yeah evidently Im the narcissist too.She's combed thru my phone in secret, 2x's now and then attacks me, for what she finds, which is normal stuff that she perceives (and portrays to others, as my indiscretions. she's the victim, while torturing me for days on end.
It’s unreal isn’t it. Two kids and a 15yr marriage down the toilet. This cheat was the last straw for me. I was convinced the other times were my fault, I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. Every five years the cycle starts over, not this time. Papers are signed and submitted. No going back.
I was in a severe trauma bond. 4yrs psychologically addicted to my ex fiancé. She had me wherever she wanted me. Used the Reaction Abuse against me. Her flying monkeys were worst than anything I have ever seen breathing. I am in therapy now because of the PTSD.. But let me tell you what I did.. I went Sky Diving for the first time. I jumped out of a plane at 10k feet. I wasn’t afraid. While free falling, I spat her name out of my body. I got rid of her at around 7k feet. Wherever she landed, is none of my concern. I freed myself from her clutches for good. I wouldn’t suggest you take a sky dive if you aren’t ready. My message is, if you can do something like that, trust in God, trust yourself, trust that everything will be alright, you too can overcome their grips on you. It took that, along with therapy, to show me, I can go on in life and live and be happy.. Happiness awaits you. You just have to find it. Screw that Narcissist that has you feeling like this! We are in this together!
God is a good Father and He has helped me to know my worth. Jesus is the Way, Truth and the Life and none comes to the Father except through Him. God bless
She convinced me to migrate to her home country to start a business together (something I really wished for). Once there we invested everything we had (product of years of MY work). She unleashed a bossy behavior talking about the brilliant success we would have with our small business. When I started to create boundaries and disagree with her delusional thinking she discarded me without hesitation. These people are dark and empty souls. Be warned.
They will slay you with the same weapon you gave them. It's kind of ignorant to think, some of these foreign people are different from you. They are not. They are tapped in emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They know your block and how to get around it.
Thanks for the content. My experience is it's their body for my soul. Covert narcs are like avocados at the market. Keep squeezing until you find a good one. Wait until you get them home, cut them open and see what's inside. Then, and only then, make guac. Or don't. My father told me twenty years ago (after 4 covert NPDs), "Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." I did and my life is wonderful. Thanks again.
"Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." - Legendary 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 @Harvey Gresham Tqvm for sharing such wisdom! I'll never forget this moving forward in life! iPlease convey my sincere gratitude to you Father mate... Hope you guys are doing great! God Bless 🙏🏽
I very much participated in the future faking. I saw her as a wounded person and wanted to help her overcome the harm from child sexual abuse. I fell into a delusion that if I could help her, in the end I would be the winner. I could see that future so clearly and it was worth putting in the effort to get there.
It's usually the nicest of people that are manipulated like this. W give everything we can, clinging to that hope that that the per they fell in love with will come back. You stay until completely broken. Staying to long and knowing it but scared also to be alone again thinking you'll never find another person to love.
Alone is fine it’s when they play just with the intent to hurt because they are jealous rejected and hiding behind proxies as they rape the rights of all
I am just so thankful that I didn't buy into her pushing me to buy property, a home, a cabin, etc etc etc with her...and this was within 2 MONTHS of dating her!! "Move in, let's have kids, we gotta get married....can you buy this large plot of land for US...OUR future family?" Unreal. Once I was hooked, she would constantly create issues so I felt like I OWED her and I'd try harder and harder to "make up for" whatever the hell I did (which, now looking back and by talking it through with family, friends & my therapist was NOTHING. NOTHING that a NORMAL person would be bothered by). Wow. I seriously just want to be ALONE and in peace. Improving MYSELF and MY life.
Whenever I was on a verge of mental breakdown, she would give me these glimpses of hope. "It'd be nice to have a family with you". But 99% of the time when I actually tried to build said family with her, she was like "That's disgusting, never gonna happen, stop pressuring". She would write me little love notes I'd find on my desk, but when I actually tried to love her, she always pulled away. "Don't touch me"
I have been single and celibate for 6 years now. I have never been happier. My life is so free and wonderful. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I please at any time and don't have to run it by a soul. My nerves and spirit was torn apart by these nut jobs. It certainly made me come to the conclusion that it just isn't worth it.
I feel the same way I been going through hell for 2 yrs im confused I don't knw wht to believe its horrible we brake up every week so he can be with someone else I catch everything and if I call him out he loses his shit put hands on me .. he wants me to sit shut up and let him continue this behavior... calls it his own individuality yeah sure so he cam go cheat.. basically I'm blocked frm everything he made his family hate me think im crazy.. its horrible .. so basically iam only there when he wNts me to be have sex when he wants it . Then puts my ass on the back burner I have no one been through hell and he knew tht and still got involved just to wht be the worst thing tht ever happened tome ..
I’m in the 16th year of marriage to a covert narcissist. I always knew something was off since our very first date together. But she kept luring me in. Breadcrumbing. I am in my final year of grad school to be a mental health counselor. It took seven years of college Psychological training to realize what she really is. I am financially screwed because. Years and years ago I let her have full access to all of my income via direct deposit and a joint account, that I no longer have passwords or access to. I am so effing broken right now as a person. I don’t even know where to begin. I do have my own therapist, but it is through the VA, and he is pretty much useless tied to the VA restrictions. I cannot thank you enough for making these videos as they had really showing me what was truly going on.
They don't just do this in romantic relationships. I had a female friend like this. She has an appearance of near perfection and extreme goodness. She has a huge presence within my church and online. She has thousands of people that adore her and she breadcrumbs them all. She gets them to do whatever she wants and she has played the victim who has been deeply hurt by people who abandoned her, she uses this victim tactic to get her followers to be determined to never abandon her and to be emotionally invested in always standing by her, they do things for her all the time, but she won't stand by you. You can give, and give, and give to her and it will never be enough, and she will never lift a finger to do anything for you. It's all about what other people can do for her, and breadcrumbing her friends and followers along so they will always be there in case she needs to use them for some self serving purpose.
Bamm. Never better description. I remember my narc mothers "friends". They all felt weird to me. The last word from one of her flying monkees was, at her funeral was" You know she loved you". I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have laughed and said, "Boy she sure had you fooled too, you old fool. I can only imagine the stories she told this puppet.
There was a study once done with mice and there was intermittent, unpredictable reinforcement in 1 group and in another group the reinforcement was predictable every time they pressed the lever. what the study showed was that the mice who were steadily and predictably reinforced....thrived ❤ the ones who were unpredictably reinforced ie. never knew when they were gonna get a treat .... pressed the lever continuously until they got worn out, or died.🖤
OMG - I’m am in the full discard stage after an unbelievable future fake scenario (moving to the east coast and enjoy beach living). I worked with my person to make it all happen and we completed the deal - we made it to the beach house! There’s a lot more to the story, but soon after arriving, things started to feel odd (in my gut). After 5 months and the completion of the last project on the house, the bottom fell out. An illogical basis for a lack of trust came up. There was no fixing the problem and two weeks later it was ended in a very harsh manner. I believe that my ex is a covert narcissist. It’s the only thing that dots the “I”s and crosses the “t”s. I am out and beginning my life (I am 8 years shy of retirement age) with basically nothing. I am a believer of new beginnings and a bright future for myself. But this one was a tough pill to swallow.
The slot machine analogy is great - it's addictive, and you want so badly to believe, and you might give up one day but you'll come back another... I think it will be helpful to me to conjure up this image of a slot machine when the NPD ex comes to mind. Thanks for these videos. Great work!
I have lived the exact life with her what Lise has described here and in other videos. Never knew I was under punishment for months and it was so subtle that I never realized. I went through so much worst that I couldn’t believe any human being is capable to such to the person who loves you so much. As suggested by experts, leave the person and live your life peacefully. That’s the ultimate solution because narc will never accept that they have mental problem.
Thanks for making these videos. They've opened my eyes to the red flags that I've been ignoring for over 6 months. I need to break free from her emotionally, guilt-inducing grip. I feel constantly like I'm walking on eggshells and I'm never allowed to be upset. There's no empathy from her and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Same here dude... I broke up with her several times, because I couldnt accept her behaviour towards me... I Broke up with her 5 weeks ago. 1 Week after i broke up with her, she had a NEW boyfriend moving in with her and the kids!! She had him READY and lined up on the sideline!!! Almost feel sorry for the guy..... He dont know what he got himself into...
Run save your like ...i have 20 yrs of history with a Narcissist ...but we are not contact 22 months ...he will be back ...he always does ...but I have been educating myself the past 2 yrs 😊
What "you" "should" do in your situation really depends on the particulars of the situation and the direction you want to go, either (1) with the narcissist, or (2) without the narcissist. My situation is that I can't leave, or people who depend on me for their survival will be in a bad way. I just can't walk away, or their futures would most likely be horrible, literally. The narcissist in my family fights against me and my desire that we all should continue as a family. She erodes my desire to take care of business, but I'm in a situation the I must take care of business, or I will bear the blame for the failure of our family. Having to deal with a narcissist is very frustrating, and a part of me wishes I could just let go. I believe that 2023 is the year I stopped caring about anything other than keeping my family together. I still care about stuff but not so much now. I wish I would have stayed single, and I only had myself to deal with. Good luck and peace to anyone who has to live with a narcissist. It's quite a trial. I suggest you take a look at Sam Vaknin's Dual Mothership model. It blew me away. Now I have a framework on to which I can project my understanding of the so-called "chess pieces" of dealing with and interacting through a overt narcissist. It's not fun, at all.
What if someone sees all the signs addressed here in their relationship with another person ... but it is not a romantic relationship? In fact, the "breadcrumber" also has more money, more friends, more status than the "breadcrumbee". Why would they be doing this - the praising, praising, then the ignoring, ignoring ... for years? In other words, the "breadcrumbee" can't fathom what the other person could be getting out of this. Strictly ego-feeding? Do they even realize they're doing it? If they're not aware, does that make them less narcissistic? Not sure i'll get a response here, which is fine, and i guess it's something to discuss with my therapist, right? Anyway, just discovered you, Lise: Very well articulated observations, thank you.
Having a narcissist parent (maybe both?), older sibling, and flying monkey younger siblings....all my childish, naïve hopes and dreams were destroyed by the time I graduated High School. But that's fine. I have learned to find happiness from within myself, to give expecting nothing in return, and to have an attitude of gratitude. Sadly narcissists can't ever experience true and deep happiness.
I really like when you said…”your rewards will come as long as you stick with them.” That is deep and only someone that understands that will appreciate it. God Bless you!
This is again amazingly exact. More than any other NPD videos or websites this is brutally exactly what I've experienced. I'm still in trauma bond, but I'm so much closer to breaking free now.
You definitely know how to roll out so much valuable information in such a perfect way. Just so sad to hear what so many people are dealing with or going through. Love the slot machine analogy. Love your videos. Awesome work!!!
3 weeks out from being discarded from a woman I was making plans to spend my life with. Love/sex bombed from day 1, tearfully shared all vulnerabilities and traumas from the start to make me want to “save” her right up front. Slowly chipped away at me, even hinted at what she was doing through song lyrics (though I was too blind to decode). Set up new supply while telling me she loved me and reiterated our future plans. I stood on a healthy boundary and that was all she wrote. Blocked on everything and listed in a new relationship within a week, complete with smiling photos. No remorse. The cognitive dissidence cycle now feels like it’s making me insane, like a prisoner of my own mind. The videos help, but as soon as I clothes the app she takes over my thoughts 😢
The same happened to me with my ex. Especially the sex and songs she play revolves around cheating. I will take a step further I told her one of my fears about finding out some fucked up shit through snap. One day I wake up with a anonymous text from a number I never saw before was a video of a snap of my girl with someone else. That’s when it hit me. This ain’t by accident. I immediately broke things off with her. Your better off man. Trust me.
I never thought I'd recover from such a relationship, but I'm almost there. The key for me was to finally accept she didn't care about me, to accept whatever I did was never enough, and to definitely go no contact. Its incredibly hard to recover if the manipulator is still able to have access to you. Its not easy at all but it is doable.
Watched many of your videos in the last two weeks about narcissists, especially the covert narcissist. I was married to one for almost twenty years, and she was absolutely as you describe them to be. And she almost completely destroyed me - body, spirit, and soul - before God gave me the good sense to get out. Thank you for being a resource, especially for men.
Your example of Breadcrumming using the the slot machine in Las Vegas is perfect! With regard to the Future Faking, that is So Real. With a man I dated, briefly two years ago. On, I kid you not, the Second date, he said, "I've been waiting for you my whole life. You are my soul mate.... We are the Same." I replied, no we are not the same, we are just getting to know each other." He also brushed aside the boundaries I set almost as if they were merely a challenge for him to double down. Go to Vegas for the weekend when I only knew him for 2 days? Say no to going to a sex shop? He tried to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. Fortunately, I saw it for what it was, did not go to Vegas or the sex shop, and stopped seeing him during week two.
Great analogy with the slot machine. Perfect fit. And since I was involved with a likely NARC for a while, I can also say with confidence your analogy is accurate.
Wish I had been educated on this topic sooner. 4 years of being in a toxic relationship and she dropped me, got with another dude and had him moved in within 2 weeks or less. I'm still struggling with accepting the reality of who she is and moving forward. She lives a few streets over and I allow her to come by from time to time. Until now I've been confused and hurt and basically asked for another chance. She feeds off me being miserable and helplessly wanting another chance. I'm done begging and being her puppet. Life is too short.
Move on bro. She know what she doing. U better off with out her. It can end two ways and both can cost you your life. RUN the other way. You will be a lot happier.
I had one tell on himself by saying that he wanted me to: 1) trust him 🚩🚩🚩 and 2) be ‘addicted’ to him 😳🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Dopamine hits galore, and he knew exactly how to do it. Smooth and convincing. Could cry on a dime. Was trying to move into my place within weeks of the first date, because ‘it was just so perfect…we had to go for it, because these things don’t come along every day’. My intuition was screaming for me to run for my life. And it did!
Yeah, I was shamed for having skepticism. That I had "trust issues". That I needed to just believe him first. That I had a closed mind. Then when I got the point where I could understand what he was talking about, but was in disagreement. He accused me of "arguing" 🙄 Like dude I'm at peace with disagreeing. You're the one with the issue. God knows my skepticism. I think It's part of my gift. Finally I left. Now my life is peaceful like I can breath. He really tried hard to convince me I'm the one with the problem as he was leaving. So did I as he left. Not my best moment. He still tries too. Tries to be all watery eyes when we're switching taking care of the kids. I'm sorry but I feel bitter towards manipulation tactics. After the 1000s of nights I cried alone because you decided not to care, you expect me to have sympathy for random watery eyes because things aren't going your way? Dr.John Delony says behavior is a language. I'm pleasant on the outside with him now. I have to keep the peace for our kids. On the inside though I'm like "Oh please 🙄 I'm glad I left this drama." The thing is a thought to myself came up like "Do I think he's a garbage human?" And I was like "Nah, all people are special somehow and I hope he gets well. I think he treated me like garbage, that's why I left." For me that helped with letting go of bitterness a little bit. I still have bouts of anger but I'll heal over time especially if I face it head on. Right now, I'm focusing on how to actually love and enjoy life.
She asked me to go to Jamaica, while we were separated, stupid me thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel since Jamaica was where we had our honeymoon...I went but the whole trip was a nightmare as she clearly couldn't stand my presence near her
I remember one Christmas I got a hotel, had some extra money, and I brought an ex-girlfriend along. But like yourself, it became apparent that she could not stand being around me even though she tried to hide it. I still resent it to this day because I could have just brought some other woman who would have treated me right that Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I was no fool chasing her. (Women have to earn that!) The kisses felt off, the sex felt off, everything felt off! It was like I was doing all the work. Yet she left enough just enough plausible deniability to make it almost confusing
You have confirmed in this and your video The Female Covert Narcissist that the woman I've been seeing for nearly a year fits nearly every aspect of the profiles you describe. While watching these videos, I just sent her "get out of my life" texts. I feel so violated... so manipulated. A study on this woman alone would corroborate all that you are saying. It is so sad and pathetic that people like this pray on people like me (PHIL)... I cover every letter of the acronym... and I feel so used. Letting completely go with all the emotions that have become attached to the relationship will take some time. I look at it as quitting a toxic habit and going through withdrawals. I guess that's part of the healing process. Thank you 🙏
I really enjoyed this video. I had experience with this from someone. I thought he liked me but was always out of reach, disappearing and reappearing. Foolishly, I welcomed him again and again. I have since learned about this bread-crumbing, along with thé narcissism. No more.
I left 19 months ago and am still trying to get out of another toxic situation, living with a family member who I now know is also a narcissist, and an undiagnosed schizophrenic. I realize now partly why I have lived with such low self-worth for so many years and gotten into these terrible situations over and over again.Not until I have worked on myself for a long long long time, would I ever consider getting into another relationship. It has been quite the wake-up call but one that I needed. Sick and evil. Watching these videos helps me validate what I went through and I can even chuckle at a lot of it now.I will never ignore red flags again. Something in me told me to literally run away from the get go.
Your videos are always the BEST of them all! I get sooo MUCH INFO from you n u HELP ME out alot. You talk so clear, precise n to the point. Keep up the amazing work Doc! 😘👍🏼👌
Oh Lise❤. Just thank you. Exactly what it is happening to me. The worrying thing is….how did I get into this. These kind of partners are great sparring partner to work on oneself. I will be getting out of this more resilient. 💪🍀🍀🌹
I think I've been living 8 years with a narcissits. I break up with her (well technically we are still married 😢). After watching your video, I just cried. It's really hard to leave. You have that sweet that you like and hang on, and that massive bitter side that you try to sweep away. For me I did everything wrong, she abused me, but in my mind I was feed by that sweet side. I noticed that she needed help, several times I proposed her to seek for a therapist, but she always refused Even after the break up, she's still not accounting for her behaviour toward me. Edit: I wanted to add, I was born with congenital heart disease and and had stroke/clot in my brainwhen I had 3 months old, which paralized all my right side. I recovered everything expect my arm/hand (I'm a hemiplegic) I can move them but it's limited. At home I was perfect as I was, but outside in public it was always pinches/hit because I looked "weird". I grew up with that and never really care about people eyes.. I left that relation because I feared for my life. I you ever experience that, please leave as soon as possible (unless the person is willing to seek treatment)
So true. For 30 years I was promised his time and attention. “Agree to buying this business for me and we can go away on weekends”. Never agreed to the business but he took our money and did it anyway. No weekends ever came. Got him to for away for Valentine’s Day one time on my dime. What happens? He drags me all over town trying to find a cheap enough restaurant. I had the money. Wanted to just stay at hotel. But no. Was too expensive. Went on and on and on. Just could never “bond “ or be together intimately. Promise after promise broken. When I finally started really objecting to the lies and future faking and sneakiness among much more BS he left. Ok. Great. Then wanted to come home. Promised counseling. Haha. I was stupid enough to fall for that promise too. Lasted until he got sick of any complaints I may bring up. I finally just left after he hid the whereabouts of our oldest son from me for a week and my son ended up dying in another state. Then the divorce papers were filed. Tragic heartbreaking emotionally destructive time of it. Ended a 30 year marriage and lost my son and moved to another county all in 3 months. Thank God for good counselor. Thanks for the video.
I thought i was going crazy until i saw these videos. Im separated with a covert narcissist and she does everything said in the video. Protect Lise Leblanc at all cost!
Dear Lise, thank you so much for your great work on this channel and priceless information you share . Watching your videos for past few weeks and it really helps me to discover and understand myself better and deal with my struggle on the way out from 9yrs marriage with covert narc wife. It's not easy at all for empathetic caring and loving person, but once you get to the point of logical conclusion, all dots connected, more and more answers received to questions in my head thanks to your and other information in internet. Keep on posting videos, men over the world should open eyes and know about this "phenomenon".. 🙏👍
As a truck driver 1 month now and I experienced all of this playing mind games she refused to help on bills and had her plan already made with her brother I was warned 5 yrs prior not to move to a different state if her brother and family was there and mine wasn't
Great advice and knowledge here. This is exactly what happens... You can get yourself 100% stuck in limbo when involved with these types. I did, and it took years to get over.
This is so grounding for my delusional introspect I've created with my non available guy , ruminating ... this literally needs to be on a loop in my ear buds for a month so I'll finally "let it SINK IN"😂
I am 58 years old! How could I fall for it and keep coming back for more abuse. 2 1/2 years ... 2 years of hell.... I finally ( 10 th but last time.... I ended the relationship yesterday... I blocked her number and all the social media but I keep on checking my email and looking for an apology but she's never apologized in three years. I know it's not gonna be there and eventually I'll stop looking for it.
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and I'm in the process of getting out of my third relationship with a woman with a type B personality disorder. I spent 18 years with my ex wife and didn't find out until the end that she had BPD and bipolar. Then got involved with a grandiose narcissist. Her presentation was so stereotypical that it was often humorous. But she was super attractive and sex was amazing, so I stuck around for over a year. Then I fell victim of a covert narcissist and never saw it coming. I like watching videos like this because they give me the conviction to stay away regardless of her efforts to lure me back in because she really does need help with her home and property. However, one thing I will say about this video and many on RUclips gets wrong is that a narcissist doesn't consciously think about their strategy as it's often portrayed. They don't even know themselves what motivates their actions. So to say that their behavior is premeditated to achieve a certain outcome is way off the mark. It's not like that at all. It might be helpful for a therapist or anyone who never had a relationship with a narcissist to think in those terms, but if you go looking for the premeditation or conscious strategies, you could totally miss what's going on. You may fall victim because you waited to see the signs of the strategic thinking as it is often portrayed. I wish Lise and all of the RUclipsrs who talk about narcissism would stop talking like that because that mindset that their thinking is strategic, could make you vulnerable to repeating the same mistake, like I did.
Thank you, Lise Leblanc.🙏❤ This presentation inspires me to ask myself: do I practice future faking for myself in order to discourage myself from leaving.
Hooked me with the same SOP ; she planned things like wedding venues, color of her wedding dress, photoshoot poses and what not only to ghost me at the end....4 years n counting but she never even looked back for once.
I'm sooooo glad I've found you Lisa WOW absolutely AMAZING I'm watching all you videos one after another because no one has described narcissists like you have thank you soooo much sending you love and light and many blessings stay safe and well 👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜💜💜🥰😘🤗xxxxx
This hurts listening to this. I did marry this exact woman and it was amazing for ahwile but I never understood how she could just drop me after 7 years of together and start a new relationship with someone else (who was married) in a week. It was all happy and great till I embarrassed her in front of her friends and 1 week later she started a relationship with another man. I couldn't get over how she could just drop me like that and start a new relationship within a week.
it's why I keep watching all this stuff I don't want to sever the potential if she is simply fearful avoidant because she does seem to be that more than anything else, but, if she's not willing to do the work and keeps turning into her fear...
Life long … new beginnings. After a ?? Affair during my ptsd recovery also trauma from a serous hit and run. Listen Linda listen listen. This is truth !
Bread crumbing works both ways. I bread crumb my narc ex wife to keep her thinking that her bread crumbs are working. As soon as the last of our financial investments are liquidated I’m bolting. ⚡️
My mom was diagnosed as a sociopath late in life; my dad was never diagnosed, but exhibited definite narcissistic traits. I was one of four boys, the second last was the golden child and remaining family still conforms to the classic pattern. I’ve gone no-contact with them for over forty years, but notice that I’ve pretty consistently replicated aspects of that same pattern, even in another culture, with almost every professional or personal relationship I’ve formed over my life. It’s taught me to beware, whenever I feel an inexplicable affinity with someone, I should actually run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. It seems to have turned me into a sigma male.
So I'm in a relationship that I have wanted out for a good while now, and everytime I reach my breaking point and lash out how I feel and express I want out and to leave, she won't accept that I want out she just argues why I don't have a right to feel a way or accuses me of lying. Then won't accept the results till I say what she wants despite I've made it clear I'm done. She claims I'm bred cruming but I've been being upfront with how I feel and the next week or day it's like a restart. What do I do for next time
Sometimes they don't even tell you to cut the ties with the others. They even "encourage" you to keep in touch with friends like they do. They simply make themselves available to you whenever they want and they even make this fact look like a privilege. So in order to get to see the narc, you have to always be prepared to leave everything beside.
Is "ill introduce you to my mom" every month considered breadcrumbing? To keep me hanging on? After 2.5 years. Thank you for your content I'm a new viewer. You came into my life at a great time.
My daughter in law has accused me of causing her to threaten my son with divorce, she accuses me of "playing games", emotional abuse, manipulation, my son now believes all of this. I am not allowed to see my grandson as I have negative aura.....this has been 8yrs in the making, they have reeled my other son in. Today my husband and I are marginalised, no communication. We get whatsapp photos of our grandson, but cannot comment on them. We are so devastated...our two sons had a great upbringing...
“They where never ever really in love with you”
Hit hard.
I never thought I would be watching videos like this. I've done everything for her and now, apparently, I'm the narcissist.
Same here
Welcome to the club.
Same, I'm the narcissist apparently, and I made her feel "so unloved"
yeah evidently Im the narcissist too.She's combed thru my phone in secret, 2x's now and then attacks me, for what she finds, which is normal stuff that she perceives (and portrays to others, as my indiscretions. she's the victim, while torturing me for days on end.
It’s unreal isn’t it. Two kids and a 15yr marriage down the toilet. This cheat was the last straw for me. I was convinced the other times were my fault, I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. Every five years the cycle starts over, not this time. Papers are signed and submitted. No going back.
Future faking is the worst thing a person can do in my opinion especially when they’re cheating.
Oh the cheating & lying & the never admitting even when caught..
Tell me about it. Was looking at engagement rings at her request while she was acquiring a new supply
@@IntoMurph Oh... I found a hidden dating-profile. I could only see it, when I used a fake profile!! She made them hide the profile for me!!
She made me think we were going to have kids until 5 years later she says she’s to selfish for that went from wanting 3-0.
Gaslighting, Breadcrumbing, Future faking. All vocabulary to give me strength to get out of this relationship. I cry whenever I watch your videos.
I don’t blame you. It’s such a rude awakening.😢
I was in a severe trauma bond. 4yrs psychologically addicted to my ex fiancé. She had me wherever she wanted me. Used the Reaction Abuse against me. Her flying monkeys were worst than anything I have ever seen breathing. I am in therapy now because of the PTSD.. But let me tell you what I did.. I went Sky Diving for the first time. I jumped out of a plane at 10k feet. I wasn’t afraid. While free falling, I spat her name out of my body. I got rid of her at around 7k feet. Wherever she landed, is none of my concern. I freed myself from her clutches for good. I wouldn’t suggest you take a sky dive if you aren’t ready. My message is, if you can do something like that, trust in God, trust yourself, trust that everything will be alright, you too can overcome their grips on you. It took that, along with therapy, to show me, I can go on in life and live and be happy.. Happiness awaits you. You just have to find it. Screw that Narcissist that has you feeling like this! We are in this together!
me too
I can relate to this so badly.
God is a good Father and He has helped me to know my worth. Jesus is the Way, Truth and the Life and none comes to the Father except through Him. God bless
She convinced me to migrate to her home country to start a business together (something I really wished for). Once there we invested everything we had (product of years of MY work). She unleashed a bossy behavior talking about the brilliant success we would have with our small business. When I started to create boundaries and disagree with her delusional thinking she discarded me without hesitation. These people are dark and empty souls. Be warned.
They will slay you with the same weapon you gave them. It's kind of ignorant to think, some of these foreign people are different from you. They are not. They are tapped in emotionally, physically, and spiritually. They know your block and how to get around it.
My wife left me for another man after 2yrs he left her for another woman. Then she realised what she had in me and asked to come back..PISS OFF !!!
Breadcrumbing worked on me like a charm. And that's where the block button really shines
I just blocked this girl. Leaving her unblocked, just creates wayyyy to much anxiety for me.
Thanks for the content. My experience is it's their body for my soul. Covert narcs are like avocados at the market. Keep squeezing until you find a good one. Wait until you get them home, cut them open and see what's inside. Then, and only then, make guac. Or don't. My father told me twenty years ago (after 4 covert NPDs), "Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." I did and my life is wonderful. Thanks again.
"Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." - Legendary 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 🙌🏽
@Harvey Gresham Tqvm for sharing such wisdom! I'll never forget this moving forward in life!
iPlease convey my sincere gratitude to you Father mate... Hope you guys are doing great! God Bless 🙏🏽
Good father's have the best advice and that one is awesome..
Such a wise statement "Find a Woman that you can live with rather than one you can not live without".
Factz
GREAT WAY TO LIVE, LOVE IS NOT WORTH U BEING MISERABLE....
Future Faking is a customized carrot used to dangle in front of your nose to keep you in line. You're better off just planting your own carrots.
I very much participated in the future faking. I saw her as a wounded person and wanted to help her overcome the harm from child sexual abuse. I fell into a delusion that if I could help her, in the end I would be the winner. I could see that future so clearly and it was worth putting in the effort to get there.
It's usually the nicest of people that are manipulated like this. W give everything we can, clinging to that hope that that the per they fell in love with will come back. You stay until completely broken. Staying to long and knowing it but scared also to be alone again thinking you'll never find another person to love.
Alone is fine it’s when they play just with the intent to hurt because they are jealous rejected and hiding behind proxies as they rape the rights of all
You just described me.
I swear you were watching my entire relationship.
I am just so thankful that I didn't buy into her pushing me to buy property, a home, a cabin, etc etc etc with her...and this was within 2 MONTHS of dating her!! "Move in, let's have kids, we gotta get married....can you buy this large plot of land for US...OUR future family?" Unreal. Once I was hooked, she would constantly create issues so I felt like I OWED her and I'd try harder and harder to "make up for" whatever the hell I did (which, now looking back and by talking it through with family, friends & my therapist was NOTHING. NOTHING that a NORMAL person would be bothered by). Wow. I seriously just want to be ALONE and in peace. Improving MYSELF and MY life.
These people make you want to stay alone that’s for sure.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 yes!!! Thats where I'm at. Alone and fine with that. Focusing on improving myself.
Whenever I was on a verge of mental breakdown, she would give me these glimpses of hope. "It'd be nice to have a family with you". But 99% of the time when I actually tried to build said family with her, she was like "That's disgusting, never gonna happen, stop pressuring".
She would write me little love notes I'd find on my desk, but when I actually tried to love her, she always pulled away. "Don't touch me"
Borderline
Narcissists fear intimacy, they destroy people who came too close and saw behind the mask.
I have been single and celibate for 6 years now. I have never been happier. My life is so free and wonderful. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I please at any time and don't have to run it by a soul. My nerves and spirit was torn apart by these nut jobs. It certainly made me come to the conclusion that it just isn't worth it.
I feel the same way I been going through hell for 2 yrs im confused I don't knw wht to believe its horrible we brake up every week so he can be with someone else I catch everything and if I call him out he loses his shit put hands on me .. he wants me to sit shut up and let him continue this behavior... calls it his own individuality yeah sure so he cam go cheat.. basically I'm blocked frm everything he made his family hate me think im crazy.. its horrible .. so basically iam only there when he wNts me to be have sex when he wants it . Then puts my ass on the back burner I have no one been through hell and he knew tht and still got involved just to wht be the worst thing tht ever happened tome ..
It's never worth it! Walk away and stay away!
Breadcrumbing is the very definition of what you get on dating sites.
I’m in the 16th year of marriage to a covert narcissist. I always knew something was off since our very first date together. But she kept luring me in. Breadcrumbing. I am in my final year of grad school to be a mental health counselor. It took seven years of college Psychological training to realize what she really is. I am financially screwed because. Years and years ago I let her have full access to all of my income via direct deposit and a joint account, that I no longer have passwords or access to. I am so effing broken right now as a person. I don’t even know where to begin. I do have my own therapist, but it is through the VA, and he is pretty much useless tied to the VA restrictions. I cannot thank you enough for making these videos as they had really showing me what was truly going on.
They don't just do this in romantic relationships. I had a female friend like this. She has an appearance of near perfection and extreme goodness. She has a huge presence within my church and online. She has thousands of people that adore her and she breadcrumbs them all. She gets them to do whatever she wants and she has played the victim who has been deeply hurt by people who abandoned her, she uses this victim tactic to get her followers to be determined to never abandon her and to be emotionally invested in always standing by her, they do things for her all the time, but she won't stand by you. You can give, and give, and give to her and it will never be enough, and she will never lift a finger to do anything for you. It's all about what other people can do for her, and breadcrumbing her friends and followers along so they will always be there in case she needs to use them for some self serving purpose.
oh God, i hope the internet was as widespread when i was younger. it would have saved me a lot of time and heartache.
Bamm. Never better description. I remember my narc mothers "friends". They all felt weird to me. The last word from one of her flying monkees was, at her funeral was" You know she loved you". I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have laughed and said, "Boy she sure had you fooled too, you old fool. I can only imagine the stories she told this puppet.
Does her name begin with an 'A,' by chance?
There was a study once done with mice and there was intermittent, unpredictable reinforcement in 1 group and in another group the reinforcement was predictable every time they pressed the lever.
what the study showed was that the mice who were steadily and predictably reinforced....thrived ❤
the ones who were unpredictably reinforced ie. never knew when they were gonna get a treat .... pressed the lever continuously until they got worn out, or died.🖤
OMG - I’m am in the full discard stage after an unbelievable future fake scenario (moving to the east coast and enjoy beach living). I worked with my person to make it all happen and we completed the deal - we made it to the beach house! There’s a lot more to the story, but soon after arriving, things started to feel odd (in my gut). After 5 months and the completion of the last project on the house, the bottom fell out. An illogical basis for a lack of trust came up. There was no fixing the problem and two weeks later it was ended in a very harsh manner. I believe that my ex is a covert narcissist. It’s the only thing that dots the “I”s and crosses the “t”s. I am out and beginning my life (I am 8 years shy of retirement age) with basically nothing. I am a believer of new beginnings and a bright future for myself. But this one was a tough pill to swallow.
I'd love a chat with you Dan. Been through the exact same thing lately.....at 55 years of age!! Hard station to be at!!
The slot machine analogy is great - it's addictive, and you want so badly to believe, and you might give up one day but you'll come back another... I think it will be helpful to me to conjure up this image of a slot machine when the NPD ex comes to mind. Thanks for these videos. Great work!
I have lived the exact life with her what Lise has described here and in other videos. Never knew I was under punishment for months and it was so subtle that I never realized. I went through so much worst that I couldn’t believe any human being is capable to such to the person who loves you so much. As suggested by experts, leave the person and live your life peacefully. That’s the ultimate solution because narc will never accept that they have mental problem.
Thanks for making these videos. They've opened my eyes to the red flags that I've been ignoring for over 6 months. I need to break free from her emotionally, guilt-inducing grip. I feel constantly like I'm walking on eggshells and I'm never allowed to be upset. There's no empathy from her and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Same here dude... I broke up with her several times, because I couldnt accept her behaviour towards me... I Broke up with her 5 weeks ago. 1 Week after i broke up with her, she had a NEW boyfriend moving in with her and the kids!! She had him READY and lined up on the sideline!!! Almost feel sorry for the guy..... He dont know what he got himself into...
Run save your like ...i have 20 yrs of history with a Narcissist ...but we are not contact 22 months ...he will be back ...he always does ...but I have been educating myself the past 2 yrs 😊
What "you" "should" do in your situation really depends on the particulars of the situation and the direction you want to go, either (1) with the narcissist, or (2) without the narcissist. My situation is that I can't leave, or people who depend on me for their survival will be in a bad way. I just can't walk away, or their futures would most likely be horrible, literally. The narcissist in my family fights against me and my desire that we all should continue as a family. She erodes my desire to take care of business, but I'm in a situation the I must take care of business, or I will bear the blame for the failure of our family. Having to deal with a narcissist is very frustrating, and a part of me wishes I could just let go. I believe that 2023 is the year I stopped caring about anything other than keeping my family together. I still care about stuff but not so much now. I wish I would have stayed single, and I only had myself to deal with. Good luck and peace to anyone who has to live with a narcissist. It's quite a trial. I suggest you take a look at Sam Vaknin's Dual Mothership model. It blew me away. Now I have a framework on to which I can project my understanding of the so-called "chess pieces" of dealing with and interacting through a overt narcissist. It's not fun, at all.
What if someone sees all the signs addressed here in their relationship with another person ... but it is not a romantic relationship? In fact, the "breadcrumber" also has more money, more friends, more status than the "breadcrumbee". Why would they be doing this - the praising, praising, then the ignoring, ignoring ... for years?
In other words, the "breadcrumbee" can't fathom what the other person could be getting out of this. Strictly ego-feeding? Do they even realize they're doing it? If they're not aware, does that make them less narcissistic?
Not sure i'll get a response here, which is fine, and i guess it's something to discuss with my therapist, right?
Anyway, just discovered you, Lise: Very well articulated observations, thank you.
Having a narcissist parent (maybe both?), older sibling, and flying monkey younger siblings....all my childish, naïve hopes and dreams were destroyed by the time I graduated High School. But that's fine. I have learned to find happiness from within myself, to give expecting nothing in return, and to have an attitude of gratitude. Sadly narcissists can't ever experience true and deep happiness.
Just went through this for only 7 months luckily. Caught her cheating and left the same day. This explains her exactly.
It is absolutely amazing how wise this person is and that she possesses the ability to so articulately pass it on to others.
I really like when you said…”your rewards will come as long as you stick with them.” That is deep and only someone that understands that will appreciate it. God Bless you!
Very interesting. How incredibly sad a thing it is that people's hopes for a happy future are exploited and misused by these selfish narcissists.
This is again amazingly exact. More than any other NPD videos or websites this is brutally exactly what I've experienced. I'm still in trauma bond, but I'm so much closer to breaking free now.
This explains the roller coaster ride I was on for the last 3 months. Its like you described it as a play by play. The more you know lol
Me too bro, this woman definitely knows her shit lol. Keep your head up king 👑
Oh my goodness! Your insight on this subject is such a treasure, because it's seldomly spoken about.
I agree! Lise is such a wealth of information on these subjects that aren’t often talked about.
Than it’s better to live alone or with a dog. Thanks. 👍👍
You definitely know how to roll out so much valuable information in such a perfect way. Just so sad to hear what so many people are dealing with or going through. Love the slot machine analogy. Love your videos. Awesome work!!!
3 weeks out from being discarded from a woman I was making plans to spend my life with. Love/sex bombed from day 1, tearfully shared all vulnerabilities and traumas from the start to make me want to “save” her right up front. Slowly chipped away at me, even hinted at what she was doing through song lyrics (though I was too blind to decode). Set up new supply while telling me she loved me and reiterated our future plans. I stood on a healthy boundary and that was all she wrote. Blocked on everything and listed in a new relationship within a week, complete with smiling photos. No remorse.
The cognitive dissidence cycle now feels like it’s making me insane, like a prisoner of my own mind. The videos help, but as soon as I clothes the app she takes over my thoughts 😢
The same happened to me with my ex. Especially the sex and songs she play revolves around cheating. I will take a step further I told her one of my fears about finding out some fucked up shit through snap. One day I wake up with a anonymous text from a number I never saw before was a video of a snap of my girl with someone else. That’s when it hit me. This ain’t by accident. I immediately broke things off with her. Your better off man. Trust me.
At the core of the narcissist is the void.
Your videos are my lifeline at this time in my life. I have lost so many years of my life but am close to taking it back.
I never thought I'd recover from such a relationship, but I'm almost there. The key for me was to finally accept she didn't care about me, to accept whatever I did was never enough, and to definitely go no contact. Its incredibly hard to recover if the manipulator is still able to have access to you. Its not easy at all but it is doable.
Watched many of your videos in the last two weeks about narcissists, especially the covert narcissist. I was married to one for almost twenty years, and she was absolutely as you describe them to be. And she almost completely destroyed me - body, spirit, and soul - before God gave me the good sense to get out. Thank you for being a resource, especially for men.
“… (8:10) and even then, it will not be good enough.” Exactly.
Your example of Breadcrumming using the the slot machine in Las Vegas is perfect! With regard to the Future Faking, that is So Real. With a man I dated, briefly two years ago. On, I kid you not, the Second date, he said, "I've been waiting for you my whole life. You are my soul mate.... We are the Same." I replied, no we are not the same, we are just getting to know each other." He also brushed aside the boundaries I set almost as if they were merely a challenge for him to double down. Go to Vegas for the weekend when I only knew him for 2 days? Say no to going to a sex shop? He tried to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. Fortunately, I saw it for what it was, did not go to Vegas or the sex shop, and stopped seeing him during week two.
It's weird how all these videos resonate with my experience
I saw it coming really quick with the breadcrumbs. Thanks for the video. It reinforces what I already felt on my gut
Thank you!
Great analogy with the slot machine. Perfect fit. And since I was involved with a likely NARC for a while, I can also say with confidence your analogy is accurate.
Wish I had been educated on this topic sooner. 4 years of being in a toxic relationship and she dropped me, got with another dude and had him moved in within 2 weeks or less. I'm still struggling with accepting the reality of who she is and moving forward. She lives a few streets over and I allow her to come by from time to time. Until now I've been confused and hurt and basically asked for another chance. She feeds off me being miserable and helplessly wanting another chance. I'm done begging and being her puppet. Life is too short.
Move on bro. She know what she doing. U better off with out her. It can end two ways and both can cost you your life. RUN the other way. You will be a lot happier.
Why do men do this? She was sucking another man off and you want to still taste her mouth?
I had one tell on himself by saying that he wanted me to: 1) trust him 🚩🚩🚩 and 2) be ‘addicted’ to him 😳🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Dopamine hits galore, and he knew exactly how to do it. Smooth and convincing. Could cry on a dime. Was trying to move into my place within weeks of the first date, because ‘it was just so perfect…we had to go for it, because these things don’t come along every day’. My intuition was screaming for me to run for my life. And it did!
Dodged a bullet
Yeah, I was shamed for having skepticism. That I had "trust issues".
That I needed to just believe him first. That I had a closed mind.
Then when I got the point where I could understand what he was talking about, but was in disagreement. He accused me of "arguing" 🙄 Like dude I'm at peace with disagreeing. You're the one with the issue.
God knows my skepticism. I think It's part of my gift.
Finally I left. Now my life is peaceful like I can breath.
He really tried hard to convince me I'm the one with the problem as he was leaving. So did I as he left. Not my best moment.
He still tries too. Tries to be all watery eyes when we're switching taking care of the kids. I'm sorry but I feel bitter towards manipulation tactics. After the 1000s of nights I cried alone because you decided not to care, you expect me to have sympathy for random watery eyes because things aren't going your way?
Dr.John Delony says behavior is a language.
I'm pleasant on the outside with him now. I have to keep the peace for our kids.
On the inside though I'm like "Oh please 🙄 I'm glad I left this drama."
The thing is a thought to myself came up like "Do I think he's a garbage human?" And I was like "Nah, all people are special somehow and I hope he gets well. I think he treated me like garbage, that's why I left."
For me that helped with letting go of bitterness a little bit.
I still have bouts of anger but I'll heal over time especially if I face it head on.
Right now, I'm focusing on how to actually love and enjoy life.
Same ❤🙏🙏🙏
slot machine analogy was eye 👀 opening thank you.
She asked me to go to Jamaica, while we were separated, stupid me thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel since Jamaica was where we had our honeymoon...I went but the whole trip was a nightmare as she clearly couldn't stand my presence near her
I remember one Christmas I got a hotel, had some extra money, and I brought an ex-girlfriend along. But like yourself, it became apparent that she could not stand being around me even though she tried to hide it. I still resent it to this day because I could have just brought some other woman who would have treated me right that Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, I was no fool chasing her. (Women have to earn that!) The kisses felt off, the sex felt off, everything felt off! It was like I was doing all the work. Yet she left enough just enough plausible deniability to make it almost confusing
@@AZDC99 Wow, that is absolutely unbelievable. Holy crap.
You have confirmed in this and your video The Female Covert Narcissist that the woman I've been seeing for nearly a year fits nearly every aspect of the profiles you describe. While watching these videos, I just sent her "get out of my life" texts. I feel so violated... so manipulated. A study on this woman alone would corroborate all that you are saying. It is so sad and pathetic that people like this pray on people like me (PHIL)... I cover every letter of the acronym... and I feel so used. Letting completely go with all the emotions that have become attached to the relationship will take some time. I look at it as quitting a toxic habit and going through withdrawals. I guess that's part of the healing process. Thank you 🙏
I really enjoyed this video. I had experience with this from someone. I thought he liked me but was always out of reach, disappearing and reappearing. Foolishly, I welcomed him again and again.
I have since learned about this bread-crumbing, along with thé narcissism. No more.
-- *_Thank you, Lisa Leblanc!_*
Categorizing and delineating cause and effect related to suffering is greatly helpful.
I left 19 months ago and am still trying to get out of another toxic situation, living with a family member who I now know is also a narcissist, and an undiagnosed schizophrenic. I realize now partly why I have lived with such low self-worth for so many years and gotten into these terrible situations over and over again.Not until I have worked on myself for a long long long time, would I ever consider getting into another relationship. It has been quite the wake-up call but one that I needed. Sick and evil. Watching these videos helps me validate what I went through and I can even chuckle at a lot of it now.I will never ignore red flags again. Something in me told me to literally run away from the get go.
I am so grateful for your wisdom and knowledge Lisa. It's a plus that you are so beautiful and your voice is so amazing ❤️.
Your videos are always the BEST of them all! I get sooo MUCH INFO from you n u HELP ME out alot. You talk so clear, precise n to the point. Keep up the amazing work Doc! 😘👍🏼👌
A priceless message... wow Ive lived this for decades... not understanding... ugggg.. Im so happy I know the truth!! Thank you so much !
Oh Lise❤. Just thank you. Exactly what it is happening to me. The worrying thing is….how did I get into this.
These kind of partners are great sparring partner to work on oneself. I will be getting out of this more resilient. 💪🍀🍀🌹
Lisa, I feel like you're talking to me. I need your analysis on what's going on in my life.
I think I've been living 8 years with a narcissits. I break up with her (well technically we are still married 😢). After watching your video, I just cried. It's really hard to leave.
You have that sweet that you like and hang on, and that massive bitter side that you try to sweep away.
For me I did everything wrong, she abused me, but in my mind I was feed by that sweet side. I noticed that she needed help, several times I proposed her to seek for a therapist, but she always refused
Even after the break up, she's still not accounting for her behaviour toward me.
Edit:
I wanted to add, I was born with congenital heart disease and and had stroke/clot in my brainwhen I had 3 months old, which paralized all my right side. I recovered everything expect my arm/hand (I'm a hemiplegic) I can move them but it's limited. At home I was perfect as I was, but outside in public it was always pinches/hit because I looked "weird". I grew up with that and never really care about people eyes..
I left that relation because I feared for my life.
I you ever experience that, please leave as soon as possible (unless the person is willing to seek treatment)
So true. For 30 years I was promised his time and attention. “Agree to buying this business for me and we can go away on weekends”. Never agreed to the business but he took our money and did it anyway. No weekends ever came. Got him to for away for Valentine’s Day one time on my dime. What happens? He drags me all over town trying to find a cheap enough restaurant. I had the money. Wanted to just stay at hotel. But no. Was too expensive. Went on and on and on. Just could never “bond “ or be together intimately. Promise after promise broken. When I finally started really objecting to the lies and future faking and sneakiness among much more BS he left. Ok. Great. Then wanted to come home. Promised counseling. Haha. I was stupid enough to fall for that promise too. Lasted until he got sick of any complaints I may bring up. I finally just left after he hid the whereabouts of our oldest son from me for a week and my son ended up dying in another state. Then the divorce papers were filed. Tragic heartbreaking emotionally destructive time of it. Ended a 30 year marriage and lost my son and moved to another county all in 3 months. Thank God for good counselor. Thanks for the video.
Fantastic analogy between breadcrumblig and gambling machine ❤
I thought i was going crazy until i saw these videos. Im separated with a covert narcissist and she does everything said in the video. Protect Lise Leblanc at all cost!
This is so accurate of what happens
Dear Lise, thank you so much for your great work on this channel and priceless information you share .
Watching your videos for past few weeks and it really helps me to discover and understand myself better and deal with my struggle on the way out from 9yrs marriage with covert narc wife.
It's not easy at all for empathetic caring and loving person, but once you get to the point of logical conclusion, all dots connected, more and more answers received to questions in my head thanks to your and other information in internet.
Keep on posting videos, men over the world should open eyes and know about this "phenomenon"..
🙏👍
As a truck driver 1 month now and I experienced all of this playing mind games she refused to help on bills and had her plan already made with her brother I was warned 5 yrs prior not to move to a different state if her brother and family was there and mine wasn't
Great advice and knowledge here. This is exactly what happens... You can get yourself 100% stuck in limbo when involved with these types. I did, and it took years to get over.
Spot on! Appreciate the hardwork in making this video & sharing such vital information ! God Bless 🙌🏽 🙏🏽 👍🏽
breadcrumbing, or intermittent reward is the technique that video games, gambling and narcissist use to get you invested and engaged.
Solid and so accurate and love the slot machine analogy
This is so grounding for my delusional introspect I've created with my non available guy , ruminating ... this literally needs to be on a loop in my ear buds for a month so I'll finally "let it SINK IN"😂
tnx, loved the meantioning of the slotmachine. Unfotunatly soo true
I am 58 years old! How could I fall for it and keep coming back for more abuse. 2 1/2 years ... 2 years of hell.... I finally ( 10 th but last time.... I ended the relationship yesterday... I blocked her number and all the social media but I keep on checking my email and looking for an apology but she's never apologized in three years. I know it's not gonna be there and eventually I'll stop looking for it.
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and I'm in the process of getting out of my third relationship with a woman with a type B personality disorder. I spent 18 years with my ex wife and didn't find out until the end that she had BPD and bipolar. Then got involved with a grandiose narcissist. Her presentation was so stereotypical that it was often humorous. But she was super attractive and sex was amazing, so I stuck around for over a year. Then I fell victim of a covert narcissist and never saw it coming. I like watching videos like this because they give me the conviction to stay away regardless of her efforts to lure me back in because she really does need help with her home and property. However, one thing I will say about this video and many on RUclips gets wrong is that a narcissist doesn't consciously think about their strategy as it's often portrayed. They don't even know themselves what motivates their actions. So to say that their behavior is premeditated to achieve a certain outcome is way off the mark. It's not like that at all. It might be helpful for a therapist or anyone who never had a relationship with a narcissist to think in those terms, but if you go looking for the premeditation or conscious strategies, you could totally miss what's going on. You may fall victim because you waited to see the signs of the strategic thinking as it is often portrayed. I wish Lise and all of the RUclipsrs who talk about narcissism would stop talking like that because that mindset that their thinking is strategic, could make you vulnerable to repeating the same mistake, like I did.
Thank you, Lise. This is eye opening and very helpful to me, since I used to be a victim of narcissism. I’ll always remember what you’ve said.
9:20 broke me down.....
You nailed it again! It is everything! Thanks again! God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️
Thanks. Wish I had know/recognized this 20+ years ago.
Your videos are so spot on and informational, thank you!
Thank you, Lise Leblanc.🙏❤ This presentation inspires me to ask myself: do I practice future faking for myself in order to discourage myself from leaving.
@@LiseLeblanc Thank you.
You have helped me so much. Thank you
You’re welcome:)
Hooked me with the same SOP ; she planned things like wedding venues, color of her wedding dress, photoshoot poses and what not only to ghost me at the end....4 years n counting but she never even looked back for once.
You have Great info And explain it wonderfully 🎉
The content of this video just like ALL your videos is dead on accurate.
Live the bread counting analogy. Wow.. ive had a friend for decades whose behavior has always really confused me.. this answered any dioubts.. wow.
I'm sooooo glad I've found you Lisa WOW absolutely AMAZING I'm watching all you videos one after another because no one has described narcissists like you have thank you soooo much sending you love and light and many blessings stay safe and well 👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜💜💜🥰😘🤗xxxxx
You’re welcome! And thank you for your positive feedback 🙏
This hurts listening to this. I did marry this exact woman and it was amazing for ahwile but I never understood how she could just drop me after 7 years of together and start a new relationship with someone else (who was married) in a week. It was all happy and great till I embarrassed her in front of her friends and 1 week later she started a relationship with another man. I couldn't get over how she could just drop me like that and start a new relationship within a week.
Ummm..I think you know she was probably already fucken before u split sorry to say bud
orrr, they are avoidant fearful, selfish, inconsiderate, lack self-awareness, and are on a path to deeper narcissism
it's why I keep watching all this stuff
I don't want to sever the potential if she is simply fearful avoidant because she does seem to be that more than anything else, but, if she's not willing to do the work and keeps turning into her fear...
Life long … new beginnings. After a ?? Affair during my ptsd recovery also trauma from a serous hit and run. Listen Linda listen listen. This is truth !
Thank you Lise.
Listening to you is spot on.
I don't understand, why would they do this? That's part of what I've never got.
This is a public service for all men.
Bread crumbing works both ways. I bread crumb my narc ex wife to keep her thinking that her bread crumbs are working. As soon as the last of our financial investments are liquidated I’m bolting. ⚡️
My mom was diagnosed as a sociopath late in life; my dad was never diagnosed, but exhibited definite narcissistic traits. I was one of four boys, the second last was the golden child and remaining family still conforms to the classic pattern. I’ve gone no-contact with them for over forty years, but notice that I’ve pretty consistently replicated aspects of that same pattern, even in another culture, with almost every professional or personal relationship I’ve formed over my life. It’s taught me to beware, whenever I feel an inexplicable affinity with someone, I should actually run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. It seems to have turned me into a sigma male.
Great analogy with the slot machine
Glad you liked it!
Wise words! Thank you!
So I'm in a relationship that I have wanted out for a good while now, and everytime I reach my breaking point and lash out how I feel and express I want out and to leave, she won't accept that I want out she just argues why I don't have a right to feel a way or accuses me of lying. Then won't accept the results till I say what she wants despite I've made it clear I'm done. She claims I'm bred cruming but I've been being upfront with how I feel and the next week or day it's like a restart. What do I do for next time
Happened to me. One FYI your best videos yet.
Sometimes they don't even tell you to cut the ties with the others. They even "encourage" you to keep in touch with friends like they do.
They simply make themselves available to you whenever they want and they even make this fact look like a privilege. So in order to get to see the narc, you have to always be prepared to leave everything beside.
Thanks!
Thanks so much for your support!
Is "ill introduce you to my mom" every month considered breadcrumbing? To keep me hanging on? After 2.5 years.
Thank you for your content I'm a new viewer. You came into my life at a great time.
It would be since that takes things to the next level of seriousness. It's dangling a possibile future.
Wow! we live in a world of bread crumbers because most people do it today.
My daughter in law has accused me of causing her to threaten my son with divorce, she accuses me of "playing games", emotional abuse, manipulation, my son now believes all of this. I am not allowed to see my grandson as I have negative aura.....this has been 8yrs in the making, they have reeled my other son in. Today my husband and I are marginalised, no communication. We get whatsapp photos of our grandson, but cannot comment on them. We are so devastated...our two sons had a great upbringing...