At 40 I’ve realized I’ve only been in toxic relationships…I didn’t even know what a healthy relationship was. I grew up in a toxic environment. To me it was normal fighting for love, pleasing those you love, etc. I’ve been entangled with narcs all my life… Now I’m trying to change..educating myself and setting boundaries
Congratulations and good luck on your journey, It's the same journey I'm undertaking at the moment, and every step I take feels like liberation, it's empowering to finally take control and give my time and attention to my own needs, rather than the needs of literally everyone and anyone else. A major difficulty for me when finally trying to break a cycle I've been in for most of my life was acknowledging and accepting that I was being "selfish" by finally placing my own needs above those of others, even though it made me a bad person in my own mind, when in fact all it made me was a normal person. I've a long way to go before I get to where I want and feel I need to be, but I'm now in a place where I still give, but because I want to rather than feel I have to, or just because it's what I'm used to. I've learned to say no, but am still able to say yes when I choose to, and overall I'm happier for being that way. Best wishes and keep going!
Same age, same dynamic bro. Totally understand. Things got to a breaking point and I've spent years putting myself back together. Didnt even have any idea I was slowly killing myself
Just completed the first round of EMDR therapy. This helped me deal with my people-pleasing and approval-seeking nature - cultivated by my parents (mostly my mother). Slowly I am getting to see how I became codependent on my covert narcissist ex wife. I'm constantly learning and seeing the ways this happened. Now I'm trying to find new ways to be me and not give in to needy narcissist others. It's become sacred and holy work for me.
A codependent in a relationship with a narcissist. Talk about the perfect storm. Been there. done that. Now climbing out of the wreckage as I realize and work on my issues with codependency Thank you so much for this very helpful material
Thanks Lisa. You can't imagine how much your videos helped along the past 8 months I got divorced and decided to file divorce, afters 8 years living with a narcissist. When I decided, I didn't even know why I had a sense of lost, confusing and guilty.
I fell into a codependent relationship out of feeling sorry for my friend who seemed so sad and unloved and I wanted to help her feel loved and valued and to prove to her that I would not leave like all her other friends. I don't typically have low self esteem or problems with any other relationships. Apparently I felt the need to be her rescuer.(Perhaps my opinion of myself was a little too high!) When I figured it out, I set some firm boundaries and am really getting backlash with guilt trips and manipulation - all the things that worked all along, but am holding firm. I feel free for the first time in years! And the rest of my life is so much better! Thank you, Lise!!
I had never met a challenge I couldn't overcome until I met up with a narcissist. Embarrassingly, I believed her insatiable nature was because she was just that into me. Truth is, she lives in hell and was committed only to bringing me down with her. No amount of work or self-sacrifice will ever be enough. Shes been married twice in the last few years and continues to burn everything she touches to the ground. What a trainwreck. Don't ignore the red flags guys, shes telling you up front what youre signing up for!
Is she Mexican 😂. Seems like there are a lot of narcissistic Mexican women. Hispanic if you prefer. My ex-wife is exactly as you described. I had never met a challenge I could not overcome until her. I tried so hard for my kids. Too hard. So grateful to be out and with a woman who really cares about me. I ignored so many red flags to continue my own suffering for so long. It was kinda pathetic. I'm not a pathetic guy and in fact I thought that I was being honorable by sacrificing myself for the good of my family. You strike me as the same kind of guy. Exactly the kind of guy these Jezebels like to feed on the most. Glad you're out too bro. Mine is also in hell. She will be for a long time to come. Eternity is a very long time. Best regards, JimiG
You've hit the mark (again). As a codependant person, I can see that one of my traps is to think the "tips and tricks" in these videos can be used to help me make the relationship work ... Something I'm less and less sure is possible anymore. Each time I recognise the dynamics at play in my marriage, I experience a kind of cognitive rift, which is to say, the ability to swim on the one hand, and the cold hard reality of drowning in my collective fears on the other. You are very right to say that there is no understating the raw force of this most primal of emotions, which I am now being confronted with inside myself. Thanks for the tools. I'll take all the help I can get. Time to buckle up.
My narcissistic mother inculcated in me the importance of taking care of emotionally damaged women. Narcissistic women sniff me out like Maine mosquitoes & I find I have lost decades of my life in sacrificed service to two narcissistic wives. When I finally started to practice a little self preservation the break ups were spectacular. Both left me & offered no resolution or closure, just contempt. Despite my attempts to maintain civility.
After almost twenty years of emotional hurt from my ex wife, she told me to go get help but doesn’t want to hear any more whining about how she made me feel. I went to a psychiatrist for the first time in my life. He asked me why I was in his office and what I expected from our time. I blurted out that I wanted him to diagnose whatever was wrong with me so I could be fixed. He asked me maybe ten questions, interestingly enough, about my interactions with my ex wife. After hat he rather indignantly looked at me and said “ there’s nothing wrong with you, you won’t get a diagnosis from me, but my advise is for you to consider that maybe the problem is her”. That was it, he said nothing else as I got up and excused myself. It’s funny how people can be told something like this from an expert and dismiss it as quackery. I had been gaslit for so long that I was SURE there was something wrong with me because she said there was. She was quite angry with me that I had not come back with an answer to why it is me. I hope this helps somebody save a decade or two of their life and move on.
By the time I even had a remote concept of what I was experiencing, I was 60 years old and retired. It took me another 10 years to learn what I was going through living with a wife who exhibited covert narcissistic tendencies. Within the last few months, I’ve totally broken emotionally free EXCEPT I still live with her due to finances of retirement and age. It’s not a great place to be at any age but at my age there’s no starting over.
Hey I'm in the same boat. I was fooled by my covert narc wife for too long. I've spent the past 9 years alone and trying to figure out where I went wrong. I've grown much in these past years and I guess i didn't even realize how much. Recently I met the love of my life. She's an incredible person inside and out and she loves me to death because of my life experience with this subject. She was going thru something similar with her family and I've been able to help her thru it. Never thought I would find love again after what my ex-wife did to me but at 54 now I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. And it's a real happiness that I had never experienced before. I don't think I've ever been loved by anyone for who I am. This girl really loves me, for me. Not for what I can give her or do for her. And it's bringing out the real me and I love it. Hadn't been myself in so long I missed myself. Every minute of every day we are together is like a dream or a fairytale. There's hope for you too if it's what you want. Hope you find what you're looking for. Best regards, JimiG.
@@user-ju6zx3rm8d yeah..I can't believe your question already got 2 likes. So much pessimism is unhealthy. Perhaps you missed the part where I said I'm 54 and have a wealth of knowledge and experience with bipolar, NPD, borderline personality and anti social personality. You can trust me when I tell you my emotional intelligence is stronger than ever. My specific boundaries are the result of many years of suffering isolation, manipulation and living thru one traumatic experience after another for 9 years at the hands of my ex-wife. The hard lessons stick with you the longest and make the most lasting impression upon you. I know that from my personal experience with trauma...not from armchair diagnosis via the Internet. I do appreciate the honesty and the concern. Honestly I did have to take a very close look at her given how perfect she is(red flags) and even went so far as to create a false crisis like episode to see what kind of reaction I got from her. She and I are so compatible because we've both suffered similarly. We are also both INFJ personalities which is the coolest thing I've ever experienced. Far from borderline. I've been accused of being Asperger's a few times in my life. I honestly don't know if I am or not. She's more likely to be Asperger's like me than to be borderline personality. We've been together 4 months and haven't even had a disagreement. We communicate very effectively. Even telepathically. When you communicate as well as we do ...every single day is easy. Like a dream. Or a fairytale. We're really in love and both enjoy it immensely. Did I mention she's absolutely stunning to look at and 24 years old.😂 Alarm bells going off in your brain loud now I bet?😂 Yeah I could not fault you for that and I had the same alarm bells. And I cleared them all thru open and direct communication with her. I'm a handsome man and professional musician. I've been with some incredible and beautiful women. This young lady tops them all and makes me feel incredible. Be happy for me. I've earned it. I've suffered much but it didn't make me weak. It made me educated and resilient to any further abuses. As I'm sure it did you. Hope you find what I have one day. We should all be so lucky. I know this is special. I'm grateful..not paranoid. Best regards, JimiG
Co-dependency has often been suggested by people, internet strangers, and it did distracted me from the abuse I needed to escape. Recently in therapy it became clear: pleasing others is simply more enjoyable to me than my own sensory experience, but it gives me limited gratification. My overall priorities are healthy or even somewhat selfish, I just look selfless to others because we only ever go to the rides they want... they don't notice I picked the destination and created the schedule as it suited me. I would wish that you can help others to identify when it is NOT codependency.
Thank you. There are many videos out here on by many respected individuals but you are one of the most accurate and easy to understand in wrapping this in valuable content.
I’m delving into the dynamics of CPSD. With the help of a coach. Thanks Lise for your content. This explains things very clearly. Painful but it is the reason for the attraction to toxic relationships.
Though any help is appreciated that helps cope with distress, I have my doubts on mindfulness, it does not seem like a solution. My way is to experience the painful thought, but without letting it carry me away. One has to split his or her state of mind into two, one that carries the pain and the other is the observer.
Hi Lise ♥️ I really adore your channel, I always loved psychology but thanks to you my interest grew so much in the subject, and especially these dynamics of NPD and BPD relationships, and how to spot narcs and manipulation, became extremely useful even in my daily life I feel way more in control when I deal with some kind of difficult people. I was wondering if you could talk about NPD dynamics in gay relationships or how gay narcissists act, as I’m a gay man , and I believe that the man with which I had an adventure/fling with is a narcissist (and I don’t use this world lightly, at all, but it’s by googling the things that he would do that I found out what narcissism is) and the thing I had with him has left me deeply broken 😔
Thankfully my narcissist just chested on me for the second time so we're amidst our divorce. The bad part is that we have a son whom I love and care deeply about, so now it's the difficult part - saving him from his narcissist mother that only started to care about my boy once her new guy dumped her.
hi Lisa ! could you possibly do a video on people who find validation in being the First to reply to videos ? as If it were a important achievement of some kind instead of a random occurrence.... Me-Happy. if you could. Love Your Content On CODEPENDENT !🌟😳
I have to say, one of the best tools you have given me is the Muse. I have been using it for years now and it has been incredible at helping me focus and be more mindful. As for this video, I have a question that is just coming tome as I watch your video: as you know, I am a Borderline and have struggled in the past with FP relationships. At the time I was in one, it was suggested that I was codependent. I had accepted that, but now I am actually wondering if a codependent and a FP relationship are two totally different things? I would love your thoughts on this. The reason I am questioning this is because the person who was my FP was NOT codependent. She was very strong and confident in who she was. She did not need to be in a “hero” role. Her self-worth was not dependent on helping me. Your videos always spark inner reflection and new insights. Thank you for continuing to create this content.
If you call out their behaviour that hurts you or be protective - "you are controlling" If you give them an opportunity to take by themselves, to take responsibility and grow - "you don't care about me, you abandoned me..."
The abandoned her and our son language has been used on me so heavily!!! I'm like you reruse to work and want to control everyone you covert narcissist cow! 2.5 years in family court just to see my son --- still ongoing.
@ma3alimezo82 It must be very difficult on you. Continue to learn, review, self reflect, and you will come out of this stronger, wiser and more healthy than before your experiences.
I'm fucked I'm so scared of my wife I'm a very strong man and she drives me nuts she threatens me with ending her life if I leave she is fucked without me so what can I do I can't forgive myself if something happens to her but I'm at the end of my rope this vid has been an eye opener .I'm not perfect but it can't all be my fault
I am so sorry you are in this dynamic. It makes so much sense why you feel trapped and threatened. AND, it is not your fault. It is also not your responsibility to keep her safe. That may sound harsh, but to be truthful, I have been in her position before. For clarity, I am Borderline. But this happened even before I knew that. The threat was not consciously meant to be manipulative. It was a desperate attempt to try to hold on to a relationship I knew was falling apart. An intense fear of rejection and abandonment is what triggered that threat. In the moment, I believed it was my truth. I honestly felt I could not live without this person. In hindsight, however, I know it was just a last-ditch, desperate attempt to make the person stay. I would never have killed myself. The best thing that person did was leave the relationship. For them and for me. They could not have been happy in the relationship dynamic as it was. And actually, neither could I. As difficult as the goodbye was, it prompted me to take a good look at my behaviours and beliefs and get professional support to overcome the toxic traits I carried. I am very grateful that they were able to prioritize themself and had the strength and courage to make the decision they did. For context, this was not a romantic relationship. It was a friendship. But for me, it was just as meaningful and important. And it was just as hurtful when it ended as is breaking a romantic relationship. Now, this is MY experience. I would never mean to infer yours is the same. Threats of suicide are very scary. I am not saying not to take them seriously. What I AM saying is, I don’t believe it is your responsibility to give up your own happiness to keep her safe. I would suggest to help her get professional help if possible. Or, if threats are imminent, take her to the hospital or call 911, a suicide crisis line, etc. But do not give your life to her threats. You are not powerless as you believe you are. You just have to make a conscious decision to prioritize yourself first. It doesn’t have to be a life sentence if you don’t want it to be. Easier said than done, I know. But please realize that only someone who is not well mentally would make these threats. She needs help, but not by you giving in to her threats. Maybe change your perspective. Use my story to ponder. Maybe the very best thing that could happen for her is for you to leave. She would be forced to face reality and take responsibility for what she is doing. I would never have gotten out of that dynamic if it hadn’t been for the other person making the (extremely difficult) choice to say goodbye. I am a much healthier person as a result. Just something to consider. Only you can decide what is best for your situation. I just wanted to show that things aren’t always as black and white as they seem. Shades of grey can be a beautiful colour. I truly wish you the best of luck as you navigate this difficult journey, and I also wish you strength to move through this and peace at the end of your journey.
There she goes again, like a soaring eagle. Meanwhile, he sits on the cliff edge below, alone, pondering why his life companion, high in the air above, longs feverishly to soar without him.
I'm really confused. I was a codependent and my ex was a narcasscist so I was the victim. But my abuser was never co dependent, but verbally and emotionally abusive
At 40 I’ve realized I’ve only been in toxic relationships…I didn’t even know what a healthy relationship was. I grew up in a toxic environment. To me it was normal fighting for love, pleasing those you love, etc.
I’ve been entangled with narcs all my life…
Now I’m trying to change..educating myself and setting boundaries
Congratulations and good luck on your journey, It's the same journey I'm undertaking at the moment, and every step I take feels like liberation, it's empowering to finally take control and give my time and attention to my own needs, rather than the needs of literally everyone and anyone else. A major difficulty for me when finally trying to break a cycle I've been in for most of my life was acknowledging and accepting that I was being "selfish" by finally placing my own needs above those of others, even though it made me a bad person in my own mind, when in fact all it made me was a normal person. I've a long way to go before I get to where I want and feel I need to be, but I'm now in a place where I still give, but because I want to rather than feel I have to, or just because it's what I'm used to. I've learned to say no, but am still able to say yes when I choose to, and overall I'm happier for being that way. Best wishes and keep going!
Same age, same dynamic bro. Totally understand. Things got to a breaking point and I've spent years putting myself back together. Didnt even have any idea I was slowly killing myself
And this is a great site and I have learned a lot here from Lise.
Most every boss is a narcissist. They lack empathy so they easily rise to the top
Just completed the first round of EMDR therapy. This helped me deal with my people-pleasing and approval-seeking nature - cultivated by my parents (mostly my mother). Slowly I am getting to see how I became codependent on my covert narcissist ex wife. I'm constantly learning and seeing the ways this happened. Now I'm trying to find new ways to be me and not give in to needy narcissist others. It's become sacred and holy work for me.
What is EMDR therapy? Sounds like I need it.
Narcissists can smell me.
A codependent in a relationship with a narcissist. Talk about the perfect storm. Been there. done that. Now climbing out of the wreckage as I realize and work on my issues with codependency
Thank you so much for this very helpful material
Thanks Lisa. You can't imagine how much your videos helped along the past 8 months I got divorced and decided to file divorce, afters 8 years living with a narcissist. When I decided, I didn't even know why I had a sense of lost, confusing and guilty.
Wishing you all the best as you heal from this experience
I fell into a codependent relationship out of feeling sorry for my friend who seemed so sad and unloved and I wanted to help her feel loved and valued and to prove to her that I would not leave like all her other friends. I don't typically have low self esteem or problems with any other relationships. Apparently I felt the need to be her rescuer.(Perhaps my opinion of myself was a little too high!) When I figured it out, I set some firm boundaries and am really getting backlash with guilt trips and manipulation - all the things that worked all along, but am holding firm. I feel free for the first time in years! And the rest of my life is so much better! Thank you, Lise!!
I had never met a challenge I couldn't overcome until I met up with a narcissist. Embarrassingly, I believed her insatiable nature was because she was just that into me. Truth is, she lives in hell and was committed only to bringing me down with her. No amount of work or self-sacrifice will ever be enough. Shes been married twice in the last few years and continues to burn everything she touches to the ground. What a trainwreck. Don't ignore the red flags guys, shes telling you up front what youre signing up for!
Is she Mexican 😂.
Seems like there are a lot of narcissistic Mexican women. Hispanic if you prefer. My ex-wife is exactly as you described.
I had never met a challenge I could not overcome until her.
I tried so hard for my kids. Too hard.
So grateful to be out and with a woman who really cares about me. I ignored so many red flags to continue my own suffering for so long. It was kinda pathetic. I'm not a pathetic guy and in fact I thought that I was being honorable by sacrificing myself for the good of my family. You strike me as the same kind of guy. Exactly the kind of guy these Jezebels like to feed on the most.
Glad you're out too bro.
Mine is also in hell. She will be for a long time to come.
Eternity is a very long time.
Best regards,
JimiG
You've hit the mark (again). As a codependant person, I can see that one of my traps is to think the "tips and tricks" in these videos can be used to help me make the relationship work ... Something I'm less and less sure is possible anymore. Each time I recognise the dynamics at play in my marriage, I experience a kind of cognitive rift, which is to say, the ability to swim on the one hand, and the cold hard reality of drowning in my collective fears on the other. You are very right to say that there is no understating the raw force of this most primal of emotions, which I am now being confronted with inside myself. Thanks for the tools. I'll take all the help I can get. Time to buckle up.
My narcissistic mother inculcated in me the importance of taking care of emotionally damaged women. Narcissistic women sniff me out like Maine mosquitoes & I find I have lost decades of my life in sacrificed service to two narcissistic wives. When I finally started to practice a little self preservation the break ups were spectacular. Both left me & offered no resolution or closure, just contempt. Despite my attempts to maintain civility.
Damn i had to check twice. Thought I wrote this at some point as it's everything I've been living. Stay 💪.
After almost twenty years of emotional hurt from my ex wife, she told me to go get help but doesn’t want to hear any more whining about how she made me feel. I went to a psychiatrist for the first time in my life. He asked me why I was in his office and what I expected from our time. I blurted out that I wanted him to diagnose whatever was wrong with me so I could be fixed. He asked me maybe ten questions, interestingly enough, about my interactions with my ex wife. After hat he rather indignantly looked at me and said “ there’s nothing wrong with you, you won’t get a diagnosis from me, but my advise is for you to consider that maybe the problem is her”. That was it, he said nothing else as I got up and excused myself. It’s funny how people can be told something like this from an expert and dismiss it as quackery. I had been gaslit for so long that I was SURE there was something wrong with me because she said there was. She was quite angry with me that I had not come back with an answer to why it is me. I hope this helps somebody save a decade or two of their life and move on.
By the time I even had a remote concept of what I was experiencing, I was 60 years old and retired.
It took me another 10 years to learn what I was going through living with a wife who exhibited covert narcissistic tendencies.
Within the last few months, I’ve totally broken emotionally free EXCEPT I still live with her due to finances of retirement and age. It’s not a great place to be at any age but at my age there’s no starting over.
Hey I'm in the same boat. I was fooled by my covert narc wife for too long. I've spent the past 9 years alone and trying to figure out where I went wrong. I've grown much in these past years and I guess i didn't even realize how much. Recently I met the love of my life. She's an incredible person inside and out and she loves me to death because of my life experience with this subject.
She was going thru something similar with her family and I've been able to help her thru it.
Never thought I would find love again after what my ex-wife did to me but at 54 now I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. And it's a real happiness that I had never experienced before.
I don't think I've ever been loved by anyone for who I am. This girl really loves me, for me. Not for what I can give her or do for her. And it's bringing out the real me and I love it. Hadn't been myself in so long I missed myself.
Every minute of every day we are together is like a dream or a fairytale.
There's hope for you too if it's what you want. Hope you find what you're looking for.
Best regards,
JimiG.
@@jimig399 how recently did you meet this woman? Be careful that she doesn't have BPD
@@user-ju6zx3rm8d yeah..I can't believe your question already got 2 likes.
So much pessimism is unhealthy.
Perhaps you missed the part where I said I'm 54 and have a wealth of knowledge and experience with bipolar, NPD, borderline personality and anti social personality.
You can trust me when I tell you my emotional intelligence is stronger than ever.
My specific boundaries are the result of many years of suffering isolation, manipulation and living thru one traumatic experience after another for 9 years at the hands of my ex-wife.
The hard lessons stick with you the longest and make the most lasting impression upon you.
I know that from my personal experience with trauma...not from armchair diagnosis via the Internet.
I do appreciate the honesty and the concern.
Honestly I did have to take a very close look at her given how perfect she is(red flags) and even went so far as to create a false crisis like episode to see what kind of reaction I got from her.
She and I are so compatible because we've both suffered similarly.
We are also both INFJ personalities which is the coolest thing I've ever experienced.
Far from borderline.
I've been accused of being Asperger's a few times in my life. I honestly don't know if I am or not. She's more likely to be Asperger's like me than to be borderline personality. We've been together 4 months and haven't even had a disagreement.
We communicate very effectively.
Even telepathically.
When you communicate as well as we do ...every single day is easy. Like a dream. Or a fairytale. We're really in love and both enjoy it immensely. Did I mention she's absolutely stunning to look at and 24 years old.😂 Alarm bells going off in your brain loud now I bet?😂 Yeah I could not fault you for that and I had the same alarm bells. And I cleared them all thru open and direct communication with her. I'm a handsome man and professional musician. I've been with some incredible and beautiful women. This young lady tops them all and makes me feel incredible.
Be happy for me.
I've earned it.
I've suffered much but it didn't make me weak. It made me educated and resilient to any further abuses. As I'm sure it did you.
Hope you find what I have one day. We should all be so lucky.
I know this is special.
I'm grateful..not paranoid.
Best regards,
JimiG
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 love it be careful
@@wizecorner2190
didn't realize I had said something so funny.
I wasn't trying to be funny.
I guess I don't get the joke.
Co-dependency has often been suggested by people, internet strangers, and it did distracted me from the abuse I needed to escape. Recently in therapy it became clear: pleasing others is simply more enjoyable to me than my own sensory experience, but it gives me limited gratification. My overall priorities are healthy or even somewhat selfish, I just look selfless to others because we only ever go to the rides they want... they don't notice I picked the destination and created the schedule as it suited me.
I would wish that you can help others to identify when it is NOT codependency.
Thank you. There are many videos out here on by many respected individuals but you are one of the most accurate and easy to understand in wrapping this in valuable content.
I’m delving into the dynamics of CPSD. With the help of a coach. Thanks Lise for your content. This explains things very clearly. Painful but it is the reason for the attraction to toxic relationships.
Oh Lisa! How I wish I could have heard you years ago !!
Lisa thank You so Much for your in depth videos and information they have helped me so much.
Stay Blessed
Thanks!
Thank you very much, I appreciate your support 🙏
love these kind of contents. keep it up!
Thank you for your insights.
It's very useful for me now
Though any help is appreciated that helps cope with distress, I have my doubts on mindfulness, it does not seem like a solution. My way is to experience the painful thought, but without letting it carry me away. One has to split his or her state of mind into two, one that carries the pain and the other is the observer.
Thank you for making these videos. They have been a big help.💛
Wow I really needed to hear this. U explained this so well and compassionately without shaming
Hi Lise ♥️
I really adore your channel, I always loved psychology but thanks to you my interest grew so much in the subject, and especially these dynamics of NPD and BPD relationships, and how to spot narcs and manipulation, became extremely useful even in my daily life I feel way more in control when I deal with some kind of difficult people. I was wondering if you could talk about NPD dynamics in gay relationships or how gay narcissists act, as I’m a gay man , and I believe that the man with which I had an adventure/fling with is a narcissist (and I don’t use this world lightly, at all, but it’s by googling the things that he would do that I found out what narcissism is) and the thing I had with him has left me deeply broken 😔
same dynamics. There's a "male" and a "female" No need to tailor content to you
@@user-ju6zx3rm8d go trolling somewhere else ta
@lise how is codependency different from limerance
Great Channel! Thank you for your work!
Thankfully my narcissist just chested on me for the second time so we're amidst our divorce.
The bad part is that we have a son whom I love and care deeply about, so now it's the difficult part - saving him from his narcissist mother that only started to care about my boy once her new guy dumped her.
Awesome, Lise.. Appreciate your guidance. Thank you.
hi Lisa !
could you possibly do
a video on people who
find validation in
being the First to reply to videos ?
as If it were a
important
achievement of some kind instead of a random occurrence....
Me-Happy. if you could.
Love Your Content
On CODEPENDENT !🌟😳
I have to say, one of the best tools you have given me is the Muse. I have been using it for years now and it has been incredible at helping me focus and be more mindful. As for this video, I have a question that is just coming tome as I watch your video: as you know, I am a Borderline and have struggled in the past with FP relationships. At the time I was in one, it was suggested that I was codependent. I had accepted that, but now I am actually wondering if a codependent and a FP relationship are two totally different things? I would love your thoughts on this. The reason I am questioning this is because the person who was my FP was NOT codependent. She was very strong and confident in who she was. She did not need to be in a “hero” role. Her self-worth was not dependent on helping me. Your videos always spark inner reflection and new insights. Thank you for continuing to create this content.
Still very interested
First here and another great video Lise!
Thanks so much for your positive feedback!
I wonder if the military is full of these types.
If you call out their behaviour that hurts you or be protective - "you are controlling"
If you give them an opportunity to take by themselves, to take responsibility and grow - "you don't care about me, you abandoned me..."
The abandoned her and our son language has been used on me so heavily!!! I'm like you reruse to work and want to control everyone you covert narcissist cow!
2.5 years in family court just to see my son --- still ongoing.
@ma3alimezo82 It must be very difficult on you. Continue to learn, review, self reflect, and you will come out of this stronger, wiser and more healthy than before your experiences.
You must be psychic. You knew my story and I didn’t even share it. Love your videos Lise!
thank you,
That depends.
I'm fucked I'm so scared of my wife I'm a very strong man and she drives me nuts she threatens me with ending her life if I leave she is fucked without me so what can I do I can't forgive myself if something happens to her but I'm at the end of my rope this vid has been an eye opener .I'm not perfect but it can't all be my fault
I am so sorry you are in this dynamic. It makes so much sense why you feel trapped and threatened. AND, it is not your fault. It is also not your responsibility to keep her safe. That may sound harsh, but to be truthful, I have been in her position before. For clarity, I am Borderline. But this happened even before I knew that. The threat was not consciously meant to be manipulative. It was a desperate attempt to try to hold on to a relationship I knew was falling apart. An intense fear of rejection and abandonment is what triggered that threat. In the moment, I believed it was my truth. I honestly felt I could not live without this person. In hindsight, however, I know it was just a last-ditch, desperate attempt to make the person stay. I would never have killed myself. The best thing that person did was leave the relationship. For them and for me. They could not have been happy in the relationship dynamic as it was. And actually, neither could I. As difficult as the goodbye was, it prompted me to take a good look at my behaviours and beliefs and get professional support to overcome the toxic traits I carried. I am very grateful that they were able to prioritize themself and had the strength and courage to make the decision they did. For context, this was not a romantic relationship. It was a friendship. But for me, it was just as meaningful and important. And it was just as hurtful when it ended as is breaking a romantic relationship. Now, this is MY experience. I would never mean to infer yours is the same. Threats of suicide are very scary. I am not saying not to take them seriously. What I AM saying is, I don’t believe it is your responsibility to give up your own happiness to keep her safe. I would suggest to help her get professional help if possible. Or, if threats are imminent, take her to the hospital or call 911, a suicide crisis line, etc. But do not give your life to her threats. You are not powerless as you believe you are. You just have to make a conscious decision to prioritize yourself first. It doesn’t have to be a life sentence if you don’t want it to be. Easier said than done, I know. But please realize that only someone who is not well mentally would make these threats. She needs help, but not by you giving in to her threats. Maybe change your perspective. Use my story to ponder. Maybe the very best thing that could happen for her is for you to leave. She would be forced to face reality and take responsibility for what she is doing. I would never have gotten out of that dynamic if it hadn’t been for the other person making the (extremely difficult) choice to say goodbye. I am a much healthier person as a result. Just something to consider. Only you can decide what is best for your situation. I just wanted to show that things aren’t always as black and white as they seem. Shades of grey can be a beautiful colour. I truly wish you the best of luck as you navigate this difficult journey, and I also wish you strength to move through this and peace at the end of your journey.
@@amandagagne4916 thx it helps to know your story
Uh, in front if everyone, yes, i mean, thats what I've been told
There she goes again, like a soaring eagle. Meanwhile, he sits on the cliff edge below, alone, pondering why his life companion, high in the air above, longs feverishly to soar without him.
👍👍
I'm really confused. I was a codependent and my ex was a narcasscist so I was the victim. But my abuser was never co dependent, but verbally and emotionally abusive
What if the codependent seams very narcissistic. Is that a sign of bpd
And every NPD/BPD will say she/he is a codependent and a victim. It is so easy to label.
Who have this lady the right to be so stunning?
Try this: zero human relationships.
lol
Did you know that being codependent with coworkers is super easy, barely an inconvenience?
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, coworkers are tight
Everyone is codependent, dependence on God will bring what your looking for, all others are a burden on others
🫡❤🔥