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Next day after the divorce - you signed up for a dating app? Made me laugh. I went from court the morning "OF"... straight to work at a bank no less. It was an absurd thing to do. Yeah - should have used one of those "mental health days" they offer...
In this day and age, I don’t trust anyone. People mask their true intentions and their past. No matter how careful you are or aware, it’s hard to find someone with integrity.
I'm a therapist. 3 important things that you need once the the sexual high is gone: Listening and responding, conflict resolution skills, and accepting each other for who you are.
That last one makes me think I won't ever be in a relationship. I can't accept myself nor others as is; the imperfections are too repulsive and need to be fixed. I know how that sounds :/
Then you need to know why you aren’t embracing yourself. If there are necessary changes for you to be happy then you still have a project. I dare say the project would also include finding out why you are the way you are and that would be square one in order to even begin to make changes. The other would probably be to have patience with yourself and learn to translate that toward others. Truth be told most people are more patient with themselves than others EVEN if they tend to be harder on themselves than others. Until you have skills to know yourself for who you are and find direction to make desirable changes then you will only have desire for another on a superficial level and you won’t be vulnerable enough to truly share your life in an intimate capacity. If you can’t or won’t get to that point you really wouldn’t be a lifetime partner material because we all have flaws no matter how much growth is accomplished. We should always realize there is room for improvement with a healthy dose of patience. Sometimes it requires baby steps during some of our growth and it requires patience toward oneself and allowing others to go through the same kind of processes. There has to be a like for one another at least in friendship in a potential life partner before it turns into a commitment based on love.
I'm happy being single still and unsure what I want. I do know, I don't want the fun to stop completely being single. Traveling and partying with my friends.
My husband was nearly 13 years younger than me, he wrote to me from a dating site. I tried to gently reject him, He said later on that I didn’t say no so he asked me out. He wasn’t really what I was looking for but he was everything I needed. I was 46 almost 47. He was 34 but I never felt older. He was an old soul. We had an amazing relationship. Unfortunately he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 48 while on a run at work. Sometimes I think that’s why he always moved so fast, it’s like he knew he didn’t have much time
Jonathon…. I just want to tell you that I’ve been watching you for a couple years now. Last night, I had the opportunity to use one of the “techniques” that you preach. I asked a new guy some questions about his last relationship 😮… this felt a bit uncomfortable for me but I just kept hearing your voice cheering me on. He was totally open and vulnerable with me …. and now I have the information and need to decide my next steps 😊. I’m proud of myself and have you to thank. I’m now looking at men from the angle of “is this man a good match for me?” Versus “does he like me???” Big difference!!!!
BTW, JA, I bought your book in January 2021…during the height of the aloneness of the pandemic. I also bought it for one of my staff RNs who needed to read it. I have also read many of the books you recommend…so thanks for all of that!
Yes we women turn into chameleons and become what men want us to be, instead of just being ourselves. We don’t want to rock the boat. I’m going to be authentic no matter what.
Yes, because you are making the decision and not letting him make the decision. This is so important because it's your life and you are responsible for it.
The man I am dating calls me out when he sees a red flag, and we discuss it, and it's always a misunderstanding. I have also called him out. We work on good communication. Women and men think so differently
I think that is a wise decision. In my family and marriage class I’m in, statistically the relationships that begin with cohabitation first have a higher rate of divorce and physical violence as well actually. It’s totally not worth it.
If someone just wants you to live with them without marriage, they don’t really value you. There used to be stigma to that. I have been married for over 4 decades and love my husband more than ever because I’ve learned over the years what a top tier guy he is. I would never have lived with anyone when I was younger and I would have been insulted if a guy suggested that! Nowadays women just don’t value themselves.
So is it necessary to discuss past relationships? He hasn't said much about anything outside of highschool. I have learned not to discuss mine because because I am filtering out the we stories with me stories. Not allowing those failures to define me. Not wanting to carry them into current moments anymore. I don't really think I will feel good about hearing about them. I still have insecurities so don't know if I will feel better after hearing about them.
I have finally found a man who has integrity and communicates. For example, he called me tonite and acted a little shy( not his usual demeanor), he asked If I would go with him to get tested for std's. I told him absolutely. We have been dating since February, I only see him about once a week. We have not been intimate, and we care enough about each other to get tested. I am a nurse, and am aware that seniors are the fastest growing group of HIV cases. So, although it sounds weird, I feel like he cares about ME, not using me for sex, and protecting both of us. We are going on a trip in a couple of weeks, and we both will feel better( but I will still be nervous lol , it will seem like a honeymoon).
I appreciate your style. In fact, I actually like it when you get stroppy, because it gets through our thick skulls , and it shows you care ❤ love you lots 💋
Great points, Jonathan! Thank you for looking out for us!! Ladies & gentlemen, you are loved, worthy, and so valuable!!! 1. He makes regular time for you. 2. His actions match his words, which demonstrates character i.e. emotional maturity; mindfulness of others; trustworthy - fidelity & has your best interest at heart. 3. Transparent about past relationships - has capacity for growth. 4. He engages you into his life. 5. He's engaged in your life. 6. He's protective of you - physically and emotionally 7. Understands that relationships are about the future vs. living in the moment. They must be whole and not broken because they'll use you until it's no longer fun for them.
The irony is that most of them go for younger women who usually end up cheating on them for younger guys. Most guys don't realize they are avoidant attachment until their 50s and 60s and they've wasted all those decades...it takes a younger woman Taking everything from him because she was more "controllable" 😂😂😂😂 for him to get it. Really sad life
*Recognizing early signs of commitment can save us from heartache and wasted time. Let's all strive for relationships built on love, respect, and a desire for a genuine, committed future.*
Childhood or inner child unhealed wounds I believe contribute to many individuals having difficulties with relationships. Until we work on healing our traumas we will not be good partners. Peace❤
I enjoy your vulnerability and honesty. You are frank in your comments and pull no punches. After listening to you regularly, I finally think I know what to look for in a relationship! Thank you!
Jonathon - how about the men who are STILL married AND living with his wife but considers himself separated because they are like roommates but he hasn't filed for divorce yet. YES, I came across this too. UGH! And once I learned about it, I said NO and NEXT!
Married however considers himself "separated" still living with his wife.. Not legally divorced or done any healing work. Married and attached men are kryptonite. Avoid like the plague. Ask these men if you can talk to their wives or girlfriends.
One guy stated his ex girlfriend was still living with him and I was welcome to meet her. Stating they are just friends Haha not in my life time. Passsss
I was breadcrumbed for over 11 years by a crummy guy. I stayed with him because I didn't wanna be alone. worst reason ever!! I finally ended it and gave up on guys, focused on myself and met Ed 3 months ago and he treats me like gold. I'm loving every minute of it. ✨💖✨
Love listening to you even though I'm single but not dating. I too love studying human behavior and body language. I am a widow of 6 yr. Loved my husband for 20yrs before he passed. Im enjoying life with me!❤
I'm the Runner, looking for Mr Perfect the last 20 years. I'm so sorry for breaking my exes heart. I have met the man that was perfect , but I left him , and now I regret it .
This is really interesting Jonathon. Thank you for reminding women that they are the ones in control of their relationship. Too many women don't know this, and it is also easy to forget when we really like or love someone. Thank you for your work.❤
So agree , a persons character is super important . Yes having your best interest at heart and having your back is a must in order to build trust and security . Being anxious I need consistency , reliability , thoughtfulness . If a Man is sincere He will want You to meet those He cares about .
Afraid to speak up. So true. Earlier I spent years on training myself to be silent and never ever speak my truth. Even some of my friends are still telling me that I should change. Change to a person happy with casual. Which I am not. Speaking my truth is what I am training now.
I've been seeing someone for 3 months and this video gave me the answer...it looks like I am going to end it, it's many reasons that surfaced. Thanks Jonathan 😊
If someone who has been married or through several relationships a person should know who/what they want and the list shouldn’t be exhaustive. I currently don’t date because I know that I’m focusing on myself and my career and don’t need to play the field because I know clearly what I want and I haven’t met him yet. Online dating isn’t for me.
Exactly. When I met my guy, I was ready for a relationship and I told him. I said I want to be with a snuggle bunny.i want to sleep next to My love every night. I dont want to live my life alone. Well we fell in love and have been inseparable since. We are SO. Lastly, I asked him. Was he ready for love? A relationship? A travel partner. And yes. But he was no bull shitter. He’s from a solid family background.. makes a difference. M
People from highly dysfunctional families don’t know how to make these kind of judgments. It sounds very logical unless you’ve been abused and brainwashed your whole life. We should endeavor to see differently.❤
I love your description of life partner, and the concrete bond as you refer to it. To me the religious aspect plays into it but i appreciate your descriptions of signs. After being in a marriage that broke up after 35 years ( and stayed 10yrs too long) it is helpful to understand all of this. Real life things that shows us a way to look at relationships and not having just that initial chemistry.
I really enjoyed this Jonathon. I Appreciate you. I realized that I’m also Obsessed and Fascinated by human behavior and Relationships! I listen to you, Joe Dispenza, Ester Hicks, Lewis Howes, Maryanne Williamson, Jay Shetty…. Everyone you listen to from the time I wake, for4-5 hours!!!!! ….while I meditate 🧘🏻♀️ do my makeup 💄 dress and prep for work! That’s my PASSION!!!
Thank you for a very interesting topic and video Jonathan. I have thought for a long time that there should be classes at high school on how to conduct oneself in relationships for successful long-term better outcomes. There are a lot of people coming from dysfunctional families these days with no knowledge on how to conduct themselves in a relationship. At this time, I choose myself over getting involved with someone who is going to cause chaos in my life.
You're sooo cool and have great information...I also lost my 29 year old son to the drug epidemic in Atlanta! Keep on keeping on.your doing a great service to people like me that have had their share of dysfunction for a lifetime and getting older every day!!!
Thank you so much Jonathon for being about seeking a life partner. I won't live on bread crumbs. You are RIGHT about these standards and boundaries. When I get passionate, I find I am yelling. I totally relate.
I absolutely love your style. If your mission is to shake people up, I’m officially shaken within less than the time it took me to watch the entire or complete video. You cannot imagine how much your obsession with studying human beings have done for another. Thank you much
It is sinking in and it is hurting a lot! Thank you Jonh, I really wish I could have ever heard from someone or learnd by myself all of that so many years ago, but Im really grateful I just met you two days ago and you are transforming me so much, I wish I am able to learn and still be happy, thank you so much!
Be very careful with number four! A man can invite you into his personal life early in the relationship, due to a borderline personality disorder. They feel a need to secure stability right away, even if it is for all of the wrong reasons. Been there, done that one! It is a devastation of epic proportion, and a long healing process.
Yup that’s what my sh!t ex did. Invited me to meet his family in Italy within a month of us meeting. Invited me on family holidays and the minute after a 2 years I mentioned marriage and children (I was 41) and he finished with me with a Shazam of ‘End of the Road’. I just found out he married a woman he’d known for less than a year. I was broken. Hurt and I didn’t understand why? He wasted my time, my love and pretended he had my best interests at heart. In the end I asked him what he’d tell his sister to do. And he immediately said leave him.
Interesting you bring up the number “7”. My lucky number! It’s also what I’ve seen as life stages, every 7 years I’ve gone through them and emerged in a new phase, learned a few things along the way
In regards to this phase of a relationship or it’s progression, I suggest what I realized was a good thing to introduce into my life since my high school years, the “one year policy”. You cannot make a true commitment to a person without them being in your life, integrally, until after a full year. You can explore all avenues in this year. No one can hide their true nature longer beyond this time frame and you grow together or apart.
What I found so frustrating about meeting online--2 I met online I developed quite an interest in--they were sweet and we shared a lot in common. Both were cut short because despite the connection and compatibility--they didn't live anywhere close to me and decided to end the connection because they knew the issues with distance and found that too upsetting to even continue as friends. Admittedly, they were wise in choosing to be honest--but it still hurt that I had to lose a friend over THAT.
Ugh. I finally found love again after 15 years but he’s in Can. Im having my doubts about it now because of distance and cost etc. I don’t want to let go. 😢 why did he have to be so wonderful and in another country
I hear your desire to get people to hear you, we are in charge of ourselves in every relationship. I rarely get past third date. I am very honest about my boundaries at the start! It is sad that we are so dysfunctional.
I am hesitant to say all people's past determine their future in relationship. Maybe with men or most men? But those who have actually done the work and grown, there is possibility. This is true for me too - I used to be anxious attachment. Now I can happily say I am not. I am clear when it isn't right and I can cleanly let go with grace and without drama.
I LOVE your energy!!! I laughed so hard when you were reprimanding yourself for being "passionate" about being emotionally mature. I was praying and stumbled across your video. It verifies to me that the decision I made to call it quits 2 days ago on a relationship was the right one for me. I even used the words placeholder with him. I don't think he's a bad guy. He's just not done the work to heal. I am very intrigued about human behavior and understand that there are reasons for it. However, I am also very aware of what I can and can not let into my space. I'm getting better at recognizing it sooner, though, which is helpful. Thanks for putting this info out there. So many people need it. I think it could be helpful for men as well.
I really appreciate your style Jonathan. I haven't tuned in for a while as I've been wrapped up with family issues. Basically putting others first, whose mental and physical health are worse off than mine. Anywho... This is a great podcast, in particular, that really spoke to me. Thank you.
I'm in my 60's. I never wanted to get married or be a mom. I did the cohabitation thing and that's not for me either, but I do want a life partner. I believe people can have a monogamous relationship and not live under the same roof.
Sounds like you have an avoidant attachment style. I recognize it because I have an anxious avoidant attachment style. And I always used to think the same thing- living apart would be ideal, but that's not being committed to love and growth in a relationship.
As far as I'm concerned, the reason someone gives me not to see me again after a first or second date doesn't matter much. It just means he is not that into me. That is all OK and the purpose of dating isn't it. We can't click with everybody. Next....😅
I feel the same way. There are many men I don't click with and they feel the same about me. We can't take it personally as the universe it saving you from getting involved with the wrong person.
Yes, I like your revved-up cheerleading delivery ~ and don't make me choose between that and you being the Assertive, No Nonsense Big Brother. It's your trademark double-or-nothin' assurance that makes it matter.
Does anyone these days ever consider today that sex should not be in the equation as part of the dating experience goes?? Why would you give a man your most " precious gift" when you have no committment from him? Dating is a time of " getting to know each other. Sex is not a requirement. Its a time to know who you both truly are, by asking a TON of questions, to see what your and thier goals or intentions are towards each other, if you click together etc. But sex is not a requirement. And, if it is? Then, thats all they are looking for !! Take the time to get aquainted without the sex. Youll save yourselves alot of heartache this way....
As much as I wanted companionship and sex, I refused to date anyone for many months because I knew I wasn't ready and was honest about that with the man I am currently dating. He kept in occasional contact with me for over 6 months until I truly felt ready, lol
I think you have great advice. I recently have given up on dating. I really wish I could find someone but I pick the wrong ones. I thought I met a nice guy last October but he wasn't who I thought he was. I let him go. He was a waste of my time. Not sure if I should even try anymore. It's disappointing but I'm exhausted and tired of disappointment.
I agree , now knowing it and doing it is a different story. I so appreciate you telling it how it is. I’m to chicken for the hot seat. Next time . I’ll be back!!
I am completely done. Just accept that not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. I've been single for 6 years and some men do not know what they want others just waste time. Not all humans but it a cruel. 44 and bound to be single so just accept it.
You Sir are a breath of fresh air! You make no excuses, admit to be a work in progress. I love your style and the way you punctuate your points. Thank you so much!
I love your candid disclosures of your past behaviors. The relationship component of everyone's idea of what that looks like is right on because we (many single people ) wait too long to ask and waste our time. Also often time the men will agree to pursuing something but the woman is doing all the work only to find out we are with a manchild or a serial dater. Waste of time.
I've always been the kind of woman that needs time before being intimate with anyone. I have trust issues (not gonna lie), and I've been hurt more by people who claimed to "love" me than anyone else in this world. So I guard my heart and my feelings with a vengeance. For me The act of sex is a a deep emotional connection that I don't take lightly. I have been in a relationship now for a few months, and we still have not had sex yet.
I'm the same way, without emotional feelings for someone, sex would be just going through the motions. Us women of a certain age, no longer have those raging hormones now so we can be more discerning in finding a mate.
After being burnt in not wanting to see the red flags in my ex-husband that I went into all my post-divorce dating only looking for the red flags. Worked out well as I could quickly move on from anyone not worth my time. I'm now in an over 4-year relationship with a great guy. Our conversations often turn to all the things we'll do once we're retired 😊
The main sign is when you are not feeling it for him.. he will then do anything for you & want you even more. The guy you do like will take off. Simple, really 😆
This was such a great live and always appreciate your advice and wisdom. I am definitely more aware of human behaviors and relationships having done years of introspective work on myself, but I have always known none of us are NOT PERFECT and this is what I personally think is wrong with relationships and dating. People are looking for the perfect partner - looks, money, status, religion/political compatibility, physically fit, and more. This is why there are more single people than ever - and people in unhappy relationships. People can't appreciate/accept the person for exactly who they are. They want them to change/mold them to their life.
That's because we want to be met because we don't need others for survival. Therefore, when we meet someone with SOME of what we seek, but the missing piece irritates us because we selfishly (ego) seeks perfect.
Most men are seeking perfection. They want a perfect woman - brains, beauty, body. They want a woman to confirm to their life - take up their hobbies, sports, listen to what they say, including their politics and even religion. My mother said this to me as young girl - it is a man's world and women need to listen to what they say,
@@JonathonAslay do you think more men selfishly seek perfection since many are driven by ego and essentially looks and body type? I think women are less about perfection but more about the man's character, financial status, some introspective work. I live in NYC and I would say this how many relationships are based.
Why do I continue to hear, “I don’t want a relationship.” or “I’m not looking for anything’s serious.” then within weeks I see them with one another woman and they date them for years. I wish I had a dollar for how many times I’ve had this happen. All it’s means to me is, “I want a relationship just not with you!”
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Where is the link to donate to the fund.
Omg thank you
Thank you, Jonathan!
Next day after the divorce - you signed up for a dating app? Made me laugh. I went from court the morning "OF"... straight to work at a bank no less. It was an absurd thing to do. Yeah - should have used one of those "mental health days" they offer...
i enjoy your style
In this day and age, I don’t trust anyone. People mask their true intentions and their past. No matter how careful you are or aware, it’s hard to find someone with integrity.
Well said.
Agree completely
Then why are you here listening to this dating coach if you don't want to find someone to trust?
There is no such thing, men want their freedom, it’s a fact of life
Plus people are on their best behavior when you meet them
Agreed 💯
I'm a therapist. 3 important things that you need once the the sexual high is gone: Listening and responding, conflict resolution skills, and accepting each other for who you are.
Good presentation
That last one makes me think I won't ever be in a relationship. I can't accept myself nor others as is; the imperfections are too repulsive and need to be fixed. I know how that sounds :/
Then you need to know why you aren’t embracing yourself. If there are necessary changes for you to be happy then you still have a project. I dare say the project would also include finding out why you are the way you are and that would be square one in order to even begin to make changes. The other would probably be to have patience with yourself and learn to translate that toward others. Truth be told most people are more patient with themselves than others EVEN if they tend to be harder on themselves than others. Until you have skills to know yourself for who you are and find direction to make desirable changes then you will only have desire for another on a superficial level and you won’t be vulnerable enough to truly share your life in an intimate capacity. If you can’t or won’t get to that point you really wouldn’t be a lifetime partner material because we all have flaws no matter how much growth is accomplished. We should always realize there is room for improvement with a healthy dose of patience. Sometimes it requires baby steps during some of our growth and it requires patience toward oneself and allowing others to go through the same kind of processes. There has to be a like for one another at least in friendship in a potential life partner before it turns into a commitment based on love.
YOU ARE NOT GIVING GOOD ADVICE TO OTHERS, IF THERE IS NO INTIMACY OR SEX, THERE IS NO USE IN KEEPING THE RELATIONSHIP.
I'm happy being single still and unsure what I want. I do know, I don't want the fun to stop completely being single. Traveling and partying with my friends.
My husband was nearly 13 years younger than me, he wrote to me from a dating site. I tried to gently reject him, He said later on that I didn’t say no so he asked me out. He wasn’t really what I was looking for but he was everything I needed. I was 46 almost 47. He was 34 but I never felt older. He was an old soul. We had an amazing relationship. Unfortunately he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 48 while on a run at work.
Sometimes I think that’s why he always moved so fast, it’s like he knew he didn’t have much time
I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences 🙏
So sorry...😢
I can’t imagine what it’s like when a spouse passed on. My condolences to you.
:(
😢
Jonathon…. I just want to tell you that I’ve been watching you for a couple years now. Last night, I had the opportunity to use one of the “techniques” that you preach. I asked a new guy some questions about his last relationship 😮… this felt a bit uncomfortable for me but I just kept hearing your voice cheering me on. He was totally open and vulnerable with me …. and now I have the information and need to decide my next steps 😊. I’m proud of myself and have you to thank. I’m now looking at men from the angle of “is this man a good match for me?” Versus “does he like me???” Big difference!!!!
I just used this comment in a video I recorded which will air on Sunday
BTW, JA, I bought your book in January 2021…during the height of the aloneness of the pandemic. I also bought it for one of my staff RNs who needed to read it. I have also read many of the books you recommend…so thanks for all of that!
Yes we women turn into chameleons and become what men want us to be, instead of just being ourselves. We don’t want to rock the boat. I’m going to be authentic no matter what.
Yes, because you are making the decision and not letting him make the decision. This is so important because it's your life and you are responsible for it.
Agree with other posters, be yourself right from the start!
The man I am dating calls me out when he sees a red flag, and we discuss it, and it's always a misunderstanding. I have also called him out. We work on good communication. Women and men think so differently
yes , i’ve experienced a broken man & have learned my lesson . if they haven’t done the healing, forgiven, learned lessons, then bound to repeat .
Indeed. Repetition compulsion.
Same
I will not live with anyone again without marriage
I think that is a wise decision. In my family and marriage class I’m in, statistically the relationships that begin with cohabitation first have a higher rate of divorce and physical violence as well actually. It’s totally not worth it.
@@smilevids1337 Agreed
If someone just wants you to live with them without marriage, they don’t really value you. There used to be stigma to that. I have been married for over 4 decades and love my husband more than ever because I’ve learned over the years what a top tier guy he is. I would never have lived with anyone when I was younger and I would have been insulted if a guy suggested that! Nowadays women just don’t value themselves.
I appreciate your style! 🎉
So is it necessary to discuss past relationships? He hasn't said much about anything outside of highschool. I have learned not to discuss mine because because I am filtering out the we stories with me stories. Not allowing those failures to define me. Not wanting to carry them into current moments anymore. I don't really think I will feel good about hearing about them. I still have insecurities so don't know if I will feel better after hearing about them.
I have finally found a man who has integrity and communicates. For example, he called me tonite and acted a little shy( not his usual demeanor), he asked If I would go with him to get tested for std's. I told him absolutely. We have been dating since February, I only see him about once a week. We have not been intimate, and we care enough about each other to get tested. I am a nurse, and am aware that seniors are the fastest growing group of HIV cases. So, although it sounds weird, I feel like he cares about ME, not using me for sex, and protecting both of us. We are going on a trip in a couple of weeks, and we both will feel better( but I will still be nervous lol , it will seem like a honeymoon).
You're Too old for that just get married
A woman of value knows her value and doesn’t settle for less
I appreciate your style. In fact, I actually like it when you get stroppy, because it gets through our thick skulls , and it shows you care ❤ love you lots 💋
What is stroppy?
@@JonathonAslay stroppy I’d Australian slang for when someone gets shitty/angry😀 I love it when you get angry, it’s so funny😂
Great points, Jonathan! Thank you for looking out for us!! Ladies & gentlemen, you are loved, worthy, and so valuable!!!
1. He makes regular time for you.
2. His actions match his words, which demonstrates character i.e. emotional maturity; mindfulness of others; trustworthy - fidelity & has your best interest at heart.
3. Transparent about past relationships - has capacity for growth.
4. He engages you into his life.
5. He's engaged in your life.
6. He's protective of you - physically and emotionally
7. Understands that relationships are about the future vs. living in the moment. They must be whole and not broken because they'll use you until it's no longer fun for them.
Exactly
I'm u
I’m finding it a challenge in my 50s ….these mid life men don’t want anything serious…it boggles me !!! At this age and still playing the field
The irony is that most of them go for younger women who usually end up cheating on them for younger guys. Most guys don't realize they are avoidant attachment until their 50s and 60s and they've wasted all those decades...it takes a younger woman Taking everything from him because she was more "controllable" 😂😂😂😂 for him to get it. Really sad life
Consistency and respect are important to me in the early dating phase. Have the "hard" conversations early on
*Recognizing early signs of commitment can save us from heartache and wasted time. Let's all strive for relationships built on love, respect, and a desire for a genuine, committed future.*
Just be yourself Jonathon. We love you as you are.💚
Childhood or inner child unhealed wounds I believe contribute to many individuals having difficulties with relationships. Until we work on healing our traumas we will not be good partners. Peace❤
Absolutely!
I enjoy your vulnerability and honesty. You are frank in your comments and pull no punches. After listening to you regularly, I finally think I know what to look for in a relationship! Thank you!
Jonathon - how about the men who are STILL married AND living with his wife but considers himself separated because they are like roommates but he hasn't filed for divorce yet. YES, I came across this too. UGH! And once I learned about it, I said NO and NEXT!
Married however considers himself "separated" still living with his wife.. Not legally divorced or done any healing work. Married and attached men are kryptonite. Avoid like the plague.
Ask these men if you can talk to their wives or girlfriends.
I recently left a man for exactly the same reason
One guy stated his ex girlfriend was still living with him and I was welcome to meet her. Stating they are just friends Haha not in my life time. Passsss
Keep on moving along. Unless there's some extreme financial difficulties, nah... Don't even deal with that nonsense
Right, that's another good one. Just "friends" or "roommates" NEXT! Where are you finding these guys?
I was breadcrumbed for over 11 years by a crummy guy. I stayed with him because I didn't wanna be alone. worst reason ever!! I finally ended it and gave up on guys, focused on myself and met Ed 3 months ago and he treats me like gold. I'm loving every minute of it. ✨💖✨
@@deec411 Congrats! How is it going? We need an update.
Love listening to you even though I'm single but not dating. I too love studying human behavior and body language. I am a widow of 6 yr. Loved my husband for 20yrs before he passed. Im enjoying life with me!❤
Thanks for sharing!!
The longer I’m alone the HAPPIER I AM 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
I'm the Runner, looking for Mr Perfect the last 20 years. I'm so sorry for breaking my exes heart. I have met the man that was perfect , but I left him , and now I regret it .
This is really interesting Jonathon. Thank you for reminding women that they are the ones in control of their relationship. Too many women don't know this, and it is also easy to forget when we really like or love someone. Thank you for your work.❤
Jonathan…you are not boring and you don’t have a big nose. You are a beautiful person.
Awe... thank you 😊
“You have to be your own advocate. “
Thank you 🙏❤️
So agree , a persons character is super important . Yes having your best interest at heart and having your back is a must in order to build trust and security .
Being anxious I need consistency , reliability , thoughtfulness .
If a Man is sincere He will want You to meet those He cares about .
I appreciate your style.
Thank you for all your teachings.
Blessings to you.
A good wife is from the Lord - biblical
I love your style! It's up front and honest. You care. Putting yourself out there, smiling, and being grateful resonated with me, thank you.
Thank you so much!!
Afraid to speak up. So true. Earlier I spent years on training myself to be silent and never ever speak my truth. Even some of my friends are still telling me that I should change. Change to a person happy with casual. Which I am not.
Speaking my truth is what I am training now.
This was so good. Thank you! I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine losing a child. Blessings ❤
I love when I see a man write “ life partner “ on hinge . Makes me feel so much more comfortable to go on a date
That's still not marriage. No different than an unstable boyfriend fyi another trick they use just a heads up
When they say the relationship with their wives is over and then they tell you later well I cannot leave her because she does my book keeping.😮
I've been seeing someone for 3 months and this video gave me the answer...it looks like I am going to end it, it's many reasons that surfaced.
Thanks Jonathan 😊
If someone who has been married or through several relationships a person should know who/what they want and the list shouldn’t be exhaustive. I currently don’t date because I know that I’m focusing on myself and my career and don’t need to play the field because I know clearly what I want and I haven’t met him yet. Online dating isn’t for me.
Jonathon you're a realist! We love it! ♥️
Exactly. When I met my guy, I was ready for a relationship and I told him. I said I want to be with a snuggle bunny.i want to sleep next to
My love every night. I dont want to live my life alone. Well we fell in love and have been inseparable since. We are SO.
Lastly, I asked him. Was he ready for love? A relationship? A travel partner. And yes. But he was no bull shitter. He’s from a solid family background.. makes a difference. M
❤❤
I am 53 dating a 40-year-old man. So far, we blend very well
Nice, Laurie. I liked another one of your comments alot btw.
I wish you the best
Thank you! I wish you the best as well!
40 is young
People from highly dysfunctional families don’t know how to make these kind of judgments. It sounds very logical unless you’ve been abused and brainwashed your whole life. We should endeavor to see differently.❤
Oh, i am so very guilty of painting those red flags GREEN.
Well said!
I respect your style Jonathan , i don't want bull shit , i want to be told straight where I'm going wrong
I love your description of life partner, and the concrete bond as you refer to it. To me the religious aspect plays into it but i appreciate your descriptions of signs. After being in a marriage that broke up after 35 years ( and stayed 10yrs too long) it is helpful to understand all of this. Real life things that shows us a way to look at relationships and not having just that initial chemistry.
I really enjoyed this Jonathon. I Appreciate you. I realized that I’m also Obsessed and Fascinated by human behavior and Relationships! I listen to you, Joe Dispenza, Ester Hicks, Lewis Howes, Maryanne Williamson, Jay Shetty…. Everyone you listen to from the time I wake, for4-5 hours!!!!! ….while I meditate 🧘🏻♀️ do my makeup 💄 dress and prep for work! That’s my PASSION!!!
I love listening to you, you make me laugh. I like people who speak to the point without all the fluff and fanfare. ❤
Thank you for a very interesting topic and video Jonathan. I have thought for a long time that there should be classes at high school on how to conduct oneself in relationships for successful long-term better outcomes. There are a lot of people coming from dysfunctional families these days with no knowledge on how to conduct themselves in a relationship. At this time, I choose myself over getting involved with someone who is going to cause chaos in my life.
Great point!
You're sooo cool and have great information...I also lost my 29 year old son to the drug epidemic in Atlanta! Keep on keeping on.your doing a great service to people like me that have had their share of dysfunction for a lifetime and getting older every day!!!
Thank you so much Jonathon for being about seeking a life partner. I won't live on bread crumbs. You are RIGHT about these standards and boundaries.
When I get passionate, I find I am yelling.
I totally relate.
You are so welcome
I absolutely love your style. If your mission is to shake people up, I’m officially shaken within less than the time it took me to watch the entire or complete video. You cannot imagine how much your obsession with studying human beings have done for another.
Thank you much
I feel the same!
I know I have it in me to be able to weather a storm, but I have rarely found a man willing to or even be mentally ABLE to. lol
It is sinking in and it is hurting a lot! Thank you Jonh, I really wish I could have ever heard from someone or learnd by myself all of that so many years ago, but Im really grateful I just met you two days ago and you are transforming me so much, I wish I am able to learn and still be happy, thank you so much!
You are so welcome
I think am in the middle of a fiasco of epic proportions😊
I appreciate your shake-up style! We need you to shake us up! You are passionate about what you do and that comes through. Thank you for caring!!!
Be very careful with number four! A man can invite you into his personal life early in the relationship, due to a borderline personality disorder. They feel a need to secure stability right away, even if it is for all of the wrong reasons. Been there, done that one! It is a devastation of epic proportion, and a long healing process.
Just escaped this. The longer I stayed it appeared more NPD than BPD though.
Yup that’s what my sh!t ex did. Invited me to meet his family in Italy within a month of us meeting. Invited me on family holidays and the minute after a 2 years I mentioned marriage and children (I was 41) and he finished with me with a Shazam of ‘End of the Road’. I just found out he married a woman he’d known for less than a year. I was broken. Hurt and I didn’t understand why? He wasted my time, my love and pretended he had my best interests at heart. In the end I asked him what he’d tell his sister to do. And he immediately said leave him.
You just blew me away your comment on when you filed for divorce separation you went on a dating website the following day 😅😂😊
I was so immature back then... 🙄 😒 😑 🙃
Interesting you bring up the number “7”. My lucky number! It’s also what I’ve seen as life stages, every 7 years I’ve gone through them and emerged in a new phase, learned a few things along the way
Johnathan, im so sorry for your loss.❤
In regards to this phase of a relationship or it’s progression, I suggest what I realized was a good thing to introduce into my life since my high school years, the “one year policy”. You cannot make a true commitment to a person without them being in your life, integrally, until after a full year. You can explore all avenues in this year. No one can hide their true nature longer beyond this time frame and you grow together or apart.
I appreciate your style! Your volume is more welcomed over being pushy control you’re just intensely passionate about this subject matter
What I found so frustrating about meeting online--2 I met online I developed quite an interest in--they were sweet and we shared a lot in common. Both were cut short because despite the connection and compatibility--they didn't live anywhere close to me and decided to end the connection because they knew the issues with distance and found that too upsetting to even continue as friends. Admittedly, they were wise in choosing to be honest--but it still hurt that I had to lose a friend over THAT.
Ugh. I finally found love again after 15 years but he’s in Can. Im having my doubts about it now because of distance and cost etc. I don’t want to let go. 😢 why did he have to be so wonderful and in another country
@@Dasani_water_drinker "What is unconscious must be made conscious - otherwise, it will govern you, and you will call it Fate." - Jung
Yes. Profound. I am happy with myself and will LOVE to share that happiness with someone
Yes I always look into through rose colored glasses my marriage I thought I was in love but later I found out I was in love with the idea of love!
I appreciate your style! 😊 I'm 53 and divorced. I'm happy with my LDR for 4 years now. He's 45.
How do you make it work?
@@Dasani_water_drinker trust communication and focusing on me.
Jonathon I really appreciate your coaching
Style
It's. Very straight forward and real. Thank you so much for all you do.
🙏
I'm new i love your last statement with the shotgun. I shall approach with my invisible one shotgun
..
I appreciate your style!!
I appreciate that!
I hear your desire to get people to hear you, we are in charge of ourselves in every relationship. I rarely get past third date. I am very honest about my boundaries at the start! It is sad that we are so dysfunctional.
Yes Jonathan! I appreciate your style...don't ever change!!! You're personality is amazing ❤
I appreciate that!
Hi Jonathon, I love your videos and your honest and impactful approach. Thank you so much for everything you do!!
I am hesitant to say all people's past determine their future in relationship. Maybe with men or most men? But those who have actually done the work and grown, there is possibility. This is true for me too - I used to be anxious attachment. Now I can happily say I am not. I am clear when it isn't right and I can cleanly let go with grace and without drama.
You're just real and authentic, that's a great value, and you're confidence to speak the truth
I LOVE your energy!!!
I laughed so hard when you were reprimanding yourself for being "passionate" about being emotionally mature.
I was praying and stumbled across your video. It verifies to me that the decision I made to call it quits 2 days ago on a relationship was the right one for me. I even used the words placeholder with him. I don't think he's a bad guy. He's just not done the work to heal.
I am very intrigued about human behavior and understand that there are reasons for it. However, I am also very aware of what I can and can not let into my space.
I'm getting better at recognizing it sooner, though, which is helpful.
Thanks for putting this info out there. So many people need it. I think it could be helpful for men as well.
I really appreciate your style Jonathan. I haven't tuned in for a while as I've been wrapped up with family issues. Basically putting others first, whose mental and physical health are worse off than mine. Anywho... This is a great podcast, in particular, that really spoke to me. Thank you.
I got the book 8 Dates - i wish I'd gotten it sooner. Thank you Jonathon. 🙏🏼💚
Ok now I’m gonna get it 😊
Lol!!! I love the minefield illustration! Love the illustrations!
Thank you so much 😀
Your caring and passion about your profession is clear. Thank you for every video. I learn from each. The journey is real.
I appreciate that!
New Listener here! California 🌻🍁🌴🌞 🌈🤗
Welcome!!
I'm in my 60's. I never wanted to get married or be a mom. I did the cohabitation thing and that's not for me either, but I do want a life partner. I believe people can have a monogamous relationship and not live under the same roof.
Yes, that is possible and called true love
Sounds like you have an avoidant attachment style. I recognize it because I have an anxious avoidant attachment style. And I always used to think the same thing- living apart would be ideal, but that's not being committed to love and growth in a relationship.
It's ok,Jonathan! Speaking your truth. I like when a person can speak the truth and not sugar coat things. 😊
As far as I'm concerned, the reason someone gives me not to see me again after a first or second date doesn't matter much. It just means he is not that into me. That is all OK and the purpose of dating isn't it. We can't click with everybody. Next....😅
He did all this and togeather for 3 and ahalf years. And then he broke it off . It broke my heart. So what happen?
It's not cool to waste someone's time 😒
@@JonathonAslayit’s not
I feel the same way. There are many men I don't click with and they feel the same about me. We can't take it personally as the universe it saving you from getting involved with the wrong person.
I would rather them do this then string me along. And me get attached.
Thank you so much. I knew a guy he is adhd really nice guy , I miss him but I never forget the great times we had
I love the yelling as well! You’re passionate about the human condition and I do believe you’re going to one day crack the code! 🎉❤😮🎉
I hope so!
Yes, I like your revved-up cheerleading delivery ~ and don't make me choose between that and you being the Assertive, No Nonsense Big Brother. It's your trademark double-or-nothin' assurance that makes it matter.
Yes! Thank you!
Does anyone these days ever consider today that sex should not be in the equation as part of the dating experience goes??
Why would you give a man your most " precious gift" when you have no committment from him?
Dating is a time of " getting to know each other. Sex is not a requirement. Its a time to know who you both truly are, by asking a TON of questions, to see what your and thier goals or intentions are towards each other, if you click together etc. But sex is not a requirement. And, if it is? Then, thats all they are looking for !!
Take the time to get aquainted without the sex. Youll save yourselves alot of heartache this way....
I knew that statement wouldn't be so popular
@@christinedewitt3826 I TOTALLY CONCUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha you are my new favorite speaker on this topic! I am a realist too. It is what it is. :) enjoy listening to you!
Wow, thank you!
40:10 I appreciate your style. You have my attention.
haha Jonathon that's so funny that you don't yell to your clients I appreciate your style in fact I can't get enough of you stick it to the man I say
As much as I wanted companionship and sex, I refused to date anyone for many months because I knew I wasn't ready and was honest about that with the man I am currently dating. He kept in occasional contact with me for over 6 months until I truly felt ready, lol
I think you have great advice. I recently have given up on dating. I really wish I could find someone but I pick the wrong ones. I thought I met a nice guy last October but he wasn't who I thought he was. I let him go. He was a waste of my time. Not sure if I should even try anymore. It's disappointing but I'm exhausted and tired of disappointment.
I agree , now knowing it and doing it is a different story. I so appreciate you telling it how it is. I’m to chicken for the hot seat. Next time . I’ll be back!!
I am completely done. Just accept that not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. I've been single for 6 years and some men do not know what they want others just waste time. Not all humans but it a cruel. 44 and bound to be single so just accept it.
You Sir are a breath of fresh air! You make no excuses, admit to be a work in progress. I love your style and the way you punctuate your points. Thank you so much!
I appreciate that!
I love your candid disclosures of your past behaviors. The relationship component of everyone's idea of what that looks like is right on because we (many single people ) wait too long to ask and waste our time. Also often time the men will agree to pursuing something but the woman is doing all the work only to find out we are with a manchild or a serial dater. Waste of time.
Yes, Claudie.
That rant was hilarious! The part - “But Jonathon…” was so good. 😂
I've always been the kind of woman that needs time before being intimate with anyone. I have trust issues (not gonna lie), and I've been hurt more by people who claimed to "love" me than anyone else in this world. So I guard my heart and my feelings with a vengeance. For me The act of sex is a a deep emotional connection that I don't take lightly. I have been in a relationship now for a few months, and we still have not had sex yet.
I'm the same way, without emotional feelings for someone, sex would be just going through the motions. Us women of a certain age, no longer have those raging hormones now so we can be more discerning in finding a mate.
You are totally a realist totally NOT a pessimist at all !!!
After being burnt in not wanting to see the red flags in my ex-husband that I went into all my post-divorce dating only looking for the red flags. Worked out well as I could quickly move on from anyone not worth my time. I'm now in an over 4-year relationship with a great guy. Our conversations often turn to all the things we'll do once we're retired 😊
Over 4 years ...😳
Are you guys married now since it’s been so long?
@@laniisavage410 no, that isn't the right choice for us because of tax and inheritance laws.
What about Pre nuptials?
The main sign is when you are not feeling it for him.. he will then do anything for you & want you even more. The guy you do like will take off. Simple, really 😆
This was such a great live and always appreciate your advice and wisdom. I am definitely more aware of human behaviors and relationships having done years of introspective work on myself, but I have always known none of us are NOT PERFECT and this is what I personally think is wrong with relationships and dating. People are looking for the perfect partner - looks, money, status, religion/political compatibility, physically fit, and more. This is why there are more single people than ever - and people in unhappy relationships. People can't appreciate/accept the person for exactly who they are. They want them to change/mold them to their life.
That's because we want to be met because we don't need others for survival. Therefore, when we meet someone with SOME of what we seek, but the missing piece irritates us because we selfishly (ego) seeks perfect.
Most men are seeking perfection. They want a perfect woman - brains, beauty, body. They want a woman to confirm to their life - take up their hobbies, sports, listen to what they say, including their politics and even religion. My mother said this to me as young girl - it is a man's world and women need to listen to what they say,
@@JonathonAslay do you think more men selfishly seek perfection since many are driven by ego and essentially looks and body type? I think women are less about perfection but more about the man's character, financial status, some introspective work. I live in NYC and I would say this how many relationships are based.
Why do I continue to hear, “I don’t want a relationship.” or “I’m not looking for anything’s serious.” then within weeks I see them with one another woman and they date them for years. I wish I had a dollar for how many times I’ve had this happen. All it’s means to me is, “I want a relationship just not with you!”
Yes Stacy, this is a way of letting someone down "easy" so to speak. But you are right on. You're not the one for him.
It's because they have prejudged you. Unfortunately it seems up to us to Force them to get to know us *for a while* so they don't f up.
I appreciate your style and it's sinking in thankyou Jonathon and the yelling is because you are trying to help .
Exactly
I miss Marie. She was so elegant & always took a minute to think before she spoke. You guys were fun together. I have a hard time adjusting..lol
Me too...miss her...she is sweet.
I agree 🙏