Narcissist's 10 Steps To Taking Over Your Mind
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- Опубликовано: 25 июл 2024
- In this video, I explain the narcissist's 10-step process for taking over your mind and your emotions. This process requires ONE key thing from you, and if you don't give them this one key thing, they will move on to someone else and not spend any time or energy on you. The will move on to the next person and use the exact same process on them.
If this video resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might find help in it as well! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜
It's my intention that everyone who watches gets at least one important take-away. 🙏
/ @liseleblanc
About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
#narcissist, #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism, #femalenarcissist
Imagine finding this video before you got in too far entangled with the Narcissist. This woman is saving lives.
yes
I wasn't as fortunate 10 yrs and a shell of what i was
@@joetaylor9051 hang in j/t stay strong k
You wouldn't believe it unless you've lived through it
It would've made sense of so many things I was confused by and I would've left like I deep down wanted to anyway. But, I was discarded horribly and left to figure it all out on my own after. At least I understand now.
This woman knows narcissist, especially female narcissist better than any other provider here on RUclips I believe.
My wife would ask me what I wanted from her and I'd say "nothing." To her this meant our marriage was over. If I didn't want anything from her, she couldn't withhold anything from me, and was powerless to manipulate me. Every relationship she has ever had has been 100% manipulation based. It's quite obvious now why everyone "abandons" her... they are runing for their lives!
As a widower after happy marriage I found myself with a narcissist. I thought I was strong after getting over grief.... but she destroyed me... your videos have stopped me going mad... and finaly escape
A widower rushed me into marriage after a whirlwind romance... what a fool I was for ignoring the red flags. I cut and run with great loss but my life and Peace are worth more than any home or material objects.
I'm glad you had a happy marriage and escaped the narcissist, the only way to win their demonic game is by opting not to play! I really pity his first wife, whatever put her in the grave at least death was a release for that incredible lady, God rest her soul. You don't leave a good man (or a good woman for the gentlemen). Studying the books of Proverbs & Psalms in the Bible shed a lot of light on the narc games they play.
Sorry, it easy because our hearts are like children. I lost my husband and someone online I let into my life because he lives far away and I felt safe. He’ll never send me a picture of him and used a fake picture of himself. I tried everything to lose him and can’t delete him from Yahoo 😢 he keeps love bombing me.
@@gerrywalls9432use the delete button. As Marvin Gaye once sang, "Ain't nothing like the real thing" 🎵
One of the phenomena that Lise describes here is called 'the sunk-cost fallacy': you keep and keep investing into a person up to the point where you invested way to much to be able to just walk away, even if you know that the relationship is toxic/harmful for you/can not solve problems together. It is really hard to "simply/just" cut the losses and walk away - even though this is the right thing to do and the best way to save energy.
yep, and some will say "why did you stay so long if she was so bad" and if the person that asks is another narc, they just think your are dumb and try at their own turn. I met another narc after leaving the one I 'learned' from. I noticed things quickly with the nexr one. When she tried to go into to her act thinkin "oh he goes for that". I reminded her of the part she forgot. I DID LEAVE! They are a trip. I hear you, its not not easy to cut the losses and just go. I spent a lot of time waiting for the right time. My sister is the one that convinced me "the right time may never come". I left and learned "cut your losses" is one thing "accepting a loss" is another. The biggest loss was the time, we can get back the other things. Good luck to you!
Yea sunk costs concept applies to any investment, material or emotional
Not only save energy, but ones sanity as well.
Best RUclips channel on narcissism. Easy to resonate with especially from a male point of view and very professional. You’ve been a massive help in understanding this personality disorder
Darren F Magee is very good, too
Agreed
She's also talking about how most religions work, in this one.
My husband was involved with someone like THIS. Imagine watching it play out, wondering how someone you love could fall for it. My husband and I are rebuilding from this unnatural disaster. I am staying sane by educating myself in NPD/BPD.
It seems there are so many covert narcissists these days. I now observe and make note of it immediately if someone doesn't give straight answers to straightforward questions. When that happens I go into high alert mode immediately. Thank you for sharing this information. You are saving people from hell.
i dont also give straightforward answers. thats not really an accurate test.
@@redefinedliving5974 perhaps you are correct. I don't know you so I can't really opine. It's true my observations are anecdotal. Perhaps I could have said "In my experience, when people I know very very well are evasive.... Etc". Any way and ironically, you are very straightforward in your comment and I appreciate that.
@@sharpo I grew up in narcissistic household, i subconsciously learned that it's not safe to share all of my thoughts and just share what's safe and conventional. The people I was not comfortable sharing things with turned out to be gaslighters, enablers and flying monkeys so somehow even though I was still hurt by other narcs...i'll be hurt by more people if I shared carelessly. I learned and tested in my late 20s and with people outside my family and I just get retraumatized bc of minimizing and gaslighting. Now I trust my body and my intuition and just share with people who have gained my trust.
@@redefinedliving5974 you have given me some very important insight. Thanks for helping me to understand your perspective.
If you're a renter, sometimes another type of toxic relationship is beware of a good landlord who can secretly turn out to be toxic. They may start criticizing your things, especially if you've rented from them for long enough. You may find yourself wondering if they're secretly trying to get rid of you in favor of someone who can pay more because maybe they want to renovate your place and jack the rent. Or, maybe they might be wanting to secretly move into the unit and just combined let's say a duplex back into a single family home. Who knows what goes through some landlords' heads until they reveal it. You may even find out one day that your landlord has been talking about you behind your back without your consent for years about an issue. Let's say you have a lot of stuff and no one's ever said nothing before about it being a safety hazard until many years later. Okay fair enough so you correct the problem and get rid of about half of your stuff and pass that inspection, specifically if you're on Section 8 like many people are these days. Okay so you correct one problem and some time passes and then them and your inspector are on to you about something else, far more minor. That's when it becomes nitpicking, a form of harassment. A friend of mine has been through the nitpicking when there's absolutely no legal grounds to fire you from that job or evict you from that place you've been renting for a long time. No matter how long it's been, if you have a toxic landlord, alcohol tends to make them say and do stuff they won't say and do sober. Even as a high functioning alcoholic, they may do good work, but when it comes to verbal interactions, they use that as an opportunity to start criticizing your stuff and that you even have it, it's too big, "get rid of it", etc etc etc. There's coming a point in these situations that if you don't say nothing, these people just won't stop. You must start by standing your ground and secretly document everything. If you can secretly record something, make sure you pick up the audio, too. If you have to turn that into someone along with anything that's in writing, you need to make sure you have the time and date stamps on it. That is, if you know the time it happened. If it was within an approximate hour, put the approximate hour. Make sure you have the right date and document exactly what happened in your own words without the landlord being there. If you ever have to turn that in, you'll be able to send it through email. That right there could land them in some hot water, especially if you happen to catch something on video. The longer you let it go on, and the more evidence you collect, there's coming a time you may start realizing it turns out to be a pattern with them. The problem isn't necessarily with you, but more so with them. The more evidence you collect, especially recorded, it's going to land them in some big trouble the longer it goes on. The longer it goes on, the bigger trouble they can be in
One of the rare guides , this woman deserve to be honored.
She speaks truth to core.
I left my girlfriend about a week ago because she's a narcissist and a borderline. " Fortunately" I had a toxic relationship resembling that one years before so I could see all the lies and mind games and could tell her about it, but of course she was unfazed about everything I said and turned it against me. Left me several times over nothing just to go date some other guys and then come back with the same bullshit. Grateful that it only lasted about 4 months.
As a borderline myself who often wonders if I’m also narcissistic (crazy household bad childhood yet was also idolized and allowed whatever whenever while simultaneously being abused verbally and mentally) which from what I have read about it, seems like a recipe for narcissism. I wanna know what were some major (or minor even) tell tale signs she was a narcissist.
So glad for you that you saw stuff and that you used past experience. Four months is brilliant. It's fine.
The pain they inflict is cruel and long lasting.
It can be. Yet for me once I realized “narc” was a real thing, not just an insult, I took my butt to counseling. As Joseph to his brothers 3 times, “it was you, but God who sent me here.” It’s thanks to them that we can get counseling and be better off than we otherwise would’ve been had we never needed counseling had we never been abused.
The keys are counseling, faith, and humility.
The MOST underrated channel on these disorders on RUclips by far, and I've gone through quite a few of the popular ones. Pure professionalism, very well structured and ring's true for those of us who have experienced such tribulations. Thank you for your knowledge.
Her saying early on "You're the smartest person I know! It's always interesting to talk to you. Others only talk about bullshit"
Can't believe this happened to me, so many things resonate with my relationship. She convinced me to migrate to her home country where she unleashed all of her toxic behavior without restraint. After leaving me exhausted and helpless, she discarded me. What a monster of a person.
They are parasitic, shape-shifting reptilians to be avoided at all costs
Truly horrible horrible experiences you have described. Its a nightmare dealing with these people, they take great delight in what they do, they are so immature, lack any depth or empathy and they will affect your mental health severely, leave them ASAP.
My ex-wife Nancy was the perfect model narcissist, every step you describe she did. Perhaps you should also mention that some narcissists can come back, just to see if there's anything left, or they are desperate. Nancy attempted this years after our divorce, after she had lost her place to live, and didn't have a fresh victim in the works. Calling, "Just to see how I was doing. " 🤣
Terry… please read, Outsmarting The Sociopath Next Door, by Stout. Definitely eye opening.
As my attorney warmed me, after their destruction is complete and the realization has hit them that to leave was a grave mistake, they ALL want to return. Sad. Still, our response should be absolutely and unequivocally, no.
Just SAY NO...
Reminds me of some one I knew..
One of the MOST manipulative person I have ever met.
She did try to be "friends"...
Just SAY NO...
@@ENIGMAXII2112 oh, I did say no for sure! 🤣
@@terrycavender Run!!
As a man, I find your channel one of the most helpful and insightful. Your energy is calm and reassured and uninfluenced by political narratives and Marxist agendas. It is a joy to listen to you. Your professionalism is very appreciated.
I think the same watching every video of Lise on narcissism. So accurate, well explained and helpful 🙏 The best.
I agree 100% thank you for helping us to understand!
Same
Couldn't agree more!
... She's a great gal to, natural, appealing!. 🇬🇧🇨🇦
These videos are incredibly accurate, every detail matches. They helped me understand the nature of this evil disease and move toward recovery. Thank you.
yeah, these help me out considering the fact that some people don't believe this happens or, at least, that WONDERFUL person would not and did not do thatr. Like Chucky in Child's play, nobody believed it was the doll wreaking havoc
OMG YES... That is exactly what my narc did to me. The grooming, love bombing, making up fights, pulling away, triangleation, gas lighting, etc. Although I learned of many of these terms a few years ago, your PHIL theory, explained how and why. And, YES, I was the ONLY one who understood her, or she could trust, as we had a special bond, repeating my promises to her, etc. Textbook! This happen to me in 1985. The term Narc didn't come out until 1991. I didn't learn about it until 2020. My question is, how do the narcs all follow this same plan when they havent' met each other. There doesn't seem to be a manual or class that wouild teach them all those steps. So where did they all learn or pick up the same methods. Just to comment. It really stinks finding out the Only Real Love you ever had in your life, wasn't real. It was just someone else's game.
Lise is very smart isn't she. I'd like to add that since narcs are liars, when they say they want to be manogomous they're sneaking around. It was sad to see a narc I dated think she had to flirt to get ahead rather than simply rely on her job skills. It was so pathetic to realize and see her condition. She's an older mature woman now and still trying to use sex appeal to get attention. It's so sick. She recently wrote a song that seems like it's about a mature woman seducing young men. Weird
That's spiritual warfare my man!!
The bizarre thing about the "making up fights" aspect would be that they would do a 180° on things that they professed to believe in themselves. Only to fight about it later (while pretending not to.) With the "I never said that" denials all in full bloom. Talk about crazy making! NO CONTACT cures all!! (Even if that means taking the so-called "L" on something... just do whatever it takes to get away from these maniacal types and never look back.)
I've wondered this myself. Once I found out that my eight year situation (I won't call it a relationship) had a name, I straight-up asked him (sarcastically) if he attended clandestine meetings that required a secret handshake to attend! It's bizarre!
It's hard to come to that realization...that what you eviscerated yourself for was basically someone's entertainment.
Recently had a run in with a man like this. Luckily I knew who and what he was and kept my walls up. In less than 2 months I’d had enough and blocked him. Still took a bit to get the ick off me, but glad I walked away.
So relevant for me right now, there distortion of events and reality and how cruel they will go to punish is astounding! And not any sense of wrongdoing or accountability!
Lise, you perfectly described my last relationship with a woman I was with for 15 months. It was a nightmare. Another way that my narcissist broke down my reality is this: she identified my core values and then put me in “double bind” situation where I felt like I was forced to violate my own core beliefs. It was so dramatically painful.
May I ask why you felt the need to comply with it? Was she holding a gun to your head?
LMAO. With enough time and distance of no contact, I can look back and laugh at the whole ghastly affair. However, I'm now totally red pilled. Never again.
I really agree with you man.
@@mukesh.dhimar I went through this years ago. Since then I've learned to read the signs very quickly. I'm not even talking about potential girlfriend stuff. All interactions with females. They can't help themselves. Their need to control and manipulate a man is in their DNA. Even in random innocuous encounters. The sky is blue, water is wet. Females are solipsistic and gynocentric. Fact. The malignant narcissist is on a whole other level of course, but...I'm older now. I've learned to live without them. I don't miss 'em at all. I don't have time for the nonsense. No ROI. Good luck.
18 years and 2 children later, I’ve been through hell. No words can describe the classic idealisation, trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement I unwitting allowed myself to be subjected to, the valuable wisdom Lise’s channel offers is priceless. Now discarded for new supply, I need to rescue my poor children. My nervous system almost completely compromised, I say almost, because I’m here aren’t I. I have no problem with the discard, if anything a sense of relief has prevailed. Just need to rescue my children, with no support network and limited resources. The amygdala still neurologically hijacked, but less than it was, though I doubt I’d say the same if there was contact. My choice. Thank you Lise.
I pray you're successful at rescuing your children. 🙏💛
Wow…..you just described my ex and EVERYTHING he did from start to end. This man is a monster and I’m glad I left!!! This is pure evil!!!
Omg. This is the best narcissist channel on RUclips. You are the only way that breaks everything down perfectly. I left my ex last week and she did every single thing you have ever mentioned in any of your videos. I now know for ABSOLUTE certainty I will not be going back to her. You saved my life. Not to mention my bank account. Thank you so much
Her saying:
"you're so lucky to have such a good memory"
One of the last things my ex told me just before I blocked her for good, was I guess your reality and mine are not the same. I did not respond to that. I had already realized that it was only manipulation.
I received that implication during nearly every one sided conversation
My ex said that to the judge....the judge didn't take it well.
What a narcissist took from me was my self respect. The definition of self respect: pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.
Hi Lise, it’s been eight months since I walked away from my fiancé. Today I finally had a dream of meeting a nice woman. I think I’ve finally broken the bond with her, I’m going to be OK. What a nightmare it was and I almost married her. Thank you for your content, you and many other people on RUclips have helped me so much in the last 3 to 5 years to deal with bad relationships with friends and family.
That's really good to hear! I'd love to know a little about your dream. In my experience good dreams mean good things, .. although the bad ones are useful too. Sounds good though!
Glad you ended it before you got hitched!!!!
Never had a full blown romantic relationship with an NPD. But it's fascinating see the description of how my mum messed up my dad!
It is terrible seeing one's son get ensnared by a narcissist, especially when she and he live 5000 miles away. The alienation from our family has started taking place and I feel like there is very little I can do, except hope that some day he will figure out that this relationship is not worth keeping.
“I never said that”, “I didn’t do that”, “you’re making things up”, etc, even when I have irrefutable proof in text messages. The best defense against a narcissist is to know yourself, set firm boundaries and trust your instincts. When they realize that their narcissist playbook has no effect on you, they will initiate discard sooner rather than later.
Yep. "Mine" lied about having a fb...she actually has two. When my friends said "she HAS a Facebook. We're looking at it right now" and then proceeded to send me screenshots of her page (and no, I did not put them up to it...I foolishly believed her when she told me that she deactivated her acct). When I asked again...nicely..."hey, I thought you deactivated your account because of work issues...my friends saw your page.."...she lost it on me. She went off. "What?! I don't know what you're talking about! I don't have a fb! I deleted it to avoid drama...yet, here it is anyway. It's always SOMETHING with YOU! What, do you have your friends checking up on me?!" Ummm...no. I had PROOF and she STILL denied it and turned it around on me. Unreal.
You don't have to wait for them to initiate a discard...discard yourself!
i left her because it got to the stage where i couldn't take anymore--im OUT and staying OUT .
Thank you for these videos. It’s just now hitting me what a terrible relationship I was in. She shot herself in the foot when she demanded me go to a therapist to get my control and jealous issues resolved. I went and the therapist lost it when they got to know me and heard what she was doing in the relationship. Turns out she was the one that manipulated me into thinking I was messed up just to cover herself up. Thankfully I ended it and I’m no-contact and blocked all her accounts. She has continued to harass me with different phone numbers and even showing up to my house late at night to try and seduce me. I’ve changed my locks and just refuse to go to the door now. She’s now in the stage of dragging my name through the mud and telling lies to people that know me to ruin my reputation.
Yes same here. Forced to go in individual therapy to save the relationship for a lack of “emotional intimacy and connecting’. New supply was already found and I had big issues. All the therapist asked was do you feel emotionally safe? Drove back to the fam 24 hours later.
@@noahfowler6841 sounds exactly what she said to me also. She said I had “emotional detachment disorder”. After no contact for a couple months, she has still tried to get me back. Turns out she was FaceTiming another guy behind my back while we were in a relationship. I had a gut feeling and I knew I couldn’t trust her. My advice to you would be to just realize that you were not the problem, it was because she wanted you under her control and for you to totally lose yourself.
A better person is out there for you. Don’t give up
I had that too, they smeared me at work and broke in, stole things etc, had his best friend stalk me prior to that. Think he stalked me/got intel from neighbors. I refound an old love that I almost missed out on due to just that tiredness, learned helplessness of his drama. Taking charge slowly of my life again.
The same thing happened to me. And the police barely did anything. Although I am sure if it was the other way round and I was doing stuff to her, I'd have been arrested.
It's crazy how accurate and to a "T" ALL of this is. It's like they go off of a playbook.
That’s because it’s the oldest playbook. These people hate honesty and pretend innocence.
@@aymtb red pill truth
They do go off a playbook, its a standard issue from the factory. This play book that their left hand is on will be in play until the last breath ,thats how deep that poison went. My mother is a malignant, and shes 92 that playbook is still in use , she just can't remember at times what part to assimilate to fit the external surroundings. The eternal chameleon. Was that way in her younger years too i hear.
Yep, come to think of it…
This video happened to me for 31 years from 1969 to 2000.
I was 18. She was 17.
It was my first date. I never kissed a girl before. I thought if we liked each maybe we would kiss on the first date or maybe the second.
It went too fast. I didn't know she was a narcissist. She was in the passenger seat. She beckoned me to move next to her. I did. She slowly pushed down on the front seat of the car. I didn't know what she was doing. She climed on top of me and started grinding on me. We both were fully clothed. A few minutes went by and we both got up. Somehow she ended up in the driver's seat. I was traumatized. I thought, well maybe I should go at my first plan and see if I could kiss her on the first date. I did. She was annoyed that I didn't French kiss her. I didn't know what French kissing was. She showed me. Still traumatized, I asked her if she could drive since she was still in the driver's seat. She said no. As we left the place where we were parked in the woods I ran into a ditch and the car got stuck. Me, her, and the couple that were the back seat had to walk 4 miles to home. Everyone was late for curfew. My Father pulled the car out of the ditch the next day.
On our second date we we're in the mall parking lot when it was closing. Her Mother worked at the mall. Somehow she was in the driver's seat again. She said let me see your hand. I thought she was going to read my palm. She began looking at my fingers and I thought, she's probably trying to see if they're clean. I was pretty proud that they were. She manipulated about three or four fingers together then stuck them up her skirt between her legs. I was traumatized. I didn't know women had a hole down there. She used my hand as a dildo. She began to to pleasure herself. I was hoping she just wouldn't hurt herself. When she was finished she acted like nothing happened so I did the same. That scenario went on for about 2 months. Every weekend I would buy her expensive clothes at the mall and and she would use my hand to pleasure herself sexually. She never reciprocated.
At one point, since she was only 17, I asked her if it was legal what we we're doing. She said, the law says it's okay as long as you marry the person. I laughed to myself and asked, do you want to get married? I didn't intend it as a proposal.
Her mother and father arranged a June wedding in 1969. She reciprocated before the wedding day.
We had three children. 1986 My first daughter ran away to live with my Narssiststic mother-in-law. They slept together after my father-in-law died.
I was working full time and attending college full time working on two masters degrees.
I put my remaining daughter and son in public school. My son had tourette syndrome attention deficit disorder.
She took them both out of school against my will to homeschool them.
I
She did everything a narcissist does to a family. She turned my siblings, my children, and grandchildren against me.
I'm began seeing a licensed mental health counselor in 2000.
My counselor was a young attractive sophisticated woman in her 40s, a graduate of Columbia University a child advocate. My wife tried to destroy the reputation of the counselor and sabotage my therapy. She tried to convince the counselor, church, and my cousins that I had sexual desires for counselor the and then I was going to try to rape or marry her. She convinced my daughter not to go. My son only went with me one or two times but then he said it doesn't work. What he meant was I didn't change.
The counselor and I worked through this. I saw her 45 minutes a week for 5 years.
My relationship with the counselor would have been betterif if my counseling hadn't been sabotaged by my wife.
I was in counseling therapy weekly for 2 months when she took my son and daughter and moved them into a shelter with excuse that she was leaving me and she was afraid I was going to abuse her and the children. And that I was abusing them. she moved out with my daughter and abandoned me and my son.
She created a so much drama based on lies that i had to call the police and tell them my case is front of her. When the police got done questioning her they told her to go get the children and bring them home.
Wife filed for divorce while I was still in counseling trying to work 40 hours a week and keep the family together.
They told Go get the children and bring them home.
Sound of therapist that I enjoyed working with in 2000
worked on mine
grandmother because my wife threw a mop at herHer and her mother scapegoated me to all of them.
9:41 I’m starting to realise I may have fallen into this trap, 3 kids in, you are basically describing my entire relationship/marriage with my wife.
Now I know this isn’t going to end well eventually, I am a super patient person which is why I am still here after 15 years of which only the first was actually good.
I appreciate the mentioning of them taking away your self worth. I have been so broken down over the years, to the point where I became very inward turning, and my entire sense of who I am collapsed, quietly like the titanic sub disaster.
But what I found on the inside of that was something so unbreakable I will never be vulnerable to that self destruction again.
I understand who I truly am, no matter the external changes, and maybe if it weren’t for her this never would have happened.
I have discovered a resilience so solid it is impervious to any waves which might come.
And there will be waves, but she doesn’t know that I am the ocean.
This literally described EVRY part of my last relationship. She is THE poster child for this sickness. It is gonna be a LONG road back from this shit.
Indeed it is, but it's so worth it!
The complete narration of my relationship with my female narcissistic X! Another example of Gaslighting, “you don’t really feel that way’.
mine too, down to the letter and in order!
They will try to ruin your reputation as well. My x made up a story that I hurt her dog. Sick!
Great presentation of complex concepts.
I got out at stage 4 when I refused to apologise for her shortcomings and demanded she be accountable. The rage over SM was funny to watch
I find myself liking every single video from this therapist. I think both Lise and Dr. Carter are the two most effective and affective experts on NPD
"Take you on a ride" Yup, thats *exactly* how I would describe it. He told me in the beginning "Noone made a woman out of you yet? Then I guess I'll have to do it" And what a ride! I'll never be the same again but in the end, although I almost passed away, I'm still thankful for the experience because it taught me I was dangerously naive and needed to learn about these personalities. It could have ended even worse. But I learned and am now a more improved person because of it.
Probably the most comprehensive easy to understand explanation on here. 👏 👏 👏
In time, she made me feel that she was my only trustworthy ally. All my relatives and friends could not be trusted. how slowly and insidiously she put her plan into play.
After realizing this about 2 years ago, I looked back at a lot of the events that happened with a fresh mindset and the clarity of the deception was mind-boggling.
How can someone who is supposed to have my back do such a thing? Radical acceptance. It happened and she did it with one purpose in mind after getting all she could, discard.
thanks, Lise.
“Spellbound” is the perfect word
Awesome video
Thank you
My wildest experience was having a family therapist (in front of my partner) accuse me of having emotional affairs with my students. Suddenly, I wasn’t being manipulated. I was a cheat. I guess that therapist believed in the Gestalt method of therapy. It destroyed me. I just walked around asking myself, “am I the jerk?” Fortunately I decided that even if I was the jerk, I had to get out.
Yes! Even if its true, even if i am a narcissist, the only way i can heal that trauma and work to be a better person is, first, to escape her. Or she will spiral me down, over and over, and i will never know myself in any way
You describe my narcissist exactly. Thank you for the validations that me and other men can really relate. My wife likes to tell me how I feel, weather I actually feel that way or not, just to confuse me into thinking maybe that's what I'm feeling.
Wow so true. The devaluation stage really resonates for me. It verbalized what systematic process I went through. What saved me was my strong sense of self. I was fortunate in having a strong intuitive sense that the relationship was not right and that I was being manipulated.
I am certain that you know how men communicate. Straight and precise to the point. No bs. You are an absolute GEM, Madam. Salute.
The narcissist's devaluing stage is very interesting.
It seems like the way they feel about themselves, they are accusing you of it. As if they are placing their insecurities upon you to try to make you feel the same way as they. If you feel confident about yourself, it seems like that threatens the narcissist.
The narcissist probably won't feel good about you until you feel the same way as they feel about themselves. Perhaps insecure and inadequate. In a sense, it seems like they want you to be a copy of their true selves. What I am understanding out of this, they may fear you rejecting them if you know how they truly are. Since they are probably afraid of getting emotionally hurt, they may cause chaos to get in control.
Kind of, yes they want you to be a copy of them. The difference is you will be the copy that gets beat up and they'll be the copy that plays victim. That's when they feel best! Wow!
I love how they use "CHAOS" while pretending not to. (This is when they're recruiting people behind your back that they supposedly don't like either). evidently they want you destroyed by someone else their tag teaming with behind your back and then to pretend like they feel sorry for you when it happens (as IF they're mad at the person too.…when in reality that's obviously what they wanted all along. 20/20 hindsight).
PS--Do you ever notice what bad actors/ actresses these people become in the end?! it's as if they're daring you waving a red flag in front of you as the bull. Yeah, they get that arrogant. But NO CONTACT cures all! (No amends needed, no pathetic see-through explanations...JUST FINALLY DONE WITH IT ALL!)
This. I was prior to this a very confident woman; yes I'd had some severe tribulations but I'd survived them none the less. I think he felt threatened by my intelligence & professionalism - there was a degree of misogyny involved. I'm trying to absolve myself of thinking that this was a personal vendetta & much more about what I represented as an intelligent, moral & attractive woman. If I can see myself as an abstract concept as he did it doesn't negate blame on his part but erases the question of 'what did I do to deserve this/why me?'
The irony is I didn't buy into the idealised notion of self or some fantasy future & they still persisted in stalking me anyway despite me begging them to stop. Whilst he fit the prototypical descriptions I think there was an element of self delusion on his part: I already had a fiancé & a child & have been in a long term relationship for 8 years. I hypothesis that when he found out about the relationship he snapped as he'd only been seemingly nice up until that point. I had my phone hacked & was cyberstalked for nearly 2 years; why would a narc invest sooooo much time into doing that?
That technique has a nane...it's called "projection" when they try to get you to take on their shortcomings.
First, I wish Leblanc's vids existed a decade ago. Second, I managed to hit the devaluation stage in one relationship after having endured it in a previous one. Things got creepy when she started using very specific phrases with the *same* grammatical errors as the previous ex, when she was revving up for struggle sessions. Normally, I don't care about 'errors'. They're whatever. The problem is they were the *same* errors, and she *didnt* do this before the devaluation stage hit. It was like they shared some kind of sleeper DNA.
One of your best videos, thank you. It’s such a strange thing to go through and no one can really understand this who hasn’t been through it. It’s like being part of a terrible club 😢
What a brilliant way to describe the real nature of narcissistic relationships! Thank you!
I get kinda discouraged when I hear about people out there like this. But I know they exist. And I’ve known some. I try to believe the best in people, but the reality is that people aren’t always as “good” as I perceive as them.
Wow.. The story of my experience with a covert narcissist..
That last step #10 I experienced when I said to myself that I have no more tricks in the bag to handle this relationship. The final trick was the discard method because all others failed to help the relationship.
Thanks a ton...i don't know how i got to your videos. They are eye-opener for me. I couldn't believe how true you were about one bad relationship i have. Every time i was dumped i felt it was my fault and begged for forgiveness. The whole stages of my programming have become crystal clear to me now. I don't feel the urge to be protector and responsible to keep the other person happy nor i feel the urge to be sorry
Thanx ma'am you are genuinely helping so many people
This perfectly describes the relationship of a narcissist and close friend of mine. The narcissist "broke up" for a month to punish him then returned to "make up" and used a fantasy future to convince him to move out of state in order to isolate him from family and friends. Now he's trapped in a cycle of break ups and reunions, lost six figures of his retirement savings and is taking out home equity loans on a home he formerly owned free and clear chasing a fantasy future. I explained he's dealing with a narcissist and needs to go no contact, instead he's in denial and gone no contact with me.
Thank you Lise being married to a woman with diagnosed bpd going though different therapists I can definitely say she has npd as well I’m struggling but don’t know how much more I can take
Leave.. save your soul and mental health.
Why on earth should you take any more? Run away. Run like Hell itself is on your heels. It will not get better. It never gets better. Not ever. Take it from me. I did 15 years with a woman like that. Yourtrying to please them is like trying to fill a well with a hole in it. Except the water is your emotional reserves. That pit is bottomless and it’s always hungry for more. Get away as fast and as safely as you possibly can. Your very sanity and possibly your life itself or, rather, your longevity is at steak. You had nothing to do with her childhood trauma. You did not cause it. You can’t fix it. There’s no reason in hell why you should pay for it. And when you get away, you can have peace again. Remember that? Glorious, wonderful piece. It’s still a thing.
This is amazing. For 4. years I lived this almost in exact order. Thank god I was able to finally end it in the only way I knew how, Cold turkey. Six months later I am still recovering and feel like I am damaged beyond repair. But at least I am free. I still love her but can never allow myself to go back. All I know is that I am done with trying. Im too old and too tired.
I remember seeing my narcissistic friend after a couple of months and I was shocked how small, fragile she was. In my head she was the super hero of the world! And after some hours together, I had that impression again. With words she could make a painting of herself and her world as something spectacular. That , with some distance, I could see was not the reality ❤
You rock the details and steps! 😊
They operate within the boundaries of their control. Give them control early on and see how they manage when you take some control back. It will set up all the red flags right in front of you. They will be very unhappy when supply is starved - they will act like a typical toddler. When they do … walk away and never ever go back!
If you wait until their control involves home, marriage, kids… well, you’ll be learning the hard way like many of us did. Gods speed to you all!
This is all so recognizable ... And that's just the crazy thing, looking back you also see things from the past that gave you a strange feeling somewhere, but you ignored everything. That's why they are so cunning, everything happens so subtly, so gradually... They play a game with you but you just don't realize it. You constantly feel that something is not right and yet you cannot put your finger on it.
The worst thing for me was that I started to believe him. Because yes, I felt humiliated, used, insulted but he did all those things so subtly. Usually with sarcasm, with a grin on his face. And then you get things like "Why are you taking this so negatively?" or 'Why do you always react so sensitively, can't you see me smiling? I'm not the one who gets emotional'... I was indeed always the one who reacted emotionally because I felt so hurt and humiliated by the things he said. But so he had a reason to tell me that I was the cause. Because I was the one who couldn't contain her emotions. I was the one who made everything turn negative. I was the one who always felt insulted when he supposedly only wanted the best for me and wanted to make me tougher. And therefore also the only culprit. It didn't matter to him how he made me feel, as long as he didn't yell at me, I had no reason to feel attacked, so to speak. Sure enough, because of my emotional reaction to those things, he suddenly had a reason to get angry, to yell, to get violent. Because I was the one who had provoked it and in hindsight I shouldn't complain because it was my own fault.
These people are really sick.
That is one great video which sums up the experience of a relationship with a narcissist very well!
Mind blown. You're amazing Lise!
love your videos - so accurate and helpful
Wow this is so accurate
Keep sharing the info Lisa. The chick I'm seeing now seems great. I'm taking it slow this time.
Verrrrrry slow. Your state of mind depends on it. Good luck!
Just bloody wow ...
this doctor is a professional. she speaks wisdom and spot on. making me think she is either a narcissist herself or her mother or husband was. or it could be from her work experience and honest efforts. because i dont think this information is in the books. it is from real life experiences.
This is an amazing video. So clear. I don't have a narcissistic partner, but grew up with a parent who likely is one. These videos give so much perspective. And the delivery in this one is epic. In my 20s Junghian psychoanalysis helped, but at the time I was not aware of the extent and ramifications of the abusive upbringing I was exposed to. Each approach has a cost. Cutting relations is empowering and liberating on one side, but it complicates family relations. There is no free ride, and there is no closure nor understanding with the abusive parent. We have lo look forward, ahead of us. but occasionally the burdens from the past can hit us back.
I feel you. You seem to have done the hard work. You should take a moment to congratulate yourself for embracing honesty despite the cost.
At this point I have come to the conclusion our egos are the little narcissists within.
I find the only way to let the ego go is to practice the art of peace.
Your words are comforting and inspiring to me.
Peace ✌️ ☮️ 🕊
@@plusone8015 Thank you. How do you define the art of peace?
I totally agree with you about the lack of closure and understanding.
Unfortunately, there is none.
We need to learn from these experiences and move on as difficult as it may seem to do.
These videos are a great place to start.
My ex would say or do things that were mean, cold, or disrespectful and then when I would get upset she would say I was over reacting, dramatic, and eventually she tried to convince me I was gaslighting her. And I believed her for way too long, I became a shell of the man I once was. I was consumed by shame and believing I was worthless. So glad to find these videos.
Your videos are sophisticated and very uplifting.
Omg…😩💫 it’s all just so painfully mind warping!i! I am truly happy to have found your videos which are shedding huge amounts of uplifting light. The simplified predictability I’m now seeing within it all - is providing a sense of relief here somehow. Knowing it’s just that predictable makes it all feel less unique, heavy and isolating. I thank you for posting such receivable, clear and helpful content!🙏
Well said. Love the analagies.
Great information that is well presented. Thank you.
Yes, yes and YES. EXACTLY. SPOT ON! I was groomed and the "best person she's ever known" after knowing me for just a few weeks. Then it was future faking...insisting I move in, talk of kids, asking me to buy a huge piece of property with her for our "future family compound" (thank God I didn't)....then....out of the blue...a TOTALLY different person. Refused to see me, then would ask to see me, then would be mad and refuse to see me again. She started doubting me and I did feel like I needed to prove myself. No compliments, bread crumbling, all of it. It is crazy making. She also devalued most of my friends. There seemed to be something wrong with each of my friends in her eyes. There was extreme jealousy too...I couldn't hang out with anyone without being questioned...male, female, young, old...didn't matter. Even small talk with the cashier at the grocery store was "a threat" to her.
Spot on my friend.
@@ebrowntaylor1same happen to you? :(
@@byefelicia7736 Very close...I'm on to better things FINALLY. Mine tried to move in with me after 3-4 weeks of knowing her. She just showed up without warning one night with all her stuff and unloaded it into my 600 square foot condo. Then fell onto my couch hysterically crying about something I don't even remember. Looking back, it was so bizarre and clearly a diversion to get my focus off what was actually happening. Not to mention the COUNTLESS other incidents that are still hard to believe really happened. I used to think was was experiencing was an isolated issue. Now, after hearing so many people explain painfully similar situations I know this cycle happens to many others. I didn't even know what a narcissist was 2 years ago. I'm sorry you went through this. It gets better, trust me.
@@ebrowntaylor1 wow. I also never realized that this kind of "person" existed until I had the displeasure of running into this one. It is truly mind blowing and insane. Up is down, left is right, what is fine one minute is used against you later. I'm sorry that you experienced this too. Yuck.
Oh hey wow! Clownshit crazy , move in after a few weeks??? id hop a freigt train on full tilt to get away from that , and did. Its been about 5 years now, good thing you bailed early on. Good on you ,
Great content and excellently delivered, honest and to the point...👏👏
I love your work. Simple succinct and profound. Thank you!!
Yeah girl! You rock!
Once again... Lise Lebla hits the ball out of the park! Nailed... HARD!
Love the video and your channel. That's it, the tragic whole story...
Spot on. Thank you Lise!
I am at stage 9 after nearly 30 years. I can sense discard round the corner. Wish me luck!
Your explanations are to the point I have experienced, lot of toddler attitude
I already knew about narcissism and still fell for it but as soon as I started seeing it more clearly I started using a old phone to record what was going on in my home when I was gone to work.
This may seem quite wrong to some people but I wanted to verify her integrity before I married someone I'm 49 years old, been married once and if I go for twice it needs to be to the right one.
Reviewing the recordings I found she would take everything good, loving and my efforts towards pleasing her and transform it into the opposite when talking to visiting friends and family also over the phone all while praising me for my good loving deeds to my face.
Then the ultimate happen she slept with her step daddy in my house in my bed. Her step daddy which is still married to her mother. I am talking about a lady that teaches Sunday School in a apostolic church and sings on the platform did this. I was engaged to be married to her. The recordings were an incredible window into the mind of the narcissist. I moved. Now I've been over 2 months with no contact, it's going to stay that way. I'm really glad that I decided to use the phone for recorder because it proved to me she is a covert narcissist and save me possibly years of heartache if we had gotten married. Everything that I've seen in your videos have been spec on she lured me in with love bombing and sex bombing followed by withdrawing affection and bread crumbing. She started to devaluing process behind my back before there were actually verifiable signs of anything wrong with the relationship.
I didn't rat them out but I did call her out to her face as a covert narcissist.
Slept with her step daddy? OMG
It is eerie how much of this is spot on to what I just went through.
This is very painful to listen to, because looking back at this last relationship I can see that he did all of these to me. I was aware at the time and could see them, and it was clear that these were textbook kinds of behaviors but even with me seeing a therapist I was still "spell bound" by his snake charmer ways. Growing up with emotionally abusive parents contributed of course, it was harder to acknowledge his behavior without also reflecting on 'oh, this is like my mum and dad.' The gift in all of this is that (I hope) now that I have healed these early pains and am a healthier person for having finally just walked away from his abuse. I used to wonder and ask him, why are you with someone like me in recovery, therapy and so on if you don't also want to change?
In the end, I am grateful that I can change and move forward. It was expensive tuition, but I hope I have finally passed this course. Thank you Lise !! you are indeed saving lives, because without support/therapy/self awareness and self trust, I am sure lives are destroyed by these troubled people.
Thank you for your knowledge & wisdom. Wish there was a way to treat them & bring them back into the fold. You've helped me & many others to understand.
Your videos helped me greatly, but I must admit I watch them now because you are stunning and intelligent.
Awesome, Nobody has explained idealision phase like this. It was perfect to a T
Thanks so much for giving me the tool to move on from this 🤪 crazy ride she took me on .thay will destroy any body you know get them on there side when you figure Tham out.thay will act like there friends of there's not yours.
Lise Leblanc just narrated everything that happened to me. I wish I knew this earlier. Wasted 4 years with a Narcissist. It's finally over now after several unsuccessful attempts. I am dealing with the aftermath effects now and It's a painful experience.
So happy you're here Lise, it's great there is someone who helps men through a genuinely low time in life..thanks for all the valuable information..
Thank you, very clear, usefull, comforting and hopeful. Your videos about NPD and BPD are the description of my last 22 years. Always suspicious of his mental balance, and at the same time hooked and trying to balance. I´m in the discard phase, everything collapsed just 30 days ago. We are still living toghether with our 2 daugthers, trying to get her out of the house. I´m grateful to have found these videos at this early stage of the discard phase. Thanks again.
I went broke in more ways than one. 5 months of confusing stress, then finslly hit my ceiling on xmas eve morning, kicked her out. Took 8 months before i was able to begin to regain my balance.
I'm six months on after an absolutely horrific demon. I'm worried that I won't ever be the same again.
@@mukesh.dhimar you won't be. And that's a beautiful thing! It changes you, makes you stronger, less tolerant of bs....filters out the trash for the future. You reach a point where you walk away from any amount of bs without that FOMO! And you end up with a different energy each time, attracting better and better quality ppl.....it's a goddamned gift to endure these "tragedies"!
@@MrNobody-fk7fc that's such a beautiful way to look at it but it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
@mukesh.dhimar no, it doesn't, but each time gets easier, depending on severity, and what you're willing to accept about yourself. There is absolutely no way you won't come out on the other side a more honest, stronger person. Honesty is subjective, and precise. It's the difference between forcing an outcome, and allowing an outcome.
@@MrNobody-fk7fc got tears in my eyes. I feel like she ruined my life. I'm hoping you're right. I really appreciate the replies.
You just described the woman I was just in a relationship with! Wow you are God sent!
WOW, AMAZING !
Wow..thank you!