12 Favorite Phrases of Female Covert Narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2024
- If you suspect that someone in your life is a covert narcissist, you'll want to watch this video. In it, we'll be discussing the 12 favorite phrases that female covert narcissists use to manipulate and control those around them. By recognizing these signs, you'll be better equipped to protect yourself from their toxic behavior. Don't miss out on this important information!
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Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
#narcissist #narcissism #femalenarcissist #covertnarcissist
I love how narcissists get upset with you when you are offended, but if you EVER offend them.... OH BOY!
exactly
Reminds me of how my dad used to adress me with slurs but when i once greeted him with hey asshole, he suddenly insisted on fatherly authority and that I couldn't talk to him like I was one of my mates. I would never disrespect my mates like that. I just wanted to know if he can take it as he dishes out. He couldn't.
@@freyja802 what were the slurs?
there is a disproportion in everything
And say it's it's communication issue and we sometimes just bat heads nd everyone does sometimes
If you think she might be a narcissist, it doesn't really matter if she actually is one. If you are treated in a way that makes you even think about it, just end it. It's not worth it.
That is such a brilliant point.
That's exactly what my therapist told me two days ago!
Sounds pretty childish
"You" are not allowed to end a relationship with a narcissist. "They" are world-class manipulators, and will ratchet up the deep psychological warfare and most likely ruin you further. The worst thing to ever do is to let them know that you know what they are. Educate yourself immediately (and ABSOLUTELY be stealthy about it) so that you have for yourself an actual, viable exit strategy before you take action (obviously, this advice does not apply to any physically dangerous scenarios). A narcissist will only break up on THEIR TERMS. But if you know how they think and their large array of psychological manipulation strategies, you can be proactive, effective, and not trigger their narcissistic rage while excising them from your life.
@@gethelp6271 True, but if the narcissist behaviour continues on and on- even if the person hasn't been formally diagnosed, you're still going to suffer, especially if you've had it for years, as I did.
I don't want to believe that she's a narcissist. But the patterns Dr. Leblanc talks about here describe her consistent (and worsening) behavior to the letter. The subtle critiques, guilting, entitlement, progressive disappointment., gaslighting, controlling....it's all there, every bit of it. It's so heartbreaking.
Its actually amazing how closely the descriptions fit exactly to their behavior
I didn't want to either but there were just too many red flags I ignored and I payed for it after being discarded 3 times. Normal people do not behave the way she behaved and treated me.
@@face2799 God bless you, brother. Be strong!
@@MA-nh2on thank you, you as well!
The point is not whether she is a narcissist, but that she is abusing you, and facing that, letting go, hurts. Wis you the best, will be ok, eventually.
If their actions don't line up with their words they are lying to you
Thanks for your compassion to men who are confused and suffer with toxic relationships.
In my case I grew up with a covert narcissist mother who made me ill.
The fact this video exists is incredible. It is really nice to know that someone is dedicating time to help men who feel abused. It’s so important for men to get the social support they need because of the larger narratives in society that overshadow the abuse men experience.
I agree! She's great!
She's the antidote to these MGTOW idiots who influence young hearted broken guys to hate women. It's easy to fall for the MGTOW movement cause almost everything they say about women and how they treat men and how entitled they are is true but they leave out half the equation that men can be just as bad if not worse.
My mother is a covert narcissist and always talked about how her older sister and my father ruined her life. She is a "feminist" man hating nut job! Even had my brother and I resenting my father and continues to pit my brother and I against each other as well as my older sister.
It would be very easy for me to hate women cause my sister and her daughter were trained by my mom to think the same crap. They all hate men and try to emasculate them which is strange cause I would never begrudge a woman for being feminine or a tom boy so why the fuck should they care if a man is masculine or feminine or not? Anything remotely masculine they hate!
I NEVER heard my father talk bad about my mom or women after the divorce but my mom and sister were relentless!
Lise Leblanc has saved many men like me from becoming women haters which would be very easy to do in my shoes. Very cathartic to have an incredible woman with REAL integrity help guide me through the damage inflicted on me by my stupid decisions (avoiding warning signs I already knew were major red flags) and cruel and unusual mistreatment by most women I've known.
Hating yourself for being a sucker and hating women are not healthy things to ruminate about.
thnx For sharing Brother.
Yes. Most men don't hate the person. It's the abuse. And Evil they do.
YAH bless you and keep you safe and in His Loving Embrace and Mighty Arms in Jesus Christ of Nazereth The Word of Elohim God AlMighty El SHADDAI HalleluYah Amen
Saved me. Ty I needed this so much you saved a life
My ex did almost all of these frequently. The turning point in my marriage was when I realized 2 things:
1. I felt like I was going crazy.
2. I didn't like who I was becoming. Every time I adjusted to one of her attacks she ramped up the intensity of the attacks till I felt like the only way I could defend myself was to attack back......which never works with this type. I also figured out that I was simply teaching her it was okay for her to disrespect me when I would sit through hours of mistreatment trying to "reach her."
These realizations led me to figure out I was taking on her problems as though they were my own but I had no power to fix them.
She didn't want to work on things together and when she did she would only participate until it came turn for her to take accountability, so I worked on myself. I started reading books about setting boundaries.
For example, when she would call me up on my lunch breaks start cussing at me because she was having a bad day at work, like I had any control over that 🤷🏼♂️, I would respond with, "Honey, I love you but I won't speak with you when you talk to me like this." *click*
When she would randomly blow up my phone with 20+ texts designed to belittle me while I was at work, I'd block her number or just simply not read the messages. I would let her know that if there was something she wanted to talk to me about then we could do it when I got home.
When she would start calling me names, yell at me, or shove me......I would inform her that I won't have a discussion with her when she speaks to me so disrespectfully. I would then inform her that I was gonna go cool off and I'd tell her where I was going, what I was doing, and how long I'd be gone. If she wasn't ready to communicate when I got back then I'd go do something else. She had trained me out of taking time for myself in the middle of an argument by going into these deep depressive like states whenever I needed to cool off or get some distance from an argument early on. She used this tactic repeatedly even when she knew where I was, who I was with, how long I'd be gone, and what I was doing. I'd have to plan to be gone long enough that I could handle her being worse when I got back.
I set boundary after boundary and refused to rejoin the cycle. Things between us improved dramatically. Our relationship got extremely healthy and we were looking to move info a new place together. That was when she disappeared. It wasn't 2 months later I got divorce papers. I always told her I would do everything in my power to make our marriage healthy and not give up on us.
I think she actually believed me and realized that she wasn't getting her supply from me anymore and it was time to move on. Of course I got a letter shortly after the papers blaming me for everything.
My daughter was born not too long after the divorce finalized. 😅 What I went through over the next 3 years fighting for my daughter and to clear my name made our toxic marriage look like a cake walk.
Even my lawyer said I had the patience of a saint......which was capitalized on in my marriage. However, I learned. I figured her out. I was an attentive husband and I'm naturally disarming with my openness. I learned that the secret with someone like this is the long game. They get so caught up in the short game trying to keep their supply full that you can win in the end.
I demonstrated so much character over a 5 year period that even she couldn't deny just how great a dad I was. I had to sacrifice my career, my pride, my finances, everything.....but I got 50/50 time share and legally binding court documents preventing her from making any decisions about our daughter without my explicit approval.
I've learned over the years how to handle her and what battles are worth fighting, and which arguments are worth letting go. It is a challenge to co-parent but, we have found a way to make it work.
One benefit (and still a negative) is that her personality requires others to see her as this patron giving Saint so she does take good care of our daughter......horrible boundary issues, but I could have a far worse co-parent.
She has moved on to multiple men searching for greener pastures while I am focusing on myself for once while I out my energies into raising our daughter and the church.
She is set to be remarried soon and I pity the man. From what my daughter has said he seems like a pretty nice guy but has a disability. As long as he behaves appropriately and treats my daughter well that's all I care about. Nothing wrong with having multiple good male role models in my girl's life. I wish him the best of luck.
Ultimately, I am a much stronger person having gone through what I did. It also allowed me to stand up to some of my own family members. After some time of readjusting, those relationships are now stronger and healthier than they have ever been.
damn bro that’s critical…Godspeed to you
Thank-you so much for sharing your story. I just separated from my NPD wife about 1 month ago. We have no children together, lived together less than 2 years, my name ain’t on the lease, I didn’t sign-on to her debt, I didn’t adopt her two girls from previous marriage, I wouldn’t put my name on her Chrysler 300 car loan. She was on my car insurance, while I had her & the girls on my benefits package from work.
Anyways, I have a feeling it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I make decent money. When she met me I was a recovering addict that she plucked out of a Christian recovery house & planted right in her home as “king in the castle” & the “white night” who swooped in to save this woman who survived domestic violence against her husband (& now he not only cannot see his girls, but there is a judge-mandated no-contact order preventing him from being anywhere near her or the girls.
In reality, she was my white knight. She showed me what my potential was. She found me at age 31 with a $27/hour job, & a massive commute to boot & I wasn’t even working when I met her. I was on medical leave to go to treatment. I could go on & on with this story.
We had our ups & downs in our rocky 3 year relationship, but through it all, I managed to gain 38lbs of muscles & got hired as head social work case manager for a provincial health authority, now marking just under $41/hour, working from home. She tormented me during work so bad that I ended up moving my office to my parents house, just down the road. She would get mad at me because I wasn’t at home helping her run her illegal, tax-free childcare-wine extravaganza. That combined with the chickens, the hairless cats, the dogs, the hamster, the bunny, the fish, the axelotle (illegal to have where we live), it was just too much.
She was mad at my new found confidence & success at work. I thought my wife should be proud. Maybe one day, when the healing is done.
One day I will share my story, my whole story. Until then, I can only try to become closer to God & lean on him for strength, have faith in His justice & pray for all, including my NPD wife… Who also masquerades as a hero, involving herself in everyone else’s business for some sick end of torturing or publicly shaming someone. I’m sick of being on the receiving end. I started noticing patterns and couldn’t ignore them anymore.
My biggest fear is her sleeping with another man, but now, now I see that is my only true hope!
God bless.
@@PenSpice7 There are many similarities for sure between our stories. If I didn't have a perfect record and the ability to pay $40,000 in lawyer fees then I'd be in the same boat as your friend. Not only did I disprove her allegations but proved her DV......but the court still let her have joint custody.....talk about just 1 of the many double standards. Be strong. Take care of yourself. You can't bring health to any relationship if you yourself aren't healthy.
I didn't want my girls to see the female narc behavior and think it was normal. My ex got it from her mother.
Good Gawd! That's like someone kicking you in the shins as you're running along together.
They yell at you and when you yell back they're like 'I am not someone you can yell at like that'.
Narcissist most hated word is when you tell them “NO”. That always set my narc wife off like nothing else.
I told my ex no and next thing I knew I was in jail for 4 days. Now there's a no contact order but all I did is tell her I'm going to get a lawyer. She lied she put me in jail
They are like a parasite, a disease that slowly takes you down, kill you from inside out, this is disgusting. Thank you for sharing your knowledge ❤
Exactly my friend. Parasitic like religion, as re-ligion has absolutely nothing to do with true spirituality whatsoever. No different than a relationship with a narc has absolutely nothing to do with love whatsoever.
"I'm not controlling you", "I'm not yelling at you, I'm speaking with emotion!"
Oh gahhh. The emotions. 🤣 Have you heard this one? Called her stubborn once. She said "No, I'm just dedicated."
My girl friend does not apologize but her favorite response is “ the truth hurts “ she justifies the uses of that to be as mean as she want to get.
Dump her and save your sanity. You'll never win her game and it will only get worse.
She'll lose her own game. She's a fool. She'll end up alone and miserable
Dat 🍑+😻 juice ain't worth the squeeze.
That's awful! As if she's the only person who knows "the truth"? What an ass! i"m sorry you're with her. My first husband actually said to me that if I didn't agree to letting his girlfriend move in with us, I would "destroy the marriage"! He was -- still is, no doubt! -- a raging narcissist!
If she's not your wife and you don't have kids, then get out of the relationship. Your happiness and self-respect deserve to be exercised and you deserve to enjoy them both. Good luck.
I have a sister who treated me this way, so I had to stop talking to her. That hurts just as much as a lover. Abuse doesn't always come from romance.
👏👏👏
I had a female cousin I had to block from my life. A narcissist to a T .
My sister is a mid range covert narcissist and many times she brought me to the brink of depression. I always believed that we were close, especially after our mum died but after I finally realised what she was I saw that she took advantage of our sisterhood and my love to get what she wanted and dominate me and my life. Her abuse was subtle: backhanded compliments, "innocent" jokes at my appearance, triangulation and gaslighting. She would tell me awful things in a friendly manner, such as "don't you think that your son is kinda uglish?", "Why did you buy such an ugly sofa?", "my boyfriend can't believe that someone like your husband could produce such a lovely baby". When I was hospitalised after suffering late term miscarriage she said that she thought nothing would come out of that pregnancy anyways so she wasn't surprised at all. Every time she came to my house she would take a whiff and say something like "it kinda smells in here. Can't tell of what but it definitely smells". I allowed her to move in with me when she was writing her dissertation, babysat her kid and cooked for her. Instead of thanking me and chipping in towards food and bills she lashed out about dinner being not ready when she was hungry and said she would've helped better if that was her doing it for me. The list is just never ending. I know it's her deep insecurities, all those nasty comments were just to ruin my happiness and lifestyle she felt entitled to. I pity her miserable existence, always feeling inferior and needing to compete with everyone and everything, trying to destroy her best ally just to feel better about herself. She never had real friends and was so jealous of and hated my friends. She never liked anyone that was close and dear to me, always trying to tarnish them and spoke ill of to them. I'm a very positive and laid-back person and was able to find a kindred spirits and someone who would support me and see her for who she was. I was blessed to always have someone in my corner to give me a perspective on my relationship with my sister so I never felt alone in her abuse. Without it she would be like a cancer uncontrollably consuming my life. Thanks to RUclips I was able to see true her and realise what I was going through was narcissistic abuse. I'm free from her control now and trying to find myself and work out who I really am.
My older sister is a covert narcissist and a psychopath. The end goal of a male or female psychopath is dominance.
Female psychopaths automatically hate men aka "man-haters". Why? Because through no fault of man, males they are biologically and genetically more dominate than females, it is mother nature, and the way God made us. But female psychopaths always want to be in control and dominate, and will never be able to keep a man because what man wants to be scammed? They're after resources and status, not love.
@@odala8245 I know what you mean, I had one myself.
a relationship like that messed up my whole head for months, had me feeling like the worst man to ever live. finally starting to get my head right, not a good feelin fellas stay aware of those signs
Same
I can relate.
"I never said that" is also something I kept telling my ex because they confabulated and always heard the worst possible versions of what I said. "You forgot to take the trash out" would be heard as "I hate that you forgot to take the trash out", and when I'd tell my ex that's not what I said, I would get told "but you do hate me" and the like.
This was my mom's absolute FAVORITE phrase to me when i was a child "Youre too sensitive". If i went to her and told her about something that hurt me "you're too sensitive". Years later it all makes sense now.
Opposite for me… my mother praised my sensitivities and then used them
Against me…
My future wife attacked any sensitivity and then couldn’t understand why I had no tears when it ended
Mine too. She would say that after she would clown on me and hurt my feelings especially in front of other people. She liked to pick on me for laughs then tell me I was too sensitive when I would say she hurt my feelings.
@@blessedrisings1978 sadly you gave them an opening , heathy relationship would notice , take note mentally/ internally and because they love their partner would make efforts to change .
@@jonil.j5389 How did I give my mother an opening when I was just a child??
A favourite of my abuser was “Be a man”….. whatever that is supposed to mean when you’re standing up for yourself.
Hahaha my ex used that on her ex husband all the time
She said it once to me , and I said what me ? She didn’t do it again lol
this is what I used to hear a lot from my narcisistic ex.
Mine said you're not a man. Hoe couldn't even boil water...
My current wife said she feels like more of a man than me lol
My ex's favorite quote was "man up." I can relate so much.
The ultimate narcissist can install the self doubt inside another with action alone and use minimal words.
Once they have you under their control, they don’t need to use words, they just enjoy the show.
Remember, the power is ultimately ours to reclaim and walk away.
I get hit with the "I don't want to argue!" pretty much every time I bring up something I want to resolve. And it makes me feel as though she just used a power play on me. A trump card that places her firmly in charge and that I'm not allowed to contest. And yes always followed by the silent treatment.
I also hear the phrase "Stop living in the past!" pretty often, if they keep doing something they refuse to quit doing or apologize for.
"You shot my dog, Dennis!"
"Jesus, Dee, that was 20 minutes ago. Stop bringing up the past!"
it's so terrifying how spot on she is to my ex, I was gaslighted so long I still suffer from the the trauma to this day.
Are you doing better bro?
Once you really see their behavior for what it is, you can't un-see it! The only reason I "saw" my ex wife's behavior at the macro level, and stopped blaming myself, was via my therapist. Shout out to good mental healthcare, and double shout out to Lise LeBlanc for being such a fantastic conveyor of knowledge, and specifically for helping guys!!
You are lucky you had a good therapist, who educated you on the covert or overt narcissist. Most therapists almost always blame men or makes excuses for women’s bad behavior. I had one start saying things like, “if that’s true…” as if I might be lying. When she started justifying my ex’s behavior in relation to patriarchy, I stopped seeing her.
I’d like to know what therapist told you you were being abused I had seen three of them not one of them said one damn word to me and the kids were in Therapy guess who wasn’t in therapy?!!???!! if these people are con men and women, you can’t fix that because it works for them!! they’re like politicians they get caught with your pants down and they say that’s not what you seen and they completely gaslight you and they will turn your family against you and your friends your children, and they started doing it the day you met them as they were kissing your a** aka love bombing you and showing you how they were nice girl or a good guy🤦♀️ run
I was very fortunate that my our therapist pulled me aside in confidence to explain to me as generically as they were permitted to, that I was married to a person with a serious mental challenge ! That incident alone, years later saved my sanity. I realise this action is breaking the legal norms but I thank the universe they did or I would truly believe today that I was going insane.
I'm crying my eyes out listening to this I'm struggling so much
I said a prayer for you. ❤
Keep strong. Hit the gym - make time for yourself
I'm there too, but know time heals everything. Take time to enjoy your hobbies and get fresh air and know life is worth living even if you're on your own. Praying for you.
I’ve been with my wife for 12 years married for 10 and it’s all coming out now… I don’t want to believe that she has been doing this to me. She is supposed to be my partner in life. It’s so hard to look at her how she really is but I jus can’t look through rose colored glasses anymore. It hurrrttts cause I love her soooo damn much and I want to save her. But I can’t. That’s the hardest part for me. But it never fails… I look like the problem. And I jus want my wife back
But she was never there… our whole marriage has been a game to her😢
7 years out, and I still react badly to certain stimuli. I don't think I will ever get over what my ex-wife did to me. I know I can never trust another woman again, not because of the woman, but because of my poor choice of women. The saying goes if you've been injured you can't afford to bleed all over someone who had nothing to do with it.
I'm that way about the first man I married, a deeply narcissistic person.
Yes, I'm the same, a woman shouldn't have to deal with my PTSD, it's best if I remain single.
In my situation, my favorite phrase that she would use was her always calling me selfish. Her definition of selfish was me expecting more than nothing.
Brother I felt that. I’m just realizing and it’s been 10 years.
yes!😂 That would grind my gears like nothing else considering the fact that it was precisely the opposite
Mine says, "you're a bully".... I realize now that by saying this he exonnerates herself from all accountibility. By declaring me the bully, she convinces herself that she is the victim.
I became a simp for the ex. Then I got to walk home after having a heart attack. Besides having a discussion with God, my discussion with myself about the reality of the situation.
Her leaving shot was, "you'll never find anyone as good as me!"
Not looking. 😊
This is frighteningly TRUE. The toxic behaviour is a gradual
erosion of you whole being. Marriage can be such a breeding ground for this abusive behaviour. What a brilliant presenter. Stephen
noticing the venom is primordial to ajust early, and not trigger htem revolt anger at facing truth of you stoping directly the energy trade
gotta let them decide to hurt someone else, cause if you stop all energy trade, they angry and want more from you
your energy become more priomordial and primary
you insulted god nto giving god energy, now god want all your energy
I always used to feel SUPER guilty for, not "being able" to hold my emotions for whatever bullshit manipulation my ex used to test on me, but now... some time later, i hear this woman saying the "i dont wanna argue" or "I don't wanna fight or anything" but always proceeding to gaslight me... Man, glad i overcome this
I appreciate you're talking about FEMALE narcissists, because most coaches mention MALE narcissists, and it makes me feel like a female narcissist is just something impossible by nature... But it sure isn't
Read the comments on those channels. You'll find women with "victim" stories about how the MALE narc lied to them for years and didn't leave his wife (!!!) for them as they said they would. And those comments are liked and supported by other blind women as if the woman fooling around with another woman's man does not have any blame. Lol.
My Mom has actually been diagnosed with N*rcissistic Personality Disorder (in my country (Canada), you have to be over the age of 18 and diagnosed by 2 different medical professionals over a year apart). So, just in case anybody tries to say otherwise: yes, actually, it is possible for women to have NPD; It's just that women tend to have more pro-social behaviors, so it's harder to spot and diagnose.
Most narcissists are actually women
@@luisguti9425 N*rcissistic Personality Disorder is actually more prevalent in men than women (4.8% vs. 7.7%). (Sorry, I would include a source for this claim, but I don't know how to copy links on an iPad - you'll have to look this up yourself.) I think that the reason why a lot of people on RUclips relay experiences with female narcissists is because women tend to have larger effects on our early lives than men do - parents, teachers, babysitters, etc. They all suck, though, regardless of gender. 😒 (Sorry for the *; my comment might get deleted otherwise. 😅)
@@Hollyucinogennot only is it possible I have only run into mostly female narcs including multiple female family members. I would say these days the number of female narcs outweigh the males, unfortunately.
So many times I experienced three of those in a row. When I would want to discuss something horrible she said it was "you're crazy" followed by "I never said that", and if I provided proof like a text message she sent or something "I'm not doing this", or "you just want to fight". That was her way of getting away with saying and doing horrible things. I'm so glad that person is out of my life. I just wish I could erase her from my memory entirely.
She convinced herself she is always right, and when you have proof she is wrong then it’s ‘your trying to make me feel stupid’
Not "fighting fair" can torpedo a relationship. When wanting to deal with a passive-aggressive comment or something that was disrespectful various former friends pulled exactly what you describe: Denial, then blaming me for "liking to fight". Not, exactly, moreso my digging my heels in when they were outright dismissing my claim or then screwing with my mind in judging my character. Silly and damaging. Those relationships didn't last.
Sorry to hear this is happening to you. I'm in a similar situation, but not as deeply as you by the sounds of it. Stay strong, brother.
This was my ex wife , she was always the victim and when I was right it turned into “you’re so fucking mean to me and always try to make me feel stupid!!” Like naw girl you are stupid and wrong
I understand the feeling of wishing to erase them from my mind🤦🏼♀️But, that doesn’t seem to be happening, and I’ve realized it acts like a radar... I quickly recognize those behaviors in other people !
One of the first 'loaded' remarks my narc ex ever said to me: "You're very sensitive".
Same! For long time she had me beliving that
@@emilkadd Actually she was totally correct, .. i am very sensitive, it's just that she was weaponising it. - As if to say "I'll abuse you and treat you like shit and if you have a hard time with that it's your own fault for being too sensitive".
They always seek to absolve themselves from blame .. so it's a form of blame-shifting.
The most painful thing is realizing that I've heard most of these phrases from my own mom before I was even 10!
Luckily she found the son that she wanted in my brother in law and I'm off the hook!
Same here. I remember her abuse starting at around age 3
Yep. My moms a bitch too
I lived everything Lise mentioned daily. She discarded me saying I was on my way to hell and that I was leading her there. Called me a narcissist and called herself an empath. Good thing she did as I looked it up as soon as we got separated and realised the roles had been reversed. I'm filing for divorce now.
My mother used to shriek at me "You're such a victim!" or "Stop being a victim!" while she was in the process of trying to victimise me. Another one I got all the time was "You're so selfish!", she got my sisters to constantly tell me this as well, which would best describe all of them. I was always just in reaction to the problems she was inventing & trying to cope with it the best I could.
They are bored psychos...seeing what to create in order to fill their lives and entertain themselves. I m sorry this happened to you. Keep truthful to yourself.
I have had nearly all of these told to me, even after our relationship had ended. I had even helped her do some shit about studying and stuff, and she would still throw this crap around.
I don't hate girls or women, but one negative experience was enough to wipe out any desire for further relationships. Where I live I should even be grateful that a girl paid attention to me, as in I should practically be happy to settle for the first opportunity - and for what??? Screw all that
See one seen them all.
Since social media this has become the norm.
I would say this… I hear you and I totally agree. Then meet someone that truly loves everything about me and has fought fights for me when I couldn’t. Pushed me to do the things I love and gives me the time to do it to include participating. It took me two years to trust it was real. I was so used to being the worst version of myself due to the insane treatment of someone I tried to care about. I’m still in court four years later fighting for custody and money it’s been over 7 years. And she still won’t go away. But the woman I met five years ago I never ever intended on meeting and it blindsided me and it’s been amazing. So you never know. But I understand what your saying.
I discovered later in the relationship that from the beginning she was exploting me and sharing all our intimate moments with everyone at work. She initially took me as a toy, someone to play with while I was being genuine and taking us serious.
Oh man, same thing happened to me.
Early on, I noticed she had a penchant for gossip. She had all these girlfriends who seemed like decent enough people, but she’d criticize every little thing about them. As the months went on it started to bother me more. Reason being: when people are this open to you when criticizing others, what makes you think they don’t do the SAME when you’re not around?
Month 6 arrives, and by that point I had shown my vulnerability and spoke candidly of my struggles with mental health; much of it stemming from the Marine Corps. I told her things I’ve never told anyone else, which any decent person would recognize is privileged information and to not share it.
She was over at my place one night, and as we were in bed she, as usual, starting talking shit about her roommate. Once she finished, I basically told her what I just wrote, and I asked her - point blank - if she had shared any of what I’d told her to other people.
She immediately responded and said “of course not!” But I still wasn’t buying it. While she was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, her phone lit up right next to me and was a reaction emoji to the previous text my girlfriend had sent.
The text she sent: “Being single was better.” Now my heart starts pounding, and when she came back I told her I saw her previous message. She replied with a lame excuse that she was just joking, but I was on to her.
Once she had fallen asleep, admittedly I took her phone to see what else I could find. To put it very nicely, sure enough she was talking all kinds of shit about me behind my back, mainly to two of her friends.
She criticized virtually everything I did, even the things about me she claimed to love. In addition, all those deep, painful, personal secrets? Yeah, she spilled the beans on a few of those as well.
After nearly an hour of sending screenshots to my phone, then deleting the sent messages from her phone to me, I woke her up around 5:00 a.m. and told her she needed to leave. Cue the exasperation and eventual crying, which then turned to anger.
Of course, she placed all blame on me for ‘violating her privacy,’ which I fully owned up to but clearly did so for good reason. I tried to look past it eventually, but never felt comfortable around her again and dumped her.
So, I feel your pain.
It's a little concerning to realise how it's almost as if I "accidentally" escaped a relationship with a covert narcissist. Went through most of these scenarios, repeatedly. Was always on edge. Started to think I was losing my grip on reality.
Finally just got so sick of the stress and drama that I walked away. Still didn't know what was going on, but I definitely wasn't going to participate anymore. I would probably still be in the dark about it if she didn't have the BALLS to accuse me of being a narcissist. If she hadn't planted that seed and sent me down the path of research to find out what a narcissist is (and determine if I actually was one), I would still be thinking that I just don't give enough effort.
Should probably thank her for that...
I realized and came back to call out her narc disorder. told all of her friends. she took my car, my friends, several jobs, away from me. took my future away from me. so i instilled doubt in her friends, ended up with a BS restraining order that's expiring in a month. the only thing i still miss a little are her kids. they were awesome, but i could never see them again if it meant never seeing her again. life changing when you know what they are.
My Narcs Mother (Golden Child situation) called me a Narc, which ironically led me to doing my research also 😂 Now in the process of developing an exit strategy, as I've bore witness to how devious they can be when they put their heads together.
My ex told me how her ex bf from 3 years ago makes posts on Facebook about her being a narcassist. (She stalks his social media from a fake account after 3 years) why didn't I see that red flag and leave then smh.
@@daeclipse03we were too much in the fog to realise anything tbh
That is exactly where I am right now. She keeps calling me a narcissist and I’m like wtf does that even mean?! I literally bend over backwards for you to make sure you won’t be upset with me every day. Now here I am in my realization and I’m crushed
I got told ' the noise your knife & fork make on your plate really really annoys me' then flew into a rage, plus countless put downs about my looks. Other ones were 'its just a joke' , ' don't be so sensitive'. Had the flirting with others guys right under my nose.
My covert narc tells me that closing my bedroom door or the bathroom door at night wakes her up over the noise of her white noise machine. She also insists that I make using the kitchen hell, if I don't wipe every surface down with an alcohol wipe every time I cook.
I got told not to wear flipflops during last heatwave, because the sound annoyed him..
Same for me eating crisps or basically anything i ate with a fork because i was eating "wrong"
I was told I look like a demon whenever I eat.
I clean up after everyone. My wife will leave crumbs after I wiped up or trash sometimes. I left one piece of wrapper on the counter, obviously I was going to toss it after I ate when I clean up. She gets mad thinking I opened up the a Pam spray while we have one open. Thinking it’s the wrapper for the new one. Then when I tell her it’s not the Pam it’s the condiment wrapper. I can tell it rubbed her the wrong way because she in her head thought she had me. Then goes you could have tossed out. It was like wtf because it’s so insignificant and she knew damn well I’m picking up after we eat. Plus she does the same thing if not worse.
I really couldn't see it in my mother until I was in my 30's, but it still took several more years for it to unfold and then I would remember things she said over the years. It's been gutting to face the reality, and lacking any support from either of my siblings has shown me just how dysfunctional the family has been. My sister is just as bad, has managed to "shove me out of the nest", and my mom will always side with whomever has her back, instead of standing on the truth of the situation. It's lonely to live this way, but I try to remind myself I am better off.
Hey Cathy, it was very much the same for me. Once I realized my mother was a narc, I made an effort to trigger her in every possible way to confirm my suspicion. And she magically ticked all the boxes. It was actually very liberating and even amusing in a twisted way to see how frail her ego is. I now disregard her shenanigans and don't engage with her anymore. I know why she became that way (childhood trauma), but that's not my fault.
Indeed. Me too. Thankfully, sheäs dead already, but I'm still not over all of that
I am going through the same thing. I finally realized my mother is a narcissist and my siblings are following in her footsteps
It is hard as he'll when we figure these things out. I am 50 and just figured out my mom 2 years ago!!
Thid is SO accurate, the problem is you get this info when it's already way too late and the damage was done, but it is still good to clear things out and helps with the recovery.
I had a relationship with a narcissist in my early twenties. She came back into my life last year (I'm 27 now) and apologized for everything. I trusted her so much that I let her meet my mother (I very rarely let a partner meet my parents). I even got her a job where I work when she asked me to. Then she suddenly flipped a switch, broke up with me with no warning over a snaphcat. She keeps saying "it's not you its me", then demeaning me, and making me apologize to her for making her demean me. I hate to admit it because she's perfect when she wants to be, but her patterns match up with every single video :/
I was with my female covert narcissist for 8 years. We broke up probably 20 times. I don’t think I’d ever be enough for her. She needs group sex with strangers. The sleazier , the better. I figured it out and caught her. Even after being caught she would still lie about it or get really nasty. Pure evil. She had abandonment issues from childhood. She checked off every narcissist trait to the extreme. I think she’s getting worse. Next time she tries to come back I will be unreachable. It’s sad because I really loved her. Now I feel so stupid.
Here’s a red flag for ya… she has several grown children and every single one of them refuses to have anything to do with her. No contact at all. No Mother’s Day cards, Christmas Cards, Birthday Cards, nothing. No phone calls no emails no friending on social media at all…. Nothing…
Smart kids. Wish I was that smart as a kid.
@@Pfsif I feel ya brother… this woman is pure poison..
I knew one who had 3 adult sons who wouldn't assist her in any way ( shoveling snow, cutting grass, etc), and two of them lived within a mile of her.
You should do a in depth talk about reactive abuse because anyone who has realised they are dealing with a female narcassist you will and I can testify to this fight back and you will use these phrases against them and this is where ppl get confused by watching videos like this and this is where ppl will ask if they are the narcissist, there needs to be more clarity here
100% agree. This is a very good point
Reactive abuse is terrible. A usually calm and passive person turns into a version of themselves they don't recognise... leaving us filled with guilt and self loathing which affects self esteem and then depression. It's a black whirlpool. Love to anyone who found the strength to leave a narcissist . But the damage is lifelong.
You're amazing. Shes been telling me for years I am crazy. Let me go to intense therapy and take meds. The flirting, texts coming from men, lying about her whereabouts all led me to become a guy with cameras in the house. Obsessed with catching her. I lost 15 years of my life. Shes called me a narcissist so many times but Im always trying to fix things, providing support for eveyone. After watching these videos I realize I was just a greencard and a source of supply.
The Bill Burr clips are a great touch. It made my week. I'm having a rough time dealing with people and trying to get a hundred percent sober. I was on meds as a kid as a teen I refuse to take the meds then got on hard drugs. So I never learned how to cope. Now I'm 35 learning how to raise myself basically. This video basically explained a lot of what I deal with with the women in my family. I've always had too much empathy and now I've gotten to a place where I feel cold and I'm starting lack emotion that I used to have. Instead of love, hope and light I just feel hate, fear and dark. I don't like it. I just want to be normal. I never had a good example of what a real man is in my life. So I'm learning on my own. It's tough.
I read what you wrote and felt deeply that I wanted to tell you that your not alone, I came from family disharmony and found God in the aftermath of sobriety. I didn't have a male father figure in my life growing up, so reading the wisdom of the new testament really helped me ❤ I wanted to share with you that God meets you where you are, and that Jesus loves you 🕊
Go to an ACOA/ACA meeting "Adult Child of Alcoholic or problematic childhood" meeting you will learn alot.
I come from a very messed up family with a father who never wanted me (and I never wanted him). RUclips is the father I never had. How to sharpen a knife. What is a man, what is a woman (Jordan Peterson had been a major influence). Even how to make love to a woman. YT has it all :--)
Lol the into reminded me of a quote Ive heard my dad say a lot over the years. "Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't actually after you" haha
It’s so hard to know how to respond to these things. I recently got out of a very toxic relationship where she did all of these things. Now, I’m not even sure whether to be angry or laugh that I ignored these things for so long. It’s incredibly difficult when someone treats you this way while telling you that they care for you.
I'm going through this. And the more I learn,the more I'm convinced she's one of these people.
they are everywhere. for exemple i have 60ish % of the traits. my whole familly is narcist and some anre dangerous
dont trust any narcist but specialy those with machiavelic sadistic (most are thief tho, carefull dont loan or give money)
im so lucky to have the grandiose and non-violent traits.. since we dont chooce our trait.
so my grandiose become dont walk on insect weird carnist... vegan ahimsa narcist. vs cruel himsa carnist fake empath projecting.
petting kittens while force imrpegnating obese cow and cutting head of lambs. im top 0.0001% princess men are pigs.
im also carefull of fake empath that are ultra narcist.
but even hell require some angels.
and to enter hell we need demon-pass and no angel-history.
facinating world of covers. undercover that undercover the undercover...
hey! slaughterhouse need infiltration too :D cannot have empathic tshirt when hired in a job where you cut tousand sentient being head
it work better tiwht narcisist tshirt "world sucks ima eat it all cause im god"
i expose my self narcisism to protect other. dont waste time eating well for cheap and be healthy (grandiose, sarcasm, entitlement)
make sure to spend alot of money for unehtical unhealthy food, and make sure to move as litle as you can (sarcasm, make people think. i can eat well with or without narcist aroud me. but planet is full of narcist. lol)
Omg from the first phrase I’m like how do you know my mother!? “I don’t want to argue” is her response to every little thing then stonewalling and treating me like the problem & guilt tripping me allll the time while scapegoating me to my grandparents. This is wildly accurate
Just subscribed. I’ve been divorced from her for almost 3 years now. We have two kids together so I still have to communicate. Everything you mentioned, she’s done multiple times. I’m finally starting to see the truth-she had me thinking I was the problem for 7 years.
my gaslighting sister once told me her saying "get out of the house" actually means i should cool down.
narc live in their own world. where words and sentences have little to no meaning
The female covert narcissist also exists in family relationships abundantly. What a horror that is. It's a big deal to go no-contact with your sister, daughter, mother....etc. I'd MUCH rather do the (relatively) breezy job of breaking up with a romantic partner. That's a "duh." I can do that all day with half my brain tied behind my back.
Bingo! I put up with her garbage for ten months until she attacked the memory of my father who passed in 2019. And it was always, “I’m not being controlling I’m just showing my concern for you!”
Then she was the victim…
She was textbook…
Wow same here...
These erse oles normally give themselves away, so by saying 'I'm not being controlling' tells you this is exactly what they are doing. They're not the sharpest tools in the box
@@paddyh6530 They cannot keep their mouths shut...
I just dated a woman for a few short months, and this describes her perfectly. Nothing is ever her fault, everyone else is wrong, and the whole time we spent together was her insulting me. It never made sense: if I'm so bad, why are you so eager to keep this relationship going? When I told her I was ending things because I was tired of being insulted, she began her response with "I did not know that you hold so much bitterness." I guess I do, and bye!
Biggest thing is you Must ask the narcissistic person " why are you doing this? " explain to their face this is no game and I'm getting hurt here.. see what narcissistic will say. They just want to play the blame game.
Avarage male experience: "I can change her"
Thank you! It’s nice to finally have someone explain these phrases. The women I have dated have gotten away with far too much for far too long. I’m saving this video.
If it’s multiple women you’ve dated. Then there is something about you that needs fixing. I say this as I had this realisation myself - all of my adult relationships were with narcissists and I after the last one I knew I had to fix something about me. I’m now on that path and no longer attracting narcissists to me, but more healthy and adjusted people. I wish you well brother.
@@JoeCool90 Thank you for the reply. I see what you're getting at but I still don't think it's cool for a narcissist to take advantage of someone.
@@Realniceguy that's like being angry at an orange because it's not a banana.
@@JoeCool90 Im not mad at the orange for being a banana. I’m grateful for the knowledge that I gained from watching this video.
Oh no, women as in not one, but multiple, username nice guy, sounds like you the problem and the narc
All these progressed on a daily basis. It got to the point that everyday it was belittling, humiliating, with remarks and comments. This got worse over a period of 6 years. The silent treatment, the threats with knives. Used my fear of snakes against me. Putting me down as my health deteriorated.
My ex did literally every last one of these things. I laughed in disbelief multiple times throughout the video. Textbook.
So glad I recognized that she was a covert narcissist, did my research, and painfully put my boots on and got to walking when I did!!
narcisism is so facinating its hard to not get obess learning the detail . its almost an art, sadly a dark art.
and many say narcist are broken to the core (or have no core) lol.
what i learned is you cant outplay or underplay them, they are both insulted. best strategy is be greyman ghosting boring neutral
(but in marriage more complicated. cant just quit and she keep everything)
I recently discovered your channel and I definitely can say that you know what you are talking about. My most recent relationship was with a female covert narcissist who is also a single mother. We have been on and off for almost a year and since the very beginning it has been constant lying, deflection, blame shifting and gas lighting. I've noticed single mothers are more on the covert side narcissm they play the victims of society, due to raising their children alone without a father figure. Every time I would catch her in a lie she would tell me she lied to protect my feelings or that she didn't want to upset me. She would communicate with the father of her child behind my back when I had expressed that I didn't feel comfortable with them communicating considering the father of her child does nothing for the child at all and only contacts her for sex. She lied to her family behind my back and told them I was controlling and abusive. She had been sneaking to see me for months because her family told her if she dealt with me anymore they would cut her off.
It's extremely important to remember guys that the covert female narcissist will always groom her family and friends and create a smear campaign behind your back so that when she does decide to expose the new supply everyone in her circle will gladly support the relationship considering you were so bad. The covert won't be questioned about moving on so fast because according to people in their lives the relationship with you is over. They will keep you on the sidelines for backup and sneak to spend time with you, while their family and friends believe the relationship with you is over. A female covert will constantly do things that sabotage the relationship and then play victim when you set boundaries with them. I kicked my ex out once I went through her phone and saw she was texting other men. I did not care it was 3am and that she had a 5 year old son and is also homeless. To me I look like the bad guy for kicking them out in the middle of the night to her family however what person who actually respects themselves will allow a cheater a place to live just because they have a kid. Her family doesn't know she was cheating, according to them I kicked her out at 3 am so I could have sex with another woman. The covert is dangerous fellas make sure you stay away. Trust me
This is so very true. I was in a relationship with a sweet, good looking woman, but as time went on, the love bombing, devaluation and rejection cycle started, then hoovering, then repeat.
"Just kidding" was my narc's favorite saying
Wow…. I have been thinking I was a narcissit but it maybe that was the loss of self esteem being eroded everytime I tried to raise issues about ‘us’…thanks so much
10 Favourite Phrases of Narcs-
1) You’re just trying to start an argument.. (after doing something nasty to you) whenever you address it
2) i was just kidding.. i was just trying to help you.. why do you always take things so personally
What they’re actually saying- how dare you hold me accountable
3) Nobody appreciates me
4) You’re crazy.. you’re always imagining things
You’re going crazy
5) I don’t have time for this
Translation- they don’t want to solve the conflict they created
6) I didn’t say that.. that’s not what I meant
7) You are so insecure jealous mean clingy
8) You never put me as a priority..
9) You’ll never find anyone as good as me
10) Why can’t you be like so and so
I was looking for the hero in the comments to summarize, thanks!
I remember speaking to someone for 3-4 months during the pandemic, She sent me a photo of us in reception class together. she came across like we were getting on really well and once restrictions were lifted; I asked if she wanted to hangout sometime as we both lived in the same hometown which was confirmed by her. Their response was "online is fine, lol" I said "online isn't real life" I then got immediately unfriended and unfollowed on all platforms and was given a rant about it and she called me a threat out of nowhere and said I was a alcoholic (we hadn't even met up before for her to even make those judgements about me) . The reaction from this person proved my point though!🤣.
She then took to twitter and twitted to all her followers that I mistook her kindness for a something more and tried to triangulate someone we both knew against me because I said a fair few things back in defence of myself and I blocked her (didn't follow her on twitter). These sort of people go from being self proclaimed kind individuals on social media to quickly being volatile once they are challenged on something or anything.
My narcissist spouse has a priority list of people. And, I'm not even on it. I dont even try to have conversations with her anymore. It does nothing but bring out more of her negativity.
Leave mate,respect yourself pls
It tough when you are constantly and consistently torn apart for no other reason than existing.
My wife’s go-to phrase lately is “why do you have to turn everything into a fight?” I just asked if you checked all the canisters (which YOU bought to store coffee in because normal canisters aren’t sufficient for your specialty coffee) for more beans before declaring we need to buy more. I’m not telling you you’re wrong. I’d just be surprised because I just filled them all last week. Not that I can explain any of that. Because as soon as I ask if she’s checked all the canisters, I’m cut off with “Don’t do that to me! Don’t treat me like that! I know how much coffee we need to brew a pot!”
So I shut down until I can get home and see that indeed, two of the jars are still full. “I didn’t know you filled them while I was gone! It’s OK that I bought more coffee! There’s nothing wrong with doing that! Not everything has to be an argument!”
This is so relatable. I lived with my brother and my sister-in-law for several years. The sister-in-law showed all of these signs in increasing number, and intensity over time. They eventually divorced but not until it had nearly broken my brother...get help if these signs happen on a regular, increasingly intense level over time. It will not get better. The best thing is to end the relationship.
2:12 to 2:31 describes my ex to a tee, particularly the part about being a "community hero". The pretending to care about others was pathological for her, whereby the pretence was what it was really all about. This narcissism was so covert she wasn't even self-aware enough to realise she inadvertently spilled the beans when in an interview she was asked about her volunteering; the first thing that came to her egotistical mind was that the voluntary work would be good for her career, not that she was there for the poor who needed help.
I believe this my wife to a T. The silent stone wall treatment. She can never be critiqued and hence she does she shuts down… when counselors flip the script in marriage counseling, look out. We never go back. But… I love her and I want to love her through this condition (unconditionally). Knowledge is power. Identifying helps me to respond …. I think I’ve learned to be narcissistic as well through this marriage.
The wife grew up abused and neglected. She’s an amazing woman even w these tendencies. This channel is my haven!!
Powerful
Good stuff, spot on. I went all the way through this and saw this video after a year of being out of the grind with a narc ex. They suck, it'll pass. They will always be miserable pieces of human detritus. If you're early in the stages, let me assure you one day it will end.
Yes, you'll be changed forever and that's a good thing. This happened because someone grabbed the thread and pulled and undid you. You'll be damned careful about leaving any threads available to people you don't know. You'll be more cautious and slower to open to people. That's a good thing. It's self regard.
Maybe you'll find clues in your family of origin as to why you normalized this dynamic or engaged with this person.
You'll be fine. THIS WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just learned that l am in a relationship with a NPD wife of 21yrs, only 2 months ago. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and trauma. Well, the positives are that l am aware of my situation and when you are in the bottom of the well the only way is up. Thank you for a very concise and powerful info. This is the first of your utube videos l have watched and now l have clearer understanding of what happened, how l got here and what is happening to me. I am co-parenting our two girls who are 14 and 17. The three of us are in therapy and she has always made me feel that they are in therapy because of me. I know l have a long way to go and l am slowly taking my power back and staying under her radar. Sad but now l have hope, something l didn’t have 2 months ago. I am my path to healing and recovery.
Thank you again, now l got a lot of homework to do. Right now l have a lot of your utube videos to watch.
Thank you for the hope and understanding that you give all of us who are victims of abuse.
Abe
I am amazed how many people are affected by reading comments. Same here. I will be seeking outside help available as my own power was not sufficient to withstand pressure. Thanks
Even with a bachelor's in psychology, I ignored the signs. I still hesitate calling her a narcissist, but the signs are there. And she always talks about how being sensitive isn't a bad thing, but goes on to say how me being sensitive puts distress on us
What I mention to her something bothers me, she says "You're too sensitive" and "you need to get tougher skin" but something bothers her and she feels "so hurt"
One thing is for sure, getting to a place of understanding that a person's true beauty lies within brings one to the realisation that our own light lies within also. ❤thankyou for your content.
I appreciate you brining this truth about the female narcissist out this is extremely rare.
They say ' I'm not doing this" so they can get out of talking to you or dealing with the situation , and they tell you your overthinking all the time and they call you names but it was your fault , everything is your fault!!! They give you the silent treatment which sucks and hurts so bad!!!
After more than a decade of her abuse and hearing about how badly others had treated her, and supporting her through various therapies to deal with her parent's abuse, I layed all the cards on the table as to how she had been treating me exactly the same and how it all affected me. I asked her what I should do about all that... She told me "get over it". Even if she is not a narcissist, she has about as much empathy and self awareness as a house brick.
Thank you for the “it doesn’t mean they’re not” comment at the start. When people keep saying narcissism is thrown around too much now days, it feels like society is gaslighting victims and enabling the abusers. With my covert ex, I could justify 8 of the 9 dsm criteria very easily for her, so it becomes very infuriating to hear people claim she’s not just because it’s so commonly used today when those same people have no idea the hell lived behind closed doors.
Thanks for talking about how it actually ISN'T always the man being abusive and toxic by default. I think this has been tricky for me to navigate because I AM very sensitive and needy, but I am not a malicious person. My partner can't take criticism but criticizes me constantly. She acts like it's a massive imposition whenever I'd suggest spending time together. I would shrink myself to appease her - she needed everything her way. She comes across shy and vulnerable and introverted, she is a chronic people-pleaser. She says she's nice and cares about other people but apparently NOT ME? She'll invalidate me, she literally PUSHED ME OUT of living with her. She acts like my needs are an annoyance, that I'm selfish, but I literally would make my entire days about trying to please her, trying to pick up slack around the house, studying relationship stuff and trauma stuff to figure out ways to figure this shit out. She'd either deny there's an issue, or make it like it's my problem always, I just want too much, I am unreasonable or demanding, she'll ignore me, she gets defensive and attacks me and keeps playing "Strawman arguments" even when I know for a fact I'm being reasonable and making arguments that are pretty sound or at least honest as far as I can see. I have NOT seen her apologizing much. I have not seen her care, seemingly, when she hurts me and I break down. She plays it like I am the bad guy and I'm so difficult and I'm so hard to love, and wants me to "think about others for a change", but she knows I have self-esteem issues and I tend to think about others TOO MUCH and make others' reaction to me the deciding factor in how I see myself. I tend to be submissive and NOT likely to stand up to myself in situations like this because she can act so solid, and because sometimes I DO look like the narcissist and I can come across as erratic because my own CPTSD surrounding neglect or misunderstandings or my own past experiences feeling unheard, ignored, misinterpreted, invalidated... I basically have been beaten down to the point that I literally couldn't win. This is such a recurring pattern I really just want to run away because I don't have that many other supports in the world. The whole fucking "I don't have time for this" or the "I never said that" (then claiming I always say hurtful things and I'm mean to her?? Even though I'm usually the one trying to make things right) - The "you're so insecure" - The "I'm sorry you feel that way but I dunno what to tell you" - the blatant "I'm not your mom, I'm not responsible for how you feel" when I basically have to beg for the simplest affection or attention. I get so gaslit because I definitely do seem boastful and I have also said those things. From my perspective, I don't feel powerful and I am not at all in the position she is when she has more shit figured out for herself, she has people who pay attention to her. It's hard to catch but I've found myself hating myself and wanting death. I am feeling like I've had to beg and beg for the bare minimum in a relationship to feel loved, and since pushing me out of her home she can now ignore me all she wants and use attention and love like a weapon, and ANYTIME I try to imply I need support or anything... There's SO MUCH resistance from her and smugness and it really hurts. And I don't feel valued. She says "I love you" but does not show it. It's always ME trying to fix shit, me showing love through actions and words and consistency, but it's ME hurt, it's me not getting any of that, barely even feeling acknowledged. She has "AUTISM" but I even suspect that may not be the whole story.
You sound like a really nice and caring guy who deserves to be treated a lot better than you are.
I'm about 95% sure my partner of 22 years and currently my ex of like 4 months is a covert narcissist and even though I left her it was her doing pulling the strings the whole way watched are spot on in like 75 to 100% of phrases used or toxic traits and it still saddens me so much because for a number of reasons and #1 is that she never actually loved me and causes me to cry still and another ý
hard to stop simp when simping for so long. face truth and accept long mistake
it dosent remove her qualities but if shes toxic and backstab. how helpfull is that for the next 20 year
dont sit on past mistake repeting mistake, consider potential wellbeing in future, without toxic people
im veyr lonely. but most around me are materialistic unhealthy superficialist projecting their misery on my free time nad health
cause they are god and can repeat mistake. and im pathetic to slowly grind good decision.
they laughed at me doing pushup in the driveway.. 2 year later 90 000 pushup later. they laugh less.
they laugh way less. specialy around 40 puhsup they laugh less.
then "whos gonna laugh last" well.. standard american diet love cluged arteries with trans fat and saturated fat that solidfie a body temperature
(arteries prefer fat that stay liquid, monounsaturated polyunsaturated. but narcsisist dont care cause god decide what fat do what :D )
outplay them by not insecuring them outplaying them : they go bankai and destroy you.
im so tempted to "show a narcist hes a narcsit" lately. but its useless suffering. he will duel endlessly to win his soul less ego script.
A partner for 22 years..is an overt codependent not like a narcissist. Should have gotten married after a year or two.
@@MassMultiplayer hey thanks for your feedback because I am learning still and I appreciate every opportunity i have to learn and I am just now beginning to learn to work on myself because I thought awhile back to myself "well why work on myself because I am fine with myself" I just in the last couple if days found out that I was wrong, especially because I was trying to work on myself for someone else and that just doesn't add up. So now I am really still trying to figure it out because I really don't care about money and stuff but at the same time I realize that I need it to do the things I've always wanted to do so I'm still learning about myself and I honestly started thinking about health and foods and exercise and I'm in the process of growing because I believe if done right we will not stop growing mentally spiritually and more because well if I love myself I should not ever be content with myself because I will know that I cam still improve and be better today then I was yesterday.
@@michaelmelamed9103 I'm not exactly sure what you are saying but I know I was codependent now and also may have had a trauma bond and you know I camt even say she is a narcissist because it could be a borderline personality disorder but idk because I shouldn't even be trying to diagnose her of anything because it's not my place, but I do know I love her and I miss her but idk why and that could just be because I feel lonely sometimes but regardless I see that I myself have issues and instead of trying to fix her I need to fix me and plus I could be wrong about it all because I tend to base everything off of personal experience and well I haven't experienced much and anyway I guess like u Said I don't know what it is your trying to say but I thank you for your feedback
"It doesn't matter how calm you are!! Your questions and comments are hostile!!" When calmly confronted about her pathological lying...
After being married to a narcissist for 18years I am now free what you say is dead on
Thanks you're awesome !!!
I admire your knowledge. Especially helping me understand the differences between narcissism, borderlines, and bipolar women. Subtle. But, repeated tendencies remain in their related Narc behaviors
I’ve heard three covert narcissists use the phrases “I didn’t say that!” Bam! You’re caught. Now I know what I’m dealing with.
It begins with "Hi, my name is X." Everything after that is a lie, manipulation, part of a game, a pattern of establishing and maintaining dominance. Be self-sufficient and stop the abuse. Get out of relationships and become self-reliant.
Always appreciated posts. 🙏
I keep listening to this. It’s so accurate and reassuring.
We must protect her at all costs
Thank you another great post Lisa.
Extraordinarily accurate briefing. My ex has most of these characteristics.
I cannot believe you would describe my ex the way you did... You literally described her point by point 😢 Thank you for making these videos 🙏 You helped me stay strong after breaking up with a narcissist 🙏
This hits home so bad, my wife has been trying to convince me I’m a narcissist for years.
Thank you so much for all that you share
Thanks doc!
12:24 you're literally describing my life.
Thanks for reminding me to lock the gate.
You are the best!
My mom did this to me 😢I had her negative voice in my head for years and it took a while to get it out 🧘🏽
I was my mothers whipping post her whole life. Every-time I moved away from her clutches she pretended to be offended or, made up stories about me. My spoiled brothers became Narcissist juniors. Her little princes. They cut me out of my inheritance
Thanks for your insights Lise!!!