This reminds me of my ex-husband. When I was nine-month pregnant he was driving the car. he was quickly cut off by another car. And to teach him a lesson, he drove in front of the driver and slammed on the brakes. The belt was restricting my stomach. It hurts like hell. I started crying and said why are you doing this, it's dangerous for our child. He said because I had to teach the driver a lesson! I was so shocked that I couldn't make a sound. That was the start of an eight-year marriage in hell. I'm glad I made it out. My love goes out to everyone who is still in a relationship like this.❤
It was exactly the same with me..always needing to solve his problems, jerking the car suddenly all the time with everyone honking at us because he drove so slow, outbursts in public, etc.
My ex tried to embarrass me in front of his family. What I said back to him made everyone laugh so on the drive to the hotel he missed being hit by a train...on my side.
@@kameshiam1674 Everytime he had an accident, it was on my side, not his. One time he drove into someone else's door the person left open trying to get his kid out of the back seat. I wasn't in the car, thank God, because it happened on my side. How did he take care of the situation ? He signed papers to let the city take the car to dispose of it without telling me. Each of the 4 cars I've helped him to have are gone. Our son tries not to let him drive this 5th one. However it's hard to stop him because he always manages to put his name on everything to stay in control.
The dangers of telling your abusive partner you intend to leave. Planning your exit with the worst case scenario in mind before you go is the best way. I was blessed with that education and it made my exit much safer. The abuse still happened but he didn't have enough access to escalate to dangerous levels.
1:00:49 "Don't settle for things that aren't right. If something doesn't feel right it's not right. If you don't feel good if in a relationship, it's probably not good for you." 💯🎯❤
I feel so terrible for this lady. She thought 9/11 was her fault 🥺 this is horrible! Narcissist abuse needs legal punishment. I hope the courts can one day put these scumbags in jail, for the emotional and mental torment they cause their victims 😢
After several years of narcissistic abuse I got CFS.. I had such strong and chronic fatigue and my body would not regenerate after rest because of constant fight and flight. I lost my livelyhood for 8 years and I am only now starting to recover. Being with a narcissist is not worth it however charming he/she is at good times...
I often get lost for words when I face with unbelievable situation. This is the first time I was watching Dr. Ramani almost flabbergasted! I am touched by her human reaction. To me the guy is acting like a cult leader.
My heart has been tightened through out the video 😔.A mentally disturbed person can not see the love or empathy you show them ,not all but those who lack empathy.
my ex husband tried pulling something similar. He had told me i was not allowed to be around when he was with his girlfriend, I was not allowed to go to the gym while they were there together and until I learned to get along with her and accept the situation I was basically grounded. Like you said, its shocking that anyone thinks this is ok to do to your partner. It took me a while but it was the beginning of the end of our marriage. Eventually I did get out
It’s amazing to see such a look on survivors eyes, there is a scary stillness and sadness. I totally know how abuse makes one hollow from inside and it’s devastating. This was such a profound and very moving podcasts.
@@haltersweb Sadly I too have this disoriented look once and the eyes are a very big give away feature in abusive, toxic and narcissistic survivors. She’s such a brave woman though!
It is so terrifying when you look back and realize that you deeply “knew” that the person you were dealing with was not stable but you went with it to keep the peace. It is a deeply unsettling feeling to realize that you Knew, deep in your spirit, the person was not right.
Jo, thank you for sharing your story. You are helping others. Amazingly brave of you to open yourself up like this and it's much appreciated! God bless you.
Flipping out here!!! 27 mins in😮! & too many similarities I have experienced and several women I have come across in trauma bonding support groups! Arrrrgh! Where I was and where I am now! Lucky to be alive and saneish😅
This is my story too. I'm pregnant again and the same thing happened twice. Start a family, make it grow; saw the stick and flipped to we need an abirtion. I am gone for good this time. It will never work and I'm ready for healing for my family in Jesus' name.
@ashleyblackshear3892 Praise God!! You did the right thing. God has a plan for you and now it's time to look to Him fit peace and healing. I am trying to do the same however I have not left yet. I am keeping my plans to myself and working on my exit. I should have never came back but I wanted my marriage to work because I wanted to honor God but it is not what I was told it was going to be. I used to beat myself up over this so much but now it's fueled me to get out. I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong and safe with your babies.
This is awful 😞 I had a stalker and when we dated he was a terrible driver! He stalked me for 5 months after I ended the relationship. He's since been charged with stalking count 1 and I'm in a legal case against him. I have a criminal protection order as well. They're so scary 😢😢😢 sometimes I wonder why he didn't accept that I wasn't interested in him anymore.
Okay, the moment he asked for living and paying for the affair / next girl in his life and still didn't leave her is like 🤯 how isolated was she from her friends and family? He dominated her completely.
I just love this channel. Each story shared on this channel have nuggets of Gold. Truths we need to in order to learn, that gives us validation and healing. Every _single_ video has a takeaway! Thank you Dr. Ramani, for both of your wonderfully helpful channels 🙏🏻💗
So, she's lucky not just to have been psychopathologized as schizophrenic for thinking she caused the crashes into the World Trade Centers. That's what usually happens to victims of horrendous trauma whose thinking is so affected by it. I know. I was on the psych ward way back, and one of my peers thought she had caused the Apollo mission to crash a few days earlier. Nobody asked about any possible serious abuse or trauma in her life. They just say, "Oh, schizophrenia." That's what goes on. I hate psychiatrists and the "mental health system" with a bitter passion. Thank goodness for people like Dr. Ramani, who are bringing so much to light, exposing the ineptitude of most psychotherapists, who only succeed in reshaming, reblaming, and retraumatizing.
I FINALLY gathered the strength after 3 plus decades to get out of a marriage with an abusive narcissist. I ignored all the red flags for all the "fantasy" reasons before the word narcissist was even around. The first time he blew up at me and then ordered me out of the car on an abandoned road, I should of got the F out! RUN, don't walk, they never change...the childhood damage done to them is way too ingrained. Learn to love yourself first and foremost so you'll set healthy boundaries and make healthy choices, life is too precious to waste.
That "sense" Lou had that she was planning to leave was probably a result of him monitoring her phone, credit cards, maybe even listening devices in the home.
Thank you for this podcast. The year of 2001 was quite a year for plane crashes. My apologies for what the guest Jo Fonda went through but I am glad she and her daughter finally have good marriages and a better life.
29:49 my husband wanted to be a polygamist. Between his sex addiction, and need for domination and power, it made him feel more important and powerful to have multiple wives. He tried to add more at various times. His line was always "i believe this is God’s will, and if you don't do this, you might be going outside God's will and then i wont be able to protect you". When i heard that he had said that to the third woman, i knew without a doubt that he was sick. This had nothing to do with God's will, it had everything to do with the contents of his pants.
@@kelrogers8480This is the second comment blaming her parents. You cannot blame her parents for something her psychopath husband did. Teens don't listen to parents. I sure didn't.
What an amazing survivor! I had no clue this had happened. I hope she and her daughter are now doing well. I was also suckered by an adult when I was 16. He was 23 and more subtle but extremely manipulative. I'm still married to him because I have only within the last two years become aware that he is the bad guy, not just his evil mother. My health is gone and we have special needs kids. He already refuses to pay for some of our 5 kids' needs. Living on my own in this area is dangerous and no, i don't have family who can help. My husband has not been physical enough to harm or really threaten us so I will stay until I can get on my feet and go.
@@jaykay3839 I mean having five children by someone you must have never felt secure with is surely a recipe for special needs children. I mean one, two I can see, but 5? Particularly if you have no support?
@@juliettailor1616 I would suggest you look further into liars and manipulators. Dr. Ramani has a lot of good information regarding families of origin and other reasons people end up trusting the untrustworthy. It's a good place to start. Look into why your thinking is so black and white. The reasons you gave for having special needs children don't make sense either. Likely yet another area in which you need education.
I'm speechless. This lady has endured an unbelievably traumatic ordeal and the thing is so many of the things she has highlighted I can relate 100% I wish her so much healing and self-love😔
“To change anything is to change everything.” What a beautiful point of view to come out of such a tragic experience. Thank you, Jo, for sharing your story. More of us relate than you may have known. Hearing how much you’ve healed is absolutely inspiring. Thank you too, Dr. Ramani, for this podcast and your incredible work. You single-handedly saved me from the abuse I was going through. And your continuing work is helping me to heal and move forward. 💜💜💜
Even to this day, Jo's eyes are full of pain and confusion, a kind of painful bewilderment. And understandably so. I've found it very hard to listen to her story (she's immensely brave and generous for talking about her ordeal in public), experiencing a second-hand anxiety and a tightening of the chest throughout. I'm also blown away by Dr Ramani's compassion, so genuine and deep and respectful. Thank you both for this outstanding podcast.
Thank you doc for all you do....i'll watch this later. Could you kindly consider cover the "8 Passengers" case of Ruby Franke and therapist Jodi who are currently in jail. It would be great for you to interview the survivors Jodi's niece Jessie and Adam. It's absolutely traumatic. ❤
my ex was the same about pregnancy. HE wanted them until he did not. Begged me to marry him when I got pregnant. Once we were married he had nothing to do with me or the kids except rape or tantrums at the kids for getting in his way at home when he was rarely there. I think he enjoyed my confusion and the hurt it caused me.
Same thing happened to me with 3 different women. He stopped me from leaving (no car no money no friends) and told the "other woman" to watch me so I didnt try to leave. Took me a long time to be able to get away. I will forever stay single until the end of time.
The anger while driving!! The Narc did that so often! He was so impatient and would be cursing at other drivers and driving too fast to get around other vehicles. Every time that he was driving, I expected that to happen at some point .. and it would. Twice that I can remember, he was trying to answer a phone call (using the Bluetooth to pair his phone with the car ) and the call would drop. Both times, he LOUDLY yelled out FUCK!!! and got EXTREMELY agitated. I remember thinking... 'What is wrong with this guy!??' To get to that level of agitation from a phone call being dropped is not 'normal'.
I just recently dated someone like that. I’ve had anxiety issues before but now my panic attacks were almost daily. One fine day i just left him a long long voice message. I’ve wondered whether I made a mistake, until I saw this video here. Thank you!!
Your talks here are great and so information packed. I wish i could take them and time travel back and give this information to my twenty year old self. ⌛
There should absolutely be jailtime and punishment for emotional, verbal, psychological abuse as there is for physical abuse where the scars can actually be seen with one’s eyes.
My narc is a mirror version of yours...tried to coerce me into an open relationship, said he wanted to leave when I said I was not okay with it but refused to leave. destroyed property in tantrums. He freaked out when I got pregnant. I used to put things in writing and ask him to put things in writing if an argument was so important to him. He tried to take vengeance through lawyers when I left. He also took his anger out on my succulents. Really into porn etc. I didn't feel safe as his behaviour escalated. He drove his car towards me quickly. Sounds like you did well in your exit. Thank you for sharing! I see you.
If I could go back in time and change things I would tell myself to journal and keep more records of my life. The good times, the times where there were arguments and what it was about and how I felt. I would journal about what sparked the argument. I have lots of narcissists in my life and there truly are enough good days to distract from the bad/abusive days
Happy for you that you found someone else who could This is a very painful situation. Abuse is real. Thankful that you shared with her and you both had good conversation.
Same. It's embarrassing, humiliating. Also, the shame, blame, and/or ppl not believing. Also, no parental support. In reality, my dad didn't care, and my mom had her own issues & just couldn't deal with mine, so I kept it hidden.
So brave! Planes scare me. I think I could manage it but I am not sure I could. Survival at it's finest. Keep surviving you smart brave lady! You deserve every happiness. It gets so sickening playing into their crap after you become wise.
Okay right at the beginning WHERE WERE THIS WOMAN'S PARENTS? You don't let a 15 year old go to a frat house and if you have a boyfriend you don't go out to dinner with a university student. And then you don't ask that guy to find your boyfriend! Red flag for her as well! Dr Ramami should have called her out on that! Even now this adult woman doesn't seem remorseful.
12:00 hit me. I had the same feeling about a guy who treated me with utmost respect and is more on the dark and self-centered side.. I felt he depends on me and I responsible for him feel good,... and he wouldn't communicate with me, then suddenly call or write me and asking for a favor.. threw tantrums if I said no or kept insisting until I gave in, always had anger issues with his family, was argumentative and incredibly low on agreeableness etc. When I finally ended the relationship, he suddenly wanted me back. When I look back, I was only focused on his charming smile and kindness and support which he erratically show me, but flipped into angry as soon as he "felt" disrespect. Which was most of the time. And I thought I was responsible and needed by him. Fun fact he repeatedly projecting his issues on me. I only woke up after going through therapy.
Oh my../. I was just telling someone that once I can get away from this person facing the day will feel so much lighter this person is basically dread when waking up or doing anything means that you have to engage with them or encounter them or get their help or support it just isn’t overwhelming feeling of dread just called him Dread. Dead. Dead. At some point you just want to die at the thought of doing anything. When she describes the proposal moment and what she felt was dread that was exactly what I felt in that proposal moment and I knew it and I wanted to say no but I said yes. I remember all too well looking into the champagne glass at the ring and red overcame me and I was like no but it was a perfect sunset on a perfect island and a man standing before me saying will you marry me so I said yes. Then it was a 20+ year of good times and then dread. Eventually it was all just dread. 😢
Can I share this post onto Twitter or some other social media platform? Good advice Dr. Ramani when it comes to taking a dim view on unpredictable careless driving. Like when someone is grinding the gears of his standard sports car while driving you home early instead of taking his invitation to go somewhere other than what you agreed to at the start of the date while his driving was just fine. Something which could fool some psychologists if that date had more than average social status. This story is the most extreme case of people in a family experiencing domestic violence becoming homeless. Why is this sort of thing enabled by our family court systems which have changed so little compared to better police services and better access to education and paid work for women? I wish that there could be an organization formed that could be more unifed in purpose to call for reforms in the family court systems. Instead women more often continue to be shut out of the very leadership positions or they are often being dismissed while trying to work in those leadership positions which could make a difference in that respect. Ruth Bader was one woman in that kind of leadership position.
This sounds like the type of guy who ends up on Dateline. I've seen married men making their wife cook dinner for him and his mistress, one guy had a pillow with his mistress face on it in his marital bed, next to his wife, and other guys had their mistress move in with him and the wife.
I can relate to a large extent to jo. Im so happy shes free abd so is her daughter. What a journey! Im so glad that man is not around to dim her light. God has a great plan of recovery and healing...all things work together for those who love God, even the bad things! Its unbelievable how these narsastist s behave! Very dangerous, cruel people. Absolute bullys and self entitled entities... Jo is so beautiful and an inspiration to me that there is still love and a positive future outlook. Gives me hope. Thank you for sharing. Thank you Dr for all you have taught me. You maje such a difference! Love from Northern Ireland x
this sounds like the movie Enough...similar scenario husband told the wife he had a girlfriend that makes him happy...that type of guy is just sad 😢😢...I would have been left
Oh wow I'm not the only one! And they don't think of it as wrong. They're ENTITLED. Not sharing what's happening with others is absolutely because of the threats. Fear and guilt makes you put up with a ridiculous level of disrespect.
She sounds very sad... I am really glad she is in a good marriage now. Please keep your small circuit! We don't need more than 4-5 very close people in life.
This makes me so sad and so sick. I just do not understand why or how someone could be so twisted. I am so very sorry that she went through all of this. No one deserves this kind of treatment. This is beyond sadistic. Twisted, gas lighting to the ninth degree, disgusting. This makes me so mad. . .and sad.
The narcissist leaves a trail of destruction that makes the victim a person who is responsible. When the past begins with a kindness beyond the norm the the crash burns down the house leaving us with the why didn’t I do , not do, hoping the future will be finding the right man.
Same for me. Snatched up at I4. I always felt my dad hated me. I was scared of him & never spoke to him unless I absolutely had to (out of fear). Having a father like that set me up to go to the highest bidder, without knowledge & being extremely vulnerable. Not to mention wanting (needing) to "get the hell out of Dodge" away from home ASAP! 😢😑
I had a similar relationship for 34 years and think quite often that if I had left in the first 2 weeks of marriage my children would not be with the spouses they have today. My son met his partner in grade school and my daughter met he husband in high school. It took me a long time to figure out why I was so unhappy and although I moved out 10 months ago, I am still struggling not to return to the unhappy marriage.
I don’t agree that when he started having her clear out so that he could bring the girlfriend over, it was because he wanted her to leave him. My father did the exact same thing. But if my mom threatened to leave he would go ballistic. I remember my dad even driving my mom and the five of us kids to a hotel so that he could have a swinging night at the house with two of his secretaries from work. Years later my dad moved a girlfriend and her three kids into our house for a couple of months. The GF and my mom took turns sleeping in bed with my dad until he “invited” them both to sleep with him at the same time. The bed in the walk-in closet magically disappeared. My mom only successfully put her foot down one time when she forbade him from marrying another one of his girlfriends. I’m guessing she won the argument because of the whole polygamy-is-illegal thing. Unbelievably my parents, now in their 80s are still married. My mother figured out how to be my dad’s 24/7 narcissistic supply. He lives in his make-believe kingdom with his very own walking, talking worshiper. My mom is an intelligent woman but she never got to be all that she could be, because all that she could safely be is to live her entire life for him.
Oh my goodness…just listened to more of this video and the “if you loved me you would want me to be happy” was the excuse my father used to convince my mom for more and more outlandish requests. As the oldest I became the referee for my parents arguments to try and de-escalate them so they wouldn’t turn violent. I heard this excuse used a lot. And my father gaslit me too. He had me match-make a relationship between him and my best friend in high school. I hated it but I was also starved for affection (I was the unpopular, goofy kid) and didn’t want to lose her friendship. Nor did I want to be embarrassed by my father who threatened to (get this) tell his manager that I was head-over-heels for his popular son, if I didn’t do what my father asked.
Narcs will use a vehicle to thre car truck to scare punish intimidate you mine drove recklessly even crashing us both into a deep ditch off road I was bruised hurting for weeks but didn't report it cuz he was drinking It is very dangerous abusers like to leave you too, just abandon you innpublic, and mine would tell me get out of my house in a snowstorm no less ......hate him I'm out of this now
Damn! I know that it is all about their needs and desires and that they hate to be inconvenienced in any way. I felt that every day , but WOW. Someone else had shared a story about their husband wanting to move a girlfriend in. She wasn’t on board with it either for some reason. I remember my husband going on with either stories about girls he’d been with and how attractive they were, ( despite my insisting it hurt me and I really didn’t want to have to listen to his stories ) then, towards the end, about awful men who abused their wives. (?!!) Yeah, he shared this with his wife, who he had been abusing for years. When I was finally out of the house I had difficulty knowing what was real for awhile. Narcissism is like nothing else. It needs a million spotlights on it.
My narc talked me into having a baby. I was hesitant and finally I gave in. Thinking it would bring our two families together. He had 3 kids I had 2. Right after I found out and I told him, he said I don't really like fat pregnant women. Then started cheating. Jesus these men are jokes.
I literally watched all 4 of his kids. So he could go on dates with her. He would go sleep with her and come back and complain I wasn't sleeping with him.
WTF OMFG I feel like gaslighting myself to believe what this 'human male' did to you! I am in awe Jo of the outstanding, courageous, resilience you have, you're so freaking awesome. Love and hugs forever.
Wow, he wanted to trap her with that pregnancy and probably felt he'd be a failure as a parent. How cruel. And he was a grown man and she was barely above a chid.
A couple of problems with that: 1- how many teens do you know who do everything their parents say? Maybe they did warn her and she didn't listen but more likely, she didn't tell them what was happening. 2- Don't blame the parents for what a *psychopath* did!
@@JeannieSoko Well, I met my husband at 16. He was 23. My parents met him and liked him too but it was still all a big mistake. MIL was probably a sociopath and the husband didn't fall too far from the tree. Some of my relatives, including my mom could see he was tricky and they said something but they wanted me to be happy and talking crap wasn't going to help because my stupid 16 year old self wouldn't have listened. This is not an isolated incident. Most teens don't listen to parents' warnings. I didn't, my sister didn't and neither did most of my cousins or friends. My now adult children certainly don't. The divorce rate is probably so high for that very reason. How many parents would let their kids marry someone they knew would divorce their kids in a handful of years. Many can see it but saying so would just get them estranged from not only their kids but grandkids too. Just because her parents met and liked him it doesn't mean much. Maybe you should go back and listen again because she also said he was charming when he needed to be. My husband is too. Jekyll and Hyde is how she worded it.
@@jaykay3839 it's always a red flag when a 16 yr old meets an adult, let alone a 20 something year old. Parents first mistake right there. Protect your children at all costs! Even when they are 16, 17 and even 18!!
@@berlizgonzalez6736 I do agree with that but you also have the teens who will sneak around. It didn't sound like that was the case with her but in other cases, with authoritarian parents, the teens will date someone just because their parents told them no.
Ugh. How are they all so similar? My dad died suddenly, I was coerced/guilted into sex 2 days later, immediately pregnant, engaged the next month… and yes, the feeling was dread.
I could no longer ride in the car with my ex husband for a few years before our separation from the road rage and abuse i suffered for twenty years in the car with him. I can not tell you how many times I would rather jump out of the car then be kept in what felt like a rage cage.
My violent ex would use driving as a way to terrify me. He would drive full speed and swerve as if to hit my side of the car into a fence. He'd swerve away at the last moment.
My ex husband and father of my children accused me of not being a TRUE FEMINIST because I didn't accept switching to our roommate bed every night. My children and I would wake up to see them in bed, bedroom door open and all. He claimed that, as a feminist, I shouldn't be "so possessive". When we split, she was asking for rights to visit my children. Before this woman, my ex taught me to be a feminist by encouraging me to be friends with women that he was pursuing. I was 17 and he was 21 when we met. I was 32 when We split. I fall into the next and worse narcissist after him. Still trying to scape
The Story about her husband bringing his girlfriend at Home, did may ex-husband with his prior partner. He was married with her 10 years and had a small Child, than one day he brought his girlfriend home and told his wife she will life with them. Sie accepted because he threatened her by telling he will take the child if she will not accept. They lived 10 years like that; he cheeted in that time both. Than i knew ihm and he told me he is seperated, no word about 2 partners living with him. Found that out much later….
Sorry, to say she is so naive and not paying attention to the situation. I’m sure more narcissists would like to have someone like her. The guy was taking advantage of her vulnerability, empathy and the trauma bond.
This reminds me of my ex-husband. When I was nine-month pregnant he was driving the car. he was quickly cut off by another car. And to teach him a lesson, he drove in front of the driver and slammed on the brakes. The belt was restricting my stomach. It hurts like hell. I started crying and said why are you doing this, it's dangerous for our child. He said because I had to teach the driver a lesson! I was so shocked that I couldn't make a sound. That was the start of an eight-year marriage in hell. I'm glad I made it out. My love goes out to everyone who is still in a relationship like this.❤
First 15 minutes and I’m so triggered from similar occurrences. The “he needs me”, helping him with school work, the scary driving…. 😢
It was exactly the same with me..always needing to solve his problems, jerking the car suddenly all the time with everyone honking at us because he drove so slow, outbursts in public, etc.
My ex tried to embarrass me in front of his family. What I said back to him made everyone laugh so on the drive to the hotel he missed being hit by a train...on my side.
@@kameshiam1674 Everytime he had an accident, it was on my side, not his. One time he drove into someone else's door the person left open trying to get his kid out of the back seat. I wasn't in the car, thank God, because it happened on my side. How did he take care of the situation ? He signed papers to let the city take the car to dispose of it without telling me. Each of the 4 cars I've helped him to have are gone. Our son tries not to let him drive this 5th one. However it's hard to stop him because he always manages to put his name on everything to stay in control.
yes the scary and dangerous
driving is bad.
@user-zp1sr8kn6k I hope you find safety from your narc🥺
The dangers of telling your abusive partner you intend to leave. Planning your exit with the worst case scenario in mind before you go is the best way. I was blessed with that education and it made my exit much safer. The abuse still happened but he didn't have enough access to escalate to dangerous levels.
Thank you. If you find yourself writing long letters to explain yourself ...is a sure sign you're being gaslighted! Exactly!
1:00:49 "Don't settle for things that aren't right. If something doesn't feel right it's not right. If you don't feel good if in a relationship, it's probably not good for you." 💯🎯❤
I feel so terrible for this lady. She thought 9/11 was her fault 🥺 this is horrible! Narcissist abuse needs legal punishment. I hope the courts can one day put these scumbags in jail, for the emotional and mental torment they cause their victims 😢
Except the judicial system is full of narcissists.
Yes yes yes!!!
The legal system turns the hardest blind eye to these people. So ridiculous
After several years of narcissistic abuse I got CFS.. I had such strong and chronic fatigue and my body would not regenerate after rest because of constant fight and flight. I lost my livelyhood for 8 years and I am only now starting to recover. Being with a narcissist is not worth it however charming he/she is at good times...
I often get lost for words when I face with unbelievable situation. This is the first time I was watching Dr. Ramani almost flabbergasted! I am touched by her human reaction.
To me the guy is acting like a cult leader.
They are demonic no doubt.
If you've been in a relationship with a narc, you've been in a 1-man/woman cult! The tactics, dynamics and emotional trauma are almost identical.
My heart has been tightened through out the video 😔.A mentally disturbed person can not see the love or empathy you show them ,not all but those who lack empathy.
my ex husband tried pulling something similar. He had told me i was not allowed to be around when he was with his girlfriend, I was not allowed to go to the gym while they were there together and until I learned to get along with her and accept the situation I was basically grounded. Like you said, its shocking that anyone thinks this is ok to do to your partner. It took me a while but it was the beginning of the end of our marriage. Eventually I did get out
It’s amazing to see such a look on survivors eyes, there is a scary stillness and sadness. I totally know how abuse makes one hollow from inside and it’s devastating. This was such a profound and very moving podcasts.
You are right! I noticed her eyes right away but couldn’t quite put my finger on it! My mom has those same survivor’s eyes.
@@haltersweb Sadly I too have this disoriented look once and the eyes are a very big give away feature in abusive, toxic and narcissistic survivors. She’s such a brave woman though!
It is so terrifying when you look back and realize that you deeply “knew” that the person you were dealing with was not stable but you went with it to keep the peace. It is a deeply unsettling feeling to realize that you Knew, deep in your spirit, the person was not right.
Oh sweet lady- none of it is your fault and I’m so glad you and your daughter are alive ❤🎉🥰
Jo, thank you for sharing your story. You are helping others. Amazingly brave of you to open yourself up like this and it's much appreciated! God bless you.
Flipping out here!!! 27 mins in😮! & too many similarities I have experienced and several women I have come across in trauma bonding support groups! Arrrrgh! Where I was and where I am now! Lucky to be alive and saneish😅
This is my story too. I'm pregnant again and the same thing happened twice. Start a family, make it grow; saw the stick and flipped to we need an abirtion. I am gone for good this time. It will never work and I'm ready for healing for my family in Jesus' name.
@ashleyblackshear3892 Praise God!! You did the right thing. God has a plan for you and now it's time to look to Him fit peace and healing. I am trying to do the same however I have not left yet. I am keeping my plans to myself and working on my exit. I should have never came back but I wanted my marriage to work because I wanted to honor God but it is not what I was told it was going to be. I used to beat myself up over this so much but now it's fueled me to get out. I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong and safe with your babies.
This is awful 😞 I had a stalker and when we dated he was a terrible driver! He stalked me for 5 months after I ended the relationship. He's since been charged with stalking count 1 and I'm in a legal case against him. I have a criminal protection order as well. They're so scary 😢😢😢 sometimes I wonder why he didn't accept that I wasn't interested in him anymore.
I had no idea about this horrible crash. I love this podcast for the personal examples. Jo, thank you for your courage. You’re a great mom.
Okay, the moment he asked for living and paying for the affair / next girl in his life and still didn't leave her is like 🤯 how isolated was she from her friends and family? He dominated her completely.
I just love this channel. Each story shared on this channel have nuggets of Gold. Truths we need to in order to learn, that gives us validation and healing. Every _single_ video has a takeaway!
Thank you Dr. Ramani, for both of your wonderfully helpful channels 🙏🏻💗
So, she's lucky not just to have been psychopathologized as schizophrenic for thinking she caused the crashes into the World Trade Centers. That's what usually happens to victims of horrendous trauma whose thinking is so affected by it. I know. I was on the psych ward way back, and one of my peers thought she had caused the Apollo mission to crash a few days earlier. Nobody asked about any possible serious abuse or trauma in her life. They just say, "Oh, schizophrenia." That's what goes on. I hate psychiatrists and the "mental health system" with a bitter passion. Thank goodness for people like Dr. Ramani, who are bringing so much to light, exposing the ineptitude of most psychotherapists, who only succeed in reshaming, reblaming, and retraumatizing.
Spot on. The mental "health" system retraumatizes everyone.
Well said!👍💯💎
yes
wounding the
wounded
cruel web to
decieve
I FINALLY gathered the strength after 3 plus decades to get out of a marriage with an abusive narcissist. I ignored all the red flags for all the "fantasy" reasons before the word narcissist was even around. The first time he blew up at me and then ordered me out of the car on an abandoned road, I should of got the F out! RUN, don't walk, they never change...the childhood damage done to them is way too ingrained. Learn to love yourself first and foremost so you'll set healthy boundaries and make healthy choices, life is too precious to waste.
You have been integral to my healing Dr Ramani. Thank you for helping me educate myself.
My HEART was pounding SO HARD through this interview!
I just got to the part where she said, "BEAT DOWN verbally"! That was such a great way to explain how SCARY it is to be verbally abused!
Memories relived from many years ago...😢 Betrayal blindness is real...
Same, she is so calm discussing this horror, it makes me more nervous
Me too!!
Thought it was only me...also a sense of tendrils of real FEAR!!
Thanks for sharing
That "sense" Lou had that she was planning to leave was probably a result of him monitoring her phone, credit cards, maybe even listening devices in the home.
😂 Never say Never, some people say, it would NEVER happen to them, I just say, NEVER SAY NEVER!!!♡
Thank you for this podcast. The year of 2001 was quite a year for plane crashes. My apologies for what the guest Jo Fonda went through but I am glad she and her daughter finally have good marriages and a better life.
I can certainly relate to the chest pain and lightheaded spells as well as panic attacks.😮😅 Yet all my siblings thought he was amazing 🤬😡
29:49 my husband wanted to be a polygamist.
Between his sex addiction, and need for domination and power, it made him feel more important and powerful to have multiple wives. He tried to add more at various times.
His line was always "i believe this is God’s will, and if you don't do this, you might be going outside God's will and then i wont be able to protect you".
When i heard that he had said that to the third woman, i knew without a doubt that he was sick. This had nothing to do with God's will, it had everything to do with the contents of his pants.
OMG! She was/IS like SO MANY OF US at 16!
Where were her parents? 😥
@@kelrogers8480This is the second comment blaming her parents. You cannot blame her parents for something her psychopath husband did. Teens don't listen to parents. I sure didn't.
Exactly! Bad, bad parenting!
Yes! Right down to the body building and expecting her to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship.
She was not responsible for his behavior.
Dr Ramani, thank you for doing these interviews. They are so eye opening.
What an amazing survivor! I had no clue this had happened. I hope she and her daughter are now doing well.
I was also suckered by an adult when I was 16. He was 23 and more subtle but extremely manipulative. I'm still married to him because I have only within the last two years become aware that he is the bad guy, not just his evil mother. My health is gone and we have special needs kids. He already refuses to pay for some of our 5 kids' needs. Living on my own in this area is dangerous and no, i don't have family who can help. My husband has not been physical enough to harm or really threaten us so I will stay until I can get on my feet and go.
5 children?!
@@juliettailor1616 What exactly do you mean?
@@juliettailor1616victim blaming much? i cannot understand what that has to do with it.
@@jaykay3839 I mean having five children by someone you must have never felt secure with is surely a recipe for special needs children. I mean one, two I can see, but 5? Particularly if you have no support?
@@juliettailor1616 I would suggest you look further into liars and manipulators. Dr. Ramani has a lot of good information regarding families of origin and other reasons people end up trusting the untrustworthy. It's a good place to start. Look into why your thinking is so black and white.
The reasons you gave for having special needs children don't make sense either. Likely yet another area in which you need education.
I'm speechless. This lady has endured an unbelievably traumatic ordeal and the thing is so many of the things she has highlighted I can relate 100% I wish her so much healing and self-love😔
“To change anything is to change everything.” What a beautiful point of view to come out of such a tragic experience. Thank you, Jo, for sharing your story. More of us relate than you may have known. Hearing how much you’ve healed is absolutely inspiring. Thank you too, Dr. Ramani, for this podcast and your incredible work. You single-handedly saved me from the abuse I was going through. And your continuing work is helping me to heal and move forward. 💜💜💜
Even to this day, Jo's eyes are full of pain and confusion, a kind of painful bewilderment. And understandably so. I've found it very hard to listen to her story (she's immensely brave and generous for talking about her ordeal in public), experiencing a second-hand anxiety and a tightening of the chest throughout. I'm also blown away by Dr Ramani's compassion, so genuine and deep and respectful. Thank you both for this outstanding podcast.
Jo is incredible !
Purple is your color Doc. You look really pretty.
Royalty👑 💜💟
Thank you doc for all you do....i'll watch this later. Could you kindly consider cover the "8 Passengers" case of Ruby Franke and therapist Jodi who are currently in jail. It would be great for you to interview the survivors Jodi's niece Jessie and Adam. It's absolutely traumatic. ❤
my ex was the same about pregnancy. HE wanted them until he did not. Begged me to marry him when I got pregnant. Once we were married he had nothing to do with me or the kids except rape or tantrums at the kids for getting in his way at home when he was rarely there. I think he enjoyed my confusion and the hurt it caused me.
Same here too.
I’m so glad she found happiness!!
Same thing happened to me with 3 different women. He stopped me from leaving (no car no money no friends) and told the "other woman" to watch me so I didnt try to leave. Took me a long time to be able to get away. I will forever stay single until the end of time.
The anger while driving!! The Narc did that so often! He was so impatient and would be cursing at other drivers and driving too fast to get around other vehicles. Every time that he was driving, I expected that to happen at some point .. and it would. Twice that I can remember, he was trying to answer a phone call (using the Bluetooth to pair his phone with the car ) and the call would drop. Both times, he LOUDLY yelled out FUCK!!! and got EXTREMELY agitated. I remember thinking... 'What is wrong with this guy!??' To get to that level of agitation from a phone call being dropped is not 'normal'.
I just recently dated someone like that. I’ve had anxiety issues before but now my panic attacks were almost daily. One fine day i just left him a long long voice message. I’ve wondered whether I made a mistake, until I saw this video here. Thank you!!
Your talks here are great and so information packed. I wish i could take them and time travel back and give this information to my twenty year old self. ⌛
Like this new format hearing victims survivors side
There should absolutely be jailtime and punishment for emotional, verbal, psychological abuse as there is for physical abuse where the scars can actually be seen with one’s eyes.
My narc is a mirror version of yours...tried to coerce me into an open relationship, said he wanted to leave when I said I was not okay with it but refused to leave. destroyed property in tantrums. He freaked out when I got pregnant. I used to put things in writing and ask him to put things in writing if an argument was so important to him. He tried to take vengeance through lawyers when I left. He also took his anger out on my succulents. Really into porn etc. I didn't feel safe as his behaviour escalated. He drove his car towards me quickly. Sounds like you did well in your exit. Thank you for sharing! I see you.
If I could go back in time and change things I would tell myself to journal and keep more records of my life. The good times, the times where there were arguments and what it was about and how I felt. I would journal about what sparked the argument. I have lots of narcissists in my life and there truly are enough good days to distract from the bad/abusive days
If I could go back in time I'd keep well away from narcissists.
Happy for you that you found someone else who could
This is a very painful situation. Abuse is real.
Thankful that you shared with her and you both had good conversation.
I stayed too. It was very similar treatment. I didn't tell people.
Same. It's embarrassing, humiliating. Also, the shame, blame, and/or ppl not believing. Also, no parental support. In reality, my dad didn't care, and my mom had her own issues & just couldn't deal with mine, so I kept it hidden.
So brave! Planes scare me. I think I could manage it but I am not sure I could. Survival at it's finest. Keep surviving you smart brave lady! You deserve every happiness. It gets so sickening playing into their crap after you become wise.
Okay right at the beginning WHERE WERE THIS WOMAN'S PARENTS? You don't let a 15 year old go to a frat house and if you have a boyfriend you don't go out to dinner with a university student. And then you don't ask that guy to find your boyfriend! Red flag for her as well! Dr Ramami should have called her out on that! Even now this adult woman doesn't seem remorseful.
I think the story started in childhood ...
12:00 hit me. I had the same feeling about a guy who treated me with utmost respect and is more on the dark and self-centered side.. I felt he depends on me and I responsible for him feel good,... and he wouldn't communicate with me, then suddenly call or write me and asking for a favor.. threw tantrums if I said no or kept insisting until I gave in, always had anger issues with his family, was argumentative and incredibly low on agreeableness etc. When I finally ended the relationship, he suddenly wanted me back.
When I look back, I was only focused on his charming smile and kindness and support which he erratically show me, but flipped into angry as soon as he "felt" disrespect. Which was most of the time. And I thought I was responsible and needed by him. Fun fact he repeatedly projecting his issues on me. I only woke up after going through therapy.
the exact same thing with the girlfriend happened to me, he wanted to move her in.
Oh my../. I was just telling someone that once I can get away from this person facing the day will feel so much lighter this person is basically dread when waking up or doing anything means that you have to engage with them or encounter them or get their help or support it just isn’t overwhelming feeling of dread just called him Dread. Dead. Dead. At some point you just want to die at the thought of doing anything.
When she describes the proposal moment and what she felt was dread that was exactly what I felt in that proposal moment and I knew it and I wanted to say no but I said yes. I remember all too well looking into the champagne glass at the ring and red overcame me and I was like no but it was a perfect sunset on a perfect island and a man standing before me saying will you marry me so I said yes.
Then it was a 20+ year of good times and then dread. Eventually it was all just dread. 😢
Can I share this post onto Twitter or some other social media platform? Good advice Dr. Ramani when it comes to taking a dim view on unpredictable careless driving. Like when someone is grinding the gears of his standard sports car while driving you home early instead of taking his invitation to go somewhere other than what you agreed to at the start of the date while his driving was just fine. Something which could fool some psychologists if that date had more than average social status. This story is the most extreme case of people in a family experiencing domestic violence becoming homeless. Why is this sort of thing enabled by our family court systems which have changed so little compared to better police services and better access to education and paid work for women? I wish that there could be an organization formed that could be more unifed in purpose to call for reforms in the family court systems. Instead women more often continue to be shut out of the very leadership positions or they are often being dismissed while trying to work in those leadership positions which could make a difference in that respect. Ruth Bader was one woman in that kind of leadership position.
This lady looks sooo tired and what she has been through, the panic of that is visible on her face.
she looks like she is still grieving!
@janettemartin4604 yeah the cptsd must be horrible for her! I am shook!!
She stays so calm talking about this, it’s amazing to me.
She is probably reliving the trauma having to revisit these memories for this podcast. I get it totally
This sounds like the type of guy who ends up on Dateline. I've seen married men making their wife cook dinner for him and his mistress, one guy had a pillow with his mistress face on it in his marital bed, next to his wife, and other guys had their mistress move in with him and the wife.
Wtf??!!! This is bizarre 😳
It's wild. The Dateline episode with the pillow is called The Life She Wanted, if you're interested.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
wait so this dude rather die and crash his home...believe he did you a favor...he sounded monstrous....so sad for her and her kids
I can relate to a large extent to jo. Im so happy shes free abd so is her daughter. What a journey! Im so glad that man is not around to dim her light. God has a great plan of recovery and healing...all things work together for those who love God, even the bad things! Its unbelievable how these narsastist s behave! Very dangerous, cruel people. Absolute bullys and self entitled entities... Jo is so beautiful and an inspiration to me that there is still love and a positive future outlook. Gives me hope. Thank you for sharing. Thank you Dr for all you have taught me. You maje such a difference! Love from Northern Ireland x
this sounds like the movie Enough...similar scenario husband told the wife he had a girlfriend that makes him happy...that type of guy is just sad 😢😢...I would have been left
It is similar to the film Enough
This is so much of my experience in so many ways :(
I love this story. I had one, same but diff. The outcome, my son. If ANYTHING had been diff, I wouldn't have my SON❤❤❤. GOD BLESS US ALL ❤
Oh wow I'm not the only one! And they don't think of it as wrong. They're ENTITLED. Not sharing what's happening with others is absolutely because of the threats. Fear and guilt makes you put up with a ridiculous level of disrespect.
She sounds very sad... I am really glad she is in a good marriage now. Please keep your small circuit! We don't need more than 4-5 very close people in life.
This makes me so sad and so sick. I just do not understand why or how someone could be so twisted. I am so very sorry that she went through all of this. No one deserves this kind of treatment. This is beyond sadistic. Twisted, gas lighting to the ninth degree, disgusting. This makes me so mad. . .and sad.
You are strong Jo
She clearly felt she couldn't say no or have any personal agency. I'd guess her parents treated her this way as well ✌
The narcissist leaves a trail of destruction that makes the victim a person who is responsible. When the past begins with a kindness beyond the norm the the crash burns down the house leaving us with the why didn’t I do , not do, hoping the future will be finding the right man.
Sending love ❤
Ur fortunate. My narc kept me paying more and more of the bills so l did nt have funds to get away
Wowza…her story is similar to mine, but my horror story started whe I was 14.
Same for me. Snatched up at I4. I always felt my dad hated me. I was scared of him & never spoke to him unless I absolutely had to (out of fear). Having a father like that set me up to go to the highest bidder, without knowledge & being extremely vulnerable. Not to mention wanting (needing) to "get the hell out of Dodge" away from home ASAP! 😢😑
I had a similar relationship for 34 years and think quite often that if I had left in the first 2 weeks of marriage my children would not be with the spouses they have today. My son met his partner in grade school and my daughter met he husband in high school. It took me a long time to figure out why I was so unhappy and although I moved out 10 months ago, I am still struggling not to return to the unhappy marriage.
I don’t agree that when he started having her clear out so that he could bring the girlfriend over, it was because he wanted her to leave him. My father did the exact same thing. But if my mom threatened to leave he would go ballistic.
I remember my dad even driving my mom and the five of us kids to a hotel so that he could have a swinging night at the house with two of his secretaries from work.
Years later my dad moved a girlfriend and her three kids into our house for a couple of months. The GF and my mom took turns sleeping in bed with my dad until he “invited” them both to sleep with him at the same time. The bed in the walk-in closet magically disappeared.
My mom only successfully put her foot down one time when she forbade him from marrying another one of his girlfriends. I’m guessing she won the argument because of the whole polygamy-is-illegal thing.
Unbelievably my parents, now in their 80s are still married. My mother figured out how to be my dad’s 24/7 narcissistic supply. He lives in his make-believe kingdom with his very own walking, talking worshiper.
My mom is an intelligent woman but she never got to be all that she could be, because all that she could safely be is to live her entire life for him.
Oh my goodness…just listened to more of this video and the “if you loved me you would want me to be happy” was the excuse my father used to convince my mom for more and more outlandish requests. As the oldest I became the referee for my parents arguments to try and de-escalate them so they wouldn’t turn violent. I heard this excuse used a lot.
And my father gaslit me too. He had me match-make a relationship between him and my best friend in high school. I hated it but I was also starved for affection (I was the unpopular, goofy kid) and didn’t want to lose her friendship. Nor did I want to be embarrassed by my father who threatened to (get this) tell his manager that I was head-over-heels for his popular son, if I didn’t do what my father asked.
@@halterswebomg,
Omg, omg…. I’m so sorry you went through that. 😢
Your father ain’t shit. How could he do that to
You and your mom💔
Narcs will use a vehicle to thre car truck to scare punish intimidate you mine drove recklessly even crashing us both into a deep ditch off road I was bruised hurting for weeks but didn't report it cuz he was drinking It is very dangerous abusers like to leave you too, just abandon you innpublic, and mine would tell me get out of my house in a snowstorm no less ......hate him I'm out of this now
Damn! I know that it is all about their needs and desires and that they hate to be inconvenienced in any way. I felt that every day , but WOW.
Someone else had shared a story about their husband wanting to move a girlfriend in. She wasn’t on board with it either for some reason.
I remember my husband going on with either stories about girls he’d been with and how attractive they were, ( despite my insisting it hurt me and I really didn’t want to have to listen to his stories ) then, towards the end, about awful men who abused their wives. (?!!) Yeah, he shared this with his wife, who he had been abusing for years.
When I was finally out of the house I had difficulty knowing what was real for awhile. Narcissism is like nothing else.
It needs a million spotlights on it.
90%?! Oh my god....
My narc talked me into having a baby. I was hesitant and finally I gave in. Thinking it would bring our two families together. He had 3 kids I had 2. Right after I found out and I told him, he said I don't really like fat pregnant women. Then started cheating.
Jesus these men are jokes.
I literally watched all 4 of his kids. So he could go on dates with her. He would go sleep with her and come back and complain I wasn't sleeping with him.
Going through this for months now ... 💔😢
She's telling my story
WTF OMFG I feel like gaslighting myself to believe what this 'human male' did to you!
I am in awe Jo of the outstanding, courageous, resilience you have, you're so freaking awesome.
Love and hugs forever.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Wow, he wanted to trap her with that pregnancy and probably felt he'd be a failure as a parent. How cruel. And he was a grown man and she was barely above a chid.
❤What Happened w/ Gino, did this guy run interference????
Exactly! I was also wondering what actually happened to Gino when he disappeared.
Where are her parents .. they allowed this … she never had a chance .
A couple of problems with that:
1- how many teens do you know who do everything their parents say? Maybe they did warn her and she didn't listen but more likely, she didn't tell them what was happening.
2- Don't blame the parents for what a *psychopath* did!
@jaykay she said her parents met her future husband to be, and they liked him, you need to listen to the interview again
@@JeannieSoko Well, I met my husband at 16. He was 23. My parents met him and liked him too but it was still all a big mistake. MIL was probably a sociopath and the husband didn't fall too far from the tree. Some of my relatives, including my mom could see he was tricky and they said something but they wanted me to be happy and talking crap wasn't going to help because my stupid 16 year old self wouldn't have listened. This is not an isolated incident. Most teens don't listen to parents' warnings. I didn't, my sister didn't and neither did most of my cousins or friends. My now adult children certainly don't. The divorce rate is probably so high for that very reason. How many parents would let their kids marry someone they knew would divorce their kids in a handful of years. Many can see it but saying so would just get them estranged from not only their kids but grandkids too. Just because her parents met and liked him it doesn't mean much. Maybe you should go back and listen again because she also said he was charming when he needed to be. My husband is too. Jekyll and Hyde is how she worded it.
@@jaykay3839 it's always a red flag when a 16 yr old meets an adult, let alone a 20 something year old. Parents first mistake right there. Protect your children at all costs! Even when they are 16, 17 and even 18!!
@@berlizgonzalez6736 I do agree with that but you also have the teens who will sneak around. It didn't sound like that was the case with her but in other cases, with authoritarian parents, the teens will date someone just because their parents told them no.
Ugh. How are they all so similar? My dad died suddenly, I was coerced/guilted into sex 2 days later, immediately pregnant, engaged the next month… and yes, the feeling was dread.
I could no longer ride in the car with my ex husband for a few years before our separation from the road rage and abuse i suffered for twenty years in the car with him. I can not tell you how many times I would rather jump out of the car then be kept in what felt like a rage cage.
My violent ex would use driving as a way to terrify me. He would drive full speed and swerve as if to hit my side of the car into a fence. He'd swerve away at the last moment.
My ex husband and father of my children accused me of not being a TRUE FEMINIST because I didn't accept switching to our roommate bed every night. My children and I would wake up to see them in bed, bedroom door open and all. He claimed that, as a feminist, I shouldn't be "so possessive". When we split, she was asking for rights to visit my children. Before this woman, my ex taught me to be a feminist by encouraging me to be friends with women that he was pursuing. I was 17 and he was 21 when we met. I was 32 when We split. I fall into the next and worse narcissist after him. Still trying to scape
The Story about her husband bringing his girlfriend at Home, did may ex-husband with his prior partner. He was married with her 10 years and had a small Child, than one day he brought his girlfriend home and told his wife she will life with them. Sie accepted because he threatened her by telling he will take the child if she will not accept. They lived 10 years like that; he cheeted in that time both. Than i knew ihm and he told me he is seperated, no word about 2 partners living with him. Found that out much later….
Unfortunately I am very familiar with this, my ex husband will call the women he had affairs with : meatholes…
Sorry, to say she is so naive and not paying attention to the situation.
I’m sure more narcissists would like to have someone like her.
The guy was taking advantage of her vulnerability, empathy and the trauma bond.
🎉😢God! He tried to move the mistress in!!!
she still looks dazed, broken & confused😥
The cult of one!
You need to let her talk
Dr Ramani I have seen quite a few of your interviews but this one must of been a doozy.
Frustrating!
58:14
❤
Bored
So true. It is so freaky how evil some can be.