When the narcissistic person's MASK falls off
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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Years ago, my uncle told me that my narcissistic mother was a "sadist." I agreed with him and told him that she always speaks against him behind his back -- and he said, "I know, I can feel it!" He passed away years ago; and sadly, he was the only one who saw her mask slip and called it what it was. Most extended family and friends have not yet seen her "other side."
its always served up best, when its done behind your back. just like a true coward would.
@@elizabethd.2398 maybe they think its easier to keep quiet n try not to fuel them. ano my family saw the best in ppl but when they say well hes ur dad! ..like that makes it ok! but ubhave to remember the narcs of that generation were less of a narc than those the generation before. i saw a cat of 3 tails at my grans when i was small ..it was obv a cat of 9 tails initially.. n the leather belt. not in use 50ys ago but prior to that kids were hit with anything. low incomes n massive families made hungry mouths. stealing food or for food was common.. but u werent supppsed to get caught. the book was thrown at u by ur dad, the bobbies or both.
..but u still have to walk on eggshells coz u dont know whats gunna trigger them today. not easy living for kids of all ages. traumatic if u dont master ur emotions. n at 3 n 4yo when u see it, its highly damaging for alp victims. mum helps by teaching u how navigate this kimd of life 😳
its all part of getting us to where we need to be for our missions here but their choices were steered by soc norms n family acceptances as if theres no option.
sad. but when u then have the tools to change the future, u can see why u chose them n put them in ur contract in this incarnation.
appreciate everything it's what
made u into who u are today n who u need to be for ur future blessings
if uv learned this u need not repeat that cycle again. time to move on n up 😁🤗💕💖 xxx
@@elizabethd.2398 A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others, sometimes in a sexual sense. Sadists like seeing other people hurt. A sadist is the opposite of a masochist, who enjoys being in pain. A sadist is all about hurting others, usually to get off sexually
wow! 😳💕💖 xxx
Or else they pretend not to.
I had a similar “mother” - a full-blown primary psychopath who fooled so many with her incredible acting skills. She destroyed the entire family.
Thank you so much for your videos Dr. Ramani!!!!
We realize there's something called nothingness in the relationship.
that pretty much applies to all relationships. however you,/we, perceive it to be; all relationships, including marriage, are transactional. one, extracting from the other. you as a person are no longer a part of the equation. narcissism at its finest. narcissism is so prevalent, openly accepted, and even encouraged, in todays world, everything is based off of it, by 95% of the population.
I don’t know what you’d call it, but it’s WORSE than nothingness!
I was raised by a vulnerable narcissistic mother. It sucked! I'm in my 40s and doing well in life now. But, I'm still in the process of grieving the childhood I never had.
coming from a sh it childhood myself, i wiped the slate clean eons ago, by not making the same mistakes myself, a learning experience, and its worked well. dwelling on bs you had no control over, does nobody, no good. the hardest lessons we learn in life, are also the most costly ones.
Good to hear that! I'm 41 and only recently acknowledged that I have narcissistic and borderline traits like my parents. Narcissists raise narcissists. Sad but true 😢
"F*ck four!" Goldie Hawn, The Banger Sisters.
I am sorry 😢 similar story here. And it is so isolating as many people font understand
@@ChunkyLover1983not necessarily, but you have a good point as behavior is learned, but it can be unlearned
"The capacity to go back and forth between charm and cruelty".
Such a validating truth! Thanks again Doc ❤🌼
Oh yes! After the huge rage from my Ex at the time of his collaps because of my decision to move out, he became a spiritual freak and tried to convince me how great he was doing with meditation. Soon I realised that it was part of his performance and did not let me hoover back this time!
I was talking to an aunt recently, and she brought up a vacation that she and her husband had taken with the people who raised me. I remember my aunt saying, 'There was a side of your [female person who raised me] that put me off them for good.' Remember that this aunt barely spent time with us growing up, so for her to say that speaks volumes if anything. It actually confirmed that I was not the problem AT ALL!
The Narkys chase off anyone who sees them for what they are, and anyone who may support you.
@@lindac6919 Exactly! I mean, my godmother was a good friend of the female person who raised me, and even my godmother, after a 30-plus-year friendship, managed to turn around and say 'enough' to the female person.
@@kryssysmith1486 I really love your profile pic thingie.
@@lindac6919 Thank you
They are not very nice 😢. And then I am the Scapegoated person at home. It doesn't seem yet to happen in public. It is in private. The mask comes off and I think his eyes sparkle😮😮.😮😮😮😮😮
they never do it in public, because of the shame. they know right, from wrong. shame is a big part of their mindset.
He is doing in public...in public, and behind your back.
For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever.
However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes.
And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life.
Additionally, Catching a cheating narcissist can be challenging, and understanding local laws about what you can and cannot do may be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to handle the investigation for you. I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and the quality of your work! Thank you for a job well done MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com.
I'm dealing with "Christian" narcissists. It's wild to see the lack of self awareness.
😭... and then they sing 'Jesus loves Me'....while looking at you with distaste.
@@melanytodd2929Ya Jesus loves ya and everybody else thinks you're an As..hole.
a "communal" narcissist?
They are NOT true Christians they hide behind that label that's all Another Manipulation tactic!!! 😊
good christian anyone, are the worst of the worst. ex gf would read the bible a hour a day, to get her daily allowance of i dont know what? i never needed the bible to instruct me on how to conduct myself as a human being. she must have skipped over those parts?
Its even sadder when that moment you realise the person you loved doesn't really exist. You just wish that person that you thought was the soft, warm healed higherself you thought was within is just an echo is a dark cave and the desolation and emptiness for the huge emotional investment leaves you broken
I’m so sorry. I hear the pain in this statement . Hugs
ditto... and sometimes the financial investment and destruction of plans and dreams... yea, I hear ya.
it was all a lie/fake. its not just narcs, but pretty much everyone. i never viewed it as being broken, but one hell of a learning experience.
that is who is beimg described ..weve all been there or we wouldnt be here. know ur not alone. also 1 in 10 are narcs sadly. u wont have to learn this lesson again. appreciate that u now have skills that benefit the rest of ur life. appreciatuon of everything brings u more blessings/positive options. as stated, be discerning. the low vibing dark doesnt want ppl to go to the lovelight. we encountered ppl with the devil race attatched to them n they didnt want to let those lower energies go. u cant hang on to the dark n take it into the light. the devil race doesnt go beyond 4D. we are heading to the 5D/heaven n higher rapidly. 3D n the narcs/devils playground cant get in but they want us to take our narc with us so devil attachments come with them.. they want to infiltrate heaven n are theyre crumbling away..
if u are an earth angel then theyre the fallen angels of the tf journey that is of ascension n the devil race n those negative agenda factions in cahoots with them.. if u know the stories ull understand this. if not, its not for u. let it go n forget i said anything.
ur doing amazing. dont let their cowardice fear lack of self worth n over extended illusion n sence of grandeur fool u. its an act. we are on the pedestal we should be to them, they will never tell us tho coz theyre not feeling worthy. n its more than that 1 person. their fam n associates will be the similar n we have them in our fam too. amongst our friends n colleagues.. theyre everywhere n right under our noses. take titles off ppl n decide if u like how they treat u n if they give as much as the recieve from ur connection. do u feel drained after being in their company, red flags or an urgency to move away from some1. ur feelings tell u all u need to know.
sending healing n best wishes to u honey n those affected by ur narcs behaviours lies deciept n theft 🤗💕💖 xxx
So well said ❤❤ I have been doing my best to practice radical acceptance, allowing myself to grieve what I feel I’ve lost, while coming to terms with the fact that I can’t lose what I never had to begin with.
I really appreciate your information because I am really struggling. Being married for 22 years to someone in police work leading a double life really hurts. Affairs, an arrest , financial issues it’s an absolute nightmare. Thank you because I listen to you daily.
When the narcissist’s mask falls off, the worst part is not when they show their true colors, it’s realizing all the red flags you missed.
So true. Or the one's you ignored.
Whooaa ..thats deep.❤
exactly!
💯💯💯
I chose to ignore red flag after red flag.
Working on me now and how to not be the empathatic enabler.
I almost didn't watch this because I've given way too much time, heartache, and life energy to the narcs in my life. But it was dead on and hilarious and I'm super glad I watched.
Lol I feel that ❤
Yesterday I debated whether to call his psychiatrist....she gives him 90 Xanax every 30 days, 3 a day, he's 28, it's so sad. He takes 10 plus Xanax and gets so drunk he blacks out...way too much for me to handle...trying to get out safely...thank you Dr. RAMANI❤
LEAVE! best bet is to leave without him knowing. its not sad, its a conscious choice, how they conduct themselves. call to his head dr is a total waist of time. if tables were reversed, he would not give a sh it about you.
I second that. Leave as soon as you can and do it ninja style. Do not share your plans with anyone, and do not seek a last conversation for closure. I did it silently 3 years ago and it was the best.
And, it won't be easy, so discretion is very helpful.
Leave then call is MD. He's an addict.
Benzos mixed with alcohol is a very bad mix. They potentiate each other (exponential, not just one on top of another like MJ + alcohol). There is no good ending to combining those 2. I was using both 10 years ago and landed myself in a lot of trouble.
LEAVE NOW! Otherwise, he'll take you down with him. Reasoning with a drunk/drug addict is pointless.
In my experience, they don't really care when the mask falls off by mistake. Same old same: they blame you/someone, they play the victim, or they lash out. They either trust that people will write it off as an out-of-character event (which is usually what happens) or move on and look for another crowd to buy into their delusion. Either way they don't seem to dwell on it. The narcissistic injury is dangerous to victims, not to the abuser.
@@christelleny wow! Well put!
So true that they careen between charm and shocking cruelty. My experience was the cruelty always involved triangulating with another woman. The last time it happened, I heard the "penny drop". It was the proverbial camel back-breaking straw.
Trying to get along with a narcissist is a total waste of time and energy, let alone solving their problems for them. Been there, done that. Never again! 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
The day my ex’s mask slipped in front of my bother was the same day he laid in wait in our darkened home for me. By the grace of God I was able to run out to safety fast enough otherwise I’m certain I wouldn’t have survived (based on his previous and escalating abuse and major paranoia).
My only advice is listen to your instincts in these situations. It may be difference between life and death. ❤
When the mask slips and they pop off in public, the shame that they feel afterwards means they will go out of their way to make sure you never again encounter the people who saw it (or at least, you’ll see them as little as possible). For me, that meant being isolated from family and a burgeoning friend group when we moved to a new area. Thankfully I am now free (3 months now!) and I moved back to my hometown to reconnect with friends and family. I’m only just beginning to understand how isolated I have been this whole time. Strength to everyone going through this, you can get out xxxxx
What happens next? You ditch their ass and never look back. This time, there are witnesses. People who will finally realize you were telling the TRUTH. People who will help you, at least on the short term. That's all you need. This is your exit; take it.
Not that easy for everyone. Not always possible. Getting tired of hearing that advice. Of course we know we should get out. It's likely that's what most of us want. It's just not always possible.
It USED to be an exit sometimes. They USED to throw violent people in jail, at least overnight so you could grab your things and leave everything else that you built and worked for behind.
But these days, they bond out so fast, or they even get a signature bond right there at the police car. They never even get taken away.
@@Floridafanatic28 RIGHT??? As if we never thought of that. Duh.
Amen.thats what I did
Hi Dr. Ramani, I forgot about the depression. After our last confrontation, he looks depressed because he hasn’t developed a new strategy to blame me. Whilst he upholds I’m causing his pain, or I’m out to destroy him.
He does leave to visit his mom’s.
I used to feel abandoned. Now I feel relief.
you need to permanently relieve yourself of the entire situation. let him brew in his own stupidity, by himself.
I used to be the kindest most generous person you would ever meet. I have done a lot of family caregiving with multiple family members for many years and loaned thousands to help them when asked. I did find out the hard way, that my efforts were not appreciated and were not reciprocated. I have covered for my mistreatment for the sake of not causing harm to others and causing more riffs. Now, If I feel disrespected or manipulated, I will call them out in a heartbeat, I don't care who it is. If that makes me a bad person, selfish, so be it. I have had enough.
Me too, just like you. Let's stay strong for a better future. ❤
nobody appreciates anything. i just turned 59, and from here on out, im just like everyone else, me me me me mine.
I experienced the same with family. I couldn't give enough. When I finally said, "no", I was cheap, evil, etc. My own mother was the ring leader. At 67 I had enough and walked away and went no contact. I cried for a week. BUT, OMG, I finally felt a shower of peace come over me and for the first time in my life I realized it was the best thing I ever did for myself. You can't pick your family, but you can surround yourself with wonderful, trustworthy friends!! Life can be good!
@@essieessie5399Hope you find the peace you deserve. Don’t let the selfish people get you down.
@@ericb8413 ❤
I always looked sad and stressed out in family pics. The narc always looked happy as can be.
This is all what’s happened in my family with the narcissists, and I’m expected to pretend nothing happened for the sake of the ‘family’ being together. I can’t and won’t put myself in harms way nor be blamed for their abusive behaviours. No idea how to navigate the holidays, but prioritizing my health and safety despite pressure from the enablers. It’s all so awful. But I matter too❤. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
family. what a joke. i let them all self delete, one by one, over the past 18yrs. all im down to is my mom.
First, I find out if my Sister is going to attend. If she's spending Christmas Day sacrificing herself by being a Saint(ER Nurse) for the community, then I might visit my folks. I arrive late, and leave early. If she's going to be there, then I tell them I have other plans. Well...they're dead now. That's what I used to do.
One year I took myself on a skiing trip. All by myself, it was lovely.
Once you see it, you can't unsee it
Truth!
The black eyes!
Thank you.. this healing journey is rough.. one day at a time.. I am a slayer.. they could not break me to bend to their bullshit.. I know who I am. And I saw who they really are. Divorce was final 2 weeks ago. No contact for 3 months now. It's great.
That’s incredible news. I say those same words. I know who I am. Yet somehow I got tricked by a Covert Narcissist. It may be because my boyfriend when I was 19 was a Malignant Narcissist that lasted about 5 months. It deteriorated quickly after he got what he wanted aggressively not voluntarily. He did disappear.
I stayed the heck away from men. Right before I was 21, I started dating my husband. I mentioned to him I was going to be 21 in a few weeks. He replied, oh it’s my birthday in a month I’ll be 18. I thought oh crap. He looked as if he was in his 20’s. I did let some of his behavior slide because I thought he would mature. That was the beginning of my cognitive dissonance, which was probably an automatic reaction to me to feel safe. Oh no, now that I write this. That was the first red flag. He was seeking a caretaker. I’ve grown now I do know who I am. Through my process I will act on it.
It would be nice to skip the process on my path and just get to the end. I’m happy for you. You have a successful quality life. 🙏 Nameste..
I figure that people around them do see their true nature sometimes, but they won’t acknowledge it, for whatever reason. If they see what a monster the narc can be, they might not want to deal with that themselves & definitely won’t stand up for whoever the narc is hurting. I think fear of retaliation is a big factor in how these jerks control people & situations. I wish people would stand up for others more often & stand together against the narcissist
Sooo truuue! I cannot believe how many people actually SAW the behavior and yet turned a blind eye, and in some cases sided with the narcissist!!! It was definitely a wake up call and a realization that I needed to run from the whole toxic culture.
100% Risk vs reward
@@cassandraandrews6656 exactly! It’s very eye opening for sure! It’s still maddening that people just choose to believe obvious bullshit, even when the truth is right in front of everyone. It works for them in whatever way. Hopefully we can avoid this awfulness in the future.
@@michele0324 that definitely sums it up!
Without enablers, whom I believe are also narcissists, the chief narcissist would not get away with it. They choose to let you suffer either because they want to kiss up to the narc, or they don't want to be the target. So they are very happy to let you suffer .
He is a COP & uses his badge as a way to meet unassuming vulnerable people to use for supply. He needs to be caught and have his badge taken away. Even drinks while on duty, cant pay the mortgage or bills or soccer camp for his son ( L.A ) or daughter's dance classes ( K.A ) but always has money for beer, vape, testosterone to shot up. These people need to be stopped. I was a victim of his abuse & moved out / no contact & am starting to feel so much better. let the new supply keep him busy just stay away from me.
Can relate so much it’s crazy and sick. Everyone gets manipulated.. except the target
In my case , I received a letter 3x a4. With only negative and aggressive text. I was smiling because her real face was shared. My response was “ I have read your message 3 times and closed with a smile. When this is your feeling is terrible and I will say goodbye because you are not earning this unhappy feeling. I wish you happiness with your new supply.” After that I blocked her and all related people. Next to that I deleted all pictures, Email and messages so I got a fresh start.
my hero! first thing i did was change my phone number to get my point across. i leave all relationships, narc/non narc alike with, "best of luck, with my replacement". its the final words that haunt them forever.
Thanks. It just seems that recently the ads have increased 2-3 fold. Maddening when one is listening and gaining insight and knowledge from Dr. R
Re: Calling emergency services when a narcissist is at risk of harming themselves or others - if it’s your intimate partner, get yourself and your children to safety first if possible before you make that call.
Murder/suicides are common in our culture.
When you leave them...is when they have nothing to lose, and they unalive you.
I think this advice is applicable to every type of relationship.
Its about revenge and your rejection of them. Not that they care about losing you.@@lindac6919
Honestly, if narcs had any self reflection, they would realise that it all catches up to them eventually. And like the Doctor said, especially the older ones. Often, when they burn so many bridges, they will come back years later as if nothing has happened and try to re-connect talking about the "good ol-days" when in fact, you did have some fun with them but there were too many insults, too many lies, too many betrayals to let them back in. Bringing that up to them, is fruitless as they will always say "oh that was soo long ago..why even bring up the past", which is curious because in those "good ol-days" they will bring something up from the past, that was actually them just being a normal nice person and THAT is the only thing from the past that is dictated to be remembered, of course ..and you should thank them!!. All on their terms and their terms only. There are always two sets of rules for a narcissist. One for them, and one for them.
P Diddy is the perfect example of explaining to people of what a narcissist is ..
This is such a great video Dr. Ramani! I had to laugh when I listened to your description on how the narcs reinvents themselves as a spiritual meditating saint 😂😂. On point and so funny! I cut all the trauma bonds with family a couple of years ago which I could litterally see in a moment of sudden revelation in the form of thick water houses attached with hooks into my flesh, a spiritual experience I will never forget and now I am free and can watch this part of my life as if it had been a movie or some sort of weird dream.
My covert narcissistic grandmother is a bottomless pit of egoistic need. I’m moving out of her life next year. I went no contact with my mother last year, and I have limit contact with my aunt for now.
I’m tired of what’s been going on it’s not ok. It is public and crazy with a lot of people online whatever. They’re sick and don’t stop…
its not ok at all, actually its disgusting, but you might as well get used to it. narcissism is so prevalent, openly accepted, and even encouraged, in todays world, everything is based off of it, by 95% of the population. me me me mine, take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
@@lilfairycupcake not acceptable and no excuse for it. They need help
@@Smartbeautifulawesome help is something they will never get. if anything they will say, your the problem.
Their eyes without a face without the mask 😂
loved seeing both of my narcs mask slips. total panic, total breakdown, totally humiliated, shamed, and never felt so good about seeing someone hurt so bad, bringing it all upon themselves.
They’re a being with a blank face demonstrating their lost, and they have no eyes, which causes rage, anger, and fear. And it’s someone else’s fault; someone took their eyes away from them.
My exwife and her new husband are accuseing me of driving around 4 diffrent counties and taking down their business signs
And to this day I haven't even seen or looked for one of their signs
and how much contact do you have with her? it should be 0 contact. you should not be giving a sh it what she thinks about anything. matter o fact, she should not exist in your life at all.
It makes them feel so important. My ex called out of the blue one day, and accused me of beating up his screen door and yanking it off the hinges. I hadn't been anywhere NEAR his house for ages. I told him that it must have been one of his other enemies.
( ...or he did it himself coming home drunk one night; and doesn't remember.)
It's crazy the amount of self importance and fanty world these kinds of people can dream up
@@jedjohnson9811 they exist in a totally different rhelm.
@@lindac6919 your mistake was answering.
This shit is so spot on that it almost frightens me. 😭
My mother's mask finally fell off - she finslly wrote me she resents me because my father (who i met only once) cheated on her.
She has been using me as her scapegoat for everything that ever went wrong with her life, for my whole life, and since I distanced myself from her, she is imploding without having anyone to blame for her horrible decisions 😂😂😂it is horrible to watch though, and even worse being on the receiving end, but totally deserved for her to be losing her mind
Thanks for everything you do, you bring great insight. ❤
Trusting my intuition and meditating, allowing my triggers and fears to pass through, has made my discernment very strong when it comes to narcissists. Of course some of them are very good at manipulation but I’d say understanding that a narcissist is wearing a mask before it slips is a protection.
Dr. Ramani, I love you ❤️ Thank you for helping me get through the narcissistic abuse.
My psychopathic father mask never fell off! Until he had the on start of dementia. Shoot I been raging today myself for good reasons. Knowing I did pick up on narc learned behaviors- but I don’t wear mask and I got no clue how to play the game. But still raging. Someone ask me how I am today I’ll probably say do you really want to know - lord have mercy! Yep I’ve seen the narc mask slip well heard about it at some party she was throwing. Glad someone else FINALLY saw it! I best drive this off.. no not speed either get on them there back roads . Peace out
You have a right to be angry & hurt. I would suggest therapy, versus getting behind a wheel.
Wishing you peace.
P.s. I finally went no contact with my mother after she said something cruel about my pet. I decided 60 + years of that toxic sludge was enough.
The Golden Child can step up & do some work for a change.
I realised that after 18 years. Before that I didn't really know anything about NPD. Turned out I had first-hand experience going back nearly two decades.
He would do this no matter where we were and he got a bad AirBnB review. It would change the course of our day / night or multiple days. He'd always say "I never get bad reviews! Everyone loves my place! How could they! And they want their money back! No way! If I don't have perfect reviews people won't book anymore! I have to fight this!" This would be the ONLY topic for hours or days and eventually the people would get their money back, he'd write some ridiculous response blaming the renters. The longer I was with him, the more I realized he received more bad reviews than not. It was ridiculous the panic he'd go into! Thank you Dr. R! Now I understand why!!
Hi from england i have witnessed this but they are still clever at getting round it
My last narcissistic partner completely fell apart at one point and took such drastic actions to hurt themself, I threatened to call a 51-50 on them. After that day, part of me completely lost the ability to trust them. It was awful and I felt totally alone dealing with it.
best bet is to cut ties with it. it does not care about you at all, and i would return the favor. get used to being alone, if you choose to stay with it, things will never get better, but worse; guaranteed. its nothing but a continuous, down hill slide, and they are more than happy, to drag you down with them. its actually one of their goals to do so.
@@lilfairycupcake thank you. I fortunately got out of that a few years ago. Things are so much better now.
@@janetilmann5305 your welcome, and im very glad to hear that. smiles!
Thanks for this insight. Light bulb moment, he lost his prestigious job and discarded me. He went through the whole cluster B mix, grandiose, covert, borderline and psychotic through the divorce. Still self harming with copious alcohol and still playing the victim. He must be exhausted.
I got into huge chaos when I peeled their mask off. 😖😰😧
As a result, I got sick mentally and physically. But I almost recovered. 😊
and once you seen, what you seen, that was your q to leave.
I’m so sorry. I know now let him wear his mask. His behavior is not my responsibility. I’m responsible for my behavior, which at this point I’m working on being grounded.
I move my body and mind out of his chaotic environment. It’s a process. Sometimes I feel like in my thoughts I’m a parent watching over a child in my mind. I’m talking about myself getting out of a situation. I’m insightful to I don’t need to participate. During my process, I told my husband, you aren’t in my audience. ( yes, I engaged for one moment). Yes, I learned it’s useless. Though at the time, It did feel gratifying. 😉 A process I will rinse, but not repeat. Fortunately, I managed that moment. 🤐💭
@@yukio_saito I'm so glad your healing journey continues successfully!🌸
@@lilfairycupcake There aren't many places for an 8 year old child to go. I used to fantacize about living in the neighbors falling down shed that they never looked in, and breaking into the back doors of the neighbors, to get peanut butter and canned goods to live on.
But I never had the guts to do it. I couldn't figure out, how do I leave home, but still get to go to school? Someone would grab and force me back to my family.
I guess it's my own fault that I stuck it out for 10 more years?
When my narcissist sister died i didn't know what to mourn because i didn't know who she was ..she had so many faces its sad.
I know what you mean. I mourned my sister deeply, I tried to stay focused on the sweet little sister she was as a child 😢. But at the same time I was happy to be free of her coercive and corrosive influence. I wish I could have found a way to break free and learned about healthy boundaries before she passed and that she could have healed.
“Whisper hemp voice” 😂👍 thank you for making me laugh - needed on topics like this!
My ex had her first mask off moment in public, following a light confrontation amongst friends about a boundary that was crossed. She blew up in a rant about how she can do whatever she wants regardless of how I feel. The next day was the discard, followed up by a pattern of avoidance, blame, relationship history re-write, her self portrayal of superiority and how I was given a chance I squandered, a complete 180 of just a few days before the mask off moment "I love you, i feel so safe with you, I want to be with you forever...". Funny, in a way, how these things unfold so...textbook like.
For me, it began to be a pattern, over a lengthy course of time, that made me question what else I’d been missing.
Like when my mother’s work was in an art exhibition. When we went and she began introducing me under my original last name, from her first husband. I went into a corner, quietly sadly and worriedly pondering, if she had a psychological issue, a bit earlier than any natural decline. It wasn’t until later, that she said she didn’t want to introduce me as her daughter because, as I was in some of the work, it’s not a good thing to make it look like you were just photographing your kids. If she was that good at strategizing, it might’ve been good to tell me that, on the way to the exhibition.
There was the disagreement we had, about me being her ghost artist, correcting her work. That I’d never agreed to that, although I was happy to do it. That I hadn’t agreed to be hidden or have me and my own work be hidden or take a back seat, to make her feel better, that getting married had put an end to her work. But, I could tell by her demeanor, that she felt righteous, in using me and strategizing behind my back.
This, after I was the only person to care about her and her work, in the first place. It was this kind of stuff, that we’re the initial indicators, not of dementia. But of her narcissist mask slipping and revealing how she felt about me and what she intended for me. That she was to become one of the two worst enemies I ever had and my, now, former sister, would be the next.
Wow. Spot on!
The collapse thing and intervention happened with me… so he now looks good for “getting help”. His collapse happened on a work trip, highly visible, random horrendous story came out to make him the victim, sure it’s all lies. Most people thought he was psychotic. Also went on about mindfulness and nature walks and what not but none of it has stayed. I want out.
And yes, I’m the one with anger issues. It’s all my problem. It’s all my fault. He won’t talk about it because it happened to him, not me and his mental health can’t take me talking about it. He was on a bender. Also a history of doing this.
Also drinking a huge amount, driving, using drugs, claimed he was spiked, claimed he was SA’d. Spent £10,500 of my money that was in our joint savings account. Then claimed he was being extorted for money. The money he spent was in brothels. And strip clubs. Yet he claimed he was assaulted and didn’t do anything willingly. When he eventually got back (was abroad) he threatened to unalive himself repeatedly until I got him into a psychiatric hospital.
I am out of this relationship for several months now, but I still am watching so many videos, especially about Histrionic PD. I am continually amazed at how consistant her behavior was with what you describe. The rage outbursts, which made no sense at the time and the attention seeking in public was exactly as you described.
It still grieves me, knowing that she is more than likely still using. (She told me, "I need to quit").
I pray for her daily, because I saw a part of her that I like to think was her crying for help, but hanging on so tightly to her image.
the worst part of dealing with one, is not knowing. i found out totally by chance, several months after i kicked her to the curb, for good. the more you know, the more you understand. the more you understand just how toxic, hateful, they are, the more you should want to cut all ties with such a person. ultimately they will drag you down with them.
Yep. All you have to do is inconvenience em a little, stress em out a little or prevent them from having something they want, then they will lose their shit. lol. If you do any of those things, you better take off the gloves and stick em up because they’ll be fixin to have it out with you. lol. Just like my “manager” at work 🙄. She drives me insane, and I often have to maintain my self-composure so I don’t tell her where to shove it.
💯 And if you value your job you know no matter how poorly you are treated by your manager you can only be professional in return.
Right on point with thiss assessment. I'm in a space where I am just done. The people in my lofe are showing true colors with my total lack of giving and caring after so many years of sacrificing myself.
I am happy to report, there are more good solid people than bad in my life and the 2 that I thought were draining me, well they were. But I'm not playing their crap no more.
over the past 18yrs, ive let pretty much everyone i know, self eliminate, one by one. disrespect me, rude, hateful, backstabbing, lie, connive, steal, whatever; i canceled their ticket on the spot. what ive come to find is, what makes them crazy, they no longer have any input about my life, who is/is not a part of it, what it consists of, bla bla bla... f them all.
A lot of this sounds like what happens when someone first gets out of severe abuse (the confusion, depression, fear, mood swings, anger, etc.), as well as believing people are doing to them what they do to others. Useful, if you already know someone is narcissistic. If you don't, I suspect time will reveal if they're a survivor or suffering from narcissistic collapse. ~Once they level out. 🤔
Thank you Dr Ramani! The people in my family that display NPD traits wear their masks very poorly! Anyone who is surprised when it slips benefits from the toxicity! I have no time for the charades !
My narcissistic neighbors dont like my security cameras. They've tried everything to get rid of them. They called police and were told they were completely legal. Then they tried to tell my other neighbors i am spying on everyone. The neighbors like the cameras because those narcisists aren't stealing from the block anymore. They tried threaatening me and that didn't work. They even tried swatting me and had the street blocked off while i was watching TV. As a matter of fact i have the video of him and his son coming down here trying to fight me and i didnt let them bait me. So they tried swatting later that night. That didn't work either, so he finally came down here and i told him if he hits me again, i was gonna hit him back. Well i did. Then he cries to call the cops and they did. They weren't expecting me to tell the cops u see what happened and gave them my phone to get the video off of my nvr. He went to the hospital so he wasnt arrested that day, but i got a letter and the District attorney filed charges against him and a restraining order. They went and got a temporary civil restraining order against me. Lol. They still drive by my house to intimidate me. They just keep getting worse and worse. Especially when u ignore them.
In year 10, he told me that he hadn't any spiritual beliefs; perhaps that's not earthshaking to anyone else, but I hadn't known as now I understand it was part of the beginning love bombing that he supported the same spiritual views I did, and I believed for 10 years....just part of the vise I hadn't realized had slowly started in year one...10 years before I started to see...5 more years to finally understand what my therapist was trying to educate me on, that there was no hope. Fairytales are just that no matter how I tried to keep it true, it's fantasy.
Please discuss bipolar and pychopathy
Great video. A covert narcissist that has been part of my life for 44 years (close friend/ non blood family level) has started to have frequent episodes of the mask cracking, coupled with increased drinking (evenings) and frequent use THC gummies (days). Other people are noticing, and on many levels I am glad to see that others are seeing her for what she is, and proof I’m not crazy. Hey Dr. R, what’s up with the increased level of commercials? Sometimes 2-3 in a row. Very distracting.
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When they laugh at you heartily when you fail, or feel embarrassed about something. Woops, showed their true colors.
Dr. Ramani, This is what I understand at my stage of process. ( I paused the video). I’m curious to hear your answer. My short answer is a willful angry fearful person with blinders on to protect himself.
When the narcissistic masks falls off, I recognize his rage, anger, insecurity, fear, and his willfulness. He’s inability to be willing of anything that will change his beliefs because of his negative views. If an attempt is made to express to him his needless suffering, he feels manipulated. Furthermore, my attempt is criticizing his being, and I’m abusive. I need to drop it; he can’t bear the pain. ( that’s my scenario).
BAD NEWS FLASH! it will never change, you will always be the victim. when you identified the nark, as being a nark, then being able to identify seeing the mask come off, that was your q to exit stage left, pronto. you are dealing with a toxic, sub human. if you choose to stay with said toxic sub human, everything that happens to you, is on you, because you knew; unlike many who truthfully do not know what they are dealing with.
My mum is a nark an yes when the mask comes off the anger an evil out of her mount now I pay no attention she old an now has many things going wrong I see her for what she is if I say anything to her she go is to angry straight away I'm light an a truth teller she rages now but it's her who suffers now as I pay no attention but be my mum but that's mean nothing after the years she has treated an raised us under her narks ways
He doesn't feel manipulated....he SAYS he feels manipulated. But everying is working out just the way he planned...he acts badly and manipulates the situation, then accuses YOU of what HE is doing.
The Narky Mirror, I call it.
@@gsgd4424I know my mom had her issues. I’ve heard several times no parent is perfect. They do what they know. I know I wasn’t perfect. I also know that Intention is a powerful word. I might not be perfect. I wouldn’t intentionally cause pain to my children. I would also apologize. Then talk with my child about the issue. It helped that I became a RN. I had meaningful relationships and conversations and developed a social life. Unfortunately, a RN career does have other women who may have similar childhood experiences as I did. That can go either way when a person is involved with that environment. Though nursing attracts empath’s, there’s narcissism amongst that group. I had to quit a job related to that hospital environment was toxic.
@@lindac6919Actually he’s oblivious, he has absolute lack of awareness. I have recognized it over & over when he speaks.
I was watching a video about falsely empowered Codependency. Kenny Weis was describing it. And my husband argued that Kenny was wrong. That’s when I got an inner flush feeling of radical acceptance combined with this is the end all at once, yet I wasn’t overwhelmed. I knew my husband is an Oak tree. At this point I’m not concerned with labels. The bottom line is he’s unwavering. That’s not healthy in any situation. Thank you for your support and concern. I hope you find peace on your journey. Take care. 🙏🌻
I just watched The Vow - there's a scene where Raniere makes a self deprecating joke. Mark Vicente adds a genuinely jokey comment to it.
The camera captures KR in the background and his face has turned REALLY dark and he just stares at Mark with those lidded, predatory eyes. it's clear he's holding himself back from a full narc rage.
Thanks for illuminating the potential trajectories of a narcissist's splintered ego. Taking the step to seek outside assistance looms large and guilt/betrayal-inducing. I'm doing my best to remain rational and objective and kind.
This video came at the right time. The mask came off in public and I tried to calm the situation in my codependent way. I just can’t help myself from coming to the rescue. It seems to feed the manipulation. I think I am dealing with someone who can regulate emotions and is mature, and my hope is for change. The trauma bond is real. I need to listen to friends and family and cut them off completely and I’m not doing that. It is my ego getting in the way. I don’t want them to think I abandoned them or blame me. It is time to let go of that hope. Let them blame me. I’m not responsible for how they feel or their actions.
This is sooo accurate!
Dr Ramani thank you for all you do, you are a resource and you make my day with your kindness and wise truth, love you Dr Ramani for all the hurt you have helped me go thru
They try to FORCE you to talk to them!!
I helped my husband to keep his mask on all my life and forgave him and minimize what he did or say
He still thinks I should do that and I’m not
His mask is cracking
If I tell my grown kids what I went through they would cry for a month that’s why he is soo afraid of. He is proud of the kids and he takes credit for it and I don’t let him. I tell him straight in his face everything
I can’t believe I’m still married and I never depend on him financially, I did all that for the kids.
I made excuses and enabled him for 40 years. I made our adult children, aware of his cheating and abuse of me. They both are confused , and don’t want to take sides. He had already, put doubt in their minds, that I was the one who has issues. He has also convinced his family, that I’m the one with the problem.
I filed for a divorce, that hopefully, will be finalized soon. Words can’t describe, how it feels, realizing the person you thought loved you, is trying to destroy you.
When the narc has no introspection, "This is definitely someone else's fault."
😂😂😂 "somehow they can turn spiritual and meditation practices into gaslighting." Soooooo true.
I meditate in private. My Covert Narcissist ( I believe he fits the description) won’t invade that space; that would reveal his poor judgement. He has that much awareness to stay hidden.
Especially, since about a year ago I presented to him my thoughts about him being a narcissist. A scenario not to be repeated. Now he lives to disprove my theory.
Heck, I told him you’re right. I’m not a Psychologist. Then later he says I heard that video you listen to. I think you’re a Narcissist. I say anything’s a possibility.
I know the truth, and that’s what matters. He’s not part of my support system or in my audience. Unfortunately, I still live in the same house for now. It is what is for now.
Hopefully, through my process I’ll move out of this situation.
This was really validating. I called emergency services for my ex because I knew he wasn't doing well mentally and that resulted in me getting blocked and I don't think they even did anything for him. 😢 But at least I tried I guess.
Great video thank you Dr. Ramani.
I kept thinking of Prince Harry and the American M Markle while listening to this
Wish you would speak on the narcs that are more passive aggressive and don’t show rage for the most part but sneakiness and manipulative deception. Thats what narcs in my life were like except for my father that did and still does have rage (at 91 years old) and would beat on us kids when we were little.
After my husband's brother's suicide, my in laws both fell into a narcissistic collapse as they couldn't admit that their picture perfect family was falling apart.
FIL took the angry, raging route, throwing phrases like "now you're telling us to f*** off" at my husband and I, and even my BIL's widow, anytime we tried to set a boundary or talk about their bad behavior. MIL meanwhile was happy to play the martyr, the victim, and has been orchestrating cheery photo ops for the scholarship fund she started in my BIL's name (cleverly omitting his cause of death, naturally, because of all the shame she's probably pushing down around it).
They keep finding ways to slip past our no contact boundaries, but I think I'm ready to start throwing mail directly in the trash, unopened and unread. I don't want any more of my energy drained by the guilt, pity, and rage.
Narky LOVES to be the one with Grief. They get new clothes to wear to the funeral and memorial. They get cards and phone calls and flowers in the home. They get to put a giganitc photo of the one they murdered on the wall, and say "oh I didn't know!" "They were so good when they were little" "why didn't they ask for help" " I never really knew how crazy he really was" and lots of "Oh MY Pain, I own all the pain."
I was five years old when I saw the demon behind the mask of the narcissist.
It was sheer horror to know that the person who had custody of me wanted me to die.
No child should ever be subjected to hatred like that.
hate is the basis of their entire fu ked up being, world. sincerely sorry you had to deal with such a negative thing. its always the weak they go after. the bs i was put threw actually made me a better person overall. the one negative trait i took away is, i have a very low bs tolerance.
That’s terrible you experienced that. I’m so sorry. 😞
I hope you heal from that horrific experience. Take care
@@AvaJulani you know to much. "a good thing". your correct, what they can, or think they get away with. they 100% know, exactly what they are doing. the weak, ignorant, narcs, whatever, always rely on others to fight their fights for them, aka cowards. ex narc gf decided she was going to pull the old call the cops on me thing. after i detailed what would happen to her, if she chose to do so, she quickly changed her mind.
@@lilfairycupcake I don't believe that about myself. I believe that I was a better person ALL THE TIME. And I continuted to reach for better, and better.
Narky influences had NOTHING to do with my betterment.
It's not the target's fault; they don't "attract" the Narky by being weak. Narky is a predator, like a lion. A lioness will choose a calf rather than a bull...but if there's no calf available, or if the calf is protected in the herd, then the lioness will up her game; sometimes she'll gather a hunting pack of Enablers and go for the bull.
@@AvaJulanii call that the old reversal trick. yup, im the crazy one alright. like ive said many times, biggest cowards on the planet, all you have to do is stand up to one, and they melt.
It makes absolute sense❤dr ramani
My mother's mask fell off at a critical time - with my father's enablement, and so they both got the permanent arse out of my life!!! And GOOD RIDDANCE!!
Absolutely tremendous DR Ramani, Thank you so much for this, You're a treasure to humanity, The mask comes off when you call them out and speak the truth then you become the enemy, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-)
Ramani, I don't know why it happened but after watching this video I had the overwhelming urge to play "the Final Countdown" by the band Europe at full blast. I guess you have to enjoy the moments of respite whenever they occur.
My husband divorced me during his narcissistic breakdown and a year later committed suicide. The dream woman he left me for, left him just 2 months into their marriage.
Ah. Depression as one stage. Another piece of the puzzle of mom, the Vulnerable covert narcissist.
Thanks again for helping us.
My ex husband would drink and drive with our son in the car. I had to end the marriage and protect my son's life. It's very serious.
Weird how this gets played out on our screens these days. The latest I've seen is Brand after his latest stunt.
pyjamas, basement, stop showering. Well that's a sad kind of resistance.
Regarding the shmear-campaign. I feel i'm in one, and i'm tired of being tired. Have been for 5 years and still am in weekly therapy. As soon as i went into therapy, it seemed to me it made me elligable for being the scapegoat.
I don't have time, go, or patience anymore. But how do you drop mulitple people at once, just when you need them. The stupid part is, i should be focussing solely on myself.
*letting go. I've been asked can't you just let it go, i don't have a problem with "it" but what i'm dealing with, is the fall-out. The thing that schmucks never think about. It's feels very frickin degrading when i'm asked that
It's true, you don't drop just the Narcissist. You have to drop almost all of your network.
@@lindac6919 it's just harsh & hard, for those flying monkeys didn't know. Or maybe some did, but then again if they did, they're no longer monkeys. Trying to remain fair.. yup..
I remember 2pac saying "An angel can't survive in hell. And a demon can't survive in heaven."
Thay are just the most wicked people when thay get out thay fall apart an stil there feeling sory for then selfs im seeing it with my own eyes after years of being the black sheerp iv no emphhy for her an yes shes my mother you reap what you sow
Well, Doctor Ramani, I went through my ex-wife and both parents having their masks fall off (I know it sounds biased) while I was battling a cancer alongside a divorce (with children). If you feel it would be a good idea, I would like to share my story, as I am trying to find a purpose for all the loneliness and pain I've been through, trying to extract something good from bad things is my motto. I do believe my story could be helpful to people, reach out if you feel like it. (I am ok, by the way). Have a nice day.
2nd, 1 October 2024
You confront them and they start raging and are unhinged..I have witnessed many women losing their minds.. 😮
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, I needed to hear this today.
The spiritual narcissist is one I did not see coming!
❤Thank you
I've seen 2 times where narcissistic masks slipped and it was unnerving...1 was a colleague who wasn't doing their part of a group project. When I confronted them I saw a look pass over their face (it was pretty scary, looked like rage) and then they quickly recovered and returned to smiling and trying to get away with their lack of work. The second was a therapist I had been seeing for several years before this happened: She shut down and was as cold as ice....when she finally recovered, she closed her eyes, put her hand on her chest, said "just a minute" and the look on her face completely shifted, like a shadow passed over her face...and her mask came back on. I didn't know about narcissism at either of these times. With the colleague, it wasn't a big deal because I wasn't close to that person. With the therapist, it resulted in a terrifying descent into post-trauma response, that 3 years later, I am still living with the effects of.
I believe you. I think it is a demonic spirit (energy) possession that breaks through. Scary to witness with your therapist though, thankfully you did see it to move on.
Can a psycopath have a pet cat....? Its an odd one i know but my dads mum sexually abused me and my sisters and others with her male friend..she was colder than how i imagine a narcissist but? I dont know its complex.i had a narcissistic ex or 2 but my venture to understand my son ....jury still out on that cud b adhd + a bit of arrogance? Anyway any answers gratefully recieved
Wow this is sad mehn😢
I am very very very curious on what Dr Ramani's take would be on the latest Sarah Z's video "the narcissistic scare"