For me, the mask fell off when I was really upset and telling her just how hurt I was, and all she offered was a blank, dark stare. No emotion. She couldn’t have been less affected by the hurt she caused. She even looked blasé and had an arrogant swagger when she knew she’d gotten to you.
Yes relatable, arrogant and condescending attitude after you get upset or and express your feelings. They make you feel like you are making an issue out of nothing and may even make you feel guilty and they are the normal ones and you are the one troubling them. They reverse it all. I literally told him tonight: I am not accepting this condescending attitude. After he bluntly rejects me. Told him he could have said it more nicely. He replied: this is stupid I am with my parents now. In other words I was the selfish drama person drawing attention. I simply shared my thoughts on something he sent me today. He replied please I am unavailable now. I'm partially confused if it's me taking his text the wrong way or if I'm sensing arrogance and manipulation and not my own wounded ego. All I know is that I felt hurt out of the blue and humiliated. I felt so angry wow I told him to never contact me again for the rest of my life. Then he replied saying this is stupid. I told him he tried to make me feel guilty by writing he was with his parents and make me look like the fool. That was it. Now tired with headache and burning eyes from tears. Meanwhile voice in my head saying! Stop wining, what if you are the victim player here and he is the patient one 🤔 But he has been rude and also a little verbally agressive before bc I did not want to meet in the beginning. . Is this called self-doubt in my head about my own behavior.. I guess so. When I went to bed I thought to myself, if someone was civil and normal or care he would wish me good night after a text 'fight'. I can do the same thing ofcourse but I will ignore instead. Am I this childish. Or is he secretly childish. Why don't I feel this with others. Etc. I tell myself sleepwell which is also fine.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Trust your intuition! If you felt bad there was a reason. Don’t make excuses for others shitty behaviors. I think once we live through trauma we don’t recognize anymore what’s crappy behavior and we tend to always minimize and put the focus back on our self like you were saying wounded ego. Well sure when someone treats you shitty your ego gets wounded.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Thank u so much for sharing. There is no doubt in my mind that you’re dealing with a narc. Please, this *won’t* get any better. Get out when u can, open an account, get some cards in your name, make copies of keys, make a bag and leave it at your parents house, and leave. When u do, don’t communicate w/him cos he will try and hoover u back in. God bless xxx
1. Lack of emotional empathy 2. Seeking power and control 3. Adult tantrums (cannot handle ‘no’) 4. Sudden and inexplicable rage 5. Keeping tabs on exes 6. Belittling your/ other people’s accomplishments 7. Lying 🤥
Tantrums can be very silent. Silent treatment, stonewalling, gaslighting by not responding, passive agressiveness, no accountability, no real apologies, lying flat out or by omission, not interested in who you really are, zooming out while you are talking, no reciprocity or just for a little while to reel you back in, stealing your knowledge and character traits to use for others, what others say is taken for real or of value despite the fact you said the same, making and twisting stories in their head, being another person with others etc... I thought I was the narc for a while because of my yelling, anger, criticism. Thinking it was my fault. Now I realise that it was a reaction to narcistic abuse...PTSS. Introverted narcissism is the worst...no obvious signs of narcissism. And probably they are not conscious of their narcissism. The damage is enormous. It took me 20 years to realise what he is.
This is spot on! They are inhuman! I’ve NEVER met anyone like this before. -And they don’t change!!! Watching these videos made me realize that I was in an extremely abusive, unhealthy relationship that damaged my self esteem and made me feel crazy. When she convinced me to go to a psychiatrist for evaluation the psychiatrist said that the other person I was in the relationship with sounded like they were the one who really needed help, but not me. He recommended I get out of the relationship ASAP as it was highly toxic.
I kept quiet with my ex best friend who was a CN! I thought that me criticizing her was me being too hard on someone with a mental illness, so I kept quiet until waves of regrets and realizations hit me at once. So glad I got out!!!
Reality dawns most when the relationship has finished. When you are with the narcissist your emotion overrules your logic. It's only looking back and putting the pieces of the jigsaw together that you gradually realise that this individual was a toxic liar and manipulator.
Some have profuse apologies on their list. Strategic apologies.. any kind if it seems will forward a desire of theirs. A GENUINE apology though, not happening.
if they’ve wronged you, that’s devaluation. So I guess apologizing would be if they were cycling back to you again either hoovering or love bombing. but I think they prefer other methods of hoovering - like stalking, “liking” a post but saying nothing, mind games , etc :/
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 its a drip drip drip effect with the covert narcissist. subtle constant gaslighting, their aim is to make you unhappy like them. misery loves company!
@@straightletterz2596 Yes I am currently experiencing the effect once more from a female supervisor at work. To long to type out but she tried to frame me. Belittling and dominant by pressing her life philosophies on me. Telling me 'she's worried about me'. All I'm feeling is insults and pushing me into the corner. I am originally fine but bc of these types I cry, feeling exhausted etc. She is torture. She asked me how I am doing and I will feel forced to clarify. Then when I answered I'm not happy in my new location and busy moving back she said 'well you just spit out your private life so apparently you're not doing fine. What the F!!!!! I try to relax not let it in but even if I had a lot of pressure from my workload lately which isn't my fault, I would go better without her creepy psychological dumb treatment. After I moved back to my former area I will definately finally step away from this company I am through. Besides that lots of heartache and tears bc of a persoon I met via online dating so all together it's a lot. Not sure if he's deliberate mean and rejecting but it's not beneficial for me. Also trying to work on myself what is my own internal issue but as you said that right there could be caused by gaslighting. Another, kind person told me' there is nothing wrong with me. Narcissists tend to put the blame on you when you simply express how you feel about something. Like the work example. I work hard, I resolved many things but all this supervisor tells me is that she noticed I do my work differently lately and I forgot some things. While she is the one often forgetting about things she said etc. Anyway it's Sunday and this shows how these toxic interactions make an impact. Be blessed with a happy life without dominating, manipulative nasty people. Equality and respect is what I dish out and expect in return but I can't change the people so I will have to learn to keep my emotions, thoughts to myself creating distance. I had build good distance with this person at work but since our team shrank she has more time agsih and starts to harras me again although in her eyes it's helping.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 thanks for sharing thats a lot to deal with but understand the law of attraction, raise your frequency through aiming for authenticity and self love and you wont attract these people anymore. Its really unsettling when you see them for what they are and if you're empathic difficult to not take it personally, best solution is to get out of toxic places and never look back but hold the lesson x
@@straightletterz2596 Yes true I am sensitive to others vibes, emotions etc. I do run and exercise a lot so I always come back to my focus but it's time to leave that situation for sure. Thanks ❤️🙏
He literally told me "I want control over your heart" And then immediately checked up and said "I mean space in your heart" 😂 They are so impulsive, they always tell on themselves.. 😂
Yes they always tell on themselves all the time! Mine would say verbally repeat in casual conversation after each statement that I’m not controlling because I’m not a narcissist and I don’t think he even realized he was saying it out loud because it had nothing to do with the conversation at hand. It’s like he was trying to have a conversation with me while having a conversation with himself internally telling his true self to stay hidden
I look to see if someone can apologize. I don't recall my mom ever apologizing for anything she ever say or do. No matter what. Neither will she acknowledge when she do something wrong, she always look to blame someone else for her issues.
Same here. Even after saying or doing horrible things. Like telling her youngest she never wanted him and wished she had aborted him when fighting with his father and kicking me out when I came out and accused my step father and I or conspiring and having an affair when I sought his advice in life over her unstable advice. Finding validation saved my brother and I.
“I’m sorry we’re late“ or “I’m sorry I don’t have sweet & lo” (both of which probably were somehow my fault in her mind) was about the extent of anything that sounded like an apology I ever heard mine give either.
You are very right!! No narc I've ever known has been able to truly apologize. Sometimes they try saying, "I'm sorry you feel..." This isn't an apology at all!
Me too, the covert narcissist mother who never ever said sorry to anyone ever. She inflicted a lot of abuse in various ways especially on me the eldest daughter. I sum it all up when I tell you she made me eat my pet rabbit. I’m more than 20 years no contact. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
My covert narc apologized CONSTANTLY. I think its literally one or the other, they either never apologize or do it constantly to try and make you feel bad for them/manipulate your feelings for them. Booooth fucked lmao
One time I was sitting in the kitchen just feeling sad. Not bothering her. She came up to me seeming to show actual concern with my sadness. Once she knew I was sad about our lack of intimacy, she laughed like it was amusing and definitely not her problem. I think I married a monster.
You may have done that. They can really fool people. I know several very kind and pretty young women who cannot find a good man, either. So it goes both ways.
Their bizarre secrecy about completely benign topics such as basic information about their family, education, employment or friends is a dead giveaway 🤫
do they even have friends.... that's my question! i think just a few imposters, they play poker with! who could stay their friend... they must treat them as bad as they treat us, unless they keep a superficial relationship. which is most likely.
I thought he Was an introverted person... after 4 years of living together, it felt like living with a stranger, the few things i knew, were mostly because his family told me. Took me a lot of time and a cruel discard to connect the dots...😢
I used to be 300lbs and I have worked very hard to lose 140lbs and start to see my muscle tone, my ex bf is a gym rat, very buff and "confident". Any time I would point out my personal gains, he would shut it down by pointing out his or how much more he could do. When I was insecure about my lose skin and my body, he would validate my insecurities by saying "I can see why you would be insecure about that".... I only spent 9 months with him but my self esteem is shattered, and I am lucky to have started breaking that cycle early on. Be safe y'all.
that's awful, sorry to hear you went through that. my ex used to mock how "sick" i got during his silent treatments, because i made the mistake (still thinking he might have empathy) of telling him how devastated i was during the silence- unable to sleep or eat well for about a week. when he was getting ready to discard me the third (and final) time, he pretended to make it seem like he was worried about me, but i knew he wasn't the way he asked me "hey, how are you? are you able to eat better? you had said you were having problems with that." all to make me look/seem like the sick one in the relationship. don't listen to their vile words. it's outrageous that they start up this relationship with love bombing only to turn into the meanest people we could ever know.
Omg yes this 100% I remember early in our relationship he came over with food to cook me a meal at my flat. I said to him that my oven has a tendency to burn things so he’d need to turn the temp down. He. Threw. Such. A. Tantrum!!! Yelling at me, that I was telling him what to do, how do I think he’s managed on his own for 8 years?! Etc etc I initially tried to calm him down and reason with him, eventually ended up sitting there dumbstruck until he stormed out. Tantrums like that were common.
@@RachelSings21 That sounds like a BPD or NPD who projected his patronizing parent onto you... They have too much bagage to be able to see a situation, person or gesture clearly as it is in the now.
@@annebos4634 he used to lose his shit at me like that over minor things all the time. He used to also get really angry at me if he deemed that I’d been unwell for too long. I had a back injury once and I winced when leaning over and he went ballistic at me...that I was making it all about me, he was fed up having to put up with me going on about my bad back. He’s yelled at me before “you’re not the only one who gets to be sick!!!” He ended up smashing a door down to get to me in a blind rage because I said I was done with our marriage after he was particularly awful. Since I left I’ve had the smear campaign, the hoovers, the love bombing, the abuse. It’s been horrendous 😬 Oh and apparently I am the narcissist 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
All the boxes, the woman I love(d) ticks all the god damn boxes in all categories, why why whyyyyy And most of all why didn't I know about this stuff This can't be true :'((( The first time in my life I felt love
Mask slipped when I called them out on their lies and provided screenshot evidence of their own words they said previously. It was truly insane to see that they would not admit to their wrong doing in the face of undeniable evidence. I was discarded after this as my behavior to them was "irredeemable." How dare I question their integrity and character even though there was evidence to back it up.
My EX narc would talk/text a younger guy, and say he was a friend but too young for her. Later, she tells me she masterbated 3 times in one day. I don't think the guy was a friend. Seems more was going on if she got off 3 times after talking with him. Just frustrating. I left that relationship. I can't do crazy anymore. 😮
Very true. Its amazing how they con people by doing nice things for them. While lying and hurting others. Even when they are caught outright by people they ignore it. Says everything.. no integrity.
Precisely... you know that saying "Not everything that glitters is gold"? It's sad that some people cannot see that with the narcissists, and instead end up being enablers/flying monkeys towards the narcissists' victims.
When i got my very first new car late in my 50's, my gal pal sat in it, & could not hide a terrible sneer on her face. It was just all gnarled up, curled lip & everything. She didn't know i saw her. Later, she tried to get a car just like it, saying, she had always wanted a car like that, you knew that, & tried to make it seem like i had imitated her. She was incapable of being happy for me... only jealous & envious. I knew right then, she was no real friend.
If you were told you were garbage as a child, throw in lots of physical/mental abuse, you will be very very very insecure. Hence even losing a simple game of anything is frightening, representing that you may be vulnerable to a return of long feared attack/ridicule, etc. I am a narcissist trying to deal with it, and find out why I am this way.
@@patrickyoung2117 There are always reasons. I hope you can get this under control and regain a sense of self-worth and caring for the feelings of others.
@@patrickyoung2117 Hi, I don't know you, so I don't assume anything about you specifically. However, if you are identifying yourself as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, one of the classic signs of dysfunctional narcissism is lack of empathy (or as some psychologists say, to use empathy as a tool to learn how to control others). Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Many narcissists have learned how to fake empathy to obtain narcissistic supply, but when it's inconvenient or in the discard phase, the manufactured empathy evaporates. If this is a problem in your life, I hope you can solve it. If it's not a problem, great.
@@laraesque Thanks for responding laraesque. I don't know if I fit any one label, but watching and reading these things leads me to believe I am narcissist. But I still feel sad (actually VERY sad) seeing others suffer, try to always be giving and helpful and decent. The "one size fits all" attitude here doesn't seem to fit me neatly nor completely, I still am multi faceted like all of us. Peace be with you and yours.
Please, please, please pay attention! I put up with this for 25 years until I was a psychological wreck, lying in bed and not getting up and wracked with and anxiety. I finally got out, but after I had a dozen chronic illnesses. You deserve a better life.
@no chains no more Deep breaths. The wounds from years of abuse and exhaustion from escaping are fresh. I hope you are educating yourself and healing. It is the only way we can create the lives we deserve. For me, realizing how years of conditioning from childhood doomed me to a lifetime of victimhood in my personal and business life was a painful awakening. If you are younger than my 70 years, you have time to radically change a major portion of your life. Keep watching Dr. R. Get good therapy. Be brave in purging your life of toxic people. It's a tough journey, but so much better than what went before. Hugs!
“Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they’re self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious. The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge.” - Janet M. Tavakoli
Watching them empathize helps me see how emotionally non-smart they are. It lets you really see them for who they are, just as you are saying. Thank you. I fell for some of their fake empathy. They are not genuine and it hurts an empath in a lot of ways. What they give never hits the mark.
They also tend not to want to know more about what someone else is going through. Most people will tend to probe and clarify. Not a covert. Then you know
We attended a language course together. She studied more than me, she said, but got 2 points less on the final exam. She was outraged and did not talk to me for two days, even though we had moved together already. Somehow I was responsible.
When i saw the mask fall off, I looked at him directly in the eyes, he saw me watching him very closely, he saw I saw, we both immediately knew I knew. His cover was blown. We both knew it. At that point I realized his true nature. We could never have a normal conversation, again. He felt extremely uncomfortable that I knew he was a narc, we never talked about it, obviously, at that point I completely shut him down, sending him in to numerous narc meltdowns. Too bad. I do not play with narcs. I look them in the eyes and scare them. We were coworkers. I bailed the job and went 100% no contact two weeks ago. I am recuperating... Walk away from these monsters, folks. Please. But as you prepare to walk away, send them huge non verbal signals that you want absolutely nothing to do with them, nothing at all, and they will see you as an extreme non comformist rebel anti them trouble maker and they will avoid you like the plague. You have to shut them down, verbally, not by arguing with them, but with ignoring them and laughing at them and it will send them in to a narc injury, and they will fear you and avoid you. Look, let's be clear.. the reason to do this is not to hurt them. You are not hurting them, they cannot feel those emotions, so they will rage at you for rebelling against them by not playing their game, it's like, you look at them like the out of control little children that they are, just like the bullies on the playground, silly kids, silly games. Non verbal shut downs I suggest are not meant to hurt them, it is meant to maximize your ability to repel them, short term and long term, maximizing your odds of never hearing from them or seeing them ever again forever and ever.. THAT is the goal, trust me, THAT is the goal, to repel them forever. You win. They lose.
All true but in case of your spouse ,you can't leave always.you have to live with him at any cost.conservative societies don't understand your pain you are bearing with them.
Haha I love your comment. It’s true that some of them are truly terrified when you see through them, they don’t know what to do with themselves! Good luck to you
And don’t tell them you won. Let THEM gloat. You should’ve seen the look when I said “if I’m the best you could do with as many people who have serious bank in this town then you can’t even hoe right, so joke’s on you b****”. In hindsight I think it’s pretty safe to assume the smear campaign was much worse than it was going to be If I could’ve resisted.😏 I didn’t have any problem paying for everything the whole time but wasting 2 1/2 years in an open relationship I didn’t know was open and losing an investment I limited to what I could absorb but still wasn’t volunteering to lose made it hard not to share some choice words. If it was chump change I apparently wouldn’t have been targeted for what even people with more protect better.
last sentence is the most important as I have ever heart about the cover narcissists:" to pay attention not only to the words but also actions, how they act when they know you are looking and how they act when they think you are not" !!!!!!! GOLD RULE TO PROTECT YOURSELF!
My narc ex would stonewall me a lot. Ignore me for days or even weeks. Then he'd ghost completely, then pop back up as if nothing happened (like one year later). Then he'd guilt trip me, sell me some sob, woe as me story. Somehow I'd end up apologizing to him. So messed up now that I'm out and looking back. The ex thing and keeping them around? Him 100%! Wow. So eye opening.
This is what my ex is doing now. He discarded me for an older woman who drinks (he’s alcoholic) 10 weeks ago. Kept pop back up saying he wanted to go to rehab. Thea the wanted to work on things. Then he’d storm off if I said one thing he didn’t like, ghost/stonewall for a week, then re-appear. Meanwhile he’s still living with the woman. He lied & said they’re ‘just friends now’ but I know it’s untrue. He’s acting like he’s the victim, keeps mentioning his ‘shame & guilt’ but nothing changes. Last appearance I was unmoved & said ‘your actions don’t match your words’. He said ‘maybe we should break up’, & I calmly said ‘we ended when you took up with another woman hours after leaving me in a temper’. He left within minutes of that & I haven’t seen or heard from him since. I now want no contact. It’s so ok abusive & manipulative because every time he appeared he wanted something from me. Foolishly at first I gave him stuff because he actually had me feeling sad for him. Now I’m angry as the longer I don’t see him, the more I can reflect on the 7 years of abusive, toxic behaviour that I endured. I excused a lot because he’s alcoholic, thinking, ‘it’s a disease’. I didn’t see the narcissism & his recent escapades are textbook devalue, discard, Hoover….repeat. Meanwhile his 4 kids with his last partner are suffering as he doesn’t even contact them.
Belittling accomplishments. It took me years longer to get my bacholers degree because I had quite severe anxiety and insomnia for a while. My ex knew about that and she also knew I was somewhat ashamed for taking that long. When I got it her response was just "finally, took you long enough". But obviously it was "just a tease". And it's not like she backtracked and expressed genuine happiness later, didn't even want to celebrate with a drink. It was never brought up again. But leaving her knowing I deserved better is such a great feeling.
Another thing they do when you tell them of one of your successes will be to congratulate you profusely in a way that shows "wow! well done little child! I never expected *you* to achieve anything, what a surprise". And another general red flag: the smirk/arrogance.
Sooo true, while they say it, you tend to feel belittled and doubt your own accomplishments, I have been there for all my life, working on it hard to get Freedom....may the force be with you all too 💖✨
N, many times: I refuse to play games (card/board games) with you....you are SO / too competitive. Me then: I am not competitive, I just enjoy playing the game, the challenge, the fun, the laughs. I don’t care one bit who wins. N: rubbish... Me, years and a lot of insight later: right, so projection is a thing. Attempt at quoting Little Shaman: you are not playing the game... you are the ball!
@@Lennie6357 My abusive narc: we played scrabble for the 1st time with his 2 adult sons. My narc had a way of being charming dominating life of the party. All 3 of them were CRAZY COMPETITIVE.. but also blatantly cheating, unethical, just no rules. It became apparent that whatever we played, THAT was the game they were playing. That 1st game we were newly dating, & this was my 1st time hanging out so intimately like that with his family. None of them were properly educated (didn’t know that at the time).. I was, so I was doing way better. My thing is to turn around & help them score better lol. Theirs was to gang up, lie, & belittle me when I tried to call them out on it. So my narc “won” when in reality most of his words were made up, & this wasn’t a wink wink situation.. then even when I didn’t bring it up, he would weeks later bring up how I lost, or how I have a stick up my butt...
Thank you for bringing up the lying part. So many movies and tv series normalize lying. Like, the drama depends on the main character getting into trouble by lying and then they lie even more to get out of that trouble. And that's presented as something charming, quirky or funny. Something that people can relate to? And I'm like THAT'S A PSYCHOPATH RIGHT THERE!
It's like you met him personally. They think they're SOOOO special and unique yet they have set traits, patterns, pathology and character. So toxic and I'm so thankful for these types of videos.
My mother was a Covert Narcissist and I was in a relationship with a Narcissistic Psychopath 3 years ago. On my way to healing, it's been a long road, but, SO life changing! Plus, the bad relationship caused my Spiritual awakening which I am grateful for. Love Wins. ALWAYS🤟♥️
My mother was a covert narcissist too! She passed away in 2010, and I’m still healing from all of the damage that she did to me psychologically. My father was a textbook narcissist. I did not have a very happy childhood. Nor did I have good relationships with my parents after I grew into adulthood.
Covert narcisists are the worst - they are cold, cruel and calculated. They know the difference between right and wrong which is why they abuse behind closed doors and they are aware of what they are doing and so they are sociopaths. Thank you for your work Christina.❤ it is saving people’s lives. God bless you❤
I dated a sociopath that was kinder and more loving towards me than the narcissist was. He had dark thoughts and fought against his dark nature but our connection and friendship was a super rare thing in his life. He could admit what he was and so he isolated himself from most people and jobs that put him in contact with people so he wouldn’t be tempted by invasive thoughts. He actually saved my life when I was getting so sick to the point of needing to be in the icu and I was being stubborn. He showed care and attentiveness for me. But I could see how he didn’t possess any care or felt the opposite towards most other people. The narcissist called me a c*nt just for having boundaries and enforcing them. Called me psychotic and belittled me for calling out his bizarre and hateful behavior. He tried to kick me out in the middle of winter days before my birthday for not wanting to spend my birthday with people I didn’t know in a place that he kept trashing that I kept cleaning despite 20 day periods, needing 4 surgeries, being in excruciating pain and having a broken foot. The narcissistic turned everything into how I hurt him, lying and gas light central. Clearly delusional. Sexual coercion and assault was a constant while love bombing me. And putting on this front of being the nicest person anyone has ever known. He was just down in his luck and everyone else abandoned him and things were always someone else’s fault until I was the reason or thing that prevented his success. Despite all the sacrifices I made to keep us both afloat. He also damaged and sabotaged the very few nice possessions that I had. Including the camper van that I covered into a tiny home. So glad that’s over. His eyes were a vast soulless void. A big empty.
I'm going through all our messages and I realize that he was asking me very often if I'm frustrated, or unhappy, or sad... it's like he enjoyed knowing me suffering
mine did too. and in general, he was always whining about feeling tired, poor sleep, no energy. basically- i look back, and wonder how i was attracted to such a lazy pessimistic self-absorbed loser! plus his actions almost NEVER followed his words! despite the fact that he was a squash champion at our city club, i could only get him to play squash with me twice in 3 months. WTF? he had no energy of passion to do ANYTHING- but looking back, i'm thinking this ah-ha moment: i bet he was screwing his ex's (who he cont'd to text, help get into the building or hot tub, etc.) during all those "woe is me, i don't have any energy" date cancellations....
Listening to this helped me allow a break through. I’m processing and acknowledging. Thank you. This is great to combat gaslighting. Helps to know it’s not all in “ our head “
All of the narcissists I was in a relationship with got really upset when I beat them at games so this is the test I use now, I ask people to play a video game against me if I'm unsure about their true nature, especially if they incessantly brag about being really good at a game that I am also good at 🙂 the last one freaked out and quit when he realised he was going to loose 😂
#6. (just 1 e.g.) I took motorcycle lessons because he used to ride and had several stories about us riding (future faking).Once I got my license he would never go riding with me to get good at it, he never had time. When he finally (I had to have him evicted and later found out it wasn't his first time to be evicted) moved out I told him I was getting better at riding. His response was; "you only did it because I pissed you off." What? Note: they gather information on you early on not to get to know you, but as artillery to use against you later. #7. They are pathological liars from the very beginning of the relationship. Once they are gone you will have countless ah ha moments; not to mention their smear campaigns. Block them and All their flying monkeys.
I met the ex narc through a joint hobby! Had a child and he made excuses that I couldn’t go anymore. He smeared me to anyone that was in earshot in the most convincing ways. I’ve never been back since. He was extremely competitive in a pretend laid back outward appearance
totally different experience I have had when it comes to rage comment . narcissists are very skilled in presenting a very calm persona, and they actually provoke anger in others while they enjoy looking at the other getting upset due to the games the narcissist plays
I love how you choose your words! It is so hard do describe covert narcissism. I have a perfect exemple for the empathy part. A couple of months ago, I was staying with my ex who always described himself as a really empathetic person. I am in a really low place in the few last months and one day I really missed my family. I didn´t see them since last summer cause I live in abroad and the pandemics. So I was really sad and was crying and just wanted to be comforted and hugged. He just looked me dead in the eye and didn´t do anything besides watching me cry. I asked him to hold me, he went completely silent, left me alone, went in the other room and watched porn. I felt so alone and alienated. When I told him that I find this really disrespectful and hurtful, he just told me that he doesn´t understand my problem, that´s nothing wrong with it and he does so much for me. Of course, he was the one suggesting to spend the lockdown with him, so I´m not alone when I´m down and miss my family. So that´s that.
Fanni, Hi 👋 I'm sorry he did that when you needed him to listen, care and be human. Be your human/bf. To shed more light... Yes a narcissist will feign/fake empathy. And more on a commonly used tactic of a covert... a huge red flag is when one has previously never shown empathy then later drops the "I'm a empath" line. The Covert will say this around about right when one (non narc) is verbally revealing themself to be a empath. And an example of a true empath I personally know is of a (scapegoated) girl who as a child before the age of 7 (when the subconscious brain is pre - programed/set for life @ prebirth - 7 yrs old) empathized w her mother and brother when the (scapegoated) brother as a toddler was actually made mentally handicapped from severe abuse and lived chained to his bed. This is a solid example of how a true empath is formed. Versus how a true Narcissist is formed from prebirth to 7yrs old... which is a whole nother subject of what a narcissist experienced such opposite stuff. So as for telling the differences, thats one way to weigh it out... on figuring them out. The other part of the situation you described was this... narcissist want ALLLLLL *your attention on them* And there is ZERO end to the attention seeking on the narcs part, I mean amped up big-time. So knowing what I know in detail about narcissism... Forgive me on the next...🤣 So I cannot help to get a good ole laugh going when I play it out in my mind how he must have been Sooo gloriously shot tf down... I swear I am ROTFL🤭 just as I'm trying to type this and babygirl hopefully you'll be able to look back and laugh too. Again please forgive me, I know you'll forgive me. Here you were crying about missing your family while abroad and he's thinking he's the sht... No wonder he had to go gratify himself Hahaha omggggg🤪😜 No doubt that was a narc injury right there ! So eventually you figured him out to be a narcissist, I hope TH and pray you ditched him and his awe...poor whittle ego. Please please don't waste your years of being in your prime w a narc... that's what I did (I didn't know wht narcissism was) Move on, there's going to be somethings that are better and hopefully a better SOMEONE🤍 I'm 55. I grew up in narcissism, and never met the "one" and I've decided to give up trying. Please don't ever waste your good years or even 5 mins w a azzhole narcissist. Once you know you go !!! Run beautiful RUN !
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m so glad they’re an ex 💕 I can relate to this. The day I broke up with my narc was on Thanksgiving day and we were supposed to go see my parents and nephew. Not surprisingly, he made that day about him and we ended up having to cancel. I was so heartbroken and homesick after not having much of a relationship with them, due to my ex. I was also missing my sister who I haven’t seen in years and due to CPTSD, thanksgivings have always been hard for me. I started crying because I was so overwhelmed and he just sat in the next room, listening to me cry, completely and utterly detached from it without a single care. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore at that point
Great video!! I’ve seen all these signs in the narcs in my life. It’s a huge red flag now when someone is proud of having been deceptive. I met two narcs who boasted about cheating on their ex/stealing their friend’s girlfriend, afterwards saying “but I was young and I’m different now”. Yeah right! I’ve seen the lack of empathy come out in different ways too, like making rude comments about strangers on the street, or being unpleasant to service staff. Often it’s the little actions/comments which give away their true nature.
I was friends with a guy who knew I found violent topics triggering. Yet he talked about horror movies half the time 😅 I ended up giving him backhanded compliments until he left me alone, dude was so creepy had a pr0n addiction and a failing marriage, wonder why
Boy did I get the rage and for no reason. And when I tried to share my milestones and my achievements, she wasn't remotely interested. She just wanted to talk about herself. I couldn't get a word in edgewise that's why I got out of the relationship
Learned the word narcissist about a year and half ago. Since then ive been studying about narcissists, watching the one in my life and realizing just how fake my illusion of my life has been. Crazy how the red flags started week two of relationship and I missed them or gave the benefit of doubt…. Now 16 years later, entrenched in bullshit and deception im still like maybe its me. These videos really help see the light. I appreciate you! Keep them coming!
I've noticed that others doubt what you share about the narc's coverts behaviors because the lies are so outrageous, people end up saying, "Who lies like that?"
Because of past traumas I get really bad nightmares, where I wake up crying or screaming. I used to go to my ex for comfort but he would just laugh and then he would dismiss me. I used to find myself sitting alone after reliving a traumatic experience and being mocked for it. I learnt to never go to a narcissist for comfort...
@@thelasttrumpet2915 the sad thing is that if they could admit to it and go to Jesus, then they could actually become ok,. Have seen that but not often.
My ex getting empathy wrong was was SO jarring. When I told him, through tears, about a friend who was reaching the end of his battle with cancer, he looked me in the eye and said with all sincerity, “are you going to miss him?” The question caught me so off guard I thought he was making a cruel joke, but he said he was genuinely asking and attempting to comfort me. Like of course I’ll miss him, I can’t tell you about him without crying! Who needs to ask that?? A narcissist, that’s who.
My final straw with ex Narc GF was when I had vanished for a few days and I contacted her to say what had happened and that I had been taken to ER for heart issue and that it was pretty serious that I was on verge of heart attack at time and caught just in time. Her reply was "ok, hope feel better" and then turned it all onto her problems and how she hurt her ankle. Blocked and not spoke to her ever since.
One of the first red flags that I of course ignored is when I noticed he was actually truly competitive about cooking, when it obviously was supposed to be enjoyable and even a nice gesture, he always made it weird if I cooked…. So weird. Oh, and the adult tantrums when I tried to say no came out very early when I said I didn’t want to actually meet (we met online)… There were many many more and my final red flag was when I started to catch him in lies regarding cheating and I finally chose to listen to my intuition and not his gaslighting.
For me it fell off when I explained how I didn't feel safe telling him I had a miscarriage because I was scared of his reaction. I was met with a blank stare while I was crying, then he turned the blame and started getting mad... exactly what I was scared of
It was probably the stress that precipitated the miscarriage, the stress of being in a relationship with a narcopath. They take no responsibility, its all projected outwardly
And yet we still want to tell them and get their compassion. Every time. I do it with my mom and she tears me to pieces every time. Hope we all get out. Blessed Be.
He was screaming at me when I Was in Blod and having a miscarriage in 2018. He was screaming at me when I was bleeding on AirPort from IVF a month ago, he was screaming at me when I was telling him to please stop the violence and the baby will die a week ago and Was telling me he wants the baby to die.
Did your spouse try to justify their over reactions by pointing to things like you not wanting to disclose the miscarriage as “well you lied and unless our trust improves, I don’t know how I could handle these things any better!” ? It’s like a complete inability to acknowledge the nuance of “hey you hurt me and I need you to work on getting better, but I also really hurt you and need to work on getting better”.
I had a covert narcissist “friend” and any time I got attention of any kind from our other friends she would be passive aggressive. It felt like she was throwing daggers at me figuratively. She would passive aggressively punish me and the friends. And other times she also would run off crying so that it disrupted the attention that our friends were giving me. She ended up driving a wedge between me and those friends. She acted like I was a bad friend to them, like she was a victim saying I didn’t give her enough in the friendship. Years later those friends saw the truth and our friendship has been repaired. I blocked the covert narcissist out of my life.
I saw the mask came off the night before the wedding. Alarm bells went off. I still continued the wedding out of faith that it's just a one time thing. Apparently, I've been gaslighted for a long time. Woke up after 3 years of marriage and his mask came off completely when I brought up the topic of divorce. I want out but he's making it difficult. He also made my parents believe him.
Oh my.... big hugs... it’s so sad across the board... the more I have learned, the more I realized that my entire life has had gaslighting... I just didn’t have a name for it... and it is easier to identify with some and much more covert with some.... the covert definitely seems to hit harder and deeper, in my opinion, because of the massive manipulations & deception that often occurs from the beginning that you just didn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t see, identify or understand... you do not forget or unlearn lessons like this... this much I know 😳😔 paradigm shifting experience
@@tamelashafer8852 not to mention that most of them, like my husband can seem very agreeable (when it suits them). He looks meek and has low self-confidence too. Very awkward, so the Narcissistic qualities are well hidden and it took us years to realize everything. It's also so hard to get out because the vulnerable side tricks us into thinking "it isn't all bad", or "I feel sorry for him"
3 e's exploitative of others, cognitive empathy, lackof emphathy. They just won't be around when you need help. Power and control are a knee jerk reaction of these people who don't know they are narcs. It just feels good to them. Sally shows her shadow side. Blameshifting is exponential over the top.
Omg this is about mine situation. My ex met my friends on my birthday party. He yelled at them, was really rude, and when they pretend not to notice his actions, he left 😂
Spot on! And so validating. My ex(es) hoovered like it was their job. They've tried with me. I've learned not to take it as a compliment. Just them and their sad sorry self-centered ways.
I don't trust the apology. Some "high functioning" narcissists have learned the art of apology after abuse as a way to keep their victim reeled in. The enabler/victim/empath wants to take the high road and forgive. Then it happens again and again.
Thanks for another informative video. You have no idea how much the "covert narcissist" videos have helped me. I wish had I had learned it was a thing before I got married. The last 5 years have been holy hell.
I wish I had learned about the trauma Bond sooner.... I started seeing my (ex) husband acting narcissistically a few years into the marriage.... and I added up that he was abusive. I started standing up to him, but was still addicted to his inter mixing of love bombing... and didn't have the courage to walk away for good, for another 4 years (and mostly to protect our child from the abuse his big kids were put through by him (kids from his 1st divorce.).... but 6 years is better than the many many covertly abusive relationships that last over a decade!
There is nothing holy about hell, and in all honesty when you choose a romantic partner that is a narcissist. More then likely you was exposed to narcissism in your childhood from a narcissistic parent/parents. Seek for healing, peace, and for love from within. Everything will be okay in Jesus name.
I don’t know who their exes are but I have a feeling they are keeping tabs on them openly by having them as friends on social media and I just don’t know about their history...
They do left FB making pages to see what’s happening in my life after discard ridiculous just like love to mirror you. He was never prophetic then notice some words use started them words started being prophetic scary straight fraud
Yep. That was my experience as well. The only thing that I regret now (in retrospect) is EVER getting involved with him at all. But I couldn't have known... 😢 Hindsight is always 20/20... I wish that I had been in another relationship or something, so that I would have been protected from him at that time...😟
@@kamka8149 😞 sorry everyday you get to point you don’t ever forget manipulation deception but better stronger. Be blessed covert their very sneaky hide well
I'm intentionally being vague, but I completed a pretty big project having to do with my work and it took a lot of money and effort, and I was incredibly proud of the result. All my friends told me how amazing it was and how proud they were of me. When I showed the covert narc I know, who was also supposed to be a friend, his response was "Eh, it could've been better."
My EX narc's 7 year old son called me a dog one time. When I told her I was hurt about it, and she smirked and made a look like " well, he isn't wrong ".
You are very good as a teacher in that you teach very empathically things that empaths can understand while at the same time you are NOT a narcissist. So many teachers of mine taught in narcissistic ways which means you DON'T feel good about yourself after being taught as well as feel you were taught toxicity which hurts in and of itself. I have to thank you for this so I joined the channel with the monthly donations to keep the channel going.
Yep, so true with the Covert narcissist. A recent individual whom I'd worked with for several years, was at a church I began attending. What was the first thing she said: 1) Oh, this is my great friend and I'll never let go of our friendship again ( no kidding one of the comments that came out of her mouth in a 5-10 min. conversation). Now I'd had an illness and she had lived in the same town after we no longer worked together but she didn't contact me in any way. But here she was proclaiming she'd never let go of my friendship again ( but she definitely did, as all narcs do). Usually in my experience is that coverts wait some time before they begin to allow their guard down to show part of the true self. Also the coverts I know start with the love bombing of complimenting you etc. and don't dare show this until, I mean well down the road, though peeking through. The other thing I've learned, it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, don't rule them out as a narc. In other words you might be a secondary or tertiary supply and they may treat you fine, but suddenly they bring you into a primary role and that is where they seriously devalue people.
I agree with most of what you're saying. I am noticing a few hiccups. Like your example of when somebody is crying / being emotional and a narcissist doesn't show empathy. My first thought would be the person crying may not have asked for empathy, or the crying is a manipulation in itself. Emotional manipulators will usually turn on the Waterworks in an attempt to guilt-trip. And then there is a problem with emoting as a misunderstood form of communication of needs, which is across-the-board viewed as improper and unhealthy by all the therapists that I follow.
Many Thanks ....helps a lot, I am a spiritual empathetic working on freedom from a covert Narcissist - more I know, gets smoother to detach as it's family ....am in it - whatever it takes to be FREE 💖✨
I think it's important to make a distinction between narcissistic behaviors and pathological narcissism because people don't understand there's a difference and then they label somebody and destroy their lives!
First I would like to say I have been watching your content for awhile and it's been great! Thank you. Another thing is coverts are the most dangerous kinds of people. There is a very damaged person. Introspectively too. I too studied deeply into the other side(s) of humanity. There is no or very little empathy. I too earned some sort of Psychological degree from alot of information plus, many many experiences. If you watch and observe you will see people's true colors or their masks falling off. And if you can see and pick up on it. Depending on how & what your situation is , walk away. Grateful Common Ego. Great videos. You are Awesome! ❤❤💥💥
You're amazing. Thanks for all your help and sweet support. And I'm at this final stage of reflection to understand the hidden messages I would see but didn't understand how to process....
Omg yes all of it. For number 6, I would always recommend foods for them to try and they would always react in a belittling manner and I’m like, “but you know you like it.” They would eat it fast or ask for more but yet act like they don’t like it.. also the lies omg don’t get me started.
The sudden rage was not toward me but it was extremely sudden road rage about nothing! He got out of the car and was heading to the car in front of us...I yelled at him to get back in the car which he did. His eyes were black with rage but then in a split second put his hand on mine and said "so what would you like to do today"...like nothing had happened. Extremely strange and unsettling.
I get migraines really bad from time to time....and my narc would try and show empathy by saying "you need me to come take you to the emergency room?" Even after I told her I didnt have insurance and would only go in a true emergency....she would still say the same thing. Like she thought I couldnt see that she was just showing empathy by offering the one thing I didnt need and allowed her to let me suffer.
They do this so they have evidence to use later as a way to guilt you and to prove that they are caring and “nice”. It’s all for show.. to lure you in.
Oh they love to play 'humanitarian.' Make no mistake, they don't do it for the satisfaction or fulfillment of it, they do it for the applause. They are such utterly lost souls they can't understand where true value lies. Ludicrous creatures! 😆
@@jcsrst I think you are confused narc who is very ignorant proud and dishonest. If everyone is evil things will be good?? No. No they will not. You foul creatures who blame politicians buy do nothing but pollute the well... That's the problem. At least you will all come to a sudden end.
My narc used to lie CONSTANTLY. About the smallest things, the biggest things, anything! He would lie about freaking nail polish! Literally anything. I asked him why and he didn’t know why. Just because he felt like it. It was compulsive and out of control.
My EX narc constantly criticised my hobbies to the point I would do them in secret and when she found out, called me a liar and said she couldn't ever trust me again. Or she'd make of them, or downplay my talent. It was hurtful.
First time watching this channel!I normally watch HG Tudor, if you really want inside a narcissistic brain he's the go-to-guy but I also have to seek therapy through channels like yours!! also Joanne cujoth is awesome! And I like to watch Trace face it she's a survivor also!! You have a great channel going thank you for your help!
My narc guy that I dated is a cop / Detective ex-military he asks for food I brought to his job he was in a car sitting out watching equipment I was looking very beautiful that night I asked if I could sit next to him for a second at his job in his car when I did he did not compliment me whatsoever barely gave me any eye contact he was like a robot when I reach to grab his hand and I asked him can you give me a kiss he abruptly says man I'm working I'm in uniform and I take my job very seriously he acts so cold towards me I was so bubbly and excited to see him and he act like I did not exist. I felt so low I asked him to look at me in the eye when we were sitting right beside each other in the car and he wouldn't he said he's at work I said are you happy to see me he said why do you keep asking me that it makes you seem like you're insecure. I told him I'm not insecure I just never been with a guy before that is emotionless like you don't even care in your act like I don't exist he said that's a lie I'm just tired that's why I'm acting this way. One time I asked him a question very calmly I asked him if I was the only person he was sleeping with because my doctor said my pH it's kind of thrown off my body is really sensitive he told me my doctor basically was a liar my pH had nothing to do with him and I explained to him that a woman's pH could get thrown off due to being intimate with another woman and her pH could throw off my pH and give me a bacterial vaginosis. He would get loud and say the doctor does not know what she's talking about and you're the only person I'm sleeping with so it has to be your food or something not me I said well I'm not lying to you I have a voicemail can I play it for you he said no believe your doctor if you want but I think that's a bunch of Bologna. I asked him one question and he went around the world with the answer and blame me and it didn't just stop there he went back like 3 months complaining about everything that I did when all I did was ask him one question.
I know a man-child who can't be told no. He boasts, chuckling, thinking others are oblivious to the ignorance. He runs with a gang of idiots. There isn't much to say. The arrogance tells all. They stalk and lurk. While they watch, who's watching them? There is no glory in pain. I'm not afraid to die, nor am I too proud to deny my path. They should have picked on someone who is.
I find her examples she's using describe more if a grandiose not covert. The coverts I know would rage later, not while in public. They need to be seen as a great person and or a victim. They would sulk or be silent with the rage while in front of others...then lash out at their scapegoat later. Creating a bizarre moment if rage even blaming that scapegoat for the problem or their feelings Sorry...but it seems that this video is blending the types of narcissists together and is a bit confusing.
I was with my soon to be ex-wife for 22 years. Out of the blue she said we're done. This was on the back of weeks and weeks of psychological warfare where she was driving me psychologically crazy. I now know this to be the final discard phase. I was devastated and all she could do was offer a blank stare. Even when I shed a tear all she could say under her breath was "he's not crying is he?". I escaped on 9th May 2020 and she has been my enemy ever since because I researched her behaviour and I exposed her. I later found out that she had been cheating on me with an ex from 32 years ago from when she was 18. To curt a long story short, she had been in touch with him for 3 weeks prior to my discard phase commencing. It took her 3 weeks to decide our 22 years was over.
Next!!!! Stay strong and do not back down. There is someone much better with lots of love and grace coming....just let this go and enjoy your next 22 years!🎉
I had someone take me to court for telecommunications harassment. Then I was cyberharassed for over 3 years . That kind of lying is unforgiving especially when someone almost goes to jail because of it .
I think that someone I once met may have been a covert narcissist. I once met a woman who asked me if I attended church almost immediately upon meeting me. When I told her I didn't, as I am a deist, she had a fake smile plastered on her face and responded with fake niceness and pushy behavior. She then proceeded to invite me to her church three times! I stood my ground, though, and politely declined each time. As I continued to decline her invitations, her "nice" mask began to crack, and I could tell that she was actually getting angry! Several years later, I saw her in public, and our eyes met. And she actually glared at me! Apparently, she still remembered me as the awful heathen who refused to go to church with her! 😏
Your item 2 is so similar to how me ex is/ was at his job. If his dept lost money it was always because no one worked as hard as him or cared as much as him and on and on and on. Educating myself about narcissists is so necessary for my healing. It’s important for me to be able to understand.
For me, the mask fell off when I was really upset and telling her just how hurt I was, and all she offered was a blank, dark stare. No emotion. She couldn’t have been less affected by the hurt she caused. She even looked blasé and had an arrogant swagger when she knew she’d gotten to you.
That smugness can be a major tell 🙏❤
Yes relatable, arrogant and condescending attitude after you get upset or and express your feelings.
They make you feel like you are making an issue out of nothing and may even make you feel guilty and they are the normal ones and you are the one troubling them. They reverse it all. I literally told him tonight: I am not accepting this condescending attitude. After he bluntly rejects me.
Told him he could have said it more nicely.
He replied: this is stupid I am with my parents now.
In other words I was the selfish drama person drawing attention.
I simply shared my thoughts on something he sent me today.
He replied please I am unavailable now.
I'm partially confused if it's me taking his text the wrong way or if I'm sensing arrogance and manipulation and not my own wounded ego. All I know is that I felt hurt out of the blue and humiliated. I felt so angry wow I told him to never contact me again for the rest of my life. Then he replied saying this is stupid.
I told him he tried to make me feel guilty by writing he was with his parents and make me look like the fool.
That was it.
Now tired with headache and burning eyes from tears.
Meanwhile voice in my head saying! Stop wining, what if you are the victim player here and he is the patient one
🤔
But he has been rude and also a little verbally agressive before bc I did not want to meet in the beginning. .
Is this called self-doubt in my head about my own behavior.. I guess so.
When I went to bed I thought to myself, if someone was civil and normal or care he would wish me good night after a text 'fight'. I can do the same thing ofcourse but I will ignore instead. Am I this childish. Or is he secretly childish. Why don't I feel this with others.
Etc. I tell myself sleepwell which is also fine.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Trust your intuition! If you felt bad there was a reason. Don’t make excuses for others shitty behaviors. I think once we live through trauma we don’t recognize anymore what’s crappy behavior and we tend to always minimize and put the focus back on our self like you were saying wounded ego. Well sure when someone treats you shitty your ego gets wounded.
Yes. They are happy when they cause you misery and pain. That is what bring them joy.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Thank u so much for sharing. There is no doubt in my mind that you’re dealing with a narc. Please, this *won’t* get any better. Get out when u can, open an account, get some cards in your name, make copies of keys, make a bag and leave it at your parents house, and leave. When u do, don’t communicate w/him cos he will try and hoover u back in. God bless xxx
1. Lack of emotional empathy
2. Seeking power and control
3. Adult tantrums (cannot handle ‘no’)
4. Sudden and inexplicable rage
5. Keeping tabs on exes
6. Belittling your/ other people’s accomplishments
7. Lying 🤥
So accurate
You are true about it all You wrote in the list of abusive behavior from the Narcisistic person
Is this the list in the episode? Isnt this sabotaging the video?
You described her to a T
Number 7 is normally how I realize I am around a narc
Tantrums can be very silent. Silent treatment, stonewalling, gaslighting by not responding, passive agressiveness, no accountability, no real apologies, lying flat out or by omission, not interested in who you really are, zooming out while you are talking, no reciprocity or just for a little while to reel you back in, stealing your knowledge and character traits to use for others, what others say is taken for real or of value despite the fact you said the same, making and twisting stories in their head, being another person with others etc...
I thought I was the narc for a while because of my yelling, anger, criticism. Thinking it was my fault.
Now I realise that it was a reaction to narcistic abuse...PTSS.
Introverted narcissism is the worst...no obvious signs of narcissism.
And probably they are not conscious of their narcissism.
The damage is enormous. It took me 20 years to realise what he is.
Spot on!
Every point you mentioned describes my wife to a tee.
Karlien you are 1000% spot on🥳
This is spot on! They are inhuman! I’ve NEVER met anyone like this before. -And they don’t change!!! Watching these videos made me realize that I was in an extremely abusive, unhealthy relationship that damaged my self esteem and made me feel crazy. When she convinced me to go to a psychiatrist for evaluation the psychiatrist said that the other person I was in the relationship with sounded like they were the one who really needed help, but not me. He recommended I get out of the relationship ASAP as it was highly toxic.
I kept quiet with my ex best friend who was a CN! I thought that me criticizing her was me being too hard on someone with a mental illness, so I kept quiet until waves of regrets and realizations hit me at once. So glad I got out!!!
Reality dawns most when the relationship has finished. When you are with the narcissist your emotion overrules your logic. It's only looking back and putting the pieces of the jigsaw together that you gradually realise that this individual was a toxic liar and manipulator.
A narcissist never apologizes
Jojo Acosta,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Some have profuse apologies on their list. Strategic apologies.. any kind if it seems will forward a desire of theirs. A GENUINE apology though, not happening.
Why would they apologize? They’re NEVER wrong 😑
if they’ve wronged you, that’s devaluation. So I guess apologizing would be if they were cycling back to you again either hoovering or love bombing. but I think they prefer other methods of hoovering - like stalking, “liking” a post but saying nothing, mind games , etc :/
Only fake apologies
the main sign is when you feel good about something and they make you feel worse or wont let you enjoy it.
Yes they Rob your peace, joy enthusiasm and ignore your skills and talents or downplay them subtle.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 its a drip drip drip effect with the covert narcissist. subtle constant gaslighting, their aim is to make you unhappy like them. misery loves company!
@@straightletterz2596 Yes I am currently experiencing the effect once more from a female supervisor at work. To long to type out but she tried to frame me. Belittling and dominant by pressing her life philosophies on me.
Telling me 'she's worried about me'.
All I'm feeling is insults and pushing me into the corner.
I am originally fine but bc of these types I cry, feeling exhausted etc.
She is torture.
She asked me how I am doing and I will feel forced to clarify. Then when I answered I'm not happy in my new location and busy moving back she said 'well you just spit out your private life so apparently you're not doing fine.
What the F!!!!!
I try to relax not let it in but even if I had a lot of pressure from my workload lately which isn't my fault, I would go better without her creepy psychological dumb treatment.
After I moved back to my former area I will definately finally step away from this company I am through.
Besides that lots of heartache and tears bc of a persoon I met via online dating so all together it's a lot.
Not sure if he's deliberate mean and rejecting but it's not beneficial for me.
Also trying to work on myself what is my own internal issue but as you said that right there could be caused by gaslighting.
Another, kind person told me' there is nothing wrong with me.
Narcissists tend to put the blame on you when you simply express how you feel about something. Like the work example.
I work hard, I resolved many things but all this supervisor tells me is that she noticed I do my work differently lately and I forgot some things.
While she is the one often forgetting about things she said etc.
Anyway it's Sunday and this shows how these toxic interactions make an impact.
Be blessed with a happy life without dominating, manipulative nasty people. Equality and respect is what I dish out and expect in return but I can't change the people so I will have to learn to keep my emotions, thoughts to myself creating distance.
I had build good distance with this person at work but since our team shrank she has more time agsih and starts to harras me again although in her eyes it's helping.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 thanks for sharing thats a lot to deal with but understand the law of attraction, raise your frequency through aiming for authenticity and self love and you wont attract these people anymore. Its really unsettling when you see them for what they are and if you're empathic difficult to not take it personally, best solution is to get out of toxic places and never look back but hold the lesson x
@@straightletterz2596 Yes true I am sensitive to others vibes, emotions etc. I do run and exercise a lot so I always come back to my focus but it's time to leave that situation for sure.
Thanks ❤️🙏
It's interesting how these horrible narcissists are all a little different yet in the end
they are all very much the same.
He literally told me "I want control over your heart"
And then immediately checked up and said "I mean space in your heart" 😂
They are so impulsive, they always tell on themselves.. 😂
Yes they always tell on themselves all the time! Mine would say verbally repeat in casual conversation after each statement that I’m not controlling because I’m not a narcissist and I don’t think he even realized he was saying it out loud because it had nothing to do with the conversation at hand. It’s like he was trying to have a conversation with me while having a conversation with himself internally telling his true self to stay hidden
I look to see if someone can apologize. I don't recall my mom ever apologizing for anything she ever say or do. No matter what. Neither will she acknowledge when she do something wrong, she always look to blame someone else for her issues.
Same here. Even after saying or doing horrible things. Like telling her youngest she never wanted him and wished she had aborted him when fighting with his father and kicking me out when I came out and accused my step father and I or conspiring and having an affair when I sought his advice in life over her unstable advice. Finding validation saved my brother and I.
“I’m sorry we’re late“ or “I’m sorry I don’t have sweet & lo” (both of which probably were somehow my fault in her mind) was about the extent of anything that sounded like an apology I ever heard mine give either.
You are very right!! No narc I've ever known has been able to truly apologize. Sometimes they try saying, "I'm sorry you feel..." This isn't an apology at all!
Me too, the covert narcissist mother who never ever said sorry to anyone ever. She inflicted a lot of abuse in various ways especially on me the eldest daughter. I sum it all up when I tell you she made me eat my pet rabbit. I’m more than 20 years no contact. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
My covert narc apologized CONSTANTLY. I think its literally one or the other, they either never apologize or do it constantly to try and make you feel bad for them/manipulate your feelings for them. Booooth fucked lmao
One time I was sitting in the kitchen just feeling sad. Not bothering her.
She came up to me seeming to show actual concern with my sadness. Once she knew I was sad about our lack of intimacy, she laughed like it was amusing and definitely not her problem.
I think I married a monster.
You may have done that. They can really fool people. I know several very kind and pretty young women who cannot find a good man, either. So it goes both ways.
You did! Wow!
My dad is my narc "monster", I went no-contact for my own well-being! He's sadistic.
Their bizarre secrecy about completely benign topics such as basic information about their family, education, employment or friends is a dead giveaway 🤫
do they even have friends.... that's my question! i think just a few imposters, they play poker with! who could stay their friend... they must treat them as bad as they treat us, unless they keep a superficial relationship. which is most likely.
@@fooled_twice4668 exactly
I thought he Was an introverted person... after 4 years of living together, it felt like living with a stranger, the few things i knew, were mostly because his family told me. Took me a lot of time and a cruel discard to connect the dots...😢
I used to be 300lbs and I have worked very hard to lose 140lbs and start to see my muscle tone, my ex bf is a gym rat, very buff and "confident". Any time I would point out my personal gains, he would shut it down by pointing out his or how much more he could do.
When I was insecure about my lose skin and my body, he would validate my insecurities by saying "I can see why you would be insecure about that".... I only spent 9 months with him but my self esteem is shattered, and I am lucky to have started breaking that cycle early on. Be safe y'all.
You did good, princess warrior. No one has time for THAT! His loss...keep on striding👍
Congratulations on becoming healthier. Continue to improve yourself mentally and physically. You are more awesome than you can imagine.
What a jerk!
Congrats sister, you’re awesome! 👏👍🌸
Yassss queen we all deserve better ouiiii ehehe , hug tho 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💕
that's awful, sorry to hear you went through that. my ex used to mock how "sick" i got during his silent treatments, because i made the mistake (still thinking he might have empathy) of telling him how devastated i was during the silence- unable to sleep or eat well for about a week. when he was getting ready to discard me the third (and final) time, he pretended to make it seem like he was worried about me, but i knew he wasn't the way he asked me "hey, how are you? are you able to eat better? you had said you were having problems with that." all to make me look/seem like the sick one in the relationship. don't listen to their vile words. it's outrageous that they start up this relationship with love bombing only to turn into the meanest people we could ever know.
Beware if they feel sorry for themselves and feel mistreated over things that shouldn't be a big deal or if they throw tantrums over trivial things.
Totally agree
Omg yes this 100%
I remember early in our relationship he came over with food to cook me a meal at my flat. I said to him that my oven has a tendency to burn things so he’d need to turn the temp down. He. Threw. Such. A. Tantrum!!! Yelling at me, that I was telling him what to do, how do I think he’s managed on his own for 8 years?! Etc etc I initially tried to calm him down and reason with him, eventually ended up sitting there dumbstruck until he stormed out.
Tantrums like that were common.
@@RachelSings21 That sounds like a BPD or NPD who projected his patronizing parent onto you... They have too much bagage to be able to see a situation, person or gesture clearly as it is in the now.
@@annebos4634 he used to lose his shit at me like that over minor things all the time. He used to also get really angry at me if he deemed that I’d been unwell for too long. I had a back injury once and I winced when leaning over and he went ballistic at me...that I was making it all about me, he was fed up having to put up with me going on about my bad back. He’s yelled at me before “you’re not the only one who gets to be sick!!!”
He ended up smashing a door down to get to me in a blind rage because I said I was done with our marriage after he was particularly awful.
Since I left I’ve had the smear campaign, the hoovers, the love bombing, the abuse. It’s been horrendous 😬 Oh and apparently I am the narcissist 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
All the boxes, the woman I love(d) ticks all the god damn boxes in all categories, why why whyyyyy
And most of all why didn't I know about this stuff
This can't be true :'((( The first time in my life I felt love
Mask slipped when I called them out on their lies and provided screenshot evidence of their own words they said previously. It was truly insane to see that they would not admit to their wrong doing in the face of undeniable evidence. I was discarded after this as my behavior to them was "irredeemable." How dare I question their integrity and character even though there was evidence to back it up.
My EX narc would talk/text a younger guy, and say he was a friend but too young for her. Later, she tells me she masterbated 3 times in one day. I don't think the guy was a friend. Seems more was going on if she got off 3 times after talking with him. Just frustrating. I left that relationship. I can't do crazy anymore. 😮
Very true. Its amazing how they con people by doing nice things for them. While lying and hurting others. Even when they are caught outright by people they ignore it. Says everything.. no integrity.
Precisely... you know that saying "Not everything that glitters is gold"? It's sad that some people cannot see that with the narcissists, and instead end up being enablers/flying monkeys towards the narcissists' victims.
That is exactly it NO INTEGRITY!
@@jontoering7792 exactly!
My narc would accuse me of fake crying when i was obviously hurting and mocked me...it was so hurtful
I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that treatment
Me too, it made feel stupid
Oh my friend - I’m so sorry you experienced this too. ❤️
Yeah that happened to me as well, no empathy at all she even told me she understand what or how I feel.
He was never yours.
When i got my very first new car late in my 50's, my gal pal sat in it, & could not hide a terrible sneer on her face. It was just all gnarled up, curled lip & everything. She didn't know i saw her. Later, she tried to get a car just like it, saying, she had always wanted a car like that, you knew that, & tried to make it seem like i had imitated her. She was incapable of being happy for me... only jealous & envious. I knew right then, she was no real friend.
She sounds totally crazy. Not a friend.
They hate losing any game even if it’s candy-land with children!
If you were told you were garbage as a child, throw in lots of physical/mental abuse, you will be very very very insecure. Hence even losing a simple game of anything is frightening, representing that you may be vulnerable to a return of long feared attack/ridicule, etc. I am a narcissist trying to deal with it, and find out why I am this way.
@@patrickyoung2117 There are always reasons. I hope you can get this under control and regain a sense of self-worth and caring for the feelings of others.
@@laraesque Do you assume I don't care about the feelings of others? Why?
@@patrickyoung2117 Hi, I don't know you, so I don't assume anything about you specifically. However, if you are identifying yourself as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, one of the classic signs of dysfunctional narcissism is lack of empathy (or as some psychologists say, to use empathy as a tool to learn how to control others). Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Many narcissists have learned how to fake empathy to obtain narcissistic supply, but when it's inconvenient or in the discard phase, the manufactured empathy evaporates.
If this is a problem in your life, I hope you can solve it. If it's not a problem, great.
@@laraesque Thanks for responding laraesque. I don't know if I fit any one label, but watching and reading these things leads me to believe I am narcissist. But I still feel sad (actually VERY sad) seeing others suffer, try to always be giving and helpful and decent. The "one size fits all" attitude here doesn't seem to fit me neatly nor completely, I still am multi faceted like all of us. Peace be with you and yours.
You cannot live with Such people.
They are not worthy of anyone good.
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
Yes--i wasn't living--i was just existing day by day--some other Fool can have her.
Please, please, please pay attention! I put up with this for 25 years until I was a psychological wreck, lying in bed and not getting up and wracked with and anxiety. I finally got out, but after I had a dozen chronic illnesses. You deserve a better life.
same here--i planned my escape--been free from her almost 5 years now--she will no doubt do the same to her next.
@no chains no more Deep breaths. The wounds from years of abuse and exhaustion from escaping are fresh. I hope you are educating yourself and healing. It is the only way we can create the lives we deserve.
For me, realizing how years of conditioning from childhood doomed me to a lifetime of victimhood in my personal and business life was a painful awakening. If you are younger than my 70 years, you have time to radically change a major portion of your life. Keep watching Dr. R. Get good therapy. Be brave in purging your life of toxic people. It's a tough journey, but so much better than what went before. Hugs!
Yep. I ended up with Fibromyalgia and a mental health condition. Glad you got out but what a price to pay :(
“Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they’re self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious. The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge.” - Janet M. Tavakoli
Unreal how a narcissist can rage and turn it all back on their victim. “You made me abuse you!!!!”
Watching them empathize helps me see how emotionally non-smart they are. It lets you really see them for who they are, just as you are saying. Thank you. I fell for some of their fake empathy. They are not genuine and it hurts an empath in a lot of ways. What they give never hits the mark.
They also tend not to want to know more about what someone else is going through. Most people will tend to probe and clarify. Not a covert. Then you know
We attended a language course together. She studied more than me, she said, but got 2 points less on the final exam. She was outraged and did not talk to me for two days, even though we had moved together already. Somehow I was responsible.
When i saw the mask fall off, I looked at him directly in the eyes, he saw me watching him very closely, he saw I saw, we both immediately knew I knew. His cover was blown. We both knew it. At that point I realized his true nature. We could never have a normal conversation, again. He felt extremely uncomfortable that I knew he was a narc, we never talked about it, obviously, at that point I completely shut him down, sending him in to numerous narc meltdowns. Too bad. I do not play with narcs. I look them in the eyes and scare them. We were coworkers. I bailed the job and went 100% no contact two weeks ago. I am recuperating...
Walk away from these monsters, folks. Please. But as you prepare to walk away, send them huge non verbal signals that you want absolutely nothing to do with them, nothing at all, and they will see you as an extreme non comformist rebel anti them trouble maker and they will avoid you like the plague. You have to shut them down, verbally, not by arguing with them, but with ignoring them and laughing at them and it will send them in to a narc injury, and they will fear you and avoid you.
Look, let's be clear.. the reason to do this is not to hurt them. You are not hurting them, they cannot feel those emotions, so they will rage at you for rebelling against them by not playing their game, it's like, you look at them like the out of control little children that they are, just like the bullies on the playground, silly kids, silly games. Non verbal shut downs I suggest are not meant to hurt them, it is meant to maximize your ability to repel them, short term and long term, maximizing your odds of never hearing from them or seeing them ever again forever and ever.. THAT is the goal, trust me, THAT is the goal, to repel them forever. You win. They lose.
Yes
All true but in case of your spouse ,you can't leave always.you have to live with him at any cost.conservative societies don't understand your pain you are bearing with them.
You have to learn to protect yourself from their games n emotionally detach from them .
Haha I love your comment. It’s true that some of them are truly terrified when you see through them, they don’t know what to do with themselves! Good luck to you
And don’t tell them you won. Let THEM gloat. You should’ve seen the look when I said “if I’m the best you could do with as many people who have serious bank in this town then you can’t even hoe right, so joke’s on you b****”. In hindsight I think it’s pretty safe to assume the smear campaign was much worse than it was going to be If I could’ve resisted.😏 I didn’t have any problem paying for everything the whole time but wasting 2 1/2 years in an open relationship I didn’t know was open and losing an investment I limited to what I could absorb but still wasn’t volunteering to lose made it hard not to share some choice words. If it was chump change I apparently wouldn’t have been targeted for what even people with more protect better.
last sentence is the most important as I have ever heart about the cover narcissists:" to pay attention not only to the words but also actions, how they act when they know you are looking and how they act when they think you are not" !!!!!!! GOLD RULE TO PROTECT YOURSELF!
My narc ex would stonewall me a lot. Ignore me for days or even weeks. Then he'd ghost completely, then pop back up as if nothing happened (like one year later). Then he'd guilt trip me, sell me some sob, woe as me story. Somehow I'd end up apologizing to him. So messed up now that I'm out and looking back.
The ex thing and keeping them around? Him 100%! Wow. So eye opening.
Good for you--im out nearly 5 years--best thing is No Contact--im slowly getting over it--what she did to me was nothing short of Criminal.
This is what my ex is doing now. He discarded me for an older woman who drinks (he’s alcoholic) 10 weeks ago. Kept pop back up saying he wanted to go to rehab. Thea the wanted to work on things. Then he’d storm off if I said one thing he didn’t like, ghost/stonewall for a week, then re-appear. Meanwhile he’s still living with the woman. He lied & said they’re ‘just friends now’ but I know it’s untrue. He’s acting like he’s the victim, keeps mentioning his ‘shame & guilt’ but nothing changes.
Last appearance I was unmoved & said ‘your actions don’t match your words’. He said ‘maybe we should break up’, & I calmly said ‘we ended when you took up with another woman hours after leaving me in a temper’. He left within minutes of that & I haven’t seen or heard from him since. I now want no contact. It’s so ok abusive & manipulative because every time he appeared he wanted something from me. Foolishly at first I gave him stuff because he actually had me feeling sad for him. Now I’m angry as the longer I don’t see him, the more I can reflect on the 7 years of abusive, toxic behaviour that I endured. I excused a lot because he’s alcoholic, thinking, ‘it’s a disease’. I didn’t see the narcissism & his recent escapades are textbook devalue, discard, Hoover….repeat. Meanwhile his 4 kids with his last partner are suffering as he doesn’t even contact them.
My father give me the silent treatment
Belittling accomplishments. It took me years longer to get my bacholers degree because I had quite severe anxiety and insomnia for a while. My ex knew about that and she also knew I was somewhat ashamed for taking that long. When I got it her response was just "finally, took you long enough". But obviously it was "just a tease". And it's not like she backtracked and expressed genuine happiness later, didn't even want to celebrate with a drink. It was never brought up again. But leaving her knowing I deserved better is such a great feeling.
I'm free of my narc now, but I still watch these videos bc I need refreshers! Thanks so much for your help, Christina ❤
Hehehe me too Christina
I felt I was becoming him he drained my soul I started telling him back I listened to my self and knew it was time to walk away
Jayne Stewart,You look stunning 🌷🌹,I think you deserve better 🙏
Another thing they do when you tell them of one of your successes will be to congratulate you profusely in a way that shows "wow! well done little child! I never expected *you* to achieve anything, what a surprise". And another general red flag: the smirk/arrogance.
Exactly, they treat you like a child from an evil perspective. Very demeaning and arrogant indeed.
Absolutely, it feels fake because it is. The jealous, or devaluative aggressive rage is barely concealed.
Exactly! They call you kiddo when you’re in youre 40s
Exactly
Sooo true, while they say it, you tend to feel belittled and doubt your own accomplishments, I have been there for all my life, working on it hard to get Freedom....may the force be with you all too 💖✨
I avoid competitive people 🙂
It can definitely be off-putting!
N, many times: I refuse to play games (card/board games) with you....you are SO / too competitive.
Me then: I am not competitive, I just enjoy playing the game, the challenge, the fun, the laughs. I don’t care one bit who wins.
N: rubbish...
Me, years and a lot of insight later: right, so projection is a thing.
Attempt at quoting Little Shaman: you are not playing the game... you are the ball!
I do too! I’m not competitive and that’s a huge red flag to me if someone is. I withdraw.
What you avoid you attract lol. They are there just laugh at them
@@Lennie6357 My abusive narc: we played scrabble for the 1st time with his 2 adult sons. My narc had a way of being charming dominating life of the party. All 3 of them were CRAZY COMPETITIVE.. but also blatantly cheating, unethical, just no rules. It became apparent that whatever we played, THAT was the game they were playing. That 1st game we were newly dating, & this was my 1st time hanging out so intimately like that with his family. None of them were properly educated (didn’t know that at the time).. I was, so I was doing way better. My thing is to turn around & help them score better lol. Theirs was to gang up, lie, & belittle me when I tried to call them out on it. So my narc “won” when in reality most of his words were made up, & this wasn’t a wink wink situation.. then even when I didn’t bring it up, he would weeks later bring up how I lost, or how I have a stick up my butt...
Lying by Omission is a big one.
Thank you for bringing up the lying part. So many movies and tv series normalize lying. Like, the drama depends on the main character getting into trouble by lying and then they lie even more to get out of that trouble. And that's presented as something charming, quirky or funny. Something that people can relate to? And I'm like THAT'S A PSYCHOPATH RIGHT THERE!
It's like you met him personally. They think they're SOOOO special and unique yet they have set traits, patterns, pathology and character.
So toxic and I'm so thankful for these types of videos.
My mother was a Covert Narcissist and I was in a relationship with a Narcissistic Psychopath 3 years ago. On my way to healing, it's been a long road, but, SO life changing! Plus, the bad relationship caused my Spiritual awakening which I am grateful for. Love Wins. ALWAYS🤟♥️
My mother was a covert narcissist too! She passed away in 2010, and I’m still healing from all of the damage that she did to me psychologically. My father was a textbook narcissist. I did not have a very happy childhood. Nor did I have good relationships with my parents after I grew into adulthood.
This is awesome 😎. They tried to bury us but they didn’t realise that they were a tool to trigger our awakening. We win. God wins.
Covert narcisists are the worst - they are cold, cruel and calculated. They know the difference between right and wrong which is why they abuse behind closed doors and they are aware of what they are doing and so they are sociopaths. Thank you for your work Christina.❤ it is saving people’s lives. God bless you❤
I dated a sociopath that was kinder and more loving towards me than the narcissist was. He had dark thoughts and fought against his dark nature but our connection and friendship was a super rare thing in his life. He could admit what he was and so he isolated himself from most people and jobs that put him in contact with people so he wouldn’t be tempted by invasive thoughts. He actually saved my life when I was getting so sick to the point of needing to be in the icu and I was being stubborn. He showed care and attentiveness for me. But I could see how he didn’t possess any care or felt the opposite towards most other people.
The narcissist called me a c*nt just for having boundaries and enforcing them. Called me psychotic and belittled me for calling out his bizarre and hateful behavior. He tried to kick me out in the middle of winter days before my birthday for not wanting to spend my birthday with people I didn’t know in a place that he kept trashing that I kept cleaning despite 20 day periods, needing 4 surgeries, being in excruciating pain and having a broken foot. The narcissistic turned everything into how I hurt him, lying and gas light central. Clearly delusional. Sexual coercion and assault was a constant while love bombing me. And putting on this front of being the nicest person anyone has ever known. He was just down in his luck and everyone else abandoned him and things were always someone else’s fault until I was the reason or thing that prevented his success. Despite all the sacrifices I made to keep us both afloat. He also damaged and sabotaged the very few nice possessions that I had. Including the camper van that I covered into a tiny home. So glad that’s over. His eyes were a vast soulless void. A big empty.
You have Absolutely Described my healthy 85 yo very dearly ELDERLY & Evil MOMster to the tee.
💯% true!
I'm going through all our messages and I realize that he was asking me very often if I'm frustrated, or unhappy, or sad... it's like he enjoyed knowing me suffering
mine did too. and in general, he was always whining about feeling tired, poor sleep, no energy. basically- i look back, and wonder how i was attracted to such a lazy pessimistic self-absorbed loser! plus his actions almost NEVER followed his words! despite the fact that he was a squash champion at our city club, i could only get him to play squash with me twice in 3 months. WTF? he had no energy of passion to do ANYTHING- but looking back, i'm thinking this ah-ha moment: i bet he was screwing his ex's (who he cont'd to text, help get into the building or hot tub, etc.) during all those "woe is me, i don't have any energy" date cancellations....
Listening to this helped me allow a break through. I’m processing and acknowledging. Thank you.
This is great to combat gaslighting. Helps to know it’s not all in “ our head “
All of the narcissists I was in a relationship with got really upset when I beat them at games so this is the test I use now, I ask people to play a video game against me if I'm unsure about their true nature, especially if they incessantly brag about being really good at a game that I am also good at 🙂 the last one freaked out and quit when he realised he was going to loose 😂
Or play cards, or a boardgame.. Those selfish monsters don't know how to lose with dignity, or win without rubbing it in your face.
Omg same! Just turned it off 😂
#6. (just 1 e.g.) I took motorcycle lessons because he used to ride and had several stories about us riding (future faking).Once I got my license he would never go riding with me to get good at it, he never had time. When he finally (I had to have him evicted and later found out it wasn't his first time to be evicted) moved out I told him I was getting better at riding. His response was; "you only did it because I pissed you off." What? Note: they gather information on you early on not to get to know you, but as artillery to use against you later.
#7. They are pathological liars from the very beginning of the relationship. Once they are gone you will have countless ah ha moments; not to mention their smear campaigns. Block them and All their flying monkeys.
I met the ex narc through a joint hobby! Had a child and he made excuses that I couldn’t go anymore. He smeared me to anyone that was in earshot in the most convincing ways. I’ve never been back since. He was extremely competitive in a pretend laid back outward appearance
Ah! I can relate.
Exactly did future faking major started sense he was trying be competitive out nowhere jealousy envy was out
Countless a-ha moments 👏👍👌
totally different experience I have had when it comes to rage comment . narcissists are very skilled in presenting a very calm persona, and they actually provoke anger in others while they enjoy looking at the other getting upset due to the games the narcissist plays
Truth
I love how you choose your words! It is so hard do describe covert narcissism.
I have a perfect exemple for the empathy part. A couple of months ago, I was staying with my ex who always described himself as a really empathetic person. I am in a really low place in the few last months and one day I really missed my family. I didn´t see them since last summer cause I live in abroad and the pandemics. So I was really sad and was crying and just wanted to be comforted and hugged. He just looked me dead in the eye and didn´t do anything besides watching me cry. I asked him to hold me, he went completely silent, left me alone, went in the other room and watched porn. I felt so alone and alienated. When I told him that I find this really disrespectful and hurtful, he just told me that he doesn´t understand my problem, that´s nothing wrong with it and he does so much for me. Of course, he was the one suggesting to spend the lockdown with him, so I´m not alone when I´m down and miss my family. So that´s that.
Fanni, Hi 👋
I'm sorry he did that when you needed him to listen, care and be human. Be your human/bf.
To shed more light...
Yes a narcissist will feign/fake empathy.
And more on a commonly used tactic of a covert... a huge red flag is when one has previously never shown empathy then later drops the "I'm a empath" line.
The Covert will say this around about right when one (non narc) is verbally revealing themself to be a empath.
And an example of a true empath I personally know is of a (scapegoated) girl who as a child before the age of 7
(when the subconscious brain is pre - programed/set for life @ prebirth - 7 yrs old)
empathized w her mother and brother when the (scapegoated) brother as a toddler was actually made mentally handicapped from severe abuse and lived chained to his bed. This is a solid example of how a true empath is formed.
Versus how a true Narcissist is formed from prebirth to 7yrs old... which is a whole nother subject of what a narcissist experienced such opposite stuff.
So as for telling the differences, thats one way to weigh it out...
on figuring them out.
The other part of the situation you described was this...
narcissist want ALLLLLL
*your attention on them*
And there is ZERO end to the attention seeking on the narcs part, I mean amped up big-time.
So knowing what I know in detail about narcissism...
Forgive me on the next...🤣
So I cannot help to get a good ole laugh going when I play it out in my mind how he must have been Sooo gloriously shot tf down...
I swear I am ROTFL🤭 just as I'm trying to type this and babygirl hopefully you'll be able to look back and laugh too. Again please forgive me, I know you'll forgive me.
Here you were crying about missing your family while abroad and he's thinking he's the sht...
No wonder he had to go gratify himself Hahaha omggggg🤪😜
No doubt that was a narc injury right there !
So eventually you figured him out to be a narcissist, I hope TH and pray you ditched him and his awe...poor whittle ego.
Please please don't waste your years of being in your prime w a narc... that's what I did
(I didn't know wht narcissism was)
Move on, there's going to be somethings that are better and hopefully a better SOMEONE🤍
I'm 55. I grew up in narcissism, and never met the "one" and I've decided to give up trying.
Please don't ever waste your good years or even 5 mins w a azzhole narcissist.
Once you know you go !!!
Run beautiful RUN !
Ohhh I see.... you said
👍he's your ex
Wow!
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m so glad they’re an ex 💕
I can relate to this. The day I broke up with my narc was on Thanksgiving day and we were supposed to go see my parents and nephew. Not surprisingly, he made that day about him and we ended up having to cancel. I was so heartbroken and homesick after not having much of a relationship with them, due to my ex. I was also missing my sister who I haven’t seen in years and due to CPTSD, thanksgivings have always been hard for me. I started crying because I was so overwhelmed and he just sat in the next room, listening to me cry, completely and utterly detached from it without a single care. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore at that point
💔
Great video!! I’ve seen all these signs in the narcs in my life. It’s a huge red flag now when someone is proud of having been deceptive. I met two narcs who boasted about cheating on their ex/stealing their friend’s girlfriend, afterwards saying “but I was young and I’m different now”. Yeah right! I’ve seen the lack of empathy come out in different ways too, like making rude comments about strangers on the street, or being unpleasant to service staff. Often it’s the little actions/comments which give away their true nature.
I was friends with a guy who knew I found violent topics triggering. Yet he talked about horror movies half the time 😅 I ended up giving him backhanded compliments until he left me alone, dude was so creepy had a pr0n addiction and a failing marriage, wonder why
Boy did I get the rage and for no reason. And when I tried to share my milestones and my achievements, she wasn't remotely interested. She just wanted to talk about herself. I couldn't get a word in edgewise that's why I got out of the relationship
Learned the word narcissist about a year and half ago. Since then ive been studying about narcissists, watching the one in my life and realizing just how fake my illusion of my life has been. Crazy how the red flags started week two of relationship and I missed them or gave the benefit of doubt…. Now 16 years later, entrenched in bullshit and deception im still like maybe its me. These videos really help see the light. I appreciate you! Keep them coming!
Some of these apply to overt narcissists as well.
Number 5 (staying in touch with exes) leads to triangulation.
I've noticed that others doubt what you share about the narc's coverts behaviors because the lies are so outrageous, people end up saying, "Who lies like that?"
Because of past traumas I get really bad nightmares, where I wake up crying or screaming. I used to go to my ex for comfort but he would just laugh and then he would dismiss me. I used to find myself sitting alone after reliving a traumatic experience and being mocked for it. I learnt to never go to a narcissist for comfort...
Maybe you have PTSD or C-PTSD? I hope you will find help to bring about some healing and peace... wish you the best of luck 🍀
They despise ”weakness” and pain in others, because it reminds them of their own weakness and pain - that they would never admit they have!
@@thelasttrumpet2915 the sad thing is that if they could admit to it and go to Jesus, then they could actually become ok,. Have seen that but not often.
Just had a break up with my covert narc. Now I keep having nightmares of past relationship break ups. It's a very dark place to be.
Yep the only time they have empathy is when they want something and won't show up if they get nothing
My ex getting empathy wrong was was SO jarring. When I told him, through tears, about a friend who was reaching the end of his battle with cancer, he looked me in the eye and said with all sincerity, “are you going to miss him?” The question caught me so off guard I thought he was making a cruel joke, but he said he was genuinely asking and attempting to comfort me. Like of course I’ll miss him, I can’t tell you about him without crying! Who needs to ask that?? A narcissist, that’s who.
Yes!! Their responses often feel like a stranger reading a hallmark card to you!! (False/fake)
My final straw with ex Narc GF was when I had vanished for a few days and I contacted her to say what had happened and that I had been taken to ER for heart issue and that it was pretty serious that I was on verge of heart attack at time and caught just in time. Her reply was "ok, hope feel better" and then turned it all onto her problems and how she hurt her ankle. Blocked and not spoke to her ever since.
🤣🤣 that's harsh but yeah that's pretty much all narcs
One of the first red flags that I of course ignored is when I noticed he was actually truly competitive about cooking, when it obviously was supposed to be enjoyable and even a nice gesture, he always made it weird if I cooked…. So weird. Oh, and the adult tantrums when I tried to say no came out very early when I said I didn’t want to actually meet (we met online)… There were many many more and my final red flag was when I started to catch him in lies regarding cheating and I finally chose to listen to my intuition and not his gaslighting.
For me it fell off when I explained how I didn't feel safe telling him I had a miscarriage because I was scared of his reaction. I was met with a blank stare while I was crying, then he turned the blame and started getting mad... exactly what I was scared of
It was probably the stress that precipitated the miscarriage, the stress of being in a relationship with a narcopath. They take no responsibility, its all projected outwardly
And yet we still want to tell them and get their compassion. Every time. I do it with my mom and she tears me to pieces every time. Hope we all get out. Blessed Be.
He was screaming at me when I Was in Blod and having a miscarriage in 2018. He was screaming at me when I was bleeding on AirPort from IVF a month ago, he was screaming at me when I was telling him to please stop the violence and the baby will die a week ago and Was telling me he wants the baby to die.
Did your spouse try to justify their over reactions by pointing to things like you not wanting to disclose the miscarriage as “well you lied and unless our trust improves, I don’t know how I could handle these things any better!” ?
It’s like a complete inability to acknowledge the nuance of “hey you hurt me and I need you to work on getting better, but I also really hurt you and need to work on getting better”.
@@petekdemircioglu😢😢
I had a covert narcissist “friend” and any time I got attention of any kind from our other friends she would be passive aggressive. It felt like she was throwing daggers at me figuratively. She would passive aggressively punish me and the friends. And other times she also would run off crying so that it disrupted the attention that our friends were giving me. She ended up driving a wedge between me and those friends. She acted like I was a bad friend to them, like she was a victim saying I didn’t give her enough in the friendship. Years later those friends saw the truth and our friendship has been repaired. I blocked the covert narcissist out of my life.
Bravo for standing up for yourself. I'm glad it worked out with the real friends.
Watch a narc play a game of volleyball with the family. Each time they miss a hit will be blamed on all of this around them.
😂
They won’t leave you alone. No matter what you say or do!
Y’all just described the veritable sphincter of a human being my ex was. 😂
I saw the mask came off the night before the wedding. Alarm bells went off. I still continued the wedding out of faith that it's just a one time thing. Apparently, I've been gaslighted for a long time. Woke up after 3 years of marriage and his mask came off completely when I brought up the topic of divorce. I want out but he's making it difficult. He also made my parents believe him.
Oh my.... big hugs... it’s so sad across the board... the more I have learned, the more I realized that my entire life has had gaslighting... I just didn’t have a name for it... and it is easier to identify with some and much more covert with some.... the covert definitely seems to hit harder and deeper, in my opinion, because of the massive manipulations & deception that often occurs from the beginning that you just didn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t see, identify or understand... you do not forget or unlearn lessons like this... this much I know 😳😔 paradigm shifting experience
@@tamelashafer8852 not to mention that most of them, like my husband can seem very agreeable (when it suits them). He looks meek and has low self-confidence too. Very awkward, so the Narcissistic qualities are well hidden and it took us years to realize everything. It's also so hard to get out because the vulnerable side tricks us into thinking "it isn't all bad", or "I feel sorry for him"
Adult tantrums for sure!!😣😣😣
3 e's exploitative of others, cognitive empathy, lackof emphathy. They just won't be around when you need help.
Power and control are a knee jerk reaction of these people who don't know they are narcs. It just feels good to them. Sally shows her shadow side. Blameshifting is exponential over the top.
God bless you Christina, setting me free from a stupid long chapter of unnecessary pain, suffering and imaginary defeat. Bravo 👏
Omg this is about mine situation. My ex met my friends on my birthday party. He yelled at them, was really rude, and when they pretend not to notice his actions, he left 😂
Spot on! And so validating. My ex(es) hoovered like it was their job. They've tried with me. I've learned not to take it as a compliment. Just them and their sad sorry self-centered ways.
I don't trust the apology. Some "high functioning" narcissists have learned the art of apology after abuse as a way to keep their victim reeled in. The enabler/victim/empath wants to take the high road and forgive. Then it happens again and again.
Thanks for another informative video. You have no idea how much the "covert narcissist" videos have helped me. I wish had I had learned it was a thing before I got married. The last 5 years have been holy hell.
I can definitely relate. I struggled so much before I learned about this type of narcissist. There's some freedom in knowing some people cannot change
I wish I had learned about the trauma Bond sooner.... I started seeing my (ex) husband acting narcissistically a few years into the marriage.... and I added up that he was abusive. I started standing up to him, but was still addicted to his inter mixing of love bombing... and didn't have the courage to walk away for good, for another 4 years (and mostly to protect our child from the abuse his big kids were put through by him (kids from his 1st divorce.).... but 6 years is better than the many many covertly abusive relationships that last over a decade!
There is nothing holy about hell, and in all honesty when you choose a romantic partner that is a narcissist. More then likely you was exposed to narcissism in your childhood from a narcissistic parent/parents. Seek for healing, peace, and for love from within. Everything will be okay in Jesus name.
@@ladennayoung2939 I meant "holy hell" as an oxymoron. Marriage is a holy union, but mine has been hell.
I don’t know who their exes are but I have a feeling they are keeping tabs on them openly by having them as friends on social media and I just don’t know about their history...
Mine was doing exactly that!
They do left FB making pages to see what’s happening in my life after discard ridiculous just like love to mirror you. He was never prophetic then notice some words use started them words started being prophetic scary straight fraud
Yep. That was my experience as well.
The only thing that I regret now (in retrospect) is EVER getting involved with him at all. But I couldn't have known... 😢 Hindsight is always 20/20... I wish that I had been in another relationship or something, so that I would have been protected from him at that time...😟
@@kamka8149 😞 sorry everyday you get to point you don’t ever forget manipulation deception but better stronger. Be blessed covert their very sneaky hide well
I'm intentionally being vague, but I completed a pretty big project having to do with my work and it took a lot of money and effort, and I was incredibly proud of the result. All my friends told me how amazing it was and how proud they were of me. When I showed the covert narc I know, who was also supposed to be a friend, his response was "Eh, it could've been better."
They give themselves away everytime
The sly grin when they think they have got one over on you.
My EX narc's 7 year old son called me a dog one time. When I told her I was hurt about it, and she smirked and made a look like " well, he isn't wrong ".
You are very good as a teacher in that you teach very empathically things that empaths can understand while at the same time you are NOT a narcissist. So many teachers of mine taught in narcissistic ways which means you DON'T feel good about yourself after being taught as well as feel you were taught toxicity which hurts in and of itself. I have to thank you for this so I joined the channel with the monthly donations to keep the channel going.
Yep, so true with the Covert narcissist. A recent individual whom I'd worked with for several years, was at a church I began attending. What was the first thing she said: 1) Oh, this is my great friend and I'll never let go of our friendship again ( no kidding one of the comments that came out of her mouth in a 5-10 min. conversation). Now I'd had an illness and she had lived in the same town after we no longer worked together but she didn't contact me in any way. But here she was proclaiming she'd never let go of my friendship again ( but she definitely did, as all narcs do). Usually in my experience is that coverts wait some time before they begin to allow their guard down to show part of the true self. Also the coverts I know start with the love bombing of complimenting you etc. and don't dare show this until, I mean well down the road, though peeking through.
The other thing I've learned, it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, don't rule them out as a narc. In other words you might be a secondary or tertiary supply and they may treat you fine, but suddenly they bring you into a primary role and that is where they seriously devalue people.
I agree with most of what you're saying. I am noticing a few hiccups. Like your example of when somebody is crying / being emotional and a narcissist doesn't show empathy. My first thought would be the person crying may not have asked for empathy, or the crying is a manipulation in itself. Emotional manipulators will usually turn on the Waterworks in an attempt to guilt-trip. And then there is a problem with emoting as a misunderstood form of communication of needs, which is across-the-board viewed as improper and unhealthy by all the therapists that I follow.
Many Thanks ....helps a lot, I am a spiritual empathetic working on freedom from a covert Narcissist - more I know, gets smoother to detach as it's family ....am in it - whatever it takes to be FREE 💖✨
I think it's important to make a distinction between narcissistic behaviors and pathological narcissism because people don't understand there's a difference and then they label somebody and destroy their lives!
First I would like to say I have been watching your content for awhile and it's been great! Thank you. Another thing is coverts are the most dangerous kinds of people. There is a very damaged person. Introspectively too. I too studied deeply into the other side(s) of humanity. There is no or very little empathy. I too earned some sort of Psychological degree from alot of information plus, many many experiences. If you watch and observe you will see people's true colors or their masks falling off. And if you can see and pick up on it. Depending on how & what your situation is , walk away. Grateful Common Ego. Great videos. You are Awesome! ❤❤💥💥
Will lie even if you have proof of what they did, they will stand by their lie, to escape accountability.
The indifference is the one that hurt the most.
You're amazing. Thanks for all your help and sweet support. And I'm at this final stage of reflection to understand the hidden messages I would see but didn't understand how to process....
Omg yes all of it.
For number 6, I would always recommend foods for them to try and they would always react in a belittling manner and I’m like, “but you know you like it.” They would eat it fast or ask for more but yet act like they don’t like it.. also the lies omg don’t get me started.
The sudden rage was not toward me but it was extremely sudden road rage about nothing! He got out of the car and was heading to the car in front of us...I yelled at him to get back in the car which he did. His eyes were black with rage but then in a split second put his hand on mine and said "so what would you like to do today"...like nothing had happened. Extremely strange and unsettling.
I get migraines really bad from time to time....and my narc would try and show empathy by saying "you need me to come take you to the emergency room?" Even after I told her I didnt have insurance and would only go in a true emergency....she would still say the same thing. Like she thought I couldnt see that she was just showing empathy by offering the one thing I didnt need and allowed her to let me suffer.
They do this so they have evidence to use later as a way to guilt you and to prove that they are caring and “nice”. It’s all for show.. to lure you in.
100% true, thank you for explaining it. They use and ruin people with no mercy. I wish it will teach us in a school.
Ex narc said a homeless man ask for money he said he gave him 20$$ for meal but he wasn't giving him anymore. For show in church
Oh they love to play 'humanitarian.' Make no mistake, they don't do it for the satisfaction or fulfillment of it, they do it for the applause. They are such utterly lost souls they can't understand where true value lies. Ludicrous creatures! 😆
You helped me to understand politics a lot better Christina
I think most politicians are grandiose narcissists. Some are more malignant though...
@@jcsrst I think you are confused narc who is very ignorant proud and dishonest. If everyone is evil things will be good?? No. No they will not. You foul creatures who blame politicians buy do nothing but pollute the well... That's the problem. At least you will all come to a sudden end.
@@devonjoners5512 I am impressed that you were able to get that much information about who I am from my short comment! Good work!
My narc used to lie CONSTANTLY. About the smallest things, the biggest things, anything! He would lie about freaking nail polish! Literally anything. I asked him why and he didn’t know why. Just because he felt like it. It was compulsive and out of control.
They are so jealous, envious, and try to bring us down. 😢
My EX narc constantly criticised my hobbies to the point I would do them in secret and when she found out, called me a liar and said she couldn't ever trust me again. Or she'd make of them, or downplay my talent. It was hurtful.
First time watching this channel!I normally watch HG Tudor, if you really want inside a narcissistic brain he's the go-to-guy but I also have to seek therapy through channels like yours!! also Joanne cujoth is awesome! And I like to watch Trace face it she's a survivor also!! You have a great channel going thank you for your help!
You are right on. Thank you so much for helping me understand some people I deal with. Your work really made a difference to lives of others.
My father couldn't stand to lose. We kids would never play any game with him because we didn't want to be called cheaters.
My narc guy that I dated is a cop / Detective ex-military he asks for food I brought to his job he was in a car sitting out watching equipment I was looking very beautiful that night I asked if I could sit next to him for a second at his job in his car when I did he did not compliment me whatsoever barely gave me any eye contact he was like a robot when I reach to grab his hand and I asked him can you give me a kiss he abruptly says man I'm working I'm in uniform and I take my job very seriously he acts so cold towards me I was so bubbly and excited to see him and he act like I did not exist. I felt so low I asked him to look at me in the eye when we were sitting right beside each other in the car and he wouldn't he said he's at work I said are you happy to see me he said why do you keep asking me that it makes you seem like you're insecure. I told him I'm not insecure I just never been with a guy before that is emotionless like you don't even care in your act like I don't exist he said that's a lie I'm just tired that's why I'm acting this way. One time I asked him a question very calmly I asked him if I was the only person he was sleeping with because my doctor said my pH it's kind of thrown off my body is really sensitive he told me my doctor basically was a liar my pH had nothing to do with him and I explained to him that a woman's pH could get thrown off due to being intimate with another woman and her pH could throw off my pH and give me a bacterial vaginosis. He would get loud and say the doctor does not know what she's talking about and you're the only person I'm sleeping with so it has to be your food or something not me I said well I'm not lying to you I have a voicemail can I play it for you he said no believe your doctor if you want but I think that's a bunch of Bologna. I asked him one question and he went around the world with the answer and blame me and it didn't just stop there he went back like 3 months complaining about everything that I did when all I did was ask him one question.
Thats not a narc but close..its called Dismissive Avoidant
Absolutely they are horrible cold and pros at silent treatment too...get away while you can
I know a man-child who can't be told no. He boasts, chuckling, thinking others are oblivious to the ignorance. He runs with a gang of idiots. There isn't much to say. The arrogance tells all. They stalk and lurk. While they watch, who's watching them? There is no glory in pain. I'm not afraid to die, nor am I too proud to deny my path. They should have picked on someone who is.
I find her examples she's using describe more if a grandiose not covert. The coverts I know would rage later, not while in public. They need to be seen as a great person and or a victim. They would sulk or be silent with the rage while in front of others...then lash out at their scapegoat later. Creating a bizarre moment if rage even blaming that scapegoat for the problem or their feelings
Sorry...but it seems that this video is blending the types of narcissists together and is a bit confusing.
Agreed , the covert narc would never blatantly show their rage to friends. They have too much of a false image to maintain.
I was with my soon to be ex-wife for 22 years. Out of the blue she said we're done. This was on the back of weeks and weeks of psychological warfare where she was driving me psychologically crazy. I now know this to be the final discard phase. I was devastated and all she could do was offer a blank stare. Even when I shed a tear all she could say under her breath was "he's not crying is he?". I escaped on 9th May 2020 and she has been my enemy ever since because I researched her behaviour and I exposed her. I later found out that she had been cheating on me with an ex from 32 years ago from when she was 18. To curt a long story short, she had been in touch with him for 3 weeks prior to my discard phase commencing. It took her 3 weeks to decide our 22 years was over.
I hope you find your peace without her. You deserve so much better!
Your lucky the trash took itself out...
She did you a favor but we'll be back when new supply is needed ....run
Next!!!! Stay strong and do not back down. There is someone much better with lots of love and grace coming....just let this go and enjoy your next 22 years!🎉
I had someone take me to court for telecommunications harassment. Then I was cyberharassed for over 3 years . That kind of lying is unforgiving especially when someone almost goes to jail because of it .
I think that someone I once met may have been a covert narcissist. I once met a woman who asked me if I attended church almost immediately upon meeting me. When I told her I didn't, as I am a deist, she had a fake smile plastered on her face and responded with fake niceness and pushy behavior. She then proceeded to invite me to her church three times! I stood my ground, though, and politely declined each time. As I continued to decline her invitations, her "nice" mask began to crack, and I could tell that she was actually getting angry!
Several years later, I saw her in public, and our eyes met. And she actually glared at me! Apparently, she still remembered me as the awful heathen who refused to go to church with her! 😏
LET the healing continue
Your item 2 is so similar to how me ex is/ was at his job. If his dept lost money it was always because no one worked as hard as him or cared as much as him and on and on and on. Educating myself about narcissists is so necessary for my healing. It’s important for me to be able to understand.
By the time I realized all of these things I was knee deep. Wasted my whole life with the wrong people.
Me too. :(