@@behindenemylinesphilly Toxic relationship. She will burn you out and discard you when you are no longer good supply. Do yourself a favour and get away from her before she destroys you and your reputation. They generally go after your supports and family so you have nobody. Get out, get ouy, get out. Heal yourself. Learn to love yourself and be by yourself. Your self worth needs to be higher than a toxic co-dependency and sex. It's all superficial with her and you know it.
So there is no answer or healing. It's useless. Hopeless. Only some heal after years and years and we are permanently damaged. This is very disappointing. It means there is no reason to go on living.
I had NO idea my ex was a narc because he's so shy & quiet. I never doubted myself but I was shocked. I'm SO glad I didn't marry him. I dodged a bullet.
Covert narc. He was secretive about it, and in some cases may not have realized he was doing it. I pray you have both progressed in your lives since then!
They will play tricks and mind game with you once u did something "Wrong" They will "Bookmark" it up or "Deduct ur points" in their mind of a "Perfect Partner" Once the time has come They will bring those "Bookmarks" and "Deducted Points" on to the table to blame shift you, destroy your confidence and make you feel like you are trash I been in this situation 3 weeks ago Not even a "Fair Fight" as she ask me to forgive her past sins but she keep gaslighting me to find points to attack me and try to get what she want
This is exactly what happened to me. I couldn't take it anymore. After the breakup, I overcame it by keeping my mind occupied and striving to become the best version of myself. I'm currently working three jobs, studying another engineering degree, and pursuing a master's degree simultaneously, in addition to spending a lot of time at the gym. It was challenging, but it worked. Thanks, Lise.
Keeping yourself busy is not healing. It is putting a bandage over the wounds. Seek counselling. You may find you avoid relationships to safeguard against hurt. It's great you educate yourself on narcissists, but they do come in a covert form and do wear many different masks. No one personality is the same. It depends on what shaped them.
@@Shaker4x4that’s what I was thinking- I guess distractions work temporarily… but not long term- complex ptsd can be caused by being exposed to cluster B’s.😞
@@SBecktacular Once we learn about toxic behaviour and find ourselves again, carrying C-PTSD should be behind us. We are healed when we are aware of them and ourselves and are able to deflect such personalities in the future. While it's a steep learning curve, such education helps protect our own boundaries. PTSD is perpetuating a victim mentality. Moving on from that and being the creator of our own destiny rather than being a victim is really important. Some dwell in PTSD from narc abuse as a reason to remain in that space which is unhealthy. What hurts narcs the most is our resiliency, success and happiness. We should try to achieve that for ourselves though, not to get at them.
This has to be the hardest thing I've ever gone thru. I've lost in love before but I feel in love with my narcissistic wife of 10 yrs and I had a crush on her in high school. So I was so thrilled that all these years later to find out she too was attracted to me..but that I'm learning along with everything else was and is a lie. The feeling of lost is bad enough but to realize that someone can treat a human being like a piece of crumble paper and throw it out the window has broken my heart into pieces and I'm a man...I'm not supposed to carry my feelings on my sleeve right! But you feel as though you lost the love of your life...even worse...you never had the love you gave😪
Recently broke up with my ex after the 20th time over(maybe more but who’s counting) 5 years... I kept thinking I could do things differently or somehow things would work if I could help her with her trauma. I have no shortage of flaws and thinking I could help her heal when I have my own traumas to deal with was just plain stupid. I now realize I kept ending it because of the level of disrespect I was subjected to during our disagreements. Nothing was ever her fault and she refused to accept responsibility for many things. It was only on me to acknowledge my shortcomings. Anyways, I’m a better person because of our relationship. She showed me a lot of things in myself thst I was not proud of and have changed for the better so it wasn’t a waste. I still deeply love her but after watching your videos, I now have a better understanding of our dynamic and how to move forward. Thank you Lise. Your work is extremely helpful and heaven sent.
Sounds like we were in the same fish tank... My Ex Narc.. Would create Triangles and break off every other week for things as little as a bicycle tire... 7 years invested. Learned a lot, and had to learn not to run back but away from her... Her loss... Good luck to you
We can't be Captain Save A hOe. That's something I realized too. I was with someone who had BPD and thought I could help and get her healed, LMAO yeah right!
yeaa incredibly similar relation I passed through.. even me I thankful for this relationship cause by her pushing on my negative sides I unveiled part of me who were not good and now I am on the path to become the person I always wanted to be.. for sure she created a lot of mess and disorder and yea she stole me 6 thousands euro ( which is the only thing I do not accept totally ) but she even helped me to look inside of myself.. for sure it would have been better to heal with a person that would have loved me.. but I found her and this is what it is.. I do love her aswell and a part of me really hopes she will heal and she will become the person I know she is .. but me I did everything I could to heal her.. even too much I did .. Today is still hard and still I suffer on a human level but I just hope is for reaching the best in my life.. And I do feel love inside of myself and the feelinf of Collettive hug and spread good vibes for anyone is pure and really suffer but has a good soul
My narcissistic wife went to therapy. Her therapist asked her what is her expectation of me. Her exact amswer was "Perfection"! Anybody that hears that from their partner needs to RUN & RUN AS FAST AND FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS U CAN!!!!!
I just ended my relationship yesterday.. it has been very hard to make that decision. We've gone back and forth.. i already thought it was over multiple times but narcs are very good at what they do. Thats something I've learned. She could say horrible things to me one day and somehow im still over there the next. It is very confusing and i feel for anyone thats going through this right now
I came to your channel 13 months ago snd i was lost from her discarding me… i feel so much stronger and free … i still have a hair of cognitive dissonance but i feel I’ve entered into acceptance… she was sooo dam toxic … thank you for all you do . God Bless
That exactly describes what I went through. It was one of the most emotionally painful experiences, but I grew a lot because of it. After a bit over a year, I am now in 6th stage. Instead of all the negative emotions like disbelief, hate etc. I now feel pity for her. It is her loss.
i too feel bad for my ex .. i know she didn’t want to act that way ….. but she didn’t even try to become a better person …oh life …i wish her well but in the great words of Popeye the Salior …. “ That’s all i can stands… and i can’t stands no more” ! thank God it’s over 🙏🏼
@@heyoldman2003Glad you are hanging on! That is unfortunately the main issue of narcissistic people. They lack accountability and self-awareness. Without both, we can't grow as a person.
I walked from my relationship because it was so toxic. Her toxicity made me toxic and my behavior was disgusting. I saved us both by ending it. Can't believe Im the narcissist now. Bitten by the vampire, now I'm thirty for blood. Never saw that coming. I've become the one thing I feared...the monster itself ".
I realised that I was stuck in the researching stage not only to understand what hzppend. But I was saving the videos in a playlist hoping that I could show all this information to my bpd ex in the hope she would understand and take action to become a beter person.... Then I realised I was still in the trow of my own Codependency, still the urge to fix somthing I don't have any control or responsibility for... Its hard to take a step back and change your self.
Same, I have about 5,000 screenshots of memes from Facebook/Instagram and hundreds of videos saved. I just wanted to be able to get through to her how I feel, that my love is real, my hurt is real, to please use all of it to heal, and heal us. But 😢 I keep having to break my own heart by forcing the reality filter. ^ We all know… everything Lisa perfectly articulates. I’m on week five-ish of strict no contact. I’ve lost approximately 25% of my business so far-the business I’ve spent 15 years building. Apathy and heartbreak have debilitated me. I feel broken. The weight of everything has crushed me to the point where I’m both too hurt because of it, and it’s too heavy on top of me to move. I’ve had a few small breaths of fresh air talking to other women in passing, etc., and I can tell they’re interested in me. But… I don’t progress, or open up, or try. I let them all fade from the beginning moments. I just want the one who’s fucked me the best, in the good and bad way. 😢😢😢😣
5-1/2 yrs since I left her (she's BPD) but I still think about her most days and whenever our paths cross (small town) I start the whole wondering if she thinks about me process all over again and feel sad for a day or two. On those days I still harbour feelings that if I was to write her a card or get in touch we could fix things and goo into the sunset full of happiness but that's my potential world kicking in. The reality is she doesn't care if I'm alive or dead and I mean nothing to her. It's sad but true..
This completely describes what I went through. Thanks very much Lise. I was unable to eat or sleep properly for months, lost weight, had nightmares, and it affected my work to a great degree. Only just now feeling back to myself again.
It’s hard, but when they put you through enough nonsense, it starts to get easier because you value your peace more than that person being in your life because they bring on so much turmoil. It’s like you can’t do anything right anymore and they are always in a bad mood. Am I getting warm?
Me too...the nightmares suck. Waking up and having dark thoughts consume you. Then trying to go to work while your head is in a fog. Being at work, and something triggers you to cry and you have to push it down but tears start rolling. Yeah, it all sucks... Then wanting to call her dumb ass just to hear you're not strong enough to handle your emotions because you aren't a MAN. Yep...been there several times. Probably happen again cause I'm to dumb to remember what a the pain feels like once I'm healed. Go figure.
@clintonnagy1662 Stay strong, I found that any contact with her was filling my need, even if it was toxic conversation. It's so hard but you have to break away. She text me with the name apology for a nasty text she had sent me prior. I followed it up with a non-combative text that ended with me telling her do not ever contact me again. She went nuts and went on a long childish rant. A 47 year old woman acting like 14 year old little girl and ending her text with the comment " you're nothing but a big liar" I reread it once in a while and I laugh I'm laughing right now thinking about it, you'll get there
My layman's working hypothesis is that strenuous physical exercise releases a chemical our brains need to heal, the only thing that seems to work for me right now is working out until my body hurts as much as my heart does.
Same here! I'm suddenly in the best shape of my life and still driving hard to release the nasty feeling. I'm simultaneously working to get my head right, staying focused on purpose with big plans ahead. Stay the course!
Close. Actually your brain needs endocannabinoids to heal trauma, and the safest and most effective way to get them is by doing vigorous and enjoyable exercise. If it's not vigorous or not enjoyable, no endocannabinoids. If you're just exercising hard, you may be releasing other chemicals that make you feel good in the moment or help you forget for a while. There is also evidence that very gentle mindful exercise helps, as well as walking (neurologist Wale Oladipo recommends 30 mins walking every day whatever the weather, for C-PTSD)
@@human_creature I hadn't thought about the enjoyable part, as a creature of instinct I had naturally sought out enjoyable exercise so I can excuse myself for missing it.
@@wy498 One day at a time still, dealing with court stuff is making things fresh again, thanks for the good wishes, and I hope you can find your center again too.
I find myself going to the park to do a 2 mile lap…all the time, or when I’m by myself at the house. It’s the only thing that helps and provides a distraction.
Exactly. My even X even told me she was going to a dark place just before she shape shifted and became someone I did not recognize. It was the first day of our Mexican vacation. After 2 excruciatingly painful days of she flew home and has not talked to me since. I am grateful it’s over.
@mukesh.dhimar the way I think about it is for 3 months or 6 or even a year my ex seemed obsessed with me, like a toddler with a new toy. But it was too full on, almost controlling, calling me at work etc But I doubt it was love, then that obsession just gets switched off. Like they're bored. Affection is withdrawn and you start to wonder what the bells going on. She still occupies a place in my mind and I wish she didn't.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns yeah I'm with you. It's horrible. I used to think that nobody has ever loved me like this before and I've never felt this way but none of it was real. I have to accept that. We all do. I'm going to write my own comment on here but it's going to be long so I'm going to do it later.
This is exactly what happened to me. I’m finally approaching being OK with what happened. I’ve decided to take the good and leave the bad. It wasn’t all my fault. Hopefully I won’t let this happen again.
I've recently been dealing with a breakup with a covert narcissist. Lise, your videos have been helping me so much. I'm in therapy now thanks to your encouragement, and I'm healing. Thank you so much 🙏
Meeee tooo. Its helping me a lot. I had some informations about NPD while we were togheter, and had my instincts, that this relationship wasnt normal. Its helping me a lot to understand what happened, and cutting a weight over my shoulders. Thank you!
You perfectly described what I'm going through. Dated this narc woman for 7 months and it was the best happiest 7 months I've had with someone, I genuinely thought for a second that I found 'the one'. In the last month she drastically pulled back and became less affectionate, less excited to see me, and even disrespected me. I called her out on her bad behavior and her response was blame it on me, that it was my fault, and she ghosted/blocked me everywhere. She never even told me we were done or breaking up, she just straight ghosted me. What's even more cold is she immediately hopped on dating apps and put she's "looking for a serious relationship". I've dealt with bad breakups and toxic people before, but this one stung. Someone who I thought was a perfect match for me ended up being so cruel.
I’ve just gone through the exact same stages, which isn’t a first. Looking back, i’ve realised i’ve only ever gotten involved with Narcissists, which means i’ve got a lot of internal work to do.
@@morriahmcdonald4040 Because I attracted them into my life by not enforcing healthy boundaries. It’s especially hard when they’re someone who physically tick all of your boxes. I did everything to show her respect, love and care and she threw it all in my face and flushed it down the toilet.
Spot on, i cept dwelling on what had happened for almost two years, all an all it took me four years to understand and leave, learn. Today i know and it will never happen again.
Im happy Ive found these videos. It helps with healing, but Im more concerned about my toxic behavior now. Im NOT the same person. I have poor behaviors. Defensiveness, sarcasm, paranoia, overthinking, calculating and codependency. I was a calm, chill guy when i met her. I cant even sit alone in silence cause Im so use to chaos that the silence feels uncomfortable. I want my old self back because I feel lost.
I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship with an un-diagnosed narc (or BPD) girlfriend. It's as if she was intentionally hurtful to me towards the end of the relationship. It ruined my self esteem and self image. However, I kept the faith and was empathetic, putting in effort trying to fix something that was met with her resistance. I realized i started chasing her affection and love which wasn't reciprocated and she broke up with me out of irritation. I remember telling her sometimes it was like i was dating Jekyll & Hyde (this was before i knew what narcissism was). Boy oh boy do I feel like a PHD in BPD and NPD now. I still love her and think about her every day. But its been a little over 2 months of no contact and I just now can take a breath and move on with my own life. I went through about 16 hours of therapy and in the end, my therapist says I have adjustment disorder with depressed mood, and possibly even sub-clinical PTSD. Thanks for your content and best of luck to all who are going through this because it is torment.
Jekyll and Hyde is what I used to say to mine also, its harder when you have children with NPD, I'm stuck in stage 6, she played the its all "my fault" card today ," I cant form normal relationships with anyone, I'm better off alone", playing on my sympathy, the 2nd day after we slept she opened her childhood trauma to me, you never know your being played ,2 kids and 7 years it got to a point of low violence but just enough to get me to react, she doesn't take any responsibility and will not seek help, even though I have. the latest thing is not being able to see me at handovers, tells everyone around I'm a monster and give her grief, blocks me continuously to get me to react on social media or phone, when I'm not even talking to her as have distanced myself from her for 18months. friends and family do not understand , they may listen but they only see it that you dismissed them during the early stages of the relationship. every night I would get abuse, either being put down made to do things , made to feel crap i wasn't getting her pregnant even though I didn't want anymore. i helped with school runs cooked and did chores whilst holding stay at home desk job , she would make me sleep deprived and sometimes not allow to sleep in her bed (unless wanted sex) so sofa or floor was only option. its a Rolle roaster of emotions and you just put up with it without leaving , I did love her and didn't want to leave the kids, the final straw that broke me is when i had enough i started standing up for my self she hated it, i started being slightly aggressive back and abusive back and in turn she threw me out a couple of times because when a man does it he has to leave , not the same in the eyes of everyone if a woman does it for years. wasnt as bad as this guy on the below link www.channel5.com/show/my-wife-my-abuser-the-secret-footage if you still going through any early stages guys listen to Eminem's song 25-to -life it depicts exactly what we survivors go through 1st verse "I don't think she understands the sacrifices that I've made Maybe if this bitch had acted right, I would've stayed But I've already wasted over half my life, I would've laid Down and died for you, I no longer cry for you, no more pain Bitch, you took me for granted Took my heart and ran it straight into the planet Into the dirt, I can no longer stand it Now my respect, I demand it I'ma take control of this relationship, command it And I'ma be the boss of you now, goddamn it And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me So you better hear me out, this much you owe me I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you, I have stayed Faithful all the way, this is how I fuckin' get repaid? Look at how I dress, fuckin' baggy sweats, go to work a mess Always in a rush to get back to you, I ain't heard you yet Not even once say you appreciate me, I deserve respect I've done my best to give you nothin' less than perfectness And I know that if I end this, I'll no longer have nothin' left But you keep treatin' me like a staircase, it's time to fuckin' step And I won't be comin' back, so don't hold your fuckin' breath You know what you've done, no need to go in-depth I told you you'd be sorry if I fuckin' left, I'd laugh while you wept How's it feel now? Yeah, funny, ain't it? You neglected me Did me a favor though, my spirit free, you've set But a special place for you in my heart, I have kept 2nd verse I feel like when I bend over backwards for you (too late) All you do is laugh 'cause that ain't good enough You expect me to fold myself in half 'til I snap Don't think I'm loyal, all I do is rap How can I moonlight on the side? I have no life outside of that Don't I give you enough of my time? You don't think so, do you? Jealous when I spend time with the girls, why I'm married to you still? Man, I don't know, but tonight I'm serving you with papers I'm divorcing you, go marry someone else and make 'em famous And take away their freedom like you did to me Treat 'em like you don't need 'em and they ain't worthy of you Feed 'em the same shit that you made me eat, I'm moving on, forget you Oh, now I'm special? I ain't feel special when I was with you All I ever felt was this helplessness Imprisoned by a selfish bitch, chew me up and spit me out I fell for this so many times, it's ridiculous And still I stick with this, I'm sick of this But in my sickness and addiction, you're addictive as they get Evil as they come, vindictive as they make 'em My friends keep askin' me why I can't just walk away from I'm addicted to the pain, the stress, the drama, I'm drawn to Shit, I guess I'm a mess, cursed and blessed, but this time I Ain't changin' my mind, I'm climbin' out this abyss You're screamin' as I walk out that I'll be missed But when you spoke of people who meant the most to you You left me off your list keep healing and learning that is all I can do , I still fall into traps and argue back because sometimes you still are blind and you are nice human being this is why they choose you :(
Thanks Lise. Worth noting people can experience the stages in varing orders, and the stages can repeat . For example for myself, I learnt/realised her narcissistic triats, then decided to seperate ways. Experienced relief. After that I went through early stages. And the stages would come and go in different oder at varying intensities. After seperation, life is different for each individual, you might experience events/incidents that trigger you back to a certain stage. As you are cycling through these stages, with time, being self aware, managing triggers, you start to revolve slower, and slower to a gradual clam stop - to your inner home - to yourself.
Thanks for saying this - I was in a 10yr relationship with someone I believe is a covert narc. I tried to save the relationship for 5yrs, dreading having to face a breakup with him. Couldn't conceive of my life without him in it. He poked me many times into reactive abuse (my responses are big so he has been able to convince me I was an abusive monster). In late 2019, I just couldn't take it how exhausted he made me and how often we were fighting and crying. But then we got quarantined together in 2020 for 4 months and reattached. When things opened up, I packed up my car, left a note, and moved out temporarily. Thus began all the stages...4 years later I am STILL feeling all of these stages and in different orders. I've felt them all. I think I'm healed but then he reaches out to say hey, reminds me that I "am the abusive one", and I have to start all over again. I thought I was on the acceptance stage before that call on my birthday...now 3 weeks later I am on my knees bawling over him and the hole he left, the disappointment that I couldn't improve him or us no matter how I tried...even tho my life is SOOO much healthier and happier without him being so negative everyday!! It hasn't made sense to me why I am still struggling to get over him 4yrs later!! Until your comment and this video. Every single point and example felt like you had been in my head tonight as I grieved and cried yet again over the 4yr old breakup. I really feel less nuts knowing that I've actually been very deeply affected by him even if he wasn't aware of his actions. I'm not crazy for feeling all these stuck and empty feelings and constantly hearing his criticisms in my head hour after hour for all these years. Thx for publishing this...and for reading. You've helped me.
@TiaBria-StellaNPig It must have been very difficult for you. I highly recommend "12 Smart Things to do when the booze and drugs are gone" by Allen Berger.
Its year 9 for me, but i was married for 30 before i left. I finally see a glimpse of the person I was before him, MUCH smarter now. Much much smarter.
I entered into the relationship self confident, secure and doing well for myself. Only to be completely drained, broken and questioning my self worth. The cycles of love bombing and devaluation were killer! So often the question in my mind, was "do you really even want me here?" She was emotionally unavailable, fragile and had impossible standards. Her expectations were sometimes unrealistic and she gave no grace in her interactions with anyone. Claiming she didn't have patience for those that should have common sense.
And likewise as you did the same thing, the pattern you went through was exactly the same. Cold, unavailable, obtuse, unloving & draining.. that’s the pattern!
I went through something similar with my ex. It felt like she was intentionally trying to hurt or punish me with her words. I think I may have unintentionally triggered some of her unresolved insecurities. She splitted, then decided to punish me for it. I think she either had BPD or some narcissism. Lise, if you end up reading this, I wanted to say thank you for your videos. I've been ruminating over my past relationship for over 5 years now, and I finally feel like I can move on from it. Your videos are not only the missing puzzle piece that I've been looking for this whole time, but also the missing piece of mainstream therapy. More therapists need to consider the topics that you discuss for men, it is very healing.
14:10 Lol. After 10 years together she had been out of my life for a year, moved across the country, I'd developed a close relationship with someone else and swore i would never allow her back in my life.. She started contacting me again and eventually wore me down. I let her back into my life for two more years and barely lived to tell the story. It's only been a few months of no contact and I'm terrified she'll come back, and paralyzed to do anything.
Just stumbled across this channel. Been learning what a covert narcissist is, I'd never heard the term. My marriage of 5 years just abruptly ended. Watching these videos made me think Lise had a camera feed on the marriage the entire time. Everything she is saying is exactly what happened to me. Really helped snap me back to reality and understand what just happened. It was all lies from the beginning. I'm not crazy. And now I can move on and stop doubting myself. Thank you for saving my sanity and self esteem.
It took me decades of denial and disbelief that someone you married could actually behave this way. A few years ago I stumbled upon the definition of a covert narcissist. That led me to videos and more reading and the term radical acceptance. After trying to talk with her through some of my questions, she refused readily to “rehash” everything of her decade long affair. We never even “hashed” it once. I gave up and admitted the marriage was indeed over. I’ll never truly get away from her due to age, retirement, finances and insurance BUT outside of the house I have nothing to do with her. Different churches, no lunches, no movies and the like. I doubt my brain will ever fully adjust back to my normal me but this life will have to do for now.
Been stuck in the Sixth Stage for some time now, but I am still not separated from my narcissistic partner. Instead we lead more distant lives. Moving on and starting over after two decades of investment and struggle is beyond difficult! I am in no way attached to the chaos and drama of the toxic relationship however. In fact when I come in contact with it now I pull further and further away… I believe the inevitable to be on the horizon, but pulling that pin seems impossible still. Thank you for all the advice and help Lise Leblanc! Without informative videos and tutorials like this coming to the realization of the insurmountable obstacle that has been dragging me down for decades (covert narcissism) would have taken far longer if I was ever able to truly figure it out. It still doesn’t and will never make logical sense to me, but I accept that now (a very difficult task for a “type A” personality).
I've known that a female narcissist has been playing games with her husband for over forty years. I can't tell you how much damage she did to me before they met. Horrible!
Stunning. A trajectory very similar to mine. During a particularly difficult breakup some years ago, I saw a therapist who said my ex's pattern of behavior suggested that she was a narcissist. My own Research Stage helped put more context around the experience. I realize now how extremely fortunate I was to be dumped sooner rather than later. Healing Stage now well in progress, with rare and very selective forays into additional Research, courtesy of your excellent videos. Thanks, very much.
Perfect!! Thank goodness I am in a flux between stage 6 & 7 as of now, and healing steadily. At 65, living apart since last 3 years, exploring growing peace n agency, after 24 years of escalating emotional abuse and toxic controlling behaviour that I had to keep exhaustingly fighting against. Breakdown of a 38 yr old marriage that seemed great in spite of hiccups in the first few years.
Im so grateful I started working in my healing journey from childhood ptsd. I had a narc family system and I was the scapegoat. After getting sober from alcohol which was how I annesthesized my self ,I knew I had to work on core issues. Im grateful I found a safe person to hear me out , believe me and empathize with me as a survivor, and start modeling the tools of self compassion and healthy boundaries to me. I gradually started applying them and my inner child and true self , came out when I started having integrity to him and speaking up for him and following through with my boundaries. I felt very empowered , and worked on very hard on having boundaries and advocating for my needs. Now I can find available relationships as a result of being gentle on myself and having boundaries and advocating for my needs. I also can discern abuse ,and I speak up and detach. IM grateful that healthy self compassion and boundaries allow me to keep healing at the deepest level safely and with agency, autonomy and empowerment .IM worth it . and can take my space and shine my true self with gentleness humor love and respect as well. Were worth it :) cheers.
I went a quite a while without watching narcissist videos, but i just went through a couple months of boot camp with my ex using children as weapons of warfare and control. Hoovers, and anger/rage for shutting down anorher hoover successfully. I started listening again as the hoover threw me for a mind game from hell. Was able to set firm boundaries again and felt healing amongst the ptsd trigger.
I just can't thank you enough. You just described the stages as I'm going through. I believe now I came to final stage is healing. Now my only focus is to make myself better a bit by bit each and every day.
I've been out it for roughly 10 months now (was in it for 4 years). I am somewhere between the anger and healing stages. It's incredibly frustrating to STILL think about the things she said and did and how much it pisses me off, especially when I'm sure she barely has a thought about me. The anger and hatred runs pretty deep, both for her and for myself for putting up with any of the bullshit. I'm trying to be more forgiving, especially for myself, just so I can move on and not think about all this anymore. Thank you for helping us through this, Lise.
It has been said that growth happens at the boundary between order and chaos, but when you're deep in a harmful relationship, you are so immersed in chaos that you forget what order feels like.
This video arrived at a great time in my healing journey!!!! When I watched the stage 5......it made so much sense, I was right there!!!! It is been almost 3 months no contact, I went through Christmas and New Year alone with my daughter and it was therapy! Now I feel I can move on and be a better person to my next partner and recognize my growth. At the end, I am in a better place after that nasty relationship. Pain is the greatest teacher.......... I can see that now!!!!!
Lisa i fell for another narcicist ... At first i tried to rationalize and blame myself saying no it cant be happening again, even though i knew the terms the tactics (lovebombing breadcrumbs gaslighting), i still was fighting with myself trying to say that its just me projecting into my new relationship what happened in my last one .. 6 month later i get discarded and it was all true, now i feel so bad for not listening to my gut feeling.. for rationalizing her excuses of why she was treating me like that. I even talked to her about narcicism and the signs ... And well here i am again .. never again will i go out with someone who weaponizes my empathy against me ... Both of my narcs lovebombed me when "their life was going horribly" and made me feel like i was the one ... I guess that speaks more about me than them .. but still next time no more savior
I fell in love with LD at work, during that time with my help she got promoted to GM. I am in sales. We had a wonderful time for 1.2 yrs, I got prostate cancer, and she was the best, kept saying no worry, we will work everything out after surgery. 45 days after surgery, when I needed her the most, she started to ghost me, would not discuss at work. Pleaded with her to talk, she lied and lied for 3 months then broke up by email. No closure whatsoever. Drove me to taking med leave at work for 30 days/ to see physiatrist & therapy for the last 6 months. Now I got suspended with pay and meeting a lawyer for the investigation tomorrow. If I wouldn't have of come across your videos, I would have nothing to say. Thank you for telling me the truth about covert narcissists. Much love, Dan B
Spot on. I wish I’d had this video 5 years ago when I went through this. I was on my own. My wish for those going though this, is to take this info to heart. Even after all these years, there are sill lingering thoughts of her. Lise, I appreciate your videos more than you could know. You are doing important work. Thank you!!!
why do I find all this help now on dealing with and identifying narcissistic people it was one of the worst break up experiences I've ever had. I didn't know what was anxiety or depression felt like until I met her but I am grateful to go through it because I learnt a lot
Difficult truth that few will have the courage to admit: I KNEW she was evil. I always KNEW. Consciously or unconsciously, I KNEW. I didn’t know that it was called “narcissism” at the time, but I KNEW. Evil is carnally ATTRACTIVE. I was carnally attracted to the evil. I gave into the temptation of Satan. “Carnal love” vs “spiritual love”. That is the choice. If we choose “carnal love”, we will receive “the punishment of God” as our KARMA. Always choose “spiritual love”.
I don't think God punishes those who are contrite. He's forgiving and kind. The devil will torment us especially if we slept with them. I didn't have sex with my narc but he wanted it. I turned my life to Christ.
I was called vanilla , pure and mocked I didn’t like the sadistic stuff I only wept when we made love saying I love you so much are you comfortable honey well basically that ended it
Lord have mercy!! This video is spot on with what I’m going through. Stage by stage and I can see everything you’re saying as if I was right back in it.
One of the most eye opening things I've seen on this journey came from my apple watch. MY resting heart rate has gone down 20 bpm since I've left. Peaking right before I left. I couldn't stand it another second. Therapy has been helpful but I'm bouncing around in the acceptance/replaying stages. But the more I've learned, especially this list just shows how predictable these people are. And holding onto anger like it will matter to them is like expecting a tree to respect your anger. It's just pointless.
Thank you so much. Its been almost 5 months and I believe I am ready to let it go and get on with my life. I have watched countless videos of yours, new and old, and I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have for the detailed, concise, and thorough information you put out in your videos. The amount of things I have come across in your videos that detail exactly what was happening in my relationship, and the motivation behind them has been extremely enlightening. I am the type who NEEDS to understand something in some way before I am able to let it go. Thank you.
You’re very welcome, I’m happy to hear my content was valuable to you and I wish you all the best as you move forward into the next chapter of your life.
Whats helping me is time alone in my yard or having family over for cookouts. My prayer time is a serene part if the day. He left me when my dad had a stroke because he was mad i would be at the hospital everyday since my dad was paralyzed. Narc would not go with me and just sat at home watching tv and stewing in anger.
This video feels like it's just made for me. Thank you. I have been in all the situations, picture memories, trips, laughs, sex- a lot of it, and as exactly what Lise said, my ex was in the information gathering section and it did affect me psychologically and chemically and I was super addicted. I used to smoke before, and quit about couple of decades ago permanently. I don't miss cigarettes and cigarettes don't miss me. And I have no intention of smoking again. I have gained so much knowledge from Lise's videos. If anyone is struggling with this, I would also recommend watching these 2 videos as well. 1. How to fix a broken heart Guy Winch (ted talk) 2. The psychology of seduction - Raj Persaud. Thanks again for all Lise's help.
This youtuber is straight to the point. And also you can feel her concern. With all that knowledge... What a great combinaison! I'm in an 11 years relation with a covert. Asked her to marry me last year. Said YES! With all the fakeness a covert can put on a show. I've discovered the narcissist 1 month earlier. Crazy! Everything just click!! Now I've accepted (or remembered) that all of this wasn't about love. My codependency (growing with a narcissitic and oppressive mother) and the unability of my futur ex- to show affection, kindness, accountability and awareness (she really can't read the room!). Liz, you rock so damn much! Thank you for everything. May all your deepest needs be fulfilled! From Paris !! 😇🙌🏾🙌🏾🇨🇵
That is just crazy ! I left our home for a flat situated miles away. Now, she looks fragile, polite and less picky. But everytime I've accepted to spend a night with her, as soon as we arrived near our house, tensions started again. Creating a mess to avoid intimacy but still using me as a pillow... Everytime I regret my decision but everytime after few days I trapped myself in this situation
Having gone through a detox in the past, this rings true. I just stumbled in and appreciate your clear, straight-to-the-point and no-nonsense delivery. Still diving into the older videos, but already can see they're very helpful. Subscribed with thanks, look forward to future ones, and good luck with your channel.
This is one of the most simple and concise videos describing the exact phases. And yes, it is scary still because I find myself holding on to these educational items as if they would help me paint the picture for others around me who just don’t understand because they haven’t lived it. And even if you have come out of the fog and want nothing to do with your ex, if you’re unlucky enough to have known them through an organization, then it is nearly impossible to get them, or people connected to them out of your life completely. Which amounts to constant frustration as you notice how much those people don’t see it and don’t get it- all while your narc ex uses them as a way to follow you around.
I have studied it for 10 years but I have to take long breaks from it because it does become overwhelming but when you gain the Knowledge you will begin to heal and once you see it you can’t unsee it .
Madame Leblanc, vous avez une façon exceptionnelle de comprendre et d'expliquer les conséquences du trauma lié a une relation avec un narcissique! Grâce à vous, j'ai enfin pu comprendre ce que je vivais puisque votre description du covert narssisist correspondait très bien à ce que je vivais. Récemment, après plusieurs breakups de la pars de la narcissique et d'une tentative de thérapie de couple (j'ai dû insister fortement pour qu'elle accepte la thérapie), j'ai décidé de mettre fin à la relation. Je me sens enfin soulagé et j'ai espoir de bientôt être en mesure de me retrouver. Ce vidéo arrive à point pour moi. Il correspond EXACTEMENT aux étapes à travers desquelles j'ai dû passer. À un point tel qu'on dirait que vous me connaissez! J'en suis maintenant entre l'étape 4 et 6, bien que je ne ressente pas de colère contre mon ex, je comprends ce qu'elle vie et je suis attristé de savoir qu'elle ne s'en sortira probablement jamais. Merci madame Leblanc, vos vidéos sont très instructifs, respectueux et honnêtes. Ils m'ont été d'une grande aide. Merci!
I appreciated her comments about the research phase. I feel like that’s where I am now. I’ve gotten to the point of almost obsessing over gathering info and trying to make some kind of sense of their odd behavior. But dwelling on the negative traits of a narcissist just keeps you mentally and emotionally attached to that person, making it harder to move on. I realize now that I have learned enough. Now it’s time to move on and focus on maintaining the healthy relationships I have in my life.
2 years later and this ix exactly how it goes. I am finishing the research phase and starting to accept. The worst part is the time lost. 20 years gone and so much lost. That is what is the hardest thing to wrestle with.
Thank you for being straight forward, as a man in narcissistic relationship your advice along with the unwavering support from my counsel is helping me realise the state I am in.
Thank you for all your valuable information, I can relate each word in all your videos I have watched up till now. I had never encountered any narcissist until 2022 but unfortunately now I'm very much experienced with the mental trauma they can give.
So True....all I've been thinking for the last 2months everyday,never experienced something like this ,wow had no idea on this condition,explains all my confusion for behaviours over the 26 years of marriage
I drove away one day, after 30 years of marriage. I drove almost 2000 miles away. Its been 10 years, but I'm not as stuck as I was. I had hope, i still do.
For me it was different. She cut me off cold, with a 10 second phone call. After 6 years of getting along fine. For me, I knew instantly that anyone who could end a relationship like that is a severly damaged person. The worst part was coming to realize that every good time, every memory, every moment we spent together WAS FAKE. There was never any chance of making it with someone like that. And I was now just one more ex to trash to the new victim. Good ridence, I say.
Stage 5 really stuck out to me... It does feel relieving seeing it wasn't all my fault, but I wasn't aware this relieve from research could be a problem in itself. Thanks for your video's, they have really helped me in a difficult time :)
Thank you. I believe this to be your best and most relative video yet.. going through this EXACTLY as explained...the videos help so much. Thank you Thank you Thank you 🫡
After I got discarded like a used kleenex I was in a very low place, then I found Lise's videos and quickly realized it wasn't me. It was a learning experience that is for certain.
This is the second female Narc that has disgarded me, One 5 years...One 3 years..People tell you to move on..But your trauma bonded badly...Cognitive Dissodence makes you beat yourself up and blame yourself..Such a good video..Problem is my therapist hasn't got a clue about Covert NPD
I'm going through exactly this. I ended my two-year relationship with a narcissist and I was the one who ended the relationship because I couldn't take it anymore. games and more games of good and evil, constant attacks and lack of respect dealing with a 39 year old child. every day I had to know what to say and what not to say, I felt constantly manipulated and we were only together when she wanted it. I served to satisfy her, I picked her up from work, I did all her wishes, I gave her affection and love, but it wasn't me she sometimes wanted to be with. I felt that I loved her much more than she loved me. The ironic part is that I was and still am addicted to this type of relationship with her, it really messed with my dopamine and everything that comes next doesn't have the same impact on me. I'm between phases 1 2 3 4, still revisiting memories between anger and longing, but I know I made the right decision. I know that, it was hell
What I’ve learned after my ex told me “ I will ruin your life. And when you see how I do it and with whom it will devastate you” I love my children and I miss my children. I lost all the enjoyment of the things I once loved and I no longer care to meet woman . I’m a musician and I am fairly confident and intelligent and many woman know who I am and give me smiles and inviting compliments. But I choose to not play music or go to social events or date anyone any longer. I have needs and desire but I learned to desire to love and be loved is a weakness. Done .
4 books to help, no1 The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition: How to recognize it and how to respond. no2 Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You. no3 Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-Selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults. no4 What to Say When You Talk to Yourself Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D.
Haha it feels like you've been watching my life for the last several months. Spooky. But feels good that I'm not alone, or totally insane. Funny thing is it was one of your videos that taught me about covert narcissism about a year ago and I thought wow this is my relationship. It ended about a month later. I called out her crap behaviour until I no longer became narcissistic supply and was discarded in soulless, brutal fashion. Your content is helpful on a level I can't convey. Thank you.
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If you are suffering a narc relationship. Don’t feel for them, they will not feel for you! Now RUN 🏃♂️
Run, but do it quiety. Don't expose them on your way out. Keep your explanation vague, or leave a note on the table that won't enrage them.
@@behindenemylinesphilly Toxic relationship. She will burn you out and discard you when you are no longer good supply. Do yourself a favour and get away from her before she destroys you and your reputation. They generally go after your supports and family so you have nobody. Get out, get ouy, get out. Heal yourself. Learn to love yourself and be by yourself. Your self worth needs to be higher than a toxic co-dependency and sex. It's all superficial with her and you know it.
@@behindenemylinesphilly❤
So there is no answer or healing. It's useless. Hopeless. Only some heal after years and years and we are permanently damaged. This is very disappointing. It means there is no reason to go on living.
@AS-gf5jn because they may seek revenge and you don't want their kind of revenge.
I had NO idea my ex was a narc because he's so shy & quiet. I never doubted myself but I was shocked. I'm SO glad I didn't marry him. I dodged a bullet.
Covert narc. He was secretive about it, and in some cases may not have realized he was doing it. I pray you have both progressed in your lives since then!
Good for you, I married mine.
@nakiafreda494 i had a baby with mines. When she not with me she with the grandma why mama paint the town red
They will play tricks and mind game with you
once u did something "Wrong"
They will "Bookmark" it up or "Deduct ur points" in their mind of a "Perfect Partner"
Once the time has come
They will bring those "Bookmarks" and "Deducted Points" on to the table to blame shift you, destroy your confidence and make you feel like you are trash
I been in this situation 3 weeks ago
Not even a "Fair Fight" as she ask me to forgive her past sins
but she keep gaslighting me to find points to attack me and try to get what she want
This break up sounds like HELL on earth .
It is. You’re left empty and no longer able to recognise yourself.
yeah, it's purest ENJOY. We must to return to ourselves and recreate us.
It is
It really is hell.
Not a normal break up at all!!
This is exactly what happened to me. I couldn't take it anymore. After the breakup, I overcame it by keeping my mind occupied and striving to become the best version of myself. I'm currently working three jobs, studying another engineering degree, and pursuing a master's degree simultaneously, in addition to spending a lot of time at the gym. It was challenging, but it worked. Thanks, Lise.
That really is inspiring
Keeping yourself busy is not healing. It is putting a bandage over the wounds. Seek counselling. You may find you avoid relationships to safeguard against hurt. It's great you educate yourself on narcissists, but they do come in a covert form and do wear many different masks. No one personality is the same. It depends on what shaped them.
@@Shaker4x4 I already did that, and it was the final step to forget. With this, I finally overcame it after a year. Thanks 8)
@@Shaker4x4that’s what I was thinking- I guess distractions work temporarily… but not long term- complex ptsd can be caused by being exposed to cluster B’s.😞
@@SBecktacular Once we learn about toxic behaviour and find ourselves again, carrying C-PTSD should be behind us. We are healed when we are aware of them and ourselves and are able to deflect such personalities in the future. While it's a steep learning curve, such education helps protect our own boundaries. PTSD is perpetuating a victim mentality. Moving on from that and being the creator of our own destiny rather than being a victim is really important. Some dwell in PTSD from narc abuse as a reason to remain in that space which is unhealthy. What hurts narcs the most is our resiliency, success and happiness. We should try to achieve that for ourselves though, not to get at them.
This has to be the hardest thing I've ever gone thru. I've lost in love before but I feel in love with my narcissistic wife of 10 yrs and I had a crush on her in high school. So I was so thrilled that all these years later to find out she too was attracted to me..but that I'm learning along with everything else was and is a lie. The feeling of lost is bad enough but to realize that someone can treat a human being like a piece of crumble paper and throw it out the window has broken my heart into pieces and I'm a man...I'm not supposed to carry my feelings on my sleeve right! But you feel as though you lost the love of your life...even worse...you never had the love you gave😪
So true. Same hell
Absolutely true
Although men are expected to be stoic...we still have feelings.
Honour those feelings...even when no one else will. 👌
Similar thing happened to me, I'm slowly loosing my 5 children as well.
2 years still detoxing
Same
3+ years...sorta still there too, in a weird way.
2.5 years here.
@@brianlane9534 Takes time to recover from the most powerful personal damage you can receive.
It's been a year for me. Such a struggle. ❤
Recently broke up with my ex after the 20th time over(maybe more but who’s counting) 5 years... I kept thinking I could do things differently or somehow things would work if I could help her with her trauma. I have no shortage of flaws and thinking I could help her heal when I have my own traumas to deal with was just plain stupid. I now realize I kept ending it because of the level of disrespect I was subjected to during our disagreements. Nothing was ever her fault and she refused to accept responsibility for many things. It was only on me to acknowledge my shortcomings. Anyways, I’m a better person because of our relationship. She showed me a lot of things in myself thst I was not proud of and have changed for the better so it wasn’t a waste. I still deeply love her but after watching your videos, I now have a better understanding of our dynamic and how to move forward. Thank you Lise. Your work is extremely helpful and heaven sent.
Wow! You just described exactly what I went through. I am in 3 months nc and getting better. I hope you are too.
Sounds like we were in the same fish tank... My Ex Narc.. Would create Triangles and break off every other week for things as little as a bicycle tire... 7 years invested. Learned a lot, and had to learn not to run back but away from her... Her loss... Good luck to you
We can't be Captain Save A hOe. That's something I realized too. I was with someone who had BPD and thought I could help and get her healed, LMAO yeah right!
Trauma bond
yeaa incredibly similar relation I passed through.. even me I thankful for this relationship cause by her pushing on my negative sides I unveiled part of me who were not good and now I am on the path to become the person I always wanted to be.. for sure she created a lot of mess and disorder and yea she stole me 6 thousands euro ( which is the only thing I do not accept totally ) but she even helped me to look inside of myself.. for sure it would have been better to heal with a person that would have loved me.. but I found her and this is what it is.. I do love her aswell and a part of me really hopes she will heal and she will become the person I know she is .. but me I did everything I could to heal her.. even too much I did .. Today is still hard and still I suffer on a human level but I just hope is for reaching the best in my life.. And I do feel love inside of myself and the feelinf of Collettive hug and spread good vibes for anyone is pure and really suffer but has a good soul
It’s scary how accurate this is.
My narcissistic wife went to therapy. Her therapist asked her what is her expectation of me. Her exact amswer was "Perfection"! Anybody that hears that from their partner needs to RUN & RUN AS FAST AND FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS U CAN!!!!!
You can never please them and just become exhausted
I see a Narc video by Lise...I click :) Really saved me 2 years ago, things arent too bad now
I’m so happy to hear that things have gotten better for you!
I just ended my relationship yesterday.. it has been very hard to make that decision. We've gone back and forth.. i already thought it was over multiple times but narcs are very good at what they do. Thats something I've learned. She could say horrible things to me one day and somehow im still over there the next. It is very confusing and i feel for anyone thats going through this right now
Better to be alone. I certainly am not feeling encouraged to find someone. All relationships go through these stages. Too much drama for me.
I came to your channel 13 months ago snd i was lost from her discarding me… i feel so much stronger and free … i still have a hair of cognitive dissonance but i feel I’ve entered into acceptance… she was sooo dam toxic … thank you for all you do . God Bless
That exactly describes what I went through. It was one of the most emotionally painful experiences, but I grew a lot because of it.
After a bit over a year, I am now in 6th stage. Instead of all the negative emotions like disbelief, hate etc. I now feel pity for her. It is her loss.
i too feel bad for my ex .. i know she didn’t want to act that way ….. but she didn’t even try to become a better person …oh life …i wish her well but in the great words of Popeye the Salior …. “ That’s all i can stands… and i can’t stands no more” ! thank God it’s over 🙏🏼
@@heyoldman2003Glad you are hanging on! That is unfortunately the main issue of narcissistic people. They lack accountability and self-awareness. Without both, we can't grow as a person.
They look at all guys the same so there is no loss to them
I walked from my relationship because it was so toxic. Her toxicity made me toxic and my behavior was disgusting. I saved us both by ending it. Can't believe Im the narcissist now. Bitten by the vampire, now I'm thirty for blood. Never saw that coming. I've become the one thing I feared...the monster itself ".
@@clintonnagy1662 at least you know and can try and get better…. right ?
I realised that I was stuck in the researching stage not only to understand what hzppend. But I was saving the videos in a playlist hoping that I could show all this information to my bpd ex in the hope she would understand and take action to become a beter person.... Then I realised I was still in the trow of my own Codependency, still the urge to fix somthing I don't have any control or responsibility for... Its hard to take a step back and change your self.
So true... Thank you for that transparency! It truly helps!
Same, I have about 5,000 screenshots of memes from Facebook/Instagram and hundreds of videos saved.
I just wanted to be able to get through to her how I feel, that my love is real, my hurt is real, to please use all of it to heal, and heal us.
But 😢 I keep having to break my own heart by forcing the reality filter.
^ We all know… everything Lisa perfectly articulates.
I’m on week five-ish of strict no contact.
I’ve lost approximately 25% of my business so far-the business I’ve spent 15 years building. Apathy and heartbreak have debilitated me. I feel broken. The weight of everything has crushed me to the point where I’m both too hurt because of it, and it’s too heavy on top of me to move.
I’ve had a few small breaths of fresh air talking to other women in passing, etc., and I can tell they’re interested in me. But… I don’t progress, or open up, or try. I let them all fade from the beginning moments.
I just want the one who’s fucked me the best, in the good and bad way. 😢😢😢😣
This is so true and sad..same for me here. All the good hearted people are here for the same reason of suffering. I pray God to help us all...
This is so accurate it's actually terrifying. I got goosebumps.
5-1/2 yrs since I left her (she's BPD) but I still think about her most days and whenever our paths cross (small town) I start the whole wondering if she thinks about me process all over again and feel sad for a day or two. On those days I still harbour feelings that if I was to write her a card or get in touch we could fix things and goo into the sunset full of happiness but that's my potential world kicking in. The reality is she doesn't care if I'm alive or dead and I mean nothing to her. It's sad but true..
This completely describes what I went through. Thanks very much Lise. I was unable to eat or sleep properly for months, lost weight, had nightmares, and it affected my work to a great degree. Only just now feeling back to myself again.
Same here, just starting the healing though
It’s hard, but when they put you through enough nonsense, it starts to get easier because you value your peace more than that person being in your life because they bring on so much turmoil. It’s like you can’t do anything right anymore and they are always in a bad mood. Am I getting warm?
An exact description of what I went/am going through.
Me too...the nightmares suck. Waking up and having dark thoughts consume you. Then trying to go to work while your head is in a fog. Being at work, and something triggers you to cry and you have to push it down but tears start rolling. Yeah, it all sucks...
Then wanting to call her dumb ass just to hear you're not strong enough to handle your emotions because you aren't a MAN.
Yep...been there several times. Probably happen again cause I'm to dumb to remember what a the pain feels like once I'm healed. Go figure.
@clintonnagy1662 Stay strong, I found that any contact with her was filling my need, even if it was toxic conversation. It's so hard but you have to break away. She text me with the name apology for a nasty text she had sent me prior. I followed it up with a non-combative text that ended with me telling her do not ever contact me again. She went nuts and went on a long childish rant. A 47 year old woman acting like 14 year old little girl and ending her text with the comment " you're nothing but a big liar" I reread it once in a while and I laugh I'm laughing right now thinking about it, you'll get there
My layman's working hypothesis is that strenuous physical exercise releases a chemical our brains need to heal, the only thing that seems to work for me right now is working out until my body hurts as much as my heart does.
Same here! I'm suddenly in the best shape of my life and still driving hard to release the nasty feeling. I'm simultaneously working to get my head right, staying focused on purpose with big plans ahead. Stay the course!
Close. Actually your brain needs endocannabinoids to heal trauma, and the safest and most effective way to get them is by doing vigorous and enjoyable exercise. If it's not vigorous or not enjoyable, no endocannabinoids. If you're just exercising hard, you may be releasing other chemicals that make you feel good in the moment or help you forget for a while. There is also evidence that very gentle mindful exercise helps, as well as walking (neurologist Wale Oladipo recommends 30 mins walking every day whatever the weather, for C-PTSD)
@@human_creature I hadn't thought about the enjoyable part, as a creature of instinct I had naturally sought out enjoyable exercise so I can excuse myself for missing it.
@@wy498 One day at a time still, dealing with court stuff is making things fresh again, thanks for the good wishes, and I hope you can find your center again too.
I find myself going to the park to do a 2 mile lap…all the time, or when I’m by myself at the house. It’s the only thing that helps and provides a distraction.
Borderline survivor here. These steps happened to me exactly even the move on quick part
I've found myself being upset at what she could have been. But she chose the dark side which I accept is her true self. I know it was an act.
Exactly. My even X even told me she was going to a dark place just before she shape shifted and became someone I did not recognize. It was the first day of our Mexican vacation. After 2 excruciatingly painful days of she flew home and has not talked to me since. I am grateful it’s over.
@@GaryToews It's very strange, thinking you know somebody but they then drop the act and reveal themselves. Takes a while to come to terms with.
I agree. I sometimes wonder whether she ever loved me at all.
@mukesh.dhimar the way I think about it is for 3 months or 6 or even a year my ex seemed obsessed with me, like a toddler with a new toy. But it was too full on, almost controlling, calling me at work etc
But I doubt it was love, then that obsession just gets switched off. Like they're bored. Affection is withdrawn and you start to wonder what the bells going on. She still occupies a place in my mind and I wish she didn't.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns yeah I'm with you. It's horrible. I used to think that nobody has ever loved me like this before and I've never felt this way but none of it was real. I have to accept that. We all do. I'm going to write my own comment on here but it's going to be long so I'm going to do it later.
This is exactly what happened to me. I’m finally approaching being OK with what happened. I’ve decided to take the good and leave the bad. It wasn’t all my fault. Hopefully I won’t let this happen again.
I've recently been dealing with a breakup with a covert narcissist. Lise, your videos have been helping me so much. I'm in therapy now thanks to your encouragement, and I'm healing. Thank you so much 🙏
Meeee tooo. Its helping me a lot. I had some informations about NPD while we were togheter, and had my instincts, that this relationship wasnt normal. Its helping me a lot to understand what happened, and cutting a weight over my shoulders. Thank you!
You perfectly described what I'm going through. Dated this narc woman for 7 months and it was the best happiest 7 months I've had with someone, I genuinely thought for a second that I found 'the one'. In the last month she drastically pulled back and became less affectionate, less excited to see me, and even disrespected me. I called her out on her bad behavior and her response was blame it on me, that it was my fault, and she ghosted/blocked me everywhere. She never even told me we were done or breaking up, she just straight ghosted me. What's even more cold is she immediately hopped on dating apps and put she's "looking for a serious relationship".
I've dealt with bad breakups and toxic people before, but this one stung. Someone who I thought was a perfect match for me ended up being so cruel.
Was your name Vicky?
You dodged a bullet.
Same for me, it hurts a lot..In time we will be thankful to get out of hell..
The minute you thought she is the "one" is the minute she split on you.
I've never researched a more accurate depiction of what happened to me.
Everything is spot on.
It's chilling
There's a playbook...it is uncanny.
Hoping this realisation brings you relief. 🙏
I’ve just gone through the exact same stages, which isn’t a first. Looking back, i’ve realised i’ve only ever gotten involved with Narcissists, which means i’ve got a lot of internal work to do.
same for me, but I don't think thst means I have internal work, IT'S THEM. Curious; why do you put the blame on yourself ?
@@morriahmcdonald4040 Because I attracted them into my life by not enforcing healthy boundaries.
It’s especially hard when they’re someone who physically tick all of your boxes. I did everything to show her respect, love and care and she threw it all in my face and flushed it down the toilet.
Spot on, i cept dwelling on what had happened for almost two years, all an all it took me four years to understand and leave, learn.
Today i know and it will never happen again.
Im happy Ive found these videos. It helps with healing, but Im more concerned about my toxic behavior now. Im NOT the same person. I have poor behaviors. Defensiveness, sarcasm, paranoia, overthinking, calculating and codependency. I was a calm, chill guy when i met her. I cant even sit alone in silence cause Im so use to chaos that the silence feels uncomfortable.
I want my old self back because I feel lost.
6 years of the roller coaster...she actually DIED a year ago after 2 years apart and I'm still doing the work to heal...thank you Lise❤
I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship with an un-diagnosed narc (or BPD) girlfriend. It's as if she was intentionally hurtful to me towards the end of the relationship. It ruined my self esteem and self image. However, I kept the faith and was empathetic, putting in effort trying to fix something that was met with her resistance. I realized i started chasing her affection and love which wasn't reciprocated and she broke up with me out of irritation. I remember telling her sometimes it was like i was dating Jekyll & Hyde (this was before i knew what narcissism was). Boy oh boy do I feel like a PHD in BPD and NPD now. I still love her and think about her every day. But its been a little over 2 months of no contact and I just now can take a breath and move on with my own life. I went through about 16 hours of therapy and in the end, my therapist says I have adjustment disorder with depressed mood, and possibly even sub-clinical PTSD. Thanks for your content and best of luck to all who are going through this because it is torment.
I can relate to this man. Six months on and I'm still the same. She's a demon. We cannot let these demons control us anymore.
Jekyll and Hyde is what I used to say to mine also, its harder when you have children with NPD, I'm stuck in stage 6, she played the its all "my fault" card today ," I cant form normal relationships with anyone, I'm better off alone", playing on my sympathy, the 2nd day after we slept she opened her childhood trauma to me, you never know your being played ,2 kids and 7 years it got to a point of low violence but just enough to get me to react, she doesn't take any responsibility and will not seek help, even though I have. the latest thing is not being able to see me at handovers, tells everyone around I'm a monster and give her grief, blocks me continuously to get me to react on social media or phone, when I'm not even talking to her as have distanced myself from her for 18months. friends and family do not understand , they may listen but they only see it that you dismissed them during the early stages of the relationship. every night I would get abuse, either being put down made to do things , made to feel crap i wasn't getting her pregnant even though I didn't want anymore. i helped with school runs cooked and did chores whilst holding stay at home desk job , she would make me sleep deprived and sometimes not allow to sleep in her bed (unless wanted sex) so sofa or floor was only option. its a Rolle roaster of emotions and you just put up with it without leaving , I did love her and didn't want to leave the kids, the final straw that broke me is when i had enough i started standing up for my self she hated it, i started being slightly aggressive back and abusive back and in turn she threw me out a couple of times because when a man does it he has to leave , not the same in the eyes of everyone if a woman does it for years.
wasnt as bad as this guy on the below link
www.channel5.com/show/my-wife-my-abuser-the-secret-footage
if you still going through any early stages guys listen to Eminem's song 25-to -life it depicts exactly what we survivors go through
1st verse
"I don't think she understands the sacrifices that I've made
Maybe if this bitch had acted right, I would've stayed
But I've already wasted over half my life, I would've laid
Down and died for you, I no longer cry for you, no more pain
Bitch, you took me for granted
Took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt, I can no longer stand it
Now my respect, I demand it
I'ma take control of this relationship, command it
And I'ma be the boss of you now, goddamn it
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out, this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you, I have stayed
Faithful all the way, this is how I fuckin' get repaid?
Look at how I dress, fuckin' baggy sweats, go to work a mess
Always in a rush to get back to you, I ain't heard you yet
Not even once say you appreciate me, I deserve respect
I've done my best to give you nothin' less than perfectness
And I know that if I end this, I'll no longer have nothin' left
But you keep treatin' me like a staircase, it's time to fuckin' step
And I won't be comin' back, so don't hold your fuckin' breath
You know what you've done, no need to go in-depth
I told you you'd be sorry if I fuckin' left, I'd laugh while you wept
How's it feel now? Yeah, funny, ain't it? You neglected me
Did me a favor though, my spirit free, you've set
But a special place for you in my heart, I have kept
2nd verse
I feel like when I bend over backwards for you (too late)
All you do is laugh 'cause that ain't good enough
You expect me to fold myself in half 'til I snap
Don't think I'm loyal, all I do is rap
How can I moonlight on the side? I have no life outside of that
Don't I give you enough of my time? You don't think so, do you?
Jealous when I spend time with the girls, why I'm married to you still?
Man, I don't know, but tonight I'm serving you with papers
I'm divorcing you, go marry someone else and make 'em famous
And take away their freedom like you did to me
Treat 'em like you don't need 'em and they ain't worthy of you
Feed 'em the same shit that you made me eat, I'm moving on, forget you
Oh, now I'm special? I ain't feel special when I was with you
All I ever felt was this helplessness
Imprisoned by a selfish bitch, chew me up and spit me out
I fell for this so many times, it's ridiculous
And still I stick with this, I'm sick of this
But in my sickness and addiction, you're addictive as they get
Evil as they come, vindictive as they make 'em
My friends keep askin' me why I can't just walk away from
I'm addicted to the pain, the stress, the drama, I'm drawn to
Shit, I guess I'm a mess, cursed and blessed, but this time I
Ain't changin' my mind, I'm climbin' out this abyss
You're screamin' as I walk out that I'll be missed
But when you spoke of people who meant the most to you
You left me off your list
keep healing and learning that is all I can do , I still fall into traps and argue back because sometimes you still are blind and you are nice human being this is why they choose you :(
@@stevengillett9600 Thanks for sharing your experience and the song lyrics, they are super familiar.
Thanks Lise. Worth noting people can experience the stages in varing orders, and the stages can repeat . For example for myself, I learnt/realised her narcissistic triats, then decided to seperate ways. Experienced relief. After that I went through early stages. And the stages would come and go in different oder at varying intensities. After seperation, life is different for each individual, you might experience events/incidents that trigger you back to a certain stage. As you are cycling through these stages, with time, being self aware, managing triggers, you start to revolve slower, and slower to a gradual clam stop - to your inner home - to yourself.
Yes you’re right, it can vary depending on the person
Thanks for saying this - I was in a 10yr relationship with someone I believe is a covert narc. I tried to save the relationship for 5yrs, dreading having to face a breakup with him. Couldn't conceive of my life without him in it. He poked me many times into reactive abuse (my responses are big so he has been able to convince me I was an abusive monster). In late 2019, I just couldn't take it how exhausted he made me and how often we were fighting and crying. But then we got quarantined together in 2020 for 4 months and reattached. When things opened up, I packed up my car, left a note, and moved out temporarily. Thus began all the stages...4 years later I am STILL feeling all of these stages and in different orders. I've felt them all. I think I'm healed but then he reaches out to say hey, reminds me that I "am the abusive one", and I have to start all over again. I thought I was on the acceptance stage before that call on my birthday...now 3 weeks later I am on my knees bawling over him and the hole he left, the disappointment that I couldn't improve him or us no matter how I tried...even tho my life is SOOO much healthier and happier without him being so negative everyday!!
It hasn't made sense to me why I am still struggling to get over him 4yrs later!!
Until your comment and this video. Every single point and example felt like you had been in my head tonight as I grieved and cried yet again over the 4yr old breakup.
I really feel less nuts knowing that I've actually been very deeply affected by him even if he wasn't aware of his actions. I'm not crazy for feeling all these stuck and empty feelings and constantly hearing his criticisms in my head hour after hour for all these years.
Thx for publishing this...and for reading. You've helped me.
@TiaBria-StellaNPig It must have been very difficult for you.
I highly recommend "12 Smart Things to do when the booze and drugs are gone" by Allen Berger.
Oh my you talking about me. Today is a year of this Darkness.
I'm year 2.
Its year 9 for me, but i was married for 30 before i left.
I finally see a glimpse of the person I was before him, MUCH smarter now.
Much much smarter.
I entered into the relationship self confident, secure and doing well for myself. Only to be completely drained, broken and questioning my self worth. The cycles of love bombing and devaluation were killer! So often the question in my mind, was "do you really even want me here?" She was emotionally unavailable, fragile and had impossible standards. Her expectations were sometimes unrealistic and she gave no grace in her interactions with anyone. Claiming she didn't have patience for those that should have common sense.
And likewise as you did the same thing, the pattern you went through was exactly the same. Cold, unavailable, obtuse, unloving & draining.. that’s the pattern!
It’s not only research, it’s full on validation. Thank you for validating us Lise! 💜
I went through something similar with my ex. It felt like she was intentionally trying to hurt or punish me with her words. I think I may have unintentionally triggered some of her unresolved insecurities. She splitted, then decided to punish me for it. I think she either had BPD or some narcissism.
Lise, if you end up reading this, I wanted to say thank you for your videos. I've been ruminating over my past relationship for over 5 years now, and I finally feel like I can move on from it.
Your videos are not only the missing puzzle piece that I've been looking for this whole time, but also the missing piece of mainstream therapy. More therapists need to consider the topics that you discuss for men, it is very healing.
This describes exactly what I've been through. Every stage.
This video LITERALLY mapped out the last year of my life. It still hurts for sure, deep emotional distress is not fun
14:10 Lol. After 10 years together she had been out of my life for a year, moved across the country, I'd developed a close relationship with someone else and swore i would never allow her back in my life.. She started contacting me again and eventually wore me down. I let her back into my life for two more years and barely lived to tell the story. It's only been a few months of no contact and I'm terrified she'll come back, and paralyzed to do anything.
Just stumbled across this channel. Been learning what a covert narcissist is, I'd never heard the term. My marriage of 5 years just abruptly ended. Watching these videos made me think Lise had a camera feed on the marriage the entire time. Everything she is saying is exactly what happened to me. Really helped snap me back to reality and understand what just happened. It was all lies from the beginning. I'm not crazy. And now I can move on and stop doubting myself. Thank you for saving my sanity and self esteem.
It took me decades of denial and disbelief that someone you married could actually behave this way.
A few years ago I stumbled upon the definition of a covert narcissist. That led me to videos and more reading and the term radical acceptance.
After trying to talk with her through some of my questions, she refused readily to “rehash” everything of her decade long affair. We never even “hashed” it once.
I gave up and admitted the marriage was indeed over. I’ll never truly get away from her due to age, retirement, finances and insurance BUT outside of the house I have nothing to do with her. Different churches, no lunches, no movies and the like.
I doubt my brain will ever fully adjust back to my normal me but this life will have to do for now.
I miss who I was before her.
Been stuck in the Sixth Stage for some time now, but I am still not separated from my narcissistic partner. Instead we lead more distant lives.
Moving on and starting over after two decades of investment and struggle is beyond difficult!
I am in no way attached to the chaos and drama of the toxic relationship however. In fact when I come in contact with it now I pull further and further away… I believe the inevitable to be on the horizon, but pulling that pin seems impossible still.
Thank you for all the advice and help Lise Leblanc! Without informative videos and tutorials like this coming to the realization of the insurmountable obstacle that has been dragging me down for decades (covert narcissism) would have taken far longer if I was ever able to truly figure it out.
It still doesn’t and will never make logical sense to me, but I accept that now (a very difficult task for a “type A” personality).
Thank you for sharing your experience and journey. It’s great that you’ve gotten your a point of acceptance
I've known that a female narcissist has been playing games with her husband for over forty years. I can't tell you how much damage she did to me before they met. Horrible!
I stuck with her for 18 years. Every bit of this hit home!! I'M NOT CRAZY AFTER ALL!!!
The accuracy of this is terrifying. Thank you so much. Wow.
Stunning. A trajectory very similar to mine. During a particularly difficult breakup some years ago, I saw a therapist who said my ex's pattern of behavior suggested that she was a narcissist. My own Research Stage helped put more context around the experience. I realize now how extremely fortunate I was to be dumped sooner rather than later. Healing Stage now well in progress, with rare and very selective forays into additional Research, courtesy of your excellent videos. Thanks, very much.
Thank you so much for your videos. I am around stage 3 or 4 right now after 7 years of frustration. I am healing thanks to angels like you. Thank you!
Perfect!!
Thank goodness I am in a flux between stage 6 & 7 as of now, and healing steadily. At 65, living apart since last 3 years, exploring growing peace n agency, after 24 years of escalating emotional abuse and toxic controlling behaviour that I had to keep exhaustingly fighting against. Breakdown of a 38 yr old marriage that seemed great in spite of hiccups in the first few years.
Im so grateful I started working in my healing journey from childhood ptsd. I had a narc family system and I was the scapegoat. After getting sober from alcohol which was how I annesthesized my self ,I knew I had to work on core issues. Im grateful I found a safe person to hear me out , believe me and empathize with me as a survivor, and start modeling the tools of self compassion and healthy boundaries to me. I gradually started applying them and my inner child and true self , came out when I started having integrity to him and speaking up for him and following through with my boundaries. I felt very empowered , and worked on very hard on having boundaries and advocating for my needs. Now I can find available relationships as a result of being gentle on myself and having boundaries and advocating for my needs. I also can discern abuse ,and I speak up and detach. IM grateful that healthy self compassion and boundaries allow me to keep healing at the deepest level safely and with agency, autonomy and empowerment .IM worth it . and can take my space and shine my true self with gentleness humor love and respect as well. Were worth it :) cheers.
I went a quite a while without watching narcissist videos, but i just went through a couple months of boot camp with my ex using children as weapons of warfare and control. Hoovers, and anger/rage for shutting down anorher hoover successfully.
I started listening again as the hoover threw me for a mind game from hell.
Was able to set firm boundaries again and felt healing amongst the ptsd trigger.
I just can't thank you enough. You just described the stages as I'm going through. I believe now I came to final stage is healing. Now my only focus is to make myself better a bit by bit each and every day.
I've been out it for roughly 10 months now (was in it for 4 years). I am somewhere between the anger and healing stages. It's incredibly frustrating to STILL think about the things she said and did and how much it pisses me off, especially when I'm sure she barely has a thought about me. The anger and hatred runs pretty deep, both for her and for myself for putting up with any of the bullshit. I'm trying to be more forgiving, especially for myself, just so I can move on and not think about all this anymore. Thank you for helping us through this, Lise.
This is incredible. It's like you witnessed our relationship.
It has been said that growth happens at the boundary between order and chaos, but when you're deep in a harmful relationship, you are so immersed in chaos that you forget what order feels like.
I recommend men who go through this to go to therapy not RUclips, but this lady is absolutely right what she’s saying
This video arrived at a great time in my healing journey!!!! When I watched the stage 5......it made so much sense, I was right there!!!! It is been almost 3 months no contact, I went through Christmas and New Year alone with my daughter and it was therapy! Now I feel I can move on and be a better person to my next partner and recognize my growth. At the end, I am in a better place after that nasty relationship. Pain is the greatest teacher.......... I can see that now!!!!!
This is a powerful video! recognizing narcistic encouters with daily exchanges is not necessarily a bad thing.
Lisa i fell for another narcicist ...
At first i tried to rationalize and blame myself saying no it cant be happening again, even though i knew the terms the tactics (lovebombing breadcrumbs gaslighting), i still was fighting with myself trying to say that its just me projecting into my new relationship what happened in my last one .. 6 month later i get discarded and it was all true, now i feel so bad for not listening to my gut feeling.. for rationalizing her excuses of why she was treating me like that.
I even talked to her about narcicism and the signs ... And well here i am again .. never again will i go out with someone who weaponizes my empathy against me ... Both of my narcs lovebombed me when "their life was going horribly" and made me feel like i was the one ... I guess that speaks more about me than them .. but still next time no more savior
I fell in love with LD at work, during that time with my help she got promoted to GM. I am in sales. We had a wonderful time for 1.2 yrs, I got prostate cancer, and she was the best, kept saying no worry, we will work everything out after surgery. 45 days after surgery, when I needed her the most, she started to ghost me, would not discuss at work. Pleaded with her to talk, she lied and lied for 3 months then broke up by email. No closure whatsoever. Drove me to taking med leave at work for 30 days/ to see physiatrist & therapy for the last 6 months. Now I got suspended with pay and meeting a lawyer for the investigation tomorrow. If I wouldn't have of come across your videos, I would have nothing to say. Thank you for telling me the truth about covert narcissists. Much love, Dan B
Spot on. I wish I’d had this video 5 years ago when I went through this. I was on my own. My wish for those going though this, is to take this info to heart. Even after all these years, there are sill lingering thoughts of her. Lise, I appreciate your videos more than you could know. You are doing important work. Thank you!!!
why do I find all this help now on dealing with and identifying narcissistic people it was one of the worst break up experiences I've ever had. I didn't know what was anxiety or depression felt like until I met her but I am grateful to go through it because I learnt a lot
Difficult truth that few will have the courage to admit:
I KNEW she was evil.
I always KNEW.
Consciously or unconsciously, I KNEW.
I didn’t know that it was called “narcissism” at the time, but I KNEW.
Evil is carnally ATTRACTIVE.
I was carnally attracted to the evil.
I gave into the temptation of Satan.
“Carnal love” vs “spiritual love”.
That is the choice.
If we choose “carnal love”, we will receive “the punishment of God” as our KARMA.
Always choose “spiritual love”.
Incredibly accurate
I don't think God punishes those who are contrite. He's forgiving and kind. The devil will torment us especially if we slept with them. I didn't have sex with my narc but he wanted it. I turned my life to Christ.
Bruh, facts
I was called vanilla , pure and mocked I didn’t like the sadistic stuff I only wept when we made love saying I love you so much are you comfortable honey well basically that ended it
Lord have mercy!! This video is spot on with what I’m going through. Stage by stage and I can see everything you’re saying as if I was right back in it.
One of the most eye opening things I've seen on this journey came from my apple watch. MY resting heart rate has gone down 20 bpm since I've left. Peaking right before I left. I couldn't stand it another second. Therapy has been helpful but I'm bouncing around in the acceptance/replaying stages. But the more I've learned, especially this list just shows how predictable these people are. And holding onto anger like it will matter to them is like expecting a tree to respect your anger. It's just pointless.
Thank you so much. Its been almost 5 months and I believe I am ready to let it go and get on with my life. I have watched countless videos of yours, new and old, and I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have for the detailed, concise, and thorough information you put out in your videos. The amount of things I have come across in your videos that detail exactly what was happening in my relationship, and the motivation behind them has been extremely enlightening. I am the type who NEEDS to understand something in some way before I am able to let it go.
Thank you.
You’re very welcome, I’m happy to hear my content was valuable to you and I wish you all the best as you move forward into the next chapter of your life.
@LiseLeblanc time is better sometimes and sometimes few bad days
Whats helping me is time alone in my yard or having family over for cookouts. My prayer time is a serene part if the day. He left me when my dad had a stroke because he was mad i would be at the hospital everyday since my dad was paralyzed. Narc would not go with me and just sat at home watching tv and stewing in anger.
This video feels like it's just made for me. Thank you. I have been in all the situations, picture memories, trips, laughs, sex- a lot of it, and as exactly what Lise said, my ex was in the information gathering section and it did affect me psychologically and chemically and I was super addicted. I used to smoke before, and quit about couple of decades ago permanently. I don't miss cigarettes and cigarettes don't miss me. And I have no intention of smoking again. I have gained so much knowledge from Lise's videos. If anyone is struggling with this, I would also recommend watching these 2 videos as well.
1. How to fix a broken heart Guy Winch (ted talk)
2. The psychology of seduction - Raj Persaud.
Thanks again for all Lise's help.
i’ve learned enough… it’s time to heal some how & move on , RIP … it’s all baby steps at this point . move three states away
This youtuber is straight to the point. And also you can feel her concern. With all that knowledge... What a great combinaison! I'm in an 11 years relation with a covert. Asked her to marry me last year. Said YES! With all the fakeness a covert can put on a show. I've discovered the narcissist 1 month earlier. Crazy! Everything just click!! Now I've accepted (or remembered) that all of this wasn't about love. My codependency (growing with a narcissitic and oppressive mother) and the unability of my futur ex- to show affection, kindness, accountability and awareness (she really can't read the room!).
Liz, you rock so damn much! Thank you for everything. May all your deepest needs be fulfilled! From Paris !! 😇🙌🏾🙌🏾🇨🇵
That is just crazy ! I left our home for a flat situated miles away. Now, she looks fragile, polite and less picky. But everytime I've accepted to spend a night with her, as soon as we arrived near our house, tensions started again. Creating a mess to avoid intimacy but still using me as a pillow... Everytime I regret my decision but everytime after few days I trapped myself in this situation
Your videos are a gift, thank you.
Having gone through a detox in the past, this rings true. I just stumbled in and appreciate your clear, straight-to-the-point and no-nonsense delivery. Still diving into the older videos, but already can see they're very helpful. Subscribed with thanks, look forward to future ones, and good luck with your channel.
This is one of the most simple and concise videos describing the exact phases. And yes, it is scary still because I find myself holding on to these educational items as if they would help me paint the picture for others around me who just don’t understand because they haven’t lived it.
And even if you have come out of the fog and want nothing to do with your ex, if you’re unlucky enough to have known them through an organization, then it is nearly impossible to get them, or people connected to them out of your life completely. Which amounts to constant frustration as you notice how much those people don’t see it and don’t get it- all while your narc ex uses them as a way to follow you around.
I have studied it for 10 years but I have to take long breaks from it because it does become overwhelming but when you gain the Knowledge you will begin to heal and once you see it you can’t unsee it .
Lize, you have 100% described my life. Thank you for helping me understand what happened to me. It finally now all makes sense
Madame Leblanc, vous avez une façon exceptionnelle de comprendre et d'expliquer les conséquences du trauma lié a une relation avec un narcissique! Grâce à vous, j'ai enfin pu comprendre ce que je vivais puisque votre description du covert narssisist correspondait très bien à ce que je vivais. Récemment, après plusieurs breakups de la pars de la narcissique et d'une tentative de thérapie de couple (j'ai dû insister fortement pour qu'elle accepte la thérapie), j'ai décidé de mettre fin à la relation. Je me sens enfin soulagé et j'ai espoir de bientôt être en mesure de me retrouver. Ce vidéo arrive à point pour moi. Il correspond EXACTEMENT aux étapes à travers desquelles j'ai dû passer. À un point tel qu'on dirait que vous me connaissez! J'en suis maintenant entre l'étape 4 et 6, bien que je ne ressente pas de colère contre mon ex, je comprends ce qu'elle vie et je suis attristé de savoir qu'elle ne s'en sortira probablement jamais. Merci madame Leblanc, vos vidéos sont très instructifs, respectueux et honnêtes. Ils m'ont été d'une grande aide. Merci!
It is scareful I don’t know if I will be able to manage all these stages 😰
Yes you will I promise hold on!!!!
@@nicholecornes1915 thank you so much ❤️
I'm going thru this right now, and you've said everything that I'm going through. Worst pain that I have ever felt. Thank you for this video.
I appreciated her comments about the research phase. I feel like that’s where I am now. I’ve gotten to the point of almost obsessing over gathering info and trying to make some kind of sense of their odd behavior. But dwelling on the negative traits of a narcissist just keeps you mentally and emotionally attached to that person, making it harder to move on. I realize now that I have learned enough. Now it’s time to move on and focus on maintaining the healthy relationships I have in my life.
2 years later and this ix exactly how it goes. I am finishing the research phase and starting to accept. The worst part is the time lost. 20 years gone and so much lost. That is what is the hardest thing to wrestle with.
Thank you for being straight forward, as a man in narcissistic relationship your advice along with the unwavering support from my counsel is helping me realise the state I am in.
Thank you for all your valuable information, I can relate each word in all your videos I have watched up till now. I had never encountered any narcissist until 2022 but unfortunately now I'm very much experienced with the mental trauma they can give.
So True....all I've been thinking for the last 2months everyday,never experienced something like this ,wow had no idea on this condition,explains all my confusion for behaviours over the 26 years of marriage
You are absolutely Brilliant Lise.
I'm just awakening to the fact that I've been married to a woman with NPD after 23 years. 3 kids and 2 at home. I have no clue what im going to do
I drove away one day, after 30 years of marriage. I drove almost 2000 miles away. Its been 10 years, but I'm not as stuck as I was. I had hope, i still do.
For me it was different. She cut me off cold, with a 10 second phone call. After 6 years of getting along fine. For me, I knew instantly that anyone who could end a relationship like that is a severly damaged person. The worst part was coming to realize that every good time, every memory, every moment we spent together WAS FAKE. There was never any chance of making it with someone like that. And I was now just one more ex to trash to the new victim. Good ridence, I say.
Stage 5 really stuck out to me... It does feel relieving seeing it wasn't all my fault, but I wasn't aware this relieve from research could be a problem in itself. Thanks for your video's, they have really helped me in a difficult time :)
Thank you. I believe this to be your best and most relative video yet.. going through this EXACTLY as explained...the videos help so much. Thank you Thank you Thank you 🫡
Thank you so much for uploading everything! You have helped me so much the last few days, I cant thank you enough.
Dang Lise, you’re good. Thank you for making these videos easily accessible
spot on..each stage is exactly what happened with me
After I got discarded like a used kleenex I was in a very low place, then I found Lise's videos and quickly realized it wasn't me. It was a learning experience that is for certain.
This is the second female Narc that has disgarded me, One 5 years...One 3 years..People tell you to move on..But your trauma bonded badly...Cognitive Dissodence makes you beat yourself up and blame yourself..Such a good video..Problem is my therapist hasn't got a clue about Covert NPD
I'm going through exactly this. I ended my two-year relationship with a narcissist and I was the one who ended the relationship because I couldn't take it anymore. games and more games of good and evil, constant attacks and lack of respect dealing with a 39 year old child. every day I had to know what to say and what not to say, I felt constantly manipulated and we were only together when she wanted it. I served to satisfy her, I picked her up from work, I did all her wishes, I gave her affection and love, but it wasn't me she sometimes wanted to be with. I felt that I loved her much more than she loved me. The ironic part is that I was and still am addicted to this type of relationship with her, it really messed with my dopamine and everything that comes next doesn't have the same impact on me. I'm between phases 1 2 3 4, still revisiting memories between anger and longing, but I know I made the right decision. I know that, it was hell
Listening to your video- felt like you re reacting my last year…
Thanks for helping so many of those who will learn and take strength from your wisdom
What I’ve learned after my ex told me “ I will ruin your life. And when you see how I do it and with whom it will devastate you” I love my children and I miss my children. I lost all the enjoyment of the things I once loved and I no longer care to meet woman . I’m a musician and I am fairly confident and intelligent and many woman know who I am and give me smiles and inviting compliments. But I choose to not play music or go to social events or date anyone any longer. I have needs and desire but I learned to desire to love and be loved is a weakness. Done .
4 books to help, no1 The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition: How to recognize it and how to respond. no2 Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You. no3 Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-Selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults. no4 What to Say When You Talk to Yourself Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D.
The covert abuse, gaslighting, and betrayal in many forms...you end up realising you've betrayed yourself. 😕
You don't need to learn anymore after awhile.... i was like im more addicted to RUclips vidoes than him!
Lise, You have no idea how much I needed this video, I cannot thank you enough for putting this out.
Haha it feels like you've been watching my life for the last several months. Spooky. But feels good that I'm not alone, or totally insane.
Funny thing is it was one of your videos that taught me about covert narcissism about a year ago and I thought wow this is my relationship. It ended about a month later. I called out her crap behaviour until I no longer became narcissistic supply and was discarded in soulless, brutal fashion. Your content is helpful on a level I can't convey. Thank you.
"EXACTLY" you are so right ✅️ 👏!!!! GREAT VIDEO
Extremely precise and detailed explanation, I went through the exact same stages. Thanks for sharing, Lise.