9 Subtle Betrayals Of The COVERT Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 16 июн 2024
- In this video, a narcissistic abuse recovery coach exposes the nine subtle betrayals covert narcissists use to erode your self-worth and manipulate you into betraying yourself. From love-bombing and gaslighting to triangulation and using your vulnerabilities against you, these insidious tactics slowly chip away at your sense of self, leaving you feeling lost, confused, and doubting your own reality. Through real-life examples and expert insights, we break down how these betrayals operate and what you can do to start reclaiming your truth. If you've ever felt like you're losing yourself in your relationship, this video is a must-watch. Join Christina on the path to healing and discover the tools you need to break free from the narcissist's grip.
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00:00 The Harrowing Reality of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
00:26 Understanding Gaslighting: The First Subtle Betrayal
01:49 The Slow Erosion of Self Through Doubt and Confusion
03:08 Introducing Christina: Your Guide to Recovery
03:37 The Manipulative Power of Narcissistic Partners
06:26 Breaking Generational Cycles of Abuse
08:05 The Dazzling Yet Dangerous Love Bombing Phase
13:49 Triangulation: A Narcissist's Tool for Emotional Manipulation
17:11 The Betrayal of Siding with Others Against You
20:12 Reactive Abuse: When Your Reaction Becomes Their Weapon
22:34 Lies of Omission: The Silent Killer of Trust
25:04 Using Vulnerabilities as Weapons: A Narcissist's Strategy
28:27 Undermining Confidence: The Narcissist's Ultimate Goal
31:47 Reclaiming Your Power and Breaking Free
Think you've been in a relationship with a narcissist? Uncover the truth with this free checklist! It breaks down the phases of abuse, allowing you to assess your experiences. Download your checklist now: www.commonego.com/checklist
Thank you for everything you do 💗. I really need a female friend in my life, I've always been a girls girl and loved having close friendships with other women, but I pretty much don't have any of those relationships anymore. Watching your videos makes me feel like I have a friend. Thank you so much for that. I bet we would be great friends. 💞
@@The_green_zebraaww I’ll be your friend 2😎
@@squizitzithatsitalianforyu4782 😊👋🏼
If you are like many, the reason your friends have fallen away over the years is due to the horror of Narc Abuse. They Isolate You. That's part of their playbook. It happens to Many of us. Me, included!
When you spoke about the early stages of a relationship and said they shower you with grand gestures like flowers, it revealed you are working on the false belief that narcissists are only male when there are just as many female narcissists as there are male narcissists. Your bias is offensive and not helpful to your credibility. I'll stick to listening to real Doctors in psychology, Doctor Ramani and Prof Sam Vaknin on RUclips.
It’s easy to hate the narcissist for what they did to you, it’s even easier to hate yourself for letting it happen
Amen!!!
Time to Time battle. But you are here winning the war.
This 👆🏾
Yes
Learn from it and never forget.
And then if you stand up for yourself,YOU get called a narcissist.
Their projection/table turning is a heavy hitter tool in their gaslighting toolbox and it's absolutely maddening.
Right?! It's crazy!!
Exactly. They project all their faults and inadequacies onto you.
Yes, my adult sons haven't talked to me since I left the marriage 😢
💯
I choose me.
I deserve the truth.
I am worthy.
I'm breaking free.
❤
❤🙏 i broke Free at Christmas she done so much damage Now I'm at peace
They even side with complete strangers against you. they never take your side.
They do a smear campaign with everyone you know, plus others to go against you. It’s all lies.
@chrisdague5153 no what I mean is I tell them that someone was mean or hurtful to me when I was by myself and he makes excuses or reasons for that the treatment was justified. It doesn't matter I'm always wrong.
OMG so true! I used to say “how come you never take my side on anything?!?”
Same…
they never come to bat for you, after you've fought for them in public always - feels like what I grew up with in family, so ....we get comfortable with the discomfort :(
For me the worst betrayal of my ex was just after 24 years together I had a medical emergency and found myself in the hospital fighting for my life over 6 days. She only came to visit once because our 15 year old son wanted to see me. She only stayed 15 min. I laid there heartbroken all those days. I thought she was my person, my support but instead she sent me photos of her at the beach while I fought to live alone. This all happened right after I bent over backwards to be her support during her battle with breast cancer.
After I survived my ordeal I divorced her and found out that she was cheating on me for years. That hurt but not as bad as laying in the hospital without my wife there to care for me while I was trying to live.
You healed and made it through! Now you KNOW that ALL Healing Energy comes from GOD inside of you, also generating ALL the LOVE we FEEL inside of all of us. It's an inside job! That's the best part of all this nonsense. Dwell on that. The Truth will Make you Free.
This is heart breaking. They're not really even human. I had been suffering for worsening exhaustion and the consequences of long term overwork and stress to support my wife and kids. One night, I ended up in the E.R. after telling my narc wife that I was close to a breakdown. She just looked at me blankly. My son asked her to take my gun because he was concerned I might harm myself. She told me he wanted her to take the gun, so I said OK. The gun was out in the open for her to take. The next day, the gun was still there. That was the moment I realized that she wants me to die. She betrayed my son. I asked her why she didn't take it, and she said that. I needed to hand it to her. She wasn't just going to pick it up. Any caring I felt for her finally vanished and I went numb. They're parasites.
That's too bad... Have strength to move on with strength.
Regards
Their behavior is despicable.
There are good people out there. You are free. You deserve a true relationship.
The problem is, that if you're a kind, loving person, and don't think like they do, you don't even suspect that the abuser is intentionally manipulating and hurting you.
Then they do their dirty work, gradually, and subtlety, and the more they tear down your self esteem, the weaker you become to be able to see the truth and take a stand.
It's demonic.
Not being sarcastic here but you're exactly correct cuz yes... they learn everything about u THEN start tearing u apart cuz why???.... u can't tear down something that hasn't been built... in other words, that's the whole point of the "building up" process or the "get to know u period" in those sickos.... to use what they can to destroy someone else... they can't hurt u if they don't have ahold of u in some way, whether it's an attachment they got u to feel like love, trust, loyalty, or a litera attachment (as inthe physical) like got u to cosign a loan, give them control everything u own (like power of attorney or putting someone on your checking account cuz they've got u snowed its "for the best, just in case"... yeah.... and monkeys might fly outta my butt lmao (a lil' cinematic humor there from Wayne's World... my bad if it was inappropriate 🤭)
Basically, would u trust your entire life to someone u had no reason to trust? Then u wouldn't get torn apart by the untrustworthy. Here enters the narcissist.... the absolute worst of the worst when it comes to the most dangerous and destructive of the psychopathies to have the pleasure to run into cuz, well, sociopaths aren't all that pleasant and psychopaths don't have a problem letting their issue all hang out whereas the narcissist, he/she is a snake in hunting mode, a shark 24-7 & does NOT stand out whatsoever to us unsuspecting, sweet, kind, ever so caring, completely vulnerable for we're the most empathetic of humans, the victims....
It's hard to believe and realize someone that you love and you think loves you would actually do the shit they do.
I know I still don't want to believe my ex girlfriend did all the things I'm sure she did.
It messes with your mind so bad.
I am so proud of you! Please don't make my mistakes be your mistakes! Do NOT spread over half your life like I did. I'm 65 and I wish I knew.
You aren't alone I wasted over twenty years I look at my situation as I no longer have to deal with the lies being accused of cheating when everything I was accused of he was doing I'm Free as a bird and it never felt so good look at it as a new lease on life 🤗
@@truthhurtshuh5443Before I even read the last part I thought they're probably accusing you of what they're doing.
Opocheetzi !
@@melb2734
You no these things that happened to me I didn't even post they were so evil I'm to embarrassed to talk about it the STDs to STIs but I'm alive I'm love healthy taking one day at a time when I look back God had my back.
I’m at 15 years next week. I think she’s pregnant with our 4th. Oldest is already out the house.
Narcs can only use primitive and neurotic defense mechanisms like projection, reaction formation, denial and acting out. Whenever we are drawn into conflict with them, it helps to remind ourselves that we are dealing with a forever child and view their behaviours accordingly.
Our brain assumes that people who look like other adult humans are in fact other adult humans. Reminding ourselves they are not does not erase the fact that they are dangerous and harmful.
Primitive defence mechanism.like they are trying to hide behind their finger,thinking that we dont see what they are doing.
That's my Mum. And the next comment. She looks like an adult but behaves like a toddler. At 58 only just realised my separated parents are narcissists. They've destroyed themselves and my siblings. Divide and conquer. Four daughters and a step daughter. Plenty of scapegoats and golden childs to go round. Sadly effected the grandchildren too. One narc sister and another is a gaslighter. Three generations of eating disorders too. Felt so damaged that I didn't have children because I didn't want them to suffer like I had. Thought it was normal and how could I put children through that! By the time I realised I could be a good mum I didn't have a life partner. Wasn't going to have children without a great Dad. Meet my life partner at 45 and we're married and solid. Unfortunately his sister is a narcissist too and is close. Too close. Causes me pain. Husband doesn't want to see anything. Hindsight. Wishing I knew about narcissism 15 years ago. Had a gaslighter for 15 years before that. Anyhow better late than never. Have reduced my contact with my Mum. It breaks my heart because I've always thought she was just unwell and had bad habits/personality but the constants lies, betrayals and trouble making just for her own amusement/entertainment. She's a life long hoarder and in loads of pain... mentally and physically so mischief making and only seeing the worst in every one! Has nothing good to say.
@rubberbiscuit99
As basic as what you said is, I’d never thought of it before but it explains how in the moment the person, reverting emotionally to a child, could blatantly lie cheat while feeling lied to or cheated.
Underrated comment, solid advice.
Always remember that these words have never been spoken… “The covert narcissist got better.” Dump them and ghost them.
😂😂😂True, it's fictional.
Why is it that all narcissist share these patterns of behaviour like they were trained at the same academy?
Demons are all rotten. Same evil
Same demons, different flesh suits.
Yes that was something that struck me too. When i first started looking into what narcissism is, so many stories could have been my own
Like any disease (diabetes, stroke, heart attack, etc) they have specific symptoms. It does feel demonic.
Jesus cast out a Demon from a man (Mark 5:9). my name is Legion for we are many. It’s the only explanation I have as to why all of their behavior seems as though they went to the same training academy.
I deserve the truth. I'm tired of being lied to and then treated like I'm the problem.
Could agree more. He lies even to a simple question, like what did you eat. It is so disrespectful and unnerving to deal with someone like this.
Why do you think you are so special? Nobody is. Everybody is human.
@@MrSkinkarde ulterior thought process - I am no more special than anyone else. We all deserve things like the truth and being treated with human decency.
Dad gaslights me, finds it funny when I fight back, he is sarcastic, sadistic, dismissive(he hates women) and blames me for all of his abuse on me. What a jackass he is! I am not in contact with him.
A narcissist hates an educated empath. Thank you, and many more, for teaching the victim how to deal with the narc. Take your power back, and weaken the narc, and they don’t use as many tactics on you because they know you know what they’re are doing.
I TRUST MYSELF 💝😇‼️
I CHOOSE ME 🥰😘‼️
I DESERVE the TRUTH ‼️
I AM WORTHY 🤗🤩‼️
I AM BREAKING FREE‼️‼️‼️
They are master empathy fakers and paint your world relentlessy grey if it gets too colourful and happy, real joy seems to be their enemy and everything is shallow and hollow with them
So true, I used to go to my 'friends' house bright and happy and within seconds she would turn the colour right out and everything was grey. I finally stopped the friendship as I realised she Neve wanted to see me happy. so sad that she doesn't even know what she is doing and I was tired of trying to get her out of the dumps.
I have dealt with “I didn’t say that” so many times I started repeating the insult over and over again in real time right after she says it… It’s ridiculous but she can’t deny saying it.
Ha! Good for you! I'm inspired by your comment.
Or "I don't remember"
I started recording things... then one day I realized how crazy that was. Now working on healing
@@missdollarless98cents what was crazy
@@missdollarless98centshaha me too! I recorded him once and felt horrible. I showed him the next day and he still acted like it never happened. Denial and no apology. That’s when I knew to give up.
Gaslighting stopped when I discovered "recording"
Fo me it did not stop the gaslighting. But it did help me to realize what was happening: I was NOT the one yelling, I DID answer his questions, I WAS talking loud enough to hear it... etc.
That helped me a lot.
These narcs are nothing more than vampires, trying to collect souls and keep them on a shelf until they want to grab more energy from them
Basically like serial murderers taking “trophies” from their victims so they can relive the conquest and feel ownership of the persons life 😮 I watch too much court tv lol
Yes. We are seen as objects. I made my clean (no contact) break while I was on the shelf.
Check out song damn cold vampires
They are like text book. Every single one acts exactly the same. They act like they care, you open up to them, share your past and vulnerabilities with them, only to be later used against you. Mine brutally discarded me with words: "Look in the mirror. How could you possibly think you have a chance with me. You are broken from your past."
Of course only after hearing from her how we are ideal for each other and getting attached.
Same here. At first I was her soulmate and she said: i love you so much you will become my downfall. And in the end she discarded me saying “You should have been so happy with someone like me. You are so insecure and selfish” and other cruel things that were not even true but projections. Scary stuff!
I can't do this anymore... The world is full of narcs. I quit....
Me too. It sucks
Me three. Where do non-narcs live? 😔
@@Liz-in8lu Heaven
My hubby would take me on a drive, maybe even lunch out, then while we are finally chatting and getting along, would bring up a new hobby and sport their interested in and the equipment they'll need to buy. Of course i would not want to lose the connection we'd started to gain again, and I would support their new interest. But anything i am interested in, im reminded of all the bills. (He's in charge of the household income and paying everything). I need to get out. I deserve the truth
When I brought issues up with my ex she would push my buttons until I would explode and yell. I’m not proud of this but that is how it was. In the 27 years we were married I don’t think a singe issue was ever resolved because it automatically became about my yelling. I have learned and grown since then.
Same shit here brother.
I’m sorry to hear. I’ve experienced that too. Whenever I mentioned something that a normal person would listen to, he said “I don’t want to argue”. Nothing was resolved and not one time I was heard or understood.
I came from such an abusive over the top overt narcissistic family that when I grew up and married into covert narcissist family cult environment, I didn’t see all the damage because for so long it felt like at least it wasn’t as bad as the hell I came from. I couldn’t see or really understand these people smiling through their teeth while doing everything else behind my back. I remember saying the exact words “ I can’t be wrong all the time!?”
I have always been wrong whatever I did or said in any other way my parents would have. If this wasn’t enough to throw me in total insecurity they invented something and threw it upon me like glitter.
I was a „ happy servant“ to my parents. Deep inside something felt wrong. I became depressed when I was nine years old, hoping, somebody would see my inner pain. The selfquestioning and doubting started very early on in my life.
So many helpful skills with regard to myself were shut down.
I was able to use these skills only when dealing with someone other than me alone.I lived through two marriages( one overt, one covert narcissist).
I was literally near death when I left. Felt good at first. Six months later a deep depression caught me. I started healing some months ago ( I am 67 by now) and asked god for a good life for the next 30- years. I want to put an end to the guilt, shame and blame of all the different layers of my life.
I can’t believe that I experienced all 9 of the subtle betrayals you discussed consistently from romantic partners that claimed to love me and want the best for me. However whenever I was with them my internal alarms went into overdrive and manifested as anxiety, depression and being easily triggered. I am so thankful for content creators like you that explain NPD and the tactics used! 🙏❤️
All of the above for 23 years. I’m healing. So thankful that I found this kind of information. I really had no idea. I was a shell when he threw me out like trash or worse. I am thankful I made it through the worst of my recovery and am still ere. I feel like I was a shattered vase and now I’m glued together and the cracks are filling with gold like that Japanese gold repair glue…
I am a different person and my eyes are wide open. I am so much stronger than ever and I was strong enough to survive this.
Blessings to all of you who are going through this.😊
I’m freeee! Thank you! No contact right when you feel something is off is very important. Don’t let them love bomb you again and give you crumbs. Work on yourself. Become a super empath! 🎉❤ As soon as I got sober taking yoga 5 days a week meeting new healthy friends after they isolated me from my old friend my happiness was like a gut punch to the narc. The rage increased as I got happier and stop arguing and defending myself. Of course they got new supply as I was pulling away.
Years ago a friend’s husband always used to joke that he was just playing devil’s advocate. I avoided talking to him as I clocked the gaslighting (although I did not know the term at the time)
Those devil’s advocate types are the worst! They’re really just trolls 🧌
I broke free… and you helped. Thank you.
YAY!!! 🙌🏼 💖Im so happy for you! Congratulations 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🎉
Don't look back! ❤
They have make me to become so afraid of knowing anyone new.... 😢
Me too😢
Yes. They attatch to us so easily and difficult and painful to get free from
Me too. I find it hard to trust anyone anymore. It's like I attract Narcs.
I'll keep saying it...this RUclips channel is a lifesaver & watching your videos keep me from NOT falling into a deep depression or going insane.
THANK YOU 🙏
I’m coming to the conclusion that being alone is not a bad thing.
I had such a similar experience like the first example.
My ex always venting about an annoying girl from her church group like she had a subtle competition with her. Every life event this girl celebrated was bashed by my ex. (buying a home, getting married, getting pregnant).
Years later one of her good friends and spouse purchased a home. I didnt find out until a month later and asked my ex why she didnt tell me she says, "I didnt want to tell you because you get jealous of other people"
I was absolutely stunned, I have never been one to be jealous of my friends success, I love seeing my friends doing well. It was a huge wake up call and lead me to uncover what covert narcissism is and explain a lot of her awful behavior and eventually break free.
Thanks for that comment about unintentionally gaslighting someone. People make mistakes, but self insight is key.
Parents do this too. I have a Narcissist mother. And my husband will do these same personality traits.
Yup!
Sadly, we marry what is familiar.
To everyone with seemingly no support through these times: i love you and you got this 🔥
The mind games make you stuck in a weird dark spot for a while, but it does get better the more you educate yourself on the topic. It sucks sometimes, but no-contact is most likely the answer. …But thankfully you wont be alone, bc many others and i have made it through and healed and hope the best for you and your healing!
Thank you I needed to hear that this morning
I think the hardest thing besides not understanding why they did this to us or them not taking accountability for what they did to us is the stigma of going through the abuse and trying to express what we went through just to receive either go back to them or move on. Really? Because it’s so simple. Why didn’t I think of that? Also having to put as much into ourselves as we put into them for us just to get to level zero. We’ve accepted the minimum for so long to make us happy that we would be ok with being at zero. Truly truly sad. I hope this made sense. I’m in month two of recovery and everything just kinda blends together at this point.
Not understanding is definitely the hardest. Besides not getting any closure. And also the realisation that it was all an illusion. I wish you best of luck in recovery. Its hard to “not think about it “ anymore right?
@@markschmeits3702 Thank you. We need all the support we can get for all the support we didn’t receive. I know it seems cliche to say these things. But it is absolutely true.
@@cjf5412 not a clichee at all. And even if it were: its a clichee for a reason (because its true)😉
And I agree you felt so alone in the relationship. It was as if she was not on my team but the opponent’s. That hurt. And now I need to summon courage in myself to make myself feel good again. Which I agree is hard. Especially without a network of good friends.
I never for one second thought my covert narcissist partner would cheat on me. I thought she’d do everything but that. I thought knew her at least that well. Lol. Well that betrayal hit me like a wall of bricks.
After 11 years together and an engagement, she referred to me as, "this guy". She never once asked when we were going to get married yet used the fact that we didn't as a reason to dump me in a completely unexpected time and manner. I loved her so much and sacrificed in so many ways. It meant nothing to her.
I disagree. The WORST type of betrayal is when this is done to you in your childhood by your parent(s) or other primary caregiver(s), the people your life depends upon. YOU CAN'T LEAVE and healthy emotional development is impossible. I'm 57 and now doubting if I can ever heal. In and out of therapy for most of my adult life. Helps temporarily then back into debilitating depression.
I CHOOSE ME AND MY CHILDREN ALWAYS AND FOR EVER
I TRUST MYSELF!!!
I’m autistic and my mother, brother and a couple of past exs would push me into meltdown over days or weeks of abusive shit and overloading me on purpose then use it to say “see look what we live with, so abusive”.
My worst “best friend” of a decade BROKE my spirit. She was the definition of an insecure, copycat, arrogant covert narcissist who lives in a passive aggressive “oh I’m so innocent” type of way. I hope that horrible girl gets her karma.
Even for those of us who don’t doubt ourselves, it takes longer than maybe it should to realize what we’ve been dealing with. Female N’s can be very sneaky, and they really seem to be good at triangulation.
I’ve had the pleasure of being abused by both male and female narcs. Both nearly destroyed my life. However, despite the fact that I wasn’t in an intimate relationship with the female narcs like I was with the worst male narc (a legit diagnosed one!), the relational aggression and passive aggressive mind games and triangulation from the female narcs has been far more damaging.
At least with the guy, I escaped and reported him to the police and learned that he’d committed 3 felonies against me on the last day we were together. He’d done those things countless more times over the year we were together. The police investigation found probable cause and the case was sent to the DA for prosecution which is where it’s at now. Knowing he’s a predatory monster criminal makes it easier for me to hate him and not blame myself.
Conversely, the sneaky manipulation from the covert female narcs and borderlines who I thought were my friends and support system, whom I trusted deeply and had known for nearly 20 years, was so much harder to come to terms with. Being an abuse survivor, i sensed things weren’t right and picked up on certain emotional abuse tactics being used against me and others in the group. But everyone else seemed oblivious and adopted a toxic positivity that masked the dysfunction. So I thought something was wrong with me for not being comfortable with what was happening.
The way it ended with them was awful. They gaslit the shit out of me when I dared to speak my mind and punished me for having feelings when they did me dirty. Then they discarded and ghosted me. Suddenly I was totally stripped of the only support system I had. I was exiled, ostracized, no one would talk to me. I was so angry and confused and kept trying to get closure from them but of course I never did.
It’s been just over a year and I am only now beginning to regain my sense of self. I found out recently that others did see what I saw and it upset them enough that they left the group themselves and are much happier now.
I trust myself and more than that, I respect myself for having the courage and knowledge to see and call out abuse when I encounter it, unlike others who stay quiet and go along to get along and are brainwashed by groupthink.
Be a voice, not an echo. ❤
I trust myself
I chose myself
I am worthy
I am a survivor and that ain’t gunna change
It’s interesting because now I withhold information from the narcissist and I guard what I love and don’t tell her about it.
So I become like them
But it’s not for manipulation, it’s a self protection.
I’d be really grateful if you could discuss how we need to protect ourselves using some of the narcissists tactics and it’s weird.
My ex basically unintentionally exposed herself (next to all the gaslighting, insulting and mean shit she did to me):
She said.
"I don't know if you're getting too comfortable with me or what, but..."
That's what partners are supposed to do... getting comfortable with each other. I wasn't even being rude or anything. She invented that drama from nowhere and I was happy with her.
Also:
"I like to have as much power or influence over people 😈, not in a bad sense, but... That's why morals are so important to me".
and
"Oh, you think I have borderline or bipolar or any of that?" (I didn't even mention it but she had probably been told that a few times before)
and
"I'm seeing a therapist because I want to provide a healthy relationship to my future partner" (initially I thought that was cute but after all the shit she did to me it's just something that confirms my beliefs (or lack of if you will) in her)
and
"I want to healthy out of egotism.. so that I can have you more for myself" (sounds cute but could also be interpreted as exposing herself)
I trust and love myself, and I will NEVER doubt myself again!!!
I told her about a guy that has done me wrong in the past… so when she got angry with me, she went out of her way to make friends with him, and then told me all about what a nice guy he is and how well they get along.
Wow, sorry that happened to you. That is certainly a narcissists favorite game. They also like to spread malicious gossip behind your back, while smiling sweetly to your face. Then you notice people start to act differently with you. By the time you figure out what's going on, it's too late. Then you frantically try to do damage control to save your reputation and they call you crazy and paranoid. It's horrific.
I trust myself to do what's in my own best interest. 😃❤🙏✌
You got me on that one… 13:33 … just on that… it happened later… 27 years… and 12 months ago
a new Computer… Involved with a Online channel… created her one channel… told of a secret admirer… new better not to…and a third party was being talked to behind my back…
It’s not the same as it’s been… worst of my time… never thought it was going to happen…
I’m at that point in time for the next move in my life… can’t stand all the verbal abuse…
then the sweet time with someone on the phone … to strange how a person can change…!!!
Thank you… impressed with the quality of the messages…!!!
I trust myself…and
I forgive myself for decisions I made in fear. ♥️
I trust myself and love my self .
I trust myself. I just no longer trust anybody else…
OMG!!! Thank you so much. I felt like I gave him all of me every fiber of my being and he rejected me broke my heart and shattered my soul.
I TRUST my gut and will never turn off my greatest gift EVER again in order to stay "inlove" cant believe that truth just came out! Boom but there it is! 💔
I used to get the old "well I would have told you, but you always act so furstrated and aggressive"... Yes, that's because you've acted selfishly at any cost, purposefully kept it from me, lied and then trickle truthed about it...😅
I trust myself
I love myself
I deserved the truth
I am allowed to feel my truth
2 people can experience the same situation differently but no one can tell you what you feel is wrong
I am worthy you are worthy.
We don't decide our worth because that comes from the people who Value you. And we can never know who Values you.
I am living this right now. And have started watching video after video. Not looking for validation. But, hoping beyond hope that this is not my reality, that this is not who my person actually is. But, it is. I have found that if there was an individual assigned to the definition of covert narcissist. It is my partner. And I'm devastated. I'm 42 and have been through a lot in my life. There's to much to even touch up on. But, I have never experienced anything as destroying as this. He has destroyed my reputation in order to further make himself look as a victim. I'm so emotional right now that I can't even describe it. He's just a couple rooms away now. I'm here nor able to sleep, not able to eat, trying to tiptoe around per usual for fear I interrupt his sleep at all. He sleeps about 14 hours a day and sleeps during the day (by choice, no job schedule to command this sleep schedule). I maybe get 3 hrs of sleep a night and yet I am continuously blamed for any tiredness he has. And he's always tired. Everything you describe. You could be writing my story and it makes me cry. I love him. I've known him for 16 years. I thought I knew him. I thought he was amazing. Everyone does. No one has anything negative to say about him. He's "perfect.". We started dating a year and a half ago. The first sign that something was very wrong and very different than it has been was my birthday. I truly thought this person would celebrate me more than anyone he seemed so enamored with me. It was the worst birthday I've ever had in my life. And I was so hurt and so confused. Every holiday has been terrible and I love the holidays so much. It breaks my heart it all breaks my heart. Thank you for this because I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate watching these because it's just so sad cuz it's exactly what is happening. And he twists everything everything. Everything turns around on me. My friend died tragically somehow he got mad at me for having emotions over it. I could say so many things. But thank you for this education and I hope I'm able to apply something to my life. But I'm sick. I have cancer. And as you can guess this is not the person I want in my corner. And it's the opposite of what I thought it would be. And I'm weak. It's a very very horrible thing I don't understand how there's no treatment for this at all. I get how they would be resistant I do get that that's for sure.
I am an artist it's always been secondary to regular jobs but now that I can't work due to my illness. My art is all I have. I've never monetized it. But I'm at a place in my life where I really need to. I really need to for him too because I owe him. And he's destroyed me. I have no confidence at all I really didn't have any before but I thought I was kind of okay in the beginning of this relationship I thought he was so supportive. And he's not at all. I'm frozen. I've designed websites many of them trying to put my art out there. Just for a pay what you want you know like I'm not trying to say it's good. And I can't do it I can't even do that I'm ashamed of it. I'm embarrassed of my own self and I don't want to ask anybody to think any of my stuff is good enough to pay for. And I don't know what to do. It's just so debilitating it's crushing and steals your joy. He's stolen my choice stolen my spirit. I don't like to dance anymore I'm embarrassed of it. I questioned my cooking skills. I question my housekeeping skills I question my parenting to the point that I didn't get my son for a month and a half because I didn't feel like I was a good mom. He takes anyone's side against me even if I'm just venting or something somehow he makes it my fault. And it's so it's so frustrating. Because I do know I'm a good person in my heart but right now that's like all I have it's like I know I'm a good person at my core but everything about me sucks and I don't know why anybody else would think I was a good person. All of his friends became my friends and none of them will speak to me about him because they're his friend first and they don't see this at all so they think I'm just crazy
Get the hell out. Just run.
You’re not dealing with a person.
There’s no one there.
Go now.
I have B. Cancer. I live alone and found the peace healing. Don't depend on a NARCISSIST for anything!. Cowards + Parasites. I wish you a speedy recovery. ❤
Please find a way to leave ASAP! Without him knowing if possible. Love doesn't hurt ❤
WOW! 263,000 subscribers. I remember when it was in the 10,000's. Keep up the great work. We all love you. ❣
❤Thank you for sticking around ❤🙏
I trust MYSELF 😭
I AM WORTHY !!!
I am in the process of ending a narcissitic relationship and these videos are helping me so much. They really keep my head in the game. Thank you for reminding me of my worth!
No one has ever quite said this in terms of love. It is very helpful to see where I was not loved and all the manipulations around that.
You are sharing in a very clear way some very important details that are seldom or inefficiently addressed by others in your field. However I think it’s important to understand it’s not just partners, all our relationships can be of this nature and maybe just maybe we end up with partners like this because we have family like this, or accept these kinds of bosses and coworkers because you accept this kind of behavior as being normal because that’s what you were taught. Maybe…
Excellent video!
I recently walked out of a toxic friendship with a covert/self righteous narcissist. Not gonna lie, it feels a bit icky, mostly because I had had previous relationships (colleagues and friends, all former). However, it took me much less time to not jsut see the red flags but walk away in the middle of a rage episode (she was angry at her boss but took it out on me over nothing). I'm okay with her ignoring me -- I do the same and have become over the years, quite adept at it to a point that today she was next to me and I never felt her presence, once. I'm also okay with her never apologizing. I'm done, and it feels great.
Well done! It isn’t easy to walk away from a friendship. Yet so many of our “friends “ , when we reflect on the relationship, are really frenemies.
Subtle jabs and put downs disguised as jokes, condescending comments, competing with you when they sense you getting ahead in life (they like to keep you “lower” than them so they have the upper hand), not being there for you when you’re going through some seriously traumatic life changing illness, never replying to your texts or calls but you always answer when they contact you….
All of these were things my former “best friend “ did. Until I finally ended the friendship a couple weeks ago.
When I told her I’d been diagnosed with a severe illness that is a disability and will be with me for the rest of my life, which will be shorter than it should be as a result of said illness, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she blocked me. Why? Because she couldn’t accept that one of her friends who was my teammate last year on an adult competitive sports team had bullied me for the first four months of the season, and when I reported her to the coaches, they did nothing to her and had a private meeting with me in which they questioned my sanity or well being “out of concern”.
In doing so, the coaches violated a major SafeSport code (SS was implemented in many sports to prevent abuse and punish abusers. Coaches are mandatory reporters and when an athlete reports bullying, they’re required to report it to SS so they can investigate as the coaches aren’t experts in bullying but SS is.
The bully in my case is a coach’s favorite and the coaches over-rostered their teams and made all of us fight for competitive spots. As a result, this triangulation kept the team from bonding and athletes were willing to sabotage each other for a spot.
The training atmosphere was tense, catty, shallow and judgmental, and we mostly only ever got negative feedback, or were walking on eggshells waiting for the coaches to randomly pull us and put someone else in our spot.
I should note that competition spots weren’t handed out based on skill. Rather, it was political and based on favoritism, prejudice and bias. We underachieved for two seasons and I quit last year. Of course, they just won nationals for the first time since 2020 last week. I already got my gold medal that year. I’m glad I got out but it took a year to really detach and recover.
When I cut off my ex friend, at first I felt really sad and depressed. It’s like a death, but you’re losing someone who never existed. So it’s a double death.
Finally accepting that you deserve better quality friends who don’t emotionally abuse you or gossip about you or disbelieve you when you’ve been hurt is a big step.
For every door that closes, another one opens. ❤
@@Patsanford220 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one should. But as you said, one door closes and another one opens.
I could write an essay on this topic. Aside from lovebombing (and that is the start of one story) of a past "love", my sister is a very skilled NPD. After a completely barking email I received from her, it was upsetting me so much I talked to my doctor about it and he gave me the best advice. " Go home and delete it". I did that, because he knew I would just read it again and again trying to make sense of how my sister could have actually turned the tables so cruelly on me. So I could never revisit the bile my sister said to me. It was great advice.
Your videos always come at the perfect time. Although you as usual are hitting the nail on the head! I was just talking to a good friend about how everything I say or take a stance on he automatically argues the opposite side. And then proceeds to teach me. I feel like a little kid who should keep her options to herself. Every time I let my guard down and think we're just discussing a topic it turns into a very degrading "let me teach you why your wrong. And even if I can point out with evidence why what they are saying isn't right I won't because it will just make the"teaching " process last a lot longer and make him really angry. I just keep my options to myself now. Which is what I think he wanted the whole time. We think very different but the mirroring was so good at the beginning I didn't even know he thinks exactly opposite of what I do. And there is no give and take with him just take.
That’s called the “one-up”
How are so many people like this!
Sooooo relatable 😢
Literally just what needed to hear😮
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all us fans who want better for our selves and listen to your videos with the volume up so much that it makes the narcissist angry and feel stupid then shame 😅😂❤
Every thing in this video is spot on in my experience with a covert narc!!!!! Broke free !!! Snd feeling the freedom !!!!thank you!!!
I was love bombed when my ex gf left little love notes for me on post it paper on a daily basis. When I showered, she posted one on the bathroom mirror or when she prepared my lunch she left a note in the bag...now after 4 years, its like she turned into a demon! I thought it was something I did but she fits the characteristics you described!
Literally my marriage summed up. Crazy because my marriage is very similiar to all my previous relationships. Just now realizing I’ve just had a pattern for women I date. I’ve always thought I was the problem, even the narcissist a bit, but I’m seeing the truth now. Freeing yet terrifying.
I just realized two weeks ago, at the age of 31 what my mom is I remember years ago she said both her parents were narcissist, but I really took nothing of it until I started to still see the patterns of us arguing all the time she saying that she didn’t say stuff when I know she did Slamming the door, always attacking me with Bible verses, since I was young telling me that stuff is all in my head I always thought I was a bad son and very rebellious the whole time it was her🤦🏽♂️ but I don’t blame her. I understand she had a really bad childhood. That’s how I’m looking at it. I can’t lie though now that I know that it’s not me there’s a big relief, but I always knew it was something holding me back, and I started to see she starts to copy the moves I make, and she gets jealous. She actually raised me well, except for beating’s when she got angry, i’m the only child.
Just being "charming" is a red flag!
Bingo! The Bible says charm is deceitful.
I left the NarcNessMonster 6 yrs ago!! Tired of pretend friends!! I deserve the TRUTH & a Transparent friend, whom I can trust. Maybe even a trustworthy husband, if one can be found!!
I want and DESERVE a relationship that validates me and me to be the same way to my partner. My "partner" could not have been more of a monstrous life mistake for me. To make a long story short, my "wife" had an entire second life that she made sure I would never discover. I can honestly say that I never knew who she really was at all and I was "married" to this THING for 22 years!
Knowing something about psychology had sustained me long enough to NOT have killed myself! All her gaslighting never really confused me because I had confronted her several times on her cheating. To make a very long story short, I hope that my unfortunate choice of a life partner serves as a helpful beacon in assisting others to avoid choosing the monster I did. I'm just happy it's over and that I'm now healing...
If you call me out for something I did in the past, I will confess and apologize for what I did, and most definitely not do it again. I know what is right and wrong. The unenlightened will not see the error of their ways and most definitely will not change anything about themselves, for they do not have the ability to self reflect and want to challenge and change themselves for the better. That little voice in your head and the pain in your gut is your conscience. Know thyself.
This is exactly what my therapist was trying to tell me for a long time when I was stuck in a toxic situation. “The culture of that organization will never change,” she said. “You need to decide if it’s healthy for you to continue to be part of it.”
Ultimately they made it easy by doing me dirty and I walked away. I’m grateful for that freedom now.
I Trust Ourselves 💞
This is a saver! So comprehensive, yet easy to understand.
I put him first for 18years and he had someone ready and waiting when I left him. I took all the verbal and physical so he didn't do it to our kids. Now 2 years later I still angry and hurt that I was replaced so easy and he replaced me with a married women that looks a lot like me, he continues to make sure he rubs it in my face. I feel I should be better by now but it's getting worse and everyone keeps telling me just to get over it. I have lost everything, my home, all my things I left everything hoping he would change and want me back but instead he acted like I'm nothing and telling me how great she is . He's still doing it. I'm alone and no one shows me compassion or just patience that I'm trying to move on but it hurts so bad , I have panic attacks, anxiety, I'm constantly thinking about everything and I don't feel I will get better. I used to be confident, independent, social and a Boss b***h now I'm nothing. Point is leave right away don't stay it get so much worse 😢
I still share my feelings with new partners because when it becomes a weapon then I get a good glimpse at their character. This has worked for me. They don’t all do it. Sometimes we just don’t match but if they do I’m outta there
3 years dating, 30 years married, three plus years since she moved out.
I choose me !
I deserve the truth!
I am worthy!
I am just now feeling as though I am breaking free from some of the things that I was made to think I will doing or had become. I'm finding the things I enjoy doing. And I am realizing that even though she told me I was the narcissist I'm not.
Thank you. This was incredibly helpful!
I understand, to some degree, the covert narcissists need to never accept accountability or anything that could reflect negatively on them. That's a twisted form of self-defense. But what I don't understand is the deliberate gaslighting to get you to doubt yourself, even when there is nothing going on. Mine will watch a program on T.V. and then the next day or a couple days later put the same exact program on and be watching it. When I point that out that she's watching the same program again, she'll act like, "no, I didn't watch this, maybe you watched it by yourself." This has happened more than once, and I know her memory is just fine. This kind of set up is not a defense, it's just evil manipulation to make me think I'm going crazy. The subtle covert narcissist is the worst. Took me a while to catch on to all the subtle craziness. If you feel confused after dealing with your SO, just start watching the behavioral patterns and see if you see the signs of a covert, passive agressive narcissist.
Thank You for being here for us.....boy we Need You! 💕💕💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤💕💕
These behaviors are all so familiar. It's good to learn the patterns. Knowledge is power.
This is the first time I am on this channel. It hit so hard! Everything you said was just like my feelings put into words! I am subscribed. Can’t wait for more videos from you!
My narc got me to lend him $40 000 to buy a Porsche, and said he would pay me back in two weeks, he had a buyer for one of his other cars. He guilt tripped me into lending him the money, even against my better judgement. Everything you have said happened to me. He discarded me yesterday because I caught him cheating. I guess my $40 000 is a hard lesson.
Thankyou! I love your empathic way of conveying ....so much more accessible!
Maybe even scratching the surface of encouraging a narcissist to develope awareness and heal
You use words very well ❤️x
This is really excellent and very very much on point. Wish I knew this 2 years ago.....but learning and healing and now I pay attention to the red flags and act in them quickly.
Thank you so much for sharing this information ❤. It helped me a lot to understand what I have been through.
I’m breaking free!!! #NeededThat
Thank you for getting the word about about Narcissists and how to deal with them and change your life.
Wonderfully useful and comprehensive list of the tactics narcissists use to bamboozle and control people with. I wrote it all down as reference. Thanks.
Thank you for this video. I could cry right now, because I'm going through this same phase, and didn't understand, sort of what this was. My Self-esteem is very low at the moment for a few reasons, I mean very low so that I'm quietly thinking to myself that I must deal with this now. Thanks for everything you're doing I'm sure you're helping alot of people. God bless you❤❤❤❤.
Lifetime of abuse by my sister. The most sickening part is that she knows EXACTLY what she’s doing. Grrrrr
this is exactly what was going on thank you ma’am i’m glad i’m not alone and i understand❤
Love your vids. Have been helping me a Lot.
This is one of the most well put together videos that I’ve seen on this topic. It crams everything into a neatly packed explanation.
I left my narcissistic partner in 2019 and have watched a ton of youTube videos since then, learning a LOT!! (ie, that both my brother and my mother has narc traits as well)
But This video of yours, have made me realize a bunch of things, that I had never thought of, before. Well done!!
And THANK YOU!