One of the saddest things in my life was when I was on holiday with my 10 years old daughter and she said: "mom, you are so happy here, you laugh and everybody likes you, not like at home with daddy"
Yep. At "home" with a narcissist everything makes you sick. To the point that, if you are free after many years of the abuse, you receive joy from the smallest things in life; stuff no normal person is ever grateful for.
Agnieszka Libera Yup. That's where I'm at, and it's exactly why I'm done, and I'm leaving. And now that he knows I'm serious and really ending it, he is beginning to get angry & vindictive towards me. Our grown youngest daughter still lives with us, is a senior in college, just trying to graduate, so she can move out. He is ramping up his anger toward me now, and she is miserable having to live with us. It makes me feel just awful for her. But he is the instigator in everything, no matter how much grey rock I employ. I can't wait to leave. I'm stuck here until an apartment opens and my application is accepted; because it has now been a month and a half separated in the same house, he is beginning to become pushy about it, because he's angry that I'm ending it. He is spinning around in all directions, no matter what I do. And knows good and well, I have NOWHERE TO GO yet. Nowhere. I have a job, but only just started. Won't have my first paycheck for another week-- and that only partial, one day, because I started on last day of pay period. The full check won't be until August. He is getting pushy because he knows I have no options. But yes, I feel so much happier and better, when I'm away from him. I can't WAIT til I get out; the sooner the better!!
I experienced that he shifted the conversation topic so very often and quickly when it got uncomfortable for him to handle what we were discussing. A nother strange thing I reacted on was that when textmessaging (which we did a lot) I almost never could have guessed what he were going to responded to me in the conversation... It used to puzzle me that I always got a respons/answer that I didn't expect. What I thought should be an obvious respons/answer in the conversation did almost never happen.
If you bring up something they did wrong (which is practically everyday because they are such liars and cheaters and manipulators and so on) they will bring up something you did five years ago. That way they seem like "oh you did this to me so I can do this to you. They use the same thing you did to them over and over and over again.
Yes, my ex did that. It got to the point that I wouldn't even challange him on anything anymore. It wasn't worth it. And the stuff he would throw back at me was so lame, it was like comparing apples to oranges..it was crazy.. making. I used to just think, he sucked so bad at arguing and it was so toxic, it couldn't last. NOTHING ever got resolved.
Yuuup. My Narc father did something very inconsiderate and toxic to me (and this was actually the incident that made me realize he was a Narcissist and didn't give a shit about me only the attention I got him) and when I said I didn't want to interact with him until he apologized and he did.... technically but it was an "I'm sorry but-" and then went into this long fillabuster of guilt tripping me for being a bad daughter "I'm sorry but my life is so hard." "You're never there for me" blablabla. He didn't care about what he did to me, how he hurt me. He only cared that his actions inadvertently took away the supply I was providing for him up until that point. Especially since our whole family took my side and not his. He had to desperately scramble to save face and somehow make me out to be the bad guy.
The 3 step apology. 1)I'm sorry I hurt you 2) I don't think what I did was that bad tho 3) I did nothing wrong why do you alway have to pick holes in me.
"It's my fault. I am just trying to help you. Yes I told them that extremely personal thing you repeatedly asked me not to, but it was because I want to help you and now so do they" Me: "Um, help with what? I told you those personal things in confidence of which you now have broken. Had I known you would have done this, I would have never told you about it. My trust is broken with you because of this." I mean, I could do this for DAYS, but these are the verrry mild sentences as examples. They don't appear bad at first, but then they keep going until they find someone who will concur with their beliefs. How do they sleep at night? Mystery to me still...
Right??!!! Then follow up with stuff like, "You never pay attention to what I'm saying, so why should I even try?" or, "All you care about is my actions, but you never care/pay attention to my motives" (then proceeds to throw out excuses as to why I should pay attention to what they meant instead), or nitpick some tangent that diverts from the main topic at hand (like how they're not using "excuses", but giving "reasons", and advocating their perceived, significant differences between the two).
@@Vykeera I hear you, They are blame shifting, gaslighting, being deflective and non accountable all while frustrating and exasperating you in the process. It's a no win situation trying to rationalize with an irrational person
Arguing technique - not remembering 48 hours ago - but raising something (the N says) happened 10 years ago ! Coverts are the worst type - sneaky sadists.
My last relationship deflected off her recent and Current (!) behavior by continually bringing up something i shared from 3 years ago, which was 2.5 years before i even met her!
LIterally describing an event from 2 years prior claiming you did "this" or "that". When you correct them and replay the real event and that you actually did they opposite they respond with "well that was so long ago I can't remember every detail". Wait, what?!
CUZZ Bass So true!! Mine just couldn’t help himself and would lie about such trivial things even when there wasn’t any apparent gain to be had from it. They just can’t help themselves!
they lie even when they're supposed to be telling the truth to you about another lie that they said before... (but then you're the paranoid) a few times I knew the truth about stuff (with written proof) and she kept lying... I feel sorry for her, after all she's mentally I'll, but I decided to move away long ago.
@@SimulationWinks No. It’s purely a game. Narcissists don’t genuinely do anything. It’s all tactics and games. (A normal person on the other hand doing that would genuinely want to be left alone.)
They seem harmless, humble, self deprecating at times, sweet, portraying " Mr. Nice " Guy .....NOT! You've just been duped by a covert Narc 😣 little red riding hood, beware of the Wolf in sheep's clothing
Exactly. Not all of them are overt. They pretend to be your friend while sabotaging you. The "nice guys" are probably some of the worst because of their grandiosity. Its sickening
My ex's favorite way to "apologize" was to say, "You know I never want to see you hurt and you know I'm always trying to be a better person", and then blame the whole situation on 1) his traumatic childhood 2) me overreacting ("picking at the scab" as he would call it) 3) me being too naive to understand how real relationships work and/or 4) me not being accepting of him and the trauma he's been through. We'd have a circular argument where he'd call me names and act like I was a horrible person until somehow, he'd have ME apologizing to HIM. Then, once I gave up, he'd act like the whole argument never happened, be super "sweet" to me, and then get mad when I wasnt reciprocating his "sweetness" because I was so goddamn emotionally drained and confused.
I do not like arguing with a narcissist, but they really love arguing--about EVERYTHING. Even if I say I don't want to debate or talk about it, they persist, ad nauseum. Thanks for your videos!
Exactly and then mine tells me that, “I am the one who likes to argue.” There is no winning with the narcissist. They are experts at negating responsibility
@Mary Carroll I left mine after 33 years and it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I have PTSD from childhood and now his viscous words over all those years. Don’t pet his ego, they have enough of that on their own. Work on you. I promise you, it WILL NOT change. I am free now and I am so content with enjoying what I like now. For years, I spent most of my life appeasing him to avoid conflict because conflict is a dead end street. They do not fight fair but are rather cruel and completely unable to have a civil discussion. They take zero responsibility and believe it is you. Go no contact if you can.
I had a different issue. My ex was an avoidant type and I believe a covert narcissist. She wouldn't have any conversations about the important issues in our relationship that needed discussing. So I kept bringing them up because I knew they needed to be addressed and resolved for a healthy relationship. She viewed herself as better than me and used withholding validation, withholding information, stonewalling, breadcrumbing, deflection, never apologizing for anything even when she broke our agreement, etc. So she was on the complete other end of the spectrum about conflict, and that was equally irresponsible. Both turning everything into a confrontation, and running from all confrontation are bad. Healthy conflict is the necessary middle ground.
Nope, don't ask them to have a serious conversation. They deflect it towards something else. I cornered my narc to have a conversation about our relationship status, and she shifted her attention towards how the hair on my head needed trimmed. She avoided the topic completely.
@@clintonnagy1662 there is no repairing any relationship with these people…..I left shortly after I posted my comment here and it’s been 3 years now and I’m still trying to work through everything and build my self esteem back up…..at least I can do it in peace now….best thing I ever did….ironically his name is Clinton too 😳
Both my exes (narcs) didn't either. A guy friend's ex (who has a yt tarot reading channel and preaches love and is a cover narc) would blame him for everything even her crap. Raked him over the coals. Down with narcs! They belong in an insane asylum and away from the general population.
When you recognize all these patterns, it’s just hilarious and makes me laugh inside. That’s the moment they can’t take advantage of you anymore. They’re pathetic clowns. That’s all. Don’t waste your precious time with clowns. These horrific lessons only makes you stronger and wiser so you know in the future when you encounter one. Thanks to Common Ego for these valuable contents! Greatest Gratitude 🙏🏻✨
I cought my bf lying about being at his moms house for the weekend , I had the worst feeling so I followed my motherly intuition and drove by and he wasn’t there .. so I confronted him and upon that he swore on everything that I was crazy and delusional and that he was in fact there and called me controlling and projected , he accused me of the worst things imaginable like how I slept with someone in our bed and stole from him and so on and so on even calling me a prostitut , I couldn’t help but to get upset he did a good job taking the spotlight off of himself and tearing me apart for catching him lying . Idk if he cheated but why else would he lie and never admit to a damn thing if he wasn’t . He sees himself as a perfect non sinner and everyone else in the world is trash to him . He ego will get damaged so easily if he is confronted about anything he gets angry and says things like I’m done I’m tired of you slandering my name and stupid stuff like that but when I packed my stuff and had to come back to get the rest he just acts like nothing happened he won’t even talk to me and if I had a better support system and somewhere to go like a family member house I would be gone . So I guess I’m just waiting for him to talk to me about this and give a single f about saving our relationship and I know it’s a waste of time . I feel like I am crazy .
He’s just a typical narcissist. You need to dump crap. You will thank yourself in the very near future. Let the universe/higher power take over. Focus on your happiness and mental health. Most of us here know exactly what your talking about. Be strong and move forward!
Crazy making statements: 1. "It's all in your head!" 2. "Why are you stuck in the past?" 3. "The problem is.." (all the answers start with a problem statement drives nuts and u automatically shutdown) 4. "O you think I create problems, so what do u think of yourself? The one with no problems at all?"" 5. "Why can't you see me happy?" 6. " Why can't you just understand me?" 7. " what's wrong with you? Did you have your medicine? Change your doc." 8. " I think you have anger issue. Don't deny, I can see it. Why can't you be just cool and smile instead of being upset/question me?" 9. " You are too emotional and people don't like that closeness. That's why your friends stopped talking to u." 10. " what are you talking about? It never happened!" 11. "No, you won't be able to do it/this/that ...." 12. "Everything is sooo expensive, be careful people are cheats!" 13. "I don't have money" 14. " I love (sex) you, we are one.. even in money. I need some right away please!" 15. " Send me money as I have a better plan to secure it than u have. You can use my credit card instead." 16. "Today is the last day of..." 17. " You are my favorite" 18. " R u not well? Oh..hey am really feeling sick" 19. " I was not around when you were sick because I was sad/couldn't handle/didnt want to bother you/thought you needed space" 20. "O I thought you would like icecream cake...coz I like it."
I get those,comments everyday ! It's emotionally draining ,i needed to know what and why I was feeling crazy and it almost cost me everything I loved,i am back with the ex and she and I are expecting another child.its hard to communicate with her because she seemes not to care.
You absolutely nailed it with point #4. Nobody in my life ever believes me until they witness it for themselves, and let's face it: they rarely do. That's what makes it so upsetting and depressing.
Same same that's why I care less what people think cause they are always pointing the finger at me because they would never believe the person who is your perpetrator could actually be the way you describe them they start to think your delusional and crazy for saying It and it's truly more traumatizing to the victim it's almost suffocating and you feel you have no one but yourself it sucks and I can totally relate
Some of the ones u tell your pain to, are also narcissist or they are flying monkeys...my dad just started going numb on me when eye vent to him about things that my mom was doing I started seeing he was not at all interested and could fucking care less...as a child he would say oh yes I know what u mean, I know how u feel, things will get better...OR he redirects the conversation by giving examples of fake empathy in an effort to downplay my experiences. My dad had me fooled for 40 years my entire life and my mother who is a raging control freak and narc and his wife is worst he watched me be abused for years by his wife...he tried to say stuff every now and then...but nothing ever changed and he was always working, playing sports, working out and hanging with his friends...
Before I understood Narcissism, I used to say that my ex had no emotional intelligence. There was so much emotional tug of war. He had no emotional response to anything, his words, actions, and expression never aligned. When i reached a point of emotional distress, he'd immediately point and say "see this. THIS is what I can't stand". I felt so terrible. He couldn't acknowledge that my response was because bof a build up of not knowing what he's thinking, and I was questioning my value. I'm so glad we didn't get married.
No I literally thought the narcissist in my life was autistic cause I couldn’t believe they were so rude ( and I thought they were a nice person that was unaware of how rude they were to my all the time) to me but those gut feelings confused me.
Yeah, I definitely don't trust myself to judge whether someone is "safe." It's the worst because it's still effecting my life. Making friends or dating now is like the scariest thing in the world.
It can definitely be scary. I found it got easier for me after I spent time focused on self-healing and learning about the signs. I avoided new relationships while I was working on these things because I wanted to stay on track ❤🙏
I feel the same way. And I agree completely with what this beautiful soul who's name i don't know..said above. Take all the time you need to heal, introspect and educat yourselves. Don't rush your healing. I personally won't date again until I am healed because my vibration will attract someone who is also healing or isn't ready and I don't want that. I want to avoid trauma bonding at every level. My vibe will change as I educate myself and heal all the bs he put me through. Which luckily wasn't too much, cause I always stood up for myself. And I didnt allow him to isolate me. Though he tried.. And im sorry to say, but f these people. Dont let their fear, envy, insecurities get the best of you. Just give yourself time. And you will spot them..I didnt even realize how loved bombed I was ... because i took my relationship very slow ... but as soon as he moved me from the driver seat...i felt like he moved in with me. And was the only person blowing up my phone. It's just not normal. ... and always rushing intimacy. And he would tell himself a different story about how fast he got me in bed LOl which wasn't true. He was just trying to change my sense of reality when I know exactly who the f i am! F asshole. LOL I am less than 30 days No contact...but the more days that pass...the more I see all the red flags.
@@CommonEgo yes that's right you have to do that first it was that we have to heal from something that was their doing but when we have healed we will find a happy loving realionship with honesty love and care what they will never have because we are real could almost feel sorry for them but I don't lol who's lonely now
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It gets better, and there will be ups and downs, but if you're dealing with abuse, you're doing what's best for you (and that's super important) 🙏❤
OMG. Yes. I say and act like a narcissist. Im so ashamed and embarrassed. I spend alot of time asking myself if I am? Its disturbing. Thank GOD I go to therapy. Just working on myself.
What about constant interruption? And I mean CONSTANT. I will quietly listen to her rail against me/say her piece for 10, 15, 20 minutes but as soon as it's my turn to speak I can't complete a sentence before it's "wait, wait wait...", "no, no, no...", "Oh my GOD...". It's insanely frustrating and it happens every single time I open my mouth. Absolutely every behavior is turned around on me to the point where I question my own sanity. She lost her engagement ring for a year, no clue where it went. A few months ago I get pulled over in her car, go into the glove box for insurance and registration and what do I find but a receipt from the pawn shop where she pawned the ring. When I confronted her she said she pawned it to pay bills and never told me because I would've flipped out. I know that's not true because I'm not the type to just explode out of nowhere but I still found myself racking my brain for an occasion when it's happened. It's like that with everything. I feel like I'm in an unwinnable situation, it's a constant downward spiral. I love her more for the person she was than the person she is. I know I need to get out but we have a child together and I can't walk away from him.
I'm sorry you're in that mess. I felt the same way as you. I felt trapped and no way out. When I would try to talk to her, I got interrupted constantly. She would deflect my interest back onto her. So annoying. I was losing my mind. Finally, we had an one last argument and I walked, and haven't contacted her. She is a mess but blames me for her problems. A spoiled she-devil that crawled out from the pit and latched onto me. Her son is worse then she is. He creates alot of drama and chaos. I couldn't do it anymore. It's so toxic. It stings to want what I thought was love but it's HELL. No thanks. I chose the path back to the Lord.
I.m a 62 year old woman and unfortunately only understood what this evil demons are and what they are capable of. This is rampant. Deepest GRATITUDE for the tremendous effort you put forth and the wisdom you disseminate.
Yep the veil is lifting. Their pathetic behavior does not align with morality and values, honesty and transparency. Be true to yourself and never settle
lsanborn03 I was with a covert narc 6 years , I consider my self a smart girl , but I didn’t see it all this 6 years , he was so good pretending , so subtle his moves . How I discovered ? I just had recomended on RUclips a video about narcisism , when i show it i get just in shok , was 100% The same behavior of my boyfriend . Silent testament , feeling jealous cause he was looking so subtle other girls exactly to see my reaction , he never admited nothing never . He was to kind to sexual in the beginning, he just was always making me presents, he was so sweet ,so shy , so empathy , he always was , I didn’t like how he look that much but He seems so honest and kind and altruistic , he was always telling me how a hard life he had and childhood, telling me in the first time about her ex girlfriends, always I felt like I was in a competition with all the girls . He made me feel so insecure always, he isolated me . He start soon to silent tratament , when I was with him I start to feel so Lonely, i felt like he doesn’t love me anymore , I cried so much nights , I get a little sick for the anxiety , then I become being vegan , Always crying and holding him to doesn’t look other girls cause was hurting me , he never admired , he said that I’m crazy , is in my imagination . He never said sorry or admired something just if I I had exactly the proof and his face even then sometimes , was crazy . When I was criticized him he just change his face in one really creepy way so scary honestly , I never can had a conversation with him, was like speaking with a sofa . He start being really boring, but he always will had that moment some second making his fake sweet voice and that .He stop complimenting me ,he never told me anymore that I’m beautiful anymore or that I have a nice body . He just loved lo make me jealous and I’m not the kind of girl who don’t ask for explication or doesn’t say it , he loves make me jealous but very very sneaky . Then I star making money , he always had my money , I really never trusted anybody more than him . Red flags a lot , but I was really really young . He always was feeling bad , sick , hurting something , always he looked sad , or just so quiet. Then my mom get sick of cancer , then she dies . and he travel to the country when she was . I was just 17 , he was 26 then he told me and he come back to the other country with a weird and shitty excuse but good one in the same time . I just just feeling so sad , the Saddest moment of my life . He used me a lot for my money in the last 2 years of the fake relationship, and , of course for his ego , making me always jealous making me feeling Like he get bored of me , a lot of time without sex coming I felt so bad and I start to stay just in the bed , getting a lot of anxiety , smoking a lot of weed cause life without was so boring . But I really loved him and I really toughen that he loves me to , he was cooking for me , Washing for me all the stuff of the house , giving me food . My self esteem was a good one cause I always felt that I was a beautiful girl , but I felt so bad cause making me in a weirdo situations cause girls also can feel with a guy look you in some way even if is a subtle one . And I felt shamed . Always was a competition with all the girl so I hated go out with him cause was. Torture . But I tough was really in my imagination in some way . Weird feeling . After some years he started to spend hours in the mirror , he get bold then he get some kind of wig and omg he start spending hours in the mirror . When I discovered , I made a plan to escape , I call a friend he come with a men and big car to take my stuff . I’m living with that girl right now , 4 days since i left that fucking fake narc. I stayed 3 days with contact zero but today I called him cause I want the money i invest in the house , he doesnt wanna give to me . He îs The worst person i met in my life . I told him , I know now everything I told him he is sick he is narcissist , he said that my veganismo get me crazy . Then I told him now I know he was trying make me feel insecure , how he is . I told him that he is ugly and I didn’t like him in the beginning. Told Loved just his fake personality and I really made him feel ugly how he wanna make me feel :) the last conversation I had with him , the point is I want a lot revenge now I hate him so much I’m sorry but I hate him I want make him suffer how he made me feel but then I remember that the suffer every second almost . What I Can say about covert narc , that they’re the best about faking , he always the victim , and he is really very very very sneaky .Mine was smart just in the evil stuff . Manipulating me. Honestly they’re weirdest mental issues in this life . They’re very weird and they’re behavior are always in all the same . That’s so weird . I do think they’re something devil in them ... I feel like a escape for the devil I swear, since i know he was a narcissist and I was still living with him 3 days I couldn’t sleep , I was so afraid I was looking him how now I now all his moves , I fake love so much that’s 3 days and I leave him . Now I feel like I’m living , I was stuck at home even 8 mont without seeing the sun . I’m honestly in shock , I’m seeing the videos about narcissist, and that really made me wanna study psychology , I find it the most sadist stuff in this world but very interesting, I also think that mine was also a pedophile . (I Look 6 years more younger that i am , like 15 ,16) and i show something too but I don’t wanna write it here . Now I think I can see a narcissist in 2 seconds . Im not suffering So much , maybe a bit of The syndrome Stockholm, and a bit codependent and a little scared but I’m so happy 😁 so this story have a happy ending for me , I get it like a lesson, I’m very empathy girl , the problems of the people get always my problem to I try to control myself . They’re just pure shit and insecure . Girl dont miss them , hate them and contact zero . I will not speak never anymore with him in my life :) he told everywone that I get crazy for being vegan 😅 LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL , I feel amazing.
Weed lady..stay strong.the Bible calls these people reprobates. See what book if Timothy has to say. Study Christian apologetics. Strong evidence for the case for Christ can be proven historically,testimonially,archeologically, prophetically, numerically. Thank God you didn.t have a child with this creep. This is a spiritual issue. Simply evil. They are demonically infested or outright possessed. Pray to God to reveal himself to you,protect you.be blessed and sorry for the tremendous loss if your mother. Look up livingwird, Ravi Zacharias and cold case Christianity.
same...though mine emailed me while I was out of town to tell me he had moved out, and that it was my fault because I was not able to love him in the way he could feel loved.
@@natashastewart8203 My "sister" has always been popular, but firstly, her flying monkeys are afraid of her and secondly, she even said once, annoyed by a weird friend that had been bullied in school as a child, that he should give it a break and that "we've all been bullied." Yeah, right! She hadn't and I was bullied by kids and adults because of her and other narcs. My covert narc "aunt" told me everyone in her village love her. Yeah, they love her... gone! 😂
@agnieszkalibera5809 I've experienced that. I was accused of lying for stuff that was unimportant. I was gonna go to the store and decided NOT to go because I was tired. I was accused of lying and she wouldn't let it go. Insane. That's one of many insane arguments.
Another example of number 9 is when they can't turn it around on to themselves. It's when you try to tell them about something that has caused you pain like in your example of being talked badly about, and they respond with "well, maybe you did something to deserve it" or " I've heard you complain about these things before. Have you ever considered that you might be the problem"? This can be so incredibly damaging.
My husband told me that I’m the reason people in my family have mental illnesses....bi-polar runs in our family and my son had just been diagnosed...this was a year ago and I’m still not over it 😞
@@dee-deelove9310 please don't let that enter your heart. My ex husband told me that I make people around me want to kill themselves. I wanted to become a counselor, and that comment kept me from it all the years I was married. But I realized that he was toxic, and started college after my divorce and became the counselor I dreamed of being. Behavioral abnormalities can very much be genetic, my daughter inherited bipolar from my ex-husband. But I recognized her bipolar early on and we've been working with the chemical imbalances since an early age and she's aware of her ups and downs and a fantastic young lady. It just sounds to me like your husband needs to learn a little bit of tact and empathy. Good luck darling.
I experienced that but her response is " well, I'm NOT saying anything that isn't TRUE. You can't handle the truth". But I don't dare tell my friends about her and her son's behavior. I'll never live it down. Hypocritical and pointless.
I literally just broke it off with my friends of 7 years because of a covert narcissist turning them against me. Saddest thing is I didnt even realize what was going on until it was too late. I hope anyone who has suffered at the hands of covert narcissist find healing and newly gained self worth.
my son is going thru that right now ......and he doesn't even realize it. Even I am a point of contention. She is taking everything from him, goes thru his phone, doesn't let him do anything with out her. has to run everything by her. Its just sick, I cant believe it
14th day since I've left the narcissist. Still trying to heal and live a new life. Can't afford a divorce now but I'm separated from her and I'm feeling in peace.
Crazy making is telling a narcissist to be “kind” and they suddenly flip out and suddenly say “YOU’RE THE ONE BEING UNKIND!!!!” even though you were nothing but calm and reasonable with them. Then when YOU collapse, then you’re “crazy.”
For the past almost 3 years I’ve been trying to understand why I know my ex is abusive but all the resources describing emotional abuse made me feel invalidated. This video has been the biggest validation I’ve received yet. It’s been a lonely road because I don’t think anyone would believe me if I told them of my ex’s behaviour. I’m the one with the fiery personality and who “doesn’t take shit” so I’ve always felt that people would turn his abuse around and blame me for it because our personalities probably convey the opposite perception. Thank you so much for making these videos. You’ve saved my sanity.
I know what you mean about no one would believe it. I am divorcing my husband of 17 years. In the eyes of his co-workers and 'friends' he is amazing. At home, it was an entirely different story full of gaslighting and circular arguing.
Same here, love. Everything about us helps the mask. I'm sorry. No one, but me and my son know and it sucks to go through this abuse without being able to tell anyone and even if you could, you couldn't explain it. It is more alone than alone. But in reality we are not being here we are. I see you. ❤
The Covert was very intimate with me in private, but when we were around friends they wouldn't even hold hands. They even made sure they had something in their hand when sitting together in the company of others.
Covert narcissist mixed with sex and love addiction has been 9 years of hell. The lies, abuse, gasligjting has been a game of rejection that made me realise I'm going crazy. There are NO adult conversations, he has ruined everybody in his life and has no communication with family or kids. The love bombing is something I've just learned about. I try to talk about it and its never resolved. So, I keep bringing it back up. I see my patterns now and I'm exhausted. I'm working my way out.of this relationship and can't wait to feel free again,mentally and physically. I feel like I really dislike this person and want to throw up as I look back at everything he did to me.
You’ll learn more and more how evil it all is. I tell my ex(no contact if we didn’t have a child) not to project her truths onto me. It’s her that she hates, not me!
OMG that's crazy 🤯 I met someone recently who said it and that he didn't even really like meat. Shortly after those conversations, he sent me a pic of a mountain of chicken bones from the wings he just ate with the caption, "Killed it!" And so many other things that indicated he lived quite the opposite of what his words said... It's not always a sign of narcissism (tho you'll always see it with narcissists), but when someone's actions and words are out of alignment, it's a MAJOR red flag. That person is trying to create a quick and inauthentic connection with you. They want you to let your guard down faster than you would if they were honest. But at least we can say we have lived and learned ❤
I've only been in this relationship for 3 months but everything being described is what I'm starting to see. He played into me so perfectly in order to draw me in and then all of a sudden he started to show these signs, like blindsiding me and disappearing. No calls, when he used to always be there. Mood swings, silence. He plays heavily into Mr Nice but now his behavior is radically changing. Thank you so much for being here. He changed like the weather? A lovely warm long fall and now a long dark winter. No, no, no. Not going down this road. I'm done and I'm not walking, I'm running.
11 CRAZYMAKING BEHAVIORS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST: 1) 1:45 Word Salad 2) 2:45 Gaslighting 3) 4:15 The Circular Argument 4) 5:10 Different Public Persona 5) 6:05 They Seem Harmless 6) 7:34 Foe Apology 7) 9:12 Actions Not Aligned With Words 8) 10:47 Avoidance 9) 12:20 Shift Responses 10) 13:40 Making You Doubt Your Self-Worth 11) 15:53 Cognitive Dissonance
All this content is so spot on. The human brain and it’s behavioral patterns are amazing. My CN was also dismissive avoidant so she would rarely use word salad or argue. She would simply stop talking, sit in silence, or change the subject. She was very non confrontational. Even in the end, she discarded using silent treatment and avoiding all personal contact (voice calls, in person meetings). Her biggest crazy making behaviors were a.) disregard towards me, b.) words/actions didn’t align, and 3.) gaslighting. Man could she gaslight like a boss. So subtle and clever she was.
Same bro. Psychopath. She’d go silent and just stare at me in my eyes… for like MINUTES in silence if I didn’t say anything…. In the middle of a “fight” or conversation or me asking he a questions about something I later learned she just did NOT want to get about. That’s why she sat there like a crazy person, she didn’t even want to give me a lie or an OPPORTUNITY to know she wasn’t telling the truth. She just did t answer 😭😂 fuckin sicko it’s insane. I literally remember telling here “this is not normal human behavior, you know that right??” 💀Like if people were here… they’d agree
That’s exactly how I found the topic, crazy making behavior Once somebody calls, you crazy, they poison the well, and they tip the scales They’re friends don’t know you very well, so they’re not going to take the time to get to know you after you’ve been called crazy
I've been OUT for two and a half years but find myself still caring about him.... (we are old) We never got divorced but live in different states. The cognitive dissonance is tearing me apart. I'm in therapy and KNOW BETTER but the struggle is real. Thanks for the brilliant clarification. It was just what I needed this day.
The worse for me is #4 and #5. Other people not seeing it and me appearing as the difficult one. What makes it even worse is that people may never figure it out.
My narcissistic husband does all these behaviors. After 47+ years of this abuse, I finally have a name for all the tricks he's used on me through the years and IS still using although I'm wising up to his shenanigans and it's only the odd time I fall for any of his crap. I've been journaling everything, keeping track of things he says and does and this is SO helpful. I'm have been binge watching all the narc videos I can find for about three or more years now. It keeps my sanity intact and I'm very thankful for all you people who make the videos. Thank you!!
The narc is the star of their own sitcom that we unwillingly play some ancillary, supporting character in. It ALL about narckie, and narckie's problems. They have 0 time and focus for another human in need or pain. Zip. Zero. Nada! The sooner we internalize that FACT, the sooner we can stop wasting our lives hanging around people who don't love us. Or folks that just want us to serve them up with NO reciprocity. Thanks Christina. God bless EVERYONE.👍
This video is exactly what I needed. My ex-girlfriend produced EVERY one of these crazy making behaviors. Thank you for helping me to realize that I was truly in a toxic, abusive relationship.
Might I SHARE A SPIRITUAL TRUTH? IMO BUT MAINLY MY EXP. THESE PERSONS ARE JUST POSSESSED. SOMETHING MENTAL HEALTH PRACTITIONERS CAN'T FATHOM. tc THE WATER IS DEEP AND cold!
As I said elsewhere, I found I was ticking all the boxes on these videos. It's more than a bit scary to realize that it took me so long to get it through my thick head what I was dealing with. One thing you've mentioned is the tendency to, essentially, "tune out" anything that doesn't have to do with them. On that one in particular, I recall it being a sore spot, as she'd talk sometimes literally for hours, and I would listen patiently, even when I was supposed to be doing other things, and do my best to give comfort, advice, moral support, whatever it was the situation required. But when I would begin to talk... I often wouldn't even get through the first sentence or two before her eyes would glaze over, even though she'd often be nodding at points as if she were listening. I got to where I'd break off and ask for a response to something I'd just been saying, and she'd come up with a complete blank, flustered, and then say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Tell me again." 'd begin to do so and sometimes she'd listen, often not. One time in particular, after seeing that look for a few minutes, I simply threw in a comment about how there were purple cows and green octopi outside in the yard, and the nods continued... for about 3-4 seconds, at which point it must have penetrated... and I got smacked. Hard. Not a playful smack, but a good, hard whap. I pretty much stopped bothering to put in anything of my own at that point unless she seemed in a particularly receptive mood. But the relationship remained for several years, and it wasn't until long after we separated (though she kept coming back into my life over and over again) that I had the nerve to say "No." Then Vesuvius erupted. I stayed firm, and that was that... which was painful, as we had a daughter by that time, who was going on 7. In the end, she got her revenge. The last visitation I had with my daughter, she was terrifically excited about the next, when she'd show me her new Halloween costume... and then, two weeks later, she (my daughter) canceled the visit, with a "Don't call me; I'll call you"... and the next time I saw her was at my mother's funeral, and she barely spoke to me. That's a pain that doesn't go away. So, as I said, she had her revenge, with plenty of interest. However, I'm not looking for sympathy here. Just warning people to deal with these things carefully. Narcissists don't recognize boundaries at all, and if there's some way they can hurt you, they will. If not physically, they'll damned well do it emotionally. Brace yourself, and stay safe.
ishtarian... btw...ishtarian - funny If that's what I think 🤔it meant to mean. Yupppp and you described perfectly. Had a now DeFriended Covert was same w her talking endlessly about herself... Not ALLOWING me to say sht. Disgusting. They think we are so insignificant and they're so superior. In actuality they're pathetic clowns mired in fear, inferiority, rejection and shame and hating us for being happy going. Wish you well.
@ishtarian I’ve been fighting to stay in my daughter’s life for all her 7 years. Today was another miserable day with accusations and circular arguing but I’ve learned that she will only keep my daughter from me as long as it’s convenient for her(which isn’t long). She has many friends and family that she uses to enable my removal so I’ve been thinking about diving into enemy territory and ask them directly for their help. Just let them know that my daughter never needs a sitter. If they are doing it to spend time together and that’s what my little girl wants then that’s ok, I’ve never denied any of them access to her. But many times it’s not easy for them to take her but they won’t say no to me ex. I’m guessing because all the lies made up about me. I rent a house 50 miles from my business and a home I own just so I can stay close to my little girl and she wants to take her daughter’s father out of her life. I can’t understand why her friends don’t see her narcissistic ways! They leave their work to do things for my ex because she’s at work!! I guess they think her nursing career is more important than whatever their own job is!
I've encountered all of these behaviors with grandparents and in relationships . I hate the gaslighting and talking in circles. these people are evil . These pople play psychological games and use you. I've tried to distance myself from them.
I wish I could express how grateful I am for your channel. For months, I'd wondered whether I was the narcissist. I'd think that I was the "crazy/toxic" one all along. I'd turned into an insomniac after that. Your videos have validated my thoughts so well; it makes me really happy to see that you are helping so many people deal with these issues. The way you are educating us, it's incredible. Thank you so very much.❤️
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
Common Ego Yes.. You’ll hear about it in the response video. But for others viewing and reading these comments just know all she says is super accurate. And when we know better it’s more like we hold onto the love we give that they project back at us type moments though please push through those very moments and know that what you’re holding onto in them is what you have within yourself all along! Y’all got this! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
Sorry, I ramble only bc there may be someone out there who feels the way I do. I know it's a lot BUT the Internet can be a forum of healing, support. Off topic, can I ask you a question? I have absorbed myself in this topic. I believe (FYI- I am NOT a licensed therapist but....I thought psychology as a major in college, I've seen numerous psychologists in my life w/ no results, just "OK, would you like to schedule another appointment?" NO! I would like YOU to help ME understand what is GOING ON with my 2 sisters! I can't get my 2 sisters to talk to me (w/out the Narc word salad, manipulation, gaslighting, etc.), and couldn't get therapists to give me constructive feedback. I wont go into my family situation. I'm physically disabled , 10 yrs ago I had a car accident that left me paralyzed (SCI). and, unfortunately, I am dependent in a lot of ways to my family. Where before, I didn't need anybody for anything. If I could, (financially) DITCH my family, esp. my 2 sisters, I would be on the road tm, give up ALL my belongings! GET ME OUTTA here! SORRY. for the outpour, I have been handling it as best I can, and I am dealing well w/ it. Just....I watch these vids n get v emotional but, I AM FINE, I deal, I AM STRONG, and I know.... Thank you......
So accurate, all of them!!!!!! I was in a relationship with an overt narcissique for around 10 years. 3 years later I see myself since 5 months with a covert one. It took me 5 months and your videos to understand that it wasn’t me, the problem! Since I found out (last Monday) I used his own weapons against him ..... they are so predictable🙄Unfortunately he is my neighbour in the building, on the same floor, so I guess I learnt more than one lesson 😅😇
E Unhinged hi. I hope you know that you are not alone. I hope you find your strength and a path to happiness. Anyone who has been in a similar situation no matter who was the “abuser” can relate on some level. Good and truth almost always prevails. The timeline is unclear. I hope you find a little comfort in this. Love and light to you.
The Bible says do not throw your pearls before swine. Some ppl will never appreciate you, so get strong, seek wisdom and move forward at the speed and opportunity given you.
There is a reason why you've had a RUclips subscriber explosion 💥! You are excellent at your job! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and putting the time, effort & love into making these videos.
Such a good video. My ex narc told me he could play guitar really well but over the course of our 1+ year relationship, I never heard him play ONCE. The word salad is extremely real and confusing. Ugh, so happy we’re not together anymore. Such an exhausting and stressful time in my life.
Just got out/rid of a relationship, i was in way too long, i could notice the patterns without a doubt , and when they actually happened ,i could no longer feel sorry or bad for the other, i just sed to myself this is bound to happen and i stopped allowing myself to be in that relationship again. A month has passed and within that month i realized how manipulative those type of person can be. They would never appreciate a thing you ever did, that's just how they are.
They will talk in circles even about a simple thing until finally they say: "why are you making such a big thing out of something so little! Wouldn't it have been easier to just put the cap back on yourself? You are so difficult!" Arghhh!....
Gaslighting was the worst! Never thought of it as questioning reality. Very helpful distinction. Unworth treatment was very confusing followed by the faux apology made it even more crazy. The fact that her tone and body language never matched the words was infuriating. They are totally incongruent and we always sense that, but can never quite put a finger on it.
wild gaslighting moment: my ex peed on my duvet, tried to convince me that I had done it, and then when I didn't believe him he gave up but made a big deal of taking it to the dry cleaner to try to make me feel guilty. lol
I went with a narc for 5 years. I was with him on lockdown for pandemic. He was mad at me for going home to check my home and get stuff. Didn't return when I said I would. He was furious. My brother passed away. He was asking to go fishing, for a ride etc. I was griefstricken. I could feel his anger. He was being so cynical. I said no I didn't feel like it. He even hit me in the chest with the back of his fist and said that's what I did to him the day before. I actually touched his arm when I saw a deer cause I didn't think he saw it. Two days later, after he slept on the couch, he verbally attacked me. He said so many hurtful things and some of them totally off the wall, like someone on drugs that don't agree with them. I pulled all my clothes, that I usually keep there, out of the closet and threw them on the bed. He actually said you're taking everything? I packed my car and I was tearing up and he says please don't cry , I can't stand to see you cry.... We Are Done. So many promises he had no intention of keeping. Thanks for listening.Thanks for your videos. I'm an empathy and this cut me to the core.
Narcs rarely apologize. They don't see whatever they did as something to apologize about. They are flawless and always right. I spent 50 years with a covert narc. 48 years married.
- Switching the focus of a hopeless conversation to the form when they cannot deal with the content using logic and knowledge: "Don't talk bad to me!" (...?) - Facts and opinions are synonyms - Solve any nonsense and irrational argument with "I have my opinion, you have yours, why you can't accept that?" - Emotional reasoning. Describing reality with emotions. "I feel we didn't go skiing, why can't you respect that?"
Eric..I was married to a diagnosed asp ! Keep moving forward and put your trust in God. My empathy goes out to you, but thank God you are still young and have an intact conscience. Be blessed.
I lost track of how many points described my mom. The one that really jumps out at me is the lack of empathy. She had none. Broken bones, third degree burns, near fatal car wrecks, trauma she just couldnt reach out. She would turn into a prickly cactus as if to say dont come to me. The closest she came to expressing it happened when we saw someone get killed on a motorcycle. Looking back on it, it was not oh gee his poor family or poor him. The response was oh how I was traumatized to see it. That's the spirit mom, its all about you.
I never thought about the word narcisist. Its crazy how these people come to us and we at first think they are so amazing! Like this girl seemded to be an actual angel! I was like omg im lucky af she cooks for me and is spiritual and wow howd i get so lucky. Then things start seeming a little fishy. You get the feeling they are cheating. But you tell yourself theres no way. You only know when youve stepped away how HARD you were duped. How you were fooled by their fake love , all the while they are cheating on you, talking to exs, and even fucking up other peoples relationships by fucking people who have gfs. Sometimes when people seem PERFECT they are actually the opposite. I would even say evil because if your gonna fuck up multiple peoples emotions and lifes that is pure evil.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! It’s so incredibly validating that you understand what people go through and explain it so clearly. No one would ever believe how messed up this type of person is. These videos should be used in schools to educate people about NPD.
I just saw this today you described my partner perfectly,he is also a recovering alcoholic. He didn't drink when we first meet started drinking again and then going to meeting's . He drinks on and off now. His crazy making and gas lighting is getting worse and worse. He says sorry and will quickly in less than 24 hours be verbally abusive again. I can't leave him but need a plan.
This video has triggered something in me that I've been feeling for so long, but was never convinced it was real. Of course now it makes sense why I gathered so much uncertainty and mistrust in myself, narcissistic behavior made me think I am crazy, nonsensical, hypersensible and almost always questioning whether happiness will ever happen to be the rule and not the exception in my life as well as feeling guilty for being unhappy.. I've joined therapy sessions with the intention to bring more clarity in my thoughts and become a better version of myself, but this video has just triggered so many internal questions in me. Furthermore, I realized I also have narcissistic traits and I've been hurting the other person a lot without even realizing how much I hurt, thinking I have the right to behave that way..I want to thank you for making this video and I am truly thankful to having found it.
I absolutely recognize these traits. I don't think I adopted any of them, but I'm afraid I closed myself up towards men. I haven't fallen in love since. I feel so cold hearted.. Maybe I still need some time to heal... I hope he didn't break me so much I can't love or trust anymore.
This is exactly how I feel right now :/ I find it very hard to trust women after what I've been through. At this point I feel like relationships just aren't meant for me. While there's solace in admitting that to myself, it still hurts alot
I felt like that until I empowered myself. I told myself that I am more aware now and if I see those traits in a potential partner, I will just say 'bye'... calm and decided, no need for emotional drama. The thing is you are not relying on the other to make you safe, you are relying on yourself to make you safe by giving yourself guilt free, no-justifying choice :)
The answer is Learn -learn and learn about narcissism - information is power and it helps you put things in perspective. Thank you Christina I find you so knowledgeable - sensitive and intuitive about the subject ... your understanding of narcissism is so developed it's amazing. I love everything you say because I live with it every day and it is all so true and spot on!..
For #7, when her actions are completely inconsistent with what she's saying later, I tell her, "I had a different experience." She never, ever follows up, never, ever pursues it the way a normal person would. So far, she has no comeback for this. She's my 85 year old mother, so she's been getting away with her crazy-making, gaslighting, deflecting, blame-shifting very effectively with me for decades. The fact I can say that, and nothing more, with a smile on my face and absolutely no emotion completely shuts her down!
I found out about gaslighting by googling arguing with my gf makes me feel crazy. That awakened me to all of this. I woke up and started to learn. After we broke up 2 months ago I am still searching and learning.
What you said about having a root canal compared to talking with a narcissist I’ve had a root canal and I was kind of knocked out, I wouldn’t mind being under the influence of being knocked out so I don’t let the narcissist BS effect me. Having selective deafness is also good while being in the presence of a narcissist 👍
I found out about it because I found it surreal having an open clear conversation with someone and find out she didn't listen or care to acknowledge any of it. What I've been learning is when something feels off it might be off, the chance you give must be the one you get.
The bible is very clear on this. The book of timothy, proverbs, the list goes on clearly defines the charachteristics of these people and refers to them as reprobates. YOUR advice is great and I hope others take heed to what you suggested. There are some VERY good utubes that address this issue from a spiritual perspective for those who follow the teachings of the bible such as: Wakeman, Trace Face It and Be Good to Yourself. Best of luck.
I didn't see the signs "in" the relationship. But I see them very clearly taking a step back. I knew in my gut something wasn't right. I felt like I was walking through a field of landmines talking to her. Better watch my step (watch my words*) or get blown up.
Thanks for this wonderful information! I saved to "watch later" so i can remind myself when i'm in doubt. Life is so much better when you're gone from the narc. Even being alone is a blessing, i'm experiencing such happiness and can feel good about myself again. People and friends notice this, my personality glows like a shiny star, i'm giving back without being hurt, i feel safe now.
It's all so true and right ... one that I particularly notice with my partner ... the word don't match the actions . Concentrate on the actions ... the words are cheap . Believe only the actions and remember actions and manipulations ... control
Thank you for all your videos! My mind has been going crazy with who I thought I had a deep spiritual connection. Was made to think I had the issues, althou my intuition was alarming constantly I was left questioning myself all the time until I had to leave for fear of actually losing my mind. Then I discover your page and realise now im perfectly sane and been played all along
OMG the circular argument ... before I knew what covert narcissism was, I called that kind of arguing The Jedi Mind Fuck technique. It starts with gaslighting, generally picking at something he is insecure about or something I said that made him question my belief in his perfectness, he will pick and pick until I lose my shit and then he swoops in with the kill shot and by the end, I feel like confused, humiliated and utterly exhausted.
Holy Shit. I'm not kidding. I was watching your videos the other night and was totally convinced it was me who was the abuser. I didnt realize it until a few days later when I told a friend a story my sister told me about meeting my ex for drinks...wow. what a relief.
The only thing that saved me, looking back, was that My Narcissistic told me in our first date that he was seeing two therapists for his traumatic childhood. Months later I realized that no amount of therapeutic sessions would help ME deal with his behavior. It enfuriated him that I would look at him thinking, hmmmmmm.
What about when they go around "Projecting Their Insecurities" onto you? Convincing people that "You Think You're Better Than Them?" But you were just trying to improve your own life?
It's bothered me, because by the end, the 'parroting narcissistic behaviour' is a thing I've definitely done. I've been in circular arguments that I refused to leave, because I was sick of backing down to keep the peace. I've been the one who recalled dates/times/events from years past to prove a point, because I learnt early on that relying on my memory was important... even if I didn't fully understand why... so I could respond to 'I never did that' with exact details. I learned to keep everything - I had receipts that were 12 years old... sadly in the filing cabinet that he kept, but I DID have them.... and right at the very end, I actively avoided answering questions directly because I knew if he found out I was leaving before I was able to go I would never get away.... and now I'm hyper defensive when someone disagrees with me. I hate it, but I can't seem to stop. It hasn't even been a year yet, and we were together just over 15 years (straight out of a home where both parents were narcissistic as well so I was well trained) and I'm trying to be patient with myself, but I hate it. I'm eternally grateful for the incredible people I have in my life, who are more patient with my recovery than I am. I just... wish I hadn't stayed so long. I feel contaminated
Oh, and crazy. I feel crazy some days. Narcissist has become such a buzz word, people have started using it for all kinds of minor things that are nothing to do with genuine narcissism. It never even occurred to me that it might be the term that applied, but he had labelled me the narcissist within a week of me leaving. 8 months on he's blocked me on everything because I started dating again, and is telling all kinds of lies, and I feel conflicted and kinda broken, but.... in a weird way, I'm grateful for his public lies. I was sent screenshots of what he was saying on Facebook, and they're such definite lies, things i can prove to myself - and anyone else, not that anyone asks - he is absolutely deliberately lying to destroy me (like the opening line that I blocked him, that's not something you can get wrong by accident) because let me tell you, that man looked me dead in the eye and told me the cigarette I just watched him drop didn't exist, and if I couldn't SEE it right there on the ground, still lit, I would have believed him. I need that proof to remind ME that I'm not crazy
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One of the saddest things in my life was when I was on holiday with my 10 years old daughter and she said: "mom, you are so happy here, you laugh and everybody likes you, not like at home with daddy"
Damn 😭
Straight from the mouth of babes.
My kids have said that too. 💔
Yep. At "home" with a narcissist everything makes you sick. To the point that, if you are free after many years of the abuse, you receive joy from the smallest things in life; stuff no normal person is ever grateful for.
Agnieszka Libera Yup. That's where I'm at, and it's exactly why I'm done, and I'm leaving. And now that he knows I'm serious and really ending it, he is beginning to get angry & vindictive towards me. Our grown youngest daughter still lives with us, is a senior in college, just trying to graduate, so she can move out. He is ramping up his anger toward me now, and she is miserable having to live with us. It makes me feel just awful for her. But he is the instigator in everything, no matter how much grey rock I employ. I can't wait to leave. I'm stuck here until an apartment opens and my application is accepted; because it has now been a month and a half separated in the same house, he is beginning to become pushy about it, because he's angry that I'm ending it. He is spinning around in all directions, no matter what I do. And knows good and well, I have NOWHERE TO GO yet. Nowhere. I have a job, but only just started. Won't have my first paycheck for another week-- and that only partial, one day, because I started on last day of pay period. The full check won't be until August. He is getting pushy because he knows I have no options.
But yes, I feel so much happier and better, when I'm away from him. I can't WAIT til I get out; the sooner the better!!
I found they begin their word salad when the conversation comes close to them having to take any self responsibility.
Yes!! Absolutely true!
100% . If you bring up any rational point , or try to convey an issue between you two, it must be derailed and scrambled.
Or when you get too close to uncovering something they have done that's harmful to a relationship
I experienced that he shifted the conversation topic so very often and quickly when it got uncomfortable for him to handle what we were discussing.
A nother strange thing I reacted on was that when textmessaging (which we did a lot) I almost never could have guessed what he were going to responded to me in the conversation... It used to puzzle me that I always got a respons/answer that I didn't expect. What I thought should be an obvious respons/answer in the conversation did almost never happen.
Oh my god. Thank you for this.
There is no dialogue with a narcissist, it's a monologue about themselves pure and simple.
Correct!
This is an excellent description!!
That's true I experienced it myself
Exactly
oh, this hit hard
If you bring up something they did wrong (which is practically everyday because they are such liars and cheaters and manipulators and so on) they will bring up something you did five years ago. That way they seem like "oh you did this to me so I can do this to you. They use the same thing you did to them over and over and over again.
Anything to shift responsibility 😔
Yes, my ex did that. It got to the point that I wouldn't even challange him on anything anymore. It wasn't worth it. And the stuff he would throw back at me was so lame, it was like comparing apples to oranges..it was crazy.. making. I used to just think, he sucked so bad at arguing and it was so toxic, it couldn't last. NOTHING ever got resolved.
Shawna Deyo my new favorite? “Let’s just move ahead from here.” Uh huh. (Until you wanna talk about something I did yesterday).
You've started a war with no ending.
That's why progress is impossible with them
The apologies that turn blame back on to you 🙄
I'm sorry, but you...
@@chrissearcher3563 *names unrelated thing that happened 2 years ago*
Yuuup.
My Narc father did something very inconsiderate and toxic to me (and this was actually the incident that made me realize he was a Narcissist and didn't give a shit about me only the attention I got him) and when I said I didn't want to interact with him until he apologized and he did.... technically but it was an "I'm sorry but-" and then went into this long fillabuster of guilt tripping me for being a bad daughter "I'm sorry but my life is so hard." "You're never there for me" blablabla. He didn't care about what he did to me, how he hurt me. He only cared that his actions inadvertently took away the supply I was providing for him up until that point.
Especially since our whole family took my side and not his. He had to desperately scramble to save face and somehow make me out to be the bad guy.
The 3 step apology.
1)I'm sorry I hurt you
2) I don't think what I did was that bad tho
3) I did nothing wrong why do you alway have to pick holes in me.
"It's my fault. I am just trying to help you. Yes I told them that extremely personal thing you repeatedly asked me not to, but it was because I want to help you and now so do they" Me: "Um, help with what? I told you those personal things in confidence of which you now have broken. Had I known you would have done this, I would have never told you about it. My trust is broken with you because of this." I mean, I could do this for DAYS, but these are the verrry mild sentences as examples. They don't appear bad at first, but then they keep going until they find someone who will concur with their beliefs. How do they sleep at night? Mystery to me still...
They say they love you but they don't act like they love you 🙋
actions speak louder than words
Amen!
I wish I could like this 3 times. They "love" you to get something out of it. In my case housing.
Right??!!! Then follow up with stuff like, "You never pay attention to what I'm saying, so why should I even try?" or, "All you care about is my actions, but you never care/pay attention to my motives" (then proceeds to throw out excuses as to why I should pay attention to what they meant instead), or nitpick some tangent that diverts from the main topic at hand (like how they're not using "excuses", but giving "reasons", and advocating their perceived, significant differences between the two).
@@dreyddog19
I hear you,
When they say I LUV YOU its really I LUV what YOU DO 4 me
Its ALL about them
@@Vykeera
I hear you,
They are blame shifting, gaslighting, being deflective and non accountable all while frustrating and exasperating you in the process. It's a no win situation trying to rationalize with an irrational person
Arguing technique - not remembering 48 hours ago - but raising something (the N says) happened 10 years ago !
Coverts are the worst type - sneaky sadists.
My last relationship deflected off her recent and Current (!) behavior by continually bringing up something i shared from 3 years ago, which was 2.5 years before i even met her!
LIterally describing an event from 2 years prior claiming you did "this" or "that". When you correct them and replay the real event and that you actually did they opposite they respond with "well that was so long ago I can't remember every detail". Wait, what?!
True
Sneaky sadists.. YES the sabotage is maddening
Yes....yes
Don't forget how they lie, to you about even small stuff!
CUZZ Bass So true!! Mine just couldn’t help himself and would lie about such trivial things even when there wasn’t any apparent gain to be had from it. They just can’t help themselves!
CUZZ Bass true true true
they lie even when they're supposed to be telling the truth to you about another lie that they said before... (but then you're the paranoid) a few times I knew the truth about stuff (with written proof) and she kept lying... I feel sorry for her, after all she's mentally I'll, but I decided to move away long ago.
Thank you for taking your time to make that video I have learned so much about covert narcissist
Lie for them is just like breathing... easy and natural, with no worry
Hang on ... you left out the silent treatment - which is a major tactic of the covert.
Ohh yea, being ghosted or even one word texts. Sickos
yes!!!! then u end up apologizing because u just want to everything good again
Rachael Santiago omg I did and he ignored my apology
Maybe they genuinely want you to leave them alone.
@@SimulationWinks
No. It’s purely a game. Narcissists don’t genuinely do anything. It’s all tactics and games.
(A normal person on the other hand doing that would genuinely want to be left alone.)
They seem harmless, humble, self deprecating at times, sweet, portraying " Mr. Nice " Guy .....NOT!
You've just been duped by a covert Narc 😣 little red riding hood,
beware of the Wolf in sheep's clothing
Exactly. Not all of them are overt. They pretend to be your friend while sabotaging you. The "nice guys" are probably some of the worst because of their grandiosity. Its sickening
Can relate. My family member acts like everybody’s best friend in public/a big family guy. But at home, doesn’t interact with us at all.
@@jensbasement3862 mine 48 years old, BEAUTIFUL LADY, , bich owned me then threw me out
Exactly how I've seen them...wolf's in sheep clothing
My ex's favorite way to "apologize" was to say, "You know I never want to see you hurt and you know I'm always trying to be a better person", and then blame the whole situation on 1) his traumatic childhood 2) me overreacting ("picking at the scab" as he would call it) 3) me being too naive to understand how real relationships work and/or 4) me not being accepting of him and the trauma he's been through. We'd have a circular argument where he'd call me names and act like I was a horrible person until somehow, he'd have ME apologizing to HIM. Then, once I gave up, he'd act like the whole argument never happened, be super "sweet" to me, and then get mad when I wasnt reciprocating his "sweetness" because I was so goddamn emotionally drained and confused.
Kaitlyn Sorum me too
did we date the same person? incredible likeness to my ex as well
This gave me goosebumps.
Robert Gray I just wanted to start clapping!!!! Holy SHHHHHH! This is truth.
Oh my god, the EXACT same happened to me. It’s incredible how textbook their behavior is!
#12 Passive aggressiveness, especially with time-sensitive situations.
Omg THIS. "I don't want to talk about this now"
Even if there is a need to make a decision.
You described that perfectly.
I do not like arguing with a narcissist, but they really love arguing--about EVERYTHING. Even if I say I don't want to debate or talk about it, they persist, ad nauseum. Thanks for your videos!
Exactly and then mine tells me that, “I am the one who likes to argue.” There is no winning with the narcissist. They are experts at negating responsibility
@Mary Carroll I left mine after 33 years and it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I have PTSD from childhood and now his viscous words over all those years. Don’t pet his ego, they have enough of that on their own. Work on you. I promise you, it WILL NOT change. I am free now and I am so content with enjoying what I like now. For years, I spent most of my life appeasing him to avoid conflict because conflict is a dead end street. They do not fight fair but are rather cruel and completely unable to have a civil discussion. They take zero responsibility and believe it is you. Go no contact if you can.
@Mary Carroll waste of time
@Mary Carroll i meant trying to save a marriage with a covert narcisist,...even texting him IS a waste of time
I had a different issue. My ex was an avoidant type and I believe a covert narcissist. She wouldn't have any conversations about the important issues in our relationship that needed discussing. So I kept bringing them up because I knew they needed to be addressed and resolved for a healthy relationship. She viewed herself as better than me and used withholding validation, withholding information, stonewalling, breadcrumbing, deflection, never apologizing for anything even when she broke our agreement, etc. So she was on the complete other end of the spectrum about conflict, and that was equally irresponsible. Both turning everything into a confrontation, and running from all confrontation are bad. Healthy conflict is the necessary middle ground.
No problem ever gets solved or even addressed.....as soon as you bring something up it’s blame shifting, gaslighting and talking in circles
Nope, don't ask them to have a serious conversation. They deflect it towards something else. I cornered my narc to have a conversation about our relationship status, and she shifted her attention towards how the hair on my head needed trimmed. She avoided the topic completely.
@@clintonnagy1662 there is no repairing any relationship with these people…..I left shortly after I posted my comment here and it’s been 3 years now and I’m still trying to work through everything and build my self esteem back up…..at least I can do it in peace now….best thing I ever did….ironically his name is Clinton too 😳
I just broke up with a narcissist and in my experience, he never apologized for anything.
Both my exes (narcs) didn't either. A guy friend's ex (who has a yt tarot reading channel and preaches love and is a cover narc) would blame him for everything even her crap. Raked him over the coals. Down with narcs! They belong in an insane asylum and away from the general population.
They do not apologize...Or if it ever DOES happen, it's a last ditch effort to suck you back in.
They feel apologizing is below them.
@@jensbasement3862 You said it! They'll dance around the Earth before even tackling the concept of "apologizing"
Tou will die waiting on that apology it takes alot from them to say sorry.. specially for what they say
When you recognize all these patterns, it’s just hilarious and makes me laugh inside. That’s the moment they can’t take advantage of you anymore. They’re pathetic clowns. That’s all. Don’t waste your precious time with clowns. These horrific lessons only makes you stronger and wiser so you know in the future when you encounter one. Thanks to Common Ego for these valuable contents! Greatest Gratitude 🙏🏻✨
It is so empowering when you realize what's happening. It can be a long road out, but that moment is very powerful! ❤🙏
Once you know what.youre dealing with, they become to predictable that it is hilarious. They are very boring people
Wandering Free RIGHT!!😆😆😆
I cought my bf lying about being at his moms house for the weekend , I had the worst feeling so I followed my motherly intuition and drove by and he wasn’t there .. so I confronted him and upon that he swore on everything that I was crazy and delusional and that he was in fact there and called me controlling and projected , he accused me of the worst things imaginable like how I slept with someone in our bed and stole from him and so on and so on even calling me a prostitut , I couldn’t help but to get upset he did a good job taking the spotlight off of himself and tearing me apart for catching him lying . Idk if he cheated but why else would he lie and never admit to a damn thing if he wasn’t . He sees himself as a perfect non sinner and everyone else in the world is trash to him . He ego will get damaged so easily if he is confronted about anything he gets angry and says things like I’m done I’m tired of you slandering my name and stupid stuff like that but when I packed my stuff and had to come back to get the rest he just acts like nothing happened he won’t even talk to me and if I had a better support system and somewhere to go like a family member house I would be gone . So I guess I’m just waiting for him to talk to me about this and give a single f about saving our relationship and I know it’s a waste of time . I feel like I am crazy .
He’s just a typical narcissist. You need to dump crap. You will thank yourself in the very near future. Let the universe/higher power take over. Focus on your happiness and mental health. Most of us here know exactly what your talking about. Be strong and move forward!
God the word salad and gaslighting is the worst
The very definition of crazymaking behavior! 🙏❤
And then you feel stupid for falling for it...
It’s exhausting.
Crazy making statements:
1. "It's all in your head!"
2. "Why are you stuck in the past?"
3. "The problem is.." (all the answers start with a problem statement drives nuts and u automatically shutdown)
4. "O you think I create problems, so what do u think of yourself? The one with no problems at all?""
5. "Why can't you see me happy?"
6. " Why can't you just understand me?"
7. " what's wrong with you? Did you have your medicine? Change your doc."
8. " I think you have anger issue. Don't deny, I can see it. Why can't you be just cool and smile instead of being upset/question me?"
9. " You are too emotional and people don't like that closeness. That's why your friends stopped talking to u."
10. " what are you talking about? It never happened!"
11. "No, you won't be able to do it/this/that ...."
12. "Everything is sooo expensive, be careful people are cheats!"
13. "I don't have money"
14. " I love (sex) you, we are one.. even in money. I need some right away please!"
15. " Send me money as I have a better plan to secure it than u have. You can use my credit card instead."
16. "Today is the last day of..."
17. " You are my favorite"
18. " R u not well? Oh..hey am really feeling sick"
19. " I was not around when you were sick because I was sad/couldn't handle/didnt want to bother you/thought you needed space"
20. "O I thought you would like icecream cake...coz I like it."
I get those,comments everyday ! It's emotionally draining ,i needed to know what and why I was feeling crazy and it almost cost me everything I loved,i am back with the ex and she and I are expecting another child.its hard to communicate with her because she seemes not to care.
This is everyday about everything!!!
You absolutely nailed it with point #4. Nobody in my life ever believes me until they witness it for themselves, and let's face it: they rarely do. That's what makes it so upsetting and depressing.
Same same that's why I care less what people think cause they are always pointing the finger at me because they would never believe the person who is your perpetrator could actually be the way you describe them they start to think your delusional and crazy for saying It and it's truly more traumatizing to the victim it's almost suffocating and you feel you have no one but yourself it sucks and I can totally relate
Some of the ones u tell your pain to, are also narcissist or they are flying monkeys...my dad just started going numb on me when eye vent to him about things that my mom was doing I started seeing he was not at all interested and could fucking care less...as a child he would say oh yes I know what u mean, I know how u feel, things will get better...OR he redirects the conversation by giving examples of fake empathy in an effort to downplay my experiences. My dad had me fooled for 40 years my entire life and my mother who is a raging control freak and narc and his wife is worst he watched me be abused for years by his wife...he tried to say stuff every now and then...but nothing ever changed and he was always working, playing sports, working out and hanging with his friends...
Before I understood Narcissism, I used to say that my ex had no emotional intelligence. There was so much emotional tug of war. He had no emotional response to anything, his words, actions, and expression never aligned. When i reached a point of emotional distress, he'd immediately point and say "see this. THIS is what I can't stand". I felt so terrible. He couldn't acknowledge that my response was because bof a build up of not knowing what he's thinking, and I was questioning my value. I'm so glad we didn't get married.
No I literally thought the narcissist in my life was autistic cause I couldn’t believe they were so rude ( and I thought they were a nice person that was unaware of how rude they were to my all the time) to me but those gut feelings confused me.
@@lillysmith424 exactly
Yeah, I definitely don't trust myself to judge whether someone is "safe." It's the worst because it's still effecting my life. Making friends or dating now is like the scariest thing in the world.
It can definitely be scary. I found it got easier for me after I spent time focused on self-healing and learning about the signs. I avoided new relationships while I was working on these things because I wanted to stay on track ❤🙏
My horrendous relationship is over but now I have no idea how to talk to people. I'm so alone. 20 years, he really did a number on me.
I feel the same way. And I agree completely with what this beautiful soul who's name i don't know..said above. Take all the time you need to heal, introspect and educat yourselves. Don't rush your healing.
I personally won't date again until I am healed because my vibration will attract someone who is also healing or isn't ready and I don't want that. I want to avoid trauma bonding at every level. My vibe will change as I educate myself and heal all the bs he put me through. Which luckily wasn't too much, cause I always stood up for myself. And I didnt allow him to isolate me. Though he tried..
And im sorry to say, but f these people. Dont let their fear, envy, insecurities get the best of you. Just give yourself time. And you will spot them..I didnt even realize how loved bombed I was ... because i took my relationship very slow ... but as soon as he moved me from the driver seat...i felt like he moved in with me. And was the only person blowing up my phone. It's just not normal. ... and always rushing intimacy. And he would tell himself a different story about how fast he got me in bed LOl which wasn't true. He was just trying to change my sense of reality when I know exactly who the f i am! F asshole. LOL I am less than 30 days No contact...but the more days that pass...the more I see all the red flags.
Hi I agree I don't trust any more to scare haven't dated in3 years it wrong that they change people it not fair
@@CommonEgo yes that's right you have to do that first it was that we have to heal from something that was their doing but when we have healed we will find a happy loving realionship with honesty love and care what they will never have because we are real could almost feel sorry for them but I don't lol who's lonely now
today is the day i finally go no contact.. its rough 💔🔜🌱✨💃🏻❤
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It gets better, and there will be ups and downs, but if you're dealing with abuse, you're doing what's best for you (and that's super important) 🙏❤
goya. T stay strong, i know its hard, but you will be so glad you did. Every day away from this person is a day closer to real freedom for you.
goya. T You CAN do it!!!! No contact equals peace and healing
@@4GodsPeople yeah, its the traumabond :(
goya. T Yes took me several months in no contact to finally start to feel free from the trauma bond..... and a lot of Prayer👍🏻🙏🏻 but you got this!!
OMG. Yes. I say and act like a narcissist. Im so ashamed and embarrassed. I spend alot of time asking myself if I am? Its disturbing. Thank GOD I go to therapy. Just working on myself.
What about constant interruption? And I mean CONSTANT. I will quietly listen to her rail against me/say her piece for 10, 15, 20 minutes but as soon as it's my turn to speak I can't complete a sentence before it's "wait, wait wait...", "no, no, no...", "Oh my GOD...". It's insanely frustrating and it happens every single time I open my mouth. Absolutely every behavior is turned around on me to the point where I question my own sanity. She lost her engagement ring for a year, no clue where it went. A few months ago I get pulled over in her car, go into the glove box for insurance and registration and what do I find but a receipt from the pawn shop where she pawned the ring. When I confronted her she said she pawned it to pay bills and never told me because I would've flipped out. I know that's not true because I'm not the type to just explode out of nowhere but I still found myself racking my brain for an occasion when it's happened. It's like that with everything. I feel like I'm in an unwinnable situation, it's a constant downward spiral. I love her more for the person she was than the person she is. I know I need to get out but we have a child together and I can't walk away from him.
I'm sorry you're in that mess. I felt the same way as you. I felt trapped and no way out. When I would try to talk to her, I got interrupted constantly. She would deflect my interest back onto her. So annoying. I was losing my mind. Finally, we had an one last argument and I walked, and haven't contacted her. She is a mess but blames me for her problems. A spoiled she-devil that crawled out from the pit and latched onto me. Her son is worse then she is. He creates alot of drama and chaos. I couldn't do it anymore. It's so toxic. It stings to want what I thought was love but it's HELL. No thanks. I chose the path back to the Lord.
"You'd rather have a root canal, then argue with a narcissist".enough said, I'm stealing it. 😆
When they say "I love you", it means "I love what you can do for me".
I had a narcissist actually say that to me, madness
I.m a 62 year old woman and unfortunately only understood what this evil demons are and what they are capable of.
This is rampant.
Deepest GRATITUDE for the tremendous effort you put forth and the wisdom you disseminate.
Thanks, Susan, and thank you for watching 🙏❤
Yep the veil is lifting. Their pathetic behavior does not align with morality and values, honesty and transparency. Be true to yourself and never settle
lsanborn03 I was with a covert narc 6 years , I consider my self a smart girl , but I didn’t see it all this 6 years , he was so good pretending , so subtle his moves . How I discovered ? I just had recomended on RUclips a video about narcisism , when i show it i get just in shok , was 100% The same behavior of my boyfriend . Silent testament , feeling jealous cause he was looking so subtle other girls exactly to see my reaction , he never admited nothing never . He was to kind to sexual in the beginning, he just was always making me presents, he was so sweet ,so shy , so empathy , he always was , I didn’t like how he look that much but He seems so honest and kind and altruistic , he was always telling me how a hard life he had and childhood, telling me in the first time about her ex girlfriends, always I felt like I was in a competition with all the girls . He made me feel so insecure always, he isolated me . He start soon to silent tratament , when I was with him I start to feel so Lonely, i felt like he doesn’t love me anymore , I cried so much nights , I get a little sick for the anxiety , then I become being vegan , Always crying and holding him to doesn’t look other girls cause was hurting me , he never admired , he said that I’m crazy , is in my imagination . He never said sorry or admired something just if I I had exactly the proof and his face even then sometimes , was crazy . When I was criticized him he just change his face in one really creepy way so scary honestly , I never can had a conversation with him, was like speaking with a sofa . He start being really boring, but he always will had that moment some second making his fake sweet voice and that .He stop complimenting me ,he never told me anymore that I’m beautiful anymore or that I have a nice body . He just loved lo make me jealous and I’m not the kind of girl who don’t ask for explication or doesn’t say it , he loves make me jealous but very very sneaky . Then I star making money , he always had my money , I really never trusted anybody more than him . Red flags a lot , but I was really really young . He always was feeling bad , sick , hurting something , always he looked sad , or just so quiet. Then my mom get sick of cancer , then she dies . and he travel to the country when she was . I was just 17 , he was 26 then he told me and he come back to the other country with a weird and shitty excuse but good one in the same time . I just just feeling so sad , the Saddest moment of my life . He used me a lot for my money in the last 2 years of the fake relationship, and , of course for his ego , making me always jealous making me feeling Like he get bored of me , a lot of time without sex coming I felt so bad and I start to stay just in the bed , getting a lot of anxiety , smoking a lot of weed cause life without was so boring . But I really loved him and I really toughen that he loves me to , he was cooking for me , Washing for me all the stuff of the house , giving me food . My self esteem was a good one cause I always felt that I was a beautiful girl , but I felt so bad cause making me in a weirdo situations cause girls also can feel with a guy look you in some way even if is a subtle one . And I felt shamed . Always was a competition with all the girl so I hated go out with him cause was. Torture . But I tough was really in my imagination in some way . Weird feeling . After some years he started to spend hours in the mirror , he get bold then he get some kind of wig and omg he start spending hours in the mirror . When I discovered , I made a plan to escape , I call a friend he come with a men and big car to take my stuff . I’m living with that girl right now , 4 days since i left that fucking fake narc. I stayed 3 days with contact zero but today I called him cause I want the money i invest in the house , he doesnt wanna give to me . He îs The worst person i met in my life . I told him , I know now everything I told him he is sick he is narcissist , he said that my veganismo get me crazy . Then I told him now I know he was trying make me feel insecure , how he is . I told him that he is ugly and I didn’t like him in the beginning. Told Loved just his fake personality and I really made him feel ugly how he wanna make me feel :) the last conversation I had with him , the point is I want a lot revenge now I hate him so much I’m sorry but I hate him I want make him suffer how he made me feel but then I remember that the suffer every second almost . What I Can say about covert narc , that they’re the best about faking , he always the victim , and he is really very very very sneaky .Mine was smart just in the evil stuff . Manipulating me. Honestly they’re weirdest mental issues in this life . They’re very weird and they’re behavior are always in all the same . That’s so weird . I do think they’re something devil in them ... I feel like a escape for the devil I swear, since i know he was a narcissist and I was still living with him 3 days I couldn’t sleep , I was so afraid I was looking him how now I now all his moves , I fake love so much that’s 3 days and I leave him . Now I feel like I’m living , I was stuck at home even 8 mont without seeing the sun . I’m honestly in shock , I’m seeing the videos about narcissist, and that really made me wanna study psychology , I find it the most sadist stuff in this world but very interesting, I also think that mine was also a pedophile . (I Look 6 years more younger that i am , like 15 ,16) and i show something too but I don’t wanna write it here . Now I think I can see a narcissist in 2 seconds . Im not suffering So much , maybe a bit of The syndrome Stockholm, and a bit codependent and a little scared but I’m so happy 😁 so this story have a happy ending for me , I get it like a lesson, I’m very empathy girl , the problems of the people get always my problem to I try to control myself . They’re just pure shit and insecure . Girl dont miss them , hate them and contact zero . I will not speak never anymore with him in my life :) he told everywone that I get crazy for being vegan 😅 LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL , I feel amazing.
Weed lady..stay strong.the Bible calls these people reprobates. See what book if Timothy has to say. Study Christian apologetics. Strong evidence for the case for Christ can be proven historically,testimonially,archeologically, prophetically, numerically. Thank God you didn.t have a child with this creep. This is a spiritual issue. Simply evil. They are demonically infested or outright possessed. Pray to God to reveal himself to you,protect you.be blessed and sorry for the tremendous loss if your mother. Look up livingwird, Ravi Zacharias and cold case Christianity.
According to the narcissist your not allowed to feel !
I found out my ex narc was a covert narc by googling 'husband walked out and left without a word' over a year ago now.
same...though mine emailed me while I was out of town to tell me he had moved out, and that it was my fault because I was not able to love him in the way he could feel loved.
"Selective grip on reality?" They have NO GRIP ON REALITY! They just say gibberish that they "think" will save their ass.
@@natashastewart8203 Yeah, they say you're telling lies when they're the ones who actually do this.
@@natashastewart8203 My "sister" has always been popular, but firstly, her flying monkeys are afraid of her and secondly, she even said once, annoyed by a weird friend that had been bullied in school as a child, that he should give it a break and that "we've all been bullied." Yeah, right! She hadn't and I was bullied by kids and adults because of her and other narcs. My covert narc "aunt" told me everyone in her village love her. Yeah, they love her... gone! 😂
@agnieszkalibera5809 I've experienced that. I was accused of lying for stuff that was unimportant. I was gonna go to the store and decided NOT to go because I was tired. I was accused of lying and she wouldn't let it go. Insane. That's one of many insane arguments.
My EX narc had germ issues. She wouldn't eat the edges of chips she touched. Then got mad at me for eating her scraps.
Another example of number 9 is when they can't turn it around on to themselves. It's when you try to tell them about something that has caused you pain like in your example of being talked badly about, and they respond with "well, maybe you did something to deserve it" or " I've heard you complain about these things before. Have you ever considered that you might be the problem"? This can be so incredibly damaging.
That can definitely happen. There's an example just like that in my covert emotional abuse video ❤
Wow. That sounds awfully familiar.
My husband told me that I’m the reason people in my family have mental illnesses....bi-polar runs in our family and my son had just been diagnosed...this was a year ago and I’m still not over it 😞
@@dee-deelove9310 please don't let that enter your heart. My ex husband told me that I make people around me want to kill themselves. I wanted to become a counselor, and that comment kept me from it all the years I was married. But I realized that he was toxic, and started college after my divorce and became the counselor I dreamed of being. Behavioral abnormalities can very much be genetic, my daughter inherited bipolar from my ex-husband. But I recognized her bipolar early on and we've been working with the chemical imbalances since an early age and she's aware of her ups and downs and a fantastic young lady. It just sounds to me like your husband needs to learn a little bit of tact and empathy. Good luck darling.
I experienced that but her response is " well, I'm NOT saying anything that isn't TRUE. You can't handle the truth". But I don't dare tell my friends about her and her son's behavior. I'll never live it down. Hypocritical and pointless.
I literally just broke it off with my friends of 7 years because of a covert narcissist turning them against me. Saddest thing is I didnt even realize what was going on until it was too late. I hope anyone who has suffered at the hands of covert narcissist find healing and newly gained self worth.
Same here! They all believed her even when she had no evidence supporting her statements. Those poor saps are now slaves to the filthy parasite.
my son is going thru that right now ......and he doesn't even realize it. Even I am a point of contention. She is taking everything from him, goes thru his phone, doesn't let him do anything with out her. has to run everything by her. Its just sick, I cant believe it
Circular argument is definitely the best way to describe this relationship, NOTHING ever goes as u want or planned ,mind playing losers
14th day since I've left the narcissist. Still trying to heal and live a new life. Can't afford a divorce now but I'm separated from her and I'm feeling in peace.
Crazy making is telling a narcissist to be “kind” and they suddenly flip out and suddenly say “YOU’RE THE ONE BEING UNKIND!!!!” even though you were nothing but calm and reasonable with them. Then when YOU collapse, then you’re “crazy.”
Gaslighting, when taken to the extreme can leas the victim to a state of psychosis.
If they have to perform a task for you but fail to deliver, they will instantly find an excuse to support their inability to get the work done.🙏
Sooner or later their story is that they did do that favor and they had to go way out of their way to do it and you’re unappreciated of them.
For the past almost 3 years I’ve been trying to understand why I know my ex is abusive but all the resources describing emotional abuse made me feel invalidated. This video has been the biggest validation I’ve received yet.
It’s been a lonely road because I don’t think anyone would believe me if I told them of my ex’s behaviour. I’m the one with the fiery personality and who “doesn’t take shit” so I’ve always felt that people would turn his abuse around and blame me for it because our personalities probably convey the opposite perception.
Thank you so much for making these videos. You’ve saved my sanity.
I know what you mean about no one would believe it. I am divorcing my husband of 17 years. In the eyes of his co-workers and 'friends' he is amazing. At home, it was an entirely different story full of gaslighting and circular arguing.
HANG IN THERE AND WELCOME HOME MY FRIEND!
Same here, love. Everything about us helps the mask. I'm sorry. No one, but me and my son know and it sucks to go through this abuse without being able to tell anyone and even if you could, you couldn't explain it. It is more alone than alone. But in reality we are not being here we are. I see you. ❤
The Covert was very intimate with me in private, but when we were around friends they wouldn't even hold hands. They even made sure they had something in their hand when sitting together in the company of others.
Covert narcissist mixed with sex and love addiction has been 9 years of hell. The lies, abuse, gasligjting has been a game of rejection that made me realise I'm going crazy. There are NO adult conversations, he has ruined everybody in his life and has no communication with family or kids. The love bombing is something I've just learned about. I try to talk about it and its never resolved. So, I keep bringing it back up. I see my patterns now and I'm exhausted. I'm working my way out.of this relationship and can't wait to feel free again,mentally and physically. I feel like I really dislike this person and want to throw up as I look back at everything he did to me.
You’ll learn more and more how evil it all is. I tell my ex(no contact if we didn’t have a child) not to project her truths onto me. It’s her that she hates, not me!
I laughed out loud with the vegetarian thing. My ex narc said he was “almost vegetarian” too, for ethical reasons . He now works at a slaughter house.
OMG that's crazy 🤯 I met someone recently who said it and that he didn't even really like meat. Shortly after those conversations, he sent me a pic of a mountain of chicken bones from the wings he just ate with the caption, "Killed it!" And so many other things that indicated he lived quite the opposite of what his words said...
It's not always a sign of narcissism (tho you'll always see it with narcissists), but when someone's actions and words are out of alignment, it's a MAJOR red flag. That person is trying to create a quick and inauthentic connection with you. They want you to let your guard down faster than you would if they were honest.
But at least we can say we have lived and learned ❤
As if people can't change their minds without being narcissist 😂
My ex gf would try to cuddle me when we went to bed instead of saying sorry which would make me angry.
I've only been in this relationship for 3 months but everything being described is what I'm starting to see. He played into me so perfectly in order to draw me in and then all of a sudden he started to show these signs, like blindsiding me and disappearing. No calls, when he used to always be there. Mood swings, silence. He plays heavily into Mr Nice but now his behavior is radically changing. Thank you so much for being here. He changed like the weather? A lovely warm long fall and now a long dark winter. No, no, no. Not going down this road. I'm done and I'm not walking, I'm running.
11 CRAZYMAKING BEHAVIORS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST:
1) 1:45 Word Salad
2) 2:45 Gaslighting
3) 4:15 The Circular Argument
4) 5:10 Different Public Persona
5) 6:05 They Seem Harmless
6) 7:34 Foe Apology
7) 9:12 Actions Not Aligned With Words
8) 10:47 Avoidance
9) 12:20 Shift Responses
10) 13:40 Making You Doubt Your Self-Worth
11) 15:53 Cognitive Dissonance
Thank u so much
Thanks🤩
Word salad is like banging your head against a brick wall. Unless you experience it you wont know
All this content is so spot on. The human brain and it’s behavioral patterns are amazing. My CN was also dismissive avoidant so she would rarely use word salad or argue. She would simply stop talking, sit in silence, or change the subject. She was very non confrontational. Even in the end, she discarded using silent treatment and avoiding all personal contact (voice calls, in person meetings). Her biggest crazy making behaviors were a.) disregard towards me, b.) words/actions didn’t align, and 3.) gaslighting. Man could she gaslight like a boss. So subtle and clever she was.
Same bro. Psychopath. She’d go silent and just stare at me in my eyes… for like MINUTES in silence if I didn’t say anything…. In the middle of a “fight” or conversation or me asking he a questions about something I later learned she just did NOT want to get about. That’s why she sat there like a crazy person, she didn’t even want to give me a lie or an OPPORTUNITY to know she wasn’t telling the truth. She just did t answer 😭😂 fuckin sicko it’s insane. I literally remember telling here “this is not normal human behavior, you know that right??” 💀Like if people were here… they’d agree
@@sperez3275 “this isn’t normal behavior”. I used those exact words too
dEMENTED AND CERTIFIED GRADE AAAAA BULLSHITTERS & MIMICS.
That’s exactly how I found the topic, crazy making behavior
Once somebody calls, you crazy, they poison the well, and they tip
the scales
They’re friends don’t know you very well, so they’re not going to take the time to get to know you after you’ve been called crazy
I've been OUT for two and a half years but find myself still caring about him.... (we are old) We never got divorced but live in different states. The cognitive dissonance is tearing me apart. I'm in therapy and KNOW BETTER but the struggle is real. Thanks for the brilliant clarification. It was just what I needed this day.
Thank you very much for this list! What about the Silent Treatment? Is this specific to Covert Narcissists?
The worse for me is #4 and #5. Other people not seeing it and me appearing as the difficult one. What makes it even worse is that people may never figure it out.
My narcissistic husband does all these behaviors. After 47+ years of this abuse, I finally have a name for all the tricks he's used on me through the years and IS still using although I'm wising up to his shenanigans and it's only the odd time I fall for any of his crap. I've been journaling everything, keeping track of things he says and does and this is SO helpful. I'm have been binge watching all the narc videos I can find for about three or more years now. It keeps my sanity intact and I'm very thankful for all you people who make the videos. Thank you!!
The narc is the star of their own sitcom that we unwillingly play some ancillary, supporting character in. It ALL about narckie, and narckie's problems. They have 0 time and focus for another human in need or pain. Zip. Zero. Nada! The sooner we internalize that FACT, the sooner we can stop wasting our lives hanging around people who don't love us. Or folks that just want us to serve them up with NO reciprocity. Thanks Christina. God bless EVERYONE.👍
An excellent, well-written post. Thank you!
If they do any favors for you you will hear about it forever.
This video is exactly what I needed. My ex-girlfriend produced EVERY one of these crazy making behaviors. Thank you for helping me to realize that I was truly in a toxic, abusive relationship.
Might I SHARE A SPIRITUAL TRUTH?
IMO BUT MAINLY MY EXP. THESE PERSONS ARE JUST POSSESSED.
SOMETHING MENTAL HEALTH PRACTITIONERS CAN'T FATHOM. tc THE WATER IS DEEP AND cold!
As I said elsewhere, I found I was ticking all the boxes on these videos. It's more than a bit scary to realize that it took me so long to get it through my thick head what I was dealing with. One thing you've mentioned is the tendency to, essentially, "tune out" anything that doesn't have to do with them. On that one in particular, I recall it being a sore spot, as she'd talk sometimes literally for hours, and I would listen patiently, even when I was supposed to be doing other things, and do my best to give comfort, advice, moral support, whatever it was the situation required. But when I would begin to talk... I often wouldn't even get through the first sentence or two before her eyes would glaze over, even though she'd often be nodding at points as if she were listening. I got to where I'd break off and ask for a response to something I'd just been saying, and she'd come up with a complete blank, flustered, and then say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Tell me again." 'd begin to do so and sometimes she'd listen, often not. One time in particular, after seeing that look for a few minutes, I simply threw in a comment about how there were purple cows and green octopi outside in the yard, and the nods continued... for about 3-4 seconds, at which point it must have penetrated... and I got smacked. Hard. Not a playful smack, but a good, hard whap. I pretty much stopped bothering to put in anything of my own at that point unless she seemed in a particularly receptive mood. But the relationship remained for several years, and it wasn't until long after we separated (though she kept coming back into my life over and over again) that I had the nerve to say "No." Then Vesuvius erupted. I stayed firm, and that was that... which was painful, as we had a daughter by that time, who was going on 7. In the end, she got her revenge. The last visitation I had with my daughter, she was terrifically excited about the next, when she'd show me her new Halloween costume... and then, two weeks later, she (my daughter) canceled the visit, with a "Don't call me; I'll call you"... and the next time I saw her was at my mother's funeral, and she barely spoke to me. That's a pain that doesn't go away. So, as I said, she had her revenge, with plenty of interest. However, I'm not looking for sympathy here. Just warning people to deal with these things carefully. Narcissists don't recognize boundaries at all, and if there's some way they can hurt you, they will. If not physically, they'll damned well do it emotionally. Brace yourself, and stay safe.
ishtarian...
btw...ishtarian - funny
If that's what I think 🤔it meant to mean.
Yupppp and you described perfectly.
Had a now DeFriended Covert was same w her talking endlessly about herself...
Not ALLOWING me to say sht.
Disgusting.
They think we are so insignificant and they're so superior.
In actuality they're pathetic clowns mired in fear, inferiority, rejection and shame and hating us for being happy going.
Wish you well.
SO PAINFULLY THE SOLEMN TRUTH! START FROM SCRATCH AND MAKE THIS LIFE ALL THAT YOU DESIRED IT TO BE WITH YOU AND TO YOU MY YOUNG MAN!
@ishtarian I’ve been fighting to stay in my daughter’s life for all her 7 years. Today was another miserable day with accusations and circular arguing but I’ve learned that she will only keep my daughter from me as long as it’s convenient for her(which isn’t long). She has many friends and family that she uses to enable my removal so I’ve been thinking about diving into enemy territory and ask them directly for their help. Just let them know that my daughter never needs a sitter. If they are doing it to spend time together and that’s what my little girl wants then that’s ok, I’ve never denied any of them access to her. But many times it’s not easy for them to take her but they won’t say no to me ex. I’m guessing because all the lies made up about me. I rent a house 50 miles from my business and a home I own just so I can stay close to my little girl and she wants to take her daughter’s father out of her life. I can’t understand why her friends don’t see her narcissistic ways! They leave their work to do things for my ex because she’s at work!! I guess they think her nursing career is more important than whatever their own job is!
I've encountered all of these behaviors with grandparents and in relationships . I hate the gaslighting and talking in circles. these people are evil . These pople play psychological games and use you. I've tried to distance myself from them.
I wish I could express how grateful I am for your channel. For months, I'd wondered whether I was the narcissist. I'd think that I was the "crazy/toxic" one all along. I'd turned into an insomniac after that. Your videos have validated my thoughts so well; it makes me really happy to see that you are helping so many people deal with these issues. The way you are educating us, it's incredible. Thank you so very much.❤️
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
Common Ego Yes.. You’ll hear about it in the response video. But for others viewing and reading these comments just know all she says is super accurate. And when we know better it’s more like we hold onto the love we give that they project back at us type moments though please push through those very moments and know that what you’re holding onto in them is what you have within yourself all along! Y’all got this! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
Sorry, I ramble only bc there may be someone out there who feels the way I do. I know it's a lot BUT the Internet can be a forum of healing, support. Off topic, can I ask you a question? I have absorbed myself in this topic. I believe (FYI- I am NOT a licensed therapist but....I thought psychology as a major in college, I've seen numerous psychologists in my life w/ no results, just "OK, would you like to schedule another appointment?" NO! I would like YOU to help ME understand what is GOING ON with my 2 sisters! I can't get my 2 sisters to talk to me (w/out the Narc word salad, manipulation, gaslighting, etc.), and couldn't get therapists to give me constructive feedback. I wont go into my family situation. I'm physically disabled , 10 yrs ago I had a car accident that left me paralyzed (SCI). and, unfortunately, I am dependent in a lot of ways to my family. Where before, I didn't need anybody for anything. If I could, (financially) DITCH my family, esp. my 2 sisters, I would be on the road tm, give up ALL my belongings! GET ME OUTTA here! SORRY. for the outpour, I have been handling it as best I can, and I am dealing well w/ it. Just....I watch these vids n get v emotional but, I AM FINE, I deal, I AM STRONG, and I know.... Thank you......
So accurate, all of them!!!!!! I was in a relationship with an overt narcissique for around 10 years. 3 years later I see myself since 5 months with a covert one. It took me 5 months and your videos to understand that it wasn’t me, the problem! Since I found out (last Monday) I used his own weapons against him ..... they are so predictable🙄Unfortunately he is my neighbour in the building, on the same floor, so I guess I learnt more than one lesson 😅😇
Example of avoidance:
-Do you love me?
-Would I still be with you if I didn't?
Seriously can relate to all those points 🙁
E Unhinged hi. I hope you know that you are not alone. I hope you find your strength and a path to happiness. Anyone who has been in a similar situation no matter who was the “abuser” can relate on some level. Good and truth almost always prevails. The timeline is unclear. I hope you find a little comfort in this. Love and light to you.
The Bible says do not throw your pearls before swine. Some ppl will never appreciate you, so get strong, seek wisdom and move forward at the speed and opportunity given you.
There is a reason why you've had a RUclips subscriber explosion 💥! You are excellent at your job! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and putting the time, effort & love into making these videos.
Thank you so much for that very kind comment. It means a lot to me! 🙏❤
Such a good video. My ex narc told me he could play guitar really well but over the course of our 1+ year relationship, I never heard him play ONCE. The word salad is extremely real and confusing. Ugh, so happy we’re not together anymore. Such an exhausting and stressful time in my life.
Just got out/rid of a relationship, i was in way too long, i could notice the patterns without a doubt , and when they actually happened ,i could no longer feel sorry or bad for the other, i just sed to myself this is bound to happen and i stopped allowing myself to be in that relationship again. A month has passed and within that month i realized how manipulative those type of person can be. They would never appreciate a thing you ever did, that's just how they are.
They will talk in circles even about a simple thing until finally they say: "why are you making such a big thing out of something so little! Wouldn't it have been easier to just put the cap back on yourself? You are so difficult!" Arghhh!....
Achala Devi,You are beautiful 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
In so many of the arguments I had with my ex I literally said the words, "you are crazymaking this argument!".
The word really describes arguing with a narcissist SO WELL 🙏❤
Gaslighting was the worst! Never thought of it as questioning reality. Very helpful distinction. Unworth treatment was very confusing followed by the faux apology made it even more crazy. The fact that her tone and body language never matched the words was infuriating. They are totally incongruent and we always sense that, but can never quite put a finger on it.
wild gaslighting moment: my ex peed on my duvet, tried to convince me that I had done it, and then when I didn't believe him he gave up but made a big deal of taking it to the dry cleaner to try to make me feel guilty. lol
Ew
I went with a narc for 5 years. I was with him on lockdown for pandemic. He was mad at me for going home to check my home and get stuff. Didn't return when I said I would. He was furious. My brother passed away. He was asking to go fishing, for a ride etc. I was griefstricken. I could feel his anger. He was being so cynical. I said no I didn't feel like it. He even hit me in the chest with the back of his fist and said that's what I did to him the day before. I actually touched his arm when I saw a deer cause I didn't think he saw it. Two days later, after he slept on the couch, he verbally attacked me. He said so many hurtful things and some of them totally off the wall, like someone on drugs that don't agree with them. I pulled all my clothes, that I usually keep there, out of the closet and threw them on the bed. He actually said you're taking everything? I packed my car and I was tearing up and he says please don't cry , I can't stand to see you cry.... We Are Done. So many promises he had no intention of keeping. Thanks for listening.Thanks for your videos. I'm an empathy and this cut me to the core.
Hi sorry to hear what you sent through your a bigger stronger person than he will ever hold your head up you will find true love
Narcs rarely apologize. They don't see whatever they did as something to apologize about. They are flawless and always right. I spent 50 years with a covert narc. 48 years married.
I married a covert myself,.. I'm just sick inside of wasted years,.. Took me this long for my eyes to open & learn about this ridiculous behavior.
- Switching the focus of a hopeless conversation to the form when they cannot deal with the content using logic and knowledge: "Don't talk bad to me!" (...?)
- Facts and opinions are synonyms
- Solve any nonsense and irrational argument with "I have my opinion, you have yours, why you can't accept that?"
- Emotional reasoning. Describing reality with emotions. "I feel we didn't go skiing, why can't you respect that?"
Eric..I was married to a diagnosed asp ! Keep moving forward and put your trust in God. My empathy goes out to you, but thank God you are still young and have an intact conscience. Be blessed.
I am starting to wonder what a normal person is like after listening to all of these examples.
I lost track of how many points described my mom. The one that really jumps out at me is the lack of empathy. She had none. Broken bones, third degree burns, near fatal car wrecks, trauma she just couldnt reach out. She would turn into a prickly cactus as if to say dont come to me. The closest she came to expressing it happened when we saw someone get killed on a motorcycle. Looking back on it, it was not oh gee his poor family or poor him. The response was oh how I was traumatized to see it. That's the spirit mom, its all about you.
I never thought about the word narcisist. Its crazy how these people come to us and we at first think they are so amazing! Like this girl seemded to be an actual angel! I was like omg im lucky af she cooks for me and is spiritual and wow howd i get so lucky. Then things start seeming a little fishy. You get the feeling they are cheating. But you tell yourself theres no way. You only know when youve stepped away how HARD you were duped. How you were fooled by their fake love , all the while they are cheating on you, talking to exs, and even fucking up other peoples relationships by fucking people who have gfs. Sometimes when people seem PERFECT they are actually the opposite. I would even say evil because if your gonna fuck up multiple peoples emotions and lifes that is pure evil.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! It’s so incredibly validating that you understand what people go through and explain it so clearly. No one would ever believe how messed up this type of person is. These videos should be used in schools to educate people about NPD.
These videos are truly amazing! It's crazy things Christina says applies to so many people. It's as if they took a class in this! Crazy 101!
Yes It would help a lot because people would have knowledge before they get involved with anyone like this I wish I would’ve known about this myself
CAROL FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT! RIGHT! GLAD YOUR HERE, IF BARELY. CHEERS
This advice is gold. So grateful. Will look for the links and other associated videos.
Such a concise summary of a covert narcissist. Checked every box of the person I lived with for over 25 yrs. thank you!
I just saw this today you described my partner perfectly,he is also a recovering alcoholic. He didn't drink when we first meet started drinking again and then going to meeting's . He drinks on and off now. His crazy making and gas lighting is getting worse and worse. He says sorry and will quickly in less than 24 hours be verbally abusive again. I can't leave him but need a plan.
This video has triggered something in me that I've been feeling for so long, but was never convinced it was real. Of course now it makes sense why I gathered so much uncertainty and mistrust in myself, narcissistic behavior made me think I am crazy, nonsensical, hypersensible and almost always questioning whether happiness will ever happen to be the rule and not the exception in my life as well as feeling guilty for being unhappy.. I've joined therapy sessions with the intention to bring more clarity in my thoughts and become a better version of myself, but this video has just triggered so many internal questions in me. Furthermore, I realized I also have narcissistic traits and I've been hurting the other person a lot without even realizing how much I hurt, thinking I have the right to behave that way..I want to thank you for making this video and I am truly thankful to having found it.
Excellent info.
I absolutely recognize these traits.
I don't think I adopted any of them, but I'm afraid I closed myself up towards men. I haven't fallen in love since. I feel so cold hearted..
Maybe I still need some time to heal... I hope he didn't break me so much I can't love or trust anymore.
This is exactly how I feel right now :/ I find it very hard to trust women after what I've been through. At this point I feel like relationships just aren't meant for me. While there's solace in admitting that to myself, it still hurts alot
@@omarsyed7345 I think we will overcome this! It just needs time to heal and a person who doesn't get impatient with us but gives us time to open up 😉
I felt like that until I empowered myself. I told myself that I am more aware now and if I see those traits in a potential partner, I will just say 'bye'... calm and decided, no need for emotional drama. The thing is you are not relying on the other to make you safe, you are relying on yourself to make you safe by giving yourself guilt free, no-justifying choice :)
The answer is Learn -learn and learn about narcissism - information is power and it helps you put things in perspective. Thank you Christina I find you so knowledgeable - sensitive and intuitive about the subject ... your understanding of narcissism is so developed it's amazing. I love everything you say because I live with it every day and it is all so true and spot on!..
For #7, when her actions are completely inconsistent with what she's saying later, I tell her, "I had a different experience." She never, ever follows up, never, ever pursues it the way a normal person would. So far, she has no comeback for this. She's my 85 year old mother, so she's been getting away with her crazy-making, gaslighting, deflecting, blame-shifting very effectively with me for decades. The fact I can say that, and nothing more, with a smile on my face and absolutely no emotion completely shuts her down!
Literally taking notes and going "Yup... Yup.. Yup.." after each bullet point..
I found out about gaslighting by googling arguing with my gf makes me feel crazy. That awakened me to all of this. I woke up and started to learn. After we broke up 2 months ago I am still searching and learning.
Found a book called "when loving you is hurting me". That opened my eyes.
What you said about having a root canal compared to talking with a narcissist I’ve had a root canal and I was kind of knocked out, I wouldn’t mind being under the influence of being knocked out so I don’t let the narcissist BS effect me. Having selective deafness is also good while being in the presence of a narcissist 👍
I cannot thank you enough. I’m in tears. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I found out about it because I found it surreal having an open clear conversation with someone and find out she didn't listen or care to acknowledge any of it.
What I've been learning is when something feels off it might be off, the chance you give must be the one you get.
The bible is very clear on this. The book of timothy, proverbs, the list goes on clearly defines the charachteristics of these people and refers to them as reprobates.
YOUR advice is great and I hope others take heed to what you suggested.
There are some VERY good utubes that address this issue from a spiritual perspective for those who follow the teachings of the bible such as: Wakeman, Trace Face It and Be Good to Yourself.
Best of luck.
I didn't see the signs "in" the relationship. But I see them very clearly taking a step back.
I knew in my gut something wasn't right.
I felt like I was walking through a field of landmines talking to her. Better watch my step (watch my words*) or get blown up.
Thanks for this wonderful information! I saved to "watch later" so i can remind myself when i'm in doubt. Life is so much better when you're gone from the narc. Even being alone is a blessing, i'm
experiencing such happiness and can feel good about myself again. People and friends notice this, my personality glows like a shiny star, i'm giving back without being hurt, i feel safe now.
It's all so true and right ... one that I particularly notice with my partner ... the word don't match the actions . Concentrate on the actions ... the words are cheap . Believe only the actions and remember actions and manipulations ... control
Thank you for all your videos! My mind has been going crazy with who I thought I had a deep spiritual connection. Was made to think I had the issues, althou my intuition was alarming constantly I was left questioning myself all the time until I had to leave for fear of actually losing my mind. Then I discover your page and realise now im perfectly sane and been played all along
OMG the circular argument ... before I knew what covert narcissism was, I called that kind of arguing The Jedi Mind Fuck technique. It starts with gaslighting, generally picking at something he is insecure about or something I said that made him question my belief in his perfectness, he will pick and pick until I lose my shit and then he swoops in with the kill shot and by the end, I feel like confused, humiliated and utterly exhausted.
Thank you for explaining this so aptly!!!! I’m exhausted of living in this crazy environment with people around me thinking I live a very rosy life.
"If I did or said that, I'm sorry." You totally did, that's why I'm bringing it up. 🤔🙄🤦🏻♂️
Holy Shit. I'm not kidding. I was watching your videos the other night and was totally convinced it was me who was the abuser. I didnt realize it until a few days later when I told a friend a story my sister told me about meeting my ex for drinks...wow. what a relief.
So did i. I spent7 years trying to help this person and realized ive PUNISHED FOR ALL IF MT PAIN STACKEN LOVE, WORK, PAITENTS, KINDNESS. 😢❤
The only thing that saved me, looking back, was that My Narcissistic told me in our first date that he was seeing two therapists for his traumatic childhood. Months later I realized that no amount of therapeutic sessions would help ME deal with his behavior. It enfuriated him that I would look at him thinking, hmmmmmm.
Kayalucia Lauwerys,You got a lovely smile 😊
What about when they go around "Projecting Their Insecurities" onto you? Convincing people that "You Think You're Better Than Them?" But you were just trying to improve your own life?
It's bothered me, because by the end, the 'parroting narcissistic behaviour' is a thing I've definitely done. I've been in circular arguments that I refused to leave, because I was sick of backing down to keep the peace. I've been the one who recalled dates/times/events from years past to prove a point, because I learnt early on that relying on my memory was important... even if I didn't fully understand why... so I could respond to 'I never did that' with exact details. I learned to keep everything - I had receipts that were 12 years old... sadly in the filing cabinet that he kept, but I DID have them.... and right at the very end, I actively avoided answering questions directly because I knew if he found out I was leaving before I was able to go I would never get away.... and now I'm hyper defensive when someone disagrees with me. I hate it, but I can't seem to stop. It hasn't even been a year yet, and we were together just over 15 years (straight out of a home where both parents were narcissistic as well so I was well trained) and I'm trying to be patient with myself, but I hate it. I'm eternally grateful for the incredible people I have in my life, who are more patient with my recovery than I am. I just... wish I hadn't stayed so long. I feel contaminated
Oh, and crazy. I feel crazy some days. Narcissist has become such a buzz word, people have started using it for all kinds of minor things that are nothing to do with genuine narcissism. It never even occurred to me that it might be the term that applied, but he had labelled me the narcissist within a week of me leaving. 8 months on he's blocked me on everything because I started dating again, and is telling all kinds of lies, and I feel conflicted and kinda broken, but.... in a weird way, I'm grateful for his public lies. I was sent screenshots of what he was saying on Facebook, and they're such definite lies, things i can prove to myself - and anyone else, not that anyone asks - he is absolutely deliberately lying to destroy me (like the opening line that I blocked him, that's not something you can get wrong by accident) because let me tell you, that man looked me dead in the eye and told me the cigarette I just watched him drop didn't exist, and if I couldn't SEE it right there on the ground, still lit, I would have believed him. I need that proof to remind ME that I'm not crazy
Essentially, he said. "I'm sorry that your behavior caused me to do - x."
That's what I get all the time