I’ve been spending the holidays alone for years. I surround myself with lots of reading, reflecting, and enjoying my Arts and Crafting! I love it! If you continue to reflect negatively on things that don’t matter you will be depressed. Why be embarrassed, find ways to enjoy yourself.
Awesome! I have VERY UNUSUAL new traditions and learning to feel ok with them. Like the not isolating...most people talk about helping the homeless. But there so many other charaties that are ignored...my heart is drawn to animals! So I volunteer with local animal shelter and even help with holiday mobile adoption events. My other things are going into nature. And like you Crafting! I look at my RUclips playlist of crafts I'm going to work on "someday" and make the holidays time to work on them!
I cook, bake, sew, sleep, walk, avoid shopping centers like the plague, oh and stay out of debt. It's wonderful. I go church. Go drive in the country. Decorate a little bit. I just adore having no obligations. I use it as a time to hibernate like people truly were designed to do and I get close to God.
NEver married, no kids. I got tired of being lonely one year and went out and got myself a tree, a gift, and some food for a great meal. Nowadays if I am alone on any holiday I celebrate by myself. I am rarely alone on holidays and I find it a chore to be around toxic people.
You're great! I needed that. Everyone I've ever loved and wanted to spend more than 10 minutes with has died. I've been completely alone - for every holiday, not just Christmas - for years now. Fortunately, I like being alone and never have a shortage of things to do. Distant relatives invite me here and there, but everyone's married with kids and I just feel like a charity case so I avoid such gatherings like the plague.
I had to sit in my car last night and cry. I'm sorry, I just had to. I woke up this morning and just wanted to stay in bed all day. I'm glad I saw this video so I feel a little less "alone".
Ashley Collins ...you might like Tony Robbins, Abraham Hicks, Walu Child, and Amber Khan...all on RUclips. When I feel a downward teary spiral creeping, or even if I feel really fine, any of these people show me how life support works 😚🙂🙃🤘🎁🎄🌣🦄🔥💓⛆🌳💙💚💙
This year I had to cut out my family out of my life due to their toxicity.....it was a hard step to take but I knew its what I needed to do for me. So today on Thanksgiving Im feeling the void. Thank You for the reminder that I am not alone in feeling alone that helps...
I understand! You posted this a couple of years ago and I am wondering how you are doing. I had to go no contact with my adult brothers because they are toxic. I have had them to my home for Christmas before and they don’t want to participate in traditions. They show up late, hungover, and pissy. They don’t want to listen to Christmas music and insist on heavy metal music. They don’t want to watch anything but porn. On Christmas! No respect for the holiday. They just want to eat, load up on presents, and leave. When my husband passed away, they ghosted me for four months and let me grieve alone. I heard from them four months later when they called to see if my husband had left them any money! I went no contact because they have ruined every Christmas that I have invited them to. I have since gotten rid of all toxic people in my life so I sit here, all alone. But I read a quote that helps me…”Loneliness is the price we pay when we start to improve ourselves.”
@@lisafoster3494 Hi! I hope that you are doing well! I had to cut out all toxic people in my life as well. So I understand how you are feeling. Christmas hugs!!
I’ve been spending holidays alone since I was 18, I’m 25 now and living in a small town with no family or friends at all. So during holidays everything is closed and the only thing you’ll see out is families together doing holiday activities and for me seeing that just makes it worse.
I started to tip big batistas and give to those who make my life easier during the year. I also played an instrument at church and do community activities and it helps. Then the holiday is a day of rest. Even the mailmen/women appreciate a gift.
I go for a loooooong hike around town lake then grab my favorite coffee have a light lunch then make a great dinner watch movies read catch up on getting organized…always something to do; or go clean out my car. I make lists of my goals and what I want to do next. 😊
Much appreciated. I lost my husband and child. Family lives very far. Been the loneliest times of my life. This advice reminds me I'm not alone and not to isolate myself. God Bless you 🙏 ❤️
I have spent the last decade alone at Christmas. I celebrate the day as self love and self care, basically a home spa and retreat day.🧘♀️❤️ I did almost 4 hours of yoga, meditations, breath work this morning. Then I cooked my breakfast feast. Did some EFT. Had a healing bath with essential oils, pink salt and crystals in the afternoon and then ate delicious rack of lamb dinner by candlelight. I feel amazing! I sent prayers to all the women slaving in a kitchen cooking a turkey trying to do it all and feeling exhausted.
This year is the final year I will attempt to force holidays on myself. I had to isolate after no one showed up to my Christmas Eve celebration. It was a huge wakeup call that I am swimming oceans for people who won't jump a puddle for me. I will actually be writing off all holidays and creating my traditions with myself. I can't do it anymore.
@Mel: Another idea for those that are feeling lonely is to volunteer. Many towns & cities do a holiday dinner for those that are alone, elderly, shut-in or less fortunate. Our area does close to 900 dinners. That's both with deliveries or eating in and they could always use volunteers. Really enjoyed your video. Myself, I am not on any social media and I'm probably in the minority but that's O.K. I also haven't any T.V. and that's O.K. because the news is too depressing and there are now 4.5 minutes of commercials every 15 minutes. I have spent many holidays 'alone' but I am not lonely. Thank you for sharing.
1 For The People So do you know X-Mas Loneliness from First place? Cant believe that. As a lonely Person you dont have the Power to Volunteer, believe me. You are completely busy with keeping your own head above the Water.
I'm sorry this is your experience, but you have no right to criticize 1 for the People in this way - their way of dealing with loneliness may be completely different than yours. Instead of playing the, "I'm more lonely and depressed than you are" game, see if you can speak to a mental health professional or religious leader about counseling. Good luck to you and I hope you feel better soon.
OK, the intro to this video was amazing! Stay the hell off of social media!! lol This is the first year that I’m alone on Christmas Eve after the divorce. I’m going downtown to the cathedral that I never attend because I’m not a religious person. But I want to hear the choir sing for Christmas time.❤
My daughter and I have been celebrating the holidays alone for 7yrs because my mother was in another country. She's retired now and she even came with a plus one. She got married!!!! Hugs to all of you who feel lonely during the holidays..
It just magnifies your aloness when yuu see families together out enjoying activities or at church and you are alone..! So no. Not always a good idea. 😔🙏🤔.
Or if you (being me) doesn't have a car. On Social Security disability. No friends or family. Feeling ill most of time. I did go out by myself one year to a Christmas play..never again. Everyone had someone and I actually overheard someone say and point to me "aww..look at that poor girl, she looks lonely all by herself" Never again.
Ben and Jerry in bed all day playing online games watching a movie or binge watch a tv show. Is far more comfortable and feel happier than family and friends that are opinionated and ask what your going to do with your life with that degree in mathematical Physics. Comfortable New Year and Christmas EVERYONE.
I like this advice! Especially, Nos. 1 and 3 -- really No. 3. I think you shouldn't isolate -- unless that's what you really want. Maybe you need some alone time, which could be considered self-care. But I especially love No. 3 - Start New Traditions. I've been working on this one over the years. Thank you!
3 years later and I found this video , I really want to start new traditions for my and amp up the self care . If possible buying myself a car for Christmas would be epic and enough for 🌬️💜 I m actually not stuck just something within me is nudging me to not travel home and try something new for myself outside traditional family gathering's.
Like many others out there, I too have memories of Christmas past. This is not my first Christmas alone but at least this year, I'm not homeless as well, as I once was during this time. With that being said, too all of you that are either alone or struggling with the "Season" let me wish you a Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year 2018. Thanks Mel.
Here's a real woman, I love mel, she always has the best advice, a true emotionally intelligent woman, truely an inspiration, I just want to give her the biggest hug for all the brilliant talks she has done, thanks Mel your beyond awesome.
She's okay..but not very helpful unfortunately. First of all..she forgets..some people don't have a car. I no longer do. I live in a smaller town and don't have all the things going on that she mentions and even though we have public transportation, it's just 8-5 Monday thru Friday. Your on your own on nights and weekends. I lost my car in 2008 when I applied for Social security disability. Most of the time I feel too ill to go anywhere. I don't have much money. No friends. My boyfriend just dumped me. Nobody cares about how you feel or what you are doing because they are too self absorbed. I don't have children or family.
I'm single..no family and spend holidays alone. I agree with staying OFF social media..but for me.. I prefer to spend holidays at home. I do go out and look at lights and maybe hear some Christmas music but I don't really want to go to a crowded event full of families talking about holiday plans. I do have some activities I can focus on.. a good book, a good movie, some special foods, a hot bath, weather permitting a long walk. I think it is what you focus on. Most people I know look at me like I have 2 heads when I say I am spending Christmas alone... but there also can be benefits to it as well. Spend the day doing what YOU want to do.. focus on the positive and gratitudes. I do think socializing is important but I save that for non holiday days.
I was never really a christmassy person to begin with and then my dad passed away on Xmas day two years ago .He loved Xmas. The following year I could not bare the thought of Xmas day without him. So, we went on a cruise...best thing ever...no pressure..no commercialism..total stress relief. and I didn't have to hear the" awww your dad passed Xmas day, that's awful" thanks Mel
omigosh SO GLAD you posted this Mel!!! My singing coach who has been an INTERNATIONALLY reknown opera singer confided in me that she spent last Christmas ALONE and sad. She is spending this year with us, spending Christmas eve night with us. I am so happy she told me so I could do something about it. If YOU are alone (not you Mel, someone listening, tell someone and yes, go do something!
Very practical advice. I've been alone over the holidays for years. This year is particularly tough, because I'm feeling lonelier the older I get. My muslim friend told me yesterday she made a feast and her sisters invited themselves with their kids, etc. So I said jokingly well I'm inviting myself for next year, and the surprise answer was - you're more than welcome. Sometimes we need to put ourselves out there, because there are people who would love to spend time with us but didn't know we'd be doing nothing, so they didn't ask.
This year I’ve been distancing myself from all my friends, since they’re all married and they make me feel like I’m not enough all by myself, therefore I don’t get invited to certain things, cos I don’t have anyone by my side. They make me feel like something is wrong with me for not settling … Even tho I always plan things and host but I get left out for Xmas. so next year I plan on making single friends. As Mel said, the holiday season makes you reflect and it did majorly this year. I don’t feel lonely, but it’s sucks knowing that you don’t have real friendships anymore….
To the author : I remember promising that I'd buy "all" of your books if my situation ever stabilized. Well, it's not "all" of them, but now that my situation finally started stabilizing, I went and bought one of your audiobooks today.
thanks Mel - it is my first holiday alone post divorce - kids going to their dads on Xmas day - but I've already decided to plan a special day for myself - going to the movies & to walk through some Holiday light shows since my (adult) kids are too cool to do something like that. So there was a couple days where I was upset but then I made a plan & now I am looking forward to it! Thank you Mel for all you do! And for that 2017/2018 goal planning download - I printed off one of each of my kids too! Viki
oh God thank you, for the tips about getting off social media and all that toxic humble bragging crap about "blessed" and "gratitude" WONDERFUL, Mel, thank you! I'll be alone, as I always am on Christmas, but this year, I am not dreading it.
All this applies whenever I’m feeling down, which used to be all the time. I don’t know how I figured this out on my own, I’m just smarter than all the narcissists who were in my life think I am-and smarter than them as well, which explains their abuse-but this seemed the natural way to go once I understood I needed to get my head straight before I could make any further progress in life rather than being stuck in the mud or even backsliding. I just spent my first Thanksgiving and Christmas estrange from my birth family, and I gotta tell you, it was pretty awesome. No painful phone conversations; no ridiculous travel just so I could be tortured continuously from all sides for two or three days; no obligation, no shame. I drank beer, watched Netflix, made awesome meals for myself, went cycling, played guitar, just all around me time. I’m happy to hear this frank advice which resonates with what I discovered.
When this happens to me in future, I am ready with a plan: I am going to some European places with Christmas Markets. I love puttering around, even alone. Maybe pop into a pub and talk to people. Everyone is friendlier and love-y-er at Christmas time, don't be shy! Great vid, Mel!
That's funny. Traveling in some far off European city would make me feel lonelier than ever. I'd rather just enjoy the day at home. Why do people want to travel at Christmas? Don't get it
Thanks a lot 😁...This is what I was looking for...now I realize it's just normal to feel lonely and I am gonna work on it especially on the social media factor.
The idea that isolating is bad for self care is sooo wrong. Yes, many people love to be around others but there are VAST swaths of the population that need, want and actually crave alone time. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that and your suggestions are nice but seriously one-sided. See.....I love video games! I have loved them my whole life and I'm a middle aged man. AND before you think "Oh basement virgin" think again. Nothing could be further from the truth. BUT I'm always around other people so isolating and playing video games is my therapy. It's insanely fun and helps me regulate moods, emotions and all that. I love it and I absolutely LOVE playing video games around the holidays. In fact when everyone else is out of town for holidays, it's my favorite time. Not everyone needs nor wants more connection with other people and getting out and about can be more stressful than simply staying home and isolating. It's actually self-care for many people. It's seems odd that you don't know that and didn't address it.
It's up to introverts & neurodivergents to know that not all this advice is for us. These advice channels are for the masses not the minorities, we need to go & find the content that's meant for us. And take what's useful from this.
So..can I ask, if you are so happy being alone, then why did you click on this video, listen to it, and give it a very lengthy response and unfair critique?
@@elianad2083 - why wouldn't I? The video is titled "Celebrating the Holidays when you're alone". Then she doesn't really talk about that but says isolating is bad for self-care when it's not. It's kind of a bait-and-switch type situation. Besides if you think that's a long response, you're far to addicted to sound bites. It's also 100% NOT an unfair critique at all. You're just 100% wrong about that.
@@elianad2083 it's very interesting that you'd unfairly call this person's critique/opinion an unfair critique. There'd be a lot to unpack there if someone could be bothered.
Oh, you are so right! When people do send Christmas cards, they are typically composed of great photos of their wonderful photogenic family, and then movies and advertising, blah, blah, blah. My husband passed away 12 years ago. We enjoyed our often low key Christmas. I am a planner. I planned social activities every week when he died. Last night, I got together with a friend of mine and we went to a great restaurant and then went to see the movie about Bob Dylan! I also have a tradition I started long before my husband died. I have a friend who has no family. I have invited her to Thanksgiving lunch every year, and also done some Christmas celebrations with her. It's good. It helps.
You are the BEST Mel, thank you!! I am not exactly alone, I will be with my immediate family. But I feel alone because I am not married and don't have kids. So thank you thank you. Social media makes me compare SO much and we all know that comparison is the thief of joy.Happy Holidays Mel!!
I’m recently separated, moved to my partner’s country with no family of my own, lost my marriage, two best friends and a group of friends that were like family, my grandma passed, and I got a diagnosis all in one year. I now live alone and spent last Christmas alone as well. Can’t afford to go see my family this year. I have a couple friends here but they are all with their families and we aren’t super close. It’s been a hell of a year and I’m ready to be done with it. This video was really helpful and gave some perspective. Thank you 🙏
Mel, I love you 😘. I can so id w/you and your temperament. I’ve spent quite a few holiday seasons by myself. I divorced my family of origin after having enough of the toxicity. I love my Aussie and we do just fine. A long time ago I heard “the cure for loneliness is being alone.” I’m grateful for the comments of others who’ve done the same creating while being alone. EnJoy your life and be grateful, or change it. Create something new. No one is going to save you, but YOU!!! Thanks for the wonderful, positive energy. Sending Merry Christmas🎄wishes and love to last throughout the year. ❤😊
I would add: do something for others - nothing feels better than helping someone else. Be a secret Santa, serve a meal at a shelter, take flowers to a nursing home and visit with those there, deliver a meal to a senior and take the time to sit and talk with them, the list is endless.
This was good advice. After many many years of experience doing the holidays alone (no family in the country) I love it. People invite me to their family gatherings but I never go because I don't want to be a spare wheel. And I feel obliged to be the perfect guest which always makes it uncomfortable. What I did the past couple of years was have a week of indulging in good food in mid Dec. Than I do a water fast to detox for about a week leading up to Christmas. Than the last week of December I hit the gym and and get out to places where it is not too busy. I do New Years eve celebrations (but don't over-do it on alcohol). Than when the new year starts I feel great. Definitely don't do any social media during the holidays
This is the first time spending christmas alone in another country. I never want to do this again 😅 Thank you for this video, it has helped me get through this time easier
I personally would be cool just spending time with myself and never feel lonely but I guess it might be a different story for the coming holidays. What she said is SO TRUE & relatable & wise. Planning my own new tradition
Great tips Mel! I was the one crying in the corners because I was away from my family, my friends didn't invite me to their parties, etc. This year I decided to contact a friend of mine and asked her what she was doing, and now I have plans. My thoughts were: "she is probably staying home with her husband, or she has a party with friends.." I was already creating excuses...so, I did 54321 and told her I didn't want to spend NYE alone... I believe it is a choice, which way should I go? Mel Robbins: You are a rockstart and thanks again for being you.
This is good advice for any time of the year.....because these feelings may be intensified at Christmas time, that doesn't mean that is the only time you feel alone or unloved. These steps will help on the normal day too and I'm going to apply them in my life. Thank you Mel
MEL, MEL, MY BEAUTIFUL MEL, I GOT YOUR BOOK AS MY GIFT, I HAD ASKED FOR IT!!!!!! And I am beyond happy to finally read it!!!! I’ve been watched nag every single one of your videos, now I’m so excited for your book!!!!! Thank you Mel, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!💕❤️😘
Too much trouble to make a turkey and fixings just for yourself..just makes it more lonesome. I think I will get door dash to deliver a Thanksgiving meal from Bob Evans for one. No stress, crowds, cleaning dishes.
After years of toxicity I’m just super happy to have a peaceful home! I have a small family who will be here for lunch on Christmas Day but Christmas Eve I’m treating myself to garbage food and Christmas movies 😊
Christmas Eve 2020. I’m completely alone . But I got some fat blunts rolled up . And bought some Popeyes . And bout to watch Netflix. What more can I ask for
I'm afraid in a covid world, there isn't much of this advice that works now. But I do appreciate this great advice though. Deleted social media years ago. Looks like I'm isolating for Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone.
I can completely relate to this. I have no family or friends to spend time with, so I'm doing volunteer work on Christmas evening. Thanks for the video Mel!
It is just another day. I do crafts and relax reading. I do not watch sappy Hallmark movies. I joined a ukulele group, and we performed at local events as well as senior homes. It gets me out of the house. I also go on a holiday bus trip.
Starting new tradition, and thank you for these good ideas. Yes, stay off social media. Face book, I don’t even like face book anymore. Glad I broke that bad habit.
Mel I love, love , LOVE this!!! I lost my parents and siblings over the last 9 years and it’s been TOUGH! Thanks for the kick in the a$$ I needed to start fresh.
Mel, thank you. Oh wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear🙂. It's my first holidays alone, single and child gone for the holidays😏, this message has given me a push to enjoy my own company and keep busy😉 during the holidays 🎄. Thanks once more👌🏽.
Excellent video. People really tend to get caught up in themselves and it brews for weeks going into the holidays. I tell people to volunteer at an animal shelter or food bank. It is amazing how giving comes back to you 10 fold
I did this and volunteered at Soup kitchens. This year the soup kitchen at a homeless shelter I stayed at, said "Thanks, but we have enough volunteers". That hurt. I have no car anyway, so not even sure how I would get there. Public transportation here in a small town is hard to access. So..that's what came back to me.. rejection.
Amp up the self care is the best antidote to self pity and loneliness and I don't mean self pity in a mean way because I'm alone myself and have to guard against feeling sorry for myself. At least I'm not in jail or in the hospital or a funeral home is what I tell myself. This too shall pass !!!
very good advice 😘 thanks... Same thing happens to St. Valentines day... the media makes it seems like if you are not in a relationship you are a loner... forever alone ... then you see on instagram, fb... etc... all this bunch of "superhappy couples" and stuff... Thanks Mel... you are awesome
Tahirih Achiaa do what I have always done for Valentine's Day - do a secret appreciation card, gift or effort for someone you know or someone random and never tell anyone about it! I've done it for years and it fills me with more cheer than I've ever had in receiving something 💟
@@rebeccahagin3313Only that they don't really appreciate it. I did the same thing. Except it was for People who didn't know me who went to my same church. I walked in the bathroom only to hear them cackling and gossiping about it. It hurt so much, went home and cried. Never again.
thank you, i'm depressed these days and kinda ancious about other people are all having better life than me, your video do helps me to have a direction to get through this.
I love this! At the beginning of the video I thought maybe this wouldn't apply to me because I generally don't feel lonely around the holidays BUT I do feel lonely in my business sometimes and can play the isolation game! We can apply these principles in other areas of life anytime of the year, thanks for the great tips!
I am so glad you touched on this. I'm finding loneliness can be overwhelming and actually cause mild depression to become worse. Since there is a major Hoilday almost every month these are wonderful tip for most of the year. I also think you are spot on right about social media!!! I think more needs to be said about how unhealthy social media is for us physiologically and emotionally. I never made the correlation with my spike in depression and usage of Facebook until I heard your TedTalk and checked out your personal sight. Very recently mind you. I feel like Facebook is just everyone one waving and saying ..... hey HEY IM HAVING A FUN FABOULOUS LIFE what do you got???...... ( every statment and picture) is COMPARED/JUDGED and those are not the best measurement of who and how life is going. Anyway Just my thoughts Thank You and God Bless Constance D
I got busy around the holidays doing a chest catscan to rule out lung cancer and seeing the cardiologist. Further testing required, nothing available until late February and early March I bought a pine scented candle, a wreath, a flower arrangement with Lillie's,a cinnamon broom and eucalyptus..it smells heavenly I got a turkey with all the trimmings, peanut butter cookies and cannolis I'm all set to cook, listen to Christmas music and watch holiday movies Woo who, go me!
I’ve been spending the holidays alone for years. I surround myself with lots of reading, reflecting, and enjoying my Arts and Crafting! I love it! If you continue to reflect negatively on things that don’t matter you will be depressed. Why be embarrassed, find ways to enjoy yourself.
Cool Crafty Creations 💕💕
Cool Crafty Creations that's the spirit buddy three cheers for you 🥁
Awesome! I have VERY UNUSUAL new traditions and learning to feel ok with them. Like the not isolating...most people talk about helping the homeless. But there so many other charaties that are ignored...my heart is drawn to animals! So I volunteer with local animal shelter and even help with holiday mobile adoption events. My other things are going into nature. And like you Crafting! I look at my RUclips playlist of crafts I'm going to work on "someday" and make the holidays time to work on them!
Hi Cool Crafty Creations, Glad I'm not the only one who think this way! thank you for sharing.
I cook, bake, sew, sleep, walk, avoid shopping centers like the plague, oh and stay out of debt. It's wonderful. I go church. Go drive in the country. Decorate a little bit.
I just adore having no obligations. I use it as a time to hibernate like people truly were designed to do and I get close to God.
NEver married, no kids. I got tired of being lonely one year and went out and got myself a tree, a gift, and some food for a great meal. Nowadays if I am alone on any holiday I celebrate by myself. I am rarely alone on holidays and I find it a chore to be around toxic people.
Paul L. Rogers Same here! That's why I love animals!
I'm doing the same. Feels good 👍
Rather be alone than around toxic family
Be grateful that you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your home, and your health. ❤
❤@@FreshRose-z3s
I LIKE being alone. Talking to myself is usually the most intelligent and knowledgable conversation I can have.
this
ahahahahahaaa
With the people I know. Absolutely 💯%! There idiots!!
That's lovely
This.
How comforting to know that I’m not alone FEELING alone. Strange but comforting. Thank you Mel. I needed this more than you know.
Deborah Haley me too, merry Christmas love I'm here with you 😝
You're great! I needed that. Everyone I've ever loved and wanted to spend more than 10 minutes with has died. I've been completely alone - for every holiday, not just Christmas - for years now. Fortunately, I like being alone and never have a shortage of things to do. Distant relatives invite me here and there, but everyone's married with kids and I just feel like a charity case so I avoid such gatherings like the plague.
I can completely relate.
I had to sit in my car last night and cry. I'm sorry, I just had to. I woke up this morning and just wanted to stay in bed all day. I'm glad I saw this video so I feel a little less "alone".
Ashley Collins ...you might like Tony Robbins, Abraham Hicks, Walu Child, and Amber Khan...all on RUclips. When I feel a downward teary spiral creeping, or even if I feel really fine, any of these people show me how life support works 😚🙂🙃🤘🎁🎄🌣🦄🔥💓⛆🌳💙💚💙
Ashley you don't have to be alone. Come spend Christmas with me.
It makes me feel better I’m not the only one who feels this way
@@MsBevis-ib7fe *spew*
Did you mean: everyday
This year I had to cut out my family out of my life due to their toxicity.....it was a hard step to take but I knew its what I needed to do for me. So today on Thanksgiving Im feeling the void. Thank You for the reminder that I am not alone in feeling alone that helps...
Being alone is the ultimate! No narc abuse 😊 No walking on eggshells!
I understand! You posted this a couple of years ago and I am wondering how you are doing. I had to go no contact with my adult brothers because they are toxic. I have had them to my home for Christmas before and they don’t want to participate in traditions. They show up late, hungover, and pissy. They don’t want to listen to Christmas music and insist on heavy metal music. They don’t want to watch anything but porn. On Christmas! No respect for the holiday. They just want to eat, load up on presents, and leave. When my husband passed away, they ghosted me for four months and let me grieve alone. I heard from them four months later when they called to see if my husband had left them any money! I went no contact because they have ruined every Christmas that I have invited them to. I have since gotten rid of all toxic people in my life so I sit here, all alone. But I read a quote that helps me…”Loneliness is the price we pay when we start to improve ourselves.”
So proud of you for taking care of yourself. I did that with most of my family 10 years ago.
@@lisafoster3494 Hi! I hope that you are doing well! I had to cut out all toxic people in my life as well. So I understand how you are feeling. Christmas hugs!!
I’ve been spending holidays alone since I was 18, I’m 25 now and living in a small town with no family or friends at all. So during holidays everything is closed and the only thing you’ll see out is families together doing holiday activities and for me seeing that just makes it worse.
I thought I was the only one, estrangement seems to be the common denominator
Ohhh I agree !!
I started to tip big batistas and give to those who make my life easier during the year. I also played an instrument at church and do community activities and it helps. Then the holiday is a day of rest. Even the mailmen/women appreciate a gift.
Me too! My kids hate me! I love them!
Same!!
I go for a loooooong hike around town lake then grab my favorite coffee have a light lunch then make a great dinner watch movies read catch up on getting organized…always something to do; or go clean out my car. I make lists of my goals and what I want to do next. 😊
Much appreciated. I lost my husband and child. Family lives very far. Been the loneliest times of my life. This advice reminds me I'm not alone and not to isolate myself. God Bless you 🙏 ❤️
I am sorry for your lost. I Wish you a lot of strength, Love and blessings!!!!❤❤❤❤
I have been alone at Christmas/New Year for years but I have my wonderful pets and now I'm used to it. These tips are great. 👍
Kitty Martin Just the same! My pets are my friends and family!
You're opening line, says exactly how I feel about those "blessed" people on social media.
The amount of violence and Sadness is abundant, rarely anybody Talks about this. It’s Not happiness.
I have spent the last decade alone at Christmas.
I celebrate the day as self love and self care, basically a home spa and retreat day.🧘♀️❤️
I did almost 4 hours of yoga, meditations, breath work this morning. Then I cooked my breakfast feast. Did some EFT. Had a healing bath with essential oils, pink salt and crystals in the afternoon and then ate delicious rack of lamb dinner by candlelight.
I feel amazing! I sent prayers to all the women slaving in a kitchen cooking a turkey trying to do it all and feeling exhausted.
💭💭 I loveeeeee this 🤍
This year is the final year I will attempt to force holidays on myself. I had to isolate after no one showed up to my Christmas Eve celebration. It was a huge wakeup call that I am swimming oceans for people who won't jump a puddle for me. I will actually be writing off all holidays and creating my traditions with myself. I can't do it anymore.
@Mel: Another idea for those that are feeling lonely is to volunteer. Many towns & cities do a holiday dinner for those that are alone, elderly, shut-in or less fortunate. Our area does close to 900 dinners. That's both with deliveries or eating in and they could always use volunteers. Really enjoyed your video. Myself, I am not on any social media and I'm probably in the minority but that's O.K. I also haven't any T.V. and that's O.K. because the news is too depressing and there are now 4.5 minutes of commercials every 15 minutes. I have spent many holidays 'alone' but I am not lonely. Thank you for sharing.
1 For The People So do you know X-Mas Loneliness from First place? Cant believe that. As a lonely Person you dont have the Power to Volunteer, believe me. You are completely busy with keeping your own head above the Water.
I'm sorry this is your experience, but you have no right to criticize 1 for the People in this way - their way of dealing with loneliness may be completely different than yours. Instead of playing the, "I'm more lonely and depressed than you are" game, see if you can speak to a mental health professional or religious leader about counseling. Good luck to you and I hope you feel better soon.
OK, the intro to this video was amazing! Stay the hell off of social media!! lol
This is the first year that I’m alone on Christmas Eve after the divorce. I’m going downtown to the cathedral that I never attend because I’m not a religious person. But I want to hear the choir sing for Christmas time.❤
My daughter and I have been celebrating the holidays alone for 7yrs because my mother was in another country. She's retired now and she even came with a plus one. She got married!!!! Hugs to all of you who feel lonely during the holidays..
It just magnifies your aloness when yuu see families together out enjoying activities or at church and you are alone..! So no. Not always a good idea. 😔🙏🤔.
Or if you (being me) doesn't have a car. On Social Security disability. No friends or family. Feeling ill most of time. I did go out by myself one year to a Christmas play..never again. Everyone had someone and I actually overheard someone say and point to me "aww..look at that poor girl, she looks lonely all by herself" Never again.
You can go to church alone!!!!
Ben and Jerry in bed all day playing online games watching a movie or binge watch a tv show. Is far more comfortable and feel happier than family and friends that are opinionated and ask what your going to do with your life with that degree in mathematical Physics.
Comfortable New Year and Christmas
EVERYONE.
Dang! Mathematical Physics! Now that's impressive! They are just jealous.
I like this advice! Especially, Nos. 1 and 3 -- really No. 3. I think you shouldn't isolate -- unless that's what you really want. Maybe you need some alone time, which could be considered self-care. But I especially love No. 3 - Start New Traditions. I've been working on this one over the years. Thank you!
3 years later and I found this video , I really want to start new traditions for my and amp up the self care . If possible buying myself a car for Christmas would be epic and enough for 🌬️💜 I m actually not stuck just something within me is nudging me to not travel home and try something new for myself outside traditional family gathering's.
Like many others out there, I too have memories of Christmas past. This is not my first Christmas alone but at least this year, I'm not homeless as well, as I once was during this time.
With that being said, too all of you that are either alone or struggling with the "Season" let me wish you a Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year 2018.
Thanks Mel.
You never forget your first Christmas alone!
Started life alone, and sliding into the home stretch alone again. Been "blessed" enough already.
Here's a real woman, I love mel, she always has the best advice, a true emotionally intelligent woman, truely an inspiration, I just want to give her the biggest hug for all the brilliant talks she has done, thanks Mel your beyond awesome.
She's okay..but not very helpful unfortunately. First of all..she forgets..some people don't have a car. I no longer do. I live in a smaller town and don't have all the things going on that she mentions and even though we have public transportation, it's just 8-5 Monday thru Friday. Your on your own on nights and weekends. I lost my car in 2008 when I applied for Social security disability. Most of the time I feel too ill to go anywhere. I don't have much money. No friends. My boyfriend just dumped me. Nobody cares about how you feel or what you are doing because they are too self absorbed. I don't have children or family.
I'm single..no family and spend holidays alone. I agree with staying OFF social media..but for me.. I prefer to spend holidays at home. I do go out and look at lights and maybe hear some Christmas music but I don't really want to go to a crowded event full of families talking about holiday plans. I do have some activities I can focus on.. a good book, a good movie, some special foods, a hot bath, weather permitting a long walk. I think it is what you focus on. Most people I know look at me like I have 2 heads when I say I am spending Christmas alone... but there also can be benefits to it as well. Spend the day doing what YOU want to do.. focus on the positive and gratitudes. I do think socializing is important but I save that for non holiday days.
First time I am alone in Taiwan after my divorce. Needed this advice. Thank you ❤️❤️
Same here
I was never really a christmassy person to begin with and then my dad passed away on Xmas day two years ago .He loved Xmas. The following year I could not bare the thought of Xmas day without him. So, we went on a cruise...best thing ever...no pressure..no commercialism..total stress relief. and I didn't have to hear the" awww your dad passed Xmas day, that's awful"
thanks Mel
Fight the urge to isolate....yes yes
omigosh SO GLAD you posted this Mel!!! My singing coach who has been an INTERNATIONALLY reknown opera singer confided in me that she spent last Christmas ALONE and sad. She is spending this year with us, spending Christmas eve night with us. I am so happy she told me so I could do something about it. If YOU are alone (not you Mel, someone listening, tell someone and yes, go do something!
Very practical advice. I've been alone over the holidays for years. This year is particularly tough, because I'm feeling lonelier the older I get. My muslim friend told me yesterday she made a feast and her sisters invited themselves with their kids, etc. So I said jokingly well I'm inviting myself for next year, and the surprise answer was - you're more than welcome. Sometimes we need to put ourselves out there, because there are people who would love to spend time with us but didn't know we'd be doing nothing, so they didn't ask.
This year I’ve been distancing myself from all my friends, since they’re all married and they make me feel like I’m not enough all by myself, therefore I don’t get invited to certain things, cos I don’t have anyone by my side. They make me feel like something is wrong with me for not settling … Even tho I always plan things and host but I get left out for Xmas. so next year I plan on making single friends. As Mel said, the holiday season makes you reflect and it did majorly this year. I don’t feel lonely, but it’s sucks knowing that you don’t have real friendships anymore….
To the author : I remember promising that I'd buy "all" of your books if my situation ever stabilized. Well, it's not "all" of them, but now that my situation finally started stabilizing, I went and bought one of your audiobooks today.
Thanks Mel!!!. .... Lost my mom in June, she was the backbone for holiday traditions!!!
thanks Mel - it is my first holiday alone post divorce - kids going to their dads on Xmas day - but I've already decided to plan a special day for myself - going to the movies & to walk through some Holiday light shows since my (adult) kids are too cool to do something like that. So there was a couple days where I was upset but then I made a plan & now I am looking forward to it! Thank you Mel for all you do! And for that 2017/2018 goal planning download - I printed off one of each of my kids too! Viki
Good for you - enjoy the movies and take yourself out to a nice restaurant, too! Merry Christmas!
I’m sure your ex is better off now !
I booked an 18 day trip to Quebec City for Christmas and New Years!!! 😊
oh God thank you, for the tips about getting off social media and all that toxic humble bragging crap about "blessed" and "gratitude" WONDERFUL, Mel, thank you! I'll be alone, as I always am on Christmas, but this year, I am not dreading it.
Great advice for sure. . When my husband died I started taking trips on the holidays it was magic just such a blessing and no sadness
All this applies whenever I’m feeling down, which used to be all the time. I don’t know how I figured this out on my own, I’m just smarter than all the narcissists who were in my life think I am-and smarter than them as well, which explains their abuse-but this seemed the natural way to go once I understood I needed to get my head straight before I could make any further progress in life rather than being stuck in the mud or even backsliding.
I just spent my first Thanksgiving and Christmas estrange from my birth family, and I gotta tell you, it was pretty awesome. No painful phone conversations; no ridiculous travel just so I could be tortured continuously from all sides for two or three days; no obligation, no shame. I drank beer, watched Netflix, made awesome meals for myself, went cycling, played guitar, just all around me time.
I’m happy to hear this frank advice which resonates with what I discovered.
When this happens to me in future, I am ready with a plan: I am going to some European places with Christmas Markets. I love puttering around, even alone. Maybe pop into a pub and talk to people. Everyone is friendlier and love-y-er at Christmas time, don't be shy! Great vid, Mel!
That's funny. Traveling in some far off European city would make me feel lonelier than ever. I'd rather just enjoy the day at home. Why do people want to travel at Christmas? Don't get it
Thanks a lot 😁...This is what I was looking for...now I realize it's just normal to feel lonely and I am gonna work on it especially on the social media factor.
The idea that isolating is bad for self care is sooo wrong. Yes, many people love to be around others but there are VAST swaths of the population that need, want and actually crave alone time. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that and your suggestions are nice but seriously one-sided.
See.....I love video games! I have loved them my whole life and I'm a middle aged man. AND before you think "Oh basement virgin" think again. Nothing could be further from the truth.
BUT I'm always around other people so isolating and playing video games is my therapy. It's insanely fun and helps me regulate moods, emotions and all that. I love it and I absolutely LOVE playing video games around the holidays. In fact when everyone else is out of town for holidays, it's my favorite time.
Not everyone needs nor wants more connection with other people and getting out and about can be more stressful than simply staying home and isolating. It's actually self-care for many people.
It's seems odd that you don't know that and didn't address it.
It's up to introverts & neurodivergents to know that not all this advice is for us. These advice channels are for the masses not the minorities, we need to go & find the content that's meant for us. And take what's useful from this.
So..can I ask, if you are so happy being alone, then why did you click on this video, listen to it, and give it a very lengthy response and unfair critique?
@@elianad2083 - why wouldn't I? The video is titled "Celebrating the Holidays when you're alone". Then she doesn't really talk about that but says isolating is bad for self-care when it's not. It's kind of a bait-and-switch type situation.
Besides if you think that's a long response, you're far to addicted to sound bites. It's also 100% NOT an unfair critique at all. You're just 100% wrong about that.
@@elianad2083 it's very interesting that you'd unfairly call this person's critique/opinion an unfair critique. There'd be a lot to unpack there if someone could be bothered.
Thank you Mel. God blessed you. Im alone, ill take your advised.
Oh, you are so right! When people do send Christmas cards, they are typically composed of great photos of their wonderful photogenic family, and then movies and advertising, blah, blah, blah. My husband passed away 12 years ago. We enjoyed our often low key Christmas. I am a planner. I planned social activities every week when he died. Last night, I got together with a friend of mine and we went to a great restaurant and then went to see the movie about Bob Dylan!
I also have a tradition I started long before my husband died. I have a friend who has no family. I have invited her to Thanksgiving lunch every year, and also done some Christmas celebrations with her. It's good. It helps.
You are the BEST Mel, thank you!! I am not exactly alone, I will be with my immediate family. But I feel alone because I am not married and don't have kids. So thank you thank you. Social media makes me compare SO much and we all know that comparison is the thief of joy.Happy Holidays Mel!!
Maria I know what you mean. I'm single and dired of questions about it. Hope things are better for you now... Best wishes!
I’m recently separated, moved to my partner’s country with no family of my own, lost my marriage, two best friends and a group of friends that were like family, my grandma passed, and I got a diagnosis all in one year. I now live alone and spent last Christmas alone as well. Can’t afford to go see my family this year. I have a couple friends here but they are all with their families and we aren’t super close.
It’s been a hell of a year and I’m ready to be done with it.
This video was really helpful and gave some perspective. Thank you 🙏
Dammit...Mel...Please run for President....You nailed it...love it
Telly Swain not only president serves we all do 😂
She's right. What a great woman
I'm typing this 11:48 New Years Night Aloooone. I love channels like this because it reminds you that other people get lonely too
Mel, I love you 😘. I can so id w/you and your temperament. I’ve spent quite a few holiday seasons by myself. I divorced my family of origin after having enough of the toxicity. I love my Aussie and we do just fine.
A long time ago I heard “the cure for loneliness is being alone.” I’m grateful for the comments of others who’ve done the same creating while being alone. EnJoy your life and be grateful, or change it. Create something new. No one is going to save you, but YOU!!! Thanks for the wonderful, positive energy. Sending Merry Christmas🎄wishes and love to last throughout the year. ❤😊
Great insight. I'm used to being alone for the holidays but these tips will make it a lot easier.
Same...I pray this year is better for us🎄🎅💃🎅🎄
I would add: do something for others - nothing feels better than helping someone else. Be a secret Santa, serve a meal at a shelter, take flowers to a nursing home and visit with those there, deliver a meal to a senior and take the time to sit and talk with them, the list is endless.
I needed this today!! Thank you thank you!
Same
This was good advice. After many many years of experience doing the holidays alone (no family in the country) I love it. People invite me to their family gatherings but I never go because I don't want to be a spare wheel. And I feel obliged to be the perfect guest which always makes it uncomfortable. What I did the past couple of years was have a week of indulging in good food in mid Dec. Than I do a water fast to detox for about a week leading up to Christmas. Than the last week of December I hit the gym and and get out to places where it is not too busy. I do New Years eve celebrations (but don't over-do it on alcohol). Than when the new year starts I feel great.
Definitely don't do any social media during the holidays
This is the first time spending christmas alone in another country. I never want to do this again 😅 Thank you for this video, it has helped me get through this time easier
Needed this right now. Thank you.
Just remember you’re never alone brother
I personally would be cool just spending time with myself and never feel lonely but I guess it might be a different story for the coming holidays.
What she said is SO TRUE & relatable & wise. Planning my own new tradition
Great tips Mel! I was the one crying in the corners because I was away from my family, my friends didn't invite me to their parties, etc. This year I decided to contact a friend of mine and asked her what she was doing, and now I have plans. My thoughts were: "she is probably staying home with her husband, or she has a party with friends.." I was already creating excuses...so, I did 54321 and told her I didn't want to spend NYE alone... I believe it is a choice, which way should I go? Mel Robbins: You are a rockstart and thanks again for being you.
Thank you, Mel - so helpful ❤
This is good advice for any time of the year.....because these feelings may be intensified at Christmas time, that doesn't mean that is the only time you feel alone or unloved. These steps will help on the normal day too and I'm going to apply them in my life. Thank you Mel
Thank you Mel. I’ll be spending holiday alone.
Janet Tan this video sure does help us!
MEL, MEL, MY BEAUTIFUL MEL, I GOT YOUR BOOK AS MY GIFT, I HAD ASKED FOR IT!!!!!! And I am beyond happy to finally read it!!!! I’ve been watched nag every single one of your videos, now I’m so excited for your book!!!!! Thank you Mel, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!💕❤️😘
I spend the day doing things around the house and cook a meal for myself.
Too much trouble to make a turkey and fixings just for yourself..just makes it more lonesome. I think I will get door dash to deliver a Thanksgiving meal from Bob Evans for one. No stress, crowds, cleaning dishes.
After years of toxicity I’m just super happy to have a peaceful home! I have a small family who will be here for lunch on Christmas Day but Christmas Eve I’m treating myself to garbage food and Christmas movies 😊
Thank you Mel
My anxiety makes its hard to go out so all i know is to isolate. Today was hard to get up but my toddler reminds me she loves me
Well said Mel.
Christmas Eve 2020. I’m completely alone . But I got some fat blunts rolled up . And bought some Popeyes . And bout to watch Netflix. What more can I ask for
Sounds good what are you doing this year
Yup! Getting high on Christmas! That's what's it all about. 🙄🙄
I'm afraid in a covid world, there isn't much of this advice that works now. But I do appreciate this great advice though. Deleted social media years ago. Looks like I'm isolating for Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone.
Merry Christmas from another totally alone Christmas party!
I can completely relate to this. I have no family or friends to spend time with, so I'm doing volunteer work on Christmas evening. Thanks for the video Mel!
It is just another day. I do crafts and relax reading. I do not watch sappy Hallmark movies. I joined a ukulele group, and we performed at local events as well as senior homes. It gets me out of the house. I also go on a holiday bus trip.
Starting new tradition, and thank you for these good ideas. Yes, stay off social media. Face book, I don’t even like face book anymore. Glad I broke that bad habit.
Thankyou. So refreshing
Mel you are saving my life
Mel I love, love , LOVE this!!! I lost my parents and siblings over the last 9 years and it’s been TOUGH! Thanks for the kick in the a$$ I needed to start fresh.
Mel, thank you. Oh wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear🙂. It's my first holidays alone, single and child gone for the holidays😏, this message has given me a push to enjoy my own company and keep busy😉 during the holidays 🎄. Thanks once more👌🏽.
Hello. Mel!!! Yes this is very helpful and great advice thank you for your share!!
My sister is in the nursing home & I'm focusing on her & making a stronger relationship ❤
New Tradition for myself!!!
Excellent video. People really tend to get caught up in themselves and it brews for weeks going into the holidays. I tell people to volunteer at an animal shelter or food bank. It is amazing how giving comes back to you 10 fold
I did this and volunteered at Soup kitchens. This year the soup kitchen at a homeless shelter I stayed at, said "Thanks, but we have enough volunteers". That hurt. I have no car anyway, so not even sure how I would get there. Public transportation here in a small town is hard to access. So..that's what came back to me.. rejection.
"get out of your house and do things." and then it's 2020. fuck.
Amp up the self care is the best antidote to self pity and loneliness and I don't mean self pity in a mean way because I'm alone myself and have to guard against feeling sorry for myself. At least I'm not in jail or in the hospital or a funeral home is what I tell myself. This too shall pass !!!
Omg you're so right some people in prison
But we are complaining that we are alone for 24-hours on Christmas
very good advice 😘 thanks... Same thing happens to St. Valentines day... the media makes it seems like if you are not in a relationship you are a loner... forever alone ... then you see on instagram, fb... etc... all this bunch of "superhappy couples" and stuff... Thanks Mel... you are awesome
Tahirih Achiaa do what I have always done for Valentine's Day - do a secret appreciation card, gift or effort for someone you know or someone random and never tell anyone about it! I've done it for years and it fills me with more cheer than I've ever had in receiving something 💟
Exactly..and they all seem to be or look like Models as well..((sigh))
@@rebeccahagin3313Only that they don't really appreciate it. I did the same thing. Except it was for People who didn't know me who went to my same church. I walked in the bathroom only to hear them cackling and gossiping about it. It hurt so much, went home and cried. Never again.
Absolutely BEAUTIFULLY SAID!🤞🙏🥰
I love you, Mel. Thanks for uplifting people with your one and a million ways. Happy holidays!
thank you, i'm depressed these days and kinda ancious about other people are all having better life than me, your video do helps me to have a direction to get through this.
You're amazing Mel! Great advice. Sometimes we can feel lonely and isolated with our people around us too....
I love this woman! Wish I learned about her years ago.
Very rightly said Mel
Thanks Mel! Your advise is always helpful!
Don’t feel lonely on your own. It’s just one day
Thank you! 🙏🏻💚
I love this! At the beginning of the video I thought maybe this wouldn't apply to me because I generally don't feel lonely around the holidays BUT I do feel lonely in my business sometimes and can play the isolation game! We can apply these principles in other areas of life anytime of the year, thanks for the great tips!
Thank you Mel.
This info will help me because on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I will be alone.
It’s not the first time I spend the holidays alone and probably won’t be the last but for some reason each year it seems to get worse.
Same..
thank you i needed to hear this now.
Tougher times during the holidays, here too, sending you hugs if needed 🤗
LOve the straight-talking! Thanks
This is such a big truth, thank you for the honest straight advice
I can’t deal without my kids! They hate me! I love them!
Be around people who love you and being with you!
I am so glad you touched on this. I'm finding loneliness can be overwhelming and actually cause mild depression to become worse. Since there is a major Hoilday almost every month these are wonderful tip for most of the year. I also think you are spot on right about social media!!! I think more needs to be said about how unhealthy social media is for us physiologically and emotionally. I never made the correlation with my spike in depression and usage of Facebook until I heard your TedTalk and checked out your personal sight. Very recently mind you. I feel like Facebook is just everyone one waving and saying ..... hey HEY IM HAVING A FUN FABOULOUS LIFE what do you got???...... ( every statment and picture) is COMPARED/JUDGED and those are not the best measurement of who and how life is going. Anyway Just my thoughts
Thank You and God Bless
Constance D
I got busy around the holidays doing a chest catscan to rule out lung cancer and seeing the cardiologist.
Further testing required, nothing available until late February and early March
I bought a pine scented candle, a wreath, a flower arrangement with Lillie's,a cinnamon broom and eucalyptus..it smells heavenly
I got a turkey with all the trimmings, peanut butter cookies and cannolis
I'm all set to cook, listen to Christmas music and watch holiday movies
Woo who, go me!