The Silent Revenge Narcissists Never See Coming: Top 5 Tips
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
Silence is very powerful against these demons who know exactly what they are doing.
No contact is ever better.
@@alexismerrilldragonqueen Yes im. I contact too i disgarded him blocked him everywhere just as he was starting to try to devalue me. I was silent for few days before i blocked the toxic demon, and left in complete silence no warning nothing just left.
Not come to an end with a narc, necessarily.
Reinforce boundaries so he cannot violate the ascension.
We can nurture each other in an environment where we learn about each other.
I find it interesting that you are wearing black/white. Displaying the split the narcissist lives in?
@@alexismerrilldragonqueen they in my accounts..followed in 3 countries because i volunteer and want to live my lifevand be single.
Ignoring the Narcissist, No Contact works the best!
religious covert narc is not going to gaslight or antagonize me anymore or bully mil too
Also, with that pretty reliable mastery of our emotions, it's also best to not mention their disrespect of you to anyone. Then you are free to deactivate it everywhere, except in the narcissist.
@@monicalee9659 yes!!!! We gave my mother inlaw one last chance to take accountability for her actions and to quit manipulating us with her b.s. and guess what, she couldn't take it and stormed out of our house like a toddler, kicking and screaming. My outside camera even picked her up screaming and crying. It was an embarrassment to the neighborhood. As soon as we said, please stop, we don't like what you're doing, she lost her mind...we were as calm as possible, too. My therapist told me she would more than likely react like this...they don't like the words, no, stop or don't....
No contact and less talking is the best thing ever!!! Everything will be use against you
You're just passing your problem onto the next unsuspecting victim as their last victim did to you. Do you think that really stops their abuse cycle in any way?
What if they deleted their proof yet I screenshot things to backup my truth even picture of her guilty actions poor choices, she's broken the court order no contact order multiple times
What if their own probation officer called me to ask about if she's been in contact, she used to pull this open and honesty between each other yet it was only me that follow through with my words and actions she lied and gaslighted me so much nothing out her mouth is believable anymore, the fact her sons father contacted me saying she has been doing shady stuff and all bruised up and acting way off her normal ,yet I finally got tired of her manipulation,,I gave up and went no contact last month and different respond to the last 3 messages two from a app and the other a new random number sothis is the longest I've gone without making a trauma bounded mistakes of trying to contact 💔 because I miss the company of that person who I thought she was not who she really is.
Took me 58 yrs to figure out how silence works. Dare their ssa to say another word, and know your going to hear another word. Then follow thru with the promise. Once you follow thru, it want happen again allowing you're silence to work. Without the first step, it's open season, they want you quit and sitting back absorbing their toxic bs.. that's power you can't afford a narc to have over you ..
What, then, would you do instead that would improve your life?
1) Taking away their supply. (Don’t react.)
2) Setting boundaries: no contact, grey rock, yellow rock, low contact.
3) Getting the full support of people around you.
4) The glow up: concentrate on your self care routine.
5) Live your best life, unbothered by what the narc is thinking or doing.
Thank you for this video!! Very great tips!!
What if you live with a Narc and have nowhere to really go? I am 42 and live with my boyfriend at my Narc mother's house. My boyfriend cried to me last night and says that he doesn't like when she hits me. I recommended that instead of holding on to the anger and resentment, maybe we can address her lightly on the arguing and fighting? What are your thoughts? Do you think that she will make some space to listen? I am not sure how that will work. My boyfriend is becoming resentful.
Why is your mom hitting you? That’s insane!
@@mesalouis8976 Yeah it is
@@mesalouis8976 She tends to lose her temper and rages. Boyfriend was able to address that and she managed to listen. Thank the lord.
@@shireenmaistry4212 I appreciate your input thank you.
Mine was ,so mean and. Hateful. Silence in all areas.
It wasn't revenge. It was me keeping my sanity.
@stancooper5436 it’s not a game. I’m sure she’s strategizing her escape. Maybe she had young children, not her own money. She wants out believe me.
Same here. Mental health is most important.
Happiness and success are the best revenge
True. But what if they have control over all aspects of your life? Some have tried to do this since you were a child and now even use authorities against you and your own Family? I need God's Divine Intervention.
Go no contact and do not to engage with them. Let them hurt themselves
Agreed. As long as you engage, they will continue to hurt you. Fact.
She not really meaning revenge. She’s talking about how to protect yourself making yourself less attractive to the narcissistic who craves chaos and upsetting you. Your emotional meltdowns are like blood to a vampire for them.
She’s great. I love her videos.
Oh, she means revenge. Just like the narcissist discarded and ghosted you when it was convenient for them, go ahead and go no contact. They WILL hoover you at some point. And when they do, don't answer it at all whatsoever. Do not show them you know they exist. The fact that they no longer have control over you is one of their biggest injuries. Depending on how close you were to them and how great your supply was, you could very well live rent free in their mind torturing them as the one who got away.
I think she is reframing it in a very positive direction. If someone sees this as revenge, that's their prerogative. Whatever works for the individual!
She does pretty good teaching.
Anything you do, that doesn't work in their favor is revenge. No need to overthink it. I mean anything. Even blocking and ignoring them.
@@averycolnite3561 So spot on love this. ANYTHING that doesn’t work in their favor is revenge. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Some people think revenge is bad , well then just call it justice . The very fact that empaths don't seek revenge is what enables the narcissist.
Ikr? Why can’t we seek revenge against these demons?!?
What kind of revenge exactly? Any ideas?
@@mesalouis8976 yes ikr, i was told not to be like them and not seek revenge and all but when i saw that narcissists are fearful of other narcissists , thats when i learned that a better approach is to be vindictive and seek revenge on them.
@@HeavenlyLights it depends on the kind of narcissist you are dealing with ,start by copying them, in my case, my gf would always use triangulation and silent treatment on me to control and put a leash on me so i copied her and did the exact same thing, i befriended the girl she disliked the most, got really touchy with her in front of my gf and then used silent treatment on her. I never saw her that angry in my life so i was little bit scared but i knew that being the empath was not working in my favour so i kept the doing my little trick and made her feel very jealous but to my surprise it worked , turns out narcissist are pretty weak and insecure so they crumble really easily . After this incident i saw the good side of her and she became nice to me again. I realized that narcissist are not all that bad actually they are just wired differently so you have to be able to speak their language of toxicity to connect to them.
@@poetictriangle1037 Exactly! Screw them!
Silence is the best revenge
God help me
@@daxachampaneri9390you got it stay strong
@@daxachampaneri9390He will. Ask him to guide, strengthen, and give you wisdom...
So no contact is only way, no to their evil chaos
"They are not worth a minute of your time." This is so correct. I dated a Narcissist for nine months, and she had an insatiable thirst for control and power. A narcissist only wants to TAKE, and never give. No contact and be successful. Also, and this is a hard one, cut contacts with her inner circle (friends, groups, etc), and do not visit places she or he often visit. This can be interpreted as a desperate attempt to reconnect or to "stumble" on them. Become a ghost to them as they honestly were to YOU. Delete photos, throw away gifts and anything related to them. Get them OUT of your system and breath a new air, tune in to a new frequency and help one another. She may think she won, but I became stronger, grateful, and have more empathy for others. I have become a better person, and that is something a Narcissist refuses to accept, oh well, too bad! You all deserve better. Thank you for your video. I love you guys!
I am desensitized, have been for years, I don't give in I don't get angry, I walk away kindly. It works wonders
How does that look, walking away kindly?
@@rondamitchellcosgrove8509 makes you look strong
It's an ongoing process, but I'm working on it.
I did just that!! Discarded him before he even knew that it was coming!!! NOW NO CONTACT over 11 months!!! Want take calls answer or reply back to letters messages cards etc,,, IN MY MIND HE'S IS EXISTENT!!!
What ever you say or don’t say to them, will send them into a RAGE!!! They are not NORMAL!!! You can’t reason with them what so ever. To them, YOU DONT MATTER. YOU ARE INSIGNIFICANT !!!!!!!
Exactly. Whatever you say, get's thrown in your face and used as a weapon against you. It is fuel and supply for the narc.
I just went through this with someone pretending to help me. He soon started insulting me, controlling me, belittling me, invalidating me, shouting at me, going into rage fits. Manipulating me, gaslighting me, etc. Then he wanted huge ampunts of money and when I didnt comply, he discarded me and started the smear campaign. He sent me a nasty WhatsApp message hurling insults. I did not reply. And from now on I am on no contact.
I became a nervous wteck around this person. My life partner just died so you can imagine how fragile I am and then to have a narc come into my life became a nightmate.
These people are pure evil. Stay safe, peaceful and narc free.
Well said. M suffering with my husband since 9yrs
Speaking from experience when you have strength to give silence, be kind to yourself when you still feel trauma when you least expect it as I see it the brain is processing all the unkind experiences, that were done to you and it's a reminder on why you have to go no contact. Good luck, everybody!
So true!
omg 8:30 - 11:10 most important for people that feel alone or isolated like she said. its amazing to know who will listen or ask for your side!
I made the error of using the term “boundary” with my ex who all of a sudden flipped it around on me saying that I was violating all kinds of her “boundaries”. Those boundaries? Mentioning anything she didn’t want to hear or talk about.
Wild how quickly that word will derail any conversation with a narcissist (but to be fair, most conversations end there eventually)
This is hilariously accurate! the same thing happened to me hahaha “you and all my exes saying you want to schedule one day a week where we can maybe address issues pfft, yall are crazy” and even “well my boundary is i can just disappear and do what i want for 3-4 days til i feel like coming back around and you have no right to be sad” lmao. She had me in such a mind twister i had to then go back and fully study the therapists definition of boundaries and explain (days later lol) that thats not how it works 😂
Relatable! Someone from my past would literally ghost me for months whenever I'd say something they didn't like, but when I said one day to respect my boundaries they said:"you never used to have boundaries or any bs like that, where did you hear about that?"
They're used to people just letting them steamroll all over them and when you start to stick up for yourself they flip out.
Same!
I know. They Have No boundaries. My siblibg is actually torturing me to death I am a targeted person. She has the job of managing gangstalkers the sociopathic criminals who earn money to harass innocent people. No it's not a delusion. Wikipedia is an unreliable source
When things happen in your life that spell out how short life is, it’s easy to cut people off.
Trying to work with them one way or the other just turns them on more, and the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
When you value yourself, you know what hey are losing. That’s when you know to walk away and not feel like YOU lost ANYTHING.
Amen!!! 🎉
Distance, silence, cero contact... and wait for the karma to act.
Amen
Yes
Me am an empathy I won them with one word #Silence
No, you just passed your victimhood onto another innocent person as a way out for yourself as the person they victimized before did to you as their way out.
@@mrsqueakthecat.8061so what’s your solution then?
@@ChocolateMilk1978 You fight back like you and others lives matter.
@@mrsqueakthecat.8061 who's responsibility is the narcissists behavior?
@@ChocolateMilk1978 I see YT keeps censoring me for saying fight back like you and other peoples lives matter.
I do the silent treatment for my sanity - she does the silent treatment to punish me. It's exhausting.
Zero revenge from here.
I put him on the curb where he belongs.
My life journey is MINE and guided by God.
Narcs will never, ever be free of what they are.
❤ invest you emotions and unconditional love for yourself. ❤❤❤❤❤
"Because anyone who believes lies about you without hearing your side of the story first was already looking for an excuse to turn on you."
That's pretty much all you need to know about the others (other than the narcissist of course). That applies to everyone and every situation, even if a narc isn’t involved on the matter. I'm gonna read and reread this until I learn the lesson.
I found silence is the best policy. Instead you'll turn the roles around while they start going insane and figured out their strategies. Stay strong! You got this!
Your silence to verbal violence is then used to accuse you of being a narcissist and giving them the silent treatment.
@@neondiosa2 You make no sense...
@@JessBliss It makes sense to me. Early on in my marriage, I had more control over my emotions, and would get really quiet when my wife would just go off on some tirade on me. It would drive her crazy. One time, she grabbed me and yelled in my face, "Answer me!!! You're acting like a robot!" It drives them nuts when you don't engage.
@@DarthB8744 Ok well the way you wrote sounded like you or them aree were accusing you yourself of being a narc.
@@JessBliss Oh no, I was saying that @neondios2's comment made sense to me.
If a narcissist turns people against you so easily would you want those people who turned against you so quickly back in your life I know I wouldn't
Exactly I have a covert narcissist friend who has some flying monkeys around her, I want nothing to do with any of them
I've struggled with a huge issue when it comes to maintaining dental hygiene since childhood. Unfortunately, my narcissistic parents, who neglected my needs and health, made it incredibly difficult for me to brush my teeth regularly. Instead of support, I felt ignored, which impacted my habits. Now, I'm trying to fix it, but the emotional baggage and habits from my upbringing still pose a challenge.
@@biglandmark007 You poor thing. That sounds like my husband. WE Started dating in our early 30s and I feel like I had to teach him oral hygiene. It was sad. I've felt like I've constantly picked up the broken pieces of him because of his family. If you can afford to go to dentist every 6 months for cleanings, they can teach you. Or just start flossing regular. I like to floss when I'm soaking in the bath or watching a movie. Best of luck to you. You can do it!
I think that's the difference between us and them. They want revenge for perceived slights, we just want to not be eviscerated. I have no need for revenge except when im angry in the moment jbut that just fades, they're not worth my energy. Spent long enough trying to work them out, I just can't be bothered with that anymore, I just want them to stay the hell away from me. I'm low contact because I cannot go no contact. Once you're calmer and mot in the mad emotional chaos they create in you, it's easier to see that it really doesn't matter what you do it doesn't change things. They'll still continue as they are. I tried for 2 years to get my mother to see me, hear me, to no avil except a whole bunch of pain. ✌
Right. When you're reacting and not thinking clearly verses when you can respond to what's going on. They'll always do what they're going to do.
I tried for 2 years to have my daughter speak to me, reconcile, see me. Been trying low contact, but the pain has not stopped. I will always love her, but I need to move on with my life and heal
I went from low contact to no contact with my mother 2 years ago. The tranquillity, peace, and mental well-being I now have is worth it.
Detachment and suppressing your emotions is dangerous and I don't recommend it at all... I fell into this as a way to defend myself. The relentless negativity, anger, pleading a victim to everything, sympathy grabbing and having to agree with all her crazy to have some peace. So I started to disengage and suppress my emotions because I got tired of the constant drama.. a year later I'm out with a long term friend to see a band.. this was my world, I've done radio work interviewing up coming artists. Been around bands and music most of my life. Now I'm standing in a room with loads of people and a band playing and feeling disconnected, wary of engaging with people there. I'm not doing this out of choice, it's a habit I got into and now I need to break. I'm getting help but it's gona take some time yet. Coming out of a relationship is one thing, going through what I did is something way way different. If you feel yourself doing this don't stay in it ffs, the prolonged cycle of narcissist abuse is so damaging.
that´s why you go to a therapist
I've been with him ONLY one year (only?!) yet I'm so exhausted and destroyed how can anyone endure this for years???
This resonated with me 100%. Thank you for sharing so I know I’m not alone.
Exactly what i did discarded him blocked him everywhere for weeks befire i went silent no chasing no reaction nothing just silence and i left in silence .
I ran after she hit me. I was afraid she’d turn that around on me too and accuse me of it next time.
Yes, she told my husband I said things that she said to me. She said I did to her what she actually did to me. If she hit you, she will say that you did it to her.😢
I'm glad you got away. My upstairs narcissists made false accusations to the housing trust about me. So bear in mind how dishonest and untrustworthy these people are, and get away from them as a top priority.
I have family and every workplace is like this saying the same what a narcissist says and its super toxic when they gaslight you 24/7 and they start beating you and i stand up for myself they dont believe me and say im wrong and i didnt do this WHEN they did it!!!!
Being grateful for the learnings, going no-contact and giving the narcissist indifference, that is the ultimate check-mate. Great video.
She not really meaning revenge. She’s talking about how to protect yourself making yourself less attractive to the narcissists abusive pattern who craves chaos.
She’s great. I love her videos.
You're just passing on the abuse cycle to a new person as a way out for yourself, just as the person before you did. Do you think thats right?
Yes.
@mrsqueakthecat.8061 do you think abuse is acceptable? I've seen you comment this twice. If someone is constantly yelling at me and acting a fool, I'm not gonna stand there and take it! What sane person would. Not your problem if they move onto someone else. They will have to learn too. Stay away from these people!
@@Puppylove82-gv3gm What part of fighting back so that the cycle gets broken do you not get?
We hold criminals accountable so that their criminal activities get stopped. Not just ignore them and hope they go and take advantage of someone else.
@@mrsqueakthecat.8061 you sound insane. You can o ahead and let someone treat you bad...I'm not. I'll call the police if I have to as well.
Making the narcissist insignificant, is absolute power. That's how I started realising I needed more info on surviving being a narcissist's victim and my first point was to make them not matter to me before showing them they truly no longer mattered. Their sighs,irritating furniture moving, disturbing our prayer times etc. I taught myself to not see or hear anything from him. Told him I was leaving therefore I needed no contact, he thought I was playing "our usual, I'll leave you games". It's been a journey,so worth it though, I'm even beginning to appreciate the experience, I learnt and grew so much, mentally and spiritually, of course during recovery, still learning. The most exciting part is him still not knowing how to be around me, he'll be alright, he's still struggling but learning how to not come close to me, no matter the setting.
You said “irritating furniture moving” wow can you please elaborate on this??? because I had dealt with a narc who would rearrange the living space constantly, desk furniture etc.
He said to me. Revenge is sweet when it’s served cold. After telling on himself. Lol.
When I eventually left almost 2 years ago next month. ( after 12 yrs toxic abuse) turning up with a van to collect my belongings. And using his words against him.
Revenge is sweet when served cold. Knowing an court order was issued the following day 🎉
My husband is a narc. He finds joy in causing me pain, fear and tears. I am absolutely unhappy. 😢
Get out now it never gets better ❤🇮🇪
Awareness is the first step to freedom, sending strength to you ❤ love yourself x
@@joannajohnson696 I hope you make a plan and when he’s not around. Leave. Don’t tell him where you are and have a lawyer file for divorce.
Start hoarding cash :-)
Leave. You are in danger.
A good thing for me has been to give myself a week , if I still want to react, I can react. I never do.
I'm in a lot of emotional pain because of the narcissist in my life. Your video helped me a lot. Thank you ❤
I have no support system..
And i live with the abuser. Terrible
Slowly but surely plan your way for escape that’s what I did I’m also a single mother you can do it 🤍🙏🏾
Hey, I have your back, whether I'm just a guy online or not. Also, the internet (Reddit for example) is your friend in this case. I was raised by narassist Asian parents. In a way, I'm at least there for my sister now, so she will never suffer from the damage my narassist parents did to me already before.
My wife cut me off from my family, and I was alone. Luckily, I had friends who saw and played the part of being our friend and helped me realize what she was doing to me and our kids. Someone is there, I felt alone. Anyone I could lean on "hated" me (actually her). When I finally filed, my family came back and formed a shield around me and my kids. They didn't leave me, I did because of her. When the crazy was gone, they came back.
I'm in this exact position now.. 😢
@@meganbroad6981Repeat after me: this is not my trauma to carry. Love yourself, take care of your health, not with alcohol or drugs but walks in nature and healthy food. Do NOT react. They feast on your pain, so deny them by not being emotional. 🩷🍀🌞
I'll tell you a secret.
One of the best ways I've found out is to praise, admire others deeds, the way they carry themselves, the way they choose to dress themselves.
Just admire and praise others in front of them and Thank them from what they have done to you or given to you. 💯🙏🎯
The narc will perceive that as weakness.
@marilynbrown5274 ... possible. yes. I will try both and tell you what happen.
@@marilynbrown5274No I think she means flatter & praise OTHER PEOPLE in front of the narc. That actually works extremely well, they absolutely seethe with jealousy and will spend days muttering insults about the person you praised 😂
@@missbrooke666 Correct to the T! You nailed it! 🙌💯 the narcissist will be jealous side ways on the scenes you've created flatter him or her (a common friend w/ the narcissist) her excellency at work, the way she choose her dressing style and etc.
She will crave those praises, attention & admiration too in a way that she can't say she should be praised as well! 🎉🤭🤣
For example in group of talks she will impose her ideas about everything as if she knew everything 🤭🤣 (pleading for appreciation). In a dance party she will always be at the center dancing to expose her outfit her make-up etc. 🎉🤭🤣
@@MaraiahRimando Haha not my first rodeo! I stumbled upon this tactic by accident. After having dinner with friends I was saying how sweet and attentive my friend’s new boyfriend was, and was glad she’d finally found a great guy.
Lol he started arguing with me like it was a personal affront to him, and after a few snarky remarks the next day out of nowhere about the guy, I realised it really WAS a personal affront to the narc.
And yes, they do start working overtime to get praise from other people to compete, and end up looking like a jackass 😂😂 Honestly it’s such a fun way to f*ck with their minds, & you don’t look like the bad guy for complimenting someone behind their backs ☺️
I'm a resilient fighter. I never thought I would say this. Silence is my greatest weapon. Not without inconvenience & serious losses, estrangment, time, financial etc. Left the country & BURN ALL BRIDGES, ZEROOOO CONTACT & DON'T CARE. ..
For years I did not respond to the narcissist but had bad feelings that they could no see. They kept trying to upset me with silly manipulation such as questioning everything I do from the length of my longer skirts to how I wore my hair. Because the family mobbings were a support to one another they didn't seem to notice that I had no responses to them. It was only when I went no contact with them that they attempted to reach out to my husband to make him think something was wrong with me. It worked for awhile until I began educating him on what was going on.
The courts should be educated in this abuse to protect their next victims, the innocent children. Sad peolpe with no scruples.
However. The funny thang is that. A family member of mine, told me that my x mother misses me & ❤ me. I was like, yeah OK!
Well no one abuses me and goes free to gaslight, I did report him and he was arrested. Never let anyone get away with destroying your life.
Great job
After going full no contact and deleting and blocking his phone number, I had cause to be in his presence recently. I ignored him and his new girlfriend until he couldn't cope and asked me how I was. I said good. Silence. I continued to ignore him and engage with others around me. I took a leaf out of Aussie comedian Carl Barron's book. He has a routine where he jokes about Aussies telling you what they're not, not what they are. Eg: "How are you?" "Not bad." "What have you been up to?" "Not much" That kind of thing. It's hilarious.
He said, so and so told me you live in this suburb now. I said, is that right? Silence. Then he said when did you move there? I said, not long ago. Silence. I was laughing my arse off inside my head by this time because he wasn't happy. He said, what prompted the move? I said, nothing really. He was trying so hard not to lose his temper at my total lack of cooperation to tell him where I lived but he didn't want his new girlfriend to see his true self.
After that he left me alone. I'm making it my mission from now on that if I'm around him I'm going to make it as painful for him as possible to talk to me. I want to see if he has a limit before he either gives up and walks away and avoids me or goes off his head and ruins his perfect facade in front of his new chick. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That was gooood!😆. You're playing the long game.Chess not checkers. Excellent.
Why even bother playing games. If you didn't care that much you'd tell him to f off
Why the games? Just say I’m not interested in talking with you. Be direct. Being passive aggressive is toxic too.
@@amyeli5678 Because narcissists can use anything for fuel. If you tell them you're not interested in talking to them, they're going to get supply from "being under your skin". It's best to keep things real Melba toast with them. It's not really games, it's strategic behavior like you would use in many other scenarios...
@@Chrystal-nt2wc no being direct is the only way. Even if it isn't just ignore after that, then get a harassment order if that doesn't work. If you're worried about how they think they're getting to you, then they've already won... because they're getting to you.
If you’re after “revenge” you’re just as guilty as the narcissist. I don’t want revenge. I just want to have nothing more to do with them.
She means taking charge of your autonomy.
You definitely didnt watch until about 14:00 huh?
Exactly!
@@JiHu-d8c SO TRUE 😢
Just as guilty is one helluva silly claim
Perfect. This video and her checklist is pretty much all we need to wake up and recover- the hardest thing for me in the rumination and bio-chemical trauma bonds.
If living your best life is felt as revenge then you’re with soul consuming demon
I just stumbled across your Chanel and I must say I am so glad I did, brilliant.I have been so damaged by my 27 year relationship with a woman who, I can't say she is a narcissist but she displayed many narcissistic behaviours. I have been in and out of hospital over the last few months due to serous depression due to her behaviour. I was suicidal due to her behaviour and her manipulation and gaslighting. She has been having an affair with her old boyfriend from decades ago. Anyway I am no longer suicidal and am on to her behaviour. Ive been concentrating on my needs and self for a change. Rebuild from a shell of who I was and I am starting to feel much happier in myself, I'm getting my power back. Your explanations and understanding is so incredibly helpful and empowering. Just want to say thank you.
I have always felt so much support not just from Christinas messages which are always excellent, but HOW she presents these messages. It always feels like she’s laughing at the narcissist, reducing their value, treating them like spoiled children as she speaks. She’s deflating the power of these narcs as she speaks!
Very helpful insight about detachment and boundaries..
He has my Grandchildren and one them can't speak or sign well enough to tell anyoe anything. Now, I am cut off from those kids. It was a year just before Halloween. I have never in my life felt more helpless.
Dude u have been a great person. These videos have help me keep myself that I thought I lost in my last relationship. Thx for all that u do. Maddlove 25/8
You are spot on! I will continue as I was. The differences have been night and day.
Stay in your lane. There is a sunny side. I did it, I was well planned and set my boundaries. Its hard getting by myself alone , but so liberating for me. And people who care will agree. No way I'm flinching. I don't do phones much , just if essential, Never social media. And walk down that road with my head held high.
That Robot can fill up somewhere else. I cut that Parasite off. Never saw it coming. I’m just laughing my ass off because I really had the opportunity to see him for who and what he really is. They are hilariously ridiculous. They are LOST IN SPACE FOR REAL. I’m silent, detached, and don’t give a F anymore. What a waste of time! Empty promises and Empty people. Hollow as hell. I remember sitting with him and talking I swear I heard my voice echo. 😂😂😂. Done.
I like that...great analogy...voice echoing!!
I have a narc adult son . It’s just as bad as a narc partner
After no contact she said:you dont like anything from me anymore,not rven a word ,not even my presence.
This is the best advice on how to deal with narcissists I’ve heard to date. Thank you 🙏
I found out this i just let them. Never said a word to anyone about anything. It was hard but so worth it.
Leaving is the best way to deal with a narcissist. They only get worse when you stop reacting because they can’t change and only get more desperate when they feel you withdrawing
Rule number 1) Leave them in a situation when they think they've won somehow.
No comebacks, no drama, no cost.
This is good advice. Additional advice is needed in situations where small children are involved in a joint custody situation, so the narc. can try to get attention by creating issues pertaining to a child to get under skin... especially when it comes to involving his new "suppky" who totally supports his negative behavior. Small children are caught in the middle. How can someone avoid triggers when it's about how narcs behavior impacting a child?
Take a pause...YES ! Everytime the person asks me: how was your wkd? And I reply," it was great and bla,bla "all happy just to see right away that it doesn t really matter they do not care.
Just pause, breathe and say Good, it was great really.
Beautiful yellow rocking 😅
God bless you for this channel, for helping millions of victims of narcissism and for your extremely soothing voice 🙏🏻.
Grey rock I found very effective. I'm learning about "Boundaries" now. I use to hate talking to my Narc: neighbours from my bed room window. Whenever I see them around this area I simply stay away from my window. Hoping that is a correct response that says: no more talking to me at my bed room window. (You want to talk to me it must be done ...well, anywhere but at the window)
My narc neighbor would text me, "I see that you left your back bedroom window open". Creepy to be making comments like that...😢.
The best way to be better is to live YOUR live. Improve your life and be content with yourself. You are allowed to love yourself and have happiness. But, you say, they won't know how well you're doing. You might be right and doesn't that feel good? Yes. Live like that, bump them!
They need to see you as emotionally unstable, so they can maintain their self-image as the "good sane stable" one. It's why non-reactivity, and self-trust are so effective. Know yourself and trust yourself. If you can't do these things within certain relationships, it's a red flag!
Thanks!
Thank you Desmond! 🙏❤️
Great tips, this is actually not revenge in the real sense of the word😂😂, its actually liberation from the emotional trap and manipulation of the narcissist
I actually pray for them now. I had to give up. Drop the resentment. On the one hand he costed me real life tangibles. On the other hand, a pain in the 💥ss won’t take us out totally so... as long as you remain STOIC and don’t allow the emotion to make you SPIRAL. That’s when life’s worries seem to play in circles.” 🧠😀🙏💯
❤
This shows how great of a person you are❤
I got lucky. God showed up, and people who loved me protected me and my kids. When the narc left, my family came back. They knew all along what was happening, and they protected me and my kids. When I found the strength in the people who cared about me, I filed for divorce.
Not everyone has family that helps. Tremendous blessing you have to have them.
I have a mother in law along with her daughter and her daughters. I am now doing the silent treatment.They are trying to trigger my daughter and me.
I am a 62 year old women. I would never just put out for any man. I have been used all my life. If love someone so much that it hurts. Like the one that I fell in Love so much with him. Why he was F.. so fuck that noise. I never heard that term until i came up with that years ago.❤😂
P. S. Please don't call me call me with bullshit. I gave it to help not hurt anyone. God Bless all of you. I can't help it. I am very emotional. Please read the Bible especially when Jesus before he comes. Put like this Tr is a narcissist and an idiot. He is going to spend his time in retirement in Prison. I don't want anyone to kill me because I live in a Hel l on earth I am now having sezures and I may have one because I could He is as old bas dirt to me and if anyone has ever been sexually abused you can call other wise shut up because. I had a break up with a boy I have loved so long since high school school and after talking to me he treated me so badly after dating. It not his fault. I cooked for him cleaning, and everything. But I am a Acohlic. And my sister the pretty one. The beautiful. And believe me who doesn't believe me, read the Bible. It is begging you don't let a man use women. Have babies for ever as long as they can get it up....I know it it as I know the back of my hand. We need to have a protest but that freak and idiot that looks that is crazy crazy... T he wouldn't look at me in the eye. My sister is dying. She was too prideful. She came on my property. For starters I am a long list of meds and the doctors. Please listen do you want to go to he'll? P. S. Please Head my words. Just because I have wisdom by age a couple of times, I'm sure he said I was a whore because it socks. So he can use me. I slipped one time and text him because I'm sure.. he will hire Elon Musk as a Bill. I can lie to you. And don't sit and do any think I want. I wanted to go to the Vatican. Pray and read revolution. Don't be an idiot. Don't elect him the clown. Bodies.... now he will be charge will save your very soul. I was washing dishes after his death from a non Cancer deep in his brain they could go that deep it was to late.... and he was drunk too. Now he is 6 feet under. And if I have been mean or you are upset with me. Just look at the stock market. Granted we did have a pandemic covid from China. Love letters and he is an old ass narcissist is all he his. No wonder his wife's hate him. Look at the first Lady. Putting his first that helped him him and bore his children. Oh shit someone may kill me. Well at least I will be be with Jesus Christ our Lord if Lord's King of Kings. Damn you all it says in revolutions that it says is true. When I read that but damn he formed me in my mother's womb and by no fault of my own . I try to help you. The Ex president should be put in the hospital. He is sick man. Besides they found bodies because he said on at a rally he hated you old fat B. And old. 78. We age so be ready there will be blood on the one that vote for him, he will destroy our nation. I don't mean to preach to you. I love you but I know what is going to happen. I read the Bible. Plus I went to a Catholic school. Not all men and women lie about something.
Sorry about that, I missed spelled... God Bless you all that read this long reply everyone. My sister is dying too... after all....b😢 God called me so saying I'm full of shit... Don't kill me someone from a red state. Sorry about the drive. Life support 4 times from pills. Don't kill yourself. From reading... she my sister. Guess what the best news is I got that off my chest. is a narcissist and vote for A Good person. And she goes to the plane and jet off... I wish I had a car and get away from this noice. Maybe I can just Jet off.
Narcissistic people are nothing but bullies! Stand up to them take away your financial support and you’ll see the change in them, did it to my wife the narcissist and no contact while in the same household. Don’t argue just take away!
Am out here in the park walking with my son and completely no contact with my ex going 3 months now. His own child is indifferent towards him too. Children see their environment and know who was there and who wasn't. My silence speaks
Revenge is not the way
The pause does work because she thought I was being funny then switched it on me.
Then I sent the message back and said read what you have just sent me.
Then blocked her and never looked back.
Next thing change my number
Be careful with the last one. Better not to shove your happiness in their face. I had a friend whose narc was gone. She was ecstatic. He wasn’t. So he started a ‘relationship’ with her nextdoor neighbour and moved in. That put an end to much of her newfound sense of freedom. Better to act slightly down/ lost. Nothing wrong with giving them a little satisfaction if it keeps them at bay.
Thank you for this video. Really helpful advice. I've been dealing with alot of toxic people lately.
This one is pretty good one for the situation when is impossible to go “no contact” with narc. For example if you have narcissistic parents/children/bosses etc.
I ran into him- hadn't seen in 2 months and I realized how HAPPY and light I feel without him in my life. No attraction anymore either - overwhelming 🤮😉
My narcissist would observe my movements, breathing changes and knew he was hitting pay dirt
Great video, Christina, thank you! Living my best life and measuring by the amount of hoovers so far this year I'd say the narcs agree. I try to see it as a compliment and move on. In the past I would have thought they had genuine interest in me, had changed, were sorry, something like that. It saves energy not to expect that anymore. The scorpion and the frog tale applies too. They're gonna sting anyway, so don't bring them along anymore and don't take it personally. It's who they are, wherever they are and whoever they're with. It helps to remember that a lot.
My grandmother visited us from Scotland 🏴 after 10 years of my father moving us to Canada within a few days grandma was crying uncontrollably I thought she was in pain ? Only to find out the only pain she had was a narcissistic daughter! .. so if your mother can destroy her own mother after 10 years of not seeing her . WOW !!! Nobody safe around a covert narc . NOBODY! I think they get better narc supply when it’s family cause it hurts us more .
great video! and you’re glowing yourself 🌞
for me, the worst was that the freaks across the road from me snubbed and ghosted a little kid because they decided to pretend i didn't exist. for that, i do not forgive. if someone has the potential to harm an innocent, f those guys forever. i was so hurt but when it tricled down to that i went from hurt to gladiator. he has since died but she's still over there and i literally pretend she is not. i won't go out of my way to be rude or cruel, just wilfully blind. big squeeze for everyone who got it and didn't deserve it. it gets easier but i now am suspicious on meeting people. i'm going to go with how they feel, gut feeling, because i have to be truthful and admit that i knew my narcbors were both terrifying on some level right away. :( this was a great video.
Justice isnt revenge. Allowing or speeding up or removing obstacles to the unpleasant 'natural consequences' that happen to the Narc is not revenge. Its healthy justice. The Narc is so used to being protected by his victims, it feels shocking when the protection is removed. Of course, the Narc feels entitled to this.
No contact is the best form of revenge from your perspective. As HG Tudor says ‘ love me, hate me but don’t ever ignore me’ They hate it. What does the narcissist do next? Depending on the type you’re dealing with they will typically try to hoover you back into the relationship as they experience a fuel crisis and their control is threatened. They eventually move on to someone else in order to pursue the prime aims of control & fuel. You may still get occasional hoover hence it’s important if possible to maintain your no contact regime
This gives me good energy !!
Thank you so much! I recognized as a very young child many people in my family and I had mismatched temperaments. Many many years ago I moved over 1600 miles away! However the manipulations and orchestrations continue primarily through other people. I rarely travel back to my family of origin, mostly for life events, anniversaries, weddings, or funerals. I am keep my visits very short and I try to have conversations with these key people with witnesses! Sadly after decades people are older but their self awareness and behaviors have not improved!
Brilliant saying about people turning on you! I kept wondering why that happens so much!
I actually became best friends with his ex girlfriend. Out of something so incredibly toxic for us both, came a wonderful friendship.
You had a lot in common.
Self care so important to heal got in counseling so tired every day but very important
Works well on your grow children, too. Peaceful!
I cut him off without any warning a year ago. He has tried texting, calling a handful of times - to which I decided to not answer at all. He just tried calling again. I will not answer. He had been breadcrumbing me for years. I got sick if it. He just wants to keep minimum contact to be in my will !
BRAVO, and THANK YOU! 🙂
I wish you had a book I could read saying all the things on this video. You’re so helpful I called a narcissist out for controlling and she went ballistic playing victim and made a point she cried for hours to her husband so I assume she feels great turning him against me with crocodile tears.
Thank you ! This video is amazing ! I will watch it again ! ❤
I think I was mostly just looking for some kind of vindication. I did eventually get that, but not from them, of course. Lol.
Grey rock for me was sort of a way to just get off of the emotional rollercoaster. Eventually it was more or less learning to detach from others and realizing that me reacting to anyone was allowing them to control my feelings. So now I am the one one who commands my emotional control center. Not other people. Well. Ha ha at least I’m getting a lot better at it anyways.
I think the best boundaries for me was when they didn’t know it was even laying a boundary. It was like where are you? Or why don’t you come around anymore? Lol. It’s like Houdini or ninja moves or something. Catch me if you can. Lol. Or like sneaking slowly out the back door. You’re dropping them and they don’t even know you’re dropping them. All I was really doing was living my life and doing what was best for me and so it’s not my fault that this was so detrimental to them. Lol. But as it goes. What’s good for a host is usually the worst news for a parasite like them. So be it. Yes and Amen. Lol.
I’m here for the Glow Up. 💫