My last boyfriend wanted an open relationship. So we broke up six months ago because I didn't. At first I was hurt and sad about it. Now I'm glad he told me. Better we both find out we wanted different things early, rather than after many years.
hope your ok, same thing has happened to me. I just need to have a think now lol. Its what I want but EVENTUALLY. I like a few years with the same person but he is willing to wait. although i dont want him to have to
But where does the confidence come from? I guess in non-monogamous relationships, confidence comes from knowing that a primary partner will still be there regardless whom else the choose to spend time with. Alternatively would we say that in monogamous relationships the confidence comes from the sense on entitlement and ownership? I pose the question in this way to be controversial. I’ve only just ended a 5 year long monogamous relationship and have taken an interest in how people structure their relationships. The ethical slut provides an interesting perspective if you’re looking for a book on the topic.
@@2004cyrus maybe for you but you also have to consider how your partner feels. I knew to gay guys that started off just having sex with other guys together then they opened the relationship and started doing their own thing separately. At first but was exciting for both of them but then one of the guys didn’t want to do it anymore and wanted to close the relationship but his partner didn’t which left him feeling extremely insecure and like he wasn’t enough. One person in the relationship always wants it more than the other and half the time the other partner is just going along with it.
You're funny, but yeah, been there. It's not funny. I said, "Here, I'll open the relationship." and I opened the front door.... Bye now. The thing about this is that everyone feels jealousy and if you feel no jealousy when other guys make love to me then something is very wrong with this picture.
Wow. LoL, but I do not mean to laugh out loud. You’re funny but with joke aside, that’s devastating and emotionally traumatizing. I hope you heal from that. I wonder if the folks who mainly want an open relationship have more internal things going on than what it appears to be, and the term “evolution” of relationships is used as a veil to normalize that type of relationship dynamic?
I have been with my husband for 23 years now. We have never opened our relationship up because it is just not something we ever wanted to do. We have had a few friends who have, and many more who haven't. Sadly, the ones who did decide to open things up eventually all ended up parting ways. I am sure some, or maybe even most of these cases where the original couple broke up had many other issues besides the opening of their relationship that contributed to the breakups. This is just our experience. I do realize it can work for many other couples. I guess I am just a selfish man who wants my man to be with me and only me, and the thought of him being with anyone else would break me. So far, so good.
It's all about communication on both sides. I tried being in an open relationship and I got jealous and that coupled with my depression wasn't the prettiest. So monogamy is for me, but if an open relationship works for someone else then great.
Just for a bit of balance... my husband and I have been happily together for 21 years and married for 15, and for most of that time in an open relationship. Every relationship is unique and has different needs. Just like every relationship, it needs attention, trust and focus to workout. I know of lots of varied open relationships that have both worked and not worked, as well as lots of monogamous ones that have both worked and not worked. There's no 'right' way of having a relationship, only what's right at the time.
Allan I completely agree. My wife and I together for 14 years, married for 6 years. Sometimes the best way we honour ourselves and each other is to recognise and be honest about our needs.
@Canal Street it all comes down to what you both agreed upon. An open relationship should be one where both parties communicate what they want out of it, what their limits are and so on. When it doesn’t work is when you don’t communicate properly.
I always feel like there's judgment on both sides of the open relationship question. Those who are monogamous judge those in open relationships for "sleeping around" and those in open relationships sometimes see those who aren't as close-minded. At the end of the day, whatever makes you and your partner(s) happy is, of course, what you should go with. Any outside opinions are largely irrelevant. Anyway, great video as always, Mark. Have a lovely last week of October! 🍂
@@MarkEMiller As long as you're not negatively impacting anyone else, exactly. Expend all that energy enjoying your own experience instead of worrying about everyone else's. But, I suppose that's just my opinion too.
@@alexanderaz8 That doesn't really make sense. People in open relationships are still in a relationship. There are happily married couples in open relationships and they surely would "die for one another" (if that is really your definition of true love, which is a whole other story).
I wish you didn't feel like you needed to put the disclaimer that you aren't judging anyone. Seems like a lot of people get really worked up about this topic. I'm single but consider myself non-monogamous and, rest assured, I did not feel any sense of judgment in what you said. Regarding the nature vs nurture discussion, I lean more into the nature part as an explanation for my non-monogamy. Like you, my parents have been together for like 45 years and are still going strong. I think of monogamy vs non-monogamy as an orientation, like sexual or gender orientation. I have nothing against and totally respect mono people. I just know it isn't for me.
I love your comment! I am an evolutionary psychologist and from the years researching and studying mate selection/pairs, I can validate that what you said is hitting the nail on the head. Many species, both non-human and human, express their sexuality/orientation in various fashions. That's how we see homosexuality does occur in the non-human species of our planet. We also see that in non-human species that both monogamy and polyamory exist. Dolphins and Bonobos, for example, can either form monogamy pairs, but also have intercourse not just for procreation efforts, but for social reasons like humans do (hook-ups, threesomes, etc.).
I agree Mark, one person at a time. I can’t do that the open relationship thing. I find it complicated...lol. Love your dog! Thanks for another great video. Sending good vibes from Seattle.
It’s the difference between being in love and having love for someone. When you’re in love, there’s passion and sexual desire. Having love is for family members… friends…. I’m my opinion, guys In open relationships are sort of like friends with benefits. As long as they’re genuinely happy but I think most of the time their happiness doesn’t come from one another and I think that’s a sad way to live life
There's definitely people like that. But I've also met couples who are open and have been together for decades and are still very passionate about each other. I know of just as many monogamous married couples who aren't exactly passionate together, sleep in separate bedrooms, and both just kinda stick around because they have love for each other and maybe there's kids. I think every relationship is unique. There's a lot of married couples who just stick around because they're afraid of the alternative, even though that deep love isn't really there and they don't really make each other happy.
@@smilesam oh I agree. My parents are an example lol still married yet not in love. There’s no passion between them. I haven’t met an open couple that seems really happy in their relationship. I don’t see genuine affection and it’s pretty obvious when two people are truly in love and crazy about one another
@@EJBgraphics If sexual monogamy is the basis of being "in love" with someone, well doesn't that seem to be a bit of a shallow definition. I get that many people have a hard time distinguishing between sex and love, but the two are different. There are many examples out there of couples passionately in love and yet in an open relationship, get to know a few of them.
Speaking as someone who's been in an open relationship for 10 years, it doesn't work for everyone. But me and my partner have an amazing relationship still. Together 16 years, been open for 10 of them.
Sweet video and love the nail polish :) A relationship is what you and the other person(s) define it to be, whether that's classic monogamy or something else. I believe it's very important to be open to talk about this in a relationship or prior to getting into one because there are so many different ways to have a relationship. In a way every relationship is unique. Personally, I don't think I could ever be in an open relationship because it just doesn't make sense to me.
I believe the same way you do as well. I'm not into sharing my partner at all. Because as human being we have feelings, and if we feel something that's so good we usually want it again and again. I'm not going to risk my relationship for that.
I got pretty internally hurt by the first time I encountered a potential date who had a year-long open relationship. He wasn't honest with himself about the relationship on dating apps but he was honest about saying he didn't have room in his heart to date me for an unrelated reason once I started to ask. My initial magnetic attraction was still too much for me and I endured months of thoughts of him being a liar and meltdowns every time he gave his time and effort to something else including his bf (I'm mildly autistic so that explains most of the reactions). It almost made me want to die from the envy of not having that joy or love, until time or the right words snapped me away from my fantasy of emotional intimacy. I clearly wasn't secure enough in my own life to have NSA sex with the guy, let alone have his arrangement myself, and I'm still not. But the lesson helped me come to terms with the reality of being friends with someone like that.
I’ve always been a monogamy kinda guy. I get too jealous to be in an open relationship! 😂 but lately I’ve been loving the idea of just being alone and single! 😎🤙🏼
I'd like to think I'm not possessive. I think the reason I would hesitate to enter an open relationship is because I need security, to know that my person will be around for me. I invest a lot emotionally in a relationship. If they weren't there when I needed them, that's when I can see myself starting to lose it, getting resentful and thinking why can't I be whomever they're with at that time or going out of my mind wondering where they are.
I personally could never do an open relationship, however I also understand that being 100% monogamous if you're with someone for years is also nearly impossible, especially in the gay community. I left someone I was deeply in love with for cheating, but it was the fact that he kept denying it happened that angered me more. If he was just open and honest we probably could have worked through it. So at the end of the day being completely honest with your partner is the most important thing of all I believe.
Why do you think it's impossible in the gay community for monogamy? If you think it's a community problem, then don't associate. Be around others that encourage you, respect you, love you and understand you most of all. When you have such strength surrounded in your atmosphere, you won't worry about cheating or being cheated onto, the same goes for your partner. Trust each other, talk to each other, and be open with your intentions as you are.
I really don't think is impossible to maintain a monogamous relationship in the gay community. At the end, like you said is about being completly honest, and most of it all to really get to know the person that you're starting a relationship with. It's really sad what happened to you, but I think it is time to remove the idea that if you're gay, and part of the community that automatically is nearly impossible to have a monogamous relationship. It is possible, you just need to find someone who sees the commitment of having a relationship eye to eye to your beliefs. I also think that is really important to get to know your partner on daily basis because people change, and their point of views change with them. This will lead, for both partners involved, to keep in mind where the relationship is going. Sometimes is not about having a monogamous relationship, but about trust and communication. So...hope you get to fall in love again, and your needs are filled with love and everything is right for ya.
I want to point out that their is a difference between open relationships and cheating. Also there are many varieties of open relationships, what works for you doesn’t always work for everyone.
"nearly impossible, especially in the gay community. " This comment is one of the most insidious forms of internalized homophobia there is. Why would you think something like that? It is because the religious right has told you that gay men are not able to have relationships. Maybe you should look at the level of cheating going on in the str8 community. People like Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell Jr. and even MLK
@@JohnFriday3 💯 agree with you. I think by stating the “nearly impossible” argument… Literally the gay community is basically saying that we’re not capable of having a healthy agreement when it comes to having a monogamous relationship. It’s like saying… we just can’t commit even when we try (because we are man dating man). 😔
Plump's is named for Bobby Plump, an Indiana basketball legend. He hit the shot that won the State Championship for the 1954 Milan team. That team became the basis for the movie Hoosiers with Gene Hackman.
Sweet. I think sometimes it is not even necessary to experience something to know what works for us. Like the fact of being gay. Most of us do not need to be with a woman and with a man to make a comparison and be sure we are gay. Cheers. and always follow your heart :)
Little note on your instagram poll from someone in an open relationship: there's a big spectrum between "monogamous" and "polyamorous". Most of the people I know in open relationships wouldn't consider themselves polyamorous, and if you did a poll comparing "monogamy" with "nonmonogamy" you might find you get different answers.
There is no stronger pain than being in a relationship, and then one partner suddenly wants an open relationship. Better to be honest up front, rather than break someones heart.
In my case Mark. I had a closed long relationship for like almost 6 years but It didn't end up well. Then I met this guy and we were both coming from like the same type of passed relationship and then we started dating and going out and then some day, we started taking about open relationship. we had our ups and down at the begging while figuring it out as we go. Now almost 6 years in it , we are married, and it has been the best experience of our lives. we have, the best of both worlds. and we are in loved . so it is possible to love, be committed and at the same time be able to open yourselves to others.
I feel like there is a conflation of polyamory and open relationships. Polyamory can mean you have multiple *romantic* partners whereas an open relationship often means having other *sexual* partners. Just wanted to clarify!
I lived in Broad Ripple for a couple years and wow I was so confused for a second why I recognized everything, down to the local juice. But then I saw the bridge and I was like 'oh wow, this is actually here. i've been here'
As a gay man open relationships can seem exciting but in practice unless you are strong,robust, confident in yourself and your partner, they can be potentially a road to disaster.
But that's how you should be in a monogamous as well though. I can't see a monogamous relationship working out if you're the opposite of those things that you mentioned
@@puffyevergreens To a degree yes but being involved in open or polyamorous relationships even, need I would suggest an extra level of trust and robustness emotionally more than a monogamous one. That isn’t to say monogamous relationships don’t come with their own unique challenges, just that being involved in intimate relationships with more than one person surely comes with even greater responsibility and care to succeed.
finally caught up with your vidz. life has been pretty hectic lately, so I hadn't had time to sit down and watch you vlogs :/ but I just watched the last 2 months worth of vids and I feel happy :) love xx
I think if at the end of the day, you can look back and say you were happy in an “open” relationship, then good on you. It’s your story and if that’s the way you choose to live it, then more power to you. However, I know myself and I’d never be able to share.
My boyfriend and I separated because I didn't want an open relationship.... Might be a good thing we are not together. Don't think I could go through with it! Good for you if it works!
Husband and I together now for 25 years. One time, 20 years ago, on vacation in NoLO we brought a boy back to our rented shotgun in the quarter. It was totally fun, and some wild oats were sown that night. Next day we agreed that we would always share if a third came along; not do anything like that without each other. We really are an old fashion couple and a threesome hasn’t happened since, but it’s a fun memory. But we still enjoy boy watching together.
I am literally in Los Angeles visiting right now. Met a dude last night in an open relationship and I was just asking questions the entire time about how it works for them. It was very interesting.
Relationships are private matters. Opinions on how others should or ‘how society’ thinks intimate relationships “should” be conducted are up to the complicated inter workings of the individuals involved in that relationship. They, and only they, are the only ones who know themselves, and the others involved the relationships, best.
Thnxx for the new video Mark. I follow you for years.... many years. Sometimes i try to react on a Instagram story but stil u not read it. But its ok.. i stil like your way of life.. Have a great sunday! Greetings from Holland! ❤❤
I’m sooo super happy to come across your RUclips videos. I live alone with be beautiful 5 year old Airedale Terrier by the name of Clément. He is certainly my World. Certainly a monogamist and have been out of a relationship since 2012 …. Do I miss being with someone special? Yes, but life is what you make of it and my Clément is fun to be around. You do get depressed from time to time however, life teach you that you have to love and except yourself in order to feel the best …. Thank you for your videos and sincere personality and care you bring to soo many people. Love, Health and Happiness from Melbourne, Australia xox
32 years with my partner and we’re pretty monogamous. Ups and downs like any relationship but you have to continually look forward. We’ve lived in extremely populated gay hubs and are currently in a semi rural area. Both have their challenges but more so in big city settings.
I think it's all about talking and finding out what everyone in an relationship want / don't want. But for me I'm too lazy to have more than one partner...
I have read books by gay PhD that say periods of time in a long term relationship couples MAY want to discuss "open" relationships. The whole thing is you LOVE your partner, but may want to occasionally taste the fruits outside, maybe bring one home. The commitment and love are at home between two, the sex to spice up the variety is spontaneous and not planned. One said never kiss a trick. One said, no secrets "always tell me". And I heard one say he did NOT want to know unless he asked. Remember Jonathan Groff broke up with Zachary Quinto over this in 2012 and the HBO "LOOKING" series explored this is depth season two.
My Uncle and his husband have been together for 47 years in December. Married for 6 yrs. Both are 70. Both have never been with anyone else once they got together. Many people don't believe them but as they always say, we know the truth and that's all that matters. Strangely, some judge them for their monogamy while I've never heard them ever judge anyone for their open relationships.
I'm never one to judge the choices of other people. I've been in an almost 7yr monogamous relationship. We tried having a 3-some once to see if opening up was something we could do last year. Luckily the experience was as good one - he was a great person with good banter, but afterwards we decided it wasn't for us. Most of my gay friends are in or were in an open relationship while I was living in Sydney. Each of the couples had their own set of rules. In all honestly I just saw it causing them lots of drama - like a LOT of dramas. I left Sydney in 2019 and of my friends who were in open relationships - out of the 5 couples, only 2 are still together. They obviously have dealt with things on a better level but it was all just constant drama. That really did put me off the lifestyle. But now that I have tried it in my own relationship, am happy to say its not for me (or for us)... But kudos to those that can make it happen.
im in sydney atm and dating a guy who has just revealed he wants to be open. he is willing to "wait" for me to be ok with it but honestly i would rather be monogamous for another year or two.
@@Bellsell77 after living in Sydney, I realised most gay guys want an open rship over there. It was difficult to navigate and find/meet someone who wasn't into that.
Not for us. I have been with my husband married for 6 years, together for 20 years since we were teenagers. We explored that idea but what we had was and is so precious that I don’t think we would allow anyone to compromise that. In regards, we were lucky and we kept the love and passion going. He just bought me a small boat so we could go around the river without our kids once in awhile :-) life is beautiful to share it only with people you chose to trust love and share it
Dude you have such a gift of explaining different situations for life like monogamy versus open relationships tonight. Couldn’t agree more with your hypothesis and essay and I do love your new chair! You rock!
YAS! Didn't even know Franta had a new book. #goingtopurchase Love your content. Always chill vibes. I like that this could be a podcast, a docuseries, a travel vlog all in one.
I think open relationships take trust and communication. If there is already lack of those in relationship, the it will be end of being a disaster . I saw another comment on this video where the person said that he associates loneliness with with open relationships, and I feel like there are some truths to that were individual or more have issues being alone or doesn’t want to be with just that one person that loves them . I think that are some people that can handle open relationships well and I happy for them ❤️ but me as individual having my first relationship being so traumatic, I crave that one on connection with someone . And for normal social norm comments that I see all the time . We live in the day and age of people not really caring what society want us to do . If it makes you happy then do it .
A relationship you both need love for each other and be in love with each other have love hope trust faith in and for each other. Plus when a couple has a problem you both sit down and discuss the problem work out come to a compromise..not wait till it's blows up into a fight n say hurtful things. Never go to bed mad
I think everyone needs to find what's best for them. I'm glad you've at least considered non-monogamy. Seems like a lot of people default to it. Monogamy isn't inherently correct or better. I think it's important to ask the question first, and if its right for you then great! With one of my exes we would bring up the conversation from time to time and talk it out and we always chose to be monogamous because it was right for us. I think it's important to discuss those things and give consideration. Then choose. These days, I feel like I've had plenty of experiences where something was just sex. I've lived enough to know that sex and love don't have to be connected. So for me, the most important thing is honesty. If a partner wanted to have sex with someone other than me, I know it can be completely separate from what we have and it doesn't have to mean anything other than a good time. There's also so many versions of open relationships and polyamory. Some are definitely not for me, but others I'm very open to. I'm just not a naturally jealous person and even the little bit that does come up from time to time, I feel better just talking about it rather than letting jealousy or insecurity dictate my decisions. Different strokes for different folks. But I do hope people lose some of their judgement about both monogamy and polyamory. People can be so rude about others relationships and that's just not necessary. Let people do what they want.
i believe different people come into your lives for different reasons, its incredibly rare to find someone that truly completes you as a whole, and sometimes you may legitimately need another person to help make that circle whole. but it takes another open minded person willing to understand that need for openness, in order to find peace of mind. It's not for everyone, most people are not open to this concept, but for those of us that do, i see no issue with it, and if both people are comfortable with it, and understand its necessity for their own lives, i see no reason to judge that either. It's not always a sexual thing either, your partner may be the only person you fuck, but that other person you see, could be filling that romantic void, in a non sexual way.
I personally never had a problem with someone defining their relationship in whatever way they want. If you're happy and you're not hurting anyone, it's perfectly fine. For me the problem is the labelling and the ''trends'' that exist in the gay community. I always wanted a monogamous relationship and I have a beautiful one now, but several times I felt judged by a lot of guys in the community that somehow me living my life this way is not gay enough for them and even worse that I'm succumbing to patriarchy and straight ideals... I've met several couples in open relationships, and it seemed to me that for a lot of them there was always an underlying issue that instead of dealing with it or just breaking up, they were coping in this way. Also, I always felt that a lot of those couples didn't respect boundaries and for them friendship was always mixing with sex, something that made me very uncomfortable when they were sexually suggestive to people that they know they were monogamous. It's unfortunate because we're supposed to be accepting of each other, but at the same time the idea of a monogamous gay man that wants to have a family with kids can be considered by some a back-warded concept.
My last boyfriend wanted an open relationship. So we broke up six months ago because I didn't. At first I was hurt and sad about it. Now I'm glad he told me. Better we both find out we wanted different things early, rather than after many years.
Ugh you did the right thing
hope your ok, same thing has happened to me. I just need to have a think now lol. Its what I want but EVENTUALLY. I like a few years with the same person but he is willing to wait. although i dont want him to have to
If your partner wants an open relationship and you don't, he will eventually cheat on you so don't be surprised. 😉
My bf and I both want3d one…we didn’t break up cause we don’t find other guys sexually appealing 😊
@@CNNRNNTransformer lol
in my opinion monogamy provides a sense of security and strengthens confidence
side note, you make a day with just you and olive look like fun everytime
Hmm never thought of it that way, I agree with you
But where does the confidence come from? I guess in non-monogamous relationships, confidence comes from knowing that a primary partner will still be there regardless whom else the choose to spend time with. Alternatively would we say that in monogamous relationships the confidence comes from the sense on entitlement and ownership?
I pose the question in this way to be controversial. I’ve only just ended a 5 year long monogamous relationship and have taken an interest in how people structure their relationships. The ethical slut provides an interesting perspective if you’re looking for a book on the topic.
@@brodeewright8548 I didn’t put too much thought into the complexities. I just know how certain things make me feel!
@@2004cyrus maybe for you but you also have to consider how your partner feels. I knew to gay guys that started off just having sex with other guys together then they opened the relationship and started doing their own thing separately. At first but was exciting for both of them but then one of the guys didn’t want to do it anymore and wanted to close the relationship but his partner didn’t which left him feeling extremely insecure and like he wasn’t enough. One person in the relationship always wants it more than the other and half the time the other partner is just going along with it.
I just found out last week my husband has been in an open relationship while I was not. I feel you.
I've been there twice. I left instantly both times. Trust shattered beyond repair. Wishing you the best.
You're funny, but yeah, been there. It's not funny. I said, "Here, I'll open the relationship." and I opened the front door.... Bye now.
The thing about this is that everyone feels jealousy and if you feel no jealousy when other guys make love to me then something is very wrong with this picture.
Wow. LoL, but I do not mean to laugh out loud. You’re funny but with joke aside, that’s devastating and emotionally traumatizing. I hope you heal from that.
I wonder if the folks who mainly want an open relationship have more internal things going on than what it appears to be, and the term “evolution” of relationships is used as a veil to normalize that type of relationship dynamic?
Love that you did a video talking about this. I’m right there with you on relationships Mark.
I have been with my husband for 23 years now. We have never opened our relationship up because it is just not something we ever wanted to do. We have had a few friends who have, and many more who haven't. Sadly, the ones who did decide to open things up eventually all ended up parting ways. I am sure some, or maybe even most of these cases where the original couple broke up had many other issues besides the opening of their relationship that contributed to the breakups. This is just our experience. I do realize it can work for many other couples. I guess I am just a selfish man who wants my man to be with me and only me, and the thought of him being with anyone else would break me. So far, so good.
Beautifully said!
Hell yeah ☺️😘
Love this! ❤️
It's all about communication on both sides. I tried being in an open relationship and I got jealous and that coupled with my depression wasn't the prettiest. So monogamy is for me, but if an open relationship works for someone else then great.
Just for a bit of balance... my husband and I have been happily together for 21 years and married for 15, and for most of that time in an open relationship. Every relationship is unique and has different needs. Just like every relationship, it needs attention, trust and focus to workout. I know of lots of varied open relationships that have both worked and not worked, as well as lots of monogamous ones that have both worked and not worked. There's no 'right' way of having a relationship, only what's right at the time.
Allan I completely agree. My wife and I together for 14 years, married for 6 years. Sometimes the best way we honour ourselves and each other is to recognise and be honest about our needs.
completely agree
@Canal Street it all comes down to what you both agreed upon. An open relationship should be one where both parties communicate what they want out of it, what their limits are and so on.
When it doesn’t work is when you don’t communicate properly.
I always feel like there's judgment on both sides of the open relationship question. Those who are monogamous judge those in open relationships for "sleeping around" and those in open relationships sometimes see those who aren't as close-minded. At the end of the day, whatever makes you and your partner(s) happy is, of course, what you should go with. Any outside opinions are largely irrelevant.
Anyway, great video as always, Mark. Have a lovely last week of October! 🍂
I hear you. Live and let live.
@@MarkEMiller As long as you're not negatively impacting anyone else, exactly. Expend all that energy enjoying your own experience instead of worrying about everyone else's. But, I suppose that's just my opinion too.
@@alexanderaz8 That doesn't really make sense. People in open relationships are still in a relationship. There are happily married couples in open relationships and they surely would "die for one another" (if that is really your definition of true love, which is a whole other story).
@@alexanderaz8 Your first sentence is false and extremely stupid. "Live and let live", or I guess be judgmental and wrong.
do they EVER last.... whats the stats Vs couples - and if we had stats would they be honest... one can assume one or more party will get hurt
I wish you didn't feel like you needed to put the disclaimer that you aren't judging anyone. Seems like a lot of people get really worked up about this topic. I'm single but consider myself non-monogamous and, rest assured, I did not feel any sense of judgment in what you said. Regarding the nature vs nurture discussion, I lean more into the nature part as an explanation for my non-monogamy. Like you, my parents have been together for like 45 years and are still going strong. I think of monogamy vs non-monogamy as an orientation, like sexual or gender orientation. I have nothing against and totally respect mono people. I just know it isn't for me.
Very well written/said!! ❤
I love your comment! I am an evolutionary psychologist and from the years researching and studying mate selection/pairs, I can validate that what you said is hitting the nail on the head. Many species, both non-human and human, express their sexuality/orientation in various fashions. That's how we see homosexuality does occur in the non-human species of our planet. We also see that in non-human species that both monogamy and polyamory exist. Dolphins and Bonobos, for example, can either form monogamy pairs, but also have intercourse not just for procreation efforts, but for social reasons like humans do (hook-ups, threesomes, etc.).
your written is very friendly, i love it! and
I agree Mark, one person at a time. I can’t do that the open relationship thing. I find it complicated...lol. Love your dog! Thanks for another great video. Sending good vibes from Seattle.
You videos can always calm me down and I couldn’t appreciate more for it. Have a great one Mark! 🤟
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Thank you for flirting with me
It’s the difference between being in love and having love for someone. When you’re in love, there’s passion and sexual desire. Having love is for family members… friends…. I’m my opinion, guys In open relationships are sort of like friends with benefits. As long as they’re genuinely happy but I think most of the time their happiness doesn’t come from one another and I think that’s a sad way to live life
There's definitely people like that. But I've also met couples who are open and have been together for decades and are still very passionate about each other. I know of just as many monogamous married couples who aren't exactly passionate together, sleep in separate bedrooms, and both just kinda stick around because they have love for each other and maybe there's kids. I think every relationship is unique. There's a lot of married couples who just stick around because they're afraid of the alternative, even though that deep love isn't really there and they don't really make each other happy.
@@smilesam oh I agree. My parents are an example lol still married yet not in love. There’s no passion between them. I haven’t met an open couple that seems really happy in their relationship. I don’t see genuine affection and it’s pretty obvious when two people are truly in love and crazy about one another
@@EJBgraphics If sexual monogamy is the basis of being "in love" with someone, well doesn't that seem to be a bit of a shallow definition. I get that many people have a hard time distinguishing between sex and love, but the two are different. There are many examples out there of couples passionately in love and yet in an open relationship, get to know a few of them.
PERIOD!!!!!!
😊@@EJBgraphics
Speaking as someone who's been in an open relationship for 10 years, it doesn't work for everyone. But me and my partner have an amazing relationship still. Together 16 years, been open for 10 of them.
You are such a positive force, man.. You just be raising peoples vibrations n shi
Sweet video and love the nail polish :) A relationship is what you and the other person(s) define it to be, whether that's classic monogamy or something else. I believe it's very important to be open to talk about this in a relationship or prior to getting into one because there are so many different ways to have a relationship. In a way every relationship is unique. Personally, I don't think I could ever be in an open relationship because it just doesn't make sense to me.
I felt that Mark, I realized through just the way I function I’m Monogamous but I agree with you that everyone has there own thing that works for them
Your videos are so calming
I believe the same way you do as well. I'm not into sharing my partner at all. Because as human being we have feelings, and if we feel something that's so good we usually want it again and again. I'm not going to risk my relationship for that.
I got pretty internally hurt by the first time I encountered a potential date who had a year-long open relationship. He wasn't honest with himself about the relationship on dating apps but he was honest about saying he didn't have room in his heart to date me for an unrelated reason once I started to ask. My initial magnetic attraction was still too much for me and I endured months of thoughts of him being a liar and meltdowns every time he gave his time and effort to something else including his bf (I'm mildly autistic so that explains most of the reactions).
It almost made me want to die from the envy of not having that joy or love, until time or the right words snapped me away from my fantasy of emotional intimacy. I clearly wasn't secure enough in my own life to have NSA sex with the guy, let alone have his arrangement myself, and I'm still not. But the lesson helped me come to terms with the reality of being friends with someone like that.
I’ve always been a monogamy kinda guy. I get too jealous to be in an open relationship! 😂 but lately I’ve been loving the idea of just being alone and single! 😎🤙🏼
I'd like to think I'm not possessive. I think the reason I would hesitate to enter an open relationship is because I need security, to know that my person will be around for me. I invest a lot emotionally in a relationship. If they weren't there when I needed them, that's when I can see myself starting to lose it, getting resentful and thinking why can't I be whomever they're with at that time or going out of my mind wondering where they are.
Totally understandable. Thank u for sharing.
I used to raise Discus fish. They're still my favorite freshwater fish because they form monogamous mating pairs for life.
Love the videos as always mark. Also obsessed with my you are magic shirt ✨
I personally could never do an open relationship, however I also understand that being 100% monogamous if you're with someone for years is also nearly impossible, especially in the gay community.
I left someone I was deeply in love with for cheating, but it was the fact that he kept denying it happened that angered me more. If he was just open and honest we probably could have worked through it.
So at the end of the day being completely honest with your partner is the most important thing of all I believe.
Why do you think it's impossible in the gay community for monogamy? If you think it's a community problem, then don't associate. Be around others that encourage you, respect you, love you and understand you most of all. When you have such strength surrounded in your atmosphere, you won't worry about cheating or being cheated onto, the same goes for your partner. Trust each other, talk to each other, and be open with your intentions as you are.
I really don't think is impossible to maintain a monogamous relationship in the gay community. At the end, like you said is about being completly honest, and most of it all to really get to know the person that you're starting a relationship with. It's really sad what happened to you, but I think it is time to remove the idea that if you're gay, and part of the community that automatically is nearly impossible to have a monogamous relationship. It is possible, you just need to find someone who sees the commitment of having a relationship eye to eye to your beliefs.
I also think that is really important to get to know your partner on daily basis because people change, and their point of views change with them. This will lead, for both partners involved, to keep in mind where the relationship is going. Sometimes is not about having a monogamous relationship, but about trust and communication. So...hope you get to fall in love again, and your needs are filled with love and everything is right for ya.
I want to point out that their is a difference between open relationships and cheating.
Also there are many varieties of open relationships, what works for you doesn’t always work for everyone.
"nearly impossible, especially in the gay community. "
This comment is one of the most insidious forms of internalized homophobia there is. Why would you think something like that? It is because the religious right has told you that gay men are not able to have relationships. Maybe you should look at the level of cheating going on in the str8 community. People like Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell Jr. and even MLK
@@JohnFriday3 💯 agree with you. I think by stating the “nearly impossible” argument… Literally the gay community is basically saying that we’re not capable of having a healthy agreement when it comes to having a monogamous relationship. It’s like saying… we just can’t commit even when we try (because we are man dating man). 😔
Plump's is named for Bobby Plump, an Indiana basketball legend. He hit the shot that won the State Championship for the 1954 Milan team. That team became the basis for the movie Hoosiers with Gene Hackman.
I was just getting ready to leave the same message. Well said
Still have never been in a relationship, but there’s no chance it’ll ever be open. I’m a Taurus, Taurus, Aries
Sweet. I think sometimes it is not even necessary to experience something to know what works for us. Like the fact of being gay. Most of us do not need to be with a woman and with a man to make a comparison and be sure we are gay. Cheers. and always follow your heart :)
Little note on your instagram poll from someone in an open relationship: there's a big spectrum between "monogamous" and "polyamorous". Most of the people I know in open relationships wouldn't consider themselves polyamorous, and if you did a poll comparing "monogamy" with "nonmonogamy" you might find you get different answers.
This! ^^A polyamorous relationship doesn't have to be open and sex and love are or can be two very different things.
There is no stronger pain than being in a relationship, and then one partner suddenly wants an open relationship. Better to be honest up front, rather than break someones heart.
Always a pleasure to watch Mark, I love the new nail color too!
The red chair is perfect! Dune was so good!
Perfect video. Perfect timing. Thank you.
Theres a huge difference between what we want and how it works out in the end!
I love the random "space ship" cameos in the vids 😂 glad you're still having fun ma dude 😘
Love the chair! The colour is perfect.
Love the rug in the living room!! Oh, and the red chair, too. :)
In my case Mark. I had a closed long relationship for like almost 6 years but It didn't end up well. Then I met this guy and we were both coming from like the same type of passed relationship and then we started dating and going out and then some day, we started taking about open relationship. we had our ups and down at the begging while figuring it out as we go. Now almost 6 years in it , we are married, and it has been the best experience of our lives. we have, the best of both worlds. and we are in loved . so it is possible to love, be committed and at the same time be able to open yourselves to others.
Ohhhhh I’ve been so interested in this video after the poll
I feel like there is a conflation of polyamory and open relationships. Polyamory can mean you have multiple *romantic* partners whereas an open relationship often means having other *sexual* partners. Just wanted to clarify!
BINGO. An incredably important point. Most guys who have open relationships are sexually open. Not romantically open.
Yep, it’s about communication and trust.
I’ve been watching you since I was 13! Love you Mark! Also live in Indiana!!
I lived in Broad Ripple for a couple years and wow I was so confused for a second why I recognized everything, down to the local juice. But then I saw the bridge and I was like 'oh wow, this is actually here. i've been here'
My fiancé and me are open. We have very different sexual interests but we still love and need one another.
As a gay man open relationships can seem exciting but in practice unless you are strong,robust, confident in yourself and your partner, they can be potentially a road to disaster.
Yes I totally agree! There can't be any insecurities or jealousy because the entire relationship will crumble if there is.
But that's how you should be in a monogamous as well though. I can't see a monogamous relationship working out if you're the opposite of those things that you mentioned
@@puffyevergreens To a degree yes but being involved in open or polyamorous relationships even, need I would suggest an extra level of trust and robustness emotionally more than a monogamous one. That isn’t to say monogamous relationships don’t come with their own unique challenges, just that being involved in intimate relationships with more than one person surely comes with even greater responsibility and care to succeed.
Please continue to be a great guy in your life. And continue to live a good life in general.
I’m wearing the sweater today as I watch this in the pouring rain 👏.
I just wanna say I love the way you think Mark, and Olive is too adorable.
Thanks for talking about this subject! I like your analogy! I am quality over quantity.
finally caught up with your vidz. life has been pretty hectic lately, so I hadn't had time to sit down and watch you vlogs :/ but I just watched the last 2 months worth of vids and I feel happy :) love xx
Mark is the best. Only good vibes.
I think if at the end of the day, you can look back and say you were happy in an “open” relationship, then good on you. It’s your story and if that’s the way you choose to live it, then more power to you. However, I know myself and I’d never be able to share.
Thanks Mark for sharing 🤍
Love the red leather chair! That is so awesome! What a nice find
My boyfriend and I separated because I didn't want an open relationship.... Might be a good thing we are not together. Don't think I could go through with it! Good for you if it works!
The timing of this video 🙌🏾
Husband and I together now for 25 years. One time, 20 years ago, on vacation in NoLO we brought a boy back to our rented shotgun in the quarter. It was totally fun, and some wild oats were sown that night. Next day we agreed that we would always share if a third came along; not do anything like that without each other. We really are an old fashion couple and a threesome hasn’t happened since, but it’s a fun memory. But we still enjoy boy watching together.
That was lovely.
I am literally in Los Angeles visiting right now. Met a dude last night in an open relationship and I was just asking questions the entire time about how it works for them. It was very interesting.
Mark’s voice is the real ASMR
I love Mark’s voice! So masculine
Relationships are private matters. Opinions on how others should or ‘how society’ thinks intimate relationships “should” be conducted are up to the complicated inter workings of the individuals involved in that relationship. They, and only they, are the only ones who know themselves, and the others involved the relationships, best.
Loved that vegetarian analogy. Loved the video as always Mark!
very inspiring as usual... thank you
I believe in monogamous relationships. I have had friends try open relationships and it always ends in heartbreak. One guy for me is all I need.
Do you think that was because it was open. Because a lot of relationship end in heartbreak.
Thnxx for the new video Mark. I follow you for years.... many years. Sometimes i try to react on a Instagram story but stil u not read it. But its ok.. i stil like your way of life.. Have a great sunday! Greetings from Holland! ❤❤
Are wih my hubby 30 years now. 14 years ago we decide to do it as an open relationship.
And it works very well.
I’m a one man kind of guy too. So happy I have my soul mate. Love your table you use as a computer desk. I have the same one. Cheers
I’m sooo super happy to come across your RUclips videos. I live alone with be beautiful 5 year old Airedale Terrier by the name of Clément. He is certainly my World. Certainly a monogamist and have been out of a relationship since 2012 …. Do I miss being with someone special? Yes, but life is what you make of it and my Clément is fun to be around. You do get depressed from time to time however, life teach you that you have to love and except yourself in order to feel the best …. Thank you for your videos and sincere personality and care you bring to soo many people. Love, Health and Happiness from Melbourne, Australia xox
“Humans be f*cking” needs to be on a t-shirt. 😂😂😂
Gotta say, I loved the chair!
32 years with my partner and we’re pretty monogamous. Ups and downs like any relationship but you have to continually look forward. We’ve lived in extremely populated gay hubs and are currently in a semi rural area. Both have their challenges but more so in big city settings.
I so dig it/love the new chair/style for days!!!!! That food looks so good/I have to try these noods!!!!! "Doon where's my sand?"....that's great!!!!
I think it's all about talking and finding out what everyone in an relationship want / don't want. But for me I'm too lazy to have more than one partner...
I was this way, but my partner and I both have talked about this topic and agree it is fun to add someone on certain occasions
Dune was gr8! Thanks for the post ..
I have read books by gay PhD that say periods of time in a long term relationship couples MAY want to discuss "open" relationships. The whole thing is you LOVE your partner, but may want to occasionally taste the fruits outside, maybe bring one home. The commitment and love are at home between two, the sex to spice up the variety is spontaneous and not planned. One said never kiss a trick. One said, no secrets "always tell me". And I heard one say he did NOT want to know unless he asked. Remember Jonathan Groff broke up with Zachary Quinto over this in 2012 and the HBO "LOOKING" series explored this is depth season two.
Not gonna lie at all Marke...i would be happier than shit being able to find someone like you in my life...:D
This is also giving major Virgo energy
@Shady Queens No, Virgo you know star sign, wtf
My Uncle and his husband have been together for 47 years in December. Married for 6 yrs. Both are 70. Both have never been with anyone else once they got together. Many people don't believe them but as they always say, we know the truth and that's all that matters. Strangely, some judge them for their monogamy while I've never heard them ever judge anyone for their open relationships.
I'm never one to judge the choices of other people. I've been in an almost 7yr monogamous relationship. We tried having a 3-some once to see if opening up was something we could do last year. Luckily the experience was as good one - he was a great person with good banter, but afterwards we decided it wasn't for us. Most of my gay friends are in or were in an open relationship while I was living in Sydney. Each of the couples had their own set of rules. In all honestly I just saw it causing them lots of drama - like a LOT of dramas. I left Sydney in 2019 and of my friends who were in open relationships - out of the 5 couples, only 2 are still together. They obviously have dealt with things on a better level but it was all just constant drama. That really did put me off the lifestyle. But now that I have tried it in my own relationship, am happy to say its not for me (or for us)... But kudos to those that can make it happen.
LMAOOO youre naive, im sure one of you is doing something on the side the other doesnt know about.
@@Stefanbites85 just because people have gone behind your back doesn't apply that mentality to everyone else. We all have different priorities in life
im in sydney atm and dating a guy who has just revealed he wants to be open. he is willing to "wait" for me to be ok with it but honestly i would rather be monogamous for another year or two.
@@Bellsell77 after living in Sydney, I realised most gay guys want an open rship over there. It was difficult to navigate and find/meet someone who wasn't into that.
OMG! Love that red chair! I want one.
Not for us. I have been with my husband married for 6 years, together for 20 years since we were teenagers. We explored that idea but what we had was and is so precious that I don’t think we would allow anyone to compromise that. In regards, we were lucky and we kept the love and passion going. He just bought me a small boat so we could go around the river without our kids once in awhile :-) life is beautiful to share it only with people you chose to trust love and share it
Dude you have such a gift of explaining different situations for life like monogamy versus open relationships tonight.
Couldn’t agree more with your hypothesis and essay and I do love your new chair! You rock!
Fall season in the midwest...doesn't get any better than that.
Your relationship with your ex literally gave me hope in my darkest days. But people can love each other and grow apart it happens.
YAS! Didn't even know Franta had a new book. #goingtopurchase Love your content. Always chill vibes. I like that this could be a podcast, a docuseries, a travel vlog all in one.
Love the Random Connor Franta Promo lol 😊
I think open relationships take trust and communication. If there is already lack of those in relationship, the it will be end of being a disaster . I saw another comment on this video where the person said that he associates loneliness with with open relationships, and I feel like there are some truths to that were individual or more have issues being alone or doesn’t want to be with just that one person that loves them . I think that are some people that can handle open relationships well and I happy for them ❤️ but me as individual having my first relationship being so traumatic, I crave that one on connection with someone .
And for normal social norm comments that I see all the time . We live in the day and age of people not really caring what society want us to do . If it makes you happy then do it .
Where do you get your tea from? I would love to know. XoXo
New shirt idea “Humans be F******”
A relationship you both need love for each other and be in love with each other have love hope trust faith in and for each other. Plus when a couple has a problem you both sit down and discuss the problem work out come to a compromise..not wait till it's blows up into a fight n say hurtful things. Never go to bed mad
Monogamy + Dune = Awesome! Much love to you Mark, the right one is going to happen for you soon. I can feel it!
I think everyone needs to find what's best for them. I'm glad you've at least considered non-monogamy. Seems like a lot of people default to it. Monogamy isn't inherently correct or better. I think it's important to ask the question first, and if its right for you then great! With one of my exes we would bring up the conversation from time to time and talk it out and we always chose to be monogamous because it was right for us. I think it's important to discuss those things and give consideration. Then choose.
These days, I feel like I've had plenty of experiences where something was just sex. I've lived enough to know that sex and love don't have to be connected. So for me, the most important thing is honesty. If a partner wanted to have sex with someone other than me, I know it can be completely separate from what we have and it doesn't have to mean anything other than a good time. There's also so many versions of open relationships and polyamory. Some are definitely not for me, but others I'm very open to. I'm just not a naturally jealous person and even the little bit that does come up from time to time, I feel better just talking about it rather than letting jealousy or insecurity dictate my decisions.
Different strokes for different folks. But I do hope people lose some of their judgement about both monogamy and polyamory. People can be so rude about others relationships and that's just not necessary. Let people do what they want.
Dune my sand….. priceless! Lmao
i believe different people come into your lives for different reasons, its incredibly rare to find someone that truly completes you as a whole, and sometimes you may legitimately need another person to help make that circle whole. but it takes another open minded person willing to understand that need for openness, in order to find peace of mind. It's not for everyone, most people are not open to this concept, but for those of us that do, i see no issue with it, and if both people are comfortable with it, and understand its necessity for their own lives, i see no reason to judge that either. It's not always a sexual thing either, your partner may be the only person you fuck, but that other person you see, could be filling that romantic void, in a non sexual way.
DJ Donny D with the jokes. 🤣
Can''t wait for DUNE part 2!!! Was sooo good. =D
I'm totally onboard with your view with monogamy. It's one thing to be attracted to
someone as a friend and another for a one night stand.
My uncle n his lover lasted 46 yrs, It gives me hope. Btw that cookie looked Ginormous haha
Where’s the bubble coat from
You should do a life update video/ Q@A! Have you been on any dates with guys since your breakup? If so any good dates? 😁
I block anyone on TT that is doing asmr on my FYP. Absolute trigger for me.
I personally never had a problem with someone defining their relationship in whatever way they want. If you're happy and you're not hurting anyone, it's perfectly fine. For me the problem is the labelling and the ''trends'' that exist in the gay community. I always wanted a monogamous relationship and I have a beautiful one now, but several times I felt judged by a lot of guys in the community that somehow me living my life this way is not gay enough for them and even worse that I'm succumbing to patriarchy and straight ideals... I've met several couples in open relationships, and it seemed to me that for a lot of them there was always an underlying issue that instead of dealing with it or just breaking up, they were coping in this way. Also, I always felt that a lot of those couples didn't respect boundaries and for them friendship was always mixing with sex, something that made me very uncomfortable when they were sexually suggestive to people that they know they were monogamous. It's unfortunate because we're supposed to be accepting of each other, but at the same time the idea of a monogamous gay man that wants to have a family with kids can be considered by some a back-warded concept.