Yikes end up getting scammed😅 scammers absolutely will show up.
Exactly!!!
Sure will!!!
Thank you Jonathan I learned so much with you. I wish I know you before great advice. Thank you.
You are very welcome
Love your communication style Jonathon! (straight talking, no BS )
Thank you for your help with these videos🌹
No one going no one if you have feelings just express directly without playing games and it works like charm.
When we spend time with man who is not in good place and when the man in good place the man will left the woman who go along when him not in good place , it’s true
When a man fall over heels for a woman you will know it No need to ask Soo stupid 😅
The reason that is, is because then you ask youngish (35+) people how they got married.... and it will be two people who swore off kids or swore off both marraige and kids ... and boom, they want to. It makes you feel like you need to be the women who lie and say they don't want marraige. And you feel bad as an honest women cause you know you're not gonna lie, and will watch them pass you by to go play with a l'air, a woman who let's him believe she wants only as much as he does not having any goals for herself. As if that is compatibility.compatibilité.
I don't want a lie. I want a man with balls.
Yes Jonathan we all need to get smacked every so often because when we are yearning to be loved we may not see clearly for our highest good. 🌺
It seems that way...
Wow. "Bright shiny penny" effect is definitely real.
Exactly!!
Had this 'interesting' experience just one week ago.
Dared to ask some unconfortable questions where we at on the fourth date.
Where this relationship should lead to etc.
He slipped away...made me wrong...got angry... and stone walled... said to take it slowly ... It would not even be a relationship.
That really makes me wonder.
What to say, that was the last time I saw him.
Feel ambivalent and was kind of blaiming myself for perhaps being not patient enough however glad to see clearly right in the beginning.
So again it's over with a man before it truely started.
I should say, thank God 🙏
I see men claiming they don't want a relationship, then quickly change their mind when they are dating up. But as a woman, should I have to date down to get a relationship?
Then there is the nice guys who claim he wants marriage but not getting secure in their finance.
It shouldn't be so hard to find a man who doesn't sleep all day, has good finances, and doesn't have a dog in his house...who is decent looking. Not drop dead gorgeous...just decent looking.
Why do other women find good men?
@@JonathonAslay well. ..in my mother's defense.. she was young and got trapped into marriage. she was taught by the holy bible not to date. She was taught not to Wear shorts.
I wasn't allowed to be in cheerleading...they are all whores. I thought my dad was right until my classmate broke down. She got the funding to sit on the back of the buss. She was privileged.
@@JonathonAslay Me and my daughter had this conversation the other day. She says people in relationships are holding on by a thread. The husband of the happy marriage had recently been fire for social media post. The wife is standing by him.....she became a Nazi too.
My happily married coworker got our other coworker pregnant. Now they are proud parents of a new baby. The wife doesn't know yet. She still thinks she has a good hardworking husband who goes above and beyond with all that overtime he claims to be working.
@@anniealexander9616tell the wife!! She deserves to know !!
Who cares about game playing ! A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle anyway.
Can you elaborate?
So true
@@JonathonAslayI think she means a man only ties a woman down by removing some freedoms.
Omgosh.... This is happening to me right now !!!! It's sad ... I'm so upset with myself for going there !!! I should have known
I just ended just this type of situation. So glad for this subject. I’ll be playing this over and over
I truly appreciate you being so candid. Such an eye opener..
I might be the only one who appreciates your yelling. Everytime you do it, it is something important that we neede to get thru our head.
Question: In a relationship, bf lived with me, found out he was sexting other women behind my back. (We weren’t having much sex.) I had him move out. Once out, he begged to come back and kept apologizing. Kept telling me he loved me…Why?
I kept refusing. I’m still sad.
You did a great job. Don't feel bad
Actions speak louder than words.
I asked my ex who had been in a relationship with me for 9 months, are you really sure with me? What are your plans and intentions for this relationship? Baaam he told me sorry to end this way not my intention from the beginning 😂
I’m so sorry! I had a 3 1/2 year relationship end in March and it’s painful! I’m resolved to do things differently, ie listening to Jonathon and taking notes. It’s funny that a close friend is critical of my being upfront and intentional while dating. Her bf just asked for a break because he’s “stressed out”. 🤔
That’s frustrating but at least you don’t have to waste time in this anymore. So asking him was a good thing as you could get a direct response instead of waiting and not knowing.
This sole video needs to be a requirement before graduating high school, and because you're still a teen, the information needs to be stapled to your forehead as you leave the class! 😂❤
I agree
Thank you Jonathon. I just realized the last man in my life as of 2 weeks ago I realize is in a bad place. He seemed to have it all together but he obviously doesn’t. I didn’t need 3 months though. Only took 9 weeks. Resonates…Ty!
Honestly Johnathan, you are great, read the books you have suggested… love them… but… when I go online, it seems those are same old dudes… emotionally unavailable and immature.. I’m 41. I think good looking… sweet… go getter… and I feel at this point, that taking my life to the freedom. Financial freedom is the main goal. My dog is amazing and it is genuine love. I honestly I would rather be alone than with a wrong guy. But I don’t want to give any more chances. Waste time even it’s 6 months. Last guy I dated was nice but yaks, I realised he was just using me….
I can’t bring myself to online dating and I’d at her get my life to where I want it…
I know exactly what I want in relationship, I just don’t seem to find it. Val
I get it... sending you a hug 🙏
Couldn't ask for a better coach. Direct, to the point, and coming from a man's mouth himself!
First & foremost: do not get intimate so quickly 👍 there’s a line that goes like this :
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for Free.
Love you Jonathan and Marie , you are so genuine when it comes to dating and relationship topics . You never fail to amaze me with your advices ❤
Wow, thank you!
I swear dating is hard.
Uh.....maybe start a podcast when you get married......
Thanks for the many tips that you gave, Jonathon! I agree with a lot of the things that you said, and I'm going to use them when I vet through my next potential partner.
Glad it was helpful!
I told my (then) bf that if wasn’t willing to marry me (after two years) then he needed to hit the curb. I told him don’t waste my time. He proposed the very next week. We’ve been happily married for 8 years now. by the way, his 3rd my 2nd - he’s now 70 I’m 63.
Awh...congrats!
@@palapalak.8907 Mahalo! 🤙🏽
He has to love the woman more than she loves him. Its the onky way.
What if they say they can’t be committed because you’re still married and at the end of your divorce and you won’t sleep with them until you’re married but they still hang around and text you what does that mean?
impress God in your life and nothing else.
I'm dating a younger man because I didn't feel comfortable with discriminating against him because of his age. After the first date, I think we both knew something special was going on between us. We are now exclusive, it feels good and I'm happy. The only thing concerning me is the age difference ~ I'm 51, and he's 30...
Chemistry is a wonderful and dangerous thing...
When my uncle was a young man just out of the Navy he went to pick up his 19 year old date. He met her mother was smitten despite the age difference. He married the mother and adopted her two year old son. They were happily married until her death many decades later. I fondly remember him saying to me at her funeral "she was always so much fun." They never had a child together, but he was a great Dad and a Grandpa providing daycare for his twin grandchildren.
Nothing wrong with dating someone younger, as long as they don't want kids or have them and don't want anymore . And there's a difference between being a cougar and being Mrs Robinson. The age difference is a lot greater with the latter.
Enjoy each other, we worry about age too much.two adults nothing wrong with age differences. ❤ go for it be happy 😊
You are the only coach that has mentioned that we should ask what their plan is because everyone else makes it sound it we say this.... we are desperate!!! thank you!
A man told me that he has a girlfriend but that he isn't in love with her.
Yes, now he knows he should be honest with her.
Right, and he's still with her. Why is he telling you this? ( Oversharing personal information) I think he needs to be discussing this with her.
Women respect honesty and often put that person on a pedestal and a challenge
😂 you're right "sometimes you have to smack us on our head"😂
I didn't ask any questions.. I knew I wanted to love and be loved and I settled where I felt some comfort now I am in a situation where I need get out🙈I'm not being respected or honored here or being protected.. 🙄 I didn't know what to ask.. I was just vulnerable and took the first best one. Now I find I'm not being appreciated or respected here.. Its okay though... Atleast I know now what's going on. He does not have my best interested at heart.. He's not in my corner..
Thanks for sharing 🙏
What a wonderful channel I have discovered! I love you, love your channel. Thanks a lot for your valuable time and knowledge. I watch your videos all the time. It's like we all are a community, and are growing together in life. I'm definitely gonna buy your book and recommend it to my friends as well. Lots of love from India 😃
Wow, thank you!
There is nothing wrong with chasing sex ❤we accept you as you are. It’s about being good to each other. Men and women need to be good to one another
Yes, I was wanting to know if my man friend was committed to a life long commitment to me. Thank you, now I am sure he always tries to take care of me. He has asked to marry me.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 50 years. It’s hard to work through this.
Regardless of the so called age discrimination, using outdated photos is a huge misrepresentation. Sorry, I do not give a pass for that.
Got it...
@@JonathonAslay caveat: if there's a timestamp on the pic that says 2009 or a mixture of old and new pics, maybe with a disclosure (...me at my son's wedding in 2013) that's fine. Just don't be dishonest with something so basic. It's not the right foot to start out on.
I use my actual photos in dating apps. And not all men want younger women. However, I do agree that men avoid women that are older thinking they are not playful or similar. I am dating a guy that is almost 3 years younger than me and pursued me. He does find my silliness and playfulness refreshing and has mentioned it often. So, I think this is why men may avoid older women. He mentioned some women being so serious.
We need someone like you for support in DiVORCE courts
I agree 🙏
The first date I had with the guy I am dating now was eight hour. We have now been dating for almost six months. He is always stepping up to help in anyway he can. My concern is that he stays in contact with one of his exwives ( one that walked away from him to another state and two months later sent divorce papers to him). They have no children between them so I don't understand why he continuse to text and someties calls her. Am I over reacting?
Probably co dependant on her if there is no ties together he must old a torch for her still
It's hard for him to let go when she walked away. Build a great relationship with him by working as a team.
That is a red flag. Run.
That color shirt looks nice on you....and thanks for speaking your mind.💁🏼♀️
Thank you!!
It happened to me. I started dating a friend I had known for 30 years. I asked him if we were wanting to be exclusive or what his intentions were and he wouldn’t even answer and exploded on me for simply asking.
Jonathon your not shouting-your like me-just hyper:-D
Jonathon my motto to men-respect my time-match my effort-keep your word-always be honest-stay consistent-if not you go left I go right-bye
I love the crudeness. You aren't sugar coating anything! You keep it real!!
I appreciate that!
This is great stuff! Thank you! Food for fodder! Your voice will be in my head if/when the opportunity comes along. Right now I'm figuring out my own life after a recent split.
Your girlfriend stole that book from you; she wants to make sure she's doing everything right ❣️😅😂🤣❣️
Lol 😆
I have been seeing a guy for 3 1/2 years and he calls me his girlfriend and we see each other on Friday to Sunday. 51:15
I’m 30 - my boyfriend broke up with me a month or so ago. He said he wanted to focus on his career (he owns 2 businesses), but I think he really ended things because he’s not ready for marriage & I am. We lived together, so he moved out. Initially (before living together) we were on the same page - both wanting marriage, kids, etc. He did take care of me in a lot of ways. I’m scared to eventually date & have something like this happen all over again. Any advice?
DON'T SHACK UP EVER WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!!
@@CrystalDatingCoach wish I would’ve known! We were looking for houses together at one point too
I believe living with someone reveals their true character... what lesson did you learn from this experience?
@@JonathonAslay I learned he probably has ADHD & a more avoidant attachment style 😓 we did live well together, but he wasn’t ready to move the relationship forward
Sheraseven channel will answer that