Yeah, not dignifying a bad faith question with an answer is essentially saying "no comment". Asking which kid is "actually family" is absolutely bad faith.
poor op omg. The way that the parents reacted just shows that they WOULD treat the children differently!! so nta (thus far bc I've only watched half of that story hehe)
My parents have already told me any adopted kids would be treated differently. So when I adopt, they'll be kicked out of my life 🤷♀️ fuck em. My kids are more important than my parents, even the ones that arent my kids yet.
That’s horrible! My husband adopted my daughter and we have a son together… I cannot imagine how grandparents could treat kids differently because of their origins!
@@b-spradling when I mentioned adoption my dad called it "like getting a pet." both parents said "it's not the same". I told him with that logic, my bio kids are just keeping sperm as a pet. we aren't royalty our genetics do not need to be passed down lol.
@@babybluehashyo that’s horrible hon! I am sorry your parents are like that. I have an inkling that my FIL might feel differently about my daughter than he does my son. But he also doesn’t even try to be close with my children (my husband was also a step dad adoption) like he is with his bio daughter’s children.
I think it will become a little messy if Anna chooses to want her child back before the adoption which could happen considering how much she is around her baby.
OP should absolutely NOT tell her family. It's going to be much harder to cut them off if she's gotten used to relying on them for help. They could also treat the girls equally in front of OP, but differently behind her back, and say and do things that cause long term hurt and damage to the adopted daughter. OPs family has clearly already decided the adopted child is not "real" family, and they do not have plans to treat them equally. They would prefere to lose access to both children than to treat them equally.
Personally i wouldnt tell my family, it's none of their business. Im not being dramatic, i dont want my daughters to be treated differently. Clearly you guys care, when they are old enough i will share but as of now they are one in the same. If you cant deal with that you dont have to. You dont have to be apart of our lives. And who ever thinks thats going to far, think of the damage that could be done mentally to the adopted baby by being treated differently. Excluded or given less because she isnt "blood" smh im with the momma she's doing the right thing. Dont give them the opportunity to discriminate
I’ve told my family that it I become a parent, which would be through adoption. Treating my kids different from my brother’s kids is one way to no longer have contact with me.
I agree with you, they’re clearly asking because it stupidly matters to them and they will treat the girls differently, and there’s also the possibility of one of the family members letting it slip that lily is adopted before OP and her friend are ready to have that convo
I completely agree with this response. They are both the real daughters and if the family knew which was biological the would treat them differently even if unintentionally. Mother is making the right decision and no one should care.
My petty ass would 100% make it a fun game for the twins. They know one of them is adopted, but its a "sister secret" and nobody will ever know for sure because they're such close sisters. I'd encourage them to play games with people and guess and pretend. It's sneaky and petty and I dont care. Don't treat my kids differently.
OP knew her family and how they would behave. She knew they were the type of people who would play favorites and give "their blood" everything and treat the adopted daughter like a blight or a stain on the family or even throw it in her face later on. She did the right thing by not telling them to protect the innocence of her daughters.
I think in the case of the first story, depending on the ability of OP’s poker face, i’d just pick one of them, say that’s the real one, and then directly introduce the idea that I might be lying to them. Like “yeah, it’s Lily. But maybe I’m lying. Actually, the real one is Rose, I think. Wait, was it Rose? I forget. Oh well.”
I am a firm believer people ruin things and I would go no contact if/til they come around. Having people with those attitudes during the young development can cause trauma. Babies, young children can remember and take parts of very young infancy with them through life. Memory is a long and powerful thing.
I was raised by my grandparents, who I have called my mum and dad since I was little. My grandfather/Dad never wanted me to know that I was not their biological daughter... my grandmother/mum told me it would be what was best. Growing up, I appreciated knowing the truth. It made things less uncomfortable with time... taught me good values, and helped me understand that life isn't always so straightforward. I say truth is the only way forward.
I would not let either kid with the family without supervision. They only need to test one of the kid's dna to know who's the "real" daughter. They sound crazy enough to try that
For the shroom story: Op needs to realize that her husband's brain is recalibrating. Shrooms cause you to have paradigm shifts and he needs time to adjust and to analyze his experience to understand what his new view on the world is going to be. Yes, most of the time it fades over time. Him talking to this coworker is not because of the shrooms. This was a problem that existed before the shrooms. Maybe he's a little more open to his inner feelings because of them, but you can't blame the shrooms for him being a stinky man.
I’ve done ALOT of psychedelics and they’ve never done anything but make me more in love with my spouse this is so sad. I’m glad she didn’t do them too because her rejection would have been felt so much stronger. So sad 😢
As someone who was adopted and raised as an outsider (technically) not know why. My siblings all knew I was adopted, and "unintentionally" treated me so differently, there was a disconnect between me and/with them. I, unless it wasn't for babysitting or mom being there, I wasn't allowed to hang out with them. After I found out, it became obvious who were ok with me and who would go out of their way to make me feel I didn't belong like they don't have to fake to like me anymore. Im the youngest of 7, and now since I've decided to stay in my corner, I'm talked about in the light of being ungrateful, and bad daughter and sister. I hit the point of not contacting them unless they do. But they don't get why.
Petty me would tell the grandma girl 1 is adopted but don't tell anyone, and the mother girl 2 is adopted but don't tell anyone This would either help her gain some time, or immediately blow up and she could say "I knew you would tell everyone, I had to test it before telling you guys"
First story: I would have told them (which twin was which) had they not made a big deal about it. Because they seem like they are taking favourites, I'd die on that hill of not telling them until the daughter knows/understands and decides to tell them. They should treat each girl the same no matter their DNA.
I just wouldn't say anything. No lies, no truths. Don't owe anyone anything just because they demand it. And I'd say as much. Mom support groups are the best, and with the groups knowing she has basically twins, one adopted, she would find herself overwhelmed with such an outpouring... more than she would know what to do with.
lets go early gang But no one needs to know in the family because it's setting it up for them to potentially treat Lily like she's nothing, which isn't fair.
I just keep wondering how a 20 yr old is financially supporting herself and these kids. They are so expensive and she is so young. I think she is doing the right thing by not telling her family but her stress must be off the charts
The only way I can see it mattering to the family is if there is some hereditary medical condition that OP may not know about. Aside from that, it shouldn’t matter to them which baby is which, if they plan to love them both equally. To protect her daughters from favoritism and unfair treatment, she needs to stand her ground. Turn it back to them: if it’s not worth the fighting, then why don’t THEY back down and let it go? Why does OP have to be the one to cave to them?
@@TheAwesomes2104 Good point. I just meant that, hypothetically, this is the only justifiable reason for the family to be so insistent. The whole situation is just heartbreaking. 😓
The two mothers made an agreement for the two girls. Given that others as adults want to know it’s potentially going to take the choice of telling these two girls over the years who and what the situation actually is without the two mother’s consent. As they (the family) can’t respect these boundaries is very telling about their disrespect of boundaries where there are two innocent people that could be negatively effected by this. They clearly do not care for the innocent children involved.
No is a complete sentence. As to the child, do not lie to her. I am an adopted child who was told whatever was convenient for the adults at the time. It's way better for her to know all along.
Telling them is a bad idea! No matter the reason the family wants to know the fact that they will know is dangerous. They may in anger tell the kids before the mom is ready. They may treat the adopted one badly. They may try to turn the bio against the sister and mom. I have seen all of these scenarios and more. The family help shouldn't come as an ultimatum or a bargaining chip. It should come from love without any form of persuasion. It will only tear apart the mom and girls if the family knows before the girls. Also it's not lying. It's ignoring and letting them figure it out. Lol NOT THEIR BUSINESS!!
Playing games with the knowledge of who is the "real" daughter isn't going to help solve any problems...it is just going to spread the cruelty out, not the love. As for needing help, everyone is going to have moments where they feel overwhelmed. It doesn't mean they are bad parents or doing a bad job. And, it doesn't make the mom right about needing the help to come from family. I trust OP can carry on without the harmful family members.
This is why you do shrooms together 😂 me and my husband go on trips every few months and we always have such a beautiful connection when we do. Buuuut yeah, seems like he had all this in his mind before the trip and just got the confidence to admit it.
Lemon Tincture. Its where you dissolve the shrooms in lemon. the acid is similar to our stomach and extracts it all. ANd amplifies it. Also saves your stomach the digestion of it which is often why some get sick.
People don’t deserve all of your information just like I wouldn’t give out my credit card information online to strangers whether or not she’s blood related to either of those children really isn’t her family’s business
Honestly with the first story, I don’t think OP should give up the fact that she’s struggling to her family bc they will then continue to try to barter with her. Instead she needs to stand firm and wait for them to come around otherwise things will always be in their court. Also while babies may not commit everything to memory when they grow up, leaving a vulnerable child with people who do not view them as important is a REALLY bad idea as it will result in neglect, possibly to the point of severe endangerment, and babies and toddlers understand enough emotion to know how others feel, and will in turn either be super stressed out or at some point wonder what is wrong with them and why they aren’t loved. This will, regardless of how much is committed to conscious memory, deeply scar one of the girls and that is not a risk worth taking. Also it sounds like there’s already a good support system with Mom and God Mom and their friend who comes over to assist - that’s the new found family and even if things seem bleak they have one another for now, it’s not perfect but they’ve got on me another and that’s far better than striking a deal with the devil
Refusing to give information is not a lie. People have NO RIGHT to personal information and refusing To give personal info is NOT lying . Lying would be for you you be to say😊 that Lily was the bio daughter.
Not telling people information that they don't need or you don't feel comfortable trusting them with is not a lie. It's going to be difficult enough to make sure those girls don't find out that one of them is adopted before they're able to understand or have it explained to them in a loving, age-appropriate way with the attitude they're already getting from her family, but it seems obvious that the "real" daughter would be the favorite. They want so badly to know, and even if that's not the intention, it sure feels like it would be the outcome.
I may have a different take on the telling the family situation. Given my past with my family keeping BIG secrets that tell me who the people in my family "really" are, I would tell them, then cut out the petty people who treat the adopted baby different. If you're willing to alienate an adopted child within your family, you aren't a good person, and shouldn't be allowed in either grandbaby's life.
So no reason for the family to know who is the bio child. People do look and treat kids differently and make assumptions about everything it do with “the real child” and if they care so much to know means they need to know so they can treat the kids different.
Genuinely, I get why you guys think OP should tell the kids along the way, but the nature of kids is they will tell the other people they care about; Which would then have them questioning why suddenly grandma and grandpa bought more gifts for their sister for Christmas, or why Uncle doesn't call them both his niece. OP shouldn't tell ANYONE until the girls are well beyond the age of needing familial validation and equity in treatment for their socially formative years. AKA like teen years. At the earliest.
The biggest problem with the "adopted" daughter is that she's not the legal guardian of the infant yet. There's still a chance that OP won't be able to adopt that infant if the friend changes her mind in any way. Her family may be aware of that fact and don't want to get attached to a child that might not be in their life in the future. They're still being jerks, but I kinda understand.
Thats so true, her parents couldn’t even be trusted to babysit unsupervised.. even supervised, all it takes is having access the baby’s pacifier or someone feeding the baby and they’ll know
OP knows what kind of family she has. The family should let it go beecause they are proving the point of favoritism.Then blackmailing that they won't help with raising the kids until she tells them?? That's manipulative as fuck.
The parents may think the friend will want to take the baby back so they might not want to bond with the baby. They shouldn’t feel that way or treat them differently.
Haven’t finished watching but he might be using it as an excuse to step out on their marriage but still have an in if he’s tired of being in the streets or things don’t work out when he’s out exploring . That way he can blame everything on the shrooms and get back with his wife whenever
Wait a minute I'm a little curious wouldn't the family figure it out anyway once the kids get older? Or even on their first birthday because even though they were born 3 days apart when you start filling out paperwork for schools and all that stuff you have to put down the date of birth
I assume they're already planning on shared celebrations since they're only 3 days apart. Pretty much everyone I know with close sibling birthdays celebrated together, especially before puberty.
The trauma that this family could cause the lily fat outweighs the “help” they could provide. The parents and grandparents could die in a crash tomorrow then op would still have “no help” … someone will help or op will have to learn to make it work … she doesn’t need to traumatize the daughter. And kids do subconsciously remember things from even when they are very small.
O p's husband and the shroom story totally took more than just two grams of shrooms unless he took two grams of some kind of concentrate. Generally, it takes about 3 g.Maybe a little bit less to get a psychedelic or visual effect.And that's not even you lose your vision.That's just like colors or brighter and a little more vivid.Things seem a little more 3.D and maybe a little bit more warbles at the edge of things. Once you get into 5 g, then you'll have more movement in your vision.I wouldn't say like you hallucinate something that's not there, but it's like everything can kind of turn to water... or into geometric shapes. Imagine if everything had a pulse running over its surface like ripples and it was either flowing through it like water or like geometric shapes. Then you go up to 7 g, which is considered a hero dose.Sometimes 5 can be a hero but 7 is generally hero.Dose 5 is a strong trip.3 is a visual boost.Anything under three is the way you feel. The way o p was describing her husband I think the motherfucker went overboard for his first damn trip and either went straight to 7 grams or to ten grams. LEMON TEC .soak mushrooms in lemon juice for 10 minutes and instead of it taking an hour to 2 to kick in it kicks in in 20 to 30 min. I still do not think it was only 2 grams. It does increase intensity but not to that level if it was only 2 that dude has MORE issues like unknown mental issues or has other meds he iss on
The fact he seemed to have had an extended trip of 3 months, in the ballpark of psychosis, makes me suspect he's genetically predisposed. Some people take 2g and end up in a dream delusion/dissociation for months or years. They may have a psychotic break, it may trigger dormant schizophrenia. My advice to him would be 1) never do shrooms again. 2) if he's able check with family for any history of people having a breakdown (could be one random second aunt he never met) 3) meet with a psychiatrist to discuss his experience. Thank god he's already booked an appointment. He got lucky if he's settled permanently from now on. Hope he doesn't get stupid and go for that experience again.
I just have an issue with raising them as twins because they aren't. It's not her family's business which is which. They both deserve equal love and care.
I grew up in a religious cult. My aunt and uncle had a family who attended their church of the same religious cult. The father murdered the mother with the kids in the home. Aged 12, 8 and 2 at the time of their mother's death. Father went to jail for 30+ years. My aunt and uncle adopted these three children. My aunt and uncle already had a biological son and daughter who were very close in age to the 12, 8 year old son and daughter. My grandparents always said that they treated the 3 adopted kids much worse than their biological children. Treating them as if they should simply be grateful they weren't split up in foster care or ended up with a worse situation with some extended family. I always sort of took this with a grain of salt because I never witnessed any treatment disparity myself, but I was also a kid, however when all of their kids became adults they remained active and involved in their two biological kids lives and essentially when the adopted kids moved out and on with their adult lives they had almost nothing to do with them. I never saw those adult cousins again at family functions or reunions but on many occasions did see my biological cousins, and later their children, at family reunions and get together. Once those three adopted kids were adults it was like they had not even been a part of our family. They just disappeared. This has always bothered me because 1. I was bonded with them when we were kids and never thought of them as any different than my bio cousins because we were all kids we didn't see a difference and 2. I've always thought those cousins needed more love than my bio cousins, not less, because they had suffered such a traumatic early childhood and then death of their mother at their fathers hands. Long story short some people are just not wired to treat adopted or step kids as they would their own children, unfortunately.
I appreciate all these new terms in the psychodelic world. They didn’t exist or at least I never knew about them during my experimental years but I appreciate them nonetheless.
Don't tell them. I've never understood people that love their adopted kids / grandkids/ siblings less than their biological ones. Worst are parents who pretend to love their kid for years, until they find out it's not biologically theirs. So you lied and your love was never unconditional.
If the Anna friend is there with her, helping with the babies, I highly doubt the adoption will happen. They should have thought of the solution of living together and raising them together, at least for the first couple years. They are single, and this gives them support.
The mushroom story-I have been drunk once, didn’t like the experience. I have too much of a need for self control to try anything else, especially hallucinogenic drugs. Too afraid of a trip I can’t come back from.
My current relationship started with a first state on 🍄. We have our 5 year anniversary this October, though not legally bound he's happily uncle nate, and I'm happily the additional granddaughter❤
If she is autistic, she wouldn't likely feel the psilocybin the same way. One of the untested treatments for autism is microdosing psilocybin... supposedly it makes them more empathetic, able to communicate better, make friends. But not sure if it works that way for everyone. So don't take this as gospel. Though seems makes sense, a brain development issue, and a drug that affects the brain.
Do not lie at all they really don't need to k own that's them being Selfish . Subjecting the children too them Treating the children unfairly And eventually the children will see that and feel very hurt it.
Once you let the secret out, it will just be a matter of time before everyone knows. One person can't keep a secret, let alone family members. They have no right to know. Why do families this the can just root around in other people's lives.
OP is a hero. but you can't lie to the fam because then your other child just gets discriminated against and feels like the black sheep. what you do is tell half the fam Lily is your birth child and tell half Rose is
Its odd the family is giving an ultimatum because youre gonna be able to tell eventually. Yeah its silly of OP unless shes actually concerned of favortism but why not address that with them? Why make it into such a big deal on both sides?
I don't think there is anything wrong with someone wanting to know which child is biological vs adopted. Everyone wants to know. Anyone who says they wouldn't want to know is lying. Wanting to know doesn't mean they will treat them differently. I would want to know, and I would love them both the same. Having two babies is twice the love and fun! What an amazing opportunity to have two babies at the same time without having to carry both and deal with the medical complications that come with that. It's a win all around. It sounds like she needs to have a conversation with each family member and suss out their attitude and potential to treat the babies differently. I think she is overreacting to the use of the word "real" when she probably just meant "biological." It was common in her grandmother's time to say "real" instead. Yes, it sounds harsh, but she probably didn't mean it that way. She can certainly insist on equal treatment and intervene or cut people out if they don't provide that. I don't think lying or withholding the information is the best course of action for anyone. It will just create animosity. On another note, she needs to lock this adoption down legally. She can easily get attached to this adopted baby, and her friend can swipe her out from under her anytime she wants. She needs to protect herself and her daughter.
Sorry this so called ‘plan’ to not tell her family which baby is hers biologically is dumb. Unless she’s planning on moving far away or completely cutting contact with them for good this can VERY easily fall apart. Op’s baby’s father isn’t even 100% out yet. You expect HIM to play along with this plan too? Or are you going to play games with him about who’s his daughter as well? What about the grandparents on HIS side? Would you deprive the child of knowing them too if the opportunity arose? Which if she would sounds absolutely selfish. ALSO, unless the friends could pass as twins, just being white and having the same hair color is NOT going to stop the bio daughter from having any number of op’s features. It really doesn’t even typically take that long to show up. It sounds like OP’s family isn’t COMPLETE trash or else why let them have access to either of the daughters at all? So the truth is more than likely BOUND to come out anyway. Why burn all these bridges when you need all the help that you could get? And when they find out are you going to not tell THEM which one it is or teach them to LIE about it too?it would be a complete mess that could end up teaching them that being adopted is something that you should hide or be ashamed of. She needs more time to think things through.
The story where the friend adopted the daughter to put it harshly I think she lives in la la Land they had no clue how hard two daughters were going to be for a single parent? As someone who was adopted and in foster care you cannot force your family to feel the same about but child they're not related to in a perfect world you love all children the same but that's not reality and it's not bad if you love who you're related to more than who you're not All she's doing is condemning her daughter from having familial ties which will f*** with you in the long run she doesn't realize that because she hasn't had that issue Even if they do favor the child that they're related to she will be able to give more attention to the other child as well which honestly the child's biological mother seem to be stepping up to the plate so you don't even know if this is going to last also they need to sue for child support and stop being dumb there's consequences for hookup culture on both sides two people consciously had consensual sexual relations you make adult decisions you pay adult consequences you don't punish two children because you're immature and don't take responsibility for your actions
The music on this episode is really distracting, and I'm 16 minutes in. Not sure I'll be able to finish watching it, which is so disappointing. Please, guys, understand that there are people out here that just can't take the additional noise input no matter how much we love y'all.
Tell ½ the family it's "Lilly" and the other ½ it "Rose" 😂
Yes. Absolutely.
THIS would be lying. But I'm here for it.
Ooh, devious! I like it!
Love it!
Diabolical!!!
Refusing to tell someone information they are requesting Does Not constitute lying.
Yeah, not dignifying a bad faith question with an answer is essentially saying "no comment". Asking which kid is "actually family" is absolutely bad faith.
poor op omg. The way that the parents reacted just shows that they WOULD treat the children differently!! so nta (thus far bc I've only watched half of that story hehe)
My parents have already told me any adopted kids would be treated differently. So when I adopt, they'll be kicked out of my life 🤷♀️ fuck em. My kids are more important than my parents, even the ones that arent my kids yet.
That's terrible, you're doing the right thing ❤
That’s horrible! My husband adopted my daughter and we have a son together… I cannot imagine how grandparents could treat kids differently because of their origins!
@@b-spradling when I mentioned adoption my dad called it "like getting a pet." both parents said "it's not the same". I told him with that logic, my bio kids are just keeping sperm as a pet. we aren't royalty our genetics do not need to be passed down lol.
@@babybluehashyo that’s horrible hon! I am sorry your parents are like that. I have an inkling that my FIL might feel differently about my daughter than he does my son. But he also doesn’t even try to be close with my children (my husband was also a step dad adoption) like he is with his bio daughter’s children.
I think it will become a little messy if Anna chooses to want her child back before the adoption which could happen considering how much she is around her baby.
The family will tell the kids before OP tells the kids if OP tells her family.
OP should absolutely NOT tell her family. It's going to be much harder to cut them off if she's gotten used to relying on them for help. They could also treat the girls equally in front of OP, but differently behind her back, and say and do things that cause long term hurt and damage to the adopted daughter. OPs family has clearly already decided the adopted child is not "real" family, and they do not have plans to treat them equally. They would prefere to lose access to both children than to treat them equally.
for real.. like that’s the hill THEY want to die on??????
Personally i wouldnt tell my family, it's none of their business. Im not being dramatic, i dont want my daughters to be treated differently. Clearly you guys care, when they are old enough i will share but as of now they are one in the same. If you cant deal with that you dont have to. You dont have to be apart of our lives. And who ever thinks thats going to far, think of the damage that could be done mentally to the adopted baby by being treated differently. Excluded or given less because she isnt "blood" smh im with the momma she's doing the right thing. Dont give them the opportunity to discriminate
I’ve told my family that it I become a parent, which would be through adoption. Treating my kids different from my brother’s kids is one way to no longer have contact with me.
I agree with you, they’re clearly asking because it stupidly matters to them and they will treat the girls differently, and there’s also the possibility of one of the family members letting it slip that lily is adopted before OP and her friend are ready to have that convo
Exactly! Op knowsssss why she's not telling them 😂
I completely agree with this response. They are both the real daughters and if the family knew which was biological the would treat them differently even if unintentionally. Mother is making the right decision and no one should care.
Telling your family you won't tell them a piece of info is not a lie, saying you can't know a piece of info is an honest statement to someone
Yeah, that irked me a little. Thats an upfront boundary, not a lie
My petty ass would 100% make it a fun game for the twins. They know one of them is adopted, but its a "sister secret" and nobody will ever know for sure because they're such close sisters. I'd encourage them to play games with people and guess and pretend. It's sneaky and petty and I dont care. Don't treat my kids differently.
OP knew her family and how they would behave. She knew they were the type of people who would play favorites and give "their blood" everything and treat the adopted daughter like a blight or a stain on the family or even throw it in her face later on. She did the right thing by not telling them to protect the innocence of her daughters.
Exactly my thoughts
I think in the case of the first story, depending on the ability of OP’s poker face, i’d just pick one of them, say that’s the real one, and then directly introduce the idea that I might be lying to them. Like “yeah, it’s Lily. But maybe I’m lying. Actually, the real one is Rose, I think. Wait, was it Rose? I forget. Oh well.”
I am a firm believer people ruin things and I would go no contact if/til they come around. Having people with those attitudes during the young development can cause trauma. Babies, young children can remember and take parts of very young infancy with them through life. Memory is a long and powerful thing.
Also, I wouldn’t put it past the family to try and do a DNA test!
I was raised by my grandparents, who I have called my mum and dad since I was little. My grandfather/Dad never wanted me to know that I was not their biological daughter... my grandmother/mum told me it would be what was best.
Growing up, I appreciated knowing the truth. It made things less uncomfortable with time... taught me good values, and helped me understand that life isn't always so straightforward.
I say truth is the only way forward.
I would not let either kid with the family without supervision. They only need to test one of the kid's dna to know who's the "real" daughter.
They sound crazy enough to try that
For the shroom story:
Op needs to realize that her husband's brain is recalibrating. Shrooms cause you to have paradigm shifts and he needs time to adjust and to analyze his experience to understand what his new view on the world is going to be. Yes, most of the time it fades over time. Him talking to this coworker is not because of the shrooms. This was a problem that existed before the shrooms. Maybe he's a little more open to his inner feelings because of them, but you can't blame the shrooms for him being a stinky man.
I’ve done ALOT of psychedelics and they’ve never done anything but make me more in love with my spouse this is so sad. I’m glad she didn’t do them too because her rejection would have been felt so much stronger. So sad 😢
As someone who was adopted and raised as an outsider (technically) not know why. My siblings all knew I was adopted, and "unintentionally" treated me so differently, there was a disconnect between me and/with them. I, unless it wasn't for babysitting or mom being there, I wasn't allowed to hang out with them.
After I found out, it became obvious who were ok with me and who would go out of their way to make me feel I didn't belong like they don't have to fake to like me anymore.
Im the youngest of 7, and now since I've decided to stay in my corner, I'm talked about in the light of being ungrateful, and bad daughter and sister. I hit the point of not contacting them unless they do. But they don't get why.
OP is not in the wrong to keep the family away. If they were around, they wouldn't treat lily as family, and that would be bad for both of the girls.
Petty me would tell the grandma girl 1 is adopted but don't tell anyone, and the mother girl 2 is adopted but don't tell anyone
This would either help her gain some time, or immediately blow up and she could say "I knew you would tell everyone, I had to test it before telling you guys"
First story: I would have told them (which twin was which) had they not made a big deal about it. Because they seem like they are taking favourites, I'd die on that hill of not telling them until the daughter knows/understands and decides to tell them. They should treat each girl the same no matter their DNA.
Yes lying to the parents is fine and justified
I just wouldn't say anything. No lies, no truths. Don't owe anyone anything just because they demand it. And I'd say as much. Mom support groups are the best, and with the groups knowing she has basically twins, one adopted, she would find herself overwhelmed with such an outpouring... more than she would know what to do with.
Second story: I think the husband is the ah for having an ego death with just 2gr lmao
Thank you, guys. I love being able to give insite I love you guys. 🥰😘
lets go early gang
But no one needs to know in the family because it's setting it up for them to potentially treat Lily like she's nothing, which isn't fair.
It’s better not to tell the family not because they will treat them different but one of them will definitely spill the tea
I just keep wondering how a 20 yr old is financially supporting herself and these kids. They are so expensive and she is so young. I think she is doing the right thing by not telling her family but her stress must be off the charts
The family may tell the kids before they are ready so I believe she’s right in keeping it from the family. They seem like a holes
The only way I can see it mattering to the family is if there is some hereditary medical condition that OP may not know about. Aside from that, it shouldn’t matter to them which baby is which, if they plan to love them both equally. To protect her daughters from favoritism and unfair treatment, she needs to stand her ground. Turn it back to them: if it’s not worth the fighting, then why don’t THEY back down and let it go? Why does OP have to be the one to cave to them?
To be fair, even that doesn't make sense, because there would be no reason for OP not to know about this genetic issue they also may carry.
@@TheAwesomes2104 Good point. I just meant that, hypothetically, this is the only justifiable reason for the family to be so insistent. The whole situation is just heartbreaking. 😓
The two mothers made an agreement for the two girls. Given that others as adults want to know it’s potentially going to take the choice of telling these two girls over the years who and what the situation actually is without the two mother’s consent. As they (the family) can’t respect these boundaries is very telling about their disrespect of boundaries where there are two innocent people that could be negatively effected by this. They clearly do not care for the innocent children involved.
Essentially, it is no one's business, until their mother feels she's ready.
Kinda of crazy that someone can go through so much change from 2 grams of shrooms, that’s not even enough for me to hallucinate.
Screw that family. They sound cruel and vindictive. Op and anna should move into together and raise the babies together.
No is a complete sentence. As to the child, do not lie to her. I am an adopted child who was told whatever was convenient for the adults at the time. It's way better for her to know all along.
Telling them is a bad idea! No matter the reason the family wants to know the fact that they will know is dangerous. They may in anger tell the kids before the mom is ready. They may treat the adopted one badly. They may try to turn the bio against the sister and mom. I have seen all of these scenarios and more. The family help shouldn't come as an ultimatum or a bargaining chip. It should come from love without any form of persuasion. It will only tear apart the mom and girls if the family knows before the girls. Also it's not lying. It's ignoring and letting them figure it out. Lol NOT THEIR BUSINESS!!
Good for her! They don't need to know which one is her biological daughter!!!
To one grandparent - it's Rose but keep it to yourself. To the other grandparent, it's Lily, but keep stum.
Playing games with the knowledge of who is the "real" daughter isn't going to help solve any problems...it is just going to spread the cruelty out, not the love.
As for needing help, everyone is going to have moments where they feel overwhelmed. It doesn't mean they are bad parents or doing a bad job. And, it doesn't make the mom right about needing the help to come from family. I trust OP can carry on without the harmful family members.
This is why you do shrooms together 😂 me and my husband go on trips every few months and we always have such a beautiful connection when we do.
Buuuut yeah, seems like he had all this in his mind before the trip and just got the confidence to admit it.
Op and Anna should just raise the kids together lol
my sister and i were adopted as infants and my parents told both of us when we were two.
Lemon Tincture. Its where you dissolve the shrooms in lemon. the acid is similar to our stomach and extracts it all. ANd amplifies it. Also saves your stomach the digestion of it which is often why some get sick.
The disclaimer popping in and out of the screen is so funny to me
People don’t deserve all of your information just like I wouldn’t give out my credit card information online to strangers whether or not she’s blood related to either of those children really isn’t her family’s business
OP does not owe her family any information. No one is entitled to all of her perosonal information. That's not lying, it's called 'privacy'
You could tell by their birthdays. If they know when the mom gave birth.
Honestly with the first story, I don’t think OP should give up the fact that she’s struggling to her family bc they will then continue to try to barter with her. Instead she needs to stand firm and wait for them to come around otherwise things will always be in their court. Also while babies may not commit everything to memory when they grow up, leaving a vulnerable child with people who do not view them as important is a REALLY bad idea as it will result in neglect, possibly to the point of severe endangerment, and babies and toddlers understand enough emotion to know how others feel, and will in turn either be super stressed out or at some point wonder what is wrong with them and why they aren’t loved. This will, regardless of how much is committed to conscious memory, deeply scar one of the girls and that is not a risk worth taking. Also it sounds like there’s already a good support system with Mom and God Mom and their friend who comes over to assist - that’s the new found family and even if things seem bleak they have one another for now, it’s not perfect but they’ve got on me another and that’s far better than striking a deal with the devil
Only their primary care physician needs to know at this point, the family can chill. NTA
23:34 i just now sa the worms 🪱 on the micr 😂
I would either not tell them or tell each family member a different baby was the bio baby.
Refusing to give information is not a lie. People have NO RIGHT to personal information and refusing To give personal info is NOT lying . Lying would be for you you be to say😊 that Lily was the bio daughter.
You can't tell the family which one is adopted because what if one of them spill the tea to the kid behind her back
Not telling people information that they don't need or you don't feel comfortable trusting them with is not a lie. It's going to be difficult enough to make sure those girls don't find out that one of them is adopted before they're able to understand or have it explained to them in a loving, age-appropriate way with the attitude they're already getting from her family, but it seems obvious that the "real" daughter would be the favorite. They want so badly to know, and even if that's not the intention, it sure feels like it would be the outcome.
Even if you switch identity of the kids, it's just changing which child is traumatised....tough spot, toxic family
I may have a different take on the telling the family situation. Given my past with my family keeping BIG secrets that tell me who the people in my family "really" are, I would tell them, then cut out the petty people who treat the adopted baby different. If you're willing to alienate an adopted child within your family, you aren't a good person, and shouldn't be allowed in either grandbaby's life.
So no reason for the family to know who is the bio child. People do look and treat kids differently and make assumptions about everything it do with “the real child” and if they care so much to know means they need to know so they can treat the kids different.
Genuinely, I get why you guys think OP should tell the kids along the way, but the nature of kids is they will tell the other people they care about; Which would then have them questioning why suddenly grandma and grandpa bought more gifts for their sister for Christmas, or why Uncle doesn't call them both his niece.
OP shouldn't tell ANYONE until the girls are well beyond the age of needing familial validation and equity in treatment for their socially formative years.
AKA like teen years. At the earliest.
The biggest problem with the "adopted" daughter is that she's not the legal guardian of the infant yet. There's still a chance that OP won't be able to adopt that infant if the friend changes her mind in any way. Her family may be aware of that fact and don't want to get attached to a child that might not be in their life in the future. They're still being jerks, but I kinda understand.
“Ground control to Major Sam ….. “
What if OP lies about what baby is “hers “ and the family does a DNA test behind her back ?
Thats so true, her parents couldn’t even be trusted to babysit unsupervised.. even supervised, all it takes is having access the baby’s pacifier or someone feeding the baby and they’ll know
OP knows what kind of family she has. The family should let it go beecause they are proving the point of favoritism.Then blackmailing that they won't help with raising the kids until she tells them?? That's manipulative as fuck.
The parents may think the friend will want to take the baby back so they might not want to bond with the baby. They shouldn’t feel that way or treat them differently.
9:35 she should have asked them for WHY they need to know. Maybe if they had say it out loud, it dawned on them how that looks and backen down.
That is not how shrooms work. He had those feelings before the trip, and maybe the trip let him realize he was just in denial.
Haven’t finished watching but he might be using it as an excuse to step out on their marriage but still have an in if he’s tired of being in the streets or things don’t work out when he’s out exploring . That way he can blame everything on the shrooms and get back with his wife whenever
I'd have the family help and whichever baby was crying at the time would be the real baby
Wait a minute I'm a little curious wouldn't the family figure it out anyway once the kids get older? Or even on their first birthday because even though they were born 3 days apart when you start filling out paperwork for schools and all that stuff you have to put down the date of birth
The school doesn't hand out the paperwork to other family members though. Only school staff and the parents have access to those files.
I assume they're already planning on shared celebrations since they're only 3 days apart. Pretty much everyone I know with close sibling birthdays celebrated together, especially before puberty.
They really need to go after the fathers for child support.
The trauma that this family could cause the lily fat outweighs the “help” they could provide. The parents and grandparents could die in a crash tomorrow then op would still have “no help” … someone will help or op will have to learn to make it work … she doesn’t need to traumatize the daughter. And kids do subconsciously remember things from even when they are very small.
Ohh I recommend playing psychonauts 1 and 2 they are weird fun games. They are both like probably 20 hours altogether
O p's husband and the shroom story totally took more than just two grams of shrooms unless he took two grams of some kind of concentrate.
Generally, it takes about 3 g.Maybe a little bit less to get a psychedelic or visual effect.And that's not even you lose your vision.That's just like colors or brighter and a little more vivid.Things seem a little more 3.D and maybe a little bit more warbles at the edge of things.
Once you get into 5 g, then you'll have more movement in your vision.I wouldn't say like you hallucinate something that's not there, but it's like everything can kind of turn to water... or into geometric shapes.
Imagine if everything had a pulse running over its surface like ripples and it was either flowing through it like water or like geometric shapes.
Then you go up to 7 g, which is considered a hero dose.Sometimes 5 can be a hero but 7 is generally hero.Dose 5 is a strong trip.3 is a visual boost.Anything under three is the way you feel.
The way o p was describing her husband I think the motherfucker went overboard for his first damn trip and either went straight to 7 grams or to ten grams.
LEMON TEC .soak mushrooms in lemon juice for 10 minutes and instead of it taking an hour to 2 to kick in it kicks in in 20 to 30 min. I still do not think it was only 2 grams. It does increase intensity but not to that level if it was only 2 that dude has MORE issues like unknown mental issues or has other meds he iss on
The fact he seemed to have had an extended trip of 3 months, in the ballpark of psychosis, makes me suspect he's genetically predisposed. Some people take 2g and end up in a dream delusion/dissociation for months or years. They may have a psychotic break, it may trigger dormant schizophrenia.
My advice to him would be 1) never do shrooms again. 2) if he's able check with family for any history of people having a breakdown (could be one random second aunt he never met) 3) meet with a psychiatrist to discuss his experience.
Thank god he's already booked an appointment. He got lucky if he's settled permanently from now on. Hope he doesn't get stupid and go for that experience again.
Get a wolfpack/ village.. if family doesn't wanna have two babies (why know, dont know)
I just have an issue with raising them as twins because they aren't. It's not her family's business which is which. They both deserve equal love and care.
So Ok storytime, I would not want to let the family see the kids and make a bond because they might be able to claim Grandparents rights.
I grew up in a religious cult. My aunt and uncle had a family who attended their church of the same religious cult. The father murdered the mother with the kids in the home. Aged 12, 8 and 2 at the time of their mother's death. Father went to jail for 30+ years. My aunt and uncle adopted these three children. My aunt and uncle already had a biological son and daughter who were very close in age to the 12, 8 year old son and daughter. My grandparents always said that they treated the 3 adopted kids much worse than their biological children. Treating them as if they should simply be grateful they weren't split up in foster care or ended up with a worse situation with some extended family. I always sort of took this with a grain of salt because I never witnessed any treatment disparity myself, but I was also a kid, however when all of their kids became adults they remained active and involved in their two biological kids lives and essentially when the adopted kids moved out and on with their adult lives they had almost nothing to do with them. I never saw those adult cousins again at family functions or reunions but on many occasions did see my biological cousins, and later their children, at family reunions and get together. Once those three adopted kids were adults it was like they had not even been a part of our family. They just disappeared. This has always bothered me because 1. I was bonded with them when we were kids and never thought of them as any different than my bio cousins because we were all kids we didn't see a difference and 2. I've always thought those cousins needed more love than my bio cousins, not less, because they had suffered such a traumatic early childhood and then death of their mother at their fathers hands.
Long story short some people are just not wired to treat adopted or step kids as they would their own children, unfortunately.
I appreciate all these new terms in the psychodelic world. They didn’t exist or at least I never knew about them during my experimental years but I appreciate them nonetheless.
That family doesn't seem worth it. They should just adopt new family members.
Don't tell them. I've never understood people that love their adopted kids / grandkids/ siblings less than their biological ones. Worst are parents who pretend to love their kid for years, until they find out it's not biologically theirs. So you lied and your love was never unconditional.
Yo the hell is wrong with her family?
If the Anna friend is there with her, helping with the babies, I highly doubt the adoption will happen. They should have thought of the solution of living together and raising them together, at least for the first couple years. They are single, and this gives them support.
The mushroom story-I have been drunk once, didn’t like the experience. I have too much of a need for self control to try anything else, especially hallucinogenic drugs. Too afraid of a trip I can’t come back from.
My current relationship started with a first state on 🍄. We have our 5 year anniversary this October, though not legally bound he's happily uncle nate, and I'm happily the additional granddaughter❤
whats to stop someone in the family doing a dna or ancestry test on the girls without the permission of the mother.
The family will tell the girls one of them is adopted. They seem that toxic. Both kids are hers.
If she is autistic, she wouldn't likely feel the psilocybin the same way. One of the untested treatments for autism is microdosing psilocybin... supposedly it makes them more empathetic, able to communicate better, make friends. But not sure if it works that way for everyone. So don't take this as gospel. Though seems makes sense, a brain development issue, and a drug that affects the brain.
Do not lie at all they really don't need to k own that's them being Selfish . Subjecting the children too them Treating the children unfairly And eventually the children will see that and feel very hurt it.
John's best take yet. Do shrooms ❤
Once you let the secret out, it will just be a matter of time before everyone knows. One person can't keep a secret, let alone family members. They have no right to know. Why do families this the can just root around in other people's lives.
OP is a hero. but you can't lie to the fam because then your other child just gets discriminated against and feels like the black sheep. what you do is tell half the fam Lily is your birth child and tell half Rose is
Its odd the family is giving an ultimatum because youre gonna be able to tell eventually. Yeah its silly of OP unless shes actually concerned of favortism but why not address that with them? Why make it into such a big deal on both sides?
I don't think there is anything wrong with someone wanting to know which child is biological vs adopted. Everyone wants to know. Anyone who says they wouldn't want to know is lying. Wanting to know doesn't mean they will treat them differently. I would want to know, and I would love them both the same. Having two babies is twice the love and fun! What an amazing opportunity to have two babies at the same time without having to carry both and deal with the medical complications that come with that. It's a win all around.
It sounds like she needs to have a conversation with each family member and suss out their attitude and potential to treat the babies differently. I think she is overreacting to the use of the word "real" when she probably just meant "biological." It was common in her grandmother's time to say "real" instead. Yes, it sounds harsh, but she probably didn't mean it that way. She can certainly insist on equal treatment and intervene or cut people out if they don't provide that. I don't think lying or withholding the information is the best course of action for anyone. It will just create animosity.
On another note, she needs to lock this adoption down legally. She can easily get attached to this adopted baby, and her friend can swipe her out from under her anytime she wants. She needs to protect herself and her daughter.
How to I access this “deep dive” into psychedelics that Sam did? Please let me know
Becareful. Home DNA tests exist and I won’t put it past them to test without the mom’s knowledge.
Sorry this so called ‘plan’ to not tell her family which baby is hers biologically is dumb. Unless she’s planning on moving far away or completely cutting contact with them for good this can VERY easily fall apart. Op’s baby’s father isn’t even 100% out yet. You expect HIM to play along with this plan too? Or are you going to play games with him about who’s his daughter as well? What about the grandparents on HIS side? Would you deprive the child of knowing them too if the opportunity arose? Which if she would sounds absolutely selfish. ALSO, unless the friends could pass as twins, just being white and having the same hair color is NOT going to stop the bio daughter from having any number of op’s features. It really doesn’t even typically take that long to show up. It sounds like OP’s family isn’t COMPLETE trash or else why let them have access to either of the daughters at all? So the truth is more than likely BOUND to come out anyway. Why burn all these bridges when you need all the help that you could get? And when they find out are you going to not tell THEM which one it is or teach them to LIE about it too?it would be a complete mess that could end up teaching them that being adopted is something that you should hide or be ashamed of. She needs more time to think things through.
I would have left shroom husband, alcohol is not an excuse for cheating or flirting so why should shrooms????
The story where the friend adopted the daughter to put it harshly I think she lives in la la Land they had no clue how hard two daughters were going to be for a single parent? As someone who was adopted and in foster care you cannot force your family to feel the same about but child they're not related to in a perfect world you love all children the same but that's not reality and it's not bad if you love who you're related to more than who you're not All she's doing is condemning her daughter from having familial ties which will f*** with you in the long run she doesn't realize that because she hasn't had that issue Even if they do favor the child that they're related to she will be able to give more attention to the other child as well which honestly the child's biological mother seem to be stepping up to the plate so you don't even know if this is going to last also they need to sue for child support and stop being dumb there's consequences for hookup culture on both sides two people consciously had consensual sexual relations you make adult decisions you pay adult consequences you don't punish two children because you're immature and don't take responsibility for your actions
I’m struggling with the music. Anyone else?
Sam likes psychedelics? Hotness level maximum 🥰
The music on this episode is really distracting, and I'm 16 minutes in. Not sure I'll be able to finish watching it, which is so disappointing. Please, guys, understand that there are people out here that just can't take the additional noise input no matter how much we love y'all.
Meow
🎉❤