10 Signs Of A FEMALE Covert Narcissist (RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS)
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- Опубликовано: 29 авг 2023
- In this video, 'Signs of a Female Covert Narcissist,' I shed light on the subtle signs of a female narcissist and how they treat you. Whether it's your wife, girlfriend, or even your mother, understanding their behavior can be challenging. I's not easy, especially if you're dealing with a narcissist wife in a sexless marriage or navigating a narcissist girlfriend who broke up with you or cheated. Watch if you feel like you need empathy, insights, and support to help you navigate the complexities of life with a narcissist. You're not alone.
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
I watch these to make sure I’m not a narcissist lol
Same lmao
If you're genuinely wondering if you're a narcissist, it's a prime sign that you're not one. Narcissists don't recognize their sickness... they believe they're beyond reproach!
@@jeanettegeraci1515 not entirely true.
Same, I have definitely been narcissistic in the past and wonder how much progress I've made. And does giving myself credit for growth mean I am over estimating my awareness?
It’s as simple as to recognise if you are a good person or not. If you’re not a good person you can still learn to be one but it would be unnatural for you. 1% of the humans lack of empathy, considering that we are 8 Billion that makes around 80 million humans without empathy. People without empathy can learn to fake it, but in the bottom of their hearts they know they will always be monsters.
They can dish it out but they can't take it in return.
Oh god my fiancée says this unironically. Is this a sign?
Yeah, that was my former wife and her mother. Both raging narcissists and they either gave yoi the silent treatment or lost their shit when you threw it right back at them.
@@nopcshere6097Mine was all about the silent treatment. Three days. Like clockwork. Then all of a sudden it was over.
I stopped looking for a Dream Girl, I just wanted one that wasn't a nightmare.
Charles Bukowski
Uuuf hits to hard.
Buk is such a badass.
@@Chez8922-kf6cy Hitting bottom is not a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything, and just let go. Let go!
Stay single women change on a dime
This is good!
The first sign of a narcissist is.... lies whether big or small.
To me, that is a huge red flag.
I shut down narcissists with my silence. It's not to punish them but to protect myself. No supply from me. Forever.
Right now am doing the same 😂
I'm there now.
Same. Even when accused of being avoidant.
@@misterdeebs1990it is avoidant behavior, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Being avoidant is appropriate for exploitative people. that accusation is not necessarily an indication of attachment injury.
@@someusername4129 They can drive a person to become DA out of self defense though... been there and working on healing
My first wife couldn’t walk past a shop without turning her head to look at her reflection in the window. People we’d meet couldn’t even have a conversation with her without her twisting the conversation to be about her and her personal achievements. Sixteen years of hell. When we finally divorced, even our children didn’t want to stay with her. Been married to a normal woman for the past thirteen years and still going strong.
Hope your kids aren't damaged, I realized after modeling on them (idk to what degree but they both surely had some narc traits) that I ended up doing similar shit and not noticing it wasn't empathy, it was just how especially one of them liked turning convos into being about them. I don't think these girls was that narcissistic, but one gf in particular, idk she just always looked in the mirror it was enough even I thought it was weird, like we'd be together and she always wanted to stare in the mirror even when we were screwing around. It's hard because frankly a lot of women just in general display massive amounts of narcissistic behaviour just in general.
The same hell, only 12 years. Divorced, son stayed with me
Ha ha ha thats hilariously archetypal looking at her reflection. The narc in my vortex is a selfie addict
@@drek9k2, kids are good. Both clever, confident young women who are doing well in life. Eldest is a psychologist and the youngest is reading law
I can relate, but I am still in it. I am always in the "Anne show".
01. Hyper Sexuality
02. Super Complimentary
03. Guilty of Gossip
04. Attention Seeking
05. Entitled
06. Passive Agressive
07. Reactive Abuse
08. Emasculating
09. Gaslighting
10. Feign Empathy
11. Manipulative
12. Selective Boundaries
13. Controlling
14. Jealous
15. Cheater
16. Self Worth Erroded (victim)
17. Trauma Bond ( victim)
"Women"
Then her cheating gets her Awarded his life's work after she never lifts a finger helping build anything. This Title IV & using VAWA gets him ordered out of the house, of which a judge orders him to now pay child support & house, all insurances, car & so much more. For the kids, the judge says. As the now ex wife grabs a boyfriend to have even more income. It is a get rich scheme. She does it again & again. The law IS the cause. In.my case, her boyfriend is HIV possitive, I had to file. Then he coaches since he's destitute & out for the life I'd built for us. He becomes her false accuse false witness. All this is completely legal. It leaves suicide thoughts for years, from all the destruction.
Basically, any girl with an Onlyfans account.
Not everyone with these characteristics are narcassits btw, most people will have some of these characteristics. My ex had a couple but she defo wasn't one
That’s almost every woman
It matters to them, when you ignore them forever.
Its a mark on their good guy reputation
Everyone wants to know why that girl refuses to speak to him
No,they just look for new supply they don't care maybe until new supply is captured
Another red flag:
Even if you let her friend zone you, if you're actually ok with that she will keep talking about and flirt with you until you think she's interested just so she can have full power over you.
It's fuuuuuuucked up.
Then what would she do if you start dating another woman, even though you are 'just friends'
My ex-wife was a narcissist and it was living he'll. Now, my son has fallen into the same trap and is married to one. She's manipulated him to where he cannot see reality, just as i was, and pushed him away from me and the rest of the family. Wished someone could get him to see reality before he ends up going to he'll with her deceptive evil ways.
Ive watched my sister do that to lots of men
Love bombing first then sudden criticism and or mood swing. Rage / jealous over completely stupid things. Then disappears and doesn’t include you and then comes back and tells you what they have been up to! You take her back and now it’s rinse and repeat. Rollercoaster ride. She’ll triangulate- mood swing- be hot and cold etc.
I see you’ve met my ex-wife! 🤣
Damn. Felt that while reading it.
the freak false friend I had would spontaneously flip flop between " I don't like your vibe!" to "I miss you so much!", with a whole lot of covert abuse in between. It's indicative of the internal conflict in themselves, god help the empathetic human holding the shit end of that stick...it's insane.
Isn’t it BPD? Narcissists rarely come back for the SAME supply unless they are getting old
Yes my ex girlfriend Nicole she was I believe she had NPD
This is shockingly common in america nowadays.
Mostly due to media. Especially social media.
Way too many think they are the best of the best. It is narcissism at it's purest, literally.
I think you can "produce" a narcissist (through the culture), but I think that NPD, the disorder, is something that you are born with, since you can't cure it. We have a culture that definitely makes people narcissists, since it serves the consumerist narrative. But most are not the NPD kind of people, with whom there truly is no happy ending possible.
Narcissistic parents left me insecure, unloved and unwanted, which made me leave home and look for a relationship with a loving wife. Thirty years of heartbreak, psychological traumas and 2 divorces later I have now been celibate and out of the relationship scene for 12 years - and I've never been more independent, steadfast and above all HAPPY!
You don’t believe that you can find a good woman?
Same here and 10 years celibate. Ive been on dates etc but always come home alone but happy.
Ive worked too hard to throw it all away with the wrong person
I never thought i would find myself here but im a very happy and more regulated monk on the mountain
Gossip is evil. It doesn’t matter if it feels like you’re not doing anything wrong by engaging, it is wrong. It can be literally so damaging that it can destroy peoples reputation, and ultimately their lives. It’s a form of soul murder in my opinion. That’s why I’ve tried to do my best not to engage anymore when it comes my way. If you’ve been a victim of malicious gossip and slander, you realize how horrible and vicious it truly is.
Yes it's poison and is really awkward when I hear it and I instantly feel wrong if I engage in it. It can literally poison someone else's perception of you.
True enough and I try not to engage in it. However you may talk about your problems as it's then a first hand account.
Public shaming doesn't work on some folks, like me, but the narcissist will be even more hurt by the reputation damage. He'll, these days I slander myself just to convince folks I'm a terror to deal with thus keeping me free from prowling energy vampires.
I will literally tell people not to talk about me so they don't ruin my reputation of being a monster. I get plenty of awesome people in my life who accept me for me and find me charming and funny.
At this point anyone who acts remotely narcissistic around me gets first deprived of energy, then drained of energy themselves and laughed at. If they don't want to be laughed at, they shouldn't act so silly.
Satire and humor are excellent ways of releasing that energy from laughter that would turn to sadness and anger. Use it firstly on yourself. Speak to yourself in sarcasm so you are talking terribly about yourself but you are actually building a defense for yourself. You say you are terrible but inside you know you are good. You attack yourself with better zingers than your narcissistic detractors it just takes the bite out of everything they say and they look like they are beating up on a broken person with no self esteem. Hell, thank them for their insults as if they were compliments.
Keep in mind that everyone can change and heal and as mean as you have to be get the point across to them that they are a narcissist you are doing yourself, the world, and ultimately that person a huge service by changing them for the better or worse... there is a beauty to destruction and breaking down someone so that they may put themselves back together.
It's how most of us become the beautiful empaths we are and learn to speak truth to power and ultimately really get through to people.
@@chadcuckproducer1037 My problem isn't that I care what people think (especially if they're not close to me) but I've experienced the negative effects of the confirmation bias against me by people who have heard negative gossip about me and then I'll be in a situation trying to work with them and it makes everything exponentially difficult and almost impossible to overcome cause you're always dealing with people trying to push buttons to see if what they heard was true so they can fit in with these fools and go to them to confirm or say "yeah, he's crazy, you're right" or what ever it is. Theoretically it doesn't matter what people say but unfortunately there are consequences to these fools trash talking.
Women are gossip hens.
Women like Eve are intrinsically vain, evil and deceptive.
The emasculation… it was unreal. She was so successful at shaming any masculine traits out of me, I started to wonder if I was trans (not joking)
Wow, sorry you went thru that....I hope you were able to mentally work thru it. It couldn't have been easy to share this.
I have a narcissist in my life and I can see how they can confuse and manipulate your mind and convince you that you don't know yourself anymore. These relationships are so cruel. I hope you got out of that relationship, you deserve so much more.
My daughter did this to my son.
Same for the female to female relationships. Very sick. So sorry. 😢
Damn!😳 That's pretty bad when you're starting to doubt your sexuality. That's effed up bro. 😬
The female narcissist's love language is power. Skillfully dismantling you so discreetly, piece by piece until you find yourself unable to recognize your own reflection in the mirror. It continues until you wise up and leave, or inevitably slowly bleed out from the thousand tiny cuts becoming an unresponsive, radically indifferent, apathetic shadow of your former self. The devaluation period inevitably dries the well of power--your will-power, she discards you. Trauma bond is one hell of a drug, folks.
Being with my ex was the darkest period in my life and for years I have been wondering what went wrong and if it was my fault. Today, almost 12 years later, all the pieces of the puzzle just fell into place after watching this video.
Just know it wasn’t your fault and you are just fine the way you are and all the things the narcissist said were said out of jealousy of your deep self and ability to truly connect with people
I'm wondering if your ex is my ex cause I think she was involved with someone by the same name about 12 years ago🤔... probably not but it'd be crazy if it was her lol.
100% not alone in that, never has a single video been more exact, more spot on the money for me...
This hit on every single point, and now i can't help but feel so utterly stupid (when i know full well i am anything but) that i didn't let the red flag actually go up, even though i knew it should.
well, lessons learnt... but the damage to myself will take years to leave in the dust.
has pretty much destroyed my ability to truly trust anything a woman says to me ever again, but sure... the price i paid.
Congratulations! Hope you have complete healing now.
Some of it is our fault as men cause we see the red flags but we proceed knowing better. I could’ve and should’ve walked away but I let sex control me. In fact I tried to leave twice and was begged and offered sex to stay.
I would only add the #11 - she, like the male narcissist, never cut ties with her ex boyfriends, one night stands, previous affairs.Don't you dare to expect she will change. You are not the boss of her!
In the cases of female narcissist friends, they act very empathic. They always want to hear all the details when something goes wrong with me, like secretly they may enjoy it, but they act very supportive.
You're right you going through sorrow and they are laughing like a demonic devil 👿. They get pleasure out of people's pain because there an empty vessel full of darkness.
They're getting all the detail, so that they can use those against you later.
It's called "Schaudenfreude", shameful joy, and yes, they love every moment of it. If you succeed at something, they remind you of all the time you messed up, regardless of how long ago. They'll bring up what "other people think about you" then deny that they gossip about you. They'll gaslight you, control the narrative, cast doubt on your mental health and have great "concern" for your well being. They'll tell you how much they love you, and then shame you for not behaving in a way they approve of, or for reacting to their baiting in the way they intended for you to react, present themselves as a "victim" of your emotional response, (because they were just trying to help!) , etcetera, etcetera. Thank God I'm not one of them, and I'm super grateful for the education because that utter sh** is never happening again.
You got it
Sex is totally a weapon for a female narcissistic--not a tool, not an angle, but a weapon. Insane how accurate this list is...10 for 10 in my last marriage.
I had to refuse sex a number of times when it was being used to manipulate me. I'm not down with that.
Sex is over fucking rated
Male narcissist use that as well ! That's what mine lured me in with, cause he wasn't even my type..
@@DontEvenTripDawgnobody said that, or asked. Thanks though.
That is a little narcissistic.
The "man up" and needing support one is HUGE and so on point. Want you to listen to their pain and stories yet the one time you as a man need support or empathy? Nothing. No support. "Just get over it". Oh my god the accuracy!!!
Yep, if men have troubles on their mind, they're weak and need to get over it.
Men need to support their wives, but there's no such thing the other way around, at least not at an emotional level.
This is exactly the reason why men are typically less open about themselves.
Even when a woman claims she wants men to be more open, if men comply, they will get put down by her.
Oh man I've experienced that so much.
Exactly for me it was weird, she could suggest one solution, if I did not take action on it immediately, she started to belittle me and calling me pathetic for being in a depression that was hard to shake off. She even pressured me into taking some adhd medication because she is a doctor that only had access to those meds. Granted they did me worst. When all I needed was a hug and to hear kind words from her.
"They have one foot out the door."
She'd often enough put both feet out, disappearing for a night just to put me in my place. Sadly, it worked. I am so glad to be done and healing from the madness.
Should've changed all the locks of your house while she was out and about "fornicating" with others lol
They are never vested in anything other than themselves. Terrible people!
Any woman who says "it is my birthday month" after the age of 25...run.
Every Bday of hers was more than a national holiday!!
You ain’t wrong with that bruh
@@PeridotNYA Saying it is your birthday month is demanding people bend over backwards for it
@@PeridotNYA You can make exceptions for anything. Yeah, if a girl says it in a joking manner and is not serious, that is not what I am talking about. If it is serious, then it is a red flag. DUH
Do you mean they expect special attention all month?
A lot of narcists are teamleaders or managers. And I had to do with them, male and female ones. I am a high sensitive person so I can see immediatly through their shit.
Very true most of them are managers or team leaders
The part about no matter what a person does for the covert narcissist it seems like it’s never good enough - the goal posts keep moving - definitely.
Yep it's the supply thing
I was once a person that allowed people to take advantage of me. A woman came into my life and expressed interest and before I knew it she had completely taken over my life. She was verbally abusive and she enjoyed humiliating me in front of others. She treated me like a child. It went on for far too long. I became very depressed and suicidal because I thought it was never going to end. Eventually, I was able to get her out of my life. I was homeless for a long time after the breakup, but I was free. I've since gotten married to a wonderful woman. We have 2 kids and a nice house and I have a career that I can be proud of. When I was with this other woman, she had me convinced that I couldn't accomplish anything without her. I am sometimes still angry with myself that I allowed that to happen to me. Then again, if that never would have happened, I might not be with my wife now and I may not have the two beautiful children that I have now.
Its 😈
Im in the same situation as you where but the difference is that ive been married to her for 13 yrs. Im the one who provides financially that has his own business ans she tells me that we accomplished everything financially becuase of her only her. She treats my like a child, puts me dowm in front of the kids, her family and in public. Im so exhausted but im on my 3rd week of therapy. We will see what the outfome is 😢
I am very sorry to hear that. I hope that you can find peace and solice somehow. Bless you.@@lou4752
So great to hear a success story of someone who chose their own health over a soul sucking schmuck. You're not alone in the self anger, forgiving the narc was easy, forgiving myself took some years....I was STUPID, but not anymore! Lol
Thank you. I am happy for your success as well. @@jennya.1544
My husband is a narcissistic and you realize you are not getting any support in the relationship. You are doing all the work on yourself and keeping the relationship going.
I hope that you find the strength to get out. You deserve better!!! 👍🕊️☮️✌️👋
I can relate. Hope you find more peace 🙏❤️
I left after 7 yrs of this and am so peaceful and happy❤
Same with my narc ex gf. Oh she was supportive for a while, but when I wasn’t going for the garbage jobs and garbage apartment complexes she found for me (and I even corrected her and told her where to look and we didn’t have to live in my current city, in fact I’d prefer we didn’t), she started complaining and coming up with all these excuses (everywhere else is too expensive etc etc) and then she became less supportive and helpful as time went on. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for her efforts and thanked her, I just don’t think she appreciated the correction, even though I know my own area better than she ever did (we were long distance).
Idea:
The old religion and Greek figures are all controlling our bodies and are the voices. They are getting in our bodies to rape, murder and speak thoughts that are not our own. They have long term evil intentions and a very long past to cover up.
Religion has been used against the human population and the fear of hell for a long term purpose of keeping us controllable. This is beyond full body/mind control they can do magic style.
The old religious figures and Greek have put people in genders of bodies that are not their own with an evil purpose. This is why trans people exist. And surgery is a basic human right. They are also responsible for detransitioners existing. They abuse on gender and sexuality and control in these areas to confuse and change souls from who they are.
The old religious figures/Greek give mental and physical diseases through black magic and the medical community. They are schizophrenia.
The old religious/Greek figures are arranging the marriages/relationships of the populace without consent. The psychic rapes are from old religious/Greek figures not a human person. It’s not kundalini as well.
Twin flame is very dangerous. It’s a fate based system where everything is chosen for you on birth. That life is just planned and it actually is by the old religious/Greek figures to be honest. But truly if you think about extreme poverty and acid attacks you’d have to see life is not fated. It’s a mess. The universe couldn’t know you at 0.
I would never try to take the idea of love or potential of love from someone. It's the idea it was created on birth your lover and it's very fate based. The world and you was done the day you were born.
And it can be used against you the idea of a match up that is chosen in advance of you becoming you by the universe (but is the old religious figures). And that things are set in stone and you don’t choose your partner. It sets you up to not see abuse and to accept any treatment because they are the one. It’s so dangerous. You have a forever someone who will have to work to remain your forever just like you will but it’s not set in stone and no one knows who it is besides you. You just will have a lover.
And it’s the religious and Greek figures trying to control people to get together. By forcing souls to be with one another without consent through manipulation and control.
Trying to get in the idea that the universe knows your partner or yourself better than you.
Trying to plant signs of something that is not. They do this with all sorts of topics. They are the one touching you and talking to you. Evil Cupids. Evil People.
We all will win though. And people will know that control exists. Who is truly at fault. And love will be found. If you want it. And there is unlimited food/drink in heaven.
I wish you all the best.
😅😮😢…😂❤🎉
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect person. We however just try to understand the people in our lives. What works for Adam might not work for peter. I However learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago my wife and I were on the brink of a divorce because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it..
You made a lot of sense in your comment and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back, and I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its never easy letting someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I will look her up online. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her alot
You wont regret it
"💔 Opening up about a profound struggle: I'm married to a female narcissist, and her hurtful behavior has left me feeling wounded and vulnerable. 😢 Despite the pain, I cling to hope and the belief that sharing my truth will bring solace and understanding. 🌟 Your kindness and empathy mean the world as I navigate this journey. 🙏
The movie "Mommy Dearest" allways sent cold chills down my spine...those poor kids didn't stand a chance.
They were adopted by a monster.
She was awful.
Watching this makes me sick. I left my ex of 7 years after she did everything you mentioned. The silent treatment, humiliation, and gaslighting lasted 5 years until I walked. It was when our daughter started to copy her that my heart shattered and I waved the white flag. But I lawyered up, wrote the parenting agreement, and now have my kid every weekend. I should have left her years earlier.
Good for you man. You can still guide your girl. Make her associate those behaviors with ick
So you babysit her kid on the weekends. Weekday homework and everyday skills is from the monster and 5 of the 7 days she has your daughter?
You should get your daughters bro. I’m fighting now.
Call your daughter every single night. A pleasant talk for 15 to 30 keeps the connection strong so that the weekends are not this grand thing but instead a continuous parenting effort. I know men who have done this and the child actually preferred to be with them because they could see they were the healthier parent. The primary parent is in the presence of the child(ren) everyday. You should be as well.
💯💯💯
10 out of 10. You nailed 12 years of my life, all the red flags, gut instincts, and leading into the trauma bond... It is like breaking an addiction.
There is always a silver lining. In her smear campaign which was retaliation for exposing her lack of ethics, she won a restraining order, to which I told the judge, "Thank you, you just did me a favor your Honor, legally imposing her not being able to abuse me any longer in court". You should have seen the judge's and her attorney's faces. Having 12 months of no contact and some serious therapy, I not only healed from her but addressed repressed issues of my very rough early years, and today 3 years later, I am in a very healthy relationship.
My current lover was my first love all the way back to 1983, we have a 40-year history and a "daughter". We reunited after 30 years apart. We have NEVER had a fight and any compliment was met with disbelief due to the evaluation and emasculation I experienced for 12 years. To hear the words, "I am proud of you" and "You inspire me" completely caught me off guard the first time I heard them due to the abuse I endured previously.
Today, I am the best version of myself and strive to improve daily, but it took planning my suicide and writing my "goodbye" letters to find my bottom. It is in my darkest depths that I found the bedrock on which to build anew.
Close friends and family tell me that I am a "different person" when in reality, what they see is the real me. I shed the walls and filters I displayed hiding so much pain that my ex-narc extorted me emotionally with.
I went from ruminating and to some degree hating her to feeling pity and praying that her tortured soul finds peace.
These people are monsters man. Stay away. I don't know how they are created, or if its genetic, but they are from the pits of hell. Masters of manipulation.
I did 12 years too. 12 years in prison would have been easier 😂.
Wow! that was inspiring, love it❤
Wow, that was inspiring... Nothing is impossible with God to those who believe in God and choose life over death.
A strong intelligent man, shocking a room full of power hungry fools with reality. I love it!
Catch 22... We all have narcissistic traits.. I'm not saying we all are narcissists. But i do believe we all have to take a look at ourselves in the mirror sometimes.
I remember when my daughter's mother took her life, my girlfriend at the time looked at me while i was in mourning and snapped on me for being sorrowful or hurt. She just couldn't understand why i would care about this woman taking her life. That was something i had never witnessed before. Lord, have mercy on us all.
To be diagnosed as a narc, one has to exhibit 5 out of 9 narcissistic traits. Narc are very toxic manipulative ppl
Yes it's on a spectrum just like with being say alcoholism. Nearly everyone just about drinks but it's understanding that what makes an alcoholic is different than say what makes a binge drinker,weekend rinker,social drinker etc. This it's understanding when someone has a lot of the traits and to a high degree. Everybody has a few traits and to varying degrees it's when there are a lot and to a high degree that the behaviour manifests in a very toxic and comparably distinctive way when placed side by side with so.eone who isn't a narc yet has some traits. It's the difference between the alcoholic and all other drinking types of personalities to keep the analogy going. It's on a spectrum
spot on. My ex constantly disregarded my boundaries, often telling me she "didn't like having rules". One thing this video didn't really touch on though is she CONSTANTLY acted like a victim. Whenever she did something hurtful, I'd bring it up wanting to talk about how it made me feel, and she would usually start crying and telling me how she was feeling, and that she felt like she was getting in trouble, so I needed to change my approach.
It was beyond maddening.
Your opinion doesn't count in the least... it's all about them, and feelings... which arent facts.
Time to jailbreak your mind and rid yourself of automatic people pleasing behavior. Try the sociopath update and when they start their BS just emotionally shut down and be an absolute counter narcissist with actual self confidence and the truth as your weapon and the ability to cognitively bypass your emotions. When they start calling you crazy you know you are hitting close to home in most cases.
I despise being manipulated by people who only want to drain me and never be satisfied with any advice or help I provide. Granted some just want to vent to someone, which I don't mind as I often learn a lot about life this way but if someone can't accept criticism, compliments, or personal favorite "backhanded compliments" at all without losing their damn minds they probably have some deep seated emotional problems. I know I used to have this problem and it was from npd/cptsd I developed due to narcissistic abuse. I can be an absolute asshole when I need to be and actually like witty banter in which we just make fun of each other for sport:p. What can I say? Raised on a steady diet of yo mama jokes and bullying as a kid and have come to realize in the end words are nothing especially when wielded by a moron.
You really want to make a damn impression try "I have learned a lot from you, like not to take myself so seriously and to enjoy life. The beginning of this statement was made to disarm narcissistic personality types. Why did it work so well on you?" That one always shakes people to their damn center of their being. Be prepared for the "your crazy" or my favorite "no you are a narcissist." The battle cry of the narcissist.
Anyways, rant over. Take what you need of my advice and discard the rest. Hell, improve upon my work. I'm sure I'm not the most intelligent nor emotionally intelligent but I'm damned leaps and bounds beyond the normal person at this point. Praise my ADHD Autism combo and obsessively seeking out knowledge.
She was of course being manipulative. I hope the lesson was learned and you don’t put up with that kind of behavior anymore not matter how pretty the girl is. Get your passport and see what you’ve been missing.
Yup, or she never could handle “talking about this right now”
@@badbot4ever566 i put up with it for far too long, but I finally ended things with her earlier this year. I am now dealing with the damage she did to me that I did not even realize was happening. 4 years of abuse, but I'm glad it's over.
Hard to find someone who is not a narcissist
Our consumer materialistic culture inculcates this. Watch out for the multi level marketing schemes aka pyramid scheme called thrive. Yep there is more to that watts family story shannann was a narcissist too. Those girls never had a chance
Because most people who are not narcissist are average looking so men don't even consider such women
Difference between a narcissist and having NPD
Thats becauase they find you. They can sense your vulnerabilities and they quickly think of ways to exploit you.
We often dont notice good people, they tend to be slightly more silent and usually wont try to bring too much attention to themselves. They do kind and good things in secret, not wanting or expecting anything back!
Yeah, because narcs can't stand their own company, they're always "out there" in the world getting their external validation needs met. Healthy empathetic people are at home, reading a book, walking their dog, weeding the garden....There is a healthy narcissism, and then there is the unhealthy narcissism that makes one believe in evil.
My brother is a covert narcissist. I never really thought about the differences between female coverts and their counterpart. So I’m so glad I ran into this video thank you! This is amazing to learn. My ex has a lot of these traits as well. Hyper sexuality, check. Gossip, check. Especially when she was with her sisters and mother. They came together as if it was a functional family . But Behind each others back it was a gossip about the gossipers. It would blow my mind. When she would come to me and gossip I’d call her out on it. I didn’t know that was a reason she would respond in odd ways. And by calling out I mean just the similarities between the person she would be gossiping about and her and her own family. When I say mind blown reason being that I could not at the beginning comprehend how they themselves didn’t see the things they would be spreading rumors about was the exact same things they’d have going on within their own personal lives! Materialistic AF, double check! Ten plus years and I was never able to satisfy what later on I came to realize as a materialistic void of a woman. Pressure pressure pressure for more more more. Brand new car not even a week later, want the newest more expensive one. Brand new place week later, want a mansion and garden like this. Brand new shoes “ on sale” for $300 from $500, next week another pair which she would never use. Instead wore the same wore down old shoes she had from when we started dating. Shoes made specifically for hiking, running, swimming, rock climbing, lol you name it just collecting dust in the closet. Ironically she was never into any of those things. Empathy none existent unless it was to her benefit, triple check!!! We would have moments when I would tell her that the mansion she wanted and all materialistic things could be hers if she would only work with in in question of budgeting ourselves and looking into other ventures of money making. To the point of doing poster boards of the numbers and the plan to get there. Hours of conversation and in all honesty simple doable things to get there such as giving up monthly subscriptions for magazines she would never read or monthly “boxed nuts” or weekly bought shoes the sacrifices for something better and possible to accomplish, just for literally the next day as if the conversation never took place. Moments of me venting and crying my ass off telling her how I felt inside that I felt like I didn’t belong that I felt empty inside. That I didn’t have any friends and that connecting to people was the hardest thing for me to do. That I felt alien amongst humans. And that I craved connections and genuine friendships. That my vices were spiraling out of control and I didn’t know why or how to stop them. And she would say things such as “we’ll put you in rehab we’ll find help for you” , next day would remind her and her blank face of expression would tear me apart, her excuse was “I must have a bad memory my mom is forgetful maybe that’s what I have”. I Worked my ass off to give her the check entrust in her to do the right thing I would only take out enough for me and my, by this point addictions which later on made sense why they spun out of control when she herself brought it to my attention “why do you have to be so high when your around me?” The Day it dawned on me that holy sh*t I think I can’t stand you sober! In my conscious mind I loved her, but in my heart I could not stand her sight. Never buying myself anything new nor fancy the clothing I would have were all from before we dated to gifts. Polar opposites when it came to materialistic things. So it didn’t bother me until I realized that no matter what there was no pleasing this woman. She would be Stressed out AF on a daily basis might I add over nothing, didn’t work had it all nice place to live in and even that I’d come home to clean and feed our kids. Didn’t mind it at first either I like my place clean and organized. Makes life that much more enjoyable when you know where your keys are and not have to throw a tantrum for 20 minutes while you stress out and point fingers while trying to look for them at the last minute to a scheduled appointment to the point that her stress would become mine. Thus affecting our children. Parenting again polar opposites, I’d read up on how to not crush your babies hopes and dreams and how to be the best parents you can possibly be in a world like this one. For the very least to know within yourself that you did your best and have the confidence that they will grow up and see for themselves that you were at the very least trying To be for them but her stress would eventually get the best of me and I’d give in to her needs so I’d find myself not following through on the knowledge of love and taking it out on my kids. Knowing how it felt like to grow up depressed and misunderstood by the world the last thing I wanted to do to my babies was for them to feel the same way. Vices and pressures and a void for a wife became my worst nightmare and unfortunately had an emotional effect on my eldest daughter she fights with her own depression to this day. But she knows I understand being the first born really does a number on you especially when you’re made the caregiver at an age that you’re still trying to juggle figuring out yourself and trying to make sense of this world while on top of that trying to be the perfect child for different adult minds whom have their own narcissistic personalities. Codependency here we come!! Many Regrets,but thankfully lessons obtained. Better person I’ve become because of that whole experience, and the best part of it is the ability to be able to recognize it. I see the differences between my ex and I. How someone that will eventually come to belittle you on a daily basis thank goodness I took that leap of faith and went through with the divorce, something she for the last three years of our marriage would terrorize me with. The fear of not seeing my children again if I didn’t sober up pronto would have me in her chains. But now I see that I’ve always been in the most humblest of ways above her. I wasn’t the junkie or lowlife she’d label me with. I wasn’t the selfish ingrate her and my father would say I was. I was trying to cope and didn’t know it. And I don’t see it as time wasted but a test that the universe put forth for me and I passed!! Keep making videos like this the more knowledge the better. Especially for someone like me not knowing much about the females side of narcissism. And many thank you for sharing this information!❤❤
Thankyou.
Thank you for sharing brother
You REALLY needed to share that. Leave it here now and take time to heal, know yourself, define and set your boundaries, move on. My husband is a Narcissist. I'm stuck here and feeling too weak to leave. You're in a good place. Move forward, the worst is over ❤
I enjoyed reading the comment. I also broke it up into smaller paragraphs when I was reading it to make it easier to read. Leaving the paragraphified version in case it helps anyone else:
My brother is a covert narcissist.
I never really thought about the differences between female coverts and their counterpart. So, I’m so glad I ran into this video. Thank you! This is amazing to learn.
My ex has a lot of these traits as well. Hyper sexuality, check. Gossip, check. Especially when she was with her sisters and mother. They seemed like a functional family, but behind each other's backs, it was gossip about the gossipers. It blew my mind.
When she would gossip to me, I’d call her out on it. I didn’t realize that was why she responded oddly. I pointed out the similarities between her gossip and her own family's behavior. It was mind-blowing that they couldn’t see they were doing the same things they criticized in others.
Materialistic AF, double check! Over ten years, I could never satisfy her materialistic desires. She always wanted more. A new car one week, a more expensive one the next. A new place, then a mansion and garden. New shoes on sale, then another pair the next week, which she never wore. Instead, she wore old shoes from when we started dating. Shoes for hiking, running, swimming, rock climbing, all just collecting dust. Ironically, she was never into those activities.
Empathy was nonexistent unless it benefited her, triple check! We had moments where I explained that all the materialistic things she wanted could be hers if we budgeted and looked into money-making ventures. I even made poster boards with plans and numbers. But the next day, it was as if our conversations never happened.
There were moments when I vented and cried, telling her how empty and alien I felt. How I craved genuine connections and friendships. How my vices were spiraling out of control. She would offer to find help, but then forget about it the next day, claiming a bad memory.
I worked hard to provide for her, trusting her to do the right thing. I only took out enough money for my addictions, which made sense when she asked why I needed to be high around her. One day, I realized I couldn’t stand her sober. In my mind, I loved her, but in my heart, I couldn’t stand her.
I never bought myself anything new or fancy. My clothes were from before we dated or gifts. We were polar opposites in materialism. It didn’t bother me until I realized there was no pleasing her.
She was stressed out daily over nothing. She didn’t work, yet I’d come home to clean and feed our kids. I didn’t mind at first; I like a clean, organized place. But her stress became mine, affecting our children.
Our parenting styles were polar opposites. I read up on how to support and nurture my kids, but her stress often overpowered me, and I’d find myself not following through on my knowledge of love, taking it out on my kids. I knew what it was like to grow up depressed and misunderstood, and I didn’t want that for my children.
My vices, pressures, and a void for a wife became my worst nightmare. It had an emotional effect on my eldest daughter, who now struggles with depression. But she knows I understand the challenges of being the firstborn, made a caregiver too young, while trying to make sense of the world and meet the expectations of adults with their own narcissistic traits.
Codependency, here we come! Many regrets, but thankfully, lessons learned. I’ve become a better person because of that experience. The best part is the ability to recognize it. I see the differences between my ex and me. How someone who belittles you daily can be overcome.
Thank goodness I took the leap of faith and went through with the divorce, something she threatened me with for the last three years of our marriage. The fear of not seeing my children again if I didn’t sober up kept me in her chains. But now I see that I’ve always been, in the humblest of ways, above her. I wasn’t the junkie or lowlife she labeled me. I wasn’t the selfish ingrate her and my father said I was. I was trying to cope and didn’t know it.
I don’t see it as time wasted, but as a test from the universe that I passed. Keep making videos like this. The more knowledge, the better. Especially for someone like me, not knowing much about the female side of narcissism. And many thanks for sharing this information!❤❤
😢❤
So spot on with my situation. My wife actually shamewhd me for coming home one Friday happy to be home with her and having the weekend coming up. I was acting happy and she said I was being "goofy" (which wasn't true). That was just one of many red flags that started appearing on a regular basis in my short marriage. And when my mother died, my wife was so un sympathetic. She didn't even attend the funeral which was only 2 hours away. There are so many other instances of abuse. I wrote them all down and have them posted on my refrigerator to remind me of her abuse whenever I start to thinking about thinking their may be a way to repair the relationship which I wanted to be perfect, but simply cannot be with a narcissist.
You need to start watching Redpill content. Be the man in the relationship and you can not be used. Throw her ass out and find a new woman or skip that and live a life free on your own terms.
Glad you got out. Sorry you went through this when your mum died. Your heavenly mum is happy you’re now free. 😊
@@Timmeh_The_tyrant If you wanna be as vile and disgusting as OP's abuser, then sure, watch "redpill" content. Don't get therapy and actually try to be a better person, just learn to be even worse than the person who hurt you! It's perfect! 🙃
@@paigemosher8697 You assumed many things about the person you replied to, and then verbally attacked them on that basis. Is that fair?
Wow. I had the "goofy" term thrown at me too in similar situation
I was married for 21 years to a narcissist without knowing, but she definitely fit a lot of those red flags.
Wanna compare notes??😂😂😂
Sorry man. I didn't know until well after.
20y relationship here. married almost 17y.
I hope you've sought out help. You don't get closure from them. You can give that to yourself with a counselor. It's typical to reach out to friends and family some. You can get better help when it's impartial and pro.
They all do
I was married 18 years to one, 22 years together in all. I’m enjoying my peace and freedom these days that I don’t mind being single at all
I remember from a young age feeling like my mom treated my dad like her flunkie. He later left and was seeing another woman. We sll hated him for it. But now i believe that he was escsping my covert narcissistic mother.
This is all so incredibly triggering, but validating to know certain things weren’t my fault. I was made to feel so small.
The most recent ex of mine is a narcissist. She had all the red flags you talked about in this video. I spotted some of them and ignored it since I was a LOT like that 20 years ago. In her case, I rationalized it as being immature and lacking life experience. I set my boundaries early on and was very vocal about them. After meeting the folks, I told her if she's going to be with me, she will be held accountable and personally responsible for everything she says and does. I also mentioned how her words and actions aren't lining up. Something stunk on her end and she needed to rectify it. I was elevating her. What was she doing for me? She went home that evening.
Within hours, she sent a ton of rambling word salad messages making it seem like she was being kidnapped, held against her will, or whatever. I think all of that was her deeply rooted insecurities manifesting and running wild. She ended up breaking up with me the following day. She was appalled and trying to fake cry in order to get me to beg for another shot. I wasn't having it and let her have it from my perspective. I never talked down to her or cussed at her. I was always tactful the way I approached her on subjects of conversation. The fake crying stopped, a real fear in her eyes started to show, and she knew I was too strong of a personality for her liking. I let her know she is of no loss to me and I'll do fine without her. If anything, I'm a devastating loss to her. She tried stalking me at work for a couple of days until I had armed security go out and deal with her. She never showed her face around my place of employment again. I've gone zero contact with her. Thankfully I don't have any social media for her or her friends to stalk. She doesn't really have any idea what my hangouts are either.
The biggest W is when the narc breaks up with you.
1. Hypersexuality and unwarranted pedestalising; yes
2. Then becoming very defensive and triggered easily when you complain about something. You now know her past is sketchy and she starts lying. Lots of short relationships and everyone was a cheater. Weird relationships. And stories that show a different person each time.
3. Combine that with stonewalling
4. Then she never compliments you anymore and stops touching you as much.
5. You notice everything everything is about her. She is entitled and care little about your boudries and needs. But she keeps adding boundries.
6. You feel trapped at this point and like if you are being used.
7. You notice you have less and less value in her eyes. Despite you holding most of the cards.
8. And now all you think about is how to get ou or fix it....
I always look for these comments with all the 10 main points and I always appreciate the person who takes the time to comment all of this information for all others to read, so thank you ❤
No fixing a narcissist.
My ex wife to a T.
Scary how accurate this list is. Especially number 2 and the stories about ex's. I wonder what BS she has invented about me now we're not together. Thankfully found a lovely partner now who has shown me what a real drama free life can be like.
Number 5
My ex had all these traits and it never occurred to me that she was a covert narcissist. I loved her to the core and took her to fancy vacations and restaurants. I tried hard to get her off her alcohol habit, which she detested. She never had any empathy for me and my struggles, or how I was supporting my low-income parents financially. She blamed me for a bad relationship, said I was a cheat, and wondered why I often went quiet when she brought up nonsensical allegations. The stress took its toll on me and I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which I didn't disclose with her, as she would have found a way to hurt me more after surgery and left. So, I feigned I was angry with her and broke up. Apparently, she now helps people overcome their alcohol addiction, using everything I did for her! Remember people, when dealing with narcissists, no good deed goes unpunished!
Last narcissist I dated was a drunk and a cokehead ew
Why I stay Away from 12 step cults rooms are full of them
@@elizabethowens8548 I stay away from anonymous meetings. I quit drinking because it was logical.
@@elizabethowens8548agreed
No good deed goes unpunished… that’s a good way to put it. They mirror the person they are/ was in a relationship with. My ex and family, starting with my mother & father and continued with my siblings. I’m the youngest of 5 sisters. My sisters fed me drano(18 months old) , told me it was candy. My mother and siblings would tell this story to me over and over. Now I know why. It was just the beginning of what ended up being the worst abuse ever.
I was in a 11year relationship with one. I thought it was normal because I didn't know any better. It wasn't until I lost everything, having no support and had to pick myself up from nothing alone, that I realised why it was my normal. My mother is one and holds similar patterns of destructive behaviour. Now I'm too worried about getting involved in any form of relationships. The destructive nature it causes of insecurities it's caused broke my being that leaks now and I am terrified if someone comes too close I might cause them harm. So many boxes ticked here and all I learnt was my peace is far more valuable then any relationship. Just wish I knew this before it ruined me.
Same❤
You've nailed it. My ex was like that. Personally I find it hard to trust my judgement in partners now after being through all that.
Ughhhh same
Look at it this way- you leveled up. Just watch for the signs and don’t make the same mistake again with another- plenty of these out there but once with a good woman you will feel it
I'm pretty sure my ex was a covert narcissist.. the first time we met it was sex instantly..she didn't even want a first date..I never met a woman with such an intense sex drive..then I got constant compliment "oh mark your amazing..your the perfect bf..your so handsome!..I was like Jesus I've never met anyone into me so much!..maybe she's the one...3 weeks in and she was telling me she loved me..I was thinking jesus this is fast!..she was struggling with a place to rent and about 3 months in she says to me.."I still dont have a key to your place yet mark but ive a key to two other places to stay"...then my gut instinct was telling me to get out of this relationship..I'd stopped spending time on myself and going the gym ect all to give her this insatiable need for a attention..we broke up on a Monday and by Friday she was plastering fb of kissing pics with some other guy..yet I was never asked to be on a pic with her for fb...turns out I'd been dropping her off at this other guys house towards the end of the relationship whom she told me was a friend she was staying with...I reached out 6 weeks after we broke up for answers and i was laughed and and she told me she was getting married!..I was like wtf!. This must be a joke or something!..sure enough in less then 5 months she married him..I always thought narcissists were materialistic but she wasn't or was she into how she looked.. so I've always been conflicted if she was or not...but there no way she just met this guy only 3 days after we broke and Jesus she rubbed it in my face with endless kissing pics with him on fb..him n her left Ireland to go live on her home country of Lithuania..sometimes I think did I loose something amazing or just a covert narcissist out for a relationship that would benefit her..I'd absolutely no idea of Any of this stuff till I went on you tube and I was blown away!..I mean guys who marries that fast :(
I’m so sorry this happened to you - but good for you that you’re doing the inner work, learning, reflecting & growing. It also says a lot that you can look back and see the red flags & signs to look out for. Keep on keeping on! Sending (platonic) friendship hugs & encouragement !
@@Risingphoenix360thanks so much for your kind reply! I appreciate your comment..for a few months after I was down in the dumps over it all...they are married 6 months now..I dunno if her husband knows that when she was leaving his house she was coming to mine..seems i was just an option to her looking back...she probably told him at the time that i was just a friend dropping her off to his house..she even twisted how the brakup happened and said she broke up with me when i reached out..which is 100 percent not true at all..i clearly remember the texts mesages on the Monday that we broke up..I had to end it I didn't thrust her and felt she was only out to use a guy for a place to live...but yeah I've been back in my excerise routine and focusing on myself again the past 3 months...when I'm ready to date il try again...I appreciate your reply and kind regards from Mark in dublin Ireland! X
Haha...you didn't lose anything you gained your sanity back. I've had a similar situation, she was absolutely nuts.
@@killjoyredux8361yeah your right man!. I needed to hear it being said to me alright..
You need to block her everywhere, social media, phone, change your number if you need to, email address etc...
I came here to check myself, because I recently came to the realization that I’m currently married to a narcissist, and wanted to compare him and myself.
I have some tendencies, but I’m nothing like my husband, who is a full-blown covert narcissist. After 17 years of marriage it’s a hard pill to swallow.
It takes courage. I've been doing soul searching too. Want to clean up those traits because I don't want to be one of these
Same here. But I recognize these tendencies come out due to reactionary abuse. This is probably not how we would carry ourselves with a n emotionally healthy partner.
#1 for sure. It started off great but slowly went to zero intimacy, maybe once a year. I'd constantly hear her say things like "That's all you ever think about" or things along that line to make me feel like I was a horrible person for even wanting intimacy.
That's because she was getting it from other sources of supply. My ex wife would tell me that sex was not important to her, then towards the end of our twenty years relationship and her mask slipping, I found sex toys in her car, burner phones, text from other men etc.......
@@viewerwatching5712 It's possible, but unlikely. It took her about 8 years after divorce before she finally found someone else.
@viewerwatching5712 did you ever think maybe she didn't like sex with you? Many men are so pornified that they aren't good at sex at all.
Intimacy was the last thing my ex-wife used to manipulate me; for years and years everything in that department was fine, but all of a sudden (according to her) I just didn't know how to do things properly anymore... everything was bad/wrong/like I didn't even know what I was doing, despite having 3 kids with her and giving her some experiences like you might see on questionable websites.
She once even secretly kept a calendar and wrote down every one of my "performances" over the previous month and rated them (all varying from bad to terrible of course), and then confronted me with this horrible report card and berated me over it. Some of the things she did sound ridiculous and made-up... but I sincerely WISH I was making these memories up. Filing for divorce was the only option if I wanted to keep my sanity.
Fast-forward 4 years and she's still repeating the same behaviors with other men as though she hasn't learned a thing. She knows what she's doing of course, and simply believes it's the only way to be. I don't know whether she truly enjoys the drama and chaos she creates, or simply can't/won't help herself. She's even been sexually assaulted a few times by impulsive or violent men she's tried the behavior on; but the crazy thing (literally) is that she just shrugs it off and simply keeps doing it to the next guy. It's frankly a little creepy how calmly she can talk about violent experiences she's brought upon herself with zero emotion, which would have most men at least a little choked up to recall. And no, these aren't made-up stories she tells me... I sat through one of the criminal trials she was part of, and have called the cops on her multiple times myself.
Some people's brains are just wired too differently for a normal person to ever fully understand.
Everything here describes my 13 year marriage. The one MASSIVE benefit of my ex cutting off the sex, was not having any children with her. Now that we are divorced, I have zero contact with her.
You probably weren’t perfect either
@@allegedlyandfacts Don't be a pissant.
Appearances in public check
Acting like she really loves me in front of her friends check
Emasculating check
Man up shamed me for showing emotions check
Faking empathy in front of others and had none in private check
i hear you
It's not fake empathy per say. A great deal of my empathy is cognitive and I associate no actual feeling to it in order to avoid pain. Keep in mind men and women also have differing hormones and desires.
Violence makes most men smile or feel protective while it makes most good women disgusted and angry. You can always switch out your cognitive empathy rule set and view violence as amusing and/or embarrassing. It's a tactic I've evolved to keep unwanted emotional pain of others out of my soul.
Laughing at your own problems is a great tactic for life as in the grand scheme of things you belong to one of the most pampered eras of human history. Be sure to point out how things could be worse and watch for someone's reaction. If they start to get angry or highly argumentative they are either dumb or kind of narcissistic. Be aware their is a difference between arguments and intellectual debate. Arguments are knock down drag put meanwhile debate is more structured. Point-counterpoint... mutual respect, civil tones vs just trying to hurt someone.
@@chadcuckproducer1037 I don't smile at violence or bullying. Are you a narcissist?
@@chadcuckproducer1037 I know of cognitive empathy. It's knowing it's what's expected. And putting on a show. Sociopaths also partake in that practice. I mean if a narcissist is able to try and does not hurt people they have just as much right to be here.
@northerncaliking1772 I agree wholeheartedly. People really can change.
PS Sociopathy isn't that bad within reason. Ultimately you are the star of your life. Sociopaths can be quite fun to watch in action too;) I'm working on the neutralizing energy talents of empathry but keep in mind reflecting their insecurities back in their face to show them their own ugliness is a tactic that can at least drive them out of your life.
I dealt with this a few years ago. For the first several months, she was constantly at my house and I couldn’t keep her hands off of me. After two weeks together, she told me about cheating on her ex husband for over a year. What she said next “I don’t want there to be any secrets. I’ve never felt this way before and we were meant to be together” was a huge red flag. I didn’t walk away but dated her for almost 3 years and experienced everything in this video until she discarded me. Weeks after that, she’s all over facebook with someone else and “the happiest she’s ever been.”
Lesson learned. Keep boundaries!!
Bro I know exactly how you feel.
Did you marry her? Did you have kids with her? If the answer is no good job. It's because in the back of your head you knew better. Better days and women are coming. Hang in there brother.
Same here, but 8 mos for me. She wouldn’t let me break up with her. And, she wouldn’t break up with me unless she knew I would be hurt by it. She definitely used sex as a weapon.
Same just closed a five year relationship…just pay more attention next time don’t let it destroy you… at least that’s what I tell myelf
I need to learn how to get away....I love her deeply
I’m still healing from a narcissistic partner I had a long term relationship with. I didn’t really realize what the problem was until the end of the relationship. I was made aware by other by standers that whenever they would ask my opinion on something, my partner would control the conversation back towards her. One of the last few night we spent together, she ended up confessing to me that she enjoyed manipulating people, but she knew the only reason she should or would do it, was for their own good. In that moment so many things started to make sense to me. The relationship ended soon after. To this day I still wish her the best and that she’s able to find happiness and fulfilment in her life.
You described my daughter to a tee. She started calling me a narcissist. I know people project but this wasn't even on my radar until she said it.
Ditto with my ex. I didn’t know anything about narcissists until she randomly called me one and I looked into it and she checked every single box… including projection.
She’s your daughter…. Narcissism stems from childhood neglect….also, narcissistic people usually have narcissistic parents.
@@terrilynpatzer Strange how you're forgetting that she most likely has TWO parents. In which case, it's just as plausible that the other parent is the one to blame here.
@@terrilynpatzeryour comment is judgmental to extreme.
You seem to be a follower of the decade-ago discarded philosophical approach that “the mother is the root of all evil.”
Before you blurt your statements, I suggest you read up on research.
You nailed it! First, to everyone that has had or are currently in a relationship with a narcissist, you're not alone and I'm sorry. No matter what they say, you're a victim and do not deserve to be treated that way. Please don't try to convince yourself that you're the reason that they did/or are cheating on you. You're not neglecting their needs by doing something for yourself on occasion. If you only see your family once or twice a month and then they tell you you're being selfish, you're NOT! If you still struggle to remove them from your heart after all of that, again, you're not alone. It has taken me much longer to recover from my relationship with a covert narcissist than any other relationship. "I just want things to be like they were at the beginning of our relationship again." Sound familiar? If I have any advice from my experience in the healing process it's to give it time. Don't take it into another relationship trying to fill a hole. You might struggle with guilt, confusion, and even question whether or not you're the actual narcissist. That's ok, work through it at your own pace. You may struggle to get them out of your heart for a very long time. You're going to be better off without them. Best of luck.
Walk, run away. Their gaslighting kicks in your flight or fight response and ups your cortisol and will fk your brain up.
Thank you so much for caring about people other than yourself enough to give that heartfelt advice ❤ and I pray for your full replenishment as well and that you find what you wanted in your life.
@@ga8065It my responsibilty now to control my reactions..my emotions are in my control. Do I always achieve my goal no. Miss it by a mile. But I keep trying. Everyday in training learning to improve my skill base so my brain gets a rest and alleviate the sore spots. Overthinking etc is a big one and what I think. I try to pull up the dark bad thinking as soon as possible now as it is not good for peace and calm frequencies...I have only short dark emotions now I no longer near drown in depression as I have tools to help. I appreciate your comment. My health wealth and happiness depends on how I help myself. Yet I with my self help many people on the same page have given me great hope. So for me their are many who help me to comprehend and discern what is useful for the marathon of recovery. For my own conclusion on Agape Love and life long services to all without prejudice in hope of recovery. It is many varibles not just character, personality it has include the cancerous legacy of the industrail mover and shakers eg Du Pont= lead poison..so we need last of characoal. Gardening has given me a mission. Something that mutiplies and provides for many. Sun for my healing. Early to bed early to rise. Starting to understand the rythem of life that matters. Magpies are my friends this spring. Food I grow to heal from the dynasty of sythetics. PRICIPIA MATTERS. Excuse errors.
This was the best comment! So very true! It’s a process, be patient with yourself, and give yourself the grace and forgiveness you deserve.
Sometimes I'll see a video or read an article about narcissism, and the accuracy sends a chill down my spine, it's SPOOKY how perfectly my own experience is being described. This is one of those times.
My older sibling is Narc all over! It took many years of very low contact & years of brain shrinking (psycology) to realise I am not a lazy, useless, idiot! Unwanted, unloved, over emotional, awkward, etc etc...I grew up to be an easy target for narcs, but now I'm free! PERFECTLY IMPERFECT ❤❤
You need to do a deep dive video on the female vulnerable narcissist. People often confuse the covert with the vulnerable narcissist or use the term interchangeably. They are most assuredly not the same thing. My father was a covert narcissist, but my wife is a vulnerable narcissist. They use different control mechanisms and in fact, the vulnerable female narcissist can be one of the most insidious because she knows how to fly under the radar and does the majority of her damage slowly and very carefully. It took me decades to figure out just what was going on.
Yep. They prey on honest hearted individuals.
It took me 8 years 😢 God damn I feel u bro.
How are they different? I thought a vulnerable narcissist was the newer name for covert narcissist the same as bipolar is the newer name for manic depression.
@@davidm4566 A covert narcissist does not believe in appearing vulnerable. Like a vulnerable narc, the covert uses passive aggressive techniques and all the other standard narc behaviors, but they don't play the victim. The vulnerable plays the victim with the intent of manipulating the feelings of the target or to deflect blame. Instead of playing the victim, the covert will likely deflect and gaslight, the old "who me", you must be mistaken. I was raised by a covert who was manipulating my Mom behind the scenes. I couldn't understand why she was always angry and why she often took it out on us. My Dad never played the victim. The covert is too proud to play the victim. On the other hand I've been married to a vulnerable version for way too long and she knows how to play the victim in all it's hundreds of variations.
Most Narcissists are covert. They do not openly declare their narcissism in public but rather passively express it, and only reveal their true delusions to those in the inner circle. This is because they are not truly confident so in public they are conformists. Psycopaths on the other hand are grandiose at all times and do not conform. Because narcissists cannot tolerate negative social feedback where as psychopaths do not care about the opinions of others
This video represents my ex-girlfriend 100%. ONE-HUNDRED. I feel slightly better knowing at least that it's a predictable disorder once we know the signs.
They all sing from the same hymn book.
There are so many different versions of a narcissist but this one is the complete blueprint of my ex the covert narcissist
All women are like that
Ex.....good, get away and stay away, no contact
It's in their DNA. They will never change at all. Don't even try, just leave them.
It's scary how accurate this is based on my 5-year experience with a woman who is a narcissist. I wish I would listen to my gut feeling from the start but I guess I had to learn it the hard way. It was hard to end it but Im really glad now i did.
resonates with me a lot. My mom was a narcissist and then I married one. Exactly as you said, I am at the point where I wonder if this is how ALL women are.
Same. I know if you grow up with one, you will likely date them as well. But recently I just wonder if female/male social dynamics are just like this..
They are not. Psychology says you accept and look for “familiar abuse” in your relationships to replicate that narcissistic abuse. You need to work on picking better women because you are predisposed to picking narcissists.
It’s not all women, it’s all the women YOURE picking.
@@nannoreul Thanks for telling me that it's all my fault. So helpful.
(Sarcasm)
@@TerreHauteRemoteGoat Lol take it that way if you want. Me personally, with a narcissistic father who also picks narcissistic partners, chose to take that information hopefully and I did something with it.
@@nannoreul I was already aware of the phenomenon of tending to choose what you know. However, Intellectually knowing something is one thing... putting into practice is quite another.
11:11 moves the goal post on everyone. Never enough attitude is the grass is greener always somewhere/ with someone else. Cold indifference/apathy. “ I don’t have enough “ is a constant in daily life. Can never see what’s in front of them.
My wife soon to be ex
I thought my ex was a narcissist. But she is more borderline personality disorder. It is so similar that symptoms are almost interchangeable. Took me years of research to come to this conclusion.
BPD is very different. A person with BPD will seek to attach themselves to others in order to escape feelings of worthlessness, but a narcissist will exploit people for personal gain. Those hurt people need to abuse others to feel love(d)
@@eyekantbeme you need to look it up. It's confusing. There is classic BPD, which is what I'm describing. And there's quiet BPD which is probably what you're talking about.
Frankly, neither of you are clinically qualified to make diagnoses on people who
A. Are not your patients.
B. Hurt you in a relationship.
So arguing here because one or two of you happened to read a book or two, does not a narcissist or BPD patient make.
Either share information and collaborate like adults, or consider just not altogether.
@@user-ug1bh7dk8f haha. I had a psychiatrist and psychologist say the same thing. You don't need to be certified to have a pretty good idea of what kind of hell you went through if you do the homework. You should try it.
@@user-ug1bh7dk8f Please repeat your response. Use Google translator so that it is in English. 🙂
Thank you for this! Both my parents specifically my dad was more obvious, but my mom's was more hurtful (rip)... I'm in therapy now, and in a nontoxic serious relationship. It takes time, I'm grateful for this channel, super helpful. 🙏🏻
Wow. You have completely described my ex and our relationship ! I didn't know or understand about this at the time, though. I was totally confused for nearly 5 years and constantly chasing the love bombing stage like a drug. But it never returned .
I had a similar experience with a woman I started dating this summer.
She was very on to me very fast... I slept at her place the second date.
She started saying deep words such as "I love you" after just a few dates with her.
She was complementing me in many different ways.
She was also bragging about how good she was at some intimate things only to later on never really put those words into action - when I confronted her about this, she told me she does not like it and se got a very defensive attitude, and starting blaming me instead. It was here I started to see some possible red flags as well.
She also started use sex as a weapon as it was pretty normal and good in the beginning, only to find reasons not to have sex or use reasons that was no problem before - red flag?
I tried to talk to her about this but she thought I was the one that need to change, and I should "look it up with a therapist" no understanding or insight from my perspective whatsoever.
I told her right there and then that if we cannot have a healthy give-and-take dialog about our thoughts in our relationship - its over.
The fact that she couldn't stand up for the love-bombing and intimate provocative words she used in the beginning made it pretty easy for me to leave and forget here.
I do not claim that she is a narcissist. But I start to really wonder how many more red flags I need in order to be convinced. She also brought up her ex as a narcissist the first date we had...
Anyways, I am so relieved she's out of my life.
To be with a person that’s always putting you down & destroying your confidence is hell on earth. To initially love bomb you to suck you in and then completely criticize you is coming from the deep insecurity that’s inside them. It’s a psychological Venus fly trap. Mind games on steroids, the baiting tactics used to drive me nuts , creating a drama to get a reaction sucks energy out of you. Best way is to go silent and don’t bite it frustrates the hell out of them. Narcissists are energy vampires they feed off your energy, then it’s time to leave.
Personally I just enjoy counter energy vampire tactics. Maybe even a bit of energy vampirism myself.
You don't have to be nice all the time in a relationship. There is such a concept of cruel to be kind and tough love. Within reason.
You are probably a lot better at psychologically dissecting a person than them.
Trust me, it's fun to be an asshole from time to time in furthering of something you cherish such as your self respect and self confidence.
Ultimately, you must enter any deal willing to back out if people don't want to hold up their end.
Never be afraid to fail at anything and start again. It's truly not a failure if you learn something and even if you don't, it's still a new beginning.
Absolutely spot on. My covert narcissist ex basically did everything you mention in this video. Every. Single. Point.
This video really validated me. I was in a two year abusive relationship and there was so much gaslighting during and after the relationship, I was convinced that I wasn’t good enough for her. This video was like… you were describing my ex like you know her… it’s so validating. Thank you.
wow, I don't know how this came up on my suggested page, but this was so accurate and rough. I just got away after 19 years, and this list hit almost everything I experienced. The controlling behavior, the erosion of self worth, the "this is just how women are" syndrome... it was rough to hear someone come out and say it, but I'm thankful, because I had been gaslighted so hard that a year later, I still wonder if I was crazy or it was just a mid life crisis. Good to hear it wasn't.
You're safe. Take care of Ethan. You deserve it.
good comment @@eyekantbeme look after yourself Ethan. Wishing you healing, greetings from Ireland☘☘💚
I 100% dated a narcisist for 2 years.. pretty much all of this describes her.
GLad i found a sweet woman i have been with now for 17 years.
This video needs to go viral!!!! It's SOOOO IMPORTANT.
A lot of things connected for me in reviewing my ex's behavior over a period of 15 years when she decided to divorce me after accepting $15,000 from me to pay for nursing school and taking our two children with her. The proceeding behaviors I went through, during a period of almost ten years, were in fact, self destructive in regards to how I felt about my part as a husband and father in that I became very reclusive and walling other people out. A very "cold" period of my life that still has echoes today in trust issues. I am incapable, at this stage of recovery, to establish close relations after having been betrayed on every level possible by the one woman I loved and swore an oath to. Disposing of solemn oaths is abhorrent to me. That alone is a double edged sword still stuck in my heart.
Damn. I truly am sorry to hear that. The pain and suffering just simply isn't good for anyone. God loves you and in the next life you will given peace, comfort andbl happiness.
I blamed myself for almost 40 years. After his death, I realized I should have cut and run about year 3. I allowed myself to be mentally destroyed and our kids to be mentally damaged. (They have never seen a "normal" relationship). I will always blame myself for being so stupid and if there is an afterlife and I happen to meet up with my husband, my one burning question will be "What did you win?"
This is a sadly all too common story for men. Who took an oath to a woman to be with her for the rest of his life only to be betrayed to such a high degree. I know this story all too well as I have a similar but not exactly similar story. I do hope one day you find peace.
Your insight is beautiful. You have a success recovery process ahead. You seem like a wonderful man.. be cautious with your feelings but also not to afraid to put yourself out there. Good luck!
I'm sure it hurts the most to know that your love and promise to be with her was just another process for her, and didn't mean the same emotion to her.
I can assure you that there are plenty of women who want to be loved and return the love. I highly recommend opening your heart, and if Mrs Right comes along, catch her. Aging alone gets too lonely when you have a big heart.
My ex covert narcissist worked in the courts system she had 16 people under her but I left in July 👍👌🇬🇧
Thank you so much for sharing! Love bombing was definitely the first red flag!
My first red flag was the ghosting me and the silent treatment. It was done for no reason, and I never saw it coming. It was one of the most painful feelings I've ever experienced. It happened several times until I had enough of the whole fake, abusive relationship. I'm happy to say I'm no longer in contact with my ex narcissist for a year and a half! I feel so much better and less stressful.
It's like you're talking to me directly, with how spot on some of these are for me.
No matter what i did she would always complain and punish me.
She did that...#4 emasculating...is there a class that Narcissists take to do that?? How do they "naturally" construct this psyop to tear you down??? It's sick but kind of ingenious if you have a weak mind. I took back my power. It's scary that they all know how to do that
Certainly seems that way. I think it’s more about how they instinctively know how to hit where it hurts 😔
The "Jezebel" Spirit....
Looking back at my two year marriage and preceding courtship with my 2nd wife, she hit all of the flags you mention. I always suspected that she was a narcissist, but your video helped me confirm in my mind that this was indeed the case and now I realize that she was a covert* narcissist. We met on a blind date to watch 4th of July fireworks in 1994 (my friend was dating her younger sister). We started a very physical relationship and during the first idealistic "love bomb" phase, it was intoxicating. Then came the first devaluation phase. I eventually broke up with her and before long, she did a hoovering and we were dating again in the second idealistic "love bomb" phase. Wash, rinse, repeat. When I broke up with her for the third time, she actually broke into my high rise studio apartment to look for "evidence" that I was dating someone else and to clean my place. I discovered what she did mid-day since I worked next door and came home to my studio for lunch and caught her in the act. After asking her why she broke into my studio apartment and hearing her response, I exited my apartment and walked angrily to the stairwell. She followed right on my heels whilst screaming at me to find out why I left. I turned around and told her that I was going to the property management office to complain to the property manager that the concierge must be to blame for granting you access to my apartment despite your name not being on the lease and that I intended to have him fired. I turned back around and continued down the staircase to the property management office and as I approached the glass office door, the entire staff in the property management office could see her punching my head from behind as I made my way into the office. The property manager promptly called the police on her. The police interviewed both of us and let her go with a warning, despite her punching and slapping me from behind with no response from me. Well, fast forward a few weeks and, like the simple minded fool that I was back then, I took her back again which led to us getting married. Shortly after we got done with our honeymoon in Tahiti, she broke down and cried because the "wedding" was over and now she had to endure married life. >sigh< A short while later, as we were preparing to depart our town-home and car pool to work, she discovered that I had accidentally used her toothbrush and she went totally "postal" on me.
Our two year marriage became toxic over time, and nothing I did for her was ever good enough, including spending a lot of money on a purebred bullmastiff puppy that she wanted. Not only was she not grateful, I found myself becoming jealous of our bullmastiff for receiving the same special treatment from her that I used to receive! I also remember feeling a sense of loss and mourning over the way she used to treat me during the idealistic phases of our relationship. During the last idealistic phase of our relationship (just before we were married), she recorded our first names for our voicemail setup at our new townhome. I remember during the end of the last devaluation phase of our relationship calling my own voicemail in order to hear and re-live the positive, hopeful way she said our names as a couple.
One interesting thing that happened in the early part of our marriage was when we decided to go to a marriage encounter weekend that was held at a hotel. I thought it was a valuable experience that taught me how to share my feelings about my wife's actions without negatively labeling her or without keeping those feelings to myself and not expressing them. A year or so later, my wife would tell the psychologist who was doing custodial evaluations for the child custody modification case I brought forward that she thought the entire marriage encounter weekend we went on was "a crock". I wrote in one of my letters to her that weekend about my feelings of inadequacy for expecting me to treat my ex-wife and mother of my young son with hostility whenever I had to pick him up or drop him off my during my visitations with him. I explained that I did not see the value in doing that at this time because it would just have me wearing "tight lips and a frown" around my son. I concluded the letter by saying that when she placed these expectations on me, I felt "less than a man". Big mistake. Despite breaking down and crying when she read that letter during our marriage encounter weekend, she also put that last phrase of mine in her gun. Fast forward to two years later as our marriage was reaching its final act. We had a heated argument one particular Saturday morning and I decided to de-escalate the situation by leaving. I was putting on my shoes in our foyer as she continued to berate me. When I turned around to put my last shoe on, I accidentally backed up enough to come into contact with her thighs and she reacted by violently flailing herself against me. I turned around and I must have had a sad and hurt look on my face, after which she gave me a Cheshire cat like grin and said "You must feel less than a man right about now, huh?" She had weaponized my own words to emasculate me.
The "deathblow" to our ill fated, toxic marriage was when I was awarded sole physical custody of my 7 year old son from my first marriage. While my wife loved, loved, loved the idea that I would no longer have to pay child support to my ex-wife, she didn't think thru the fact that she would now be expected to become a full time mom to my son and had no interest in doing that. Thankfully, we parted ways in 1998 and my life has been on an upward climb ever since. At the end of our marriage, she had me believing the "devaluation" statements that she made about me. But then my self-worth (given to me by how my parents raised me) kicked in and I took back my power and told her we were done.
Well - that's life. As fate would have it, thanks to social media, I saw a few years ago that my now ex-wife went moved on to another marriage and became a mother in her own right to a daughter in that relationship. That brings us to this year and my recent discovery that my ex-wife has again divorced and remarried. I found this out thanks to one of my high school classmates being friends on social media with her new husband. They were married two years ago and I now I find myself with the urge to warn her new husband that he is married to a covert narcissist, but I know that to do that is presumptuous. People can* change. I've changed since my rollercoaster encounter with her almost 30 years ago and the life I live now is largely spent being of service to others. And so I have set aside my urge to gossip with a complete stranger.
Thank you for all that you do Christina!
Warn him, narcissists are a personality type. Let him know the signs and refer him to this video.
@@raybod1775I will think about it. He’s no Lincoln… more of a Plain version of guy fieri who is into Pontooning and Harleys.
She will age and die alone once the sex appearance is over.
Abuse victims definitely change after getting abused, either for the better or worse. I've never seen any evidence whatsoever that abusers change behaviorally however, especially if they've been doing so for years and years as an adult; it looks like a hard-wired behavior trait. You make the call to warn the new guy or not, but don't for a minute think he'll get treated any differently than you did.
Narcs don't change. They temporarily improved with heavy counseling.
But if they don't have that accountability, they just revert back to who they are.
They're like pedophiles- broken people who have no cure but need monitoring for the safety of the public.
You have hit the nail on the head! So much of this sounds like what I've been through.... the end was scary how accurate it is! 😢
This is SPOT ON with my ex-wife. Every point was exact, and every example is what I have gone through. It is crazy to me, especially considering how crazy she made me feel.
Your last comment about being raised by a female narcissist (she wasn't really, it was my covert narc father making her that way) and then marrying one is precisely why I stayed married this long. Yep, because of the stupid, negative images painted of women by men (being overly emotional during their cycle, etc.) and sayings like "happy wife, happy life", I thought what I was dealing with was normal and just something to be borne as a price of being married. I now know better. Better late than never I suppose.
Congrats for pointing out a fact, narc men make women act that way. This is also the case for my mother, personally I'm aware of being narcissistic with these men as well. From the start, I hate them being emotionally unavailable, so I start to lovebomb, mirror, masks, control, manipulation and all that. I can give them the same poison by choice. It's a big red flag for me if I'm forced to act narcissistic with someone.
Yet another video I came across this. very accurate only half the video away, I just immediately gave a tear out of no were. Especially one video you have for " When you go no contact with a Narcissist ". Great content is all I can say.
This is my first wife to a tee. Was heartbroken when we first split, but after a month I felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders
Been there, seen that. 15 years learning to see through it all. Glad to be out of it.
you forgot triangulation.. There is always third person involved - her ex, friend, family member etc and they change their roles, sometimes they are good and sometimes bad.
For examlple during love bombing stage her ex was the worst human being ever. On the other side during discard he was best example how to be real man.
I originally had the section on jealousy labeled as triangulation but I decided to keep it simpler as I was filming. Thank you for sharing🙏❤️
I've experienced the same but with a twist: the moment my narcissist ex noticed I wasn't impressed by some guy she was trying to artificially inflate, she almost immediately went for the opposite approach and started talking negatively about him. They just try to go where they think it hurts and if it doesn't work one way they'll try another.
My narc ex gf’s husband was never good, always bad, even at the end of our relationship. She promised to divorce him in 6-12 months of getting with me, but never did, complaining of money issues. After she discarded me, she got with her ex bf from 15 years ago and boy if she didn’t start working on that divorce!!!
@@BJBlaskovichGaming you are a big part of the problem, sorry dude. Wake up
@@zellerized I’m glad you know me so well.
I had a “best” friend in high school who was the most narcissist person I have ever. So glad that friendship was over. She ended it for a stupid reason but I’m glad she did. I wanted to end it but didn’t know how. She is the best example I know of a narcissist and how to spot one. You literally described her at a 100%. Can’t believe people like that exist.
Listening to this makes me see so many of the signs I saw too late into my marriage. The victim game, the blaming you for everything, the lying, infidelity, the demasculating.
While I've since left her and found someone new who is not a narc, it is amazing to see what I've missed out on for the past 20 years. The sad part is my family saw it in her from the beginning and even mentioned it to me, but I was too blind.
The grand irony is that since I filed for the divorce, she has no power over me and it drives her up a wall.
I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "man up" in my two marriages. Love bombing was the beginning of both. I often said that they put me on a pedestal from the start, then they changed into controlling through the relationships. Wow, this has opened my vocabulary to both situations. I haven't dated much since, but I have noticed the red flags in my dates enough to not pursue much further.
Thank you for this podcast.
The right person is out there for you, you sound like a caring person 😊
My ex wife checked all of these boxes. I’m still recovering from 18 years of gaslighting, cheating and manipulation. Both of our moms are narcissists so I was screwed from the start. After three years of being single I have learned so much about red flags because of you and a couple others. Thank you.
The hard part is finding a traditional woman. A lot of “modern” women are narcissistic.
I think I'm dating a narcaccisf
Yes they are and it's really onsane
Bro I just said you just descrbed every chick
All women are like that
I would say from experience (im 43 and have dated many women since 16) and out of 10 women about 2 are real narcissists, 5 have narcissistic traits and 2 are not narcissists at all. I can now really spot them. Have learned so much in youtube. I didnt have youtube in my 20s and i wish i did.
Biggest red flags for me are dyed hair, fake nails, tattoos, surgeries.
Also the whole soulmate thing.
Expensive cars, credit cards, LV purses, stuff like that.
These are the biggest red flags when you first meet them. Also see how she treats her mother and father. And how she treats strangers.
In the early stages of the relationship, if the Narcissist decides to give the silent treatment, that's actually an excellent opportunity to end the relationship by ghosting. Just block their phone calls and block them on social media. After a month or so of giving you the silent, they try to contact you and find out that they can't because you've moved on. By then they should be used to not having contact with you so it makes it easier.
One aspect that I noticed was the constant need for attention for example endless chatting on social media during work hours things that were not interesting at all such as posting animated graphics. "This is really weird" is a big red flag.
My aunt, my mother both fit these descriptions and they're my only family. As I approach the age of 60 I can see clarity for my life and moving forward late in life contented to create my own life individuated from my family of origin. Have I gone through years of gaining distance yet with flashbacks and deep grieving, sorrow, confusion along with years of developing new healthy habits of thought each and every day repeated hard work? Yes! I now can watch this video while keeping a sense of my own esteem, dignity and worth - there was a time when those were easily eroded. I appreciate each word of this video validating of my experience.
I’m not in a relationship with a narcissist I’m happy to report, according to this. We really are amazing together and it’s even better this 2nd time around. Thanks for the affirmation
2nd time around sounds like a HUGE red flag
Sadly my previous relationship checked every single box in this video and few not mentioned, like someone else mentioned, whenever you would try to communicate how the bad behavior was affecting you the victim mentality was brought out in force.
This is. accurate as hell!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥 especially the part of thinking “oh that’s just women”
My mother and oldest brother are both narcissists. It took years of my wife trying to alert me to it that it finally sunk in. I removed the brother completely from my life. My mother l only have limited contact with. The damage those two did to me as a child, teenager, my twenties and up till late 30's is immeasurable. Once l had kids, the memories slowly returned and by the time l was 45 l finally understood what my wife had been trying to point out to me from all the way back to our teenage romance. I'm now 53 & narcissist free... almost. It's sad that l have to count down the days until my mothers passing to truly be free. I vow with my mothers death that it dies with her generation.
Excellent, comprehensive and extremely useful Christina. Many thanks.
Thank you for your video. Im a month and a half out of a 10year relationship with my ex girldriend. The silent treatments i think were the worst and gaslighting after wards. Things would be great then one day out of nowhere the silent treatment like i didnt even exist wouldnt even acknowledged my existence and we lived together. She would do this for weeks or a month at a time. Then when she would start talking again she would tell me how i show her no affection or attention and that i never tried talking to her. Everything you said is descbing her to a T. She would critisism me constantly, make fun of me around her adult children. And oh my god always had me walking on egg shells with the 1 sided relationship threatening to always leave. Always accusing me of cheating a d everything else she was probly doing. I always believed it was menapause she is 52 now i just thought if i tried harder she would see how much i love her and things would be ok. Learning about NPD has been eye opening and very painful. In the beginning i had self of steem self worth and happy. In the end had no self esteem no self worth hated myself i blamed everything on myself and even when her cheating was right in front of me i just blamed myself if i gave her more attention or affection she would be faithful. In the end i was contemplating suicide frequently and cutting myself to ease the pain. I thought i was going crazy because she was actually playing a recording of her having sex with someone through our blink cameras in the house so i could her it then turning it off if i walked in the room. What sick person does this to someone that loved them unconditionally that would give their life for them. In the end when i called her out and begged her to stop cheating i told her i dont care about the past and told her i would show her what she ment to me and try my hardest. In the last month i did everything to please her thinking she was happy. Then she started the whole gas lighting shit having me look at a ticktock video on her phonne then having dating app messages from guys pop up on sceen. If i questio ed her shed flip out and say i was i secure and jealous. I told her i heard a mans voice or something coming from cameras and she said i was crazy. The 1 day i recorded the sound frrom cameras and liste ed to it with headphones only to have my worste fear co.e true it was her having sex in the house. When i told her i knew what she did she called the cops and told the. I hit her. I got arrested and even though she has 37 convictions for lieing decetful crimes and iv never had any domestic or violent offensess in my life the judge believed everything she said. For the last month she had set me up the entire time. Now im on probation for 2 years and have to wear a gps ankle monitor. And the best part she wont let me get any of my things and i havee to pay $1600 to take domestic violence victum classes. Wtf she is no victim she is a monster. Iv never put my hands on a women in my life and now everyone looks at me like im a abuser to women. The courts and police need desperately to learn and educate themselves on narcissist abuse. These sick people abuse you for years and then make you look crazy and take everything from you in the end. Ill never forget one night in the end in the garage cutting myself crying uncontrollably and she walked in sat down and was f##king smiling like she loved seeing me in so much pain. At the time i just couldnt understand how can someone i love with all my heart be so mean. These people are absolute monsters.
Fuckin shitty bro I understand the thing is heal yourself she was just trying to destroy you bc she is fd up beyond measuring so don't trip
This is the best description of what I went through during my 10 year relationship. This video has shed light in ways that other videos haven’t and I’ve been searching for explanations on and off for a while now. My ex is without any doubt a covert narcissist. I also fit the case of the trauma bond person as well and after watching your follow up video…I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.
Our relationship has ended 3 years ago and since day one went no contact and I’ve never used social media so no need to block her. Looking back, she however used social media constantly and remember friends ask me why I was never in any of the dozen+ vacation photos during our relationship. I bent over backwards to provide her international trips, jewelry, etc. just to get a glimpse of that love that I so much desired. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long and found many times feeling lonely… sometimes even while on the trips! I can see now with clarity my trauma bond.
It is a real thing and still find myself having dreams with her in it. Now that I have this knowledge and explanation, I feel that I can truly start healing.
Thanks a million!
What you said at 10:40 was spot on. This narcissist I was exclusively dating went cold and ghosted me on my birthday cruise that I brought her along on because she was supposedly mad at a girl's name popping up on a snapchat notification. But check this out. Earlier on that same cruise she sat me down wanting to talk about how she didn't want to be tied down! Then a month later I go to Canada for my brother's wedding and ended up catching Covid. Instead of being there for me, she admits in an argument that she did "something sexual" with another dude. SMDH......