I was in a severe trauma bond. 4yrs psychologically addicted to my ex fiancé. She had me wherever she wanted me. Used the Reaction Abuse against me. Her flying monkeys were worst than anything I have ever seen breathing. I am in therapy now because of the PTSD.. But let me tell you what I did.. I went Sky Diving for the first time. I jumped out of a plane at 10k feet. I wasn’t afraid. While free falling, I spat her name out of my body. I got rid of her at around 7k feet. Wherever she landed, is none of my concern. I freed myself from her clutches for good. I wouldn’t suggest you take a sky dive if you aren’t ready. My message is, if you can do something like that, trust in God, trust yourself, trust that everything will be alright, you too can overcome their grips on you. It took that, along with therapy, to show me, I can go on in life and live and be happy.. Happiness awaits you. You just have to find it. Screw that Narcissist that has you feeling like this! We are in this together!
God is a good Father and He has helped me to know my worth. Jesus is the Way, Truth and the Life and none comes to the Father except through Him. God bless
yeah evidently Im the narcissist too.She's combed thru my phone in secret, 2x's now and then attacks me, for what she finds, which is normal stuff that she perceives (and portrays to others, as my indiscretions. she's the victim, while torturing me for days on end.
It’s unreal isn’t it. Two kids and a 15yr marriage down the toilet. This cheat was the last straw for me. I was convinced the other times were my fault, I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. Every five years the cycle starts over, not this time. Papers are signed and submitted. No going back.
She convinced me to migrate to her home country to start a business together (something I really wished for). Once there we invested everything we had (product of years of MY work). She unleashed a bossy behavior talking about the brilliant success we would have with our small business. When I started to create boundaries and disagree with her delusional thinking she discarded me without hesitation. These people are dark and empty souls. Be warned.
I have been single and celibate for 6 years now. I have never been happier. My life is so free and wonderful. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I please at any time and don't have to run it by a soul. My nerves and spirit was torn apart by these nut jobs. It certainly made me come to the conclusion that it just isn't worth it.
I feel the same way I been going through hell for 2 yrs im confused I don't knw wht to believe its horrible we brake up every week so he can be with someone else I catch everything and if I call him out he loses his shit put hands on me .. he wants me to sit shut up and let him continue this behavior... calls it his own individuality yeah sure so he cam go cheat.. basically I'm blocked frm everything he made his family hate me think im crazy.. its horrible .. so basically iam only there when he wNts me to be have sex when he wants it . Then puts my ass on the back burner I have no one been through hell and he knew tht and still got involved just to wht be the worst thing tht ever happened tome ..
Thanks for the content. My experience is it's their body for my soul. Covert narcs are like avocados at the market. Keep squeezing until you find a good one. Wait until you get them home, cut them open and see what's inside. Then, and only then, make guac. Or don't. My father told me twenty years ago (after 4 covert NPDs), "Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." I did and my life is wonderful. Thanks again.
"Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." - Legendary 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 @Harvey Gresham Tqvm for sharing such wisdom! I'll never forget this moving forward in life! iPlease convey my sincere gratitude to you Father mate... Hope you guys are doing great! God Bless 🙏🏽
I am just so thankful that I didn't buy into her pushing me to buy property, a home, a cabin, etc etc etc with her...and this was within 2 MONTHS of dating her!! "Move in, let's have kids, we gotta get married....can you buy this large plot of land for US...OUR future family?" Unreal. Once I was hooked, she would constantly create issues so I felt like I OWED her and I'd try harder and harder to "make up for" whatever the hell I did (which, now looking back and by talking it through with family, friends & my therapist was NOTHING. NOTHING that a NORMAL person would be bothered by). Wow. I seriously just want to be ALONE and in peace. Improving MYSELF and MY life.
Whenever I was on a verge of mental breakdown, she would give me these glimpses of hope. "It'd be nice to have a family with you". But 99% of the time when I actually tried to build said family with her, she was like "That's disgusting, never gonna happen, stop pressuring". She would write me little love notes I'd find on my desk, but when I actually tried to love her, she always pulled away. "Don't touch me"
It's usually the nicest of people that are manipulated like this. W give everything we can, clinging to that hope that that the per they fell in love with will come back. You stay until completely broken. Staying to long and knowing it but scared also to be alone again thinking you'll never find another person to love.
Alone is fine it’s when they play just with the intent to hurt because they are jealous rejected and hiding behind proxies as they rape the rights of all
They don't just do this in romantic relationships. I had a female friend like this. She has an appearance of near perfection and extreme goodness. She has a huge presence within my church and online. She has thousands of people that adore her and she breadcrumbs them all. She gets them to do whatever she wants and she has played the victim who has been deeply hurt by people who abandoned her, she uses this victim tactic to get her followers to be determined to never abandon her and to be emotionally invested in always standing by her, they do things for her all the time, but she won't stand by you. You can give, and give, and give to her and it will never be enough, and she will never lift a finger to do anything for you. It's all about what other people can do for her, and breadcrumbing her friends and followers along so they will always be there in case she needs to use them for some self serving purpose.
Bamm. Never better description. I remember my narc mothers "friends". They all felt weird to me. The last word from one of her flying monkees was, at her funeral was" You know she loved you". I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have laughed and said, "Boy she sure had you fooled too, you old fool. I can only imagine the stories she told this puppet.
I’m in the 16th year of marriage to a covert narcissist. I always knew something was off since our very first date together. But she kept luring me in. Breadcrumbing. I am in my final year of grad school to be a mental health counselor. It took seven years of college Psychological training to realize what she really is. I am financially screwed because. Years and years ago I let her have full access to all of my income via direct deposit and a joint account, that I no longer have passwords or access to. I am so effing broken right now as a person. I don’t even know where to begin. I do have my own therapist, but it is through the VA, and he is pretty much useless tied to the VA restrictions. I cannot thank you enough for making these videos as they had really showing me what was truly going on.
There was a study once done with mice and there was intermittent, unpredictable reinforcement in 1 group and in another group the reinforcement was predictable every time they pressed the lever. what the study showed was that the mice who were steadily and predictably reinforced....thrived ❤ the ones who were unpredictably reinforced ie. never knew when they were gonna get a treat .... pressed the lever continuously until they got worn out, or died.🖤
3 weeks out from being discarded from a woman I was making plans to spend my life with. Love/sex bombed from day 1, tearfully shared all vulnerabilities and traumas from the start to make me want to “save” her right up front. Slowly chipped away at me, even hinted at what she was doing through song lyrics (though I was too blind to decode). Set up new supply while telling me she loved me and reiterated our future plans. I stood on a healthy boundary and that was all she wrote. Blocked on everything and listed in a new relationship within a week, complete with smiling photos. No remorse. The cognitive dissidence cycle now feels like it’s making me insane, like a prisoner of my own mind. The videos help, but as soon as I clothes the app she takes over my thoughts 😢
The same happened to me with my ex. Especially the sex and songs she play revolves around cheating. I will take a step further I told her one of my fears about finding out some fucked up shit through snap. One day I wake up with a anonymous text from a number I never saw before was a video of a snap of my girl with someone else. That’s when it hit me. This ain’t by accident. I immediately broke things off with her. Your better off man. Trust me.
OMG - I’m am in the full discard stage after an unbelievable future fake scenario (moving to the east coast and enjoy beach living). I worked with my person to make it all happen and we completed the deal - we made it to the beach house! There’s a lot more to the story, but soon after arriving, things started to feel odd (in my gut). After 5 months and the completion of the last project on the house, the bottom fell out. An illogical basis for a lack of trust came up. There was no fixing the problem and two weeks later it was ended in a very harsh manner. I believe that my ex is a covert narcissist. It’s the only thing that dots the “I”s and crosses the “t”s. I am out and beginning my life (I am 8 years shy of retirement age) with basically nothing. I am a believer of new beginnings and a bright future for myself. But this one was a tough pill to swallow.
I never thought I'd recover from such a relationship, but I'm almost there. The key for me was to finally accept she didn't care about me, to accept whatever I did was never enough, and to definitely go no contact. Its incredibly hard to recover if the manipulator is still able to have access to you. Its not easy at all but it is doable.
The slot machine analogy is great - it's addictive, and you want so badly to believe, and you might give up one day but you'll come back another... I think it will be helpful to me to conjure up this image of a slot machine when the NPD ex comes to mind. Thanks for these videos. Great work!
What if someone sees all the signs addressed here in their relationship with another person ... but it is not a romantic relationship? In fact, the "breadcrumber" also has more money, more friends, more status than the "breadcrumbee". Why would they be doing this - the praising, praising, then the ignoring, ignoring ... for years? In other words, the "breadcrumbee" can't fathom what the other person could be getting out of this. Strictly ego-feeding? Do they even realize they're doing it? If they're not aware, does that make them less narcissistic? Not sure i'll get a response here, which is fine, and i guess it's something to discuss with my therapist, right? Anyway, just discovered you, Lise: Very well articulated observations, thank you.
Thanks for making these videos. They've opened my eyes to the red flags that I've been ignoring for over 6 months. I need to break free from her emotionally, guilt-inducing grip. I feel constantly like I'm walking on eggshells and I'm never allowed to be upset. There's no empathy from her and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Same here dude... I broke up with her several times, because I couldnt accept her behaviour towards me... I Broke up with her 5 weeks ago. 1 Week after i broke up with her, she had a NEW boyfriend moving in with her and the kids!! She had him READY and lined up on the sideline!!! Almost feel sorry for the guy..... He dont know what he got himself into...
Run save your like ...i have 20 yrs of history with a Narcissist ...but we are not contact 22 months ...he will be back ...he always does ...but I have been educating myself the past 2 yrs 😊
What "you" "should" do in your situation really depends on the particulars of the situation and the direction you want to go, either (1) with the narcissist, or (2) without the narcissist. My situation is that I can't leave, or people who depend on me for their survival will be in a bad way. I just can't walk away, or their futures would most likely be horrible, literally. The narcissist in my family fights against me and my desire that we all should continue as a family. She erodes my desire to take care of business, but I'm in a situation the I must take care of business, or I will bear the blame for the failure of our family. Having to deal with a narcissist is very frustrating, and a part of me wishes I could just let go. I believe that 2023 is the year I stopped caring about anything other than keeping my family together. I still care about stuff but not so much now. I wish I would have stayed single, and I only had myself to deal with. Good luck and peace to anyone who has to live with a narcissist. It's quite a trial. I suggest you take a look at Sam Vaknin's Dual Mothership model. It blew me away. Now I have a framework on to which I can project my understanding of the so-called "chess pieces" of dealing with and interacting through a overt narcissist. It's not fun, at all.
Watched many of your videos in the last two weeks about narcissists, especially the covert narcissist. I was married to one for almost twenty years, and she was absolutely as you describe them to be. And she almost completely destroyed me - body, spirit, and soul - before God gave me the good sense to get out. Thank you for being a resource, especially for men.
Having a narcissist parent (maybe both?), older sibling, and flying monkey younger siblings....all my childish, naïve hopes and dreams were destroyed by the time I graduated High School. But that's fine. I have learned to find happiness from within myself, to give expecting nothing in return, and to have an attitude of gratitude. Sadly narcissists can't ever experience true and deep happiness.
I really like when you said…”your rewards will come as long as you stick with them.” That is deep and only someone that understands that will appreciate it. God Bless you!
I had one tell on himself by saying that he wanted me to: 1) trust him 🚩🚩🚩 and 2) be ‘addicted’ to him 😳🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Dopamine hits galore, and he knew exactly how to do it. Smooth and convincing. Could cry on a dime. Was trying to move into my place within weeks of the first date, because ‘it was just so perfect…we had to go for it, because these things don’t come along every day’. My intuition was screaming for me to run for my life. And it did!
Yeah, I was shamed for having skepticism. That I had "trust issues". That I needed to just believe him first. That I had a closed mind. Then when I got the point where I could understand what he was talking about, but was in disagreement. He accused me of "arguing" 🙄 Like dude I'm at peace with disagreeing. You're the one with the issue. God knows my skepticism. I think It's part of my gift. Finally I left. Now my life is peaceful like I can breath. He really tried hard to convince me I'm the one with the problem as he was leaving. So did I as he left. Not my best moment. He still tries too. Tries to be all watery eyes when we're switching taking care of the kids. I'm sorry but I feel bitter towards manipulation tactics. After the 1000s of nights I cried alone because you decided not to care, you expect me to have sympathy for random watery eyes because things aren't going your way? Dr.John Delony says behavior is a language. I'm pleasant on the outside with him now. I have to keep the peace for our kids. On the inside though I'm like "Oh please 🙄 I'm glad I left this drama." The thing is a thought to myself came up like "Do I think he's a garbage human?" And I was like "Nah, all people are special somehow and I hope he gets well. I think he treated me like garbage, that's why I left." For me that helped with letting go of bitterness a little bit. I still have bouts of anger but I'll heal over time especially if I face it head on. Right now, I'm focusing on how to actually love and enjoy life.
Wish I had been educated on this topic sooner. 4 years of being in a toxic relationship and she dropped me, got with another dude and had him moved in within 2 weeks or less. I'm still struggling with accepting the reality of who she is and moving forward. She lives a few streets over and I allow her to come by from time to time. Until now I've been confused and hurt and basically asked for another chance. She feeds off me being miserable and helplessly wanting another chance. I'm done begging and being her puppet. Life is too short.
Move on bro. She know what she doing. U better off with out her. It can end two ways and both can cost you your life. RUN the other way. You will be a lot happier.
You definitely know how to roll out so much valuable information in such a perfect way. Just so sad to hear what so many people are dealing with or going through. Love the slot machine analogy. Love your videos. Awesome work!!!
This is again amazingly exact. More than any other NPD videos or websites this is brutally exactly what I've experienced. I'm still in trauma bond, but I'm so much closer to breaking free now.
You have confirmed in this and your video The Female Covert Narcissist that the woman I've been seeing for nearly a year fits nearly every aspect of the profiles you describe. While watching these videos, I just sent her "get out of my life" texts. I feel so violated... so manipulated. A study on this woman alone would corroborate all that you are saying. It is so sad and pathetic that people like this pray on people like me (PHIL)... I cover every letter of the acronym... and I feel so used. Letting completely go with all the emotions that have become attached to the relationship will take some time. I look at it as quitting a toxic habit and going through withdrawals. I guess that's part of the healing process. Thank you 🙏
She asked me to go to Jamaica, while we were separated, stupid me thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel since Jamaica was where we had our honeymoon...I went but the whole trip was a nightmare as she clearly couldn't stand my presence near her
I remember one Christmas I got a hotel, had some extra money, and I brought an ex-girlfriend along. But like yourself, it became apparent that she could not stand being around me even though she tried to hide it. I still resent it to this day because I could have just brought some other woman who would have treated me right that Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I was no fool chasing her. (Women have to earn that!) The kisses felt off, the sex felt off, everything felt off! It was like I was doing all the work. Yet she left enough just enough plausible deniability to make it almost confusing
Great analogy with the slot machine. Perfect fit. And since I was involved with a likely NARC for a while, I can also say with confidence your analogy is accurate.
I think I've been living 8 years with a narcissits. I break up with her (well technically we are still married 😢). After watching your video, I just cried. It's really hard to leave. You have that sweet that you like and hang on, and that massive bitter side that you try to sweep away. For me I did everything wrong, she abused me, but in my mind I was feed by that sweet side. I noticed that she needed help, several times I proposed her to seek for a therapist, but she always refused Even after the break up, she's still not accounting for her behaviour toward me. Edit: I wanted to add, I was born with congenital heart disease and and had stroke/clot in my brainwhen I had 3 months old, which paralized all my right side. I recovered everything expect my arm/hand (I'm a hemiplegic) I can move them but it's limited. At home I was perfect as I was, but outside in public it was always pinches/hit because I looked "weird". I grew up with that and never really care about people eyes.. I left that relation because I feared for my life. I you ever experience that, please leave as soon as possible (unless the person is willing to seek treatment)
So true. For 30 years I was promised his time and attention. “Agree to buying this business for me and we can go away on weekends”. Never agreed to the business but he took our money and did it anyway. No weekends ever came. Got him to for away for Valentine’s Day one time on my dime. What happens? He drags me all over town trying to find a cheap enough restaurant. I had the money. Wanted to just stay at hotel. But no. Was too expensive. Went on and on and on. Just could never “bond “ or be together intimately. Promise after promise broken. When I finally started really objecting to the lies and future faking and sneakiness among much more BS he left. Ok. Great. Then wanted to come home. Promised counseling. Haha. I was stupid enough to fall for that promise too. Lasted until he got sick of any complaints I may bring up. I finally just left after he hid the whereabouts of our oldest son from me for a week and my son ended up dying in another state. Then the divorce papers were filed. Tragic heartbreaking emotionally destructive time of it. Ended a 30 year marriage and lost my son and moved to another county all in 3 months. Thank God for good counselor. Thanks for the video.
Oh Lise❤. Just thank you. Exactly what it is happening to me. The worrying thing is….how did I get into this. These kind of partners are great sparring partner to work on oneself. I will be getting out of this more resilient. 💪🍀🍀🌹
I really enjoyed this video. I had experience with this from someone. I thought he liked me but was always out of reach, disappearing and reappearing. Foolishly, I welcomed him again and again. I have since learned about this bread-crumbing, along with thé narcissism. No more.
I have lived the exact life with her what Lise has described here and in other videos. Never knew I was under punishment for months and it was so subtle that I never realized. I went through so much worst that I couldn’t believe any human being is capable to such to the person who loves you so much. As suggested by experts, leave the person and live your life peacefully. That’s the ultimate solution because narc will never accept that they have mental problem.
Your videos are always the BEST of them all! I get sooo MUCH INFO from you n u HELP ME out alot. You talk so clear, precise n to the point. Keep up the amazing work Doc! 😘👍🏼👌
Your example of Breadcrumming using the the slot machine in Las Vegas is perfect! With regard to the Future Faking, that is So Real. With a man I dated, briefly two years ago. On, I kid you not, the Second date, he said, "I've been waiting for you my whole life. You are my soul mate.... We are the Same." I replied, no we are not the same, we are just getting to know each other." He also brushed aside the boundaries I set almost as if they were merely a challenge for him to double down. Go to Vegas for the weekend when I only knew him for 2 days? Say no to going to a sex shop? He tried to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. Fortunately, I saw it for what it was, did not go to Vegas or the sex shop, and stopped seeing him during week two.
Exactly what my wife does to me all the time, married 1/12 years together almost 2 years. Last time we had sex was our wedding night, I’m DONE! No one will EVER treat me with such disrespect and contempt again!! Time for me to fly!
Thank you, Lise Leblanc.🙏❤ This presentation inspires me to ask myself: do I practice future faking for myself in order to discourage myself from leaving.
Bread crumbing works both ways. I bread crumb my narc ex wife to keep her thinking that her bread crumbs are working. As soon as the last of our financial investments are liquidated I’m bolting. ⚡️
I thought i was going crazy until i saw these videos. Im separated with a covert narcissist and she does everything said in the video. Protect Lise Leblanc at all cost!
At first I was thinking, maybe this isn’t my partner, I can’t think of any examples of how they faked the future. And then she started to go into detail about how they actually do this. I wanted to start crying…it really hit home 😢 Recently broke it off with her after 12yrs and scrambling trying to find my identify again at 35.
Is "ill introduce you to my mom" every month considered breadcrumbing? To keep me hanging on? After 2.5 years. Thank you for your content I'm a new viewer. You came into my life at a great time.
This is so grounding for my delusional introspect I've created with my non available guy , ruminating ... this literally needs to be on a loop in my ear buds for a month so I'll finally "let it SINK IN"😂
Great advice and knowledge here. This is exactly what happens... You can get yourself 100% stuck in limbo when involved with these types. I did, and it took years to get over.
Life long … new beginnings. After a ?? Affair during my ptsd recovery also trauma from a serous hit and run. Listen Linda listen listen. This is truth !
I am 58 years old! How could I fall for it and keep coming back for more abuse. 2 1/2 years ... 2 years of hell.... I finally ( 10 th but last time.... I ended the relationship yesterday... I blocked her number and all the social media but I keep on checking my email and looking for an apology but she's never apologized in three years. I know it's not gonna be there and eventually I'll stop looking for it.
My narcissist told me there is a reason for everything she says and does. She basically was telling me everything is scripted and she's manipulating me but I didn't pick up on it at the time. I'm learning narcissist will tell you who they are very early on.
Dear Lise, thank you so much for your great work on this channel and priceless information you share . Watching your videos for past few weeks and it really helps me to discover and understand myself better and deal with my struggle on the way out from 9yrs marriage with covert narc wife. It's not easy at all for empathetic caring and loving person, but once you get to the point of logical conclusion, all dots connected, more and more answers received to questions in my head thanks to your and other information in internet. Keep on posting videos, men over the world should open eyes and know about this "phenomenon".. 🙏👍
My mom was diagnosed as a sociopath late in life; my dad was never diagnosed, but exhibited definite narcissistic traits. I was one of four boys, the second last was the golden child and remaining family still conforms to the classic pattern. I’ve gone no-contact with them for over forty years, but notice that I’ve pretty consistently replicated aspects of that same pattern, even in another culture, with almost every professional or personal relationship I’ve formed over my life. It’s taught me to beware, whenever I feel an inexplicable affinity with someone, I should actually run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. It seems to have turned me into a sigma male.
it's why I keep watching all this stuff I don't want to sever the potential if she is simply fearful avoidant because she does seem to be that more than anything else, but, if she's not willing to do the work and keeps turning into her fear...
This hurts listening to this. I did marry this exact woman and it was amazing for ahwile but I never understood how she could just drop me after 7 years of together and start a new relationship with someone else (who was married) in a week. It was all happy and great till I embarrassed her in front of her friends and 1 week later she started a relationship with another man. I couldn't get over how she could just drop me like that and start a new relationship within a week.
This was an informative and useful video. However, as with so many such, I think too much time is spent on explication, explaining pretty direct concepts at needless length. Sometimes, even if some information payoff lies hidden in some long video which needlessly repeats and overexplains, I simply give up. My notion that this long road to the truth is itself a sort of psychological "faking," trying to keep you watching as long as possible, which I suspect RUclips makes financially rewarding. Thanks for the useful information reguardless.
Sometimes they don't even tell you to cut the ties with the others. They even "encourage" you to keep in touch with friends like they do. They simply make themselves available to you whenever they want and they even make this fact look like a privilege. So in order to get to see the narc, you have to always be prepared to leave everything beside.
Covert do it slowly.excessive flattery .that's why they are dangerous.keep away from them .very controlling types .use shame especially.again all indirect no connections I've had this experiences.outwardly or subtly controlling you ,your interests,values and relationships with others.hide behind being kind to others
How do you tell the difference between breadcrumbing and someone who genuinely has very few 'spoons' to spend and is therefor not as available as one might expect? Your gambling analogy is really good, btw!
My very Not-NPD gf is very busy but does her best to find time for me. She lets me know in advance if she can't make it and says sorry. Sometimes she is able to rearrange stuff and make the rendezvous. She avoids over promising, no sandcastle in the air
My lady friend has a lot of these things I also believe she's borderline she doesn't introduce me as her boyfriend just says friend because she says she doesn't like using labels sex is great when we have it on her timeline it sucks looking for an Escape Plan craziest thing yes we live next door to each other ☹️
Narcissists depend on you chasing the sunk cost fallacy.... chasing bad investments with more good investments, hoping for a return. With the narcissist, there will never be a return. Narcissists are black holes. The best you can do is accept your losses and walk away.
I felt like she was my soulmate...and then paid for everything...So watch how you feel and see if it is real...I do have hopes and dreams. I think it is important to be with someone who is not too good to be true. My gut told me something was off the first time I went to her place and did not listen to my heart. I did get money from family, this is so accurate. I lost so much more than time. Also I am wondering how do we help people who are stuck. I mean the person who is not well, the person who seems to be this Narcissist character. How can we help their lives be better so they do not have to be in so much torment that they never get to land, never get to be truly happy. Because I want my ex partner to be healed. I want her mind to be healthy. To no be in misery or cause others like me to be miserable. I do not like th eidea of throwing people away. We are not just these maladies, we are also children, brothers, sisters, friends, and humans who deserve love and care?
I'm sooooo glad I've found you Lisa WOW absolutely AMAZING I'm watching all you videos one after another because no one has described narcissists like you have thank you soooo much sending you love and light and many blessings stay safe and well 👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜💜💜🥰😘🤗xxxxx
He wanted a guarantee that I'll marry him without an engagement ring and without being committed to me !!? He was striging me along for years with his words saying he wants to marry me, build us a home, etc. All illusions. Oh yeah he used to say we're twin flames all the time !
“They where never ever really in love with you”
Hit hard.
Gaslighting, Breadcrumbing, Future faking. All vocabulary to give me strength to get out of this relationship. I cry whenever I watch your videos.
I don’t blame you. It’s such a rude awakening.😢
I was in a severe trauma bond. 4yrs psychologically addicted to my ex fiancé. She had me wherever she wanted me. Used the Reaction Abuse against me. Her flying monkeys were worst than anything I have ever seen breathing. I am in therapy now because of the PTSD.. But let me tell you what I did.. I went Sky Diving for the first time. I jumped out of a plane at 10k feet. I wasn’t afraid. While free falling, I spat her name out of my body. I got rid of her at around 7k feet. Wherever she landed, is none of my concern. I freed myself from her clutches for good. I wouldn’t suggest you take a sky dive if you aren’t ready. My message is, if you can do something like that, trust in God, trust yourself, trust that everything will be alright, you too can overcome their grips on you. It took that, along with therapy, to show me, I can go on in life and live and be happy.. Happiness awaits you. You just have to find it. Screw that Narcissist that has you feeling like this! We are in this together!
me too
I can relate to this so badly.
God is a good Father and He has helped me to know my worth. Jesus is the Way, Truth and the Life and none comes to the Father except through Him. God bless
I never thought I would be watching videos like this. I've done everything for her and now, apparently, I'm the narcissist.
Same here
Welcome to the club.
Same, I'm the narcissist apparently, and I made her feel "so unloved"
yeah evidently Im the narcissist too.She's combed thru my phone in secret, 2x's now and then attacks me, for what she finds, which is normal stuff that she perceives (and portrays to others, as my indiscretions. she's the victim, while torturing me for days on end.
It’s unreal isn’t it. Two kids and a 15yr marriage down the toilet. This cheat was the last straw for me. I was convinced the other times were my fault, I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. Every five years the cycle starts over, not this time. Papers are signed and submitted. No going back.
She convinced me to migrate to her home country to start a business together (something I really wished for). Once there we invested everything we had (product of years of MY work). She unleashed a bossy behavior talking about the brilliant success we would have with our small business. When I started to create boundaries and disagree with her delusional thinking she discarded me without hesitation. These people are dark and empty souls. Be warned.
Future faking is the worst thing a person can do in my opinion especially when they’re cheating.
Oh the cheating & lying & the never admitting even when caught..
Tell me about it. Was looking at engagement rings at her request while she was acquiring a new supply
@@IntoMurph Oh... I found a hidden dating-profile. I could only see it, when I used a fake profile!! She made them hide the profile for me!!
She made me think we were going to have kids until 5 years later she says she’s to selfish for that went from wanting 3-0.
I have been single and celibate for 6 years now. I have never been happier. My life is so free and wonderful. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I please at any time and don't have to run it by a soul. My nerves and spirit was torn apart by these nut jobs. It certainly made me come to the conclusion that it just isn't worth it.
I feel the same way I been going through hell for 2 yrs im confused I don't knw wht to believe its horrible we brake up every week so he can be with someone else I catch everything and if I call him out he loses his shit put hands on me .. he wants me to sit shut up and let him continue this behavior... calls it his own individuality yeah sure so he cam go cheat.. basically I'm blocked frm everything he made his family hate me think im crazy.. its horrible .. so basically iam only there when he wNts me to be have sex when he wants it . Then puts my ass on the back burner I have no one been through hell and he knew tht and still got involved just to wht be the worst thing tht ever happened tome ..
It's never worth it! Walk away and stay away!
Thanks for the content. My experience is it's their body for my soul. Covert narcs are like avocados at the market. Keep squeezing until you find a good one. Wait until you get them home, cut them open and see what's inside. Then, and only then, make guac. Or don't. My father told me twenty years ago (after 4 covert NPDs), "Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." I did and my life is wonderful. Thanks again.
"Find a woman you can live with rather than one you can't live without." - Legendary 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 🙌🏽
@Harvey Gresham Tqvm for sharing such wisdom! I'll never forget this moving forward in life!
iPlease convey my sincere gratitude to you Father mate... Hope you guys are doing great! God Bless 🙏🏽
Good father's have the best advice and that one is awesome..
Such a wise statement "Find a Woman that you can live with rather than one you can not live without".
Factz
GREAT WAY TO LIVE, LOVE IS NOT WORTH U BEING MISERABLE....
I am just so thankful that I didn't buy into her pushing me to buy property, a home, a cabin, etc etc etc with her...and this was within 2 MONTHS of dating her!! "Move in, let's have kids, we gotta get married....can you buy this large plot of land for US...OUR future family?" Unreal. Once I was hooked, she would constantly create issues so I felt like I OWED her and I'd try harder and harder to "make up for" whatever the hell I did (which, now looking back and by talking it through with family, friends & my therapist was NOTHING. NOTHING that a NORMAL person would be bothered by). Wow. I seriously just want to be ALONE and in peace. Improving MYSELF and MY life.
These people make you want to stay alone that’s for sure.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 yes!!! Thats where I'm at. Alone and fine with that. Focusing on improving myself.
Whenever I was on a verge of mental breakdown, she would give me these glimpses of hope. "It'd be nice to have a family with you". But 99% of the time when I actually tried to build said family with her, she was like "That's disgusting, never gonna happen, stop pressuring".
She would write me little love notes I'd find on my desk, but when I actually tried to love her, she always pulled away. "Don't touch me"
Borderline
Narcissists fear intimacy, they destroy people who came too close and saw behind the mask.
Breadcrumbing worked on me like a charm. And that's where the block button really shines
Breadcrumbing is the very definition of what you get on dating sites.
I swear you were watching my entire relationship.
My wife left me for another man after 2yrs he left her for another woman. Then she realised what she had in me and asked to come back..PISS OFF !!!
It's usually the nicest of people that are manipulated like this. W give everything we can, clinging to that hope that that the per they fell in love with will come back. You stay until completely broken. Staying to long and knowing it but scared also to be alone again thinking you'll never find another person to love.
Alone is fine it’s when they play just with the intent to hurt because they are jealous rejected and hiding behind proxies as they rape the rights of all
You just described me.
They don't just do this in romantic relationships. I had a female friend like this. She has an appearance of near perfection and extreme goodness. She has a huge presence within my church and online. She has thousands of people that adore her and she breadcrumbs them all. She gets them to do whatever she wants and she has played the victim who has been deeply hurt by people who abandoned her, she uses this victim tactic to get her followers to be determined to never abandon her and to be emotionally invested in always standing by her, they do things for her all the time, but she won't stand by you. You can give, and give, and give to her and it will never be enough, and she will never lift a finger to do anything for you. It's all about what other people can do for her, and breadcrumbing her friends and followers along so they will always be there in case she needs to use them for some self serving purpose.
oh God, i hope the internet was as widespread when i was younger. it would have saved me a lot of time and heartache.
Bamm. Never better description. I remember my narc mothers "friends". They all felt weird to me. The last word from one of her flying monkees was, at her funeral was" You know she loved you". I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have laughed and said, "Boy she sure had you fooled too, you old fool. I can only imagine the stories she told this puppet.
Does her name begin with an 'A,' by chance?
I’m in the 16th year of marriage to a covert narcissist. I always knew something was off since our very first date together. But she kept luring me in. Breadcrumbing. I am in my final year of grad school to be a mental health counselor. It took seven years of college Psychological training to realize what she really is. I am financially screwed because. Years and years ago I let her have full access to all of my income via direct deposit and a joint account, that I no longer have passwords or access to. I am so effing broken right now as a person. I don’t even know where to begin. I do have my own therapist, but it is through the VA, and he is pretty much useless tied to the VA restrictions. I cannot thank you enough for making these videos as they had really showing me what was truly going on.
There was a study once done with mice and there was intermittent, unpredictable reinforcement in 1 group and in another group the reinforcement was predictable every time they pressed the lever.
what the study showed was that the mice who were steadily and predictably reinforced....thrived ❤
the ones who were unpredictably reinforced ie. never knew when they were gonna get a treat .... pressed the lever continuously until they got worn out, or died.🖤
3 weeks out from being discarded from a woman I was making plans to spend my life with. Love/sex bombed from day 1, tearfully shared all vulnerabilities and traumas from the start to make me want to “save” her right up front. Slowly chipped away at me, even hinted at what she was doing through song lyrics (though I was too blind to decode). Set up new supply while telling me she loved me and reiterated our future plans. I stood on a healthy boundary and that was all she wrote. Blocked on everything and listed in a new relationship within a week, complete with smiling photos. No remorse.
The cognitive dissidence cycle now feels like it’s making me insane, like a prisoner of my own mind. The videos help, but as soon as I clothes the app she takes over my thoughts 😢
The same happened to me with my ex. Especially the sex and songs she play revolves around cheating. I will take a step further I told her one of my fears about finding out some fucked up shit through snap. One day I wake up with a anonymous text from a number I never saw before was a video of a snap of my girl with someone else. That’s when it hit me. This ain’t by accident. I immediately broke things off with her. Your better off man. Trust me.
OMG - I’m am in the full discard stage after an unbelievable future fake scenario (moving to the east coast and enjoy beach living). I worked with my person to make it all happen and we completed the deal - we made it to the beach house! There’s a lot more to the story, but soon after arriving, things started to feel odd (in my gut). After 5 months and the completion of the last project on the house, the bottom fell out. An illogical basis for a lack of trust came up. There was no fixing the problem and two weeks later it was ended in a very harsh manner. I believe that my ex is a covert narcissist. It’s the only thing that dots the “I”s and crosses the “t”s. I am out and beginning my life (I am 8 years shy of retirement age) with basically nothing. I am a believer of new beginnings and a bright future for myself. But this one was a tough pill to swallow.
I never thought I'd recover from such a relationship, but I'm almost there. The key for me was to finally accept she didn't care about me, to accept whatever I did was never enough, and to definitely go no contact. Its incredibly hard to recover if the manipulator is still able to have access to you. Its not easy at all but it is doable.
The slot machine analogy is great - it's addictive, and you want so badly to believe, and you might give up one day but you'll come back another... I think it will be helpful to me to conjure up this image of a slot machine when the NPD ex comes to mind. Thanks for these videos. Great work!
What if someone sees all the signs addressed here in their relationship with another person ... but it is not a romantic relationship? In fact, the "breadcrumber" also has more money, more friends, more status than the "breadcrumbee". Why would they be doing this - the praising, praising, then the ignoring, ignoring ... for years?
In other words, the "breadcrumbee" can't fathom what the other person could be getting out of this. Strictly ego-feeding? Do they even realize they're doing it? If they're not aware, does that make them less narcissistic?
Not sure i'll get a response here, which is fine, and i guess it's something to discuss with my therapist, right?
Anyway, just discovered you, Lise: Very well articulated observations, thank you.
Thanks for making these videos. They've opened my eyes to the red flags that I've been ignoring for over 6 months. I need to break free from her emotionally, guilt-inducing grip. I feel constantly like I'm walking on eggshells and I'm never allowed to be upset. There's no empathy from her and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Same here dude... I broke up with her several times, because I couldnt accept her behaviour towards me... I Broke up with her 5 weeks ago. 1 Week after i broke up with her, she had a NEW boyfriend moving in with her and the kids!! She had him READY and lined up on the sideline!!! Almost feel sorry for the guy..... He dont know what he got himself into...
Run save your like ...i have 20 yrs of history with a Narcissist ...but we are not contact 22 months ...he will be back ...he always does ...but I have been educating myself the past 2 yrs 😊
What "you" "should" do in your situation really depends on the particulars of the situation and the direction you want to go, either (1) with the narcissist, or (2) without the narcissist. My situation is that I can't leave, or people who depend on me for their survival will be in a bad way. I just can't walk away, or their futures would most likely be horrible, literally. The narcissist in my family fights against me and my desire that we all should continue as a family. She erodes my desire to take care of business, but I'm in a situation the I must take care of business, or I will bear the blame for the failure of our family. Having to deal with a narcissist is very frustrating, and a part of me wishes I could just let go. I believe that 2023 is the year I stopped caring about anything other than keeping my family together. I still care about stuff but not so much now. I wish I would have stayed single, and I only had myself to deal with. Good luck and peace to anyone who has to live with a narcissist. It's quite a trial. I suggest you take a look at Sam Vaknin's Dual Mothership model. It blew me away. Now I have a framework on to which I can project my understanding of the so-called "chess pieces" of dealing with and interacting through a overt narcissist. It's not fun, at all.
Watched many of your videos in the last two weeks about narcissists, especially the covert narcissist. I was married to one for almost twenty years, and she was absolutely as you describe them to be. And she almost completely destroyed me - body, spirit, and soul - before God gave me the good sense to get out. Thank you for being a resource, especially for men.
It is absolutely amazing how wise this person is and that she possesses the ability to so articulately pass it on to others.
Just went through this for only 7 months luckily. Caught her cheating and left the same day. This explains her exactly.
Having a narcissist parent (maybe both?), older sibling, and flying monkey younger siblings....all my childish, naïve hopes and dreams were destroyed by the time I graduated High School. But that's fine. I have learned to find happiness from within myself, to give expecting nothing in return, and to have an attitude of gratitude. Sadly narcissists can't ever experience true and deep happiness.
Oh my goodness! Your insight on this subject is such a treasure, because it's seldomly spoken about.
I agree! Lise is such a wealth of information on these subjects that aren’t often talked about.
I really like when you said…”your rewards will come as long as you stick with them.” That is deep and only someone that understands that will appreciate it. God Bless you!
I had one tell on himself by saying that he wanted me to: 1) trust him 🚩🚩🚩 and 2) be ‘addicted’ to him 😳🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Dopamine hits galore, and he knew exactly how to do it. Smooth and convincing. Could cry on a dime. Was trying to move into my place within weeks of the first date, because ‘it was just so perfect…we had to go for it, because these things don’t come along every day’. My intuition was screaming for me to run for my life. And it did!
Dodged a bullet
Yeah, I was shamed for having skepticism. That I had "trust issues".
That I needed to just believe him first. That I had a closed mind.
Then when I got the point where I could understand what he was talking about, but was in disagreement. He accused me of "arguing" 🙄 Like dude I'm at peace with disagreeing. You're the one with the issue.
God knows my skepticism. I think It's part of my gift.
Finally I left. Now my life is peaceful like I can breath.
He really tried hard to convince me I'm the one with the problem as he was leaving. So did I as he left. Not my best moment.
He still tries too. Tries to be all watery eyes when we're switching taking care of the kids. I'm sorry but I feel bitter towards manipulation tactics. After the 1000s of nights I cried alone because you decided not to care, you expect me to have sympathy for random watery eyes because things aren't going your way?
Dr.John Delony says behavior is a language.
I'm pleasant on the outside with him now. I have to keep the peace for our kids.
On the inside though I'm like "Oh please 🙄 I'm glad I left this drama."
The thing is a thought to myself came up like "Do I think he's a garbage human?" And I was like "Nah, all people are special somehow and I hope he gets well. I think he treated me like garbage, that's why I left."
For me that helped with letting go of bitterness a little bit.
I still have bouts of anger but I'll heal over time especially if I face it head on.
Right now, I'm focusing on how to actually love and enjoy life.
Same ❤🙏🙏🙏
This explains the roller coaster ride I was on for the last 3 months. Its like you described it as a play by play. The more you know lol
Me too bro, this woman definitely knows her shit lol. Keep your head up king 👑
Wish I had been educated on this topic sooner. 4 years of being in a toxic relationship and she dropped me, got with another dude and had him moved in within 2 weeks or less. I'm still struggling with accepting the reality of who she is and moving forward. She lives a few streets over and I allow her to come by from time to time. Until now I've been confused and hurt and basically asked for another chance. She feeds off me being miserable and helplessly wanting another chance. I'm done begging and being her puppet. Life is too short.
Move on bro. She know what she doing. U better off with out her. It can end two ways and both can cost you your life. RUN the other way. You will be a lot happier.
At the core of the narcissist is the void.
You definitely know how to roll out so much valuable information in such a perfect way. Just so sad to hear what so many people are dealing with or going through. Love the slot machine analogy. Love your videos. Awesome work!!!
It's weird how all these videos resonate with my experience
This is a public service for all men.
Very interesting. How incredibly sad a thing it is that people's hopes for a happy future are exploited and misused by these selfish narcissists.
Your videos are my lifeline at this time in my life. I have lost so many years of my life but am close to taking it back.
This is again amazingly exact. More than any other NPD videos or websites this is brutally exactly what I've experienced. I'm still in trauma bond, but I'm so much closer to breaking free now.
You have confirmed in this and your video The Female Covert Narcissist that the woman I've been seeing for nearly a year fits nearly every aspect of the profiles you describe. While watching these videos, I just sent her "get out of my life" texts. I feel so violated... so manipulated. A study on this woman alone would corroborate all that you are saying. It is so sad and pathetic that people like this pray on people like me (PHIL)... I cover every letter of the acronym... and I feel so used. Letting completely go with all the emotions that have become attached to the relationship will take some time. I look at it as quitting a toxic habit and going through withdrawals. I guess that's part of the healing process. Thank you 🙏
She asked me to go to Jamaica, while we were separated, stupid me thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel since Jamaica was where we had our honeymoon...I went but the whole trip was a nightmare as she clearly couldn't stand my presence near her
I remember one Christmas I got a hotel, had some extra money, and I brought an ex-girlfriend along. But like yourself, it became apparent that she could not stand being around me even though she tried to hide it. I still resent it to this day because I could have just brought some other woman who would have treated me right that Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, I was no fool chasing her. (Women have to earn that!) The kisses felt off, the sex felt off, everything felt off! It was like I was doing all the work. Yet she left enough just enough plausible deniability to make it almost confusing
@@AZDC99 Wow, that is absolutely unbelievable. Holy crap.
I saw it coming really quick with the breadcrumbs. Thanks for the video. It reinforces what I already felt on my gut
Thank you!
Than it’s better to live alone or with a dog. Thanks. 👍👍
slot machine analogy was eye 👀 opening thank you.
Lisa, I feel like you're talking to me. I need your analysis on what's going on in my life.
Great analogy with the slot machine. Perfect fit. And since I was involved with a likely NARC for a while, I can also say with confidence your analogy is accurate.
Wow! we live in a world of bread crumbers because most people do it today.
I think I've been living 8 years with a narcissits. I break up with her (well technically we are still married 😢). After watching your video, I just cried. It's really hard to leave.
You have that sweet that you like and hang on, and that massive bitter side that you try to sweep away.
For me I did everything wrong, she abused me, but in my mind I was feed by that sweet side. I noticed that she needed help, several times I proposed her to seek for a therapist, but she always refused
Even after the break up, she's still not accounting for her behaviour toward me.
Edit:
I wanted to add, I was born with congenital heart disease and and had stroke/clot in my brainwhen I had 3 months old, which paralized all my right side. I recovered everything expect my arm/hand (I'm a hemiplegic) I can move them but it's limited. At home I was perfect as I was, but outside in public it was always pinches/hit because I looked "weird". I grew up with that and never really care about people eyes..
I left that relation because I feared for my life.
I you ever experience that, please leave as soon as possible (unless the person is willing to seek treatment)
“… (8:10) and even then, it will not be good enough.” Exactly.
So true. For 30 years I was promised his time and attention. “Agree to buying this business for me and we can go away on weekends”. Never agreed to the business but he took our money and did it anyway. No weekends ever came. Got him to for away for Valentine’s Day one time on my dime. What happens? He drags me all over town trying to find a cheap enough restaurant. I had the money. Wanted to just stay at hotel. But no. Was too expensive. Went on and on and on. Just could never “bond “ or be together intimately. Promise after promise broken. When I finally started really objecting to the lies and future faking and sneakiness among much more BS he left. Ok. Great. Then wanted to come home. Promised counseling. Haha. I was stupid enough to fall for that promise too. Lasted until he got sick of any complaints I may bring up. I finally just left after he hid the whereabouts of our oldest son from me for a week and my son ended up dying in another state. Then the divorce papers were filed. Tragic heartbreaking emotionally destructive time of it. Ended a 30 year marriage and lost my son and moved to another county all in 3 months. Thank God for good counselor. Thanks for the video.
Oh Lise❤. Just thank you. Exactly what it is happening to me. The worrying thing is….how did I get into this.
These kind of partners are great sparring partner to work on oneself. I will be getting out of this more resilient. 💪🍀🍀🌹
I really enjoyed this video. I had experience with this from someone. I thought he liked me but was always out of reach, disappearing and reappearing. Foolishly, I welcomed him again and again.
I have since learned about this bread-crumbing, along with thé narcissism. No more.
A priceless message... wow Ive lived this for decades... not understanding... ugggg.. Im so happy I know the truth!! Thank you so much !
I have lived the exact life with her what Lise has described here and in other videos. Never knew I was under punishment for months and it was so subtle that I never realized. I went through so much worst that I couldn’t believe any human being is capable to such to the person who loves you so much. As suggested by experts, leave the person and live your life peacefully. That’s the ultimate solution because narc will never accept that they have mental problem.
I am so grateful for your wisdom and knowledge Lisa. It's a plus that you are so beautiful and your voice is so amazing ❤️.
Your videos are always the BEST of them all! I get sooo MUCH INFO from you n u HELP ME out alot. You talk so clear, precise n to the point. Keep up the amazing work Doc! 😘👍🏼👌
Your example of Breadcrumming using the the slot machine in Las Vegas is perfect! With regard to the Future Faking, that is So Real. With a man I dated, briefly two years ago. On, I kid you not, the Second date, he said, "I've been waiting for you my whole life. You are my soul mate.... We are the Same." I replied, no we are not the same, we are just getting to know each other." He also brushed aside the boundaries I set almost as if they were merely a challenge for him to double down. Go to Vegas for the weekend when I only knew him for 2 days? Say no to going to a sex shop? He tried to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. Fortunately, I saw it for what it was, did not go to Vegas or the sex shop, and stopped seeing him during week two.
Exactly what my wife does to me all the time, married 1/12 years together almost 2 years. Last time we had sex was our wedding night, I’m DONE! No one will EVER treat me with such disrespect and contempt again!! Time for me to fly!
The content of this video just like ALL your videos is dead on accurate.
-- *_Thank you, Lisa Leblanc!_*
Categorizing and delineating cause and effect related to suffering is greatly helpful.
breadcrumbing, or intermittent reward is the technique that video games, gambling and narcissist use to get you invested and engaged.
Thank you, Lise Leblanc.🙏❤ This presentation inspires me to ask myself: do I practice future faking for myself in order to discourage myself from leaving.
@@LiseLeblanc Thank you.
Bread crumbing works both ways. I bread crumb my narc ex wife to keep her thinking that her bread crumbs are working. As soon as the last of our financial investments are liquidated I’m bolting. ⚡️
Future Faking is a customized carrot used to dangle in front of your nose to keep you in line. You're better off just planting your own carrots.
I thought i was going crazy until i saw these videos. Im separated with a covert narcissist and she does everything said in the video. Protect Lise Leblanc at all cost!
At first I was thinking, maybe this isn’t my partner, I can’t think of any examples of how they faked the future. And then she started to go into detail about how they actually do this. I wanted to start crying…it really hit home 😢
Recently broke it off with her after 12yrs and scrambling trying to find my identify again at 35.
Is "ill introduce you to my mom" every month considered breadcrumbing? To keep me hanging on? After 2.5 years.
Thank you for your content I'm a new viewer. You came into my life at a great time.
It would be since that takes things to the next level of seriousness. It's dangling a possibile future.
Solid and so accurate and love the slot machine analogy
tnx, loved the meantioning of the slotmachine. Unfotunatly soo true
This is so accurate of what happens
This is so grounding for my delusional introspect I've created with my non available guy , ruminating ... this literally needs to be on a loop in my ear buds for a month so I'll finally "let it SINK IN"😂
Spot on! Appreciate the hardwork in making this video & sharing such vital information ! God Bless 🙌🏽 🙏🏽 👍🏽
Great advice and knowledge here. This is exactly what happens... You can get yourself 100% stuck in limbo when involved with these types. I did, and it took years to get over.
Life long … new beginnings. After a ?? Affair during my ptsd recovery also trauma from a serous hit and run. Listen Linda listen listen. This is truth !
Thanks. Wish I had know/recognized this 20+ years ago.
I am 58 years old! How could I fall for it and keep coming back for more abuse. 2 1/2 years ... 2 years of hell.... I finally ( 10 th but last time.... I ended the relationship yesterday... I blocked her number and all the social media but I keep on checking my email and looking for an apology but she's never apologized in three years. I know it's not gonna be there and eventually I'll stop looking for it.
My narcissist told me there is a reason for everything she says and does. She basically was telling me everything is scripted and she's manipulating me but I didn't pick up on it at the time. I'm learning narcissist will tell you who they are very early on.
Dear Lise, thank you so much for your great work on this channel and priceless information you share .
Watching your videos for past few weeks and it really helps me to discover and understand myself better and deal with my struggle on the way out from 9yrs marriage with covert narc wife.
It's not easy at all for empathetic caring and loving person, but once you get to the point of logical conclusion, all dots connected, more and more answers received to questions in my head thanks to your and other information in internet.
Keep on posting videos, men over the world should open eyes and know about this "phenomenon"..
🙏👍
My mom was diagnosed as a sociopath late in life; my dad was never diagnosed, but exhibited definite narcissistic traits. I was one of four boys, the second last was the golden child and remaining family still conforms to the classic pattern. I’ve gone no-contact with them for over forty years, but notice that I’ve pretty consistently replicated aspects of that same pattern, even in another culture, with almost every professional or personal relationship I’ve formed over my life. It’s taught me to beware, whenever I feel an inexplicable affinity with someone, I should actually run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. It seems to have turned me into a sigma male.
Live the bread counting analogy. Wow.. ive had a friend for decades whose behavior has always really confused me.. this answered any dioubts.. wow.
orrr, they are avoidant fearful, selfish, inconsiderate, lack self-awareness, and are on a path to deeper narcissism
it's why I keep watching all this stuff
I don't want to sever the potential if she is simply fearful avoidant because she does seem to be that more than anything else, but, if she's not willing to do the work and keeps turning into her fear...
You have Great info And explain it wonderfully 🎉
This hurts listening to this. I did marry this exact woman and it was amazing for ahwile but I never understood how she could just drop me after 7 years of together and start a new relationship with someone else (who was married) in a week. It was all happy and great till I embarrassed her in front of her friends and 1 week later she started a relationship with another man. I couldn't get over how she could just drop me like that and start a new relationship within a week.
Ummm..I think you know she was probably already fucken before u split sorry to say bud
This was an informative and useful video. However, as with so many such, I think too much time is spent on explication, explaining pretty direct concepts at needless length. Sometimes, even if some information payoff lies hidden in some long video which needlessly repeats and overexplains, I simply give up. My notion that this long road to the truth is itself a sort of psychological "faking," trying to keep you watching as long as possible, which I suspect RUclips makes financially rewarding. Thanks for the useful information reguardless.
Your videos are so spot on and informational, thank you!
Sometimes they don't even tell you to cut the ties with the others. They even "encourage" you to keep in touch with friends like they do.
They simply make themselves available to you whenever they want and they even make this fact look like a privilege. So in order to get to see the narc, you have to always be prepared to leave everything beside.
Covert do it slowly.excessive flattery .that's why they are dangerous.keep away from them .very controlling types .use shame especially.again all indirect no connections I've had this experiences.outwardly or subtly controlling you ,your interests,values and relationships with others.hide behind being kind to others
Why I didn't find your videos early
Love the slot machine anology brilliant
How do you tell the difference between breadcrumbing and someone who genuinely has very few 'spoons' to spend and is therefor not as available as one might expect?
Your gambling analogy is really good, btw!
genuine interest in you vs. drops of cheap flattery or word salad
Or if they're really good they can fake the interest.
My very Not-NPD gf is very busy but does her best to find time for me. She lets me know in advance if she can't make it and says sorry. Sometimes she is able to rearrange stuff and make the rendezvous. She avoids over promising, no sandcastle in the air
Thank you, Lise. This is eye opening and very helpful to me, since I used to be a victim of narcissism. I’ll always remember what you’ve said.
My lady friend has a lot of these things I also believe she's borderline she doesn't introduce me as her boyfriend just says friend because she says she doesn't like using labels sex is great when we have it on her timeline it sucks looking for an Escape Plan craziest thing yes we live next door to each other ☹️
she just using you. she probably has dudes in the background too.
Yep I asked him where do I stand with you after being with him 16 months…. He said to me goodbye
Narcissists depend on you chasing the sunk cost fallacy.... chasing bad investments with more good investments, hoping for a return. With the narcissist, there will never be a return. Narcissists are black holes. The best you can do is accept your losses and walk away.
You nailed it again! It is everything! Thanks again! God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️
I felt like she was my soulmate...and then paid for everything...So watch how you feel and see if it is real...I do have hopes and dreams. I think it is important to be with someone who is not too good to be true. My gut told me something was off the first time I went to her place and did not listen to my heart. I did get money from family, this is so accurate. I lost so much more than time. Also I am wondering how do we help people who are stuck. I mean the person who is not well, the person who seems to be this Narcissist character. How can we help their lives be better so they do not have to be in so much torment that they never get to land, never get to be truly happy. Because I want my ex partner to be healed. I want her mind to be healthy. To no be in misery or cause others like me to be miserable. I do not like th eidea of throwing people away. We are not just these maladies, we are also children, brothers, sisters, friends, and humans who deserve love and care?
I'm sooooo glad I've found you Lisa WOW absolutely AMAZING I'm watching all you videos one after another because no one has described narcissists like you have thank you soooo much sending you love and light and many blessings stay safe and well 👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜💜💜🥰😘🤗xxxxx
You’re welcome! And thank you for your positive feedback 🙏
You have helped me so much. Thank you
You’re welcome:)
Thank you Lise.
Listening to you is spot on.
He wanted a guarantee that I'll marry him without an engagement ring and without being committed to me !!? He was striging me along for years with his words saying he wants to marry me, build us a home, etc. All illusions. Oh yeah he used to say we're twin flames all the time !