These 4 emotions keep you TRAUMA BONDED and stuck
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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We self sacrifice for them because of our innate kindness and moral obligation.
The key is stop being loyal to the wrong people.
Yes 🗝
That’s it!!!!
1000%
Exactly ❤
Guilt, obligation, shame and compassion
Thanks, I was looking for this 😊
In my early career, I got stuck in a toxic job. Those emotions prevented me from leaving the job. After a year, I restarted making an exit plan because things worsened and I realized the boss's promises were fake. Finally, I escaped from the job regardless of whatever was happening to them and whatever I was feeling. 🏃♂💨💨
I spent 24 1/2 years working in a breeding ground for narcissists. I ran into one the other day and within minutes all the feelings came back and I wondered "How did I survive that place?".
you say guilt, grief, pity and shame. I also would add obligation and fear. for years I mistook this mix for love!!!
Exactement !
yes, there is fear of retribution
@@martyalbershardt8314 there are all sorts of fear...
I love your educational videos. I’ve cried to them and learned from them. Thank you so much for trying to help us understand what we’re going through.
😢Guilt + Grief + Pity + Shame = STUCK
🩷 Thank you Dr. Ramani & Team! 💞💞💞
Anxiety, fear, loneliness, guilt, shame… that’s 5 hehe
What about loneliness/lack of connection, internal boredom, and while not an emotion- not having other options long term….
My reply isn’t showing.. I’ll add guilt -for something I didn’t even do. What the narc actually did. I’ve changed the brainwashed monkeys haven’t- lack of connection and loneliness. I’ll add anxious.. extreme grief-
Yes, I didn't resonate with the feelings in the video, but I resonate with this comment 100%.
Weaponized Compassion
Guilt, shame, self doubt, obligation
self doubt is my middle name. I have often said if I say the sky is blue and someone else says, no, it is green, they will never get me to agree with them but I will spend a hell of a lot of time thinking about it.
Wow!! This is the perfect explanation! Thank you!
This video is exactly what I needed right now! Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! ❤
Do I get partial points for: Fear, hope, regret and guilt?
Pity, guilt, responsibility empathy for me
Learned lack of trust too.
Half-azz belief in what people tell me.
Grief Bingo. I’m grieving the loss of my childhood because I see it playing out again.
When you put it that way, grief IS a biggy. I do mourn the loss of my self-confidence, and I mourn the loss of time, but blaming these on my childhood of turmoil makes me feel like a bad person. After all, I do have agency. I can usually separate cause/blame from the effect, i.e., there was an effect, but pointing fingers just makes me feel worse.
I keep wondering ‘Am I crazy? Am I making more out of his texting his ex-wife all the time?’ Guilt, shame that it’s all my fault, deep insecurity concerning my sound mind
Doubt, desire for attachment/belonging, duty, guilt
I’ve felt all of these throughout my life.
After more than 12 years of looking into psychology and narcissism. The only emotion I feel for those extremely cruel abusers is sympathy for them because they are their own worst enemy, and because I do know what they have gone through to make them the evil monsters that they are. I no longer accept them and I no longer making up excuses for them. I don't feel shame, guilt, grief, nor compassion for them. I don't feel any need to explain to anyone. I am at the point where, people can think however they want, and this is liberating. I am unbothered. Evil monsters get what they deserve. I accept my hardships, experiences, and my mistakes, all needed to happen for me to learn life's lessons. I feel at peace with wisdom while I am still learning, preparing to face the lonesome unknown future events, and appreciating life one day at a time.
Brilliant. So many detailed examples, we can all use something in this video. You are so Great at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You and your amazing Team for everything you do for this community!
I've been through all these feelings. At least now, I understand why.
I'm so grateful for you Dr. Ramini and all the lovely people that leave heartfelt comments about their feelings and experiences. ❤
Growing up my mother I could not ask for a better mom - clean house, laundry done, meals on the table etc. What I did not realize was she was doing this thinking she was going to get payback. Her kids were going to fulfill her dreams of "being someone." On some level I must have known or suspected this but refused to acknowledge it because my mother said on several occasions that my father said we were going to disappoint her. I never asked what he meant by that perhaps because I did not want to know the truth.
Confusion? Love? Fear? (Ah, I see now I didn't get the four. Will pay close attention to this video! Thank you.) I recognize what you're saying about the 4-- but confusion makes it hard to find the correct labels for some of these feelings. The ick list and the grief are clear. Sorting out is such a challenge when we pinned our survival on those who raged against, ignored, controlled or future faked us.
The ick list when visiting a normal family hit me hard when with an enabling sister along. When she she started “downloading” her detailed and frankly boring life. The deep grief and shame of being excluded is too much to go there again., Hopefully, the normal people had some empathy for me. 😕
I think this topic is very complicated about emotions.
I think it's about helping others so empathy as a main emotion but later when the reaction on it is wrong then other emotions can be blocking.
Quilt ~ Greef ~ Pity~
Never have felt Shame
Guilt and shame and grief.
Goodmorning. Made it. Always something good.
I was thinking recently that I didn't feel sadness for some narcissists. A childhood friends parents. They were very distant so I don't think I connected with them. His dad had to be on a malignant level. His mom may have been just as bad because she enabled it. She excused physical abuse and said her son deserves what his dad does. Narcissistic enabler. I did try to think about what their parents may have been like but they were still rotten people.
They were Portuguese and I don't remember talking to either parent, except when things went wrong.
I have thought that it would be too upsetting if I found out that childhood friend is now narcissistic.
I do remember a few small things his mom did that seemed kind. Still feel strong about the ick. The very few kind things I remember compared to the ick is really off balanced.
That’s mine …. He denies everything &. Lames me playing the victim. With family & the police
Blames not lame. Lol
Dr. Ramini, THANK YOU !
Hope, guilt, shame, despair
I am so thankful for your “ick list” recommendation. I left my narc just about 5 months ago and I’ve had 5 months of guilt. My list of 139 (yes, 139 “icks”) has kept me from breaking no contact.
At 58. I'm only just grieving the stuff I should have grieved years ago. I've had therapy for different things and have learned to understand. But, only now I'm understanding this grieving process. Thank you ❤
I still feel guilty, still feel pity, still feel grieve. But I don't feel shame anymore, because I realized I have nothing to be ashamed about.
Guilt and grief yes!
My gosh! Exactly. Thanks for answering my dilemma, Dr Ramani. Tears in my eyes. Stuck.
Hi Dr. Ramani, your videos have been a gold mine for me as someone healing from a handsome and extremely successful but serial cheating, narcissistic ex who betrayed me on several counts! Can you please talk about Machiavellianism and how it relates to the narcissist and how they navigate relationships? One thing I noticed with my narcissistic ex is that he sought out women that he could not only use for an ego boost/supply, but also to elevate his social status, U.S. citizenship (he's from Europe), and finances (one of his other girlfriends who I didn't know about was supporting him financially and paying his rent, even though he's in his mid thirties with a doctorate... lol)
Thank You!
All of this, is only one persons fault, usually me, that induces a lot of guilt and shaming.
And I know thats not true. There is always more than one, in every relationship.
Not interested in dancing that dance, ever again, since a long time, with persons who havent done some inner work. Or dont know the difference, between things.
Took years to get of the Illusionistic manipulative tactics they as a group, or alone, used, and the sorrow and brainfogs of that, being the only one, wanting to solve things, all the not openhearted talks, which, was not, a part of how to solve anything.
Silence or sticky arrogant comments, as a weapon, and Not a word, at any try to solve anything, together.
Four emotions that keep you trauma bonded (my guesses): 1: guilt. 2: self-doubt, 3: fear, 4: pride. After-comment: Yeh, pity is a big one, which I took a step further to "pride," in thinking I could actually help. Interesting, though, that I'm blaming myself for having too much pride!
I was trying to be perfect for my abusers. I felt guilty and ashamed for being me. I was trained to take abuse and call it love.
I did feel stuck, in the beginning. But, I was learning about narcissism, as fast as my family was throwing punches. So, it wasn’t too long, before any guilt dissipated. I still felt sorry, but not guilty. I didn’t deserve what was coming at me.
I don't experience guilt and shame, as I've said before I'm not guilty of anything but I do experience grief and compassion, both qualities Jesus experienced. Jesus had no guilt and shame but He took on guilt and shame for us. Before I was saved I experienced pity.
And when he came near and he saw the city [Jerusalem] he wept over it. Luke 19:41 Aramaic
Yeshua was moved with compassion for him. reaching out his hand, he touched him and said, “I am willing; be cleansed.” Mark 1:41 Aramaic
Truly he has endured our sufferings [grief] and carried our sorrows, and we considered him to be beaten and punished by God and afflicted Isa. 53:4 Aramaic
Yes Dr. Ramani. I feel all four and brain knows I need to leave but those emotions keep me stuck. I am not a therapist but after listening to you over the last year and half I think mine is “sad covert narcissist”
Right on. Dr. R! Thank you. Thankfully faith in The Most High protected me from guilt or shame. The biggie was pity for him and the hope he would wake up to his ungodly behavior to me and others. I gave up after 34 years.
Pity 😮 I was literally just having a conversation about this with a friend and could not understand why I feel pity for my emotionally abusive husband.
Loneliness, guilt.
I've needed to hear this for too long a time and with that ma'am I thank you!!! I would not ever have realized that by taking all the blame I unconsciously was trying to give myself a sense of control. If any way possible would you create a video from this one to help with working through the unhealthy emotions to reach healthier processing of them.
I stayed with men longer than I should have who were wrong for me because I loved their families more than I loved my own. I was in search of a normal family that validated me as I never received validation from my own family. This I came to realize fairly recently.
😂Well, let's try it! :) Feelings of guilt, shame, pity and kindness.
Sense of obligation, guilt, shame, fear of what they and their flying monkeys and enablers will do and say, pity oh yeah pity and he is so good at being pitiful to manipulate me, memory of real familial love I had for him (my father)
Feeling much less alone since I've found this channel. Thankyou for saving me from myself.
Thx
Obligation, guilt, fear, hope.
Loyalty, trauma, pain, wasted time
Love, Empathy, Compassion, Passion
Anxiety, shame, guilt and pity
Sad, lonely, angry, frightened
6th, 30 September 2024
Guilt, obligation
Ty Dr Ramani ❤
Many thanks..
Thank you ❤
🙏
I repeat. When r we gonna hear about your perspective on Palestine and Lebanon ongoing crises fuelled by their narcissistic neighbour backed by America and their bottomless supply of military aid?
That is not the subject matter here.
@@barbara3243 it is. It’s serious. Very serious. It’s genocide. Any way to shut down this topic is minimising the issue which is a form of gaslighting stemmed from deep rooted hatred for Arabs and indigenous populations. The way you’ve just shut it down makes YOU an enabler of this crisis.
I hope never, I repeat this is not the space for that... but you wish to shoehorn it in anyway.
@@OGRocker1 again you’re minimising the issue. The narcissism we are dealing here is far more serious than family narcissism. Calling my actions shoehorning is just denying the reality of this serious situation. A form of gaslighting.
She will watch the gangstalker on social media gangstalk someone into suicide while she makes content based on my terror as she spys.....and the police protect her
They think their BS 10000 worded jew contracts entitles them the right to traffick your intellectual property