*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
I've added my email and my name but it won't let me download it and I don't get an email neither. I'm not sure if anything is wrong. Thanks for sharing
I didn't realise how crazy narcissist abuse is. The stress has been so bad I've been taking tablets to chill out and having to try and not care what they do.
I did too. All the time it's them. They make you feel crazy ...just so depleted and hurt. I would never hurt someone intentionally. I live for his KARMA...SOOOO..HURT AND I SAW LITTLE THINGS AND LET IT GO. HOW STUPID!!
My narc gave me anxiety in my chest. It affected me. I left the relationship to regain myself. I've been seeking therapy and working on rebuilding my self esteem.
I started getting random chest pains and it was stress! I couldn’t believe how my body was responding that’s when I started to pay attention to what was stressing me. Seen a reel on IG and boom the rabbit hole helped free me mentally first. I have no feelings for my narc wife JUST feel sad for her bc she is really unwell and I pray for the best. We have a 3 year old and the stories scare me so…….. I know I maybe have to go through hell for my child. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED FOR MY BABY!
Also, when you confront a narcissist, because they’ve been caught (red-handed) cheating…they won’t necessarily come back and accuse you of cheating, but they will immediately put the blame on you - for their cheating. “You drove me to cheat, because you don’t have enough time for me…don’t give me enough attention…don’t give me enough accolades for my accomplishments, don’t give me enough sex”…(fill in the blank). 🚩
Yup. Exactly this. She was cheating on me for months and when she accidently got caught, it was all my fault. I was the one dissociating from the relationship when she was the one living a double life. No accountability at all.
the hard part in all of this is that sometimes these are valid reasons. In the end I think you should always trust your gut, and if you feel they are using it against you, as either conscious or unconscious manipulation, then yes, you will feel it does not come from a place of honesty or empathy (but from a selfish place). Because in this case, sure, if you have a bad relationship, and hardly any sex, bad communication, sure if one cheats and then honestly states why it is not narcissistic at all (still a shitty thing to do ofc).
I experienced that. She would tell me she needed a man to fulfill her needs and wants because she felt so lonely and miserable... " This went on for months. HELLO" then why am I here??
@@oksurerightEven sober narcs tell on themselves if you stay around long enough and remember original stories. Mine did. When I confronted her on it, the story changed again....go figure.
This is a very helpful video. To all normal people: You didn’t attract the narcissistic. You tolerated them. And you need to work on firm boundaries. Do not let things “slide” for any people. Ask people to explain after they do bad stuff. The narcissist will stand out! Instead of an apology and correcting the issue, they will go on the defensive using their toolbox (word salad, blame shifting, lying, getting emotional, blame pretty much anything on some external circumstance, show anger passively or overtly (silence or rage) , and much more 🤡🎪)). Good luck and never look back if/when you get out!!!
Yep this, going through it all now, feel really stupid now for getting married to her, I'm now learning to show zero emotions as I can't go full zero contact yet as she is trying to keep the house, 14 years lost because I couldn't see what was going on, love does make you blind 😢
@@jamesirvine281I was in a relationship with someone for two years and we would be off and on. She never admitted to any of the bad things she did and never once said sorry. Brother some people are who they are and they can’t change on their own they need professional counseling you’re not alone every reason has it’s lesson just don’t repeat it
My wife calls me a narc all the time, has me read all these articles to “help myself” and everytime I read them I think, this is what she is doing to me, I hear narc and gaslight more then any two words in the English language. This is wild
Want the truth?? Believe the opposite of what your narc is telling you. They are incapable of telling the truth. You aren't dealing with a physical person. You're dealing with inner demons that have overpowered the person inside. My last relationship hurt me so bad because it wasn't the normal pain from a relationship falling apart. It was an attack on my soul.
My narcissistic husband picks a fight than you should see the the excitement the glee on his face as I scream in him I looked at him and I couldn’t believe it. I’m so upset I’m in tears and he’s getting off on it!! He had a look of his excitement on his face and he was loving it, they love to fight and wasn’t hiding it all this time. They get off on it its disgusting
I have to deal with a coworker like this. I finally had enough,and found a nice way to turn it around on them.The look in their eyes when they can"t win is Priceless!!!
My sister has been gaslighting me for years. Always projecting onto others. Is never wrong. I didn't realize she was so toxic until just recently. I notice the signs because I was in a toxic relationship and watch these videos. I still feel crazy even though I know what she's saying isn't true. It's exhausting really.
Excellent video full of useful information. Thank you!! It's so weird wrapping ones mind around how someone you loved can so easily manipulate and hurt you. But the more educated I become on narcissism the more I'm able to let go and accept it without feeling any guilt for walking away.
Agreed! I'm actually writing down notes here, because just experiencing this for the last seven years of my dating life has Not apparently taught me enough.
I had a friend who would hint at doing something or going somewhere just so you will ask her to be involved only to back out a day or hours before the event everytime . She is no longer a friend.
You're spot on what you said they are like Jekyll and Hyde it's always someone else's fault especially mine they do nothing wrong I'm the idiot they are selfish individuals it's all about them I've been through it for 28 years and kicked him out 1 year ago and live is peaceful now thank God they are poisonous snakes it's very sad actually the way they are 😢
I was in what I thought was a relationship for 14 years with my kids dad. He has done everything to a T that you have mentioned in your videos. The slow ending to our relationship was when one of my best friends died on mothers day last year. He offered no emotional support, didn't tell me how sorry he waS that this happened just ignored me and made me deal with it by myself. After a week I confronted him about it and he went into a complete ragging maniac. Mind you this is a 44 year old man Calling me names and making me look and feel like a piece of crap. After he did that he came over to me and apologized but I didn't except it. I kicked him out of my house the same day. And by me kicking him out he started a new relationship instantly and blasted it all over the internet on New Years 2024. Being with that man for 14 year made me loose myself. He would do little things to start argument and people would look at me like I'm crazy. Always gas lighting me and his kids. Neglecting his kids. Anyone reading this don't let these type of ppl take 14 years away from you. It changes you.... leave asap Thank you for your videos they are all helping me heal from the emotional and physical abuse I have endured the last 14years. Thank you xoxo
I'm currently dating a woman who was in a relationship with a narcissist and abusive partner. Your videos are great in helping me understand and help her better.
This video and channel have made me feel sane and also realize that I had a narcissistic parent and ended up in relationships with broken people who are also narcissists. 😮💔🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Jesus. Yep almost every thing you said, I have experienced in one person. Of course it’s a person that I have an insane amount in common with. Same views, similar interests, was extremely attracted to her, and actually very similar humor. I think that’s the only reason I got stuck for a little until I finally just realized that I can’t do this anymore. I now feel anxiety whenever I’d talk to her, never knowing when she’s going to freak out about the most random thing and then bring stuff up from the past that we have already resolved. It’s mindblowing
Same....not worth the aggravation. Very shallow, & damaged woman. I miss hanging out with her but she would get bored very quickly, and needs stimulation though shopping or eating. I didnt drink too much until I met her but noticed Alcohol and food were my safe zone. In order to stay in shape, I had to double my workouts to look good but it was exhausting. She told me she wanted me to look chunky so she wouldn't feel bad about her body. Keep in mind she was beautiful for 46 years old and looked good without doing exercise. I had to leave the relationship. I was losing my mind and self.
Compliments always come with a cloaked insult. Arguments are "discussions". Expressing your thoughts and feelings provoke verbal and physical attacks. Five years of soul slaying pure hell. Six months into no contact and I'm still healing. But I've extended my life by ten years. I would have died within five years if I had stayed. Stay strong. Protect Your Peace 🕊️.
My narc knew for years that I have jealousy issues. One liked for me to hang out with her group of guy friends just so she could openly flirt around them provoking my jealousy (one she actually hooked up with because we were on a "break" in the relationship). She got away with it once but when I put my foot down the second time that I wouldn't go through that again, I declined go hang out with her and her new "friend". She storms out on me like I did something wrong. She probably expected me to run after her and to start apologizing but I fought that urge and stood up for myself finally. I cringe having to have kept that relationship on life support when I should have left it unplugged a long time ago.
You could get to know if your narcissist partner is cheating or having an affair with someone else by just discreetly spying on their calls, socials,and locations and "Shadowbyte7" can help with that and he's reliable
He's available on Telegram and his services is genuine and he helped my cousin also with decryption of files and remotely accessed a lost phone and laptop
Pray. Pray. Pray. That's what helped me when I went through that. When I read your post, I know what you're going through. It's the worse feeling trapped on every thought of them. It never stops unless they are out of your life.
Years ago, I had a no-title relationship with a colleague, and on one of our lunch outings he spent the two hours talking my ears off, only to look at his wrist watch and go, "Wow, you talk a lot." I was shocked and confused by his projection. Thankfully I met my husband kicked this odd ball out to the curb.
I wish I had seen these videos sooner because I wasn't sure if my ex girlfriend was a narcissist. These videos prove she was. Completely caught me out because many years ago she was one of the sweetest girls I ever knew. How could she change into this unfeeling woman? We planned to get married and move country and I didn't suspect she was a narcissist not until two years later when I got a severe asthma attack due to cold weather. I needed oxygen and one night in hospital. I lost my voice and struggled to walk. Although I did ride my motorcycle home in pouring rain as I had little alternative. She said she'd come over to look after me but instead she blamed me for getting ill. Eventually I had to try to raise my weak voice to defend myself. I was in bed, it was early. But when I got up I was shocked to see she had taken all her things and left. She texted me later saying she didn't want to deal with me getting ill. At the same time she was living it up in restaurants all paid for by her sister. She was enjoying her life and never invited me to join her, never even asked how I was. I realised she was weak and totally selfish. Imagine if we'd got married? She wanted my house, my money, for me to look after her so she could stop working. I'm not a wimp. Biker, martial arts sensei. But this woman ruined my mental health several times in 3 years till I needed professional help. She is now in a new relationship just about three weeks after dumping me. I guess it's a rebound. She hasn't worked on her behaviour so someone else will be her next victim. I have never known a more cold and heartless person. Thank you for helping me recognise this coward I have loved for many, many years.
Same type of story w/ my "X". Finally learned she was simply a 'good time' girl -- but it took #10+ years... ...and another 3+ just to get her OUT of my life!! (And she's STILL trying to hover around. TRULY "mental" stuff.
What I struggle with is spotting them in the beginning, they will be everything you want and need and play the part so unbelievably well it’s scary, my recent one peppered everything with little bits of reality so he didn’t look ‘too good to be true’ and I fell for it. Should’ve been a red flag that he spoke about himself and his problems constantly. Completely self involved but because he showed some care towards me I ignored it and again didn’t look at his actions and what they said.
Oh this also brings back the memory of my ex and my son , while we were together after a while my ex never wanted to spend time with me and my son together and even just me after a while ( neglectful narc) he did go with my son once just the two of them to the soccer field and about two other times all three of us went. I took my son a bunch of times to the field just my son and I, he loved to play soccer! Finally when he was old enough to play on a team I noticed he was doing so good ! I told my ex about how good he did and his first response was “I guess I should give myself a pay on the back then for reaching him” i couldn’t even say much I almost started to laugh in his face, this was one of the first clues I had that he was a covert narc .
My parents , especially my mother, used to say, " Why can't you get good grades like your sister." I knew not to ɓe angry at my sister because she had nothing to do with what my mother was saying. Was she supposed to do poorly in school ? Of course not.
Thanks for your clarification on this discussion! I've got 23 years of sobriety in a 12 step program ⭐ but since I've realised I've got Coda trauma! I've been baited by being not t being asked to share in aa meetings ! The narcissist are hiding behind fake sobriety. The more you fush them out it's deeply disturbing . Thank God for your calming joyful and peaceful insight into this horrible disease 👃🌀
I also have been in a relationship and found out she is actually a narcissist after she ghosted me. Known each other for 8 months and even have intimacy 2 week before and even 1 day before i gave her a Christmas gift (actually got to rush down from a site work to prepare the gift it was kind of last min and she doesnt even care) without having anything in return the next day she ghosted me without blocking and not picking up my calls. The entire relationship i felt like a slave and felt that everything revolve around her. Thank god she ghosted me karma will hunt her for making me depressed and confused for about a month, no wonder i always felt she have bad things happening to her even someone steals her wallet in her own workplace she really deserved it.
OMG, the if you're aick or having a bad time. My mother does this all the time! She'll even use my father's health or difficulties as a comparison to mine. They disallow your strengths, your accomplishments and your struggles. Essentially they're disallowing you! It's like you don't even exist as and real separate person, then they pile on the guilt trips and gift giving to mess with your head. Makes an dense who I was trauma bonded and couldn't identify who I am without her! She wanted a mini me and stole my sense of self worth
The cat dragged in is a sarcastic compliment. I've used it and heard others use it as a genuine compliment. Nothing malicious. It really meant that the other person was completely stunning.
Baiting is about response. It doesn’t matter about what. It can also be something that is not personal. Instead politics or anything else that triggers you. You blow up about the weirdest thing. It is not always personal.
My EX would bait me by asking for a date then cancel before going out, then initiate plans an hour before going out again. It was a sadistic emotional game. Happened everytime she knew I was excited to see her and go. She hated compliments also. She said it made her feel uncomfortable because she didn't deserve them but then asked why I never compliment her. She was a devil in disguise. I left that bitch.
Oh yes! The "end game" of the psychopath or sociopath to obtain fanatical means. Luckily I am resilient, and took her seriously. She was initially enamored, then "mask off" completely disinterested in anything I loved, my hobbies and she was only interested in stragicaly obtaining my money, and life that I earned. She is the worst experience I've had, and biggest lesson. I am wiser and happy about realizing I have a choice to not engage and have her in my life permanently. I thank God for that! I am still kind and laugh, and focus on my life and interests. I've learned tactics to not be reactive. I've learned I don't need anyone to fulfill my life, and reassessed my new high standard for the individual with whom I choose to spend time, and my sharing. I do not overshare. My sharing was used against me later, and used to hurt the core of me. It was as If I was observing or doing research on abnormal psychology. I am still in disbelief as to her pattern of behavior. I am not special in terms of the ruins she has left. She called family and childrens on her sister to remove her niece from her care. She also was an addict, lier, and strategically planned to cause an accident to obtain an insurance payout. She is thankless, rude, and a user and manipulator. I had to find an attorney to deal with my connection with her because she is a threat to me personally, and I have to protect myself. I think she is actually a coward who has envy and jealousy and is bitter because I remind her of what she has not accomplished, and my happiness, laughter and spirit is threatening to her. She is actually to be pitied because she is not well mentally. I'm not a doctor, and fortunately not desperate enough to care about her misfortune. I was courageous and brave in my journey with her. I believed in her truth, and truly wanted her to be happy. Now I am my own focus and first when It comes to happiness, and giving of myself. It's taken me years and when I look in the rearview mirror, I breath a sigh of relief that I am free. I wake up happy, and thank God I don't have to obligate myself to a decision I made on emotion. I have to say it was close! I could have been stuck with her loathsome, abusive way and her intention of responding to my happiness and interests lacked any emotion seeming as if she intentionally and purposefully seemed preoccupied and bord as if to say, "You think you're all that? You're shite" as the Britts say. Just WOW! I dodged a bullet on that one with the thought that my life could have been miserable, as to reduce me to a shell of my former self. Thank you for your channel. I'm enjoying your delivery of truth.
I feel like we dated some of the same women, even though we are probably in a different country. I have a narcissist family and because of that I noticed the fake fights and projection of when they always cheat because they don't get enough reactions or emotional food from you and require it from anyone else. God I dispise my life and think of all the times I actually believed that problems were mine when actually just made up by these fucking assholes. Any break from a narcissist is a breath of fresh air! Enjoy that and the fact that you are not sick and they are their own Karma.
I use to be mad at God when my relationship ended with my narc. I saw it as a curse and not a blessing. Now I'm happy God helped me. I'm too dumb to realize his love for me. Unfortunately, I keep attracting the same type of narc women. I've become very resilient to the behavior but the emotional pain is hard to recover from. I learned to walk away but feel guilty because it makes me look heartless and cold but when the relationship isn't working, there is nothing else to hold on to so its time to move on and pray for them.
Thanks! your more thorough than a few others on RUclips, currently dealing with a brief one week relationship ( vacation) after years of friendship that started on a vacation 8 years ago and then remained in social media only. Wow what a roller coaster mind game, reverse psychology, accusations and total immaturity Will say not first time thought the lesson was learned decades ago, guess not, being an empath does not help Sad thing is it truly felt like there was a connection, stories exposing details of personal stuff inevitably come out as comforting to feel ok to talk about life experiences Emotional intellectual attachment is the worst part add the physical presence then poof you get accused of being a narcissist and your blocked , cut off and all if a sudden sending positive vibes as a reward for treating you badly
Thank you for your videos they have helped me so much on discovering I’m dealing with a narc. I’m beyond grateful I’m on six months into this relationship and running into your videos have literally explains him to a T. I love him and I’m struggling walking away
Good stuff, as usual. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.. I just wish I'd found you years ago. But, I'm ready for the next narc that tries to mess with me! Lol Seriously. Thanks again. 😊
This reminds me when the narcissist I had to deal with would try to talk about obscure books or movies not many people have read or watched. Then if I’d never heard of it he’d treat me like I was stupid and then show me how smart he was explaining them to me like I was a toddler. It got old.
It's weird if you ask a question and someone gets upset and starts bringing up the past infliction that they deliberately done to you as a weapon against you that tells me a lot and that person is a covert bully or narcisst iknow my mum constantly talks about stuff that is not to do with my situation yet the fact of the matter is I been living like a virgin deliberately since 13 till 41 abd I got wimen that been deliberately attatching to me and because I dint want them so many games and my concern the world and war and my motive aint xhanged no war of worlds no games me living my life
How about when you ask them details they say " it happened 8 years ago I dont remember ". They can pry into your details with 50 questions but when confronted by yours they say " it doesn't matter, and it's none of your business".😮 Gets old real fast. I only stuck around for the sex and told her that before the relationship ended. A one way street to helltown but this is where I get off....happyville without her.
I have experienced a lot of this, many different angles. As well as the “Intellectual bullying” and “word salad” so they can confuse, and have you appear dumb. Honestly, this video is very triggering, but it’s educational and helpful. So Thank you for sharing this with us.
A word of warning when you cut off a narcissist. After several years of devaluing abuse from someone I mistakenly thought was my closest friend, I got the strength to go *no contact* after she did a very nasty thing to me, and doubled down that she hadn't done anything wrong. I stopped returning her calls. A month later, *SHE SENT THE POLICE TO MY HOUSE FOR A "WELLNESS CHECK", even though she lived nearby and had my house key.*
Information bullying was one of his go to moves until I started to catch on that most of the information was either half fact or total fiction. I started to fact check things that didn’t sound right. Come to find out that when I did fact check 90%of the time (his number not mine) he was lying. He hated me for it. He told me I made him a liar. He raged for 9 months. Meanwhile once I researched that behavior I started to research the other bad behaviors I had been dealing with for years. That helped me understand what I was dealing with. The only box on NPD that he didn’t check was that he hadn’t hit me yet. He has started throwing and slamming things though. When he did I got right back in his face.I asked him during the breakup if he thought it would have escalated to violence if I hadn’t stood up to him and he answered with “I don’t know” as far as I was concerned that conversation was the death of all hope for me. Glad we are split up, wish he would move away so I didn’t have to deal with him on a daily still because even though he is in a separate house on the property, he still pushes his way into mine or starts talking and peeking through my windows.I still start pacing with an overload of anxiety hours before he comes home. I can’t wait until I can hold steady in my peace no matter what kind of nonsense he throws y way.
Seen it all from family members and had to avoid them "forever." I have actually had "Facebook" friends to please unfriend them because they didn't like my articles. I laughed and retorted, "don't you know how to do it yourself?, it was as though they wanted me to fight back to look rude or they wanted to be able to tell others I unfriended them. One man asked me to be his friend because he liked an article I wrote, and then accused me of "preaching to men" as though I was doing something wrong. I asked him why he asked to be my friend at all. LOL
Yep. Whwn I was younger he helped me without me asking knowing he's was manipulating me into a relationship i didn't know I was feeling obligated to him.
Everything makes sense but immediately there are excuses or explanations for his actions poppig up in my head. I feel like im not allowed to blame him for anything, even in my own thoughts. It feels like his voice is always in my head responding to everything i think..
The negging example is tricky because it can be an aspect of flirting, but it really depends on the tone and the context to determine if it's a red flag.
I broke up with my girlfriend in July. She was gaslighting me for awhile. As time went on she became more manipulative . I drew boundary lines that she kept crossing. It turned bad after 3 years and I ended the relationship. She love bombed me early on ….it was all part of manipulation.
Same, same and same. I went through it. Thats crazy. Blame shifting, jealousy, gas lighting, and guilt tripping endlessly. We'd break up once a week and she would blame me for it then be the martyr. The reactive reaction was common with her. She would react to a comment then Id rereact to her reaction and we wouldnt talk. Its exhausting. As the months passed it got worse, after 1.5 years I decided to end it. It's not worth the hassle. I just want to be alone. That relationship ruined me. I'm 50, and feel drained. I gave her whatever was left in my heart and nothing is left. I'm so done. I use to fear being alone, but now I embrace it. Love the peace.
I believe that is something that happens as a child during the i formative years, they create a false self as a defensive mechanism but they do not develop fully. That's why you can't win an argument with a narc, it is like arguing with a child
Haha! The man i have 2 kids with & 28 years . Thankfully the youngest is 19 years old. About 10 days before I found out he was cheating once again.... I love to sing karoke and told me I needed "voice" lessons. Lol.... I said omg that would be awesome! I would love that. Guess what? He never did it and truly believe he was once again trying to make me feel like shit about myself! Lol.... I think this last one I will laugh at for the rest of my life! My m9ve out date may 8th. I'm so excited !
My ex was so distressed telling me he can’t read my mind. Some other things he told me: You’re a boss You’re perfect I can’t read your mind You’re independent That he is damaged That he needs alone time I wanted to commit but he would not. So many things he withhold. All insteuction I like him to do he will not do. Like park there coz it’s free. He’d park somewhere else. The first day he gave me the cold silent treatment the next two days I discarded him first. He’s now hoovering. He is a covert narcissist with so many sob stories and he always talks about his money and family problems. But he’s a high earning professional actually. Also he doesn’t ask anything from me and rejecting first what I give but of course I’d force him to accept. Is this his tactic?
My narc said to me, "do you realize that your jeans have holes in them". I was wearing a pair of distressed jeans. He said it in front of a new acquaintace. When I asked him, "why did you put me on blast about my jeans". His response, "No, Im sorry. I actually think they are very sexy." Such a NARC!!!!
My EX narc's son 7 years old had the rudest comments to me. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I have a witch's nose, Im dumb, I talk too much, His moms said I don't make enough money, his Mom is cheating on me, his father hates me, he hopes I die, and His Mom wants to date other men. The amount of verbal abuse, was shocking. I thought by returning negative comments it would stop him but he would use it as a weapon to remind of me of how mean I am to him. It's quite disturbing. His mother would say, he is 7 years old and doesn't know what he is saying. When she would bitch about him, I'd say " he is 7 years old, he doesn't know what he is saying" and She didn't like that. 😅
😢 I'm crying because Now that it's been 15 months since I have loved and rode this effing sickening rollercoaster and seriously something is wrong with me because I have seen it, intuition text book actions from Jason T (Mike Jacobs) God I hope somebody sees this and tells me they know Him And anyway I'm Trauma bonded I have recently learned And it's truly like I would have a drug addiction it's sickening May God help me 🙏🏻 😭💔 I just don't want this to be real
Would someone losing weight and feeling good, and someone you suspect as a covert narcissist goes and says “you looked better heavier” or a form of that… would that be negging also?
Sounds like someone who is jealous of your weight loss or is insecure about you losing weight maybe because they think you will be more confident and attract other people.
Less than 5% of people are Narcissists- I think there is quite a bit of playing therapist and self diagnosing people to make the dynamic favorable for the “ victim” that has their own issues they need to address.
Not true. There are 1-6% people with NPD. However, narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic personality are two completely different subjects. Narcissistic personality is on a spectrum. According to estimates, there are 15-20% of people with enough personality traits that are destructive for relationships.
God, the exaggerating. My first narc had a bit part as an extra in some indie documentary that was never actually aired anywhere. His total screen time was maybe about 5-10 seconds and he helped the crew with some of the lighting, and this fool came home and made himself a whole IMDB page. "Actor and producer" 😂
Haha, I think you're confused...is he a douche bag or narcisst? Just kidding. I laughed when I read your post because that's how they are...Me, me, me....I'm the greatest.
This is a horrible city Passaic N.J. Those living/working in this high rise to cops to local hospital - all unashamed - bully me cause I am from nearby Paterson/ grew up in near Paterson- Wayne Township where families work and at the very least 'show class' even if they happen sometimes not to have $5 in their pocket. Unfortunately being stuck and sucked in here I find more and more siblings and kin left are snobs/ ignorant to my Gemini energy/intellectuality and were all along - but at 68 now since most left me to the wolves I will soon lead the pack - The Way, The Truth, The Light in ever acquiring wisdom. All You Need is LOVE. Honor your mother and father. Remember to love the Lord with your whole heart and soul and to lean on His understanding over your own.. and much more...
Backhanded compliments. They will lie in wait for the perfect opportunity too. When my Mom was on hospice I stopped coloring my hair and let my Grey grow out because I wanted to spend every second I could with her. I had coworkers and family members try to throw jabs at me about it too. It was interesting they didn't waste no time exposing themselves either. I just told them they should do their homework on fashion because women at the time were paying thousands of dollars to have their hair bleached Grey even high school girls. The looks on their faces was so disappointed and hilarious. Jab didn't work and they got served with some check yourself. At the cemetery at my mom's funeral it started to rain and got quiet and one of my relatives was behind me while I was talking to someone and very loud she said, " oh my God is that Grey in your hair." I was in complete shock and saw the look on everyone's faces and just pretend I didn't hear her and kept talking while someone came and took her to talk somewhere else. For me looking back I'm thankful because God always, always exposes our enemies before he promotes us and puts us through some tests. All along she thought she was going to make me feel bad and all she did was expose herself to our entire family and everyone there. People know I heard her she was right behind me and I chose to ignore her and not let her ruin my time as I pictured my Mother dancing off in complete bliss and Joy dancing with Jesus into Heavens Gates. A year later her Dad passed and I'll never forget the look on her face when she saw me when our eyes met I knew it hit her what she had done and when her mother passed after it was even worse. She never apologized verbally but did by thanking us in front of everyone for attending and supporting the family. It's a long post but hope it makes some people who like to one up others or throw jabs realize it's not worth it and in the end you will definitely have your day coming.
Will they keep you too busy keeping up with something they say they'll do, like cleaning the house, to keep you from getting to your responsibilities or any of your fun time?
After having my son , where I gained a lot of weight and manges after a very hard time I was able to loose it. I was in the beginning stages of dating my now ex boyfriend l told him how much weight I had lost and how hard it was, I said I hadn’t been at the gym for about a month he smiled and was like oh are you going to start going and get into shape ? While patting my leg like ummmmmm what ?????
Iv been ghosted and discarded by so many people that I would give and give to. So by me ghosting them back and going no contact, and mirroring them…your saying that I am the narcissist?
I’m dealing with a narcissist right now. Bear this in mind first though, I’m a Sigma Male. She’s a top shelf woman, all women are narcissists, I’m just actually learning things I knew were happening but didn’t know why until the last few days doing a bit of soul searching. We are great 99% of the time, but for some reason she is trying to sabotage our relationship. Especially since I have ground rules and standards. I do want her back and now I know what I’m dealing with it will be so much more fun to see where it ends later👍😂😎
This is actually so confusing I can’t even decide was I the Narc that the other person went no contact with or am I the one who got discarded? Or am I just anxious and they are avoidant and neither are. Actually such a bad trait to think about things from different angles
Ive gone through the breadcrumbing thing. I call it putting a carrot in front of a horse. Its on a string and no matter how hard you work to get it you never can
This is exactly what now my ex did to me so we go to Reno Nevada,we had a great time playing slots we had dinner together we got a room it was great Then when I dropped her of at our home that I'm no longer at she talked to me for maybe 10 minutes the hole week just to text me after trying to figure out what I did this time and she tells me she's done with the drama that she's moving on so I said OK And now I'm stuck thinking am I that unlovable am I that much of a peace os $hit that she's ok treating me like this or am I just a waste of time WTF I'm tired of the yoyo treatment. What is it going to take to have her understand love me or leave me alone.
I do not like the baiting, the baiting comes so much by surprise and it can be positive or negative so after a devaluing stage, they try to get you back by doing something nice like buying you to go dinner or something else. And on the negative side they will say something like oh you’re mad even though you’re not mad at all. They will keep at it pushing you to the very edge and repeat yes, you are mad and then you say no I’m not, and it starts an argument
I have a friend that does that, he'll make a compliment comment and at the tail end of it an insult. I had a sponsor that did the opposite, he'll give an insult with a compliment at the tail end. They both were looking for a negative reaction.
It would be hysterical if it wasn't so scary how they think ! The only thing that is really funny is how they think they are SO cleaver and sophisticated , when they are actually so predictable with their puerile childish schoolyard reverse psychology !!
There are weird similarities between the narc. and the victim. I literally started learning and rebuttaling in her ways? I figured that she would understand how she was acting if I did the same... it did nothing except to make war
Not sure if you have touched this, but I have a few of these narcs, male friends who would always play these games to make me feel inferior to them for their self absorbed ego boosts. All of them had what I call the "paused tick" This happens when they are rambling on and on about whatever makes them or what they have is superior to you and you take them out of their rehearsed diatribe for example I would interject, "tell me how this is? Last time you said this!" Remembering a previous conversatio, here is when the tick comes, a momentary uuhh uhhh, then off to the races with some blah blah blah that sounds completely legit or at least plausible!! Pay attention for the "tick" they all have it, whether it be vocal, facial gesture, voice inflection, hand motion etc. When this starts they are grasping in thin air and lying!
My recent ex- Him- you look good but you lost your ass Me-thx but I am more then just my ass Him-wow ok, if you are going to get ticked at me then I am out
ONE THING MANY EXPERTS NEVER GET INFORMATION ABOUT THAT IS IMPORTANT THOSE WHO ARE DECEASED AND HAVE NO WAY TO IN THEIR MINDS DEFEND THEMSELVES NEVER TRUST ANYONE WHO HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE WHO ISN'T ON PLANET EARTH ANYMORE THAT KIND OF DISRESPECT IS A CRIME AGAINST THE MINDS OF ALL
Intermittent reinforcement is well-known in psychology as part of behaviorism. It's significantly more effective than straight positive reinforcement. I recognized that my daughter was breadcrumbing via hoiday greetings and gifts. I refuse to let anybody abuse me. I stopped responding. Two skipped responses, and we appear to be done.
Look up Neil Strauss the Annihilation method that is where rating women comes from. Mystery, and David Dangelo Pandoras box. MIT and men in general started figuring out what they could do to a woman to manipulate them into going out with them. Giving the power to the ugly man to get beautiful women. Negging was a big thing too. Thanks for sharing Christina. I like how you use the comments to break them down and explain things too. It brings things into perspective with our experiences as we experience the same abuse, but they use different words which do the same damage.
I have really mastered no response.......he wants praise for fa....stuff I do all the time. But for him it's validation......yes awesome....nah actually just ordinary. This is what wears me out. It's that good dog thing. He is so focused on doing his I'm brilliant that he doesn't actually take in anything else. Retired, narcissistic, love less marriage with dementia and partially deaf..... yeah.... perfect storm. Praying for not this anymore ❤
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
I've added my email and my name but it won't let me download it and I don't get an email neither. I'm not sure if anything is wrong. Thanks for sharing
What is your background? Are you a therapist? I like your explanations, thanks
What about if they act like Dr jeckel and Mr Hyde
I think they are unhinged!!!!
When you cut them off. You win their game
Amen ❤
When you have to go back because it's family you pay the ultimate price , your an a$$ to them forever
Amen!
Narco make people do all the work. Either I get triggered or I have to always remain calm. While they get to do everything that they want.
AMEN!
How do we deal with or address this double standard and hypocrisy? How do we get narcissist to do the work?
@@flowwith.5958We go No Contact or gray rock. We cannot force another person to do the work. We can only work on ourselves.
@@flowwith.5958You don't. You get away from them. Hey are selfish and are fine with things the way they are.
@@josereyes1148 easier said than done.
When she got caught cheating, she brought up arguments from 10 months prior along with every mistake I ever made.
😂🎉😮😂
Classic.
Mine brought up everything I did then told me she had another interest she met before she dumped me. And now her true colours are showing..
I didn't realise how crazy narcissist abuse is. The stress has been so bad I've been taking tablets to chill out and having to try and not care what they do.
U gotta go no contact
I did too. All the time it's them. They make you feel crazy ...just so depleted and hurt. I would never hurt someone intentionally. I live for his KARMA...SOOOO..HURT AND I SAW LITTLE THINGS AND LET IT GO. HOW STUPID!!
The stress.... I'm 45 and my beard is f'n grey. Body feels like I'm 80. Let that be a warning
My narc gave me anxiety in my chest. It affected me. I left the relationship to regain myself. I've been seeking therapy and working on rebuilding my self esteem.
I started getting random chest pains and it was stress! I couldn’t believe how my body was responding that’s when I started to pay attention to what was stressing me. Seen a reel on IG and boom the rabbit hole helped free me mentally first. I have no feelings for my narc wife JUST feel sad for her bc she is really unwell and I pray for the best. We have a 3 year old and the stories scare me so…….. I know I maybe have to go through hell for my child. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED FOR MY BABY!
Even if you thank them for something they'll STILL find a way to burn you.
It's unreal behavior... SMH
Ive been a nurse 30 plus years and YES, a lot of doctors are narcissist, surgeons especially
God complex
can you please elaborate on this? @mightymouse1005
Scary.
Yup, I've experienced this, many times
ironic how despite the prestigious career, they’re still deeply insecure…
Also, when you confront a narcissist, because they’ve been caught (red-handed) cheating…they won’t necessarily come back and accuse you of cheating, but they will immediately put the blame on you - for their cheating. “You drove me to cheat, because you don’t have enough time for me…don’t give me enough attention…don’t give me enough accolades for my accomplishments, don’t give me enough sex”…(fill in the blank). 🚩
Yup. Exactly this. She was cheating on me for months and when she accidently got caught, it was all my fault. I was the one dissociating from the relationship when she was the one living a double life. No accountability at all.
the hard part in all of this is that sometimes these are valid reasons. In the end I think you should always trust your gut, and if you feel they are using it against you, as either conscious or unconscious manipulation, then yes, you will feel it does not come from a place of honesty or empathy (but from a selfish place). Because in this case, sure, if you have a bad relationship, and hardly any sex, bad communication, sure if one cheats and then honestly states why it is not narcissistic at all (still a shitty thing to do ofc).
Trust a narcissist drunk to "out themselves" through projection. Stay sober, aware and listen
I experienced that. She would tell me she needed a man to fulfill her needs and wants because she felt so lonely and miserable... " This went on for months. HELLO" then why am I here??
@@oksurerightEven sober narcs tell on themselves if you stay around long enough and remember original stories. Mine did. When I confronted her on it, the story changed again....go figure.
This is a very helpful video. To all normal people: You didn’t attract the narcissistic. You tolerated them. And you need to work on firm boundaries. Do not let things “slide” for any people. Ask people to explain after they do bad stuff. The narcissist will stand out! Instead of an apology and correcting the issue, they will go on the defensive using their toolbox (word salad, blame shifting, lying, getting emotional, blame pretty much anything on some external circumstance, show anger passively or overtly (silence or rage) , and much more 🤡🎪)). Good luck and never look back if/when you get out!!!
He did every single one of the things you mentioned when I called out his behavior.
Pretty well summarized 👍😂
She's doing all those things currently...smh and this is like the 3rd or 4th time. She's my ex. God I'm so stupid
Yep this, going through it all now, feel really stupid now for getting married to her, I'm now learning to show zero emotions as I can't go full zero contact yet as she is trying to keep the house, 14 years lost because I couldn't see what was going on, love does make you blind 😢
@@jamesirvine281I was in a relationship with someone for two years and we would be off and on. She never admitted to any of the bad things she did and never once said sorry. Brother some people are who they are and they can’t change on their own they need professional counseling you’re not alone every reason has it’s lesson just don’t repeat it
My wife calls me a narc all the time, has me read all these articles to “help myself” and everytime I read them I think, this is what she is doing to me, I hear narc and gaslight more then any two words in the English language. This is wild
Want the truth?? Believe the opposite of what your narc is telling you. They are incapable of telling the truth. You aren't dealing with a physical person. You're dealing with inner demons that have overpowered the person inside. My last relationship hurt me so bad because it wasn't the normal pain from a relationship falling apart. It was an attack on my soul.
My narcissistic husband picks a fight than you should see the the excitement the glee on his face as I scream in him I looked at him and I couldn’t believe it. I’m so upset I’m in tears and he’s getting off on it!! He had a look of his excitement on his face and he was loving it, they love to fight and wasn’t hiding it all this time. They get off on it its disgusting
They actually get turned on by it, it's sick
I have to deal with a coworker like this. I finally had enough,and found a nice way to turn it around on them.The look in their eyes when they can"t win is Priceless!!!
Word salad requires mental gymnastics to decipher though the bs.
My sister has been gaslighting me for years. Always projecting onto others. Is never wrong. I didn't realize she was so toxic until just recently. I notice the signs because I was in a toxic relationship and watch these videos. I still feel crazy even though I know what she's saying isn't true. It's exhausting really.
I dumped mine ❤Stay strong ❤
@@P.C-x5pyou dumped your sister?
Me too
Excellent video full of useful information. Thank you!!
It's so weird wrapping ones mind around how someone you loved can so easily manipulate and hurt you. But the more educated I become on narcissism the more I'm able to let go and accept it without feeling any guilt for walking away.
Agreed! I'm actually writing down notes here, because just experiencing this for the last seven years of my dating life has Not apparently taught me enough.
Same here
Someone once told me NOT to let those people rent free space in my thoughts. So, very true.
I had a friend who would hint at doing something or going somewhere just so you will ask her to be involved only to back out a day or hours before the event everytime . She is no longer a friend.
You're spot on what you said they are like Jekyll and Hyde it's always someone else's fault especially mine they do nothing wrong I'm the idiot they are selfish individuals it's all about them I've been through it for 28 years and kicked him out 1 year ago and live is peaceful now thank God they are poisonous snakes it's very sad actually the way they are 😢
100 % correct… I was with my narc ex for 37 years… been through it all.
I was in what I thought was a relationship for 14 years with my kids dad. He has done everything to a T that you have mentioned in your videos. The slow ending to our relationship was when one of my best friends died on mothers day last year. He offered no emotional support, didn't tell me how sorry he waS that this happened just ignored me and made me deal with it by myself. After a week I confronted him about it and he went into a complete ragging maniac. Mind you this is a 44 year old man Calling me names and making me look and feel like a piece of crap. After he did that he came over to me and apologized but I didn't except it. I kicked him out of my house the same day. And by me kicking him out he started a new relationship instantly and blasted it all over the internet on New Years 2024.
Being with that man for 14 year made me loose myself. He would do little things to start argument and people would look at me like I'm crazy. Always gas lighting me and his kids. Neglecting his kids. Anyone reading this don't let these type of ppl take 14 years away from you. It changes you.... leave asap
Thank you for your videos they are all helping me heal from the emotional and physical abuse I have endured the last 14years.
Thank you xoxo
I'm currently dating a woman who was in a relationship with a narcissist and abusive partner. Your videos are great in helping me understand and help her better.
I wish my husband could be so understanding of my past. You never truly heal from being discarded and devalued from someone you thought you loved.
I hated the constant indirect ' inferences ' , and that if you challenged them YOU were being paranoid or imagining things ! 🤨🤔😂
Yes, deflect and flip the script to get the focus off of them
This video and channel have made me feel sane and also realize that I had a narcissistic parent and ended up in relationships with broken people who are also narcissists. 😮💔🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thats very true, sometimes they bring up old stuff that was solved. I have gone through that. I call them demons in human form.
Jesus. Yep almost every thing you said, I have experienced in one person. Of course it’s a person that I have an insane amount in common with. Same views, similar interests, was extremely attracted to her, and actually very similar humor. I think that’s the only reason I got stuck for a little until I finally just realized that I can’t do this anymore. I now feel anxiety whenever I’d talk to her, never knowing when she’s going to freak out about the most random thing and then bring stuff up from the past that we have already resolved. It’s mindblowing
Same....not worth the aggravation. Very shallow, & damaged woman.
I miss hanging out with her but she would get bored very quickly, and needs stimulation though shopping or eating. I didnt drink too much until I met her but noticed Alcohol and food were my safe zone. In order to stay in shape, I had to double my workouts to look good but it was exhausting. She told me she wanted me to look chunky so she wouldn't feel bad about her body. Keep in mind she was beautiful for 46 years old and looked good without doing exercise. I had to leave the relationship. I was losing my mind and self.
Compliments always come with a cloaked insult. Arguments are "discussions". Expressing your thoughts and feelings provoke verbal and physical attacks. Five years of soul slaying pure hell. Six months into no contact and I'm still healing. But I've extended my life by ten years. I would have died within five years if I had stayed. Stay strong. Protect Your Peace 🕊️.
My narc knew for years that I have jealousy issues. One liked for me to hang out with her group of guy friends just so she could openly flirt around them provoking my jealousy (one she actually hooked up with because we were on a "break" in the relationship). She got away with it once but when I put my foot down the second time that I wouldn't go through that again, I declined go hang out with her and her new "friend". She storms out on me like I did something wrong. She probably expected me to run after her and to start apologizing but I fought that urge and stood up for myself finally. I cringe having to have kept that relationship on life support when I should have left it unplugged a long time ago.
You could get to know if your narcissist partner is cheating or having an affair with someone else by just discreetly spying on their calls, socials,and locations and "Shadowbyte7" can help with that and he's reliable
He's available on Telegram and his services is genuine and he helped my cousin also with decryption of files and remotely accessed a lost phone and laptop
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind & go insane because of my ex-husband's hoovering and mind/emotional games.
I go through this too saddened
Get out go no contact it is the only way
Pray. Pray. Pray. That's what helped me when I went through that. When I read your post, I know what you're going through. It's the worse feeling trapped on every thought of them. It never stops unless they are out of your life.
Years ago, I had a no-title relationship with a colleague, and on one of our lunch outings he spent the two hours talking my ears off, only to look at his wrist watch and go, "Wow, you talk a lot." I was shocked and confused by his projection. Thankfully I met my husband kicked this odd ball out to the curb.
I wish I had seen these videos sooner because I wasn't sure if my ex girlfriend was a narcissist. These videos prove she was. Completely caught me out because many years ago she was one of the sweetest girls I ever knew. How could she change into this unfeeling woman? We planned to get married and move country and I didn't suspect she was a narcissist not until two years later when I got a severe asthma attack due to cold weather. I needed oxygen and one night in hospital. I lost my voice and struggled to walk. Although I did ride my motorcycle home in pouring rain as I had little alternative. She said she'd come over to look after me but instead she blamed me for getting ill. Eventually I had to try to raise my weak voice to defend myself. I was in bed, it was early. But when I got up I was shocked to see she had taken all her things and left.
She texted me later saying she didn't want to deal with me getting ill. At the same time she was living it up in restaurants all paid for by her sister. She was enjoying her life and never invited me to join her, never even asked how I was.
I realised she was weak and totally selfish. Imagine if we'd got married? She wanted my house, my money, for me to look after her so she could stop working. I'm not a wimp. Biker, martial arts sensei. But this woman ruined my mental health several times in 3 years till I needed professional help.
She is now in a new relationship just about three weeks after dumping me. I guess it's a rebound. She hasn't worked on her behaviour so someone else will be her next victim.
I have never known a more cold and heartless person. Thank you for helping me recognise this coward I have loved for many, many years.
Same type of story w/ my "X". Finally learned she was simply a 'good time' girl -- but it took #10+ years...
...and another 3+ just to get her OUT of my life!! (And she's STILL trying to hover around. TRULY "mental" stuff.
What I struggle with is spotting them in the beginning, they will be everything you want and need and play the part so unbelievably well it’s scary, my recent one peppered everything with little bits of reality so he didn’t look ‘too good to be true’ and I fell for it. Should’ve been a red flag that he spoke about himself and his problems constantly. Completely self involved but because he showed some care towards me I ignored it and again didn’t look at his actions and what they said.
When I bring up the past, I get chewed out.
Yup, they expect you to be over it, but they'll bring up every fault they perceive you have. Awful double standards
You hold a grudge.. you’re judgmental.. 🤦♂️
Intermittent reinforcement is like a slot machine.. great analogy! It really helps to have these visuals for these concepts.
Oh this also brings back the memory of my ex and my son , while we were together after a while my ex never wanted to spend time with me and my son together and even just me after a while ( neglectful narc) he did go with my son once just the two of them to the soccer field and about two other times all three of us went. I took my son a bunch of times to the field just my son and I, he loved to play soccer! Finally when he was old enough to play on a team I noticed he was doing so good ! I told my ex about how good he did and his first response was “I guess I should give myself a pay on the back then for reaching him” i couldn’t even say much I almost started to laugh in his face, this was one of the first clues I had that he was a covert narc .
My parents , especially my mother, used to say, " Why can't you get good grades like your sister." I knew not to ɓe angry at my sister because she had nothing to do with what my mother was saying. Was she supposed to do poorly in school ? Of course not.
Thanks for your clarification on this discussion! I've got 23 years of sobriety in a 12 step program ⭐ but since I've realised I've got Coda trauma! I've been baited by being not t being asked to share in aa meetings ! The narcissist are hiding behind fake sobriety. The more you fush them out it's deeply disturbing . Thank God for your calming joyful and peaceful insight into this horrible disease 👃🌀
I also have been in a relationship and found out she is actually a narcissist after she ghosted me. Known each other for 8 months and even have intimacy 2 week before and even 1 day before i gave her a Christmas gift (actually got to rush down from a site work to prepare the gift it was kind of last min and she doesnt even care) without having anything in return the next day she ghosted me without blocking and not picking up my calls. The entire relationship i felt like a slave and felt that everything revolve around her. Thank god she ghosted me karma will hunt her for making me depressed and confused for about a month, no wonder i always felt she have bad things happening to her even someone steals her wallet in her own workplace she really deserved it.
OMG, the if you're aick or having a bad time. My mother does this all the time! She'll even use my father's health or difficulties as a comparison to mine. They disallow your strengths, your accomplishments and your struggles. Essentially they're disallowing you! It's like you don't even exist as and real separate person, then they pile on the guilt trips and gift giving to mess with your head. Makes an dense who I was trauma bonded and couldn't identify who I am without her! She wanted a mini me and stole my sense of self worth
Exatamente. Ele chegou a dizer: "Eu NÃO te amo..." E então me abraçou e continuou: "mas eu não quero que você vá embora".
The cat dragged in is a sarcastic compliment. I've used it and heard others use it as a genuine compliment. Nothing malicious. It really meant that the other person was completely stunning.
Interesting.
A cat drags in mutilated bloody flesh corpses of dead animals. Hardly a compliment.
It’s rude esp considering the circumstances
I would tell my ex " you look hideous but I'm gonna sex you up later". 😅
I meant no harm just trying to have fun because she knew she was gorgeous.
It isn't though.
Baiting is about response. It doesn’t matter about what. It can also be something that is not personal. Instead politics or anything else that triggers you. You blow up about the weirdest thing. It is not always personal.
My EX would bait me by asking for a date then cancel before going out, then initiate plans an hour before going out again. It was a sadistic emotional game.
Happened everytime she knew I was excited to see her and go. She hated compliments also. She said it made her feel uncomfortable because she didn't deserve them but then asked why I never compliment her. She was a devil in disguise. I left that bitch.
Oh yes! The "end game" of the psychopath or sociopath to obtain fanatical means. Luckily I am resilient, and took her seriously. She was initially enamored, then "mask off" completely disinterested in anything I loved, my hobbies and she was only interested in stragicaly obtaining my money, and life that I earned. She is the worst experience I've had, and biggest lesson. I am wiser and happy about realizing I have a choice to not engage and have her in my life permanently. I thank God for that! I am still kind and laugh, and focus on my life and interests. I've learned tactics to not be reactive. I've learned I don't need anyone to fulfill my life, and reassessed my new high standard for the individual with whom I choose to spend time, and my sharing. I do not overshare. My sharing was used against me later, and used to hurt the core of me. It was as If I was observing or doing research on abnormal psychology. I am still in disbelief as to her pattern of behavior. I am not special in terms of the ruins she has left. She called family and childrens on her sister to remove her niece from her care. She also was an addict, lier, and strategically planned to cause an accident to obtain an insurance payout. She is thankless, rude, and a user and manipulator. I had to find an attorney to deal with my connection with her because she is a threat to me personally, and I have to protect myself. I think she is actually a coward who has envy and jealousy and is bitter because I remind her of what she has not accomplished, and my happiness, laughter and spirit is threatening to her. She is actually to be pitied because she is not well mentally. I'm not a doctor, and fortunately not desperate enough to care about her misfortune. I was courageous and brave in my journey with her. I believed in her truth, and truly wanted her to be happy. Now I am my own focus and first when It comes to happiness, and giving of myself. It's taken me years and when I look in the rearview mirror, I breath a sigh of relief that I am free. I wake up happy, and thank God I don't have to obligate myself to a decision I made on emotion. I have to say it was close! I could have been stuck with her loathsome, abusive way and her intention of responding to my happiness and interests lacked any emotion seeming as if she intentionally and purposefully seemed preoccupied and bord as if to say, "You think you're all that? You're shite" as the Britts say. Just WOW! I dodged a bullet on that one with the thought that my life could have been miserable, as to reduce me to a shell of my former self. Thank you for your channel. I'm enjoying your delivery of truth.
I feel like we dated some of the same women, even though we are probably in a different country. I have a narcissist family and because of that I noticed the fake fights and projection of when they always cheat because they don't get enough reactions or emotional food from you and require it from anyone else.
God I dispise my life and think of all the times I actually believed that problems were mine when actually just made up by these fucking assholes. Any break from a narcissist is a breath of fresh air! Enjoy that and the fact that you are not sick and they are their own Karma.
I use to be mad at God when my relationship ended with my narc. I saw it as a curse and not a blessing. Now I'm happy God helped me. I'm too dumb to realize his love for me. Unfortunately, I keep attracting the same type of narc women. I've become very resilient to the behavior but the emotional pain is hard to recover from. I learned to walk away but feel guilty because it makes me look heartless and cold but when the relationship isn't working, there is nothing else to hold on to so its time to move on and pray for them.
I must not require external valuation from others of my intrinsic qualities to prove my worth.
Thanks! your more thorough than a few others on RUclips, currently dealing with a brief one week relationship ( vacation) after years of friendship that started on a vacation 8 years ago and then remained in social media only.
Wow what a roller coaster mind game, reverse psychology, accusations and total immaturity
Will say not first time thought the lesson was learned decades ago, guess not, being an empath does not help
Sad thing is it truly felt like there was a connection, stories exposing details of personal stuff inevitably come out as comforting to feel ok to talk about life experiences
Emotional intellectual attachment is the worst part add the physical presence then poof you get accused of being a narcissist and your blocked , cut off and all if a sudden sending positive vibes as a reward for treating you badly
Thank you for your videos they have helped me so much on discovering I’m dealing with a narc. I’m beyond grateful I’m on six months into this relationship and running into your videos have literally explains him to a T. I love him and I’m struggling walking away
Good stuff, as usual. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.. I just wish I'd found you years ago. But, I'm ready for the next narc that tries to mess with me! Lol Seriously. Thanks again. 😊
This reminds me when the narcissist I had to deal with would try to talk about obscure books or movies not many people have read or watched. Then if I’d never heard of it he’d treat me like I was stupid and then show me how smart he was explaining them to me like I was a toddler. It got old.
The first one: negging (never heard that word) I always called it a “compisult” - a compliment and an insult
It's weird if you ask a question and someone gets upset and starts bringing up the past infliction that they deliberately done to you as a weapon against you that tells me a lot and that person is a covert bully or narcisst iknow my mum constantly talks about stuff that is not to do with my situation yet the fact of the matter is I been living like a virgin deliberately since 13 till 41 abd I got wimen that been deliberately attatching to me and because I dint want them so many games and my concern the world and war and my motive aint xhanged no war of worlds no games me living my life
How about when you ask them details they say " it happened 8 years ago I dont remember ". They can pry into your details with 50 questions but when confronted by yours they say " it doesn't matter, and it's none of your business".😮 Gets old real fast. I only stuck around for the sex and told her that before the relationship ended. A one way street to helltown but this is where I get off....happyville without her.
This is one of your best videos which of course, I will watch on repeat like all my favorite ones.
‘Just’ another genius video. Thank you!
I have experienced a lot of this, many different angles. As well as the “Intellectual bullying” and “word salad” so they can confuse, and have you appear dumb. Honestly, this video is very triggering, but it’s educational and helpful. So Thank you for sharing this with us.
A word of warning when you cut off a narcissist. After several years of devaluing abuse from someone I mistakenly thought was my closest friend, I got the strength to go *no contact* after she did a very nasty thing to me, and doubled down that she hadn't done anything wrong. I stopped returning her calls. A month later, *SHE SENT THE POLICE TO MY HOUSE FOR A "WELLNESS CHECK", even though she lived nearby and had my house key.*
Flippin animals they are. I imagine the police do not appreciate their resources being wasted by fools like her.
Information bullying was one of his go to moves until I started to catch on that most of the information was either half fact or total fiction. I started to fact check things that didn’t sound right. Come to find out that when I did fact check 90%of the time (his number not mine) he was lying. He hated me for it. He told me I made him a liar. He raged for 9 months. Meanwhile once I researched that behavior I started to research the other bad behaviors I had been dealing with for years. That helped me understand what I was dealing with. The only box on NPD that he didn’t check was that he hadn’t hit me yet. He has started throwing and slamming things though. When he did I got right back in his face.I asked him during the breakup if he thought it would have escalated to violence if I hadn’t stood up to him and he answered with “I don’t know” as far as I was concerned that conversation was the death of all hope for me. Glad we are split up, wish he would move away so I didn’t have to deal with him on a daily still because even though he is in a separate house on the property, he still pushes his way into mine or starts talking and peeking through my windows.I still start pacing with an overload of anxiety hours before he comes home. I can’t wait until I can hold steady in my peace no matter what kind of nonsense he throws y way.
U guys live on same premises? Do u ask co parent
Seen it all from family members and had to avoid them "forever." I have actually had "Facebook" friends to please unfriend them because they didn't like my articles. I laughed and retorted, "don't you know how to do it yourself?, it was as though they wanted me to fight back to look rude or they wanted to be able to tell others I unfriended them. One man asked me to be his friend because he liked an article I wrote, and then accused me of "preaching to men" as though I was doing something wrong. I asked him why he asked to be my friend at all. LOL
Narcs pick shiny people with high selfesteem, because they want to break it, to break the person.
Yep. Whwn I was younger he helped me without me asking knowing he's was manipulating me into a relationship i didn't know I was feeling obligated to him.
Everything makes sense but immediately there are excuses or explanations for his actions poppig up in my head. I feel like im not allowed to blame him for anything, even in my own thoughts. It feels like his voice is always in my head responding to everything i think..
The negging example is tricky because it can be an aspect of flirting, but it really depends on the tone and the context to determine if it's a red flag.
You nailed it!
I broke up with my girlfriend in July. She was gaslighting me for awhile. As time went on she became more manipulative . I drew boundary lines that she kept crossing. It turned bad after 3 years and I ended the relationship. She love bombed me early on ….it was all part of manipulation.
Same, same and same. I went through it. Thats crazy. Blame shifting, jealousy, gas lighting, and guilt tripping endlessly. We'd break up once a week and she would blame me for it then be the martyr. The reactive reaction was common with her. She would react to a comment then Id rereact to her reaction and we wouldnt talk. Its exhausting. As the months passed it got worse, after 1.5 years I decided to end it. It's not worth the hassle. I just want to be alone. That relationship ruined me. I'm 50, and feel drained. I gave her whatever was left in my heart and nothing is left. I'm so done. I use to fear being alone, but now I embrace it. Love the peace.
i dealt with most of these from a lot of women. i have not met a woman that is not of this mindset.
You're so wonderful ! Thank you!!!!
Hello Christina👋is it possible, that a trauma, after the years, of childhood, brings out the Narsistic behaviors,in a person?
I believe that is something that happens as a child during the i formative years, they create a false self as a defensive mechanism but they do not develop fully. That's why you can't win an argument with a narc, it is like arguing with a child
When they try to violate you and expect a response, and bring up things that don’t involve them.
Haha! The man i have 2 kids with & 28 years . Thankfully the youngest is 19 years old. About 10 days before I found out he was cheating once again.... I love to sing karoke and told me I needed "voice" lessons. Lol.... I said omg that would be awesome! I would love that. Guess what? He never did it and truly believe he was once again trying to make me feel like shit about myself! Lol.... I think this last one I will laugh at for the rest of my life! My m9ve out date may 8th. I'm so excited !
My ex was so distressed telling me he can’t read my mind. Some other things he told me:
You’re a boss
You’re perfect
I can’t read your mind
You’re independent
That he is damaged
That he needs alone time
I wanted to commit but he would not. So many things he withhold. All insteuction I like him to do he will not do. Like park there coz it’s free. He’d park somewhere else.
The first day he gave me the cold silent treatment the next two days I discarded him first. He’s now hoovering.
He is a covert narcissist with so many sob stories and he always talks about his money and family problems. But he’s a high earning professional actually.
Also he doesn’t ask anything from me and rejecting first what I give but of course I’d force him to accept. Is this his tactic?
My narc said to me, "do you realize that your jeans have holes in them". I was wearing a pair of distressed jeans. He said it in front of a new acquaintace. When I asked him, "why did you put me on blast about my jeans". His response, "No, Im sorry. I actually think they are very sexy." Such a NARC!!!!
6:50-7:50 amen 😮
“You’re so cute. I can’t believe I’m dating a redhead.” Followed by “my sons think you’re ugly.”
My EX narc's son 7 years old had the rudest comments to me. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I have a witch's nose, Im dumb, I talk too much, His moms said I don't make enough money, his Mom is cheating on me, his father hates me, he hopes I die, and His Mom wants to date other men. The amount of verbal abuse, was shocking. I thought by returning negative comments it would stop him but he would use it as a weapon to remind of me of how mean I am to him. It's quite disturbing. His mother would say, he is 7 years old and doesn't know what he is saying.
When she would bitch about him, I'd say " he is 7 years old, he doesn't know what he is saying" and She didn't like that. 😅
😢 I'm crying because Now that it's been 15 months since I have loved and rode this effing sickening rollercoaster and seriously something is wrong with me because I have seen it, intuition text book actions from Jason T (Mike Jacobs)
God I hope somebody sees this and tells me they know Him And anyway I'm Trauma bonded I have recently learned And it's truly like I would have a drug addiction it's sickening
May God help me 🙏🏻 😭💔
I just don't want this to be real
Would someone losing weight and feeling good, and someone you suspect as a covert narcissist goes and says “you looked better heavier” or a form of that… would that be negging also?
A narcissist gets pisssed when people make progress to better themselves, because they can't.
Sounds like someone who is jealous of your weight loss or is insecure about you losing weight maybe because they think you will be more confident and attract other people.
Less than 5% of people are Narcissists- I think there is quite a bit of playing therapist and self diagnosing people to make the dynamic favorable for the “ victim” that has their own issues they need to address.
Probably right there.
I'm not sure how much introspection is going on here. 🤔
Not true. There are 1-6% people with NPD. However, narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic personality are two completely different subjects. Narcissistic personality is on a spectrum. According to estimates, there are 15-20% of people with enough personality traits that are destructive for relationships.
Your numbers are off. 1 out of every 6 people will be some version of narcissist.
All arguments are used to get away with leaving. Creating space.
What if they conclude that you won’t/can’t or see red flags?
Spot on !
God, the exaggerating. My first narc had a bit part as an extra in some indie documentary that was never actually aired anywhere. His total screen time was maybe about 5-10 seconds and he helped the crew with some of the lighting, and this fool came home and made himself a whole IMDB page. "Actor and producer" 😂
Haha, I think you're confused...is he a douche bag or narcisst? Just kidding. I laughed when I read your post because that's how they are...Me, me, me....I'm the greatest.
@@clintonnagy1662 Both! Lol
Timestamps please 🙏
This is a horrible city Passaic N.J. Those living/working in this high rise to cops to local hospital - all unashamed - bully me cause I am from nearby Paterson/ grew up in near Paterson- Wayne Township where families work and at the very least 'show class' even if they happen sometimes not to have $5 in their pocket. Unfortunately being stuck and sucked in here I find more and more siblings and kin left are snobs/ ignorant to my Gemini energy/intellectuality and were all along - but at 68 now since most left me to the wolves I will soon lead the pack - The Way, The Truth, The Light in ever acquiring wisdom. All You Need is LOVE. Honor your mother and father. Remember to love the Lord with your whole heart and soul and to lean on His understanding over your own.. and much more...
Mommy dearest and other around her are just like that
I need a video to learn how to deal with narcissistic coworker’s without them knowing I know they are one.
Backhanded compliments. They will lie in wait for the perfect opportunity too. When my Mom was on hospice I stopped coloring my hair and let my Grey grow out because I wanted to spend every second I could with her. I had coworkers and family members try to throw jabs at me about it too. It was interesting they didn't waste no time exposing themselves either. I just told them they should do their homework on fashion because women at the time were paying thousands of dollars to have their hair bleached Grey even high school girls. The looks on their faces was so disappointed and hilarious. Jab didn't work and they got served with some check yourself. At the cemetery at my mom's funeral it started to rain and got quiet and one of my relatives was behind me while I was talking to someone and very loud she said, " oh my God is that Grey in your hair." I was in complete shock and saw the look on everyone's faces and just pretend I didn't hear her and kept talking while someone came and took her to talk somewhere else. For me looking back I'm thankful because God always, always exposes our enemies before he promotes us and puts us through some tests. All along she thought she was going to make me feel bad and all she did was expose herself to our entire family and everyone there. People know I heard her she was right behind me and I chose to ignore her and not let her ruin my time as I pictured my Mother dancing off in complete bliss and Joy dancing with Jesus into Heavens Gates. A year later her Dad passed and I'll never forget the look on her face when she saw me when our eyes met I knew it hit her what she had done and when her mother passed after it was even worse. She never apologized verbally but did by thanking us in front of everyone for attending and supporting the family. It's a long post but hope it makes some people who like to one up others or throw jabs realize it's not worth it and in the end you will definitely have your day coming.
Could it be possible also 13:10 that they exaggerate perceived faults, failures, mistakes, or misunderstandings and overstate them to belittle? 13:10
Will they keep you too busy keeping up with something they say they'll do, like cleaning the house, to keep you from getting to your responsibilities or any of your fun time?
YES‼️RUN‼️
After having my son , where I gained a lot of weight and manges after a very hard time I was able to loose it. I was in the beginning stages of dating my now ex boyfriend l told him how much weight I had lost and how hard it was, I said I hadn’t been at the gym for about a month he smiled and was like oh are you going to start going and get into shape ? While patting my leg like ummmmmm what ?????
Iv been ghosted and discarded by so many people that I would give and give to. So by me ghosting them back and going no contact, and mirroring them…your saying that I am the narcissist?
I’m dealing with a narcissist right now. Bear this in mind first though, I’m a Sigma Male. She’s a top shelf woman, all women are narcissists, I’m just actually learning things I knew were happening but didn’t know why until the last few days doing a bit of soul searching. We are great 99% of the time, but for some reason she is trying to sabotage our relationship. Especially since I have ground rules and standards. I do want her back and now I know what I’m dealing with it will be so much more fun to see where it ends later👍😂😎
This is actually so confusing I can’t even decide was I the Narc that the other person went no contact with or am I the one who got discarded? Or am I just anxious and they are avoidant and neither are. Actually such a bad trait to think about things from different angles
Why would we need to apologize for something we didn’t or haven’t done?
Ive gone through the breadcrumbing thing. I call it putting a carrot in front of a horse. Its on a string and no matter how hard you work to get it you never can
What if somebody makes a scene on one of the most important moments of your life which makes you feel very bad and confused?
Baiting is exhausting 😫 I'm trying to just disengage
This is exactly what now my ex did to me so we go to Reno Nevada,we had a great time playing slots we had dinner together we got a room it was great
Then when I dropped her of at our home that I'm no longer at she talked to me for maybe 10 minutes the hole week just to text me after trying to figure out what I did this time and she tells me she's done with the drama that she's moving on so I said OK
And now I'm stuck thinking am I that unlovable am I that much of a peace os $hit that she's ok treating me like this or am I just a waste of time
WTF I'm tired of the yoyo treatment.
What is it going to take to have her understand love me or leave me alone.
I do not like the baiting, the baiting comes so much by surprise and it can be positive or negative so after a devaluing stage, they try to get you back by doing something nice like buying you to go dinner or something else. And on the negative side they will say something like oh you’re mad even though you’re not mad at all. They will keep at it pushing you to the very edge and repeat yes, you are mad and then you say no I’m not, and it starts an argument
I have a friend that does that, he'll make a compliment comment and at the tail end of it an insult. I had a sponsor that did the opposite, he'll give an insult with a compliment at the tail end. They both were looking for a negative reaction.
It would be hysterical if it wasn't so scary how they think ! The only thing that is really funny is how they think they are SO cleaver and sophisticated , when they are actually so predictable with their puerile childish schoolyard reverse psychology !!
There are weird similarities between the narc. and the victim. I literally started learning and rebuttaling in her ways? I figured that she would understand how she was acting if I did the same... it did nothing except to make war
Not sure if you have touched this, but I have a few of these narcs, male friends who would always play these games to make me feel inferior to them for their self absorbed ego boosts. All of them had what I call the "paused tick" This happens when they are rambling on and on about whatever makes them or what they have is superior to you and you take them out of their rehearsed diatribe for example I would interject, "tell me how this is? Last time you said this!" Remembering a previous conversatio, here is when the tick comes, a momentary uuhh uhhh, then off to the races with some blah blah blah that sounds completely legit or at least plausible!! Pay attention for the "tick" they all have it, whether it be vocal, facial gesture, voice inflection, hand motion etc. When this starts they are grasping in thin air and lying!
My recent ex-
Him- you look good but you lost your ass
Me-thx but I am more then just my ass
Him-wow ok, if you are going to get ticked at me then I am out
ONE THING MANY EXPERTS NEVER GET INFORMATION ABOUT THAT IS IMPORTANT
THOSE WHO ARE DECEASED AND HAVE NO WAY TO IN THEIR MINDS DEFEND THEMSELVES
NEVER TRUST ANYONE WHO HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE WHO ISN'T ON PLANET EARTH ANYMORE
THAT KIND OF DISRESPECT IS A CRIME AGAINST THE MINDS OF ALL
Intermittent reinforcement is well-known in psychology as part of behaviorism. It's significantly more effective than straight positive reinforcement. I recognized that my daughter was breadcrumbing via hoiday greetings and gifts. I refuse to let anybody abuse me. I stopped responding. Two skipped responses, and we appear to be done.
Make it 100 if necessary 🙌😁
@@JoePAcalaughs I didn’t get a Thanksgiving text. Where's my hanky?
Look up Neil Strauss the Annihilation method that is where rating women comes from. Mystery, and David Dangelo Pandoras box.
MIT and men in general started figuring out what they could do to a woman to manipulate them into going out with them. Giving the power to the ugly man to get beautiful women. Negging was a big thing too.
Thanks for sharing Christina.
I like how you use the comments to break them down and explain things too. It brings things into perspective with our experiences as we experience the same abuse, but they use different words which do the same damage.
I have really mastered no response.......he wants praise for fa....stuff I do all the time. But for him it's validation......yes awesome....nah actually just ordinary. This is what wears me out. It's that good dog thing. He is so focused on doing his I'm brilliant that he doesn't actually take in anything else. Retired, narcissistic, love less marriage with dementia and partially deaf..... yeah.... perfect storm. Praying for not this anymore ❤