Thank you man I’m almost out. I’m at the acceptance stage almost I had so many goals for this year and thought breaking up with her was gonna make up for the goals I didn’t reach during the relationship it no wasted a whole other year dealing with hoovering watching her move to new supply get pregnant by that supply with in 2 months after the break up and it could be mine cause I was allowing her to cheat after he cheated 1 week into the new relationship 🙏🏾 for me I don’t wanna have a kid and deal with her for the rest of my life
@@mouseman225 hey my brother, it's been 3 months since I've posted this. Let me just tell you that I understand how hard it is but be strong. Don't let her reel you back in no matter how good it sounds. I'm in such a better place right now and I can tell you that I've moved on and the pain is gone. Memories are still there but keeping yourself busy with productivity and things you enjoy is a must. Praying for you and everyone else going through this 🙏🏽🫶🏽
That discard phase truly is brutal. Many of us that are empaths can't ever imagine treating an intimate partner in this fashion. It's beyond soul crushing.
Just happened to me after 9 years. And yeah it was absolutely devastating. Left me with the kid and did it like it was nothing. She did it from rehab and hasn't even cared about our child being sick, nothing. Just took my heart like it was a rock you'd kick across the street.
to call yourself "empath" is a narcisstic defense - there are no empaths cos everybody even the sick got empathy, they just got no compassion. stop this shit.
Bro this hits me hard because I've just been dropped for being overbearing because I found out she was flirting with her ex not once not twice but 3 times and then it was my fault for feeling hurt and upset.
The absolute best revenge is to NOT EVEN SEEK IT OUT... The best exit map - Excuse yourself politely, -leave with dignity and class, peaceful - embrace the hurt, -find a place to cry and greive in private, - GRIEVE for however long you need, let it out and leave it there. Lick your wounds, heal . Don't let your wounds bleed on those who didn't cut you...got it!? -recalibrate your focus and purpose -and go full speed ahead without her... onward and upward
"Don't let your wounds bleed on those who didn't cut you...got it!?" That's maybe the most important point. In processing (or not properly processing of) the hurt others who are close to heart can be hurt, and knowing that others were hurt by yourself is an even worse feeling than the actual hurt that happened to you that you try to overcome
The most common 'baggage' one leaves an abusive relationship with a narcissist is the realization that they did not have the awareness to assess a person's character well.
I'm sorry. I must disagree. They often have a better tuned ability to assess character well than normal person. Think of it as their brand of hyper vigilance crossed with the keen senses of a predator. My abuser knew every inch of my character (and I'm a complicated person), she just didn't give a flying f*ck about my character. Why would a vampire care, except to trap you? But once traped it's irrelevant. YOU are irrelevant.
i'll do you one better: actually being aware, going in, that she is almost 100% a covert narcissist, but still giving her the benefit of the doubt and believing her when she says she knows how toxic she's been and is going to treat you well. by five months in i was in a state of such intense cognitive dissonance that i would just dissociate for days on end, my thoughts and feelings fighting with themselves about whether i should bottle the pain or if i should trust my self-preservation instincts. i lost myself completely in the following months. now i trust my judgment to a fault, reading too far into everyone and being afraid of being vulnerable at all.
One can have a good character but be a naraccist. Oftentimes narcissists are just really emotionally underdeveloped. I think character is more base to one's self than education alone.
Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
I'm impressed to finally see a youtube therapist able to argue against her own interests for the sake of the person needing help! To tell your viewers that there's a point at which you need to stop watching videos like this, rather than to champion the success of your own channel. You get my bonuspoints today! Well done!
I had to stop for a while because it was overwhelming thinking about so much negativity and uncovering more and more junk. When I came back I needed to be more judicious and consume smaller doses that were manageable.
@@douglasfrederick127 I don't think the idea is to do no research. But there's got to be a moment when you have enough and can return to living your life.
Anybody who reads this I want to tell you something as a piece of advice. Do not ever look foreclosure, don't look for it from a NPD, don't look for it from a BPD, don't look for it through a normal woman who is wrapped up in her own sophistry. Seeking closure is nothing more than pain shopping! You're never going to get an answer out of them, at least one that makes sense. Just take what you have learned, take your life back into your own hands, and move on.
You are correct, it is pain shopping. The closest they can ever give you to closure is to make a justification that will ultimately be very hurtful and dehumanizing to you.
Been shopping quite a bit, like a fool... Took quite a bit of pain to understand already and clear the fog in front of my eyes, to see her for what she is.
Yeah hang in there man like he said. I thought of it like an upside down pyramid of problems that she somehow balanced on my head. Address it too far in any direction it'll topple both your livlihoods. It's like they know, but too sick to help it.
Man this is so accurate. I got discarded without any explanation or attempt to understand and went absolutely crazy. Suicidally depressed. Blaming myself. Wondering what I could've done, should've done. Just a never ending list of fault-finding, analyzing, and wrongdoing on my part. Like an addict in withdrawal, desperate for answers, I couldn't stop isolating. I couldn't trust literally *anybody*. How could someone I loved so deeply, cared so much about, do this? Well then anybody could. It's been an absolutely brutal journey. I am grieving. Very broken and hurt. And yet she is happy to be all eat pray love, as if I was nothing. It was sick. I have come to realize that she was a very wounded person (myself included) and all I can do is take responsibility for myself. I am not perfect, by any means. But blaming oneself for loving someone, caring for someone, being committed to someone - what is the use in that? This has been an incredible reframe. Real love expects nothing in return. So if even if you loved your ex, if it was real love, it shouldn't drive you insane anymore because real love doesn't need anything, or want anything. It gives willingly and moves on. Love yourself, guys. It's time.
I’m still grieving like you, 6 weeks on it’s a struggle to exist but be thankful she hasn’t taken her own life like my true love has after another jealous rage over trivia. No one can prepare you for this double grief.
That just spoke to my soul.. ☝💯🙌. Such words that hit so close to home that I haven't heard in a LONG time. I'm here to tell you that you will (and sounds like you've already started to), can, and will benefit from the entire experience. As long as you walk away having learned something, then in the bigger aspect of life, you've learned a thing or two.. so you haven't lost anything. 👌. It will, and does get better.. I can tell you that 💯💪
Dude my experience is similar..she devalued me as human and as a men she also cheated playing victim accusing me things and slandered me to my friends lose em all damn.. she ruined me mentally.. it's painful stay strong everyone.. glad to know I'm not the only one getting fooled by this demonic creature I'm losing myself ..
Amagine being with the same woman 45 years, we both came from disfunctional families. Ran away together at 16, worked my ass off, finally get my house paid off, and bam, she hates my guts and keeps claiming im the narcissist, now living in a 400sq feet apartment. Sorry just venting. This will be almost impossible to move on at 62, all i ever new was this life with her. Good luck everyone.
I'll be 62 this year, but I'm the one pulling the plug on a toxic, disrespectful, narcissistic relationship. 25 years with one kid still at home, I know my finances will take a massive hit. Hopefully, the court will take note that she didn't want to pay bills even though she has a good paying job.
It happens to us as well, 25 years in that hell, now 19 years out of that relationship I chose to heal and stay strong Life can be normal again Good luck
Personality Disorders cluster B at their core have attachment issues. Narcissism, borderline, social disorders and the bunch. They all have a similar origin. And with a rocky start like yours, your ex could be right, but we also recognize traits in others that thrive within ourselves as well. Did you have a very constant and stable relationship, or was it full of fire and passion?
You don’t need closure Be happy you are free of abuse Run Lift weights Eat healthy Take care of your hygiene Treat yourself I find the beach therapeutic Work on yourself Make something for u Forget and move on You are free
I feel... a relief, comfort and a sorrow at the same time knowing that there are guys out there that know EXACTLY how I feel and what I've been going through. I literally don't have to explain or go into detail because yall seriously already know and understand.
I hear ya. I’m reading through every comment here and was about to post something similar to you. I feel like the empathy I have for everyone commenting here, knowing to some degree the awful things they have endured, helps me to have a little more empathy for myself.
It is incredible how universal and consistent these patterns are. But yes, we just need to LEARN and move on. The priority is NOT letting them distort our views about people. NOT ALL PEOPLE are like that, so let's not close our hearts. Let's heal and overcome! We can do it!
Once I figured out she was a covert narcissist it’ll all made sense and I got my closure. I just can’t believe it took me so long but in my defence I wasn’t on the lookout for narcissists but I am now! 😂.
It has been the most difficult situation I have ever experienced. I didn’t know what a narcissist was. I found out the hard way.. it is not a joke the mind fuck is crazy.. good luck to you all we will heal one day and be truly happy.. I’m here for anyone that needs it..
Same brother. I got hit with what she said about the researching, and why we should stop once we've gotten all the answers. It made sense. Just 1 month from the breakup, it's all so fresh.
It’s fucking brutal and the abuse is nuts mine wanted to call cops no closer did run into her she was wracking me down just to reject more and I was seeing push and pulls they brain fog you good terrible feeling
You just described April 2023 - August 2023. I had already suspected it wasn’t me because she accused me of being a narcissist and I started reading books and said wait a minute. Then I came across your 10 stages of discard video and my jaw dropped. Everything clicked. Thank you for doing this. Blessings!
Amen to that. 14 years. In a state of confusion with someone who just would not answer a question? A simple question? What did you do with 3 months of rent money? 14 years later I still don't know. How stupid is that?
Same here, I think she was trauma bonded too, although when we split she didn't fight for the relationship. She was so angry! Now she contacted me again. For me it's no good telling someone you love them after the fact.....you tell them in every when you are in the relationship.
The research phase was important to me. It lasted for about 4 years, but I learned that the ex was a narcissist, right out of the mold. It helped to learn that she is that way because of self-loathing, and that she will never, ever change. I’m several years beyond the nightmare now, and much happier, able to enjoy peacefulness and goodness in things once again. This video validates that I wasn’t the only one who has gone through the living hell of a female narcissist. Thanks, Lise!
Omg i'm so happy I read this. I appreciate your honesty on how long it took you. I thought my month and a half was too long because my friends felt so bad at the beginning and didn't think i was going to get out of it for a long time because i couldn't understand what on earth happened in this whole relationship. I have clarity thanks to you all out there. I have hope that there are others out there, not like her but more like me. It's hard being an empath in a world where other people drain energy. That when they're draining....they're almost fatal to your senses, chakra, your aura. Thank you.
I love this sentence: "they hijack normal human bonding and attachment system by using your basic survival needs". Real mind parasite. And if you don't obey, they want to liquidate your existence at all.
That's your soul, mind and personality. In other words "fuel supply". We become a version of them. Once we're used up they discard us. If we've finally had enough and leaving them they experience NPD collapse and destroy us completely.
The power of someone else playing with ur existance when they know things that you dont.. u feel helpless, they understand things that you dont yet and present themselves as gods. They can use things as advantage like ur parents are narccissts so they take advantage of ur will to be free of these ideas and make you think u are nothing. All i can think is somehow i deserve this.
This all happened to me exactly like a playbook. Three years out working on my healing. It’s been the hardest period of my life by far. It’s forced a lot of my childhood trauma into the light as well. Getting stronger by facing deep pain. Grateful for videos like this to put it all in perspective.
Thanks for sharing....same here. Counseling opened my eyes to not only the abuse from my ex girlfriend but from my own family...needless to say, I'm alone now , starting from scratch, or at least trying to. Narcissism ABOUNDS... in a world of perpetual , self sustained hurt. Best of luck to you buddy, you're not alone. You will make it, take care.
Same re getting counseling and unearthing a whole bunch more. Seems like a whole process of patching up wounds and immaturities that lead to being susceptible to narcissists. Nice knowing I'm not alone.
100%. I had to take a real hard look at myself and get to the bottom of why I allowed this to happen. It sucked, but I'll be damned if that dumpster fire didn't make me a stronger person.
Thankyou so much for this video ...!! I completely identify with this story line...It took me 6 months to take off my wedding ring I lost 26 lbs. ...lost my job . Couldn't eat ..Couldn't sleep .. But...Finally things changed .!! Slowly ....It took 31/2 yrs. ...before I somewhat healed ..!!! I was actually led to put my faith and trust in the Lord ..and THATS when my life turned Right side up !!
These videos have really helped me. My ex has BPD. She’s been going to therapy for years and is on medications but EVERYTHING in this video describes what I’m going through! She left me 3 months ago and I have never felt more BROKEN in my entire life. I feel like a part of me is missing and I keep replaying everything in my head. This video really helped me today
Thank you for this list Heidi. 👍🍀🌼💜🎈 we know enough about them by now. Its just a big help and a good reminder. So thank you and a hug from Karin. kind regards from Holland
Two months in and I've already walked away after paying close attention to how she was treating me it was an obvious conclusion she's a narcassist. Zero empathy, wants me to always chase her, extremely manipulative. Dismissive of my feelings completely and very critical of the smallest things. I'm 40 and it's my first time ever being treated like this by a partner before. Saddest part is I initially thought she was everything I've always wanted in my life 😢
I'm blown away. All the boxes check.. And I'm in the research phase. After the 10 tactics of covert narcissistic video, I was getting kind of obcessed. This is a great follow up! Thank you for this.
@@daeclipse03 Kudos to you!!! 3 months after I walked away, I had a date over for dinner. The crazy ex came pounding on my door, screaming that I was a liar and a cheater and demanding to know who I had inside! It freaked my date out and she left... 3 days later the ex came by and apologized saying that she was "hurt" and asking if she could take me out to dinner to make up for it! Yeah, she was pathetic, but by then I had setup camera's and caught the whole performance, which I then used to explain everything to my date. Lucky for me, my date could pick up on the kind of woman she was much faster than I did!! Women KNOW women better than guys do! Still, I wasn't as prepared as I should have been, so don't make the same mistake I did... Peace, Brothers!
I’m in the research phase. 😂 honestly it’s been very healing. It’s very comforting for me to understand how and why. Once I hear the truth it’s like everything just starts clicking into place.
It's truly wild. Every relationship I went through before leaving the narc went nothing like this in the end...maybe at most a couple weeks to a month of feeling sort of weird. 6 months of no contact and I'm still pretty screwed up.
@@Siegefya my 1st breakup devastated me for some years. I was living in the forest in a caravan near my family. Alone tho. It always ends up pointing to the abandonment issues I seem to have. This time I feel stronger and I'm much older. I'm taking copper, zinc and other things. Nutritional deficiencies and eating disorders tie into trauma I guess. It's been many years of searching and making mistakes. Maybe the next person is gonna be truly selfless and caring haha (instead of just a drama or sex addict). I personally find the drama addict to be worse than the other. Sex addiction only hurts when they leave. Drama in your face all the time sucks lol Enjoying my alone time...
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I left my narcissist ex after she was physically abusive with me. Never considered going back to that insanity. And my children payed the price. People generally can’t comprhend how horrible this is
Amen brother. I was there in the trenches too, but I stuck it out for my children. It was definitely an awful 30 years except for the kids. The woman was p-s-y-c-h-o.
This part doesn't get talked about enough in the world. Every thumbs-up on this comment represents those that go through it and getting stuck on how hard it is to go through and feel how hard it is to even start talking about it, especially as a guy
Yep I have a 7 and 8 year old with mine. It has been hell for years now. The way she speaks to the kids at times and neglects them emotionally. It’s a horrible thing to experience z
Man I swear it's a whole nother ball game when you have kids with them. Mine just up and moved on like it was nothing. And moved in with another man and my child. Took me about a 8 months to finally kind of be on board with her stupidity. But I have my freedom from her, and I have my kid 3x out the week so there's that plus. But yea she moved on like it wasn't shit after 5 long years.
As a person whose lived through all of these stages I can say, after the research phase I was able to lift the mask, tear down my exes walls, see through her sweet moments and her beautiful innocent looking face and what I saw was a very broken, very ugly being, so much so I got scared, but helped me realise that I cant do nothing for her but to feel pity, stay strong, trust in time, it will heal you, thanks Lise I wish I had come across such content at the time
@gentianxhahysa3459 Even after the mask slipped towards the end, I somehow convinced myself that it was somehow my fault, and craved for the illusion to be real. An illusion so perfectly crafted; in part by myself that, I couldn't even imagine wanting to be without her or be with anyone else. Idealising her again, despite having peaked behind the mask to see just how cruel she was. Even speaking to her months later, I was baffled at how uncaring and was and seemed like a different person to the one I'd fallen for. It shouldn't have been baffling. The person I'd fallen for was an illusion.
It's demon seeded and it's a Spiritual battle. i too have seen that hideous pathetic and heartless thing that lives to destroy within them. There's a certain smirk at my pain she does that somehow really pulls the mask all the way down like a Woman flashing You lifting her bra. i actually stood and looked at that smirk feeling pity for her as she raised and pointed a 9mm in my direction over me picking up her gram of weed and going outside to wait on her to come and smoke with me because i sensed she was going to hold out on me after i generously shared with her. Of course i let her know i was just going outside to wait on her. She comes to the door and raised the pistol over that little bit of petty control. Unfair control. i stood and felt sorry for her.
This is exactly what happened to me. There is positives though. One is peace (especially at night so you can rest) and the other is your life and life decisions become better because you don’t have a narcissist around destroying your spirit and all your decisions are yours.
She would check in every few hours to "make sure you're ok." She claimed to worry about me but never actually cared what I felt, just that she still had my attention and focus. Nearly every conversation in our years talking was about her.
damn, same thing. I 'care' about you. Always worried texting and explaining how she's right and how things are. Withholds important things while giving gifts to create attachment and a sense of "I got your back, see?" Plans for the future, expectations and needs are met with empty promises or downplaying, etc. Absolute psycho manipulative control freak. At this point I'm grateful about the sex withholding because it allowed me to get out after many months of waiting and suffering.
Probably the best video that told my exact experience with my narcissistic ex from 3 years ago. Yes it took me 3 years to heal from that traumatizing experience and I am still at the stage where no one new feels as exciting or as addictive as my ex. Looks like I gotta do some work on myself to start to desire normal people with no personality disorders. You earned a new subscriber. Liked and Subscribed 👍
I was in a relationship with an ex whom fit all the textbook BPD symptoms, could have also had ASPD. I had no idea what was going on in the relationship, I was always so confused and emotionally hurt. It was such a draining relationship that I completely stopped dating for the last 4 years. I feel absolutely amazing now, I went to therapy for a few years not only for the relationship itself, but I also found that I didn’t realize that there were some deep subconscious things that I needed to work on. Fast forward to today and I lost a significant amount of weight, I went back to school and I just currently started dating this woman and it’s been all going so well. I am very happy right now and I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished for myself. People have absolutely no idea how much I’ve grown in so many ways. You CAN break a Narc bond, you CAN change your life for the better, take the necessary time to focus on working on the inner wounds and make the right strides in your life. Best of luck to everyone!
This all sounds very much like my experience. But after going no contact with my ex for 12 years, I still get intense flashbacks and ruminations like it was last week.
@h This is because you're undoubtedly suffering from C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), much like soldiers returning from combat situations. I'm a female that suffered a discard from a Covert Narcissist and my C-PTSD is what's labeled "non combat related" & instead labeled as "Abuse Related C-PTSD). It has been years now since going no contact but I'm still seeking answers and therapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in, most importantly, Trauma therapy and as, just as imperative, she specializes in Grief & Abandonment Issues bc we've come to realize that my "Attachment Styles" was formed when my Dad was incarcerated at age 10 & even more-so, when I lost my Mom to Cancer at age 20. I'm now 44 yrs old and I'm STILL not over these issues which have undeniably shaped my intimate & long-term personal relationships for over 3 decades. Please!! Give therapy a shot. Go in with no real forethought, but hope that a licensed mental health professional (as well as group therapy with others, just like yourself), CAN only help. It may take you a consultation or a few sessions for you to find the right "for" therapist-wise but it's SOOOO worth it. Also, give yourself ample time before you even consider seeking a dating relationship again bc oftentimes (as is MY case), we tend to have a "type" & unfortunately, Narcissists are very adept at "Love Bombing", which is exactly how Narcissistic people "find" us (which, in all honesty, Narcs HUNT us caring, unassuming Victims). If you've read this far, thank you and from one Narcissist Survivor to others....you CAN headland go on to find REAL true love that doesn't involve pain. Much luck to you. Hang in there, it WILL get better
Same here after 5 yrs cutting ties. At times it feels like no time has passed at all, at other times it feels like the blurry memory of a half-forgotten nightmare.
The post BPD relationship is a real mind twist. Even after the fact you discover about this disorder you still find yourself yearning for them .So strange . But I think it’s because you think after knowing all this info you think you can tolerate the disorder or even save them but that itself is a fantasy.
So true. I still miss her but I know she was nothing but a detriment to my life. It's heart breaking knowing that she'll never be the person she presented herself to be. There can be no looking back.
Going through that right now. I've even made excuses in my mind for some of her reactions and actions which somehow make a lot of sense. Not sure if its empathy now that I know and understand where she comes from or my codependency playing out, but its been a roller coaster of emotions i've been riding for 6 months and cant seem to stop. The hardest part is knowing what makes you feel miserable and what you need to do to get better and move forward but somehow holding onto that bit of hope that takes you nowhere. I dont wish this upon anyone.
I'm so grateful for this video. I've been researching for a week trying to find answers to what happened. I've gone through everything you've described....for 23 years. When you said it's time to stop researching I felt the truth of that and appreciate that you really care. A woman with empathy, how awesome! I'm truly done and my armor protected me when she realized I was stepping off of the shelf she had me on and came back to resnare me in the trauma bond (while she was already with someone else) I'm going to be just fine but there is a part of me that truly regrets the childhood trauma she experienced that made her a covert narcissist. I really wanted to save her, I tried. It breaks my heart that she'll soon be old and alone, never having experienced love. This will be my last video dive. Good luck to everyone and thank you for this content.
The research is a great way to gain clarity and understand what you went through but after a while you may find your simply mulching over the same stuff over and over, which might end up keeping you stuck on the narcissist. I’m happy to hear that you’re moving on!
In my personal experience the reason it’s so difficult to let go and stop missing them is because you're probably still searching for his validation. During the relationship you went without a lot of things you deserved, like safety, love, support, compassion, and empathy to name a few. I'm guessing when things were good they were exceptional, the narcissist is a master at manipulation. By the end you've given more than you had to give ( leaving yourself depleted of strength, self esteem, ect) because you gave SO MUCH to him. That wasn't accidental, he was looking for a “partner” that has your attributes, loving and nurturing. During your entire relationship I'm sure you were wondering if he really loved you, and I'm sure you never felt like you got the answer to that question. His attention now puts you in the same mental place of wondering if he's back because he loves you and sees your worth. Blaming you for cheating is just another manipulating thing narcissists do… they can't accept they may be at fault, so they project that onto you. Its hard to let go when you're still looking for answers. Especially the big question… did he ever love me and they always confuse you because their words don't match their actions. Here is the very difficult thing you need to accept ( and it's way harder then people think)… He didn't ever love you, he never will, you'll never get the validation that you're seeking, he's just not capable. It has NOTHING to do with you and your worth, it's all about HIM! DO NOT allow him ( or yourself) to devalue yourself be abandoning your morals and values. Dont be the other woman or the side chick…. you deserve to be nothing but the absolute center of your partners life, plus think about her…. she's likely being treated just as you were… do u really want to add to her pain? You're still at the start of a long journey of self discovery and healing. You'll likely need to find a trauma therapist (one that has experience with NPD). You can do this. No contact AT ALL, block him everywhere and start healing!! Very best of luck! Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
This video is like the answer to my prayers to help me to get over the narcissistic woman in my life. I really needed this push to realize what I already knew, that I had already found the answers I was looking for, and watching videos like this, for the thousand times, is just a new addiction that prevents me from moving on with my life. Thank you, Lise, for helping me break free😃
This was extremely helpful as I had not realized there was a natural sequence to what I was experiencing. As a man I didn’t feel I was entitled to have such emotion. You described what I endured almost to a tee and now I don’t feel so bad! I made a choice to become better rather than bitter by acknowledging what happened and trying to extract the life lessons that came with the experience. Today I’m in a better place and learning to trust again. Thank you for your kindness.
I spent years trying to figure out what went wrong. It wasn’t until my oldest daughter ( masters in counseling) told me that “ mom “was a narcissist and that I needed to move (run) on with my life!
Literally years of looking for advice, talking to different therapists, journaling books worth of emotions, and talking to friends, this is the first thing I've found that made me feel understood and validated. This alone has helped so much with just feeling understood. Thank you so much for this, genuinely. Just the simple validation of this video is immensely helpful on my road to healing. I'm hoping to get myself rebuilt and together again soon 🙏 Thank you for this uplifting video!
I am impressed as well. I divorced my narcissistic ex wife, blocked her and cut her off from communicating with me. This also goes for my ex girlfriend who was just as bad but didn’t reveal herself as a narc for a long time. Thank you Ms. Lablanc. Your video was the best I have seen in a long time. It helped me tremendously. Especially the part about stop researching narcissism and it’s time to move forward. People forget men can be victims too.
@@gaycha6589its tougher when you have had children and been through so much together for almost a decade. I do love her still shes the mother of my children, but you're probably right that I was more attached to the high of the rollercoaster than I was with the way she was. Especially toward the last few years, zero affection, increasingly starting fights, getting more physically abusive. Yeah I'm good with all of it. Almost ended myself in the first month or so after she detached, glad I was strong enough to keep going.
No you didn't love her. You loved a mask she presented to you. The "person" you fell in love with doesn't even exist. Sorry to be so harsh, am just doing that man to man thing 🙂
This video is an absolute must for anyone who wants to recover from a covert narcissist. You really nailed it on the head, Lise when you talk about the research phase of recovery. I have volumes of notes and listened to hundreds of videos when I was in this stage of recovery. It is a trap, that you put yourself in. Happily I have long moved on and not falling back into any rabbit holes. I am not sure if you mentioned this or not but female narcissists like the one I was entangled with appear as really nice to everyone one else in the outside world including some of our mutual friends. They just can't believe what I know only too well behind closed doors. In public they are great actors, but if you are involved with one, you know this snake has two heads! Once again Lise, thanks for a incisive video on the mind of a covert narcissist
My experience too; crazy making. I have so many shared friends and acquaintances who see only her charm act. Many she is actively turning against me and I don’t know how to react. If I say anything it only makes me look more bitter and obsessed and makes me feel like I’m playing the victim. I finally found the strength and wisdom to leave but that only infuriated her more and led her to work behind my back to sabotage my friendships and standing in the community. Urgh! Thankfully some people give me the benefit of the doubt but I still feel like there’s no one who I can talk to or who can understand about what actually happened.
The sad part is when you realized these people only care for you because they need you . But still they belittle you and mistreat you and the incredible part they could care less what you think. They imposed themselves and whoever is with them and you have to suck it up . Now I know my only way out is to move out as soon as posible and have the minimum or zero contact because we work together. I am so mad and upset . I should have never stayed as a roommate. I feel trapped. I hate it because they know how to act to make you do what they want . 😡
It's all about their needs. They don't care at all about you, even if they appear to. I've had friends like this. They can't stand being alone, so they make 'friends' to fill that void. But they don't care about them.
This channel is life saving. Im currently in stages 5/6. I started researching today, got my confirmation, and will end the research today. I've been instinctively grey-rocking my ex, but I have to see her literally every day because of our son, which has made the healing process next-to-impossible. Im setting up therapy and cant wait to start the next chapter of my life. Thank you, Lise!
You’re correct up to researching. I need to understand how to become a ninja when these toxic people are grooming incessantly. They’re everywhere! Narc bosses. Narc politicians. Narcs in church. I need to discern faster to protect from repeating this mess.
@@DanielWiebrands no, I’m friendly. I’m not an Empath. Narcissists are always shopping. They want to add to their supply. They always groom. It’s not my fault that I talk to people. It’s their fault that they always shop for people to abuse.
Just came across this video and cannot thank you enough Lise for breaking down all the emotions and steps that I have been going through over the last five years. I feel such a sense of validation. And yes, there are plenty of female narcissists out there. Rest assured guys, it just takes time but you'll get there. I'm stronger now, much stronger. Hang in there and thank you.
9 месяцев назад+13
I was stuck in stage 5. for almost a year.. I couldn't stop researching. I couldn't let it go.. When I finally got sure that my ex-wife is a covert narcissist and my mother is narcissist too the whole game changed. I isoletem myself and 100% gray rock them. This was the hardest part but I accepted it stage 6. and now I can heal stage 7. Thank you Lise for sharing this video. From today I stop watching RUclips videos. I have what I need and now I know how to move forward.
hey im still in releation ship with this narcist girl its one mounth and half and almost from day 15 i notice something is wrong with her i start researching and im 100 percent sure shes narcist and that all is about her she lovebomb at begining hard gifts sex everyday lot of sex how much time i will need to heal if i break now i mean i break with her one day told her never call me again she blocked me but after 5 days no contact she send me message and i reconect in that period of 5 days i feel relief i wnated to call her but evrytime i thinked how bed person she is i refuse i feel that im emotionaly connected with that crazy mind holy fuck devil send me this bitch... and i must say that that im totaly aware that im not problem and understand that sick mind totaly because of research... and im empath i very feel with others and trying on evry way to disonect with her emotionaly even we are still in realationship
I am literally watching this video during my "Research" Phase. Lise Leblanc is my first stop along the way of my research. Thank you, Lise I'm done now... I hope.
There will be no closure. W these personality disorders. They’re not gonna walk up and explain the situation from their point of view. You are a bad object and deserve punishment. Don’t reach out do inner child work. So you won’t be focused on by a new person w a personality disorder. You did nothing wrong.
Thank you for not explaining the disorders. We dont need explanations, we experienced it. This was an incredible video. Narcissistic withdrawl is by far worse than any drug withdrawl out there. It’s unexplainable.
Former opiate addict here. (10+ years) Why am I here in this comment section? Guess lol. I just wanna say: everyone’s experience is different individually. I know. Anyways; I would rather go thru opiate withdrawal and be once again sitting there homeless back in my pos car again, in the Walmart parking lot after getting toothpaste and a tooth brush from the dollar store and a nearly empty bottle of Crystal Geyser water to rinse with - than experience what I’m dealing with now lol. I promise you; this is not the same kind of emotional/mental hurt or helplessness.
The steps you explain was EXACTLY what happened to me when she left. At first a I was relieved, then disbelief! I did so much for this woman, I loved her! Then yes after a month I got angry, I realized she lied to me to keep me at the time and I was just a supply for her temporarily. During the anger period realizing she's not coming back and I was just a fix for her, one night got into bar fight and ended up with a broken nose with stitches. This all happened because I was so angry about what this woman did to me, I could have easily avoided this fight but I was so angry inside, this woman broke my spirit completely. I didn't care about having to go to the hospital, my heart was shattered into pieces. I could not stop drinking every day for 6 months the pain of her leaving and disregarding me was just too much and realizing she used my weaknesses against me to keep me sucked in. It's been about almost a year and I'm doing much better healing from this horrible person and stopped drinking.
Nailed it, again.. thank you. Time helps, that’s probably the only thing that really does. Only revisit research when you’re ready to date again, just to remind yourself of the NPD qualities to avoid.. b/c your life and sanity depends on this knowledge. Took me almost 5 years to feel like myself again. Good luck ya’ll.
Wow impressive, I'm going through all these stages and after 6 months I've only just started to envision moving forward. It feels like heading into the wilderness with a backpack but if you have kids you can't go far. You also become acutely aware now is not the time for a new relationship because you're very fragile and easy prey and you're subconscious just wants you to find another narcissistic. I am actually attracted to women who put me down and have no attraction to women who are friendly and happy so I'm clearly demented. So now the wilderness just gets that much more lonely. It may take years of therapy to undo this psychology I would think?
The worst moment: when you realize the truth. The challenging moment: the healing game... The better moment: instead of horror, keeping some good parts of the relationship. Stay away from coverts narcissists. They will only make you cry.
@@LiseLeblanc With your permission, It takes a couple of years to go through these milestones and end up that journey. I would not recommend to anyone enduring this. Intense yoga and EMDR self therapy may shorten the process. You do a great prevention job informing people about that emotional danger 😎
Yes perfectly described. Took me ages to break away and when I did I knew that all she had to do was turn up and I’d be screwed. Now that I’m well and truly away I can see just how utterly evil she was.
I cried in my truck today when I chose to remove myself from her bank account…this is the worst feeling in the entire world. I deleted all my photos of her, post on social media…this woman is my wife. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to divorce her, even though it kills me thinking of doing that. I never want to feel like this again.
As a woman who have experienced a few male Narcissist use this as an opportunity to grow spiritually, emotionally and psychologically from it...Take time to know yourself better . They are all the same , pseudo human parasites....Go no contact.
Your not alone. It is an experience beyond the normal. Tears are natural and a great relief from the agony. As a man taught not to show emotion I am past caring so much about what the world thinks about me. Hang in there one day at a time. All things must pass
I am going though the exact same shit bro we need to stay strong. I have been crying the past few months dealing with this bull shit. Married 18.5 years together almost 21.
Research overload....YEA! Lady you have been spot on in my case which seems to be quite common I'm finding out during my research. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I've been stuck in my WTF happened stage for 12 years! I'm in a much better place now than where I started thanks to you and the other youtubers reaching out to help people like me. You buy far have been my favorite go to therapist! Your husband is a very lucky man!!! Thank you....................
I just recently disconnected myself from someone I was trauma bonded with. To be blunt, the relationship was toxic and some parts of were abusive. She got into therapy, and proceeded to act even worse towards me. Disrespect, lying, and just a total lack of giving me common courtesy. This video was 100% spot on about my situation I got trapped in. Thank you soooo much for making this video so I could understand what happened and what I need to heal.
I needed this video just now (I guess I'm "researching"). After getting out of a 20-year marriage to a covert narcissist, I jumped right into another relationship with an upgraded version. Five years on, I just ended it. About a week ago. My healing from the first relationship was delayed, and now I'm going through the self-evaluation doubly. The toughest part for me is to stick to my decision, knowing it's the right one but still feeling myself reaching for her emotionally. The second hardest part is that, at 55 and now a single full-time father, I'm staring down the barrel of potentially being alone and not ever finding a life partner. But being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship, and your videos have been so helpful to me in staying the course. Thank you.
I'm in a similar position in life Michael. I married my high school sweetheart. I was with her for 15 years. She left me on Valentine's Day sitting here with two small children. I raise my kids without her. But like a complete idiot two years later I jumped into another toxic relationship. My second wife was crazier than the first. That lasted 14 years. She was never able to bond with my children. I don't think she's able to bond with anybody. But now at 55 I'm trying to learn how to be happy alone. I can't see how I could ever trust myself again to have a relationship. Like an idiot I thought I I was helping these women. They let me believe that I was. They were just helping themselves to my resources and myself esteem. Not only do I not know who I am I don't know who I was.
@@brianreed8271 damn Brian...we are soul brothers. I married my childhood sweetheart. She left me with 2 baby girls 2 days after Christmas 1992. I was so lost. Dead inside. Yet needed to smile for the children. Those dark, dark days. I devoted myself to the kids. Concentrated on being a dad. For 3 years I focused on nothing but them. No sex no relationship. Eventually relationships and women became part of my life again. But you know what? I still get a card on Mother's day. Worth more than gold.
@@gregorywebster6640 God bless you Gregory. I spent today with my adult son and have recently bought concert tickets for me and my daughter. Through everything that has happened it's only these mothers that happiness and contentment seems to evade.
Thank you. I needed to hear this again. The toxic narc ex has been aggressively trying to get back into my life while I’m in the acceptance stage. She’s been hoovering, ringing on my doorbell at random hours and knocking me back to stage 6 again. My regression only lasted for 2 days. I’ve maintained my grey rock, boundary is strong and unwavering. thanks to this video and your affirmation. 🙏🏼
Honestly: I've done countless therapy sessions (and I'm still in therapy), I have read books seen hundreds of videos and this one is by far the best way I've seen to approach the subject. The part of lack of closure hit me hard as a truck (although all the others were accurate as well). It still hard to not have answers for so many mysteries but slowly I've realised that I will never have one. Thank you very much for this powerful message.
By the time you wrote this message I was being discarded by my narc gf. I wasn't aware that she has NPD at the time and I tell you, most the mysteries have been solved through the research I've been doing. It's unbelievable how these people act like they're following a tutorial.
I know we might be talking about females mostly, but my ex boyfriend is exactly what your explaining. I've never felt so heart broken from such a hurricane in a human body. He was a living nightmare and discarded me like nothing. I was broken for YEARS, until I finally healed. Somewhat.
Even if you live in the same house you have been discarded and the devaluing continues. The anger stops and you realize that you can be happy with others. You realize their antics are nuts so you take a step back mentally for your safety. Spend less time w them and reach out to more stable people for reality checks.
Thank you to acknowledge the suffering that men can go in an abusive relationship. Here in the UK, everything is done to give power to female abuser! If you have a child with them and dont want to give up on those kids you need to keep in contact and they use this to destroy your life! I'm so happy to see that I'm not alone and that finally there is at least one woman in this world that acknowledge that men suffering are not a minor problem or something laughable! I need this! WE need this! Guys! Let's get out of their craziness! Let's build a castle that they will never be able to get in! Dont let them put what you do for your kids down!
I have to say that I'm amazed as to how accurate your description is of the process of being with and leaving/getting discarded by a female covert narcissist. When I found your videos I had reached stage 6-7 in my process of recovery. And when watching I got a strange feeling that you have been watching me and my x for the past months. Extremely helpful in so many ways. My deepest gratitude to you for putting this information out.
thanks for the video, it has been extremely helpful: i've been in a relationship with a woman who had covert narcisistic traits + borderline traits + in some occasions under stress she became a psychopath: no empathy, continuous lying, manipulating, impulsivity, disrespect for other's feelings and the consequences of her actions. even dissociation: different voice, different way of talking, different body language. i cant describe how painful it was, especially because in the first months of the relationship she was the most adorable person ever (because she needed me). when i wasn't needed anymore to meet her needs and reach her goals, i saw how she really was, but i was already in love with the previous version of her. on top of that, she gaslighted me into thinking that her change was my fault (she never, NEVER during the whole relationship told me about her personality disorders, she told me every possible lie to hide them). after many months since we broke up i'm still extremely hurt and confused, probably in a condition of post traumatic stress. the cherry on top of the cake: when we broke up she even had the courage of writing me: "consider the time spent with me as a ray of light in your life". un-fucking-believable. i'm not a violent person, but i must admit i wish her all the worst for the rest of her life, she deserves it. the positive side: a month ago i started dating another woman and i immediately noticed similar red flags of selfishness and disregard for other's needs. so i stopped giving her narcisistic supply, she immediately stopped dating me and i wasn't even sorry about it. did i learn the lesson? hopefully yes
Unreal. Like every other guys here has said, each word is ridiculously accurate and on point. My ex had Paranoid Personality Disorder which is comorbid with BPD and NPD so all this applies to her. She left at the start of last month and am definitely in the research phase which has helped me massively to understand what's just happened to me but I admit that I am addicted and that it's also a way to stay connected with her. Wow, very accurate.
@@bevinkaker65mines in rehab again now for the 5th time, broke up with me for 3 months and hasnt even cared when her childs sick, nothing. Detached like 9 years was absolutely nothing. These vampires are heartless.
@@HorizonHipHop Yeah my ex was both the sweetest and most tender and loving woman I've ever been with but also the most heartless, just total apathy, when the discard happened, she didn't even look at me in the eye while it was happening, heartless.
Well said. Dealing with this right now. Have no intention of giving her another chance and went no contact. Still stings and feels like a bait and switch. This is how trust issues start
Talking to a different person - that hits home. I even confronted her about some of the things she said when she was this other person - not a good idea. "I would never say something like that! You're such a liar! I don't even know who you are anymore..."
I feel incredibly sad, lonely and isolated. I love this woman like no other, yet I've gone through this again and again. This pain is worse than anything. I can't go back, yet I have to get through this. Just f&&king awful pain and suffering. Thanks for the upload. Amazingly accurate. Much love from the UK ❤️ Just to add, she told me that she got over me in 4 days. Please let them go.
Been there mate. You know it'll be hard and it will take a long time, but you find your own value and what YOU want. There will come a time when you will be glad and can seek, actually something better, more real and supportive and SANE! In the meantime it hurts like nothing else. Try to be with people, make friends, talk, and try to live a normal life and bring some structure, support and stability.
@@mrsimo7144 I would advise getting at least some counselling so you can talk over everything that happened - get some self validation. But do go and talk to your doctor and explain that you've suffered narcissistic abuse and are traumatised and messed up. It's hard to get a psych evaluation for psychotherapy but try your best. Councelling on the NHS is always available but waiting lists are long .. like 3 to 6 months, and often for only like 5 sessions which is not enough. I found in my town/area (north cornwall) a group who provide counselling training (they train counsellors) and have managed to get 15 sessions for free with them with a very good older lady who is in her last, her 4th year of training. There are local charitys and groups who offer counselling and mentoring also but find out what is available in your area via the doctors, library, community centers, churches, and the jobcenter.
@@hardywatkins7737 Hi. Thanks for the reply and help. I'm spending £1000 pcm on therapy and life coaching. I'm coming out the other side now. I watched an interview with a NPD tonight, it was very sobering. I'm on it. Have a look at narcissistic interview, it's with a man on narc con channel. It's spine chilling and has triple confirmed that I'm not to go near her or any contract. I'm lucky enough to get away. Sincerely. Thanks. Much love ❤️
@@mrsimo7144 I'm pleased to hear it. I just think early intervention can save alot of pain down the line. I'm familiar with the 'narc con' channel but i don't watch her stuff. She tends to polarise empaths and narcissists as 'light and dark' and i don't agree with that. I think it's alot more nuanced and 'grey'. I'm guessing the interview you mention is the one she did with HG Tudor. He's worth listening to just to get a better feel for who narcissists are but with all narcissists, .. you just get narcissism so i don't give them much viewing time. Sam Vaknin is another self identified narcissist and a psychologist and psychtherapist who has contributed alot to the study of narcissism. He goes alot deeper into the psychology and i think his ideas about mothering, individuation, regression ect, are often valid. I've had to take a good look at my mother and also my sister in all this.
Have to admit, Lise, you read me like a book and didn't miss a page. Your script couldn't have fit my situation more if I had written it. You described all the symptoms during and the aftermath of being in such a relationship. I feel like I have found the answers I needed to hear, including how to begin healing. Thank you so much for your good advice!
This video is so close on target is so eerily accurate I can't believe how it's almost like she is telling my story I am in the research stage right now I'm still can't understand how I still want to go back to someone treating me so poorly
Took me awhile to figure this out, so glad for this video. I understand her so much better and know its for my good. Thank you Jesus. Work on yourself and move on , let her go.
Trudging through absolute hell is an understatement for what this kind of withdrawal felt like. For half a year I experienced: panic attacks first time in life, antidepressants, suicidal ideation, self-isolation, lost my hair, bouts of anger on people whom were not at fault, intense shame and guilt, extreme distrust in other people's motivations. I've been through heartbreak before but this felt 10 times worse. I'm not over it yet as I dream of her from time to time, those "good times" glimpses return with a kick. Then I want to fix things. Then I remind myself that this is not in any shape or form reasonable or doable. Then I feel guilt. Then guilt stirs up my beliefs of not being good enough and worthy of love and respect(This got me in this situation in the first place). And then I remember how I felt in the relationship and what she's done to me so I shed the guilt and replace it with confidence and gratitude that I'm still kicking and I deserve someone miles better and a lot more suited for me. I really do wish to work, love, provide safety and a carefree living for my existing and future family. I strongly believe that this is my purpose as man. I'll be fine. I got this.
When you get double duped by a narc it really does take a huge toll on your self esteem you can’t eat you can’t sleep you go days without taking a shower you start sprouting grey hairs prematurely it’s not easy that’s why I say if your fortunate to get away from a narc the first time keep it that way.
I need to get back to Lise's videos (especially this one) every once in a while, when I run out of juice and get completely overwhelmed again. When it happens, I can't see clearly, my emotions are all over the place, I'm in complete disbelief of what's happening to me, and I feel that I need help right away. Lise helps me to put things in perspective, it's like my brain starts functioning again and most of the most dramatic emotions go away (for a while, until next time). I still cannot believe how traumatizing those few months with my BPD partner have been for me. Just a few months, just a few magic moments, just the right amount of random push/pull for no logical reason, and as she walks away (with another guy) I feel completely destroyed. No once-a-week therapy would be enough to save me from drowning right now, that's why I'm so grateful to Lise for what she does. I use her videos between the meetings with my therapist. Perhaps more than she would suggest, I don't know, but that's what I need right now. What also helps is reading all the comments below, they help you realize that you're not alone and your reaction is "normal" (given the circumstances). In a way, it works like an AA meeting.
I was in that mindset that it's okay to stay friends and I tried with her. I researched pretty heftily in hindsight trying to understand the lies, the gaslighting the jealousy the future faking etc. Ma'am your channel has helped me a lot, I am so glad you are out here helping people understand the real danger they're in, thank you for helping me along the path. I'm in the detox stage cutting ties and I got that "hey just wanted to check up on you and say hi, how are you" text you talked about in your videos and I'm standing firm. I tried being friends once and it was not at all healthy or supplemental to my well being and I see that clearly now so thank you.
I’m a male sigma empath. So i was partly intrigued and analytical while it was happening in the relationship. I even thought it was mildly amusing that she could gain so much control over me. I was naive enough to genuinely think it was a form of a cute magic trick until…it was too late! Then it became very serious on how to get out with as minimal damage to myself emotionally and psychologically as possible. Lesson1 be careful what you wish for. Lesson 2 Sirens (on land) & Jezebels do still exist. So be careful. Edit: I successfully managed to escape by reverse discard. Thank God for YT videos. Been No Contact for 38 Days Now. There were two Hoover attempts on Day 25 & Day 27. Stay Safe all you P.H.I.L’s out there.🙏🏾
@@Stedemn A “Reverse Discard” is where they orchestrate you discarding/dumping them. By behaving so poorly, crossing boundaries or in my case admittedly cheating (she knew that was my ultimate red flag). It’s where they act so heinously that you’re forced to do the discarding.
JeZEBELs do in fact still exist and that was my last one mixed with the covert Nar Nar ... I can totally relate to what you just said !!! Blessings brother
Incredible! Point after the point, exactly the way things are, mentally, physically, financially, and the pending outlook. You were right about researching and losing trust in people, relationships, and the world overall. I applaud you for your detail in understanding the issues. Great job explaining everything. Thank you so much.
For me it was so confusing for when it was actually over, every time. I moved through the stages over a decade with at least 20 break ups. I feel like every break up moved me down the road a little closer to the healing stage. But the drug analogy is so true. Because I feel that I can not trust myself and my decision making when it comes to this person, which sucks because it gives me concern whether I can connect to someone in the future in a healthy way. To anyone who has gone through this, it is so easy to doubt yourself even when the evidence is overwhelming but please help yourself and walk away. I have to sometimes have a conversation with myself that essentially is about how this person has stole so much time from me and if I allow it she will steal the rest of my life with no regard or regret.
I saw a therapist to help me with my depression after having been left by a woman with whom I had been very close for three years. That therapist told me that my ex's behavior suggested she may have narcissistic personality disorder. Your description of the stages of recovery from a narcissistic relationship is uncannily, stunningly close to my experience. I am amazed both that many individuals can share such a specific, identifiable set of coping strategies as NPD and that their victims' recovery from their abuse can traverse such characteristic stages.
Love your videos. Chapter marks would help a lot - for this one they are: 1) 1:50 (brief relief then) Disbelief 2) 3:58 Replaying 3) 5:35 Self-Doubt 4) 7:07 Anger & Blame 5) 8:35 Research 6) 11:11 Acceptance 7) 13:09 Healing
I've watched a few of your videos, having been separated from my wife for a year and seeing that she shares many of the covert narcissistic traits you speak of. I'm on the brink of receiving some counselling. I'd forgotten who I was and realise there are a million tears to be shed. I was mocked for crying (over a family matter) around five years ago. The dam is about to break. You mention the word 'drama' in this video and just as I was getting excited about getting myself back I received a phone call twenty minutes ago. She has got herself into trouble with some woman, fears for her life, wants me to go over there and stay the night. "You've four kids, you know!" She and my eldest daughter (14yrs) have made some dark choices since I was told I wasn't liked any longer and had to move out. It's now MY responsibility to sort their mess out. I started shaking because a lot of triggers were going off simultaneously. I told her straight that I don't have any drama in my life anymore, will pray for their situation and advised she calls the police if necessary. Yet I'm still shaking. If it wasn't for our four children, I'd have nothing to do with her. She is not making the detox program any easier. I knew her life (for a while) would turn to dung because she has nobody to feed off, but motioned not to have any part in mopping up the inevitable mess. I do suspect strongly that she will stop me seeing my children at some point, or at least use them as a bargaining chip. She suffered great trauma throughout her childhood and teens and I am guilty of trying to 'come to the rescue'. I would be happy to spend what's left of my life alone and doing what I did before meeting her - serving God. Is it wrong to want no part in her drama?
Your all video on the topic are simply wonderful, it helped me alot to understand covert narcissism and practically bold but workable strategies to cope with the trauma. Stay Blessed
This video is so spot on, every single thing is true. Being discarded like that was emotionally one of the most painful experiences ever. I am now in research stage and can totally relate to it being addictive. However, it is also very healing. It brought me to the realization that it is her loss and feeling pity for her.
Wow. Thank you! You’ve perfectly described my journey over the last 11 years. I was married to a C-NPD for 22 years and had no clue. I didn’t know about NPDs until a couple of years after the divorce. The hardest part of all of it was that she spent the last few years of our marriage alienating my sons from me. Post divorce discoveries, and lies about me that came to me through my sons made me realize how destructive she was. They were 14 and 18 at the time of the divorce. I tried to better connect with them during that time, but they only allied themselves with her. I had to get out to save myself. While I’m broken hearted over my boys, I found any efforts to communicate with them made their alliance with their mom and their rejection of me stronger. I hope one day they’ll figure it out, or at least begin to ask questions. Anyway, I’m finally building me again. Thank you again, and keep up the great work.
I have exactly the same experience. I have been married for 18 years and went through hell with my wife. She was always emotionally abusing me and isolating me so badly I lost contact with all my friend and family. She even manipulated my two sons (14 and 17) against me. Recently she found a new supply and told me she wants a divorce. Right now I am completely lost, hopeless and in depression. Few days ago I found this channel and started researching what happend and I am really shocked I found the reasons of her behavior. How long it took for you to start building you again?
Holy shit, you described my situation exactly as if you were watching it happen. It's spot on, down to the little details. I'm in the "finding answers" phase, but just watching this video has taken some of the pain from my shoulders. I suspected that my ex had issues, and the more I read about narcissists and how they manipulate / treat their partners the more this video makes perfect sense. I'm glad she dumped me now, truly I am. Sure it still hurts but at least I am no longer at the mercy of her abuse.
Firstly, it's so unbelievably nice to hear someone talk specifically about 'Female Covert Narcissism' because I feel a lot of the NPD and BPD content on the internet is more male focused. I ended an extremely abusive relationship with a very cruel female covert-narcissist and I've bounced around all these stages a lot. The research was so helpful because I finally understood all the answers to these crippling "why?" questions I had. Everything said here couldn’t be more true in my experience. That first week right after the relief from finally having no drama, I was instantly shell-shocked. I was in these mute/introspective trauma-spells where I couldn’t do anything, but think of my ex with a deep sadness and infuriating rage, wanting to call her and immediately have answers. I was having these imaginary arguments and ruminations in my head non-stop. Literally, I mean LITERALLY, I stood in place motionless, for 5-12 hours a day for 5-6 days straight, because I was that emotionally and mentally scarred. I had to pause life altogether just to cope with the initial shock. I'm nearly 2 months removed from it now, and I can finally start to feel myself being restored to sanity and serenity. I just really have been taking careful time to focus on myself and take the next right indicated action and surely but slowly I can feel the meaning and beauty of life coming back to me. I want to put some positive energy out in the universe (and the comment section) for my fellow's dealing with some of the same injuries These people are cutthroat and sick, but we survived! Believe in yourself, trust your instincts, and find peace.
Yup that "why" phase was brutal. Its because they just detach with zero explanation, if you get anything at all its blame toward you, but no remorse or care at all.
@@HorizonHipHop Yes this happened to me, the discard was brutal, she didn't even look me in the eye while it was happening and just attacked me, it's so weird because she was also the most tender woman I've ever been with.
@@HorizonHipHop I am 41 and we were only together 7 months but the abuse and the discard and now the aftermarth have been the hardest thing in my whole life, I've cried more than I ever had and have never been so low or worried about myself as I am now, she has broken me, my soul, spirit and all self-esteem and hope.
8 years with a covert narcissist. Pretty sure I've been being used the past year as a free house/home/physical desires. Almost didn't go to my father's for Xmas as I was told it was over if I did. I was 6 hours late but here I am, at my father's. Been used like a slinky and lied to, used, gave so much love to a person I question ever loved me. She says she cares too much but she never visited me when I was almost dead in the hospital, wouldn't pick me up when I got better. Lost so much time and relationships being controlled emotionally by someone I thought I would spend my life with. Feel so stupid cause the signs were there from day one.. how'd I let it go for 8 years, good lord. This lady right here is the only person to describe exactly what and who I was dealing with. Thank you
I'm on stage 6... This was the worst experience of my life. I pray for everyone one of you who is going through this.
God bless man
Thank you man I’m almost out. I’m at the acceptance stage almost I had so many goals for this year and thought breaking up with her was gonna make up for the goals I didn’t reach during the relationship it no wasted a whole other year dealing with hoovering watching her move to new supply get pregnant by that supply with in 2 months after the break up and it could be mine cause I was allowing her to cheat after he cheated 1 week into the new relationship 🙏🏾 for me I don’t wanna have a kid and deal with her for the rest of my life
@@mouseman225 hey my brother, it's been 3 months since I've posted this. Let me just tell you that I understand how hard it is but be strong. Don't let her reel you back in no matter how good it sounds. I'm in such a better place right now and I can tell you that I've moved on and the pain is gone. Memories are still there but keeping yourself busy with productivity and things you enjoy is a must. Praying for you and everyone else going through this 🙏🏽🫶🏽
Amen brother
Same here, finished the stage 5th and now at 6th.
That discard phase truly is brutal. Many of us that are empaths can't ever imagine treating an intimate partner in this fashion. It's beyond soul crushing.
Just happened to me after 9 years. And yeah it was absolutely devastating. Left me with the kid and did it like it was nothing. She did it from rehab and hasn't even cared about our child being sick, nothing. Just took my heart like it was a rock you'd kick across the street.
@@HorizonHipHop it hurts like hell but try to remember you're the one who must move on. You got that little one depending on you also. You can do it.
@@jaimhaas5170 i got this. Im past the crying and all that, been getting way more done without her than I did with her. 💪
to call yourself "empath" is a narcisstic defense - there are no empaths cos everybody even the sick got empathy, they just got no compassion. stop this shit.
Bro this hits me hard because I've just been dropped for being overbearing because I found out she was flirting with her ex not once not twice but 3 times and then it was my fault for feeling hurt and upset.
The absolute best revenge is to NOT EVEN SEEK IT OUT...
The best exit map
- Excuse yourself politely,
-leave with dignity and class, peaceful
- embrace the hurt,
-find a place to cry and greive in private,
- GRIEVE for however long you need, let it out and leave it there. Lick your wounds, heal . Don't let your wounds bleed on those who didn't cut you...got it!?
-recalibrate your focus and purpose -and go full speed ahead without her... onward and upward
Well put
Wow…Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely.
Loving advice. I felt it.
"Don't let your wounds bleed on those who didn't cut you...got it!?" That's maybe the most important point. In processing (or not properly processing of) the hurt others who are close to heart can be hurt, and knowing that others were hurt by yourself is an even worse feeling than the actual hurt that happened to you that you try to overcome
The most common 'baggage' one leaves an abusive relationship with a narcissist is the realization that they did not have the awareness to assess a person's character well.
I'm sorry. I must disagree. They often have a better tuned ability to assess character well than normal person. Think of it as their brand of hyper vigilance crossed with the keen senses of a predator. My abuser knew every inch of my character (and I'm a complicated person), she just didn't give a flying f*ck about my character. Why would a vampire care, except to trap you? But once traped it's irrelevant. YOU are irrelevant.
@@michaelparker7676 You confused the subject and the object in my statement.
@@jamesyoung187 yes! I feel like I can't trust my assessment skills now. I used to take pride in my ability to assess people quickly
i'll do you one better: actually being aware, going in, that she is almost 100% a covert narcissist, but still giving her the benefit of the doubt and believing her when she says she knows how toxic she's been and is going to treat you well. by five months in i was in a state of such intense cognitive dissonance that i would just dissociate for days on end, my thoughts and feelings fighting with themselves about whether i should bottle the pain or if i should trust my self-preservation instincts. i lost myself completely in the following months. now i trust my judgment to a fault, reading too far into everyone and being afraid of being vulnerable at all.
One can have a good character but be a naraccist. Oftentimes narcissists are just really emotionally underdeveloped.
I think character is more base to one's self than education alone.
Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims.
NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's.
However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you.
They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyHub@gmail. com
I'm impressed to finally see a youtube therapist able to argue against her own interests for the sake of the person needing help! To tell your viewers that there's a point at which you need to stop watching videos like this, rather than to champion the success of your own channel. You get my bonuspoints today! Well done!
My thoughts exactly. I've been researching for a year now. Consistently. Finally I have the answer. Stop Researching!
I had to stop for a while because it was overwhelming thinking about so much negativity and uncovering more and more junk. When I came back I needed to be more judicious and consume smaller doses that were manageable.
EXACTLY my thoughts! From now on I will STOP reserching. THANKYOU Lisa!❤️
I disagree. Without reading extensively about this disorder for the last year I would still be stuck in multiple toxic relationships…
@@douglasfrederick127 I don't think the idea is to do no research. But there's got to be a moment when you have enough and can return to living your life.
Anybody who reads this I want to tell you something as a piece of advice. Do not ever look foreclosure, don't look for it from a NPD, don't look for it from a BPD, don't look for it through a normal woman who is wrapped up in her own sophistry. Seeking closure is nothing more than pain shopping! You're never going to get an answer out of them, at least one that makes sense. Just take what you have learned, take your life back into your own hands, and move on.
Love it! And so true!
You are correct, it is pain shopping. The closest they can ever give you to closure is to make a justification that will ultimately be very hurtful and dehumanizing to you.
Been shopping quite a bit, like a fool... Took quite a bit of pain to understand already and clear the fog in front of my eyes, to see her for what she is.
Yup as the old saying goes "stop going to the butcher's for bread"
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Living with my covert narcissist wife was like living in the twilight zone where up was down and clocks ran backwards...completely insane!
Yeah hang in there man like he said. I thought of it like an upside down pyramid of problems that she somehow balanced on my head. Address it too far in any direction it'll topple both your livlihoods. It's like they know, but too sick to help it.
Haha, right!!, bet it was your fault the clocks went backwards too😅
How long did it take you guys to heal??
Still ongoing for me, it's been 10 months🙄, this video was amazing though, 👊🏻💥
@@and1varsity23 still ongoing. three years to date after a 9-year rollercoaster with the narc
Man this is so accurate. I got discarded without any explanation or attempt to understand and went absolutely crazy. Suicidally depressed. Blaming myself. Wondering what I could've done, should've done. Just a never ending list of fault-finding, analyzing, and wrongdoing on my part. Like an addict in withdrawal, desperate for answers, I couldn't stop isolating. I couldn't trust literally *anybody*. How could someone I loved so deeply, cared so much about, do this? Well then anybody could. It's been an absolutely brutal journey. I am grieving. Very broken and hurt. And yet she is happy to be all eat pray love, as if I was nothing. It was sick. I have come to realize that she was a very wounded person (myself included) and all I can do is take responsibility for myself. I am not perfect, by any means. But blaming oneself for loving someone, caring for someone, being committed to someone - what is the use in that? This has been an incredible reframe. Real love expects nothing in return. So if even if you loved your ex, if it was real love, it shouldn't drive you insane anymore because real love doesn't need anything, or want anything. It gives willingly and moves on. Love yourself, guys. It's time.
I’m still grieving like you, 6 weeks on it’s a struggle to exist but be thankful she hasn’t taken her own life like my true love has after another jealous rage over trivia. No one can prepare you for this double grief.
That just spoke to my soul.. ☝💯🙌. Such words that hit so close to home that I haven't heard in a LONG time. I'm here to tell you that you will (and sounds like you've already started to), can, and will benefit from the entire experience. As long as you walk away having learned something, then in the bigger aspect of life, you've learned a thing or two.. so you haven't lost anything. 👌. It will, and does get better.. I can tell you that 💯💪
Love yourself? One day I might remember how..these robots steal your soul...
Dude my experience is similar..she devalued me as human and as a men she also cheated playing victim accusing me things and slandered me to my friends lose em all damn.. she ruined me mentally.. it's painful stay strong everyone.. glad to know I'm not the only one getting fooled by this demonic creature
I'm losing myself ..
Same here bro, thanks for ur real love explanation. it's time to move on for me. Love u all guys.
Amagine being with the same woman 45 years, we both came from disfunctional families. Ran away together at 16, worked my ass off, finally get my house paid off, and bam, she hates my guts and keeps claiming im the narcissist, now living in a 400sq feet apartment. Sorry just venting. This will be almost impossible to move on at 62, all i ever new was this life with her. Good luck everyone.
Same story buddy. Married at 19 and now 47 years later divorced. Talk about a gut punch. Good luck friend.
I'll be 62 this year, but I'm the one pulling the plug on a toxic, disrespectful, narcissistic relationship. 25 years with one kid still at home, I know my finances will take a massive hit. Hopefully, the court will take note that she didn't want to pay bills even though she has a good paying job.
It happens to us as well, 25 years in that hell, now 19 years out of that relationship
I chose to heal and stay strong
Life can be normal again
Good luck
Damn did she wait for 45 years before she changed or had you suffered for years before the discard?
Personality Disorders cluster B at their core have attachment issues. Narcissism, borderline, social disorders and the bunch. They all have a similar origin. And with a rocky start like yours, your ex could be right, but we also recognize traits in others that thrive within ourselves as well. Did you have a very constant and stable relationship, or was it full of fire and passion?
Closure is impossible from somebody who is never wrong, can never apologise and who lies thru her teeth.
You don’t need closure
Be happy you are free of abuse
Run
Lift weights
Eat healthy
Take care of your hygiene
Treat yourself
I find the beach therapeutic
Work on yourself
Make something for u
Forget and move on
You are free
Not everone is the same moving on when you have a house and kids with her not so easy .@MADOUT_VPS
Look up to you guys…all I want to do is be in my house alone
Narcs can apologize if they can use it as a tool. Simple, they apologize only to do it again. To gain your trust. It is a myth. Narcs do apologize.
@rizzlapauper113 you mean they can say the words but never mean it cos it's only for their benefit.
I feel... a relief, comfort and a sorrow at the same time knowing that there are guys out there that know EXACTLY how I feel and what I've been going through. I literally don't have to explain or go into detail because yall seriously already know and understand.
I hear ya. I’m reading through every comment here and was about to post something similar to you. I feel like the empathy I have for everyone commenting here, knowing to some degree the awful things they have endured, helps me to have a little more empathy for myself.
Every feeling all at once
Facts
I hear all y’all as well, I know what you’re saying.. but, like I told her. I don’t wish this bs on ANYONE!!
It is incredible how universal and consistent these patterns are. But yes, we just need to LEARN and move on. The priority is NOT letting them distort our views about people. NOT ALL PEOPLE are like that, so let's not close our hearts. Let's heal and overcome! We can do it!
Once I figured out she was a covert narcissist it’ll all made sense and I got my closure. I just can’t believe it took me so long but in my defence I wasn’t on the lookout for narcissists but I am now! 😂.
It has been the most difficult situation I have ever experienced. I didn’t know what a narcissist was. I found out the hard way.. it is not a joke the mind fuck is crazy.. good luck to you all we will heal one day and be truly happy.. I’m here for anyone that needs it..
Same brother. I got hit with what she said about the researching, and why we should stop once we've gotten all the answers. It made sense.
Just 1 month from the breakup, it's all so fresh.
Yup, like you are with Satan. People need to recognize these sick people and stay away.
It’s fucking brutal and the abuse is nuts mine wanted to call cops no closer did run into her she was wracking me down just to reject more and I was seeing push and pulls they brain fog you good terrible feeling
You just described April 2023 - August 2023. I had already suspected it wasn’t me because she accused me of being a narcissist and I started reading books and said wait a minute. Then I came across your 10 stages of discard video and my jaw dropped. Everything clicked. Thank you for doing this. Blessings!
Man that's exactly the timeline I lived too ... if you need to talk. I know I do. Best regards
Amen to that. 14 years. In a state of confusion with someone who just would not answer a question? A simple question? What did you do with 3 months of rent money? 14 years later I still don't know. How stupid is that?
Same exact dates and experience!
Same here, I think she was trauma bonded too, although when we split she didn't fight for the relationship. She was so angry! Now she contacted me again. For me it's no good telling someone you love them after the fact.....you tell them in every when you are in the relationship.
Same timeline too.
The research phase was important to me. It lasted for about 4 years, but I learned that the ex was a narcissist, right out of the mold. It helped to learn that she is that way because of self-loathing, and that she will never, ever change. I’m several years beyond the nightmare now, and much happier, able to enjoy peacefulness and goodness in things once again. This video validates that I wasn’t the only one who has gone through the living hell of a female narcissist. Thanks, Lise!
Omg i'm so happy I read this. I appreciate your honesty on how long it took you. I thought my month and a half was too long because my friends felt so bad at the beginning and didn't think i was going to get out of it for a long time because i couldn't understand what on earth happened in this whole relationship. I have clarity thanks to you all out there. I have hope that there are others out there, not like her but more like me. It's hard being an empath in a world where other people drain energy. That when they're draining....they're almost fatal to your senses, chakra, your aura. Thank you.
I love this sentence: "they hijack normal human bonding and attachment system by using your basic survival needs". Real mind parasite. And if you don't obey, they want to liquidate your existence at all.
That's your soul, mind and personality. In other words "fuel supply". We become a version of them. Once we're used up they discard us. If we've finally had enough and leaving them they experience NPD collapse and destroy us completely.
Caught me out. 6 months with my GF who did this to me. I've come off of opioids easier than this woman. The pain is unreal. Thanks so much for this.
The power of someone else playing with ur existance when they know things that you dont.. u feel helpless, they understand things that you dont yet and present themselves as gods. They can use things as advantage like ur parents are narccissts so they take advantage of ur will to be free of these ideas and make you think u are nothing. All i can think is somehow i deserve this.
Family court makes it possible, legal and very profitable.
No one knows her!
This all happened to me exactly like a playbook. Three years out working on my healing. It’s been the hardest period of my life by far. It’s forced a lot of my childhood trauma into the light as well. Getting stronger by facing deep pain. Grateful for videos like this to put it all in perspective.
Amen. Me too.
Thanks for sharing....same here. Counseling opened my eyes to not only the abuse from my ex girlfriend but from my own family...needless to say, I'm alone now , starting from scratch, or at least trying to.
Narcissism ABOUNDS... in a world of perpetual , self sustained hurt.
Best of luck to you buddy, you're not alone. You will make it, take care.
Same re getting counseling and unearthing a whole bunch more. Seems like a whole process of patching up wounds and immaturities that lead to being susceptible to narcissists. Nice knowing I'm not alone.
100%. I had to take a real hard look at myself and get to the bottom of why I allowed this to happen. It sucked, but I'll be damned if that dumpster fire didn't make me a stronger person.
It has nothing to do with u
Thankyou so much for this video ...!! I completely identify with this story line...It took me 6 months to take off my wedding ring I lost 26 lbs. ...lost my job . Couldn't eat ..Couldn't sleep .. But...Finally things changed .!! Slowly ....It took 31/2 yrs. ...before I somewhat healed ..!!!
I was actually led to put my faith and trust in the Lord ..and THATS when my life turned Right side up !!
These videos have really helped me. My ex has BPD. She’s been going to therapy for years and is on medications but EVERYTHING in this video describes what I’m going through! She left me 3 months ago and I have never felt more BROKEN in my entire life. I feel like a part of me is missing and I keep replaying everything in my head. This video really helped me today
the sentence that spoke to me the most was "retract her authority over your emotional spectrum and reclaim self-ownership".
1. 1:39 - Disbelief
2. 3:42 - Replay
3. 5:18 - Self-doubt
4. 6:45 - Anger & blame
5. 8:14 - Research
6. 10:48 - Acceptance
7. 12:47 - Healing
Thank you for this list Heidi. 👍🍀🌼💜🎈 we know enough about them by now. Its just a big help and a good reminder. So thank you and a hug from Karin. kind regards from Holland
Thanks.
Two months in and I've already walked away after paying close attention to how she was treating me it was an obvious conclusion she's a narcassist.
Zero empathy, wants me to always chase her, extremely manipulative. Dismissive of my feelings completely and very critical of the smallest things.
I'm 40 and it's my first time ever being treated like this by a partner before. Saddest part is I initially thought she was everything I've always wanted in my life 😢
I'm blown away. All the boxes check.. And I'm in the research phase. After the 10 tactics of covert narcissistic video, I was getting kind of obcessed.
This is a great follow up!
Thank you for this.
@@daeclipse03 Kudos to you!!! 3 months after I walked away, I had a date over for dinner. The crazy ex came pounding on my door, screaming that I was a liar and a cheater and demanding to know who I had inside! It freaked my date out and she left... 3 days later the ex came by and apologized saying that she was "hurt" and asking if she could take me out to dinner to make up for it!
Yeah, she was pathetic, but by then I had setup camera's and caught the whole performance, which I then used to explain everything to my date. Lucky for me, my date could pick up on the kind of woman she was much faster than I did!! Women KNOW women better than guys do!
Still, I wasn't as prepared as I should have been, so don't make the same mistake I did... Peace, Brothers!
I’m in the research phase. 😂 honestly it’s been very healing. It’s very comforting for me to understand how and why. Once I hear the truth it’s like everything just starts clicking into place.
The research phase is important but if you’re still researching in 6 months, it might be the new addiction (a way to stay connected to the narcissist)
@@LiseLeblanc thank you
So spot on. I'm in the "research" phase. A little over a month. I was actually so surprised. Thank you so much.
@@pandrisiah day one on NPD for me. A lot is clicking right now after 3-4 months in step 1-2-3-4.
@@LiseLeblancthanks for this truly
I've watched this video 30 times. It's the only thing that seems to be helping me stay calm and understand why I'm feeling the way I do right now.
It's truly wild. Every relationship I went through before leaving the narc went nothing like this in the end...maybe at most a couple weeks to a month of feeling sort of weird. 6 months of no contact and I'm still pretty screwed up.
Same here….
Chemicals. Hormones. It will pass. It won't be nice, but give it time, it will subside, and you'll move on. Painful, but temporary.
@@Siegefya my 1st breakup devastated me for some years. I was living in the forest in a caravan near my family. Alone tho.
It always ends up pointing to the abandonment issues I seem to have. This time I feel stronger and I'm much older. I'm taking copper, zinc and other things.
Nutritional deficiencies and eating disorders tie into trauma I guess. It's been many years of searching and making mistakes.
Maybe the next person is gonna be truly selfless and caring haha (instead of just a drama or sex addict).
I personally find the drama addict to be worse than the other. Sex addiction only hurts when they leave. Drama in your face all the time sucks lol
Enjoying my alone time...
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them.
Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter.
We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :)
Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
ruclips.net/video/YvMyHkHyH5o/видео.htmlsi=8mpISkw7_mtgigLp
Wow. Just wow
I left my narcissist ex after she was physically abusive with me. Never considered going back to that insanity. And my children payed the price. People generally can’t comprhend how horrible this is
Amen brother. I was there in the trenches too, but I stuck it out for my children. It was definitely an awful 30 years except for the kids. The woman was p-s-y-c-h-o.
Yeah its much harder when a child/children are involved and they love that person :\
This part doesn't get talked about enough in the world. Every thumbs-up on this comment represents those that go through it and getting stuck on how hard it is to go through and feel how hard it is to even start talking about it, especially as a guy
Yep I have a 7 and 8 year old with mine. It has been hell for years now. The way she speaks to the kids at times and neglects them emotionally. It’s a horrible thing to experience z
Man I swear it's a whole nother ball game when you have kids with them. Mine just up and moved on like it was nothing. And moved in with another man and my child. Took me about a 8 months to finally kind of be on board with her stupidity. But I have my freedom from her, and I have my kid 3x out the week so there's that plus. But yea she moved on like it wasn't shit after 5 long years.
As a person whose lived through all of these stages I can say, after the research phase I was able to lift the mask, tear down my exes walls, see through her sweet moments and her beautiful innocent looking face and what I saw was a very broken, very ugly being, so much so I got scared, but helped me realise that I cant do nothing for her but to feel pity, stay strong, trust in time, it will heal you, thanks Lise I wish I had come across such content at the time
@gentianxhahysa3459 Even after the mask slipped towards the end, I somehow convinced myself that it was somehow my fault, and craved for the illusion to be real.
An illusion so perfectly crafted; in part by myself that, I couldn't even imagine wanting to be without her or be with anyone else.
Idealising her again, despite having peaked behind the mask to see just how cruel she was.
Even speaking to her months later, I was baffled at how uncaring and was and seemed like a different person to the one I'd fallen for.
It shouldn't have been baffling. The person I'd fallen for was an illusion.
It's demon seeded and it's a Spiritual battle. i too have seen that hideous pathetic and heartless thing that lives to destroy within them. There's a certain smirk at my pain she does that somehow really pulls the mask all the way down like a Woman flashing You lifting her bra. i actually stood and looked at that smirk feeling pity for her as she raised and pointed a 9mm in my direction over me picking up her gram of weed and going outside to wait on her to come and smoke with me because i sensed she was going to hold out on me after i generously shared with her. Of course i let her know i was just going outside to wait on her. She comes to the door and raised the pistol over that little bit of petty control. Unfair control. i stood and felt sorry for her.
This is exactly what happened to me.
There is positives though. One is peace (especially at night so you can rest) and the other is your life and life decisions become better because you don’t have a narcissist around destroying your spirit and all your decisions are yours.
She would check in every few hours to "make sure you're ok." She claimed to worry about me but never actually cared what I felt, just that she still had my attention and focus. Nearly every conversation in our years talking was about her.
I think it's a way for her to know she can still hook you up.. she did that to me a couple of times ..
damn, same thing.
I 'care' about you.
Always worried texting and explaining how she's right and how things are.
Withholds important things while giving gifts to create attachment and a sense of "I got your back, see?"
Plans for the future, expectations and needs are met with empty promises or downplaying, etc.
Absolute psycho manipulative control freak.
At this point I'm grateful about the sex withholding because it allowed me to get out after many months of waiting and suffering.
Probably the best video that told my exact experience with my narcissistic ex from 3 years ago. Yes it took me 3 years to heal from that traumatizing experience and I am still at the stage where no one new feels as exciting or as addictive as my ex. Looks like I gotta do some work on myself to start to desire normal people with no personality disorders. You earned a new subscriber. Liked and Subscribed 👍
I was in a relationship with an ex whom fit all the textbook BPD symptoms, could have also had ASPD. I had no idea what was going on in the relationship, I was always so confused and emotionally hurt. It was such a draining relationship that I completely stopped dating for the last 4 years. I feel absolutely amazing now, I went to therapy for a few years not only for the relationship itself, but I also found that I didn’t realize that there were some deep subconscious things that I needed to work on. Fast forward to today and I lost a significant amount of weight, I went back to school and I just currently started dating this woman and it’s been all going so well. I am very happy right now and I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished for myself. People have absolutely no idea how much I’ve grown in so many ways. You CAN break a Narc bond, you CAN change your life for the better, take the necessary time to focus on working on the inner wounds and make the right strides in your life. Best of luck to everyone!
This all sounds very much like my experience. But after going no contact with my ex for 12 years, I still get intense flashbacks and ruminations like it was last week.
@h
This is because you're undoubtedly suffering from C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), much like soldiers returning from combat situations. I'm a female that suffered a discard from a Covert Narcissist and my C-PTSD is what's labeled "non combat related" & instead labeled as "Abuse Related C-PTSD). It has been years now since going no contact but I'm still seeking answers and therapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in, most importantly, Trauma therapy and as, just as imperative, she specializes in Grief & Abandonment Issues bc we've come to realize that my "Attachment Styles" was formed when my Dad was incarcerated at age 10 & even more-so, when I lost my Mom to Cancer at age 20. I'm now 44 yrs old and I'm STILL not over these issues which have undeniably shaped my intimate & long-term personal relationships for over 3 decades. Please!! Give therapy a shot. Go in with no real forethought, but hope that a licensed mental health professional (as well as group therapy with others, just like yourself), CAN only help. It may take you a consultation or a few sessions for you to find the right "for" therapist-wise but it's SOOOO worth it. Also, give yourself ample time before you even consider seeking a dating relationship again bc oftentimes (as is MY case), we tend to have a "type" & unfortunately, Narcissists are very adept at "Love Bombing", which is exactly how Narcissistic people "find" us (which, in all honesty, Narcs HUNT us caring, unassuming Victims).
If you've read this far, thank you and from one Narcissist Survivor to others....you CAN headland go on to find REAL true love that doesn't involve pain. Much luck to you. Hang in there, it WILL get better
Same here after 5 yrs cutting ties. At times it feels like no time has passed at all, at other times it feels like the blurry memory of a half-forgotten nightmare.
The post BPD relationship is a real mind twist. Even after the fact you discover about this disorder you still find yourself yearning for them .So strange . But I think it’s because you think after knowing all this info you think you can tolerate the disorder or even save them but that itself is a fantasy.
You're right. I think it's because they get to attain us so deep inside, right at the friggin core where all the painful memories reside.
Like helping an addict and becoming and addict in the process. Stay away.
this video will explaine the reason codependants (you) get attached to cluster B individuals!
ruclips.net/video/rQnBVEUzP3k/видео.html
So true. I still miss her but I know she was nothing but a detriment to my life. It's heart breaking knowing that she'll never be the person she presented herself to be. There can be no looking back.
Going through that right now. I've even made excuses in my mind for some of her reactions and actions which somehow make a lot of sense. Not sure if its empathy now that I know and understand where she comes from or my codependency playing out, but its been a roller coaster of emotions i've been riding for 6 months and cant seem to stop. The hardest part is knowing what makes you feel miserable and what you need to do to get better and move forward but somehow holding onto that bit of hope that takes you nowhere. I dont wish this upon anyone.
I'm so grateful for this video. I've been researching for a week trying to find answers to what happened. I've gone through everything you've described....for 23 years. When you said it's time to stop researching I felt the truth of that and appreciate that you really care. A woman with empathy, how awesome! I'm truly done and my armor protected me when she realized I was stepping off of the shelf she had me on and came back to resnare me in the trauma bond (while she was already with someone else) I'm going to be just fine but there is a part of me that truly regrets the childhood trauma she experienced that made her a covert narcissist. I really wanted to save her, I tried. It breaks my heart that she'll soon be old and alone, never having experienced love. This will be my last video dive. Good luck to everyone and thank you for this content.
The research is a great way to gain clarity and understand what you went through but after a while you may find your simply mulching over the same stuff over and over, which might end up keeping you stuck on the narcissist. I’m happy to hear that you’re moving on!
Sounds EXACTLY like mine bro. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
In my personal experience the reason it’s so difficult to let go and stop missing them is because you're probably still searching for his validation. During the relationship you went without a lot of things you deserved, like safety, love, support, compassion, and empathy to name a few. I'm guessing when things were good they were exceptional, the narcissist is a master at manipulation. By the end you've given more than you had to give ( leaving yourself depleted of strength, self esteem, ect) because you gave SO MUCH to him. That wasn't accidental, he was looking for a “partner” that has your attributes, loving and nurturing. During your entire relationship I'm sure you were wondering if he really loved you, and I'm sure you never felt like you got the answer to that question. His attention now puts you in the same mental place of wondering if he's back because he loves you and sees your worth. Blaming you for cheating is just another manipulating thing narcissists do… they can't accept they may be at fault, so they project that onto you. Its hard to let go when you're still looking for answers. Especially the big question… did he ever love me and they always confuse you because their words don't match their actions. Here is the very difficult thing you need to accept ( and it's way harder then people think)… He didn't ever love you, he never will, you'll never get the validation that you're seeking, he's just not capable. It has NOTHING to do with you and your worth, it's all about HIM! DO NOT allow him ( or yourself) to devalue yourself be abandoning your morals and values. Dont be the other woman or the side chick…. you deserve to be nothing but the absolute center of your partners life, plus think about her…. she's likely being treated just as you were… do u really want to add to her pain? You're still at the start of a long journey of self discovery and healing. You'll likely need to find a trauma therapist (one that has experience with NPD). You can do this. No contact AT ALL, block him everywhere and start healing!! Very best of luck! Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
This video is like the answer to my prayers to help me to get over the narcissistic woman in my life. I really needed this push to realize what I already knew, that I had already found the answers I was looking for, and watching videos like this, for the thousand times, is just a new addiction that prevents me from moving on with my life. Thank you, Lise, for helping me break free😃
Ppppppp09 I 0
Likewise
This was extremely helpful as I had not realized there was a natural sequence to what I was experiencing. As a man I didn’t feel I was entitled to have such emotion. You described what I endured almost to a tee and now I don’t feel so bad! I made a choice to become better rather than bitter by acknowledging what happened and trying to extract the life lessons that came with the experience. Today I’m in a better place and learning to trust again. Thank you for your kindness.
I spent years trying to figure out what went wrong. It wasn’t until my oldest daughter ( masters in counseling) told me that “ mom “was a narcissist and that I needed to move (run) on with my life!
I wish my daughter could tell me if "mom" is a narcissist.
@@toddb930she is
This video just now changed my life forever. Bless you.
Literally years of looking for advice, talking to different therapists, journaling books worth of emotions, and talking to friends, this is the first thing I've found that made me feel understood and validated. This alone has helped so much with just feeling understood. Thank you so much for this, genuinely. Just the simple validation of this video is immensely helpful on my road to healing. I'm hoping to get myself rebuilt and together again soon 🙏 Thank you for this uplifting video!
I am impressed as well.
I divorced my narcissistic ex wife, blocked her and cut her off from communicating with me. This also goes for my ex girlfriend who was just as bad but didn’t reveal herself as a narc for a long time. Thank you Ms. Lablanc. Your video was the best I have seen in a long time. It helped me tremendously. Especially the part about stop researching narcissism and it’s time to move forward. People forget men can be victims too.
I cried at how accurate this is.
Gah, i loved her so much.
No closure what so ever
No, you loved an ideal that was not actually manifest in the reality of who you were with. Acceptance is needed of this.
@@gaycha6589its tougher when you have had children and been through so much together for almost a decade. I do love her still shes the mother of my children, but you're probably right that I was more attached to the high of the rollercoaster than I was with the way she was. Especially toward the last few years, zero affection, increasingly starting fights, getting more physically abusive. Yeah I'm good with all of it. Almost ended myself in the first month or so after she detached, glad I was strong enough to keep going.
@@HorizonHipHop been there. Don that. Concentrate on your relationship with your kids. Let HER go….
@@gaycha6589 100%
No you didn't love her.
You loved a mask she presented to you.
The "person" you fell in love with doesn't even exist.
Sorry to be so harsh, am just doing that man to man thing 🙂
This video is an absolute must for anyone who wants to recover from a covert narcissist. You really nailed it on the head, Lise when you talk about the research phase of recovery. I have volumes of notes and listened to hundreds of videos when I was in this stage of recovery. It is a trap, that you put yourself in. Happily I have long moved on and not falling back into any rabbit holes.
I am not sure if you mentioned this or not but female narcissists like the one I was entangled with appear as really nice to everyone one else in the outside world including some of our mutual friends. They just can't believe what I know only too well behind closed doors. In public they are great actors, but if you are involved with one, you know this snake has two heads!
Once again Lise, thanks for a incisive video on the mind of a covert narcissist
My experience too; crazy making. I have so many shared friends and acquaintances who see only her charm act. Many she is actively turning against me and I don’t know how to react. If I say anything it only makes me look more bitter and obsessed and makes me feel like I’m playing the victim. I finally found the strength and wisdom to leave but that only infuriated her more and led her to work behind my back to sabotage my friendships and standing in the community. Urgh! Thankfully some people give me the benefit of the doubt but I still feel like there’s no one who I can talk to or who can understand about what actually happened.
The sad part is when you realized these people only care for you because they need you . But still they belittle you and mistreat you and the incredible part they could care less what you think. They imposed themselves and whoever is with them and you have to suck it up . Now I know my only way out is to move out as soon as posible and have the minimum or zero contact because we work together. I am so mad and upset . I should have never stayed as a roommate. I feel trapped. I hate it because they know how to act to make you do what they want . 😡
It's all about their needs. They don't care at all about you, even if they appear to. I've had friends like this. They can't stand being alone, so they make 'friends' to fill that void. But they don't care about them.
Well since they need you then make sure your needs are met too first.
I broke down into tears at 9:40. The realization that I was doing exactly what she said.
This channel is life saving. Im currently in stages 5/6. I started researching today, got my confirmation, and will end the research today. I've been instinctively grey-rocking my ex, but I have to see her literally every day because of our son, which has made the healing process next-to-impossible. Im setting up therapy and cant wait to start the next chapter of my life. Thank you, Lise!
You’re correct up to researching. I need to understand how to become a ninja when these toxic people are grooming incessantly. They’re everywhere! Narc bosses. Narc politicians. Narcs in church. I need to discern faster to protect from repeating this mess.
Yeah i wholeheartedly agree!
Not discern, healing for the reason your attracted to them...
@@DanielWiebrands no, I’m friendly. I’m not an Empath. Narcissists are always shopping. They want to add to their supply. They always groom. It’s not my fault that I talk to people. It’s their fault that they always shop for people to abuse.
I’m almost terrified of of falling for another npd and can relate.
Just came across this video and cannot thank you enough Lise for breaking down all the emotions and steps that I have been going through over the last five years. I feel such a sense of validation. And yes, there are plenty of female narcissists out there. Rest assured guys, it just takes time but you'll get there. I'm stronger now, much stronger. Hang in there and thank you.
I was stuck in stage 5. for almost a year.. I couldn't stop researching. I couldn't let it go.. When I finally got sure that my ex-wife is a covert narcissist and my mother is narcissist too the whole game changed. I isoletem myself and 100% gray rock them. This was the hardest part but I accepted it stage 6. and now I can heal stage 7. Thank you Lise for sharing this video. From today I stop watching RUclips videos. I have what I need and now I know how to move forward.
Hello...I myself became a victim of my own abusive aunt and mother...My childhood was very very traumatic because of them.
hey im still in releation ship with this narcist girl its one mounth and half and almost from day 15 i notice something is wrong with her i start researching and im 100 percent sure shes narcist and that all is about her she lovebomb at begining hard gifts sex everyday lot of sex how much time i will need to heal if i break now i mean i break with her one day told her never call me again she blocked me but after 5 days no contact she send me message and i reconect in that period of 5 days i feel relief i wnated to call her but evrytime i thinked how bed person she is i refuse i feel that im emotionaly connected with that crazy mind holy fuck devil send me this bitch... and i must say that that im totaly aware that im not problem and understand that sick mind totaly because of research... and im empath i very feel with others and trying on evry way to disonect with her emotionaly even we are still in realationship
I am literally watching this video during my "Research" Phase. Lise Leblanc is my first stop along the way of my research. Thank you, Lise I'm done now... I hope.
There will be no closure. W these personality disorders. They’re not gonna walk up and explain the situation from their point of view. You are a bad object and deserve punishment. Don’t reach out do inner child work. So you won’t be focused on by a new person w a personality disorder. You did nothing wrong.
Facts, no matter the mountain of evidence they never admit to shit.
Thank you for not explaining the disorders. We dont need explanations, we experienced it. This was an incredible video. Narcissistic withdrawl is by far worse than any drug withdrawl out there. It’s unexplainable.
Try withdrawing from opiates or amphetamines.
Heartbreak is only as long as you let it.
Real drug addiction changes your entire brain chemistry.
Former opiate addict here. (10+ years) Why am I here in this comment section? Guess lol.
I just wanna say: everyone’s experience is different individually. I know.
Anyways; I would rather go thru opiate withdrawal and be once again sitting there homeless back in my pos car again, in the Walmart parking lot after getting toothpaste and a tooth brush from the dollar store and a nearly empty bottle of Crystal Geyser water to rinse with - than experience what I’m dealing with now lol.
I promise you; this is not the same kind of emotional/mental hurt or helplessness.
I’ve done both…….equally demanding,
real heartache isn’t a “choice “
The steps you explain was EXACTLY what happened to me when she left. At first a I was relieved, then disbelief! I did so much for this woman, I loved her! Then yes after a month I got angry, I realized she lied to me to keep me at the time and I was just a supply for her temporarily.
During the anger period realizing she's not coming back and I was just a fix for her, one night got into bar fight and ended up with a broken nose with stitches. This all happened because I was so angry about what this woman did to me, I could have easily avoided this fight but I was so angry inside, this woman broke my spirit completely.
I didn't care about having to go to the hospital, my heart was shattered into pieces. I could not stop drinking every day for 6 months the pain of her leaving and disregarding me was just too much and realizing she used my weaknesses against me to keep me sucked in. It's been about almost a year and I'm doing much better healing from this horrible person and stopped drinking.
Congrats man, i hope i can hold out. Kids make it rough.
@@jayjaysanders3046especially when they say shit like "mama did it this way!", or, "thats not how mama does it" :(
Yep drinking and fighting 😢
A guy lost his wife to his best friend.that man was locked in a room for years.
Nailed it, again.. thank you. Time helps, that’s probably the only thing that really does. Only revisit research when you’re ready to date again, just to remind yourself of the NPD qualities to avoid.. b/c your life and sanity depends on this knowledge. Took me almost 5 years to feel like myself again. Good luck ya’ll.
Wow impressive, I'm going through all these stages and after 6 months I've only just started to envision moving forward. It feels like heading into the wilderness with a backpack but if you have kids you can't go far. You also become acutely aware now is not the time for a new relationship because you're very fragile and easy prey and you're subconscious just wants you to find another narcissistic. I am actually attracted to women who put me down and have no attraction to women who are friendly and happy so I'm clearly demented. So now the wilderness just gets that much more lonely. It may take years of therapy to undo this psychology I would think?
The worst moment: when you realize the truth.
The challenging moment: the healing game...
The better moment: instead of horror, keeping some good parts of the relationship.
Stay away from coverts narcissists. They will only make you cry.
I love your perspective, thank you for sharing!
@@LiseLeblanc With your permission, It takes a couple of years to go through these milestones and end up that journey. I would not recommend to anyone enduring this. Intense yoga and EMDR self therapy may shorten the process.
You do a great prevention job informing people about that emotional danger 😎
Yes perfectly described. Took me ages to break away and when I did I knew that all she had to do was turn up and I’d be screwed. Now that I’m well and truly away I can see just how utterly evil she was.
It’s kinda crazy how she literally goes through exactly what I’m going through right now.
I’m barley getting out of the anger phase
I cried in my truck today when I chose to remove myself from her bank account…this is the worst feeling in the entire world. I deleted all my photos of her, post on social media…this woman is my wife. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to divorce her, even though it kills me thinking of doing that. I never want to feel like this again.
As a woman who have experienced a few male Narcissist use this as an opportunity to grow spiritually, emotionally and psychologically from it...Take time to know yourself better . They are all the same , pseudo human parasites....Go no contact.
Your not alone. It is an experience beyond the normal. Tears are natural and a great relief from the agony. As a man taught not to show emotion I am past caring so much about what the world thinks about me. Hang in there one day at a time. All things must pass
Sounds not healthy. You don't dumb a Person from a distance. You have a talk.
I am going though the exact same shit bro we need to stay strong. I have been crying the past few months dealing with this bull shit. Married 18.5 years together almost 21.
Be strong. You got this. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You're okay. You're trauma bonded. It will pass.
Research overload....YEA! Lady you have been spot on in my case which seems to be quite common I'm finding out during my research. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I've been stuck in my WTF happened stage for 12 years! I'm in a much better place now than where I started thanks to you and the other youtubers reaching out to help people like me. You buy far have been my favorite go to therapist! Your husband is a very lucky man!!! Thank you....................
I just recently disconnected myself from someone I was trauma bonded with. To be blunt, the relationship was toxic and some parts of were abusive. She got into therapy, and proceeded to act even worse towards me. Disrespect, lying, and just a total lack of giving me common courtesy. This video was 100% spot on about my situation I got trapped in. Thank you soooo much for making this video so I could understand what happened and what I need to heal.
I needed this video just now (I guess I'm "researching"). After getting out of a 20-year marriage to a covert narcissist, I jumped right into another relationship with an upgraded version. Five years on, I just ended it. About a week ago. My healing from the first relationship was delayed, and now I'm going through the self-evaluation doubly. The toughest part for me is to stick to my decision, knowing it's the right one but still feeling myself reaching for her emotionally. The second hardest part is that, at 55 and now a single full-time father, I'm staring down the barrel of potentially being alone and not ever finding a life partner. But being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship, and your videos have been so helpful to me in staying the course. Thank you.
Correct, being by yoursef is far better than being in a toxic situation. Far, far better, huge.
Your peace and mental health are most important. Don't beat yourself up bro. You have to heal and take care of you first.
I'm in a similar position in life Michael. I married my high school sweetheart. I was with her for 15 years. She left me on Valentine's Day sitting here with two small children. I raise my kids without her. But like a complete idiot two years later I jumped into another toxic relationship. My second wife was crazier than the first. That lasted 14 years. She was never able to bond with my children. I don't think she's able to bond with anybody. But now at 55 I'm trying to learn how to be happy alone. I can't see how I could ever trust myself again to have a relationship. Like an idiot I thought I I was helping these women. They let me believe that I was. They were just helping themselves to my resources and myself esteem. Not only do I not know who I am I don't know who I was.
@@brianreed8271 damn Brian...we are soul brothers. I married my childhood sweetheart. She left me with 2 baby girls 2 days after Christmas 1992. I was so lost. Dead inside. Yet needed to smile for the children. Those dark, dark days. I devoted myself to the kids. Concentrated on being a dad. For 3 years I focused on nothing but them. No sex no relationship.
Eventually relationships and women became part of my life again. But you know what? I still get a card on Mother's day. Worth more than gold.
@@gregorywebster6640 God bless you Gregory. I spent today with my adult son and have recently bought concert tickets for me and my daughter. Through everything that has happened it's only these mothers that happiness and contentment seems to evade.
Thank you. I needed to hear this again. The toxic narc ex has been aggressively trying to get back into my life while I’m in the acceptance stage. She’s been hoovering, ringing on my doorbell at random hours and knocking me back to stage 6 again. My regression only lasted for 2 days. I’ve maintained my grey rock, boundary is strong and unwavering. thanks to this video and your affirmation. 🙏🏼
Thank you Lisa, I like the point of becoming addicted to watching videos to hold on is so valid
"grieving, when they act like they living their best life.."
that hurt!
Honestly: I've done countless therapy sessions (and I'm still in therapy), I have read books seen hundreds of videos and this one is by far the best way I've seen to approach the subject. The part of lack of closure hit me hard as a truck (although all the others were accurate as well). It still hard to not have answers for so many mysteries but slowly I've realised that I will never have one. Thank you very much for this powerful message.
By the time you wrote this message I was being discarded by my narc gf. I wasn't aware that she has NPD at the time and I tell you, most the mysteries have been solved through the research I've been doing. It's unbelievable how these people act like they're following a tutorial.
I know we might be talking about females mostly, but my ex boyfriend is exactly what your explaining. I've never felt so heart broken from such a hurricane in a human body. He was a living nightmare and discarded me like nothing. I was broken for YEARS, until I finally healed. Somewhat.
Sorry to hear that. Glad to hear you're on the road to recovery and healing.
Even if you live in the same house you have been discarded and the devaluing continues. The anger stops and you realize that you can be happy with others. You realize their antics are nuts so you take a step back mentally for your safety. Spend less time w them and reach out to more stable people for reality checks.
Thank you to acknowledge the suffering that men can go in an abusive relationship.
Here in the UK, everything is done to give power to female abuser!
If you have a child with them and dont want to give up on those kids you need to keep in contact and they use this to destroy your life!
I'm so happy to see that I'm not alone and that finally there is at least one woman in this world that acknowledge that men suffering are not a minor problem or something laughable!
I need this! WE need this!
Guys! Let's get out of their craziness!
Let's build a castle that they will never be able to get in!
Dont let them put what you do for your kids down!
I have to say that I'm amazed as to how accurate your description is of the process of being with and leaving/getting discarded by a female covert narcissist. When I found your videos I had reached stage 6-7 in my process of recovery. And when watching I got a strange feeling that you have been watching me and my x for the past months. Extremely helpful in so many ways. My deepest gratitude to you for putting this information out.
thanks for the video, it has been extremely helpful:
i've been in a relationship with a woman who had covert narcisistic traits + borderline traits + in some occasions under stress she became a psychopath: no empathy, continuous lying, manipulating, impulsivity, disrespect for other's feelings and the consequences of her actions. even dissociation: different voice, different way of talking, different body language.
i cant describe how painful it was, especially because in the first months of the relationship she was the most adorable person ever (because she needed me).
when i wasn't needed anymore to meet her needs and reach her goals, i saw how she really was, but i was already in love with the previous version of her.
on top of that, she gaslighted me into thinking that her change was my fault (she never, NEVER during the whole relationship told me about her personality disorders, she told me every possible lie to hide them).
after many months since we broke up i'm still extremely hurt and confused, probably in a condition of post traumatic stress.
the cherry on top of the cake: when we broke up she even had the courage of writing me: "consider the time spent with me as a ray of light in your life". un-fucking-believable.
i'm not a violent person, but i must admit i wish her all the worst for the rest of her life, she deserves it.
the positive side: a month ago i started dating another woman and i immediately noticed similar red flags of selfishness and disregard for other's needs.
so i stopped giving her narcisistic supply, she immediately stopped dating me and i wasn't even sorry about it.
did i learn the lesson? hopefully yes
Unreal. Like every other guys here has said, each word is ridiculously accurate and on point. My ex had Paranoid Personality Disorder which is comorbid with BPD and NPD so all this applies to her. She left at the start of last month and am definitely in the research phase which has helped me massively to understand what's just happened to me but I admit that I am addicted and that it's also a way to stay connected with her. Wow, very accurate.
I get it. I was addicted. It gets worse. These types of people do not give a shit.
@@bevinkaker65mines in rehab again now for the 5th time, broke up with me for 3 months and hasnt even cared when her childs sick, nothing. Detached like 9 years was absolutely nothing. These vampires are heartless.
@@HorizonHipHop Yeah my ex was both the sweetest and most tender and loving woman I've ever been with but also the most heartless, just total apathy, when the discard happened, she didn't even look at me in the eye while it was happening, heartless.
Well said. Dealing with this right now. Have no intention of giving her another chance and went no contact. Still stings and feels like a bait and switch. This is how trust issues start
Our relationship started off good - and then this dark side comes out and it's like I was talking to a different person...
Took six years and the breakup to see her true colors. I wish I saw the red flags sooner. Glad I'm getting answers.
Talking to a different person - that hits home. I even confronted her about some of the things she said when she was this other person - not a good idea. "I would never say something like that! You're such a liar! I don't even know who you are anymore..."
This video is a gem. I'm a female who just broke up with a male cover narc, everything in this video is so relatable. I'm in my "research" phase...
There are no answers forthcoming. Deal with it. Any signs of weakness will bring heaps of abuse!
I feel incredibly sad, lonely and isolated. I love this woman like no other, yet I've gone through this again and again. This pain is worse than anything. I can't go back, yet I have to get through this. Just f&&king awful pain and suffering. Thanks for the upload. Amazingly accurate. Much love from the UK ❤️
Just to add, she told me that she got over me in 4 days. Please let them go.
Been there mate. You know it'll be hard and it will take a long time, but you find your own value and what YOU want. There will come a time when you will be glad and can seek, actually something better, more real and supportive and SANE!
In the meantime it hurts like nothing else. Try to be with people, make friends, talk, and try to live a normal life and bring some structure, support and stability.
@@hardywatkins7737 thanks so much. Really appreciate it.
@@mrsimo7144 I would advise getting at least some counselling so you can talk over everything that happened - get some self validation. But do go and talk to your doctor and explain that you've suffered narcissistic abuse and are traumatised and messed up. It's hard to get a psych evaluation for psychotherapy but try your best. Councelling on the NHS is always available but waiting lists are long .. like 3 to 6 months, and often for only like 5 sessions which is not enough. I found in my town/area (north cornwall) a group who provide counselling training (they train counsellors) and have managed to get 15 sessions for free with them with a very good older lady who is in her last, her 4th year of training. There are local charitys and groups who offer counselling and mentoring also but find out what is available in your area via the doctors, library, community centers, churches, and the jobcenter.
@@hardywatkins7737 Hi. Thanks for the reply and help. I'm spending £1000 pcm on therapy and life coaching. I'm coming out the other side now. I watched an interview with a NPD tonight, it was very sobering. I'm on it. Have a look at narcissistic interview, it's with a man on narc con channel. It's spine chilling and has triple confirmed that I'm not to go near her or any contract. I'm lucky enough to get away. Sincerely. Thanks. Much love ❤️
@@mrsimo7144 I'm pleased to hear it. I just think early intervention can save alot of pain down the line.
I'm familiar with the 'narc con' channel but i don't watch her stuff. She tends to polarise empaths and narcissists as 'light and dark' and i don't agree with that. I think it's alot more nuanced and 'grey'. I'm guessing the interview you mention is the one she did with HG Tudor. He's worth listening to just to get a better feel for who narcissists are but with all narcissists, .. you just get narcissism so i don't give them much viewing time.
Sam Vaknin is another self identified narcissist and a psychologist and psychtherapist who has contributed alot to the study of narcissism. He goes alot deeper into the psychology and i think his ideas about mothering, individuation, regression ect, are often valid. I've had to take a good look at my mother and also my sister in all this.
Have to admit, Lise, you read me like a book and didn't miss a page. Your script couldn't have fit my situation more if I had written it. You described all the symptoms during and the aftermath of being in such a relationship. I feel like I have found the answers I needed to hear, including how to begin healing. Thank you so much for your good advice!
This video is so close on target is so eerily accurate I can't believe how it's almost like she is telling my story I am in the research stage right now I'm still can't understand how I still want to go back to someone treating me so poorly
Same feeling I have.... I too cant comprehend how it is why I still want that woman back in my life.
Took me awhile to figure this out, so glad for this video. I understand her so much better and know its for my good. Thank you Jesus. Work on yourself and move on , let her go.
Trudging through absolute hell is an understatement for what this kind of withdrawal felt like. For half a year I experienced: panic attacks first time in life, antidepressants, suicidal ideation, self-isolation, lost my hair, bouts of anger on people whom were not at fault, intense shame and guilt, extreme distrust in other people's motivations. I've been through heartbreak before but this felt 10 times worse. I'm not over it yet as I dream of her from time to time, those "good times" glimpses return with a kick. Then I want to fix things. Then I remind myself that this is not in any shape or form reasonable or doable. Then I feel guilt. Then guilt stirs up my beliefs of not being good enough and worthy of love and respect(This got me in this situation in the first place). And then I remember how I felt in the relationship and what she's done to me so I shed the guilt and replace it with confidence and gratitude that I'm still kicking and I deserve someone miles better and a lot more suited for me. I really do wish to work, love, provide safety and a carefree living for my existing and future family. I strongly believe that this is my purpose as man. I'll be fine. I got this.
🎯
Yes, I want the dreams of her to finally stop. They torment me, keep me locked in the nightmare of her. Please tell me they will end soon.
Stay strong man I'm Goin through the same thing the addiction.....But I have to kick it we must.....and go to Got to fight these Demons
When you get double duped by a narc it really does take a huge toll on your self esteem you can’t eat you can’t sleep you go days without taking a shower you start sprouting grey hairs prematurely it’s not easy that’s why I say if your fortunate to get away from a narc the first time keep it that way.
I need to get back to Lise's videos (especially this one) every once in a while, when I run out of juice and get completely overwhelmed again. When it happens, I can't see clearly, my emotions are all over the place, I'm in complete disbelief of what's happening to me, and I feel that I need help right away. Lise helps me to put things in perspective, it's like my brain starts functioning again and most of the most dramatic emotions go away (for a while, until next time).
I still cannot believe how traumatizing those few months with my BPD partner have been for me. Just a few months, just a few magic moments, just the right amount of random push/pull for no logical reason, and as she walks away (with another guy) I feel completely destroyed. No once-a-week therapy would be enough to save me from drowning right now, that's why I'm so grateful to Lise for what she does. I use her videos between the meetings with my therapist. Perhaps more than she would suggest, I don't know, but that's what I need right now.
What also helps is reading all the comments below, they help you realize that you're not alone and your reaction is "normal" (given the circumstances). In a way, it works like an AA meeting.
I’m really glad my videos are helping you get through this terrible experience
I was in that mindset that it's okay to stay friends and I tried with her. I researched pretty heftily in hindsight trying to understand the lies, the gaslighting the jealousy the future faking etc. Ma'am your channel has helped me a lot, I am so glad you are out here helping people understand the real danger they're in, thank you for helping me along the path. I'm in the detox stage cutting ties and I got that "hey just wanted to check up on you and say hi, how are you" text you talked about in your videos and I'm standing firm. I tried being friends once and it was not at all healthy or supplemental to my well being and I see that clearly now so thank you.
I’m a male sigma empath. So i was partly intrigued and analytical while it was happening in the relationship. I even thought it was mildly amusing that she could gain so much control over me. I was naive enough to genuinely think it was a form of a cute magic trick until…it was too late! Then it became very serious on how to get out with as minimal damage to myself emotionally and psychologically as possible. Lesson1 be careful what you wish for. Lesson 2 Sirens (on land) & Jezebels do still exist. So be careful.
Edit: I successfully managed to escape by reverse discard. Thank God for YT videos. Been No Contact for 38 Days Now. There were two Hoover attempts on Day 25 & Day 27. Stay Safe all you P.H.I.L’s out there.🙏🏾
"Land Sirens" I like that 😂.. what's a reverse discard?
@@Stedemn A “Reverse Discard” is where they orchestrate you discarding/dumping them. By behaving so poorly, crossing boundaries or in my case admittedly cheating (she knew that was my ultimate red flag). It’s where they act so heinously that you’re forced to do the discarding.
JeZEBELs do in fact still exist and that was my last one mixed with the covert Nar Nar ... I can totally relate to what you just said !!! Blessings brother
Incredible! Point after the point, exactly the way things are, mentally, physically, financially, and the pending outlook. You were right about researching and losing trust in people, relationships, and the world overall. I applaud you for your detail in understanding the issues. Great job explaining everything. Thank you so much.
For me it was so confusing for when it was actually over, every time. I moved through the stages over a decade with at least 20 break ups. I feel like every break up moved me down the road a little closer to the healing stage. But the drug analogy is so true. Because I feel that I can not trust myself and my decision making when it comes to this person, which sucks because it gives me concern whether I can connect to someone in the future in a healthy way. To anyone who has gone through this, it is so easy to doubt yourself even when the evidence is overwhelming but please help yourself and walk away. I have to sometimes have a conversation with myself that essentially is about how this person has stole so much time from me and if I allow it she will steal the rest of my life with no regard or regret.
I saw a therapist to help me with my depression after having been left by a woman with whom I had been very close for three years. That therapist told me that my ex's behavior suggested she may have narcissistic personality disorder. Your description of the stages of recovery from a narcissistic relationship is uncannily, stunningly close to my experience. I am amazed both that many individuals can share such a specific, identifiable set of coping strategies as NPD and that their victims' recovery from their abuse can traverse such characteristic stages.
Jesus Christ I cannot believe how precise and exact, even in a linear fashion how accurate this description sums up my entire experience.
“…stop researching…” - i’m so glad i bumped into this post. Thank you Lise!
Love your videos.
Chapter marks would help a lot - for this one they are:
1) 1:50 (brief relief then) Disbelief
2) 3:58 Replaying
3) 5:35 Self-Doubt
4) 7:07 Anger & Blame
5) 8:35 Research
6) 11:11 Acceptance
7) 13:09 Healing
Thank you!
I didnt have these stages. I went right from my stage 1 (shock) to stage 5 (research). Then a planning stage, supernova stage, and healing stage.
@@ezdeezytube Same here. I go to one stage to another randomly, with almost daily setbacks.
You hit the nail on the head. It felt like I had a private personalized session..
I've watched a few of your videos, having been separated from my wife for a year and seeing that she shares many of the covert narcissistic traits you speak of.
I'm on the brink of receiving some counselling. I'd forgotten who I was and realise there are a million tears to be shed. I was mocked for crying (over a family matter) around five years ago.
The dam is about to break.
You mention the word 'drama' in this video and just as I was getting excited about getting myself back I received a phone call twenty minutes ago. She has got herself into trouble with some woman, fears for her life, wants me to go over there and stay the night.
"You've four kids, you know!"
She and my eldest daughter (14yrs) have made some dark choices since I was told I wasn't liked any longer and had to move out. It's now MY responsibility to sort their mess out.
I started shaking because a lot of triggers were going off simultaneously. I told her straight that I don't have any drama in my life anymore, will pray for their situation and advised she calls the police if necessary.
Yet I'm still shaking. If it wasn't for our four children, I'd have nothing to do with her. She is not making the detox program any easier. I knew her life (for a while) would turn to dung because she has nobody to feed off, but motioned not to have any part in mopping up the inevitable mess.
I do suspect strongly that she will stop me seeing my children at some point, or at least use them as a bargaining chip.
She suffered great trauma throughout her childhood and teens and I am guilty of trying to 'come to the rescue'. I would be happy to spend what's left of my life alone and doing what I did before meeting her - serving God.
Is it wrong to want no part in her drama?
Your all video on the topic are simply wonderful, it helped me alot to understand covert narcissism and practically bold but workable strategies to cope with the trauma.
Stay Blessed
This video is so spot on, every single thing is true. Being discarded like that was emotionally one of the most painful experiences ever.
I am now in research stage and can totally relate to it being addictive. However, it is also very healing. It brought me to the realization that it is her loss and feeling pity for her.
Wow. Thank you! You’ve perfectly described my journey over the last 11 years. I was married to a C-NPD for 22 years and had no clue. I didn’t know about NPDs until a couple of years after the divorce. The hardest part of all of it was that she spent the last few years of our marriage alienating my sons from me. Post divorce discoveries, and lies about me that came to me through my sons made me realize how destructive she was. They were 14 and 18 at the time of the divorce. I tried to better connect with them during that time, but they only allied themselves with her. I had to get out to save myself. While I’m broken hearted over my boys, I found any efforts to communicate with them made their alliance with their mom and their rejection of me stronger. I hope one day they’ll figure it out, or at least begin to ask questions. Anyway, I’m finally building me again. Thank you again, and keep up the great work.
I have exactly the same experience. I have been married for 18 years and went through hell with my wife. She was always emotionally abusing me and isolating me so badly I lost contact with all my friend and family. She even manipulated my two sons (14 and 17) against me. Recently she found a new supply and told me she wants a divorce. Right now I am completely lost, hopeless and in depression. Few days ago I found this channel and started researching what happend and I am really shocked I found the reasons of her behavior. How long it took for you to start building you again?
Holy shit, you described my situation exactly as if you were watching it happen. It's spot on, down to the little details. I'm in the "finding answers" phase, but just watching this video has taken some of the pain from my shoulders. I suspected that my ex had issues, and the more I read about narcissists and how they manipulate / treat their partners the more this video makes perfect sense. I'm glad she dumped me now, truly I am. Sure it still hurts but at least I am no longer at the mercy of her abuse.
Firstly, it's so unbelievably nice to hear someone talk specifically about 'Female Covert Narcissism' because I feel a lot of the NPD and BPD content on the internet is more male focused. I ended an extremely abusive relationship with a very cruel female covert-narcissist and I've bounced around all these stages a lot. The research was so helpful because I finally understood all the answers to these crippling "why?" questions I had. Everything said here couldn’t be more true in my experience. That first week right after the relief from finally having no drama, I was instantly shell-shocked. I was in these mute/introspective trauma-spells where I couldn’t do anything, but think of my ex with a deep sadness and infuriating rage, wanting to call her and immediately have answers. I was having these imaginary arguments and ruminations in my head non-stop. Literally, I mean LITERALLY, I stood in place motionless, for 5-12 hours a day for 5-6 days straight, because I was that emotionally and mentally scarred. I had to pause life altogether just to cope with the initial shock.
I'm nearly 2 months removed from it now, and I can finally start to feel myself being restored to sanity and serenity. I just really have been taking careful time to focus on myself and take the next right indicated action and surely but slowly I can feel the meaning and beauty of life coming back to me.
I want to put some positive energy out in the universe (and the comment section) for my fellow's dealing with some of the same injuries
These people are cutthroat and sick, but we survived! Believe in yourself, trust your instincts, and find peace.
Thanks for sharing
Yup that "why" phase was brutal. Its because they just detach with zero explanation, if you get anything at all its blame toward you, but no remorse or care at all.
@@HorizonHipHop Yes this happened to me, the discard was brutal, she didn't even look me in the eye while it was happening and just attacked me, it's so weird because she was also the most tender woman I've ever been with.
@@fpdhu mine was too! My best friend at first. I cried so much over it but I have to move on now. Is what it is.
@@HorizonHipHop I am 41 and we were only together 7 months but the abuse and the discard and now the aftermarth have been the hardest thing in my whole life, I've cried more than I ever had and have never been so low or worried about myself as I am now, she has broken me, my soul, spirit and all self-esteem and hope.
Thank you. This video saved me. I’ve watched a dozen times to help remind myself that this is a real thing that happened to other people as well
8 years with a covert narcissist. Pretty sure I've been being used the past year as a free house/home/physical desires. Almost didn't go to my father's for Xmas as I was told it was over if I did.
I was 6 hours late but here I am, at my father's. Been used like a slinky and lied to, used, gave so much love to a person I question ever loved me. She says she cares too much but she never visited me when I was almost dead in the hospital, wouldn't pick me up when I got better.
Lost so much time and relationships being controlled emotionally by someone I thought I would spend my life with. Feel so stupid cause the signs were there from day one.. how'd I let it go for 8 years, good lord.
This lady right here is the only person to describe exactly what and who I was dealing with. Thank you