1) Intention; states very clearly from the start he is seeking a long term relationship/exclusive relationship 2) You rarely go 48 hours without hearing from him/checking in with you ( and it's reciprocal ) 3) He makes time for you taking your schedule into consideration 4) He genuinely appreciates talking and being with you, feels good/happy when he's together with you 5) He includes you in his outside life; work, hobbies, family, friends, home
@@JonathonAslay You're welcome. And thank you for the great insight and book recommendations. I read yours in full within 24 hours, couldn't put it down. I'm working on "Eight Dates" now and it's honestly one of the best books I've ever read about relationships.
I was in a 19 month relationship with a man who made time for me two days a week, i met his family, we talked daily and fulfilled 4 requirements as indicated but one. He was looking for a companion and i was looking for a long term relationship. I ended the relationship because without that first requirement we were just two people who were in a friendship with benefits.
Love bombing is going to try and move you fast to a relationship. It also includes gifts, words, and taking up a lot of your time. These are done very early, even before you know anything about each other. It will feel way too good, so beware of these things.
@@JonathonAslay I think love bombing can be determined as well if the time they take is when they know you’re busy. They call or text during work hours or stay on the phone at night when they know you have stuff to do. No boundary recognition. What do you think?
@@JonathonAslay The guy which is coming on strong, chasing and love bombing, but not truly knowing the girl, is unrealistic and fantasizing with high expectations.. this infatuation condition affords too much adrenalin if it takes too much time and the human Body can not produce constantly so much of it for a long period... there are studies about adrenalin. That's why it's so hard to wait and we all want to achieve our goal immediately.. the studies show that there is a long term correlation with low adrenalin and the risk of developing cancer. The Problem is the more adrenalin is produced the less adrenalin we keep... we should all meditate a little bit more and get less excited... because it healthier for relationships and for our physical health:)...
There was a guy that did the possible love bombing for nearly two years. Flower boquet's once a month, jewels, weekend trips, small purchases of items i needed, loving cards and other surprise gifts or ideas about our future life together. He seemed so very attentive and in-tuned to what my heart yearned for, or had never experienced. I thought he was the man of my dreams. I responded to him accordingly. He told me how beautiful i was every day. He seemed genuinely enamored by me. His co-workers were jealous of the wonderful homemade Italian meals i dropped of for him to eat on his break at work. Or seeing our close physical ties, or hearing about our wonderful trips and adventures. He was every woman's dream, every man's nightmare. There were a few flags however; that were easily soothed over or distracted by his sweet behavior, reasoning, excuses. He gave me a beautiful diamond engagement ring. Once i realized he was living a double life after doing private research; he got angry when held to accountability. He wanted the engagement ring back. The return of the ring may have been swift, had it not been for thousands of dollars of debt incurred during the engagement. This included expensive honeymoon plans slated for the Yucatan Peninsula, home improvements to my home to accommodate the hot-tub he wanted for us to have, or the new jeep to pull his upcoming boat. He had a decent job, promised to pay for or contribute toward those purchases. Instead, i sold the ring which no longer sparkled, in my eyes for cash in order to help pay down the debt he caused. His brand new wife; plan 'C' it turns out; was quickly willing to buy him the boat he so craved. They had matching recliners before i knew she even existed. Not only did she have a very lucrative job, but as a bonus had "filthy stinking rich parents"; he later reported. I never bought the life insurance or homeowner insurance he had requested. He married plan C shortly after we split up. Apparently I was originally plan B when we met, without knowing it. I was elevated to plan A after she threw him out. I didn't know about her until much later, learning more after our two year relationship ended. He was swiftly grooming me, moving me into position. By that time; he and his primary relationship; (apparently his former plan A) had ended. I hadn't known about either one innitially! Although the situation was devastating; i learned many things from the situation. Listening to my gut payed off in the end; but it took a while to get there. I've spent years working on personal development. My hope is to better recognize and avoid being groomed or manipulated for somebody else's better pay-out; find balance, learn to trust reasonably
these signs really make sense! recognizing his interest when he's taking things slow is important for a lasting connection. speaking of connections, have you ever heard of Spanish Fly Pro? my partner and i have been experimenting with ways to bring more passion to our relationship, and it's been quite the journey. trying something new can truly ignite the spark!
Oh no!! We agreed we only have to chat 2 times a week.. so I don’t know if he is into me while he was a retired person and always online daily.. but he doing all everything at home. He said he enjoyed talking to me too..
I'm terribly sorry for your loss of your son.. I literally teared up 😭 my heart goes out to you 💖 and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that.. Please know you have people behind you 100%.
I listen to Jonathan Aslay every day. His advice lifts me up, assures me that most of the time my relationship is on the right track. When I need direction, I listen to one of these videos. Subject matter on relationships is always valuable.
I believe your comments... The person who cares less is the one who has the control in the relationship & one person in the relationship will love the other more than they are loved. I think this is the deep feeling of love. I have been on both ends of this spectrum, neither are great. Thank you for your wonderful work! I am soon to be 60 & in a new relationship for 3 months now & it seems to be going well. I'm giving it another 30 days = 120 days then decide if it's worth any more investment.
Response to the woman who had sex on the third date and he said he just wants to go with the flow: YES, that is absolutely a bad sign and a huge 🚩 !! without a doubt! I made the same mistake, had sex on third date and assumed we were in a relationship since we started regularly having sex (once a week) thereafter, only later to find out after 13 weeks, he was still on dating apps. His response: “I enjoy your company and was just going with the flow”That was a huge lesson learned! I will never be this naive again. Like Jonathon said, if the man doesn’t specifically mention exclusivity BEFORE trying to have sex with you (and you naively let him), he will simply continue on coasting. Therefore, you’ll have to be the one to bring it up and get clarity from the man.
I remember reading that romance actually started in the Victorian age when there was a limited number of women and more men so the men had to compete for the women's attention. I thought I wanted that also, but the man I'm dating makes me feel secure by always planning our next date a few days before, texting me every morning and night and occasionally midday, introducing me to his family and friends, talking about things we will do in the future, etc., etc. etc. he's very romantic in that he makes me feel secure by showing me he wants and NEEDS to spend time with me. ✨💖✨
I love it - we’re suckling on the nipple of dependency! So damn true. For goodness sakes - ppl have jobs, a home and yard to take care of. My kids are grown but I have 2 grandkids whose lives I’m very involved in. Men have similar responsibilities.
Jonathon, I have learned to practice Compassionate Curiosity. For Example, I ask my close friend (male) : What are your Fears? How can I support you? I believe in asking deeper questions just like you... Thank You for being real, authentic and vulnerable with us. Thank You for sharing your insights.
Johnathon!!!! Connection NOT Intensions!!!! WOW😲this so resinates with me! I’m so glad you have given it a name!!! I’m going to be done ✅ standing back and being passive about my wants and needs. I feel I want to be ME loud and clear! I was raised by a “Beaver Clever” Mother from the 50’s and have always thought when the man has intentions HE will show ME! THIS doesn’t work! Divorced past 8 years and it’s been a trip of on-line dating hell! Thanks for mens side of view!!!
He’s definitely into me. I’m into him. I’m so lucky but not familiar with being in this situation. I’m trying to get myself together to be the best I can for us. We both deserve it
I knew of a woman that communicated with a man for about 6 months when they finally made plans to meet in person. They lived in different parts of the country. They made a plan when he suddenly "had a crisis and needed money." 🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩 She wired him so much money, she wouldn't even say how much and sadly he was gone. she never heard from him again. so sad that there are soulless parasites like that out there. i'm 60 and I've done my share of dating. I'm with a wonderful man right now who will only occasionally let me treat him but I have never asked for money or lent money to anyone I've dated. Please be careful out there ladies!!! God Bless ✨🙏🏻✨
I really liked the point that you brought up about having background checks done for “strangers “. My daughter helped me and did them for everyone I was having more serious phone calls with prior to me meeting them in person. So important & necessary today.
So Johnathan, I’ll bite. I remember how you said that you would write poetry for a woman/women that you cared about, at the beginning of this live. Then it was preceded with the fact that you were trying to get them to like you. Isn’t a poem a form of investment for connection? Wasn’t it authentic? Was it lust driven or was it out of care? I used to write poetry myself and give it to people, much like the art that I create, or the music that I sing. I am a truly genuine, kind, and giving person. I don’t say things that I don’t mean. I give to people not to get, other than lighting up someone’s day, not for validation or manipulative reasons.
I have received poetry from men and women without any romantic intentions and I received it as a beautiful gift. Just as receiving any work of art, a song sang, an instrument played, a picture drawn or painted. Its simply a gift and I don't colour it with negative intentions.
Happy belated birthday Jonathon! You must be a leo then.. I knew you had that fire in you 😉😁 you are so passionate about your work you're doing a great job. Thank you
Oh god, I'm going to be 51 in November, this is all too much work.... I really think that I'm going to have to bow out gracefully. I've too many other important things to do these days. I've spent decades trying to figure this shit out. I'm done.... I'M DONE! Freedom....at last! ....just not in the way I expected it. New business launch next week, my focus is on that. Just upset that I wasted my best years on awful people. So I've alot of making up to do. Jonathan, your advice is sound, and your book (and recommendations) are spot on. But I am done 🙂
You sound frustrated and sad. I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you find a new companion (possibly a male counterpart 😊 while launching your new business) Sometimes the best ones show up late in life, & when you least expect it. And if for some reason a special man shows up at your feet.. wanting to give you a hand, lend an ear.. I hope you will give him some time to listen to your heart, I hope you will allow him your feminine spirit & knowing there is a silver lining in everything. You're special. Don't give up on love.
I am turned 56 and found the predatory manipulator narcissist. I am healing from the narcissist abuse now. Enjoying all the self-help books Jonathon is recommending. Reading the Hoffman Process all over again. I was reading them as I was getting to know this man. The brainwashing from the abuse pushed a past button. I am more aware of divorced men who have not done inner work being not emotionally available and why she got fed up with his shit in the first place. I am pretty much done and most likely will just love myself and make myself happy. I wish I had done the videoes and work before I met this asshole. Not measuring all men to this guy, I am sure there are good men out there who are not going to throw crumbs. I just know that if in the future there is a possibility, I will interview/vet him like no tomorrow. For now, I am enjoying my peace and building a garden for my mother. Family is more important to me right now. Healing is coming. More books to read cuz it is alot of work. Yet, maybe it's worth it
Finding a good man to marry and having all the prefect ingredients 4 love it’s like the winning lottery ticket usually filled with dreams only or if it happened it would wreck your life anyway
I agree with Jonathan- I am guilty despite doing background checks: it’s very hard to determine- we can think we’re adventurous and risk takers, but the best info I got was from was from a man’s teenager - he was talking about moving me in, everything solid, long term, etc… but my red flags went up when he focused negatively about my modeling side gigs, school & then his daughter hinted that i could take him on 🥊🥊- hmmm 🤔… eventually I did find him combative and controlling and I was out of there!!! 🏃🏻♀️- he lived five hours away but i always had a good friend who was willing to help me.. always have a safety… always have people who know where you are and when! It’s one thing to be independent and another to be stupid! Taking certain risks are just dangerous…
Wow mine came on so strong for the first 2 months and then the brakes came on and I’ve questioned why for the last 2 months now . This helped it make sense!!
As someone who has many male cousins and a brother, I've always been conscious of trying not to be "a clingy girlfriend." With my most recent ex that was often a misunderstanding. I've seen that movie and even then thought, yep. The one who can get along more easily without the other is the one in control of the relationship.
Hi Jonathan, I'm a newbie, fom Canada, to your channel. Found you by accident. Just LOVE, your no nonsense description of women-men relationships. Your work is absolutely fabulous. Thank you, SO, much.
The guy I met who is 63 and at first month chatting of us, he was so sweet and a bit of pulling away and said we have to take things slow… I know that he was cautious and perhaps his past experience being with an ex filipina who moved out from his house while he was at work.. so I know he wants to get to know me more before a label “boyfriend/“girlfriend”…
Another great podcast by Jonathan which was an eye opener for me especially the different types of misleading relationships that actually are not going anywhere even though you are exclusive. Also some other great info, as always.
You say things well Jonathan. I didn't like the swearing but you make a lot of very good points and I'm listening despite the swearing. You recommend right at the beginning of your videos for us to quit watching if we don't like swearing and a variety of other things that will be said, which is good.
I recently met a guy and he seems to like me ;First datewe went to a rock concert ,And after wards went out for a bite to eat . Talked on the phone our next date going for a walk around the lake, Looking forward to it....
Thank you so much Jonathon for continuing to post these videos. I got myself into a terrible situation. I got involved with a narcissistic man in a loveless relationship with a woman 10 years older than him. He kept telling me that he would leave her. I stayed with him a year and 4 months, and he wouldn’t end it with her. I did fall hard for him unfortunately, I feel so incredibly stupid. I blocked him and I have really been trying to move on with my life the last 3 months. It’s been very hard, and my desperation and loneliness played a part in me getting involved in this. I am taking responsibility for my actions and learning to chase men no more. Thank you Jonathon
Never forget he was only an illusion, never the man you thought he was, no moral, no respect, lies and deceits was his true self and at the end you experienced all those emotions. He was an user from the start, my dear.
@@rayc9899 thank you so much for saying that Ray.. you are absolutely right. He was using me as an escape.. he was just avoiding his problems with his girlfriend. He never intended on dealing with those problems, just running from them. I should have seen from the start that he had way too much difficulty with the truth. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it !!
@@lauracordoba5888 I drove on the same road than you, he was using me to look good in public, a trophy girlfriend...WOW he make sure everybody new about us. At the end he thought he was going to get better and quest what...his girlfriend his trash the minute you see her...and she was abuse big time with a ex before she met him, sad life. Her father have 24 kids. Allo, no brain...
I like that you allow people to ask personal questions. I used to watch your videos when I was in my roller coaster relationship. I’m out of it now and so much has changed. It’s nice to watch you with fresh eyes.
I enjoy listening to you speak. Great advice is always a good thing. I like to peak in now and then to see and listen. I am definitely finding value in your lists, as in today's CARES. Hug of self love to myself and a virtual handshake ( well after all we're strangers so maybe an elbow bump works better 😅 kidding). PS My heart ached for the lady from Boston who flew to Arizona. Heartbreaking to realize just how cruel some people are ( I don't think he was innocent in his behavior resulting in her death). Carry on with your bad self Jonathan and enjoy the beach!
Can I just say it maybe just something about women that fo not see it as giving something up but rather an exciting opportunity to move and relocate. I know someone who doesnt/can't commit and honestly a huge part of the attraction is that he live abroad, can speak different languages and has a community of friends in three different countries. Yes, I know I've decided to be single. Too unrealistic for me to go further.
I have to say, I've come not only from a different culture , but it feels like from a different era.. aggressive feminism I found here has done a lot of damage to the relationship between sexes. I can say a lot on that subject, just talking and observing men I met after my divorce. Why do we even have to know different ways men and women undermine the very possibility of a harmonious relationship they seem to want. And BTW most, men in this country look terrible
There is nothing cheesy at all about writing a poem or song for a love interest in my opinion. Maybe it's just me (since i'm an intense person); but i would consider a personal poem a huge, possibly impressive compliment.
Woman bash men all the time look at everybody loves Raymond And all those sit coms .. it’s sad we just need to accept the differences I love the differences but men don’t need to hear they’re stupid . My mom friends from kids school constantly complain about their husbands 🤮 I need to walk away..
I doubt that a woman who hasn't been to her boyfriend's home in 18 months of dating is having sex with him! They are just still casual acquaintes that this point. That's how I would see it anyway.
It's really important to talk about religion and politics. I like to get that right out of the way in the beginning, so neither of us waste time. I ALSO wish someone dating my ex husband of ten years would drop me a DM!
So sorry for your loss. I lost my son on Halloween of 2022 he was only 19 years old a FedEx truck 18 wheeler hit him when he was out trying to fix his car on the way home on the freeway that night his name is Ashton
My relationship is xboy friends not life long iam fuilling upset not happy but they what me back I am triy mover for in my life iam single woman looking someone else in sent I can't do this on my own they
Yes, this sinks in. WOW! Happy belated birthday Jonathon.!! Oh, I wish you every happiness and may you have everything your heart desires.You truly deserve it.
Thankyou for that story. I was involved in a text messaging ldr. Even though he was clear about not wanting to see me,I still went to visit him only to be turned away. It was devastating so I don't do online dating anymore.
What a great comeback about narcissistic.. a birthday is a day for celebration appears that person is a narcissistic to say the least..you are able to enjoy it however you (within reason ) you want 👍 just getting involved with your channel and hope to inquire about some one on one to better myself..thank you for listening to my thoughts
Hey J. Agree with everything except one thing.. and several experts also say this just my opinion .. introducing someone to your children should only be with a person you wish To marry.. no need to keep introducing strangers (3-6 months of dating if you don’t know the future .. I wouldn’t want my kids to get attached to someone while we’re in dating stage. Love the “keep swimming” slogan!!! I say it to myself now.
@@JonathonAslay they could. So many boys want a dad in their lives that if a guy came by and talked even 15 mins of sports or threw some pitches, yeah they can hook easily. Best to avoid the intro until much later
I totally agree talking about politics and religion gives you a better perspective on who you are going to be in a relationship with totally totally agree lots of people don't want to talk about that and that can be that they're hiding something
I would love to recommend my ex he’s one of the best … I even know a woman I think To myself would be good for him. That’s how I know he’s not for me. 😔
During the live yesterday, instead of asking you about the significance of those crystals on your "Infinity" bracelet, I might have been better off asking you point blank "How's that working for you?" Was genuinely curious about the reason(s) you are wearing such bracelet. If those are real crystals, they are supposed to have some healing or protective power upon contact with your skin (something about opening the 7 energy centers of your body, called "chakras"), is that it? Anyway, the best way to get an adequate answer from a man is to go straight to the point, seems like!? Yesterday, in lieu of your standard depth of thought, I received a "I dunno, google it!" wtf (LOL). I will assume it's all related to Connor, and you are still healing.
The book I recommend is 'The Rules of Spiritual Engagement' by Yehuda Berg: I never felt I should sit back in my feminine energy until he 'claims' me. I'm not sure what you experienced to make it such a source of 'disdain' to even think about it.... As I watch more of these videos I have observed that several times and my reaction as a viewer is I wish he could be less reactive and more constructive: less general and more specific. If THERE ARE MANY women out there who feel they should just sit in their 'feminine energy' until the guy 'claims' them... and it's not working for them per say. Mocking that behavior won't help them change it.. What I feel you 'knock out of the park' however is clearing up confusion about things like It takes time to get to know one another even if there is great chemistry, the clarity of not giving in to the pressure of sleeping with a man if he is not actually interested in going through the phases of relationship... ..toward a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual commitment. Now the question that comes to mind... Is there a 'right' time or way to just ask him directly.. what he wants... friendship, friends with benefits, monogamy, and relationship without living together... : Cleary I can trust my own intuition and roll with my own situation but I was wondering if there were any nuances here that should be considered... in general.. as, every person truly is different... and usually I manage to have basic common sense.. :P
Do ' Loose Women' in society make relationships difficult for chaste girls who are maybe a challenge for men...??????? Is their lonely experience down to women who give too much........???
I wonder if we could look at this love/power dynamics as healthy love ❤ is Power, whereas unhealthy love is giving away your power? Love is Power; It allows one to see the good and bad about a person, because you love yourself, confident enough to be able to assess and decide how far you go with this person or if you even want to have anything to do with them - being able to make decision is the power, because ❤ Love is making the right choices as opposed to feelings which comes and goes, feelings (unhealthy love apart from calculated decision making) gets hurt and retaliates inappropriately - losing power. But me, loving you is power, because you can't manipulate me; I don't act as you would expect - can drive a devil crazy😅
18:70 nothing good grows in the dark. Women who are kept in the dark are kept there for reason. I think if women don't know where they are with a man after 3 months it's time to pack it in. She was obviously being tagged along and used. But that wasn't his fault. That was hers. We don't get this wasted time back.
This person say they are interested in me , wasn't paying them any intention for over a year, decided to go on a date with him ,he was trying to get in my pants I stop him one time . He will take me out for ice cream,he never asked how my day was ,I notice he is very cheap and boring,if I ask him to do or drop me some whare he always make an excuse ,he shows no emotions at all,whenever I do not show him no interest he show interest ,if I show interest he pulls away I can't play his sesaw behaviour so I lock him off
Why are all these videos about online dating?! Doesn’t anyone meet in the old fashioned way anymore? I don’t do internet dating so a lot of this “advice” (which is actually only an opinion & shouldn’t be taken as being correct!) isn’t really relevant because I’ve already met the guy without using some tacky website
Vaccine question waa intersting because I just lot my job due to the not receiving it. I had an approved medical exemption, they fired the woman who gave it to me. Then I was blindsided 2+ months later. I'm now dating a man from my work so talk about learning about a person. I hope this makes sense.
He has no children, he is the only child, and has not yet invited me to his home. We work together but different departments of the hotel. He does work 3 jobs :2 part time and 1 full time job.
unfortunately him moving slow may also mean he doesn't care, he is just playing a nasty game of bait and dump on you, he is just patiently waiting till you let your guards down so he can flip a bird on you :(
Lots of people talking about other cultures and religion not knowng anything. Religion was made to keep people together, long ago, to keep them in crowd. Politician manipulate with politics and religion today as global politics and lots of lies are there. Lots of propagandas. We dont need that. Spirituality is something else and it should also be the private thing.
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Omg my guy gave me banana bread and a cd on our first date. Brought me back to the good ole days. Sneaky bastard!
@@Thegardenersclog that’s what his goal was. Yes, a manipulation for sure to keep your emotional thinking high.
Amen on Cares!! Excellent !!!!!
Amen on C A R E S Jonathon !!! Excellent!!!!!! Thank you for an easy way to capsize an important issue in relationships.
@@wagendorf31 am.k.
1) Intention; states very clearly from the start he is seeking a long term relationship/exclusive relationship
2) You rarely go 48 hours without hearing from him/checking in with you ( and it's reciprocal )
3) He makes time for you taking your schedule into consideration
4) He genuinely appreciates talking and being with you, feels good/happy when he's together with you
5) He includes you in his outside life; work, hobbies, family, friends, home
Thank you 😊
@@JonathonAslay You're welcome. And thank you for the great insight and book recommendations. I read yours in full within 24 hours, couldn't put it down. I'm working on "Eight Dates" now and it's honestly one of the best books I've ever read about relationships.
I was in a 19 month relationship with a man who made time for me two days a week, i met his family, we talked daily and fulfilled 4 requirements as indicated but one. He was looking for a companion and i was looking for a long term relationship. I ended the relationship because without that first requirement we were just two people who were in a friendship with benefits.
3 out of 5, still getting reacquainted since 1983
Thank you so much! I don't have an hour and a half....
Love bombing is going to try and move you fast to a relationship. It also includes gifts, words, and taking up a lot of your time. These are done very early, even before you know anything about each other. It will feel way too good, so beware of these things.
Excitement can also look the same...
@@JonathonAslay I think love bombing can be determined as well if the time they take is when they know you’re busy. They call or text during work hours or stay on the phone at night when they know you have stuff to do. No boundary recognition. What do you think?
@@JonathonAslay The guy which is coming on strong, chasing and love bombing, but not truly knowing the girl, is unrealistic and fantasizing with high expectations.. this infatuation condition affords too much adrenalin if it takes too much time and the human Body can not produce constantly so much of it for a long period... there are studies about adrenalin. That's why it's so hard to wait and we all want to achieve our goal immediately.. the studies show that there is a long term correlation with low adrenalin and the risk of developing cancer. The Problem is the more adrenalin is produced the less adrenalin we keep... we should all meditate a little bit more and get less excited... because it healthier for relationships and for our physical health:)...
Facts
There was a guy that did the possible love bombing for nearly two years. Flower boquet's once a month, jewels, weekend trips, small purchases of items i needed, loving cards and other surprise gifts or ideas about our future life together. He seemed so very attentive and in-tuned to what my heart yearned for, or had never experienced. I thought he was the man of my dreams. I responded to him accordingly. He told me how beautiful i was every day. He seemed genuinely enamored by me. His co-workers were jealous of the wonderful homemade Italian meals i dropped of for him to eat on his break at work. Or seeing our close physical ties, or hearing about our wonderful trips and adventures. He was every woman's dream, every man's nightmare.
There were a few flags however; that were easily soothed over or distracted by his sweet behavior, reasoning, excuses.
He gave me a beautiful diamond engagement ring.
Once i realized he was living a double life after doing private research; he got angry when held to accountability. He wanted the engagement ring back.
The return of the ring may have been swift, had it not been for thousands of dollars of debt incurred during the engagement. This included expensive honeymoon plans slated for the Yucatan Peninsula, home improvements to my home to accommodate the hot-tub he wanted for us to have, or the new jeep to pull his upcoming boat. He had a decent job, promised to pay for or contribute toward those purchases.
Instead, i sold the ring which no longer sparkled, in my eyes for cash in order to help pay down the debt he caused.
His brand new wife; plan 'C' it turns out; was quickly willing to buy him the boat he so craved. They had matching recliners before i knew she even existed. Not only did she have a very lucrative job, but as a bonus had "filthy stinking rich parents"; he later reported.
I never bought the life insurance or homeowner insurance he had requested.
He married plan C shortly after we split up.
Apparently I was originally plan B when we met, without knowing it. I was elevated to plan A after she threw him out. I didn't know about her until much later, learning more after our two year relationship ended. He was swiftly grooming me, moving me into position. By that time; he and his primary relationship; (apparently his former plan A) had ended. I hadn't known about either one innitially!
Although the situation was devastating; i learned many things from the situation. Listening to my gut payed off in the end; but it took a while to get there. I've spent years working on personal development. My hope is to better recognize and avoid being groomed or manipulated for somebody else's better pay-out; find balance, learn to trust reasonably
Some men are shy because they don't want to devour you with passion too quickly as they feel as that might be disrespectful
these signs really make sense! recognizing his interest when he's taking things slow is important for a lasting connection. speaking of connections, have you ever heard of Spanish Fly Pro? my partner and i have been experimenting with ways to bring more passion to our relationship, and it's been quite the journey. trying something new can truly ignite the spark!
My bf loves to talk with me... If I'm tired and a bit quiet , he'll ask "Baby, why aren't you talking? Talk to me" 🙂
👍
Wow!! Does Your BF have a Single Brother who lives in the Denver area please!?
Question: is it OK to ask before you are into the realitionship are they looking for friends with benefits or a exclusive realitionship?
Question: Ok to ask what kind of realitionship they are looking for exclusive or friends with benefits
Oh no!! We agreed we only have to chat 2 times a week.. so I don’t know if he is into me while he was a retired person and always online daily.. but he doing all everything at home. He said he enjoyed talking to me too..
I'm terribly sorry for your loss of your son.. I literally teared up 😭 my heart goes out to you 💖 and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that.. Please know you have people behind you 100%.
I listen to Jonathan Aslay every day. His advice lifts me up, assures me that most of the time my relationship is on the right track. When I need direction, I listen to one of these videos. Subject matter on relationships is always valuable.
I believe your comments... The person who cares less is the one who has the control in the relationship & one person in the relationship will love the other more than they are loved. I think this is the deep feeling of love. I have been on both ends of this spectrum, neither are great. Thank you for your wonderful work! I am soon to be 60 & in a new relationship for 3 months now & it seems to be going well. I'm giving it another 30 days = 120 days then decide if it's worth any more investment.
Response to the woman who had sex on the third date and he said he just wants to go with the flow: YES, that is absolutely a bad sign and a huge 🚩 !! without a doubt! I made the same mistake, had sex on third date and assumed we were in a relationship since we started regularly having sex (once a week) thereafter, only later to find out after 13 weeks, he was still on dating apps. His response: “I enjoy your company and was just going with the flow”That was a huge lesson learned! I will never be this naive again. Like Jonathon said, if the man doesn’t specifically mention exclusivity BEFORE trying to have sex with you (and you naively let him), he will simply continue on coasting. Therefore, you’ll have to be the one to bring it up and get clarity from the man.
I remember reading that romance actually started in the Victorian age when there was a limited number of women and more men so the men had to compete for the women's attention. I thought I wanted that also, but the man I'm dating makes me feel secure by always planning our next date a few days before, texting me every morning and night and occasionally midday, introducing me to his family and friends, talking about things we will do in the future, etc., etc. etc. he's very romantic in that he makes me feel secure by showing me he wants and NEEDS to spend time with me. ✨💖✨
You are very fortunate!!
I love it - we’re suckling on the nipple of dependency! So damn true. For goodness sakes - ppl have jobs, a home and yard to take care of. My kids are grown but I have 2 grandkids whose lives I’m very involved in. Men have similar responsibilities.
😁
i meet a man he takes a things slow but everything is good he is very nice i like him alot
Jonathon,
I have learned to practice Compassionate Curiosity.
For Example, I ask my close friend (male) :
What are your Fears? How can I support you?
I believe in asking deeper questions just like you...
Thank You for being real, authentic and vulnerable with us. Thank You for sharing your insights.
You're in your masculine..
@@adj5767 we all have masculine and feminine energy within us- it's all about balance.
Johnathon!!!!
Connection NOT Intensions!!!! WOW😲this so resinates with me! I’m so glad you have given it a name!!!
I’m going to be done ✅ standing back and being passive about my wants and needs. I feel I want to be ME loud and clear!
I was raised by a “Beaver Clever” Mother from the 50’s and have always thought when the man has intentions HE will show ME!
THIS doesn’t work!
Divorced past 8 years and it’s been a trip of on-line dating hell!
Thanks for mens side of view!!!
He’s definitely into me. I’m into him. I’m so lucky but not familiar with being in this situation. I’m trying to get myself together to be the best I can for us. We both deserve it
And a drunk driver killed him April 29th.
My heart is completely broken
So sorry to read you lost him
@@Julies_randomness ....oh sorry darling..this hurts me.
I knew of a woman that communicated with a man for about 6 months when they finally made plans to meet in person. They lived in different parts of the country. They made a plan when he suddenly "had a crisis and needed money." 🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩 She wired him so much money, she wouldn't even say how much and sadly he was gone. she never heard from him again. so sad that there are soulless parasites like that out there. i'm 60 and I've done my share of dating. I'm with a wonderful man right now who will only occasionally let me treat him but I have never asked for money or lent money to anyone I've dated. Please be careful out there ladies!!! God Bless ✨🙏🏻✨
I really liked the point that you brought up about having background checks done for “strangers “. My daughter helped me and did them for everyone I was having more serious phone calls with prior to me meeting them in person. So important & necessary today.
And yes.. I am “resting in my feminine”.. for 4 years 🤣🤣🤣.. still single.. but it’s good because I am working on myself 😀🌺🙏🏽
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So Johnathan, I’ll bite. I remember how you said that you would write poetry for a woman/women that you cared about, at the beginning of this live. Then it was preceded with the fact that you were trying to get them to like you. Isn’t a poem a form of investment for connection? Wasn’t it authentic? Was it lust driven or was it out of care? I used to write poetry myself and give it to people, much like the art that I create, or the music that I sing. I am a truly genuine, kind, and giving person. I don’t say things that I don’t mean. I give to people not to get, other than lighting up someone’s day, not for validation or manipulative reasons.
I have received poetry from men and women without any romantic intentions and I received it as a beautiful gift. Just as receiving any work of art, a song sang, an instrument played, a picture drawn or painted. Its simply a gift and I don't colour it with negative intentions.
Happy belated birthday Jonathon! You must be a leo then.. I knew you had that fire in you 😉😁 you are so passionate about your work you're doing a great job. Thank you
Introverts do not need to check in as much as other personality types
Oh god, I'm going to be 51 in November, this is all too much work.... I really think that I'm going to have to bow out gracefully. I've too many other important things to do these days. I've spent decades trying to figure this shit out. I'm done.... I'M DONE!
Freedom....at last! ....just not in the way I expected it.
New business launch next week, my focus is on that. Just upset that I wasted my best years on awful people. So I've alot of making up to do.
Jonathan, your advice is sound, and your book (and recommendations) are spot on.
But I am done 🙂
I understand how you feel...
You sound frustrated and sad. I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you find a new companion (possibly a male counterpart 😊 while launching your new business) Sometimes the best ones show up late in life, & when you least expect it. And if for some reason a special man shows up at your feet.. wanting to give you a hand, lend an ear.. I hope you will give him some time to listen to your heart, I hope you will allow him your feminine spirit & knowing there is a silver lining in everything. You're special. Don't give up on love.
I am turned 56 and found the predatory manipulator narcissist. I am healing from the narcissist abuse now. Enjoying all the self-help books Jonathon is recommending. Reading the Hoffman Process all over again. I was reading them as I was getting to know this man. The brainwashing from the abuse pushed a past button. I am more aware of divorced men who have not done inner work being not emotionally available and why she got fed up with his shit in the first place. I am pretty much done and most likely will just love myself and make myself happy. I wish I had done the videoes and work before I met this asshole. Not measuring all men to this guy, I am sure there are good men out there who are not going to throw crumbs. I just know that if in the future there is a possibility, I will interview/vet him like no tomorrow. For now, I am enjoying my peace and building a garden for my mother. Family is more important to me right now. Healing is coming. More books to read cuz it is alot of work. Yet, maybe it's worth it
I can totally relate to your comment
If my boyfriend & I ever break up, I am done too. I have been saying this for years. Not a bad thing. I am very happy alone & enjoy my own company!
Finding a good man to marry and having all the prefect ingredients 4 love it’s like the winning lottery ticket usually filled with dreams only or if it happened it would wreck your life anyway
I agree with Jonathan- I am guilty despite doing background checks: it’s very hard to determine- we can think we’re adventurous and risk takers, but the best info I got was from was from a man’s teenager - he was talking about moving me in, everything solid, long term, etc… but my red flags went up when he focused negatively about my modeling side gigs, school & then his daughter hinted that i could take him on 🥊🥊- hmmm 🤔… eventually I did find him combative and controlling and I was out of there!!! 🏃🏻♀️- he lived five hours away but i always had a good friend who was willing to help me.. always have a safety… always have people who know where you are and when! It’s one thing to be independent and another to be stupid! Taking certain risks are just dangerous…
Wow mine came on so strong for the first 2 months and then the brakes came on and I’ve questioned why for the last 2 months now . This helped it make sense!!
Jonathan; I watch you daily. You crack me up.
Omg the video was 3 years ago! Where I have been all this time. I could’ve prevented myself from doing stupid mistakes
As someone who has many male cousins and a brother, I've always been conscious of trying not to be "a clingy girlfriend." With my most recent ex that was often a misunderstanding.
I've seen that movie and even then thought, yep. The one who can get along more easily without the other is the one in control of the relationship.
Thank you! Great vids🎉
I insightful perspectives.
Politics is a vetting conversation...you can learn a lot VERY fast.
Exactly 💯
its manpulation with people for big money
YEP! I’ve gotten to where I almost just sit back and let them eliminate themselves 😆
Yes it is!!! And ppl get mad at me when I talk about it with a potential date. Its a very relevant subject.
It’s really about whether or not you share the same morals and ethics.
You are so fun to watch Jonathan and cast such great wisdom! Thank you!
Awe... thanks
Hi Jonathan, I'm a newbie, fom Canada, to your channel. Found you by accident. Just LOVE, your no nonsense description of women-men relationships. Your work is absolutely fabulous. Thank you, SO, much.
I also accidentally found you and loved your advice, been scammed 3 different men,certainly won't happen again!!!!
Happy birthday Jonathan good advice as usual
The guy I met who is 63 and at first month chatting of us, he was so sweet and a bit of pulling away and said we have to take things slow… I know that he was cautious and perhaps his past experience being with an ex filipina who moved out from his house while he was at work.. so I know he wants to get to know me more before a label “boyfriend/“girlfriend”…
I never invited him to MY home in 6 months!
Another great podcast by Jonathan which was an eye opener for me especially the different types of misleading relationships that actually are not going anywhere even though you are exclusive. Also some other great info, as always.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Jonathan way they xboy friends ask me about full me road me I am not happy about
Ha! I am going to name my next sailboat “Situationship”.
HaHa!! Sounds like the title of a Murder Mystery, or Romantic Comedy?
The boat name will be two words: “Situation Ship” to emphasize the pun.
I can’t with you so funny like my big brother love it!
Well happy birthday brother
You say things well Jonathan. I didn't like the swearing but you make a lot of very good points and I'm listening despite the swearing. You recommend right at the beginning of your videos for us to quit watching if we don't like swearing and a variety of other things that will be said, which is good.
I recently met a guy and he seems to like me ;First datewe went to a rock concert ,And after wards went out for a bite to eat . Talked on the phone our next date going for a walk around the lake, Looking forward to it....
Every time you scream “before the penis goes into the vagina”.. it cracks me up 🤣🤣🤣🤣🌺🙏🏽
Jonathan I don't what talk to strangers my family says happy about because they ment hurt to me I am fuilling upset about it
Feeling "pushed into" physical encounters is icky
Thank you so much Jonathon for continuing to post these videos. I got myself into a terrible situation. I got involved with a narcissistic man in a loveless relationship with a woman 10 years older than him. He kept telling me that he would leave her. I stayed with him a year and 4 months, and he wouldn’t end it with her. I did fall hard for him unfortunately, I feel so incredibly stupid. I blocked him and I have really been trying to move on with my life the last 3 months. It’s been very hard, and my desperation and loneliness played a part in me getting involved in this. I am taking responsibility for my actions and learning to chase men no more. Thank you Jonathon
🙏
Never forget he was only an illusion, never the man you thought he was, no moral, no respect, lies and deceits was his true self and at the end you experienced all those emotions. He was an user from the start, my dear.
@@rayc9899 thank you so much for saying that Ray.. you are absolutely right. He was using me as an escape.. he was just avoiding his problems with his girlfriend. He never intended on dealing with those problems, just running from them. I should have seen from the start that he had way too much difficulty with the truth. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it !!
@@lauracordoba5888 I drove on the same road than you, he was using me to look good in public, a trophy girlfriend...WOW he make sure everybody new about us. At the end he thought he was going to get better and quest what...his girlfriend his trash the minute you see her...and she was abuse big time with a ex before she met him, sad life. Her father have 24 kids. Allo, no brain...
Stay strong 💪🏼 He took advantage of you being a good person with a good heart!!
I hope by now your feeling much better ❤
You’re doing great Johnathan
Very honest and straightforward….🙏
Happy Birthday a little late butt sincerely meant.
I like that you allow people to ask personal questions. I used to watch your videos when I was in my roller coaster relationship. I’m out of it now and so much has changed. It’s nice to watch you with fresh eyes.
I enjoy listening to you speak. Great advice is always a good thing. I like to peak in now and then to see and listen. I am definitely finding value in your lists, as in today's CARES. Hug of self love to myself and a virtual handshake ( well after all we're strangers so maybe an elbow bump works better 😅 kidding).
PS
My heart ached for the lady from Boston who flew to Arizona. Heartbreaking to realize just how cruel some people are ( I don't think he was innocent in his behavior resulting in her death). Carry on with your bad self Jonathan and enjoy the beach!
I was saddened to read the story as well... 🙏
Just found you. Some good nuggets here, thank you Mr. A💙
Awe... thank you 😊
Can I just say it maybe just something about women that fo not see it as giving something up but rather an exciting opportunity to move and relocate. I know someone who doesnt/can't commit and honestly a huge part of the attraction is that he live abroad, can speak different languages and has a community of friends in three different countries. Yes, I know I've decided to be single. Too unrealistic for me to go further.
Thank you 🙏🏻 in a LDR for a year and taking it slow but whenever we are together doing all of the activities.
Thank you Jonathan I enjoyed this. I listened to this while painting my skirting boards and window sills 💖 from Australia xx
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I have to say, I've come not only from a different culture , but it feels like from a different era.. aggressive feminism I found here has done a lot of damage to the relationship between sexes. I can say a lot on that subject, just talking and observing men I met after my divorce. Why do we even have to know different ways men and women undermine the very possibility of a harmonious relationship they seem to want. And BTW most, men in this country look terrible
Totally with u!!
Women need to know their feminine power 💫😄💫
There is nothing cheesy at all about writing a poem or song for a love interest in my opinion. Maybe it's just me (since i'm an intense person); but i would consider a personal poem a huge, possibly impressive compliment.
I'm willing to bet men aren't home wasting time on how to get the girl, just saying
Actually, over a third of the male population is shy... they think about it all the time.
@@JonathonAslay I heard from a man that men are stupid, along time ago, now at 45 I actually believe it!
@@paulaparkman5127 men seem to say they same about women 🙃
@@JonathonAslay definitely two different species...
Woman bash men all the time look at
everybody loves Raymond
And all those sit coms .. it’s sad we just need to accept the differences I love the differences but men don’t need to hear they’re stupid .
My mom friends from kids school constantly complain about their husbands 🤮
I need to walk away..
Love this beautiful life,thanks johnathon, your amazing ❤
Glad you enjoy it!
I doubt that a woman who hasn't been to her boyfriend's home in 18 months of dating is having sex with him! They are just still casual acquaintes that this point. That's how I would see it anyway.
They saw it a different way
It's really important to talk about religion and politics. I like to get that right out of the way in the beginning, so neither of us waste time. I ALSO wish someone dating my ex husband of ten years would drop me a DM!
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@Jenny G You were not equally yoked. That is a requirement for us Christians, especially if there are going to be children!
So sorry for your loss. I lost my son on Halloween of 2022 he was only 19 years old a FedEx truck 18 wheeler hit him when he was out trying to fix his car on the way home on the freeway that night his name is Ashton
Omgosh... that's terrible and like my son, he was 19. I'm sending you a big hug 🫂 😞🙏
Addicted to your channel!! Loveeee your content ❤️👌🏾🫶🏾
Thank you so much 🤗
Thank you for reminding me that I should not give my power away. 😊
Amen...
@Jenny G maybe cuz they're stupid? I don't know why... makes no sense to me 🙃
Baby please, please stop repeating stuff! I'm starting to question intelligence not sure if it yours or mine!
Noted
My relationship is xboy friends not life long iam fuilling upset not happy but they what me back I am triy mover for in my life iam single woman looking someone else in sent I can't do this on my own they
What is X boyfriend not me long only I what have
Yes, this sinks in. WOW! Happy belated birthday Jonathon.!! Oh, I wish you every happiness and may you have everything your heart desires.You truly deserve it.
Amen indeed. My boyfriend and myself are both Leo’s!
Thankyou for that story. I was involved in a text messaging ldr. Even though he was clear about not wanting to see me,I still went to visit him only to be turned away. It was devastating so I don't do online dating anymore.
Thanks Jonathan. Very informative and helpful. great questions too!
Thanks for the book suggestion. I know someone who needs it.❤
Glad it was helpful!
What a great comeback about narcissistic.. a birthday is a day for celebration appears that person is a narcissistic to say the least..you are able to enjoy it however you (within reason ) you want 👍 just getting involved with your channel and hope to inquire about some one on one to better myself..thank you for listening to my thoughts
Good morning 🙏 🌄 ❤❤
Hey J.
Agree with everything except one thing.. and several experts also say this just my opinion .. introducing someone to your children should only be with a person you wish To marry.. no need to keep introducing strangers (3-6 months of dating if you don’t know the future .. I wouldn’t want my kids to get attached to someone while we’re in dating stage.
Love the “keep swimming” slogan!!! I say it to myself now.
If your children met a man once or twice, do they attach that easily?
@@JonathonAslay they could. So many boys want a dad in their lives that if a guy came by and talked even 15 mins of sports or threw some pitches, yeah they can hook easily. Best to avoid the intro until much later
@@coastaldiva I think it largely depends on how old the children are. Are they 5-13 years old? Or are they college-aged? Makes a big difference
I totally agree talking about politics and religion gives you a better perspective on who you are going to be in a relationship with totally totally agree lots of people don't want to talk about that and that can be that they're hiding something
I would love to recommend my ex he’s one of the best … I even know a woman I think To myself would be good for him. That’s how I know he’s not for me. 😔
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I love your response to the last personal question. We need more people like you in this world ❤️
During the live yesterday, instead of asking you about the significance of those crystals on your "Infinity" bracelet, I might have been better off asking you point blank "How's that working for you?" Was genuinely curious about the reason(s) you are wearing such bracelet. If those are real crystals, they are supposed to have some healing or protective power upon contact with your skin (something about opening the 7 energy centers of your body, called "chakras"), is that it? Anyway, the best way to get an adequate answer from a man is to go straight to the point, seems like!? Yesterday, in lieu of your standard depth of thought, I received a "I dunno, google it!" wtf (LOL). I will assume it's all related to Connor, and you are still healing.
The book I recommend is 'The Rules of Spiritual Engagement' by Yehuda Berg: I never felt I should sit back in my feminine energy until he 'claims' me. I'm not sure what you experienced to make it such a source of 'disdain' to even think about it.... As I watch more of these videos I have observed that several times and my reaction as a viewer is I wish he could be less reactive and more constructive: less general and more specific. If THERE ARE MANY women out there who feel they should just sit in their 'feminine energy' until the guy 'claims' them... and it's not working for them per say. Mocking that behavior won't help them change it.. What I feel you 'knock out of the park' however is clearing up confusion about things like It takes time to get to know one another even if there is great chemistry, the clarity of not giving in to the pressure of sleeping with a man if he is not actually interested in going through the phases of relationship... ..toward a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual commitment. Now the question that comes to mind... Is there a 'right' time or way to just ask him directly.. what he wants... friendship, friends with benefits, monogamy, and relationship without living together...
: Cleary I can trust my own intuition and roll with my own situation but I was wondering if there were any nuances here that should be considered... in general.. as, every person truly is different... and usually I manage to have basic common sense.. :P
Question: you talk a lot about empowerment. Can you please explain that in a simple way? What does being in your empowerment mean?
I'm very happy, I have a beautiful life,waiting for the right one,I believe God has a man for me
Wonderful
@JonathonAslay thank you johnathon, I've been sharing your dating tips to my single freinds
Excellent video! Jonathan Always on point! Amen🙏🏻
Deeply appreciating video and questions. I would encourage women to watch until the end. Really thoughtful ideas to apply.
Do ' Loose Women' in society make relationships difficult for chaste girls who are maybe a challenge for men...???????
Is their lonely experience down to women who give too much........???
Big giant hugs for you Jonathon 🐻❤️💋
I wonder if we could look at this love/power dynamics as healthy love ❤ is Power, whereas unhealthy love is giving away your power?
Love is Power; It allows one to see the good and bad about a person, because you love yourself, confident enough to be able to assess and decide how far you go with this person or if you even want to have anything to do with them - being able to make decision is the power, because ❤ Love is making the right choices as opposed to feelings which comes and goes, feelings (unhealthy love apart from calculated decision making) gets hurt and retaliates inappropriately - losing power.
But me, loving you is power, because you can't manipulate me; I don't act as you would expect - can drive a devil crazy😅
Exactly
18:70 nothing good grows in the dark. Women who are kept in the dark are kept there for reason. I think if women don't know where they are with a man after 3 months it's time to pack it in. She was obviously being tagged along and used. But that wasn't his fault. That was hers. We don't get this wasted time back.
Very true
Oh my God sleeping with someone on the 3rd date knowing it's not exclusive 🙄
Send you a virtual hug for your moment of sadness reflecting on your son.
I like this, Jonathan.
I might have butterflies in my stomach when I'm about to meet HIM, but once he enters I get calm.
This person say they are interested in me , wasn't paying them any intention for over a year, decided to go on a date with him ,he was trying to get in my pants I stop him one time . He will take me out for ice cream,he never asked how my day was ,I notice he is very cheap and boring,if I ask him to do or drop me some whare he always make an excuse ,he shows no emotions at all,whenever I do not show him no interest he show interest ,if I show interest he pulls away I can't play his sesaw behaviour so I lock him off
Why are all these videos about online dating?! Doesn’t anyone meet in the old fashioned way anymore? I don’t do internet dating so a lot of this “advice” (which is actually only an opinion & shouldn’t be taken as being correct!) isn’t really relevant because I’ve already met the guy without using some tacky website
Vaccine question waa intersting because I just lot my job due to the not receiving it. I had an approved medical exemption, they fired the woman who gave it to me. Then I was blindsided 2+ months later. I'm now dating a man from my work so talk about learning about a person. I hope this makes sense.
He has no children, he is the only child, and has not yet invited me to his home. We work together but different departments of the hotel. He does work 3 jobs :2 part time and 1 full time job.
The black clouds are moving faster
Comfortable enough
Aware of consequences/bonding
Real intentions =/= not being used
Exclusivity
Safety
unfortunately him moving slow may also mean he doesn't care, he is just playing a nasty game of bait and dump on you, he is just patiently waiting till you let your guards down so he can flip a bird on you :(
Lots of people talking about other cultures and religion not knowng anything. Religion was made to keep people together, long ago, to keep them in crowd. Politician manipulate with politics and religion today as global politics and lots of lies are there. Lots of propagandas. We dont need that. Spirituality is something else and it should also be the private thing.