What happens when the Narcissist Loses control over you?

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  • Опубликовано: 21 дек 2024

Комментарии • 15 тыс.

  • @DarrenFMagee
    @DarrenFMagee  2 года назад +1602

    The videos I make are requested by you the viewers. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future.

    • @fairygurl9269
      @fairygurl9269 2 года назад +37

      Thank You Sir

    • @deannarose9030
      @deannarose9030 2 года назад +52

      I would love for you to explore the physiological similarities that might be seen in narcissistic/psychopathic brains.

    • @SusanaXpeace2u
      @SusanaXpeace2u 2 года назад +44

      Hi Darren, I'd like some tips on getting to a place of acceptance because holy moly I'm not there yet. I understand the dysfunctional dynamic in my family and that it revolves around my mother. *But how can I accept it? how can I know what I know and be at peace with it?* be like, yeh, ah sure they're flawed but aren't we all. How can I get to that place of insouciance. Excuse my French.

    • @SusanaXpeace2u
      @SusanaXpeace2u 2 года назад +37

      I've had 18 months of therapy. I think I was boring myself talking about it. So I took a break. I have been practicing self-compassion from the work book my therapist recommended and it has helped a bit I think. But I'm not there yet. It still hurts. I only have one life and I'm furious that my parents are causing me to live it in pain.

    • @DarrenFMagee
      @DarrenFMagee  2 года назад +67

      Acceptance is a topic I’ll be discussing in a future video so stay posted. I hope you find it helpful

  • @cynthiafortier2540
    @cynthiafortier2540 2 года назад +14887

    When I called my sister out on her bahavior, she told me never to call her again. It's been a happy and peaceful year!!

    • @matthewtaylor6533
      @matthewtaylor6533 2 года назад +100

      behaviour

    • @karlabritfeld7104
      @karlabritfeld7104 2 года назад +106

      Yes!!!

    • @janetpattison8474
      @janetpattison8474 2 года назад +242

      Fantastic! I’m happy for you! 🌺🌸🌷🌺

    • @simonepeters9070
      @simonepeters9070 2 года назад +242

      Mannn I can relate to that

    • @fusemore1059
      @fusemore1059 2 года назад +244

      That’s the same thing that happened to me too except it was my “foster” mom. She told me to never contact her again

  • @kirstyjarvis4545
    @kirstyjarvis4545 2 года назад +7188

    In my experience, when a control freak runs out of control. He/she will try and control how everyone else thinks about you!

    • @ronvanderwolf1700
      @ronvanderwolf1700 2 года назад +178

      a very true statement , such very sad individuals they must be when they are alone

    • @villasoka884
      @villasoka884 2 года назад +161

      Well if you are such an awful person, you did them a favour! So they shouldn't complain to others if you go no contact. That proves they are the problem. Can't get over no!

    • @kathryncainmadsen5850
      @kathryncainmadsen5850 2 года назад +51

      Exactly.

    • @georgesontag2192
      @georgesontag2192 2 года назад +146

      Yes, they bad mouth you to your kids.

    • @villasoka884
      @villasoka884 2 года назад +1

      @@georgesontag2192 And defame us in their negative comments to everyone they meet that mention us. Many see the agenda they have. We have one great advantage, they are predictable, we KNOW how they will act. We can predict that there will always be the same problems. We may talk ourself out of our gut feeling, we shouldn't.

  • @forensicfaithinprofiling
    @forensicfaithinprofiling 2 года назад +4372

    When a narcissist can't control you, they control the way others see you.

    • @lissabaker7414
      @lissabaker7414 2 года назад +42

      That's what I deal with
      Sorry means Sorry for your luck (their words)

    • @sylviatownsend410
      @sylviatownsend410 2 года назад +97

      Or try to at least. If others see through their attempts, they won't be successful.

    • @Treetopflyer777
      @Treetopflyer777 2 года назад +68

      100%!! Spot on

    • @dorothyesked3012
      @dorothyesked3012 2 года назад +106

      My ex would wait days after an argument then accuse me of saying things that I never said.

    • @Jenjen-qc5eq
      @Jenjen-qc5eq 2 года назад +49

      My friend's ex boy friend tried to turn us against her instead he got a flurry of nasty texts from us in support of her. Uk

  • @imbalancedstatus8824
    @imbalancedstatus8824 6 месяцев назад +787

    "Charming in Public, Abusive and Mean in Private"

    • @robyncurtis8542
      @robyncurtis8542 6 месяцев назад +10

      haha ... you nailed that. Just wondering when my daughter who hasn't talk to me for 3 years will figure it out. But I am done

    • @karens5429
      @karens5429 6 месяцев назад +13

      My mother for sure….

    • @suzannebrown2505
      @suzannebrown2505 6 месяцев назад +13

      My mother was also very abusive in public, especially when “she could show off“ to many people“ in person how “bad“ I was! And, she was always yelling at me and swearing! 😱

    • @lisagags9751
      @lisagags9751 6 месяцев назад +23

      My 25 yr.marriage. I've been free for 10 yrs now!

    • @imbalancedstatus8824
      @imbalancedstatus8824 6 месяцев назад +11

      @@lisagags9751 25 yrs... you need a medal.

  • @donnadaisy333
    @donnadaisy333 2 года назад +4845

    Life lesson: do NOT give these sick people any information of which they will attempt to use against you. Just don’t tell them anything about you. This has helped me tremendously.

    • @wesleyshelby8163
      @wesleyshelby8163 2 года назад +125

      Yep your right.
      Exclude them and leave them out.
      They get slowly cut off until you’ve completely disconnected.

    • @brendabyrd668
      @brendabyrd668 2 года назад +66

      You're absolutely right..I've found that too brings me so much peace🤗...your hopes and dreams💕 are their nightmares💔.. ...peace of mind is so amazing after dealing with narcissist aka control freaks🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️family members..as it been said when one person is happy😆😁 another person is mad😠😡...its sad we cant be happy together as family.. When that cant happen its time to step back out of the nonsense...bc its a merry- go- round....never stopping unless you stop it...stay alert to the craziness of 👪 family members...

    • @randigerber1926
      @randigerber1926 2 года назад +155

      When they ask, "What's new?" I say, "I have nothing new to report."
      It gets boring really fast, but it works for me.

    • @s_o_f_i_a_
      @s_o_f_i_a_ 2 года назад +81

      They will make some up anyway :D

    • @joesmoke9624
      @joesmoke9624 2 года назад +18

      ?Who made them sick?

  • @Littlelunasoul
    @Littlelunasoul Год назад +1485

    I love that quote - “they wet the bed and blame the blanket” - Perfect description!

    • @KristinFerguson-p7l
      @KristinFerguson-p7l Год назад +16

      Me too…Great way to describe a personality trait using only 8 words. Was 😂..

    • @nworbydnar
      @nworbydnar Год назад +6

      That is a ridiculous analogy. There are physical reasons for enuresis, one of which is abuse. It is an ignorant comment.

    • @lorrainemarquez6051
      @lorrainemarquez6051 Год назад

      Oh! Is that why trump wears a diaper? Lol.

    • @ze2004
      @ze2004 Год назад +2

      women

    • @cherylgoodall8120
      @cherylgoodall8120 Год назад +12

      Wow, that hits the nail right on its head.

  • @michaeln5078
    @michaeln5078 2 года назад +3803

    I have found with a narcissist that the “apology” tends to be vague and they never really admit to anything specific. Meanwhile when they are complaining about your behaviours, you will get a very detailed list.

    • @spydersmom1
      @spydersmom1 2 года назад +133

      So true. Absolutely truth. Eventually they will bring it up again or do it again ,then it starts all over again.

    • @rjmp5900
      @rjmp5900 2 года назад +34

      mom and ex!!😂😂😂😂💔💔life

    • @melissanielsen8215
      @melissanielsen8215 2 года назад +49

      I have had this too just a sarcastic soooorrrry

    • @hazor777
      @hazor777 2 года назад +1

      They WILL NOT go "deeper" , because it is far too painful for them - it may break them psychologically, truth be told. Most of their behavior is based on the SPIRIT OF FEAR. And fear is one of the most powerful demonic spirits in the satanic/demonic hierarchy . Yes, it is every bit demonic, nothing less.

    • @dianemitchell1717
      @dianemitchell1717 2 года назад +41

      I hope Will Smith sees your video. He might be able to distance himself from his narcissist wife once he sees her in a rational way free from her controlling emasculation and destructive behavior. You described her to a tee.

  • @beachbliss9366
    @beachbliss9366 8 месяцев назад +107

    My mother has smeared me to my neighbours and our distance relatives overseas. Now I’m having to move on from our family doctor because she’s slandered me to him. He’s bought her story even though I told him what she was like. He’s even got my psychologist’s report recommending I have no contact with her and my CPTSD diagnosis from her abuse. My mother’s an absolute expert at playing the victim when in private she’s an abusive monster… I’ve cut off all the flying monkeys connected to her, the Dr was the only one left, and now he’s changed with me. She’s like sludge that overcomes everyone she comes into contact with.

    • @caribcarib4337
      @caribcarib4337 5 месяцев назад +20

      they were not your friends from the beginning - get new friends and a new doctor

    • @elitebutdumb
      @elitebutdumb 26 дней назад +6

      beachbliss stay blessed. I hope you find a better support circle.

    • @smackamoe
      @smackamoe 21 день назад +5

      I'm so sorry for your situation. I completely understand and know your pain. Find joy in those who genuinely love you and don't look back.

    • @riverland22
      @riverland22 19 дней назад +2

      "Flying monkeys" 😅👍

    • @bizhope007
      @bizhope007 18 дней назад

      Sending you love and positive vibes as you go through your healing from this abuse. The hardest sometimes is when it's coming from someone so close. All the best to you moving forward. Go shine the light for others to see their way out too⭐️✨🫶🏻❤️🫶🏻🌹✨✨✨.!!!

  • @bevan8477
    @bevan8477 Год назад +1667

    The best thing you can do with a narcissist is get away from them completely.

    • @damianooi8261
      @damianooi8261 Год назад +21

      Agreed, coz all the time it's not their fault.. always blaming you for everything. Better avoid them at all costs. I experienced this from my ex before and it was horrifying and actually destroyed my self esteem and created doubts in myself

    • @fiddlersthree8463
      @fiddlersthree8463 Год назад +32

      Absolutely. Don't tell them you're leaving and don't look back. This is the most dangerous time of your life with a narcissist. They can easily become violent if they think they are losing control over you.

    • @SusanCox-pl9qp
      @SusanCox-pl9qp Год назад +9

      Absolutely!

    • @JustRader2
      @JustRader2 Год назад +14

      Hard to accomplish when it’s your adult child. I cut her off for 2 years..that helped, but I have to maintain control as the mother, make her stay in the boundaries I set, and shut her down when she tries to manipulate again or blame others. I read a lot to understand the devastation she created, figuring it out was incredibly helpful and it allowed me to regain control of the situation.

    • @JustRader2
      @JustRader2 Год назад

      My oldest daughter blew up the family emotionally in 2016 and it was everyone else except for her. I stopped all communication until the end of 2018. That helped incredibly, and in that time I read, I searched, I listened and I learned. When I finally said I would talk to her on my terms it was with strong boundaries that I maintain..and it’s a constant vigilance. I stop communicating when she steps over the line. She tried to turn her siblings and my best friend of 35 years against me to isolate me, it failed thank goodness. It also showed her hand to everyone at the same time and that was what made the difference. It’s been 5 years and it still requires that I not allow her an inch, it took a long time to see my triggers and not let her use them. It’s very hard, a million tears cried trying to figure her out. She was not coddled or spoiled and no other narcissistic or covert-aggressive behavior in the family. She didn’t show this behavior at all until she started succeeding in her career in her 20’s and it worsened as her weight went out of her control. Don’t give up, please read..listen..learn. You have to regain your place as the mother, not their child, if you’re dealing with the narcissist child..that’s what I’ve learned.

  • @mannywilde
    @mannywilde 2 года назад +1968

    "They wet the bed, and blame the blanket."
    Perfectly said!

    • @davecohen1459
      @davecohen1459 2 года назад +13

      Lol

    • @5hk33zn
      @5hk33zn 2 года назад +8

      sometimes i mean, it is the blankets fault ok. cause i just wanted to lay dwn n b warm n snuggly n then boom i woke up 14 hrs later

    • @luluah1198
      @luluah1198 2 года назад +7

      beautiful saying I will create war with sibling if you use this one 😂

    • @bookzdotmedia
      @bookzdotmedia 2 года назад +8

      Great analogy

    • @jacalyntaylor6721
      @jacalyntaylor6721 2 года назад +6

      Lol true 👍 🤣 😆 😅 😂 😄

  • @martypostel4263
    @martypostel4263 14 дней назад +77

    I divorced my narcissistic husband after 28 miserable years. When I left the court room from the finalization of my divorce, I felt like the prison doors swung open and I was finally free! I laughed all the way driving myself home. If other driver's looked my way they might have thought I had just escaped the mental ward. That's how ecstatically joyous I was that the mental and emotional abuse was over!

    • @natscat4752
      @natscat4752 11 дней назад +5

      So very happy for you 🎉😊

    • @RabidTexan
      @RabidTexan 10 дней назад +4

      I'm very thankful to be away from my narcissistic husband too! We were separated for ~18 months before selling our house & I moved out of it with our kids. I was terrified! However, once the kids & I got into my own place, I came to the realization that, now he had to knock now to come in. 😮 I stretched out in my new-to-me bed that first night & I felt 'safe'. I had expected to feel alone & scared to be on my own, in a different house. It was actually shocking to feel such relief & peace! 🤯🥹

    • @natscat4752
      @natscat4752 10 дней назад +1

      @ onwards and upwards! 😊

    • @Nikkiet100
      @Nikkiet100 7 дней назад +1

      Good for you. No one deserves that abuse!

    • @irshikha
      @irshikha 2 дня назад +1

      💜✨

  • @REXOB9
    @REXOB9 Год назад +466

    The closest I ever got to an apology was "If I did that, then I'm sorry". Qualifying it with the "if" means they don't accept responsibility for their actions.

    • @sixten8493
      @sixten8493 Год назад +21

      "I'm sorry IF you feel that way about it, but you should listen to me", "I'm sorry IF you think of me that way, but you're wrong", "I'm sorry IF you got offended, but that's the way I speak" - the list never ends. Also "Thank you, glad you listened to my advice", "Thank you, I could've done it myself", "Thank you, I've seen others do this too".

    • @pedrob.5021
      @pedrob.5021 Год назад +7

      Omg, happened exact same thing with me.

    • @debbiebonnick8746
      @debbiebonnick8746 11 месяцев назад +2

      @@sixten8493 Spot on!!

    • @luciem5372
      @luciem5372 11 месяцев назад +9

      I was told, " I'm sorry if you feel that way."

    • @tamimchoudhury4285
      @tamimchoudhury4285 11 месяцев назад +8

      This is what I received from my narc today, its like your message., I have applied for divorce.
      " I am sorry again, please forgive me if I did anything to upset you."
      Yes, IF ? What is that!

  • @platformofglorypraisewithj2310
    @platformofglorypraisewithj2310 Год назад +883

    I think when a narcissist says, "I love you" or "I will always love you, " they really mean something like, "I own you" or "I will always target and seek to control and manipulate you."

    • @maureen3621
      @maureen3621 Год назад +11

      Open Season.

    • @rajiputra4356
      @rajiputra4356 Год назад +10

      true

    • @fiddlersthree8463
      @fiddlersthree8463 Год назад +24

      "I need to be able to control you to survive."

    • @LittleLulubee
      @LittleLulubee Год назад +9

      My mother and brother treat me like I’m their possession, without any rights 😭😭

    • @philosopher888stoned
      @philosopher888stoned Год назад +25

      In my case, and as I tried to explain to my ex and my "mom", when they say "I love you", it simply means "I love the way you love me". They are NOT capable of loving anybody. They get angry when they lose their victim. My 2 cents.

  • @timmiller1435
    @timmiller1435 2 года назад +2109

    I have yet to hear a narcissist apologize. They must believe they are never wrong.

    • @bradsanders6954
      @bradsanders6954 2 года назад

      What ever they do, is an act. The next person that sees them gets a different act. .....somehow they know they are the only person in the world who knows all they know and are dead serious................its a cliche now but look how our last "president" pulled this know it all act non stop. The only truth was out of his mouth. Only he could fix it.............usually fixing a problem he totally created.

    • @lolab1643
      @lolab1643 2 года назад +110

      And even if they do apologise… they never mean it

    • @sheilavidrine1750
      @sheilavidrine1750 2 года назад +101

      They will twist it and accuse you of what they are doing. They never admit they did anything.

    • @robertsenior8330
      @robertsenior8330 2 года назад +84

      Their apology is usually to shut you up

    • @evaberriman9929
      @evaberriman9929 2 года назад +47

      Mine would apologize, anf love to play the remorseful victim. „I am sorry, I was wrong. I know I am not perfect. Now you HAVE to forgive me, take me back, apologize for your part, not remind me EVER about the many horrific things I did to you and pretend they never happened and accept part blame as YOUR behavior drove me to it…

  • @evelina787
    @evelina787 2 года назад +1043

    “A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes

    • @NickyM_0
      @NickyM_0 2 года назад +4

      Always!

    • @evelina787
      @evelina787 2 года назад +4

      @@NickyM_0 God bless you 🕊️🍀🙏Hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now

    • @NickyM_0
      @NickyM_0 2 года назад +5

      @@evelina787 Thank you for those blessings! And you too! 💕😍💐🌻

    • @evelina787
      @evelina787 2 года назад +3

      @@NickyM_0 So thoughtful & kind🕊️👍🍀🙏Praying God gives you the best bec@use you deserve 🕊️👍🍀🙏

    • @vonjunzt4130
      @vonjunzt4130 2 года назад +1

      aren't all the people commenting on this video also playing the victim card?

  • @andrewcollins2060
    @andrewcollins2060 9 месяцев назад +257

    This guy knows what he is talking about. These kinds of people would rather see you die than to let you escape their grasp. I know personally.

    • @annsaunders5768
      @annsaunders5768 7 месяцев назад +7

      Sometimes... They can change that if they see people recognize it's going on.

    • @AnalisaOrtega
      @AnalisaOrtega 6 месяцев назад +7

      Agreed! My ex drove 12 hours straight to kill me when I went no contact after I finalized the divorce.

    • @vodkavuitton
      @vodkavuitton 6 месяцев назад +2

      🤷🏾‍♀️ personal problem

    • @lynmarie1786
      @lynmarie1786 6 месяцев назад +5

      Amen!

    • @JB777z
      @JB777z 5 месяцев назад

      @@AnalisaOrtegaomg I hope you have a restraining order against him. Be safe!

  • @janetfedeles3964
    @janetfedeles3964 2 года назад +1286

    Oh yes! My mother, a covert narcissist, would tell people, "I am really concerned about her ...."whatever she made up. Made me look bad. And it worked! Her friends thought I was a horrible person. Very validating video. Thank you.

    • @map3384
      @map3384 2 года назад

      My mother in-law was also a covert narcissist. She kept up appearances but in reality she was a mean spiteful controlling bitch. When she got Alzheimer’s it got worse to the point she was physically and emotionally abusing my father in-law, wife and even my kids. She’s dead now and hopefully burning in hell for the terrible things she did.

    • @JW-vd4il
      @JW-vd4il 2 года назад +86

      Omg this video made me think of my Mom too. My Mom also does the thing of she's "just worried about me" plus telling others that.
      I'm 54!
      I also still get a feeling of tension and fear if anyone tells me they Love me. Nice, huh?
      What bothers me most is relatives or close friends who RECOGNIZE she's messed up but still don't understand or won't believe me about exactly how messed up she is. Or why I won't deal with her because of it plus have tried MANY times to just have a "nice" relationship with her.
      "Yeah, she's controlling but she's just worried about you."
      "Sure, she's intrusive, but it's just because she cares."
      "Yes, she's hard on you sometimes but think of what she's been through."
      Nope, nope, and NO!
      Love and light to you! And anyone else dealing with a relative like this. ❤💕💞😎🎶
      (I'm LC by the way but she's stirring up trouble AGAIN. My next step might be to move and cut all ties. Sad.)

    • @jameswest8181
      @jameswest8181 2 года назад +45

      you are not alone in this, what this guy is saying is my mother 100%

    • @ZebraJenn
      @ZebraJenn 2 года назад +28

      This happened to me growing up.

    • @jameswest8181
      @jameswest8181 2 года назад +13

      Remember we are all loved even when alone or in toxic company,

  • @beckyreynard3663
    @beckyreynard3663 2 года назад +3160

    “They wet the bed and blame the blanket” This expression really got me rolling on the floor.

    • @donnabarden4494
      @donnabarden4494 2 года назад +28

      😂😂😃

    • @HT-sg9pl
      @HT-sg9pl 2 года назад +39

      They never wrong

    • @donnawoodford6641
      @donnawoodford6641 2 года назад +73

      Blame shifting, deflection. Never accepting accountability.

    • @bobbivaneman1584
      @bobbivaneman1584 2 года назад +14

      I know. Me, too ! Toooo hilarious !

    • @corryjookit7818
      @corryjookit7818 2 года назад +23

      @@HT-sg9pl How about this ? " I'm not always right but I'm never wrong " She meant it, even when she tried to make me think she was joking.

  • @janicewalker8114
    @janicewalker8114 2 года назад +1520

    *That didn't happen...And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was bad, it's no big deal. And if it is a big deal, it's not my fault. And if it was my fault, I didn't mean it. And if I did mean it, you deserved it.* I saw this description years ago and it seems to fit!!

    • @lrx54
      @lrx54 2 года назад +49

      Oh my gosh. Thanks for sharing. This is so profound. Their ability to “walk around” or talk around any scenario is so convincing, so credible. These people work their magic on others, captivating them, while to the horror of the victim, who is left without support or defense in this exchange. Imagine this happening in the courtroom. The victim of the abuse is now victim of a wrongful judgement in a legal matter. A victim without friends , as the narc sways their minds. A victim without their children, as the kids have been manipulated by the narc to despise the “wrong” parent. This parent with every awful characteristic projected onto them by the narc. This is my life!

    • @gordonspence6544
      @gordonspence6544 2 года назад +1

      A perfect description of an evening a few years back when i confronted her .. you have to be there and see it to believe it .. they will swear black is white .. truly sad people .. but not my problem anymore .. I thank god for having enough about me despite the drip drip abuse affect to call her out and be strong .. thats when you realise they are actually very very weak people and only give off an aura of strength.

    • @rozsheehy6146
      @rozsheehy6146 2 года назад +17

      IT'S SO TRUE!!!

    • @lovelyr9773
      @lovelyr9773 2 года назад +11

      Janice Walker ooouu..this touched my soul

    • @GreenEnvy.
      @GreenEnvy. 2 года назад +30

      People have used this exact quote to describe Trump, who was also a narcissist.

  • @annefagrew5807
    @annefagrew5807 9 месяцев назад +187

    Wow, this describes my ex 100%, started off being the perfect gentleman.... flowers, romantic gestures, etc.etc. then bit by bit, chipped away at every last bit of me... 25+ years always thinking try a little harder, perfect home, garden , cook... didn't like my friends, eventually one day I realised that if I was on my own, I could work a lot less & have peace... 21 years have passed & I've NEVER regretted 1 nano second

    • @claireadams6214
      @claireadams6214 8 месяцев назад +9

      It's so gradual, isn't it? That why my "mother" is blocked by most of the family, and also why I'm single for the rest of my life too

    • @cyndigooch1162
      @cyndigooch1162 7 месяцев назад +3

      Good on you both and not regretting the decision at all is a sure sign that it was the right one, which I can relate to! 🙂

    • @petemorton8403
      @petemorton8403 7 месяцев назад +1

      She had the worst selection of friends unless it was guys. Divorced Single Moms, Sisters that used/twisted husbands around, never teaming with them & divorcing or killing them off. The guys were like always taking her away, life in his car. It wouldn't ever end. Meanwhile I'm working & building constantly. Years of this, then Entitlements time, boyfriend sees his cut.

    • @Reddy7714
      @Reddy7714 7 месяцев назад +2

      Have the similar experience with narcissist husband getting divorced now. Feeling better but worried about the kid who behaves the same. Always gaslighting on the kid too. Don’t know how to protect from his manipulation with the kid. Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you

    • @nancewhittemore7147
      @nancewhittemore7147 6 месяцев назад +6

      @@Reddy7714 From my real life experience with a narcissist, son in law, getting the divorce may be the best thing you can do for children. I know my daughter regrets deeply having hung there for the kids as long as she did... we deal with the consequences often! I guess better late than never, but sooner rather than later! Wishing you all the best!

  • @rozwood1668
    @rozwood1668 Год назад +683

    The immense feeling of relief when you cut ties should tell you that you have done the right thing.

    • @karsaorlong666
      @karsaorlong666 10 месяцев назад +12

      the relief comes with heart break especially when it is with family but it is liberating.

    • @Dulce_Domum
      @Dulce_Domum 9 месяцев назад +5

      This is so, so true!

    • @soxfan
      @soxfan 8 месяцев назад +4

      yes, shut them out and don't deal with them again.

    • @cyndigooch1162
      @cyndigooch1162 7 месяцев назад +4

      @rozwood1668 I've felt extremely relieved when highly narcissistic individuals have stopped contact, or avoid me, especially when they're the types who are vindictive!
      I've found that it's often more difficult with "partners" and family members, depending on the person and situation, though. ❤

    • @KellyR-ht3me
      @KellyR-ht3me 7 месяцев назад +3

      I'm cutting ties with my brother and his girlfriend I'm done yep I'm literally a slave here in gonna pack and leave I'm done

  • @skatingfae92
    @skatingfae92 Год назад +1093

    1. Give up on any relationship with them
    2. Grieve for the loss of what wasn't and what will never be
    3. Make a get out plan and stick to it, and don't share it with anyone
    4. Get help so you don't carry the burden of their abuse for the rest of your life
    5. Smile and tell them however you tell them "we're done" when you finally give yourself permission to go no contact

    • @negativeiqpoints396
      @negativeiqpoints396 Год назад +21

      ngl I shoulda done this, but the way I did go out was awesome. I basically lashed out at him for not apologizing for rude things he said in the past, he didnt completely own up to them ("I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I didn't realize I was hurting you"), you know, that B.S, and I lashed out more remembering more things he needed to apologize for.
      Fast forward to later, and he made me apologize for doing that, but when he was scolding me I realized that I mustve really gotten into his head because he did this whole victim routine where he said "I never did anything wrong to anyone' and "you dragged me through the mud." Although at face value these things could be upsetting, in hindsight I was amused. I really did hurt his ego by yelling at him over text, huh? lol.
      Anyway, this was unrelated but your list reminded me of that. Narcissism is a hell of a drug, haha

    • @SierraNovemberKilo
      @SierraNovemberKilo Год назад +75

      Depart without a word. That thing you thought was a person, wasn't. It's not worth talking to. Cut the memory. Extinguish the hold it has on your imagination.

    • @AngelaBaldwin-d8o
      @AngelaBaldwin-d8o Год назад +9

      Cut All ties with them! Clean break &
      they don't need an explanation because they won't get it and they will turn on you and also play the victim.

    • @Aleph_X
      @Aleph_X Год назад +4

      I like your plan, I would've thought almost the same steps.

    • @victormendes1588
      @victormendes1588 Год назад +4

      Excellent answer.

  • @evelina787
    @evelina787 2 года назад +1203

    “There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then, they will turn around, and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams

    • @spir5102
      @spir5102 2 года назад +86

      Yes, they chip away at you constantly. and when the straw breaks the camels back and you react, they become the victim and blame you. I lived it.

    • @evelina787
      @evelina787 2 года назад +21

      @@spir5102 God bless you 🍀🙏I'm happy that it's now pssed tense "lived it" so you're not living,,, it 🍀🙏God bless you & hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now

    • @evelina787
      @evelina787 2 года назад +9

      @@ArcanumAscent So sorry to hear this Seems she ws trying to mnipulte & control, & intimidte you Truly hope you're in a much better sitution now, God bless you 👍🍀🙏

    • @evelina787
      @evelina787 2 года назад +8

      @@ArcanumAscent This is brilliant that you're moving in the right direction 👍👉🙏God bless you & this is what mtters 👏Your eyes have now been opened, never to be deceived, 👀ever again 🍀🙏For you are now full of insight, wisdom enlightenment 🙌🍀🙏M@y you be blessed abundantly, from this time forth

    • @evelina787
      @evelina787 2 года назад +8

      @@ArcanumAscent wow this is brilliant news 👍📰👏Congrtultions 🤚🎉🎊God bless you 🙌👍🙏Is triangulation, where the nrcissists brings in a 3rd person into what should just be between you & the nrcissist? 🤔🍀🙏

  • @isobelbradley8318
    @isobelbradley8318 25 дней назад +7

    You are spot on with your points about a narcissist, it took me 39 years for me to leave my own personal narcissist and I think you’re right about everything you said. The day I left, I felt as free as a bird. I just wish I’d known all this years and years ago.

    • @denisemallam2786
      @denisemallam2786 3 дня назад

      Me too.Even tho he's now deceased I can't forget and can't forgive !!!

  • @aquajuwel7098
    @aquajuwel7098 2 года назад +577

    I’m 42, male, the best decision I ever made in my life was to cut ties with my mother, I only wish I had done it earlier in my life. In therapy I learned that my childhood was absolutely not normal and that I had grown up with a narcissist with a bit if sociopathy mixed in. I tried to fix things, always attending to her emotional needs, always making excuses. It impacted me very negatively in many ways. The only real progress I have had for my own mental health was when I removed her from my life, 5 years ago now, never going back…….it was like getting rid of a toxic drug, when out of the system I regained my health, both physically and mentally.

    • @TheAyurvedic
      @TheAyurvedic Год назад +34

      I’m dealing with the same. My mother.

    • @Want0nS0up
      @Want0nS0up Год назад +7

      It still hurts though. Make sure you are not suppressing pain by substituting other emotions to block out your true feelings. If you need to grieve, don’t stop yourself.

    • @mairead788-6
      @mairead788-6 Год назад +16

      I just started therapy today..third time lucky...I have her worked out for years but I'm using the therapy to help me keep her out this time. The woman is rotten to the core. I hope I can succeed this time. She's started her smear campaign and making horrible accusations against me to other people

    • @EddieJarnowski
      @EddieJarnowski Год назад +9

      I have a very similar story. Its a lose lose situation that you will never win. Accept it and go live life. Plenty of other types of winning to do.

    • @benfoster5387
      @benfoster5387 Год назад

      Me too. I just blame women now. They're all the same.

  • @NunYaO
    @NunYaO 2 года назад +660

    For survivors who go no-contact...They 'ghost' for 30-90 days, until they come to terms with the fact you aren't going to return, then they reach out to those you love in order to 1. make you return or 2. enroll the people you love (and still have contact with) into the role they feel you "abandoned"...so, warn your loved ones of what to expect and look out for; but, FOR GOD"S SAKE DON"T RETURN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!

    • @jayf295
      @jayf295 2 года назад +19

      Yeh same here. I moved to another country to get away from him! Three years later he still tries to contact me...ever 30 days or so he will try and call to see if I have unbocked him🤣..I get those blocked notifications. 🤦🏼‍♀️

    • @megalightsfan4948
      @megalightsfan4948 2 года назад +14

      @@jayf295 literally same constantly leaving voicemails even when blocked

    • @jayf295
      @jayf295 2 года назад +18

      @@megalightsfan4948 I have had all the bells and whistles with him. Straight from the book. It took me 3 years to finally go no contact and block him. Going on 7 months now uninterrupted. I wish I could tell other victims just how healing no contact is.

    • @karlabritfeld7104
      @karlabritfeld7104 2 года назад +6

      Yes that's exactly what my narcissist did. He still stalks me 33 years and 2200 miles later.

    • @jayf295
      @jayf295 2 года назад +7

      @@karlabritfeld7104 Oh God! I pray that I dont have that outcome! Get sick just thinking about it🤢

  • @christinekaiser8382
    @christinekaiser8382 2 года назад +962

    In an age of narcissism a typical response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". They never take responsibility for what they've said or done.

    • @kenishahammond3935
      @kenishahammond3935 2 года назад +1

      That is so true and a true sickness. They can never self reflect, in which there is no growth. Goodbye!

    • @AnnieAtRecess
      @AnnieAtRecess 2 года назад +90

      My response the last time I heard this false apology was "You can't apologize for my feelings, you can only apologize for your actions."

    • @christinekaiser8382
      @christinekaiser8382 2 года назад +15

      @@AnnieAtRecess I've said that too but then they say they're sorry I feel that way. It's like Grandma's nightgown -- it covers everything. Absolute frustration.

    • @ginawiggles918
      @ginawiggles918 2 года назад +31

      The "apology" I always got was...... *"Well, I'm SORRY you don't want to hear the TRUTH!"* Yeah right, they are wonderful because in their twisted, toxic view they are "helping" you for your own good. They think they deserve a medal or something.

    • @gandawesley5870
      @gandawesley5870 2 года назад +14

      It's has become very interesting to me how a narcissist never takes responsibility for the hurt and pain they cause in a relationship. I don't have a problem of him slandering or shaming me thru family or his friends (and if he did do this it would have no affect on me). He is not computer literate and doesn't use a cell phone. The challenge is getting him to go.

  • @pianolearner7
    @pianolearner7 8 месяцев назад +59

    You will never get clarity from a narcissist because that requires accountability.

  • @paulm6059
    @paulm6059 2 года назад +737

    Best advice I got from a therapist. "Well, you can't win with a narcissist." Suddenly a weight was remove from my shoulders.

    • @justinw2232
      @justinw2232 2 года назад +18

      Or with a borderline

    • @muskokamike127
      @muskokamike127 2 года назад +36

      On a similar note: Best advice I got? "if you're in a situation and you see people doing or saying things that they want to guilt you or make you angry, leave. Doesn't matter if it's family or friends....just leave. There's no law that says you have to sit there and take it".

    • @carefreedelight2355
      @carefreedelight2355 2 года назад +7

      When the Narcissist has your son and your grandchildren whom she has not allowed you to see until she feels she has the apology she deserves ( she being the arbiter of that apology) there really is no hope.

    • @carefreedelight2355
      @carefreedelight2355 2 года назад

      @@muskokamike127

    • @kariskogstadlita8085
      @kariskogstadlita8085 2 года назад +14

      @@muskokamike127 So true !!! Just leave ,and never ever look back .Freedom 🤩

  • @FarAway5319
    @FarAway5319 2 года назад +850

    If anyone has to deal with a narcissist, whether it’s the parent of your children, a boss, or someone you have to live with, please create boundaries. Keep conversations short and brief. Do not elaborate. Keep conversations in writing too, which helps when they gaslight you 🤷‍♀️ There’s nothing wrong with you! Your biggest and best weapon is to educate yourself on how to deal with a narcissist.

    • @emanuel_soundtrack
      @emanuel_soundtrack 2 года назад +12

      i find very sad, but unfortunately our sadness matters first

    • @sayawolf1061
      @sayawolf1061 2 года назад +30

      Best advice! I've cut out my parents from my life forever. Now I finally can live my life in peace.

    • @finished6267
      @finished6267 2 года назад +27

      Yep. EMAILS ONLY, with my abusive narc sister, NO phone calls.

    • @tedankhamenbonnah4848
      @tedankhamenbonnah4848 2 года назад +14

      Wow, sounds like you're talking about my marriage.

    • @alexlove31
      @alexlove31 2 года назад +5

      @briantaylor709 that too. A record is a record.

  • @joshuasnore3600
    @joshuasnore3600 2 года назад +546

    This is my mother. One day I had enough. It’s really hard to try and explain to people why you don’t communicate with your family, but they’re still all under her spell.

    • @twanamccord411
      @twanamccord411 2 года назад +66

      You are not alone…. Im done with the toxic mother daughter relationship. My peace is well more worth it!

    • @LeoMidori
      @LeoMidori 2 года назад +41

      @@twanamccord411 Same here. Been close to three years now, I'll never live under anyone's thumb like that again, it's been so wonderful to live honestly and free of hostility.

    • @moranasprowler
      @moranasprowler 2 года назад +58

      I would maybe never have seen my mother for narcissist she is, if it wasn't for my father's passing.
      People who have "normal" mother will never be able to understand/relate. It's ok to leave and protect yourself, good luck and don't fall back into trauma bond.

    • @gcjpcrowder
      @gcjpcrowder 2 года назад +25

      she poisons anyone we mutually know. And I have taught myself not to mind.

    • @jaimegarner5105
      @jaimegarner5105 2 года назад +18

      They have such wonderful moms, I get why they don’t get it.

  • @emmagriffiths3123
    @emmagriffiths3123 11 месяцев назад +21

    You just described everything my mother put me through when I started challenging her behaviour years ago. Thank you for sharing this.

  • @squamoza
    @squamoza 2 года назад +463

    I'm a victim of narcissistic mother. I went no contact 10 years ago. It was the best decision I've ever made.

    • @Metasebiya4
      @Metasebiya4 Год назад +4

      I understand you might hurt because of her but as a mother I know how it feels when you far from your own Kids & leave you like strangers! instead of doing that, why don't you tell her how you feel & talk about it? I know most of Americans leave early it's because they got job or successful life the way i grew up, isn't like that they don't get out from There Parents house before they get Married! In US When they start living life easily & get everything they want after that they Complain & forget everything what they're parent Sacrifice for them! I'm in this situation so I know how it hurts so much 😢 and When you going to have a child, you might understand how it feels!

    • @DA-jw4lx
      @DA-jw4lx Год назад

      @@Metasebiya4 With all due respect, you must not have any idea how vicious and evil these narcissistic mothers can be. And maybe you don't understand that THEY NEVER CHANGE, they only get worse. And maybe you don't understand that the wounds they inflict are so deep, it changes a person. And perhaps you don't understand...they have ZERO compassion, even on their own kids. And maybe you have never heard, they are like vampires that suck your blood at any given chance. And one more thing, maybe you are not aware that too much abuse is not enough abuse according to a narcissist.

    • @christopher5585
      @christopher5585 Год назад +2

      The victim side always sucks, especially if the Narc is a family member. Hopefully, she will sober up as she ages before it's too late. Wishing you a pleasant good post Narc life.

    • @pdog547
      @pdog547 Год назад +29

      14 years since any contact with mine - definitely much better off.

    • @ButterCupMMXXIII
      @ButterCupMMXXIII Год назад +33

      @@Metasebiya4 You understand a parent's feelings but Alex is a *victim* of a parent. If your mother was a spider, would you crawl onto her web so that she could eat you alive? Does a narcissistic parent have any shame or guilt or sympathy for mistreating a child? A narcissistic parent with any level of remorse should see that the end of the relationship is the result, the consequences of the abuse. No more guilt-tripping the adult child, who is finally free from the parent.

  • @jessnoble2298
    @jessnoble2298 Год назад +677

    A story - A person began to realise they were being abused by a narcissist and started trying to create distance and boundaries. The abuser contacted the victims close friends and family saying they were worried about the victim and created a rumour that the victim was addicted to opioids and wasn't well. Thank you for this video, creating clarity and educating.

    • @gribe79
      @gribe79 Год назад +36

      They always do covert acts of garbage… you can’t trust them everything is a lie I’m just getting over my abuse life is changing ..

    • @nandivanqa-mgijima646
      @nandivanqa-mgijima646 Год назад +11

      I can relate to this behaviour. Thanks to these video, DEEP technique is KEY

    • @alluringstar5910
      @alluringstar5910 Год назад +27

      I met narcissistic people like that and yeah they made rumors about me but I'm happy I know they r not too happy with their lives.😂😂😂😂😂

    • @talktothehand2012
      @talktothehand2012 Год назад +13

      Going through this now from a boss. I am respectful but distance myself. Not sure about the rumors but his flying monkeys are coming around. I give him nothing.

    • @gribe79
      @gribe79 Год назад +7

      @@talktothehand2012 dealing with a Male boss where he is in control that would suck .. feel sorry for you

  • @Alice-lw9mg
    @Alice-lw9mg 2 года назад +944

    I had the misfortune to have a narcissistic father, then husband and finally a partner who kept it covered for about 8-10 years - then all the things you talked about started happening. When I left (after 17 years)there were tears and sorry's galore but no real remorse. He then stalked me for several months - but I escaped and am healing from it all. Starting a new life at 70 is interesting but exciting too - bring it on!

    • @catbirdler
      @catbirdler 2 года назад +46

      Alice, I am 5 years behind you and had the exact same sequence of events. Father, husband (25 years) and a partner who dumped me for someone else in our social circle after 7 years. I thought he was my soulmate at long last and was truly devastated when he literally exchanged me for her. I started putting together the pieces afterwards and discovered common threads throughout all the relationships, behaviours which I thought were normal (having being raised by a narcissistic father). Only after the last breakup did I learn about narcissism and NPD. At last it all makes sense and at 65 I too am ready to take on the rest of my life with a new enthusiasm. I feel so empowered by this knowledge. FYI my dad just passed away 2 months ago at 94. He was a larger than life character who overcame terrible childhood trauma, accomplished much in his life and was admired by many. But he had another side to him... for example, I found out that he cheated on my mother who was a saint of a woman, whom he loved and relied on for so much. Perhaps not so strangely, I don't miss him but feel truly peaceful and at ease for perhaps the first time in my life.

    • @Alice-lw9mg
      @Alice-lw9mg 2 года назад +33

      @@catbirdler I find it so sad that so many people suffer at the hands of narcissists and feel that they are in some way inadequate or to blame when truth is they are not. Cindy I wish you a very happy future hold your head high because you got through it. Believe in yourself and be proud of who you are - a kind and lovely lady who deserves to be loved with kindness. All the best from Alice.

    • @allybrosia3725
      @allybrosia3725 2 года назад +24

      This is so empowering, Alice. I’m 40. Thank you so much for inspiring and sharing. My father is a narcissist and I’ve recently broken ties. Have been fortunate enough not to seriously date or marry a narcissist because my father’s actions made me hyper sensitive to any issue or any sign someone gives me. Which is a whole issue within itself! Anyway, thank you.

    • @roseyannette2030
      @roseyannette2030 2 года назад +17

      I am 63 and feel the same about my sibling. It was only in the past year, after the death of our father, we quit speaking again and for me, it's the very last time. Life is too short for all that misery. I choose happiness and positivity, no more narcissistic crap! I cannot believe how long it took me to decide enough was enough, no more. I wish you the very best and much happiness due to your choice, congratulations! It is not easy but I know you will find true happiness within yourself and thrive! Please Everyone, Be Safe, Healthy, Happy and most important; Be Kind - Kindness Counts. (p,s, being kind does not mean we become pushovers, ever again!)

    • @Tilly-f7l
      @Tilly-f7l 2 года назад +12

      Alice wishing you a peaceful healthy happy future xxx

  • @ghilly_one1720
    @ghilly_one1720 9 месяцев назад +18

    When people start with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry but…” I shut it down and tell them “NOPE. That is not an apology. Try again.” And we continue in that manner until they get it right. That’s the only way to make it clear to them that THEY are the cause.

  • @AccidentalArtMaker
    @AccidentalArtMaker 2 года назад +686

    “How dare you have boundaries with me!”, screamed my mother many years ago.

    • @MrConstantMalachi
      @MrConstantMalachi 2 года назад +26

      Cripes! At least the leopard showed its spots so vividly!

    • @phoebetheoneandonly365
      @phoebetheoneandonly365 2 года назад +32

      OMG my mom actually said the same thing to me! She couldn't stand the fact that I won't answer my phone till 8:00 am. She asked about emergencies and I told her that's the only reason to call before 8. Of course she still tried, and I didn't answer.

    • @smc1942
      @smc1942 2 года назад +53

      My mother....
      "No? What do you mean no? You don't tell me no!!!"
      Later....
      "I don't remember that."
      Or...
      "I didn't/never said that."
      We haven't spoken in 6 years. It's been nice!

    • @ambc8970
      @ambc8970 2 года назад +19

      What about throwing herself on the floor and say that she needs medical help???? I am a man and it happened to me. I was an only child. My dad did not know how to handle her.

    • @user-kcrpine
      @user-kcrpine 2 года назад +28

      A girl I recently dated told me “you will NOT add things up in regards to me anymore!” and in response to her ever-changing stories.
      Human cancer.

  • @LilMsLorelei
    @LilMsLorelei 2 года назад +632

    “They may apologize but they are not sorry for what they have done. They are sorry that they are suffering repercussions. They are sorry that you can now see them for what they really are.” Boy, did you nail that! They are sorry that they can no longer control you. The jig is up!

    • @lilfairycupcake
      @lilfairycupcake 2 года назад +13

      Sorry they got caught.

    • @LilMsLorelei
      @LilMsLorelei 2 года назад +28

      Low Bro I know them personally. They are not born this way. They choose to be selfish over and over again until they have morphed themselves into soul-less monsters. I don’t have sympathy for creeps anymore. Sorry if I struck a chord.

    • @TinLizzy1
      @TinLizzy1 2 года назад +1

      Not born this way. Narcissism is usually a result of abuse or the cycle of narcissism in the family tree. At some point, in the generations, it gets broken.

    • @LilMsLorelei
      @LilMsLorelei 2 года назад +29

      Liz Alleman The “experts” say it’s caused by abuse. I disagree. I have to say that is not what I’ve seen at all. So far the ones that I know, have been able to control their entire family with manipulation and were given everything they ever wanted. They were the catered to kings and queens of their families. They became used to that. They now see people as objects to be used as they see fit. They never learned empathy and they never learned remorse. Little kings and queens grew up to be big kings and queens.
      Their thinking is: I do no wrong. I am always in the right. I am better than everyone else. It is irrelevant what other people’s feelings are. The world and everyone in it is here to serve me and give me what I want but I can’t actually let people know that so let me create this fake nice personality so that I can draw them in. Then the manipulations and the deceptions begin. They literally create a personality that comes across as humble and nice. It’s a complete farce. Of course I’m talking about the covert narcissists. They are about as dangerous as can be.

    • @selfesteem3447
      @selfesteem3447 2 года назад +5

      @Low Bro are you a Narcissist ?❤

  • @loro3849
    @loro3849 2 года назад +609

    I actually heard mother tell someone that her goal was to break me, as though I was a was animal. I left home at 17. It took a long time for me to see the reality of the situation.

    • @independentvoter2448
      @independentvoter2448 2 года назад +23

      Unbelievable! How is anybody born without nurturing instincts? It is possible had you not moved out and she was unable to break you, she might have murdereed you.

    • @jillmariaplatteaux6083
      @jillmariaplatteaux6083 2 года назад +34

      @lo ro me too left at 17, I never got the love & attention that I needed
      I am 42 now still single, no kids, always attracting toxic relationships and non committed people. I feel very isolated and no friends. I am social and I get along with many people but all on a distance. It has been a very long and bumby road
      Sometimes I am so fed up by trying and fighting.
      What about you?

    • @michaeldeierhoi4096
      @michaeldeierhoi4096 2 года назад +11

      @@jillmariaplatteaux6083 That is also something I can relate to. I grew with an extremely narcissistic mother who had and still has no insight into into her affliction. Trusting others and making friends is hard and yet I'm perfectly contently living alone. I have one good friend in the whole state of NM I see often and might move closer to eventually.

    • @warrenpuckett4203
      @warrenpuckett4203 2 года назад +18

      @@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I dumped the toxic momma clone and got a dog. Then I got really selective. I don't understand why those women think I am easy. I play the game until get tired of her brand and the dog and I continue our relationship. The dog is a good judge. After the 3 or 4th time she is around, I watch the dog. If the dog is not with it when she shows up. She is most likely toxic.

    • @mrchildgrownold3852
      @mrchildgrownold3852 2 года назад +10

      I sincerely hope you are in a better place now

  • @patriciaharris1711
    @patriciaharris1711 7 месяцев назад +27

    I married a man that was 12 years older than me. I started noticing how he was very over protective. It was fine at first but I began to notice how it was getting extreme. If I did anything with anyone else besides him he was jealous so I had to keep reassuring him that he was first. Then he didn't want to be around my family. If he said he didn't want me to go, I wouldn't,. Than it was faking sick. He would go as far as not taking his insulin just to see me jump into action. If I lay it out for him he would purposely not take it when we would go to church. So I had to start beating him at his own game buy having his insulin in a thermal bag that looked like a purse. When it stopped working on me and I started calling him on his stunts he started thinking he could scare me because he had isolated me from my family. One thing he didn't count on was that I stopped being intimated. He would try everything, but he didn't remember that I had kids. I had plenty of practice so I could see the signs

  • @nickf9392
    @nickf9392 2 года назад +840

    They devalue you, insult you, put you down, and push you away.

    • @F217-o3r
      @F217-o3r 2 года назад +19

      Yep.
      My mother
      - to a T

    • @edennis8578
      @edennis8578 2 года назад +15

      You're lucky if that's all that happens. My boyfriend beat me when he even thought I wasn't under his control.

    • @MoonwolfeConsulting
      @MoonwolfeConsulting 2 года назад +17

      I wasn't lucky. I was pushed out of a moving vehicle by him. He left me on the side of a busy highway. He did this in the presence of my toddler.

    • @MJ-qb5ph
      @MJ-qb5ph 2 года назад +19

      And then expect you to apologise nick

    • @kathyadair8552
      @kathyadair8552 2 года назад

      @@MoonwolfeConsultingThe equivalent of 2 criminal Nazis & narcopathic bros. 💔😭🇺🇸
      My 💚 and Blessings to you sister.

  • @ashleygarden6906
    @ashleygarden6906 2 года назад +547

    (8:15) "How dare you see through them. How dare you no longer want to put up with their nonsense." No truer words have been said...mic drop right there. 👏

    • @whitecollarhater9727
      @whitecollarhater9727 2 года назад +12

      Imagine how much unemployment they create worldwide. Still they get hired...

    • @wayneelliott1180
      @wayneelliott1180 2 года назад +11

      They. Will. Make. You. Pay!

    • @whitecollarhater9727
      @whitecollarhater9727 2 года назад +7

      @@wayneelliott1180 they won't if you tell on them. If you keep quiet yes they will. Psychopaths have the fear of getting caught that's why some think it's paranoid schizophrenia it isn't.

    • @velicad2905
      @velicad2905 2 года назад +6

      RIGHT. OMG. SPOKEN LIKE A PRO!!!

    • @monicahocking1507
      @monicahocking1507 2 года назад +3

      Yes. How dare you.

  • @mmaries9052
    @mmaries9052 2 года назад +771

    The absolute worst in a relationship… be very careful to anyone watching this that hasn’t been there. I was a victim of this. Had no idea what the hell was happening. I’m an intelligent woman. Being involved with an abusive narcissist is not easy to see at first. Everything you said is spot on. Worst time of my life.

    • @RoscoeKsme
      @RoscoeKsme 2 года назад +29

      Yep... I married one of these people. They promptly sat their butt on the couch and started issuing orders...

    • @miapdx503
      @miapdx503 2 года назад +33

      I was seeing a man...as the relationship progressed he tried to be more controlling, so I broke it off. That's when the fun began. 🙄 stalking on a scary level. I stood my ground and eventually he gave up, but that was scary...

    • @crwydryny
      @crwydryny 2 года назад +21

      Ditto, my ex was a very abusive narcissist and would blame it on her bipolar, or other mental health issues, i go to work she'll clai im not working but sleeping around behind her back... despite comming to my work place and seeing me there, then she claim i was only working because of the girls there (what the 50 year old grannies? Lol) i came home from work one day she had downed 6 bottles of wine, smashed the place up, smashed the oven. Her response when i walked through the door and saw the mess "oops" i told her "I'm going out for a walk, i suggest you leave before i get back"
      The police had been pushing me to press charges for years, but in my head it was her mental health and she needed help not locking up. I bumped into a guy she was staying with after i kicked her out, turns out she did the same to him, heck she even split his lip and stabbed his legs up with a fork all because he didn't have any alcohol to give her while she wouldn't even give him a drag of a cigarette.
      Yeah won't make that mistake again

    • @mmaries9052
      @mmaries9052 2 года назад

      @@RoscoeKsme mine had the nerve to “call meetings” when he felt he needed to be heard… lol idiot

    • @mmaries9052
      @mmaries9052 2 года назад +17

      @@miapdx503 sure is! Here’s a funny one.. mine abused me… I was bullied and pushed up against the wall stuck in my room … one day finally had enough and hit him.., in the SHOULDER because he was threatening me. He proceeded to call the cops on me, and I’m the mother of his son! (A damn good mother too) I’m so unbelievably grateful he is out of my life … for good!!

  • @Shivani-Spectrum
    @Shivani-Spectrum 11 месяцев назад +118

    Lesson: Leave the relationship once you figure out what's going on and how they are. Be happy, don't tolerate their manipulation. Just observe them, laugh as much as you can, sing, dance, do whatever you like. Seeing you happy is a pain for them; watch how they burn inside.

    • @Markyrvxf
      @Markyrvxf 10 месяцев назад +1

      Like Jesus said, it's like pouring hot coals all over them lol

    • @coexistingcanine66
      @coexistingcanine66 8 месяцев назад +8

      That can be dangerous, as they get more violent seeing you happy. There goal is to have you below them at all times, and you being happy will make them do anything to bring you down, including threatening your life.

    • @ge2168
      @ge2168 7 месяцев назад +5

      Best to keep quiet.

    • @vodkavuitton
      @vodkavuitton 6 месяцев назад +3

      ​@@coexistingcanine66sadly, their threats are laughable too 😂😂 about as threatening as a baby spitting their binky at you.
      I will let no one put me in a state of fear especially when I have no reason to be 🙃 tf I look like minding my business living MY life & fearing someone who has no damn business being in it? Sounds like a personal problem 🤷🏾‍♀️

    • @heatherstonebridge
      @heatherstonebridge 4 месяца назад +1

      ❤❤❤

  • @martinschubert5536
    @martinschubert5536 Год назад +410

    What worked for me, was " Love them as best as you can, and leave them where they are"

    • @valerieriggins3184
      @valerieriggins3184 Год назад +15

      I LOVE MYSELF 💕🥰The BEST I Can And Keep IT Moving.... IT'S ABOUT TIME Done With The Ungrateful.

    • @patriciashea676
      @patriciashea676 Год назад +13

      So very true. You can not change them. 😢

    • @tommyparkerparker
      @tommyparkerparker Год назад +12

      Love them from a distance.

    • @advancedbasicsAB
      @advancedbasicsAB Год назад +1

      Interesting...

    • @jesse75
      @jesse75 Год назад +8

      I'm going fishing.

  • @jKDC1987
    @jKDC1987 2 года назад +480

    My covert narcissist destroyed my soul. The gaslighting made me doubt my own sanity. The silent treatment was like being slowly cut open whilst being unable to run. The trauma bond I was left with took me nearly two years to get over and was like being addicted to a class A drug. My life was a living hell. I can’t even put it into words. I didn’t know pain like that existed. I kicked them out of my home and cut all contact, it was that or death. After a lot of support from family, friends and professionals I’m now happy again and learning to live with my pain. It’s a journey but please make that first step. I realised that I’m the one with the career, I’m the one that’s kind and has friends. They don’t have anything, you’re a vessel. They don’t love, only destroy. Anyone going through that right now my thoughts are with you sending love ❤️

    • @sangeetha279
      @sangeetha279 2 года назад +12

      Same here, I couldn’t cut off, it’s how Indian families works, but my daughter did send them running

    • @vetaanselmo5080
      @vetaanselmo5080 2 года назад +16

      Happened me kicked him out 3 weeks ago blocked him from all devices and social media. Trying to get my mind straight. It's horrible

    • @Sabrinahallam12346
      @Sabrinahallam12346 2 года назад

      Thank you. I'm on the edge. I hate this mother fucker. I'm gonna flip out and jump

    • @jKDC1987
      @jKDC1987 2 года назад +9

      @@vetaanselmo5080 sending love ❤️

    • @marlareeves417
      @marlareeves417 2 года назад +6

      Bravo 👏 for you! Don’t look back! Love and live your own life and the fun memories you will create and generate! BRILLIANT synopsis by you! Again 👏 bravo!

  • @umarss5660
    @umarss5660 2 года назад +472

    "if they don't admit their own errors...to themselves, they definitely are not going to admit their toxic behavior to you or anyone else."

    • @shuruihageshiga4581
      @shuruihageshiga4581 Год назад +6

      Ask them what they see in the mirror every day and they'll try to brush it off/make excuses for it. I've had teenage kids that tried pulling the narcissistic card on me multiple times when I worked in a grocery store. Some of them realized real quick that I wasn't going to take that kind of crap from them and changed their attitude fast.

    • @christopher5585
      @christopher5585 Год назад +8

      Narcissists' never........never........ never admit their faults. Noooooo........

    • @KK-nj8nb
      @KK-nj8nb Год назад +4

      they might admit them...so that they can do it all over again....

    • @AdviceandAdventures
      @AdviceandAdventures Год назад

      Too bad we have video cameras and audio recorders in our pockets.

  • @melaniemanera1193
    @melaniemanera1193 9 месяцев назад +61

    This is so my mother-in-law. She is such a toxic person and after 38 years, I have decided to go no contact with her. Talking to her about her behavior and inappropriate things she's said did not do any good so I sent her an email. She printed the email and confronted me with it. She was angry and defensive and claimed it was all lies. When we started going through the things I talked about in the email, she would swear up and down something never happened OR she would remember it differently where I was the one to blame and she was the victim. I videotaped our meeting and it's quite amusing to see her in her narcissistic rage. She threw temper tantrums. She held her breath, gritted her teeth, stomped her feet, lied, played the victim, called me names, screamed, yelled, and even growled at me. She's a horrible hypocrite. She meddles in everyone's business. She treats her son (my husband) like he's her husband instead of her son. She tells you what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to feel. I am a quiet, shy person and she's a loud mouth. I was expected to change to meet her standards. She is a master manipulator. And this woman is 80 years old!

    • @lindasharp8523
      @lindasharp8523 7 месяцев назад +3

      I have one like this. She's 84 now and I hope she lives to be 100 as she's so miserable.

    • @axxe1531
      @axxe1531 7 месяцев назад

      The world doesn't make any sense anymore.I told myself evil people - Luceferians - are in master control. Now ,when i see some people being mean ,cruel , unnatural,i think they are demon possessed.( Thats the only way i can make sense of things .) You're MIL is demon possessed . I think.

    • @brunorivera8196
      @brunorivera8196 7 месяцев назад

      Evil old woman please don't waste your time. Stay away.

    • @pamw9966
      @pamw9966 6 месяцев назад +3

      We must have the same MIL. 😂

    • @patking264
      @patking264 6 месяцев назад +2

      Sounds like someone I know!

  • @pamcampbell6991
    @pamcampbell6991 2 года назад +771

    My sister was the perfect compliant robot for our narcissist mother. However I was not compliant and my mother would fly into physically abusive rages when I crossed her. Her verbal demeaning of me was incredible. I ended up moving 3K miles away and my life vastly improved.

    • @milesfamilybiz
      @milesfamilybiz 2 года назад +37

      Yuuuup. Then call the family and say you assaulted them. Effem

    • @sacrilegeisrealworship409
      @sacrilegeisrealworship409 2 года назад +10

      Mine too

    • @dennisrobinson8008
      @dennisrobinson8008 2 года назад +19

      Had to go cross country. I know what you mean.

    • @chm825
      @chm825 2 года назад +1

      Growing up with a narcissistic mother gives a death sentence to your mental health.

    • @mab790
      @mab790 2 года назад +20

      Compliant robot. Good description

  • @deliapuentez
    @deliapuentez 2 года назад +447

    My mom is a narcissist and everyone has discovered who she really is and has left her. She acts like the victim and says it's everyone else's fault and sense she feels like she's so perfect and spiritual, she says that we cannot stand the spirit of God within her. As a Christian this is so triggering to hear from her because it's almost like shes making herself God. I've chosen little to zero contact because she knows how to trigger my anger and I don't want to fall into having anger issues anymore, I want my heart to heal and live a life glorifying God.

    • @Girlonatube
      @Girlonatube 2 года назад +11

      Oh my LORD!! That would NOT be okay with me! Yeah, you DON'T have to be around someone who doesn't respect your beliefs and, in turn, you. And being a Christian myself, I understand the protectiveness you probably have over God, and the obligation you feel to stand up for Him, and the possibility of planting that mustard seed, but sometimes people's hearts are so hardened that they're lost forever. I believe that God understands that sometimes defending Him will make them be even worse and that's difficult for us to withstand feeling helpless, and won't hold it against us to let their words fall on deaf ears. After all, we shouldn't cast our pearls before swine.
      It's hard to remember (and annoying) they're accountable for their own actions, but we're still accountable for what they provoke us to say and do. Might as well let them burn by themselves and not drag us with them.

    • @clynn1103
      @clynn1103 2 года назад +13

      Good for you! That is hard to do with a narcissistic parent (I have one), but so much healthier (physically and spiritually) for you!

    • @markhatfield5621
      @markhatfield5621 2 года назад +22

      My narcissist was a phony christian also, used it to try to distract people from what she really was. an incredible hypocrite, liar, abuser,........

    • @Ben-rz9cf
      @Ben-rz9cf 2 года назад +12

      Also had a narcissistic mother (and a narcissistic father, but completely different variety of narcissist). It's weird how they use these hollow ideologies to deceive not only others but also themselves. She was a divinity major who left christianity to pursue this weird new agey "inter faith" bullshit because she thought if she made it look like she was accepting of all faiths it would make everyone accept her and see her as like mother theresa or something. Had loads of bullshit self help books like the secret to reassure her of her personal godhood and what positive spiritual energy she had even though she was toxic and manipulative as hell. She refused to take my dads last name and when they divorced she took all his money and opened a charitable foundation under her own name and would force family members to write donation letters for charities they didn't give a crap about just because she had this desperate compulsive need to be seen as generous. Forced her children into after school activities we didn't want to do because it was the only way she could insinuate herself into the social circles of the "soccer moms" or "karate moms" because she was incapable of forming lasting connections without that kind of artificial pretext. And she'd often jet off to india or africa leaving us in the care of this abusive jehova's witness babysitter. Every single generous thing she did needed to be photographed, broadcasted, she'd put the entire extended family into email chains. It was clear she cared only about starving children in africa than her own family--not even that, just being seen with them. And the image she portrayed them as was one part pathetic poverty stricken and one part eat pray love spiritual extortion.
      Fast forward 15 years and of her three children, one of them is dead, committed suicide after moving back in with her... And the other 2 left the country to go live on the other side of the world and get as far away as humanly possible. Because i'm sure if either of us were still around her we'd both want to just die too, because thats how she makes everyone feel. And as far as i'm aware she hasn't remarried or even had a single long term relationship since she divorced my father. She's just as miserable and alone and unseen as she deserves.

    • @spiderok8663
      @spiderok8663 2 года назад +3

      @@Ben-rz9cf so sorry for you and your siblings I understand everything you said.

  • @Dreamskater100
    @Dreamskater100 2 года назад +420

    Very true- a lot being said here.
    Especially about the twisting of things. The false accusations, lies, bullying & no empathy. Never sorry.

    • @daynesmith5281
      @daynesmith5281 2 года назад +11

      Sounds about right im experiencing that for years and years

    • @Dreamskater100
      @Dreamskater100 2 года назад +4

      @@daynesmith5281 Same.

    • @Dreamskater100
      @Dreamskater100 2 года назад +4

      Would you like to connect? I can give my email here then delete it. Maybe we could talk about it & find ways to heal. Very difficult I find to know someone in real life about this who truly understands & isn't dismissive of it.

    • @mikehinson5935
      @mikehinson5935 2 года назад

      Bingo!! Lies, blaming, trying to get me fired, pressing false charges… DSS investigations for sexual abuse. I went no contact
      As did our daughter

    • @bobbiweaver7798
      @bobbiweaver7798 2 года назад +3

      That what my ex doing to me know it was so bad he had my nerves all shook up and I am tired of it

  • @bravosierra1000
    @bravosierra1000 10 месяцев назад +5

    Thank you for the calm and clear way you deliver information that is difficult to hear as a person who has just gone "no-contact" with a parent. Wasted many years suck in the narc bubble and was always pulled back into the chaos because of the "guilt" trips.

  • @cherrygirl64
    @cherrygirl64 2 года назад +415

    My ex was a fine tuned narcissist who lied, manipulated, gaslit, punished and twisted my life into a knot that was a prison. 5 wasted years with someone I loved with all my soul. This was my first experience with a person like this but I got away. Never never go back.

    • @rachelann724
      @rachelann724 2 года назад +25

      Be careful and learn about yourself because more narcissists will try to make their way to you because there is something in you that they want. Protect yourself and congratulations for getting away!!

    • @kellywagner1798
      @kellywagner1798 2 года назад +19

      Your testimony is EXACTLY what I'm going thru right at this moment except one been with him for 9 years. I've loved him dearly but feel I just cannot allow him to treat me this way anymore. Super hard and depression, doubt in myself, low self esteem, humiliation etc are all taking a huge toll on me.. Thanks for your words because now I don't feel alone. God bless!

    • @madeline6177
      @madeline6177 2 года назад +6

      Wow! Sounds like my life! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🧿🧿🧿🧿
      I wish you a happy, abundant, peaceful and loving life. 💝

    • @louiselincoln
      @louiselincoln 2 года назад +10

      @Cherry Girl I lost 7 years to mine. But I try not to think it as 'lost' time. I think of that time as a lesson learned, and a lesson well worth learning, however many years it took. Hope things are going much better for you now. :)

    • @ismalicesamson1817
      @ismalicesamson1817 2 года назад +1

      Good

  • @SpiritedHeart94
    @SpiritedHeart94 2 года назад +622

    My mom’s favorite response to my problems is “try being me”, as if no matter how bad I feel, her problems are always worse.

    • @meganverne
      @meganverne 2 года назад +26

      YES! you try talking specific about something that upset you and she tells me "do you know how often you do something that upsets me?" but its the same 2 general idea things for the past 5 years so

    • @patriciamalave5717
      @patriciamalave5717 2 года назад

      My daughter put my husband in jail because she lie on him saying that Ihe he rape her she lie God will pushisher her she took my husband away because she was jealous of me and her father realthship

    • @Harlow_Khmer
      @Harlow_Khmer 2 года назад +27

      @@emmaswain3084 ahhh the classic "one upper" ... Always has to one up your story or compare herself to whatever you're talking about.

    • @QueenMe2023
      @QueenMe2023 2 года назад +11

      That's so sad. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that from your mother. That sounds extremely difficult. My heart goes out.

    • @TheReaverOfDarkness
      @TheReaverOfDarkness 2 года назад +16

      When I finally got into the same situations my mother used to complain about, all I could see is how her constant abuse led me to grossly overcompensate and now I give way too much credence to others when I deserve some respect for my work.

  • @shaunguffey9199
    @shaunguffey9199 2 года назад +758

    When you finally tell a narcissist to stay out of your life forever, they tell everyone you're a backstabber.

    • @Fatemaforlife
      @Fatemaforlife 2 года назад +37

      I told one that I literally don't care what he says about me or to who, which was true, but I am just not putting up with manipulative behavior.

    • @kitkatt6357
      @kitkatt6357 2 года назад +18

      or the '' you are so ungrateful ! ''

    • @amandatarkington6877
      @amandatarkington6877 2 года назад +4

      @@kitkatt6357 So true!

    • @jocelyne.5960
      @jocelyne.5960 2 года назад +6

      My mother ... to a T 🙄

    • @jocelyne.5960
      @jocelyne.5960 2 года назад +19

      @@kitkatt6357 yes... "after all I've done for you" 😒

  • @leeparrish7155
    @leeparrish7155 14 дней назад +9

    I can always tell when my ex is not getting the fuel she needs when she out of nowhere picks arguments with me. They are so predictable.

    • @reneesoli5345
      @reneesoli5345 11 дней назад +2

      Mine needs his supply every two weeks.

  • @rothaarige3896
    @rothaarige3896 2 года назад +475

    Had a narcissist mother. She brought me to several child psychologists because she thought I was a psychopath, because I couldn't be controlled by her. I know this garbage all too well

    • @tylerhorn3712
      @tylerhorn3712 2 года назад +11

      I've had similar experiences. It's good that it won't hurt your legal rights unless you ended up having to go to court. So, you can still live your life like a normal citizen after you get away from that relationship and have time to recover.

    • @rothaarige3896
      @rothaarige3896 2 года назад

      @@tylerhorn3712 anything to excuse her terrible behavior, and put it on me. She even went so far as to tell my relatives lies about imaginary scenarios in which I looked crazy. She told them I was a nazi. I turned my back on 90% of the family, they had nothing for me other then contempt. No one questioned the Queen Bee's narrative.

    • @seancollins9745
      @seancollins9745 2 года назад +2

      Did she drug you to

    • @rothaarige3896
      @rothaarige3896 2 года назад +11

      @@seancollins9745 she tried, I refused rhe Ritalin

    • @lynneroberts3628
      @lynneroberts3628 2 года назад +9

      Yes I loved my mum she is not with us now. I was taken to see a physiatrist as had an accident that maid me faint. She thought I was pretending and so she took me to the Dr
      Dr said there was nothing wrong with me and I was very sensible but wanted to see my mother instead.

  • @HeathcliffeJ
    @HeathcliffeJ 2 года назад +275

    I dated a women for 2.5 years in which she treated me like a dog and when I removed her from my life she went around telling the most disguting lies about me. The way I see it is that I feel sorry for the people believing her lies because I was once in that place and now I am free of it.

    • @kevinparker461
      @kevinparker461 2 года назад +11

      Had pretty much the same, how she would bad mouth previous people she had relationships with & told lies about. Even an X husband got her venom & i worked out most were lies, i then thought this wont end well for me, even her Dad warned me about her history!. I got the hell out & never looked back

    • @kfl611
      @kfl611 2 года назад +1

      And hopefully wiser !

    • @juneallan4903
      @juneallan4903 2 года назад +2

      Heathcliffe,"""that happened to me too.so I woke up one morning and thought bugger it,if any of my family or friends believe their lies and not come and clear it up with me,ask my side of things,then I don't want them in my life if their that shallow minded.

    • @spaideman7850
      @spaideman7850 2 года назад +1

      hope u free from her soon, base on my exp, it Never ends. even when she's dead, her legacies(minions who believed her lies) will go on...

    • @kathleenjohnson7047
      @kathleenjohnson7047 2 года назад +5

      When I broke up with my son's father he told everyone that he left me because I had become a lesbian. The people that believe those lies either will eventually come around or continue to stay in the dark. The important thing is that you're free!

  • @elizabethblane201
    @elizabethblane201 2 года назад +359

    Normal people are transparent, loving, flexible, unassuming, and forgiving, unlike narcissists, who are none of these.

    • @endeavouringit
      @endeavouringit 2 года назад +20

      Wish I could find normal people, whatever that entails.

    • @4lugan
      @4lugan 2 года назад +4

      Totally agree.

    • @jillh2186
      @jillh2186 2 года назад +1

      Amen

    • @jillh2186
      @jillh2186 2 года назад +6

      @@endeavouringit normal people are emotionally heathy unlike a narc

    • @Pwwh0711
      @Pwwh0711 2 года назад +1

      Not in my experience...where do YOU live?!

  • @thinktasha8299
    @thinktasha8299 9 месяцев назад +15

    Narcissists NEVER apologize! They have no empathy...not even for one second.

  • @thereverseuniverse4738
    @thereverseuniverse4738 2 года назад +122

    Sadly, i have stage 4 cancer , and still i have to listen to such cruel comments. Narcissists are actually demons on earth, and a big lesson for the few who are involved with them.

    • @grandmak9013
      @grandmak9013 2 года назад +9

      🙏🏾❤

    • @4estdweller4ever
      @4estdweller4ever 2 года назад +12

      But narcissists pet and stroke the people they need on their team so they’ll always have fans who won’t realize they treat some people with utter disdain. They look the other way either because they love being pet and fawned over or they don’t want to be the target.
      I’m sorry for your situation. I know first hand the loneliness narcissists can inflict on you. Let your Dr know you have someone in your life that is undermining your support system. Maybe you can find someone to talk to. Try not to let them live in your head rent free. You need your energy for yourself right now. 🤗

    • @Laura-tp8wz
      @Laura-tp8wz 2 года назад +2

      I’m so sorry. 🙏🏻

    • @caragoettsch3758
      @caragoettsch3758 2 года назад +1

      I like your story ; I’ve been married for 14 yrs to a pure narcissist & myself I’ve been planning my escape with out hurting him or his family ; When I had my awakening it was one thing after another , I got to endure this evil scheme 13 yrs & unless I walk away ( it’s hurts so bad ) why ? He has hit me , choked me , scratched my face with his whole hand twisting around my whole face , my bruises were on my neck & cheeks ; why do some folks stay in this evil for 1 sec ? I stayed mainly for so long is because I believed & thought I was wrong all the time & everything was my fault . The person that told me he promised to ALWAYS always make me smile !! Who in the hell told him he was so special?That would be his 3 family members since his 20 yr old age twins boy girl won’t even call or talk to him ; pretty much staying away ; he can’t even admit that alcohol is his enemy! Everything that I point out he turns it around just like a democrat will do !! I’m a theif ? Liar? Moocher? Lazy ? Judgmental? He tells me to have a heart attack ? List goes on & on & on !! We are finally splitting up & I can’t hardly wait to NOT seeing him asleep on the couch where he sleeps every night ! I want peace love & harmony in my life ; this means I WILL be single for the rest of my miserable life 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤔so I married a human that is not of this world !! They are real demons here on earth !

    • @thereverseuniverse4738
      @thereverseuniverse4738 2 года назад +4

      @@4estdweller4ever thank you so much for your incoureging words..if only i realised earlier the consequences to my life i would have not let ot go on for so long..so its just a warning to others to run fast away from narcissists bec its not worth their lives..

  • @bettyhouk8727
    @bettyhouk8727 2 года назад +405

    My husband was a narcissistic egotistical personality! He wasn’t physically abusing just controlling ,he passed away a few years ago ! I felt like I was released from a prison ! I was so happy to get off that roller coaster ride ! But I did learn about narcissistic personality ,my husband was on the low end of the narcissistic personality ( controlling , depression ) if a person is trying to steer you away from family or friends by comments on how they don’t really care for you as much as they do ! That is a gigantic RED FLAG 🚩 RUN !

    • @karlabritfeld7104
      @karlabritfeld7104 2 года назад +16

      Yes!! Been there. It was horrible.

    • @hazztv6317
      @hazztv6317 2 года назад +21

      Also if he is to attached and wants to marry you right away. I love you in 2 weeks. So many other red flags.

    • @fumarate1
      @fumarate1 2 года назад

      are you glad he passed away.

    • @paraveterinary
      @paraveterinary 2 года назад +26

      I recognize your feelings of being released from a prison. My husband (we have been together for 8 years) had a histrionic personality disorder and narcissism is part of this disorder.
      He was not physically abusive but very controlling and always lashing out to me when things went wrong for him. And this was often.
      His heart stopped during one of his outrages anger moods and that was the end. I do not feel ashamed not being the weeping widow. My life turned for the best and I know what true happiness is.

    • @annmarie9470
      @annmarie9470 2 года назад +18

      Omg! I feel the same way, like I'm living in a prison with a verbal, and financial abuser who drinks too much.

  • @shanechartier5349
    @shanechartier5349 2 года назад +480

    I had to end contact with my sister. After being blamed for everything bad that happened to our family for years I just couldn’t deal with her anymore. It’s been the most peaceful successful and stress free 10 years of my life.

    • @Fathma63
      @Fathma63 2 года назад +15

      Absolutely, I just cut my sister off 3 months ago, such peace, im making good choices, meeting up with friends, and getting along lovingly with my grown kids.... My sister was a BOSS all these years... At last I did it!!

    • @Skidrow247
      @Skidrow247 2 года назад +5

      Good for dude , its been 6 years for me not having contact with mine , best decision ever.

    • @katederepasmusic3584
      @katederepasmusic3584 2 года назад +10

      This is really encouraging thank you I needed to see this. I had to do the same thing. She told me im gaslighting and emotionally abusive towards her.. funnily enough she started saying this after I didn't agree with the way she's treatment our family. As soon as I don't agree with something she says then she says which much assurance that I am gaslighting her & shifting her reality.. just because I have an opinion that isn't what she wants to hear.
      She's gone through our whole family and turned people against each other, called everyone an abuser and destroyed people's reputation. I snapped and said I just can't allow her to do this anymore, and as soon as I said that then guess what? Im an abuser too!

    • @vondahe
      @vondahe 2 года назад +2

      You’re not Cynthia Fortier’s sister, by any chance?

    • @luciefitness
      @luciefitness 2 года назад +16

      As Doctor Ramani said: the only way to not deal with a narcissist is to not have them in your life.

  • @Valentine-j1m
    @Valentine-j1m 11 месяцев назад +3

    I found your descriptions of narcissistic behavior extremely helpful both in their clarity and practicality. In short, your insights of what depths a narcissist will stoop to in an attempt to either reengage or decimate their no longer captive audience is in my experience , completely true. Thank you!

  • @clintbarr5342
    @clintbarr5342 2 года назад +386

    I was raised in a narcissistic family thankfully I've found them all out. Now none of them talk to me anymore, much happier now

    • @gingw7333
      @gingw7333 2 года назад +18

      I was raised the same. My life became so peaceful starting immediately after cutting ties with them. They all died within a short time of my walking away. Guess they couldn't take it after 60 years of using me as the blame catcher for all their problems.

    • @christinecarr4110
      @christinecarr4110 2 года назад

      You are far from alone. I simply spoke up about a pervert MILLIONAIRE narcissist taking my 3 yr old g.son into a dark closet w/a camera & glow toys 1st time babysitting 1st time alone 1st time @ the house alone as soon as Mommy left. Nobody talks to me now. APPARENY LOTS OF SECRETS!!! Its been hard but THE TRUTH SET ME FREEEEEEEE!!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸 sacrificing their children for $$$$$
      Step 1 Im powerless STEPS 2-12 God is not. I do my part 1 day. 🙏 "They wet the bed n blamed the blanket." This video is the most accurate. THANK YOU!!

    • @djjukeboxhero6491
      @djjukeboxhero6491 2 года назад

      @@guntcheck *NARCISSIST DETECTED.

    • @demonfire6666
      @demonfire6666 2 года назад +1

      Same situation with me..I know what the root problem is with the family..It's from their being sexually abused as kids.. When I bring it up they run like scared kids..It's sad because they have been conditioned to never face and deal with pain.. They're especially my mother are forever trapped in the horrors of their childhoods..They honestly never grew up..I'm upward and onward but still have a strong sense of retribution against my mother for pain she inflicted on me and my father

    • @janglangmalatang7475
      @janglangmalatang7475 2 года назад +1

      Clint Barr… yeS me as well ahhhhhh 🙈😂

  • @niteal1255
    @niteal1255 2 года назад +748

    What is really hard is when you grow up in a narcissistic family and believe this behavior is normal, that is until you break away and get out into the real world. It never gets easy, the triangulation, scape goating, the lying. My only saving grace was thousands of miles.

    • @hazztv6317
      @hazztv6317 2 года назад +16

      So true.

    • @larrys.3992
      @larrys.3992 2 года назад +47

      I was part of a narcissistic family. Mother, brother and three sisters. What a mess! Once I realized what's going on. I am truly free now and at peace.

    • @bethhenkelman5249
      @bethhenkelman5249 2 года назад +44

      It has taken me 60+ years to realize my mom and sister’s behavior wasn’t normal.

    • @seanwilliams480
      @seanwilliams480 2 года назад +23

      Me too, 2,000 miles. And at times it still feels like not enough.

    • @wayneelliott1180
      @wayneelliott1180 2 года назад +28

      Yes, distance, time and education.

  • @conniegaylord5206
    @conniegaylord5206 2 года назад +363

    You just described my ex. He loved to make me cry. When he succeeded he would smile, not a big smile a little sneer. Like he got me where he wanted. Then I found he turned my brothers against me then worked on my youngest son etc...Left him after 35 yrs. Please don't wait as long as I did.

    • @aujkalenic4203
      @aujkalenic4203 2 года назад +11

      I'm with my Narc hubs for 46 yrs......I didn't even know what the condition was until 5-6 yrs ago. Unbelievable!

    • @ariannqueenn8575
      @ariannqueenn8575 2 года назад +23

      Once me & my ex broke up i lost sooo much weight . (I really looked sick ) i was depressed, wasn’t eating & missed him terribly. When he saw me , & how i wasn’t doing that well without him he had the same sneer on his face . It hurt my feelings cuz I’d never wana see him in distress. It took me a couple years to realize how manipulative he really was to me 🥺

    • @conniegaylord5206
      @conniegaylord5206 2 года назад +10

      @@ariannqueenn8575 I think that was when I realized how toxic our relationship was. When I tried to hurt him and realized how much it hurt me but I saw when he was hurting me and saw that smile then I knew that he didn't love me. Meaning because I loved him and by trying to hurt him I was also hurting myself so I immediately stopped. I realized then that his feelings for me wasn't love. I am glad you got out, I feel for those who never got out. ❤💔❤🤗

    • @Glenfern
      @Glenfern 2 года назад +3

      You are a Saint for staying so long.
      You're a very brave woman 🙏🇦🇺❤👏👏👏

    • @rootsychick2151
      @rootsychick2151 2 года назад +7

      I've been living with an orgre for 26 years, and it's only getting worse.

  • @emcarver8983
    @emcarver8983 29 дней назад +1

    Thank you so much for teaching us this without flashing lights, screaming bells and whistles. Just calm, straightforward talking. I have subscribed. Thank you xx

  • @aj402
    @aj402 2 года назад +1666

    She- “Youll never find anyone that cares like me.”
    Me- “God I hope youre right!”
    Celebrating 34 years of bliss this October with a woman that is nothing like the last one.

    • @Tre16
      @Tre16 2 года назад +38

      Yet here you are, 34 years later, still talking about her lol

    • @aj402
      @aj402 2 года назад +96

      @@Tre16
      I pretty much talk about whomever i want when ever i want but thanks for your input. Lol

    • @karis3647
      @karis3647 2 года назад +27

      I'm on year 10 with the love of my life after 8 years of hell with my narcissistic ex-husband.

    • @Akash-vf3ru
      @Akash-vf3ru 2 года назад +57

      @@Tre16 Topic of the video - Narcissistic people
      What he talked about - A narcissistic person
      What traits are you displaying right now - Read the title

    • @socratese5
      @socratese5 2 года назад +1

      Lol 😂

  • @sandrastaton19
    @sandrastaton19 Год назад +206

    My mother was a great teacher. After years of emotional abuse, confusion, and absolute hopelessness, I decided that I'd had enough. After two years of counseling and the love and support of my husband, son, grandchildren, and wholesome friends, I'm recovering. The toughest part for me was that my mother, the one I loved and trusted did this to me. I was a victim of emotional rape over and over again. And, oh what she put me through when I walked out of her life for six long years. Yes, she was the best teacher ever. And because of her, I can spot a narcissist a mile away. However, I still get fooled from time to time. But not for long. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend five minutes with a toxic person. Thank you for helping me as well as many others going through a terrible relationship.

    • @monaj33
      @monaj33 Год назад +4

      Beautiful and strong! You got this!

    • @Mairitas
      @Mairitas Год назад +2

      You are so brave. I have given up on many narcs but I hope to continue some relationships which haven't yet reached to the toxic part.. though I suspect I will regret this 🤭

    • @age93
      @age93 Год назад +1

      Do you feel it was worth the cost three years later?
      I still feel that I wish I could be ignorant again almost two years later.
      Betrayal trauma, emotional incest, ambiguous loss,and prolonged/complicated grief are words to describe this. It took me 18 months and immense confusion/pain to be able to wrap my mind around. Discovering that your reality was never real absolutely shell shocks and disorients you. With a narcissistic parent, you lose so much more than a relationship. Look up "dark night of the soul".

    • @tedthesailor172
      @tedthesailor172 Год назад +1

      Definitely agree. I take the view that no relationship with someone is preferable to a bad one...

    • @Aliciadorrell
      @Aliciadorrell Год назад

      I definitely agree with you also.

  • @bettyhouk8727
    @bettyhouk8727 2 года назад +227

    Alice,👍👍👍👍👍 I am 85 ,my husband of 60 years was a narcissistic egotistical man with Abandonment syndrome! He passed away in 2017 ! That’s when I felt I was o longer a prisoner! Now my days are joy and sunshine ! Good Luck 🍀 and HAPPINESS ALL THE DAYS OF YOU LIFE !🌞🌈🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻🎄

    • @MandyRRAh
      @MandyRRAh 2 года назад +15

      My 88 year old mother has been with my 89 year old father since they were teenagers. I think he finally scared her a couple of weeks ago. He started to physically hurt her ( the years of emotional abuse were horrendous) and she finally saw him the way the rest of us do, and put an end to it. I hope. We have been down a similar road before. My family is hoping that this time she really gets it and won't give him the opportunity to hoover and love bomb her back into it. Mum tried to "see it through" with him. It sounds like you did, Betty. I'm glad you are free.

    • @helenmygdal2368
      @helenmygdal2368 2 года назад +9

      You deserve a medal for staying with him all that time. Enjoy the rest of your days. You will get a reward in heaven!

    • @ginawiggles918
      @ginawiggles918 2 года назад +12

      I celebrate my freedom day every year (the day my mother died) with a nice treat for myself. It was a long wait for freedom, she died almost 4 years ago at 92. I'm 72 now & every day is a blessing.

    • @pamelajean1344
      @pamelajean1344 2 года назад +6

      Live long and prosper Betty.

    • @Theuniverseisstrange
      @Theuniverseisstrange 2 года назад +1

      You seem like a old bag of bones.

  • @JetBossLauraSavino
    @JetBossLauraSavino 6 месяцев назад +29

    Common practice is to convince you that ‘everyone’ agrees with them - about whatever they are accusing you of.

    • @ImNotaRussianBot
      @ImNotaRussianBot Месяц назад +1

      Yeah, the "No one thinks..." or "Everyone says..."
      My response is usually, "You asked everyone? Wow. How did you survey every human on earth and keep your job? You must be exhausted.

  • @inaj27
    @inaj27 2 года назад +369

    When I finally stood up to my narc “best friend “ i was discarded and since then I’ve had more peace ☮️ and less anxiety in my life . No more wasted time with someone who will use you .

    • @janetpattison8474
      @janetpattison8474 2 года назад +13

      Congratulations, and good job for seeing what was going on. I know it can be really hard, but u did it! It took me forever to see that all the years of nastiness has zero to do w/ love.

    • @kaznosa
      @kaznosa 2 года назад +8

      same! it's such a relief

    • @jerrodlopes186
      @jerrodlopes186 2 года назад +6

      Same here. It's happened to me over and over. No more narcs for me! Like you, I'm free!

    • @Scott-nr2ji
      @Scott-nr2ji 2 года назад +4

      @@jerrodlopes186 I'm glad you reply that. Because at the risk of looking like I call everyone narcs myself, it takes GUTS to say it's multiple people in this day and age. Gotta love how victim blamers try to twist around. But I go with my gut and I call it out. Whether it's narcissism or any form of disrespect or me allegedly being oversensitive or crazy or whatever, I'm not taking any more bullshit!

    • @godfirst9990
      @godfirst9990 2 года назад +8

      What i feel after braking up a 9 years of friendship with my best friend is like I'm a little bit messed up in the head.. i keep feeling like i wasted 9 years of my life...sometimes I'm in the room talking out loud with myself like people were there listening to me...it's the feeling that i was never been heard i didnt have a voice in the relationship and all...man im still trying to forgive myself for putting me thru it

  • @sandranatali1260
    @sandranatali1260 2 года назад +58

    Watching the Depp/Heard defamation trial, you have described Heard, especially the part where they go in for the kill. Destroying the life of the person who has become aware of their behavior. My sister and I are 3 years difference in age, you have described my sister to a tee. I have fallen for her apologies over the many years. I have allowed her behavior because of my mother, my children and her children. This past year after fighting the battle for over 50 years, with my mother gone, children grown (they too have realized the problems she inflicts on the family, some have walked away), I have closed the door on my relationship with her. I'm doing wonderful, my world is at peace. She is having a hard time, she calls anyone who will listen, cries, says she doesn't understand what she done. I use to get calls telling me about the calls they have received from her. I finally have to tell them, yes! I no longer want to deal with her at any level. If you believe her lies or want me to defend myself. My statement to them is; it's up to you to either believe her or not believe her, I don't want or need to defend myself because the bottom line is I don't care, nor am I waste anymore time on her. Finally I have allowed peace enter in my world and enjoying it. I told her I loved her, wanted only the best for, but the phone connection from my home to her home, no longer exists. This goodbye is forever. She was screaming at me as I hung up, that was 6 months ago. Hallelujah!

    • @sandranatali1260
      @sandranatali1260 2 года назад

      I have to add something to my original statement; when I finally made the split from my sister, I felt guilty. Why? Because she's my sister, I was brought up to believe family is our best friends. I guess I'm still struggling with that belief. I want it be true, but in my case it's not.It took awhile for me, while finding peace in my world, to realize that is not the case. That it was okay to enjoy my peace. I finally have come terms with some times family members can be destructive, and " running" away from them, is the right choice. Little by little, I'm finding out, she is without friends. I sometimes feel sorry for her, but know I can't. I have to protect myself, I can't protect her, it's not my job. My job is to take care of "ME". One more thing has taken place since I took her out of my life, my brother has added his 2 cents to my choice. I told him it was not his choice, that he was to respect my choice. Since then he has chosen to not speak to me. My attitude is we both have the right to not speak to each other, no matter how you feel. Not speaking to him, doesn't matter. I'll respect his choice. Peacefulness is needed!

  • @xenajade6264
    @xenajade6264 2 года назад +165

    In my experience they NEVER apologise. They have way too much pride. The words "I'm sorry" must never pass their lips. But they expect others to apologise all the time, and if you do say you're sorry (for something you haven't done) their response is often "so you should be!!"

    • @Jleed989
      @Jleed989 2 года назад +9

      Nor do they ever say thank you for anything good that you do for them

    • @xenajade6264
      @xenajade6264 2 года назад +4

      @@Jleed989 Very true, thank you is another thing they won't say. In fact they're more likely to find fault with the good thing you did. Mine would claim I was disrespecting him if I did something nice for him.... that i was implying he couldn't do it for himself. And of course I'd done it wrong and created more work for him as he'd have to undo it and re-do it to his own standards. Madness.

    • @deannang455
      @deannang455 2 года назад +2

      They twist everything around. They never take responsibility.
      Don't fall for when they are weak and needy. They switch to the tiger very soon. Run!

    • @emf49
      @emf49 2 года назад +4

      So true! Sometimes I apologize just to keep the peace but I really regret it when I hear those words…”You should be!” I guess they really are that predictable! 😂

    • @xenajade6264
      @xenajade6264 2 года назад +5

      @@emf49 yes very predictable. They're not individual personalities, they are a type. You're in a relationship with a programmed set of behaviours...sounds extreme but that's my observation and I've had a lot of them in my life 😣
      All the best to you 💚

  • @fayreynolds
    @fayreynolds 10 месяцев назад +4

    After a marriage of 33 years, I realised nothing would change, so I left. All those behaviours mentioned, the begging, crying, happened and promises of change etc with not one apology for anything! plus running me down to everyone, but I held fast. I felt very isolated, having to leave my life and friends and move to the city, but knew distance was needed. In time I realised how much happier my life was and around 12 years ago, so 8 years after I left the marriage, he tried to do one last traumatic thing to me. But I stood up for myself, followed my heart, didn’t cave in and I’ve not had any issues since, so a peaceful happy life is mine now. Oh and he has shown his true colours to his extended family and said and done some appalling things to them too. I sometimes feel sorry for him as his behaviour has isolated him so much! But it feeds his victim mentality. I clearly remember the feeling of a physical weight being lifted off me in the decision to leave.

  • @TruthLovingHippy
    @TruthLovingHippy Год назад +118

    Oh my goodness. I’m in the process of leaving a 22 year abusive relationship with a narcissist. When I left I made sure that every conversation was in writing. Every one. He’s financially destroyed me. Alienated me from my son, friends, everything. The lengths he’s gone to in order to destroy me has honestly been impressive and disgusting. My friend who was a divorce paralegal said she’s never seen the amount of complete evidence I have how it’s mind boggling to have everything in his words and then to be where we are today. It’s been insane while I still sit here and try to fight for my son with no attorney or money while he has 3 attorneys and is living in my home with his girlfriend. After this experience I’m determined to help others who find themselves in this situation. I will NEVER give a narcissist a second chance again. Ever. Things NEVER change. Ever.

    • @mjremy2605
      @mjremy2605 Год назад +8

      I hear you. Mine did the same. He is bipolar + malignant Narc! What a combo. He tried to break me, but he did not win. He broke instead, ha ha ha! He took everything but lost it too. In the end, I'm laughing at him.

    • @Indigoblue642
      @Indigoblue642 Год назад +6

      I get you, my covert narcissist ex took my teen daughters it was horrific. Eventually my girls figured him out and resumed contact with me. He did all the text book abusive things where children are involved. Police stated he was the most psychologically abusive man for intensity and duration they had ever come across.

    • @TruthLovingHippy
      @TruthLovingHippy Год назад +6

      @@Indigoblue642 wow!!! Thank you so much for sharing and for giving me a glimmer of hope.
      Unfortunately my adult daughter has been caught up in it too and I’m finding things out that she’s done this past year to my reputation and it’s horrifying.

    • @Indigoblue642
      @Indigoblue642 Год назад

      @@TruthLovingHippy it’s awful! My girls still have a relationship (of sorts) with their father but it is far more on their terms…. They know “ he’s a waste of space and not like other folk’s dads”. Yes they acted as his “flying monkeys” for a number of years , yes he poisoned them against their grandparents/aunt/uncle and several family friends. I have read and done loads of work on myself and it is paying off. Quote from “in sheep’s clothing “ has been helpful saying children of covert narcissists often don’t get it until their 30’s. They have to get life experience and interact with non abusive people and often have children before it all clicks into place. My girls are now very good at weeding “toxic” people out of their lives saying they don’t have time for “drama” and a healthy positive vibe is extremely important for them. The important thing was them seeing us separately and noting his behaviour and contrasting it with mine. Actions speak louder than words.

    • @alabaster193
      @alabaster193 11 месяцев назад +7

      @@TruthLovingHippy You're not the only one. I threw out my narc husband 20 years ago. I have one son and three daughters. It's a long story but he enabled my 2 youngest daughters to do whatever they wanted and they turned on me. Maybe they were destined to be like him but I went through hell emotionally before I finally had to just let them go. I tried for years to fix things and they took advantage of my good nature. They just became backstabbers and liars like him. My oldest, my son, and my second born who is their older sister have no contact with them either. I'm so sorry that your daughter is doing this to you. When kids that were once the joys of your life turn on you, it's very painful. Please take care of yourself. I don't feel like I want to see them again. I've suffered too much.

  • @baptizedbyfire13
    @baptizedbyfire13 2 года назад +522

    The worst part of dealing with these people is looking back on the "relationship" and wondering if it was really your fault. I had my share of natural faults. No one is perfect, especially me I was always open to grow ; to communicate and work through these faults or disagreements. I thought I was going crazy at one point, ruminating on what I did wrong. I even questioned myself as to ask "am I the narcissist"?

    • @realKHz
      @realKHz 2 года назад +66

      the majority of people that encounter narcs feel like they may be the narc themselves. know that you're probably not

    • @ericmann1781
      @ericmann1781 2 года назад +24

      The only way to "deal" with them is to simply assume an arrogant mentality and firmly believe in yourself, which could easily lead one to question themselves.
      There will be doubt, but don't ever cave in to it, you can re-evaluate yourself to become a better person once you're out of there.
      It is ironic though, that although I mimicked my narcissist ex in order to defend myself and to teach them a hard lesson, I became more patient and understanding of people in general after the fact.
      That doesn't mean I will ever stand down in the face of another narcissist abuser though, I will out petty and twist back the fairy tale narrative and accusations these abusive people create with simple logic and gleefully so long as I live.

    • @European-Okie1986
      @European-Okie1986 2 года назад +18

      I have called out my daughter being a Narcissist. Now she goes around calling me one.

    • @fritula6200
      @fritula6200 2 года назад +23

      You fell into their trap. What happens to you, you end up.... excuse me expression...'their lap dog', so that you never leave or divorce them. You end up being a slave to their sick emotions!

    • @ericmann1781
      @ericmann1781 2 года назад +40

      @@European-Okie1986 Ahh the good old "projection" trick, where everything bad about them is magically everyone else around them, because nothing is ever their fault.

  • @Scott-nr2ji
    @Scott-nr2ji 2 года назад +201

    5:20--"Deliberately misinterpreting you!" Thank you so much for saying this. This helps expedite the healing I am succeeding at at the moment from these monsters

    • @pex_the_unalivedrunk6785
      @pex_the_unalivedrunk6785 2 года назад +9

      For real....that has happened to me all the time. They always try to make you feel like the bad guy even if you're good. It's like opposite day with them.

    • @ImTJandMJ
      @ImTJandMJ 2 года назад +4

      @@pex_the_unalivedrunk6785 This guy that I've been dating for 7years on and off used to make me feel like I was crazy for being logical and sometimes I would almost fall for it.. well I got tired of my area that I live in a relocated about 7 states over and now he's suddenly asking me to have a baby get married and thing that will "keep us tied together forever" I didn't realized how much of a narcissist he was until I he said that out loud and basically told me he could love me better if he had more control over me. I love him to death but I know better and he has already done unforgivable things to me and I just don't want to end up stuck with him or at least if I'm thatbdumb I need the tools to deal with the shenanigans and handle my anxieties

    • @pex_the_unalivedrunk6785
      @pex_the_unalivedrunk6785 2 года назад +2

      @@ImTJandMJ It's all about the Shenanigans! (Throwing up 1,000 bills with Joker faces on them instead of Benjamin Franklin.)
      I tend to attract some of the worst kind of people...and I learned to live with it(or more likely die with it, LoL 🤣 )
      It's all about the ladder they fooled us all into climbing, and what we're willing to do in order to reach the next rung up, and to kick down at those below us, lest they usurp us and cause us to fall.
      Been studying hoomans from all walks of life for many of their solar rotations, my hypothesis has been proven, all that remains is the signal I sent out to be received and then my HQ at Zebulon V will decide what to do with these life forms next.

    • @ajmaqtarot3844
      @ajmaqtarot3844 2 года назад +3

      Exactly... I remember I had to "explain" normal things .... good riddance to these toxics

  • @Maggie-yv7qq
    @Maggie-yv7qq 10 месяцев назад +75

    My husband screamed in my face " I don't want to live with you any more" what a relief that was for me. Putting up with his narcissistic ways drove me crazy always thinking I did something wrong. His punishment was to give me the silent treatment for weeks on end. Then tell his friends what I constantly did wrong ..... he's been gone now for 3 months and I don't miss being married to that man.... he will never contact me because I found him out for what he is. I'm now 71 and should have freed myself years ago. A big thank you for your advice 😊

  • @KiltedDaddyBear
    @KiltedDaddyBear 2 года назад +164

    The best solution is - end all connections, and if this requires time to make happened - take the time in an plan to end the abuse. But, end it.

    • @dougitk
      @dougitk 2 года назад +2

      I did this but I lost my children for 20 years as the believed all her shit. Only now 20 years later they are starting to come back. I have had no contact at all with my Ed wife for those wonyears once the extremely bitter divorce proceedings were over, she still had all the assets and wealth. I live on the fore niece. But I am happy. I doubt she is

    • @wholeness5871
      @wholeness5871 2 года назад +1

      Thank you, best advice yet & im making a plan now!

    • @juliemanarin4127
      @juliemanarin4127 2 года назад +1

      Too bad my narcissist is my sister

    • @sylviatownsend410
      @sylviatownsend410 2 года назад

      I planned how I was going to leave my ex for several years before I decided to do it. I listened to and read everything I could on women and divorce. I managed to get a relationship with a bank so I could get my own credit in case we divorced. I figured out how to keep the house for awhile and get him to leave instead of having to leave myself. As a result I had it a lot easier when I actually went through with it.

    • @MariaMaria-wv1sy
      @MariaMaria-wv1sy 2 года назад

      Money

  • @Localtuff
    @Localtuff 2 года назад +254

    After many years of physical then verbal abuse, I finally told my father to either speak to me with respect, or don’t speak to me at all. He said “have a nice life,” and I haven’t spoken to him since.

    • @victoriousjoy9338
      @victoriousjoy9338 2 года назад +20

      That takes courage and it's totally worth it!@

    • @AzzekaTheRealOne
      @AzzekaTheRealOne 2 года назад +16

      You are describing world leaders, celebs, and World Elites: Klaus Schwab, Faucci, Hollywood, MSM, Yuval Harrai, Politicians, etc.

    • @dianasimms1810
      @dianasimms1810 2 года назад +25

      He’s a fool. I’m sorry to hear this. I told my mother the other day to treat me with respect in my home. I’m sure I won’t hear from her either.

    • @robynbateman5963
      @robynbateman5963 2 года назад +6

      You are so lucky ! Quick and easy finish. I hope you are not grieving. Even toxic people tug at our heart strings. It's about us, not them. We who love are the lucky ones. Imagine living in a world with others who have real feelings. real emotions. And you struggle to 'relate'. I feel sorry for my narcissist. What a way to live your life !

    • @cynthiafortier2540
      @cynthiafortier2540 2 года назад +10

      Good for you, you are the winner here.

  • @ritabenefield7351
    @ritabenefield7351 2 года назад +208

    I was told I was nothing more the the kitchen table and that I needed to check in to a mental hospital because I was going mad.
    It took 32 years to leave but I’ve now had 17 wonderful years on my own and plenty more happy years to come!

    • @debmorley4147
      @debmorley4147 2 года назад +12

      My sister is in a relationship like this and finally sees him for what he is. Now the fight for freedom begins. 💜

    • @markanderson5809
      @markanderson5809 2 года назад +4

      Right ON!!!

    • @AngieValentine17
      @AngieValentine17 2 года назад +7

      It took me 30 years to leave

    • @laurahallam8768
      @laurahallam8768 2 года назад +9

      Lol, my ex tried to tell me I was bipolar!

    • @carolynsirianni1251
      @carolynsirianni1251 2 года назад +7

      58 for me, so I hear you. This wasn’t even talked about in the 60’s& 70’s when I was a little girl being abused. I’m glad for the younger people that they will know sooner what’s really going on. I lived in fear every day growing up& learned to isolate very well, which I work on as best as I can with my PTSD, it’s really CPTSD, meaning more then one time. Yet the association for Psychiatrists “still” don’t consider CPTSD , and count it as real. I could tell them and I’m sure many others can tell them it’s REAL. Jeez I went no contact finally, best thing I ever did for myself, 2 years ago. No contact is the best thing one can do, if that’s possible for them. Take it easy people.

  • @elysianfields8461
    @elysianfields8461 6 месяцев назад +2

    Amazing that so much human destruction can be intellegently summized in a 10 minute video! Narcissism is devastating! Thank you, Dr Magee for sharing these insights! Much appreciated!!

  • @HareCreek76
    @HareCreek76 2 года назад +328

    Everything you stated in this video is 100 percent accurate. I was married for 18 years to a man who was a narcissist. I had no words for what it was at the time until I finally got out and away from all of the abusive crazy making behavior. I’ve been out for almost 5 years and it’s only been about 1 year that I have had peace since going zero contact once my son graduated high school. I’ve changed states and left just about everyone I ever knew behind. I’m still healing and learning. Thank you for this video. Everything you stated that the narcissist will do happened in my situation. I didn’t imagine it and I’m not crazy. Thank you for the validation.

    • @royferguson3909
      @royferguson3909 2 года назад +3

      your a pretty lady, and you deserve a happy life .


      not much to ask

    • @gavinghaddab1969
      @gavinghaddab1969 2 года назад +1

      Question what drew you to the man and to marry and have children....

    • @artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537
      @artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537 2 года назад +13

      Did 25 years with a covert narc. Now ex. She found the things I loved and methodically weaponized them against me, including my children. I’ve been Out for a year and doing better, living for me with a purpose. More peace to you I hope. You’ve earned it. ❤️ ♥️ 💜

    • @chandrafox3761
      @chandrafox3761 2 года назад +6

      Laura Ross. Thank you for your comment. It really helped.

    • @maryanngarcia3080
      @maryanngarcia3080 2 года назад +16

      My narcissist ic husband died. I felt sad for a bit. Then it suddenly hit me that I was free of him. What a liberating feeling. It felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.

  • @jeanettecook1088
    @jeanettecook1088 2 года назад +197

    They punish you, that's what. Stalking, silent treatment, lying, accusing.... punishment.
    Edit: after 35+ years of no contact with my covert narc mother, she suddenly sent me a message via another relative. The message was one of "concern".... she said she was concerned about me. Wow! I did not respond.
    Whenever a narc says he or she is "concerned" about you, run! There is no concern, it's a ruse. It's the same old control game.
    The real reason she tried to get me back is that her "set is incomplete"... that is, she can only talk about three, not four, of her children. It makes her feel awkward when telling stories to her neighbors.
    The very best thing I can do is to never respond. 🎉 then I will have the last 😂!

    • @MJ-qb5ph
      @MJ-qb5ph 2 года назад +5

      Yep

    • @wayneelliott1180
      @wayneelliott1180 2 года назад +11

      ...slandering, baiting, provoking, claiming fear of you...They have a relentless to-do list.

    • @qq84
      @qq84 2 года назад +6

      @@wayneelliott1180 Especially slandering defaming, they go to great length to do that.

    • @elenaappleton2932
      @elenaappleton2932 2 года назад +4

      Yes!

    • @lovelylife1896
      @lovelylife1896 2 года назад +5

      Yes! Heavy on punishment smh it's so sad ...it's so sick that they actually get off on it

  • @tamsynbouttell8184
    @tamsynbouttell8184 2 года назад +77

    When I called my mother out on her gaslighting and narcissistic behaviours she proceeded to scream at me that I was the worst child, she regretted having me, told me I was worthless and would never amount to anything, told me to go take drugs because that's all I'm good at (I dont take drugs, i dont even drink) and that i was her biggest disappointment.
    I went no contact in about January 2020 and I've never looked back. She still sends me generic messages on my birthday and on Christmas she was 'kind' enough to send me a picture of the set table she had for family Christmas lunch that I wasn't invited to.
    Everytime it just reinforces why I went no contact. Since then my life has become so peaceful and my self esteem has improved drastically. I will never understand a mother who builds herself up by breaking her children down.

    • @doreenblatz2440
      @doreenblatz2440 2 года назад

      Good for you. What an ugly thing to do to a daughter, sending pictures of a dinner table where your not invited. Hang in there, you will never have peace until you cut her off totally. I speak from experience. For me it’s been 10 peaceful years. Best decision I ever made.

    • @bf6048
      @bf6048 2 года назад +8

      Mine died doing this to me. I haven’t missed her a day. My life is much better w/o her in it.

    • @1766584
      @1766584 2 года назад

      I can relate🙏🏽

    • @v2807
      @v2807 2 года назад

      I’m sorry you had such a bad mother! No one deserves that. Glad you’re free of her.

  • @tina8796
    @tina8796 6 месяцев назад +38

    They tell lies on you and threaten you. Try to turn others against you

    • @vodkavuitton
      @vodkavuitton 6 месяцев назад +2

      Aka they crash out & lose control 😂😢

    • @tina8796
      @tina8796 6 месяцев назад +2

      @@vodkavuitton a "friend" today can be an enemy tomorrow. be careful you befriend

    • @KatieHiggins-hc1ph
      @KatieHiggins-hc1ph 5 месяцев назад +1

      And often succeed 🥹

    • @Oceansgreen
      @Oceansgreen 5 месяцев назад

      Especially your family… in my case, my daughters.. tells lies about me to them, twists things I’ve said and done to make me out a terrible person… and the worst part is, you rarely get the chance to defend yourself because your not challenged about it…,99% of the time, the narc gets away with what they’ve said about you.

  • @Pisnack
    @Pisnack 2 года назад +207

    Cut contact if at all possible. Or limit it as much as you can. There is no other way to deal with narcissist. They will drain you and in the end it will affect your self esteem and joy which can take years to get back. So get out as quick and deceisive as you can - or go grey rock. Thank you for using the word “victim” - that is how it feels.

    • @mwilder000
      @mwilder000 2 года назад +4

      Without knowing the term, I tried to perfect “gray rocking” in therapy to deal with my mother over more than 20yrs. It only took me so far. She was relentless. I finally cut ties 2 yrs ago and they’ve been the most peaceful 2 yrs of my life, even through a pandemic.

    • @nabeelasvision7410
      @nabeelasvision7410 2 года назад

      What is grey rock?? I didn't understand.

    • @Pisnack
      @Pisnack 2 года назад +11

      @@nabeelasvision7410 Grey rock is responding like a grey rock when the narcissist talks to you. Essentially not saying anything only yes and no and not revealing any information og engaging in anyway.
      I think it is best to cut contact completely if you can. The only alternative is grey rock but that way you stille have contact from time to time.

    • @gatita33D
      @gatita33D 2 года назад

      I completely agree, my mom started with trying to hold my financially hostage when I was a student, when I broke away from that she resorted to sending messages about “important things” and when that didn’t work she used the fact that my grandma was in the hospital as point to reach out. Tbh I’ve kind of completely cut of that side of the family because they enable her but also because they have this very toxic “family is everything and you never turn your back on family” mentality

    • @pierrettebell105
      @pierrettebell105 2 года назад

      I left my narcissistic ex, I blocked him on all social media but I work with him . I have set boundaries, he fails with that and thinks we can be friends . I said no we can't.

  • @jamielawrence4749
    @jamielawrence4749 2 года назад +239

    The "purposely misinterpreting" really gets me every time! Helpful to know/remember that they know what they are doing, and not actually being hurt by something "awful" I did, etc. Thank you!

    • @henrietta9206
      @henrietta9206 2 года назад +1

      purposely mis interpreting is the same as "changing narratives". if u had a tougher day, say u "have a tough day" they will change that narrative and say "no, your day was great".

    • @darcee3350
      @darcee3350 2 года назад

      If you don't go along with their ridiculous demands, they start gaslighting you to anyone and everyone that knows you. Pathetic, weak, self-loathing, miserable individuals is what they are. They're so desperate to have their lives validated, they prey on people they think they can get the better of and pretend to have your best interest at heart. The problem is they are heartless and have no soul. Run, don't walk away from them if you ever want peace in your life again. They will never be at peace with themselves and they will never change. There is no amount of money, no material possession that will make it worth having to deal with them.

  • @kevinlogiudice5458
    @kevinlogiudice5458 2 года назад +93

    When’s the last time a narcissist came up to you asked “how are you doing”?
    Let that sink in. . .

    • @anabellaparis1
      @anabellaparis1 2 года назад +2

      Rarely

    • @mko-ai
      @mko-ai 2 года назад +5

      This one hurt. It made me realize that he never asked me that. I always asked him if he was happy, and how was his mind etc. He never asked me.

    • @ankitadhopte5272
      @ankitadhopte5272 2 года назад +2

      This is so true.

    • @ARI-wc6xd
      @ARI-wc6xd 2 года назад +7

      They do ask that, but they don't give a shit about it.

    • @justwatchingstuffhere
      @justwatchingstuffhere 2 года назад +3

      All the time, but the only acceptable answer is good or okay.

  • @katejones2172
    @katejones2172 19 дней назад +2

    You have a lovely voice & a good pace not too slow not too rushed that is very important to me thank you

  • @aswini4222
    @aswini4222 2 года назад +141

    Keeping up their ‘charming appearance’ to the outside world is also such a big trait. To their victim, they will probably never apologize for their biggest errors, but the moment they step into their workplace or a gathering, they will be extra apologetic about any little mistake, will be extra nice to people around. Mind you, if the victim is also present in such a public setting, they will never acknowledge their presence, but watch like a hawk from a distance who he or she is speaking with.

    • @st_cho3137
      @st_cho3137 2 года назад +3

      Omg this is so me.... :(

    • @martinnevey7258
      @martinnevey7258 2 года назад +17

      Yep you have nailed it...super nice etc...the victim can see the behaviour shift better than anyone else....treat you like shit then stand with others and be the person you want them to be with you...you point it out and its your imagination (gaslighting) such a headfk...when kids are involved and you can't leave its nothing short of torture....very slowly watching your own self slide out of view...

    • @jkcliff2956
      @jkcliff2956 Год назад +7

      Yep. My mother had people convinced that she was the sweetest person in the world. I knew what she was like behind closed doors, but very few believed me.

    • @samanthanewman6431
      @samanthanewman6431 Год назад +3

      So I'm not crazy! This happens all the time to me!!

    • @Mairitas
      @Mairitas Год назад +1

      Omg, I feel so validated..my ex pretended he hardly knows me at the events 🫣

  • @wfcoaker1398
    @wfcoaker1398 2 года назад +129

    Basic question to ask yourself: do I want to deal with this drama or not? You don't have to put up with it. Sometimes it feels brutal to protect yourself, but these people will damage you.

    • @wfcoaker1398
      @wfcoaker1398 2 года назад +3

      @Obscura You gotta take your joys where you find them, and I imagine it's pretty joy inducing to know you're not letting yourself be victimized and you're getting one up on the abuser. I'm kind of envious. I had to go no contact with the knowledge that the only revenge I could get was to not feed the fire. It worked, but I'll never get revenge.

    • @bf6048
      @bf6048 2 года назад +1

      Agreed

    • @bretakearns-gillis4133
      @bretakearns-gillis4133 2 года назад +1

      I let the entirety of my narcissistic family ruin my entire life. I let them do that. For the first almost 40 years I had been put down, cursed, made fun of, just belittled by my family, my own daughter and all their friends I truly thought it was me that had all these things wrong with me. I was called Stupid. Dumb. Crazy. Ugly. Hateful. Ignorant.... I could go on and on. I was an embarrassment to my family I was told. Again, being divorced after my daughter was born I went back home to live with my parents. I financially had no other place to go so they got me back. They got Cinderella back in their possession. All this abuse I took was also learned behavior by my child growing up in the same household. As most of my family have passed away now except for two brothers which have nothing to do with me, my daughter still talks down to me. In fact she's talks so ugly to me. I can't even put into words how bad she speaks to me and of me. I say nothing. It makes it worse. I have lived my life without any self esteem. So embarrassed of myself. Believing I was dumb and stupid. To this day it's still with me. I don't think I'll ever recover from the deepest hurt I've ever felt. I loved all of them. I was their maid. I was their cook. I was their errand person. Just anything anytime they spoke I jumped to do it for them. This being said, I was stupid big time! I'm one of five siblings. Three brothers and one sister. Until twelve years ago I tried a lifetime to somehow earn her love? Get her to love me? Is there such a thing? Anyway, I stopped all contact with her. It was such a relief as I was so tired of waiting on her. In our family she was the greatest. The Queen. Every single thing had to be handed to her because she was overweight. Yeah. Overweight. After I cut myself off from her completely it was then I actually realized that she was the meanest person I've ever known in my life. I'm talking like The Devil in Person. The most evil of EVIL. This was my sister. I gotta stop here for now. I'm upsetting myself....

    • @janetpattison8474
      @janetpattison8474 2 года назад +1

      EXACTLY. Narcs seem to believe that the victim owes it to them to stay, but when we wake up, we see it’s a choice to take the abuse or let go, and create a new life.

  • @sashakartus3435
    @sashakartus3435 2 года назад +127

    All my life I was trying to figure out what is wrong with my sister. I never met anybody even close like her. Until one day I was listening a psychologist here on RUclips talking about this. Narcissistic person. I have a goosebumps how accurate they described my sister ! This video is one of the best if not the best ever. Right to the point. I moved from Europe to Oregon and there is Atlantic Ocean and the whole USA between us but she is still trying to control me. Make it short, when she can’t, she is trying to turn my children against me and when they come back from visiting her in Europe they were very upset with me how can I be so bad when she loves me so much. What else to say? Never ending story.

    • @texastea5686
      @texastea5686 2 года назад +3

      Ugh sorry =(

    • @dianemitchell1717
      @dianemitchell1717 2 года назад +6

      My younger brother is a narcissist. He controlled my parents and harangued them for money which he got. He tried to turn my older brother against me and my parents also. In the end he lost his brother and all his nieces and nephews bc they saw what he was doing. We all were better for it. Luckily I live 500 miles away so he can’t do me any damage. I hope your children will see what your sister is doing eventually. Good luck.

    • @lbeau061
      @lbeau061 2 года назад +11

      Send this video to your kids.

    • @cryptocritical
      @cryptocritical 2 года назад +8

      I've got sister issues as well. Not sure if she is an exact fit for this but I don't know what to do. I've made my share of mistakes.
      When I decided to get married she didn't speak to me for 9 months because of the person I chose. I still had to drop her off at home every evening and she sat with her back to me in the car all the way until she got out.
      I feel as if everything is always my fault for months some of my family never spoke to me or had any interaction with me such as inviting me over for dinners or a get together. She can hold a grudge like no other. There are probably things I don't even know I have done as I sometimes feel I never got a copy of the rule book.

    • @oneseeker2
      @oneseeker2 2 года назад +16

      WHY are they visiting her!

  • @GregsWorkshopOregon
    @GregsWorkshopOregon 2 года назад +241

    My final meeting with my mom ended when she said "Oh, I see. You're approaching this from a purely logical perspective instead of an emotional one". She left shortly after, having realized that without my emotions she had no power in the relationship.

  • @TheTrevie
    @TheTrevie 2 года назад +123

    My family and I are experiencing exactly what is being explained here. I can attest to the need for people to separate themselves from this toxic type of relationship. People will and do get seriously hurt or even die when a narcissistic person is allowed to ruin their lives. STOP ALL CONTACT! Thank you, Darren Magee.

    • @busynana7917
      @busynana7917 2 года назад +8

      If you have children together you just can’t do that unfortunately

    • @birgitmelzer4191
      @birgitmelzer4191 2 года назад +4

      I can only agree. Sad, but true. Tried many times to heal with my family, but was disappointed every time. And even more broken. Stop wanting to be part of their life.

    • @therealjesuschristreincarn5095
      @therealjesuschristreincarn5095 2 года назад

      OH MY GOD!!! MY Narcissist FAMILY HAS STRONG Connections TO COURPT GOVERNMENT AND COURPT LAW ENFORCEMENT. THEY HAVE CHASED ME TO THE ENDS OF THE Earth!!! I HAVE MOVED THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY FROM THEM AND HAVE HAD NO PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH THEM SINCE SINCE DECEMBER 2021. YET I AM STILL STALKED , SPIED ON AND HUNTED DOWN BY A HUGE NETWORK OF COURPT LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES 24/7 JUST LIKE I WAS FOR YEAR'S BEFORE I FINALLY FLED THE STATE WHERE I GREW UP!!! I AM CURRENTLY IN THE HOSPITAL. RECOVERING FROM NEARLY BEING MURDERED In THE MOST UNCONSCIOUS ABLE WAY!!!

    • @sylviatownsend410
      @sylviatownsend410 2 года назад

      @@busynana7917 True, having children together really forces you to have a relationship of sorts until the children are grown. I am so grateful that my ex and I never had any children together.

  • @rocknrolla2426
    @rocknrolla2426 2 года назад +347

    Character assassination is one of the most difficult things to deal with. You will find those around you looking at you sideways and acting "off" around you. It's confusing.

    • @moralityisnotsubjective5
      @moralityisnotsubjective5 2 года назад +11

      I wonder what would happen if you asked the other people if that sounds like you at all. Is that the person they have always known when it comes to you?

    • @helengibbs3153
      @helengibbs3153 2 года назад +19

      Yep, left a church community I'd been part of for 25 years because my partner's ex spun a victim narrative that had everyone shunning him and looking at me sideways. Over a decade with him and he's the kindest lovingest man ever but she stripped him of so much.

    • @helengibbs3153
      @helengibbs3153 2 года назад +10

      @@rocknrolla2426 my partner and I have managed to find our place and our peace. Its had big costs but we are content. I'm just getting ready for bed, he's off to work in a half hour to a really humble job that his ex would have been scornful about. Me, I celebrate his effort to help share the load of caring for my elderly mother by taking this job. Good luck on your journey

    • @JK-vy8vh
      @JK-vy8vh 2 года назад +4

      Just family tho they can’t hide what others see u doing so cover yourself and never let them pull that bs.

    • @rocknrolla2426
      @rocknrolla2426 2 года назад +7

      @@KH-hs5xv You most likely aren't. Luckily the narcissist in my family is known to be what she is. The whole family knows her games. The damage she has done throughout the years is horrible though.

  • @gobrad
    @gobrad Месяц назад +1

    Thank you so much for this video… you explain everything so clear and your accent greatly adds to that…
    I’m going through 7 years of this torment by a woman, it’s so difficult to express!! I’m on lockdown 24/7 and constantly accountable for my whereabouts! She got rid of all my friends, and I cannot go out to socialise! She has her own house, I have mine, but even drops shipping to my door so I don’t leave to go to the shops!! She recently crashed her car into a tree damaging her pancreas and remaining with one damaged kidney, to which I continue to see her 11 months after the incident which was to get attention! Nothing has changed! I am desperately trying to get out if it that my family are so concerned…
    She met all of my side, been in my home practically living with me, yet her side remains a mystery to me… 🙈