⁉️ Why Can't I Stick to My Diet When I've Done it Before? Therapist Explains
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- Опубликовано: 29 май 2024
- #eatingpsychology #overeating #dopamine
Negotiating With Self Around Food:
• What to Eat When You D...
• But How Do I Negotiate...
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Disclaimer: This video is for information purposes only and my content should not be used as a substitute for seeking treatment from a healthcare provider. My content is not going to be suitable for everyone, so please use your self discernment before applying any video content in your own life.
In this video, I'm addressing a common frustration many of you share with me: the difficulty in sticking to a diet, especially when you've succeeded in the past. I'm Sarah, a psychotherapist, and I want to explore several reasons why this might be happening, focusing on the neurobiological, psychological, and particularly the role of dopamine in our eating behaviors.
Firstly, let’s consider the primal brain. This part of our brain, which focuses on survival, becomes stressed when it perceives an energy deficit from dieting. It responds by ramping up signals to eat, intensifying food obsessions, and making us feel like food is unreliable. This is particularly true for those who cycle between dieting and binging, reinforcing the brain's crisis mode.
Next, there's the concept of set point theory, suggesting our body has a preferred weight range it feels safe and comfortable within. When we diet and suppress our weight, our brain may respond by raising this set point, often resulting in weight gain once dieting stops. This theory might explain why dieting can ironically lead to weight gain in the long run.
Additionally, dopamine plays a significant role. It reinforces behaviors that it finds rewarding, which can include both eating and the feelings associated with successful weight loss. However, once a weight loss goal is reached, the reward system may no longer motivate the same behaviors, leading to a rebound effect where the allure of eating becomes stronger than the desire to maintain weight loss.
Stress also significantly impacts our eating habits. Chronic low to mid-level stress often leads to increased eating, while high stress may temporarily suppress appetite. Our bodies remember the sizes we've achieved under stress, and without understanding the unhealthy contexts that enabled these sizes, we might unrealistically strive to return to them.
Lastly, the psychological aspect of dieting involves negotiating with ourselves about our food choices. Healthy negotiation requires a friendly relationship with different parts of ourselves that have varying desires. Achieving a balance where these parts can amicably compromise is key to maintaining a healthy approach to eating without turning it into an internal battle.
This video isn't about giving strict dietary advice but rather providing insights to help you understand and navigate your relationship with food more compassionately and informedly. If this resonates with you, consider joining one of my Connect and Recover groups where we explore these themes in a supportive, personalized setting. I hope this information helps you in your journey towards a healthier, more balanced relationship with food. I look forward to continuing this conversation in my next video.
This is me. I lost 100lbs and once I got there, the binges started. I should note I got to 100lbs by continually moving the goalposts as I lost weight. Now here I am, 60lbs back on struggling to stick to a diet and routine that worked so well for me before but is now only met with failure.
I get this so much, had a similar experience to a lesser degree. Gained it all back and then some after many years of successful restriction. It's hard not to feel despair about this...
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I'm sorry...that must be so difficult. I don't even have a binge eating problem but I have struggled with the same 40 lbs over and over...finally it hit me that I could lose 20-25 lbs easy and then after that the cravings that I never had the first 20 percent of my body weight and never had the cravings at my highest weight ...just ate too many calories in general and not the right foods would come on like crazy. Doing research I found out the my body wants to take me back to my highest weight ... I noticed after the 20 percent that I would get extreme fatigue and would just want to sit all the time.. realised that my body was kicking in the hunger hormones like ghrelin and the satiety hormone leptin was lower... the fatigue was my body lowering NEAT to hold on to calories and burn less. Our bodies do fight us due to back in the day when food was scarce...this is something I wish that was talked about a lot more. I really feel for you.
Makes me very sad - so sorry you are going through this. So much success and probably so much praise in the process. It's utterly disappointing and defeating and painful, and I feel for you. I have never lost that much weight, though I would have if I ever could get past the 20 lb. limit my body has on my weight loss. Instead, I just keep failing in small increments over and over and now I just can't do it anymore. I just want to eat and I am unable to stop. Funny thing is I managed to lose 20 lbs last year which was a real struggle, but one day - I can even give the exact date - it switched off completely. And I never remember dates.
Food deprivation/restriction does commonly “introduce” the binging. It’s one nasty result of trying to better ourselves through weight loss.
You are telling my life story for the past 45 years
70 years old and I relate to all of these 😢
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This was very helpful. I like the negotiation part of this. I struggled with bulimia in my 20s, and at various times in my 30s. Became a fitness instructor mid 30s--40s and thought I found the "answer", but it was actually compulsive exercise. In my 50s menopause was no joke. Poof, 25lbs came on. Now post menopause, I have evolved to a place where I exercise regularly, eat a whole food diet and while not at my "goal" weight managed to lose 15 of the 25lbs over 2 years. SO SLOW! I recently started tracking macros to meet more of my nutritional needs in my 50's. What is interesting is that now that I have increased my protein intake I don't have some of the unbearable cravings I did before. That said about once a week (usually Thursday when I am alone in the house) I overeat. I no longer go to an all out binge (mini binge?), but will stray from my typical eating plan and have cheese and crackers or popcorn with olive oil. Listening to this video and "negotiation", I am going to give up the guilt and shame associated with this weekly shift in eating and let that part of me enjoy the popcorn. This also is helped me to see that maybe it is not realistic to chase my 30 year old body at 56. I am slowly learning to appreciate progress as I may never hit "my goal" but I do feel and look better. It does not help that the people at my gym all seem to be gorgeous and fit. I know many have had a little surgical and GLP1 help so I need to keep it in perspective. It is so hard being a woman. My husband does not worry about these things.
I am a mother of two, and I can’t seem to accept the changes in my life. 7 years ago I was living in London, working hard and was in a great shape, had my “freedom”, i had many friends and had no issue with food. Then I had my babies, we moved to a village in my home country, and I felt/feel kind of isolated. On top of all these, I still wish to be the same girl I was, not an overweight mom… i am trying to get a better relationship with food for now and taking care of myself. Specially mentally
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Wow. This youtube channel is my church service. I find myself coming back regularly to study. This is perspective that I find difficult to find anywhere else. You have such a succinct, compassionate, and professional way of communicating. I chose this video on a whim thinking I was above the cycle of a diet mindset, but I left with many changes in awareness that will probably result in my tweaking my habits. Thank you so much Sarah, your channel is a gold mine. You are helping me build and choose a recovered state every day.
So glad to hear this! 🥹
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist I completely agree. You answer questions I've literally had for decades... that I could not find anyone else addressing. I thought it was just me. I felt all alone for so long and that no one could understand...even the professionals. You especially address how many conflicts and issues occur simultaneously within a person. So no, a book on mindful eating alone will not be the end all be all solution for me. But your channel is the only resource I've found that seems to understand that and address it very well. All the other book and self help courses I've done have been addressing a single thing and humans are just so much more complex than this!! THANK YOU
When I had weight loss surgery, I stuck very good to the "rules" in order to not mess up my surgery. I lost weight very easily, but then when the weight stalled before I was at my goal, I started to try and count calories again. I started feeling like I would have a hard time saying no to food once I thought about it, even though I had been just fine while I was healing. I came to realize through your videos (and the life after diets podcast) that I think it was because my brain didn't really register I was "dieting" it was more that I was scared of upsetting my new surgery stomach. Once I started trying to do the same rules as a "diet", my body rebelled. It *did* help me to eat more intuitively, though.
Such an important topic and one I have been trying to get to the bottom of. I really think it’s mainly #1 for me. I used to be able to fast effortlessly 36-42 hours and it just became harder and harder (even with binging in between and weight gain)
This!
Ive been there too. Once I got there, I could feel myself losing control and was never able to get back in control and gained the weight back. I am currently 75 lbs lighter but I struggle daily with bingeing.
Learning to negotiate with myself is being a turning point in my relationship with food and snacks :) I'm still in the process of learning this skill, and also learning to be constant aware of what goes on in my body, when I feel the urge to binge. It's actually hard work always having to be aware, curious, before you stuff something in the mouth :) but I'm also learning to treat myself with kindness and love, which makes it easier to negotiate :) I never say: no, you can not have this. I say: you can not have this today/now, but you can have it another time. And that feeling of: yes, you can have it...at some point...makes it easier to not eat it now :) I love your videos, they so resonate with me ♥
This is so interesting.
I was one of the small percentage that stayed addicted to the low body weight, no period, for 27 years. Age 20-47.
I can hardly think about any type of restriction anymore as I know it created daily obsession. My entire life revolved around it. It also didn't get me the 'man of my dreams I thought it would.'
I can't handle the mental obsession anymore.
I am not super heavy now, just heavy enough in my 50's to need to think about future health issues. I am quite active and enjoy a healthy body and have been looking at different options and trying things, and my ' don't tell me what to do, or control me again' brain talk slips in.
One other thing I have noted, other than yourself, most recovery and health coaches have found a permanent relationship around the time of their flipping into a healthier, intuitive type of eating.
I'm sorry to hear this has been your experience 😔 Thank you for sharing, this motivates me to keep improving my situation while I still can. Wishing you strength & health xx
I like using that meditation book called 30 Days to Stop Overeating by Harper Daniels. Dieting is very mental.
Amazing video, just going through that precise situation after losing lot of weight and reaching my goal
Awesome. So so true. At 65, I have quit dieting. Making peace with my body. Negotiating with those different parts is definitely key.
Forget to say- thank you and this video (and you) are amazing ❤
I have been waiting for this video!! 👍
I am going through this right now after losing 22kg between 2022 and 2023. I have gained 10kg back and that was even before I reached my target. Now I seem to be in a mess with mote binges than before. I am even binging on bread which I didn't even care much for before i started restricting it. I am fighting so hard i feel like stopping altogether.
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#5 was super helpful! I've never heard it put that way - negotiating. To me, that feels like the "what to do" part of the video - build the skill of negotiating with yourself around food. Sure, there's not a step by step guide but I can use critical thinking to figure it out.
I once read in a comment that if you have to negotiate & rationalize a food choice, the answer should probably be no …bc when the answer is clearly a yes, there generally is no need for negotiating & rationalizing
I’m not sure I agree with that. I’m not talking about rationalisations or justifications here, just that different parts of you might want different things in the moment and trying to come to a peaceful decision (whether that’s a yes or a no) involves those parts being willing to give and take with one another. If I started ‘shoulding’ myself by saying the answer should be no my rebel part is going to kick off eventually and that’s when I’d be vulnerable to the what-the-hell effect. It always backfired with me.
In psychology this approach is called parts work
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist oh wait nevermind, I think you were replying to BLOVES. When I clicked on the comment notification, RUclips didn't show me BLOVES' comment. Sorry about that!
Brilliant video Sarah! I love the idea of negotiations between parts.
Wow this was a great talk! So many lightbulb moments for me around food but also addictive behaviour in other areas. This was excellently explained and rings true for me. #5 was amazing too, to extend your thinking into how changed behaviour looks when used in conjunction with self care as opposed to stress (or self hatred as motivation). Bravo!
Thank you so much for this video! Every single point fits for me... :(
Thank you for this excellent video. You describe much of my adult life. Have just subscribed for more of your words of wisdom!🌞
As always, your insight is extremely helpful ❤👍🏼
#2 is called Metabolic Efficiency. It's when your body becomes more "efficient" at storing fat and utilizing energy to help you survive during a famine. It's a survival mechanism built into us unfortunately
Thought I'm the only one and that I'm just a nonachiever🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊
Thank you!!
Thank you 🙏
I’ve just realised after watching this video I’ve actually got a eating disorder I always think back when I was shredded I had a 6 pack and everything but that’s when I was stress free had no kids and had plenty of free time.
Now I’ve got a son been made redundant 3 times in 1 year and stressed to death about money and still trying to chase that body I once had a few year ago and it’s just not happening
Sarah, thank you so much for your videos. Do you recall one you’ve done that I could search that addresses overeating at mealtimes. I wouldn’t call myself a binge eater. I just don’t like the emotional satisfaction of meal time to end it seems… And I eat until I’m too full. Thank you!
I just wish I could figure out how. I feel so broken, every day I start with good intentions and emotions take over.
Could this be compliance mode when restrcting and then rebellion kicks in because it feels restrictive.
I’m not dieting any more . I’m going to eat like a normal weight person .
Over deprivation equals binge back lash! Eat reasonable portions,drink water,fill up on fruits,veggies and lean proteins and move💪Repeat. Sounds easy,but so challenging when we are surrounded with so much junk foods☹️
You are so cute
Let’s us stop dieting women
People are idiots.
Diet is about what you eat, not what you don't eat.
Ive been there too. Once I got there, I could feel myself losing control and was never able to get back in control and gained the weight back. I am currently 75 lbs lighter but I struggle daily with bingeing.