Hearing this and reading a top comment about a FemNar's decades of canibalizing her husband, I suddenly felt strong sympathy for my dad who remained stoic and all-supporting thru the divorce and onward whereas my mom still behaves in many of the ways described in the vid whenever I bring up anything tangentially unpalatable to her. She's constantly reading some new self-help book yet she's stuck in an adversarial non-update'able version of reality: of events, and of people she once knew - their behavior is summarized into a handful of unflattering experiences and that's how they're remembered - as faulty (new characteristics are only invented if she hears they've achieved smth, whereas if they've sunken then "she always knew they would"). She blames me for being twisted, narcissistic and manipulating her whenever I try to break thru that noise and reach her. Real problems are ignored and replaced with melodrama and farce, much like in the TV soaps she watches (should be banned, it's like opium for psychologically mal-adjusted addicts). Love is the only cure but it requires a lot of clarity and stability from me to both be authentic and respect the eggshell trench-lines between us. Every time I meander closer it seems some new reason is found why I'm not allowed "inside". I am considered as "a dangerous porcupine" by my mom, and my hugs "aren't real" and I remind her of my supportive but disheartened dad. Her allies dwindle, her stance remains. Don't know how to help her so I focus on healing myself💖 forgiveness 🙏 and responsibility IRL (cursed games can only be opposed by building a new architecture from the ground up and moving base there)
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My dad spent 67 years with my narcissistic mother. My father was a handsome man, with hobbies and many achievements before he met her. She took it all away from him, little by little. She constantly put him down. She was really cruel. She neglected him, never cared for him or appreciated his loyalty and dedication to his family. It’s very sad.
My God that's sad, I'm so sorry. I feel like having you as a daughter would have helped him immensely though - your love will have meant so, so much to him.
You can't imagine how reassuring it is to even know that you grew up to KNOW the truth. So many children and fathers are lost forever from the endless lies, rumors and deception. Take care of your pops to the highest degree bro/sis.
This is a 'VITAL' survival skill when getting into a "relationship"... Which are potentially very dangerous involvement. Caution is advised, and FYI, people who's world and lives revolves around "relationships" are often cluster-B ('narcissists' and 'borderline', less so for true-psychopaths). The existence of narcissits (especially female variants; with evolutionary-narcissism, when a human female has NPD - it is SO much worse! Especially given the society a person lives in). The world is vast, there is no need to self-mutilate by getting into a "romantic relationship". Most women don't want emotional peace. Too many narcissits/NPD and borderline prey on people via "relationships" and parading themselves as attractive relationship prospects.
agreed very true statement..you have to be actually intelligent with very good intuition to know about some of these .. especially when there good looking 👌
This happened to me word for word. I spent three years with her until the anxiety left me unable to handle basic things. I had alcohol problems, gained 10 kg, etc. Despite my fears, I broke up with her last May. It was a very difficult time. Since then, I've lost 14 kg, I'm in the best shape of my life, I do martial arts, I have new friends, and I'm improving mentally and physically every day. I feel alive again!
so proud of you!! It seems so easy on the outside looking in but I too have experienced something very similar, spot on to everything mentioned in the video! It's clear after plenty of time & space away that she was the problem. This is not to say I don't have flaws, but I'm sure you understand what I am saying! Anyways, good on you, and keep up the journey of developing a relationship with your self
i can't break free. I am ruined. a husk of my former self. i had gone througj divorce with a wife and she took my daughter. i never really recovered but almost, but got attached to another unhealthy relationship that has went in for 13 years. and it has destroyed me. top college education, socialable, confident, great music talents, art. writing, understanding, kind, moral, easily advanced at every job... now i am nothing. a pc of shit with social phobias that cant answer the phone or even get my stuff organized. can't even bring myself to do laundry, dishes, or shower daily. im ruined.
Female covert narc, 10 behaviors: 1. Entrust with most vulnerable information. Negative shift. Figure out what she needs. 2. Super passive agressive. Pushing buttons. Acts upset. All fabricated. 3. Incredibly defensive. Dismissive. Minimalizes. 4. Extremely careless w/ emotions. Zero empathy. 5. Cannot win, it will wrong. 6. Compare you, relationship to others. Feeling unworthy. 7. Grading performance, sex, dissatisfied with gifts. Thin ice. Begging for approval. 8. Boundaries will be disregarded. 9. Know and control everything. Afraid to make a decision. 10. Stripped of self worth. See a shell of a person you were. Become a puppy dog. 🐶 Thank you! Great video.
The best counter is to be a narcissist man with no empathy. But this isn't what it's about that's only a symptom. The manipulated man written by a female explain what's built-in in most women: "The main idea behind the book is that women are not oppressed by men but rather control men to their advantage". Men have been trained and conditioned by women, not unlike the way Pavlov conditioned his dogs, into becoming their slaves. As compensation for their labours men are given periodic use of a woman's vagina." The book contends that young boys are encouraged to associate their masculinity with their ability to be sexually intimate with a woman, and that a woman can control a man by socially empowering herself to be the gate-keeper to his sense of masculinity. Vilar states that this has been going on for some time. Very enlightening book. I kick them out after 6 months soon as they meet any criteria from Vilar's book.
@@GavinHarris-jl4nk they're undercover cult heads. If you don't battle them then they consume you and then if they use you eventually you become targeted anyway. They did it to my cousin my aunt and other family members. So I had to start studying more of what it actually was. Cuz they're more where most of the time than we are until you really start to understand energetic issues and debris. I had somebody trying to frame me where they all keep trying actually it's not nothing new I've been learning how to dodge that stuff, even since I was a child. But there's a bunch of them in on it even random strangers it comes through them too and these strangers can be normal humans until you come around them and then it's something different that utilizes them energetically takes them over scalps them. They look to feed off of our energy. And a lot of people they have issues with their biomagnetism fields right now because of all of the I hate to say it this way but system medications and vaccines have caused them to be entity scalable and AI looshable, and it is a combination of both. I've been studying it very closely. That's funny that your name is Gavin somebody was threatening me with you. Or somebody with your name anyways. But they're a crazy stalker. They have monetary gains they're looking for intentionally. To fuel their what they think is a privy lifestyle while forcibly and maliciously trying to put somebody else down and with lots of help. One of my buddies he was a Harris I always helped him out because he had a bad heart and several open heart surgeries. So I let him live in my house where me and my ex-wife used to have when we were paying for that place before they pulled a frame job too. A lot of people are dealing with ancestral curses here and grid energy spikes that goes through them as well. In a lot of those people that are called narcissists they were really messed up as children by their parents total mind fucking. And if you can't live inside your heart you become like them.
You never loved them, not for a second. If you think they are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). .. Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
My ex girlfriend always made me feel guilty. I gave her attention, gifts, trips around the world, great restaurants, everything. This video absolutely nailed her personality. Anytime I called her out she, deflected and then she blamed me. People like her never change. I told her who she was at the end and why I left her. I'm just glad I didn't marry and have kids with her. Life is good now.
WARNING!!! Hell is real!!!! Your soul is the "real you". When your body dies, your soul will continue to live forever, in Heaven or in Hell. We can not hide our sins from God. Jesus Christ loves you and He died for your sins. We must REPENT!! If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, believe in and follow the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire. "Confession Prayer" (Repeat Aloud) Father God, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I confess with my mouth, that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN...
YES!!!! ALLLLL of her exes were "losers", "crazy" and "jealous". I jumped through hoops to be better and do better but NOTHING was ever good enough...down to what I stored my food in.
@@eottoe2001 yes indeed. Is it possible that EVER single one of her exes is crazy or a loser? Nope. It's these narcissists who 1. Make things up and 2. Actually MAKE people crazy with their nonsensical behavior. My ex had nothing nice to say about ANY of her exes. Her ex husband was a loser according to her (mind you, he looks like he is a pretty decent guy to me. Happily remarried and he now has a kid). It was HER the entire time. She even told me that her ex husband told her brothers thashe bankrupted him. I believe it. She was well on her way to draining me too.
Was just released from a 9 day stay in the psych ward after finally getting away from a 5 year relationship with a narcissist. It's doable, it just hurts alot. Stay safe, kings.
I spent 5 years with a woman like this. It was the most stressful 5 years of my life. She did every single one of these things almost daily. She literally had me questioning reality half the time. I was chronically stressed with her. The worst type of human beings in my opinion. I’ve seen a few women since, and that experience has shown me how to spot the red flags right away. Never settle gentlemen. If you have a woman like this…LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. They do not have the capacity to change.
Man…been life for me the past 10.5 years. I’ve never faced a challenge like this woman. “Questioning reality “ sums it up perfectly. I’ve lost my mind and soul man. Finally had the courage to say I want out, now I’m dealing with the sobbing and crying might have to go full no contact.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 20 years she also has zero compassion not a good combination I can’t get out because I have ms and I’m totally dependent on her and it’s scary as hell
To all the men in the comments that went trough abuse and got out intact…. Still have will and power to fight on and get well. Firstly I want to say congratulations. If you ever at doubt with yourself or yourself worth - don’t be. By leaving addictive and toxic relationship you have demonstrated how strong you are. It’s one of the hardest decisions any person can make in a lifetime. Takes strength, courage and immense dedication. You can be many things but you are definitely NOT weak. You can be proud of yourself when you look at the mirror. I must also add: If you let in a toxic person into your life, ignored all the red flags and stuck in the relationshit for certain period of time…. Then there is also a present issue within yourself. Such as codependency, people pleasing. Maybe some trauma in the past you are not aware of. You would do yourself good by tackling these issues to improve your life and avoid toxic ppl in the future. Stay well kings 👑
How to leave? I have been so oblivious, have no friends left, no contact to my family. Have been burnt, punched and stomped on. My inlaws all moved in our house last week, i have nowhere to go.. i have 0 confidence left, for the first time in my life I actually think of committing suicide. I need help people :,(
@@mediacarepro4590 Highly recommend "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad. Don't know if you have kids. If no kids you just need to save some money and leave. No conversation and go no contact! No contact got 2 days to 2 weeks.
spot on. at the beginning of the relationship, i overheard her talking to her mother. her mother said “kayla, don’t ruin his life, please. he seems like a really good guy.” i laughed to myself thinking, “no way would i let that happen.” it happened. she completely ruined my self worth and my finances. fraud, theft, etc. i’m fine now but this video is spot on. run fast and don’t look back. i’ll never make that mistake again
Man ohh man sorry u went through that man I separated myself for a month now her own brother told me she was selfish in the beginning but I ignored numerous signs
All this sounds like my first wife, she came from a very disfunctional family and nothing ever made her happy. Giving up on her was the biggest relief I ever felt in my life.
This is my GF too(I guess ex now), from a very disfunctional family. For 2 years she always put me down and disrespected me, nothing made her happy and I was apologizing like 20 times a day sometimes over literally nothing, and she always uses her depression as an excuse, because she is depressed it is justified to treat me like this. I just broke up with her, and now she is trying to guilt trip me by saying she is gonna commit suicide.
The double standards with boundaries is something so evil. it’s like they want everything about you to be theirs, and as soon as you ask something very little of them they freak out like how dare you! Super selfish behavior is all I experienced.
That's so true. What I remember vividly from my ex is that she didn't have any capacity to understand other people's behavior. It was really like she could punch me in the face and then think I was an abusive asshole for raising my voice and telling her not to do that ever again. That sort of treatment will make anyone crazy.
@@scheck006 literally the same thing happened with my ex also. She even went to most of the people that know me and told them I was abusive and controlling!! I never laid a hand on her or raised my voice, but she would slap me and say I had to take it like a man? I still don’t understand how she would think anyone would still be with her after doing those things. Sorry you had to go through that also. Just because a girls pretty doesn’t mean she’ll make a good partner is what I learned
@@DaMnVorteX got punched in the face and told me she wanted to see how I'd react. Like why do people do this to others. It's sad. She also pushes me around and I'm stupid for thinking that's okay.
Many women I’ve dated tried to do this to me. I always said “happiness comes from within, if you’re not happy in your heart you won’t be happy with me.” And the fact that I wouldn’t bend to their manipulation would signal the end of the relationship. Which now I see I was dodging many bullets.
Thank you for this explanation. I loved my beautiful family and did everything the best I could to take care of them, but it was never enough. She constantly invalidated me, and somehow made me seem like the bad guy in every situation which was not true at all. After 26 years of marriage she divorced me, with no explanation and no conversation. I was so devastated that I became homeless. During this dark time God spoke to me and told me that I had been a good husband and a good father and that he loved me and was proud of me for all that I had done, and all that I had tried to do. I now feel complete and validated by the one who sees and knows all things. Thanks again, this helps to make sense of things.
I'll have to cry on this and i will rewatch this every time i wanna text her. Thank you so much, i dont wanna share my srory but i was almost completely killed with this behavior from girl i loved last ten years. Thank you.
@@Duhhwight i was labeled a narcissist by her too. thats why i questioned if she s the one, bc she always been saying i have bad attributes i saw in her she also were swapping our roles when complained about situations between us to other's gaslighting was fucking terrible
@@peerozhock I hear ya - you confront them on their behaviour, and it gets shoved right back in your face - "I'm not the problem, you are! I'm fine - you need to step it up" she says. Peace! (as I walk out the door)
I never heard any of this before. But I lived it 100% in my 22 year marriage. I tried to save my marriage for the family/kids. I wanted so bad not to let the Devil destroy a good family. Now I realize I was married to a woman that was extremely toxic/narcissistic and it wasn’t me. 8 years later I’m so much happier and just so thankful I got out & away from someone that toxic
Congratulations on finding happiness; which is so to me foreign at this point that I had to spell check it. How has life changed for your kids? Is it better for them? I'm 12 years into mine and my picture is next to this topic when you look it up in a dictionary. I wake up every morning saying, "Why? I already woke up yesterday!" Then I put on my big-boy pants and play with my girls. Their giggles could be bottled as currency. It is grinding me down but I will die for my two daughters. To make it even more tragic, I ain't got not quit in me. Regardless of how she feels, I can't quit anything that I've started. That's the truth. I just don't have the mechanism in my brain without justification. We both come from divorced parents. I have a annoyingly supportive family 1,000 miles away that all live on the same block. Not joking there. My grandmother and aunt have a gate that physically connects them across a city block. I can throw a baseball and hit a relative's car in 4 directions. Growing up in a different diffused this aura of support. I hated sleeping in a van for months with my two other brothers and a newly single mother. My father, with two degrees from Ivy leagues, went to prison when I was 10 years old and is still there today. At 40 my idol older brother, a US olympic boxer and staff sergeant in special forces after 3 tours in Iraq as an interrogator took his own life two years ago. I'm 35 with two degrees in Aerospace Engineering in Propulsion and Combustion and the younger brother is an Astrophysicist turned EMT turned into whatever he is going to do next. Her parents are both millionaires that would never contribute or help our kids in any way shape or form. Her father hasn't visited our first child since he saw her as a 1 day old at the hospital. She is now 4 years old with a 20 month old baby sister. Physically, he lives less than 1 mile away from us... and has been in that location for a decade before she was born. Their "family photos" are screen grabs from FB messenger or w/e. I've pulled him aside and had a bro moment like, "Dude you are flushing EVERYDAY opportunities that my estranged dad would actually kill someone, in or out our prison for, right down the toilet. You live close enough for me to scream and you to hear it." I thought he got it but it didn't do anything for him. I think he is in this in a similar relationship.... but he has just been ground down to nothing. Their parenting tactics are so horrifying atrocious, I would never trade my circumstances for her's. Still when talking "with" my wife, her worst day growing up as a child would be my sunniest morning. It's hard. Talking past my wife and her brother, I only care about my children. I've asked my divorced friends in the past is it worth it? Are you AND your kids happier? Without hesitation, yes they the guys and the women are but I've yet to find at what cost. I don't care about suffering quietly in silence for the rest of my life for my children. I just don't know how things balance out in the long run... considering my personal experience and the exposure they will have with the shifting scales to the other side... You know what I am asking about. I just can't find the words.
@@JaredBrewerAerospace My answer would be Divorce is extremely damaging to the kids. It affects each child differently. I have 3 children and each one was affected by the divorce. But I know that what they Feel & Deal with is from the fallout from the divorce. The oldest was is my daughter, didn’t speak to me for 5 years. Living is a small Southern town with a population of 1,400 people. She was 17 when the divorce happened. She stayed with her mother during that time period. My two son I had 50/50 custody a 14 and an 11 year old. They all were affected differently the oldest and youngest had very difficult times!! The youngest still has emotional problems that are directly related to the divorce. Divorce is the Devil’s Playground….it brings him more lies, pain and more deceitfulness to use against everyone involved in this thing that Everyone Says it’s just a Divorce….No Big Deal. The World says awe it’s nothing, just get a Divorce. I’m telling you, it’s Extremely hard/difficult on the family especially the Children!! But the narcissist in the household/marriage is just as Bad!! So it’s the Most Difficult decision to make. I can say the older they are it should lessen the actual impact/burden. I’m not sure….just a personal opinion.
3:30 transfer all pressure and work on you 5:50 passive aggressive behaviour 6:55 defensive, never apologizes 7:35 zero empathy 8:15 you are always wrong and can't win 8:40 compare you with others to make you feel unworthy 9:46 grading your performance, chronic dissatisfaction with you 11:30 double standards for boundaries 11:53 gestapo needs to know everything you do 12:48 strip you of your self respect and self worth
I would like to add #11 - she will never tell you the full truth about things, ever. You will receive ever changing versions, tears, claims that she does not remember, and be told that YOU are insecure, making things up, that you need therapy, ect....all the while you know she is lying because you saw the emails ect. It's brutal because you want SO BAD for her just to tell you the truth, but she never, NEVER will
This is the first time I heard "Devaluation strategy." I saw this behavior before and knew something was off but internalized it and blamed myself which I realize now was all part of the game. Thank you, Ms. Leblanc.
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman". This was written thousands of years ago and rings true more now than ever.
I’m a Christian and God delivered me from a toxic woman. I’m happily married. I went from being told I was a failure and that everything was my fought to a loving and nurturing woman that thanks me everyday for my effort. We argue but never ever fight. My ex and I fought bitterly almost everyday. Pray and work on your relationship with God. A proverbs 31 woman is the only woman worth marrying
@@joelfigueroa1309 Great choice of scripture ty 🙏🏻 Psalm 31 describes the nature of a woman without the dysfunction of NPD, projecting God's love, how amazing 👏🏼
As a man this is scary, I've been married for ten years and every time I try to tell folk that this what I'm going through they think I'm wrong and that I should try harder. Smh this video is crazy. I've never had anyone hit it on the head as accurate as you have.
I've had the best conversations about these kinds of things with women that have experience in high stress jobs/lifestyle. In particular I know a female nurse/medic that spent years in Afghanistan patching up people in bad ways. The environments make and break people. They all have some trauma, but you can rest assured they get the best support and are well educated. I've never been able to talk to anyone about it who has not had very high stress experience in their lives.
This is behavior one has to experience to understand. It is made to look like you're crazy. But everything collectively shows it is cruel manipulation. If you blow up for that one little thing, you look crazy. No one saw the hundreds of times behind carefully crafted closed doors. They steal your sanity. I had 1 promise to myself. I would not ever let anyone steal my sanity. Not even a little bit. I'm glad I had that boundary. It saved me
"But I found that there are not enough resources for men who are being psychologically abused" That sentence alone was an instant healing, just in knowing someone cared, and understands the weight of it. I am just realizing that I went thru this w an older woman , when I was a young cub, before I got my wings, or to stand on my own two feet. I have had all of these thoughts , emotions, epiphanies , realizations and hurt in just now understanding what I went thru, and why over 10 years later, I still feel affected. In the last few months, I have found videos on this subject. I am absolutely FASCINATED. Not in a happy way. But to know that this is actually a clinical issue, and to hear the patterns of behavior
and ...interestingly ... If you would )* naive, enough) to lookout for help... (* Counselling, Psychology or Psychiatry ) ... you may get Additionally hurt and destroyer .... SIMPLY Because feminiSS Ideology polluted those education institutions highly during last 50 years. ... Nice observation is made by "Shrink4men" Dr. Tara Palmatye in her video titled: " Couples therapy with narcissist or borderline personality disorders" .
I too was with an older narcissist woman I was 31 she was 49 I went through it too, it's been 6 months NC and I can see myself being affected long term too. They twisted us up how can we ever fix ourselves.
Wow.... for years my wife has been making me think I was the narcissist and this video is spot on, to the point that I wish i was unalive. I'm so depressed never living up to her expectations and being disrespected every day. I feel so worthless and like I can't do anything right. Thank you so much for this, now I know it's not me and even though she wins every argument and always knows how to hurt me..... she cant no more. I'm done!
The people in charge will never allow that, if people learned psychology at a young age most people who currently hold political power and most of the world's wealth would become paupers in a generation.
My mom is a very covert narcissist. She lied about my dad beating her and not paying child support. Everyone was always out to get her. I remember when I was 12 she begged me to never move out. I didn't see my dad for 17 years. He missed so much of my life and I had so many problems not having him around. Thankfully as I got older I realized some dots didn't connect and got suspicious. Asked around and got the truth. Good riddance crazy mom, hello brokenhearted dad. 😥 Hopefully we can make up for the lost time.
I'm so happy for you. And so sad at the same time. My youngest daughter has spent the entirety of her teens without me in her life. I hold on to hope that one day she will have the strength to do exactly as you have. I blame myself for her suffering every single day. I ruminate about things I could have done differently so she could have grown up happy and loved. It's taking the life out of me. I've been very diligent in trying to care for myself and prepare for that day if it ever comes by staying active and healthy. I cycle 30 miles daily. I try to eat healthy. I try to keep the stress and depression at bay but depression is not something that a person can always control even with modern science and medicine. I hope your dad has fared better then me and that you are able to make up for every minute that you lost with each other. ❤️
"There are not enough resources for men who have been psychologically abused." Actually there are virtually none. These females are causing major societal problems in family court, CPS, PTA, etc etc. Good to see more awareness on this ubiquitous problem.
its only going to get worse as "strong, independent" women go into old age alone and take it out on every man they see. My entire life has been being treated like shit by middle aged women, in HR, at the DMV, at school, every job you have to kiss every woman's ass or she will have it out for you and try to get you fired. But dont kiss the ass of the women the other women hate, they hate that too. Women have made me hate them.
It's all by design. The state wants fatherless homes so they can indoctrinate the children early. The women too blind to see the trap have sold out her children's happiness for a few trinkets. Now that's toxic.
Oh boy... As a gay woman, I completely got stuck in the vicious web of a much younger straight woman that is perfectly described by what you're saying. Almost 3 years later I am still not completely over her and yet can not believe how I fell for all of her dirty tricks. The ironic part is that she told me that she was psychologicaly abused by her narcistic father who also hit her sometimes...true or not, she managed to do to me everything she told me about her father!
The key to dealing with narcissists is knowledge. Once you understand that these people exist, and if you're unfortunate enough to have one or more in your life. The next step is always the same. Disconnection from them. Don't fall into the delusional trap that you might be able to fix them, or show them who they are as if they care and will try to fix themselves.
You can't fix anyone, you can only inspire them to want to change. Most people shouldn't try to fix narcs because they aren't capable of understanding them. Leave that to those of us who can handle it.
From their point of view, they aren't broken and there is nothing to fix because they usually get their way by acting the way they have. It's win win from their point of view. They have the control they crave, or they move on to the next person to do the same thing. There is no empathy, and if you let them get away with their game, you deserve what happened to you.
@yXL9 What are you handling? TNT, because that sht is going to blow up in your face. Get the cops called on you, because she's fake crying and see if you don't take a trip down to the station. Cops protect women, and if she knows what she is doing, she plays into societies, protect women at all cost mentality (like women aren't capable of lying). All it takes is one accusation, I promise everyone believe the narc over you initially. Especially if they have never dealt with them previously.
there is so much technical information about this disorder, I guess it starts with sexual abuse or lack of understanding from parents or overcompensation or revisionist personal history for corporate interaction
The one thing I learned from my experience was that "happiness is an inside job." The expectation that you can make anyone happy or it is your job to make sure they are happy, is wrong. A happy wife is a happy life is only true if the partner understands it is his or her own job.
The Happy Wife Happy Life guy should be thrown down a flight of stairs. Any woman who can’t regulate her own emotions isn’t worth the time. Low grade cheap feminism has enabled a generation of adult children because they were born with vaginas. Beam me up.
@@eottoe2001 I’ll keep my own counsel about that, thanks. I’ve learned certain phrases that are employed by these kinds of bottom feeders. “Every woman deserves…” “No woman should have to…” “You need to…” when you ask why, “because I’m your wife!” Yeah they’re very much connected.
Thank you for this. I just broke up with her and blocked her number. I really did love her when I first met her but the cycles are awful. Thank you for making me realize that they won't ever get better. I really wanted them to.
One missing point: she tries to ostracise you from everyone. Tells you how bad every one is just so you can be stuck with her alone. This is the ultimate way through which she wants to control you.
100%. My ex used to always tell me how nobody cared about me except her and since I was insecure about people genuinely caring about me, she was more than happy to go along with it
Yup. My ex had a problem with all of my friends. They were either "a loser", "shady", "secretly liked me", "inappropriate", "didn't have any money" or all of the above. They were so nice & welcoming to her too. Looking back, I realize that it was just a ploy to isolate me from them so she could control me. Unreal.
Watching this happen to my brother but 'he's happy so stay out of it'. I know how bad this all goes as it took me so long to heal. Uses his insecurities against him. All his friends and brother are all out to get his girl... And so he's gone. I wish i could impart my experience so he could avoid the pitfalls but alas we must all fall flat on our face our own to grow.
I stepped away with the words on my lips: Damned if I do, damned if I don't. It's painful enough to take responsibility for my own toxic contributions, and ultimately having put myself in that relationship despite the red flags. Self knowledge is the only protection in the face of such toxicity.
You mention your own toxic contributions but perhaps you just reacted badly? There were several moments when i reacted badly, .. i was mean and cold with her at times in response to her lies and cheating and said things i regretted but this was quite out of character for me. Nobody has EVER provoked me to such behaviour as she did. I was young and inexperienced, stupid and emotionally immature. But i forgive myself because i know that without the crazy-making manipulative torture she was putting me through i wouldn't have behaved and that way. I didn't before and i havn't since, but she coaxed out the worst in myself which is pretty much what she wanted to do. But like you, i take responsibility for my own behaviour and hopefully learn and grow.
I hear you and recognise how environment and relationship is significant in how we behave. All part of knowing oneself. I've no doubt healthy people can be pulled into unhealthy dynamics and sink or swim. But if the relationship burned anything into my awareness, it was a reflection of my own susceptability to unhealthy relationship, forcing me to become aware of my own relational tendencies stemming from my own origin in a toxic family system. Intimate relationship is the best mirror, I find.
Try not feel too bad for “toxic contributions“ it’s really hard if you love or care for them deeply and you have been manipulated and discarded. Anger is an energy and a passion. Just don’t ever get physically violent. 💪🏼
@Truth Teller Talks Yeah, .. it's understandable. We are all works in progress and nobodys life seems perfect. It's been 25 years since my abuse and i was 25 myself at the time. I didn't have a well formed sense of self or what i was about or stood for, but i was a nice, friendy, honest and gregarious young man, but, shy and somewhat inward ... like hiding under a mask of unsurety, ... a little unsure or insecure about myself. I was doing building work, playing in local bands and had a good social and active, happy life. I'd had a few girlfriends, one quite close, ... no aggro, no drama, no manipulation, ect all good. And then a narcissist gets her talons into you and the shit hits the fan and everything goes crazy, and that's important because they unhinge you and mentally undermine and compromise you and naturally you are not going to be your normal self. Yes we are all responsible for our behaviour and to be fair and reasonable we have to take many many things into consideration.. and for ourselves and the narcissist also. It's really important to give some quality time and effort to forgiving ourselves, because many of us were brainwashed into believing ... or doubting, wondering, if WE were the abuser or abusive in this picture. So yeah, there were moments when i can say i was verbally abusive and cold and angry, just three moments really that i regret, but put in context she was cheating and lying, testing, and spinning a false reality and so you've got this cognitive dissonance and confusion going and this must be considered and appreciated. All in all, to see ones own ugly or dark side can be a blessing because we become conscious of it, and going through the mill/hell, with a narcissist can give us something to learn from, particularly regarding how they manipulate and coax you into reacting, and through this trial of fire, you learn to resist and gain more self control, be less reactive, and more considered about your behaviour. And we live and learn ... , and learning and learning to love is a lifetimes work.
Well, unfortunately it’s a bit of a cycle. One of every three women is sexually assaulted, so when women get into positions of power especially over men, how is this toxicity not supposed to come flooding out somehow? So these damaged women wield _real_ power and _and_ they have _sexual_ power. Guess what. This is what has been done to women for centuries. We have emotional land mines all over the place waiting to be stepped on. If one of these damaged women sees you coming her way, all she has to do is lure you with a kind gesture into walking directly onto one of them.
Well, you're not learning the lesson here dude. For everything this therapist is bringing up, there's a woman who is also in a relationship with a male covert narcissist (who you need to understand also very, very much exist). Narcissism is the issue here, not gender. It's global and it's awful. But yes we need better LANGUAGE for what is happening to men in this particular way.
Thank you for this. The female narcissist feels like it’s talked about less often. And the male victims can be dismissed or trivialized as weak. It hard when your genuine love and vulnerability is used against you. Whoever you are.
I knew something was wrong a week in but crazy puss is the best and i was gold digging which broke my bank. I stayed to long and started to believe her.
I was married to my ex wife for 22 years. I eventually grew tired of her games. When I laid down the law to her, to stop it and just be nice, she left. She was in a new relationship within two weeks. After eight years her new husband took his own life. I felt redeemed at that point because I knew for sure that it wasn't me. It took that long for the fear and doubt to leave and only with a tragedy like that. I am now 53, single, and I will never allow another woman close to me, any little thing sets me off and I push it all away. I'd rather be alone.
I'm happily married, so a lot of this doesn't apply to me, but I get where you're coming from. Find strength in your solitude, work on making yourself the best version of you that you can. Stay safe, and resolute brother.
Yep I agree the system gave my wife everything I’m now homeless but still paying for the house and everything else if I don’t I’m braking a court order
Well the family court system are full of scum bags earning a profit from the pain of others , we all know the woman does what she likes with no accountability and the man suffers everytime.
I hope this channel saves others from these toxic relationships. I was reeled in by a narcissist, suffered 2 nervous breakdowns, my kids from my first marriage suffered and sadly I have a son with this person. I have a lot of guilt for having put my children through this and now see my son of 7 also being affected. Get out as soon as you can. I saw the red flags but did not leave when I should have. I did have the courage to leave 2 years ago, it has been incredibly difficult but a relief to have broken free….. now my focus is on my children again….. Lessons learned, onwards and upwards…..
I've been no-contact for 4 years and it's been blissful. What Lise says, 4 years later, is so damn spot on. I can think of a dozen instances for each of the 10 toxic traits. Scary! If you're in one of these relationships, get out immediately! It's hard to do, but there's light on the other side.
I'm coming up on 4 years out and zero contact, its been a tough journey but if I had have stayed that would have destroyed me for sure. Lisa has it spot on with the 10 tactics, pretty much experienced them all in a short space of time, from a dream to nightmare in less than a year! Get out as soon as you can.
Married 9 years now. Considered leaving at 3 years but we have kids, and I made a promise. A promise I am paying for dearly. But I can't leave, I have a 9 yo daughter and a 4yo son and her two daughters from before me. If I leave, another man will take my place in that home. No telling if he is strong enough to take this abuse. If he is not, he could take it out on my kids. Not having that. I will be here as long as they are. After they leave, I will too.
2 months out. Determined and motivated. Feel better. The only thing that sucks is looking back on old notes of mine from before this last one, i told myself never ever let this happen again. Went a good year sticking to that. Then i let it happen again… fuck. Back to rebuilding stage
My jaw dropped when you said she would tell you her darkest secrets and then accuse you of something later... This exact thing happened to me two days ago.
yuuup, my ex covert female narc trauma dumped on me after only a few weeks of us dating, telling me how she had been viscously physically abused by an ex. It made me feel deeply bad for her. She then proceeded to belittle, demean and control me until I was a husk of my normal self. Luckily I managed to slip out of her grasp after a couple months but its literally been a year since we have dated and the scars she gave me in such a short time run deep.
@@craigburch464 Something very similar happened to me. I am a deep empath and felt so sorry for her (now I know that she was making me into the "hero" of her narrative, a role my unhealed inner child wanted to play as I gave her multiple opportunities because I saw the best in her, thought I could help her, and believed things would get better as she promised. They did not. They got worse). Her past was riddled with deep trauma and I truly felt empathy for her and saw her inner light. She was also someone with high intelligence and prestige (a university professor), espoused politics, values, and life vision/goals that perfectly aligned with my own, was highly compatible with me in other regards, and had a public persona of being an awesome community member (so different from how she was in private). So, it was complicated as there were good/positive times that made it hard to label someone as just being one thing. We are all complex. And to be sure I made my share of normal relationship human mistakes. Her behaviors/actions, however, told another story and were extreme and exhibited covert narc, BDP, and disorganized attachment. Generally, when she would get triggered, she would accuse me immediately of doing something intentionally to abandon, hurt, or reject her and she would engage in self-sabotaging and self-harming behaviors that she would blame on me (at the end I learned she did this with exes in the past and she expected them to just take it. But because I stopped putting up with this, she discarded me). She would vilify me, devalue me, and dehumanize me before her friends/family and quickly discard me (quick to breakup, then apologize) and blame me for her toxic behaviors (including her self-harming behaviors; she kept secret that she was an alcoholic for about 7 months). Unfortunately, my unhealed self believed her and carried the weight of her gaslighting. I now understand these were tactics to guilt trip me (and they worked unfortunately) and keep me in her control (though she struggled to and said I was "difficult to love and be with" when I stood up for myself). Nothing was ever enough for her (i.e., even the way I made her coffee everyday or planned our weekly dates were an issue. In turn, she rarely planned dates and rarely, if ever, made me breakfast/coffee). She would explode randomly and I walked around on eggshells everyday wondering what her mood would be like as she constantly ruminated and came up with the worst stories in her mind by taking normal relationship mishaps/misunderstandings and distorting them to an extreme (even after we talked about them and apologies were issued). It was like she was building a case against me that she could use anytime, meanwhile I would apologize/forgive and move on. When I would try to bring things up about her behavior, she would explode, say she was a victim and survivor of so much trauma and abuse, say I was unempathetic, and blame me (gaslighting me saying I was the problem). I was quick to take responsibility because I wanted to improve the relationship and I felt sorry for her past traumas (I understood the complexity of humanity and like anyone in any relationship, I made normal mistakes, but I was too hard on myself and she would weaponize those mistakes and my apologies and weigh them over my head for months/years). She recruited her highly educated friends to believe her narratives and gaslight me. It was so wild. When things were good, they were great, and she said I was her ideal partner (she would love bomb me and say I was 99% perfect, get me gifts, amazing sex). But, when things were not good or she created chaos, she would tell me and her friends I was the problem and accuse me of so many things, like cheating (though I eventually found out that she was cheating). In the end, I am so so glad that I listened to my intuition (after rationalize with it for years). Getting into therapy and sharing with friends/family who were shocked was a gamechanger. I got out during another dangerous chaotic episode that she manufactured (two years to the day after she did nearly the same thing). This time, after she quickly discarded me and blamed me, I learned my lesson and moved-out (she was so aggressive, manipulative, and harassing/threatening when I did). She tried her manipulation tactics again but this time they did not work. She said so many hurtful things that I now understand were projections about herself. She accused me of being autistic (when I said I wasn't, she said there was nothing wrong with being autistic), said I should have tougher skin to take her words, said her therapists thinks I am a narc, said her friends think I am a liar. None of that worked. By the grace of god, I was protected. I packed my things and moved cross country with the support of my friends/family. When I made it home, she tried to fight me on the parting finances that she agreed to and she made a vague threat. I responded from an emotional distance by presenting her with the facts and told her to never contact me again. I blocked her, deleted all pictures, and cut off all contact. Months later, and after processing so much of the pain and grieving, I have found a deep inner peace that I did not find at all during that relationship. I am genuinely happier, lighter, full of self-love, and thriving. While I still grieve from time-to-time, I've undergone a profound transformation and I am so grateful for my experience because I learned so much about myself. The hardest thing has been processing my anger in healthy ways for allowing myself to stay in that relationship for so long, allowing that level of mistreatment, uncovering her lies/manipulations after I left, and being so upset because of her lack of accountability or a genuine apology. Forgiveness has been key to free myself from harboring these feelings. My healing journey has been powerful and transformative and I am attracting an abundance of love, light, joy, and happiness in my life (and a new romantic partner who is incredibly healthy, loving, and way different). I now understand that my ex has been my greatest teacher in the sense that I had to go through that relationship to heal core parts of myself. I do not condone at all what she did and I never want to see/talk to her ever again. But, I am so thankful that I got out before I got married or had kids (she constantly pressured me and, at the end, said that she wished I just got her pregnant). I still have empathy for her trauma and struggles and I understand that she is not just all one thing. However, our deep empathy, understanding, love, tolerance for complexity and difficulty, and resilience are strengths that narcs, unfortunately, take advantage of and I am no longer allowing that. We are now free from this. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.
My relationship only lasted 8 months. Ironically, my difficult and stubborn personality rescued me from a lifetime of misery. I was one of the “lucky ones” who was discarded. I would often have moments of clarity where I saw through her bad behavior, but then I would excuse it because I loved her so much, so I’d lie to myself about the type of person she really is. It’s been over 2 months of no contact (though she has tried; I ignore her). The most difficult part is that I will never know how much of her affection was authentic and how much was pure manipulation. Update: it’s been over 6 months. Still sticking with no-contact and it’s the only way to go.
Damn, I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I went, and am going through exactly what you described. I broke up after she told me an obvious lie just to see if I would try to prove her wrong with the proof she wanted me to go after just to prove that I am a lunatic, controlling, abusive, etc. After that, I found out that she reactivated a profile on social media hidden from me, and had been using it for days after telling me that she had deleted it. And this was only one of the many lies I've come across and that she denied until the very end, even qhen I had proof of what I was saying.
It took me 8 months too... did she keep leaving for "breaks" and then lure you back in? Gosh! I'm so glad I'm free. It's only been a month but I know that I've got this freedom thing figured out. I wish you the best!
You never loved them, not for a second. If you think they..are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). .. Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
Furthermore, You must come to the realization that none of it was personal...Narcs don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing....They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal.... They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it.... The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. .
Madame, this video is pure gold! I've never gotten answers so quickly before. Please, never stop making videos like this. We really need you here in Europe!
I don't like to say "Oh my God", but Oh my God!!!!!!! You have described my 30+ year marriage. Several years ago I finally realized she was never going to change, and I asked my 56-year-old self, "is this how you really want to spend the rest of your pathetic life?" My answer was a solid NO, so I initiated a divorce. After my divorce I found a normal woman, fell in love, and am now happily married again. There has been more joy in my 5 years with my new wife than I could have ever hoped for in a lifetime with my ex. My pastors and nearly all of our old friends believe that I was 100% at fault for the divorce because my ex was a completely different person to the rest of the world. She saved all of her horribleness for me and me alone. Everyone else was completely fooled. She was an angel to everyone else and something completely different to me.
I'm lost. Lost of sense of self. Confidence. Doubt myself. The one who made me feel like a king now makes me feel like nothing. She says I'm crazy. I believed it for a long time. Time to choose.And if anyone else is feeling hopeless and can't decide what to do your not alone. We will get through it. Alone but together
You are HIM, go follow your career, goals, money, hobby’s, you did great and she as narc is empty inside so its like a blackhole, energyvampire. She will never be happy, no one after u will be enough. And most guys are bums so huge chances they will use her and not take her serious. Enjoy your life, there are good women out there
I find it hard to believe that people cannot tell when they are being abused. I have been in situations where a female abuses me after being nice to me. No matter how pretty that female is they are removed immediately. Possibly because I love myself and live in reality. I don't need anyone to make me feel better about me. I do that. It's time for you blokes to stop living in fantasy and recognize reality that you are with a monster and need to get them out of your life. There are plenty good people on this planet. It's time to accept that you met yourself pure evil. Time to stop lying to yourself. Get through 1 day at a time. Count the days that you remained disciplined and no contact. The days will mount up and in time the trauma bond will break. But you gotta make a start. That's what I have to say about this topic.
you HAVE to at least take some time away to decide if you are really crazy (it's extremely unlikely). If that's a never a possibility, then you already know you can't stay
@@raccuia1How could someone tell if abuse it what they're used to? I think maybe because you haven't had the trauma that would make you vulnerable to it. Neither have I, but through thinking and talking, I think I understand a little
Every time I made compromises and came back to her, this made the things even worse and worse, not better. It's not an abusive cycle in the sense of a "circle". It is a downward acceleration spiral towards a black hole that not only swallows you but disintegrates you compeletly. I am glad I survived this and came out on the other side. Great video, you are telling my story.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is that I never knew anything about CN until my cn died after an 8½ year battle with bowel cancer - and 42 years of marriage; and then reading her journals (which she kept hidden in her underwear drawer) 2½ years after her death. Watching this video, I finally have some understanding and explanations and answers. I'm beginning to not feel guilty for feeling released when I kissed her goodbye and she left this life. Fortunately, I worked out that I had been 'abused' and I did seek help. But there have been days - months - when I have grieved the years and the life and the happiness that I thought I married into in 1978. Thank you. I feel like I'm starting to live the life I thought I had at 26 .... at 71 years of age. Everything - literally - feels vibrant and I'm not numb ('freeze' response) anymore. 😊❤
I wasted 20 years. my best most productive years age 20 to 40 complete waste of life but your story is worse. I'm so sorry for your loss of your own life rhat is
It is genuinely scary seeing how accurate this can be. I felt like someone who didn’t know me was retelling a story I already knew, because I lived it.
Its my life too... Just sick of 12 years of Narcism...my wife no shame of shouting and manipulating. Abusing of money... caught her phone calls to her colleague 114 calls in one night. She got a warning.
Its crazy how accurately this describes my last relationship. I was so confused but its amazing to hear all of these deep dynamics described so accurately. Makes it so much easier to let go of the relationship. I can now see it was never going to be a healthy relationship.
Took me 15 years to realize that under the guise of lack of ability and naivety, this is what was happening. I saw all my dreams die one by one based on approval seeking and being manipulated into thinking I am just a bad person from the get go. I dealt with guilt as a child too and met this woman at the age of 19, its almost like she saw it and took me for a ride. I am now 37 and separated, soon be to divorced.
You are exactly correct in the tactics thst Narsists use! My girl was always blaming me for my “ behavior” and I s as leister started believing her. Then I realized she was only projecting her bad behavior on me . I tried fir 2 years to make her happy, like you said she gave me “ crumbs “ of hope Then I finally took off the Love goggles which enabled me to see what was reslly going on Thank you for your vid
It’s okay bro.. let it out. You wouldn’t believe what I’m literally trapped in currently. It’s a golden worst case scenario.. cry. I’ve been crying.. it’s okay my man. Your strong no need to prove that to anyone
@@unclesalty7778 Hello, Sir. Start praying over everything and Blessing Her in Jesus name. You will see the spiritual war that you are in with new eyes. Only He can heal these things. God Bless and much respect 🙏
I spent close to 9 years in a relationship precisely as you described. I’m so much happier after walking away. Of course she took zero accountability and everything was my fault. A hard lesson learned but a much better life now 👍🏼
It is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks... When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain.. .. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., . And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !..
@@constitutionalrepublican1611 You should. Dont lose our life over a bad woman. It will never be worth it. FInd a better woman to lead if thats what you want or leave women to their own devices. They will always self destruct without guidance. Save yourself.
Who needs horror movies when you can just watch this channel?! 😀 Man, I escaped my no-win relationship in 2014, but these breakdowns make my heart flutter! Nice work! I can’t figure out if this channel is cathartic for me or if I’m still searching for answers. Whatever it is, listening to you weave these scenarios does something positive for my brain. Thanks!
I have a question, and this isn't meant as judgement, I sincerely want to understand. The relationship ended so long ago, why are you still drawn to content about narcissistic behavior...?
@@izzynobre Good question! I'm guessing that I'm still looking for confirmation that it was best to get out. I call myself 'happily divorced' and maybe I need to remain happy about my decision by listening to the horrific possibilities in a relationship.
@@glendunzweilerproductions2812 if she was a legit vulnerable narcissist than you can be sure that you made the right decision. Don't let her hoover you or fawn back to the good memories and question yourself. Discards get soul crushing ugly and folks lose decades in these sub/ dom dynamics.
@@jayfakhuri Thanks. It’s all good. I think I’m interested in the forensic process of understanding (at least for my past relationships). I don’t know why I listen to breakdowns of personality types I have not encountered. Maybe it’s horror voyeurism.
@@glendunzweilerproductions2812 Nice. I can see that. This is all pretty fascinating.. unfortunately a little so much so folks aren't very good at validating survivors of narc abuse.
I have said about my narcissistic ex, who quite literally accused me of doing everything that she was doing, even abuse, "You've got to break the chain!" ... i've said about her that she is just like the kind of men she hates. She's a tyrant, a misandrist, liar, bully, lovecheat. She's the very epitome of what she hates .. herself.
Yes, sadly they do this. My ex accused me over and over and over of being a liar. Meanwhile, SHE is the liar. She even lied about things that were easily verifiable and that I presented solid evidence on. How do you "win" with someone like this? Someone who you present with evidence in front of their face and they sit there and lie? She would not back down.
@@hardywatkins7737 they really are. I think for me anyways, when I started to realize that no matter what I did or did not do, the outcome would be the exact same, it helped me START to feel better.
That is a excellent example you posted of true narc cadavers. They never change that game. Playbook 101. They all do it. You walked though the fire on that one. Future suggest Background checks on all potential candidates that want your meat. After all in a narcs mind we are a slab of meat. Background checks has saved my life and wallet x27 now. $29 to $500 dollars. That is cheap for finding out petty privileged sitting across from you wanting to punish your ass any means necessary.
@@TheNaturalSigns "now the tables have turned" - ahaha - been there, done that... 😁You're not in a relationship - you're in a Psy-Op - and you've forgotten Rule # One: You. Cannot. Win. Ever. But... enjoy 😂😂
Had the most bizarre interaction with a female friend that recently showed back up into my life. I was left so hurt, angry, and most of all absolutely beyond confused. Everything that was discussed in this video was exactly how that interaction unfolded. Spent this whole week just sick with guilt, not knowing how to proceed… with with total anxiety about trying to discuss the problem I had with her behavior thinking maybe I DID do something wrong… this really helped me shed the burden I was feeling about wanting to be a loving person and a good friend… I’m not crazy after all…
You're not, trust me. I'm on the same boat. Keep being a good fella, but also take your sweet time when it comes to meet women that pretend they're your friends. Remember we didn't do wrong. They did. Take care!
Twenty years of marriage and the red flags were always were there, just found out last year that my wife is a covert npd. She stole 20 years of my life and brought 2 boys into this nightmere.
@@horiboyablemgtow7842 Mirror of your life but one girl and two boys. Last one with hearing impairment where she played no role in raising the children. But she declare herself a great mom. I told her once, “why don’t you buy yourself a trophy”
Woman here: this is a fantastic video, and I resonate w a few personally. Two people who are committed to growth can come out stronger on the other side. For the men and women going through this, awareness is key. It doesn’t all have to end in divorce or separation. Sometimes we attract what we are and unfortunately some of us just didn’t know better. Peace and blessings❤️❤️
currently dealing with this from my “wife” it’s crazy how someone can make you feel so good and feels like you’re rebuilding yourself and gaining confidence just for them to send you into a whole different dimension of pain and anxiety. this is word for word almost what i’ve been saying over the last few years and it’s really good to have heard it from someone else this just kept me from feeling insane thank you
It took me 9 years to understand that this was happening in my marriage. This explanation was very succinct and explained nearly all of the interactions I had with her. My life nearly did pass me by trying to please her and gain some sort of approval.
@@Badenport dudes....Ive been married 13 years im just seeing the light. My wife has never appologized or been " wrong" one time. Happy wife happy life moto has nearly killed me. Ive lost vision (chorioretinopathy) from stress doctors say. These videos are really hitting home with me. Im in the lowest point of my life. Im gonna try hard to start a seperation soon quietly. My self worth is so low and her respect for me so bad she doesnt think ill ever leave. Mocks my disabilty says im "wanting attention" or lying about eye pain/vision issues. Im afraid to go blind. 20% of blindness comes from uveitis/chorioretinopathy if i dont leave now i may get stuck for life. FML. Im ready bro's its leave or im gonna disappear myself..I gotta do it sooner than later.
15 years of marriage but she's only been this way for the past 7 or so. This summer I turned myself around and I'm intently aware of who she is not......and she's not 'happy'....too bad, I'm not in charge of her happiness.
Let me guess. You were last priority in her life. Any time it came down to putting you or another first, she chose the other. It could be her friend, boss, family member or anybody else. This was my experience.
@@Badenport life is better now my friend......because you know and are fixing it...your mind is clearer and focused....bet you feel great and every year it will get better.
I was engaged to a witch exactly as you described and I was cast into her spell up until the time the very last wedding invitation went out. There were so many red flags I ignored. Finally she let down her guard for one moment and I saw who she really was for the first time! I called off the wedding and haven't seen or heard from her since. Thank you God!
Thank God you saved yourself. I'm trying to figure out if the last girl I dated and just recently broke up with was a covert narcissist. It blows my mind how many psychologically and emotionally abused men there are in this world.
I saw under my moms mask a few months ago. I stopped talking to her. I saw her face twisted by hate. Hatred for me, I stood up to her and I saw who she truly is.
I was married to a woman later diagnosed as a psychopath. She strongly displayed every single one of these ten tactics. My life was pure hell until I came to my senses several months after she ran off with another woman to join (and later take over) a cult. I was raise by narcissist parents. My mother was covert, my father grandiose. The familiar repetitive pattern you mentioned as part of tactic #7 was very prevalent in my life and my willingness to put up with all this garbage. I had been programmed from childhood to do so. Fortunately, I have obtained some excellent counseling and deprogramming. Now I see these signs in people and immediately cut all contact. Still a lot of damage done though. I trust no one and have little desire to get into a relationship again. To me, narcissists and their psychopathic cousins are the very definition of evil on this planet.
I hope you can heal and learn to trust again, since taking on the world with a true partner is an experience that everyone deserves. That said, if you can find happiness on your own then I wish you all the best in that regard, genuinely. I'm sorry you've been hurt by so many who were meant to have your back.
I dated a psychopath for half a year. It was the worst period of my life hands down, and I've led what you might call an 'interesting' life. When I discovered the full extent of her lies, betrayal, and deceit, I had two options: knock ten barrels of shite out of the two men she was sleeping with alongside me, or walk away. I chose to walk away. She's lucky I'm not the type of man to abuse women.
9 year marriage, I used to say it just didn’t work out, but listening to this makes me realize the trap I was in, so glad I got out , and honestly been dodging serious relationships because of what I went through, I’m terrified of the idea of doing it all over again, been single for a long time but much happier, being single does take its toll and I’m finally ready to move forward, and I’m thankful for this video for showing me the signs to look out for . Lise literally described word for word the relationship I was in. Looking through the comments it’s actually sad the amount of people suffering from cn relationships. I can also name two friends that went through this.
The whole experience hollowed my soul. I feel nothing and look forward to nothing. There’s no joy from accomplishment and no regret from failure. Basically stumbling through life from one day to the next. I have enough vanity to maintain appearances because my job demands it.
@@derekdrever3470 I hope for you a chance to make a plan to escape. Get away from the narc. Love yourself enough to save yourself, and then help yourself heal slowly over time. The healing will come in dozens of unexpected ways. I've been there. 21 years with a narc - and it was as hard and scary as hell, but I made a plan to save my life, and I followed through with it. And I never took him back. You can do this. You are stronger than you feel. You are smarter than you have been made to feel. You are worthy, valuable, and there is a future for you where you wake up every morning grateful to be alive, and looking forward to the things you have planned for that day.
Talk to God and plead for him to replenish you. He will..I promise you. Just have an open mind and sincerely try. The emptiness is because she took part of your soul and most likely has a bad spirit plaguing you still. Sounds crazy right? A lot of this stuff is spiritual.. Just try. You have nothing to lose yet everything to gain.
This video damn near saved my life haha. Never thought I’d get trapped but I did, luckily only for a couple months. Crazy how manipulative it can be. Had already separated myself from her, but once I saw this video it all clicked and, well, she gone.
It's crazy, I never thought I would either, but ended up on the roller-coaster for almost 3 yrs! I'm so glad we didn't move in together or have a child or any of that! That's the one blessing!
I had a really rough 6 month ride. Thought I was good most of the way but caught her cheating with her "running partner" that she manipulated into me agreeing let her "run" with 2-3 days a week in the mornings. Worst part was when I caught her cheating the so called "running partner" was a fat, gross looking out of shape musician. This devested to me to the core that she could cheat on me with such a despicable looking human being. As I'm in the best shape of my life. Shows the mental illness of the disease. No remorse and a Restraining order put on me for catching them together. Good riddance!
My mother hit each one of those up to 11. The anxiety and depression that's left from that time is unreal. Makes me unintentionally sabotage every relationship. Left me a mental and emotional wreck who hurts the hearts of loved ones.
This was literally step by step my daily struggle for 3 years and I Finally left for my own health and well being bc I was on the bottom emotionally and had me convinced how bad I was. The idea she was doing this on purpose never crossed my mind until I saw this.
Going through an 11 year marriage, 15 years together that is coming to an end as I am being discarded. For so long I played her game. I am ADD and on the spectrum, so that was used as fuel against me to breakdown my self worth. Eventually I had a breakdown, and started working on my mental health... All the while she was there trying to destroy any progress. I eventually ended up growing grey rock (didn't know what that was at the time) which has now resulted in me being discarded. Only after she left, and I looked for answers did I find out what she really was.
Man I needed to see this video. And throughout the relationship I'm still perplexed at how badly I behaved in response to the constant abuse, especially as I grew to expect and dread it approaching. Something for me to reflect on. You know, I could literally set a watch to the drama. Day 1 HUGE fight and the brink of breakup. Day 2 Best relationship ever - there's hope after all. Day 3 the tension starts to build and I tiptoe around trying to diffuse it with tasks, kisses and cuddles. BAM. Efforts fail. Back to day 1. Strangely she also seemed to have a massive heart at the same time and was so caring towards animals. The loving side is what stopped me from seeing the patterns. Deep inside, she REALLY wanted to have a loving home and family, but it was impossible. What I want to know is that she claims to have had loving relationships in the past and was engaged a number of times, but they were all wealthy powerful men. I thought it was just me not being financial enough at the time to take care of her. This video made me feel so much better. Thank you so much.
@@odeltor8703 No you can't help them. The first narc I ever experienced years ago was named Anna. She was Taiwanese. Without generalising too much, lots of Chinese background people can have a degrading narciccistic streak.
This sounds like untreated BPD, it's on the narcissistic scale, but not Covert Narcissism specifically. Best to seek treatment for the abuse suffered. Best wishes going forward.
This! I left my ex in early 2020 and this describes her rather too accurately. When we met I was on the rebound from a previous relationship. So I was probably more vulnerable than I thought I was. Of course it started off great as it always does, but then the slow subtle ensnarement. She was the victim of abuse at the hands of father and high school boyfriends. I was the one who felt sorry for her and wanted to show I was a good partner. It took 8 years for us to end, and by the end it was pretty grim. Of course the breadcrumbing was rife, the gaslighting, the arguing and fighting (even though she seemed to look for excuses to argue), and I could feel myself starting to disintegrate. I left with about $100 in the bank and what I could fit on my motorcycle (although I went back and got more stuff later). And now 3 years later nearly, gone through the legal stuff, and spent a lot of time alone healing and learning to be true to myself.
Hope your doing ok bro. It's hard to rebuild after losing yourself. A good opportunity to become an even better person then before. I'm at the rebuild stage
I just got out of this type of relationship today. As I listen to this message, I see every single thing she did now and I am a shell at this point. She used me tore everything up and broke everything I gave her and at the end of the day somehow I felt so bad for.her I wanted never to leave her because I felt I could give her her best life. But today after an endless day of this abuse she talking about I just broke. I finally said enough is enough. I made her leave she went as far to take my pants and shirt from the hotel we stayed at only to allow her to control me once again. Its.was so crazy that I told her just keep my wallet keys money and everything in my pants just so I never had to see her again. I cha get my whole life for.her. and she made.sure it wasn't good enough just to control me make me feel like I wasn't doing g my part or there had to be a reason for.her to even throw me a bone or crumb. I got.nowhere I went broke, lost my job, she broke 5 phones and I replaced all this last 6.months and cost me my only means of transpartation by destroying my truck and costing me everything I had build prior to being with her. I didn't any interest.in anything but trying to make her happy but somehow it was never good enough and now.i know.why. she lied she cheated and did all things she was accusing me of this entire time. I never believed I thought was me or so.ething I was.doing but I loyal and it cost me everything. Don't let it happen to you cause I'm not sure I'll recover anytime soon now. But at.least I finally escaped. Thank you for.this video it just confirmed how doomed I really was and there was winning because I chose.to.ay the game don't do it ever.
@@jeremyfreeze3755 So sorry bro, I got ripped off for big money, lost everything walked away with a car I had to live in. The best possible revenge is surviving and getting on with your life and finding happiness further on down the road all in good time, If nothing else you now know what not to put up with any more and dont rush into anything, and improve yourself. YOU JUST MAKE SURE YOU DONT REPEAT THIS SITUATION. NEVER GIVE ANOTHER PERSON THIS KIND OF POWER OVER YOU. Dont lose whats the best of you to an earthbound demon, because that's what they are. It is survivable.
Lise, you nailed it like no one else. This is beyond spooky. I am not sure if there exists also a "male cNPD", but the fact that you as a female describe fcNPD that kind of precisely AND help men struggling under that kind of abuse, is reason enough to have gold plated statues of honor to you erected in every corner of this planet!
I was in a relationship exactly like this for 3.5 years. Every single thing that was said in this video was spot on. I’m lucky I got out, by the end of it I wasn’t myself what so ever. I didn’t have friends, family, or any support structures left because she had pushed them away and I had chosen her every time. Thank you for putting this out there and raising awareness. I hope it saves someone.
My friend, IT is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks... When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain.. .. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., . And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !..
This perfectly articulates what my relationship with my 5 year ex was. I have never been happier than when I left her and started feeling myself again!
This video really helped me a million times over. Now the last 4 years of my life actually makes sense. And I actually feel bad for her narcissistic, manipulative, no hearted, soulless, robot self. Like the time I got screamed at for mopping the floor or the time I just needed 3 minutes of quiet on the back porch alone from being screamed at for literally nothing. Or being treated like a ghost for planting flower seeds in the back yard. I've never been more stressed and confused in my life and now I see I wasn't actually doing anything wrong, I just didn't understand the reasons someone would treat someone they love so badly. It wasn't love at all.
oh my god...my heart is pounding. My ex wife did every single one of these... It ended with her getting a permanent residence visa after lying about me and dragging me through the courts. I have several dream careers that I am now inelligible for. I still love her. It fell apart quickly when she started finding it difficult to control me. I wouldnt lose control like she hoped and I am family oriented. It still breaks my heart that she told me I would be an aweful parent. Thankyou Ms Leblanc for this valuable resource! It's been 161 days since I last saw her face and my head is still spinning.
Give it a year. I have been there. The problem that held me back of really cutting my ties with her after the breakup was that deep in me there was a voice that asked: "what if you could have done more? Show her that you can do more! If you just show her then she´ll come back and finally give you the love that you are craving for". The exact same hook that made it so extremely hard to leave her in the first place.. (i never left, she left me). Maybe this helps.
@@ottolorenz5099 this does help but I must confess that since posting this comment I've had a personal realisation that I had internalised a lie. It was a minor thing but she found out and my fear of losing her caused me to believe my own lie. So as she did what she could to save the marriage while also feeling justifiably hurt and with trust broken what was for her earnest attempts to reconcile hurt feelings was perceived by me as positioning to do harm. Eventually she took the opportunity of a PR and has moved on and I've been trapped in an internal prison of my own design until I finally faced myself and can now let it rest. I don't blame her for all the things she did because now I know why. And I can't fully judge her for her most toxic things as I was literally a paranoid lyer. This has been tough for me to face. For better or worse I announced my failure and revelation publicly on social media. I haven't lost any friends actually but I do feel capable of letting go of the betrayal by way of understanding. I also want to state that she did do each of these things (or appear to) but what has changed is my perception of her motive and the actual nature of her actions now that the fog of delusion is lifted. I poisoned my own marriage and lost the best thing that ever happened to me. But more than a year later I can let go...
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
Hearing this and reading a top comment about a FemNar's decades of canibalizing her husband, I suddenly felt strong sympathy for my dad who remained stoic and all-supporting thru the divorce and onward whereas my mom still behaves in many of the ways described in the vid whenever I bring up anything tangentially unpalatable to her. She's constantly reading some new self-help book yet she's stuck in an adversarial non-update'able version of reality: of events, and of people she once knew - their behavior is summarized into a handful of unflattering experiences and that's how they're remembered - as faulty (new characteristics are only invented if she hears they've achieved smth, whereas if they've sunken then "she always knew they would"). She blames me for being twisted, narcissistic and manipulating her whenever I try to break thru that noise and reach her. Real problems are ignored and replaced with melodrama and farce, much like in the TV soaps she watches (should be banned, it's like opium for psychologically mal-adjusted addicts). Love is the only cure but it requires a lot of clarity and stability from me to both be authentic and respect the eggshell trench-lines between us. Every time I meander closer it seems some new reason is found why I'm not allowed "inside". I am considered as "a dangerous porcupine" by my mom, and my hugs "aren't real" and I remind her of my supportive but disheartened dad. Her allies dwindle, her stance remains. Don't know how to help her so I focus on healing myself💖 forgiveness 🙏 and responsibility IRL (cursed games can only be opposed by building a new architecture from the ground up and moving base there)
So true… I love the way you put “adversarial, non-updatable”. You are wise to focus on your own healing and wellness
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Allah may praise your Dad ❤❤
My gf is a narcissist. She doesn't seem to realize or she chooses not to acknowledge that she is. But she acts exactly like that.
Wow stay strong and be yourself and good luck
My dad spent 67 years with my narcissistic mother. My father was a handsome man, with hobbies and many achievements before he met her. She took it all away from him, little by little. She constantly put him down. She was really cruel. She neglected him, never cared for him or appreciated his loyalty and dedication to his family. It’s very sad.
So very sorry to hear that. God bless your dad🙏
Probably she was Jealous as Hell that he had more quality than she could even dream of.
My God that's sad, I'm so sorry. I feel like having you as a daughter would have helped him immensely though - your love will have meant so, so much to him.
My ex wife exactly! Never appreciated anything or showed me any respect.
You can't imagine how reassuring it is to even know that you grew up to KNOW the truth. So many children and fathers are lost forever from the endless lies, rumors and deception. Take care of your pops to the highest degree bro/sis.
Nothing is more powerful in a relationship than the ability to walk away and never look back. Never put up with someone's BS mind games or abuse.
Thank you,,
Such a great statement...
This is a 'VITAL' survival skill when getting into a "relationship"... Which are potentially very dangerous involvement. Caution is advised, and FYI, people who's world and lives revolves around "relationships" are often cluster-B ('narcissists' and 'borderline', less so for true-psychopaths).
The existence of narcissits (especially female variants; with evolutionary-narcissism, when a human female has NPD - it is SO much worse! Especially given the society a person lives in). The world is vast, there is no need to self-mutilate by getting into a "romantic relationship". Most women don't want emotional peace. Too many narcissits/NPD and borderline prey on people via "relationships" and parading themselves as attractive relationship prospects.
Bit, but, the sec bombings 😢
@xX_YourMumIn1080p_Xxgrow up
agreed very true statement..you have to be actually intelligent with very good intuition to know about some of these .. especially when there good looking 👌
This happened to me word for word. I spent three years with her until the anxiety left me unable to handle basic things. I had alcohol problems, gained 10 kg, etc. Despite my fears, I broke up with her last May.
It was a very difficult time. Since then, I've lost 14 kg, I'm in the best shape of my life, I do martial arts, I have new friends, and I'm improving mentally and physically every day. I feel alive again!
Great courage, keep working on yourself and learn from your mistakes.
Hell yeah!!!
so proud of you!! It seems so easy on the outside looking in but I too have experienced something very similar, spot on to everything mentioned in the video! It's clear after plenty of time & space away that she was the problem. This is not to say I don't have flaws, but I'm sure you understand what I am saying! Anyways, good on you, and keep up the journey of developing a relationship with your self
Proud of you. I am dealing with a similar situation since I left last Fall. Keep up the good work. 🙏🏻
i can't break free. I am ruined. a husk of my former self. i had gone througj divorce with a wife and she took my daughter. i never really recovered but almost, but got attached to another unhealthy relationship that has went in for 13 years. and it has destroyed me. top college education, socialable, confident, great music talents, art. writing, understanding, kind, moral, easily advanced at every job... now i am nothing. a pc of shit with social phobias that cant answer the phone or even get my stuff organized. can't even bring myself to do laundry, dishes, or shower daily. im ruined.
Female covert narc, 10 behaviors:
1. Entrust with most vulnerable information. Negative shift. Figure out what she needs.
2. Super passive agressive. Pushing buttons. Acts upset. All fabricated.
3. Incredibly defensive. Dismissive. Minimalizes.
4. Extremely careless w/ emotions. Zero empathy.
5. Cannot win, it will wrong.
6. Compare you, relationship to others. Feeling unworthy.
7. Grading performance, sex, dissatisfied with gifts. Thin ice. Begging for approval.
8. Boundaries will be disregarded.
9. Know and control everything. Afraid to make a decision.
10. Stripped of self worth. See a shell of a person you were. Become a puppy dog. 🐶
Thank you! Great video.
good job!
Thank. You
Awesome!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
The best counter is to be a narcissist man with no empathy. But this isn't what it's about that's only a symptom. The manipulated man written by a female explain what's built-in in most women: "The main idea behind the book is that women are not oppressed by men but rather control men to their advantage". Men have been trained and conditioned by women, not unlike the way Pavlov conditioned his dogs, into becoming their slaves. As compensation for their labours men are given periodic use of a woman's vagina." The book contends that young boys are encouraged to associate their masculinity with their ability to be sexually intimate with a woman, and that a woman can control a man by socially empowering herself to be the gate-keeper to his sense of masculinity. Vilar states that this has been going on for some time. Very enlightening book. I kick them out after 6 months soon as they meet any criteria from Vilar's book.
It's crazy how these people will slowly turn you into someone you're not.
It's so messed up😢
Forced framing if you don't act as they want.
Bro me and you both
@@GavinHarris-jl4nk they're undercover cult heads. If you don't battle them then they consume you and then if they use you eventually you become targeted anyway. They did it to my cousin my aunt and other family members. So I had to start studying more of what it actually was. Cuz they're more where most of the time than we are until you really start to understand energetic issues and debris. I had somebody trying to frame me where they all keep trying actually it's not nothing new I've been learning how to dodge that stuff, even since I was a child. But there's a bunch of them in on it even random strangers it comes through them too and these strangers can be normal humans until you come around them and then it's something different that utilizes them energetically takes them over scalps them. They look to feed off of our energy. And a lot of people they have issues with their biomagnetism fields right now because of all of the I hate to say it this way but system medications and vaccines have caused them to be entity scalable and AI looshable, and it is a combination of both. I've been studying it very closely. That's funny that your name is Gavin somebody was threatening me with you. Or somebody with your name anyways. But they're a crazy stalker. They have monetary gains they're looking for intentionally. To fuel their what they think is a privy lifestyle while forcibly and maliciously trying to put somebody else down and with lots of help. One of my buddies he was a Harris I always helped him out because he had a bad heart and several open heart surgeries. So I let him live in my house where me and my ex-wife used to have when we were paying for that place before they pulled a frame job too. A lot of people are dealing with ancestral curses here and grid energy spikes that goes through them as well. In a lot of those people that are called narcissists they were really messed up as children by their parents total mind fucking. And if you can't live inside your heart you become like them.
You never loved them, not for a second. If you think they are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). ..
Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
My ex girlfriend always made me feel guilty. I gave her attention, gifts, trips around the world, great restaurants, everything. This video absolutely nailed her personality. Anytime I called her out she, deflected and then she blamed me. People like her never change. I told her who she was at the end and why I left her. I'm just glad I didn't marry and have kids with her. Life is good now.
Same bro!!!
You dodged the bullet my friend. She deserves to be miserable, and lonely.
You are very blessed to have escaped. Having children would have imprisoned you forever with her.
WARNING!!! Hell is real!!!! Your soul is the "real you". When your body dies, your soul will continue to live forever, in Heaven or in Hell. We can not hide our sins from God. Jesus Christ loves you and He died for your sins. We must REPENT!! If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, believe in and follow the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life.
Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.
"Confession Prayer" (Repeat Aloud)
Father God, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I confess with my mouth, that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN...
Same!!! Did and gave her everything!
constantly having to prove that you're better than her "loser ex" after awhile you'll be "just like her loser ex no matter what you do"
Some point find loser ex and compare notes.
That happened with me. At the time i was shocked. But now with hindsight I can see it all so clearly. Live and learn at least.
YES!!!! ALLLLL of her exes were "losers", "crazy" and "jealous". I jumped through hoops to be better and do better but NOTHING was ever good enough...down to what I stored my food in.
They don’t treat anybody any better it’s not about the partners all about her delusional self
@@eottoe2001 yes indeed. Is it possible that EVER single one of her exes is crazy or a loser? Nope. It's these narcissists who 1. Make things up and 2. Actually MAKE people crazy with their nonsensical behavior. My ex had nothing nice to say about ANY of her exes. Her ex husband was a loser according to her (mind you, he looks like he is a pretty decent guy to me. Happily remarried and he now has a kid). It was HER the entire time. She even told me that her ex husband told her brothers thashe bankrupted him. I believe it. She was well on her way to draining me too.
I had to endure this nightmare for 10 years. I wasted and lost 10 years of my life. I'm slowly recovering from that abuse. Worst experience of my life
Same here
Same here too
Was just released from a 9 day stay in the psych ward after finally getting away from a 5 year relationship with a narcissist. It's doable, it just hurts alot. Stay safe, kings.
Congrats man. I have been in the process of separating myself from my family as well
U spin poi bro?
@@Drewkhat Orbit
This lady is kinda hot
@@nyoom7495 nice one
I spent 5 years with a woman like this. It was the most stressful 5 years of my life. She did every single one of these things almost daily. She literally had me questioning reality half the time. I was chronically stressed with her. The worst type of human beings in my opinion. I’ve seen a few women since, and that experience has shown me how to spot the red flags right away. Never settle gentlemen. If you have a woman like this…LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. They do not have the capacity to change.
I'm on to it 🍻
Facts
Man…been life for me the past 10.5 years. I’ve never faced a challenge like this woman. “Questioning reality “ sums it up perfectly. I’ve lost my mind and soul man. Finally had the courage to say I want out, now I’m dealing with the sobbing and crying might have to go full no contact.
@@TJ-015 no contact is literally the only option my man. It’s so incredibly difficult, but it’s the healthiest and only option. They do not change.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 20 years she also has zero compassion not a good combination
I can’t get out because I have ms and I’m totally dependent on her and it’s scary as hell
To all the men in the comments that went trough abuse and got out intact…. Still have will and power to fight on and get well. Firstly I want to say congratulations. If you ever at doubt with yourself or yourself worth - don’t be. By leaving addictive and toxic relationship you have demonstrated how strong you are. It’s one of the hardest decisions any person can make in a lifetime. Takes strength, courage and immense dedication. You can be many things but you are definitely NOT weak.
You can be proud of yourself when you look at the mirror.
I must also add: If you let in a toxic person into your life, ignored all the red flags and stuck in the relationshit for certain period of time…. Then there is also a present issue within yourself. Such as codependency, people pleasing. Maybe some trauma in the past you are not aware of. You would do yourself good by tackling these issues to improve your life and avoid toxic ppl in the future.
Stay well kings 👑
How to leave? I have been so oblivious, have no friends left, no contact to my family. Have been burnt, punched and stomped on. My inlaws all moved in our house last week, i have nowhere to go.. i have 0 confidence left, for the first time in my life I actually think of committing suicide. I need help people :,(
@@mediacarepro4590 Highly recommend "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad. Don't know if you have kids. If no kids you just need to save some money and leave. No conversation and go no contact! No contact got 2 days to 2 weeks.
Thank you Emil 🙏
❤❤❤❤❤
Absolutely true, you are a king and you deserve better
but you deserve what you tolerate
spot on. at the beginning of the relationship, i overheard her talking to her mother. her mother said “kayla, don’t ruin his life, please. he seems like a really good guy.”
i laughed to myself thinking, “no way would i let that happen.”
it happened. she completely ruined my self worth and my finances. fraud, theft, etc.
i’m fine now but this video is spot on. run fast and don’t look back. i’ll never make that mistake again
Man ohh man sorry u went through that man I separated myself for a month now her own brother told me she was selfish in the beginning but I ignored numerous signs
All this sounds like my first wife, she came from a very disfunctional family and nothing ever made her happy. Giving up on her was the biggest relief I ever felt in my life.
Well on similar path, i was warned about her but i didnt listen. Later i paid hevay price
Everything made this girl happy for me but I cheated and turned her into somebody unrecognizable
This is my GF too(I guess ex now), from a very disfunctional family. For 2 years she always put me down and disrespected me, nothing made her happy and I was apologizing like 20 times a day sometimes over literally nothing, and she always uses her depression as an excuse, because she is depressed it is justified to treat me like this. I just broke up with her, and now she is trying to guilt trip me by saying she is gonna commit suicide.
@@Luodai235you can say ‘do you want me to push you? Or open a window for you?😅’ she’ll know that her suicide means nothing to you and back off
@@busystuff23yearsago15i mean thats your fault buddy
The double standards with boundaries is something so evil. it’s like they want everything about you to be theirs, and as soon as you ask something very little of them they freak out like how dare you! Super selfish behavior is all I experienced.
From these comments sounds like we were all dating the same girl. All 10 traits.
That's so true. What I remember vividly from my ex is that she didn't have any capacity to understand other people's behavior. It was really like she could punch me in the face and then think I was an abusive asshole for raising my voice and telling her not to do that ever again. That sort of treatment will make anyone crazy.
@@scheck006 literally the same thing happened with my ex also. She even went to most of the people that know me and told them I was abusive and controlling!! I never laid a hand on her or raised my voice, but she would slap me and say I had to take it like a man? I still don’t understand how she would think anyone would still be with her after doing those things. Sorry you had to go through that also. Just because a girls pretty doesn’t mean she’ll make a good partner is what I learned
Yeah, she described every western woman...
@@DaMnVorteX got punched in the face and told me she wanted to see how I'd react. Like why do people do this to others. It's sad. She also pushes me around and I'm stupid for thinking that's okay.
Many women I’ve dated tried to do this to me. I always said “happiness comes from within, if you’re not happy in your heart you won’t be happy with me.” And the fact that I wouldn’t bend to their manipulation would signal the end of the relationship. Which now I see I was dodging many bullets.
That is what I teaching my boys. Not your job to make her happy.
Narcs are a big part of the world we live in, and it's so prevalent, so many of them, it's considered acceptable, and normal.
That is the good one
YESS!!!
Wise words
Thank you for this explanation. I loved my beautiful family and did everything the best I could to take care of them, but it was never enough. She constantly invalidated me, and somehow made me seem like the bad guy in every situation which was not true at all. After 26 years of marriage she divorced me, with no explanation and no conversation. I was so devastated that I became homeless. During this dark time God spoke to me and told me that I had been a good husband and a good father and that he loved me and was proud of me for all that I had done, and all that I had tried to do. I now feel complete and validated by the one who sees and knows all things. Thanks again, this helps to make sense of things.
The days I fear the most are the days when she appears to be happy and everything feels good. The days after are the worst.
Omg. Please find a way out of the situation. You deserve better than that
I know that exact feeling. Get out
@@shadowsbruther Well, five young children make it complicated.
I'll have to cry on this and i will rewatch this every time i wanna text her. Thank you so much, i dont wanna share my srory but i was almost completely killed with this behavior from girl i loved last ten years. Thank you.
I get you man. I'm the same.
This is crazy. I'm on the last chapter of my life with a woman like this. More like the last two pages.
@@Duhhwight i was labeled a narcissist by her too. thats why i questioned if she s the one, bc she always been saying i have bad attributes i saw in her
she also were swapping our roles when complained about situations between us to other's
gaslighting was fucking terrible
@@peerozhock I hear ya - you confront them on their behaviour, and it gets shoved right back in your face - "I'm not the problem, you are! I'm fine - you need to step it up" she says. Peace! (as I walk out the door)
This comment is going to help so many people. My health is being destroyed by this girl and it’s only been a couple months. Im letting go right now.
I never heard any of this before. But I lived it 100% in my 22 year marriage. I tried to save my marriage for the family/kids. I wanted so bad not to let the Devil destroy a good family.
Now I realize I was married to a woman that was extremely toxic/narcissistic and it wasn’t me.
8 years later I’m so much happier and just so thankful I got out & away from someone that toxic
You’re not alone, brother. I had no idea who I was married to for 23 years.
Make mine 12 years later and I can copy and paste my comment. I teared up reading it.
Add my comment to same list
Congratulations on finding happiness; which is so to me foreign at this point that I had to spell check it. How has life changed for your kids? Is it better for them? I'm 12 years into mine and my picture is next to this topic when you look it up in a dictionary. I wake up every morning saying, "Why? I already woke up yesterday!" Then I put on my big-boy pants and play with my girls. Their giggles could be bottled as currency. It is grinding me down but I will die for my two daughters. To make it even more tragic, I ain't got not quit in me. Regardless of how she feels, I can't quit anything that I've started. That's the truth. I just don't have the mechanism in my brain without justification.
We both come from divorced parents. I have a annoyingly supportive family 1,000 miles away that all live on the same block. Not joking there. My grandmother and aunt have a gate that physically connects them across a city block. I can throw a baseball and hit a relative's car in 4 directions. Growing up in a different diffused this aura of support. I hated sleeping in a van for months with my two other brothers and a newly single mother. My father, with two degrees from Ivy leagues, went to prison when I was 10 years old and is still there today. At 40 my idol older brother, a US olympic boxer and staff sergeant in special forces after 3 tours in Iraq as an interrogator took his own life two years ago. I'm 35 with two degrees in Aerospace Engineering in Propulsion and Combustion and the younger brother is an Astrophysicist turned EMT turned into whatever he is going to do next.
Her parents are both millionaires that would never contribute or help our kids in any way shape or form. Her father hasn't visited our first child since he saw her as a 1 day old at the hospital. She is now 4 years old with a 20 month old baby sister. Physically, he lives less than 1 mile away from us... and has been in that location for a decade before she was born. Their "family photos" are screen grabs from FB messenger or w/e. I've pulled him aside and had a bro moment like, "Dude you are flushing EVERYDAY opportunities that my estranged dad would actually kill someone, in or out our prison for, right down the toilet. You live close enough for me to scream and you to hear it." I thought he got it but it didn't do anything for him. I think he is in this in a similar relationship.... but he has just been ground down to nothing. Their parenting tactics are so horrifying atrocious, I would never trade my circumstances for her's. Still when talking "with" my wife, her worst day growing up as a child would be my sunniest morning. It's hard.
Talking past my wife and her brother, I only care about my children. I've asked my divorced friends in the past is it worth it? Are you AND your kids happier? Without hesitation, yes they the guys and the women are but I've yet to find at what cost. I don't care about suffering quietly in silence for the rest of my life for my children. I just don't know how things balance out in the long run... considering my personal experience and the exposure they will have with the shifting scales to the other side... You know what I am asking about. I just can't find the words.
@@JaredBrewerAerospace My answer would be Divorce is extremely damaging to the kids. It affects each child differently. I have 3 children and each one was affected by the divorce. But I know that what they Feel & Deal with is from the fallout from the divorce. The oldest was is my daughter, didn’t speak to me for 5 years. Living is a small Southern town with a population of 1,400 people. She was 17 when the divorce happened.
She stayed with her mother during that time period.
My two son I had 50/50 custody a 14 and an 11 year old.
They all were affected differently the oldest and youngest had very difficult times!! The youngest still has emotional problems that are directly related to the divorce.
Divorce is the Devil’s Playground….it brings him more lies, pain and more deceitfulness to use against everyone involved in this thing that Everyone Says it’s just a Divorce….No Big Deal. The World says awe it’s nothing, just get a Divorce. I’m telling you, it’s Extremely hard/difficult on the family especially the Children!!
But the narcissist in the household/marriage is just as Bad!! So it’s the Most Difficult decision to make.
I can say the older they are it should lessen the actual impact/burden. I’m not sure….just a personal opinion.
Every single word applied directly to what I just experienced.
3:30 transfer all pressure and work on you
5:50 passive aggressive behaviour
6:55 defensive, never apologizes
7:35 zero empathy
8:15 you are always wrong and can't win
8:40 compare you with others to make you feel unworthy
9:46 grading your performance, chronic dissatisfaction with you
11:30 double standards for boundaries
11:53 gestapo needs to know everything you do
12:48 strip you of your self respect and self worth
Thanks 🙏🏾
My ex 💯
Hero
Thanks
Thanks 👍
I would like to add #11 - she will never tell you the full truth about things, ever. You will receive ever changing versions, tears, claims that she does not remember, and be told that YOU are insecure, making things up, that you need therapy, ect....all the while you know she is lying because you saw the emails ect. It's brutal because you want SO BAD for her just to tell you the truth, but she never, NEVER will
Well, bottomline is, narcissists are the most insecure people on earth, its a trauma and coping mechanism. They feel empty every day
Its a typical behaviour in a Parental Alienation Syndrome
ALL TRUE
And if she ever does tell some truth, it will be as a weapon for some ulterior motive. Literally every single thing, fact or fiction, is weaponised.
Wow you just quoted her language word for word lol.
My experience in a relationship with a narcissist taught me that the time they waste in your life is some kind of a sick ego boost for them.
this.
This is the first time I heard "Devaluation strategy." I saw this behavior before and knew something was off but internalized it and blamed myself which I realize now was all part of the game. Thank you, Ms. Leblanc.
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman". This was written thousands of years ago and rings true more now than ever.
Proverbs 17:1-2
It is better to eat a dry crust of bread in peace than to have a feast where there is quarreling.
Yes! Better to sleep on the roof, than with a quarrelsome woman.
I’m a Christian and God delivered me from a toxic woman. I’m happily married. I went from being told I was a failure and that everything was my fought to a loving and nurturing woman that thanks me everyday for my effort. We argue but never ever fight. My ex and I fought bitterly almost everyday. Pray and work on your relationship with God. A proverbs 31 woman is the only woman worth marrying
@@joelfigueroa1309 Great choice of scripture ty 🙏🏻 Psalm 31 describes the nature of a woman without the dysfunction of NPD, projecting God's love, how amazing 👏🏼
Amen
As a man this is scary, I've been married for ten years and every time I try to tell folk that this what I'm going through they think I'm wrong and that I should try harder. Smh this video is crazy. I've never had anyone hit it on the head as accurate as you have.
Because they 1. don't understand what narcissism is. and 2. don't think men can be abused.
I've had the best conversations about these kinds of things with women that have experience in high stress jobs/lifestyle. In particular I know a female nurse/medic that spent years in Afghanistan patching up people in bad ways.
The environments make and break people. They all have some trauma, but you can rest assured they get the best support and are well educated.
I've never been able to talk to anyone about it who has not had very high stress experience in their lives.
Absolutely insane how spot on she is.
I think the internet age and cell phones have hyped up these traits STAY STRONG 💪
This is behavior one has to experience to understand. It is made to look like you're crazy. But everything collectively shows it is cruel manipulation. If you blow up for that one little thing, you look crazy. No one saw the hundreds of times behind carefully crafted closed doors. They steal your sanity.
I had 1 promise to myself. I would not ever let anyone steal my sanity. Not even a little bit. I'm glad I had that boundary. It saved me
"But I found that there are not enough resources for men who are being psychologically abused" That sentence alone was an instant healing, just in knowing someone cared, and understands the weight of it. I am just realizing that I went thru this w an older woman , when I was a young cub, before I got my wings, or to stand on my own two feet. I have had all of these thoughts , emotions, epiphanies , realizations and hurt in just now understanding what I went thru, and why over 10 years later, I still feel affected. In the last few months, I have found videos on this subject. I am absolutely FASCINATED. Not in a happy way. But to know that this is actually a clinical issue, and to hear the patterns of behavior
Would you be from Canberra? Just wondering if we are both talking about the same girl?
@@deanosaur777 close to Canberra and very possibly
@paul read are her initials YH or previously YD?
and ...interestingly ...
If you would )* naive, enough) to
lookout for help...
(* Counselling, Psychology or Psychiatry ) ... you may get
Additionally hurt and destroyer
.... SIMPLY Because feminiSS Ideology polluted those education institutions highly during last 50 years. ...
Nice observation is made
by
"Shrink4men"
Dr. Tara Palmatye in her video titled:
" Couples therapy with narcissist or borderline personality disorders" .
I too was with an older narcissist woman I was 31 she was 49 I went through it too, it's been 6 months NC and I can see myself being affected long term too. They twisted us up how can we ever fix ourselves.
Wow.... for years my wife has been making me think I was the narcissist and this video is spot on, to the point that I wish i was unalive. I'm so depressed never living up to her expectations and being disrespected every day. I feel so worthless and like I can't do anything right.
Thank you so much for this, now I know it's not me and even though she wins every argument and always knows how to hurt me..... she cant no more. I'm done!
Hang in there!! You are good. You are worthy of good things.
This info should be teached at primary school in psychology lessons as early possible!
The people in charge will never allow that, if people learned psychology at a young age most people who currently hold political power and most of the world's wealth would become paupers in a generation.
Info should be taught to us not teached to us is how you should word it .
*taught
Amen
Yup.
My mom is a very covert narcissist. She lied about my dad beating her and not paying child support. Everyone was always out to get her. I remember when I was 12 she begged me to never move out. I didn't see my dad for 17 years. He missed so much of my life and I had so many problems not having him around. Thankfully as I got older I realized some dots didn't connect and got suspicious. Asked around and got the truth. Good riddance crazy mom, hello brokenhearted dad. 😥 Hopefully we can make up for the lost time.
That’s sucks when so much time passes and you get disconnected.
You two take good care of each other. You will heal ♥️
My baby mother is doing this to me right now
I am going through this now as the dad...
I'm so happy for you. And so sad at the same time. My youngest daughter has spent the entirety of her teens without me in her life. I hold on to hope that one day she will have the strength to do exactly as you have. I blame myself for her suffering every single day. I ruminate about things I could have done differently so she could have grown up happy and loved. It's taking the life out of me. I've been very diligent in trying to care for myself and prepare for that day if it ever comes by staying active and healthy. I cycle 30 miles daily. I try to eat healthy. I try to keep the stress and depression at bay but depression is not something that a person can always control even with modern science and medicine. I hope your dad has fared better then me and that you are able to make up for every minute that you lost with each other. ❤️
"There are not enough resources for men who have been psychologically abused." Actually there are virtually none. These females are causing major societal problems in family court, CPS, PTA, etc etc. Good to see more awareness on this ubiquitous problem.
Been there its horrible x
its only going to get worse as "strong, independent" women go into old age alone and take it out on every man they see. My entire life has been being treated like shit by middle aged women, in HR, at the DMV, at school, every job you have to kiss every woman's ass or she will have it out for you and try to get you fired. But dont kiss the ass of the women the other women hate, they hate that too. Women have made me hate them.
It's all by design. The state wants fatherless homes so they can indoctrinate the children early. The women too blind to see the trap have sold out her children's happiness for a few trinkets. Now that's toxic.
Well i have god to help me get through this
No one cares about men. But men that turn into women get the attention that normal men always dream about getting.
Sad world
Oh boy... As a gay woman, I completely got stuck in the vicious web of a much younger straight woman that is perfectly described by what you're saying. Almost 3 years later I am still not completely over her and yet can not believe how I fell for all of her dirty tricks. The ironic part is that she told me that she was psychologicaly abused by her narcistic father who also hit her sometimes...true or not, she managed to do to me everything she told me about her father!
The key to dealing with narcissists is knowledge. Once you understand that these people exist, and if you're unfortunate enough to have one or more in your life. The next step is always the same.
Disconnection from them. Don't fall into the delusional trap that you might be able to fix them, or show them who they are as if they care and will try to fix themselves.
You can't fix anyone, you can only inspire them to want to change. Most people shouldn't try to fix narcs because they aren't capable of understanding them. Leave that to those of us who can handle it.
From their point of view, they aren't broken and there is nothing to fix because they usually get their way by acting the way they have. It's win win from their point of view. They have the control they crave, or they move on to the next person to do the same thing. There is no empathy, and if you let them get away with their game, you deserve what happened to you.
@yXL9 What are you handling? TNT, because that sht is going to blow up in your face. Get the cops called on you, because she's fake crying and see if you don't take a trip down to the station. Cops protect women, and if she knows what she is doing, she plays into societies, protect women at all cost mentality (like women aren't capable of lying). All it takes is one accusation, I promise everyone believe the narc over you initially. Especially if they have never dealt with them previously.
When she was de-valuing, she said that my parents don't even like me. That's when I realized she would say anything. "Hurt people, hurt people."
It’s spiritual warfare brother. It’s not about “hurt people hurt people”
@@andre1987eph For me, it's about compassion.
Kick her out, honey!
Wow! Mine would compare me to my father, wich she has never known because he was 3 years deceased when I met her...
there is so much technical information about this disorder, I guess it starts with sexual abuse or lack of understanding from parents
or overcompensation or revisionist personal history for corporate interaction
The one thing I learned from my experience was that "happiness is an inside job." The expectation that you can make anyone happy or it is your job to make sure they are happy, is wrong. A happy wife is a happy life is only true if the partner understands it is his or her own job.
Yep, relationships are 100% and 100%. Not a person, weighing down the other. Don't settle for anything less. PERIOD.
Very well said!! Agreed 💯!!
The Happy Wife Happy Life guy should be thrown down a flight of stairs.
Any woman who can’t regulate her own emotions isn’t worth the time. Low grade cheap feminism has enabled a generation of adult children because they were born with vaginas.
Beam me up.
@@plenaryverbalist it was before feminism.
@@eottoe2001 I’ll keep my own counsel about that, thanks. I’ve learned certain phrases that are employed by these kinds of bottom feeders.
“Every woman deserves…”
“No woman should have to…”
“You need to…” when you ask why, “because I’m your wife!”
Yeah they’re very much connected.
Thank you for this. I just broke up with her and blocked her number. I really did love her when I first met her but the cycles are awful. Thank you for making me realize that they won't ever get better. I really wanted them to.
One missing point: she tries to ostracise you from everyone. Tells you how bad every one is just so you can be stuck with her alone. This is the ultimate way through which she wants to control you.
100%. My ex used to always tell me how nobody cared about me except her and since I was insecure about people genuinely caring about me, she was more than happy to go along with it
Yup. My ex had a problem with all of my friends. They were either "a loser", "shady", "secretly liked me", "inappropriate", "didn't have any money" or all of the above. They were so nice & welcoming to her too. Looking back, I realize that it was just a ploy to isolate me from them so she could control me. Unreal.
Watching this happen to my brother but 'he's happy so stay out of it'. I know how bad this all goes as it took me so long to heal. Uses his insecurities against him. All his friends and brother are all out to get his girl... And so he's gone. I wish i could impart my experience so he could avoid the pitfalls but alas we must all fall flat on our face our own to grow.
This. 100% this.
Yuppppppp been there. Glad I am no longer in it.
I stepped away with the words on my lips: Damned if I do, damned if I don't. It's painful enough to take responsibility for my own toxic contributions, and ultimately having put myself in that relationship despite the red flags. Self knowledge is the only protection in the face of such toxicity.
You mention your own toxic contributions but perhaps you just reacted badly?
There were several moments when i reacted badly, .. i was mean and cold with her at times in response to her lies and cheating and said things i regretted but this was quite out of character for me. Nobody has EVER provoked me to such behaviour as she did. I was young and inexperienced, stupid and emotionally immature. But i forgive myself because i know that without the crazy-making manipulative torture she was putting me through i wouldn't have behaved and that way. I didn't before and i havn't since, but she coaxed out the worst in myself which is pretty much what she wanted to do. But like you, i take responsibility for my own behaviour and hopefully learn and grow.
I hear you and recognise how environment and relationship is significant in how we behave. All part of knowing oneself. I've no doubt healthy people can be pulled into unhealthy dynamics and sink or swim. But if the relationship burned anything into my awareness, it was a reflection of my own susceptability to unhealthy relationship, forcing me to become aware of my own relational tendencies stemming from my own origin in a toxic family system. Intimate relationship is the best mirror, I find.
Try not feel too bad for “toxic contributions“ it’s really hard if you love or care for them deeply and you have been manipulated and discarded. Anger is an energy and a passion. Just don’t ever get physically violent. 💪🏼
@Truth Teller Talks Yeah, .. it's understandable. We are all works in progress and nobodys life seems perfect. It's been 25 years since my abuse and i was 25 myself at the time. I didn't have a well formed sense of self or what i was about or stood for, but i was a nice, friendy, honest and gregarious young man, but, shy and somewhat inward ... like hiding under a mask of unsurety, ... a little unsure or insecure about myself. I was doing building work, playing in local bands and had a good social and active, happy life. I'd had a few girlfriends, one quite close, ... no aggro, no drama, no manipulation, ect all good.
And then a narcissist gets her talons into you and the shit hits the fan and everything goes crazy, and that's important because they unhinge you and mentally undermine and compromise you and naturally you are not going to be your normal self. Yes we are all responsible for our behaviour and to be fair and reasonable we have to take many many things into consideration.. and for ourselves and the narcissist also.
It's really important to give some quality time and effort to forgiving ourselves, because many of us were brainwashed into believing ... or doubting, wondering, if WE were the abuser or abusive in this picture.
So yeah, there were moments when i can say i was verbally abusive and cold and angry, just three moments really that i regret, but put in context she was cheating and lying, testing, and spinning a false reality and so you've got this cognitive dissonance and confusion going and this must be considered and appreciated.
All in all, to see ones own ugly or dark side can be a blessing because we become conscious of it, and going through the mill/hell, with a narcissist can give us something to learn from, particularly regarding how they manipulate and coax you into reacting, and through this trial of fire, you learn to resist and gain more self control, be less reactive, and more considered about your behaviour.
And we live and learn ... , and learning and learning to love is a lifetimes work.
Man it sounds like you’ve walked the exact same path as me bc I’ve said everything you have verbatim. Great job looking inward!!
Males seem to be the scapegoats of our society. Thank you for being honest and standing up for them
You mean, White males.
the fuck are you talking about
Yes in westren society its why more and more men are going to the east
Well, unfortunately it’s a bit of a cycle. One of every three women is sexually assaulted, so when women get into positions of power especially over men, how is this toxicity not supposed to come flooding out somehow? So these damaged women wield _real_ power and _and_ they have _sexual_ power. Guess what. This is what has been done to women for centuries. We have emotional land mines all over the place waiting to be stepped on. If one of these damaged women sees you coming her way, all she has to do is lure you with a kind gesture into walking directly onto one of them.
Well, you're not learning the lesson here dude. For everything this therapist is bringing up, there's a woman who is also in a relationship with a male covert narcissist (who you need to understand also very, very much exist). Narcissism is the issue here, not gender. It's global and it's awful. But yes we need better LANGUAGE for what is happening to men in this particular way.
This is the best stuff I’ve found on narcissism.
Thank you for this. The female narcissist feels like it’s talked about less often. And the male victims can be dismissed or trivialized as weak. It hard when your genuine love and vulnerability is used against you. Whoever you are.
I knew something was wrong a week in but crazy puss is the best and i was gold digging which broke my bank. I stayed to long and started to believe her.
I was married to my ex wife for 22 years. I eventually grew tired of her games. When I laid down the law to her, to stop it and just be nice, she left. She was in a new relationship within two weeks. After eight years her new husband took his own life. I felt redeemed at that point because I knew for sure that it wasn't me. It took that long for the fear and doubt to leave and only with a tragedy like that. I am now 53, single, and I will never allow another woman close to me, any little thing sets me off and I push it all away. I'd rather be alone.
I'm happily married, so a lot of this doesn't apply to me, but I get where you're coming from.
Find strength in your solitude, work on making yourself the best version of you that you can.
Stay safe, and resolute brother.
You’re not single. You’re divorced.
@@DrDeuteron
Potato, potato
@@FBI-1987 no, a 53 year old man who has never been married is a different potato from a divorced one.
@@DrDeuteron
Not really.
The family court system breeds this behavior.
As someone going through Fcourt because I have a child with someone like that I can attest.
Yep I agree the system gave my wife everything I’m now homeless but still paying for the house and everything else if I don’t I’m braking a court order
This exactly 100 percent the truth
Well the family court system are full of scum bags earning a profit from the pain of others , we all know the woman does what she likes with no accountability and the man suffers everytime.
Abolish the No Fault Clause
I hope this channel saves others from these toxic relationships. I was reeled in by a narcissist, suffered 2 nervous breakdowns, my kids from my first marriage suffered and sadly I have a son with this person. I have a lot of guilt for having put my children through this and now see my son of 7 also being affected. Get out as soon as you can. I saw the red flags but did not leave when I should have. I did have the courage to leave 2 years ago, it has been incredibly difficult but a relief to have broken free….. now my focus is on my children again….. Lessons learned, onwards and upwards…..
I've been no-contact for 4 years and it's been blissful. What Lise says, 4 years later, is so damn spot on. I can think of a dozen instances for each of the 10 toxic traits. Scary! If you're in one of these relationships, get out immediately! It's hard to do, but there's light on the other side.
Damn, you're lucky. I just realized these traits after 7 years of relationship
I'm coming up on 4 years out and zero contact, its been a tough journey but if I had have stayed that would have destroyed me for sure. Lisa has it spot on with the 10 tactics, pretty much experienced them all in a short space of time, from a dream to nightmare in less than a year! Get out as soon as you can.
Victim men, good days are coming
Married 9 years now. Considered leaving at 3 years but we have kids, and I made a promise. A promise I am paying for dearly. But I can't leave, I have a 9 yo daughter and a 4yo son and her two daughters from before me. If I leave, another man will take my place in that home. No telling if he is strong enough to take this abuse. If he is not, he could take it out on my kids. Not having that. I will be here as long as they are. After they leave, I will too.
2 months out. Determined and motivated. Feel better. The only thing that sucks is looking back on old notes of mine from before this last one, i told myself never ever let this happen again. Went a good year sticking to that. Then i let it happen again… fuck. Back to rebuilding stage
My jaw dropped when you said she would tell you her darkest secrets and then accuse you of something later... This exact thing happened to me two days ago.
Please get out while you can.
yuuup, my ex covert female narc trauma dumped on me after only a few weeks of us dating, telling me how she had been viscously physically abused by an ex. It made me feel deeply bad for her. She then proceeded to belittle, demean and control me until I was a husk of my normal self. Luckily I managed to slip out of her grasp after a couple months but its literally been a year since we have dated and the scars she gave me in such a short time run deep.
@@craigburch464 Something very similar happened to me. I am a deep empath and felt so sorry for her (now I know that she was making me into the "hero" of her narrative, a role my unhealed inner child wanted to play as I gave her multiple opportunities because I saw the best in her, thought I could help her, and believed things would get better as she promised. They did not. They got worse). Her past was riddled with deep trauma and I truly felt empathy for her and saw her inner light. She was also someone with high intelligence and prestige (a university professor), espoused politics, values, and life vision/goals that perfectly aligned with my own, was highly compatible with me in other regards, and had a public persona of being an awesome community member (so different from how she was in private). So, it was complicated as there were good/positive times that made it hard to label someone as just being one thing. We are all complex. And to be sure I made my share of normal relationship human mistakes. Her behaviors/actions, however, told another story and were extreme and exhibited covert narc, BDP, and disorganized attachment. Generally, when she would get triggered, she would accuse me immediately of doing something intentionally to abandon, hurt, or reject her and she would engage in self-sabotaging and self-harming behaviors that she would blame on me (at the end I learned she did this with exes in the past and she expected them to just take it. But because I stopped putting up with this, she discarded me). She would vilify me, devalue me, and dehumanize me before her friends/family and quickly discard me (quick to breakup, then apologize) and blame me for her toxic behaviors (including her self-harming behaviors; she kept secret that she was an alcoholic for about 7 months). Unfortunately, my unhealed self believed her and carried the weight of her gaslighting. I now understand these were tactics to guilt trip me (and they worked unfortunately) and keep me in her control (though she struggled to and said I was "difficult to love and be with" when I stood up for myself). Nothing was ever enough for her (i.e., even the way I made her coffee everyday or planned our weekly dates were an issue. In turn, she rarely planned dates and rarely, if ever, made me breakfast/coffee). She would explode randomly and I walked around on eggshells everyday wondering what her mood would be like as she constantly ruminated and came up with the worst stories in her mind by taking normal relationship mishaps/misunderstandings and distorting them to an extreme (even after we talked about them and apologies were issued). It was like she was building a case against me that she could use anytime, meanwhile I would apologize/forgive and move on. When I would try to bring things up about her behavior, she would explode, say she was a victim and survivor of so much trauma and abuse, say I was unempathetic, and blame me (gaslighting me saying I was the problem). I was quick to take responsibility because I wanted to improve the relationship and I felt sorry for her past traumas (I understood the complexity of humanity and like anyone in any relationship, I made normal mistakes, but I was too hard on myself and she would weaponize those mistakes and my apologies and weigh them over my head for months/years). She recruited her highly educated friends to believe her narratives and gaslight me. It was so wild. When things were good, they were great, and she said I was her ideal partner (she would love bomb me and say I was 99% perfect, get me gifts, amazing sex). But, when things were not good or she created chaos, she would tell me and her friends I was the problem and accuse me of so many things, like cheating (though I eventually found out that she was cheating).
In the end, I am so so glad that I listened to my intuition (after rationalize with it for years). Getting into therapy and sharing with friends/family who were shocked was a gamechanger. I got out during another dangerous chaotic episode that she manufactured (two years to the day after she did nearly the same thing). This time, after she quickly discarded me and blamed me, I learned my lesson and moved-out (she was so aggressive, manipulative, and harassing/threatening when I did). She tried her manipulation tactics again but this time they did not work. She said so many hurtful things that I now understand were projections about herself. She accused me of being autistic (when I said I wasn't, she said there was nothing wrong with being autistic), said I should have tougher skin to take her words, said her therapists thinks I am a narc, said her friends think I am a liar. None of that worked. By the grace of god, I was protected. I packed my things and moved cross country with the support of my friends/family. When I made it home, she tried to fight me on the parting finances that she agreed to and she made a vague threat. I responded from an emotional distance by presenting her with the facts and told her to never contact me again. I blocked her, deleted all pictures, and cut off all contact.
Months later, and after processing so much of the pain and grieving, I have found a deep inner peace that I did not find at all during that relationship. I am genuinely happier, lighter, full of self-love, and thriving. While I still grieve from time-to-time, I've undergone a profound transformation and I am so grateful for my experience because I learned so much about myself. The hardest thing has been processing my anger in healthy ways for allowing myself to stay in that relationship for so long, allowing that level of mistreatment, uncovering her lies/manipulations after I left, and being so upset because of her lack of accountability or a genuine apology. Forgiveness has been key to free myself from harboring these feelings. My healing journey has been powerful and transformative and I am attracting an abundance of love, light, joy, and happiness in my life (and a new romantic partner who is incredibly healthy, loving, and way different). I now understand that my ex has been my greatest teacher in the sense that I had to go through that relationship to heal core parts of myself. I do not condone at all what she did and I never want to see/talk to her ever again. But, I am so thankful that I got out before I got married or had kids (she constantly pressured me and, at the end, said that she wished I just got her pregnant). I still have empathy for her trauma and struggles and I understand that she is not just all one thing. However, our deep empathy, understanding, love, tolerance for complexity and difficulty, and resilience are strengths that narcs, unfortunately, take advantage of and I am no longer allowing that. We are now free from this. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.
My ex was molested, abused by mom physically and emotionally, didnt know who her dad was, bipolar. Got mad at me if i brought any of it up
Did you tell her yours in return? I hope you didn't, because if you did, be prepared -- those will be used against you.
My relationship only lasted 8 months. Ironically, my difficult and stubborn personality rescued me from a lifetime of misery. I was one of the “lucky ones” who was discarded.
I would often have moments of clarity where I saw through her bad behavior, but then I would excuse it because I loved her so much, so I’d lie to myself about the type of person she really is.
It’s been over 2 months of no contact (though she has tried; I ignore her). The most difficult part is that I will never know how much of her affection was authentic and how much was pure manipulation.
Update: it’s been over 6 months. Still sticking with no-contact and it’s the only way to go.
Damn, I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I went, and am going through exactly what you described. I broke up after she told me an obvious lie just to see if I would try to prove her wrong with the proof she wanted me to go after just to prove that I am a lunatic, controlling, abusive, etc. After that, I found out that she reactivated a profile on social media hidden from me, and had been using it for days after telling me that she had deleted it. And this was only one of the many lies I've come across and that she denied until the very end, even qhen I had proof of what I was saying.
We date the same person?
Everything they do is powered by manipulation. It’s hard to accept that fact but its freeing once you do.
@@Apequeijo2 we all dated the same girl bro
It took me 8 months too... did she keep leaving for "breaks" and then lure you back in? Gosh! I'm so glad I'm free. It's only been a month but I know that I've got this freedom thing figured out. I wish you the best!
I just ended a relationship and I wasn’t able to clearly define why I was so unhappy.. this completely nailed it. Thank you 🙏
This was wild to hear. Its literally my whole relationship. All of it.
still together? I just found out this is my entire relationship… 13 years in
Abandon ship men! Save your lives!
Hopefully you got out. Lifes to short.
Its so sad when you are trying to be good and get treated badly by someone you love ❤
It's even sadder when they use those same words against you, like in an attempt to beat you to that punch.
It's incredibly painful too.
You never loved them, not for a second. If you think they..are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). ..
Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
Furthermore, You must come to the realization that none of it was personal...Narcs don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks.
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing....They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves..
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal....
They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it....
The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. .
Stay single. It's safer
Madame, this video is pure gold! I've never gotten answers so quickly before. Please, never stop making videos like this. We really need you here in Europe!
watching this video was like watching the 6 month cycle of my life which has been on repeat for over a decade.
I get what you mean man. I'm doing and going through the same thing.
40 fucking years here
14 years here
I did 15 years. Leave her! I did but just after I sold my business so she got millions, but it was worth every cent to have my freedom
I don't like to say "Oh my God", but Oh my God!!!!!!! You have described my 30+ year marriage. Several years ago I finally realized she was never going to change, and I asked my 56-year-old self, "is this how you really want to spend the rest of your pathetic life?"
My answer was a solid NO, so I initiated a divorce.
After my divorce I found a normal woman, fell in love, and am now happily married again. There has been more joy in my 5 years with my new wife than I could have ever hoped for in a lifetime with my ex.
My pastors and nearly all of our old friends believe that I was 100% at fault for the divorce because my ex was a completely different person to the rest of the world. She saved all of her horribleness for me and me alone. Everyone else was completely fooled. She was an angel to everyone else and something completely different to me.
Wow well the Bible does say even Satan can transform himself into an angel of light
Thank you brother your story gives me hope
I feel this 1 million %. Like the only person who is supposed to put you first puts you last.
I'm lost. Lost of sense of self. Confidence. Doubt myself. The one who made me feel like a king now makes me feel like nothing. She says I'm crazy. I believed it for a long time. Time to choose.And if anyone else is feeling hopeless and can't decide what to do your not alone. We will get through it. Alone but together
You are HIM, go follow your career, goals, money, hobby’s, you did great and she as narc is empty inside so its like a blackhole, energyvampire. She will never be happy, no one after u will be enough. And most guys are bums so huge chances they will use her and not take her serious. Enjoy your life, there are good women out there
I find it hard to believe that people cannot tell when they are being abused. I have been in situations where a female abuses me after being nice to me. No matter how pretty that female is they are removed immediately. Possibly because I love myself and live in reality. I don't need anyone to make me feel better about me. I do that. It's time for you blokes to stop living in fantasy and recognize reality that you are with a monster and need to get them out of your life. There are plenty good people on this planet. It's time to accept that you met yourself pure evil. Time to stop lying to yourself. Get through 1 day at a time. Count the days that you remained disciplined and no contact. The days will mount up and in time the trauma bond will break. But you gotta make a start. That's what I have to say about this topic.
you HAVE to at least take some time away to decide if you are really crazy (it's extremely unlikely). If that's a never a possibility, then you already know you can't stay
@@raccuia1How could someone tell if abuse it what they're used to? I think maybe because you haven't had the trauma that would make you vulnerable to it. Neither have I, but through thinking and talking, I think I understand a little
No contact breaks the trauma bond! Only thing that works. Only way you can ever win.
Every time I made compromises and came back to her, this made the things even worse and worse, not better. It's not an abusive cycle in the sense of a "circle". It is a downward acceleration spiral towards a black hole that not only swallows you but disintegrates you compeletly. I am glad I survived this and came out on the other side. Great video, you are telling my story.
Thank you , you described my life for the last 15 years. it feels like I'm trapped in a hole.
me too. Thank you so much for this. I have been suicidal because I felt it is/was all my fault
Find a way out. You deserve better life
That’s the exact feeling
The hardest thing for me to deal with is that I never knew anything about CN until my cn died after an 8½ year battle with bowel cancer - and 42 years of marriage; and then reading her journals (which she kept hidden in her underwear drawer) 2½ years after her death. Watching this video, I finally have some understanding and explanations and answers. I'm beginning to not feel guilty for feeling released when I kissed her goodbye and she left this life. Fortunately, I worked out that I had been 'abused' and I did seek help. But there have been days - months - when I have grieved the years and the life and the happiness that I thought I married into in 1978. Thank you. I feel like I'm starting to live the life I thought I had at 26 .... at 71 years of age. Everything - literally - feels vibrant and I'm not numb ('freeze' response) anymore. 😊❤
darn sorry thats sad after 42 years of marriage man oh man why dont people get out sooner
I wasted 20 years. my best most productive years age 20 to 40 complete waste of life but your story is worse. I'm so sorry for your loss of your own life rhat is
If it makes you feel better, your story helps those who are in similar situations at 26-30
Even when you lose someone who is abusive, it still hurts. May God give you peace and comfort.
It is genuinely scary seeing how accurate this can be. I felt like someone who didn’t know me was retelling a story I already knew, because I lived it.
Its my life too... Just sick of 12 years of Narcism...my wife no shame of shouting and manipulating. Abusing of money... caught her phone calls to her colleague 114 calls in one night. She got a warning.
No boundaries, micro control of the absolute tiniest things, self-respect is broken down, and you have none left.
Its crazy how accurately this describes my last relationship. I was so confused but its amazing to hear all of these deep dynamics described so accurately. Makes it so much easier to let go of the relationship. I can now see it was never going to be a healthy relationship.
This 100% nailed my experiences. The wrath of a Narcissist has no boundaries.
Took me 15 years to realize that under the guise of lack of ability and naivety, this is what was happening. I saw all my dreams die one by one based on approval seeking and being manipulated into thinking I am just a bad person from the get go. I dealt with guilt as a child too and met this woman at the age of 19, its almost like she saw it and took me for a ride. I am now 37 and separated, soon be to divorced.
You are exactly correct in the tactics thst Narsists use! My girl was always blaming me for my “ behavior” and I s as leister started believing her. Then I realized she was only projecting her bad behavior on me . I tried fir 2 years to make her happy, like you said she gave me “ crumbs “ of hope
Then I finally took off the Love goggles which enabled me to see what was reslly going on
Thank you for your vid
I feel like crying right now. Everything rings true in this video.
It’s okay bro.. let it out. You wouldn’t believe what I’m literally trapped in currently. It’s a golden worst case scenario.. cry. I’ve been crying.. it’s okay my man. Your strong no need to prove that to anyone
Your not alone bro! 32 yrs of marriage on my part here and there is no talking to this woman! This lady is 100% right on!
SIMP!
@@unclesalty7778 Hello, Sir. Start praying over everything and Blessing Her in Jesus name. You will see the spiritual war that you are in with new eyes. Only He can heal these things. God Bless and much respect 🙏
@@alanshumway2541 AMEN AND THANK YOU!
I spent close to 9 years in a relationship precisely as you described. I’m so much happier after walking away. Of course she took zero accountability and everything was my fault. A hard lesson learned but a much better life now 👍🏼
Fellow soldier. You're not alone. We all are in this together.
It is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks...
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain..
.. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., .
And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..
Much love !..
Very good explanation. My mom has destroyed generations
So sorry to hear that. Hope all is well now
Totally.
Same here, the enemy from within
my gfs mother is the problem here..... and it just keeps getting worse. im about to cut loose from them both. with kids involved mind you.
@@constitutionalrepublican1611 You should. Dont lose our life over a bad woman. It will never be worth it. FInd a better woman to lead if thats what you want or leave women to their own devices. They will always self destruct without guidance. Save yourself.
You have just described my recent ex to a T. Why was I not told about these people growing up. Before they completely destroyed my life and family.
Who needs horror movies when you can just watch this channel?! 😀 Man, I escaped my no-win relationship in 2014, but these breakdowns make my heart flutter! Nice work! I can’t figure out if this channel is cathartic for me or if I’m still searching for answers. Whatever it is, listening to you weave these scenarios does something positive for my brain. Thanks!
I have a question, and this isn't meant as judgement, I sincerely want to understand. The relationship ended so long ago, why are you still drawn to content about narcissistic behavior...?
@@izzynobre Good question! I'm guessing that I'm still looking for confirmation that it was best to get out. I call myself 'happily divorced' and maybe I need to remain happy about my decision by listening to the horrific possibilities in a relationship.
@@glendunzweilerproductions2812 if she was a legit vulnerable narcissist than you can be sure that you made the right decision. Don't let her hoover you or fawn back to the good memories and question yourself. Discards get soul crushing ugly and folks lose decades in these sub/ dom dynamics.
@@jayfakhuri Thanks. It’s all good. I think I’m interested in the forensic process of understanding (at least for my past relationships). I don’t know why I listen to breakdowns of personality types I have not encountered. Maybe it’s horror voyeurism.
@@glendunzweilerproductions2812 Nice. I can see that. This is all pretty fascinating.. unfortunately a little so much so folks aren't very good at validating survivors of narc abuse.
I have said about my narcissistic ex, who quite literally accused me of doing everything that she was doing, even abuse, "You've got to break the chain!"
... i've said about her that she is just like the kind of men she hates.
She's a tyrant, a misandrist, liar, bully, lovecheat.
She's the very epitome of what she hates .. herself.
Yes, sadly they do this. My ex accused me over and over and over of being a liar. Meanwhile, SHE is the liar. She even lied about things that were easily verifiable and that I presented solid evidence on. How do you "win" with someone like this? Someone who you present with evidence in front of their face and they sit there and lie? She would not back down.
@@byefelicia7736 Ah! They're just impossible aren't they!
@@hardywatkins7737 they really are. I think for me anyways, when I started to realize that no matter what I did or did not do, the outcome would be the exact same, it helped me START to feel better.
That is a excellent example you posted of true narc cadavers.
They never change that game. Playbook 101. They all do it.
You walked though the fire on that one.
Future suggest Background checks on all potential candidates that want your meat. After all in a narcs mind we are a slab of meat. Background checks has saved my life and wallet x27 now. $29 to $500 dollars. That is cheap for finding out petty privileged sitting across from you wanting to punish your ass any means necessary.
@@kevinowens6010 Yeah i walked through the fire and got first degree burns!
I am dealing with one right now. This video just opened up my eyes...I got goosebumps followed by tears.
Get out while you still can! Whatever shitstorm she tries to kick up in your face, you're a man and you can take it.
Don't deal with it - just get TF out. Run, and keep running. Like the lady says: there is no win. Ever.
I am still in a relationship with her and after a good research, now the tables have turned 😂
@@TheNaturalSigns "now the tables have turned" - ahaha - been there, done that... 😁You're not in a relationship - you're in a Psy-Op - and you've forgotten Rule # One: You. Cannot. Win. Ever.
But... enjoy 😂😂
@@harry-james-books true..sir you sound quite seasoned at this 🤠 it's a winning battle and losing war situation for me...but I want to lose 😉
Holy crap!!!! This is so spot on. I am finally healing from a relationship that lasted only 16 months. She did so much damage to me!
Absolutely had one that destroyed me physically, emotionally and mentally. Thank God that nightmare in my life is all gone
Had the most bizarre interaction with a female friend that recently showed back up into my life. I was left so hurt, angry, and most of all absolutely beyond confused. Everything that was discussed in this video was exactly how that interaction unfolded. Spent this whole week just sick with guilt, not knowing how to proceed… with with total anxiety about trying to discuss the problem I had with her behavior thinking maybe I DID do something wrong… this really helped me shed the burden I was feeling about wanting to be a loving person and a good friend… I’m not crazy after all…
You're not, trust me. I'm on the same boat. Keep being a good fella, but also take your sweet time when it comes to meet women that pretend they're your friends. Remember we didn't do wrong. They did. Take care!
Same.
Jip, ditto here. i thought is there hidden cameras...am i in some show or wtf is going on here, LOL
Ma'am
As a 41 year old man I had no idea why my wife was acting all these ways I knew something was seriously wrong. Thank You for your help!
Twenty years of marriage and the red flags were always were there, just found out last year that my wife is a covert npd. She stole 20 years of my life and brought 2 boys into this nightmere.
@@horiboyablemgtow7842 I'm sorry to hear that I hope all will be better for you & your sons
@@horiboyablemgtow7842
Mirror of your life but one girl and two boys. Last one with hearing impairment where she played no role in raising the children. But she declare herself a great mom. I told her once, “why don’t you buy yourself a trophy”
Woman here: this is a fantastic video, and I resonate w a few personally. Two people who are committed to growth can come out stronger on the other side. For the men and women going through this, awareness is key. It doesn’t all have to end in divorce or separation. Sometimes we attract what we are and unfortunately some of us just didn’t know better. Peace and blessings❤️❤️
Can't believe it's taken me so long to find this. I knew I wasn't crazy. Thank you.
After ending a 4 year toxic relationship with a female covert and listening to this video….it’s scary and enlightening at the same time.
currently dealing with this from my “wife” it’s crazy how someone can make you feel so good and feels like you’re rebuilding yourself and gaining confidence just for them to send you into a whole different dimension of pain and anxiety. this is word for word almost what i’ve been saying over the last few years and it’s really good to have heard it from someone else this just kept me from feeling insane thank you
How are things now?
oh so much worse 😅 thanks for asking though
synopsis. run, dont walk away. run like your life depends upon it, because it does. absolutely.
very nice commentary . thank you
It took me 9 years to understand that this was happening in my marriage. This explanation was very succinct and explained nearly all of the interactions I had with her. My life nearly did pass me by trying to please her and gain some sort of approval.
Exactly the same story in my 9 yrs marriage as you describe, man.
I'm now on my "utilization" level on the way out, life will be better soon 😊
@@Badenport dudes....Ive been married 13 years im just seeing the light. My wife has never appologized or been " wrong" one time. Happy wife happy life moto has nearly killed me. Ive lost vision (chorioretinopathy) from stress doctors say. These videos are really hitting home with me. Im in the lowest point of my life. Im gonna try hard to start a seperation soon quietly. My self worth is so low and her respect for me so bad she doesnt think ill ever leave. Mocks my disabilty says im "wanting attention" or lying about eye pain/vision issues. Im afraid to go blind. 20% of blindness comes from uveitis/chorioretinopathy if i dont leave now i may get stuck for life. FML. Im ready bro's its leave or im gonna disappear myself..I gotta do it sooner than later.
15 years of marriage but she's only been this way for the past 7 or so. This summer I turned myself around and I'm intently aware of who she is not......and she's not 'happy'....too bad, I'm not in charge of her happiness.
Let me guess. You were last priority in her life. Any time it came down to putting you or another first, she chose the other. It could be her friend, boss, family member or anybody else. This was my experience.
@@Badenport life is better now my friend......because you know and are fixing it...your mind is clearer and focused....bet you feel great and every year it will get better.
I was engaged to a witch exactly as you described and I was cast into her spell up until the time the very last wedding invitation went out. There were so many red flags I ignored. Finally she let down her guard for one moment and I saw who she really was for the first time! I called off the wedding and haven't seen or heard from her since. Thank you God!
Thank God you saved yourself.
I'm trying to figure out if the last girl I dated and just recently broke up with was a covert narcissist.
It blows my mind how many psychologically and emotionally abused men there are in this world.
I saw under my moms mask a few months ago. I stopped talking to her. I saw her face twisted by hate. Hatred for me, I stood up to her and I saw who she truly is.
What did you see?
I'll just say....Love of money is the root of all evil!@@radiofreealbemuth8540
@@radiofreealbemuth8540the devil
I was married to a woman later diagnosed as a psychopath. She strongly displayed every single one of these ten tactics. My life was pure hell until I came to my senses several months after she ran off with another woman to join (and later take over) a cult. I was raise by narcissist parents. My mother was covert, my father grandiose. The familiar repetitive pattern you mentioned as part of tactic #7 was very prevalent in my life and my willingness to put up with all this garbage. I had been programmed from childhood to do so. Fortunately, I have obtained some excellent counseling and deprogramming. Now I see these signs in people and immediately cut all contact. Still a lot of damage done though. I trust no one and have little desire to get into a relationship again. To me, narcissists and their psychopathic cousins are the very definition of evil on this planet.
Interesting comment
I hope you can heal and learn to trust again, since taking on the world with a true partner is an experience that everyone deserves. That said, if you can find happiness on your own then I wish you all the best in that regard, genuinely. I'm sorry you've been hurt by so many who were meant to have your back.
I dated a psychopath for half a year. It was the worst period of my life hands down, and I've led what you might call an 'interesting' life. When I discovered the full extent of her lies, betrayal, and deceit, I had two options: knock ten barrels of shite out of the two men she was sleeping with alongside me, or walk away. I chose to walk away. She's lucky I'm not the type of man to abuse women.
9 year marriage, I used to say it just didn’t work out, but listening to this makes me realize the trap I was in, so glad I got out , and honestly been dodging serious relationships because of what I went through, I’m terrified of the idea of doing it all over again, been single for a long time but much happier, being single does take its toll and I’m finally ready to move forward, and I’m thankful for this video for showing me the signs to look out for . Lise literally described word for word the relationship I was in. Looking through the comments it’s actually sad the amount of people suffering from cn relationships. I can also name two friends that went through this.
The whole experience hollowed my soul. I feel nothing and look forward to nothing. There’s no joy from accomplishment and no regret from failure. Basically stumbling through life from one day to the next. I have enough vanity to maintain appearances because my job demands it.
U need to give your life to a higher power/calling. Living just exist isn’t enough. You’re already dead
@@krashdummiez007 I’m not even close to being dead. Just severely depressed.
@@derekdrever3470 I hope for you a chance to make a plan to escape. Get away from the narc. Love yourself enough to save yourself, and then help yourself heal slowly over time. The healing will come in dozens of unexpected ways.
I've been there. 21 years with a narc - and it was as hard and scary as hell, but I made a plan to save my life, and I followed through with it. And I never took him back.
You can do this. You are stronger than you feel. You are smarter than you have been made to feel. You are worthy, valuable, and there is a future for you where you wake up every morning grateful to be alive, and looking forward to the things you have planned for that day.
Talk to God and plead for him to replenish you. He will..I promise you. Just have an open mind and sincerely try. The emptiness is because she took part of your soul and most likely has a bad spirit plaguing you still. Sounds crazy right? A lot of this stuff is spiritual.. Just try. You have nothing to lose yet everything to gain.
This video damn near saved my life haha. Never thought I’d get trapped but I did, luckily only for a couple months. Crazy how manipulative it can be. Had already separated myself from her, but once I saw this video it all clicked and, well, she gone.
It's crazy, I never thought I would either, but ended up on the roller-coaster for almost 3 yrs! I'm so glad we didn't move in together or have a child or any of that! That's the one blessing!
Still riding the roller-coaster feel like im a pet like a dog or a cat that can sleep on the bed sometimes..
I had a really rough 6 month ride. Thought I was good most of the way but caught her cheating with her "running partner" that she manipulated into me agreeing let her "run" with 2-3 days a week in the mornings. Worst part was when I caught her cheating the so called "running partner" was a fat, gross looking out of shape musician. This devested to me to the core that she could cheat on me with such a despicable looking human being. As I'm in the best shape of my life. Shows the mental illness of the disease. No remorse and a Restraining order put on me for catching them together. Good riddance!
Just ghost them. When you’ve tried to show your worth and change to show her who you are, and she still does the same thing, leave her.
stop reciprocating the energy and move on...
Wow 30 plus years and my eyes just got opened it couldn't be any more spot on good Lord
Thank you for describing my former marriage of 28 years and why I'm an alcoholic.
Don't give her that power mate.
@@Snore5 Thanks. Don't worry. Recovered and moved to an acceptance, and quite a feeling of peace now. Really do appreciate the kind words, though.
I am so glad I randomly clicked on this video. I didn't realize I had been in this situation until now.
My mother hit each one of those up to 11. The anxiety and depression that's left from that time is unreal. Makes me unintentionally sabotage every relationship. Left me a mental and emotional wreck who hurts the hearts of loved ones.
This was literally step by step my daily struggle for 3 years and I Finally left for my own health and well being bc I was on the bottom emotionally and had me convinced how bad I was. The idea she was doing this on purpose never crossed my mind until I saw this.
Going through an 11 year marriage, 15 years together that is coming to an end as I am being discarded. For so long I played her game. I am ADD and on the spectrum, so that was used as fuel against me to breakdown my self worth. Eventually I had a breakdown, and started working on my mental health... All the while she was there trying to destroy any progress. I eventually ended up growing grey rock (didn't know what that was at the time) which has now resulted in me being discarded. Only after she left, and I looked for answers did I find out what she really was.
Hey what’s “grey rock”?
@@mowtivatedmechanic1172 interacting at the minimum level possible, it minimizes the narcs fuel supply.
Man I needed to see this video. And throughout the relationship I'm still perplexed at how badly I behaved in response to the constant abuse, especially as I grew to expect and dread it approaching. Something for me to reflect on. You know, I could literally set a watch to the drama. Day 1 HUGE fight and the brink of breakup. Day 2 Best relationship ever - there's hope after all. Day 3 the tension starts to build and I tiptoe around trying to diffuse it with tasks, kisses and cuddles. BAM. Efforts fail. Back to day 1. Strangely she also seemed to have a massive heart at the same time and was so caring towards animals. The loving side is what stopped me from seeing the patterns. Deep inside, she REALLY wanted to have a loving home and family, but it was impossible. What I want to know is that she claims to have had loving relationships in the past and was engaged a number of times, but they were all wealthy powerful men. I thought it was just me not being financial enough at the time to take care of her. This video made me feel so much better. Thank you so much.
Same here bro
Yup, same here too, bro. It really feels like im the only one until I read these comments.
@@odeltor8703 No you can't help them. The first narc I ever experienced years ago was named Anna. She was Taiwanese. Without generalising too much, lots of Chinese background people can have a degrading narciccistic streak.
I can relate to the specifics of your situation.
This sounds like untreated BPD, it's on the narcissistic scale, but not Covert Narcissism specifically. Best to seek treatment for the abuse suffered. Best wishes going forward.
This! I left my ex in early 2020 and this describes her rather too accurately. When we met I was on the rebound from a previous relationship. So I was probably more vulnerable than I thought I was. Of course it started off great as it always does, but then the slow subtle ensnarement. She was the victim of abuse at the hands of father and high school boyfriends. I was the one who felt sorry for her and wanted to show I was a good partner. It took 8 years for us to end, and by the end it was pretty grim. Of course the breadcrumbing was rife, the gaslighting, the arguing and fighting (even though she seemed to look for excuses to argue), and I could feel myself starting to disintegrate. I left with about $100 in the bank and what I could fit on my motorcycle (although I went back and got more stuff later). And now 3 years later nearly, gone through the legal stuff, and spent a lot of time alone healing and learning to be true to myself.
More power to you my guy. Hope you achieve ultimate Peace and be the best version of yourself
Hope your doing ok bro. It's hard to rebuild after losing yourself. A good opportunity to become an even better person then before. I'm at the rebuild stage
I just got out of this type of relationship today. As I listen to this message, I see every single thing she did now and I am a shell at this point. She used me tore everything up and broke everything I gave her and at the end of the day somehow I felt so bad for.her I wanted never to leave her because I felt I could give her her best life. But today after an endless day of this abuse she talking about I just broke. I finally said enough is enough. I made her leave she went as far to take my pants and shirt from the hotel we stayed at only to allow her to control me once again. Its.was so crazy that I told her just keep my wallet keys money and everything in my pants just so I never had to see her again. I cha get my whole life for.her. and she made.sure it wasn't good enough just to control me make me feel like I wasn't doing g my part or there had to be a reason for.her to even throw me a bone or crumb. I got.nowhere I went broke, lost my job, she broke 5 phones and I replaced all this last 6.months and cost me my only means of transpartation by destroying my truck and costing me everything I had build prior to being with her. I didn't any interest.in anything but trying to make her happy but somehow it was never good enough and now.i know.why. she lied she cheated and did all things she was accusing me of this entire time. I never believed I thought was me or so.ething I was.doing but I loyal and it cost me everything. Don't let it happen to you cause I'm not sure I'll recover anytime soon now. But at.least I finally escaped. Thank you for.this video it just confirmed how doomed I really was and there was winning because I chose.to.ay the game don't do it ever.
@@jeremyfreeze3755 So sorry bro, I got ripped off for big money, lost everything walked away with a car I had to live in. The best possible revenge is surviving and getting on with your life and finding happiness further on down the road all in good time,
If nothing else you now know what not to put up with any more and dont rush into anything, and improve yourself. YOU JUST MAKE SURE YOU DONT REPEAT THIS SITUATION. NEVER GIVE ANOTHER PERSON THIS KIND OF POWER OVER YOU.
Dont lose whats the best of you to an earthbound demon, because that's what they are. It is survivable.
Lise, you nailed it like no one else. This is beyond spooky. I am not sure if there exists also a "male cNPD", but the fact that you as a female describe fcNPD that kind of precisely AND help men struggling under that kind of abuse, is reason enough to have gold plated statues of honor to you erected in every corner of this planet!
I was in a relationship exactly like this for 3.5 years. Every single thing that was said in this video was spot on. I’m lucky I got out, by the end of it I wasn’t myself what so ever. I didn’t have friends, family, or any support structures left because she had pushed them away and I had chosen her every time. Thank you for putting this out there and raising awareness. I hope it saves someone.
@@Vemidleplease do brother. It takes a couple years for your brain to be completely cleansed of the addiction to a narcissists affection
@@BatmanBeyondBelief Doesn't take years. Drink Ayahuasca, the cleansing will be instant ;- )
My friend, IT is Vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else.
Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks...
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain..
.. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., .
And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..
Much love !..
This perfectly articulates what my relationship with my 5 year ex was. I have never been happier than when I left her and started feeling myself again!
Good for you bro. Stay well king 👑
If it took you 5 years to figure that out, you for sure got what you deserved..
@@andersnielsen6044 thanks for telling us you’re a narc 😂.
This video really helped me a million times over. Now the last 4 years of my life actually makes sense. And I actually feel bad for her narcissistic, manipulative, no hearted, soulless, robot self. Like the time I got screamed at for mopping the floor or the time I just needed 3 minutes of quiet on the back porch alone from being screamed at for literally nothing. Or being treated like a ghost for planting flower seeds in the back yard. I've never been more stressed and confused in my life and now I see I wasn't actually doing anything wrong, I just didn't understand the reasons someone would treat someone they love so badly. It wasn't love at all.
oh my god...my heart is pounding.
My ex wife did every single one of these... It ended with her getting a permanent residence visa after lying about me and dragging me through the courts. I have several dream careers that I am now inelligible for.
I still love her.
It fell apart quickly when she started finding it difficult to control me. I wouldnt lose control like she hoped and I am family oriented.
It still breaks my heart that she told me I would be an aweful parent.
Thankyou Ms Leblanc for this valuable resource! It's been 161 days since I last saw her face and my head is still spinning.
Give it a year. I have been there. The problem that held me back of really cutting my ties with her after the breakup was that deep in me there was a voice that asked: "what if you could have done more? Show her that you can do more! If you just show her then she´ll come back and finally give you the love that you are craving for". The exact same hook that made it so extremely hard to leave her in the first place.. (i never left, she left me).
Maybe this helps.
and it WILL get better! I promise you!
@@ottolorenz5099 this does help but I must confess that since posting this comment I've had a personal realisation that I had internalised a lie. It was a minor thing but she found out and my fear of losing her caused me to believe my own lie. So as she did what she could to save the marriage while also feeling justifiably hurt and with trust broken what was for her earnest attempts to reconcile hurt feelings was perceived by me as positioning to do harm.
Eventually she took the opportunity of a PR and has moved on and I've been trapped in an internal prison of my own design until I finally faced myself and can now let it rest.
I don't blame her for all the things she did because now I know why. And I can't fully judge her for her most toxic things as I was literally a paranoid lyer.
This has been tough for me to face. For better or worse I announced my failure and revelation publicly on social media. I haven't lost any friends actually but I do feel capable of letting go of the betrayal by way of understanding.
I also want to state that she did do each of these things (or appear to) but what has changed is my perception of her motive and the actual nature of her actions now that the fog of delusion is lifted.
I poisoned my own marriage and lost the best thing that ever happened to me. But more than a year later I can let go...