I don’t understand why “mental health professionals” criticize Teal. Pretty much all of the videos I’ve watched have been brilliant explanations of behavior. I think she nailed it again in this one. Thanks Teal
@@darrenmcintosh8471 I do not have a background in psychology but I've had an S-ton of therapy over the years and her comments about narcissism and codependency ring very true to me. I don't think I've ever heard her touting herself as a psychologist or having professional training. Sometimes life experience teaches you everything you need to know about a particular topic.
@@darrenmcintosh8471 the “credentials” anyone has were just given to them by someone else who got them from someone else and so on.. within a system that is literally failing people in almost every way. Introducing new paradigms is hard at first. Because they force us to expand out of what we previously believed. Kinda like everything in science, and psychology too. The knowledge those fields hail as fact now, were once introduced by people and rejected by others. Just like what happens with people like Teal.
One more thing that I think is important to address. It’s NOT your responsibility to take care of these people or to put up with them. YOU cannot change them, they can only change themselves. Another important thing about narcissists is, don’t have too much empathy for them. Just leave them and have empathy for them from afar where you are safe. Otherwise, you will suffer greatly.
I felt that this information really lacked in the video because codependents give narcissists often too much compassion and this creates an even more dangerous downward spiral. A codependent starting to inform hisself for the first time ever could become even more compassionate after watching this and enable more dangerous things...
There is NO SUCH THING as “too much compassion.” Your compassion represents your connection. Don’t tell people to suppress their feelings. They NEED boundaries! Boundaries that are respected by themselves and others. Sometimes that means removing yourself from a situation. We are are a social species. Holding back love from someone because you think they don’t deserve it is a punishment and reward system approach and it doesn’t work.
So ironically to break this cycle you have to focus on yourself (but in a healthy way)? Like "filling your own cup" which implies lining up with what makes you feel happy, and then in turn you'll give to others naturally and not out of feeling obligated to. As someone healing from codependent strategies, this is what has worked for me and I've seen drastic positive shifts in my relationships.
Just learning about the subject. Husband did violent act and mariage is finish. I started to do things that I like for myself and it feels so much better than having to be scared to do anything to prevent an overeaction from codependant
Well this is also the right way for narcissists but they don‘t want to make the longterm effort to be honest to themselves and to commit to their own worths
Everyone develops survival behaviours. Its part of life and it takes quite a journey to become a healthy integrated authentic human being. The choice is ours. Thanks Teal for pointing it out clearly.
The truth can hurt, but far less than ignoring it. I just realized my co-dependent relationship pattern. Been wracking my brain for how I seem to attract narcissists... and now it makes complete sense. Thank you for this. I needed to take a look at this pattern more externally and you gave me the opportunity to do so! It's honestly a relief knowing giving up my needs for others actually doesn't help either of us.
As a SEVERE codependent. This was BRILLIANT. You are teaching me everyday more about how to unfold and find myself for the first time in my life. I appreciate you Teal. Much love.❤️
I love that fact that you exist Teal Swan! You are the incarnation of a goddess of emotional logic. I'd Love to see you and Jordan Peterson in a documentary on the human condition.
@@queengoblin He certainly does and I find him difficult to listen to, especially with the orders and death stares at times! I'm aware that he's immensely popular though, so each to their own. I'm thinking that he'd be very uncomfortable with Teal Swan, who is extremely calm and centred compared to him, not that it's a competiton. 😊
Thank you! As someone who has struggled with codependency, all this information about how I was the victim did so much more damage than good. I finally started healing when I took responsibility and I started doing the completion process. The victim mindset is way too in fashion rn… and if you say something people jump on you for “victim blaming”.
Good luck on your journey We did the best we could with what we had. No shame. No blame. No need to explain ( to others ) - They did not live your life. Nor will they die your death. Your life is your business. Safe journey. ✨💚🙏🏼💌✨
Don't take the outbursts of hurt people seriously, it's a sign that they either lack the coping skills necessary to function or someone is gaslighting the hell out of them at home. I usually take it as a cry for help.
Well the word "victim" is put on people and used negatively, often by people who have not been in their shoes to invalidate what they are going through. I hate the word victim as an umbrella term for people feeling disenpowered. I could use it for your last sentence to say "youre acting like a victim, just don't take it personally". It's not coming from love.
I love how straightforward she is in taking the lid off the pot. It’s bold and inspiring and still a part of me is like wow, she can just say that out loud. I crave direct truth after surviving a family dynamic like this.
Agree on this. Always felt like i couldn’t blame others when I myself felt as the same time as playing multiple roles ( dark triad pyramid - saviour / victim / executioner )
The thing is that I think that I still dislike narcissists like f.e. Putin, or Narcissists who tried to harm me more than any Codependent people I know. Because when a codependent person does something wrong, they often are able to take responsibility for it and narcissists are unlikely to do that. Both are personality styles who should take work to heal but I will always feel negative towards oppressiv Narcissists. Its hard for me to forgive them.
I'm blown away because this has described myself (codependent) 100% spot on - family dynamics 100% spot on. I keep coming back always to realign myself by listening to Teal as she has saved my life.
I agree with this whole-heartedly. And i wld say (from my point of view) the codependent hurts to the core to see their fam be self absorbed and self consumed and so goes into extreme self-sacrificing mode and denial to try to cope and feel safe. The cdp wants to be in a world where s/he everyone expresses love to one another and hopes that by being loving s/he will get that love in return. When the narc gets a hold on the cdp s/he is forced to change her/his child-like method of getting external love to finally facing that s/he has to sit in the empty void of seemingly lovelessness and figure out how to love her/himself and finally discover it deep within the well of her/his own Being.
When that core as a child is unlovable, then we have no idea who we are, because all those aspects that aren’t approved of is denied…this becomes our shadow side. I’m just so grateful that it’s all unwinding. No one wins in this societal system. ❤️
I was born in a covert narc Family, to accept all "flaws" but need to fit/function...my bad awkening came after I left home "for no reason" but with a deep knowing I have to. The space and time without them lifted the fog...and I started healing/working in myself...maybe too late to build my own (healthy) Family...
I've always struggled with the terminology also because narcissists are the epitome of codependence because they use other people to regulate their self concept. We need another word for the codependent role in this relationship dynamic which itself is codependent.
It looks like you discovered that codependency and narcissism is the same. One uses white magic, the other black magic. One gets you drunk to still your purse The other gives you a headache to steal your purse.
Teal, this was a fantastic explanation of narcissism and co-dependancy. I think this is one of the best articulated videos on the topic. Very relatable examples and keen insights into identifying these "adaptive relationship strategies". Thank you for sharing this.
Preciate you talking about those like me. I pendulum swing in my marriage. I've been noticing it's a behavior I do naturally the last couple weeks, and it doesn't make me feel good. However, I haven't been able to understand it enough to make solid changes. This video helped a lot. Thank you.
My family was fu@ked….. I was the scapegoat and sacrificed for everyone else’s purposes…. Grrrr…. I’m ok now…. Took a long time…. I’m 53 now and still struggle with garbage thinking and feelings… ❤️🥰👍
Glad you're ok now. It takes a lot of honesty, pain and work to undo everything and get to the point of being ok. I'm 51 and just getting to the point of being ok after a lifetime of self destruction. I normalized dysfunction from growing up in a dysfunctional family. Stay strong 💪 ❤️
Hard to hear, as I played the “fixer” roll growing up in my family, trying to stay safe but truly trying to keep others safe and try to be happy. The great news is, we are all experiencing this, whether childhood or adult relationships be it partners,friends, coworkers, etc. Isn’t living in the light wonderful. Sharing our human truth and having the love, understanding, compassion and insight of our human family.❤️🙏
It really took Teal to break it down to me. Everybody is always busy claiming that codependents are these sad victims. But no, if you watch their actions closely, they are kind of the same and just as toxic. They just hide behind victim hood and “sensitivity”.
I've def lived with co-dependents who wanted to be in control and set up drama triangles on the daily, it was exhausting how much they were a "victim" of everyone else's "toxic" relating and wanted to rescue or be rescued in return from whatever bogeyman villain was running the show that day, patriarchy, ableism, sexism, etc.
I find codependency sad even if its toxic, they are trapped in a cycle of anxiety and helplessness. The way I deal with my autistic codependent’s is that I have to have strong boundaries and the 3 C’s (communication, compromise and compassion). Dealing with people with trauma (OCD, alcohol and drug dependence) is also dealing with the cycle of anxiety, helplessness and unregulated emotions. For me its been a hard road to cement my own balance so I’m not unbalanced with them.
A very compassionate and concise portrayal of these adaptations. Thanks, Teal🙏🏻Makes still loving my narc-adapted, un self-reflective ex, from a distance, feel like an “of course.” He took a different path to feel safe in his dysfunctional family than I did. He’s not evil. And not trying to cause harm. Heartbreaking, still 💔 Wishing everyone here healing from whatever suffering these adaptations have caused them, and the people they love.
Being raised in this kind of environment to the extreme, I found that I vacillate between fighting and fawning and therefore have a “disorganized” attachment style.
I didn’t realize so many people lived with shame for so long; it’s hard in a temporary state, I can only imagine a lifetime🙏🏾 Keeping loving yourself authentically, or the best you can❤️♾
I experienced this and what is interesting, in a large family, as the children grow up it is literally every man for themselves! It can be brutal growing up in a large family if the parents are not able to meet eveyone's needs in a loving nurturing way. We all know our family was disfunctional growing up and that has helped in healing some but it is also a huge struggle in our relationships.
Who would have thought you could have explained it even more accurately than you already had in the past, just brilliant! And I got something else out of it. 👌
@@JustUsLeagueAZ Don’t drink the poison and expect them to die 😉🙏🏻 Edit: Your message got me thinking…. I’ve actually learned most from toxic people… I learned everything about love from knowing what love “isn’t “…. As they say; “God moves in mysterious ways “🙏🏻
Teal is brilliant! She explains and educates. Puts the responsibility into the lapof those who want to heal. Everyone cand criticize, but few are willing to take responsibility. I love the fact she can be so resilient after all she has been through. Dedicating her life to her own growth and yet sharing what has helped her fabulous! Pain does come with helping I'll people, but not many would take the time to care about the next person. BRAVO TEAL!
I have recently found these videos & I've watched the criticism others have to say & I'd like to say that at 54 years old with many Dr. S giving me all kinds of drugs to help me " deal"... Teal has actually made sense of so many topics that I still try to live with .. with that said I'm very impressed with the opinion & message that's being shared! Thank You for sharing
Wow this is so powerful. This was my partner and I playing out our Traumatized rolls. I'm so glad I came to see the truth to remove myself from this situation and work on feeling and healing by toxic Confluence
This was brilliant!! Thank you Teal. I remmember years ago when left alonewith no one i didnt know who i was and what i want, it took me years to figure this out. Brilliant!!!!!!!!
Made so much since and never really thought about my childhood in that way. Thanks for giving me a different point of view. Love and light to you beautiful soul. 🕯️💜🌷🙏✌️
The most honest truth you'll get, personally, Teal was my first "teacher" after years of abuse and dysfunctional relationships and more, the first one who Woke me up, through the beginning of my Awakening happened like a blast in my life and mind about this. I wanted to say, thank you Teal. for your deliverence. Teal's information as a catalyst which i didn't understand back then (4 years or so) is personally for me considered the best "TOWER" (for tarot readers) moment, because she will always challenge your own beliefs and your own information. I trusted teal because of I connected to her immediately as i needed the truth straight up to blow me down - this is the way of true understanding and healing. also after years of learning and repeating her teachings, learning her story, to me it was like my self was talking to me. I want to express my honest gratitude to Teal. her work, and her example. (in the end all is our choices to make) To me Teal is reflecting many mirrors (helping me recognize learn and evolve through my shadows) and especially always I saw in her my future self wish, to turn my own hell into helping others by teaching. guess trying to say, Teal is a treasure for waking up and for healing. and I personally appreciate the harsh to the face truth that makes your whole perception change. that's why i love teal's work. and why for me was the first and ongoing teacher for self evolvement and for education and awareness. thank you.
I've also heard the term "counter-dependent" It seems to mean having a lot of needs like a codependent but pretending you have no needs and wanting to be super independent. I literally can't ask for help if I fall in the street. I think it comes from wanting to fight back in defiance of the abuse but it was too violent and too unsafe so developing hyper-responsibility to try and be vigilant and hyper aware of what I need to do and how I must act (regardless of how I feel) to try and people please while never asking for help and hopefully avoiding trouble and constant criticism. Convoluted and sad...How to change?
I've heard before that narcissists and empaths are 2 sides of the same coin, and it was just how they chose to proceed with their lives after trauma. I hadn't ever thought about the narc and the codependent being similarly connected in the way she describes. It's eye opening now though to hear it. And honestly a little scary given I have a somewhat codependent person in my life. It makes me wonder if they could actually swing in the opposite direction....
To be honest I never understood the term “Empath” to being healthy. Sure I have empathy in certain circumstances but the way I understood a “Empath” is someone who enmeshes their energy with anything that is within their personal energy field, ( which is also codependent ) Why do that? Because that doesn’t feel healthy to me. I could be wrong but that’s how I perceive Empath from what I’ve watched over the yrs. Neither narcissism or Empaths hold healthy energetic boundaries within. I can see how labeling oneself as an “Empath” would constantly make someone overwhelmed throughout life.
Thank you, Teal! It requires a great wisdom to understand your words and I'm feeling blessed that I can do this! Nobody is evil, everyone is just surviving!
I'm considering sending this to my mom. I wonder what her reaction would be 🤣💀 I'm finally finding the words to describe what I've been going through my whole life and realizing what an f***ed up family dynamic we have. What happens at home, stays at home.... Thanks mom 😊
I’ve been longing for this video for so long! Thank you! I wish to hear from a future video the difference between dissasociation and disidentification.
Finally a clear explanation. Love the way you say things as they are without putting people in boxes. It all makes so much sense. Thanks for putting all the effort in your work
mc dijkhuizen I totally agree with you and I don't like putting people into boxes, including me, either, which is usually how the medical model operates! I've mentioned this on other videos, then one narcissism expert did a sarcastic one about people not liking labels, as she's in the medical field. It might not have been related to me, yet she's never given me a heart for any of my comments. It might have absolutely nothing to do with that though. Lol. I'd like to write a lot more on the subject, but have very important things to do now and I don't expect a reply to this comment. 😊
I'm in awe and speachless. Teal always hits on a topic that I desperately need at that very moment. And she does it in a way that hits the core of my soul. Thank you Teal
Omg I was waiting for an episode on codependency for soooooo loooong!!!!! Thanks Teal! I haven’t watched it yet but I’m already thrilled to take notes and learn more about myself.
Thank you young lady always a pleasure. So very true are used to blame everybody else for making me mad had no idea how broken I really was but once I figured it out excepted it and found out what complex PTSD was the truth will set you free it doesn’t fix anything but when you know what the truth is it helps you deal with what’s broken thank you much love and respect for me and my girls🐶😎🐶✌️
Don’t worry. I believe in open source honesty. Lay it out as soon as it becomes available. We are on an evolutionary process. New truths need to be shared for all to benefit. There is no excuse for being stingy.
I want to thank you for sharing your gift in this manner and for providing a clear and effective guidance in discovering the mechanics of adaptive behavior since connecting to your videos many years ago. Your insight and delivery have been priceless in the journey of 50 years of finding patterns, answers and cleaning the mess created along life’s choices. My gratitude is infinite. From Santiago Chile 🇨🇱
I agree she has tremendous insight and I can't disprove any of her claims. I believe her approach to many issues is an improvement to the way mental health professionals handle these issues
This was very interesting. I was thinking how I see both in me and then you mentioned it. I think knowing that we can see different parts of both in ourselves and understanding the root cause of it is the key. What I really wish you would address is what happens when these coping mechanisms cause an inability to create any romantic or close bonds with people. I'll be 31 this year and have been dating since I was 19, but from the trauma have been unable to get through more than 5 dates with someone. I haven't been able to do it. You often talk about people who recreate dysfunctional relationships because of the trauma they've been through, but I've felt frozen with letting someone in. Would you please talk about that? People who can't seem able to get into romantic relationships at all?
She mentions doing parts work or working with your inner child in some of her videos. That might get you in the right direction. Healing that part by listening and giving it what it needs and then you don't have to have the same patterns.
Read about Children of Emotional Neglect (CEN) even in Wikipedia. The explanation is there. Relates to inability to trust and feel able to love. Therapy or hard self-reflection and self-love can help.
Right on sister - I’m so over these one size fits all videos/fascination of narcissism - We can choose to create patterns we want within our social system which will in turn help create more self aware adults for this insane world Thanks again !! Good vid
This is beyond fantastic. I can see and feel where I have been both. So grateful for you and your teachings. Humility and the willingness to look in the mirror is the work. Love to you and your community 💫🙏🏻❤️
First sentence hit me So Hard! I Had to become an empath... It was a survival skill,(and totally the scapegoat)my ex had abuse on one side,then the other....the guilt leads to Extreme coddling (spoiled literally rotten,and continually told how perfect he was/is) It's a shame before the ugly showed up we really got each other! Communication was abundant. So spot on! About not knowing ourselves! Nailed it again Milady.
Great video as always! Also sounds likes she's talking about Dismissive avoidant and Anxious preoccupied, and the pendulum swinging Fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment styles
Thank you for posting this video. This video has answered so many questions I had until watching this video. It is like the sun just came out like the veil has been lifted. Wow! It all makes a thousand percent sense. I am intrigued.
So now all the secrets of my world have been unlocked. Grew up in an abusive Christian household and for the longest time I couldn’t make sense of the Biblical definitions of love or the command “love others as yourself” and I couldn’t hardly ever express myself or understand my emotions. Wow.. It all makes so much sense now.
I really don't understand why people hate her so much. Everything she is saying is facts. Anyone who has done any kind of self-work would see why what she is saying is so important.
555 comments.... it's time to move on and stop trying to salvage my childhood and the relationships from my past. What it looks like when the child feels and has been reminded that they "blew it" after the parents "sacrificed and lived to provide" for them? Me who desperately needs connections, is trying to heal and learn surrounded and stuck in the same situation that broke me.... Please pray for me to see how to help myself out of this situation and build a life that reflects my highest self, not who they treat me like I am.
Really interesting! I hear a lot about narcissism, but really didn’t think I knew anyone who was. Super interesting life-coping strategies! I never knew this about co-dependency either! Thanks for this eye-opener!
I always used to be jealous of how my friends are so in with themselves and just doing their things without caring to the outside, unlike me that I a detect every little single movement of the ppl around me and don’t have the energy to be myself and with myself anymore
Hello teal I have an experience that is very similar to yours and I need help escaping it. I was abused in a similar way as a child by the LDS and related groups and I am struggling to get justice
I love Teal, her videos have helped more than I could ever say. This video was somewhat triggering. As someone who grew up in very violent home why would a child choose to be a scapegoat as a coping strategy, this itself seems like a contradiction in terms. I would love to know, thank you
this is just my opinion, but I think our coping strategies are basically to submit to the role we’re given. So if the ‘powers that be’ decide you are the golden child, the helper or the scapegoat, you don’t have much choice. You keep ‘safe’ by obeying.. because fighting against it would have worse consequences. Eg violence, abandonment greater than the role already entails
I feel so VALIDATED. Have grown up in a completely dysfunctional family. I got early on that each person was out to satisfy his/her own needs in really destructive ways, and was immediately inundated with guilt - “how can you say that? I have done X, Y, Z” - a list of things a child needs to barely survive…. Have woken up to the fact that I need to completely distance myself from these people… took a while to get here. But hopefully will be truly independent soon!
Teal: “Have a good week” *namaste* My brains blown to pieces yet again and I’m not sure what I’ll do with this information. I’m sure it will download into my field in a few days... lol. Every single safety employment strategy lives within me. Guess I better start meditating instead of sitting on RUclips.
Teal..... I hope you are not invested in hater vibes towards you. These folks are the pimples you dont pop so healing happens without a scar.... yep I said that. Thanks for being the Only sense in self help and development.
I understand this but I think she really undermines the effects of narcissism on others. One is willing to give love to receive it the other isn’t willing to & is extremely selfish,
I don’t understand why “mental health professionals” criticize Teal. Pretty much all of the videos I’ve watched have been brilliant explanations of behavior. I think she nailed it again in this one. Thanks Teal
“Mental health professionals” aren’t 😉
becuase she has no credentials in psychology what so ever
do you have a back ground in psychology ?
@@darrenmcintosh8471 I do not have a background in psychology but I've had an S-ton of therapy over the years and her comments about narcissism and codependency ring very true to me. I don't think I've ever heard her touting herself as a psychologist or having professional training. Sometimes life experience teaches you everything you need to know about a particular topic.
@@darrenmcintosh8471 the “credentials” anyone has were just given to them by someone else who got them from someone else and so on.. within a system that is literally failing people in almost every way. Introducing new paradigms is hard at first. Because they force us to expand out of what we previously believed. Kinda like everything in science, and psychology too. The knowledge those fields hail as fact now, were once introduced by people and rejected by others. Just like what happens with people like Teal.
Because she helps more people than they do with their expensive college degrees
One more thing that I think is important to address. It’s NOT your responsibility to take care of these people or to put up with them. YOU cannot change them, they can only change themselves. Another important thing about narcissists is, don’t have too much empathy for them. Just leave them and have empathy for them from afar where you are safe. Otherwise, you will suffer greatly.
I felt that this information really lacked in the video because codependents give narcissists often too much compassion and this creates an even more dangerous downward spiral. A codependent starting to inform hisself for the first time ever could become even more compassionate after watching this and enable more dangerous things...
@@delia8392 Really, really good point!
Yes
💯💯💯👍👍👍
There is NO SUCH THING as “too much compassion.”
Your compassion represents your connection. Don’t tell people to suppress their feelings. They NEED boundaries!
Boundaries that are respected by themselves and others. Sometimes that means removing yourself from a situation.
We are are a social species. Holding back love from someone because you think they don’t deserve it is a punishment and reward system approach and it doesn’t work.
So ironically to break this cycle you have to focus on yourself (but in a healthy way)? Like "filling your own cup" which implies lining up with what makes you feel happy, and then in turn you'll give to others naturally and not out of feeling obligated to. As someone healing from codependent strategies, this is what has worked for me and I've seen drastic positive shifts in my relationships.
Thank you, as someone who’s “pendulum swung” toward narcissism recently and is not loving it, this helps a lot.
Thank you for your helpful and affirming comment.
Just learning about the subject. Husband did violent act and mariage is finish. I started to do things that I like for myself and it feels so much better than having to be scared to do anything to prevent an overeaction from codependant
Such an interesting journey isn’t it!
Well this is also the right way for narcissists but they don‘t want to make the longterm effort to be honest to themselves and to commit to their own worths
„Narcissism is no personality disorder“ - I would appreciate a conversation about this hypothesis between Teal and Sam Vaknin.
Wow!🤯 That would be an amazing conversation!
True. Narcissism and Codependency are both CPTSD coping mechanism strategies. You can actually be both.
aaah you just said that😂
Everyone develops survival behaviours. Its part of life and it takes quite a journey to become a healthy integrated authentic human being. The choice is ours. Thanks Teal for pointing it out clearly.
The truth can hurt, but far less than ignoring it. I just realized my co-dependent relationship pattern. Been wracking my brain for how I seem to attract narcissists... and now it makes complete sense. Thank you for this. I needed to take a look at this pattern more externally and you gave me the opportunity to do so! It's honestly a relief knowing giving up my needs for others actually doesn't help either of us.
As a SEVERE codependent. This was BRILLIANT. You are teaching me everyday more about how to unfold and find myself for the first time in my life. I appreciate you Teal. Much love.❤️
same sameee 💜
U will find very helpful: dr. Ramani, Lisa A. Romano, Crappy childhood fairy, dr Gary Daniel.
@@urskaspan4598 Thanks a lot!!
I agree with teal but what is the solution for codependents ?
I love that fact that you exist Teal Swan!
You are the incarnation of a goddess of emotional logic.
I'd Love to see you and Jordan Peterson in a documentary on the human condition.
A Jordan Peterson/Teal Swan interview together would be a dream come true 😍
That would be potent 👍🏼
She'd call him out for his shadows of repression. I love JBP but WHEW he has some repressed stuff in there.
@@queengoblin He certainly does and I find him difficult to listen to, especially with the orders and death stares at times! I'm aware that he's immensely popular though, so each to their own.
I'm thinking that he'd be very uncomfortable with Teal Swan, who is extremely calm and centred compared to him, not that it's a competiton. 😊
Thank you! As someone who has struggled with codependency, all this information about how I was the victim did so much more damage than good. I finally started healing when I took responsibility and I started doing the completion process. The victim mindset is way too in fashion rn… and if you say something people jump on you for “victim blaming”.
Good luck on your journey
We did the best we could with what we had. No shame. No blame. No need to explain ( to others ) - They did not live your life. Nor will they die your death.
Your life is your business.
Safe journey. ✨💚🙏🏼💌✨
I had the same issue. The victim blaming card insulates people from their own agency.
Don't take the outbursts of hurt people seriously, it's a sign that they either lack the coping skills necessary to function or someone is gaslighting the hell out of them at home. I usually take it as a cry for help.
Sounds interesting...what's the completion process?
Well the word "victim" is put on people and used negatively, often by people who have not been in their shoes to invalidate what they are going through.
I hate the word victim as an umbrella term for people feeling disenpowered. I could use it for your last sentence to say "youre acting like a victim, just don't take it personally". It's not coming from love.
I love how straightforward she is in taking the lid off the pot. It’s bold and inspiring and still a part of me is like wow, she can just say that out loud. I crave direct truth after surviving a family dynamic like this.
Yes!! Narcissists and codependents are one and the same. Time to stop the illusion of seperation and instead look at how we are those we judge
Yes..different sides of the same coin!
Agree on this. Always felt like i couldn’t blame others when I myself felt as the same time as playing multiple roles ( dark triad pyramid - saviour / victim / executioner )
The thing is that I think that I still dislike narcissists like f.e. Putin, or Narcissists who tried to harm me more than any Codependent people I know. Because when a codependent person does something wrong, they often are able to take responsibility for it and narcissists are unlikely to do that. Both are personality styles who should take work to heal but I will always feel negative towards oppressiv Narcissists. Its hard for me to forgive them.
Disagree. You go one way or the other. Choice
@@delia8392 why name drop Putin when all you have to go on is what msm force feeds you? Or do you know him personally?
I think the key to a healthy and working relationship is to be present with both our own and other person’s feelings and emotions equally.
I'm blown away because this has described myself (codependent) 100% spot on - family dynamics 100% spot on. I keep coming back always to realign myself by listening to Teal as she has saved my life.
I agree with this whole-heartedly. And i wld say (from my point of view) the codependent hurts to the core to see their fam be self absorbed and self consumed and so goes into extreme self-sacrificing mode and denial to try to cope and feel safe. The cdp wants to be in a world where s/he everyone expresses love to one another and hopes that by being loving s/he will get that love in return. When the narc gets a hold on the cdp s/he is forced to change her/his child-like method of getting external love to finally facing that s/he has to sit in the empty void of seemingly lovelessness and figure out how to love her/himself and finally discover it deep within the well of her/his own Being.
100
Spot on!
very well written
I couldn't have said it better. Very well written. This gives me a deeper understanding of being a codependent. I thank you kindly for it!
When that core as a child is unlovable, then we have no idea who we are, because all those aspects that aren’t approved of is denied…this becomes our shadow side.
I’m just so grateful that it’s all unwinding.
No one wins in this societal system. ❤️
I was born in a covert narc Family, to accept all "flaws" but need to fit/function...my bad awkening came after I left home "for no reason" but with a deep knowing I have to. The space and time without them lifted the fog...and I started healing/working in myself...maybe too late to build my own (healthy) Family...
Teal, you hit this one out of the ballpark, I think everyone should watch this video.❤
This was a good video.
I've always struggled with the terminology also because narcissists are the epitome of codependence because they use other people to regulate their self concept. We need another word for the codependent role in this relationship dynamic which itself is codependent.
It looks like you discovered that codependency and narcissism is the same. One uses white magic, the other black magic.
One gets you drunk to still your purse
The other gives you a headache to steal your purse.
Why do you want another label? Label for this and that lol
@@flyingknee23labels are used to identify things. The more nuanced the thing, the more appropriate it is for the label to reflect the nuances.
@@Thespiritleads777not really, everything is the way it is. Doesn’t matter if you have a word, for a word, in a word.
Teal, this was a fantastic explanation of narcissism and co-dependancy. I think this is one of the best articulated videos on the topic. Very relatable examples and keen insights into identifying these "adaptive relationship strategies". Thank you for sharing this.
This is some dense content, I have to pause / go back often to understand it.
Preciate you talking about those like me. I pendulum swing in my marriage. I've been noticing it's a behavior I do naturally the last couple weeks, and it doesn't make me feel good. However, I haven't been able to understand it enough to make solid changes. This video helped a lot. Thank you.
This brought light to so many things in my last relationship. We both had features of co-dependancy and narcissism.
My family was fu@ked….. I was the scapegoat and sacrificed for everyone else’s purposes…. Grrrr…. I’m ok now…. Took a long time…. I’m 53 now and still struggle with garbage thinking and feelings… ❤️🥰👍
Glad you're ok now. It takes a lot of honesty, pain and work to undo everything and get to the point of being ok. I'm 51 and just getting to the point of being ok after a lifetime of self destruction. I normalized dysfunction from growing up in a dysfunctional family. Stay strong 💪 ❤️
@@higherlove8886 ThankYou….. Be Blessed 😇
Hands down. The best , helpful, and most true feeling explanation I have ever heard on this subject. I'm so grateful for it.Thank you Teal!
How much did she pay you?
Hard to hear, as I played the “fixer” roll growing up in my family, trying to stay safe but truly trying to keep others safe and try to be happy. The great news is, we are all experiencing this, whether childhood or adult relationships be it partners,friends, coworkers, etc. Isn’t living in the light wonderful. Sharing our human truth and having the love, understanding, compassion and insight of our human family.❤️🙏
It really took Teal to break it down to me. Everybody is always busy claiming that codependents are these sad victims. But no, if you watch their actions closely, they are kind of the same and just as toxic. They just hide behind victim hood and “sensitivity”.
To me codependents “sacrifice” but expect something in return. That’s still manipulation not love. So yes I agree, neither coping styles are healthy.
Agreed.
Codependents aren't all alike. This video oversimplifies the subject.
I've def lived with co-dependents who wanted to be in control and set up drama triangles on the daily, it was exhausting how much they were a "victim" of everyone else's "toxic" relating and wanted to rescue or be rescued in return from whatever bogeyman villain was running the show that day, patriarchy, ableism, sexism, etc.
I find codependency sad even if its toxic, they are trapped in a cycle of anxiety and helplessness. The way I deal with my autistic codependent’s is that I have to have strong boundaries and the 3 C’s (communication, compromise and compassion).
Dealing with people with trauma (OCD, alcohol and drug dependence) is also dealing with the cycle of anxiety, helplessness and unregulated emotions.
For me its been a hard road to cement my own balance so I’m not unbalanced with them.
A very compassionate and concise portrayal of these adaptations. Thanks, Teal🙏🏻Makes still loving my narc-adapted, un self-reflective ex, from a distance, feel like an “of course.” He took a different path to feel safe in his dysfunctional family than I did. He’s not evil. And not trying to cause harm. Heartbreaking, still 💔 Wishing everyone here healing from whatever suffering these adaptations have caused them, and the people they love.
Being raised in this kind of environment to the extreme, I found that I vacillate between fighting and fawning and therefore have a “disorganized” attachment style.
I didn’t realize so many people lived with shame for so long; it’s hard in a temporary state, I can only imagine a lifetime🙏🏾 Keeping loving yourself authentically, or the best you can❤️♾
I experienced this and what is interesting, in a large family, as the children grow up it is literally every man for themselves! It can be brutal growing up in a large family if the parents are not able to meet eveyone's needs in a loving nurturing way. We all know our family was disfunctional growing up and that has helped in healing some but it is also a huge struggle in our relationships.
This more sense than most therapist I listen too and been too
Everyday i learn how much i’am fuckd up in the head and i don’t even know where to begin to heal, that’s just GREAT !! 👏🏾
awareness is enough for now!
Ŵ𝒉ạťʂ𝑨ƤƤ˂Ͳεϫϯ
±𝟏𝟼𝟏𝟎𝟐𝟑𝟐𝟼𝟒𝟑𝟗
Tell him I referred you.
exactly became everything that really wasn't me so now I've got all these learned experiences can look at as checks and balances no doubt.
Who would have thought you could have explained it even more accurately than you already had in the past, just brilliant! And I got something else out of it. 👌
The hatred for “Narcissists” has to stop!
Concentrate on “your part played”….🙏🏻
I personally can't stand them. The day the narc changes, is the day I stop hating them. They destroy lives.
@@JustUsLeagueAZ Don’t drink the poison and expect them to die 😉🙏🏻
Edit: Your message got me thinking…. I’ve actually learned most from toxic people… I learned everything about love from knowing what love “isn’t “…. As they say; “God moves in mysterious ways “🙏🏻
@@JustUsLeagueAZ Hate is binding. Conditional "love" isnt love at all.
@@randomelvis3359 I like that. ❤
Are you becoming more of them? Or are you being a victim? "Has to stop"! Like if you have power over people.
Teal is brilliant! She explains and educates. Puts the responsibility into the lapof those who want to heal. Everyone cand criticize, but few are willing to take responsibility. I love the fact she can be so resilient after all she has been through. Dedicating her life to her own growth and yet sharing what has helped her fabulous! Pain does come with helping I'll people, but not many would take the time to care about the next person. BRAVO TEAL!
I wish you and Winter a wonderful life and hope we both heal, and learn of further ancestral traumas
I have recently found these videos & I've watched the criticism others have to say & I'd like to say that at 54 years old with many Dr. S giving me all kinds of drugs to help me " deal"... Teal has actually made sense of so many topics that I still try to live with .. with that said I'm very impressed with the opinion & message that's being shared! Thank You for sharing
That was quite eye-opening. Thank you, Teal.
Wow this is so powerful.
This was my partner and I playing out our Traumatized rolls.
I'm so glad I came to see the truth to remove myself from this situation and work on feeling and healing by toxic Confluence
I know i say this in every video but Teal's ability to release a video pertaining to my exact dilemma at the time is still unbelievable
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/naco/
This was brilliant!! Thank you Teal. I remmember years ago when left alonewith no one i didnt know who i was and what i want, it took me years to figure this out. Brilliant!!!!!!!!
Omgooossshh, TEAAAAL!!! I was just thinking about this literally like 2-3 hours ago!!! There ya go aagaaaiin!!!!
Made so much since and never really thought about my childhood in that way. Thanks for giving me a different point of view. Love and light to you beautiful soul. 🕯️💜🌷🙏✌️
The most honest truth you'll get, personally, Teal was my first "teacher" after years of abuse and dysfunctional relationships and more, the first one who Woke me up, through the beginning of my Awakening happened like a blast in my life and mind about this. I wanted to say, thank you Teal. for your deliverence. Teal's information as a catalyst which i didn't understand back then (4 years or so) is personally for me considered the best "TOWER" (for tarot readers) moment, because she will always challenge your own beliefs and your own information.
I trusted teal because of I connected to her immediately as i needed the truth straight up to blow me down - this is the way of true understanding and healing. also after years of learning and repeating her teachings, learning her story, to me it was like my self was talking to me.
I want to express my honest gratitude to Teal. her work, and her example. (in the end all is our choices to make)
To me Teal is reflecting many mirrors (helping me recognize learn and evolve through my shadows) and especially always I saw in her my future self wish, to turn my own hell into helping others by teaching.
guess trying to say, Teal is a treasure for waking up and for healing. and I personally appreciate the harsh to the face truth that makes your whole perception change. that's why i love teal's work. and why for me was the first and ongoing teacher for self evolvement and for education and awareness.
thank you.
@@user-xt1eq1xd2y this is a scammer. font is changed.
and teal dont comment.
scammer alert
lol.
I've also heard the term "counter-dependent" It seems to mean having a lot of needs like a codependent but pretending you have no needs and wanting to be super independent. I literally can't ask for help if I fall in the street. I think it comes from wanting to fight back in defiance of the abuse but it was too violent and too unsafe so developing hyper-responsibility to try and be vigilant and hyper aware of what I need to do and how I must act (regardless of how I feel) to try and people please while never asking for help and hopefully avoiding trouble and constant criticism. Convoluted and sad...How to change?
This could be an avoidant attachment? Or an anxious avoidant attachment?
I've heard before that narcissists and empaths are 2 sides of the same coin, and it was just how they chose to proceed with their lives after trauma. I hadn't ever thought about the narc and the codependent being similarly connected in the way she describes. It's eye opening now though to hear it. And honestly a little scary given I have a somewhat codependent person in my life. It makes me wonder if they could actually swing in the opposite direction....
To be honest I never understood the term “Empath” to being healthy.
Sure I have empathy in certain circumstances but the way I understood a “Empath” is someone who enmeshes their energy with anything that is within their personal energy field, ( which is also codependent ) Why do that? Because that doesn’t feel healthy to me.
I could be wrong but that’s how I perceive Empath from what I’ve watched over the yrs. Neither narcissism or Empaths hold healthy energetic boundaries within.
I can see how labeling oneself as an “Empath” would constantly make someone overwhelmed throughout life.
Thank you, Teal! It requires a great wisdom to understand your words and I'm feeling blessed that I can do this! Nobody is evil, everyone is just surviving!
I'm considering sending this to my mom. I wonder what her reaction would be 🤣💀 I'm finally finding the words to describe what I've been going through my whole life and realizing what an f***ed up family dynamic we have.
What happens at home, stays at home.... Thanks mom 😊
Why blame JUST MOM
Saying thank you is just not enough for this gem of a video. Your explanation is perfect.
I’ve been longing for this video for so long! Thank you!
I wish to hear from a future video the difference between dissasociation and disidentification.
Finally a clear explanation. Love the way you say things as they are without putting people in boxes. It all makes so much sense. Thanks for putting all the effort in your work
mc dijkhuizen I totally agree with you and I don't like putting people into boxes, including me, either, which is usually how the medical model operates!
I've mentioned this on other videos, then one narcissism expert did a sarcastic one about people not liking labels, as she's in the medical field. It might not have been related to me, yet she's never given me a heart for any of my comments. It might have absolutely nothing to do with that though. Lol.
I'd like to write a lot more on the subject, but have very important things to do now and I don't expect a reply to this comment. 😊
You are being so strong, I do feel your pain..it hurts me too. If you dont feel. I do for you..
I'm in awe and speachless. Teal always hits on a topic that I desperately need at that very moment. And she does it in a way that hits the core of my soul. Thank you Teal
Omg I was waiting for an episode on codependency for soooooo loooong!!!!! Thanks Teal! I haven’t watched it yet but I’m already thrilled to take notes and learn more about myself.
You were waiting to understand codependency? Watch the Teal doc- she’s a master at forcing it on her inner circle
finally someone says it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you teal.
Wow… amazing ! It makes sense now… the competition between brothers now Hit home to me….. thanks Teal 🙏
Felipe from Florida
Teal, please could you give an example of what you suggest a functional relationship looks like? What is the state of being of each person?
Thank you young lady always a pleasure. So very true are used to blame everybody else for making me mad had no idea how broken I really was but once I figured it out excepted it and found out what complex PTSD was the truth will set you free it doesn’t fix anything but when you know what the truth is it helps you deal with what’s broken thank you much love and respect for me and my girls🐶😎🐶✌️
Don’t worry. I believe in open source honesty. Lay it out as soon as it becomes available.
We are on an evolutionary process. New truths need to be shared for all to benefit. There is no excuse for being stingy.
This is sooo true. I now have 50 years of experience to say so.
I cried so much.
Why?
I want to thank you for sharing your gift in this manner and for providing a clear and effective guidance in discovering the mechanics of adaptive behavior since connecting to your videos many years ago. Your insight and delivery have been priceless in the journey of 50 years of finding patterns, answers and cleaning the mess created along life’s choices. My gratitude is infinite. From Santiago Chile 🇨🇱
YES!!! Exactly what I've been saying, but as always you being you, you articulate it beautifully. Thank you again 🙏🏼
I’m amazed how this makes all sense now that I myself didn’t get until now! The way she explains this subject!
Quiet amazing!!
I had a friend and I can relate each and every word of this video with him.
Best explanation I have ever heard
Ok, this is Exactly what I just went through with my previously estranged parents, you have come to my rescue again. Teal, thank you. Sending love
Excellent Ms Thanks Take Care love you RADHE RADHE JAI JAI RADHE
I agree she has tremendous insight and I can't disprove any of her claims. I believe her approach to many issues is an improvement to the way mental health professionals handle these issues
This was very interesting. I was thinking how I see both in me and then you mentioned it. I think knowing that we can see different parts of both in ourselves and understanding the root cause of it is the key.
What I really wish you would address is what happens when these coping mechanisms cause an inability to create any romantic or close bonds with people. I'll be 31 this year and have been dating since I was 19, but from the trauma have been unable to get through more than 5 dates with someone. I haven't been able to do it. You often talk about people who recreate dysfunctional relationships because of the trauma they've been through, but I've felt frozen with letting someone in.
Would you please talk about that? People who can't seem able to get into romantic relationships at all?
It may start with accepting yourself. Maybe look into radical forgiveness on the painful experiences you went through and the people who caused it.
She mentions doing parts work or working with your inner child in some of her videos. That might get you in the right direction. Healing that part by listening and giving it what it needs and then you don't have to have the same patterns.
Completion process :)
Read about Children of Emotional Neglect (CEN) even in Wikipedia. The explanation is there. Relates to inability to trust and feel able to love. Therapy or hard self-reflection and self-love can help.
Right on sister - I’m so over these one size fits all videos/fascination of narcissism -
We can choose to create patterns we want within our social system which will in turn help create more self aware adults for this insane world
Thanks again !! Good vid
This was purifying. Thank you!
Thanks Teal. You are a champion 🏆
This is beyond fantastic. I can see and feel where I have been both. So grateful for you and your teachings. Humility and the willingness to look in the mirror is the work. Love to you and your community 💫🙏🏻❤️
Thanks so much teal. For helping us understand things we live in but don't understand
First sentence hit me So Hard! I Had to become an empath... It was a survival skill,(and totally the scapegoat)my ex had abuse on one side,then the other....the guilt leads to Extreme coddling (spoiled literally rotten,and continually told how perfect he was/is)
It's a shame before the ugly showed up we really got each other! Communication was abundant. So spot on! About not knowing ourselves! Nailed it again Milady.
Ŵ𝒉ạťʂ𝑨ƤƤ˂Ͳεϫϯ
±𝟏𝟼𝟏𝟎𝟐𝟑𝟐𝟼𝟒𝟑𝟗
Tell him I referred you
Thank you for your constant dedication to human behaviours. That was very informative.
Great video as always! Also sounds likes she's talking about Dismissive avoidant and Anxious preoccupied, and the pendulum swinging Fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment styles
Thank you for posting this video. This video has answered so many questions I had until watching this video. It is like the sun just came out like the veil has been lifted. Wow! It all makes a thousand percent sense. I am intrigued.
So now all the secrets of my world have been unlocked. Grew up in an abusive Christian household and for the longest time I couldn’t make sense of the Biblical definitions of love or the command “love others as yourself” and I couldn’t hardly ever express myself or understand my emotions. Wow.. It all makes so much sense now.
I really don't understand why people hate her so much. Everything she is saying is facts. Anyone who has done any kind of self-work would see why what she is saying is so important.
Ŵ𝒉ạťʂ𝑨ƤƤ˂Ͳεϫϯ
±𝟏𝟼𝟏𝟎𝟐𝟑𝟐𝟼𝟒𝟑𝟗
Tell him I referred you
Excellent description Teal.
It’s helping me to release my codependency
555 comments.... it's time to move on and stop trying to salvage my childhood and the relationships from my past. What it looks like when the child feels and has been reminded that they "blew it" after the parents "sacrificed and lived to provide" for them? Me who desperately needs connections, is trying to heal and learn surrounded and stuck in the same situation that broke me.... Please pray for me to see how to help myself out of this situation and build a life that reflects my highest self, not who they treat me like I am.
Really interesting! I hear a lot about narcissism, but really didn’t think I knew anyone who was. Super interesting life-coping strategies! I never knew this about co-dependency either! Thanks for this eye-opener!
I always used to be jealous of how my friends are so in with themselves and just doing their things without caring to the outside, unlike me that I a detect every little single movement of the ppl around me and don’t have the energy to be myself and with myself anymore
Really well said Thank You Teal you are truly a gift 😊 we love your wisdom and your soul ❤
Thank you, definitely will share in any language possible ❤
Wow that was the best explanation, Thank You
I'd pay good money to see her and HG Tudor in a room together exchanging ideas.
Hello teal I have an experience that is very similar to yours and I need help escaping it. I was abused in a similar way as a child by the LDS and related groups and I am struggling to get justice
I love Teal, her videos have helped more than I could ever say.
This video was somewhat triggering. As someone who grew up in very violent home why would a child choose to be a scapegoat as a coping strategy, this itself seems like a contradiction in terms. I would love to know, thank you
this is just my opinion, but I think our coping strategies are basically to submit to the role we’re given. So if the ‘powers that be’ decide you are the golden child, the helper or the scapegoat, you don’t have much choice. You keep ‘safe’ by obeying.. because fighting against it would have worse consequences. Eg violence, abandonment greater than the role already entails
Its about survival and attempting to keep oneself safe.
I feel so VALIDATED. Have grown up in a completely dysfunctional family. I got early on that each person was out to satisfy his/her own needs in really destructive ways, and was immediately inundated with guilt - “how can you say that? I have done X, Y, Z” - a list of things a child needs to barely survive….
Have woken up to the fact that I need to completely distance myself from these people… took a while to get here. But hopefully will be truly independent soon!
Teal: “Have a good week” *namaste*
My brains blown to pieces yet again and I’m not sure what I’ll do with this information. I’m sure it will download into my field in a few days... lol. Every single safety employment strategy lives within me.
Guess I better start meditating instead of sitting on RUclips.
Most important video online right now!
Teal..... I hope you are not invested in hater vibes towards you. These folks are the pimples you dont pop so healing happens without a scar.... yep I said that. Thanks for being the Only sense in self help and development.
I understand this but I think she really undermines the effects of narcissism on others. One is willing to give love to receive it the other isn’t willing to & is extremely selfish,