I'm a Mental Health Professional. This guy describes NPD very accurately. I'm very impressed with his honesty and his determination to overcome his narcissism. He is right by saying there is no cure for NPD but in 5 years of therapy he has learned coping mechanism which helps him in his relationships with other people especially with his wife. I salute this man!
There is a cure actually, though its effect is 100% dependent on you. I was a diagnosed narcissist, at 26 at the peak of my narcissism I took LSD for the first time (a very high dose), I had an ego death and when I came back to being myself once again, it changed something in me. First I realized my whole concept of reality and self was wrong, then started seeing through everyone else's eyes. I dismantled myself to the core, basically self applying CBT, NLP and a lot of philosophies my mind now allows me to envision without actually reading or even knowing about them (back at that point), because that leap from analytical mind to amorphous mind allowed me to shape reality and self as I pleased, with 100% objectivity. First I gained cognitive empathy but after rewinding scenes systematically in movies and tv shows in order to look at it from a different perspective each time until I clicked with the feelings of the character and sort of "got into her head" and then started crying. Nowadays I cry a lot from excitement or sad news or just beauty, but it happens only if I allow myself to dig deeper that feeling, I still have the ability to switch off emotion almost entirely and look at the world as raw data with no emotion behind it. First I was basically spineless because I had to make up for all the shit I've done and said, and anything FOR ME felt like regressing back to narcissism, so it was hard until I found the right balance, but my core will always see everyone as myself and try to bring as much kindness and I can, as for treating them as myself I try my hardest, quite hard nowadays but I'm completely aware of any thought process, feeling, perception, mistake and even knowing why I'm wrong while feeling 100% right. It can be done, but it probably won't. I remember the old me as a past life, it doesn't feel like me. This is what reborn looks like.
@@socratese5Because the achievement of knowledge doesn't necessarily change your reality. Let's say you see a red apple; a person comes telling you it's actually blue, you think they're lying. 10 come, you think they're crazy. A million people telling you it's blue, you understand that your reality is messed up, but no matter how much you'd repeat "blue blue blue", it's just a word, in its core the color will always remain red in your eyes. Same with narcissists. Knowledge doesn't change thought process or reality, this is the mind's work to change reality, and I was able only because of psychedelics.
I strongly felt it when he said “like I’m on autopilot” I also feel like that a lot, most of the time I’m present and it’s me doing it, but it’s like a part of me is sort of just looking, am I a narcissist?
Love that he mentioned his wife trying to fix him by loving him harder and how that doesn't work. That's hard for a lot of people to hear sometimes because they think it's about them. Hats off to you!
People really need to hear that. Too often, narcissists seek empathetic people, because those are the only ones that will put up w/ their crap for any length of time. The unfortunate empaths really need to hear that there is no loving this person out of it. It only ends up as more undeserved punishment for them. There are different types of narcissists and Lee isn't malignant. If my ex is indeed a narcissist, he's not malignant either, but he's extremely selfish and lacks empathy, so the result is repeated mental cruelty and manipulation. The only way is to let go. You may love them, but they don't love you. I'm still struggling w/ the fact that I don't even really love him either. What I loved what who I thought he was, or could be (once things went permanently sideways), and what I thought the relationship was. I was pretty much in love w/ a vapour. It's still hard though, because getting over the emotional damage of all the lying, cheating and sneaking is brutal. I truly empathize w/ all who are still struggling to hang in, or who are wiser now and trying to get over the aftermath. Five months since I finally kicked him out, and I'm still struggling w/ the aftermath. It's a bit easier now, but damn is the insecurity and trust issues going to take some time yet.
@@pgdarling301 Still trying to sort it out, but feeling a bit differently about that 3 weeks later w/ better information. I would highly recommend a channel called Heal NPD, by a compassionate doctor that treats NPD. It's not like I'm backsliding to let my compassion be weaponized, or thinking I can salvage anything w/ my ex, but have found a way to personalize it less. If he does have NPD, it takes much of the sting out. Relationship is still as toasted and futile, but I did tell him I thought he had some level of NPD, and he admitted he's suspected he might be narcissist awhile back. Might take some explaining there's a big difference between the perjorative, "narcissist" as an asshole that hunts us down to abuse us, and someone suffering terribly w/ a personality disorder, who is maladaptive and ends up hurting people because he can't connect w/ himself in a healthy way, let alone others longterm and well. It went way better than the Dr. Ramani's claim it does for us. He actually took it in the kind spirit I meant it. If gets help for him, great. I made it clear it has nothing to do w/ us.
@@chrise.9316 Thank you for the cheer first off, that's kind of you. It was a really hard choice to leave him after 10 years, and it took cheating and constant lying to get me there. I don't know how superficial it all was, I just know it wasn't love at the end. I'm trying to take whatever lessons need to be learned, so that I don't feel like that 10 years was all a waste. This may sound odd to many here, but I'm not a fan of Dr. Ramani. I've watched her a bit, but too many channels like hers cultivate such deep resentments against those w/ NPD who've hurt us. Yes, we have to realize we've been short changed and they can't have deep relationships and work things out, but it's the second guessing of all their motives. I've found channels like Heal NPD, Dr. Ruth Ann and the Nameless Narcissist more helpful in helping me get past things.
I think this lad enjoys being a narcissist and the attention he gets as a result. But wait … this is what being a narcissist is all about! It’s easy to tell by his eyes that he is detached from others. I feel bad for his wife.
This has me in tears.. I've been in therapy for 8 years trying to figure out what's wrong with me, found out its PTSD from narcissistic abuse for 38 years.. starting with grandpa's, dad, and 5 relationships.. I'm very thankful for this honesty... I hope that my last ex can learn to cope. He's a mild covert narcissist who I love very much, and I think he might be on the spectrum.. I'm thankful for this.. it helps me understand him so much
Nope. Not on the spectrum! I tried to explain away a close friends narcissism by convincing myself he was on the spectrum but after years of him messing with my emotions I realised I was just subconsciously trying to make excuses for him and his shitty behaviour. So I got rid of him and my life’s been better ever since.
The best quotes ever: “You give pieces of yourself trying to fix this broken person.,” and “You cannot out love the trauma that made someone a narcissist.”
They were insightful and spot-on, I agree whole-heartedly walkbyfaithinlove…speaking of faith, I am absolutely walking by faith in love of my Lord! ✝️🥰
Strangely enough before the discard, I kept telling myself I can't do, or be enough for her no matter how much I try. I had to walk away and take it as a loss after 18 months. So, discouraging especially knowing she found new supply instantly.
That was tremendously affirming for me as someone who'd been trying for much of my life to appease a controlling parent with narcissistic tendencies. Extremely freeing to hear it was never me and there was nothing I could have done, even though I knew it intellectually for some time.
@@W0rldfireyes, I could never please my Mom or parents. I was just never 'enough' 😢 Then I found ANOTHER Sagiterrorist, the same sign as my Mom. Back in the same childhood trauma loop, of which, I am having extreme difficulty getting out 😔
Of course there are benefits to being a narcissist. My ex got me to financially support him for years. People would give him free stuff and special treatment just so he wouldn’t flip out. He never had to feel bad about anything, no matter how much he hurt others. Lots of benefits.
Sure, I’ve left him but we’re in a state where he gets half of what I’ve earned. Cash, lots of it, homes, cars, annuities. I’ve left him but won’t divorce him. 2 attorneys have sad don’t divorce him and going to die within 2 years. I’ll a couple million. But, right now, he’s living high on the hog in a penthouse condo that we own in Mexico. We’re both 72, but, I’ll outlast him.
Yeah I tried with a gal pal who was thrown away by her parents. My dear, empathetic mom made me feel even sorrier and deeper for her...Then one day I was talking to her natural Mom and yeah their marriage was bad but she told me that the toddler girl was already acting like she was the best thing in the world ( she is 60 now and still acts like that ) and they just thought the no nonsense grandmother would raise her better. Unfortunately, the grandmother agreed and raised her like a Dubai princess. I tried to love her from age 5 until 30 but one day I let her drop me and it's been the best 30 years of my life without that S-bag of nonsense making noise in the background. I feel sorry for her husband, she spends him into the poor house. God love him.
@@mandysimmons2769 You talk about a toddler acting this way, it seems narcissism can sometimes be linked to ADHD (or be inate at least). Search the internet for "adhd roller coaster narcissist" and you'll find story about a child who was acting this way, entitled from birth, and who got better as soon as she got ADHD madication. In this girl case, her brain was learning the empathy lessons, but the ADHD mess would then not allow her to access those lessons again.
Major take away..."You can't outlove someone else's trauma" "You will never be enough for the wrong person." It's not your fault or your issue to fix. Only give your heart to a person who is whole. Well wishes to all. Thank you sir, for sharing your message 🙏
Never seek another person to bring you happiness and love. You are welcome to love others, but true happiness comes from within your own heart, and your own relationship with the One Holy Spirit
True ...or you could take their trauma and set their entire life ablaze lol These are the easiest people in the world to manipulate and emotionally destroy (narcissistic ego collapse) -- because, to anyone with NPD that's a truly devastating experience (even to the point of self-harm) but it's the ONLY way they can experience the soul crushing weight of genuine self-awareness. Sometimes our world doesn't need another hero. Sometimes what the world really needs *_is a monster_* -- because it takes a monster, to destroy a monster and there's immense power in choosing the type of monsters we grow to become. Medicine and healing of any kind is often painful, bloody and deeply gross. Most of us struggle to stomach the brutal realities of what it actually takes to help change people long-term for the better -- by injuring them in the short-term. ...but there's really only two things that can TRULY change a person forever: 💀 _grief_ and _trauma_ 👹 *For that which gives light must endure burning.*
Your self awareness is impressive. I'm a narcissist magnet and none of the narcissist I have dated have had 2% of this. They were all too good for therapy
I understand the feeling of being physically present and aware of myself in a spatial sense; but not being able to control what I’m saying or doing at times. I would love to be better able to interrupt that. I have bipolar disorder so it’s a different cause, but I can relate. I agree that often. narcissists just appear confident. I cringe when people say narcissists only love themselves. I think it’s more a lack of self-esteem beneath it or one wouldn’t need others’ approval so much that it’s a preoccupation. That’s why I wanted to help and nurture my ex. who had a Cluster B disorder. He had immature parents and his mother didn’t attach to him. He refused to get help, though. I had to accept that sometimes. when damage happens early you can’t fix it in a relationship. I still like to help others but I do it through my career and am more careful in my personal life. Good for you, working on yourself and getting therapy! There’s nothing wrong with that. The brain is a part of the body and everyone accepts that we need to go to the doctor sometimes. Keep building awareness! ❤
Of course they were! So was mine. They can’t abide criticism, as he said. Must be hard to be perfect! I agree it’s an essential insecurity. People who are truly confident can take constructive criticism.
I grew up in narcissism and ended up with hardcore narcissistic traits. I had a long road of spiritual enlightenment and self awareness and am a completely different person now. I was so so scared of being hurt, I was going to hurt you first and get what I could on the way, bc that’s how I always had to get my needs met. And since I “knew” everyone out there didn’t really care about me, would back stab me or abandon me bc I was so unlovable, it seemed okay to me. I didn’t get why other people received love for just existing, and I didn’t. It was my parents though, not my lack of value as an individual. I’m so glad I’ve grown.
I'm glad you did. May I ask you please what made you go on the journey ? What made you realise you had to change? And also, do you empathise now? Can you feel loved? Can you love?
"Love switch." That's why I'm grateful for I Corinthians 13. It explains what LOVE is. .. Love is not just a feeling that is here today and gone tomorrow. ♥️
Yes but non-antisocial people fall in love slowly and fall out of love slowly. Antisocial people think they fall in love, and it's in the very beginning...and fall out of love just as quick. So I understand that the bible teaches people about loss of love, but I don't think they mean losing the love of a narcisist.
I'm an empath that has been bursting their bubbles since childhood cos I grew up with a chronic narcissistic mom and two siblings(out of seven)...I'm the 7th child,growing up I had watched how she treated my siblings so I had to learn how to deal with her on my finger tips ....mind we are all married and my dad is late my mom is still out here messing with us ...her kids,. Even without her leaving with any of us...she'd sometimes send messages across ...that she's sick,or stranded so that we would be all worked up wherever we are lmao...I laugh the whole time cos I'm not mad at her anymore I just pity her cos it really could be wack to be her ..you see lol.
There's a thin line between empaths and people-pleasers. Please set healthy boundaries and love yourself selfishly enough to know when to walk away from energy-draining people and situations.
This is what accountability looks like. Even though he still may have some challenges he is actively working to overcome it. Good for him and his family.
Nah, this guy is faking it so people online can give him all the praise and recognition for being "not like the other girls". This dude still does everything a narc does but just tells you about it in a nice little tiktok later.
As a person who was severely damaged by a narcissist, this was actually the closure i didnt know i needed. Thanks for sharing, for so long i thought i was the bad friend and man when you said "all criticism is criticism to them" everything clicked for me. Youre absolutely right that even positive advice can be taken as an attack by them. Thanks a lot.
As a licensed therapist, this young man explained NPD very well. I was married to person with NPD as I work with unaware persons with NPD. I am currently writing my book on what it looks like to be married to one. It's a very "hard" write.
@omuyachristine9356 it's not possible to live peacefully with a narcissist nomatter how much you try ,you will lose yourself if you are not careful .I left mine after 10 years ,it was very hard ,no peace at all cause you will be dealing with a disorder or some de..mo.ns that are inside of them . This man did the right thing by going for therapy ,mine refused for us to go for counselling he would just cast the blame back at me and say i should go for therapy cause I'm the one with the problem . Hope you have watched the video.,it says no peace living with a narcissist but this man has done well going for therapy It was
Mainly anger, rage and jealousy .....yeah I'm done dating for awhile...social media has the "🤳 selfie -shness" is giving a big majority of people a grandiose delusion of themselves.
I have a narcissist in my family. No matter what, he is right. You can have evidence presented to him that proves he's wrong and he still feels he is right and will argue you down over something he knows he's wrong about.
Narcissus will never admit they are wrong about anything, and even when you point out how much they've hurt you, they refused to apologize. From what I've researched, this means they are evil & and have no conscience, on top of no empathy for anyone. Self-serving, scandalous bastards. They leave for an hour or two and come back and think that we(the abused) have forgotten all about it and forgiving them. After three years of abuse, I am not as forgiving to the narcissist.
@@saundra9988 I'm the nicest guy and everyone knows it and I do get worked up. 3 years of abuse and killing the person with kindness did not work. This guy is been to prison and is a piece of crap righteous indignation is the only thing that has stopped the abuse. Hopefully I can laugh right along with you soon. And venting like this ensures that I don't go to bed angry. Much love to everybody. What's on your mind I sure do.
By the way I just checked out your channel and you're absolutely beautiful and well-informed young lady. You tell it like it is and I like that. I'm going back to subscribe right now. Make sure and press that like button more than once.
@@rexwillhite4751 we didnt chose to be this way, we have trauma from our childhood and we have been treated differently and bullied as a child and that made us narcs go into defense mode to protect ourselfs from falling into that deep hole again, we are very defensive and mean because deep deep inside something is scared and angry
Narcissists usually Embrace the fact that they are narcissists, and feel quite proud of that fact. My ex is proof of this, again it leaves them feeling somewhat 'special'...Although this is wonderfully insightful to us, i doubt this took him courage...I personally believe (assuming his diagnosis to be accurate) he is enjoying the attention - dupers delight is written all over his face
Ditto! It was sad to extract my life from every last one of them, which was quite extensive, however, my life is good now, peaceful, and I'm not being emotionally beat up, or gaslighted continually
This is the second time I’ve heard the words ‘cognitive empathy’ tonight! I’ve often wondered how HG Tudor (RUclips) recognised and felt empathy when he’s a narcissistic psychopath……. I only knew about ‘emotional empathy’, which he, or you, wouldn’t have. But the penny dropped when I heard the words cognitive empathy… That makes sense to me.. fascinating.
Yes but the difference is those who go on to repeat what was done to them or don’t. Guess which one is npd. How about focusing on all the trauma wounded inner children who don’t repeat what was done to them ……!!!!
I was a wounded child...and chose NOT to become like my abuser. Children do this everyday. They decide to be DIFFERENT from the narcissist who abused them in their early childhood home and throughout their life until they got away and never went back. I was NEVER going to allow all that trauma and abuse to make me what my mother and father were: never.
I have a sadistic NPD neighbor who's been terrorizing the neighborhood for the past 20 years, so it's really hard for me to observe him as a "wounded inner child" when he gets sick satisfaction from making others suffer. Everybody has a choice no matter the circumstances, people who chose to do evil should not be in any way trivialized because the damage they do is enormous.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you!” End it when you hear that phrase. The person saying that doesn’t have the capacity or desire to consider you important enough to protect. “You weren’t trying hard enough not to.” Is the appropriate answer.
I believe you all here are disagreeing with his very perspective. That that very phrase “I wasn’t trying to hurt you” may be them trying to change. I disagree with the thought of “just kick them to the curb.” It isn’t always necessary and may be better to hang in there at times. I think sometimes there might be narcissism on the other side of the situation with the people saying “I’m not going to deal with this” as well…. I came from a family riddled with narcissism. I would have never wanted to cut them out and done without them for my whole life. There’s been good and bad, but I’m so glad I have my family. And no, I don’t just put up with abuse. I see it for what it is and realize that we are all learning. I think before ppl cut their family out, they should ask themselves “why are we here?”
That is not a very fair approach to take with people in general. No one can expect another to know every little weak spot or sensitivity they have. You have to teach people how to treat you.
So nice to hear the whole story! Thank you for being so transparent. I’m so happy you are healing and working towards having a healthy relationship 🙏🏾 Gives us all hope ❤
Never being told no, is also a trauma. Trauma is primarily the withdrawal of love. When a child tests boundaries, it's built in to expect guidance in a firm but loving manner. When that is not given, it's just as traumatic in the long run. It deprives the child from developmental stages to go through.
Yes, neglect may be part of the cause, but scapegoated children suffer more than neglect and as adult have a lot of empathy for people that are mistreated.
I think it's more due to nature and genetics than nurture. I was brought up in a highly toxic family myself and feel absolutely disgusted by myself copying many of the toxic behaviours of my parents, which I managed to notice and dismiss over the years - especially treating others in a derogatory way. My brother for comparison doesn't have such problems and is ok with most of the "social culture" he acquired, which I believe is due to us inheriting a different set of genes.
I wish everybody with mental health disorders were this self-aware and upfront. The world would run a lot smoother if we all knew who we were dealing with. Kudos to this guy.
It's hard to get like that, I was never diagnosed. However I think I was a Narcissist like malignant one. I believe my father was and he pushed it into me like they always do. Child me obviously knew and didn't know. It wasn't till I was 27 was I abled to remove his claw. The scar is still there. I kinda hope it never leaves though. My experience with my father gave me a mission in life. It should be illegal for people with current dark triad traits to raise children. I was never mad my father did what he did to me. Just mad he did it to a child, multiple children. He had more with a second family. It should be illegal for people like my father to raise children. If that means it becomes illegal for me to raise kids too, then I don't care. Just means kids will be going to family's who want them. Not need them
No, he’s just receiving public validation. He’s not capable of self awareness, he just downplayed the cycle of narcissistic abuse entirely by saying “they fall out of love with you” and that’s not true at all. They take control by that point. Saying things like “my hands move by themselves” is a wildly concerning statement too. This man is truthfully barely in control of his actions and thankfully for society as a whole, he’s getting his needs met through social media fame. Probably the only thing unhealthy enough to feed a narcissist.
@@TheBanana93 And people validating him for admitting he has issues processing negative emotions isn't ever going to do anything but feed his ego. Again, it would be different if he wasn't literally gaslighting in the video.
2 yrs with such kind of a person and so detrimental..Thank God for His divine intervention, I was enlightened after painful break up for more or less than 3mos then .. good it didn't last for longer time as others had..
this is something people with a lot of different disorders say. The most common example of this are autistic people, because they have been misrepresented by organizations and outsiders for years. So no, it doesn’t “check out” for narcissists, just because they’re narcissists. Stop demonizing a personality disorder just based on the biases you already have. Also, how is it wrong to say that the best source of information on how a disorder manifests is the person who lives with it? Seems logical to me.
When he said social media is giving narcissists a platform. It confirms everything I see on social media. I no longer see influencers behind the screen but I see people with narcissistic tendencies. Especially with victimizing themselves in exchange for sympathy. Damn
All Humans have narcissistic tendencies. That doesn’t make them all NPD sufferers. People love to deny and project their own narcissism, hatefully judging others, dehumanising them in the process. Young people are very narcissistic in particular. I’m not going to waist my time reducing them to their narcissistic traits, ignoring the rest of them. I mean look at global society. Who is anyway to judge anyone else. We’ve created a circus on this planet.
yes… this disorder is shame based and with shame you can’t change… the more people can face this in a non-judgmental way the more people can change. Guilt is a loving guide-but all they can do with shame is self annihilate or project their pain. Doesn’t make them less dangerous-they are terribly dangerous! Unconditional love NOT unconditional relationship.
I agree with u 💯% but the misconception of narcissistic is that they lack self awareness of there wrong doings onto others. this can be true for most but many narcissists are very aware of their intentions of doing harm and the emotional, physical, and psychological pain they cause to people but they replace that awareness with beliefs that justify there abuse. Example they know what they are doing is causing harm but in their brains they have to redirect that emotions so that they are the victims so they don’t really take accountability or see the evil they project onto others, they tell them selfs that “everyone else is the problem and not them.” My whole point is don’t be deceived narcissist goes way deeper than being egotistic they have planned thoughts, actions and know how manipulate their way through mostly anything because most of it is learned and mirroring behavior. They know exactly what they are doing and they get off on that it’s like a high.
I love how he presents the lack of empathy as a positive in a totally narcissistic way. 10 months later... Almost 1k likes??? Wow... I feel so... "relatable"... o.o' ❤️
I mean, in some sense, it logically makes sense. It actually has benefits, whereas I’ve learned from countless years of people pleasing that letting your big heart and empathy and desire to help actually will hurt you more than it’ll help. So in a sense, not having empathy means they’re not likely to be bothered by a bunch of stuff that bothers us. For example, look how upsetting the George Floyd situation was for many of us. But I can imagine in some other setting where empathy gets you hurt, and taken advantage of, that yeah not having empathy would be better in that sense. This doesn’t justify or endorse how harmful impact narcissistic behavior is to victims of it, but just kinda gives you perspective on why he might feel it’s a positive thing. I get it. There’s too many times I’ve decided to give myself to someone or a situation and left feeling like it would’ve been better if I had just stayed out of it.
@DevonEwyMusic. I think helping others and having a big heart can easily stem from a “selfish” need to be liked. Rarely is it only about giving - emotionally, practically, monetarily etc. It’s always good to look at why it’s so important to help. True generosity is wonderful imo but it has to come from an authentic place. Just my opinion as your reply resonated with my past✌🏽😊
@@jollymollyramram9702 Great point! I agree with you. Having empathy is an advantage imo it helps build genuine long lasting relationships. But you also can't go around being "nice" to people please. That's a lack of self worth.
I knew he was going to say lack of empathy, and he's right. I have too much empathy and it completely holds me back in life. More than once I have googled "how to be more selfish". I am not a door mat (maybe a bit of a door mat sometimes for my family), but as an example I will always put animals before myself, possibly to the detriment of making any kind of progress in life
Makes sense now why I could never talk to my EX about ANYTHING without him getting offended or upset. And even when I tried to say it in the nicest way possible that still didn’t help. 🤷🏽♀️
me neither, my ex would completely flip out. started yelling, throwing things, an overall lack of empathy and self-awareness. i didnt notice it because things were okay until i needed to bring up an issue and didn't recognize it as a mental illness. i thought he just had regular anger issues
Narcissism is a spiritual issue more so than even a psychological one. The psychology can point out traits but the issue lies within. It's a broken inner child, trauma, etc. Which makes them wear the mask and feel they have to destroy you first because they feel everyone else is like THEM. The empath narc dynamic is very real. It's energy, everything is energy and narcs have such a void inside them that they have to take energy from others around them in the form of sex drugs and control
@Refreshing Breeze you are spot on!!! I was with a narc for a little over two years. He even told me he was a “narc caveman “ and I just laughed at him (in his face) I told him he choose to be that way. They know what they are doing, cheating, lying. I literally caught him at the woman’s house, and he invited me to the bar, while his “main supply “ (that paid his phone bill, tolls, vehicle in her name, and paid few other bills) was there. He never expected us to meet! She came over and introduced herself. Later, when he and I went to leave she came to me, asked where he was, then proceeded to tell me, he’ll come back to me 😮, I was like WHAT?! He didn’t allow me to go back to that bar for over a year. I know, they know what they are doing….
After being at the hands of in laws that are narcs, why do they choose a few to destroy? They do not try to destroy all of those around them. Two daughter in laws was treated well. I came from a religious home, and I firmly believe I was treated poorly because of this. The other two daughter in laws family life was not religious.
6 Signs of Love Addiction (AKA Limerence!) 1. obsessively thinking about them 2. insecurity and/or shyness in their presence 3. putting them on a pedestal 4. emotional dependency 5. longing for reciprocation 6. fantasizing about reciprocation
Took me five years to get over this. Then they came in after five years like they'd sensed I'd moved on,and I told them to get lost 😂 they were a covert narrcissist.
Regarding him talking about benefits of being a narcissist. The idea that narcissists are clearer thinkers because they lack empathy doesn’t hold up. They actually feel emotions deeply-especially shame-and their poor emotional regulation clouds their thinking, not the other way around. Healthy people can balance emotions and logic without seeing emotions as weakness, which leads to clearer thinking. If narcissists were truly logical, they’d take criticism and improve, but their need to protect their ego blocks real growth.
I lived that with her. I didn't know what was happening. I hope she is always loved, and especially learns to love herself and heal. She is beautiful, and I know there is a beautiful woman inside.
He's found a way to get narcissistic supply, by being honest, and by having a platform. I hope some researchers seek him out for research purposes. But, he's not the first person to discover a way to shine by notoriety. Still, Bravo for trying to change your behavior for your loved ones. And of course you can have loved ones. Unless you're a sociopath. I wish every narcissist could see and succeed in a relatively safe manner for everyone involved.
Anti Social Personality Disorder (“Sociopath”) is actually very similar to Narcissism in that people can learn to work around it. Many sociopaths do have loved ones, and they can learn connotative empathy (basically understanding other’s emotions even if you can’t feel them).
There are actually people all over YT speaking insightfully about their own narcissism. It provides a rich source of supply for them. A built-in reward. Expect to see more of this.
I think he's just acknowleding because he was caught red-handed and it's hard for him to keep preying on the one or ones he did, because their game is over.
@@marinhomarinho4197He said he has been in therapy for 5 years and stick to it no matter what while incorporating new ways of acting differently, because he wants a better existence for himself like we all should be motivated by, cuckoo to him, it's more that what many enablers and self proclaimed "narc magnets" are willing to do
I found his explanation as to how his apparent lack of empathy benefits him quite logical. Also, the trauma he experienced as a child possibly made his lack of empathy necessary for his survival. In my experience, it can be helpful to recognize the benefits of survival mechanisms when dealing with mental illness. This doesn't mean that one can't see the benefit in change and work towards it. I'm also kinda curious about your definition of "righteous" and "truth". In my personal experience, it has been the persons most convinced about their knowing "the truth" and their acting righteously that did the most harm.
I called my close family member out for narcissistic abuse and that they had never sought therapy. In a moment of insight, they brought to my attention that the options for treatment when they were growing up in the 50s-70s were terrible and often harmful. It's not an excuse but it gave me pause and reminded me just how important it is for us now to make use of the tools available to us to unf*** ourselves and stop the cycle.
Yet even now, with all the advances in therapy, they still refuse to go, right? You fell for their gaslighting and manipulation. My parents are in their 70's, born in the 1950's. They could have sought Therapy at any time, and my mother did at one point.... But they also tried sending me to therapy at 10 years old because They believed "I was the problem." People wont go to Therapy if they don't believe they are the problem. They can make any and all excuses they want, it's just BS.
This right here. My mother looks down on me and my younger sister for seeking therapy. Full no contact now. The tools were not there back in the day but they are here now. We can’t help that they want to stay in that un-healed space.
Most Narcissistic people wont ever admit they have it...the fact that you have ..and are doing this to help others is amazing...really learning a lot from this channel thank you
While I applaud him for speaking on it, having myself dated a self aware narcissist, it can be the most dangerous position of all. It makes them seem safer, which often lures people to defend them at all costs. Something I learned the hard way 🩷 there’s nuance all around
Thank you Lee for being so honest. I left my husband after 18yrs of marriage. Like you said, you can hand in there and try EVERYTHING to help the person with NPD, loose yourself in the process, and still have no change. Unless the other person gets sick and tired of themselves, acknowledge the problem, and seek help for the problem, it’s a pointless uphill swim. I’m glad you saw the light!!
I’ve completely LOST myself by loving this man for the last 8 years. I decided to stop doing it today. It kills me & my heart is so broken but if I don’t try to fight my way back to life, I’m going to be lost forever.
@@iamresilience6037 I’m trying. And thank you so much for your support & wisdom. When you asked if I knew MY NEEDS…it actually brought tears to eyes because I haven’t even considered MY needs for so long, I almost forgot that I had them!
Narcs are truly broken people, and it was the sadness I felt for my ex narc along with me thinking I could fix him that kept me in the relationship for so long. It lasted 10 years till decided I couldn't take any more of his abuse. My sanity meant more to me and so I had to get out. I lost so much in the process , but even with what I lost I still wouldn't go back and out myself through that again. It took me 8 months to get my head right after it. With the support of my dear friends. I always knee there was something wrong with him but didn't know what. I didn't even know what narcissism was until one night something twigged with me and I delved into it further and he ticked all the boxes. Narcissistic people will always seek out empathetic, kind people, because we are the only type of people that they can controle and manipulate.
Thank you! We are an easy mark and we come out of that Sht sooo fkd up. I had to check into treatment for all the PTSD I had awuired for loving a true piece of Sht!!
@@lagcodyariver4886 i love how ur attacking someone for something they cant control... we was bullied from when we was little and we have lots of trauma that we dont remember and some of us had to grow up fast and we arent evil and we are this way to protect ourselfs from the trauma and the memories.. i call it a defensive instinct..
@@MontroQt I understand that you been hurt from childhood, but that doesn't give narcissists the right to destroy and ruin the life of others, who mostly stay with them you because of love. Narcissists are selfish and they mostly think about themselves, sacrificing people for their petty pursuit of pleasure: that is pure wickedness. I have been a victim. May the LORD show you all mercy.
Sometimes, they don't care about the impact. Everything revolves around them. I mean, I'm glad you cleared up some myths. A narc is someone who does what they can to protect their ego & most times, everything else is collateral damage. At least you're self-aware and getting help to treat people better. There are others who are self-aware and don't care that they hurt others.
Ok so I am a counselor/therapist and feel so very proud of you for having the courage to acknowledge your limitations as well as finding the strengths that are a direct result of your pain in life. We grow and become resilient through our pain. People these days don’t want to touch a Narcissist with a 10 foot pole but my belief is that there is light and dark in EVERY human being. All have something to contribute in this life… all it takes is willingness. Keep doing what you are doing! 👌🏾
There is light and dark in every situation. My narcissist ex did some of the sweetest things for me when he was in that phase of loving me. But as the man said there's that switch. And once it goes off, they don't give a bleep about you. The damage they can do is also immense. It is an intense cycle of ups and downs....... it's hard.
The truth is it is wise to want nothing to do with an NPD. The problem is the majority are never diagnosed and never seek treatment. Your comment about light and dark in everyone made me laugh. The DARK within an NPD is vicious and uncontrolled due to lack of ANY empathy. I think your comment foolish and harmful as there will be people that read your post and return to danger and an NPD who will NEVER be diagnosed and will never seek therapy. I suggest a warning to add to your post. Unless your NPD is diagnosed AND in therapy, leave and get far away. If they have owned their pathology and you have RULE for your relationship then consider if you are willing to stay and assist that person and IF it is worth it to you. Do not EVER be influenced by guilty or pity. I would also like to address assumptions made, yes it is true many have a childhood trauma that can be identified as the likely cause. Research in 2014 demonstrated this accounts for about 40 percent of those with NPD. Approximately 60 percent have a very STRONG likely genetic cause, identified by other NPDs in close family. There are clearly genetic reasons that an NPD comes into being. It is not all explained by life events or exposure to trauma. If that was the case every childhood trauma would result in NPD and that is not the case. Many who experience abuse and turn out to be caring people, so always remember this person with NPD is at least partially programmed to be this way. As with most things in mental health it is always a combination of factors and not one cause alone. Do not be sucked into the narrative that "my childhood was bad so its not my fault". That would be a huge mistake and you deserve better.
You can tell he REALLY enjoys talk therapy because he enjoys hearing himself talk 😂 Good on him for continuing on his journey and doing it for himself. Any attention is good attention for them. Imagine how much praise and attention he's getting for this. Narc heaven! I just hope people can take the nuggets of wisdom he has served and better their lives. Also... RUN!
This guy is FAR more self-aware than any person with strong narcissistic tendencies I have ever met. While not diagnosed, My wife checks off nearly every box and there is absolutely no getting through to her about ANYTHING.
these personality disorders are wild, and it really goes a long way in explaining how the world is as fucked up as it is. the human mind is very susceptible to a wide variety of serious problems
Yeah, from my personal experience it's like playing chess against the grandmaster. Everything is covered, blocked, feinted... Not in a love affair, but a fling with a tail so to say. Still not sure wtf she's even up to, but it all fits the bill.
@@kikithepupper6774 We dated for about a year, but it was long distance. We lived together for about 3 years before getting married, and yes there were signs but ones that could just easily be written off as her being spoiled and somewhat immature for her age. I honestly thought she would outgrow this behavior but it only got massively worse after the birth of our daughter. I was a fool for marrying her and pay for it every day.
I am speechless. I cannot fathom any narcissist actually being diagnosed. I really appreciate your having had the temerity to seek out therapy, accept the diagnosis, and make the effort to change. I hope that your kids will be treated equally and fairly. My father destroyed me and I’ve been dealing with it my entire life. This is probably not great for your ego, but kudos to you for taking a negative and turning it into a positive. It’s rare for black men to seek help. I’m sure your wife appreciates that she is lucky in that you’re aware of yourself and efforting to improve.
My moms a narcissist. And she would never admit there’s something wrong with her, or that she should get professional help. Everyone else is the problem and wrong and they need to change to suit her reality. Sadly narcissists usually don’t get help because they think just like that
I always felt this way since the beginning of my school years from a child. I always felt I was out of place in a room full of people, and still felt alone.
I have had 2 Narcissists in my life and neither had any self awareness, even on an academic level. They both caused a lot of damage. I am sure you are helping many people with your commitment to talk about your experiences and how you are trying to improve your life and that of those around you. I commend you and your wife.
Really, you commend his wife? No way is their relationship healthy. He has totally manipulated her mind, body and soul. She is a broken woman who has deluded herself in believing she can help fix him. It’s called The god complex”. No one on this earth has the power to heal another person, all power belongs to YAHWEH. Even the laying on of hands and people are delivered that deliverance came from the power of God/Yahweh NOT THE PERSON.
I blew up at a narcissist who was acting out. I called them out angrily on their narcissism and also called them an idiot savant because they are a really smart person that makes really dumb choices sometimes. Anyway, they ket quoting me as calling them a "Narcissist savant". Selective memory for sure.
@dmc3202 At least dudes in therapy and not blaming demons and asking sky daddy to fix everything. You wanna be Christians are the first to pass judgement even when your little Bibles tell you otherwise🤣
@@stricknice5260 May the Creator that allows you to exist and awaken every morning to reap the benefits of being in your right mind and able to bath and dress yourself through His power enlighten you to His Truth. Side note Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world - 1 John 4:1. This scripture isn’t just for testing the spirit of prophets but of people period.
I have to say, some of the comments here remaining to criticize his narcissism, while he puts himself willingly on blast for the sake of this video/interview, almost degrade you to the same level as him, pre-therapy. The ability for a "healthy" person to hear of another who is afflicted own up to their mistakes while showing an attempt to reconcile, shows me that no matter how "healthy" you are, you can lack a fundamental understanding of respect. Put yourself in his shoes. Do you truly understand empathy?
Having been abused by a narcissistic parent, I think this blanket stigma about all narcissists is dehumanizing and weird, and it breeds narcissistic traits in so-called empaths. These are wounded people at the end of the day. He can’t hurt us through a screen ffs.
Im married to a Narcissist and he have been that way for 20 years ,he IS not a bad person but he just LIE AND MANIPILATE and always blaming me for his actions,, I cant do it anymore so I had to walk away! HE HAD ME THINKING I WAS GOING CRAZZY!!
Not intending to hurt someone, yet knowing you are and not caring is an interesting way of describing the process. Some are even amused with the aftershocks. Makes me think of a road with dangerous curves and no warning signs. Thank you for your perspective. You're self aware and that's quite refreshing!
Basically the hurting of others wasn't a primary goal. But they care so much about getting what they want that if they injure others in that pursuit, they'll do so and won't feel bad about it.
I believe that narcissism typically develops during childhood. However, it's not always the result of trauma. In some cases, a child may be left alone frequently and develop their personality without much guidance. This can be a way for them to survive, as they start to imagine their personality and it grows from their inner self. Many narcissists may have had narcissistic parents or lacked guidance during their upbringing, spending a lot of time alone. Ultimately, at their core, narcissists are individuals who feel totally alone in this world. This is more true to covert narcissists.
Yes, spot on. But leaving a kid alone is neglect, a form of abuse. If the child is very sensitive or has special needs it can be devastating. What you wrote above was my experience. Mom was (is) a covert narcissist. Narcissists & neglect go hand in hand.
I was left alone for a whole day or sometimes two days for my first 6 years. This IS traumatic. Not to mention the abuse, sexual molestation, the emotional neglect and the list go on .... And yes I am diagnosed as covert narcissist.
in addition to that it can stem from how a parents won't or can't participate in the normal typical things that kids do. being dismissed like you don't want to do that. why do you want to play with that? that's is so messy.
@@sonyab2925 - Yes. The trauma of narcissism creates the narcissism of trauma. I had a breakdown realizing I was becoming like my mom (the covert narcissist) - behavior not aligned with my own values, not who I wanted to be, not my true self. I am trying to break the cycle, re-parent myself. Best wishes for your healing journey.
Thanks for this! My ex husband was a narcissist. He pursued me and acted like he was super in-love with me. But soon fell out of love, started cheating and treated me like crap! Thank God for this info, I can finally put that messy experience to rest. What a toxic relationship I was in.😭I pray I never meet someone like that again in my life. Picking up the pieces after such a toxic relationship was extremely hard! While my ex went about his business, changing partners often and getting married soon after we broke up. No accountability at all. Super messy!
I had 2 back-to-back relationships with narcs. I tried to break it off with both of these men. They weren't having it. I was dumped by the first guy. I dumped the 2nd guy. It wasn't easy, but so powerful. I'm glad I did. He was so nasty and the signs were there he had new supply, so I went no contact before he did. Told him I met someone so get lost.
@@terriblue68 am sorry you went through that. It's hard being in a relationship with a narcissist. The best thing to do is to love yourself more than you love them coz there's no winning anyway with them, they are very manipulative and selfish af. Choose you, always. Best wishes.🤗
You were probably too accomodating tbh. Not a criticism, we're all here to make our own experiences but when someone acts like crap, it's time to detach and disengage. I don't think we should care to find out whether they're narcissist or what have you.
The narcissists I’ve known have the mindset ‘there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s everyone else’. Nice to see someone in therapy and working on themselves.
So true- I loss myself, my identity and the isolation is real. It is devastating to have been in relationship with someone like that and it is difficult to come back from or to ever trust someone again.
This is why I stopped speaking to my ex - he deliberately insulted me and placed himself above me in hierarchy when I was opening up/ being emotionally vulnerable with him… it was the sign of someone who could be an emotionally manipulative person in a relationship. I forecasted: any woman who’d be with him, over time, would end up loosing her confidence with him - this applies to confident women also. He doesn’t uplift you, he belittles or leaves you. Even the most confident of us women need someone to open up to.. and when I did, Bullsh-t is all i got in return. I realised I had to let it him go.
You did when you decided to mingle with a narcissist, you don't get to such a degree of damage if you haven't had already narcissist parenting or if you are not narcissistic yourself. The good of meeting NPD people is that you can test your mental sanity and keep healing yourself if needed.
So healing and empowering watching this. I dated a narcissist for several years and walked away a few months ago. This gives me so much closure as I pictured him in this video speaking and talking to me about his own narcissism. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing ❤
@jessrosewillis Thanks for your testimony. 19:45 was key and I agree 100%. I’ve gone to therapy for years to deal with issues with my brother, finally to find out he’s likely a narcissist. I recommend anyone who was subjected to such abuse to get counseling. It helped save my sense of reality. Ross Rosenberg has some good videos on the subject as well.
Same for me. So much closure because I also pictured him. And these light bulbs went off and then it all made sense I was able to take myself out of it and just see it for what it is and what he describes.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is on a spectrum! This gentleman was able to tell his story and bring insight to our awareness but many can't. Understanding where a person falls on the spectrum and their willingness to get help on their own is key. If a person us unwilling to get help for themselves it ends up being just as bad as any other addiction or disorder. Find out quickly and determine for yourself if it's worth it to you.
Don’t confuse can’t and won’t! Him talking about this doesn’t mean he is well. I doubt anyone would want to be his partner or child behind closed doors because they will be treated like sh*t and have wounds that they will carry on for life. This is not some light disgnosis, this is a very serious personality disorder.
What I just can't understand, after surviving the most abusive narc mother ,extreme trauma, sex abuse, the lot...is 1. Why people have kids with narcs in the first place and 2. Why some of us most traumatised as kids don't automatically develop NPD etc...yet some say they only have NPD due to childhood trauma. I can't find any scientific evidence firmly correlating NPD with childhood trauma ..is this just yet another attention/ empathy seeking excuse?
@@LeahLa17 I have a friend who proclaims they and a sibling to be narcissists due to childhood abuse & SA. Their parents were definitely a narc and a codependent. The narc parent was always abusive and when the codependent one passed, they became literally monstrous. Half of the siblings packed their stuff and left to live away from him. That side of their family is also highly toxic. Unfortunately, I can relate to my having traits or thinking in the ways they taught me, due to having 2 family members who are text book narcs. One of my parents is codependent and clearly traumatized from years of abuse. We hurt each other a lot because they didn't understand my situation of having practically one parent, and I didn't get how it's like having many kids + a negligent & abusive partner.
Thank you for sharing this video. I think this is the first video of a male diagnosed NPD ever and it’s refreshing to hear how you are self aware and trying to work on yourself that’s refreshing.
There needs to be more videos on Covert Fragile and neglectful Narcissists. I've seen clinicians misdiagnosed them because they're not like the grandiose narcissists.
There are so many videos on covert narcissism on RUclips by many different knowledgeable people. Just type it in the search bar. But you are right I think too it gets missdiagnosed a lot. My ex was diagnosed with schizophrenia in early twenties, but is now 43. He has been doing drugs like amphetamines and ketamine his whole life, not like a crazy addict, but does it at times to so he says recreate his 1 time psychosis and have those visions again. To me that's weird. So he gets visions from drugs not because he has schizophrenia. Meanwhile after I ended our relationship cause I couldn't deal with his overall lousy behavior anymore, I started looking on the internet what just happened to me, I was so utterly confused and heart broken. I discovered he has all the traits of a covert narcissist with an overlap with psychopathy or sociopathy. But everyone thinks he is schizophrenic and he seeks sympathy from others saying he had a psychosis once in his life. For the rest he knows he has problems, but he is always doing just fine the way he is,so he says... I went back to see him after 3 months of no contact to see if I might be wrong about my feelings and diagnosis, but he keeps behaving like a wounded entitled child, claims he is working on himself, after I told him I was, but shows nothing of it so far. Maybe he is, who will say, but now it's time to let go again, my own health is more important 🙏❤️
This. ^^ My therapist wasn't even aware that Cluster B personality styles/disorders operate on a spectrum. I think this is a problem, as NPD awareness only started to ramp up about 20 or so years ago.
@@Stuff7164 So grateful mine knew exactly what I was dealing with and took time for me to come to the realization on my own. Mine knew because her first husband (likely her second too) was the same. The only sad thing is it triggered her too much to hear more so we parted ways eventually. But she was a huge help. I’m debating going into this line of work to help more people the way she helped me. We need more folks that recognize them and can help people put some emotional and physical distance between themselves and the narcissists in their lives.
21:40 - Agreed. You can't fix/heal/love someone out of this issue. It is like taking someone to the gym to get strong. I can go with you. I can show you the proper form for lifting weights, etc. However the PERSON needs to lift the weights themselves. THEY need to do the work and it is the ONLY thing that is going to help them. 🏋️♂️🏋️♀️🏋️♂️
One of my uncles died of a heart attack 2 years ago and everyone at the funeral talked about him like he was the best person ever. I always felt off about him, his micro expressions, body language and way he talked about my aunt behind her back. I just found out from another family member how controlling and narcissistic he was with my aunt and they were together for almost 40 years. I understand my aunts behaviour now, her self esteem was destroyed.
Thank you for coming out about your condition. I don’t think a lot of people would do this. Every where I go to learn about this condition it always focuses on the narcissist being evil, unreachable and there diagnosis incurable.. You’re doing a big thing and it’s going to open the doors to new ideas and research.
And your fawning all over him was about the worst thing you could've done! That's why he's on here! He wants attention, both positive and negative...as long as it's directed at him. And he probably smiled when he read what I just wrote, he knows he got under my skin, and he loves it.
Thanks Lee for the information and openess. As a recovering (hidden)narcisist I truly don't see the lack of empathy as a positive thing. You describe it as the possibility to make good analyses of a person, the situation and be able to have a rational view on the situation not hindered by emotions, but a normal person with empathy could also be able to do this as well. And no, a narcissist is not better at this, they only think they are better at it..why? Well, that's what narcism is all about ;-) Thinking you are better. Love is the answer to everything, so the goal to really recover from narcissism is the open up and truly feel this emotion. And yes, I have been traumatized in my youth also and have shut the door to my emotion of love. Sometimes this door is opened by certain circumstances and I immediately feel an emotion that I missed so much, but then again it is closed quickly for the fear of being hurt. It is a process, but in my opinion it can be cured.
A narcissist's ability to hurt other people is solely depending on the secrecy. That's why they always have to take control and deny the other person's reality. Once they are figured out, they are out of the game.
I’m wondering if being around a narcissist long enough can turn you into a narcissistic person almost like a way to survive with a narcissist. I can’t help but like this guy for being so real
It depends, i was different from my family which got me in trouble the most often if you're already aware of them and continue to be suspicious you will definitely try to avoid being one as much as possible.
For me I did MAJORLY! I became just as toxic as they were so therapy was the only way I could recover. Picture a person holding a cup with holes at the bottom, you attempt to fill that persons cup up but it never lasts long and in the end you both have nothing left. Simplest way I could explain it. *CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP Lee is correct, you're not there to "fix" them and that's the unfortunate tangled web people get trapped in. I grew up in a toxic household so was unknowingly primed to enable toxic behaviour- no one else could change that but me.
Scriptures: how can two walk together unless they are in agreement? Bad communication corrupts good manners. Birds of a feather flock together. Association brings about assimilation. Having sex with a narcissist creates an ungodly soul tie whether the two of you are married are just fornicating. Ask people who love you if you are the same person you were before hooking up with the narcissist. Correction, those who love you enough to tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings.
I grew up in a narcissistic household. Yes, these can absolutely become learned behaviours. Then again, we all hold these traits (especially in our formative years) and are expected to find balance. Being empathic it's especially difficult; because we love our abusers to a fault. As a survival mechanism (at least for me) my empathy has honed my ability to pick up on deception. Which is quite nice. It's far more difficult to read an actual narcissist though.
Mad respect! Insightful, eloquent, rational. You are going to be OK, sweetheart! Sending you a big grandma hug because everyone needs a big, warm grandma hug!
Finally!!!! About time a real narcissist spoke out !! The word is thrown around too lightly . Everybody portrays narcissistic traits at some point within their lives, deny it all you will. fact. I'm a narcissist working through my demons it's tough because it's mostly learned behaviour from my parents but I AM not my parents . Amen.
Wow! My ex told me, “I loved you till I didn’t anymore… now I love someone else.” Man that was like a sword through the heart!! Thanks for explaining that to me!
nothing in this world is guaranteed. People can fall in and out of love. now I don't know if there's more things they said and did. I'm not trying to diminish or even make it to be that they aren't narcissistic. I have been gaslighted among the infinite list of games. that doesn't sound like narcissism. I'm And please know I don't mean this with any disrespect. I am just reading what you wrote. I don't assume. I am willing to seek first to understand. not as easy to do within this form of communication.
Honestly, I think it was her way to try to hurt me. When she. ghosted me, I just let her go… didn’t even try to get her back. Even though I had feelings for her and loved her, her gaslighting and stonewalling started to have little effect on me and I started to be ok with her disappearing… I was actually thinking to break up. I think she felt it and acted.
Narc's don't Love.. If you get too close they'll run.. Love means emotional intimicy.. They can not do that.. They never get attached.. It was never Love.. You were valued for what you could offer to him/her and then devalued.. That's it. It took me years to realize, but I was free from the moment I knew, because everything my ex did made sense when he got his diagnosis.. They use you. That's it.
Lee has helped me finally understand why the Narcissist in my life behaves the way he does. Despite all the damage they can cause I honestly hope they all get the help they need because they are really broken people.
My eldest daughter is a narcissist. You have to trade carefully with her. She does not know how to talk to other people and is full of disrespect. She will hurt you and never apologise. But if you as far as say or do something she does not like, all hell will break loose. She is so self-centered and does not care about the other people. It's difficult to live with her in the same house.😢
Really painful to be in a relationship with a Narc. Getting out is almost impossible as you loved something about them so much. When you start loving yourself more than the narc, you can slowly heal. On the other hand, I’m so glad that they can get theraphy if the narc is willing to improve their life.
Yes, the therapy is there, but most narcs have such an overblown idea of themselves, they don't see the need for therapy, - it's others who have the problem.
Another narc trait is they will not let you go!!!! They will become everything you ever wanted long enough to convince you that they care and understand what they’ve done, they appear to have turned a new leaf, and then when you come back, they turn right back into the monster that drove you away. It’s terrible!!!
The true difficulty is the demonic soul tie that needs to be broken, and your need to love yourself like you loved the person you allowed to abuse you! Self love is the cure to ridding these people out of your life!
I've already heard everything he said from a therapist so I thought it wouldn't matter but it really hit me when he (someone in a similar position to a person I love) said "nothing you ever do will be enough". I guess I was holding on to hope that they would change... I needed to hear this.
I love this,being in a marriage for 18 years with a narcissist who doesn’t believe he’s a narcissist is like being on a hamster wheel of pain. I salute you and thank you for your transparency. He just left again 2 weeks ago so I’m dealing with all the same issues all over again. Considering divorce at this point.
It's like looking at an empty shell with no real humanity inside, just a mask. This perspective is helping me finally understand and radically accept that there's NOTHING I can do that will make such a person feel things for me or love me like (briefly) before.
Very true. If you've seen it, you will spot it so fast. Make sure you date people only once you're 100% ready and confident in yourself, and make sure they are too. Don't be there only to realize you were filling a gap. Teaching someone who's so disturbed by mental trauma that they developed narcissism the concept of unconditional love is actually ridiculous. It sounds so good. But they've never experienced this. They know that those who should've given them unconditional love were the ones that hurt them. Narccisists lack actual, pure self love. If you ask me, someone without self love isn't ready for sharing love with me. Please put yourself first. Your self worth doesn't rely on how much love other people give you. Don't try to fix those people so they fill the gap of what you need. You deserve it, but not at your own expense ❤
He's right; I lost my identity and sense of self, and became isolated from humanity in the process, and it seems to be permanent. It's hard to find people who relate to what I've been through and what I now know about the lurking darkness in humankind.
I completely understand this comment and it's extremely normal. But you should look at the grieving processes and understand you're in the mourning phase. But don't let these people take away anything else. This is just a short time in a long life.
This is very refreshing to hear someone openly discuss their journey through this, and good for you for being willing to work on yourself and be open with your wife and try to be a better husband and father.
I’ve gone no contact with so many narcissists and I’ve been judged relentlessly for it but I’m proud of myself and my decision. They have tried to absolutely destroy me and it’s always ended with me having to go no contact and deal with the smear campaigns. In the very end, they end up begging me for reconciliation and it’s never the other way around.
So many people are saying things out of hurt.... I think it is great that he cares about working on himself . Hopefully, with more study and more knowledge, we can all get a better understanding of people who go through this and maybe as a community we should help each other families that need healing from dealing with people with the disorder. Like group support for the loved ones. In some cases, like mine!? I have no option but to walk away. I came back too many times already. Im currently looking to get help myself. 😢
It’s like being the most confident and also the most insecure person EVER
Absolutely correct!!
@sensitive
Yes
Yup
Weird, but seems like anyone can be a narc by that measure. Even empathic people.
I'm a Mental Health Professional. This guy describes NPD very accurately. I'm very impressed with his honesty and his determination to overcome his narcissism. He is right by saying there is no cure for NPD but in 5 years of therapy he has learned coping mechanism which helps him in his relationships with other people especially with his wife. I salute this man!
There is a cure actually, though its effect is 100% dependent on you. I was a diagnosed narcissist, at 26 at the peak of my narcissism I took LSD for the first time (a very high dose), I had an ego death and when I came back to being myself once again, it changed something in me. First I realized my whole concept of reality and self was wrong, then started seeing through everyone else's eyes. I dismantled myself to the core, basically self applying CBT, NLP and a lot of philosophies my mind now allows me to envision without actually reading or even knowing about them (back at that point), because that leap from analytical mind to amorphous mind allowed me to shape reality and self as I pleased, with 100% objectivity. First I gained cognitive empathy but after rewinding scenes systematically in movies and tv shows in order to look at it from a different perspective each time until I clicked with the feelings of the character and sort of "got into her head" and then started crying. Nowadays I cry a lot from excitement or sad news or just beauty, but it happens only if I allow myself to dig deeper that feeling, I still have the ability to switch off emotion almost entirely and look at the world as raw data with no emotion behind it. First I was basically spineless because I had to make up for all the shit I've done and said, and anything FOR ME felt like regressing back to narcissism, so it was hard until I found the right balance, but my core will always see everyone as myself and try to bring as much kindness and I can, as for treating them as myself I try my hardest, quite hard nowadays but I'm completely aware of any thought process, feeling, perception, mistake and even knowing why I'm wrong while feeling 100% right.
It can be done, but it probably won't. I remember the old me as a past life, it doesn't feel like me. This is what reborn looks like.
I don’t understand why they
Can’t overcome narcissism
With enough information they aren’t able to change how they think?
My mom was Narcissistic
@@socratese5Because the achievement of knowledge doesn't necessarily change your reality. Let's say you see a red apple; a person comes telling you it's actually blue, you think they're lying. 10 come, you think they're crazy. A million people telling you it's blue, you understand that your reality is messed up, but no matter how much you'd repeat "blue blue blue", it's just a word, in its core the color will always remain red in your eyes. Same with narcissists. Knowledge doesn't change thought process or reality, this is the mind's work to change reality, and I was able only because of psychedelics.
I strongly felt it when he said “like I’m on autopilot” I also feel like that a lot, most of the time I’m present and it’s me doing it, but it’s like a part of me is sort of just looking, am I a narcissist?
I don't think he is honest.
Love that he mentioned his wife trying to fix him by loving him harder and how that doesn't work. That's hard for a lot of people to hear sometimes because they think it's about them. Hats off to you!
People really need to hear that. Too often, narcissists seek empathetic people, because those are the only ones that will put up w/ their crap for any length of time. The unfortunate empaths really need to hear that there is no loving this person out of it. It only ends up as more undeserved punishment for them. There are different types of narcissists and Lee isn't malignant. If my ex is indeed a narcissist, he's not malignant either, but he's extremely selfish and lacks empathy, so the result is repeated mental cruelty and manipulation. The only way is to let go. You may love them, but they don't love you. I'm still struggling w/ the fact that I don't even really love him either. What I loved what who I thought he was, or could be (once things went permanently sideways), and what I thought the relationship was. I was pretty much in love w/ a vapour. It's still hard though, because getting over the emotional damage of all the lying, cheating and sneaking is brutal. I truly empathize w/ all who are still struggling to hang in, or who are wiser now and trying to get over the aftermath. Five months since I finally kicked him out, and I'm still struggling w/ the aftermath. It's a bit easier now, but damn is the insecurity and trust issues going to take some time yet.
@@saintejeannedarc9460🙏 I know exactly how you feel. They are good at making you feel but it's a false reality 😢
@@pgdarling301 Still trying to sort it out, but feeling a bit differently about that 3 weeks later w/ better information. I would highly recommend a channel called Heal NPD, by a compassionate doctor that treats NPD. It's not like I'm backsliding to let my compassion be weaponized, or thinking I can salvage anything w/ my ex, but have found a way to personalize it less.
If he does have NPD, it takes much of the sting out. Relationship is still as toasted and futile, but I did tell him I thought he had some level of NPD, and he admitted he's suspected he might be narcissist awhile back. Might take some explaining there's a big difference between the perjorative, "narcissist" as an asshole that hunts us down to abuse us, and someone suffering terribly w/ a personality disorder, who is maladaptive and ends up hurting people because he can't connect w/ himself in a healthy way, let alone others longterm and well. It went way better than the Dr. Ramani's claim it does for us. He actually took it in the kind spirit I meant it. If gets help for him, great. I made it clear it has nothing to do w/ us.
@@chrise.9316 Thank you for the cheer first off, that's kind of you. It was a really hard choice to leave him after 10 years, and it took cheating and constant lying to get me there. I don't know how superficial it all was, I just know it wasn't love at the end. I'm trying to take whatever lessons need to be learned, so that I don't feel like that 10 years was all a waste.
This may sound odd to many here, but I'm not a fan of Dr. Ramani. I've watched her a bit, but too many channels like hers cultivate such deep resentments against those w/ NPD who've hurt us. Yes, we have to realize we've been short changed and they can't have deep relationships and work things out, but it's the second guessing of all their motives. I've found channels like Heal NPD, Dr. Ruth Ann and the Nameless Narcissist more helpful in helping me get past things.
I think this lad enjoys being a narcissist and the attention he gets as a result. But wait … this is what being a narcissist is all about! It’s easy to tell by his eyes that he is detached from others. I feel bad for his wife.
This has me in tears.. I've been in therapy for 8 years trying to figure out what's wrong with me, found out its PTSD from narcissistic abuse for 38 years.. starting with grandpa's, dad, and 5 relationships.. I'm very thankful for this honesty... I hope that my last ex can learn to cope. He's a mild covert narcissist who I love very much, and I think he might be on the spectrum.. I'm thankful for this.. it helps me understand him so much
Nope. Not on the spectrum! I tried to explain away a close friends narcissism by convincing myself he was on the spectrum but after years of him messing with my emotions I realised I was just subconsciously trying to make excuses for him and his shitty behaviour. So I got rid of him and my life’s been better ever since.
A person can be on the spectrum AND narcissist. I think ADHD is more likely in NPD.
might it be possible that literally none of you are professionals
Eff talking therapy, take Shrooms
Gets rid of ptsd in afew hrs
IIt certainly might !!
The best quotes ever:
“You give pieces of yourself trying to fix this broken person.,” and “You cannot out love the trauma that made someone a narcissist.”
Whew
@@alanashford9207Gen Z translation: Sheesh
@@w花bk
They were insightful and spot-on, I agree whole-heartedly walkbyfaithinlove…speaking of faith, I am absolutely walking by faith in love of my Lord! ✝️🥰
Ugh just learning that after 42 years of sheer hell
"You'll never be enough for the wrong person."
Very well put.
Strangely enough before the discard, I kept telling myself I can't do, or be enough for her no matter how much I try. I had to walk away and take it as a loss after 18 months. So, discouraging especially knowing she found new supply instantly.
That was tremendously affirming for me as someone who'd been trying for much of my life to appease a controlling parent with narcissistic tendencies. Extremely freeing to hear it was never me and there was nothing I could have done, even though I knew it intellectually for some time.
...but you CAN be for the right one!!! 🤗
@clintonnagy1662 At least you did it and realized in 18 months! Kudos to you!
I have hung on for 6 and a half years 😪 I need help 😢
@@W0rldfireyes, I could never please my Mom or parents. I was just never 'enough' 😢 Then I found ANOTHER Sagiterrorist, the same sign as my Mom. Back in the same childhood trauma loop, of which, I am having extreme difficulty getting out 😔
Of course there are benefits to being a narcissist. My ex got me to financially support him for years. People would give him free stuff and special treatment just so he wouldn’t flip out. He never had to feel bad about anything, no matter how much he hurt others. Lots of benefits.
This comment should not Make me laugh this hard 😂
@@ZYN_ZYN_ same 😂!
@@ZYN_ZYN_ 😂ikr
Sure, I’ve left him but we’re in a state where he gets half of what I’ve earned. Cash, lots of it, homes, cars, annuities. I’ve left him but won’t divorce him. 2 attorneys have sad don’t divorce him and going to die within 2 years. I’ll a couple million. But, right now, he’s living high on the hog in a penthouse condo that we own in Mexico. We’re both 72, but, I’ll outlast him.
I never have seen this female hug or kiss her children.
Dooooood!!!
I'm impressed!!!
To go to therapy for yourself.. to find out more about yourself.. I'm freakin' PROUD of you!!! Great job buddy!!!🎉
"you can not out love the trauma that made somebody a narcissist". 👏🙌
🙏🏽
Yeah I tried with a gal pal who was thrown away by her parents. My dear, empathetic mom made me feel even sorrier and deeper for her...Then one day I was talking to her natural Mom and yeah their marriage was bad but she told me that the toddler girl was already acting like she was the best thing in the world ( she is 60 now and still acts like that ) and they just thought the no nonsense grandmother would raise her better. Unfortunately, the grandmother agreed and raised her like a Dubai princess. I tried to love her from age 5 until 30 but one day I let her drop me and it's been the best 30 years of my life without that S-bag of nonsense making noise in the background. I feel sorry for her husband, she spends him into the poor house. God love him.
Such a good and accurate quote.
@@mandysimmons2769 You talk about a toddler acting this way, it seems narcissism can sometimes be linked to ADHD (or be inate at least). Search the internet for "adhd roller coaster narcissist" and you'll find story about a child who was acting this way, entitled from birth, and who got better as soon as she got ADHD madication. In this girl case, her brain was learning the empathy lessons, but the ADHD mess would then not allow her to access those lessons again.
True. Separate yourself from hurtful narcissist.
Major take away..."You can't outlove someone else's trauma" "You will never be enough for the wrong person." It's not your fault or your issue to fix. Only give your heart to a person who is whole. Well wishes to all. Thank you sir, for sharing your message 🙏
No one is complete whole but we need healthy people!!
@Anitra Moore I disagree, being whole doesn't mean perfect it means having a strong sense of self and body/mind connection.
Never seek another person to bring you happiness and love.
You are welcome to love others, but true happiness comes from within your own heart, and your own relationship with the One Holy Spirit
True
...or you could take their trauma and set their entire life ablaze lol
These are the easiest people in the world to manipulate and emotionally destroy (narcissistic ego collapse) -- because, to anyone with NPD
that's a truly devastating experience (even to the point of self-harm)
but it's the ONLY way they can experience the soul crushing weight of genuine self-awareness.
Sometimes our world doesn't need another hero.
Sometimes what the world really needs *_is a monster_*
-- because it takes a monster, to destroy a monster
and there's immense power in choosing the type of monsters we grow to become. Medicine and healing of any kind is often painful, bloody and deeply gross.
Most of us struggle to stomach the brutal realities of what it actually takes to help change people long-term for the better -- by injuring them in the short-term.
...but there's really only two things that can TRULY change a person forever:
💀 _grief_ and _trauma_ 👹
*For that which gives light must endure burning.*
Good luck finding someone “whole.”
No emotions, but plenty of anger.
Anger is an emotion.
Not only was I dealing with her BPD/ NPD I was dealing with her NPD son and his father. A three way battle destined to lose before I knew it.
No emotions is hella wrong they don’t posses empathy buuuuut they do feel emotions you’re mixing them with psychopaths…
@@jabronisauce6833I mean, I a malignant narcissist is a psychopath. They are a milder form.
being angry is easier than being sad
A big part of narcissism is treating others in a way you wouldn’t want them to treat you and celebrating it.
👌 yes! 🤦♀️
very true
Yes celebrating, feeling gratified by it, taking pleasure in it
Kobe Bryant/Michael Jordan/LeBron James/Tony Parker
And he’s proud to be a narcissist. People like him is the reason im a loner
Your self awareness is impressive. I'm a narcissist magnet and none of the narcissist I have dated have had 2% of this. They were all too good for therapy
You know it’s amazingly true just how you know your mentality. And how you manage control by knowing exactly what you are. 😮
It's great to see narcissists who actually have insight.
I understand the feeling of being physically present and aware of myself in a spatial sense; but not being able to control what I’m saying or doing at times. I would love to be better able to interrupt that. I have bipolar disorder so it’s a different cause, but I can relate. I agree that often. narcissists just appear confident. I cringe when people say narcissists only love themselves. I think it’s more a lack of self-esteem beneath it or one wouldn’t need others’ approval so much that it’s a preoccupation. That’s why I wanted to help and nurture my ex. who had a Cluster B disorder. He had immature parents and his mother didn’t attach to him. He refused to get help, though. I had to accept that sometimes. when damage happens early you can’t fix it in a relationship. I still like to help others but I do it through my career and am more careful in my personal life. Good for you, working on yourself and getting therapy! There’s nothing wrong with that. The brain is a part of the body and everyone accepts that we need to go to the doctor sometimes. Keep building awareness! ❤
Of course they were! So was mine. They can’t abide criticism, as he said. Must be hard to be perfect! I agree it’s an essential insecurity. People who are truly confident can take constructive criticism.
Narcs attract empaths means their opposite.....law of attraction is BS
I grew up in narcissism and ended up with hardcore narcissistic traits. I had a long road of spiritual enlightenment and self awareness and am a completely different person now. I was so so scared of being hurt, I was going to hurt you first and get what I could on the way, bc that’s how I always had to get my needs met. And since I “knew” everyone out there didn’t really care about me, would back stab me or abandon me bc I was so unlovable, it seemed okay to me. I didn’t get why other people received love for just existing, and I didn’t. It was my parents though, not my lack of value as an individual. I’m so glad I’ve grown.
I'm glad you did. May I ask you please what made you go on the journey ? What made you realise you had to change? And also, do you empathise now? Can you feel loved? Can you love?
Congratulations, what you have done is nothing short of incredible. I hope you have a peaceful, fulfilled life!
Wow this was amazing to read, thank you for taking your time and decided to really explain it. It makes so much sense and I hurt for you. ❤
Rose Madder. You must be a Stephen King fan.
It hurts that I felt this SO much but I'm proud of you. Very proud💙
"Love switch." That's why I'm grateful for I Corinthians 13. It explains what LOVE is.
.. Love is not just a feeling that is here today and gone tomorrow. ♥️
Yes but non-antisocial people fall in love slowly and fall out of love slowly. Antisocial people think they fall in love, and it's in the very beginning...and fall out of love just as quick. So I understand that the bible teaches people about loss of love, but I don't think they mean losing the love of a narcisist.
Gbu WOW I really APPRECIATE your common.❤
I have never seen a narc admit it in public. This is eye opening and mind-blowing. As an empath I have been hurt my whole life.
I'm an empath that has been bursting their bubbles since childhood cos I grew up with a chronic narcissistic mom and two siblings(out of seven)...I'm the 7th child,growing up I had watched how she treated my siblings so I had to learn how to deal with her on my finger tips ....mind we are all married and my dad is late my mom is still out here messing with us ...her kids,. Even without her leaving with any of us...she'd sometimes send messages across ...that she's sick,or stranded so that we would be all worked up wherever we are lmao...I laugh the whole time cos I'm not mad at her anymore I just pity her cos it really could be wack to be her ..you see lol.
There's a thin line between empaths and people-pleasers. Please set healthy boundaries and love yourself selfishly enough to know when to walk away from energy-draining people and situations.
@@f.k.a1010 I'm doing the healing work, but the toxic people are ruthless.
he,s lying.....lol just jokin..
Most narcissist identify as ‘empaths.’ Narcissists lack empathy, but that does not mean that anyone who has empathy doesn’t have narcissistic traits
This is what accountability looks like. Even though he still may have some challenges he is actively working to overcome it. Good for him and his family.
They never change, cold people, they also will do anything for £, and they have to be loved by everyone, pretending they are good.
Nah, this guy is faking it so people online can give him all the praise and recognition for being "not like the other girls". This dude still does everything a narc does but just tells you about it in a nice little tiktok later.
B.S. Lying 🤥 Is Not Accountability!
Get Real and Truthful...
Money and Limelight Attention Is What this B.S. justificarion video is about! 🤢 🤮
@@someguyyoukno lmaoooo
@someguyyoukno Could be. In which place I wonder if it isn't just sociopath.
As a person who was severely damaged by a narcissist, this was actually the closure i didnt know i needed. Thanks for sharing, for so long i thought i was the bad friend and man when you said "all criticism is criticism to them" everything clicked for me. Youre absolutely right that even positive advice can be taken as an attack by them. Thanks a lot.
As a licensed therapist, this young man explained NPD very well. I was married to person with NPD as I work with unaware persons with NPD. I am currently writing my book on what it looks like to be married to one. It's a very "hard" write.
Hey,,,Is it possible to live with a narcissistic peacefuly without feeling hurt like can someone really live with a narcissistic?
I don't believe it's possible to live with a Narc and not experience pain. It's impossible
@@omuyachristine9356 not unless the narcissit wants to change of their own FREE WILL. Like the video said...
@omuyachristine9356 it's not possible to live peacefully with a narcissist nomatter how much you try ,you will lose yourself if you are not careful .I left mine after 10 years ,it was very hard ,no peace at all cause you will be dealing with a disorder or some de..mo.ns that are inside of them .
This man did the right thing by going for therapy ,mine refused for us to go for counselling he would just cast the blame back at me and say i should go for therapy cause I'm the one with the problem .
Hope you have watched the video.,it says no peace living with a narcissist but this man has done well going for therapy
It was
@@kelleyporter4312very true
Narcissists have plenty of emotion just not empathy.
Right, as anger, happiness when you are crying, itchiness when are some other women around to show themselves. All of those show sick emotions.
Oh boy, you are sooooo right! Yikes
Mainly anger, rage and jealousy .....yeah I'm done dating for awhile...social media has the "🤳 selfie -shness" is giving a big majority of people a grandiose delusion of themselves.
They have plenty of demons too.
Not true Of course they have empathy they just find it hard to show
I have a narcissist in my family. No matter what, he is right. You can have evidence presented to him that proves he's wrong and he still feels he is right and will argue you down over something he knows he's wrong about.
Narcissus will never admit they are wrong about anything, and even when you point out how much they've hurt you, they refused to apologize. From what I've researched, this means they are evil & and have no conscience, on top of no empathy for anyone. Self-serving, scandalous bastards. They leave for an hour or two and come back and think that we(the abused) have forgotten all about it and forgiving them. After three years of abuse, I am not as forgiving to the narcissist.
@@rexwillhite4751 I’m laughing too hard at this😂😂😂
@@saundra9988 I'm the nicest guy and everyone knows it and I do get worked up. 3 years of abuse and killing the person with kindness did not work. This guy is been to prison and is a piece of crap righteous indignation is the only thing that has stopped the abuse. Hopefully I can laugh right along with you soon. And venting like this ensures that I don't go to bed angry. Much love to everybody. What's on your mind I sure do.
By the way I just checked out your channel and you're absolutely beautiful and well-informed young lady. You tell it like it is and I like that. I'm going back to subscribe right now. Make sure and press that like button more than once.
@@rexwillhite4751 we didnt chose to be this way, we have trauma from our childhood and we have been treated differently and bullied as a child and that made us narcs go into defense mode to protect ourselfs from falling into that deep hole again, we are very defensive and mean because deep deep inside something is scared and angry
Thanks for your courage and honesty. I grew up in a family of all narcissists, and not one of them was ever this self-aware.
Their courage and honesty?? Narcissists are pure evil, there is no courage or honesty to be praised or involved here, it’s purely for his benefit.
Same
Same!
Narcissists usually Embrace the fact that they are narcissists, and feel quite proud of that fact. My ex is proof of this, again it leaves them feeling somewhat 'special'...Although this is wonderfully insightful to us, i doubt this took him courage...I personally believe (assuming his diagnosis to be accurate) he is enjoying the attention - dupers delight is written all over his face
Ditto!
It was sad to extract my life from every last one of them, which was quite extensive, however, my life is good now, peaceful, and I'm not being emotionally beat up, or gaslighted continually
This is the second time I’ve heard the words ‘cognitive empathy’ tonight! I’ve often wondered how HG Tudor (RUclips) recognised and felt empathy when he’s a narcissistic psychopath……. I only knew about ‘emotional empathy’, which he, or you, wouldn’t have. But the penny dropped when I heard the words cognitive empathy… That makes sense to me.. fascinating.
'My core is a wounded inner child'. The trauma creates the NDP disorder. YES! Kudos for stating this so clearly.
Yes but the difference is those who go on to repeat what was done to them or don’t. Guess which one is npd. How about focusing on all the trauma wounded inner children who don’t repeat what was done to them ……!!!!
I was a wounded child...and chose NOT to become like my abuser. Children do this everyday. They decide to be DIFFERENT from the narcissist who abused them in their early childhood home and throughout their life until they got away and never went back.
I was NEVER going to allow all that trauma and abuse to make me what my mother and father were: never.
I have a sadistic NPD neighbor who's been terrorizing the neighborhood for the past 20 years, so it's really hard for me to observe him as a "wounded inner child" when he gets sick satisfaction from making others suffer. Everybody has a choice no matter the circumstances, people who chose to do evil should not be in any way trivialized because the damage they do is enormous.
@@le_th_ exactly :)
@@amonynous9041 It's not trivializing, it's explaining.
"you will never be enough for the wrong person, but you CAN be enough for yourself."
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you!”
End it when you hear that phrase. The person saying that doesn’t have the capacity or desire to consider you important enough to protect.
“You weren’t trying hard enough not to.” Is the appropriate answer.
Another one: I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt
That's literally what my narcissist said when I called him out and finally ended the relationship and after that tried to guilt-trip me back
I believe you all here are disagreeing with his very perspective. That that very phrase “I wasn’t trying to hurt you” may be them trying to change. I disagree with the thought of “just kick them to the curb.” It isn’t always necessary and may be better to hang in there at times. I think sometimes there might be narcissism on the other side of the situation with the people saying “I’m not going to deal with this” as well….
I came from a family riddled with narcissism. I would have never wanted to cut them out and done without them for my whole life. There’s been good and bad, but I’m so glad I have my family. And no, I don’t just put up with abuse. I see it for what it is and realize that we are all learning. I think before ppl cut their family out, they should ask themselves “why are we here?”
That is not a very fair approach to take with people in general. No one can expect another to know every little weak spot or sensitivity they have. You have to teach people how to treat you.
@Unit in Harmony so true. Pathetic is the word. Leave that crap alone!!
So nice to hear the whole story! Thank you for being so transparent. I’m so happy you are healing and working towards having a healthy relationship 🙏🏾
Gives us all hope ❤
Never being told no, is also a trauma. Trauma is primarily the withdrawal of love. When a child tests boundaries, it's built in to expect guidance in a firm but loving manner. When that is not given, it's just as traumatic in the long run. It deprives the child from developmental stages to go through.
perspective can be so soothing to the mind. Thank you for this comment
Yes, never being told no is neglect!
its neglect, causing a lack in developmental skills.
Yes, neglect may be part of the cause, but scapegoated children suffer more than neglect and as adult have a lot of empathy for people that are mistreated.
I think it's more due to nature and genetics than nurture. I was brought up in a highly toxic family myself and feel absolutely disgusted by myself copying many of the toxic behaviours of my parents, which I managed to notice and dismiss over the years - especially treating others in a derogatory way. My brother for comparison doesn't have such problems and is ok with most of the "social culture" he acquired, which I believe is due to us inheriting a different set of genes.
I wish everybody with mental health disorders were this self-aware and upfront. The world would run a lot smoother if we all knew who we were dealing with. Kudos to this guy.
It's hard to get like that, I was never diagnosed. However I think I was a Narcissist like malignant one. I believe my father was and he pushed it into me like they always do. Child me obviously knew and didn't know. It wasn't till I was 27 was I abled to remove his claw. The scar is still there. I kinda hope it never leaves though. My experience with my father gave me a mission in life. It should be illegal for people with current dark triad traits to raise children. I was never mad my father did what he did to me. Just mad he did it to a child, multiple children. He had more with a second family. It should be illegal for people like my father to raise children. If that means it becomes illegal for me to raise kids too, then I don't care. Just means kids will be going to family's who want them. Not need them
No, he’s just receiving public validation. He’s not capable of self awareness, he just downplayed the cycle of narcissistic abuse entirely by saying “they fall out of love with you” and that’s not true at all. They take control by that point. Saying things like “my hands move by themselves” is a wildly concerning statement too. This man is truthfully barely in control of his actions and thankfully for society as a whole, he’s getting his needs met through social media fame. Probably the only thing unhealthy enough to feed a narcissist.
When it is demonised people will never feel comfortable being open about it....
That is a slippery slope though man... if you can stop one group having kids then they could stop any group they wanted. @@nothomelessonyoutube
@@TheBanana93 And people validating him for admitting he has issues processing negative emotions isn't ever going to do anything but feed his ego.
Again, it would be different if he wasn't literally gaslighting in the video.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 26 years. I had no idea what I was dealing with until I got out. Better late than never.
31 yrs here , married to a covert narcissist. Our divorce will be final soon
Covert narcissists are the most dangerous. They are doing everything behind your back.
2 yrs with such kind of a person and so detrimental..Thank God for His divine intervention, I was enlightened after painful break up for more or less than 3mos then .. good it didn't last for longer time as others had..
What were the symptoms? How did you know they were narcissists?
Good job. Now move on and stop watching videos about it.
He said he does not envolves emotions but reacting comes from emotions and a lack of control of those emotions. Anger is an emotion.
Narcissist: the best source for information on narcissists is me.
That checks out.
😂
I mean kinda true lol. This guy knows his shit
Yeah, him and his 'platform of 2 BILLION people'.
He sounds like he worked super hard but I did laugh
this is something people with a lot of different disorders say. The most common example of this are autistic people, because they have been misrepresented by organizations and outsiders for years. So no, it doesn’t “check out” for narcissists, just because they’re narcissists. Stop demonizing a personality disorder just based on the biases you already have. Also, how is it wrong to say that the best source of information on how a disorder manifests is the person who lives with it? Seems logical to me.
When he said social media is giving narcissists a platform. It confirms everything I see on social media. I no longer see influencers behind the screen but I see people with narcissistic tendencies. Especially with victimizing themselves in exchange for sympathy. Damn
I agree
Not only that but the likes and the upvote/downvote systems make it even worse.
All Humans have narcissistic tendencies. That doesn’t make them all NPD sufferers. People love to deny and project their own narcissism, hatefully judging others, dehumanising them in the process.
Young people are very narcissistic in particular. I’m not going to waist my time reducing them to their narcissistic traits, ignoring the rest of them. I mean look at global society. Who is anyway to judge anyone else. We’ve created a circus on this planet.
You're seeing traits,not necessarily narcissists
who called you a narcissist honey? No we don't all have narcissistic tendencies@@InvincibleSummer-s8p
I Admire that you have the ability to see this and change. A lot of narcissists don’t see anything wrong and don’t want to change
yes… this disorder is shame based and with shame you can’t change… the more people can face this in a non-judgmental way the more people can change. Guilt is a loving guide-but all they can do with shame is self annihilate or project their pain. Doesn’t make them less dangerous-they are terribly dangerous! Unconditional love NOT unconditional relationship.
This comment is gold. Thank you for sharing this perspective. Shame is good for nothing.
I agree with u 💯% but the misconception of narcissistic is that they lack self awareness of there wrong doings onto others. this can be true for most but many narcissists are very aware of their intentions of doing harm and the emotional, physical, and psychological pain they cause to people but they replace that awareness with beliefs that justify there abuse. Example they know what they are doing is causing harm but in their brains they have to redirect that emotions so that they are the victims so they don’t really take accountability or see the evil they project onto others, they tell them selfs that “everyone else is the problem and not them.” My whole point is don’t be deceived narcissist goes way deeper than being egotistic they have planned thoughts, actions and know how manipulate their way through mostly anything because most of it is learned and mirroring behavior. They know exactly what they are doing and they get off on that it’s like a high.
99% of narcissists love being a narcissist and see nothing wrong bullying, lying and manipulating others.
appreciate it
Thanks for coming out in person to share this. This is the first time I'm seeing a narcissist admitting to be one and even talk about it.
I love how he presents the lack of empathy as a positive in a totally narcissistic way.
10 months later... Almost 1k likes??? Wow... I feel so... "relatable"... o.o' ❤️
I mean, in some sense, it logically makes sense. It actually has benefits, whereas I’ve learned from countless years of people pleasing that letting your big heart and empathy and desire to help actually will hurt you more than it’ll help. So in a sense, not having empathy means they’re not likely to be bothered by a bunch of stuff that bothers us. For example, look how upsetting the George Floyd situation was for many of us. But I can imagine in some other setting where empathy gets you hurt, and taken advantage of, that yeah not having empathy would be better in that sense.
This doesn’t justify or endorse how harmful impact narcissistic behavior is to victims of it, but just kinda gives you perspective on why he might feel it’s a positive thing.
I get it. There’s too many times I’ve decided to give myself to someone or a situation and left feeling like it would’ve been better if I had just stayed out of it.
@DevonEwyMusic. I think helping others and having a big heart can easily stem from a “selfish” need to be liked. Rarely is it only about giving - emotionally, practically, monetarily etc. It’s always good to look at why it’s so important to help. True generosity is wonderful imo but it has to come from an authentic place. Just my opinion as your reply resonated with my past✌🏽😊
@@jollymollyramram9702 Great point! I agree with you. Having empathy is an advantage imo it helps build genuine long lasting relationships. But you also can't go around being "nice" to people please. That's a lack of self worth.
I knew he was going to say lack of empathy, and he's right. I have too much empathy and it completely holds me back in life. More than once I have googled "how to be more selfish". I am not a door mat (maybe a bit of a door mat sometimes for my family), but as an example I will always put animals before myself, possibly to the detriment of making any kind of progress in life
Hahaaha
Makes sense now why I could never talk to my EX about ANYTHING without him getting offended or upset. And even when I tried to say it in the nicest way possible that still didn’t help. 🤷🏽♀️
Or they turn it around and tell you you’re the one who is overly sensitive! Then the crazy-making kicks in.
me neither, my ex would completely flip out. started yelling, throwing things, an overall lack of empathy and self-awareness. i didnt notice it because things were okay until i needed to bring up an issue and didn't recognize it as a mental illness. i thought he just had regular anger issues
Please that doesn’t equal him being a narcissist annnnnd like you’re being fully honest with your mistakes.
Narcissism is a spiritual issue more so than even a psychological one. The psychology can point out traits but the issue lies within. It's a broken inner child, trauma, etc. Which makes them wear the mask and feel they have to destroy you first because they feel everyone else is like THEM. The empath narc dynamic is very real. It's energy, everything is energy and narcs have such a void inside them that they have to take energy from others around them in the form of sex drugs and control
Actually, it is the evil spirits within them that have imprisoned their soul. They are far from empty.
Absolutely
@Refreshing Breeze you are spot on!!! I was with a narc for a little over two years. He even told me he was a “narc caveman “ and I just laughed at him (in his face) I told him he choose to be that way. They know what they are doing, cheating, lying. I literally caught him at the woman’s house, and he invited me to the bar, while his “main supply “ (that paid his phone bill, tolls, vehicle in her name, and paid few other bills) was there. He never expected us to meet! She came over and introduced herself. Later, when he and I went to leave she came to me, asked where he was, then proceeded to tell me, he’ll come back to me 😮, I was like WHAT?! He didn’t allow me to go back to that bar for over a year. I know, they know what they are doing….
Idk about that lmao
After being at the hands of in laws that are narcs, why do they choose a few to destroy? They do not try to destroy all of those around them. Two daughter in laws was treated well. I came from a religious home, and I firmly believe I was treated poorly because of this. The other two daughter in laws family life was not religious.
6 Signs of Love Addiction (AKA Limerence!)
1. obsessively thinking about them
2. insecurity and/or shyness in their presence
3. putting them on a pedestal
4. emotional dependency
5. longing for reciprocation
6. fantasizing about reciprocation
All this. And it's brutal
Took me five years to get over this. Then they came in after five years like they'd sensed I'd moved on,and I told them to get lost 😂 they were a covert narrcissist.
Regarding him talking about benefits of being a narcissist.
The idea that narcissists are clearer thinkers because they lack empathy doesn’t hold up. They actually feel emotions deeply-especially shame-and their poor emotional regulation clouds their thinking, not the other way around. Healthy people can balance emotions and logic without seeing emotions as weakness, which leads to clearer thinking. If narcissists were truly logical, they’d take criticism and improve, but their need to protect their ego blocks real growth.
I lived that with her. I didn't know what was happening. I hope she is always loved, and especially learns to love herself and heal. She is beautiful, and I know there is a beautiful woman inside.
He's found a way to get narcissistic supply, by being honest, and by having a platform. I hope some researchers seek him out for research purposes. But, he's not the first person to discover a way to shine by notoriety. Still, Bravo for trying to change your behavior for your loved ones. And of course you can have loved ones. Unless you're a sociopath. I wish every narcissist could see and succeed in a relatively safe manner for everyone involved.
Everyone has narcissism
most people are narcs if you classify "narcissistic supply" as posting youtube videos for some sort of praise, because most people would enjoy that
Anti Social Personality Disorder (“Sociopath”) is actually very similar to Narcissism in that people can learn to work around it. Many sociopaths do have loved ones, and they can learn connotative empathy (basically understanding other’s emotions even if you can’t feel them).
Everyone has the potential to be one. The theme is It’s not enough they struggle with
Felt this. Everytime I watch this, it’s needs to remembered that he’s still a narcissist.
"You can not outlove the trauma of the narcissist." Profound, thank you so much for this video.
I never thought I'd see the day when I would hear a narcissist admit thier narcissism. Good on you for doing the hard work. Keep it up👌
There are actually people all over YT speaking insightfully about their own narcissism. It provides a rich source of supply for them. A built-in reward. Expect to see more of this.
There's even sociopaths doing this..
Sam Vaknin
I think he's just acknowleding because he was caught red-handed and it's hard for him to keep preying on the one or ones he did, because their game is over.
@@marinhomarinho4197He said he has been in therapy for 5 years and stick to it no matter what while incorporating new ways of acting differently, because he wants a better existence for himself like we all should be motivated by, cuckoo to him, it's more that what many enablers and self proclaimed "narc magnets" are willing to do
A lack of empathy is never a strength. A righteous man has both truth and empathy.
💯
Small mind
How else could he answer the question when he does not know the other side of beiing...
🤯@@estherchristingnadinger8890
I found his explanation as to how his apparent lack of empathy benefits him quite logical. Also, the trauma he experienced as a child possibly made his lack of empathy necessary for his survival. In my experience, it can be helpful to recognize the benefits of survival mechanisms when dealing with mental illness. This doesn't mean that one can't see the benefit in change and work towards it.
I'm also kinda curious about your definition of "righteous" and "truth". In my personal experience, it has been the persons most convinced about their knowing "the truth" and their acting righteously that did the most harm.
I called my close family member out for narcissistic abuse and that they had never sought therapy. In a moment of insight, they brought to my attention that the options for treatment when they were growing up in the 50s-70s were terrible and often harmful. It's not an excuse but it gave me pause and reminded me just how important it is for us now to make use of the tools available to us to unf*** ourselves and stop the cycle.
Very good point!
Yet even now, with all the advances in therapy, they still refuse to go, right?
You fell for their gaslighting and manipulation.
My parents are in their 70's, born in the 1950's. They could have sought Therapy at any time, and my mother did at one point.... But they also tried sending me to therapy at 10 years old because They believed "I was the problem."
People wont go to Therapy if they don't believe they are the problem. They can make any and all excuses they want, it's just BS.
This right here. My mother looks down on me and my younger sister for seeking therapy. Full no contact now. The tools were not there back in the day but they are here now. We can’t help that they want to stay in that un-healed space.
Its not hard just dont hurt other people no matter what excuse you can come up with. Self defense only
hell no avoid medicine and psychotherapy
Most Narcissistic people wont ever admit they have it...the fact that you have ..and are doing this to help others is amazing...really learning a lot from this channel thank you
While I applaud him for speaking on it, having myself dated a self aware narcissist, it can be the most dangerous position of all. It makes them seem safer, which often lures people to defend them at all costs. Something I learned the hard way 🩷 there’s nuance all around
Thank you Lee for being so honest. I left my husband after 18yrs of marriage. Like you said, you can hand in there and try EVERYTHING to help the person with NPD, loose yourself in the process, and still have no change. Unless the other person gets sick and tired of themselves, acknowledge the problem, and seek help for the problem, it’s a pointless uphill swim. I’m glad you saw the light!!
Just left mine after 19 years, I feel a huge weight lifted
I've lost myself in the process, but I'm not sure who is the narcissist. Them, me, or both?
For better or worse, People don't change. Accept them as they are or don't....
Never accept a Narcissist in your life if you want a peaceful life.
stay strong
I’ve completely LOST myself by loving this man for the last 8 years. I decided to stop doing it today. It kills me & my heart is so broken but if I don’t try to fight my way back to life, I’m going to be lost forever.
@@iamresilience6037 I’m trying. And thank you so much for your support & wisdom. When you asked if I knew MY NEEDS…it actually brought tears to eyes because I haven’t even considered MY needs for so long, I almost forgot that I had them!
This guy is quite self aware for being a narcissist. People who I’ve I’ve seen as possible narcissists seem totally unaware of their behaviour
😂
People are very self aware. They are aware of their flaws but are too cowardly to own up to them.
@@thefirstsurvivor narcissists think they are great and awesome but unlikely to attribute that to a clinical condition
There are a lot of narcissistic traits that can overlap with ADHD traits. That being said… when someone has ADHD and narcissism… oh goodness..
He’s pretending he’s aware.
In doing so, he gets twice as much supply because idiots can’t see the wood for the trees.
Thank you for the advice. Narc will not love you no matter what you change. Work on loving yourself ❤
Agreed they are opportunists
@@lilianagarcia6715well said
absolutely!!!
Thank you. Finally someone who knows the truth about these demonically possessed people.
@@dmc3202 You sound like a narcissist yourself, dehumanizing people. Maybe you're the demon, ever think of that?
Narcs are truly broken people, and it was the sadness I felt for my ex narc along with me thinking I could fix him that kept me in the relationship for so long. It lasted 10 years till decided I couldn't take any more of his abuse. My sanity meant more to me and so I had to get out. I lost so much in the process , but even with what I lost I still wouldn't go back and out myself through that again. It took me 8 months to get my head right after it. With the support of my dear friends. I always knee there was something wrong with him but didn't know what. I didn't even know what narcissism was until one night something twigged with me and I delved into it further and he ticked all the boxes. Narcissistic people will always seek out empathetic, kind people, because we are the only type of people that they can controle and manipulate.
Thank you! We are an easy mark and we come out of that Sht sooo fkd up. I had to check into treatment for all the PTSD I had awuired for loving a true piece of Sht!!
They are broken, yet disgusting. I am sorry for what you went through. You deserve much better.
@@lagcodyariver4886 i love how ur attacking someone for something they cant control... we was bullied from when we was little and we have lots of trauma that we dont remember and some of us had to grow up fast and we arent evil and we are this way to protect ourselfs from the trauma and the memories.. i call it a defensive instinct..
@@MontroQt I understand that you been hurt from childhood, but that doesn't give narcissists the right to destroy and ruin the life of others, who mostly stay with them you because of love. Narcissists are selfish and they mostly think about themselves, sacrificing people for their petty pursuit of pleasure: that is pure wickedness. I have been a victim. May the LORD show you all mercy.
@FN LN thats why my kid is never gonna end up like me, us narcs arent stupid im not gonna let him feel the same way + im good with kids
Sometimes, they don't care about the impact. Everything revolves around them. I mean, I'm glad you cleared up some myths. A narc is someone who does what they can to protect their ego & most times, everything else is collateral damage. At least you're self-aware and getting help to treat people better. There are others who are self-aware and don't care that they hurt others.
Ok so I am a counselor/therapist and feel so very proud of you for having the courage to acknowledge your limitations as well as finding the strengths that are a direct result of your pain in life. We grow and become resilient through our pain. People these days don’t want to touch a Narcissist with a 10 foot pole but my belief is that there is light and dark in EVERY human being. All have something to contribute in this life… all it takes is willingness. Keep doing what you are doing! 👌🏾
You have a LOT to learn.
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 Dude, how tf are you going to say that to a professional
There is light and dark in every situation. My narcissist ex did some of the sweetest things for me when he was in that phase of loving me. But as the man said there's that switch. And once it goes off, they don't give a bleep about you. The damage they can do is also immense. It is an intense cycle of ups and downs....... it's hard.
The truth is it is wise to want nothing to do with an NPD. The problem is the majority are never diagnosed and never seek treatment. Your comment about light and dark in everyone made me laugh. The DARK within an NPD is vicious and uncontrolled due to lack of ANY empathy. I think your comment foolish and harmful as there will be people that read your post and return to danger and an NPD who will NEVER be diagnosed and will never seek therapy. I suggest a warning to add to your post. Unless your NPD is diagnosed AND in therapy, leave and get far away. If they have owned their pathology and you have RULE for your relationship then consider if you are willing to stay and assist that person and IF it is worth it to you. Do not EVER be influenced by guilty or pity. I would also like to address assumptions made, yes it is true many have a childhood trauma that can be identified as the likely cause. Research in 2014 demonstrated this accounts for about 40 percent of those with NPD. Approximately 60 percent have a very STRONG likely genetic cause, identified by other NPDs in close family. There are clearly genetic reasons that an NPD comes into being. It is not all explained by life events or exposure to trauma. If that was the case every childhood trauma would result in NPD and that is not the case. Many who experience abuse and turn out to be caring people, so always remember this person with NPD is at least partially programmed to be this way. As with most things in mental health it is always a combination of factors and not one cause alone. Do not be sucked into the narrative that "my childhood was bad so its not my fault". That would be a huge mistake and you deserve better.
@@eligostheexaltedeveryone has a lot to learn my guy. Don’t be so gullible to authoritarian figures.
Love what he said about you never being enough or good enough for the narc. They will always find fault in you. That's comforting.
My ex slept with other women because of me. I was in the wrong. lol.
Wow...a self-aware narcissist...that's like seeing a unicorn.
Welcome to the internet.
😂
Lmaaaao 🤣
they out there, really don't trust this guy tho.
😮😂
You can tell he REALLY enjoys talk therapy because he enjoys hearing himself talk 😂 Good on him for continuing on his journey and doing it for himself.
Any attention is good attention for them. Imagine how much praise and attention he's getting for this. Narc heaven!
I just hope people can take the nuggets of wisdom he has served and better their lives. Also... RUN!
Its like the the ultimate con game
LMAOOO
...wouldn't anyone like praise though? 😂
Run period!!!!!! They don’t love!!! That is NOT love! Sickness and run!!
@@Portia620 think I'll choose love and boundaries because every person deserves to be treated as human but you do you
Your honesty here is obvious and hugely appreciated.
This guy is FAR more self-aware than any person with strong narcissistic tendencies I have ever met. While not diagnosed, My wife checks off nearly every box and there is absolutely no getting through to her about ANYTHING.
these personality disorders are wild, and it really goes a long way in explaining how the world is as fucked up as it is. the human mind is very susceptible to a wide variety of serious problems
Yeah, from my personal experience it's like playing chess against the grandmaster. Everything is covered, blocked, feinted... Not in a love affair, but a fling with a tail so to say.
Still not sure wtf she's even up to, but it all fits the bill.
Real question. How long did you guys date and went to marriage? Were there signs that she may have been one before marrying?
@@kikithepupper6774 We dated for about a year, but it was long distance. We lived together for about 3 years before getting married, and yes there were signs but ones that could just easily be written off as her being spoiled and somewhat immature for her age. I honestly thought she would outgrow this behavior but it only got massively worse after the birth of our daughter. I was a fool for marrying her and pay for it every day.
Have you considered divorce?
I am speechless. I cannot fathom any narcissist actually being diagnosed. I really appreciate your having had the temerity to seek out therapy, accept the diagnosis, and make the effort to change. I hope that your kids will be treated equally and fairly. My father destroyed me and I’ve been dealing with it my entire life. This is probably not great for your ego, but kudos to you for taking a negative and turning it into a positive. It’s rare for black men to seek help. I’m sure your wife appreciates that she is lucky in that you’re aware of yourself and efforting to improve.
My moms a narcissist. And she would never admit there’s something wrong with her, or that she should get professional help. Everyone else is the problem and wrong and they need to change to suit her reality. Sadly narcissists usually don’t get help because they think just like that
It's the people around narcissists that get damaged.
AMEN
Only damage I see is being with him too long, the lost years; but I’m free and I’m fine thanks to my relationship with GOD.
@@lorebay2593Who are you?
I always felt this way since the beginning of my school years from a child. I always felt I was out of place in a room full of people, and still felt alone.
I have had 2 Narcissists in my life and neither had any self awareness, even on an academic level. They both caused a lot of damage. I am sure you are helping many people with your commitment to talk about your experiences and how you are trying to improve your life and that of those around you. I commend you and your wife.
Really, you commend his wife? No way is their relationship healthy. He has totally manipulated her mind, body and soul. She is a broken woman who has deluded herself in believing she can help fix him. It’s called The god complex”.
No one on this earth has the power to heal another person, all power belongs to YAHWEH. Even the laying on of hands and people are delivered that deliverance came from the power of God/Yahweh NOT THE PERSON.
I blew up at a narcissist who was acting out.
I called them out angrily on their narcissism and also called them an idiot savant because they are a really smart person that makes really dumb choices sometimes.
Anyway, they ket quoting me as calling them a "Narcissist savant". Selective memory for sure.
@dmc3202 At least dudes in therapy and not blaming demons and asking sky daddy to fix everything. You wanna be Christians are the first to pass judgement even when your little Bibles tell you otherwise🤣
@@stricknice5260 May the Creator that allows you to exist and awaken every morning to reap the benefits of being in your right mind and able to bath and dress yourself through His power enlighten you to His Truth.
Side note Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world - 1 John 4:1.
This scripture isn’t just for testing the spirit of prophets but of people period.
@@dmc3202 🙏🏾👀
I have to say, some of the comments here remaining to criticize his narcissism, while he puts himself willingly on blast for the sake of this video/interview, almost degrade you to the same level as him, pre-therapy.
The ability for a "healthy" person to hear of another who is afflicted own up to their mistakes while showing an attempt to reconcile, shows me that no matter how "healthy" you are, you can lack a fundamental understanding of respect. Put yourself in his shoes.
Do you truly understand empathy?
You realise he can hurt you in such a way you will develop trauma right? You think he is making this video for a reason other than for attention?
Having been abused by a narcissistic parent, I think this blanket stigma about all narcissists is dehumanizing and weird, and it breeds narcissistic traits in so-called empaths. These are wounded people at the end of the day. He can’t hurt us through a screen ffs.
I love his honesty. There is no cure for the shattered inner self, but one can see their own behavior and hurt others less. Much health to everyone!
Im married to a Narcissist and he have been that way for 20 years ,he IS not a bad person but he just LIE AND MANIPILATE and always blaming me for his actions,, I cant do it anymore so I had to walk away! HE HAD ME THINKING I WAS GOING CRAZZY!!
Sounds like is a bad person to me
@@IloveJesus-k4iright? I was just about to say that. Please seek help 🙏🏾
Not intending to hurt someone, yet knowing you are and not caring is an interesting way of describing the process. Some are even amused with the aftershocks. Makes me think of a road with dangerous curves and no warning signs.
Thank you for your perspective. You're self aware and that's quite refreshing!
Basically the hurting of others wasn't a primary goal. But they care so much about getting what they want that if they injure others in that pursuit, they'll do so and won't feel bad about it.
Yeah I did not agree with that statement. If you know you are hurting someone, yet continue to do so, that is intentional. They are just indifferent.
I believe that narcissism typically develops during childhood. However, it's not always the result of trauma. In some cases, a child may be left alone frequently and develop their personality without much guidance. This can be a way for them to survive, as they start to imagine their personality and it grows from their inner self. Many narcissists may have had narcissistic parents or lacked guidance during their upbringing, spending a lot of time alone. Ultimately, at their core, narcissists are individuals who feel totally alone in this world. This is more true to covert narcissists.
It's the capitalist societies that breeds narcissist
Yes, spot on. But leaving a kid alone is neglect, a form of abuse. If the child is very sensitive or has special needs it can be devastating. What you wrote above was my experience. Mom was (is) a covert narcissist. Narcissists & neglect go hand in hand.
I was left alone for a whole day or sometimes two days for my first 6 years. This IS traumatic. Not to mention the abuse, sexual molestation, the emotional neglect and the list go on .... And yes I am diagnosed as covert narcissist.
in addition to that it can stem from how a parents won't or can't participate in the normal typical things that kids do. being dismissed like you don't want to do that. why do you want to play with that? that's is so messy.
@@sonyab2925 - Yes. The trauma of narcissism creates the narcissism of trauma. I had a breakdown realizing I was becoming like my mom (the covert narcissist) - behavior not aligned with my own values, not who I wanted to be, not my true self. I am trying to break the cycle, re-parent myself. Best wishes for your healing journey.
Thanks for this! My ex husband was a narcissist. He pursued me and acted like he was super in-love with me. But soon fell out of love, started cheating and treated me like crap! Thank God for this info, I can finally put that messy experience to rest. What a toxic relationship I was in.😭I pray I never meet someone like that again in my life. Picking up the pieces after such a toxic relationship was extremely hard! While my ex went about his business, changing partners often and getting married soon after we broke up. No accountability at all. Super messy!
I had 2 back-to-back relationships with narcs. I tried to break it off with both of these men. They weren't having it. I was dumped by the first guy. I dumped the 2nd guy. It wasn't easy, but so powerful. I'm glad I did. He was so nasty and the signs were there he had new supply, so I went no contact before he did. Told him I met someone so get lost.
@@terriblue68 am sorry you went through that. It's hard being in a relationship with a narcissist. The best thing to do is to love yourself more than you love them coz there's no winning anyway with them, they are very manipulative and selfish af. Choose you, always. Best wishes.🤗
@@terriblue68 from personal experience I’ve noticed that they want to be in control and they want to be the ones to break things off
You were probably too accomodating tbh. Not a criticism, we're all here to make our own experiences but when someone acts like crap, it's time to detach and disengage. I don't think we should care to find out whether they're narcissist or what have you.
@@sunbeam9222 I agree, thank you so much for this.
The narcissists I’ve known have the mindset ‘there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s everyone else’. Nice to see someone in therapy and working on themselves.
So true- I loss myself, my identity and the isolation is real. It is devastating to have been in relationship with someone like that and it is difficult to come back from or to ever trust someone again.
This is why I stopped speaking to my ex - he deliberately insulted me and placed himself above me in hierarchy when I was opening up/ being emotionally vulnerable with him… it was the sign of someone who could be an emotionally manipulative person in a relationship.
I forecasted: any woman who’d be with him, over time, would end up loosing her confidence with him - this applies to confident women also. He doesn’t uplift you, he belittles or leaves you.
Even the most confident of us women need someone to open up to.. and when I did, Bullsh-t is all i got in return.
I realised I had to let it him go.
You did when you decided to mingle with a narcissist, you don't get to such a degree of damage if you haven't had already narcissist parenting or if you are not narcissistic yourself. The good of meeting NPD people is that you can test your mental sanity and keep healing yourself if needed.
Totally
So healing and empowering watching this. I dated a narcissist for several years and walked away a few months ago. This gives me so much closure as I pictured him in this video speaking and talking to me about his own narcissism. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing ❤
what a beautiful perspective. thanks for sharing
@jessrosewillis
Thanks for your testimony. 19:45 was key and I agree 100%.
I’ve gone to therapy for years to deal with issues with my brother, finally to find out he’s likely a narcissist. I recommend anyone who was subjected to such abuse to get counseling. It helped save my sense of reality. Ross Rosenberg has some good videos on the subject as well.
Same for me. So much closure because I also pictured him. And these light bulbs went off and then it all made sense I was able to take myself out of it and just see it for what it is and what he describes.
The biggest danger of being in a relationship with a narcissist is being destroyed!
Is believe that lack of empathy can be a good thing
Life is greater than a narcissistic parent 🎉
@@anacarolla2011🚩 likely it is his safe net, :' I'm doing the job of becoming a better person,but please don't let me feel, it may wreck me.
My therapist said to me that you are responsible for your actions, but not for your thoughts. As a teen guy, that is very helpful rn.
Actions come from thoughts you are not responsible for for anything 😂😂😂😂😅
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is on a spectrum! This gentleman was able to tell his story and bring insight to our awareness but many can't. Understanding where a person falls on the spectrum and their willingness to get help on their own is key. If a person us unwilling to get help for themselves it ends up being just as bad as any other addiction or disorder. Find out quickly and determine for yourself if it's worth it to you.
Don’t confuse can’t and won’t! Him talking about this doesn’t mean he is well. I doubt anyone would want to be his partner or child behind closed doors because they will be treated like sh*t and have wounds that they will carry on for life. This is not some light disgnosis, this is a very serious personality disorder.
What I just can't understand, after surviving the most abusive narc mother ,extreme trauma, sex abuse, the lot...is 1. Why people have kids with narcs in the first place and 2. Why some of us most traumatised as kids don't automatically develop NPD etc...yet some say they only have NPD due to childhood trauma. I can't find any scientific evidence firmly correlating NPD with childhood trauma ..is this just yet another attention/ empathy seeking excuse?
@@LeahLa17 self awareness
@@LeahLa17 some people just care, and some don't
@@LeahLa17 I have a friend who proclaims they and a sibling to be narcissists due to childhood abuse & SA. Their parents were definitely a narc and a codependent. The narc parent was always abusive and when the codependent one passed, they became literally monstrous. Half of the siblings packed their stuff and left to live away from him. That side of their family is also highly toxic.
Unfortunately, I can relate to my having traits or thinking in the ways they taught me, due to having 2 family members who are text book narcs. One of my parents is codependent and clearly traumatized from years of abuse. We hurt each other a lot because they didn't understand my situation of having practically one parent, and I didn't get how it's like having many kids + a negligent & abusive partner.
I am a co-dependant borderline with narcissistic traits. This has been eye-opening! Thank you!
Oh my god are you me?
This is very common and some people will think they’re flat out narcissist
I can also relate
Dont have kids. Thanks
@@suntzu6122 yikes didn't take you long to jump straight to eugenics
I have a tremendous amount of respect for you sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing this video. I think this is the first video of a male diagnosed NPD ever and it’s refreshing to hear how you are self aware and trying to work on yourself that’s refreshing.
There needs to be more videos on Covert Fragile and neglectful Narcissists. I've seen clinicians misdiagnosed them because they're not like the grandiose narcissists.
I did a video on them 😳 talk about alignment shall I share the link with you
@@Luxiouriousprettyme yes please
There are so many videos on covert narcissism on RUclips by many different knowledgeable people. Just type it in the search bar. But you are right I think too it gets missdiagnosed a lot. My ex was diagnosed with schizophrenia in early twenties, but is now 43. He has been doing drugs like amphetamines and ketamine his whole life, not like a crazy addict, but does it at times to so he says recreate his 1 time psychosis and have those visions again. To me that's weird. So he gets visions from drugs not because he has schizophrenia. Meanwhile after I ended our relationship cause I couldn't deal with his overall lousy behavior anymore, I started looking on the internet what just happened to me, I was so utterly confused and heart broken. I discovered he has all the traits of a covert narcissist with an overlap with psychopathy or sociopathy. But everyone thinks he is schizophrenic and he seeks sympathy from others saying he had a psychosis once in his life. For the rest he knows he has problems, but he is always doing just fine the way he is,so he says... I went back to see him after 3 months of no contact to see if I might be wrong about my feelings and diagnosis, but he keeps behaving like a wounded entitled child, claims he is working on himself, after I told him I was, but shows nothing of it so far. Maybe he is, who will say, but now it's time to let go again, my own health is more important 🙏❤️
This. ^^
My therapist wasn't even aware that Cluster B personality styles/disorders operate on a spectrum. I think this is a problem, as NPD awareness only started to ramp up about 20 or so years ago.
@@Stuff7164 So grateful mine knew exactly what I was dealing with and took time for me to come to the realization on my own. Mine knew because her first husband (likely her second too) was the same. The only sad thing is it triggered her too much to hear more so we parted ways eventually. But she was a huge help. I’m debating going into this line of work to help more people the way she helped me. We need more folks that recognize them and can help people put some emotional and physical distance between themselves and the narcissists in their lives.
21:40 - Agreed. You can't fix/heal/love someone out of this issue. It is like taking someone to the gym to get strong. I can go with you. I can show you the proper form for lifting weights, etc. However the PERSON needs to lift the weights themselves. THEY need to do the work and it is the ONLY thing that is going to help them. 🏋️♂️🏋️♀️🏋️♂️
As the saying goes “ Hurt people hurt people.”
One of my uncles died of a heart attack 2 years ago and everyone at the funeral talked about him like he was the best person ever. I always felt off about him, his micro expressions, body language and way he talked about my aunt behind her back.
I just found out from another family member how controlling and narcissistic he was with my aunt and they were together for almost 40 years. I understand my aunts behaviour now, her self esteem was destroyed.
Thank you for coming out about your condition. I don’t think a lot of people would do this. Every where I go to learn about this condition it always focuses on the narcissist being evil, unreachable and there diagnosis incurable.. You’re doing a big thing and it’s going to open the doors to new ideas and research.
And your fawning all over him was about the worst thing you could've done! That's why he's on here! He wants attention, both positive and negative...as long as it's directed at him. And he probably smiled when he read what I just wrote, he knows he got under my skin, and he loves it.
Thanks Lee for the information and openess. As a recovering (hidden)narcisist I truly don't see the lack of empathy as a positive thing. You describe it as the possibility to make good analyses of a person, the situation and be able to have a rational view on the situation not hindered by emotions, but a normal person with empathy could also be able to do this as well. And no, a narcissist is not better at this, they only think they are better at it..why? Well, that's what narcism is all about ;-) Thinking you are better. Love is the answer to everything, so the goal to really recover from narcissism is the open up and truly feel this emotion. And yes, I have been traumatized in my youth also and have shut the door to my emotion of love. Sometimes this door is opened by certain circumstances and I immediately feel an emotion that I missed so much, but then again it is closed quickly for the fear of being hurt. It is a process, but in my opinion it can be cured.
A narcissist's ability to hurt other people is solely depending on the secrecy. That's why they always have to take control and deny the other person's reality. Once they are figured out, they are out of the game.
Much love to you😘
I’m wondering if being around a narcissist long enough can turn you into a narcissistic person almost like a way to survive with a narcissist. I can’t help but like this guy for being so real
It depends, i was different from my family which got me in trouble the most often if you're already aware of them and continue to be suspicious you will definitely try to avoid being one as much as possible.
For me I did MAJORLY! I became just as toxic as they were so therapy was the only way I could recover. Picture a person holding a cup with holes at the bottom, you attempt to fill that persons cup up but it never lasts long and in the end you both have nothing left. Simplest way I could explain it. *CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP
Lee is correct, you're not there to "fix" them and that's the unfortunate tangled web people get trapped in.
I grew up in a toxic household so was unknowingly primed to enable toxic behaviour- no one else could change that but me.
@Kitty CuriousityKilledTheCat
Completely agree with the flying monkey part- unfortunately they don't know they're being used tho.
Scriptures: how can two walk together unless they are in agreement? Bad communication corrupts good manners.
Birds of a feather flock together. Association brings about assimilation.
Having sex with a narcissist creates an ungodly soul tie whether the two of you are married are just fornicating.
Ask people who love you if you are the same person you were before hooking up with the narcissist.
Correction, those who love you enough to tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings.
I grew up in a narcissistic household. Yes, these can absolutely become learned behaviours. Then again, we all hold these traits (especially in our formative years) and are expected to find balance.
Being empathic it's especially difficult; because we love our abusers to a fault. As a survival mechanism (at least for me) my empathy has honed my ability to pick up on deception. Which is quite nice. It's far more difficult to read an actual narcissist though.
Mad respect! Insightful, eloquent, rational. You are going to be OK, sweetheart! Sending you a big grandma hug because everyone needs a big, warm grandma hug!
Finally!!!! About time a real narcissist spoke out !! The word is thrown around too lightly . Everybody portrays narcissistic traits at some point within their lives, deny it all you will. fact. I'm a narcissist working through my demons it's tough because it's mostly learned behaviour from my parents but I AM not my parents . Amen.
Wow! My ex told me, “I loved you till I didn’t anymore… now I love someone else.”
Man that was like a sword through the heart!!
Thanks for explaining that to me!
looks like nobody ever couldn't unlove.
you aren't narc, I guess
nothing in this world is guaranteed. People can fall in and out of love. now I don't know if there's more things they said and did. I'm not trying to diminish or even make it to be that they aren't narcissistic. I have been gaslighted among the infinite list of games. that doesn't sound like narcissism. I'm And please know I don't mean this with any disrespect. I am just reading what you wrote. I don't assume. I am willing to seek first to understand. not as easy to do within this form of communication.
They don’t love dear!!!! They are very sick sadly. No connection and it’s sad.
Honestly, I think it was her way to try to hurt me.
When she. ghosted me, I just let her go… didn’t even try to get her back.
Even though I had feelings for her and loved her, her gaslighting and stonewalling started to have little effect on me and I started to be ok with her disappearing… I was actually thinking to break up. I think she felt it and acted.
Narc's don't Love.. If you get too close they'll run.. Love means emotional intimicy.. They can not do that.. They never get attached..
It was never Love.. You were valued for what you could offer to him/her and then devalued.. That's it.
It took me years to realize, but I was free from the moment I knew, because everything my ex did made sense when he got his diagnosis..
They use you. That's it.
The key here is HONESTY.. this is what I realised was missing in really toxic people
you cannot set yourself on fire >>to keep someone warm
Lee has helped me finally understand why the Narcissist in my life behaves the way he does. Despite all the damage they can cause I honestly hope they all get the help they need because they are really broken people.
Broken things r useless.
Narcissists are the last people to get help. They think they are better and smarter than everyone including doctors. Sociopaths are even worse.
My eldest daughter is a narcissist. You have to trade carefully with her. She does not know how to talk to other people and is full of disrespect. She will hurt you and never apologise. But if you as far as say or do something she does not like, all hell will break loose. She is so self-centered and does not care about the other people. It's difficult to live with her in the same house.😢
Focus on u.
They are tormented souls.
@@Tee-Star Yep, cursed people curse people.
Really painful to be in a relationship with a Narc. Getting out is almost impossible as you loved something about them so much. When you start loving yourself more than the narc, you can slowly heal. On the other hand, I’m so glad that they can get theraphy if the narc is willing to improve their life.
Yes, the therapy is there, but most narcs have such an overblown idea of themselves, they don't see the need for therapy, - it's others who have the problem.
Thank you, you have just given me hope.
Another narc trait is they will not let you go!!!! They will become everything you ever wanted long enough to convince you that they care and understand what they’ve done, they appear to have turned a new leaf, and then when you come back, they turn right back into the monster that drove you away. It’s terrible!!!
The true difficulty is the demonic soul tie that needs to be broken, and your need to love yourself like you loved the person you allowed to abuse you! Self love is the cure to ridding these people out of your life!
@Best Life Amen! Yes once they except these demonic entities it's hard to get rid of them.
I've already heard everything he said from a therapist so I thought it wouldn't matter but it really hit me when he (someone in a similar position to a person I love) said "nothing you ever do will be enough". I guess I was holding on to hope that they would change... I needed to hear this.
sorry to say it's so true. instead put that energy Into something more worthy of your love. i talking about you.
I love this,being in a marriage for 18 years with a narcissist who doesn’t believe he’s a narcissist is like being on a hamster wheel of pain. I salute you and thank you for your transparency. He just left again 2 weeks ago so I’m dealing with all the same issues all over again. Considering divorce at this point.
We are all responsible of our choices. Blaming other only protect the ego.
It's like looking at an empty shell with no real humanity inside, just a mask. This perspective is helping me finally understand and radically accept that there's NOTHING I can do that will make such a person feel things for me or love me like (briefly) before.
Very true. If you've seen it, you will spot it so fast. Make sure you date people only once you're 100% ready and confident in yourself, and make sure they are too. Don't be there only to realize you were filling a gap.
Teaching someone who's so disturbed by mental trauma that they developed narcissism the concept of unconditional love is actually ridiculous. It sounds so good. But they've never experienced this. They know that those who should've given them unconditional love were the ones that hurt them.
Narccisists lack actual, pure self love. If you ask me, someone without self love isn't ready for sharing love with me.
Please put yourself first. Your self worth doesn't rely on how much love other people give you. Don't try to fix those people so they fill the gap of what you need. You deserve it, but not at your own expense ❤
Your comment hits home, particularly the final paragraph. Helpful! Thank you @@spacecatmowgli4723
you don't know what you are talking about
Neither do you, rando. "I'm Karl Marx on RUclips, how cool 🤪" What are you, 12? @@K.Marx48
"humanity" is a loaded and incorrect word to use
He's right; I lost my identity and sense of self, and became isolated from humanity in the process, and it seems to be permanent. It's hard to find people who relate to what I've been through and what I now know about the lurking darkness in humankind.
I completely understand this comment and it's extremely normal. But you should look at the grieving processes and understand you're in the mourning phase. But don't let these people take away anything else. This is just a short time in a long life.
This was 6 months ago. I hope you feel differently now. Good luck. You got this
This is very refreshing to hear someone openly discuss their journey through this, and good for you for being willing to work on yourself and be open with your wife and try to be a better husband and father.
I’ve gone no contact with so many narcissists and I’ve been judged relentlessly for it but I’m proud of myself and my decision. They have tried to absolutely destroy me and it’s always ended with me having to go no contact and deal with the smear campaigns. In the very end, they end up begging me for reconciliation and it’s never the other way around.
whatever u feel like u will never experience the insecurities of being like us, deep deep down we are treating u how we feel about ourselfs
@@MontroQt I know, I’m not cold hearted the way you are. I still don’t feel sorry for you because you choose to do wrong.
@@Aisha_Davis you are so cold. Maybe you are a narcissist ☺️
did any of those people actually have npd or are you just calling them narcissists?
@@cheyannegiles9772 How would one know if they do have npd when narcs never think they’re wrong?
I love this guy because hes exposing a strange sense of self awareness and the reality of a narcissist, but naturally Id likely hate him in person.
You are a self aware narcissist and because you are aware your life is getting better. Congratulations for your efforts! 👏
So many people are saying things out of hurt.... I think it is great that he cares about working on himself . Hopefully, with more study and more knowledge, we can all get a better understanding of people who go through this and maybe as a community we should help each other families that need healing from dealing with people with the disorder. Like group support for the loved ones.
In some cases, like mine!? I have no option but to walk away. I came back too many times already.
Im currently looking to get help myself. 😢