*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
May I ask you about your professional credentials and experience that permits you to identify yourself as a PSYCHO-THE-RAPIST?? I'm not intending to be disrespectful or accusatory in any way at all. I'm actually a Masters educated clinical mental health therapist who has been a private practice therapist for 30+ years. It saddens me to hear about all your abusive, unhealthy relationships you've allowed yourself to be a victim in. You certainly have a lot to share with your audience about the personal experiences you have encountered. As an educated, experienced therapist who has been highly respected & in demand, I've done alot of reflection on, both within myself, & with professional mentors. I think much of my relatability was having my own personal experiences, but I also had the professional credentials & training to back up and give validity to what & how I shared. Throughout my graduatestudies & contuing education, I learned the importance of selective & purposeful use of self-disclosure. I also learned that using self disclosure or sharing too much of your own experiences can in fact be detrimental to the patient/therapist relationship and create a different dynamic, which poses a risk to the roles & boundaries. Again, my intent & interest about these things is not at all a criticism. Quite the contrary. Obviously you have a good following and your genuine nature attracts many ppl who follow you. Your approach is perfect. You are non- threatening, non- preachy, & relatable. I love how you avoid portraying yourself as an "expert" directly, but the content & personal accounts make you an expert in your impressive number of followers. So, I guess I have gone about my question in a roundabout way. I was forced to end my role of practicing in an office setting due to health issues, along with my desire to be flexible about where I travel and live. Any advice or information on necessary credentials required to be successful in this industry, both financially, & providing a valuable service to ppl. I understand if you choose not to respond to me. I do want you to know I have only asked you about this. As you are aware, there's no shortage of people who are offering advice on this and other topics & seem to have a loyal following & positive feedback. However, I found myself drawn to your approach more than any others. Keep up the great work!
Yes!!! I said "I'm not your mother" like it was like a mantra. At the time, it was so puzzling. He had a degree and a job, what's with the childlike questions? Looking back, I just feel nauseous that I fell for his manipulations.
Sometimes I felt like I had to talk to a toddler now boys and girls. This is what we need to do today. Hold my hand before you cross the street, you know, mind-boggling.
Dad (the narcissist) tried to convince me that he is superior because he is male! I don't trust him, like, respect much less obey him(blindly or otherwise)! I am 60. His way or the highway. I don't ask for his opinion, he is nitpicky. He isolated me so he wouldn't be called out in his family(not all members) and tried to convince me that I have the problem. He doesn't care about my feelings(hardly). All he cares about is others' opinions, including strangers and some of his family members(brothers). He thinks he's superior without a reason. Pathetic! I complained, he said "Tough shit". Nasty jackass! This happened long before social media.
also known as a very toxic person. me personally, id cancel his ticket, and move on with your life. he can let others, and there opinions take care of him, put up with his bs.@@jackilynpyzocha662
🤣🤣🤣 I was running around, preparing for a party once. My ex asked if I needed help with anything, which seemed like a nice surprise since normally he would just walk around behind me and move around things I had already done. I said, yes! I actually do! The lightbulb in the outdoor light is out. Can you grab one and change it for me? That would help me so much! He looked at me and blinked several times and said… I don’t know how to do that. I thought he was joking. I said oh come on of course you do! And he blinked some more and said no, actually I don’t. And walked away. I was gob smacked.
society as a whole is very narcissistic, and is openly acceptable, embraced, by all. me me me me mine, and what i can take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
take karens for instance. there we none 20yrs ago. nothing more than another bi product of society. society says its totally ok to act like a 3yr old, and nothing will happen to you. no recourse = no need to practice self control.@d0v3Tai1
There were a lot of times in my 11 years with my ex-wife, I couldn't find things i needed. She would find them almost right away. Every time she found them for me, she would say the same thing, "What would you do without me?" I believed it for years. The interesting thing is that since we've split up, my things don't go missing anymore. I finally figured out she was hiding my things and then finding them.
Yup, I’d be going crazy looking for items of clothing that had just disappeared and he’d shrug and say he hadn’t seen it (god forbid he get off his ass to help). After I eventually kicked him out, I was looking in my messy garage for something when I found a garbage bag full of all the clothing that had mysteriously gone missing. What a complete freaking weirdo 🤦🏼♀️
My wife does that with my daughter all the time. My daughter is very much an empath like me, so instead of me talking bad about my CNarc wife I will send her videos like this one for she can learn what her mother is actually like. I just realized about 1.5 years ago who my wife is after 27 years of marriage and she knows I will not leave because of my daughter. Dang near lost who I was and it is so hard to rebuild myself and heal from it while still married to her. My wife does countless campaigns against me and I have lost all my family because of that and all my friends. Many times I feel completely utterly alone and like no one understands. Needless to say your videos and others have helped me greatly and I am seeing things how they are. There are times I just can not believe that my wife is doing this on purpose or if she just doesnt realize she is. It is super hard to come back from having my entire beinging utterly destroyed and not even believing in myself thinking I was the crazy one. Its even harder cause all i want to do is give her the benifit of the dought and shower her with love and affection. I litterly have to get upset and mad about things to understand that she is the one doing it and its not me. I have even gotten to the point were I can not even find enjoyment in anything I liked to do or want to do. I really do not want to even do anything anymore and find it super hard to enjoy anything for very long. So thank you for putting out these videos, they really do help. I have to go back and watch these kinds of videos alot cause I find myself getting drawn back in and they help remind me that it is her and not me. I am just so tired most of the time.
Wow, I could have written that myself. Same experience minus the daughter. 17 years. I realised only a few years ago as well. Tried breaking it off three times. She’s met someone now and we are separated. About 8 months now. Having to go to court for settlement. I have a restraining order on her at the moment and no contact has been the best gift I have had in years.
“I can’t deal with this” was a common one whenever I called him out on his BS. He would then turn off his online status and disappear, knowing full well that this would hurt me 🫥 Such a massive coward.
@@krystalMtn It’s so true, they never allow you to have any clarity or peace of mind. The only way to obtain that is to go completely NC and never look back. 🔥
I think the thing that actually floored me the most was I started to know that he had control of his behavior he could flip a switch and be one person or another so he absolutely could treat me right he doesn’t choose to
Yeah, I remember realizing the person very well understands things I started thinking they just maybe don't understand. They do. But they are withholding. Horrible intimacy issues.
Yes, when you realize they knew all along what they were doing is an all new all singing all dancing aspect and one tends to be hit upside the head even harder than before. They knew they were hurting you. They knew. They knew how it was making you feel. They could've done things differently. They didn't. They deliberately hurt the one they "loved".
When I was with my narcissist he wouldn't let me cook. He controlled my food, how much i could have and what I could have. I wasn't allowed dessert, I never had a bday cake for 7 yrs. He would invite people to dinner and wouldn't let me help and would then put me down by telling everyone he always has to do the cooking and I never help him. He wouldn't let me cook for my adult children. My son said he missed my roast dinners, my daughter missed my cauliflower cheese. He took my dinner plate away one day infront of our guests and said "I think you've had enough" before I had finished my dinner. When he wouldn't let me have dessert and we had guests and they said something he would say "i'm only joking" but he would then dish up a tiny portion of dessert for me. I wasn't allowed alcohol and yet he drinks every day. Occassionally he would say "would you like a glass of wine? You can have one if you like" im so enjoying life now he isnt around. It was my bday on Monday and I had 3 bday cakes because I bought one and my friend bought me one as she knew I hadn't been allowed one for so many yrs.
I read this with my jaw dropped 😟 I’m so sorry you went through this! It is so disturbing the lengths of mental and emotional abuse /control/ coercion …I’m so glad you made it out 🥺🩵 Sending lots of love ❤❤❤
Doing the same thing to a narcssist as they do to u is like unclogging a toilette with a grenade. U will clear the clog but get shit everywhere n nothing will b the same.
@@lilfairycupcakeThat’s a very damaging statement, there are plenty of narcs who become physically abusive, so no, it’s not “cowardly”, it can sometimes be a choice between life or death 🤬
Mine would leave me standing outside the car while he took his time buckling his seatbelt and settling in. When I'd finally knock on the window, he'd scold me for being impatient and claim that he just forgot and it was just this one time. So I would stand outside the car in all weather, often holding bags from a store because he didn't carry bags, not sure whether he forgot again or whether it was still too soon to knock on the window and show myself to be a spoiled diva. Why didn't he carry bags? He needed his hands free to open the car door. Expecting him to carry something at such a crucial moment was just another eample of how selfish and self-involved I was. So many examples of this type of thing. Like being in a sleet storm - constant little stings from all directions.They keep you too distracted to make decisions on your relationship because you're always trying to become a better servant/spouse while apologizing for your own apparently "obvious to everyone else" shortcomings. I feel like I spent the marriage begging for forgiveness while also begging him to particpate fully in the relationship. Those days are done. And I assure you, I will never grovel again. I love myself too much now to put up with it, and that is something I lacked during my marriage.
Mine had a habit of leaving me in the car with the windows rolled up on hot days, taking the keys with him and running into the store or gas station. I would have to open the door to cool off and wait. He did this constantly. I'm fairly sure he enjoyed torturing me this way as well as other little ways. If I called him out on it, he'd say he didn't realize it was a problem.
The discard is very cowardly. Then they avoid you and give the silent treatment. My divorce was final last Tuesday. New beginnings🙏🏾🙌🏾 I will never beg anyone again. Lesson learned. Loving me 🥰
Usually the silent treatment is because you have them cornered and it's another retarded form of emotional abuse because they know you have them cornered.
Altruistic covert narcissists get terribly disappointed when they find that you're not as needy and helpless as they expected you to be and dont need their messiah complex kind of help. Then they feel bad when you're successful without them and make a big display of telling you how happy they are for you and "how much better" you are now, which is an underhanded insult implying you were pathetic in their eyes 🙄
This is so true. I’ve never needed my in my life for anything. I am truly beginning to know that’s what she hates the most about me. I’ve done so much better in life than she ever could , and she cannot stand it. Is it not sick , somewhat , to be jealous of your children?
Ha ha I'm going through this right now.…..im Currently getting the silent treatment as I've left working for him as well, as he thinks he had a hold over me.….3 weeks no contact and I'm already feeling so much better, I've takeon loads of cleaningwork and better off than I ever was with him…..i literally need him for nothing..:..and ive enrolled at university……
I am finally understanding what reactive abuse is! I thought it was me abusing them with my reaction, but it is exactly the opposite. They are abusing me using my own reaction! This is critical for me to get this. I had to apologize or be punished for my ethical reaction to something abusive. Me complaining and standing up for myself with someone who is not considering me and my rights is warranted , not abusive to them but it takes the awareness of what they are doing to me away from everyone but themselves, which they enjoy! Thank you very much; I am glad I am a member.
Amazes how cowardly some ‘humans’ can be. Had a very short term relationship with presumably a covert narcissist. Apparently he talked bad about me behind my back, tried to use a mutual friend to get me back after telling him not to contact me, didn’t communicate his sexual needs while also withholding sex, and tried to gaslight me and run away after I tried to hold him accountable to his own words and standards. Absolutely pathetic.
Exactly the same experience. The running away bit just hit home now - every time I tried to make him accountable, he would try to pack his bag and leave. Then I felt guilty and tried to stop him, but he didn't mean it. Withholding sex too, calling me demanding, I'm not a robot, he said, while addicted to pornography. Finally left him for good, no contact but need to heal myself.
Covert narcissists interrupt not to shut you up, but to keep you from completing a logical thread. They are trying to keep you from realizing something by redirecting your line of thought. My ex would tell me that it was how I would react that kept her from being honest to begin with, that she had only lied and had been deceptive since she knew I would react badly. (my reaction was being upset).
Omg this. Will force an interaction that I don't want and then when I respond with reason they'll go "sorry I was listening to the bird outside" "the lady behind the house is in her yard I can hear her" "was that a door closing" "I think your aunt is in her office or just went to the toilet" with a straight deadpan look on their face as if all of a sudden all their immaturity/callous had left and been replaced with them showing acknowledgement or some kind of sensibility.
The more confused you feel the more likely you're dealing with one. That confusion is not love, you're not soul mates, twin flames, nothing like that. Politely get out. 'Sorry I'm very busy at the moment'. Be vague
Yup, I’m a tarot reader and the whole “twin flame” dynamic is SO DAMAGING!! While I believe we have many soulmates in different forms (depending on how old of a soul you are) but I don’t believe in the twin flame phenomenon and no one can agree on specifically what it is.
Very well said. Confusion is now my #1 red (or even orange) flag to look out for. Everyone deserves a fair shake, but if there is repeated misunderstanding, Confusion, turmoil, it's time to walk. And if you find yourself up at 2am researching their character traits......RUNNNN!!
My ex never took the blame for anything. It was ALWAYS someone else's fault. He always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, no matter how hard I'd try. I'm so glad that he's in the past!!
My Ex always did the gaslighting crazy making thing to me. I found out a way to stop him was admit to being crazy and that I needed help. I told him I had to go to the clinic and talk to the therapist. Then I told him I needed him to come with me and tell them what I did or said that was insane because I was to burnt out to do it. Surprise surprise! Guess who wanted no part of that. He would slam the bedroom door and resort to name calling. People like this never want to work anything out. Its all smoke and mirrors.
That was risky..lots of wives have ended up in mental hospitals as a way to discard them. Slippery slope to label yourself crazy to the world( government/ legal/ medical ) when your not crazy
It's because they are jealous and hate you. So any time they believe you are superior to them in even the smallest way. They literally want to injure or kill you. Deeperdown they know they are lacking and are paper thin. Having no substance. But they just cannot allow this to be accepted. To do so would then nessesitate them embodying the role of a loser. And they are much too afraid to allow this. They know there whole personality is paper thin. But it's like a suit of armor they feel they need because facing they aren't really shit would break them. They cause so much pain to others. But really they are terrified, underdeveloped coward children. Just remember that any time they upset you. Try to feel pitty for them instead of sadness or anger. Because if you yourself were not doing awesome, they would never start shit with you to begin with. A narcissist messing with you is only a sign you are winning at being great.
I was the scapegoat in a highly abusive narcissistic family. I now realize everyone in the family is a narcissist (not just my covert narcissist father). They have smeared me all my life and I would say somewhat successfully as my father (recently deceased) and brother had the credibility by virtue of the fact that they were/are successful doctors. Very relatable video!
I had to face the same reality a couple of months ago. Cult of personality disorders taking turns wreaking havoc on my emotions, self esteem, relationships, finances… no contact was the best decision I ever made, I’m just now slowly starting to heal
Yes the same here. I was bemused by only having an two covert narcissists and one outward one to relate my feelings to as a child. I am not the same as them luckily. Nothing has changed except now I am an adult I have learnt how to cope with them.its an extreme wake-up call when the people you trusted as a child weren't to be trusted. I am a strong person who doesn't put up with much bs these days. Yet when you are vulnerable through some situation or other they will still put the boot 👢 in.
I can’t believe how many doctors out there are narcissistic… and people tell me I’m paranoid for not trusting them 🙅🏼♀️ That sounds awful by the way, I hope things are better for you now ❤️
@@ktwhimsy6946 your not paranoid. I'd say a 33% percent of the doctors I have seen r exactly as. you say. I've always thought of it as a superiority complex but narcissist is probably a better way of putting it.
When other people don't get the 'other', behind closed doors version they absolutely will not believe YOU what that person is really like and you end up looking like the bad person who is trying to disparage THEM. That is the genius way the narcissist sets you up to never win, and there's also absolutely nothing you can do about that.
Some hide it better than others, but their mental instability surfaces under duress, when little to nothing they say makes sense, i.e. incongruence in their thoughts coming out in words. I have experienced this with more than one narcissistic person.
The final discard was my choice. For the first time in 17 years I refused to apologize and beg for forgiveness for something I knew wasn’t my fault. I , for once, gave her the silent treatment and she lost her shit. Yelling and raging, demanding why I’m not “ fixing things “. I told her “ not this time”. Things got worse after that, however, I knew I was breaking free.
At first I thought you weren’t repairing things around the house. But you mean not “fixing” the broken things in your relationship. Still wondering why you don’t do either.
That happened to me. Friend had a dinner party. She got everyone nice wine glasses. Forgot mine and when realised got me a chipped tea mug. ?? I just woke up and gradually saw more stuff and ditched her. X
6:32 pause- a year ago I was in court defending a DV charge and potential removal from my home. After presenting recorded evidence of HER being physically abusive to me, (and the judge believing me) she told the world I “fooled the judge”🤦♂️. FFWD to today and she’s posting how she “finally moved out of her abusive household and is thankful for her BF (new supply) helping her through her hard times”. So glad the judge saw through her BS. Thank you for your videos. 🤜🤛
I have a DV court date coming up Feb 22nd. I am hoping the judge sees through my abusive ex’s lies. He has told so many lies and they are so ridiculous. Fingers crossed I can be done with this part of it too. Hugs to you 💜
Wait...I've heard that phrase from people. "Fooled the judge". Often not literally a judge but it's been a not uncommon occurance for me to hear in a person's lexicon that someone was "fooled" by the antagonist of their story.
I’m so glad you shared that story about invisibility and watching TV. My ex-husband did almost the same thing. He did not shut off the TV or the lights, but he would get up and walk away and I would think he was going to the bathroom so I would pause the show that we enjoyed watching together. But then I would be sitting there waiting and waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, until suddenly, I realized he had gone to bed. He had the TV on in the bedroom and was already in the bed. There was no good night. There was no I’m going to bed. Just walk away. New line so again thank you for sharing that exact story. It makes me feel so much better now.
That TV trick was a real putdown. Also I'd pause a show to do something, or to show something to my partner. He'd come home, and without speaking to me, change to channel or turn the TV off. Just like that, what I was saving was gone! It was so inconsiderate.
I love that you said; "Poking", because that is 100% true! It's like dealing with someone elses annoying little 5 year old brat, who knows he gets away with anything and everything and will take any negative reaction, like "that's enough", as a personal challenge. And it's a challenge that sees no winners ever..
Mine would interrupt me. I’d pause due to being in the habit of waiting when someone starts talking. Then when I’d start talking again (I’d jump back in because it was still my turn) he’d get SO mad, saying _you’ve gotta stop interrupting me!_
Another thing I heard quite often when I was sharing my opinion was him saying this. _You may not realize this, but you are very disagreeable and always seem to be the contrarian just to disagree with me constantly (which makes ME look/feel bad was his point)._ Which wasn’t true. We agreed on about 80% of things but of course he’s not going to remember that.
My 'favourite' line is "Hold that thought", so that you stop talking as you think something urgent is about to come, but they just want to bitch and unload all their frustrations of work onto you first. After you listen politely (not interrupting like they do, as you were raised to be polite), your train of thought is lost and they aren't interested in what you want to say anyway, and they start talking over you again about mundane, irrelevant stuff when it's finally your turn to offload about your day at work! It's absolutely insidious. I even did a test recently and went on and on about a particularly nasty colleague who had been very rude to me in front of lots of other people and I spoke all the journey home (about 20 minutes), which was actually quite hard to do! He didn't get a chance at all to unload about his 'unfair' colleagues and even brought it up a few days later, that I hadn't listened at all about HIS day (waah waah). Yeah? How does it feel?! He had held onto that and just HAD to let me know. It was proof that he just sees me as his frustration sponge only there to serve him and his needs, in his eyes. They're all take, take, take. Horrible, nasty, spiteful, cowardly users. 🤮
One of my biggest disappointments in life has been the realization that many people think and act the same way they did in high school. But the greatest disappointment is the fact that they can always rally the masses to join in on their duplicitist bully tactics.
Not highschool, but Kindergarten. Nobody told us, but we had a very hard way to learn, that we are the Supernannys 😂. To overome s.th like that-is like the big examen in life ( I failed many many times an do still. But.....at university you have 3 times to try, then you're done....our chance to proof is lifetime long....and the intrinsic intention is growing
Yep! Mine would break something little almost everytime he'd come over and I would say... how is this possible? He immediately yelled at me and said "things break! It happens!" And the pretending you don't exist mime definitely would just get up off the couch, walk into the bedroom and lock me out and I'd have to sleep on the couch for literally no reason at all.
The first time I got treated like I was the most hated thing was when we were in the airpot on a holiday. Without a word he took off with the boarding passes. I became insecure as I never knew when he would ditch me without notice. And then he says I’ll never leave you”. I took it as a threat
Finally out of my covert relationship. One of the last things he said to me was "didn't you say that all your ex'es went on to live happy lives without you?"
I have pulled my children aside when my ex would tell them stuff to tear them down. Once he told my daughter that girls are only good for one thing *long pause* CLEANING and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever said. I pulled her off to the side later and told her he was wrong and only said that to be a jerk. It's not narcissistic to protect a child's mental health.
I’m struggling mentally to get over my either BPD or covert narcissistic situationship. Was seeing a girl for 6 months and she was so sweet at the start, long story short I’ve been called weak, told she doesn’t respect me, verbally abuses me over nothing and blames me for everything. I reacted badly yesterday to her abusing me and told her to never talk to me again, get out of my house etc. It’s been so back and forth and the constant change of mind, changing dynamic and saying she wants to be only friends to then coming back and having sex has ruined me mentally and increased my already overbearing anxiety. Feel on the brink of a mental breakdown and it’s so emotionally tiring. These people are to be avoided at all costs
@@davechamplin5150 yeah dude it’s one of the toughest situations to be in mentally and emotionally because you have so much care and love for a person and you end up feeling like you’re the problem due to their behaviour. There’s only so much abuse you can take and I’m the same man, the amount of instability, constant change in mood and decisions and the overall experience is one that fucks you up. I haven’t spoken to her in 2 days now and I’m still feeling guilty about how things went down but I feel like I could only take so much and be strong before imploding. She uses sex and her looks to bring me back in but I need to stay strong and not let it happen anymore. Hopefully you can get out of your situation because the deeper and longer it goes on the stronger the trauma bond and the harder it is to break free. Lesson definitely learnt to not let amazing sex and looks allow me to ignore significant red flags.
@rodgerclotts1331 sorry to hear your story, sounds absolutely terrible. These people are disgusting, no morals or respect and absolutely 0 self awareness. Like over grown children but the damage they can do to a sane person is immense. Like leeches that try to suck any sanity and empathy they can out of any person they come across and once you’re no longer of use you never existed. Best thing that ever happened was the girl mentioned above got a new boyfriend. Guy I work with and know but he’s unaware of our situation and I feel horrible for him but telling would only bring her back and make my life a living hell. Stay strong, understand you’re worth far more than this and never go back. Hopefully the work situation gets sorted because as long as you’re working together you’ll always be access to this disgusting, mentally ill woman.
Oh gosh, you're always spot on describing my wife...Do you know her?? She's so helpful, stopping to help random strangers in the street, offering help at church, talking to people to make them feel welcome. But she doesn't have a relationship or friendship with any of them. But she'll tell me that nobody likes me and that I "should hear what other parents say in the school playground about me". Oh, that'll be the parents that give me a hug when they see me and share their own problems. Other people only ever see what I call her 'Sunday face'. They wouldn't believe it if I told them. Oh and the turning the TV off? My wife does the opposite. She comes into the room, turns extra lights ON, then walks out after making a comment that I ALWAYS watch what I want to watch, which of course is true if no-one else is in the room, but really isn't the case. And she'll never sit down and watch anything WITH me... Thank you Kristina. Glad I found you! 🙂
You perfectly articulated what my soon to be divorced wife was doing to me before we separated. She is Iranian, and the thing to note is, that these kind of tactics are commonplace in Iranian social interactions.
Your channel has made me understand. I can relate to every single word clear down to the light and the kids. Not only my husband of almost 40 years but my mom too. I have spent my whole life crying and feeling worthless and a few years ago dudnt even want to be here. Thank You for showing me it's not me and I'm not alone. I always just keep my mouth shut to people cuz I don't want to be a complainer or burden people with my problems so this is channel has been very healing to to me.
Very similar. 30 years instead of 40. With councelling I realised that I put up with everything for so long because it was the world I was used to, growing up (with a narcissist mother). Love yourself, it’s the most important thing. Xx
He gaslighted me by doing something totally cruel. I started crying. Instead of consoling me, he decided to suddenly give me the option to fly home early!!!! My stomach totally fell out.
HeLthy response..."I am not responsible for managing your emotions or rage. I am responsible for my own emotions. Period. I am going tonnage the time to take care of myself right now. Perhaps we can regroup in a few hours, if you are in a place where you can be mutually respectful, even when you are upset."
@@kimmccaleb4170I like this! My GF I’d like an emotional black hole of rage when she spirals. I try SO hard not to get baited and say I need some time to process… she gets mad “well what if that doesn’t work for me?!” Too bad, so sad.
The TV thing!!! We were both watching tv together, suddenly he left to go to bedroom, I thought he just went to grab something, when he didn’t return, I went to look and found him already sleeping! He never said anything! We’ve been only seeing each other a couple of months at the time! I can’t imagine what it’ll be like dating this person long term!
Thank you very much for reminding me how my toxic ex is a lot like my mother. That way I don’t go back to him. After six months I still sometimes fantasize about the good stuff and forget the bad, which was really bad!! He did every single thing you talked about.
I understand this. What helped me was writing down all the bad stuff he did to me. Anytime that I miss him and all the good times, I open my journal and read it and remember all the bad things that I never want to go back to. Hope this helps. ❤
I went back after the first separation. Worst thing I did. It’s like using the reserve tank of fuel. I was doing well after the first separation, after the second I was hanging on by a frayed thread. Took me ages to recover. It’s like I went back so he could take out revenge for me having left the first time.
My dad is my narc; I can't divorce him, but I am ignoring him! (I blocked his number on my phone, for my own protection)! He's given me nearly 58 of my 60 years of life, b.s.! I'm his scapegoat(thankless role). He gave me no choice. I can ignore him; his loss of naricisstic supply. Not my problem. Never was, never will be!
They ask you a question, you go to answer more than yes or no; they respond with all you have to say is ________. Tell you something l, you go to respond, and they pretend you don't exist, talk over you etc, etc, etc. and talk behind your back.
Wow this is the lights behaviors you mentioned and I didn’t realize it happened to so many people! Also my narc used almost every tactic in this video. I was in a 13 year marriage and didn’t understand what was happening until the last couple years. I just signed the divorce papers Tuesday morning
In the very beginning stages of divorcing a narcissistic woman that I was married to for 18 years. She isn’t my wife, and she never has been. I can’t believe how I could be so stupid. I have felt trapped because of my kids. Now, I see that she actually tried to set things up that way.
Playing the victim of child abuse, I've tried to rescue him, help him to heal. But lying about their past leading double life. U can't fix them or the messes they create. Period
My covert narcissistic ex-husband did 9/11 of these tactics. Narcissistic rage 80% of the time and interrupting me and talking over me 24/7 the last 3 years of our relationship. I got discarded for the final time and blocked everywhere 1 month ago and 8 days after he obtained everything he needed from me and had no more use for me. I feel free and liberated! No more stress and walking on eggshells almost 24/7 !!!!!!!
My ex would constantly fall asleep in the evening while I tried to talk about import marriage issues she would claim that my schedule on talking to her doesn't line up with her schedule well it was after the kids went to bed but not terribly late then I asked her to sit up while we talked guess what she still fell asleep sitting up. Amazing
my mother went round church hugging everyone & playing mum of the year & christian martyr adopting us, we sat there thinking “ who is she?” As soon as we got home out came the stick & the shouting & yelling & reactive abuse & scapegoating & blaming us & food deprivation & locking me in my room , needless to say today I’m an atheist
I feel like Christianity forced my parents to be kinder people. I think that the belief that they were imperfect people and that it was good to apologize contained 'The Beast' for many years. Once my parents started falling away from Christianity and into new age spiritualism, they only got worse; my Mom has literally said "I see now there are no flaws, the flaws are only the illusion". I don't remember her ever saying anything like that when she was Christian. The way I've experienced it, Christianity kind of 'forced' my parents to acknowledge they had flaws. Spiritualism allowed my parents to reinvent themselves as perfect spirit flower beings who can do no wrong. I've been traumatized by spiritual people far more than any religious person ever has. It's not even a competition or a close call.
What you say about your mother at church is my experience with my parents and spiritualism: they go to meditations and crystal bowl sound baths and watch videos by Buddhist monks in some monastery in southeast Asia, and then proceed to get inches from my face and literally scream about what a "whiny selfish ungrateful brat" I am. My mother has screamed about how she's not going to buy me 'any more fucking food'.
If I’m gonna get notifications on a thread where my comment was deleted imma just say it again. christianity is a death cult and they exalt narcissist’s.
I wish I had time to watch now but can't. I am in therapy after finding out that I have been married 37 years to one and had no idea. I caught he in a 15 year lie about her cheating. I did think it was me I was wrong what can I do to be better. Then your videos and my therapist explained to me that I was just in love and she doesn't no what that is. I'm very confused right now. All the traits are so clear now. How could I be so stupid. I wish I knew of this npd 40 years ago so I could have seen it coming. The rage silent treatment lack of affection and the sex as a weapon pisses me off the most. Thank you for all the information. Do you think lying about a affair for 15 years is my fault? Well she doesn't think it's no big deal and compared me to a boy friend she cheated on as a teenager. One problem I was her husband for 25 years. It's all the same to her she doesn't see any difference. I've had 15 years stolen from me and 37 years of true affection.
I feel your pain. I was married to a disgusting narc for 35 years. She couldn’t keep her pants on at work for the most part. Once she started working at the air base it was like bees on honey. She lived for male validation while discarding those that actually cared for her well being. Like you I feel like I wasted 35 years that could have been spent with a kind loving woman rather than an insidious demon. Other than hurtful memories we’re free now.
@@Harmonious-jm3sy Why is it always at their work. Mine did the same thing and when I would question phone numbers or my gut was screaming somethings wrong. I'd get the yelling about how great her job is and if it wasn't for her we wouldn't get by. Which was not true she worked at a grocery store. It was her thing she held up to validate her worth. I just can believe I didn't know of such a type of narc. My gut was right. If you met her you would think she's the nicest and sweetest person in the world but it's the exact opposite. I'm very confused and hurt. But I'm going to get through this. Thanks for the reply I hope I am as lucky as you and can get away fast.
I almost died in the womb and before I went no contact my mom would get drunk and tease me about it in front of family and friends. It was an ongoing joke with her and my (also narcissistic) sister because I am the runt in the family. I was born small and remain very small. When I told her it bothered me she would just laugh it off and tell me how "cute" I am. She didn't mean any of the cute comments. All of this was to hide her feelings and guilt since the problem was her drug use during pregnancy.
Oh my gosh. The cups story. Only someone who's been in this kind of relationship will understand just how awful that was for you. It's so important to find people to share your story with who have been there. Even the dearest, most loving and empathetic listener will have trouble understanding if they haven't.
My narc father also loves using reactive abuse on me to make me look like the bad person in the relationship. He loves instigating fights for me to react in negative ways so he can feel better about himself.
Elicit reactive abuse or use my reactive against me as proof. Using reactive abuse "on you" implies that YOU are the abuser and they are reacting to your abusive behaviour.
@@IshtarNike Thanks he also secretly records me so he can make me look like the abuser when I react in a negative way after he instigate fights with me over the phone.
2:25 My ex and her entire family would talk so nice to other's faces but as soon as they would leave they would talk so nasty about them and they were supposed to be their friends!! Before everything finally ended with the ex I went off on her about it and, like a true narcissist, she denied it all and called me a liar. 🧐 😅 I know how they even said things about me to my face and I can only imagine what was said behind my back.
He just untagged himself from all the FB post after being upset that i was not much of a tagger on social media. I now must heal. we are in our 50.s and this still can happen
Thank you so much for this big reveal..! SO TRUE ! ..cowards are the lowest OF THE LOW ! ..you are always left alone scratching your head.. we must never allow this ever again.. MOVE ON, GET OUT RIGHT AWAY FROM THEIR SICK SUPREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOUR, regain your life and yourself back again!
Married over 35 years now and I didnt know about gaslighting until 5 years ago and the stress I have endureed for all that time is caused by my Narc husband. I have been estranged from my children because of this undercurrent of shaming me for my opinions. Not only that but my son has a narc partner who has done her best to isolate me from him. My son and I were once very close. Topping all this I went through the menopause with out any of my family paying no attention to it. I am tired of it all. Suicide seemed to be the only way out but I picked myself up and started to fight back. First by grey rock and then by not giving a dam about anything they tried to blame me for. This marriage is going to end and I will end up alone but I will no longer be bullied by those I once loved.
You might want to rephrase this. I think you mean "elicit." Because if she's the one exhibiting reactive abuse that means you're the original abuser. 😅
Mine literally waited until I was undergoing a surgery or two when I was under anesthesia to start making fun of me while I was going under and could do nothing about it🥶🥶
OMG, the cryptic messages! I tried explaining this to someone and they said I was delusional. This is so validating because it was so obvious. And gaslighting!
Dificult to believe people really act this way. Im sure its common, yet its hard to wrap my mind around it. Sad, people could be so cruel and manipulative.
Used to get quite a lot of these. Firstly, trying to get away with murder and then accusing me of being aggressive or controlling when I'd call her out on it. Turning the lights out and going to bed without even saying anything. Organising and planning trips without involving me or asking my opinion and then gaslighting me when I told her I didnt feel like a priotory anymore. It was literally as if I didn't exist. We separated and she took my child and went into radiosilence until I got legal support.
To the point about smear campaigns, I've started to become increasingly wary of the folks who are always a victim, but never at fault, and certainly never the direct cause. It becomes increasingly obvious when no matter what they're dealing with - a breakup, trouble with coworkers or bosses, family or friend issues - it's always everyone else doing it to them. Sometimes, this is just an issue of accountability. Sometimes though, it's an issue of them needing to frame the other side as bad people in order to protect their own image.
Well, what if it really is not their fault and they have been multiple times wronged? Has it occurred to you that there are people who do their best to treat others fair because one should love the neighbour as oneself, and treat others as one would love to be treated? I look back on my life and have no regrets for I made the best possible decisions and always did all I could to be fair, yet life is not fair back. My effort is never appreciated and even devaluated. I do not seek appreciation, though it would be nice to hear a sincere good word from time to time. God is my judge. Peace from Poland 🇵🇱 ♥️
Sometimes its people attracting abusive users, I worry this is how I come across sometimes, but when you're Autistic people do tend to use you and its real hard to realise it. I'm also physically disabled (it's not visible), can't work and don't have family support due to extreme abuse growing up. I spend most of my time alone as its easier than people assuming its me thats toxic. Sometimes people genuinely are completely overcome by shitty situations repeatedly and despite trying everything to health and grow just can't catch a break. I seem to be able to tell more easily when people are dramatizing their stories, other people assume its the same thing though. Just please keep this in mind if someone is ND!
I was blocked on her social media. When I asked why, all she woulkd say is that it's a "trigger" for me. You mean it's a trigger when I ask about someone, or ask why you refuse to post about us, yet I'm supposed to be your best friend and love of your life. Ha, just another way to be sneaky and portray herself as being single.
I didn’t react and I felt something was off and later I was called intimidating lol.I learned the childish behaviour and I don’t react or respond or defend myself 😊
Their tactics change too. The coverts in my life know that I’m busy working and that I’ve distanced myself from them so they’ll send videos and memes with no explanation or opinions through IG to bother me. Watch out, they’re so sneaky 💙🙏🏻💙
Mine was diabolical- she whispered in my ear as I was on the edge of an anxiety attack “you sister doesn’t care about you, if she did she would have been here already”. I then went into a full blown panic attack falling over on the floor convulsing and cramping and all she did was stand over my body staring at me as I looked up at her wondering why she wasn’t comforting me.
Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you. Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything. Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.
So glad I found your video Christina. I've been observing over the last year what I believe is a covert narcissist and am seeing very clearly the duplicity in practically all of their words and actions. Never thought I would gain such clarity. In the last 10 years I realised that my father is covertly narcissistic and that this is why I have been attracted to covert narcissists. And I am so pleased to say that this is no longer the case.
We have such a mother in school - she don't want anyone to talk about her son behaviour in public, she aggressively want to smash other parent. She wanted to talk to my husband twice - later she called me and when in public i told what the situation was she said - she will not talk with me. She is very abusive - she come to the school every day 15 minutes before lessons and she talk to the parents- she just manipulates them and she just show a good face - she want to controll everybody. Her son is messing with kids - but she denies he's aggressive sometimes in public and she just want to manage everything on her own. When her kid will mess with my son and he will get into a fight with him - she'll say my son is aggressive and she'll do everything to show herself in good spotlight. It is everything about her. She's harassing everybody, controlling everybody in the same time being a class leader and a help there to cover all her campaign. I am so tired. I avoided her and she's back again.
15:10 EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been though that so many times with my mother. And everyone would say that’s your mother, respect her, she doesn’t do that, she doesn’t have favorites, be nice too her, she is your one and only mother- so on and so on. 🙄😞
@@jackilynpyzocha662they are absolutely pathetic. He will never hear from me again. My mom and sister are on the thinnest ice as well. Enough is enough.
One of the many things my ex would consistently do. Back when you went to the store to rent a movie, we would take our time picking something we both wanted to watch. At some point during the night he would get up without a word and leave the room. When he has been gone for a while I would see where he is. Every single time I would find him in the bedroom half way through the movie. Act like it was nothing, pretend I didnt want to watch it, and when i would say I'll come join or skip it back. Now suddely he doesn't like the movie and is going to sleep
These toxic bastards are very covert, under the radar but once they know u are all over their game play..they are humiliated because u flipped the script and changed the dynamic of power.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
May I ask you about your professional credentials and experience that permits you to identify yourself as a PSYCHO-THE-RAPIST?? I'm not intending to be disrespectful or accusatory in any way at all. I'm actually a Masters educated clinical mental health therapist who has been a private practice therapist for 30+ years. It saddens me to hear about all your abusive, unhealthy relationships you've allowed yourself to be a victim in. You certainly have a lot to share with your audience about the personal experiences you have encountered.
As an educated, experienced therapist who has been highly respected & in demand, I've done alot of reflection on, both within myself, & with professional mentors. I think much of my relatability was having my own personal experiences, but I also had the professional credentials & training to back up and give validity to what & how I shared. Throughout my graduatestudies & contuing education, I learned the importance of selective & purposeful use of self-disclosure. I also learned that using self disclosure or sharing too much of your own experiences can in fact be detrimental to the patient/therapist relationship and create a different dynamic, which poses a risk to the roles & boundaries.
Again, my intent & interest about these things is not at all a criticism. Quite the contrary. Obviously you have a good following and your genuine nature attracts many ppl who follow you. Your approach is perfect. You are non- threatening, non- preachy, & relatable. I love how you avoid portraying yourself as an "expert" directly, but the content & personal accounts make you an expert in your impressive number of followers.
So, I guess I have gone about my question in a roundabout way. I was forced to end my role of practicing in an office setting due to health issues, along with my desire to be flexible about where I travel and live. Any advice or information on necessary credentials required to be successful in this industry, both financially, & providing a valuable service to ppl.
I understand if you choose not to respond to me. I do want you to know I have only asked you about this. As you are aware, there's no shortage of people who are offering advice on this and other topics & seem to have a loyal following & positive feedback. However, I found myself drawn to your approach more than any others. Keep up the great work!
Sometimes I felt like I was explaining basic things to a child. He used fake ignorance constantly. Such a cowardly way to get out of responsibilities.
Yes!!! I said "I'm not your mother" like it was like a mantra. At the time, it was so puzzling. He had a degree and a job, what's with the childlike questions? Looking back, I just feel nauseous that I fell for his manipulations.
Non-compliance as a weapon! That's one of the standard tools in the kit they all seem to have.
Agree100%
Sometimes I felt like I had to talk to a toddler now boys and girls. This is what we need to do today. Hold my hand before you cross the street, you know, mind-boggling.
I forgot
They'll do you dirty, play the victim, then convince people it's you. Then they will wait for you to come apologize to them for their behavior.😅
Stypid infantiles...
SO TRUE. reactive abuse at its finest.
the old switch a roo trick.
Dad (the narcissist) tried to convince me that he is superior because he is male! I don't trust him, like, respect much less obey him(blindly or otherwise)! I am 60. His way or the highway. I don't ask for his opinion, he is nitpicky. He isolated me so he wouldn't be called out in his family(not all members) and tried to convince me that I have the problem. He doesn't care about my feelings(hardly). All he cares about is others' opinions, including strangers and some of his family members(brothers). He thinks he's superior without a reason. Pathetic! I complained, he said "Tough shit". Nasty jackass! This happened long before social media.
also known as a very toxic person. me personally, id cancel his ticket, and move on with your life. he can let others, and there opinions take care of him, put up with his bs.@@jackilynpyzocha662
How does a narcissist screw in a light bulb?
They hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them.
Good one!! ❤😂
😂 that's funny
🤣🤣🤣
I was running around, preparing for a party once. My ex asked if I needed help with anything, which seemed like a nice surprise since normally he would just walk around behind me and move around things I had already done. I said, yes! I actually do! The lightbulb in the outdoor light is out. Can you grab one and change it for me? That would help me so much! He looked at me and blinked several times and said… I don’t know how to do that. I thought he was joking. I said oh come on of course you do! And he blinked some more and said no, actually I don’t. And walked away. I was gob smacked.
ha
They are full of b.s.!
These narcissist are freakin EVERYWHERE! Where the freak did they come from? What breeds these demons?
society as a whole is very narcissistic, and is openly acceptable, embraced, by all. me me me me mine, and what i can take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
take karens for instance. there we none 20yrs ago. nothing more than another bi product of society. society says its totally ok to act like a 3yr old, and nothing will happen to you. no recourse = no need to practice self control.@d0v3Tai1
Prof Sam Vaknin has a RUclips channel that explains the fascinating psychology behind these disorders.
sam is a good source of information. @@kellyandaaron2005
A codependent mother who doesn’t let the child individuate. They are born from smothering caregivers. Look into Professor Sam Vaknin’s work.
There were a lot of times in my 11 years with my ex-wife, I couldn't find things i needed. She would find them almost right away. Every time she found them for me, she would say the same thing, "What would you do without me?" I believed it for years. The interesting thing is that since we've split up, my things don't go missing anymore. I finally figured out she was hiding my things and then finding them.
You deserve a better ex-wife, I deserve a better father!
😂😅
I've lost no end of items, glasses hats shirts, she would help me look for my stuff, knowing she had hidden it,
Yup, I’d be going crazy looking for items of clothing that had just disappeared and he’d shrug and say he hadn’t seen it (god forbid he get off his ass to help). After I eventually kicked him out, I was looking in my messy garage for something when I found a garbage bag full of all the clothing that had mysteriously gone missing. What a complete freaking weirdo 🤦🏼♀️
@missbrooke666 my ex would hide my stuff and then place them back, as if they were there all along, caught her out so many times
My wife does that with my daughter all the time. My daughter is very much an empath like me, so instead of me talking bad about my CNarc wife I will send her videos like this one for she can learn what her mother is actually like. I just realized about 1.5 years ago who my wife is after 27 years of marriage and she knows I will not leave because of my daughter. Dang near lost who I was and it is so hard to rebuild myself and heal from it while still married to her. My wife does countless campaigns against me and I have lost all my family because of that and all my friends. Many times I feel completely utterly alone and like no one understands. Needless to say your videos and others have helped me greatly and I am seeing things how they are. There are times I just can not believe that my wife is doing this on purpose or if she just doesnt realize she is. It is super hard to come back from having my entire beinging utterly destroyed and not even believing in myself thinking I was the crazy one. Its even harder cause all i want to do is give her the benifit of the dought and shower her with love and affection. I litterly have to get upset and mad about things to understand that she is the one doing it and its not me. I have even gotten to the point were I can not even find enjoyment in anything I liked to do or want to do. I really do not want to even do anything anymore and find it super hard to enjoy anything for very long. So thank you for putting out these videos, they really do help. I have to go back and watch these kinds of videos alot cause I find myself getting drawn back in and they help remind me that it is her and not me. I am just so tired most of the time.
Wow, I could have written that myself. Same experience minus the daughter. 17 years. I realised only a few years ago as well. Tried breaking it off three times. She’s met someone now and we are separated. About 8 months now. Having to go to court for settlement. I have a restraining order on her at the moment and no contact has been the best gift I have had in years.
“I can’t deal with this” was a common one whenever I called him out on his BS. He would then turn off his online status and disappear, knowing full well that this would hurt me 🫥 Such a massive coward.
@@robbiecarlos4537 Always the victim! It’s so frustrating and impossible to get any kind of conflict resolution or closure from them.
@@krystalMtn It’s so true, they never allow you to have any clarity or peace of mind. The only way to obtain that is to go completely NC and never look back. 🔥
I mean, I did that to my Narcissistic ex sometimes because it was constant fighting and I really couldnt handle it
@jordansharp7081 They really are all the same. Always the victim and we’re being soooo unreasonable expecting them to uphold their empty promises!
This!!! ALWAYS the victim and doing shitty things to me. Nothing but empty promises, day after day.... He was exhausting!!@Bleepbloopblarp
💯Very immature individuals who does not deal with reality.
They are insecure, too!
💯💯💯
I think the thing that actually floored me the most was I started to know that he had control of his behavior he could flip a switch and be one person or another so he absolutely could treat me right he doesn’t choose to
« Wow! He’s such a nice guy! » kills me.
Yeah, I remember realizing the person very well understands things I started thinking they just maybe don't understand. They do. But they are withholding. Horrible intimacy issues.
Yes, when you realize they knew all along what they were doing is an all new all singing all dancing aspect and one tends to be hit upside the head even harder than before. They knew they were hurting you. They knew. They knew how it was making you feel. They could've done things differently. They didn't. They deliberately hurt the one they "loved".
When I was with my narcissist he wouldn't let me cook. He controlled my food, how much i could have and what I could have. I wasn't allowed dessert, I never had a bday cake for 7 yrs. He would invite people to dinner and wouldn't let me help and would then put me down by telling everyone he always has to do the cooking and I never help him. He wouldn't let me cook for my adult children. My son said he missed my roast dinners, my daughter missed my cauliflower cheese. He took my dinner plate away one day infront of our guests and said "I think you've had enough" before I had finished my dinner. When he wouldn't let me have dessert and we had guests and they said something he would say "i'm only joking" but he would then dish up a tiny portion of dessert for me. I wasn't allowed alcohol and yet he drinks every day. Occassionally he would say "would you like a glass of wine? You can have one if you like" im so enjoying life now he isnt around. It was my bday on Monday and I had 3 bday cakes because I bought one and my friend bought me one as she knew I hadn't been allowed one for so many yrs.
That should say 2 bday cakes. I didnt have 3 🤣 but i wouldnt have said no to 3
@@louk5092I was Ike... Yo where'd the third cake come from? ❤❤❤
I read this with my jaw dropped 😟
I’m so sorry you went through this! It is so disturbing the lengths of mental and emotional abuse /control/ coercion …I’m so glad you made it out 🥺🩵
Sending lots of love ❤❤❤
This is really a thing. Refuse contribution and then accuse you of not helping.
@@louk5092I would have bought you the 3rd one..❤ Happy birthday 🎂 😊 God bless you
Doing the same thing to a narcssist as they do to u is like unclogging a toilette with a grenade. U will clear the clog but get shit everywhere n nothing will b the same.
that has a lot to do w who you are. if you fear one, you are a bigger coward than they are.
Damn thats a pretty epic metaphor. Definetly paints a picture lol
😂😂Damn man you got it right
@@lilfairycupcakeThat’s a very damaging statement, there are plenty of narcs who become physically abusive, so no, it’s not “cowardly”, it can sometimes be a choice between life or death 🤬
@@missbrooke666 sorry. i see the world threw my 6'5'' 270lb rose colored glasses. the last thing i ever feared passed away in 84.
He would make fun of me or put me down and try to say it’s a joke or constructive criticism. It’s very cowardly. Maniacal how covert it is.. 😢😢😢
Dad pulls this crap. He says I have the problem, that I have to go along with his agenda. I won't!
It's not funny, it is destructive.
One of the worst! 🤮 Was destroying my self esteem.
"Jokes" and/or "constructive criticism" usually are not jokes or constructive.
It's not funny. My dad is sadistic, too!
Mine would leave me standing outside the car while he took his time buckling his seatbelt and settling in. When I'd finally knock on the window, he'd scold me for being impatient and claim that he just forgot and it was just this one time. So I would stand outside the car in all weather, often holding bags from a store because he didn't carry bags, not sure whether he forgot again or whether it was still too soon to knock on the window and show myself to be a spoiled diva. Why didn't he carry bags? He needed his hands free to open the car door. Expecting him to carry something at such a crucial moment was just another eample of how selfish and self-involved I was.
So many examples of this type of thing. Like being in a sleet storm - constant little stings from all directions.They keep you too distracted to make decisions on your relationship because you're always trying to become a better servant/spouse while apologizing for your own apparently "obvious to everyone else" shortcomings. I feel like I spent the marriage begging for forgiveness while also begging him to particpate fully in the relationship. Those days are done. And I assure you, I will never grovel again. I love myself too much now to put up with it, and that is something I lacked during my marriage.
Sleet storm analogy is spoton! As an Aussie i have always thought of it as a mozzie (mosquito) attack, sleet storm is accurate..Thankyou.
Oh, I love your mosquito comparison. That's a good one - since they're using us for ego sustenance. @@ninamarkovic4853
Mine had a habit of leaving me in the car with the windows rolled up on hot days, taking the keys with him and running into the store or gas station. I would have to open the door to cool off and wait. He did this constantly. I'm fairly sure he enjoyed torturing me this way as well as other little ways. If I called him out on it, he'd say he didn't realize it was a problem.
You deserve better!
@d0v3Tai1 Yep. All of it.
The discard is very cowardly. Then they avoid you and give the silent treatment. My divorce was final last Tuesday. New beginnings🙏🏾🙌🏾 I will never beg anyone again. Lesson learned. Loving me 🥰
Congrats! Mine was final two months ago. Never thought it would end. So glad to be out and healing!
@@brwnsgrgirl4379 🙏🏾🙌🏾🤍 My healing journey hasn't been easy. But well worth it. I'll be praying for you. 🥰
You deserve to be loved by someone real and authentic
Usually the silent treatment is because you have them cornered and it's another retarded form of emotional abuse because they know you have them cornered.
@brwns😊grgirl4379
Ignoring people is a big red flag!
Altruistic covert narcissists get terribly disappointed when they find that you're not as needy and helpless as they expected you to be and dont need their messiah complex kind of help.
Then they feel bad when you're successful without them and make a big display of telling you how happy they are for you and "how much better" you are now, which is an underhanded insult implying you were pathetic in their eyes 🙄
Yup 👍
Yup, And the 'christian' narc will "forgive you" for something that you didn't do..
This is so true. I’ve never needed my in my life for anything. I am truly beginning to know that’s what she hates the most about me. I’ve done so much better in life than she ever could , and she cannot stand it. Is it not sick , somewhat , to be jealous of your children?
Yes! Because they really believe you’re beneath them, but secretly get triggered when they find out you’re not
Ha ha I'm going through this right now.…..im
Currently getting the silent treatment as I've left working for him as well, as he thinks he had a hold over me.….3 weeks no contact and I'm already feeling so much better, I've takeon loads of cleaningwork and better off than I ever was with him…..i literally need him for nothing..:..and ive enrolled at university……
I am finally understanding what reactive abuse is! I thought it was me abusing them with my reaction, but it is exactly the opposite. They are abusing me using my own reaction! This is critical for me to get this. I had to apologize or be punished for my ethical reaction to something abusive. Me complaining and standing up for myself with someone who is not considering me and my rights is warranted , not abusive to them but it takes the awareness of what they are doing to me away from everyone but themselves, which they enjoy! Thank you very much; I am glad I am a member.
They are experts at trying to get you to apologize for their abuse and behavior. Last I checked HELLLLLL NOOOOOO
Amazes how cowardly some ‘humans’ can be.
Had a very short term relationship with presumably a covert narcissist. Apparently he talked bad about me behind my back, tried to use a mutual friend to get me back after telling him not to contact me, didn’t communicate his sexual needs while also withholding sex, and tried to gaslight me and run away after I tried to hold him accountable to his own words and standards. Absolutely pathetic.
Exactly the same experience. The running away bit just hit home now - every time I tried to make him accountable, he would try to pack his bag and leave. Then I felt guilty and tried to stop him, but he didn't mean it. Withholding sex too, calling me demanding, I'm not a robot, he said, while addicted to pornography. Finally left him for good, no contact but need to heal myself.
SOME bahaha
The narc would make a joke in the middle of a serious conversation trying to derail it.
Covert narcissists interrupt not to shut you up, but to keep you from completing a logical thread. They are trying to keep you from realizing something by redirecting your line of thought.
My ex would tell me that it was how I would react that kept her from being honest to begin with, that she had only lied and had been deceptive since she knew I would react badly. (my reaction was being upset).
Yes 🙌
Omg this. Will force an interaction that I don't want and then when I respond with reason they'll go "sorry I was listening to the bird outside" "the lady behind the house is in her yard I can hear her" "was that a door closing" "I think your aunt is in her office or just went to the toilet" with a straight deadpan look on their face as if all of a sudden all their immaturity/callous had left and been replaced with them showing acknowledgement or some kind of sensibility.
Exacamundo! Chopping logical threads
Sounds like she had to walk on eggshells around you to avoid upsetting you out of fear of your reaction
How do you conclude this from what I said?@@Itsgonnabeok4
My ex would perform all of these actions while claiming I was doing them. The ultimate gaslighting move.
The more confused you feel the more likely you're dealing with one. That confusion is not love, you're not soul mates, twin flames, nothing like that. Politely get out. 'Sorry I'm very busy at the moment'. Be vague
Wow, what a great comment this is! Thank you. 🙏
Yep, be vague because they sure will be. Sowing confusion and self-doubt is a favorite tactic.
Such a true statement.
Yup, I’m a tarot reader and the whole “twin flame” dynamic is SO DAMAGING!! While I believe we have many soulmates in different forms (depending on how old of a soul you are) but I don’t believe in the twin flame phenomenon and no one can agree on specifically what it is.
Very well said. Confusion is now my #1 red (or even orange) flag to look out for. Everyone deserves a fair shake, but if there is repeated misunderstanding, Confusion, turmoil, it's time to walk.
And if you find yourself up at 2am researching their character traits......RUNNNN!!
My ex never took the blame for anything. It was ALWAYS someone else's fault. He always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, no matter how hard I'd try. I'm so glad that he's in the past!!
Dad still pulls this crap. I don't buy it! I blocked his phone number; happiness for me!
My Ex always did the gaslighting crazy making thing to me. I found out a way to stop him was admit to being crazy and that I needed help. I told him I had to go to the clinic and talk to the therapist. Then I told him I needed him to come with me and tell them what I did or said that was insane because I was to burnt out to do it.
Surprise surprise! Guess who wanted no part of that. He would slam the bedroom door and resort to name calling. People like this never want to work anything out. Its all smoke and mirrors.
That was risky..lots of wives have ended up in mental hospitals as a way to discard them. Slippery slope to label yourself crazy to the world( government/ legal/ medical ) when your not crazy
I'm so glad I never married a narc! I'm related to one(Dad). That's bad enough!
It's because they are jealous and hate you. So any time they believe you are superior to them in even the smallest way. They literally want to injure or kill you.
Deeperdown they know they are lacking and are paper thin. Having no substance. But they just cannot allow this to be accepted. To do so would then nessesitate them embodying the role of a loser. And they are much too afraid to allow this. They know there whole personality is paper thin. But it's like a suit of armor they feel they need because facing they aren't really shit would break them.
They cause so much pain to others. But really they are terrified, underdeveloped coward children. Just remember that any time they upset you. Try to feel pitty for them instead of sadness or anger. Because if you yourself were not doing awesome, they would never start shit with you to begin with. A narcissist messing with you is only a sign you are winning at being great.
I was the scapegoat in a highly abusive narcissistic family. I now realize everyone in the family is a narcissist (not just my covert narcissist father). They have smeared me all my life and I would say somewhat successfully as my father (recently deceased) and brother had the credibility by virtue of the fact that they were/are successful doctors. Very relatable video!
I had to face the same reality a couple of months ago. Cult of personality disorders taking turns wreaking havoc on my emotions, self esteem, relationships, finances… no contact was the best decision I ever made, I’m just now slowly starting to heal
Yes the same here. I was bemused by only having an two covert narcissists and one outward one to relate my feelings to as a child. I am not the same as them luckily. Nothing has changed except now I am an adult I have learnt how to cope with them.its an extreme wake-up call when the people you trusted as a child weren't to be trusted. I am a strong person who doesn't put up with much bs these days. Yet when you are vulnerable through some situation or other they will still put the boot 👢 in.
Yes! Scapegoat here as well. My family is well known in my town. It’s so dusgusting , but I have plenty people who truly know and love me.
I can’t believe how many doctors out there are narcissistic… and people tell me I’m paranoid for not trusting them 🙅🏼♀️ That sounds awful by the way, I hope things are better for you now ❤️
@@ktwhimsy6946 your not paranoid. I'd say a 33% percent of the doctors I have seen r exactly as. you say. I've always thought of it as a superiority complex but narcissist is probably a better way of putting it.
When other people don't get the 'other', behind closed doors version they absolutely will not believe YOU what that person is really like and you end up looking like the bad person who is trying to disparage THEM. That is the genius way the narcissist sets you up to never win, and there's also absolutely nothing you can do about that.
Its so true. He turned my daughter and my friends against me. A living nighmare.
Some hide it better than others, but their mental instability surfaces under duress, when little to nothing they say makes sense, i.e. incongruence in their thoughts coming out in words. I have experienced this with more than one narcissistic person.
Id completely agree, seen it many times and they get worse with age
👍
@d0v3Tai1 Been there. Witnessed that.
The final discard was my choice. For the first time in 17 years I refused to apologize and beg for forgiveness for something I knew wasn’t my fault. I , for once, gave her the silent treatment and she lost her shit. Yelling and raging, demanding why I’m not “ fixing things “. I told her “ not this time”. Things got worse after that, however, I knew I was breaking free.
congrats to you. no contact is the only cure.
Congratulations!!!
good move. hope you are doing better. narcs are f**king pylons who are insecure bullies and cowards.
-cheers, steven
60 years, my dad is the narc, I'm beyond fed up with him! Dad pulled the same crap with me,I didn't buy it. I still don't!
At first I thought you weren’t repairing things around the house. But you mean not “fixing” the broken things in your relationship. Still wondering why you don’t do either.
A narcissist can NEVER screw in a lightbulb..They stand there and wait for the world to revolve around them.😅
They get upset when the world doesn't revolve around them!!
That happened to me. Friend had a dinner party. She got everyone nice wine glasses. Forgot mine and when realised got me a chipped tea mug. ?? I just woke up and gradually saw more stuff and ditched her. X
6:32 pause- a year ago I was in court defending a DV charge and potential removal from my home. After presenting recorded evidence of HER being physically abusive to me, (and the judge believing me) she told the world I “fooled the judge”🤦♂️. FFWD to today and she’s posting how she “finally moved out of her abusive household and is thankful for her BF (new supply) helping her through her hard times”. So glad the judge saw through her BS. Thank you for your videos. 🤜🤛
Recording devices are the narcissists worst enemies, and God bless on your riddance.
They have no shame. I am just not sure that they can even recognize their actions as being a problem.
I have a DV court date coming up Feb 22nd. I am hoping the judge sees through my abusive ex’s lies. He has told so many lies and they are so ridiculous. Fingers crossed I can be done with this part of it too. Hugs to you 💜
Wait...I've heard that phrase from people. "Fooled the judge". Often not literally a judge but it's been a not uncommon occurance for me to hear in a person's lexicon that someone was "fooled" by the antagonist of their story.
Her saying that you fooled the judge just proves how narcs will use unbelievable lies to avoid responsibility.
I’m so glad you shared that story about invisibility and watching TV. My ex-husband did almost the same thing. He did not shut off the TV or the lights, but he would get up and walk away and I would think he was going to the bathroom so I would pause the show that we enjoyed watching together. But then I would be sitting there waiting and waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, until suddenly, I realized he had gone to bed. He had the TV on in the bedroom and was already in the bed. There was no good night. There was no I’m going to bed. Just walk away. New line so again thank you for sharing that exact story. It makes me feel so much better now.
That TV trick was a real putdown. Also I'd pause a show to do something, or to show something to my partner. He'd come home, and without speaking to me, change to channel or turn the TV off. Just like that, what I was saving was gone! It was so inconsiderate.
I love that you said; "Poking", because that is 100% true! It's like dealing with someone elses annoying little 5 year old brat, who knows he gets away with anything and everything and will take any negative reaction, like "that's enough", as a personal challenge. And it's a challenge that sees no winners ever..
Mine would interrupt me. I’d pause due to being in the habit of waiting when someone starts talking. Then when I’d start talking again (I’d jump back in because it was still my turn) he’d get SO mad, saying _you’ve gotta stop interrupting me!_
Amen.
Another thing I heard quite often when I was sharing my opinion was him saying this. _You may not realize this, but you are very disagreeable and always seem to be the contrarian just to disagree with me constantly (which makes ME look/feel bad was his point)._ Which wasn’t true. We agreed on about 80% of things but of course he’s not going to remember that.
@d0v3Tai1 indeed.
My 'favourite' line is "Hold that thought", so that you stop talking as you think something urgent is about to come, but they just want to bitch and unload all their frustrations of work onto you first. After you listen politely (not interrupting like they do, as you were raised to be polite), your train of thought is lost and they aren't interested in what you want to say anyway, and they start talking over you again about mundane, irrelevant stuff when it's finally your turn to offload about your day at work! It's absolutely insidious.
I even did a test recently and went on and on about a particularly nasty colleague who had been very rude to me in front of lots of other people and I spoke all the journey home (about 20 minutes), which was actually quite hard to do! He didn't get a chance at all to unload about his 'unfair' colleagues and even brought it up a few days later, that I hadn't listened at all about HIS day (waah waah). Yeah? How does it feel?! He had held onto that and just HAD to let me know.
It was proof that he just sees me as his frustration sponge only there to serve him and his needs, in his eyes.
They're all take, take, take. Horrible, nasty, spiteful, cowardly users. 🤮
How convenient for them!
“You’re too sensitive” or “It’s petty”….yeah, until it happens to _them_ 🙄😆 Double standards.
My ex literally lived by the whole "my post wasn't about you, but if the shoe fits....." line
I had proof of my narc wife cheating and she still denied it and gaslighted me. Made herself out to be the victim and smeared me. SMH
She was a wolf in sheep skin. INSIDIOUS
Heck yes! Snake!
Extremely, and charming. While being nice to you seemingly, plotting behind your back to be cruel and mean.
Well I'm more of a sloth in koala skin. Hungry, lazy, sleepy and non intimidating.
One of my biggest disappointments in life has been the realization that many people think and act the same way they did in high school. But the greatest disappointment is the fact that they can always rally the masses to join in on their duplicitist bully tactics.
Not highschool, but Kindergarten.
Nobody told us, but we had a very hard way to learn, that we are the Supernannys 😂.
To overome s.th like that-is like the big examen in life ( I failed many many times an do still.
But.....at university you have 3 times to try, then you're done....our chance to proof is lifetime long....and the intrinsic intention is growing
Yep! Mine would break something little almost everytime he'd come over and I would say... how is this possible? He immediately yelled at me and said "things break! It happens!" And the pretending you don't exist mime definitely would just get up off the couch, walk into the bedroom and lock me out and I'd have to sleep on the couch for literally no reason at all.
I can take other narcissist, but finding out my mom is....that broke my heart. Now I can't look at her. I just found out over the last month.
The first time I got treated like I was the most hated thing was when we were in the airpot on a holiday. Without a word he took off with the boarding passes. I became insecure as I never knew when he would ditch me without notice. And then he says I’ll never leave you”. I took it as a threat
He lies!
It's the narc's fault, not yours! He lies, too!
Finally out of my covert relationship. One of the last things he said to me was "didn't you say that all your ex'es went on to live happy lives without you?"
The jerkwad!
I have pulled my children aside when my ex would tell them stuff to tear them down. Once he told my daughter that girls are only good for one thing *long pause* CLEANING and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever said. I pulled her off to the side later and told her he was wrong and only said that to be a jerk. It's not narcissistic to protect a child's mental health.
I’m struggling mentally to get over my either BPD or covert narcissistic situationship. Was seeing a girl for 6 months and she was so sweet at the start, long story short I’ve been called weak, told she doesn’t respect me, verbally abuses me over nothing and blames me for everything. I reacted badly yesterday to her abusing me and told her to never talk to me again, get out of my house etc. It’s been so back and forth and the constant change of mind, changing dynamic and saying she wants to be only friends to then coming back and having sex has ruined me mentally and increased my already overbearing anxiety. Feel on the brink of a mental breakdown and it’s so emotionally tiring. These people are to be avoided at all costs
@@davechamplin5150 yeah dude it’s one of the toughest situations to be in mentally and emotionally because you have so much care and love for a person and you end up feeling like you’re the problem due to their behaviour. There’s only so much abuse you can take and I’m the same man, the amount of instability, constant change in mood and decisions and the overall experience is one that fucks you up. I haven’t spoken to her in 2 days now and I’m still feeling guilty about how things went down but I feel like I could only take so much and be strong before imploding. She uses sex and her looks to bring me back in but I need to stay strong and not let it happen anymore. Hopefully you can get out of your situation because the deeper and longer it goes on the stronger the trauma bond and the harder it is to break free. Lesson definitely learnt to not let amazing sex and looks allow me to ignore significant red flags.
You gotta bail big homie.
@@TronalddrumpTap on a clip to paste it in the text box.
@rodgerclotts1331 sorry to hear your story, sounds absolutely terrible. These people are disgusting, no morals or respect and absolutely 0 self awareness. Like over grown children but the damage they can do to a sane person is immense. Like leeches that try to suck any sanity and empathy they can out of any person they come across and once you’re no longer of use you never existed. Best thing that ever happened was the girl mentioned above got a new boyfriend. Guy I work with and know but he’s unaware of our situation and I feel horrible for him but telling would only bring her back and make my life a living hell. Stay strong, understand you’re worth far more than this and never go back. Hopefully the work situation gets sorted because as long as you’re working together you’ll always be access to this disgusting, mentally ill woman.
Oh gosh, you're always spot on describing my wife...Do you know her?? She's so helpful, stopping to help random strangers in the street, offering help at church, talking to people to make them feel welcome. But she doesn't have a relationship or friendship with any of them. But she'll tell me that nobody likes me and that I "should hear what other parents say in the school playground about me". Oh, that'll be the parents that give me a hug when they see me and share their own problems.
Other people only ever see what I call her 'Sunday face'. They wouldn't believe it if I told them.
Oh and the turning the TV off? My wife does the opposite. She comes into the room, turns extra lights ON, then walks out after making a comment that I ALWAYS watch what I want to watch, which of course is true if no-one else is in the room, but really isn't the case. And she'll never sit down and watch anything WITH me...
Thank you Kristina. Glad I found you! 🙂
You perfectly articulated what my soon to be divorced wife was doing to me before we separated. She is Iranian, and the thing to note is, that these kind of tactics are commonplace in Iranian social interactions.
Your channel has made me understand. I can relate to every single word clear down to the light and the kids. Not only my husband of almost 40 years but my mom too. I have spent my whole life crying and feeling worthless and a few years ago dudnt even want to be here. Thank You for showing me it's not me and I'm not alone. I always just keep my mouth shut to people cuz I don't want to be a complainer or burden people with my problems so this is channel has been very healing to to me.
Same. Almost 40. I’m married but have nothing. I’m his servant.
Very similar. 30 years instead of 40. With councelling I realised that I put up with everything for so long because it was the world I was used to, growing up (with a narcissist mother). Love yourself, it’s the most important thing. Xx
He gaslighted me by doing something totally cruel. I started crying. Instead of consoling me, he decided to suddenly give me the option to fly home early!!!! My stomach totally fell out.
I wouldn't have gone there to begin with. Easier said than done. These narcs think they are in charge: what a lie!
HeLthy response..."I am not responsible for managing your emotions or rage. I am responsible for my own emotions. Period. I am going tonnage the time to take care of myself right now. Perhaps we can regroup in a few hours, if you are in a place where you can be mutually respectful, even when you are upset."
@@kimmccaleb4170I like this! My GF I’d like an emotional black hole of rage when she spirals. I try SO hard not to get baited and say I need some time to process… she gets mad “well what if that doesn’t work for me?!” Too bad, so sad.
The TV thing!!! We were both watching tv together, suddenly he left to go to bedroom, I thought he just went to grab something, when he didn’t return, I went to look and found him already sleeping! He never said anything! We’ve been only seeing each other a couple of months at the time! I can’t imagine what it’ll be like dating this person long term!
Been there got rid of them after 30yrs of crazy toxsic backstabbing.
60 years, Dad is my narc. It's toxic, I deserve a better father! He tanks!!
Thank you very much for reminding me how my toxic ex is a lot like my mother. That way I don’t go back to him. After six months I still sometimes fantasize about the good stuff and forget the bad, which was really bad!! He did every single thing you talked about.
I understand this. What helped me was writing down all the bad stuff he did to me. Anytime that I miss him and all the good times, I open my journal and read it and remember all the bad things that I never want to go back to. Hope this helps. ❤
I went back after the first separation. Worst thing I did. It’s like using the reserve tank of fuel. I was doing well after the first separation, after the second I was hanging on by a frayed thread. Took me ages to recover. It’s like I went back so he could take out revenge for me having left the first time.
I write things down too. 👍
I'm trying to divorce this coward currently after 12 years. The entire thing is a nightmare
Why were you attracted to that?
@@samusaran7317 why would you ask such an ignorant question
My dad is my narc; I can't divorce him, but I am ignoring him! (I blocked his number on my phone, for my own protection)! He's given me nearly 58 of my 60 years of life, b.s.! I'm his scapegoat(thankless role). He gave me no choice. I can ignore him; his loss of naricisstic supply. Not my problem. Never was, never will be!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 blocking 🚫 is healthy for us. I've done the same months ago
Ditto. Go no contact, all communication through your solicitor/lawyer. Best for you and drives them mad because they can't control you.
When they've tried to get to me through my kids, that's when i have to use all the discipline God can provide to contain my rage.
They ask you a question, you go to answer more than yes or no; they respond with all you have to say is ________. Tell you something l, you go to respond, and they pretend you don't exist, talk over you etc, etc, etc. and talk behind your back.
my wife of 42 years and super Narc . I was also her health care partner ... My confusions is beyond !!!
Wow this is the lights behaviors you mentioned and I didn’t realize it happened to so many people! Also my narc used almost every tactic in this video. I was in a 13 year marriage and didn’t understand what was happening until the last couple years. I just signed the divorce papers Tuesday morning
In the very beginning stages of divorcing a narcissistic woman that I was married to for 18 years. She isn’t my wife, and she never has been.
I can’t believe how I could be so stupid. I have felt trapped because of my kids.
Now, I see that she actually tried to set things up that way.
You will never really know them. They hate giving you personal information about themselves.
Their way or the highway!
On the contrary many adeptly play the ultimate victim with the saddest back stories of great detail!
They will if they can use it as one of their manipulation tactics. Desperate to control and dominate others.
@d0v3Tai1 Agreed! The victim card is powerful for those of us who like to rescue!
Playing the victim of child abuse, I've tried to rescue him, help him to heal. But lying about their past leading double life. U can't fix them or the messes they create. Period
My covert narcissistic ex-husband did 9/11 of these tactics. Narcissistic rage 80% of the time and interrupting me and talking over me 24/7 the last 3 years of our relationship. I got discarded for the final time and blocked everywhere 1 month ago and 8 days after he obtained everything he needed from me and had no more use for me. I feel free and liberated! No more stress and walking on eggshells almost 24/7 !!!!!!!
Hi,,,, they are soooo emotionally immature!!! He would also start coughing when I would start talking! I mean,,, every time!
that is pathetic ! omg lol i wouldn't be able to stand it
My ex would constantly fall asleep in the evening while I tried to talk about import marriage issues she would claim that my schedule on talking to her doesn't line up with her schedule well it was after the kids went to bed but not terribly late then I asked her to sit up while we talked guess what she still fell asleep sitting up. Amazing
Her way or the highway.
Of all the things they could say, the narc would say the most inappropriate things!!
My narc dad told me things about sex he had no business telling me. He's pathetic! I don't like, love, trust or honor, much less, obey him!
my mother went round church hugging everyone & playing mum of the year & christian martyr adopting us, we sat there thinking “ who is she?” As soon as we got home out came the stick & the shouting & yelling & reactive abuse & scapegoating & blaming us & food deprivation & locking me in my room , needless to say today I’m an atheist
Don't blame the Lord. He didn't mistreat you. She did.
@@carolentringer8836nah. This person made the right call. Your cult exalts narcissistic behavior.
I feel like Christianity forced my parents to be kinder people. I think that the belief that they were imperfect people and that it was good to apologize contained 'The Beast' for many years. Once my parents started falling away from Christianity and into new age spiritualism, they only got worse; my Mom has literally said "I see now there are no flaws, the flaws are only the illusion". I don't remember her ever saying anything like that when she was Christian.
The way I've experienced it, Christianity kind of 'forced' my parents to acknowledge they had flaws. Spiritualism allowed my parents to reinvent themselves as perfect spirit flower beings who can do no wrong. I've been traumatized by spiritual people far more than any religious person ever has. It's not even a competition or a close call.
What you say about your mother at church is my experience with my parents and spiritualism: they go to meditations and crystal bowl sound baths and watch videos by Buddhist monks in some monastery in southeast Asia, and then proceed to get inches from my face and literally scream about what a "whiny selfish ungrateful brat" I am. My mother has screamed about how she's not going to buy me 'any more fucking food'.
If I’m gonna get notifications on a thread where my comment was deleted imma just say it again. christianity is a death cult and they exalt narcissist’s.
I wish I had time to watch now but can't.
I am in therapy after finding out that I have been married 37 years to one and had no idea.
I caught he in a 15 year lie about her cheating.
I did think it was me I was wrong what can I do to be better. Then your videos and my therapist explained to me that I was just in love and she doesn't no what that is. I'm very confused right now. All the traits are so clear now. How could I be so stupid.
I wish I knew of this npd 40 years ago so I could have seen it coming. The rage silent treatment lack of affection and the sex as a weapon pisses me off the most. Thank you for all the information.
Do you think lying about a affair for 15 years is my fault? Well she doesn't think it's no big deal and compared me to a boy friend she cheated on as a teenager. One problem I was her husband for 25 years. It's all the same to her she doesn't see any difference. I've had 15 years stolen from me and 37 years of true affection.
I feel your pain. I was married to a disgusting narc for 35 years. She couldn’t keep her pants on at work for the most part. Once she started working at the air base it was like bees on honey. She lived for male validation while discarding those that actually cared for her well being. Like you I feel like I wasted 35 years that could have been spent with a kind loving woman rather than an insidious demon. Other than hurtful memories we’re free now.
@@Harmonious-jm3sy Why is it always at their work. Mine did the same thing and when I would question phone numbers or my gut was screaming somethings wrong. I'd get the yelling about how great her job is and if it wasn't for her we wouldn't get by. Which was not true she worked at a grocery store. It was her thing she held up to validate her worth.
I just can believe I didn't know of such a type of narc. My gut was right. If you met her you would think she's the nicest and sweetest person in the world but it's the exact opposite. I'm very confused and hurt. But I'm going to get through this.
Thanks for the reply I hope I am as lucky as you and can get away fast.
I was watching tv with my daughtr and he walks in takes the remote and changed the channel without excusing himself
I almost died in the womb and before I went no contact my mom would get drunk and tease me about it in front of family and friends. It was an ongoing joke with her and my (also narcissistic) sister because I am the runt in the family. I was born small and remain very small. When I told her it bothered me she would just laugh it off and tell me how "cute" I am. She didn't mean any of the cute comments. All of this was to hide her feelings and guilt since the problem was her drug use during pregnancy.
Oh my gosh. The cups story. Only someone who's been in this kind of relationship will understand just how awful that was for you. It's so important to find people to share your story with who have been there. Even the dearest, most loving and empathetic listener will have trouble understanding if they haven't.
My narc father also loves using reactive abuse on me to make me look like the bad person in the relationship. He loves instigating fights for me to react in negative ways so he can feel better about himself.
Elicit reactive abuse or use my reactive against me as proof. Using reactive abuse "on you" implies that YOU are the abuser and they are reacting to your abusive behaviour.
@@IshtarNike Thanks he also secretly records me so he can make me look like the abuser when I react in a negative way after he instigate fights with me over the phone.
Mine does the same thing and is sadistic, too!
2:25 My ex and her entire family would talk so nice to other's faces but as soon as they would leave they would talk so nasty about them and they were supposed to be their friends!! Before everything finally ended with the ex I went off on her about it and, like a true narcissist, she denied it all and called me a liar. 🧐 😅 I know how they even said things about me to my face and I can only imagine what was said behind my back.
He just untagged himself from all the FB post after being upset that i was not much of a tagger on social media. I now must heal. we are in our 50.s and this still can happen
Thank you so much for this big reveal..!
SO TRUE ! ..cowards are the lowest OF THE LOW ! ..you are always left alone scratching your head.. we must never allow this ever again.. MOVE ON, GET OUT RIGHT AWAY FROM THEIR SICK SUPREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOUR, regain your life and yourself back again!
Married over 35 years now and I didnt know about gaslighting until 5 years ago and the stress I have endureed for all that time is caused by my Narc husband. I have been estranged from my children because of this undercurrent of shaming me for my opinions. Not only that but my son has a narc partner who has done her best to isolate me from him. My son and I were once very close. Topping all this I went through the menopause with out any of my family paying no attention to it. I am tired of it all. Suicide seemed to be the only way out but I picked myself up and started to fight back. First by grey rock and then by not giving a dam about anything they tried to blame me for. This marriage is going to end and I will end up alone but I will no longer be bullied by those I once loved.
All soooo true! They are evil at its worst! God bless all of us who have dealt with them.❤
Reactive abuse is probably the most common behavior my ex-girlfriend would exhibit.
Btw, your hair looks fantastic!
Thank you! 🙏❤
You might want to rephrase this. I think you mean "elicit." Because if she's the one exhibiting reactive abuse that means you're the original abuser. 😅
@@IshtarNike Ah yes, thanks for the correction. There are a some terms that are fairly new to me here.
Mine literally waited until I was undergoing a surgery or two when I was under anesthesia to start making fun of me while I was going under and could do nothing about it🥶🥶
I wish you would touch on.
Actual physical abuse when it comes to rage with the covert.
OMG, the cryptic messages! I tried explaining this to someone and they said I was delusional. This is so validating because it was so obvious. And gaslighting!
Dificult to believe people really act this way. Im sure its common, yet its hard to wrap my mind around it. Sad, people could be so cruel and manipulative.
And then, have the nerve, to blame us. Narcs lie(these types)!
Used to get quite a lot of these. Firstly, trying to get away with murder and then accusing me of being aggressive or controlling when I'd call her out on it. Turning the lights out and going to bed without even saying anything. Organising and planning trips without involving me or asking my opinion and then gaslighting me when I told her I didnt feel like a priotory anymore. It was literally as if I didn't exist. We separated and she took my child and went into radiosilence until I got legal support.
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the bulb was screwed as soon as they met
i hate when they give you the silent treatment but blame you for it !!!
silent treatment is evil and psychopathic
Dad would tell me that I "misinterpreted" what he said. Not true!
My dad(narc) groomed me to abuse me. Some nerve of him!! He said it was all my fault: he lies!
To the point about smear campaigns, I've started to become increasingly wary of the folks who are always a victim, but never at fault, and certainly never the direct cause. It becomes increasingly obvious when no matter what they're dealing with - a breakup, trouble with coworkers or bosses, family or friend issues - it's always everyone else doing it to them. Sometimes, this is just an issue of accountability. Sometimes though, it's an issue of them needing to frame the other side as bad people in order to protect their own image.
Well, what if it really is not their fault and they have been multiple times wronged? Has it occurred to you that there are people who do their best to treat others fair because one should love the neighbour as oneself, and treat others as one would love to be treated? I look back on my life and have no regrets for I made the best possible decisions and always did all I could to be fair, yet life is not fair back. My effort is never appreciated and even devaluated. I do not seek appreciation, though it would be nice to hear a sincere good word from time to time. God is my judge. Peace from Poland 🇵🇱 ♥️
Sometimes its people attracting abusive users, I worry this is how I come across sometimes, but when you're Autistic people do tend to use you and its real hard to realise it. I'm also physically disabled (it's not visible), can't work and don't have family support due to extreme abuse growing up. I spend most of my time alone as its easier than people assuming its me thats toxic. Sometimes people genuinely are completely overcome by shitty situations repeatedly and despite trying everything to health and grow just can't catch a break. I seem to be able to tell more easily when people are dramatizing their stories, other people assume its the same thing though. Just please keep this in mind if someone is ND!
@@Spark_Iskra_z_PolskiI can relate friend ❤
It's contrasting. I make you the villain so I'm the hero
My (now former) narcissist friend wished me happy birthday on instagram and thanked himself for all the good things in my life. Ugh.
Oh they love speaking over you!!!!
Talking at me, not to me! Dictating to me.
Cutting me off!
Spot on!
I was blocked on her social media. When I asked why, all she woulkd say is that it's a "trigger" for me. You mean it's a trigger when I ask about someone, or ask why you refuse to post about us, yet I'm supposed to be your best friend and love of your life. Ha, just another way to be sneaky and portray herself as being single.
I didn’t react and I felt something was off and later I was called intimidating lol.I learned the childish behaviour and I don’t react or respond or defend myself 😊
Thank you for this community, it helps me out tremendously.
Their tactics change too. The coverts in my life know that I’m busy working and that I’ve distanced myself from them so they’ll send videos and memes with no explanation or opinions through IG to bother me. Watch out, they’re so sneaky 💙🙏🏻💙
Once you see them, you can't unsee it
Mine was diabolical- she whispered in my ear as I was on the edge of an anxiety attack “you sister doesn’t care about you, if she did she would have been here already”. I then went into a full blown panic attack falling over on the floor convulsing and cramping and all she did was stand over my body staring at me as I looked up at her wondering why she wasn’t comforting me.
15:45 Truth, they know exactly what they’re doing! Pretending they don’t know is weaponized incompetence.
Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you.
Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything.
Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.
So glad I found your video Christina. I've been observing over the last year what I believe is a covert narcissist and am seeing very clearly the duplicity in practically all of their words and actions. Never thought I would gain such clarity. In the last 10 years I realised that my father is covertly narcissistic and that this is why I have been attracted to covert narcissists. And I am so pleased to say that this is no longer the case.
We have such a mother in school - she don't want anyone to talk about her son behaviour in public, she aggressively want to smash other parent. She wanted to talk to my husband twice - later she called me and when in public i told what the situation was she said - she will not talk with me. She is very abusive - she come to the school every day 15 minutes before lessons and she talk to the parents- she just manipulates them and she just show a good face - she want to controll everybody. Her son is messing with kids - but she denies he's aggressive sometimes in public and she just want to manage everything on her own.
When her kid will mess with my son and he will get into a fight with him - she'll say my son is aggressive and she'll do everything to show herself in good spotlight. It is everything about her. She's harassing everybody, controlling everybody in the same time being a class leader and a help there to cover all her campaign. I am so tired. I avoided her and she's back again.
15:10 EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been though that so many times with my mother. And everyone would say that’s your mother, respect her, she doesn’t do that, she doesn’t have favorites, be nice too her, she is your one and only mother- so on and so on. 🙄😞
Sounds like my narcissistic father he loves being a coward and gossiping behind my back.
Mine thinks I believe his lies; I don't!
@@jackilynpyzocha662they are absolutely pathetic. He will never hear from me again. My mom and sister are on the thinnest ice as well. Enough is enough.
One of the many things my ex would consistently do. Back when you went to the store to rent a movie, we would take our time picking something we both wanted to watch. At some point during the night he would get up without a word and leave the room. When he has been gone for a while I would see where he is. Every single time I would find him in the bedroom half way through the movie. Act like it was nothing, pretend I didnt want to watch it, and when i would say I'll come join or skip it back. Now suddely he doesn't like the movie and is going to sleep
These toxic bastards are very covert, under the radar but once they know u are all over their game play..they are humiliated because u flipped the script and changed the dynamic of power.
Cruelty!
Too damned bad for them!