No judgement. This is just my experience. I've gone along with an open relationship when it was either accept it or we're done, and I hated it. I've also tried an open relationship after discussing it with my long-term partner (different relationship) at the time, and still hated it. It seems to work for some couples, but not for us. Watching someone I love balls deep inside a stranger was devastating and it nearly broke us. We'll never ever try it again.
I really don't understand the point of an open relationship if you care about somebody. And love them. How could you share that person with somebody else..?. Or how could that person just wanna go out and hook up with somebody for sex? It's not worth it.. Better just end Or find somebody that you're really compatible with. Because most people are just never satisfied
If the option is accept it or we are done, I guess I take the second option any day. I don't have anything against open relationship, but don't like to have people try to impose their views on me. Blackmailing is not my cup of tea.
Nick, it isn’t your opinion. I’m same-sex attracted myself and I’ve struggled with this for most of my life. Personally, I would be a one man man myself. Even being a believer on the Lord Jesus Christ, but I still have these feelings I believe the Lord has given me the power to be celibate. You’ve heard before God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. My flesh side would love to have a partner, but spiritually I know it won’t work. The truth is Jesus loves us more than any of these men ever could. He loved us enough to give his life for us so that we wouldn’t have to perish in hell. A place that was created for the devil and his angels. Please consider and don’t throw that away.
In my very early out days while single I recall asking a counseling therapist friend if couples could have a successful relationship and be open. His answer was "Yes, they can, but you have to go through a phase of monogamy where you first build trust in your relationship."
From my own experience with open relationship and the stories that I have heard, I think it can work, if it is your thing, when you establish it from the start or to ease yourself into a serious monogamous relationship. But the moment you become monogamous with your partner, it is over. Trying to start an open relationship when you are in a monogamous relation is almost guaranteed to destroy it and usually a big red flag that your partner is cheating or want to cheat on you with someone specific.
Another gay youtuber studied open relationships. He said that of all the open relationship couples he met, 80 per cent of those couples who were open, we not having sex with each other.
Open relationship is mostly a way of staying in a stable relationship which is no longer exciting like pornography, but allows the person to still feel like they are not single (which makes people feel there is something wrong with them). Something like: I want the safety of being in a relationship combined with the diversity of living a pornographic video in real life whenever I want.
For a long time I was very much against open relationships. I came to realize that if other people want one, it's not up to me to judge them, but it's not for me. It requieres a level of detachment I am not capable of. I do not see s*x and love within a relationship as two seperate things, I think they're two sides of the same coin. I still believe very much that people who are in an open relationship have issues, either personal issues and/or between them, that are unadressed, and their relationship status is an illusionary solution to problems that have got nothing to do with being monogamous or not. But again: that doesn't allow me to judge people who do make that choice. And last but not least: I've never seen a succesful open relationship (as opposed to closed relationships between 3 people, I know several sustainable and durable throuples that perfectly fulfill all persons in them). Usually people decide to have an open relationship when they've passed some kind of point of no return, and people outside of the relationship can already see that it's just a matter of time before it ends anyhow. It's like straight people having a baby to repair their relationship, and ending up divorcing 2 years later.
Hi Nick, I was involved in two different throuples and it just was too much. I'll stick to being with one person, I'm like you, I can't take having my man be intimate with someone else and then come home to me. I've hooked up with guys that were in open relationships and I felt so alone cause they had to go home to their boyfriends after we played around. My heart can't take that anymore.
It’s all about communication. When it was suggested that I accept in an open relationship, it was very easy for me to COMMUNICATE to my divorce attorney.
Been together for ten years. Trying monogomish to spice up our sex life for fun.. It’s not like an open relationship for us like other couples who identify as open. We only do stuff together and it’s very rare. No one is going out alone or on dating apps. We never do anything solo and usually only if it’s on vacation and vibe with someone. It’s only been twice in the past year. So the term monogomish (pronounced like monogamy with an ish at the end) works for us cause if we said open people take it as they might be able to sleep with us alone or that we are down and looking. Which isn’t the case.
@@John-bi1lv We can agree to disagree. I'm a retired psychiatrist and I've counseled hundreds if not thousands of gay men and I've never seen an open relationship the lasted or ended well. .
My husband and I have been together since 1998. And our relationship has always been open. We don't make it a habit of staying over night at someone else's place, but that is about our only rule. And we are still happily together. We can't really make each other jealous. It's not for everyone, but, for us, it works.
I am happy for you two.. would you mind answering a question or two? Are you guys still sexually active together, without the others? Is it as frequent as you both would like? Is it easy and enjoyable for both of you? And would things be OK if one person or the other wanted to close the relationship? Thank you for indulging me..
It might just be the people I know, but I've yet to see an open relationship where the partners can even be faithful to the "rules" they mutually agreed upon, whether that's no repeats, no doing it in the bed they share together, no kissing, no anal sex, whatever.
ThankU Nick. Having failed in romantic relationships, I resigned from dating in 2007. How any 2 stay together is a miracle to me. I didn't want to be celibate, so I became involved with men in open relationships, with one of the partners. 3 times. They were friendly, loving, respectful. With one in particular the sex was stratospheric and mystical, I can die a happy man because of him. However, it became tedious to be entirely dependent on his/their timing of availability. And, ahem, the relationships reclosed. Nothing to be done. I vowed to myself that next time it had to be someone single
Very brave talk. I agreed with you. I've seen many couples have many issues in open relationships. Thanks this video gives a good brief description about open relationships to young new lgbtq+ freshers. . Keep it up. ❤
The best recipe for an open relationship? A situation of a low sex drive guy, older or younger, and a higher sex drive guy, usually younger, with widely different tastes in men, in a "relationship" that becomes a loving best-friends situation that makes the other guys around us a bit jealous. These situations are the ones that work long term.
Well Monogamous is the best for us. I have seen enough from other couple that were open and now they are separated and they hate each other. I respect others' lives but it is not my cup of tea either. Cheers from Canada Carlos 🇲🇽🇨🇦
I couldn’t do it just not wired to handle it emotionally. I can’t wrap my mind around someone looking me in the face and telling me they love me then crawl into bed with someone else . I’ve had friends who did it and some were happy but most didn’t end well .
I’m I’m a 15 year relationship. Never would have an open relationship. If a partner suggested that, to me that says “ I’m bored with you, I need other people” . If my partner wanted that, I’d show him the front door!!
No judgement here but I come from the same background as you and can’t handle the thought of a partner being intimate with anyone else. Would ruin the sacredness of our commitment to each other. I’ve never seen a strong, loving, open relationship.
With rare exceptions, it's indicative of an unhealthy relationship for any number of reasons, such as denial of fundamental incompatibility, sexual addiction of one or both partners, callous disregard for the feelings and well-being of one's partner, detachment from intimacy, selfishness, and fear (of being alone, financial loss if financially entwined, etc.). Not to mention the health risks, many of which may be cured (crabs, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomoniasis, most cases of monkeypox, etc.), but others which cannot (herpes, HIV, HPV, Hepatitis B, etc.). Of course, the risk of infecting one's partner is lower if no longer being sexually intimate. Someone in an open relationship once told me that sex doesn't mean anything and it's just like any other human need, like taking a sh*t. What a wonderfully endearing analogy. If one wants to sleep around, just stay single. All that said, everyone has the right to live as they choose, provided it's not hurting others or violating their rights. Live and let live.
This one phrase "If one wants to sleep around, just stay single." resonates so much with me. I've gone through stages, but in periods that I just feel like sleeping around, I make sure not to be in a relationship.
There is a big difference between an open relationship and a poly relationship. I personally cant hamdle an open relationship but maybe after a long conversation may be open to a poly relationship.
I think the 'work or not work' depends upon the couple (or throuple). It probably also depends upon upbringing (to some extent) and expectations. I am a 64 YO gay man and my experience is 'they don't work for me.' I was married after high school to my HS girlfriend. Our relationship (about 9 years) was monogamous until we legally separated. I then had a long term male partner (lived together close to a decade). We were monogamous for the first few years. Since we were each other's 'firsts' he wanted to experiment; I didn't but I went along with it for a couple years. It was not emotionally or physically comfortable for me, but i was in love with him and wanted to save the relationship. We had only 2 rules: play safe and be honest (i.e., he had to tell me when he slept with another man). That sorta worked for a year or more. But then he brought scabies home twice and gave it to me. Then crabs. Then he topped an HIV+ man without protection. When he told me that, I said no more and that was the last time I touched him. We had both been brought up quite religious (me: Methodist, him: Catholic). Religious upbringing did not seem to have an impact on his behavior. But it did mine. I never felt guilty about geing gay, but somehow cheating seemed like breaking a vow.
@AuthenNick I live quietly and haven't dated anyone since 2003! After I broke up with my male partner, I dated a couple men for a year or 2. But I never completely clicked with them. I always lived and worked (38 years, Navy employee) in very conservative areas. I was 'outed' at work in 1992, which made things VERY difficult for several years. Until I moved in 2023, my ex, his current partner, and I lived on the same street 2 blocks apart for over 20 years. So I saw them almost daily. They are not fully monogamous and never really tried to be. I consider them close friends (my ex is more like a brother to me now). During all those years together and his searching, he found what he wanted (he is my age but his current partner is 22 years older). His preferred type is older, beefy daddies. When I realized I could never be that, it made accepting the break up easier on me. (I guess you would describe me as a twink in my younger days; even now I still look much younger than my age (if you ignore the salt and pepper hair) and am still 6' and around 130 lbs). The irony is that my ex regards me as more physically attractive now (at 64 YO) than he did when we were a young couple.
If your partners your best friend you don’t have anything to worry about. The emotional bond of friendship is stronger than a hookup. For me personally there’s a factor of jealousy. Though I discovered very early on that monogamy among gay men is about as rare as hens teeth. Experience taught me they were gonna do it anyway. So as loyal as I tend to be, I accept that most guys aren’t. I also always felt it was wrong to ask someone I love to miss out on an experience they want. Life’s too short for that.
Hi! In my opinion, I would never be in an open relationship. I had never been in one, but my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a couple of friends who were in open relationships doing it with each other , and they wanted to include my ex-boyfriend and me in their "repertoire". In the end, many "couples" ended up separated and angry with each other.
Monogamous relationship involves love and commitment. Making love is more enjoyable because it's meaningful. Not to mention it's safer. Open relationship is more about sex. It sears out the meaning of faithfulness and it's risky 🏳️🌈
I’ve been with my husband for 31 years. I don’t care who he f***s. There’s so many more important things in a relationship. Honesty and integrity are key. And hygiene!
@@garybregel1572 Yeah, I've seen that happen to a close friend who was in an open relationship. Fortunately, it was treatable. He was lucky. In the end, the relationship didn't last.
Really would encourage you to have someone on who knows what they're talking about. Most of the longest lasting relationships that I know are open. Unfortunately many become open only after their relationship is falling apart, so a lot of anecdotes really are not great evidence.
You might want to explore your prejudices towards the gay community and inquiere where they come from. My experience is that this kind of statement comes from a place of internalized homophobia, and you'll feel a lot better and more confident when you manage to get rid of this belief.
MOST is the operative word here. Poll your family and friends. If they were to give you an HONEST answer, you wouldn’t be asking me to get rid of this belief, as far as cheating is concerned.
Funny how the question never is "Exclusive relationships, do they work?" in my experience open relationships last longer than exclusive relationship and they are much more fun , my husband and i have been in an open relationship for 25 years and we love it 🙂
Although you mentioned open relationships you seem to be talking about ethical non-monogamy in general so I'll weigh in. For me I don't have a choice - I am polyamorous by relational orientation. But if we have to argue as if it's without principles not an innate orientation (which I shouldn't have to but I'll entertain it) then, my counter to the "real love is finding THE ONE" crowd is, the way I see it, love is about wanting your partner to be happy. I could not imagine controlling them by demanding they only get their happiness and fulfillment through me and limit their relational growth and experiences to what they can get from me. Similarly I would never want to be with someone who doesn't want me to love authentically to me, and I am capable of loving more than one person. Jealousy should not be a stronger force than love. As kids we are taught that we are able to love more than one friend and just see them as different, not "better" or worse. Similarly, parents can love more than one child. It's just modern western societal norms from a modern interpretation of Abrahamic religions that has this interpretation of monogamy. And traditionally, men were always allowed multiple partners due to patriarchy, maritual fidelity was only imposed on women, which is often the case. Polyamory is just the feminist equivalent. And somehow many people actually have less Sigma associated with betraying a partner than ethical, informed consensual non-monogamy. On that note, I'm polyamorous. There are many ways to do non-monogamy (check out The Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord), but polyamory is centred on multiple LOVING relationships, which may or may not be sexual or romantic - many ace and aro people are in poly relationships. So long as we have open communication and honesty and there's informed consent about where our personal boundaries are and EVERYONE can agree to the safer sex agreements and relationship boundaries I'm happy.
I remember a long time ago I met you guys in a bar and they wanted me to go back to their place and I did that was my first time being in a three-way. We were having a good time and all that and the one boyfriend fell asleep, but I was attracted to the other guy more than I was the one that fell asleep . The problem was that early in the morning fell asleep. I got sent that we were more into each other. . It caused drama because he was jealous and in the morning time I got up and I just laughed and I was like thank you have a good day and I never saw them again.. after that experience, I was like OK I think I would not want to be in a relationship and hooking up with another guy .
I think it’s never going to work out. That’s just me and my opinion. My close friend had opened relationships and they end up separating and they were together quite sometimes. I just don’t see pure and honest love in an open relationship. I just think, if you’re going to have an open relationship, might as well stay single and have a F*** buddy with no commitment.
I have seen soooo many Monogamous Relationships only to find out first hand --- Not as monogamous or Happy as they say there are. It's an outlet for Sex thats all... Working here
It can be frustrating to be in a relationship with vastly different sex drives between the 2 partners. Opening up could be a means to relieve that but it's not the only solution, just a possible one.
I agreed to an open relationship, despite not wanting it open. Huge mistake ! I am monogamous oriented. It broke my heart for 16 years to be with someone who demanded this to be open.
Huh, I actually started to watch the video in the hope of getting some idea if it works or not. So a really interesting question and comments. My own embarrassingly limited experience doesn't give any clear answer, but maybe it should be looked at as a tool rather than "a yes/no ground rule". If I connect with someone on a deep emotional level, that would be the northern star. If that person needs the occasional unique lust satisfaction, maybe it is worth to at least have the option, and keep the relationship, rather than have it as a permanent state. Just food for thought
I think an open relationship only works if both partners have the same number of sexual partners outside the relationship. Otherwise, it creates social and sexual inequality in a personal space, which is neither fair nor right when trying to build a life together. It’s akin to your dad having a steak while your mom eats simple pasta just because he makes more money than she does. Intimacy and creating a home together are about being in one unit, regardless of external/social evaluations. However, access to sex can vary for many gay couples, particularly in mixed couples (different age, race, social class, etc.), leading to inherent inequalities in sexual access. Unfortunately, sexual demands can significantly impact a gay man’s sense of self-worth and interpersonal dynamics. This disparity can affect the overall dynamics of the relationship and how we perceive fairness and intimacy, ultimately shaking the investment of time and energy in the relationship.
Every open relationship I’ve known has ended with them breaking up. One friend of mine fell in love with that person he saw continuously. Broke up and started a closed relationship with the other person. WTH. Open relationships to me seems like a selfish way of life. What do you need a relationship for in that case. I don’t want a roommate. They never seemed to work from where I sit. And just because they last for five years doesn’t mean it’s working. You are only fooling yourself.
Okay, so open relationships are not in yours or your partner's wheel house! I get it! The thing to remember is that there is a whole spectrum of relationship building that **ESPECIALLY** is prevalent in the Gay male population. Most of the open relationships I've been privy to have had very well defined boundaries and guidelines "of engagement!" I've seen another channel's video on the prevalence of open relationships. They were saying in a majority of their practice, they witnessed a vast majority of couple in a closed-circuit, monogamous relationship. Me I'm a man who had to undergo a surgical vagina because of anal cancer moving to my genitals. I have to be extra deliberate in the sex I have. I am now **just** 53. Couple those things together, I have to settle down, and think about what kinds of sex and relationships I have... I would advise staying non-judgmental with other's relationships, while honoring your own!
Open relationships only work when you keep the 'possibility' of sleeping with someone else open. You both are 'open' to it. It can happen, but your main partner (or partners) are still your main partner and your main focus. People always forget the second word, "relationship". When you're both just sleeping around that eventually becomes unsatisfying emotionally. And it may take years, but eventually two things happen, a) you become less emotionally attached if they're sleeping with lots of other people and b) one persons body count always, always, way exceeds the other persons and it then will become an issue. I'm not advocating for or against it. Its a constant tightrope walk but some people do need it, just keep the numbers low and be respectful. I mean, if you've given your partner a Valentine rose and they know for a fact you've already had 'another' Valentine session today, it's not special is it.
One advocate for open relationships said that sex is just another biological function, like taking a $h!t. Open relationships can work when BOTH partners in the relationship are not by nature monogamous. They do NOT work when one partner is by nature monogamous and the other is not.
Personally, I think being monogamous sextually is the result of pure love, maybe it sounds a liitle childish, but for me, I would feel really bad to share my companion with another one, it feels like there're thousands of pins piercing my heart.
It should be pretty clear just how complicated and unsettled this topic is, and how much it depends on the specific people involved, but let’s get into the negative ways that we judge each other about it! 1. I’ve seen monogamous gays get *extremely* mean and righteous about this, for all the same old reasons. (Just look at a few comments here, in fact!) 2. I’ve seen gays in open relationships who love to perform what a great time they’re having, when the reality of their relationship(s) definitely doesn’t match up to how they’re representing everything. It should be obvious that both sides of this are bad, and yet we find reasons to shut down dating, end relationships or just generally be terrible to one another over it. Maybe if we got rid of the binary thinking, we could figure out what’s right for each of us…
My closest friend and his husband have been in an open relationship for over 20 years. Their relationship is rock solid. Expecting your partner to provide you with 100% of your physical and psychological needs is delusional. I believe that is why the gay LTR is a rarity. Expectations from mimicking the fantasy perfect hetero marriage are ridiculous when half of those marriages fail.
Many aspects of sex are not physical needs, but are social/psychological wants. It's also interesting that much of the gay community feels entitled to and expects to have 100% of our wants.
I don't share, and I feel that intimate relationships are tough enough just dealing with 2 personalities. I know 2 couples that identify as swingers and it seems to work for them. To each their own, as long as it's consensual, and everything ain't for everybody.
My partner of 8 years and I have a monogamous relationship but I found out recently that I was the only one being monogamous. We almost broke up over the lies and betrayal. Now he wants an open relationship or to bring home a 3rd. We have great sex both hot and loving I realy dont see the point of compicating matters. First he said "its just sex means nothing" now he says he doesn't see why a person cant love more than one person at once. I dont k ow what to do, I love him and love my life. Its probably the begining of the end 😢
My partner and I have been together for just over 30 years. We have an age gap of 19 years. We are in a monogamous relationship although although there was cheating on 3 occasions which almost ended the relationship. Every open relationship I have seen has imploded, collapsed or fallen apart after a year or three. I think you may think you can make it work but nature intervenes. I'm also demi-sexual which means I need an emotional interest to be sexually attracted. And that can lead to huge problems.
For me, sex is not the most important or sacred part of the relationship. Honesty and loyalty are far more important. Me and my partner (8 years together now) floated the open relationship a few years ago, entirely mutually, and tried it, and it's worked. We're not massively promiscuous, in about 2 years we've had 2 threesomes, and a couple of other encounters each, so I guess this "monogamish?" Label fits. We still mostly have sex together. We're completely honest and openly communicate with each other. We both know that it's just about experimentation and spicing things up every now and then, never getting into romantic territory with other guys. It's all about being on the same page. I don't think it's going to work for everyone, particularly if it's suggested by only one side, but it can work. Straight couples have been swinging for decades too.
I believe the word "monogamish" is pronounced like "mongamy", but instead of the "ee" sound at the end, you replace that with "ish". "muh-NAH-guh-mish" instead of "muh-NAH-guh-mee".
I have never been in an open relationship and never would. I could not handle knowing my partner was sleeping with another man, and I could never sleep with another man when in a relationship. i do not understand why men go into open relationships. Why not just say you are dating. Why say it is a relationship. I would be interested to hear how many (%) open relationships break apart versus how many (%) monogamous relationships break apart.
Oh and on the monogamish, believe it’s essentially permission for extramarital affairs. Emotion, flirting, even love. Open should just be about sex. Couldn’t do either. 😂
They can work, but you shouldn’t do it at the beginning, but relationships change and you are not together because of sex, that dies, especially after 20 years.
Having sex all the time isn't realistic. We are human and get used to identifying patterns. Sex shouldn't "die" if you love the person; it'll just happen less frequently. Shallow relationships have shallow endings. Every relationship that I've seen where you base dating off how hot/cute someone is, is destined to fail.
I was in an open relationship with my partner of 39 years, who has since passed. At first I was reluctant and it was, at times, a challenge. I am grateful for my partner’s love and support and our decision to have an honest, loving and caring relationship. We mostly shared our relationship with others who were interested in us as a couple. This is not for everyone. We always put our relationship first and made it clear to others. We never used the word should but rather shall we…I miss him so and I’m grateful for our journey together.
Monogamous relationships are difficult enough. People basically have difficulty admitting they are sick but do not want to go to the doctor? But if it does get cured in 4 days it is beyond home remedy. So that mindset will be navigating how we, apart or in tandem, bring others into this previously closed relationship. And negotiating a throuple while intriguing in theory, makes my head explode in contemplating three really good non-jealous people gay communicators under one roof! And here is the take away : there is a huge explosion of STD's & STI's and anti-biotic resistant diseases and it's the 21rst Century and we STILL have scabies and crab lice!! 😮 Everyone wants to bareback but get regular sexual disease testing?? Because its restricting and suffocating wearing a condom, and what is a dental dam anyway. Excuse me while l get into my scuba gear to have sex!!😂😂😊❤
It doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t imagine having to worry about who my own partner is sleeping with. If he used protection, picked up an STI, if he’s sleeping with more people than he’s saying… this just sounds stressful, and not worth it and not a healthy relationship. Nope. Life is stressful enough and the point of dating is your partner brings you peace.
8 billion plus people on the planet, 8 billion plus definitions... people have to make commitment rules for their pairing. The homosexual lifestyle when it was illegal and/or undercover, was a driving force for promiscuity. Being a romantic, the highly sexualized crowd seems a bit extreme
If you are comfortable talking about it, I would love to know how your sex life may or may not differ due to your age gap. I am Mike's age and have been in an age gap relationship with the same gap as you boys. Although our sex drives are still similar, the equipment doesn't always work the same. At some point, likely in the coming years, things will likely change. Can you guys discuss this from your point of view and experience please. IMO, it will change....thoughts?
I don’t believe in open relationships as far as I’m concerned the person you are with doesn’t love you like they say they do if they can sleep with other men and as far as I’m concerned they are cheating on you I myself would not have this and I would get out of that relationship as fast as I could because they will end up cheating on you. An open relationship never works and never will plus you don’t know if they are having safe sex and they could bring home a disease and pass it onto you and then they leave you anyway so why put yourself through it. It would also make you feel inadequate to the point that you are not good enough for that person and you lack in something that you can’t give to that person so from my personal point of view I say NO to an open relationship and would tell the person who wants one go find someone else it may hurt you at the time but it better to be safe than sorry and put up with a cheater that doesn’t love you enough to be faithful to you.
i never had a boyfriend. at 56, if i ever find a boyfriend before I die, I'm going to say no. But I can imagine the 3some thing based on the fact that I have fetishes and fantasies and would expect my husnad would too. But.... that would be far down the line. I dont judge. what works for others as long as they are happey and noone gets hurt, I'm supportive.
I hope that you find a wonderful, loving, funny, compassionate, sincere and respectful boyfriend to share this journey through life. I’m rooting for you.❤
You all want people to respect your choice to have a same sex relationship but you can't extend the same courtesy to a couple who wants to have a non-monogamous relationship? It just boggles my mind. Most of the comments about the pros and cons are not even helpful or thoughtful, just judgmental.
Overall imo i could never ever be in an open relationship!! Over my dead body lmao. It’s beyond me how some people have a lack of self worth and are totally comfortable with the thought of someone’s fifth wheel when things are mostly only about sex. On the other hand I could care less about this bs. That shallow excuse of a „rElAtIoNsHiP“ without any proper commitment to yourself or your significant is what I stay faaaarr away from smh. I would rather stay single and mind my own business then be with someone that is so on and off and is seeking physical/emotional affection from a gazillion other bi***es. Even if these relationships would work. It’s kinda shitty towards the third person (if it affects him/her) only to be someone’s bootycall on dial ..
I have never seen one, gay or straight, that worked. I suppose it depends on what you consider a successful relationship. I could never and would never want to do it.
Personally it’s a no from me. But when you think about the amount of cheating that goes on you in an open relationship without your consent anyway. If people want that freedom why be in a relationship it’s just selfish stay single. All they want is someone to play there fool and rely on there more commit partner to bolster the life while the piss all over the people they profess to love. Right. I think that a lot of people put up with it later in life as fear of being alone starts to become more of a reality.
I’ve had ‘open’ relationships. Needless to say they didn’t last. For some it works on some kind of disfunctional level but I think it takes a certain type of person. I cannot believe that if you don’t really care or mind your partner going around bedding other people then do you really honestly care or love that person anyway? And do you love yourself enough for that matter? To think that it is some kind ‘alternative’ lifestyle and is healthy for you or your partner. Really? Or is it that you’re too much of a coward to go it alone with all the financial ramifications, friendships, lifestyle and family that could be affected and see your relationship as some kind of weird business deal. I know people that have or are ‘open’ but it never is as honest and clear cut as is implied. In fact most of the time it’s all smoke and mirrors and frankly must be exhausting. Someone is always getting the better deal as it were. I think most of the people are self absorbed narcissists. Always declaring their undying love and respect for each other while at the same time showing the complete opposite. It’s total bs. If you are reducing the intimacy and sexual act down to some kind of body function there’s something obviously wrong with you. I’d say you are clearly damaged and should be avoided at all costs. It’s one of the many facets of gay culture I find totally vacuous and kind of revolting. It takes courage, hard work, trust and commitment to make a long lasting, meaningful partnership to mature. Qualities these people clearly lack.
Playing together isn't what I'd categorize as open, those are just 3ways. I know couples who are in open relationships but they never seem to last. They can last a long time. It eventually gets too one-sided. There's usually one who initially agrees to it because they are comfortable in life and don't want change. They also begin having less sex together. I've only known one or two couples that have lasted more than 20 years and they've never been open. In my opinion, family ties and friendship, children strengthen monogamous relationships because more is at stake. My last observation is that if you see a couple that agrees to go open and play seperately, and one has a lot of outside sex while the other can't or won't, it won't last. The relationship deteriorates.
I was monogamous for 20 years. My partner of 20 years, married 11 years. He passed away April 2022 from Glioblastoma brain cancer. He was my soul mate. I think Apps' have destroyed monogamy and turned many into narcissistic sex addicts, based on what I've seen out there, tried dating someone who lied non-stop to me, went through his phone (to confirm my gut feelings I was having) which I was right, and left him. I know my chances of meeting someone not on apps is really low, but i'm not willing to alter my expectations, standards or values, or settle.
I agree with you about the apps and I don’t use them because of how toxic and boring they are. Best of luck to you I hope you meet someone off the app. I’m on the same journey.
Hey Nick! I’m a new fan. Love most of your videos but sometimes (considering your gay life “longevity”) you come across a tad judgmental and borderline self-righteous, specially today with this topic. You don’t sound like you’re really interested in other opinions but to make the point that you’re 💯 against it. 😅 Xoxo 😘
And that's ok! He doesn't need to be willing to have an open relationship!!! I personally would never have an open relationship. An open relationship is more about sex than love!
@@alemarcondess That’s fine. Both of you made up your minds. Awesome. Then no need to act like we want to have an open discussion about a topic we feel so strongly about. 😉
No judgement. This is just my experience. I've gone along with an open relationship when it was either accept it or we're done, and I hated it. I've also tried an open relationship after discussing it with my long-term partner (different relationship) at the time, and still hated it. It seems to work for some couples, but not for us. Watching someone I love balls deep inside a stranger was devastating and it nearly broke us. We'll never ever try it again.
@@kernow9324 ya I totally feel the same thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
I really don't understand the point of an open relationship if you care about somebody. And love them. How could you share that person with somebody else..?. Or how could that person just wanna go out and hook up with somebody for sex? It's not worth it.. Better just end Or find somebody that you're really compatible with. Because most people are just never satisfied
If the option is accept it or we are done, I guess I take the second option any day. I don't have anything against open relationship, but don't like to have people try to impose their views on me. Blackmailing is not my cup of tea.
The real issue is the ultimatum "accept it or we're done". Well ok we're DONE. Successful relationships don't operate that way of giving ultimatums.
@@vititom Exactly. Successful relationships don't operate on ultimatums and you can't make someone change.
I spent 22 years in a open relationship , and in the end i ended up on my own , i will never have one again
@@DavidMorgan-m3r wow 22 years yikes 😬 I’m sorry 😢 ❤️ thank you for sharing it with me
22 years in a relationship I would consider a success.
😮
Nick, it isn’t your opinion. I’m same-sex attracted myself and I’ve struggled with this for most of my life. Personally, I would be a one man man myself.
Even being a believer on the Lord Jesus Christ, but I still have these feelings I believe the Lord has given me the power to be celibate.
You’ve heard before God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. My flesh side would love to have a partner, but spiritually I know it won’t work.
The truth is Jesus loves us more than any of these men ever could. He loved us enough to give his life for us so that we wouldn’t have to perish in hell. A place that was created for the devil and his angels.
Please consider and don’t throw that away.
@@patcola7335 that is your homophobia talking
In my very early out days while single I recall asking a counseling therapist friend if couples could have a successful relationship and be open. His answer was "Yes, they can, but you have to go through a phase of monogamy where you first build trust in your relationship."
From my own experience with open relationship and the stories that I have heard, I think it can work, if it is your thing, when you establish it from the start or to ease yourself into a serious monogamous relationship. But the moment you become monogamous with your partner, it is over. Trying to start an open relationship when you are in a monogamous relation is almost guaranteed to destroy it and usually a big red flag that your partner is cheating or want to cheat on you with someone specific.
Another gay youtuber studied open relationships. He said that of all the open relationship couples he met, 80 per cent of those couples who were open, we not having sex with each other.
@@batmore1 ok so just about the same percentage as for exclusive couples :)
Duh, an open relationship suggesting literally means they're no longer attracted sexually. It's cope to have your cake and eat it too.
Open relationship is mostly a way of staying in a stable relationship which is no longer exciting like pornography, but allows the person to still feel like they are not single (which makes people feel there is something wrong with them).
Something like: I want the safety of being in a relationship combined with the diversity of living a pornographic video in real life whenever I want.
For a long time I was very much against open relationships. I came to realize that if other people want one, it's not up to me to judge them, but it's not for me. It requieres a level of detachment I am not capable of. I do not see s*x and love within a relationship as two seperate things, I think they're two sides of the same coin.
I still believe very much that people who are in an open relationship have issues, either personal issues and/or between them, that are unadressed, and their relationship status is an illusionary solution to problems that have got nothing to do with being monogamous or not. But again: that doesn't allow me to judge people who do make that choice.
And last but not least: I've never seen a succesful open relationship (as opposed to closed relationships between 3 people, I know several sustainable and durable throuples that perfectly fulfill all persons in them). Usually people decide to have an open relationship when they've passed some kind of point of no return, and people outside of the relationship can already see that it's just a matter of time before it ends anyhow. It's like straight people having a baby to repair their relationship, and ending up divorcing 2 years later.
Hi Nick, I was involved in two different throuples and it just was too much. I'll stick to being with one person, I'm like you, I can't take having my man be intimate with someone else and then come home to me. I've hooked up with guys that were in open relationships and I felt so alone cause they had to go home to their boyfriends after we played around. My heart can't take that anymore.
It’s all about communication. When it was suggested that I accept in an open relationship, it was very easy for me to COMMUNICATE to my divorce attorney.
Been together for ten years. Trying monogomish to spice up our sex life for fun.. It’s not like an open relationship for us like other couples who identify as open. We only do stuff together and it’s very rare. No one is going out alone or on dating apps. We never do anything solo and usually only if it’s on vacation and vibe with someone. It’s only been twice in the past year.
So the term monogomish (pronounced like monogamy with an ish at the end) works for us cause if we said open people take it as they might be able to sleep with us alone or that we are down and looking. Which isn’t the case.
I'm a 70 yr old gay man and I've seen it all. The answer is no, they don't work.
You clearly have not seen it all. Open isn't my thing either but I''ve seen seen several work quite well for them. All depends on the couple
@@John-bi1lv We can agree to disagree. I'm a retired psychiatrist and I've counseled hundreds if not thousands of gay men and I've never seen an open relationship the lasted or ended well.
.
Perhaps the open relationships that worked didn’t need to see you.
@damienmcneal5534 Excellent rebuttal! I agree 💯
@@damienmcneal5534 was thinking same, been 31 years for mine but never needed to tell a psychiatrist i'm happy and how we are.
For my husband and I have worked so far and, we've been together for 11 years.
My husband and I have been together since 1998. And our relationship has always been open. We don't make it a habit of staying over night at someone else's place, but that is about our only rule. And we are still happily together. We can't really make each other jealous. It's not for everyone, but, for us, it works.
That’s awesome I’m glad it works for you guys 🌈❤️
I am happy for you two.. would you mind answering a question or two? Are you guys still sexually active together, without the others? Is it as frequent as you both would like? Is it easy and enjoyable for both of you? And would things be OK if one person or the other wanted to close the relationship? Thank you for indulging me..
@@wongles A pity you're not getting any answers...
@@wonglesthe answer to all your questions is probably no
It might just be the people I know, but I've yet to see an open relationship where the partners can even be faithful to the "rules" they mutually agreed upon, whether that's no repeats, no doing it in the bed they share together, no kissing, no anal sex, whatever.
Rules for me are key. Open within reason. It's a big topic in the community for sure.
I have yet to know a couple with an open relationship where they both strictly observe the rules.
ThankU Nick. Having failed in romantic relationships, I resigned from dating in 2007. How any 2 stay together is a miracle to me.
I didn't want to be celibate, so I became involved with men in open relationships, with one of the partners. 3 times. They were friendly, loving, respectful. With one in particular the sex was stratospheric and mystical, I can die a happy man because of him. However, it became tedious to be entirely dependent on his/their timing of availability. And, ahem, the relationships reclosed. Nothing to be done. I vowed to myself that next time it had to be someone single
Excellent topic, Nick!!! I like yourself am NOT for an open relationship at least at this point and time.
Very brave talk. I agreed with you. I've seen many couples have many issues in open relationships. Thanks this video gives a good brief description about open relationships to young new lgbtq+ freshers. . Keep it up. ❤
Thank you for the comment I really appreciate it ❤️
This relationship type, I personally couldn't do. If my partner wanted more than my love and devotion, he really isn't in love with me.
The best recipe for an open relationship? A situation of a low sex drive guy, older or younger, and a higher sex drive guy, usually younger, with widely different tastes in men, in a "relationship" that becomes a loving best-friends situation that makes the other guys around us a bit jealous. These situations are the ones that work long term.
That makes sense ❤️😊 thank you for the comment
Well
Monogamous is the best for us.
I have seen enough from other couple that were open and now they are separated and they hate each other.
I respect others' lives but it is not my cup of tea either.
Cheers from Canada
Carlos 🇲🇽🇨🇦
Thanks Carlos ❤️
Monogamy for me is a clear essential of a true and genuine deep love. Monogamy is NOT monotony. It is much safer.
@@ronsmith2241 ❤️❤️❤️ thank you for this
No such thing. It's just FWB who live together for convenience
I couldn’t do it just not wired to handle it emotionally. I can’t wrap my mind around someone looking me in the face and telling me they love me then crawl into bed with someone else . I’ve had friends who did it and some were happy but most didn’t end well .
I’m I’m a 15 year relationship. Never would have an open relationship. If a partner suggested that, to me that says “ I’m bored with you, I need other people” . If my partner wanted that, I’d show him the front door!!
What if he owns half the house?
No judgement here but I come from the same background as you and can’t handle the thought of a partner being intimate with anyone else. Would ruin the sacredness of our commitment to each other. I’ve never seen a strong, loving, open relationship.
With rare exceptions, it's indicative of an unhealthy relationship for any number of reasons, such as denial of fundamental incompatibility, sexual addiction of one or both partners, callous disregard for the feelings and well-being of one's partner, detachment from intimacy, selfishness, and fear (of being alone, financial loss if financially entwined, etc.). Not to mention the health risks, many of which may be cured (crabs, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomoniasis, most cases of monkeypox, etc.), but others which cannot (herpes, HIV, HPV, Hepatitis B, etc.). Of course, the risk of infecting one's partner is lower if no longer being sexually intimate.
Someone in an open relationship once told me that sex doesn't mean anything and it's just like any other human need, like taking a sh*t. What a wonderfully endearing analogy.
If one wants to sleep around, just stay single.
All that said, everyone has the right to live as they choose, provided it's not hurting others or violating their rights. Live and let live.
❤️❤️❤️ very good points here thank you 😊 Live and Let Live
Yessss omg exactly!!!!!!!!
This one phrase "If one wants to sleep around, just stay single." resonates so much with me. I've gone through stages, but in periods that I just feel like sleeping around, I make sure not to be in a relationship.
@@MarkovianMan 🙄
There is a big difference between an open relationship and a poly relationship. I personally cant hamdle an open relationship but maybe after a long conversation may be open to a poly relationship.
I think the 'work or not work' depends upon the couple (or throuple). It probably also depends upon upbringing (to some extent) and expectations. I am a 64 YO gay man and my experience is 'they don't work for me.' I was married after high school to my HS girlfriend. Our relationship (about 9 years) was monogamous until we legally separated.
I then had a long term male partner (lived together close to a decade). We were monogamous for the first few years. Since we were each other's 'firsts' he wanted to experiment; I didn't but I went along with it for a couple years. It was not emotionally or physically comfortable for me, but i was in love with him and wanted to save the relationship.
We had only 2 rules: play safe and be honest (i.e., he had to tell me when he slept with another man). That sorta worked for a year or more. But then he brought scabies home twice and gave it to me. Then crabs. Then he topped an HIV+ man without protection. When he told me that, I said no more and that was the last time I touched him.
We had both been brought up quite religious (me: Methodist, him: Catholic). Religious upbringing did not seem to have an impact on his behavior. But it did mine. I never felt guilty about geing gay, but somehow cheating seemed like breaking a vow.
Wow thank you for this ❤️ how are you now ?
@AuthenNick I live quietly and haven't dated anyone since 2003! After I broke up with my male partner, I dated a couple men for a year or 2. But I never completely clicked with them. I always lived and worked (38 years, Navy employee) in very conservative areas. I was 'outed' at work in 1992, which made things VERY difficult for several years.
Until I moved in 2023, my ex, his current partner, and I lived on the same street 2 blocks apart for over 20 years. So I saw them almost daily. They are not fully monogamous and never really tried to be. I consider them close friends (my ex is more like a brother to me now).
During all those years together and his searching, he found what he wanted (he is my age but his current partner is 22 years older). His preferred type is older, beefy daddies. When I realized I could never be that, it made accepting the break up easier on me. (I guess you would describe me as a twink in my younger days; even now I still look much younger than my age (if you ignore the salt and pepper hair) and am still 6' and around 130 lbs). The irony is that my ex regards me as more physically attractive now (at 64 YO) than he did when we were a young couple.
If your partners your best friend you don’t have anything to worry about. The emotional bond of friendship is stronger than a hookup. For me personally there’s a factor of jealousy. Though I discovered very early on that monogamy among gay men is about as rare as hens teeth. Experience taught me they were gonna do it anyway. So as loyal as I tend to be, I accept that most guys aren’t. I also always felt it was wrong to ask someone I love to miss out on an experience they want. Life’s too short for that.
Thank you for that ❤️😊 very good points
Hi! In my opinion, I would never be in an open relationship. I had never been in one, but my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a couple of friends who were in open relationships doing it with each other , and they wanted to include my ex-boyfriend and me in their "repertoire". In the end, many "couples" ended up separated and angry with each other.
Ughhh I’m so sorry 😢 that sucks
Monogamous relationship involves love and commitment. Making love is more enjoyable because it's meaningful. Not to mention it's safer. Open relationship is more about sex. It sears out the meaning of faithfulness and it's risky 🏳️🌈
💯💯💯
I’ve been with my husband for 31 years. I don’t care who he f***s. There’s so many more important things in a relationship. Honesty and integrity are key. And hygiene!
I hope he doesn't bring a disease home to you.
@@garybregel1572 Yeah, I've seen that happen to a close friend who was in an open relationship. Fortunately, it was treatable. He was lucky. In the end, the relationship didn't last.
Yeah, that's the first thing I thought about.
Really would encourage you to have someone on who knows what they're talking about. Most of the longest lasting relationships that I know are open. Unfortunately many become open only after their relationship is falling apart, so a lot of anecdotes really are not great evidence.
Ok cool
Fr. This video is basically just an echo chamber for people hurt by cheating
Most people are in some form of open relationship, they just don’t know it. It’s called cheating, which most of you or your spouses do anyway🤷♂️
You might want to explore your prejudices towards the gay community and inquiere where they come from. My experience is that this kind of statement comes from a place of internalized homophobia, and you'll feel a lot better and more confident when you manage to get rid of this belief.
MOST is the operative word here. Poll your family and friends. If they were to give you an HONEST answer, you wouldn’t be asking me to get rid of this belief, as far as cheating is concerned.
@@dk5802 Thank you for confirming your belief.
I try open
And it failed
I would not do it again
Funny how the question never is "Exclusive relationships, do they work?"
in my experience open relationships last longer than exclusive relationship and they are much more fun , my husband and i have been in an open relationship for 25 years and we love it 🙂
That’s awesome ❤️ I’m glad this is what I was wondering I know everyone has different experiences
Although you mentioned open relationships you seem to be talking about ethical non-monogamy in general so I'll weigh in.
For me I don't have a choice - I am polyamorous by relational orientation.
But if we have to argue as if it's without principles not an innate orientation (which I shouldn't have to but I'll entertain it) then, my counter to the "real love is finding THE ONE" crowd is, the way I see it, love is about wanting your partner to be happy.
I could not imagine controlling them by demanding they only get their happiness and fulfillment through me and limit their relational growth and experiences to what they can get from me.
Similarly I would never want to be with someone who doesn't want me to love authentically to me, and I am capable of loving more than one person.
Jealousy should not be a stronger force than love. As kids we are taught that we are able to love more than one friend and just see them as different, not "better" or worse.
Similarly, parents can love more than one child. It's just modern western societal norms from a modern interpretation of Abrahamic religions that has this interpretation of monogamy.
And traditionally, men were always allowed multiple partners due to patriarchy, maritual fidelity was only imposed on women, which is often the case.
Polyamory is just the feminist equivalent. And somehow many people actually have less Sigma associated with betraying a partner than ethical, informed consensual non-monogamy.
On that note, I'm polyamorous. There are many ways to do non-monogamy (check out The Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord), but polyamory is centred on multiple LOVING relationships, which may or may not be sexual or romantic - many ace and aro people are in poly relationships.
So long as we have open communication and honesty and there's informed consent about where our personal boundaries are and EVERYONE can agree to the safer sex agreements and relationship boundaries I'm happy.
Thank you 😊
For me monogamy is the only way to go. I can't imagine being with anyone other than the man I love. Our intimacy is for us alone.
I feel the same way ❤️🌈😍 thank you
Nope I couldn't do that I would get to jealous
I remember a long time ago I met you guys in a bar and they wanted me to go back to their place and I did that was my first time being in a three-way.
We were having a good time and all that and the one boyfriend fell asleep, but I was attracted to the other guy more than I was the one that fell asleep .
The problem was that early in the morning fell asleep. I got sent that we were more into each other. . It caused drama because he was jealous and in the morning time I got up and I just laughed and I was like thank you have a good day and I never saw them again..
after that experience, I was like OK I think I would not want to be in a relationship and hooking up with another guy .
I think it’s never going to work out. That’s just me and my opinion. My close friend had opened relationships and they end up separating and they were together quite sometimes. I just don’t see pure and honest love in an open relationship. I just think, if you’re going to have an open relationship, might as well stay single and have a F*** buddy with no commitment.
I have seen soooo many Monogamous Relationships only to find out first hand --- Not as monogamous or Happy as they say there are. It's an outlet for Sex thats all... Working here
That’s great man and I totally agree 👍 I guess it really just depends on the person and situations
It can be frustrating to be in a relationship with vastly different sex drives between the 2 partners. Opening up could be a means to relieve that but it's not the only solution, just a possible one.
I agreed to an open relationship, despite not wanting it open. Huge mistake ! I am monogamous oriented. It broke my heart for 16 years to be with someone who demanded this to be open.
Huh, I actually started to watch the video in the hope of getting some idea if it works or not. So a really interesting question and comments.
My own embarrassingly limited experience doesn't give any clear answer, but maybe it should be looked at as a tool rather than "a yes/no ground rule". If I connect with someone on a deep emotional level, that would be the northern star.
If that person needs the occasional unique lust satisfaction, maybe it is worth to at least have the option, and keep the relationship, rather than have it as a permanent state. Just food for thought
Isn’t an open relationship somewhat like having a roommate?
you could say the SAME of Monogamous
@@timothyj1966 true for some couples.
I think an open relationship only works if both partners have the same number of sexual partners outside the relationship. Otherwise, it creates social and sexual inequality in a personal space, which is neither fair nor right when trying to build a life together.
It’s akin to your dad having a steak while your mom eats simple pasta just because he makes more money than she does. Intimacy and creating a home together are about being in one unit, regardless of external/social evaluations.
However, access to sex can vary for many gay couples, particularly in mixed couples (different age, race, social class, etc.), leading to inherent inequalities in sexual access.
Unfortunately, sexual demands can significantly impact a gay man’s sense of self-worth and interpersonal dynamics.
This disparity can affect the overall dynamics of the relationship and how we perceive fairness and intimacy, ultimately shaking the investment of time and energy in the relationship.
Every open relationship I’ve known has ended with them breaking up. One friend of mine fell in love with that person he saw continuously. Broke up and started a closed relationship with the other person. WTH. Open relationships to me seems like a selfish way of life. What do you need a relationship for in that case. I don’t want a roommate. They never seemed to work from where I sit. And just because they last for five years doesn’t mean it’s working. You are only fooling yourself.
💯💯💯💯
Okay, so open relationships are not in yours or your partner's wheel house! I get it! The thing to remember is that there is a whole spectrum of relationship building that **ESPECIALLY** is prevalent in the Gay male population. Most of the open relationships I've been privy to have had very well defined boundaries and guidelines "of engagement!" I've seen another channel's video on the prevalence of open relationships. They were saying in a majority of their practice, they witnessed a vast majority of couple in a closed-circuit, monogamous relationship. Me I'm a man who had to undergo a surgical vagina because of anal cancer moving to my genitals. I have to be extra deliberate in the sex I have. I am now **just** 53. Couple those things together, I have to settle down, and think about what kinds of sex and relationships I have... I would advise staying non-judgmental with other's relationships, while honoring your own!
Yep 100% that’s exactly what I did
@@johnmaxwell8655 Amen!!!
@@AuthenNick Sure, Jan. 😝
Open relationships only work when you keep the 'possibility' of sleeping with someone else open. You both are 'open' to it. It can happen, but your main partner (or partners) are still your main partner and your main focus. People always forget the second word, "relationship". When you're both just sleeping around that eventually becomes unsatisfying emotionally. And it may take years, but eventually two things happen, a) you become less emotionally attached if they're sleeping with lots of other people and b) one persons body count always, always, way exceeds the other persons and it then will become an issue. I'm not advocating for or against it. Its a constant tightrope walk but some people do need it, just keep the numbers low and be respectful. I mean, if you've given your partner a Valentine rose and they know for a fact you've already had 'another' Valentine session today, it's not special is it.
One advocate for open relationships said that sex is just another biological function, like taking a $h!t.
Open relationships can work when BOTH partners in the relationship are not by nature monogamous. They do NOT work when one partner is by nature monogamous and the other is not.
Personally, I think being monogamous sextually is the result of pure love, maybe it sounds a liitle childish, but for me, I would feel really bad to share my companion with another one, it feels like there're thousands of pins piercing my heart.
Yess I feel this
love and being in a open relationship have no connection at all
@@raphaelpaulian Amen ! I know if I had a partner I would want to be committed for life.
you're 100% wrong 🙂
@@patcola7335 you can be committed for life in an open relationship 🙂
It should be pretty clear just how complicated and unsettled this topic is, and how much it depends on the specific people involved, but let’s get into the negative ways that we judge each other about it! 1. I’ve seen monogamous gays get *extremely* mean and righteous about this, for all the same old reasons. (Just look at a few comments here, in fact!) 2. I’ve seen gays in open relationships who love to perform what a great time they’re having, when the reality of their relationship(s) definitely doesn’t match up to how they’re representing everything. It should be obvious that both sides of this are bad, and yet we find reasons to shut down dating, end relationships or just generally be terrible to one another over it. Maybe if we got rid of the binary thinking, we could figure out what’s right for each of us…
Love this ❤️🌈 thank you for this 👆
It may be the other than sex part that attracts..like personality, lifestyles, histories, etc.
My closest friend and his husband have been in an open relationship for over 20 years. Their relationship is rock solid.
Expecting your partner to provide you with 100% of your physical and psychological needs is delusional. I believe that is why the gay LTR is a rarity. Expectations from mimicking the fantasy perfect hetero marriage are ridiculous when half of those marriages fail.
Interesting 🤔
Many aspects of sex are not physical needs, but are social/psychological wants. It's also interesting that much of the gay community feels entitled to and expects to have 100% of our wants.
I don't share, and I feel that intimate relationships are tough enough just dealing with 2 personalities. I know 2 couples that identify as swingers and it seems to work for them. To each their own, as long as it's consensual, and everything ain't for everybody.
💯💯💯 thank you for the comment ❤️
My partner of 8 years and I have a monogamous relationship but I found out recently that I was the only one being monogamous. We almost broke up over the lies and betrayal. Now he wants an open relationship or to bring home a 3rd. We have great sex both hot and loving I realy dont see the point of compicating matters. First he said "its just sex means nothing" now he says he doesn't see why a person cant love more than one person at once. I dont k ow what to do, I love him and love my life. Its probably the begining of the end 😢
I’m sorry buddy that is a tough one 😢
My partner and I have been together for just over 30 years. We have an age gap of 19 years. We are in a monogamous relationship although although there was cheating on 3 occasions which almost ended the relationship. Every open relationship I have seen has imploded, collapsed or fallen apart after a year or three. I think you may think you can make it work but nature intervenes. I'm also demi-sexual which means I need an emotional interest to be sexually attracted. And that can lead to huge problems.
For me, sex is not the most important or sacred part of the relationship. Honesty and loyalty are far more important.
Me and my partner (8 years together now) floated the open relationship a few years ago, entirely mutually, and tried it, and it's worked. We're not massively promiscuous, in about 2 years we've had 2 threesomes, and a couple of other encounters each, so I guess this "monogamish?" Label fits.
We still mostly have sex together. We're completely honest and openly communicate with each other. We both know that it's just about experimentation and spicing things up every now and then, never getting into romantic territory with other guys.
It's all about being on the same page.
I don't think it's going to work for everyone, particularly if it's suggested by only one side, but it can work. Straight couples have been swinging for decades too.
Ya that is true ❤️ have you ever hear of monogamish?!? I was like what the heck is this 🤷🏻♂️
I believe the word "monogamish" is pronounced like "mongamy", but instead of the "ee" sound at the end, you replace that with "ish". "muh-NAH-guh-mish" instead of "muh-NAH-guh-mee".
Ohhh lol that makes more sense 🤦🏻♂️ thank you ❤️
Open relationships may work for some but not for me. I don't share. You're asking for trouble, in my opinion.
Yeah, no shit.
Open is just sex, fantasies it shouldn’t affect your relationship IF is really strong
Mono-gammish sounds like a pasta dish 😊😂❤
😂😂😂 hahaha right I was like what is this
and often the Monogamist types are going to all you can eat Buffets in Secret
Isn’t pasta delicious ? …. Of course u need to know how to cook it
As someone who hasn't dated, I would be willing to try it
I have never been in an open relationship and never would. I could not handle knowing my partner was sleeping with another man, and I could never sleep with another man when in a relationship. i do not understand why men go into open relationships. Why not just say you are dating. Why say it is a relationship. I would be interested to hear how many (%) open relationships break apart versus how many (%) monogamous relationships break apart.
Yessss 💯
The Lust of sexual desires
Oh and on the monogamish, believe it’s essentially permission for extramarital affairs. Emotion, flirting, even love. Open should just be about sex. Couldn’t do either. 😂
What works for one doesn’t work for all up to the individual
They can work, but you shouldn’t do it at the beginning, but relationships change and you are not together because of sex, that dies, especially after 20 years.
Having sex all the time isn't realistic. We are human and get used to identifying patterns. Sex shouldn't "die" if you love the person; it'll just happen less frequently. Shallow relationships have shallow endings. Every relationship that I've seen where you base dating off how hot/cute someone is, is destined to fail.
I was in an open relationship with my partner of 39 years, who has since passed. At first I was reluctant and it was, at times, a challenge. I am grateful for my partner’s love and support and our decision to have an honest, loving and caring relationship. We mostly shared our relationship with others who were interested in us as a couple. This is not for everyone. We always put our relationship first and made it clear to others. We never used the word should but rather shall we…I miss him so and I’m grateful for our journey together.
Aweee I’m sorry 😢 🌈❤️
Monogamous relationships are difficult enough. People basically have difficulty admitting they are sick but do not want to go to the doctor? But if it does get cured in 4 days it is beyond home remedy. So that mindset will be navigating how we, apart or in tandem, bring others into this previously closed relationship. And negotiating a throuple while intriguing in theory, makes my head explode in contemplating three really good non-jealous people gay communicators under one roof! And here is the take away : there is a huge explosion of STD's & STI's and anti-biotic resistant diseases and it's the 21rst Century and we STILL have scabies and crab lice!! 😮 Everyone wants to bareback but get regular sexual disease testing?? Because its restricting and suffocating wearing a condom, and what is a dental dam anyway. Excuse me while l get into my scuba gear to have sex!!😂😂😊❤
Thank you Nick, there were some diva keypad typos though
I dont think an Open relationship would work for me, if i was in an actual relationship with someone.
Ya I just can’t see it for me but thanks for the comment and support ❤️
It doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t imagine having to worry about who my own partner is sleeping with. If he used protection, picked up an STI, if he’s sleeping with more people than he’s saying… this just sounds stressful, and not worth it and not a healthy relationship. Nope. Life is stressful enough and the point of dating is your partner brings you peace.
8 billion plus people on the planet, 8 billion plus definitions... people have to make commitment rules for their pairing. The homosexual lifestyle when it was illegal and/or undercover, was a driving force for promiscuity. Being a romantic, the highly sexualized crowd seems a bit extreme
Thank you for the comment and showing support ❤️😊
I can't control the actions of another person. I tell men I date if he wants to be with another person thats fine but he can't be with me also.
If you are comfortable talking about it, I would love to know how your sex life may or may not differ due to your age gap. I am Mike's age and have been in an age gap relationship with the same gap as you boys. Although our sex drives are still similar, the equipment doesn't always work the same. At some point, likely in the coming years, things will likely change. Can you guys discuss this from your point of view and experience please. IMO, it will change....thoughts?
Yes they work, move on to the next video.
i got sad before minute 3
I don’t believe in open relationships as far as I’m concerned the person you are with doesn’t love you like they say they do if they can sleep with other men and as far as I’m concerned they are cheating on you I myself would not have this and I would get out of that relationship as fast as I could because they will end up cheating on you. An open relationship never works and never will plus you don’t know if they are having safe sex and they could bring home a disease and pass it onto you and then they leave you anyway so why put yourself through it. It would also make you feel inadequate to the point that you are not good enough for that person and you lack in something that you can’t give to that person so from my personal point of view I say NO to an open relationship and would tell the person who wants one go find someone else it may hurt you at the time but it better to be safe than sorry and put up with a cheater that doesn’t love you enough to be faithful to you.
i never had a boyfriend. at 56, if i ever find a boyfriend before I die, I'm going to say no. But I can imagine the 3some thing based on the fact that I have fetishes and fantasies and would expect my husnad would too. But.... that would be far down the line. I dont judge. what works for others as long as they are happey and noone gets hurt, I'm supportive.
Same here 💯 thanks for the support ❤️
I hope that you find a wonderful, loving, funny, compassionate, sincere and respectful boyfriend to share this journey through life. I’m rooting for you.❤
Been there. Done that. That's hard. Relationships are hard enough without this. If you're stress monkey - good for you. Otherwise, just be real.
You all want people to respect your choice to have a same sex relationship but you can't extend the same courtesy to a couple who wants to have a non-monogamous relationship? It just boggles my mind. Most of the comments about the pros and cons are not even helpful or thoughtful, just judgmental.
You never know if you don't try the 3 way
If you do it together that's one thing. But if one does it behind the other one's back that is clearly something different.
@@garybregel1572 I get and understand that
Overall imo i could never ever be in an open relationship!! Over my dead body lmao. It’s beyond me how some people have a lack of self worth and are totally comfortable with the thought of someone’s fifth wheel when things are mostly only about sex. On the other hand I could care less about this bs. That shallow excuse of a „rElAtIoNsHiP“ without any proper commitment to yourself or your significant is what I stay faaaarr away from smh. I would rather stay single and mind my own business then be with someone that is so on and off and is seeking physical/emotional affection from a gazillion other bi***es. Even if these relationships would work. It’s kinda shitty towards the third person (if it affects him/her) only to be someone’s bootycall on dial ..
I have never seen one, gay or straight, that worked. I suppose it depends on what you consider a successful relationship. I could never and would never want to do it.
Exactly 😊 thank you for the comment as well ❤️
No, not my teacup of Brandy 😉
😂 same here I love that phrase
I personally don't think they work and its definitely not for me. I dont wanna share lol.
No wouldn’t work for us
❤❤
Personally it’s a no from me. But when you think about the amount of cheating that goes on you in an open relationship without your consent anyway. If people want that freedom why be in a relationship it’s just selfish stay single. All they want is someone to play there fool and rely on there more commit partner to bolster the life while the piss all over the people they profess to love. Right. I think that a lot of people put up with it later in life as fear of being alone starts to become more of a reality.
They want to have their cake and eat it too..
I’ve had ‘open’ relationships. Needless to say they didn’t last. For some it works on some kind of disfunctional level but I think it takes a certain type of person. I cannot believe that if you don’t really care or mind your partner going around bedding other people then do you really honestly care or love that person anyway? And do you love yourself enough for that matter? To think that it is some kind ‘alternative’ lifestyle and is healthy for you or your partner. Really? Or is it that you’re too much of a coward to go it alone with all the financial ramifications, friendships, lifestyle and family that could be affected and see your relationship as some kind of weird business deal. I know people that have or are ‘open’ but it never is as honest and clear cut as is implied. In fact most of the time it’s all smoke and mirrors and frankly must be exhausting. Someone is always getting the better deal as it were. I think most of the people are self absorbed narcissists. Always declaring their undying love and respect for each other while at the same time showing the complete opposite. It’s total bs. If you are reducing the intimacy and sexual act down to some kind of body function there’s something obviously wrong with you. I’d say you are clearly damaged and should be avoided at all costs. It’s one of the many facets of gay culture I find totally vacuous and kind of revolting. It takes courage, hard work, trust and commitment to make a long lasting, meaningful partnership to mature. Qualities these people clearly lack.
I could not have said it better myself, well put.
Playing together isn't what I'd categorize as open, those are just 3ways.
I know couples who are in open relationships but they never seem to last. They can last a long time. It eventually gets too one-sided. There's usually one who initially agrees to it because they are comfortable in life and don't want change. They also begin having less sex together.
I've only known one or two couples that have lasted more than 20 years and they've never been open.
In my opinion, family ties and friendship, children strengthen monogamous relationships because more is at stake.
My last observation is that if you see a couple that agrees to go open and play seperately, and one has a lot of outside sex while the other can't or won't, it won't last. The relationship deteriorates.
Wow I can totally see that happening very good points ❤️
DON'T KNOCK IT, IT'S ACTUALLY STIMULATING
Non emasculation works.
I was monogamous for 20 years. My partner of 20 years, married 11 years. He passed away April 2022 from Glioblastoma brain cancer. He was my soul mate. I think Apps' have destroyed monogamy and turned many into narcissistic sex addicts, based on what I've seen out there, tried dating someone who lied non-stop to me, went through his phone (to confirm my gut feelings I was having) which I was right, and left him. I know my chances of meeting someone not on apps is really low, but i'm not willing to alter my expectations, standards or values, or settle.
@@shawn1428 good for you man ❤️ I hope you met the 2nd man of your dreams 🌈🙏
I agree with you about the apps and I don’t use them because of how toxic and boring they are. Best of luck to you I hope you meet someone off the app. I’m on the same journey.
I couldn’t do it ..why be in one then?..I’m with you can’t imagine it. I might cop flack for this but you’re being selfish, cake and eat it.
It requires lots of communications, but probably doesn't work in the long term.
Ya what would you say defines long term tho?
@@AuthenNick , by that, I would say 10 years or more.
Nick, are you single or headed that way? Asking for a friend.
lol 😂 no I’m not but I appreciate you thinking of me ❤️
Hey Nick! I’m a new fan. Love most of your videos but sometimes (considering your gay life “longevity”) you come across a tad judgmental and borderline self-righteous, specially today with this topic. You don’t sound like you’re really interested in other opinions but to make the point that you’re 💯 against it. 😅
Xoxo 😘
And that's ok! He doesn't need to be willing to have an open relationship!!! I personally would never have an open relationship. An open relationship is more about sex than love!
@@alemarcondess That’s fine. Both of you made up your minds. Awesome. Then no need to act like we want to have an open discussion about a topic we feel so strongly about. 😉
Its a BIG NO. Please just keep your relationship as it is. Open relation can ruin everything you build together with your men.