*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
May I ask you about your professional credentials and experience that permits you to identify yourself as a PSYCHO-THE-RAPIST?? I'm not intending to be disrespectful or accusatory in any way at all. I'm actually a Masters educated clinical mental health therapist who has been a private practice therapist for 30+ years. It saddens me to hear about all your abusive, unhealthy relationships you've allowed yourself to be a victim in. You certainly have a lot to share with your audience about the personal experiences you have encountered. As an educated, experienced therapist who has been highly respected & in demand, I've done alot of reflection on, both within myself, & with professional mentors. I think much of my relatability was having my own personal experiences, but I also had the professional credentials & training to back up and give validity to what & how I shared. Throughout my graduatestudies & contuing education, I learned the importance of selective & purposeful use of self-disclosure. I also learned that using self disclosure or sharing too much of your own experiences can in fact be detrimental to the patient/therapist relationship and create a different dynamic, which poses a risk to the roles & boundaries. Again, my intent & interest about these things is not at all a criticism. Quite the contrary. Obviously you have a good following and your genuine nature attracts many ppl who follow you. Your approach is perfect. You are non- threatening, non- preachy, & relatable. I love how you avoid portraying yourself as an "expert" directly, but the content & personal accounts make you an expert in your impressive number of followers. So, I guess I have gone about my question in a roundabout way. I was forced to end my role of practicing in an office setting due to health issues, along with my desire to be flexible about where I travel and live. Any advice or information on necessary credentials required to be successful in this industry, both financially, & providing a valuable service to ppl. I understand if you choose not to respond to me. I do want you to know I have only asked you about this. As you are aware, there's no shortage of people who are offering advice on this and other topics & seem to have a loyal following & positive feedback. However, I found myself drawn to your approach more than any others. Keep up the great work!
🤣🤣🤣 I was running around, preparing for a party once. My ex asked if I needed help with anything, which seemed like a nice surprise since normally he would just walk around behind me and move around things I had already done. I said, yes! I actually do! The lightbulb in the outdoor light is out. Can you grab one and change it for me? That would help me so much! He looked at me and blinked several times and said… I don’t know how to do that. I thought he was joking. I said oh come on of course you do! And he blinked some more and said no, actually I don’t. And walked away. I was gob smacked.
Yes!!! I said "I'm not your mother" like it was like a mantra. At the time, it was so puzzling. He had a degree and a job, what's with the childlike questions? Looking back, I just feel nauseous that I fell for his manipulations.
Sometimes I felt like I had to talk to a toddler now boys and girls. This is what we need to do today. Hold my hand before you cross the street, you know, mind-boggling.
Dad (the narcissist) tried to convince me that he is superior because he is male! I don't trust him, like, respect much less obey him(blindly or otherwise)! I am 60. His way or the highway. I don't ask for his opinion, he is nitpicky. He isolated me so he wouldn't be called out in his family(not all members) and tried to convince me that I have the problem. He doesn't care about my feelings(hardly). All he cares about is others' opinions, including strangers and some of his family members(brothers). He thinks he's superior without a reason. Pathetic! I complained, he said "Tough shit". Nasty jackass! This happened long before social media.
also known as a very toxic person. me personally, id cancel his ticket, and move on with your life. he can let others, and there opinions take care of him, put up with his bs.@@jackilynpyzocha662
society as a whole is very narcissistic, and is openly acceptable, embraced, by all. me me me me mine, and what i can take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
take karens for instance. there we none 20yrs ago. nothing more than another bi product of society. society says its totally ok to act like a 3yr old, and nothing will happen to you. no recourse = no need to practice self control.@d0v3Tai1
Altruistic covert narcissists get terribly disappointed when they find that you're not as needy and helpless as they expected you to be and dont need their messiah complex kind of help. Then they feel bad when you're successful without them and make a big display of telling you how happy they are for you and "how much better" you are now, which is an underhanded insult implying you were pathetic in their eyes 🙄
This is so true. I’ve never needed my in my life for anything. I am truly beginning to know that’s what she hates the most about me. I’ve done so much better in life than she ever could , and she cannot stand it. Is it not sick , somewhat , to be jealous of your children?
Ha ha I'm going through this right now.…..im Currently getting the silent treatment as I've left working for him as well, as he thinks he had a hold over me.….3 weeks no contact and I'm already feeling so much better, I've takeon loads of cleaningwork and better off than I ever was with him…..i literally need him for nothing..:..and ive enrolled at university……
The more confused you feel the more likely you're dealing with one. That confusion is not love, you're not soul mates, twin flames, nothing like that. Politely get out. 'Sorry I'm very busy at the moment'. Be vague
“I can’t deal with this” was a common one whenever I called him out on his BS. He would then turn off his online status and disappear, knowing full well that this would hurt me 🫥 Such a massive coward.
@@krystalMtn It’s so true, they never allow you to have any clarity or peace of mind. The only way to obtain that is to go completely NC and never look back. 🔥
I think the thing that actually floored me the most was I started to know that he had control of his behavior he could flip a switch and be one person or another so he absolutely could treat me right he doesn’t choose to
Yeah, I remember realizing the person very well understands things I started thinking they just maybe don't understand. They do. But they are withholding. Horrible intimacy issues.
Yes, when you realize they knew all along what they were doing is an all new all singing all dancing aspect and one tends to be hit upside the head even harder than before. They knew they were hurting you. They knew. They knew how it was making you feel. They could've done things differently. They didn't. They deliberately hurt the one they "loved".
Doing the same thing to a narcssist as they do to u is like unclogging a toilette with a grenade. U will clear the clog but get shit everywhere n nothing will b the same.
There were a lot of times in my 11 years with my ex-wife, I couldn't find things i needed. She would find them almost right away. Every time she found them for me, she would say the same thing, "What would you do without me?" I believed it for years. The interesting thing is that since we've split up, my things don't go missing anymore. I finally figured out she was hiding my things and then finding them.
Amazes how cowardly some ‘humans’ can be. Had a very short term relationship with presumably a covert narcissist. Apparently he talked bad about me behind my back, tried to use a mutual friend to get me back after telling him not to contact me, didn’t communicate his sexual needs while also withholding sex, and tried to gaslight me and run away after I tried to hold him accountable to his own words and standards. Absolutely pathetic.
I wonder about guys like this - not for nothing, are they gay? I have nothing against gay guys except when they try to pass themselves off as straight - that I have a problem with.
Exactly the same experience. The running away bit just hit home now - every time I tried to make him accountable, he would try to pack his bag and leave. Then I felt guilty and tried to stop him, but he didn't mean it. Withholding sex too, calling me demanding, I'm not a robot, he said, while addicted to pornography. Finally left him for good, no contact but need to heal myself.
The discard is very cowardly. Then they avoid you and give the silent treatment. My divorce was final last Tuesday. New beginnings🙏🏾🙌🏾 I will never beg anyone again. Lesson learned. Loving me 🥰
Usually the silent treatment is because you have them cornered and it's another retarded form of emotional abuse because they know you have them cornered.
Mine would leave me standing outside the car while he took his time buckling his seatbelt and settling in. When I'd finally knock on the window, he'd scold me for being impatient and claim that he just forgot and it was just this one time. So I would stand outside the car in all weather, often holding bags from a store because he didn't carry bags, not sure whether he forgot again or whether it was still too soon to knock on the window and show myself to be a spoiled diva. Why didn't he carry bags? He needed his hands free to open the car door. Expecting him to carry something at such a crucial moment was just another eample of how selfish and self-involved I was. So many examples of this type of thing. Like being in a sleet storm - constant little stings from all directions.They keep you too distracted to make decisions on your relationship because you're always trying to become a better servant/spouse while apologizing for your own apparently "obvious to everyone else" shortcomings. I feel like I spent the marriage begging for forgiveness while also begging him to particpate fully in the relationship. Those days are done. And I assure you, I will never grovel again. I love myself too much now to put up with it, and that is something I lacked during my marriage.
Mine had a habit of leaving me in the car with the windows rolled up on hot days, taking the keys with him and running into the store or gas station. I would have to open the door to cool off and wait. He did this constantly. I'm fairly sure he enjoyed torturing me this way as well as other little ways. If I called him out on it, he'd say he didn't realize it was a problem.
When I was with my narcissist he wouldn't let me cook. He controlled my food, how much i could have and what I could have. I wasn't allowed dessert, I never had a bday cake for 7 yrs. He would invite people to dinner and wouldn't let me help and would then put me down by telling everyone he always has to do the cooking and I never help him. He wouldn't let me cook for my adult children. My son said he missed my roast dinners, my daughter missed my cauliflower cheese. He took my dinner plate away one day infront of our guests and said "I think you've had enough" before I had finished my dinner. When he wouldn't let me have dessert and we had guests and they said something he would say "i'm only joking" but he would then dish up a tiny portion of dessert for me. I wasn't allowed alcohol and yet he drinks every day. Occassionally he would say "would you like a glass of wine? You can have one if you like" im so enjoying life now he isnt around. It was my bday on Monday and I had 3 bday cakes because I bought one and my friend bought me one as she knew I hadn't been allowed one for so many yrs.
I read this with my jaw dropped 😟 I’m so sorry you went through this! It is so disturbing the lengths of mental and emotional abuse /control/ coercion …I’m so glad you made it out 🥺🩵 Sending lots of love ❤❤❤
When other people don't get the 'other', behind closed doors version they absolutely will not believe YOU what that person is really like and you end up looking like the bad person who is trying to disparage THEM. That is the genius way the narcissist sets you up to never win, and there's also absolutely nothing you can do about that.
The final discard was my choice. For the first time in 17 years I refused to apologize and beg for forgiveness for something I knew wasn’t my fault. I , for once, gave her the silent treatment and she lost her shit. Yelling and raging, demanding why I’m not “ fixing things “. I told her “ not this time”. Things got worse after that, however, I knew I was breaking free.
At first I thought you weren’t repairing things around the house. But you mean not “fixing” the broken things in your relationship. Still wondering why you don’t do either.
I am finally understanding what reactive abuse is! I thought it was me abusing them with my reaction, but it is exactly the opposite. They are abusing me using my own reaction! This is critical for me to get this. I had to apologize or be punished for my ethical reaction to something abusive. Me complaining and standing up for myself with someone who is not considering me and my rights is warranted , not abusive to them but it takes the awareness of what they are doing to me away from everyone but themselves, which they enjoy! Thank you very much; I am glad I am a member.
Playing the victim of child abuse, I've tried to rescue him, help him to heal. But lying about their past leading double life. U can't fix them or the messes they create. Period
I was the scapegoat in a highly abusive narcissistic family. I now realize everyone in the family is a narcissist (not just my covert narcissist father). They have smeared me all my life and I would say somewhat successfully as my father (recently deceased) and brother had the credibility by virtue of the fact that they were/are successful doctors. Very relatable video!
I had to face the same reality a couple of months ago. Cult of personality disorders taking turns wreaking havoc on my emotions, self esteem, relationships, finances… no contact was the best decision I ever made, I’m just now slowly starting to heal
Yes the same here. I was bemused by only having an two covert narcissists and one outward one to relate my feelings to as a child. I am not the same as them luckily. Nothing has changed except now I am an adult I have learnt how to cope with them.its an extreme wake-up call when the people you trusted as a child weren't to be trusted. I am a strong person who doesn't put up with much bs these days. Yet when you are vulnerable through some situation or other they will still put the boot 👢 in.
I can’t believe how many doctors out there are narcissistic… and people tell me I’m paranoid for not trusting them 🙅🏼♀️ That sounds awful by the way, I hope things are better for you now ❤️
@@ktwhimsy6946 your not paranoid. I'd say a 33% percent of the doctors I have seen r exactly as. you say. I've always thought of it as a superiority complex but narcissist is probably a better way of putting it.
My Ex always did the gaslighting crazy making thing to me. I found out a way to stop him was admit to being crazy and that I needed help. I told him I had to go to the clinic and talk to the therapist. Then I told him I needed him to come with me and tell them what I did or said that was insane because I was to burnt out to do it. Surprise surprise! Guess who wanted no part of that. He would slam the bedroom door and resort to name calling. People like this never want to work anything out. Its all smoke and mirrors.
That was risky..lots of wives have ended up in mental hospitals as a way to discard them. Slippery slope to label yourself crazy to the world( government/ legal/ medical ) when your not crazy
It's because they are jealous and hate you. So any time they believe you are superior to them in even the smallest way. They literally want to injure or kill you. Deeperdown they know they are lacking and are paper thin. Having no substance. But they just cannot allow this to be accepted. To do so would then nessesitate them embodying the role of a loser. And they are much too afraid to allow this. They know there whole personality is paper thin. But it's like a suit of armor they feel they need because facing they aren't really shit would break them. They cause so much pain to others. But really they are terrified, underdeveloped coward children. Just remember that any time they upset you. Try to feel pitty for them instead of sadness or anger. Because if you yourself were not doing awesome, they would never start shit with you to begin with. A narcissist messing with you is only a sign you are winning at being great.
6:32 pause- a year ago I was in court defending a DV charge and potential removal from my home. After presenting recorded evidence of HER being physically abusive to me, (and the judge believing me) she told the world I “fooled the judge”🤦♂️. FFWD to today and she’s posting how she “finally moved out of her abusive household and is thankful for her BF (new supply) helping her through her hard times”. So glad the judge saw through her BS. Thank you for your videos. 🤜🤛
I have a DV court date coming up Feb 22nd. I am hoping the judge sees through my abusive ex’s lies. He has told so many lies and they are so ridiculous. Fingers crossed I can be done with this part of it too. Hugs to you 💜
Wait...I've heard that phrase from people. "Fooled the judge". Often not literally a judge but it's been a not uncommon occurance for me to hear in a person's lexicon that someone was "fooled" by the antagonist of their story.
My ex never took the blame for anything. It was ALWAYS someone else's fault. He always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, no matter how hard I'd try. I'm so glad that he's in the past!!
One of my biggest disappointments in life has been the realization that many people think and act the same way they did in high school. But the greatest disappointment is the fact that they can always rally the masses to join in on their duplicitist bully tactics.
Some hide it better than others, but their mental instability surfaces under duress, when little to nothing they say makes sense, i.e. incongruence in their thoughts coming out in words. I have experienced this with more than one narcissistic person.
I had a boss who was passive-aggressive . If she was annoyed at you for something, she wouldn't tell you. In the morning, when all the staff was gathered around, she would deliberately say good morning by name to everyone except the person she was annoyed at by leaving their name out. When she wasn't annoyed, she would bring us coffee and give us gift cards.
My wife does that with my daughter all the time. My daughter is very much an empath like me, so instead of me talking bad about my CNarc wife I will send her videos like this one for she can learn what her mother is actually like. I just realized about 1.5 years ago who my wife is after 27 years of marriage and she knows I will not leave because of my daughter. Dang near lost who I was and it is so hard to rebuild myself and heal from it while still married to her. My wife does countless campaigns against me and I have lost all my family because of that and all my friends. Many times I feel completely utterly alone and like no one understands. Needless to say your videos and others have helped me greatly and I am seeing things how they are. There are times I just can not believe that my wife is doing this on purpose or if she just doesnt realize she is. It is super hard to come back from having my entire beinging utterly destroyed and not even believing in myself thinking I was the crazy one. Its even harder cause all i want to do is give her the benifit of the dought and shower her with love and affection. I litterly have to get upset and mad about things to understand that she is the one doing it and its not me. I have even gotten to the point were I can not even find enjoyment in anything I liked to do or want to do. I really do not want to even do anything anymore and find it super hard to enjoy anything for very long. So thank you for putting out these videos, they really do help. I have to go back and watch these kinds of videos alot cause I find myself getting drawn back in and they help remind me that it is her and not me. I am just so tired most of the time.
My dad is my narc; I can't divorce him, but I am ignoring him! (I blocked his number on my phone, for my own protection)! He's given me nearly 58 of my 60 years of life, b.s.! I'm his scapegoat(thankless role). He gave me no choice. I can ignore him; his loss of naricisstic supply. Not my problem. Never was, never will be!
Mine would interrupt me. I’d pause due to being in the habit of waiting when someone starts talking. Then when I’d start talking again (I’d jump back in because it was still my turn) he’d get SO mad, saying _you’ve gotta stop interrupting me!_
Another thing I heard quite often when I was sharing my opinion was him saying this. _You may not realize this, but you are very disagreeable and always seem to be the contrarian just to disagree with me constantly (which makes ME look/feel bad was his point)._ Which wasn’t true. We agreed on about 80% of things but of course he’s not going to remember that.
My 'favourite' line is "Hold that thought", so that you stop talking as you think something urgent is about to come, but they just want to bitch and unload all their frustrations of work onto you first. After you listen politely (not interrupting like they do, as you were raised to be polite), your train of thought is lost and they aren't interested in what you want to say anyway, and they start talking over you again about mundane, irrelevant stuff when it's finally your turn to offload about your day at work! It's absolutely insidious. I even did a test recently and went on and on about a particularly nasty colleague who had been very rude to me in front of lots of other people and I spoke all the journey home (about 20 minutes), which was actually quite hard to do! He didn't get a chance at all to unload about his 'unfair' colleagues and even brought it up a few days later, that I hadn't listened at all about HIS day (waah waah). Yeah? How does it feel?! He had held onto that and just HAD to let me know. It was proof that he just sees me as his frustration sponge only there to serve him and his needs, in his eyes. They're all take, take, take. Horrible, nasty, spiteful, cowardly users. 🤮
I’m so glad you shared that story about invisibility and watching TV. My ex-husband did almost the same thing. He did not shut off the TV or the lights, but he would get up and walk away and I would think he was going to the bathroom so I would pause the show that we enjoyed watching together. But then I would be sitting there waiting and waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, until suddenly, I realized he had gone to bed. He had the TV on in the bedroom and was already in the bed. There was no good night. There was no I’m going to bed. Just walk away. New line so again thank you for sharing that exact story. It makes me feel so much better now.
You perfectly articulated what my soon to be divorced wife was doing to me before we separated. She is Iranian, and the thing to note is, that these kind of tactics are commonplace in Iranian social interactions.
That happened to me. Friend had a dinner party. She got everyone nice wine glasses. Forgot mine and when realised got me a chipped tea mug. ?? I just woke up and gradually saw more stuff and ditched her. X
Thank you very much for reminding me how my toxic ex is a lot like my mother. That way I don’t go back to him. After six months I still sometimes fantasize about the good stuff and forget the bad, which was really bad!! He did every single thing you talked about.
I understand this. What helped me was writing down all the bad stuff he did to me. Anytime that I miss him and all the good times, I open my journal and read it and remember all the bad things that I never want to go back to. Hope this helps. ❤
I went back after the first separation. Worst thing I did. It’s like using the reserve tank of fuel. I was doing well after the first separation, after the second I was hanging on by a frayed thread. Took me ages to recover. It’s like I went back so he could take out revenge for me having left the first time.
Your channel has made me understand. I can relate to every single word clear down to the light and the kids. Not only my husband of almost 40 years but my mom too. I have spent my whole life crying and feeling worthless and a few years ago dudnt even want to be here. Thank You for showing me it's not me and I'm not alone. I always just keep my mouth shut to people cuz I don't want to be a complainer or burden people with my problems so this is channel has been very healing to to me.
Very similar. 30 years instead of 40. With councelling I realised that I put up with everything for so long because it was the world I was used to, growing up (with a narcissist mother). Love yourself, it’s the most important thing. Xx
The first time I got treated like I was the most hated thing was when we were in the airpot on a holiday. Without a word he took off with the boarding passes. I became insecure as I never knew when he would ditch me without notice. And then he says I’ll never leave you”. I took it as a threat
That's how they get away with their abuse for as long as they do - they aren't congruent - they have many faces. That and other people probably have a very surface relationship with them so they don't have the same experiences you do. The trash talking behind the scenes is a given and the only way you're ever going to find out is when you meet other friends of the narc who treat you badly - and they don't even know you! Or the snide remarks at your expense in front others.
Wow this is the lights behaviors you mentioned and I didn’t realize it happened to so many people! Also my narc used almost every tactic in this video. I was in a 13 year marriage and didn’t understand what was happening until the last couple years. I just signed the divorce papers Tuesday morning
In the very beginning stages of divorcing a narcissistic woman that I was married to for 18 years. She isn’t my wife, and she never has been. I can’t believe how I could be so stupid. I have felt trapped because of my kids. Now, I see that she actually tried to set things up that way.
my mother went round church hugging everyone & playing mum of the year & christian martyr adopting us, we sat there thinking “ who is she?” As soon as we got home out came the stick & the shouting & yelling & reactive abuse & scapegoating & blaming us & food deprivation & locking me in my room , needless to say today I’m an atheist
I feel like Christianity forced my parents to be kinder people. I think that the belief that they were imperfect people and that it was good to apologize contained 'The Beast' for many years. Once my parents started falling away from Christianity and into new age spiritualism, they only got worse; my Mom has literally said "I see now there are no flaws, the flaws are only the illusion". I don't remember her ever saying anything like that when she was Christian. The way I've experienced it, Christianity kind of 'forced' my parents to acknowledge they had flaws. Spiritualism allowed my parents to reinvent themselves as perfect spirit flower beings who can do no wrong. I've been traumatized by spiritual people far more than any religious person ever has. It's not even a competition or a close call.
What you say about your mother at church is my experience with my parents and spiritualism: they go to meditations and crystal bowl sound baths and watch videos by Buddhist monks in some monastery in southeast Asia, and then proceed to get inches from my face and literally scream about what a "whiny selfish ungrateful brat" I am. My mother has screamed about how she's not going to buy me 'any more fucking food'.
If I’m gonna get notifications on a thread where my comment was deleted imma just say it again. christianity is a death cult and they exalt narcissist’s.
He gaslighted me by doing something totally cruel. I started crying. Instead of consoling me, he decided to suddenly give me the option to fly home early!!!! My stomach totally fell out.
HeLthy response..."I am not responsible for managing your emotions or rage. I am responsible for my own emotions. Period. I am going tonnage the time to take care of myself right now. Perhaps we can regroup in a few hours, if you are in a place where you can be mutually respectful, even when you are upset."
@@kimmccaleb4170I like this! My GF I’d like an emotional black hole of rage when she spirals. I try SO hard not to get baited and say I need some time to process… she gets mad “well what if that doesn’t work for me?!” Too bad, so sad.
Dificult to believe people really act this way. Im sure its common, yet its hard to wrap my mind around it. Sad, people could be so cruel and manipulative.
Thank you so much for this big reveal..! SO TRUE ! ..cowards are the lowest OF THE LOW ! ..you are always left alone scratching your head.. we must never allow this ever again.. MOVE ON, GET OUT RIGHT AWAY FROM THEIR SICK SUPREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOUR, regain your life and yourself back again!
I have a sister who is an accurate & classic example of how she qualifies by 1000% as a cowardly narcissist. She has cause many people, including her own mother, brother & and sister, suffer immeasurably massive hardships because of her extreme jealousy.
We have such a mother in school - she don't want anyone to talk about her son behaviour in public, she aggressively want to smash other parent. She wanted to talk to my husband twice - later she called me and when in public i told what the situation was she said - she will not talk with me. She is very abusive - she come to the school every day 15 minutes before lessons and she talk to the parents- she just manipulates them and she just show a good face - she want to controll everybody. Her son is messing with kids - but she denies he's aggressive sometimes in public and she just want to manage everything on her own. When her kid will mess with my son and he will get into a fight with him - she'll say my son is aggressive and she'll do everything to show herself in good spotlight. It is everything about her. She's harassing everybody, controlling everybody in the same time being a class leader and a help there to cover all her campaign. I am so tired. I avoided her and she's back again.
My narc father also loves using reactive abuse on me to make me look like the bad person in the relationship. He loves instigating fights for me to react in negative ways so he can feel better about himself.
Elicit reactive abuse or use my reactive against me as proof. Using reactive abuse "on you" implies that YOU are the abuser and they are reacting to your abusive behaviour.
@@IshtarNike Thanks he also secretly records me so he can make me look like the abuser when I react in a negative way after he instigate fights with me over the phone.
They ask you a question, you go to answer more than yes or no; they respond with all you have to say is ________. Tell you something l, you go to respond, and they pretend you don't exist, talk over you etc, etc, etc. and talk behind your back.
You might want to rephrase this. I think you mean "elicit." Because if she's the one exhibiting reactive abuse that means you're the original abuser. 😅
My covert narcissistic ex-husband did 9/11 of these tactics. Narcissistic rage 80% of the time and interrupting me and talking over me 24/7 the last 3 years of our relationship. I got discarded for the final time and blocked everywhere 1 month ago and 8 days after he obtained everything he needed from me and had no more use for me. I feel free and liberated! No more stress and walking on eggshells almost 24/7 !!!!!!!
The TV thing!!! We were both watching tv together, suddenly he left to go to bedroom, I thought he just went to grab something, when he didn’t return, I went to look and found him already sleeping! He never said anything! We’ve been only seeing each other a couple of months at the time! I can’t imagine what it’ll be like dating this person long term!
Their tactics change too. The coverts in my life know that I’m busy working and that I’ve distanced myself from them so they’ll send videos and memes with no explanation or opinions through IG to bother me. Watch out, they’re so sneaky 💙🙏🏻💙
Yep! Mine would break something little almost everytime he'd come over and I would say... how is this possible? He immediately yelled at me and said "things break! It happens!" And the pretending you don't exist mime definitely would just get up off the couch, walk into the bedroom and lock me out and I'd have to sleep on the couch for literally no reason at all.
So glad I found your video Christina. I've been observing over the last year what I believe is a covert narcissist and am seeing very clearly the duplicity in practically all of their words and actions. Never thought I would gain such clarity. In the last 10 years I realised that my father is covertly narcissistic and that this is why I have been attracted to covert narcissists. And I am so pleased to say that this is no longer the case.
It's even worse when the narcissist is in law enforcement. The main narc in my life is in law enforcement and to make matters worse, we don't know each other or have seen each other in person. There's one who's very well off financially and has been paying others to get information about me and to attempt to cause me grave harm if not have my life taken. He's also paying those who work in the legal and judicial system to keep quiet and escape accountability for the many crimes and privacy violations that he has committed against me. Unfortunately, one of them has a You Tube channel in which he is a relationship coach and helping others in dealing with narcissistic abuse
Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you. Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything. Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.
Oh gosh, you're always spot on describing my wife...Do you know her?? She's so helpful, stopping to help random strangers in the street, offering help at church, talking to people to make them feel welcome. But she doesn't have a relationship or friendship with any of them. But she'll tell me that nobody likes me and that I "should hear what other parents say in the school playground about me". Oh, that'll be the parents that give me a hug when they see me and share their own problems. Other people only ever see what I call her 'Sunday face'. They wouldn't believe it if I told them. Oh and the turning the TV off? My wife does the opposite. She comes into the room, turns extra lights ON, then walks out after making a comment that I ALWAYS watch what I want to watch, which of course is true if no-one else is in the room, but really isn't the case. And she'll never sit down and watch anything WITH me... Thank you Kristina. Glad I found you! 🙂
He just untagged himself from all the FB post after being upset that i was not much of a tagger on social media. I now must heal. we are in our 50.s and this still can happen
2:25 My ex and her entire family would talk so nice to other's faces but as soon as they would leave they would talk so nasty about them and they were supposed to be their friends!! Before everything finally ended with the ex I went off on her about it and, like a true narcissist, she denied it all and called me a liar. 🧐 😅 I know how they even said things about me to my face and I can only imagine what was said behind my back.
My ex would constantly fall asleep in the evening while I tried to talk about import marriage issues she would claim that my schedule on talking to her doesn't line up with her schedule well it was after the kids went to bed but not terribly late then I asked her to sit up while we talked guess what she still fell asleep sitting up. Amazing
15:10 EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been though that so many times with my mother. And everyone would say that’s your mother, respect her, she doesn’t do that, she doesn’t have favorites, be nice too her, she is your one and only mother- so on and so on. 🙄😞
@@jackilynpyzocha662they are absolutely pathetic. He will never hear from me again. My mom and sister are on the thinnest ice as well. Enough is enough.
Finally out of my covert relationship. One of the last things he said to me was "didn't you say that all your ex'es went on to live happy lives without you?"
I have pulled my children aside when my ex would tell them stuff to tear them down. Once he told my daughter that girls are only good for one thing *long pause* CLEANING and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever said. I pulled her off to the side later and told her he was wrong and only said that to be a jerk. It's not narcissistic to protect a child's mental health.
I didn’t react and I felt something was off and later I was called intimidating lol.I learned the childish behaviour and I don’t react or respond or defend myself 😊
OMG, the cryptic messages! I tried explaining this to someone and they said I was delusional. This is so validating because it was so obvious. And gaslighting!
They are actually evil in the way they will be as hurtful as possible. Stay strong because she did you a favor. You’ve lost a lot of time, money, and effort on her, but in the end you’re free and will make it back up 10 fold while she drains another person before moving on again. Your replacement will find out soon enough what he’s gotten himself into.
on the "joke" end, I have a sister-in-law that once asked me if I didn't have time to clean my house when it was just slightly messy during a family function. However, during one of her kid's birthday parties, she had cat crap and dirty laundry all over her kitchen floor that everyone had to walk through to get to anywhere else in the house, even the bathroom! I never said a word to her about that. I could write a book with everything that I have experienced between my in-laws and my job. I wish I had the imagination to make this stuff up!
I wish I had time to watch now but can't. I am in therapy after finding out that I have been married 37 years to one and had no idea. I caught he in a 15 year lie about her cheating. I did think it was me I was wrong what can I do to be better. Then your videos and my therapist explained to me that I was just in love and she doesn't no what that is. I'm very confused right now. All the traits are so clear now. How could I be so stupid. I wish I knew of this npd 40 years ago so I could have seen it coming. The rage silent treatment lack of affection and the sex as a weapon pisses me off the most. Thank you for all the information. Do you think lying about a affair for 15 years is my fault? Well she doesn't think it's no big deal and compared me to a boy friend she cheated on as a teenager. One problem I was her husband for 25 years. It's all the same to her she doesn't see any difference. I've had 15 years stolen from me and 37 years of true affection.
I feel your pain. I was married to a disgusting narc for 35 years. She couldn’t keep her pants on at work for the most part. Once she started working at the air base it was like bees on honey. She lived for male validation while discarding those that actually cared for her well being. Like you I feel like I wasted 35 years that could have been spent with a kind loving woman rather than an insidious demon. Other than hurtful memories we’re free now.
@@Harmonious-jm3sy Why is it always at their work. Mine did the same thing and when I would question phone numbers or my gut was screaming somethings wrong. I'd get the yelling about how great her job is and if it wasn't for her we wouldn't get by. Which was not true she worked at a grocery store. It was her thing she held up to validate her worth. I just can believe I didn't know of such a type of narc. My gut was right. If you met her you would think she's the nicest and sweetest person in the world but it's the exact opposite. I'm very confused and hurt. But I'm going to get through this. Thanks for the reply I hope I am as lucky as you and can get away fast.
One of the many things my ex would consistently do. Back when you went to the store to rent a movie, we would take our time picking something we both wanted to watch. At some point during the night he would get up without a word and leave the room. When he has been gone for a while I would see where he is. Every single time I would find him in the bedroom half way through the movie. Act like it was nothing, pretend I didnt want to watch it, and when i would say I'll come join or skip it back. Now suddely he doesn't like the movie and is going to sleep
Married over 35 years now and I didnt know about gaslighting until 5 years ago and the stress I have endureed for all that time is caused by my Narc husband. I have been estranged from my children because of this undercurrent of shaming me for my opinions. Not only that but my son has a narc partner who has done her best to isolate me from him. My son and I were once very close. Topping all this I went through the menopause with out any of my family paying no attention to it. I am tired of it all. Suicide seemed to be the only way out but I picked myself up and started to fight back. First by grey rock and then by not giving a dam about anything they tried to blame me for. This marriage is going to end and I will end up alone but I will no longer be bullied by those I once loved.
Many more but just a couple used often are, "Well,thats enough of that"," Let me hug you, Youre an emotional mess babe", to dismiss you and what he doesnt want to be confronted with .Gets the ball back in his court and the arrogant ,superior jerk is back in control immediately. Or just changes history to his narrative, conversations and the way it happened. No win, Never win for ANYBODY conversations. If you stick up for yourself too many times the covert will begin to do under cover mean mean mean things ! Overt doesnt care who sees .
That disgusting excuse of a narcissistic human being that was my "father", used to turn the lights off when I was in a room, because "there was no one in the room".
Let someone do the same to him and see how he reacts. He won't like it; tough cookies for him! Mine hates women and takes it on on me(eldest daughter). His attitude; his fault. Not mine. He's full of b.s.!
These toxic bastards are very covert, under the radar but once they know u are all over their game play..they are humiliated because u flipped the script and changed the dynamic of power.
Yep. I had no idea that for years my kids were being brainwashed by their dad. He taught them to judge and criticize. I would have those affairs had I known he was trashing me. I raised them but their dad is a god. The smirk on his face when it was obvious he “owned” them. Now they are the family of no emotion, because my emotions were offensive. I haven’t cried in years. Or laughed
Currently as in this very moment I sm experiencing the very real tactics as you have explained here. My brother my mother my sister are all suffering from the same cowardly narcissistic behavior. They have gone to extreme lengths to get me to believe that I was crazy. Having my wife and kids think I was crazy that us until they started noticing it for themselves. Im so glad I am able to find someone who can not only relate but also understand the craziness that I have endured. Having groups of ppl watching me through the walls for over a year as we have been forced to stay at my Mother’s house. There us no where safe and no friend safe from being drawn into the disgusting mess that has been portrayed about me. 😢I have always suffered at the hands of these people. They are relentless and they have ppl who will not admit their participation in the acts which have occurred. They are still on the fence about what they’ve been told vs what they actually know for themselves
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
May I ask you about your professional credentials and experience that permits you to identify yourself as a PSYCHO-THE-RAPIST?? I'm not intending to be disrespectful or accusatory in any way at all. I'm actually a Masters educated clinical mental health therapist who has been a private practice therapist for 30+ years. It saddens me to hear about all your abusive, unhealthy relationships you've allowed yourself to be a victim in. You certainly have a lot to share with your audience about the personal experiences you have encountered.
As an educated, experienced therapist who has been highly respected & in demand, I've done alot of reflection on, both within myself, & with professional mentors. I think much of my relatability was having my own personal experiences, but I also had the professional credentials & training to back up and give validity to what & how I shared. Throughout my graduatestudies & contuing education, I learned the importance of selective & purposeful use of self-disclosure. I also learned that using self disclosure or sharing too much of your own experiences can in fact be detrimental to the patient/therapist relationship and create a different dynamic, which poses a risk to the roles & boundaries.
Again, my intent & interest about these things is not at all a criticism. Quite the contrary. Obviously you have a good following and your genuine nature attracts many ppl who follow you. Your approach is perfect. You are non- threatening, non- preachy, & relatable. I love how you avoid portraying yourself as an "expert" directly, but the content & personal accounts make you an expert in your impressive number of followers.
So, I guess I have gone about my question in a roundabout way. I was forced to end my role of practicing in an office setting due to health issues, along with my desire to be flexible about where I travel and live. Any advice or information on necessary credentials required to be successful in this industry, both financially, & providing a valuable service to ppl.
I understand if you choose not to respond to me. I do want you to know I have only asked you about this. As you are aware, there's no shortage of people who are offering advice on this and other topics & seem to have a loyal following & positive feedback. However, I found myself drawn to your approach more than any others. Keep up the great work!
How does a narcissist screw in a light bulb?
They hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them.
Good one!! ❤😂
😂 that's funny
🤣🤣🤣
I was running around, preparing for a party once. My ex asked if I needed help with anything, which seemed like a nice surprise since normally he would just walk around behind me and move around things I had already done. I said, yes! I actually do! The lightbulb in the outdoor light is out. Can you grab one and change it for me? That would help me so much! He looked at me and blinked several times and said… I don’t know how to do that. I thought he was joking. I said oh come on of course you do! And he blinked some more and said no, actually I don’t. And walked away. I was gob smacked.
OhmyGoddess this!!!!! 👏🏻
ha
Sometimes I felt like I was explaining basic things to a child. He used fake ignorance constantly. Such a cowardly way to get out of responsibilities.
Yes!!! I said "I'm not your mother" like it was like a mantra. At the time, it was so puzzling. He had a degree and a job, what's with the childlike questions? Looking back, I just feel nauseous that I fell for his manipulations.
Non-compliance as a weapon! That's one of the standard tools in the kit they all seem to have.
Agree100%
Sometimes I felt like I had to talk to a toddler now boys and girls. This is what we need to do today. Hold my hand before you cross the street, you know, mind-boggling.
I remember thinking the same thing - are they really THAT dumb?!
They'll do you dirty, play the victim, then convince people it's you. Then they will wait for you to come apologize to them for their behavior.😅
Stypid infantiles...
SO TRUE. reactive abuse at its finest.
the old switch a roo trick.
Dad (the narcissist) tried to convince me that he is superior because he is male! I don't trust him, like, respect much less obey him(blindly or otherwise)! I am 60. His way or the highway. I don't ask for his opinion, he is nitpicky. He isolated me so he wouldn't be called out in his family(not all members) and tried to convince me that I have the problem. He doesn't care about my feelings(hardly). All he cares about is others' opinions, including strangers and some of his family members(brothers). He thinks he's superior without a reason. Pathetic! I complained, he said "Tough shit". Nasty jackass! This happened long before social media.
also known as a very toxic person. me personally, id cancel his ticket, and move on with your life. he can let others, and there opinions take care of him, put up with his bs.@@jackilynpyzocha662
These narcissist are freakin EVERYWHERE! Where the freak did they come from? What breeds these demons?
society as a whole is very narcissistic, and is openly acceptable, embraced, by all. me me me me mine, and what i can take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
take karens for instance. there we none 20yrs ago. nothing more than another bi product of society. society says its totally ok to act like a 3yr old, and nothing will happen to you. no recourse = no need to practice self control.@d0v3Tai1
Prof Sam Vaknin has a RUclips channel that explains the fascinating psychology behind these disorders.
sam is a good source of information. @@kellyandaaron2005
A codependent mother who doesn’t let the child individuate. They are born from smothering caregivers. Look into Professor Sam Vaknin’s work.
Altruistic covert narcissists get terribly disappointed when they find that you're not as needy and helpless as they expected you to be and dont need their messiah complex kind of help.
Then they feel bad when you're successful without them and make a big display of telling you how happy they are for you and "how much better" you are now, which is an underhanded insult implying you were pathetic in their eyes 🙄
Yup 👍
Yup, And the 'christian' narc will "forgive you" for something that you didn't do..
This is so true. I’ve never needed my in my life for anything. I am truly beginning to know that’s what she hates the most about me. I’ve done so much better in life than she ever could , and she cannot stand it. Is it not sick , somewhat , to be jealous of your children?
Yes! Because they really believe you’re beneath them, but secretly get triggered when they find out you’re not
Ha ha I'm going through this right now.…..im
Currently getting the silent treatment as I've left working for him as well, as he thinks he had a hold over me.….3 weeks no contact and I'm already feeling so much better, I've takeon loads of cleaningwork and better off than I ever was with him…..i literally need him for nothing..:..and ive enrolled at university……
He would make fun of me or put me down and try to say it’s a joke or constructive criticism. It’s very cowardly. Maniacal how covert it is.. 😢😢😢
Dad pulls this crap. He says I have the problem, that I have to go along with his agenda. I won't!
It's not funny, it is destructive.
One of the worst! 🤮 Was destroying my self esteem.
"Jokes" and/or "constructive criticism" usually are not jokes or constructive.
It's not funny. My dad is sadistic, too!
The more confused you feel the more likely you're dealing with one. That confusion is not love, you're not soul mates, twin flames, nothing like that. Politely get out. 'Sorry I'm very busy at the moment'. Be vague
Wow, what a great comment this is! Thank you. 🙏
Yep, be vague because they sure will be. Sowing confusion and self-doubt is a favorite tactic.
Such a true statement.
“I can’t deal with this” was a common one whenever I called him out on his BS. He would then turn off his online status and disappear, knowing full well that this would hurt me 🫥 Such a massive coward.
@@robbiecarlos4537 Always the victim! It’s so frustrating and impossible to get any kind of conflict resolution or closure from them.
@@krystalMtn It’s so true, they never allow you to have any clarity or peace of mind. The only way to obtain that is to go completely NC and never look back. 🔥
I mean, I did that to my Narcissistic ex sometimes because it was constant fighting and I really couldnt handle it
"I'm done torturing myself with this"
When he said he would change his behaviour, and I kept bringing up that he is still doing the same things etc
@@jordansharp7081 They really are all the same. Always the victim and we’re being soooo unreasonable expecting them to uphold their empty promises!
I think the thing that actually floored me the most was I started to know that he had control of his behavior he could flip a switch and be one person or another so he absolutely could treat me right he doesn’t choose to
« Wow! He’s such a nice guy! » kills me.
Exactly - they know EXACTLY what they are doing.
Yeah, I remember realizing the person very well understands things I started thinking they just maybe don't understand. They do. But they are withholding. Horrible intimacy issues.
Yes, when you realize they knew all along what they were doing is an all new all singing all dancing aspect and one tends to be hit upside the head even harder than before. They knew they were hurting you. They knew. They knew how it was making you feel. They could've done things differently. They didn't. They deliberately hurt the one they "loved".
Doing the same thing to a narcssist as they do to u is like unclogging a toilette with a grenade. U will clear the clog but get shit everywhere n nothing will b the same.
that has a lot to do w who you are. if you fear one, you are a bigger coward than they are.
Damn thats a pretty epic metaphor. Definetly paints a picture lol
Excellent analogy!!!
😂😂Damn man you got it right
💯Very immature individuals who does not deal with reality.
They are insecure, too!
Ignoring people is a big red flag!
There were a lot of times in my 11 years with my ex-wife, I couldn't find things i needed. She would find them almost right away. Every time she found them for me, she would say the same thing, "What would you do without me?" I believed it for years. The interesting thing is that since we've split up, my things don't go missing anymore. I finally figured out she was hiding my things and then finding them.
You deserve a better ex-wife, I deserve a better father!
😂😅
Amazes how cowardly some ‘humans’ can be.
Had a very short term relationship with presumably a covert narcissist. Apparently he talked bad about me behind my back, tried to use a mutual friend to get me back after telling him not to contact me, didn’t communicate his sexual needs while also withholding sex, and tried to gaslight me and run away after I tried to hold him accountable to his own words and standards. Absolutely pathetic.
I wonder about guys like this - not for nothing, are they gay? I have nothing against gay guys except when they try to pass themselves off as straight - that I have a problem with.
Exactly the same experience. The running away bit just hit home now - every time I tried to make him accountable, he would try to pack his bag and leave. Then I felt guilty and tried to stop him, but he didn't mean it. Withholding sex too, calling me demanding, I'm not a robot, he said, while addicted to pornography. Finally left him for good, no contact but need to heal myself.
SOME bahaha
The discard is very cowardly. Then they avoid you and give the silent treatment. My divorce was final last Tuesday. New beginnings🙏🏾🙌🏾 I will never beg anyone again. Lesson learned. Loving me 🥰
Congrats! Mine was final two months ago. Never thought it would end. So glad to be out and healing!
@@brwnsgrgirl4379 🙏🏾🙌🏾🤍 My healing journey hasn't been easy. But well worth it. I'll be praying for you. 🥰
You deserve to be loved by someone real and authentic
Usually the silent treatment is because you have them cornered and it's another retarded form of emotional abuse because they know you have them cornered.
@brwns😊grgirl4379
Mine would leave me standing outside the car while he took his time buckling his seatbelt and settling in. When I'd finally knock on the window, he'd scold me for being impatient and claim that he just forgot and it was just this one time. So I would stand outside the car in all weather, often holding bags from a store because he didn't carry bags, not sure whether he forgot again or whether it was still too soon to knock on the window and show myself to be a spoiled diva. Why didn't he carry bags? He needed his hands free to open the car door. Expecting him to carry something at such a crucial moment was just another eample of how selfish and self-involved I was.
So many examples of this type of thing. Like being in a sleet storm - constant little stings from all directions.They keep you too distracted to make decisions on your relationship because you're always trying to become a better servant/spouse while apologizing for your own apparently "obvious to everyone else" shortcomings. I feel like I spent the marriage begging for forgiveness while also begging him to particpate fully in the relationship. Those days are done. And I assure you, I will never grovel again. I love myself too much now to put up with it, and that is something I lacked during my marriage.
Sleet storm analogy is spoton! As an Aussie i have always thought of it as a mozzie (mosquito) attack, sleet storm is accurate..Thankyou.
Oh, I love your mosquito comparison. That's a good one - since they're using us for ego sustenance. @@ninamarkovic4853
Mine had a habit of leaving me in the car with the windows rolled up on hot days, taking the keys with him and running into the store or gas station. I would have to open the door to cool off and wait. He did this constantly. I'm fairly sure he enjoyed torturing me this way as well as other little ways. If I called him out on it, he'd say he didn't realize it was a problem.
You deserve better!
@d0v3Tai1 Yep. All of it.
When I was with my narcissist he wouldn't let me cook. He controlled my food, how much i could have and what I could have. I wasn't allowed dessert, I never had a bday cake for 7 yrs. He would invite people to dinner and wouldn't let me help and would then put me down by telling everyone he always has to do the cooking and I never help him. He wouldn't let me cook for my adult children. My son said he missed my roast dinners, my daughter missed my cauliflower cheese. He took my dinner plate away one day infront of our guests and said "I think you've had enough" before I had finished my dinner. When he wouldn't let me have dessert and we had guests and they said something he would say "i'm only joking" but he would then dish up a tiny portion of dessert for me. I wasn't allowed alcohol and yet he drinks every day. Occassionally he would say "would you like a glass of wine? You can have one if you like" im so enjoying life now he isnt around. It was my bday on Monday and I had 3 bday cakes because I bought one and my friend bought me one as she knew I hadn't been allowed one for so many yrs.
That should say 2 bday cakes. I didnt have 3 🤣 but i wouldnt have said no to 3
@@louk5092I was Ike... Yo where'd the third cake come from? ❤❤❤
I read this with my jaw dropped 😟
I’m so sorry you went through this! It is so disturbing the lengths of mental and emotional abuse /control/ coercion …I’m so glad you made it out 🥺🩵
Sending lots of love ❤❤❤
This is really a thing. Refuse contribution and then accuse you of not helping.
@@louk5092I would have bought you the 3rd one..❤ Happy birthday 🎂 😊 God bless you
When other people don't get the 'other', behind closed doors version they absolutely will not believe YOU what that person is really like and you end up looking like the bad person who is trying to disparage THEM. That is the genius way the narcissist sets you up to never win, and there's also absolutely nothing you can do about that.
My ex would perform all of these actions while claiming I was doing them. The ultimate gaslighting move.
She was a wolf in sheep skin. INSIDIOUS
Heck yes! Snake!
Extremely, and charming. While being nice to you seemingly, plotting behind your back to be cruel and mean.
Well I'm more of a sloth in koala skin. Hungry, lazy, sleepy and non intimidating.
The final discard was my choice. For the first time in 17 years I refused to apologize and beg for forgiveness for something I knew wasn’t my fault. I , for once, gave her the silent treatment and she lost her shit. Yelling and raging, demanding why I’m not “ fixing things “. I told her “ not this time”. Things got worse after that, however, I knew I was breaking free.
congrats to you. no contact is the only cure.
Congratulations!!!
good move. hope you are doing better. narcs are f**king pylons who are insecure bullies and cowards.
-cheers, steven
60 years, my dad is the narc, I'm beyond fed up with him! Dad pulled the same crap with me,I didn't buy it. I still don't!
At first I thought you weren’t repairing things around the house. But you mean not “fixing” the broken things in your relationship. Still wondering why you don’t do either.
A narcissist can NEVER screw in a lightbulb..They stand there and wait for the world to revolve around them.😅
They get upset when the world doesn't revolve around them!!
I am finally understanding what reactive abuse is! I thought it was me abusing them with my reaction, but it is exactly the opposite. They are abusing me using my own reaction! This is critical for me to get this. I had to apologize or be punished for my ethical reaction to something abusive. Me complaining and standing up for myself with someone who is not considering me and my rights is warranted , not abusive to them but it takes the awareness of what they are doing to me away from everyone but themselves, which they enjoy! Thank you very much; I am glad I am a member.
💯
They are experts at trying to get you to apologize for their abuse and behavior. Last I checked HELLLLLL NOOOOOO
You will never really know them. They hate giving you personal information about themselves.
Their way or the highway!
On the contrary many adeptly play the ultimate victim with the saddest back stories of great detail!
They will if they can use it as one of their manipulation tactics. Desperate to control and dominate others.
@d0v3Tai1 Agreed! The victim card is powerful for those of us who like to rescue!
Playing the victim of child abuse, I've tried to rescue him, help him to heal. But lying about their past leading double life. U can't fix them or the messes they create. Period
I was the scapegoat in a highly abusive narcissistic family. I now realize everyone in the family is a narcissist (not just my covert narcissist father). They have smeared me all my life and I would say somewhat successfully as my father (recently deceased) and brother had the credibility by virtue of the fact that they were/are successful doctors. Very relatable video!
I had to face the same reality a couple of months ago. Cult of personality disorders taking turns wreaking havoc on my emotions, self esteem, relationships, finances… no contact was the best decision I ever made, I’m just now slowly starting to heal
Yes the same here. I was bemused by only having an two covert narcissists and one outward one to relate my feelings to as a child. I am not the same as them luckily. Nothing has changed except now I am an adult I have learnt how to cope with them.its an extreme wake-up call when the people you trusted as a child weren't to be trusted. I am a strong person who doesn't put up with much bs these days. Yet when you are vulnerable through some situation or other they will still put the boot 👢 in.
Yes! Scapegoat here as well. My family is well known in my town. It’s so dusgusting , but I have plenty people who truly know and love me.
I can’t believe how many doctors out there are narcissistic… and people tell me I’m paranoid for not trusting them 🙅🏼♀️ That sounds awful by the way, I hope things are better for you now ❤️
@@ktwhimsy6946 your not paranoid. I'd say a 33% percent of the doctors I have seen r exactly as. you say. I've always thought of it as a superiority complex but narcissist is probably a better way of putting it.
My Ex always did the gaslighting crazy making thing to me. I found out a way to stop him was admit to being crazy and that I needed help. I told him I had to go to the clinic and talk to the therapist. Then I told him I needed him to come with me and tell them what I did or said that was insane because I was to burnt out to do it.
Surprise surprise! Guess who wanted no part of that. He would slam the bedroom door and resort to name calling. People like this never want to work anything out. Its all smoke and mirrors.
That was risky..lots of wives have ended up in mental hospitals as a way to discard them. Slippery slope to label yourself crazy to the world( government/ legal/ medical ) when your not crazy
I'm so glad I never married a narc! I'm related to one(Dad). That's bad enough!
It's because they are jealous and hate you. So any time they believe you are superior to them in even the smallest way. They literally want to injure or kill you.
Deeperdown they know they are lacking and are paper thin. Having no substance. But they just cannot allow this to be accepted. To do so would then nessesitate them embodying the role of a loser. And they are much too afraid to allow this. They know there whole personality is paper thin. But it's like a suit of armor they feel they need because facing they aren't really shit would break them.
They cause so much pain to others. But really they are terrified, underdeveloped coward children. Just remember that any time they upset you. Try to feel pitty for them instead of sadness or anger. Because if you yourself were not doing awesome, they would never start shit with you to begin with. A narcissist messing with you is only a sign you are winning at being great.
6:32 pause- a year ago I was in court defending a DV charge and potential removal from my home. After presenting recorded evidence of HER being physically abusive to me, (and the judge believing me) she told the world I “fooled the judge”🤦♂️. FFWD to today and she’s posting how she “finally moved out of her abusive household and is thankful for her BF (new supply) helping her through her hard times”. So glad the judge saw through her BS. Thank you for your videos. 🤜🤛
Recording devices are the narcissists worst enemies, and God bless on your riddance.
They have no shame. I am just not sure that they can even recognize their actions as being a problem.
I have a DV court date coming up Feb 22nd. I am hoping the judge sees through my abusive ex’s lies. He has told so many lies and they are so ridiculous. Fingers crossed I can be done with this part of it too. Hugs to you 💜
Wait...I've heard that phrase from people. "Fooled the judge". Often not literally a judge but it's been a not uncommon occurance for me to hear in a person's lexicon that someone was "fooled" by the antagonist of their story.
Her saying that you fooled the judge just proves how narcs will use unbelievable lies to avoid responsibility.
My ex never took the blame for anything. It was ALWAYS someone else's fault. He always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, no matter how hard I'd try. I'm so glad that he's in the past!!
Dad still pulls this crap. I don't buy it! I blocked his phone number; happiness for me!
One of my biggest disappointments in life has been the realization that many people think and act the same way they did in high school. But the greatest disappointment is the fact that they can always rally the masses to join in on their duplicitist bully tactics.
Some hide it better than others, but their mental instability surfaces under duress, when little to nothing they say makes sense, i.e. incongruence in their thoughts coming out in words. I have experienced this with more than one narcissistic person.
Id completely agree, seen it many times and they get worse with age
👍
@d0v3Tai1 Been there. Witnessed that.
I had a boss who was passive-aggressive . If she was annoyed at you for something, she wouldn't tell you. In the morning, when all the staff was gathered around, she would deliberately say good morning by name to everyone except the person she was annoyed at by leaving their name out. When she wasn't annoyed, she would bring us coffee and give us gift cards.
My wife does that with my daughter all the time. My daughter is very much an empath like me, so instead of me talking bad about my CNarc wife I will send her videos like this one for she can learn what her mother is actually like. I just realized about 1.5 years ago who my wife is after 27 years of marriage and she knows I will not leave because of my daughter. Dang near lost who I was and it is so hard to rebuild myself and heal from it while still married to her. My wife does countless campaigns against me and I have lost all my family because of that and all my friends. Many times I feel completely utterly alone and like no one understands. Needless to say your videos and others have helped me greatly and I am seeing things how they are. There are times I just can not believe that my wife is doing this on purpose or if she just doesnt realize she is. It is super hard to come back from having my entire beinging utterly destroyed and not even believing in myself thinking I was the crazy one. Its even harder cause all i want to do is give her the benifit of the dought and shower her with love and affection. I litterly have to get upset and mad about things to understand that she is the one doing it and its not me. I have even gotten to the point were I can not even find enjoyment in anything I liked to do or want to do. I really do not want to even do anything anymore and find it super hard to enjoy anything for very long. So thank you for putting out these videos, they really do help. I have to go back and watch these kinds of videos alot cause I find myself getting drawn back in and they help remind me that it is her and not me. I am just so tired most of the time.
Of all the things they could say, the narc would say the most inappropriate things!!
My narc dad told me things about sex he had no business telling me. He's pathetic! I don't like, love, trust or honor, much less, obey him!
I'm trying to divorce this coward currently after 12 years. The entire thing is a nightmare
Why were you attracted to that?
@@samusaran7317 why would you ask such an ignorant question
My dad is my narc; I can't divorce him, but I am ignoring him! (I blocked his number on my phone, for my own protection)! He's given me nearly 58 of my 60 years of life, b.s.! I'm his scapegoat(thankless role). He gave me no choice. I can ignore him; his loss of naricisstic supply. Not my problem. Never was, never will be!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 blocking 🚫 is healthy for us. I've done the same months ago
Ditto. Go no contact, all communication through your solicitor/lawyer. Best for you and drives them mad because they can't control you.
The narc would make a joke in the middle of a serious conversation trying to derail it.
When they've tried to get to me through my kids, that's when i have to use all the discipline God can provide to contain my rage.
Mine would interrupt me. I’d pause due to being in the habit of waiting when someone starts talking. Then when I’d start talking again (I’d jump back in because it was still my turn) he’d get SO mad, saying _you’ve gotta stop interrupting me!_
Amen.
Another thing I heard quite often when I was sharing my opinion was him saying this. _You may not realize this, but you are very disagreeable and always seem to be the contrarian just to disagree with me constantly (which makes ME look/feel bad was his point)._ Which wasn’t true. We agreed on about 80% of things but of course he’s not going to remember that.
@d0v3Tai1 indeed.
My 'favourite' line is "Hold that thought", so that you stop talking as you think something urgent is about to come, but they just want to bitch and unload all their frustrations of work onto you first. After you listen politely (not interrupting like they do, as you were raised to be polite), your train of thought is lost and they aren't interested in what you want to say anyway, and they start talking over you again about mundane, irrelevant stuff when it's finally your turn to offload about your day at work! It's absolutely insidious.
I even did a test recently and went on and on about a particularly nasty colleague who had been very rude to me in front of lots of other people and I spoke all the journey home (about 20 minutes), which was actually quite hard to do! He didn't get a chance at all to unload about his 'unfair' colleagues and even brought it up a few days later, that I hadn't listened at all about HIS day (waah waah). Yeah? How does it feel?! He had held onto that and just HAD to let me know.
It was proof that he just sees me as his frustration sponge only there to serve him and his needs, in his eyes.
They're all take, take, take. Horrible, nasty, spiteful, cowardly users. 🤮
How convenient for them!
My ex literally lived by the whole "my post wasn't about you, but if the shoe fits....." line
I’m so glad you shared that story about invisibility and watching TV. My ex-husband did almost the same thing. He did not shut off the TV or the lights, but he would get up and walk away and I would think he was going to the bathroom so I would pause the show that we enjoyed watching together. But then I would be sitting there waiting and waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, until suddenly, I realized he had gone to bed. He had the TV on in the bedroom and was already in the bed. There was no good night. There was no I’m going to bed. Just walk away. New line so again thank you for sharing that exact story. It makes me feel so much better now.
You perfectly articulated what my soon to be divorced wife was doing to me before we separated. She is Iranian, and the thing to note is, that these kind of tactics are commonplace in Iranian social interactions.
That happened to me. Friend had a dinner party. She got everyone nice wine glasses. Forgot mine and when realised got me a chipped tea mug. ?? I just woke up and gradually saw more stuff and ditched her. X
i hate when they give you the silent treatment but blame you for it !!!
silent treatment is evil and psychopathic
Dad would tell me that I "misinterpreted" what he said. Not true!
My dad(narc) groomed me to abuse me. Some nerve of him!! He said it was all my fault: he lies!
Thank you very much for reminding me how my toxic ex is a lot like my mother. That way I don’t go back to him. After six months I still sometimes fantasize about the good stuff and forget the bad, which was really bad!! He did every single thing you talked about.
I understand this. What helped me was writing down all the bad stuff he did to me. Anytime that I miss him and all the good times, I open my journal and read it and remember all the bad things that I never want to go back to. Hope this helps. ❤
I went back after the first separation. Worst thing I did. It’s like using the reserve tank of fuel. I was doing well after the first separation, after the second I was hanging on by a frayed thread. Took me ages to recover. It’s like I went back so he could take out revenge for me having left the first time.
I write things down too. 👍
Your channel has made me understand. I can relate to every single word clear down to the light and the kids. Not only my husband of almost 40 years but my mom too. I have spent my whole life crying and feeling worthless and a few years ago dudnt even want to be here. Thank You for showing me it's not me and I'm not alone. I always just keep my mouth shut to people cuz I don't want to be a complainer or burden people with my problems so this is channel has been very healing to to me.
Same. Almost 40. I’m married but have nothing. I’m his servant.
Very similar. 30 years instead of 40. With councelling I realised that I put up with everything for so long because it was the world I was used to, growing up (with a narcissist mother). Love yourself, it’s the most important thing. Xx
The first time I got treated like I was the most hated thing was when we were in the airpot on a holiday. Without a word he took off with the boarding passes. I became insecure as I never knew when he would ditch me without notice. And then he says I’ll never leave you”. I took it as a threat
He lies!
It's the narc's fault, not yours! He lies, too!
That's how they get away with their abuse for as long as they do - they aren't congruent - they have many faces. That and other people probably have a very surface relationship with them so they don't have the same experiences you do. The trash talking behind the scenes is a given and the only way you're ever going to find out is when you meet other friends of the narc who treat you badly - and they don't even know you! Or the snide remarks at your expense in front others.
My narc dad is a bully as well. He's pathetic!
They can give it but they " CANNOT TAKE IT "❤!💯💯
Wow this is the lights behaviors you mentioned and I didn’t realize it happened to so many people! Also my narc used almost every tactic in this video. I was in a 13 year marriage and didn’t understand what was happening until the last couple years. I just signed the divorce papers Tuesday morning
In the very beginning stages of divorcing a narcissistic woman that I was married to for 18 years. She isn’t my wife, and she never has been.
I can’t believe how I could be so stupid. I have felt trapped because of my kids.
Now, I see that she actually tried to set things up that way.
my mother went round church hugging everyone & playing mum of the year & christian martyr adopting us, we sat there thinking “ who is she?” As soon as we got home out came the stick & the shouting & yelling & reactive abuse & scapegoating & blaming us & food deprivation & locking me in my room , needless to say today I’m an atheist
Don't blame the Lord. He didn't mistreat you. She did.
@@carolentringer8836nah. This person made the right call. Your cult exalts narcissistic behavior.
I feel like Christianity forced my parents to be kinder people. I think that the belief that they were imperfect people and that it was good to apologize contained 'The Beast' for many years. Once my parents started falling away from Christianity and into new age spiritualism, they only got worse; my Mom has literally said "I see now there are no flaws, the flaws are only the illusion". I don't remember her ever saying anything like that when she was Christian.
The way I've experienced it, Christianity kind of 'forced' my parents to acknowledge they had flaws. Spiritualism allowed my parents to reinvent themselves as perfect spirit flower beings who can do no wrong. I've been traumatized by spiritual people far more than any religious person ever has. It's not even a competition or a close call.
What you say about your mother at church is my experience with my parents and spiritualism: they go to meditations and crystal bowl sound baths and watch videos by Buddhist monks in some monastery in southeast Asia, and then proceed to get inches from my face and literally scream about what a "whiny selfish ungrateful brat" I am. My mother has screamed about how she's not going to buy me 'any more fucking food'.
If I’m gonna get notifications on a thread where my comment was deleted imma just say it again. christianity is a death cult and they exalt narcissist’s.
He gaslighted me by doing something totally cruel. I started crying. Instead of consoling me, he decided to suddenly give me the option to fly home early!!!! My stomach totally fell out.
I wouldn't have gone there to begin with. Easier said than done. These narcs think they are in charge: what a lie!
HeLthy response..."I am not responsible for managing your emotions or rage. I am responsible for my own emotions. Period. I am going tonnage the time to take care of myself right now. Perhaps we can regroup in a few hours, if you are in a place where you can be mutually respectful, even when you are upset."
@@kimmccaleb4170I like this! My GF I’d like an emotional black hole of rage when she spirals. I try SO hard not to get baited and say I need some time to process… she gets mad “well what if that doesn’t work for me?!” Too bad, so sad.
Dificult to believe people really act this way. Im sure its common, yet its hard to wrap my mind around it. Sad, people could be so cruel and manipulative.
And then, have the nerve, to blame us. Narcs lie(these types)!
Thank you so much for this big reveal..!
SO TRUE ! ..cowards are the lowest OF THE LOW ! ..you are always left alone scratching your head.. we must never allow this ever again.. MOVE ON, GET OUT RIGHT AWAY FROM THEIR SICK SUPREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOUR, regain your life and yourself back again!
I have a sister who is an accurate & classic example of how she qualifies by 1000% as a cowardly narcissist. She has cause many people, including her own mother, brother & and sister, suffer immeasurably massive hardships because of her extreme jealousy.
We might have the same sister 🫤
Because she is insecure, immature and mean!
We have such a mother in school - she don't want anyone to talk about her son behaviour in public, she aggressively want to smash other parent. She wanted to talk to my husband twice - later she called me and when in public i told what the situation was she said - she will not talk with me. She is very abusive - she come to the school every day 15 minutes before lessons and she talk to the parents- she just manipulates them and she just show a good face - she want to controll everybody. Her son is messing with kids - but she denies he's aggressive sometimes in public and she just want to manage everything on her own.
When her kid will mess with my son and he will get into a fight with him - she'll say my son is aggressive and she'll do everything to show herself in good spotlight. It is everything about her. She's harassing everybody, controlling everybody in the same time being a class leader and a help there to cover all her campaign. I am so tired. I avoided her and she's back again.
My narc father also loves using reactive abuse on me to make me look like the bad person in the relationship. He loves instigating fights for me to react in negative ways so he can feel better about himself.
Elicit reactive abuse or use my reactive against me as proof. Using reactive abuse "on you" implies that YOU are the abuser and they are reacting to your abusive behaviour.
@@IshtarNike Thanks he also secretly records me so he can make me look like the abuser when I react in a negative way after he instigate fights with me over the phone.
Mine does the same thing and is sadistic, too!
They ask you a question, you go to answer more than yes or no; they respond with all you have to say is ________. Tell you something l, you go to respond, and they pretend you don't exist, talk over you etc, etc, etc. and talk behind your back.
Reactive abuse is probably the most common behavior my ex-girlfriend would exhibit.
Btw, your hair looks fantastic!
Thank you! 🙏❤
You might want to rephrase this. I think you mean "elicit." Because if she's the one exhibiting reactive abuse that means you're the original abuser. 😅
@@IshtarNike Ah yes, thanks for the correction. There are a some terms that are fairly new to me here.
All soooo true! They are evil at its worst! God bless all of us who have dealt with them.❤
My covert narcissistic ex-husband did 9/11 of these tactics. Narcissistic rage 80% of the time and interrupting me and talking over me 24/7 the last 3 years of our relationship. I got discarded for the final time and blocked everywhere 1 month ago and 8 days after he obtained everything he needed from me and had no more use for me. I feel free and liberated! No more stress and walking on eggshells almost 24/7 !!!!!!!
The TV thing!!! We were both watching tv together, suddenly he left to go to bedroom, I thought he just went to grab something, when he didn’t return, I went to look and found him already sleeping! He never said anything! We’ve been only seeing each other a couple of months at the time! I can’t imagine what it’ll be like dating this person long term!
Thank you for this community, it helps me out tremendously.
I can take other narcissist, but finding out my mom is....that broke my heart. Now I can't look at her. I just found out over the last month.
Their tactics change too. The coverts in my life know that I’m busy working and that I’ve distanced myself from them so they’ll send videos and memes with no explanation or opinions through IG to bother me. Watch out, they’re so sneaky 💙🙏🏻💙
my wife of 42 years and super Narc . I was also her health care partner ... My confusions is beyond !!!
Yep! Mine would break something little almost everytime he'd come over and I would say... how is this possible? He immediately yelled at me and said "things break! It happens!" And the pretending you don't exist mime definitely would just get up off the couch, walk into the bedroom and lock me out and I'd have to sleep on the couch for literally no reason at all.
So glad I found your video Christina. I've been observing over the last year what I believe is a covert narcissist and am seeing very clearly the duplicity in practically all of their words and actions. Never thought I would gain such clarity. In the last 10 years I realised that my father is covertly narcissistic and that this is why I have been attracted to covert narcissists. And I am so pleased to say that this is no longer the case.
It's even worse when the narcissist is in law enforcement. The main narc in my life is in law enforcement and to make matters worse, we don't know each other or have seen each other in person. There's one who's very well off financially and has been paying others to get information about me and to attempt to cause me grave harm if not have my life taken. He's also paying those who work in the legal and judicial system to keep quiet and escape accountability for the many crimes and privacy violations that he has committed against me. Unfortunately, one of them has a You Tube channel in which he is a relationship coach and helping others in dealing with narcissistic abuse
Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you.
Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything.
Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.
Oh gosh, you're always spot on describing my wife...Do you know her?? She's so helpful, stopping to help random strangers in the street, offering help at church, talking to people to make them feel welcome. But she doesn't have a relationship or friendship with any of them. But she'll tell me that nobody likes me and that I "should hear what other parents say in the school playground about me". Oh, that'll be the parents that give me a hug when they see me and share their own problems.
Other people only ever see what I call her 'Sunday face'. They wouldn't believe it if I told them.
Oh and the turning the TV off? My wife does the opposite. She comes into the room, turns extra lights ON, then walks out after making a comment that I ALWAYS watch what I want to watch, which of course is true if no-one else is in the room, but really isn't the case. And she'll never sit down and watch anything WITH me...
Thank you Kristina. Glad I found you! 🙂
Been there got rid of them after 30yrs of crazy toxsic backstabbing.
60 years, Dad is my narc. It's toxic, I deserve a better father! He tanks!!
Oh they love speaking over you!!!!
Talking at me, not to me! Dictating to me.
Cutting me off!
He just untagged himself from all the FB post after being upset that i was not much of a tagger on social media. I now must heal. we are in our 50.s and this still can happen
2:25 My ex and her entire family would talk so nice to other's faces but as soon as they would leave they would talk so nasty about them and they were supposed to be their friends!! Before everything finally ended with the ex I went off on her about it and, like a true narcissist, she denied it all and called me a liar. 🧐 😅 I know how they even said things about me to my face and I can only imagine what was said behind my back.
My ex would constantly fall asleep in the evening while I tried to talk about import marriage issues she would claim that my schedule on talking to her doesn't line up with her schedule well it was after the kids went to bed but not terribly late then I asked her to sit up while we talked guess what she still fell asleep sitting up. Amazing
Her way or the highway.
15:10 EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been though that so many times with my mother. And everyone would say that’s your mother, respect her, she doesn’t do that, she doesn’t have favorites, be nice too her, she is your one and only mother- so on and so on. 🙄😞
Hi,,,, they are soooo emotionally immature!!! He would also start coughing when I would start talking! I mean,,, every time!
that is pathetic ! omg lol i wouldn't be able to stand it
Sounds like my narcissistic father he loves being a coward and gossiping behind my back.
Mine thinks I believe his lies; I don't!
@@jackilynpyzocha662they are absolutely pathetic. He will never hear from me again. My mom and sister are on the thinnest ice as well. Enough is enough.
Finally out of my covert relationship. One of the last things he said to me was "didn't you say that all your ex'es went on to live happy lives without you?"
The jerkwad!
I was watching tv with my daughtr and he walks in takes the remote and changed the channel without excusing himself
I have pulled my children aside when my ex would tell them stuff to tear them down. Once he told my daughter that girls are only good for one thing *long pause* CLEANING and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever said. I pulled her off to the side later and told her he was wrong and only said that to be a jerk. It's not narcissistic to protect a child's mental health.
We need a "Narcissististic Police Guard" , these narcissists need to face in one room the people they hurt
I didn’t react and I felt something was off and later I was called intimidating lol.I learned the childish behaviour and I don’t react or respond or defend myself 😊
They are cowards and only bullies are insecure.
They are awful, lies, slander gossip gaslighting!
OMG, the cryptic messages! I tried explaining this to someone and they said I was delusional. This is so validating because it was so obvious. And gaslighting!
My ex-wife broke up with me with a video of her and her boyfriend on Instagram. What a coward.
They are the dam devil
They are actually evil in the way they will be as hurtful as possible. Stay strong because she did you a favor. You’ve lost a lot of time, money, and effort on her, but in the end you’re free and will make it back up 10 fold while she drains another person before moving on again. Your replacement will find out soon enough what he’s gotten himself into.
You deserve better than her!
“You’re too sensitive” or “It’s petty”….yeah, until it happens to _them_ 🙄😆 Double standards.
on the "joke" end, I have a sister-in-law that once asked me if I didn't have time to clean my house when it was just slightly messy during a family function. However, during one of her kid's birthday parties, she had cat crap and dirty laundry all over her kitchen floor that everyone had to walk through to get to anywhere else in the house, even the bathroom! I never said a word to her about that. I could write a book with everything that I have experienced between my in-laws and my job. I wish I had the imagination to make this stuff up!
You don't need the imagination, she provides the truth of the matter, whether or not she knows it!
I wish I had time to watch now but can't.
I am in therapy after finding out that I have been married 37 years to one and had no idea.
I caught he in a 15 year lie about her cheating.
I did think it was me I was wrong what can I do to be better. Then your videos and my therapist explained to me that I was just in love and she doesn't no what that is. I'm very confused right now. All the traits are so clear now. How could I be so stupid.
I wish I knew of this npd 40 years ago so I could have seen it coming. The rage silent treatment lack of affection and the sex as a weapon pisses me off the most. Thank you for all the information.
Do you think lying about a affair for 15 years is my fault? Well she doesn't think it's no big deal and compared me to a boy friend she cheated on as a teenager. One problem I was her husband for 25 years. It's all the same to her she doesn't see any difference. I've had 15 years stolen from me and 37 years of true affection.
I feel your pain. I was married to a disgusting narc for 35 years. She couldn’t keep her pants on at work for the most part. Once she started working at the air base it was like bees on honey. She lived for male validation while discarding those that actually cared for her well being. Like you I feel like I wasted 35 years that could have been spent with a kind loving woman rather than an insidious demon. Other than hurtful memories we’re free now.
@@Harmonious-jm3sy Why is it always at their work. Mine did the same thing and when I would question phone numbers or my gut was screaming somethings wrong. I'd get the yelling about how great her job is and if it wasn't for her we wouldn't get by. Which was not true she worked at a grocery store. It was her thing she held up to validate her worth.
I just can believe I didn't know of such a type of narc. My gut was right. If you met her you would think she's the nicest and sweetest person in the world but it's the exact opposite. I'm very confused and hurt. But I'm going to get through this.
Thanks for the reply I hope I am as lucky as you and can get away fast.
Passive aggresssive worms.
Childhood trauma set me up horribly for three trauma-bonded relationships! Yikes!
One of the many things my ex would consistently do. Back when you went to the store to rent a movie, we would take our time picking something we both wanted to watch. At some point during the night he would get up without a word and leave the room. When he has been gone for a while I would see where he is. Every single time I would find him in the bedroom half way through the movie. Act like it was nothing, pretend I didnt want to watch it, and when i would say I'll come join or skip it back. Now suddely he doesn't like the movie and is going to sleep
Married over 35 years now and I didnt know about gaslighting until 5 years ago and the stress I have endureed for all that time is caused by my Narc husband. I have been estranged from my children because of this undercurrent of shaming me for my opinions. Not only that but my son has a narc partner who has done her best to isolate me from him. My son and I were once very close. Topping all this I went through the menopause with out any of my family paying no attention to it. I am tired of it all. Suicide seemed to be the only way out but I picked myself up and started to fight back. First by grey rock and then by not giving a dam about anything they tried to blame me for. This marriage is going to end and I will end up alone but I will no longer be bullied by those I once loved.
Many more but just a couple used often are, "Well,thats enough of that"," Let me hug you, Youre an emotional mess babe", to dismiss you and what he doesnt want to be confronted with .Gets the ball back in his court and the arrogant ,superior jerk is back in control immediately. Or just changes history to his narrative, conversations and the way it happened. No win, Never win for ANYBODY conversations. If you stick up for yourself too many times the covert will begin to do under cover mean mean mean things ! Overt doesnt care who sees .
Let's not forget the interminable arguments that go in circles and leave you exhausted, confused, and feeling like a terrible person.
That disgusting excuse of a narcissistic human being that was my "father", used to turn the lights off when I was in a room, because "there was no one in the room".
That's cruelty!
Let someone do the same to him and see how he reacts. He won't like it; tough cookies for him! Mine hates women and takes it on on me(eldest daughter). His attitude; his fault. Not mine. He's full of b.s.!
These toxic bastards are very covert, under the radar but once they know u are all over their game play..they are humiliated because u flipped the script and changed the dynamic of power.
Cruelty!
Too damned bad for them!
Yep. I had no idea that for years my kids were being brainwashed by their dad. He taught them to judge and criticize. I would have those affairs had I known he was trashing me. I raised them but their dad is a god. The smirk on his face when it was obvious he “owned” them. Now they are the family of no emotion, because my emotions were offensive. I haven’t cried in years. Or laughed
Currently as in this very moment I sm experiencing the very real tactics as you have explained here. My brother my mother my sister are all suffering from the same cowardly narcissistic behavior. They have gone to extreme lengths to get me to believe that I was crazy. Having my wife and kids think I was crazy that us until they started noticing it for themselves. Im so glad I am able to find someone who can not only relate but also understand the craziness that I have endured. Having groups of ppl watching me through the walls for over a year as we have been forced to stay at my Mother’s house. There us no where safe and no friend safe from being drawn into the disgusting mess that has been portrayed about me. 😢I have always suffered at the hands of these people. They are relentless and they have ppl who will not admit their participation in the acts which have occurred. They are still on the fence about what they’ve been told vs what they actually know for themselves