#1 Narcissism Doctor: Toxic Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist Causing Trauma & Disease | Ramani
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- Опубликовано: 19 май 2024
- Social media often mentions narcissism, but what exactly does this term entail? What traits define a narcissist, and what are the implications of being in a narcissistic relationship? Today’s guest contends that these relationships pose the most significant public health challenges of our time, and the full extent of their impact on our physical and mental well-being remains to be understood.
On today's episode of The Dhru Purohit Show, Dhru engages in a profound discussion with clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, delving into the intricate topic of narcissism. Dr. Ramani offers clear definitions of narcissism, dispelling misconceptions, and highlights the telltale signs to identify a narcissist. Additionally, she dissects the underlying wounds, childhood traumas, and relationship dynamics that may predispose individuals to narcissism, shedding light on how their behaviors can ensnare others into a cycle of blame. This episode delivers profound insights into these toxic relationships, elucidating their detrimental effects on survivors' daily functioning and the resulting health challenges.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She discusses narcissism on her popular RUclips channel, social media, her popular online program on healing from narcissistic abuse, and as the host of the podcast Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani.
In this episode, Dhru and Dr. Ramani dive into:
-The toll that narcissistic relationships take on longevity
-The lack of courage, awareness, and training to identify narcissists
-What is a narcissist and signs to spot one
-A narcissist’s goal, what makes them happy, and childhood wounds
-Can a person stop being a narcissist?
-Transactional praise and blame
-Types of narcissists and their characteristics
-How self-blame arises and navigating toxic relationships
-Sacrifices you make, how to heal, and radical acceptance
-A discerning approach and believing a person when they show you who they are
-Imagining a life without the toxicity and a new way of life
-Being a survivor and self-forgiveness
Also mentioned in this episode:
-Healing program: doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
-It's Not You: Identifying and Healing From Narcissistic People: a.co/d/2c4j5Ce
-Dr. Ramani’s Podcast, Navigating Narcissism: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
-Dr. Ramani’s Fireside Chat Network: firesidechat.com/drramaninetwork
For more on Dr. Ramani:
-Instagram: / doctorramani
LUMEBOX is sponsoring today's show. Right now, Lumebox is offering my community $260 off their portable Red Light device! That's over 50% off! Visit thelumebox.com/dhru to get your device.
-Twitter/X: / doctorramani
-RUclips: / @doctorramani
-Website: doctor-ramani.com/
This episode is brought to you by:
-Momentous: livemomentous.com
-BON CHARGE: boncharge.com/DHRU
-Lifeforce: mylifeforce.com/dhru
Optimize your Omega-3 levels by choosing a quality fish oil made by and used by the best. Go to livemomentous.com and enter promo code DHRU to get 20% off any order.
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Thank you for this interview. So helpful.
That.was excellent Dr Sharmi, so spot on and you explained just excellently. God bless you
How do you relate to.your son when your daughter-in-law is a narc? She has tried to use me as her secondary supply and I have been abused. As a resultI withdrew from my DIL but I struggle with my son who lives a block from me with my DIL. He is displaying her characteristics much of the time towards me. This has changed from.his initial character?
I'm in a narcissistic relationship for more than 25 years.I belief it's a trauma bond where do I start
So grateful for all the good information
Great interview, p
Blessings
Living with a narcissist in your life feels like being slowly poisoned
Yes!
Yessssss
And possesd
I have grey hairs all over at the age of 26. I’m so glad God saved my life
@@Jess-yp9fo You might want to take some nutritional copper. That's not necessarily from stress alone.
Dr Ramani deserves a Nobel Prize.
💯
This is A revelation
My mum and sister died of this exact thing; being in relationship with husbands and people who sucks them dried
I had a divine intervention to break this pattern of abuse with partner and family members
This is so helpful for anyone experience this
@@AbideenTurkyou are a m@r@n and likely the person that others have to escape from
@@AbideenTurkyou are likely the person people are trying to escape from
If the committee is not filled with narcs
Narcissistic abuse should be a crime.
I totally agree with you.
After my Health, my Life....really everything is destroyed i feel the same.
I couldn't agree more. It has stolen too many years to count since my abuse began literally in my mothers womb. She was so disconnected/detached when she was pregnant that she would joke about smoking and never really looked any deeper, considering what damage she was already doing. Instead, she always made it into a 'funny story' to tell since they didn't realize how harmful it was since I was born in the 70s. I also remember from a very early age, maybe 3 or 4 but I was crying and couldn't stop. I don't know why I was so upset but vividly remember her eyes and how dark they were when she made me go to my room for a 'time out' after she got so mad when she asked me what I was crying for and couldn't answer. She told me that I'd better figure it out and not to come out till then and slammed my bedroom door. I never could imagine how awful it would get as I grew up and sadly don't have a ton of memories since I think it was a way I subconsciously dealt with her emotional and sometimes physical abuse.
My older sister, whose birthday is today, and my mother's is tomorrow their personalities are incredibly similar and only made the abuse worse since it is a classic empath/narcissistic relationship and was always told I was too sensitive or overthink everything even being told I was 'too trusting' and other strange comments I couldn't understand why they were saying them. I always felt this heavy feeling on my heart and can still feel it at almost 50 years old this October. I knew that things felt wrong didn't know why since I was so severely manipulated I allowed them to treat me that way just thinking that alot of people have struggled with relationship with their parents and especially sister fight, right?
I am so thankful for realizing this abuse eventually after almost not being here to make it make sense. The anxiety lead to depression and eventually chronic pain from an actual autoimmune disease and other medical problems with one in particular that put me in the hospital out of the blue for over a week with a severe GI bleed, ulcers all over my colon at 32 years old. At this time my body was starting to physically show symptoms of the chronic abuse. Even in the hospital I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy with severe pain and facial dropping on my left side which in turn ordered an MRI finding a lesion on my frontel cortex.. I had more diagnoses all autoimmune related.. I only share this so you can see the medical problems the abuse can cause since it's still a mystery as to what's caused some of my issues that ultimately lead me to find emotional and physical pain relief from a pill. I struggled with opioid addiction, depression and severe anxiety until my early 40s to really start to connect the dots. It is so systemic and runs deep into my own mom's abuse, and then the abuse my grandmother endured from my great grandmother and sadly I am grateful for the opportunity to break this disturbing cycle of abuse and am learning more about healing my trauma with educational videos you are doing, bringing attention to this very serious subject. I am most grateful for my life, though, since I know how close to losing my life from either an accident or purpose.
I pray that everyone involved in any relationship and are experiencing any type of emotional or physical abuse to seek help right away. Please don't waste your time listening to the manipulation and lies. They will never hold themselves accountable and is just making you suffer more. Please stay strong and safe since these people, family or not, are extremely dangerous. This is abuse even if it's hard to understand how someone could be so evil/sinister and especially family? As a very intuitive, intelligent woman, I suffered needlessly for too many years since I didn't want to accept it was my family doing the most damage. Protect your energy and use your own mess your message. Much love and strength to you all. Thank you again for sharing this video. 🫂🧿🪶
It's mental and emotional abuse bug time. I have a daughter that married a narcissist and she's not the same daughter I once knew, it's very sad 😢💔 She is in a deep depression and never feels good. Her husband has controlled her for way to long, it's tremendously changed who my daughter once was and I pray ,she will finally get away from him cause he has ruined her life ! With him everything is her fault in thier marriage! I would love to see my daughter happy and being herself again 🙏🏼😔👍
My daughter is married to a narcissist and she can't be herself. He control's everything in her life. I pray she will eventually get enough and get out of this horrific marriage 🙏🏼😢 My heart break's for her cause she deserves way better in her life 💔😢
I'm a living proof that when you leave a toxic relationship, your health improves tremendously
Truth ❤
I lost 40kg in 8 months after i suddenly decided that i was disconnecting from my ex-husband.
He is bigger than ever and my son who is also living with him is bigger than ever as well.
It is the spirit and energy that they have attached to them like a backpack full of bowling balls that causes them their problems - unhealed trauma from spiritual damage during childhood.
The person you meet is the child inside, so happy to see you with childlike wonder and love-bombing, but that child is held captive by a dark energy inside who eventually and slowly takes over and holds that child hostage inside whilst running the show on the outside.
The Holy Spirit is the only thing that has the power to break the bonds that those dark energies have over them, and to free the child inside so they can continue to grow, so be a prayer warrior becoz you can't do it by yourself...
It does improve your health. Still hard to heal, though. But anything other than being with the narcissist is better.
Me too
Absolutely! I had to spend over a year with a family member (due to uncontrollable changes in life circumstances). I went in wearing larges & mediums. Inside of a couple of months...a couple of MONTHS, i was wearing smalls & extra smalls. A few months later...i was wearing junior sizes...doing no type of exercise, eating essentially the same. Now that i'm in my own space once again...i'm regaining my lovely curves & health! Im still in small sizes, but i'm physically more fit, while my heart, soul & mind heal! Thank the good Lord!!🙏🎉😊
I went from a happy healthy, smiling woman to chronic fatigue, 50 pound weight gain, depression, anxiety, bilateral semi detached retinas, Reactivated Epstien Barr, and a nervous breakdown in a matter of 6 years! I had to go on disability. I divorced his a$$ and now 5 years later I am finally about 90% healed and back to working. It is literally life and death!! I am a textbook example of what she is talking about. The psychiatrists did not ever tell me to leave him. That should have been Mal practice!!!!
I can relate. I was with my ex husband for 25 years and I developed thyroid cancer in my 30's due to reactivated Epstein barr that corkscrewed into my thyroid causing the cancer. Almost died twice due to thyroid storm because no one knew I was sick, even tho I dropped over a 100 pounds and got VERY skinny. I left and have gained 50 pounds and now have trouble losing weight, lol
Psyciatrists and therapists are not as knowlegable on narc abuse as they should be.
Yep. Went from extremely healthy, and then all of these things you are talking about, from a lifetime of heavy metal exposure, mold, illness, and stress. Got EBV with the Lyme disease and everything collapsed. And then… After everything was gone, in the narcissist. More borderline in my case, but ultimately there are all the same. They only want to steal, kill and destroy. And they want to watch people burn. It’s just entertainment to them.
I went from 85% dead to varying between 93 and 98% dead. Several times that I almost went under, just in the morning on my way to work. Everything started to get fuzzy and blackout, similar to what had happened decades before when I had drug addiction .… Knowing what an overdose feels like, and then realizing that, though you’ve been sober for many years, you are experiencing that from the stress and sickness and evil of this person, turns it all against you and destroys your relationships and support system in the process!and then pretend like it doesn’t even matter. It’s not a big deal, or they didn’t do it or whatever. They just want you to die when it comes down to it they literally don’t care.
@@flamingsword777 that’s crazy, I went through so much gaslighting from the medical industry for years. Already had a major distress for them even before 2020. And all the insanity and bullshit from my ex in the middle of it. Lucky to be alive!
@@theoriginal7727 yes you are and I'm glad you got out! Not living authentically will definitely kill you, especially if you are very sensitive to energy of all kinds. It's sad that we seem to intuitively know more than the medical professionals what happened to us than they do. I went to an eastern, integrative doctor and leaned what all was going on inside me AFTER the cancer. I was still having problems and she actually told my ex, "I don't know what kind of stress your wife is under, but if it doesn't stop, you're gonna lose her. She WILL die." .I was already going though a massive awakening and that was enough for me to realize what was going on and I told myself it's either him.or me, and I chose me.
I traveled around the world with a narcissist and one of the most disturbing things about him was his inability to enjoy the simple beautiful things about life. So good you pointed that! Narcissist take the joy out of you because they are incapable of feeling it themselves, hence they envy it and seek to destroy it in others.
Yes! I remember my narcissistic ex was unable to take in the beauty of a glorious Greek island, bright blue sea, kind people....I noticed my childhood friend was absolutely dazzled by the beauty, but my then-partner was irritable and impatient.
@@gobigirl1 Sometimes irritable is justified, it doesnt mean the person is a narc. They have legit complaints. But I see what you mean with people who are impatient and ungrateful they get to witness something most ppl on Earth dont.
Well said totally agree
They need constant excitement/drama
Do they constantly tell you how great everything is while experiencing the activity? I have a friend and the whole time we go out to a park or whatever he is saying "isn't this great it's so great" and on and on and I'm always thinking you don't have to tell me I can feel it if it's great. He is probably trying to get himself to feel
I’ve been saying this. It isn’t PRE-MENOPAUSE - IT’S CHRONIC STRESS AND FEAR.
I been felling like you .
Wow
Same
Me too
My PCP sent me to an endocrinologist. My stress hormones are through the roof & I'm vitamin D deficient. I thought I was dying of cancer. I am 112 lbs and had a stress induced heart attack, mid-February. That was my second heart attack & I am a 37 year old mother of 2 boys. I still have no official diagnosis & the things that were wrong with my labs are all okay, now. It is very clear that the dis-ease is chronic stress. I am very patient & forgiving, but this is all too much.
Narcissistic people completely drain you. You are so physically and emotionally exhausted. Doctors and friends conclude that YOU'RE sick. No one believes that the sick one is the narcissist in your life. Seeking counseling is vital.
Correct ❤
The happiest and strongest people are those who are free from toxic people!!! 😊❤🎉
I don't think most of those people have any idea what that means LOL By the way, we are stronger for fighting for our souls, and here we are supporting each other... Would those "free people" be able to do or understand that?!;)
I'm sooo happy and sooo grateful. No contact with mother since 2013. Divorced and left passive aggressive covert narc ex husband 2017.
Seriously happy joyous and free living alone with many animals
Thank you ❤❤
Amen
@@bronwyntanner4501That's me. No more mom. No more abusive boyfriend (s) or husband. No more being put down or squashed out of my own body. I honestly did not know if I was going to survive I was so beaten down for such a long time. I am alive today and getting stronger with every new day but it has been a long hard scary at times road. My dad is definitely dead because of my mother and the way she devalued him steady and constant until he was too weak to even think about trying to leave. She was a self-righteous bully. My younger brother had a stroke a few years ago and I saw it coming. My mom had him squirming and screaming like a chicken being chased with an ax. She wanted me dead from the start, conception actually as she managed to kill my twin I found out much later. When she finally told me in a rage conversation that I should be dead and gone by now and why wasn't I dead and gone by now that I finally dropped her like a hot potato and started my healing journey. There are a lot of people that want to know why I don't talk to my mom and they do not understand at all what I went through all my life with her. I don't try to explain that to them anymore. I know I'm lucky to still be alive and have anything to work with and improve with myself still. My ex-husband still hovers over my son not his and tries to control him. He doesn't see it just like nobody could see what my mom was doing to me. I can only pray he comes out still owning his life from this stage of it. Thanks Romney. You have been part of my healing journey from the beginning when I figured out with the help of a good therapist what was really happening. She couldn't tell until she got enough evidence to prove it to get me started in the right direction. I am very grateful to still have breath in my lungs today. I can start with that
1:20:00 "When people show you who they are, believe them." 🎯
you won't see it easily when coverts but they will make you crazy and you will look crazy, and they will look like a victim. master manipulators.
It such a terrifying experience when it's an attack on you as a human being that you know it's them lying 🤥
Good advice to tell yourself every day as a reminder. This is who they are. Remember all the things they have revealed who they really are, now run fast into the other direction!
@@lorimullen3680 Yes. ⬅🏃♂💨💨
So true! It's sad. 😢
They say there's no cure for lupus, but my lupus was out of control when I was with my narcissistic ex-husband and now that he's gone, the inflammation and lupus markers are gone, too. 🙏🎉❤️
That is amazing! Good for you! 🍀 congratulations
Awesome praise the Father ❤❤
@@Victoria-qk3mu No Father, but she could be grateful and pride of yourself, she did, she make all the hard and difficult and important decisions. Praise herself.
Praise God! 🙏🏽
Good for you 😊
How certain are you that you have now had Lupus?
It took me getting cancer and him immediately leaving for a new supply to realize. It’s mind boggling. Depleting. Can ruin you. Don’t let it. Do not let it.
I pray your doing great now love.im about to leave too.❤❤bless us all.
I am happy you survived and learned! I hope you healed well.
And may your recovery be the new supply for you! ❤
I’m so sorry that happened. But thankfully it did, that way you could release from the depleting energy
Narcissist are very hyper vigilant; always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And see a threat everywhere. And yes, nothing is ever enough for them. In 12 mos, I only saw this toxic person seem relaxed twice.
The jackpot is the walk away. 😭😭
I wish it was that easy!
Spot on
For me, the jackpot was getting dumped, but obviously, I only saw it in retrospect. In the moment, it was brutal.
@@awendigowithinternetaccess4400Agreed. It was absolutely brutal when it happened. Soul crushing.
@machinagirl *hug* I'm so sorry dear, nobody should have to go through that.
Yup. I was sick for years while with a psychopath. Two months after leaving him my health improved by 90%. Issues doctors could not help me with disappeared.... Mind blowing !
WOW! So well done! Congrats on your courage to get out of the relationship.
Wow thank you for sharing❤
may i ask wich illness you had? CONGRATULATIONS , i am bedridden and depending on a psychopath, no family no help, but i was already sick, he made me 50 % sicker and i developed more illnesses...
@@Nottygdrasil hang in there I’m having a lot of symptoms also this is definitely not easy.😩
Me too... Was on deaths door. Health improved 1,000,000% when I left 40 yrs marriage.. Without meds or surgery.
100% gave me cancer that I know I would have not had otherwise. Long term trauma makes you physically sick.
So sorry that happened.
Yep. I have just been diagnosed with cancer, no cancer in my family 🙄
@@TheDiamondEdge1I have Brain cancer from narcissistic abuse.
@@theartzscientist8012I’m so sorry!!! ❤God heals and restores!
Multiple health problems are very common in victim survivors of NPD abuse. From my early childhood I have been ill from the toxic treatment I received from my violent and emotionally abusive Overt Narcissistic father ( diagnosed by several Psychiatrists). I then married a man exactly the same in all ways except for the physical violence, and my health deteriorated even more to the point that I was told by a leading Nephrologist my kidneys were failing without any physiological explanation. That same week my ex husband admitted that he began cheating on me when I was 7 months pregnant.
Returned to live with my parents with our one year old child…He changed the locks on the family home and kept all of my belongings and I then underwent 15 years of court cases from the prolonged and traumatic divorce process to several custody fights, including legal proceedings against my parents and the police, 14 and then another 21 charges of contempt of court declared quasi/ criminal charges brought against me by my ex husband whilst he simultaneously perpetrated extreme parental alienation which still impacts the once loving and healthy relationship I had with my only child ( who is now 29 years old and her father disowned 4 years ago when she refused to commit an illegal act he was forcing her (through cruel emotional blackmail) to do on his behalf which monumentally back fired on him and he was then charged with a criminal act of fraud by the police that instigated charges of medical misconduct by the medical board). He falsely claimed he was suffering from a terminal illness to try to get the charges and the court proceedings dropped but I don’t know the final outcome) According to my daughter’s uncle her father’s estranged brother, the terminal illness was another fabrication. Her father then began a vicious smear campaign against our daughter hell bent on destroying her own medical career which also backfired on him and she is now finally free from him and his dangerous, toxic behaviour at considerable cost to her own emotional health. Yet she is free at last to live her life and is forging a very successful medical career as a Specialist physician.
After 15 years of using the Family Court as his main weapon of Narcissistic revenge he was finally declared a Malignant Covert Narcissist with Anti Social Personality Disorder ( court appointed psychologist vexatious litigator and could no longer initiate any further legal action against me. By then I was a wreck but I kept on going because of my beautiful daughter who thankfully saw through her father’s lies and returned to live with me for the last few years of her schooling. He wouldn’t pay child support yet was a self employed medical profession She topped the State in Biology, was Dux of her class and won many academic prizes including a scholarship to a prestigious university which paid for her accommodation in the college etc. whilst she studied pre med and then medicine. Once my daughter left for college… I was still so financially compromised by the years of financial abuse instigated by my ex husband’s campaign to avoid paying child support, I was now alone once more living with my family of origin… and at age 48 my life became a replica of my former abusive childhood where I was the scapegoat and the severe violence returned this time from both my father and my schizoaffective ( medically diagnosed at age 15) brother. Within 4 years I was hospitalised with severe malnutrition ( Beri Beri)
100% Dr Ramani. I am 8 years divorced from a malignant narcisist. I am alive and had to relocate. Not yet found a new partner and I am still concerned about abusive relashionships but happy to be alone and safe:)
Do shadow work and list what your weaknesses are. When narcs try to enter your life you will be strong and knowledgeable about what they are targeting (do they positively overwhelm by triggering your needs but too early etc). good luck x
They are pradators and criminals. Not because of our shadows or limits they prey on us. We need to protect ourselves first.
Omg yes, I’m very happy taking my space and time. I’m so lucky to have made it out, some ppl don’t make it
Alone and safe is a much better situation....
I walked away from a malignant Narcissistic person...they are scary and dangerous, it's all about them, their image, yikes
Never had a sexual relationship with, so cost wasn't deep emotional bonding...
Two weeks after staying with them I knew it was dangerous, took 8 months to GET AWAY....
It took the Lord, to make it happen, part of the equation is to trust and pray for direction....trust His leading, He know how to lead you thru and out!
When you can’t sleep as a teenager, doctors don’t ask about your domestic life, they just say “get off your phone at night”
Yep!
I had a cop tell me I should not be in my phone when my husband is talking to me! That’s how I survived!!! He was psycho later in the years and never displayed that in begginigm! So then we spend years thinking what the hell is wrong with us so we’ve been up with somebody like that because my life was never that crazy and then I hear it’s from my childhood which is BS a man can con!! I want to use the word man is because there’s not too many women they’re out there, but not half as many as men
This comment. This was my niece and nephew. 😢
@@Portia620 LOL, I don't know what part of the world you are from but in my world, women narcs outnumber male narcs twice over.
Wow. Profound to read as someone with many young nieces and nephews. I always ask what’s on their mind, and this comment reminds me that I been doing the right thing. I hope ppl reading this always have someone and a place to take the issues on your mind. Create art!🎨🎶🦾. m
The mind-body connection is a VERY real thing. Maybe being alone isn’t ideal but it beats the hell out of being in a destructive relationship - on every level!
Being alone is not for everyone but there are those who are truely happy being alone. They have experienced enough to know how others choose to live is not for them as it depletes them of their energy to live. The extroverts attention seeking people are over ruling the introverts who also have a purpose as they see this reality completely different.
Radical acceptance and self care ❤
I am happy for the 1st time in many years. Today I paid in full my divorce petition. Thanks
For sure
I agree. Better alone than the constant tension. The worst part is knowing if you leave they will retailate, they just will. You will have to walk on fire to leave and it will take time to be safe. But never again.
My Narrsistic husband called me stupid the other night, i said
" i would rather be stupid then evil rotten, and heartless."
I would never had said that to him 5 years ago. I love my boundries.
Good for you!
Be careful though, narcissistic people dislike boundaries and being put in their place. They typically start to plot against you. Remember their dillusional. An injury can lead to rage...
I wish I could tell my husband something similar, but I am afraid of his reaction....his rage....he can be violent emotionaly and fisically.
Are you still married to him? My simpathy.
Get out save your life
She's correct. Toxic relationships will take your quality of life and then your very life. Caution, please don't think it can't happen to you. Be vigilant and be wary they are out there waiting to ruin lives. It's beyond sad and bad.
She is describing my life. I truly believe everything she is saying. I am so grateful she is making this issue more public!!
I hope you find peace
My life too! I cpuld literally feel my body deteriorate when I am in the midst of text argument with narc husbands . I have shown my therapist the text chains from my husband and she confirms i am being emotionally abused by narc husband
Same here and can’t leave
Same Here Me Also! May GOD BLESSED US ALL!💞💞💞💪💪💪🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
@@Christine-jg3hf , my husband just texted me this evening ranting disparaging things to me about what i dont do , how i disrespect him, how he works so hard, etc. All i ever do during these situations is avoid engaging, keep replies short , and try my best to not get baited into arguing. He always threatens to leave, but doesn't.
I suffered with chronic unexplained G.I. disturbances and whole body physical agony for years. My physical pain was so intense that I would wake up from a dead sleep with tears streaming down my face because the pain had woken me up.
Almost instantly after leaving my husband, I was having normal bowel movements and my chronic pain completely disappeared.
When I realized what was going on and why I wasn't having those problems anymore, I dropped to my knees and broke down sobbing at the reality of what the abuse was causing and that I had a new lease on life.
Congratulations on leaving & your health recovery.
Me too! I also had constant GI issues and irregular hormonal cycles. Less than a month into No Contact I was improving. One year out now and I am regular in every way. The only thing I changed is my interaction with him. They absolutely bring a stress that makes you physically ill.
@@Jxb56581 both the clinician and psychologist that I see recommended the book "the body keeps the score" to me after I shared this with them. It might help bring some light to your situation as well! I feel like the physical impact of abuse is not nearly talked about enough. Now that I'm out and have a good support system I realize that unless you've been through this, you have no concept of what it's like and what it does to a person on the receiving end.
I've been out since January and I'm still learning.
It is absolutely mind-boggling. I'm glad you're out and hopefully thriving!
They will not give you ANYTHING like praise unless it’s FOR something they need. They’ll change their tone. They’ll say what you might need to hear and them BOOM their latest demands. And knocking you off your pedestal. They seem to hate you. And twist everything you think you know. About life. About yourself. About them.
That's the absolute truth.
Norwegians
You nailed it❤❤❤
Universal truth❤❤❤
My physical and mental health improved dramatically after I divorced him. I am so much happier now.
I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and thought, "my God you look like you've aged 10 years in the 2 years you've lived with this narc." This video isn't a surprise but feels so validating.
Same
Same here
The same i see myself.😢
Same ! But I am healing, you will too 😊. I did some shopping last week, did not do so for two years ! I don't even want to wear clothes that i wore when i was with this predator ! God, this freedom ! 😌😌
Same here I’ve aged 5 years or more since he moved back from NJ after being laid off from a job that I only saw him late Friday he slept most of sat from airport boozeathon hangovers n Sunday he left again. Now he’s home all the time an constantly abusing me verbally emotionally constant lying just abuse every way!!!🥵😡
Narcissistic parents are destroying childrens life. As an adult, you can't find your inner peace. That's so sad. Not everybody can afford an expensive therapist.
Anna who does youtube crappy childhood fairy may help with that.
Many times they can’t identify it anyway they’re not criminologist they haven’t worked for the FBI. It takes years. I’ve been studying it daily and it takes time being around somebody to see it really close attention
Tim Fletcher has done a world of good for me working on CPTSD.
They have no inner peace, then they pass the baton to their children. My mother gave me just enough snippets of hers and my fathers terrible childhoods. That kept me feeling awful for them and missing every single sign of what awful things they were doing! It gives them an excuse because they gave more 'stuff', so you should be grateful and happy. The happiest kids I knew at school had parents who let their kids be messy and worse hand me downs and a warm loving environment
I AM an adult child of a flaming narcissist (mother) and an abusive on all levels father.
Yes, it DOES ruin children’s lives!!
After partnering with a expert therapist on PTSD victims, and going through an extremely painful emotional and mental process, I began to “see the light.”
This video is like hearing my thoughts I had for far too many years.
BTW, I married a flaming narcissist, very much like my mother. During the therapy process, I recognized the bitter truth.
Never married again. I am 67 years old and divorced his sorry a$$ when I was 37 years old. My daughter was 7 and my son was 3.
The supplier switched from me to the children.
The children were brain washed against me, even though I was the domiciliary, present, responsible parent in their
lives. THIS has been the most painful collateral damage of my entire life.
"Swimming up streams with rocks being thrown at you". That pretty much sums it up!
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porass.
I agree that toxic people is an issue overlooked by most people. People are not careful about who is close to them.
We are finally coming to understand, and soon will be coming to terms with the age old problem of human evil. We finally have a somewhat medical and scientific understanding of how and why this happens. Now shall we have the political will too and purge the monster from humanity for all time?
How do we do it?
@@theoriginal7727 That is what I am here to witness. In the meantime I will focus on happy healthy humans as when society breaks I want no evil in my life because the ego destruction is not going to be pretty. Have faith that the fall of unhealthy controling systems will happen in my life time as it already happening.
As long as there is capitalism there will always be individual competition and the narcissist that go with that
One does not need to be careful if he or she doesn't think there's a threat. Metaphorically, you wouldn't step around like there were mines embedded in the ground if it wasn't a minefield. Growing up for me, IF I'd known, I'd be more careful, a hundred percent
4 years of trying to get out. Heart failure, ptsd, depression and anxiety but I got out
🎉🎉congratulations
❤
This Dr needs to be given an AWARD!! She’s courageous to talk about Behavioural issues in our today’s society!!! She’s an ADVOCATE!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🧠🤩🥰
Lived this way 58 years, wore a full mouthpiece for TMJ my entire life got away 3 years ago, and haven't worn one since. I did have a brain aneurysm and wasn't expected to live, but I pulled through and will NEVER get caught in that again!!
I dumped my narcissist friend who was very bossy, controlling, insulting and incredibly rude after i started getting heart palpitations about our next planned outing.
"Time to go, no matter what".
Yup I didn't have any heart palpitations when I didn't see him but when I saw him my palpitations came back! It's so telling.
Dr. Gabor Mate writes extensively about the physical/disease onsets of being in a toxic relationship and stress in his book When the Body Says No
Yep. I love Dr.Mate!
Right, I have his book. ❤
He’s another master in the subject who explains things plainly for all to understand easily.
I moved in with my bf and didn’t know about narcissism yet, but I began experiencing chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, it was a terrible 2 years. I made the choice to move out and after living alone with him out of the picture I began feeling better and within 2 months I was no longer napping during the day, but while living with him I took 2 - 3 naps a day, plus slept 9 hours a night but it was not restful. I fell for the hoover but didn't let him move in, I noticed after we spent time together or if he spent the night I felt exhausted. I finally let him go and have felt much better mentally and emotionally. This is so true and I am so thankful for you Dr. Ramani!! I was gaslit so much by the covert narcissist, possibly malignant because he enjoyed inflicting pain. He would bait me into anger and crying and would sit there smirking while I cried, very sickening!
This definitely needs to be exposed, as so many are silent to express how pitiful life is for those in toxic relationships.
I agree. Others need to know how we're being treated.
Narcissists are a stressor for everyone in their life. I'm so glad Dr. Ramani is speaking up about this very prevalent but ignored issue.
My 12 years of chronic joint and muscle pain significantly reduced after moving out. How powerful a peaceful mind could be!
Without you, Dr. R, I would have never known how it feels to be alive AGAIN! 💗
After 8 plus years of been in a toxic relationship I now have osteoarthritis. Was feeling the life literally been sucked out of me as the narcissist was living in my house and was extremely hard to conceive to move out as the supply for them was the roof over their head- until this month!🥂🍾Thankfully I became FREE during the 1st week of May ‘24 and I’m praying that my health recovers as I begin to rebuild my life again! Narcissistic abuse is truly demonic. Run away from these people before they lead you to an early grave! 🏃🏽♀️
So so true@@lastofthe70schildren70
Going through the chronic pain right now.
Being under constant stress can cause illnesses.
I was sooo sick. Depression. IBS. Adrenal fatigue. All as a result of toxic relationships. Mother. Alcoholic first husband. Narcissist second husband. Narc ex romance 2018. Five former friends. No contact with them. Healing and recovering daily. Thanks to Dr Ramani my journey and growth has been sooo welcome
Too many similarities. I hope you are better now.
Similar story. Stay strong in your healing, and never forget you deserve unconditional love. 🪶
My irregular heartbeat disappeared when I decided to leave my narcissist.
Cancer twice.
Toxic dad to toxic partner.
Free now!!!!!!
Thank God ❤bless you and pray 🙏 your doing amazing now
It took me a lifetime to figure out that you have to do this work at the onset. For years, I couldn't figure out why I kept ending up in relationships with narcissistic people. I guess I had to go through all of that to get to the point where I could understand that it is all about prevention! Boundaries! Gates! Fences! Discernment! Intruder alarms!
Yes me too! And it takes practice, a lot of practice, to learn how to put your armor on and shield up BEFORE going into battle.
To be fair, though, we never knew we were in a war until after we got shot a billion times.
@@nowhere_else_to_go_ Exactly. *BEFORE* is the ticket. It seems so obvious now. How many years I wasted raging about people I let into my life.
what to do if you’re the separated parent of children whose father is a raging narcissist? They constantly call me in distress after he’s raged at them or attacked them verbally or gaslit them & caused so much distress that they’re crying to me…and I feel so helpless, because I can’t do anything to protect them from this monster of a human… All I can do is remind them that it’s his issues, not theirs, and that he is not behaving like an adult, let alone a parent… and I can see it’s taking a huge toll on them as they’re now in their teens.
And may I add also… armed security guard with bulletproof charger police car
This is why I advocate for those survivors of narcissistic abuse instead of those living with cluster b personality profiles. Even when they seek help for themselves, they still don’t care one bit for the stress and health issues they cause their victims.
Dr Ramani has a lot of haters that are worried about a label when the victims are losing their health, quality of life, and actual lives.
Interesting video content, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
They leave you flat now and they will try to in the future. She would have left anyway or stayed and cheated. 20 years and mine is still an abandoner. We just live together. The intimacy, honor, affection, respect.... he gave away and still does. I am a last resort. Trust me you're not missing anything
They know how to twist everything you say, so it appears we're attacking them verbally, when it's just the opposite.
Twist turn every thing!
Dealing with a Narcissist who has tried to destroy me for years.
Sill with him?
@@auraaura4656 Yes
Get OUT!
I have said for years that I take and take, and I finally blow. Well, now, I don't take. I keep toxic people out of my life. I have learned so much from watching Dr. Ramani, Jerry Wise, and others. Once you recognize the symptoms, you need to distance yourself. Knowledge is power! ❤
The most important and challenging part for me was not to share good news and achievements with ppl who trivialize it by questioning it's worth etc. Grow silently. It's for yourself. Not to prove others, you're also worthy of being seen.
So true,i couldn't happily inform my husband about my(our) pregnancy because I knew he'd invalidate my happiness..
"he/she makes me sick" says it all. At some level, people know. Even if they don't know......somewhere deep down, they know.
No we don’t know! You can’t speak for everyone! 🤦♀️. Look at how many intelligent people have been conned by Conman women it’s ignorant to say people know!
Even therapist don’t even even know
@@Portia620She meant your body knew. "The Body Never Lies" and "The Body Keeps The Score" are 2 great books. The mind can lie based in the lies fed to us by malignant people but the body never lies. Which explains why patriarchy puts down the body/flesh and holds the mind superior when the opposite is true. Patriarchy lies about everything lol.
Correct, deep down in the dark vesteges of our minds and within our bodies, we know unconsciously that they're not good for us. ✌
I truly truly am a believer. Now I have breast cancer 7 years after Uterus cancer. The stress and anxiety almost killed me. I could not control my diabetes. Every doctor visit showed a decline in my health. From my eyes to my feet. It was so not worth it to try to make it work. Nothing working with a Narc. It took me 30 yrs to leave. I wasn't crazy. These videos are life saving. They saved my life and have happily helped me to leave and move forward. Thank you so much.
Agree, 25 yrs for me starting at 65. No more anxiety attacks, heart issues, loss of sleep. I now have peace. Yes, it's painful to leave but more painful to stay.
Wow, so beautiful to hear your testimony. And how much a human body can be affected by bad people being around or not. This awareness is saving women's lives. Such a joy to see.
The analogy of the slot machine is brilliant. You keep putting in to it, to get little or nothing back. You get emotionally and mentally trapped, thinking if you keep trying, it will change. The truth that your body feels it first is so true. Stomach issues, heart palpitations, low immunity, etc. Thank you Dr. Ramani for sharing this
Conditional Learning look at Pablo’s dog. It makes sense.
So revealing when you say that they keep gambling because they don't want anyone else to get their jackpot
I agree that health improves after Narcissist is gone but that includes gone from your mind. The end of the relationship can take a lot of time to stop ruminating over the failed relationship. Feels like climbing out of a deep well
It's like your immune system trying to take you out of that environment by death
My mum sacrificed her life this is something I have realized over the last few years. And I dare say so many others have and will continue to do so.i feel like a good cry coming on thinking of my mum. I know I’m not alone. I honor my good times I had with her and she’s never forgotten love you mum.
That is so nice to hear. So glad she has you on her side. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue over 20 years ago. Grew up in a toxic household and married a very toxic man, and my daughter doesn't seem to understand. I wish my daughter understood more.
@Denise...... Daughter's Have Qualities Of Father .......FULL STOP 🛑
No~ such nonsense! This is a spiteful generalisation; also untrue and unhelpful.. in any curative or clinical setting. Think before you type!
I ditto what you say ~ my mother’s experience much like yours-in an age when even the courts litigiously-abused unsupported lone mothers (via male judges) up until 1980’s and supported the ‘rights’ of entitled, unfaithful NPD males and misogynistic and feckless fathers! I’m 70 now and know this as 1950/60’s FACT. It was mine and similar kids’ £ poor and distressed childhoods due to sociopathic actions of a ‘father..’ incapable of unconditional love. The only love they nurtured ~ their own Self love.
Any advice welcome, Please help:
I’m the mother of 3, separated for over 10yrs now from a covert narcissist, who has unfortunately remained in the kids lives although they live with me. He seems to have become even more of a raging narcissist as they’ve entered their teens & starting to realise the type of person he truly is underneath all the manipulation & lies. Recently his behaviour around the kids has started to get so much worse & more controlling than ever & if they don’t do what he says or if they answer back or say something he doesn’t like he will suddenly switch from being pleasant & normal to verbally abusing, swearing & threatening them, and my son gets threatened physically. They regularly call me in distress after he’s raged at them or attacked them verbally or gaslit them & caused one of them so much distress that they’re calling me crying…and I feel so helpless, because I can’t really say or do anything to protect them from this monster of a human, and I can’t get him out of their lives either, even if I tried to prove that he’s abusive towards them in a court, they are all terrified of how he’d react to them even accusing him of that, he’s literally mastered gaslighting them & making everything look like their fault or my fault… All I can do is remind them that he has problems, not them, and that he is not behaving like an adult, let alone a parent…
It’s really starting to take a huge toll on them as they’re now in their teens, and also on me, because I just don’t have the strength, the capacity or the resources to overcome this monster, and I feel like such a failure & like I’m letting them down by allowing them to continue to experience this traumatic relationship with their father…
😢
The book title is also a mantra. Remember it when you feel guilty or self-blame in a toxic relationship, "It's not you." 😊
Thanks :)... this is helpful in those suffocating moments of invalidation
Dr. Ramani is Genius
She is the one who opened my eyes to what I'm actually dealing with, in my 33 year Toxic marriage! She is 💯 correct with her assessments,the links between wellness & Toxic relationships!
I feel trapped with no way out, but I try to Stay hopeful that one day I will be free!
I would give anything, to have a One on one session, Dr Ramani! ❤
You'll get out! Rooting for you.
I'm in process of leaving Mr. Narcissist. I pray I get out and away soon.
1:02:51 plan well , if he is the banker he will take everything .. hide money.
Get legal advice
The only saving grace for me was our child was born Aus, as l was served a summons for court EU.
He stool 140 k out of joint account , didn't work much of the 18 yrs , 1200 a month drug habit.
It's sickening...
Good luck.
I lived with one for 40 years I did it quietly after 4/5 failed attempts as I was hoovered back ,it was bloody hard! it is hard, do it and do it safely they are dangerous people believe me😊
How are you now Joseph?
Listen.... I am here for you .
You need to plan your escape carefully .
No more excuses.
I am telling you it is going to be hard leaving him
But don't find reasons for staying .
There are no good reasons to stay.
Your happiness and self worth are more important than keeping him.
There is no hope
He will not change . Every word he gives you is going to turn up being lies
Believe me girl ... its going to be tough
But you are more worth than staying ......
I got a new therapist, and I was out of a relationship in weeks after 20 yrs of abuse while having major health issues. Years later, I saw the old, long-term therapist out.
We talked, and she commented on how she watched my health decline year after year, but that I looked great now. She never told me that I was in an abusive, toxic relationship. That he would never get better.
I kelp, trying to fix him. Fix me. She didn't believe in divorce unless adultery. I felt so betrayed. I couldn't see the damage.
I told my therapist I was terribly lonely with my partner and that he was insensitive and often abusive alternating with love bombing and I wanted to leave him. My therapist discouraged me saying it’s better to stay than “find yourself utterly alone” and I believed him.
20 years later I wish I had left because I’m physically and mentally emotionally drained.
And yes with major health issues
I am very sorry that that happened to both of you with therapy, the one place where we put our trust and shoulder and should be safe place. Unfortunately I have also unhappy experience with therapy. I wish both of you all the best and healing, good for you, you are out of that relationship. 🍀🍀🍀
Mine didn’t either!!!
Therapist suck many times! Sad
A significant problem for Clinical Psychologists and Therapists is that many of our senior Medical colleagues are themselves Narcissistic or have poor filters for noticing Narcissism. Attempting therapy is a huge challenge as many medical professionals gaslight therapists and patients in order to maintain their dominant care position. Then if challenged they go next level responding to their narcissistic injury. And may I add ….. mental health administration systems are a narcissistic haven 🙈
Yeah, seen it felt it know it lost a child to it. I hear you.
I would say this doc here has all the good info., but I would never go to see her as my therapist. There are many therapists like her. But are not the real deal
Maybe what we’re really dealing with are demons!
I'm literally surrounded by narcissists. My mom, my dad, one of my sisters and my extended family. I'm thankful that my wife is that person of reason who tells me I'm the not crazy or that maybe im overthinking things. I'm truly grateful.
Am so happy for you dear.
Our world rewards the narcissist .
What about the covert narcissists ? I strongly believe my husband is a covert passive agressive narcissist. It's like a patern he does the same things over and over again and has no remorse, no empathy for the stress he's causing me.
It can take years to figure out their game
Run. I’ve been married for over 21 years, now divorcing, a covert narcissist. Im so wrecked physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially. I wish I left sooner, I will never be the person I was before him. Staying for faith and children -guess what? The children are getting ruined too.
I think a covert narcissist is worse. Save yourself and leave quietly
It took me years to see it. Still working on getting out and free. Society is rigged to protect Narcissists not the victims.
@@bravelily2581Facts 💯I wish you all the best in making your exit.
Exposure to these chronic toxic relationships in all of their forms is truly the equivalent of exposure to toxic environmental chemical harm, if not on an internal vulnerable poisonous scale. Bravo Dr. Ramani! Mahalo for this conversation both of you!
It's true, get away and heal
This woman saved my mental health and soul! ❤
I never blamed myself. I knew something was wrong with him. I just kept hoping her would mature. That will never happen. I divorced him 7 months ago after 43 yrs.
Narcissists personify the old adage 'Looks are deceiving'.
Well, some of these narcissists ARE unattractive, too.
My wife keeps telling me what a nice person she is. I tell her nice people don’t go around telling people how nice they are
Dr Ramani saved my life... I am in awe and so grateful for her contribution in putting the spotlight on the psychology of narcissism.
I was balding through my 15yrs with my ex covert narcissistic girlfriend. I have been separated from her for 2.5yrs and for the last year (after my mental healing was improving) my hair is growing back. It's a slow process but every week it gets thicker.
Also the saying "it takes two to tango" was my ex girlfriend's favourite saying.
Wow!
17 years married with a covert narc. Ten years in, she had me convinced I had ADHD. Twelve years in, I went on meds for depression. I finally decided to do some research after ruling it out that it wasn't me and thats when I learned what a narcissist was. Look into biotin and taurine for the hair and good luck to you!
I have never found covert narcs to be charismatic. Like all narcs, they love to play the victim and even saviour cards and continuously engage in smear campaigns.
then they don’t have to look at themselves…taking others inventory… instead of their own
Couldn't agree more
@@Mareb5818EXACTLY
I was raised by to Narrsistic people
.....it was not okay. I stopped the cycle with my two children, i raised them very well
......even tho i didn't have that, i was able to give my kids what they needed to succeed in this world. My son just turned 23. He has 4 pilots licenses and 2
Flight certifications. One from the FAA and one from ERAU certification and he is teaching flight. Yes,i am very proud.
My daughter is an RN....worked in the ICU for 15 years and saved many lives. ( including mine, when a kidney stone got stuck, and i had sepsis infection, went to her hospital, i barely made it, but i did and can thank my Daughter and the Doctors she worked with)
So break that cycle !!!!
So we with complex ptsd, can break that cycle too.
Amen.
Radical acceptance and self care ❤
My excruciating knee infection cleared up almost immediately when I left my narc 9 months ago. My depression and anxiety are almost completely gone bc I had a lot to process and cry out but I feel like a kid again with all my energy levels improving.
So great to see Dr. Ramani as a guest. Many moons ago her expertise helped me sort myself out and finally heal after a really painful relationship with a narcissist/sociopath. The world really needs to know what those individuals are and stay away. What a blessing this lady is!! Thank you Dr. Ramani and Dhru for inviting such a great expert on the subject.
She does deserve the prize. She has opened my eyes to narcissism
She's an Indian woman, and has spoken a lot about how she grew up in a narcissistic household.
As an Indian girl myself who's fighting mental health issues stemming from childhood trauma, the sad reality is a lot of toxicity and gaslighting is engrained very heavily into Desi households in the name of "keeping the family together", and "upholding the family name". The only times they actually bother to care is if it goes to the extreme, like if something literally criminal happens. And even then they sometimes just don't care. If a child seems to not have gone through anything severely traumatic or life-threatening, they don't even bother to care about their mental health and toxic treatment of their children.
It's amazing to see how she came out of it stronger and made a life dedicated to giving awareness to narcissism and making people value their self worth and happiness everywhere. If things are changing, including in countries like India, it's due to heroes like this.
Love you Dr Ramani ❤️
I agree to most of what you said here, but this Dr. is not the real deal. I'm from India too.
So true! She has opened my eyes to the abuse that Indian women go through in the name of keeping the family together. Narcissistic women and men who keep the cycle going and squashing any independent feelings.
Communal and self-righteous narcissists...super salient and interesting. Wolves in sheeps clothing
Totally
@@Ela-fu5pz And some of the most dangerous ..!
After 5 years in a Toxic relationship my bloodpressure hit the roof. I ended up with a Stroke
I hope you fully recover. I am sure narcs are responsible for many strokes, cardiac and autoimmune conditions. They create chaos, Lie, Cheat, Steal, Rage and it only gets Worse over time.
Hope ur ok now
Everyday is a betrayal and lie. That really sums up a terribley toxic relationship.
I have been overweighted for 30 years of my life until I left my parents, mostly my mother. I lost more than 20 lbs in the time of less than 6 months and I ate everything that I wanted to eat since I lived by myself. My doctor concerned if I developed diabetes but I was completely normal. I got diagnosed with depression officially in my early twenties but I’m sure I already developed the depression much earlier. This narcissism definitely kills people around them and the worst is when the kid has narcissistic parent because the kid has no where to run or hide. I’ve already given up my life for my mother because I knew I couldn’t get out of her. I was her daughter, friend and husband. That was not my words, it was how other people called me. I didn’t think my mom is a narcissist because she never got any diagnosis for mental issue but it sounds so much like my mother.
You are absolutely one of the biggest gifts to humanity Dr. Ramani - all your free videos I watched years ago (and the program in that time), are on of the big reasons I am alive today. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
This brought me to tears.
An absolute God send. We need a way to deprogram our adult children who married a narcissist! They are ruining our families!!!! How do we help our adult children out!!!!!
I hear you. Going through extreme health adversity is how I woke up to my mother. I once screamed at her "you're going to kill me", sheer exasperation! If I hadn't found dr ramini, dr carter and now so many others to understand this, instead of knowing the truth I would have spiralled deeper into it. She constantly tells me what to think and feel and do! Now elderly she is forgetful and her repetition is off the charts as is the victimhood
After going low-contact with two close family members two years ago, I went through a very deep grieving process. Within the last few months, my energy levels have begun to increase. Once I stopped ruminating about what might have been/ what else could I do, the energy leaks slowed to trickle. I’m looking forward to seeing how much more happens without them draining me.
Yes, a lot of grieving 😮😢
@@iw9338 mostly of my illusions about my family. A dream/ nightmare that needed to end.
Gosh, I’m on the precipice of this scenario. I’m very sad. Not many family members left after this.
@@leona2222 I feel you. I hope you get support.
Inspiring. I’m going through a lot of grieving & guilt RN.
I have not been helped and thank you. This needs to be addressed by the Medical Association (AMA) which I did and and he listened about 7 months ago. (meaning my Primary Physician) Why did all this happen? I had an emergency operation over 2 years ago, things went south in the operating room and the head physician said I died on the table as my body just could not handle it for some reason. Blood pressure went to Zero and heart stopped. Why, I didn't know at that time. Was in ICU for days. I got sepsis and an abdominal abscess, spent 3 months in the hospital trying to stay alive. I made it, but my bones, everything is not the same. I left him 6 months ago (I am thin, tall and relatively good shape but the deterioration was there). A 5 year live in relationship that was 5 years too long. I still could kick myself still for staying so long.
Today my hair stylist said my blonde hair is getting thicker, I am so happy 4 months later living in a new place. Yes it can happen but I have a long way to go, Much anxiety, skin problems ( will get laser in June) still and paranoia exists which is also in part of PTSD. Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani, please don't let this issue which is very real go. One day at a time, slowly.
I was sick and diagnosed with many different autoimmune diseases for over 20 years. First my mother died and I went no contact with one of my siblings. I’m fine now. Healthy. I also had a therapist that kept wanting me to look at what I was doing wrong. I wish I had had this information decades ago. If you are going through this I hope you do what you need to do to protect yourself. It almost killed me. ❤️❤️❤️
She began her mission four years ago, motivated by the lack of conversation around this issue. Today, we survivors are widely recognized with the collective efforts of many dedicated individuals in raising awareness.
I pray this becomes a world wide issue. Narcs are pure evil tbh I’m curious to see how they’re gonna regulate this into a law if they ever do so
I am so thankful I found your podcasts 3 years ago. I spent 15 years trying to figure out why my partner changed almost immediately once we got married. The 3 years we dated turned out to be the love-bombing stage. Last year, at the age of 69, I got the courage to leave this marriage right before our 18th anniversary. My health improved significantly. I love your new book! I still tune into your podcasts daily. Thank you for addressing this issue. You really helped me realize who he is. I hoped for years he would change!
Good for you!
You're an inspiration.
Yes it happened to me too, shortly after the wedding ceremony. Unbelievable. I was only married for 4 months and worked to get him out of my house for nearly 7 months later. It had to be his idea and he said he was going to abandon the marriage for the divorce. He's since disappeared, no contact which for me is great, but now difficult to find to send the divorce papers. My lawyer says it won't be a problem. Oh the love bombing was incredible and when it went bad, it was scary. Glad it's over with.
@@aliciahaviland7649 4 month's? You dodged a bullet. The lovebombing was great and then, the day of the wedding I saw a side that scared me and I actually was thinking of canceling it but I had my entire family from the states in her home country 4000 miles from home. I stuck it out and 17 years later, its just me, the dog and occasionally my daughter. Good luck with the divorce and do as the experts advise and go no contact! Its the only way!
@@robmcguckin7605no worries about contact, he moved in with someone shortly after he left like a month and a half and the first day that he left he posted he was single. Already hooking up with others. He texted gal and her friend posted for all to see that he sent a nude to her and their text message back and forth on his Facebook account and that friend also posted on his own Facebook to tell others he's a dirty old man. He got caught out but he doesn't care because it's attention that he seems and of course supply. He changed his phone number etc. so that he can't be reached plus no address since he's not on the rental or mortgage, I know someone else is paying for him. Oh he will give a little money but then you will never hear the end of how you spend all his money. That's just for bills. We are not talking about buying firilous things. Like food now is so ridiculously priced. He never paid rent or repairs on the cars etc. I could go on but you get the picture.
I just left my Narc last week after 11 years of his yo-yo technique with me. He has been blowing my phone up ever since I left. I've had to turn it off! He thinks I'm dumb when he's doing his "nice" bit, as if I'll come running home... but MOST of his texts are just nasty-mean. NO MORE!
Ramani for Nobel prize 🏆
Since I moved out from this toxic town (Cult mentality) I have less, less anxiety. Less pain, skin problems, my hair is healthier and really stronger mentally and physically.
My family and I have goals, discipline and greatful for being a new place ❤
My mom is narcissistic, and my sister has some of the traits. I worry about my mom the most because she is getting old and needs assistance. She is always playing games, putting herself as the victim to gain attention and financial help. Despite having her own pension money, which could support a family of five, there are periods when I take a break from her, especially when I sense she's going to ask for money. She usually makes you feel like a crappy son if you don't help. To top it off, she's a hoarder of clothing and animals. Observing my mom throughout the years as an adult son has made me believe that some people won't change. It's a take-it-or-leave-it situation.
Dump her
My mother is a narcissist herself, stole the first 34 years of my life from me. Took me until 2019 to get diagnosed correctly with CPTSD. Due to suffering decades of traumatic abuse and neglect of every single form. The state I'm in has locked me into filial laws due to her handing everything to my brother the golden child. I escaped at 30 when she tried to kill me. Started to be able to think clearly and live for the first time in my life. Now I am trapped with her from 34 until the end of her life as her caregiver by law.
Run away! Ps. What state/country are you in?
@@user-gz4ve8mw9l how can you be the care giver by law, what about the golden child who inherited everything?
@@miriam100ful He lives out of state, the state I'm in has the strictest filial laws in the USA. He was gifted everything, which triggered a penalty period exceeding a decade. It was done deliberately when my mother started losing her mind to dementia. I found the correspondence between my mother and brother they planned everything. So here I am trapped once more until some point in my 40s. I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to start my life at this point unfortunately. I'm not allowed to leave the house I have to take care of her 24/7 unpaid.
"what is the toll of a toxic relationship" Yessss!!!
I wholeheartedly believe that the stress of living with a narcissist makes you physically ill and causes real physical pain. It happens to me. Chronic pain, abdominal issues and autoimmune disorders. Also weight fluctuations. These issues were very very real, yet they resolved once I no longer lived with a narcissist...every time. Weight issues and health issues melt away when I'm not exposed to them. I am a very sensitive person. Maybe that's why.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 30 years. After 2 years of marriage started getting sick al the time. I wasDiagnosed with Depression, fibromyalgia, HBP, and had a stroke 3 years ago🥲
Getting there. It's so confusing. My shoulders and abdomen aches so badly. The mind gets fogged. It's more of BPD and NPD. I get lovebombed and then gaslighted. It's so confusing!
I can attest to this, I've been a target of family scapegoating abuse for years and had a Narcissistic ex partner, who also affected and impacted my daughter's behaviour and life too.
My health and wellbeing has been extremely impacted. It's especally bad when they are covert Narcissists, parents and siblings and ex partner. The world sees them only as great people, but you get to experience the Narcissist side.
The years of gaslighting from family members, and reactive abuse is even worse, as they are supposedly meant to care about you.
The effect on my immune system has been bad, it's definitely been extremely harmful for my brain and nervous system.
Narcissists can kill you without even touching you!
It's truly Psychological Warfare in the extreme. At least on a battle field, there are times when the warfare stops, but it's more or less constant with a narcissist.
Doctors often have little to no understanding of this, or even what complex PTSD is, from ongoing Narcissistic abuse. Trying to explain why You aren't recovering, while you are still being exposed to the family scapegoating abuse, is often futile.
So this just compounds the abuse that you're going through.
I'm more than lucky just to be alive today.
That is horrible. Life is not fair. I am happy you are out of that marriage, I am getting it right? I am sorry you family is like this, but you are strong, just because you are not like them. You are game changer, you break the generational trauma. I wish you all the best🍀
If you were to separate or divorce and leave your mutually biological child with a family dominated by a narcissist and flying monkeys, who were not safety, oriented and caution to the wind with your child, you would never sleep another night.
This is the consideration, and when asked, why don’t you leave numerous times the mother or the father of this child might say because I can’t
My mom died at 69. Her mom and sister died at 89 and 93 respectively. Guess who was married to a narcissist. My mom was healthy all her life and never weighed over 125.
I am so sorry for your loss. . I feel you. My mom the same. Her relatives all of them way over 80s
@@Ela-fu5pz Thank you.
people also that live in denial will outlive people that are emotionally abused .
My mom died at 71. Married since 18. The trauma and chaos changes you. It’s hard to move on when they destroy you from the inside out too. When he died it wasn’t a magic jump to all is well as he had dismantled her self esteem and feeling of peace. I married someone who left me feeling as destroyed as he did her.
@@livkind3522 I'm so sorry. Sounds unimaginably painful. I hope you are healing.
ex hub and adult son narcs...Been a long process to get son out of my house... almost there. Experiences so stressful at day and night I am going to start a new in a new state and haven't told anybody yet; just to feel like I can finally sit down and relax inside and feel safe.
Did you get him out or you ended up opting for leaving yourself?? I'm realising my son is like his dad 😢
I feel like I am 'suffocating' sometimes, on the verge of a panic moment once-in-a-while, and feel like there is nothing justifiable that I deserve this horrible disrespect and diminished acknowledgment. I am a strong and resilient individual who has lived with this malignant source and imbalances, unhealthy interaction my whole life, especially over the past ~10 years. I am psychologically and physically exhausted, yet, am slowly stopping, taking a deep breath, and telling myself I will be fine and just taking more consistent and positive steps with myself to get back to the Wonder Woman me, a little hug and step at a time. Thank goodness I have my dog whom I call my life preserver and my sensibility about the fact that the person who has provided me with this lifelong stress, etc, is the person with the psychosocial and self-esteem issues who has projected all of this pollution on my life and it isn't my fault -- at all. Wow. What a force! Like Darth Vader telling you you suck all the time, while dressed up in regular clothing. Anywho, I just felt like writing this today. Take care and be well.
Wow Wow Wow …….🤯 It’s taken me 70years to acquire the information I needed way back when I was a young 17 year old girl!!! There are not sufficient words to express my gratitude for you speaking MY TRUTH. Can you hear chains falling from the clientele you speak with regarding this issue??😳😳😱🤔😱🤔😳😱🤗