I've been targeted by BPD/NPD women my entire life but I have finally woken up and have developed stronger boundaries so even though I still attract them I get rid of them very quickly now.
I share your pain, man. One can grow cold, distanced and overly defensive because of this. It feel kinda unfair that it's barely possible to simply fall for eachother like two human beings without keeping vigilance. The last time I got trapped, I wasn't even mad at myself. I wanted to go more hostile, but instead I said kind goodbye and simply walked away. Just the feeling of wasted time and effort was heavy...
@@Nyctaeus I just ended a 3 month relationship 3 weeks ago. She tried to get me to chase her and react emotionally and I absolutely refused. The end result was she was incredibly confused and had massive anxiety bordering on a full blown panic attack. On our last phone call she kept talking about how confused she was and rushed to get off the line. I definitely broke her simply by giving zero emotional reactions to the ending of the relationship. I am concerned about her descending into a very deep depression but have gone full no contact so I have no idea what she is going through at this point. I am pretty convinced she is not doing well. She brought it on herself unfortunately.
@@wmhhealth2018 I've seen similar things before. This looks like Vulnerable Narcissist, just like my last one. As far as I know from specialists like Lise, they are often also depressed and BPD. Her episode by the end looks exactly like what I've seen. Vulnerable Narcissists collapse exactly like that, and she was probably in this state long before you encountered her. You reacted well. Move along, don't look behind and save yourself. There is nothing you can do, and there is healthy dignity in simply doing so. Unless she decide to seriously attend to therapy, she's beyond redemption. Most cases of this I encountered in my life never go for therapy and simply continue narcissistic cycle.
@@wmhhealth2018 Sir....how do we fix the part of not attracting them at the first place. Like i am in the same boat. All i have attracted all my life was bpds.... I plucm off the last thorn...now i don't want to attract them at all....how to fix that... Have you seej some video or info ?
Baits n waits is right !! This old narc bag is the most text book female covert narcissist I've ever seen it's embarrassing to watch like a grade 5 kid in an old bags body..I even saw her going to neighbors on the other side of me so they will think she's nice meanwhile she's threatened me on a few occasions...if she didn't threaten another neighbor in an alcoholic haze one day Noone would know she's a threatening harangueing nut job
@@hardywatkins7737 that's how they tell on their self though. You just have to convince your logical mind that even though you have no proof their projection is all the proof you need as to the bs they're doing behind your back...
1. Highly empathic. 2. Buy into her love bombing. 3. someone who will defend her bad behaviour. 4. Obsessed with her. 5. Unwavering loyalty. 6. Some one she can easily confuse. 7. Low self worth 8. Afraid of intense emotions. 9. Financially stable. 10. Some one she can emotionally provoke.
@@TheRealTJErnie that goes for all her relationships. Whether romantic, platonic, even family. They will play puppet master and get off when they're pulling the strings. Thinking everybody is below them and stupid and that they're the smartest person in the room.
I hit 5 out of the 10 as for self worth that took alot of work and my life outside of the relationship to become very messed up. I.e. sick family death
@@Kv-pk2st 7 out of 10 myself. I was a great target for her but I wised up very quickly. I am going no contact at the moment and having way more peace in my life. 🙏🏼
I lived with a woman like that for nine years... now I have a normal girl and I had to get used to a normal relationship, quite a shock. I now see those 9 years as a fog or a black hole in my life.
This was too spot on. I know my ex targeted me , cause I didn’t care. It was almost like a challenge for her I believe. I went through all these motions with her. She started off fun and friendly and happy go lucky. I later realized it was all an act, and that she was a truly unhappy depressed individual.
mine actually ADMITTED late in the relationship that in the beginning she was just " trying to be what she wasn't" and that that person never really existed. I was discarded less than 3 weeks after my dog died, after 2 months of me dropping everything and giving him basically hospice care in my home, in her words" I used the time you spent caring for him as a way to get used to being without you".
🎯 so many of these channels and videos are focused on romantic relationships. I agree there needs to be more awareness with the issue in work environments and friendships. Those same people who destroy their significant others don’t change at work or with their friends. Same ole manipulations, half truths and gaslighting.
yes but its much easier to get out of a friendship then when you have a marriage and kids but indeed this dynamic is similar and the same tactics still work though I think the esteem gap needs to be even higher
Lise is so spot on. I lived in this exact type of relationship for a year. It is extremely difficult to break, and you might second guess yourself, but I can promise you that 1. No contact is best, 2. Time heals everything, stay patient, and 3. Remember, you were just fine before you met this person, and you’ll be even better after.
You're right. I started to keep a diary of our arguments to make sure I'm not the monster she painted me to be. Now, after we broke up and she tries to appeal to my empathy to drag me back, but I read those diary entries and don't budge... It feels so good when I hear someone else having gone through the same process! Thanks for sharing it!
My EXACT experience with my undiagnosed ex wife . I'm still experiencing PTSD 2 years later but the good news is I'm away from the abuse, gaslighting and infidelity .I now live in peace 🙏
This is my ex wife...she had no problem dumping me and dating the following week. It took me three years to recover...I was that worn out. I dated for a while and saw a lot of red flags. I stopped dating ten years ago.
I love Bill Burr's point at the end: when they start bringing up irrelevant shit and trying to aggrevate you on purpose, iTV means that youve won, and they cant handle that
Very accurate, yes. I recently came back to Jesus, and He provided me his discernment when I was at my lowest (going through what you described). None of these women are even tempting anymore. I discard them quickly. All of them are flawed from the get-go (especially once you reach a certain age), but I still have all the tools I need to feel them out a little bit longer: to see if there's any redemption for them. There never is, no, but years ago if you asked me if I'd ever be able to date an attractive woman for a while and then break it off with her when she reveals that she is married to her red flags--I would have had to tell you "no." That's no longer the case. And if I don't boot them quickly enough, God always does. His protection is perfect, even if you can't see it all the time.
They are essentially self centered, rather than truth oriented. If they can’t take advantage of you, you are hurting them. So their sadistic manipulations are justified.
My neighbor does nothing and says nothing, as soon as you take the bait and try to help her, she cajoles and harangues you. as soon as you do anything, even distance yourself from her she's a victim 😂😂😂😂 right now I'm the worst man on this planet for merely distancing myself from her 😂😂
@@mrsmucha I'm sorry 🤣🤣🤣 This one is a text book narc...u should've seen her face when the final boards went up on my 7 ft Privacy fence 🤣🤣 they don't like boundaries 🤣🤣
Oh I have one of those right across the hall. I have done so good but today I heard lies from someone and didn’t accept the lie. Of course someone right away knew who I was talking about without ever having said a name. They were angry at me for calling out the lie and when I said she manipulates people to believe a certain thing. She defended her and got so angry she got up and left. She even said everyone else manipulates. I was stunned. I walked right into that darn trap. Ugh made me feel soooo stupid. How could I let this happen .
@@histreasure3189The way she reacts to you communicating your boundaries (lovingly, but firmly) will tell you exactly that. A normal person is happy to find out another's boundaries so he/she knows how to behave around you, while a narcissist sees this only as an impediment in accomplishing her plans she made with your time and energy.
Thank you, Lise. I really wish this information had been available 30 years ago. I'm so glad it is now for future reference for our younger society. Thank you for all you do and the immense help you provide us.
@hurricaneaquatics I couldn't agree more, and I wish I had this info for myself, my life would be so much better. Thank you Lise, your work is so helpful and amazingly clear.
13 bro. Important thing is YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE. plenty of men, and women... DON'T make it out of these people's fvcked up bizaro world. You lived and you learned, you are better off now.
They are good at making you believe their fantasy world where you are a worthless, but remember stay grounded in real reality where they are sick and that you are someone empathetic and you deserve someone like you, they are beyond saving and only thing that works is no contact and letting go and forgive yourself because you had good intentions and a pure heart
Who in the hell doles out unwavering loyalty expecting no such loyalty in return? My narcissistic ex (we weren’t married) was amazing in the beginning. Experiencing her affection was the emotional equivalent of mainlining heroin. But eventually she pivoted to devaluation and multiple discards. At the end it was romance to platonic roommates. I was feeling absolutely sick from the emotional roller coaster ride she took me on. I couldn’t take Another day so I moved out two days after she brutally broke up with me in front of her kids. She accused me of abandoning her and “throwing (her) in the garbage.” Someone later told me she might have been testing me. But there’s no way I could keep pursuing someone who was constantly dumping me or saying how inadequate I was.
Bruh 😂 let’s go GANG but I look at narcissism for the male part of the side but all in the same they both do the same thing their literally to do one thing SEX 😂 ipy I been studying for about 2 yrs now straight endless videos of Dr Romani and like 12 other professionals also tons of research online ofc got about 387 notes in my notes folder on my iPhone bout these fools and hella screenshots and I’m still not gonna stop why ? KNOWLEDGE IS POWER shout out to u to man I’m 24 got alot life left wanna stay away from toxic ppl it’s sad what they put their own scapegoat child thru narcissist are the empaths nemesis ❤
Spot on! My mother is a narcissistic person. She was the victim even when I was 5 years old. She brainwashes, manipulates and cannot have one normal day. Took me 43 years to set my no contact boundary. After 2 yrs, her manipulations and her "love" for me have stopped. I stopped giving her the bait and I stopped trying to "reason" with her. It's like grieving for someone who is still alive. I'm finally finding myself. Thank you for your posts. It's reassuring ❤
It took me 43 years as well. Decided to go no contact a week before Mother’s Day this year. Heartbreaking knowing my father has been manipulated for over 50yrs. He’s 83. Sad dynamite. I’m done.
My ex wife of 7 years was a textbook covert narcissist. Is it any wonder that She called ME a narcissist early and often in our relationship? Almost as if she had heard it before, had it on the brain, or was otherwise primed to use the term. She switched victim and perp order between us consistently to family friends and therapists for the entirety of our time together and for a time had me convinced I was the sole problem in our marriage. I'm so glad she's left me and is now gone... however two years later and I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to build myself back up to what I was before I met her. It's a long road.
A girl I dated years before I met my recently divorced nex, was/is a narc and I had no idea about these people back then. She was, at times, great to be around. I thought that I had struck gold! After a couple of drinks, she would like clockwork say “are cheating on me” & “no man can be trusted”. It was exhausting, however, over & over I defended myself. I was in love with her and just blamed it on the drink. The defending, like clockwork also, turned into massive arguments and thinking back, it used to invigorate her! I should have realised she was sadistic, too. She put her foot to the floor when a family of ducks were crossing the road and wiped them all out, little ducklings! She said “that was fun and I want to do it again”. Nut case. She was 22 when that happened.
Cluster B personality disorders overlap a lot. Basically, the classifications were made to make it a little easier to understand. But it's quite common for people with those disorders to behave like them all over time. I.e., this girl you mentioned was probably a psychopath as well.
Sadistic personality traits require concealment. So for example, she would likely tell others, “It was raining and I didn’t see the duck. I feel awful about hitting it, even though it could have happened to anyone. “
I believe my wife to be one. I’m trying to get out of the situation. Starting over is very difficult though, so keep me in your prayers if you read this please.
Get professional support, if you can afford it. Untangling yourself from her web of lies is risky and complicated. Getting support from an experienced therapist can save your life.
Please muster your courage to get out of that toxic environment for your mental health sake...it is difficult but u must find that courage inside u...good luck bro.
If she hits even half or 3/4 of these SHE IS. Take your time research formulate a solid plan and make your exit, trust bro if she is she's been planning and formulating and triangulating for a while now so do not feel bad about prepping. here's something you can do in the meantime, look up grayrocking, try that out on her and see how she reacts. Hell yes it's gonna be hard please understand that you may go through some pain and she may ramp up the games as well. But you have the knowledge many men don't so you are better off than some of us, I didn't learn about ANY of this until the dust was settled, I got discarded and entered the dark night of the soul. The potential you got you may be able to avoid the dark night. Best of opportunity to you!
I’m currently living it. I’m trying to detach myself from her manipulating ways. I was devoted to her all while I was mised treated with gaslighting cheating devaluation. She put everyone against me friends family members telling everyone I was crazy. I’m currently seeing a psychologist therapist to deal with this situation I never thought someone could be so cruel and evil. The best thing anyone could do is to walk away and never go back. Thank you for your videos they are very helpful in understanding such a complex situation. Thank you
Profoundly put! I speak from experience with my Ex-wife. I wish I had realized the gravity of the intentional manipulation I had been subjected to. Post divorce and with 2 toddlers, I now focus on avoiding the minefields of traps she has laid out before me. Thanks to therapists like Lise Leblanc, that helped me put a "name" on such psychological profiles, I now know how to deal with her and preserve myself for the good of our children.
Thank you Lise. Sadly, modern dating has been set up to enable this type of behaviour. Things like game playing, pretending to act disinterested just so you don't look too easy and scaring the other person away etc. It all ends in a Mexican standoff not knowing where each of you stand and constantly walking on eggshells because of knowing that things could end at any moment... It's exhausting and causes good people with good intentions to give up on dating entirely. I just turned 40 and have lost all interest in wanting to meet someone despite wanting to fulfil my dream of having a family. Having read other men's experiences and compared notes, it seems my situation isn't unique with many men choosing to exit the dating pool entirely.
I gave up on woman 20 yrs.ago,I let my HS SWEETIE come into my life and she was a manipulated from hell. She does have a good side really good,but at 62 years old she does not even realize what she is doing,it's so second nature to her, she has used men her whole life.i felt so abused.
My narc ex is on her 5th marriage since divorcing me. She announced to her current husband that it's not working after 2 years and with that began looking for a town home to live in without him. After being told she doesn't make near enough money to buy property on her own, she called our 30 year old son asking him to co-sign on her behalf and then her 21 year old daughter to do the same. Both turned her down, thank goodness. In the end she announced that she and her current husband weren't divorcing but rather 'taking a break' from each other and HE co-signed for her to live on her own in the town home. Manipulation at its finest.
*Jesus Christ lady! In the past 8 months (after breaking up) i have watched/read over 10 experts books/videos/articles about Female NPD and none of them was so accurate to the point like this video! Jesus, goosebumps!! Daaaaamn...* 🔥
This is all true, I lived exactly 💯 like Lise says, I survived it and came out a better person, I didn't lower myself to her level. Tried to really level her up, but only God can do that, by getting those demons out of her. I am doing great since I am not with her.
I am so grateful Lisa, as a male constantly targeted by female covert narcissists, for your content, thank you! ❤️ Also, I now pretend to buy into their love bomb - just for pure fun - but if they sense minimal boundaries, no negative reactions and my awareness, in many cases they just quickly run away and block me 😅
I wanted to thank you for what you do. I’ve been listening to you on and off for almost two years. I was in a mess of a relationship for over 10 years. She dangled the carrot of marriage and a future in front of me all that time. It never happened. Thank God it never happened. My family and friends kept telling me how she was using me and I couldn’t see it. She drained me of every way: financially, emotionally and mentally. I aged tremendously during that time. It took her saying some derogatory things about my daughter to finale me up and snap me out of it. And my relationship with my daughter was strained badly because of her. You nailed every behavior of hers and me the first time I listened to you. And she did all of the things you mentioned here. She’s been completely out of my life now for about two and a half years. I met a wonderful godly woman who had been in a narcissistic and abusive marriage for 23 years. We were married in April last year. We have helped each other to heal a lot. But, your videos have helped me so much to gain insight and understanding into what happened to me. I have been in therapy and it’s been good. Thank you again for what you do.
Thank you so much, Lise, your videos have been instrumental in allowing me to recognise and ultimately escape the most damaging and toxic relationship I've ever been in. Thank you for raising awareness and keeping us all safe, you're a legitimate angel! 👍
This was very well done as usual, but I think point #1 needed more qualification. They don't feel the sense of paranoid persecution from their partners until they switch into the black thinking, which is usually after some type of narcissistic injury, so it is not experienced in the beginning. It normally takes between 3 and 6 months for it to happen - for Mr. Hyde to make his appearance. Some of them, especially the super secret covert type, can go for years before the right narcissistic injury occurs to trigger the chain reaction of pure evil.
This resonates so much with me. It's taken 10 months to get to the point where I fully realize that she was not the person she made herself out to be and that she targeted me for nefarious reasons. Nothing I did was ever good enough, but she would dangle a carrot often enough to keep me manipulated. I have found freedom and realize that I was not the bad guy, but the victim. Your channel has been a big help. Thank you for your content.
Good timing. I needed to hear this. Seeing the red flags. I've been here before. Hoovering, love bombing...drama coming next... I'm not going to take the bait. Thank you.
Everything said here I’ve experienced. She threatened to leave and did so in a huff, that’s when my freedom began. She tried getting back but I refused to let her in. Lesson learned and very happy to be alone.
I was precisely a target for her and she even admitted this that she came after me. In the beginning I didnt understand true meaning of that statement and it even was kind of compliment and validation for me. Especially with intense love bombing I was experiencing from her. What a naivity that was...
You nailed it Ms. Leblanc !!! … As I have an BONE CHILLING story of a FEMALE NARCISSIST ex, That would SKYROCKET the VIEW RATINGS of ANY PRIME time MAJOR T.V NETWORKS INTERVIEWING platforms, As WELL as SOCIAL MEDIA, And in ALL ACTUALITY, Become a blockbuster HIT movie. As I have LEARNED up CLOSE & PERSONAL … “ That NARCISSISTS are like HORROR movies, “ With ENDLESS sequels. ~TheMindOfRage
100% accurate. I survived 10 years with a female covert narcissist/sociopath. Most people wouldn’t ever believe the things she did to me and my daughter (from a previous marriage) I divorced her 20 years ago. She tried several Hoovers in the first few years, but I didn’t take the bait. Zero contact !
OH MY GOD!!! I've been in a relationship for 2.5 years with a covert female narcissist & I had NO IDEA til now! She broke up with me 8 months ago & I was blaming & punishing myself all along.... I was about to ask her to marry me when she broke up with me & I was COMPLETELY DEVASTATED & MADLY HURT. I guess that GOD ACTUALLY PROTECTED ME & she left....
That is very cool wall art behind you, the golden tree of life. The content is on point, and is painful to try to 'fix' it for so long, and realising that you are just spinning in circles with someone who needs to keep you confused, appeasing, etc. to be used and drained. There is never enough attention, admiration, etc. that you can give, and there is way less, if any, reciprocation to you. Only complaints, shame, guilt, insults, need to be right, scolding, mind games. If you don't 'believe' a problem or ailment, or mindset she has, then you are attacked and criticised for having your own opinions or thoughts. And sex, beauty, intimacy are withheld and weaponised versus walking in them. Thank you for making content like this to shine a light and wake up more people to see this toxic behaviour. I didn't know what was wrong for so many years, and I 'thought' it was something that could be fixed. I think Michele Nieves said something like, "you didn't create them, you can't control them, and you can't cure them..."
Lise, once again I find myself having to comment on another excellent video. I have little doubt that you have helped thousands of men who have been unwittingly caught in the malignant covert narcissist's trap. Thank you for the time and effort you put into your videos -it is much appreciated. Brian
I'm ✂️ all the toxic strings and from now on I am not allowing anyone to emotionally manipulate me like this. Thanks for sharing Lisa.😋💘♎⚖️ The comedy bit was a nice touch 😂
Amazing video you just pretty much summed up my ex. She was all of these reasons you explained. The fact i survived through this is a miracle. No man should EVER go through this. If you suspect your partner is a narcissist leave right away save yourself the headache. This is from personal experience.
#5!!! An old friend played a clever covert loyalty game. I had a nagging anxiety that I could not put my finger on for years. She manipulated friends (enablers) who she used as messengers to deliver rewards and punishment (no fingerprints!)As soon as I stepped away from the friend group, she attempted to test my husband’s loyalty to me. It was something we both could not unsee. Listen carefully to your anxiety! It is a wonderful alert system for toxic people!
Yup. And something I’ve never heard mentioned.. they triangulate you with the animal. Always giving the animal emotional attention in your presence and never you
This is 100% true and I was so blind to this for so long. Now that its over I feel drained…emotionally, physically, mentally and dont want to tell my homies or my fam I was getting emotionally abused.
I can't say it enough a lot of these issues are a result of childhood trauma. Empathy, self sacrifice, over dependence, co-dependency, fear of abandonment, etc., are due to being an adult child using survival instincts learned in childhood. This awareness will help in healing and recovery from these types of relationships and hopefully give you the tools to avoid future heartache.
I had many of these traits and I did keep attracting toxic women, some I do suspect are narcissists. I tried to show I was different from other men they complained about or used to date. Or be there to listen to their problems. I tried to be a good friend or boyfriend. Now I feel I have to be somewhat uncaring, cold, and distant to protect myself and I know many women even find those kinds of traits attractive. Sometimes I feel numb. I feel it's harder to trust women now unless they have certain personality traits. These were mainly western women who gave me those problems. Most of the foreign women I've talked to didn't give me that kind of drama and liked me for who I was.
My FCN had two domestic violence charges she told me in the first week of our meeting (met on Match). Of course she it explained she was the victim I naturally believed her. She was so convincing and since this was in love bombing phase, of course I did. She said she was abused by her ex husband (who she said openly cheated on her) and boyfriend she lived with after her divorce. I saw the pictures and they were gruesome and bloody and her face looked like he beat her with his fists! I met her young college aged son about a month in and he made a strange comment to me, "Never Hit Her". I chuckled as I have never hit a women, the thought never crossed my mind. I know now he was sharing some important information even if it was to protect his mother. I was totally oblivious to what a Narcissist was capable of. As the relationship progressed (it ended with no contact after 8 months), It was probably the 2 or third month I began to question the stories of her being the victim in these domestic violence incidents. ( Both times she spent jail time) Could she have actually provoked these guys? I have to admit though I never hit a women I could see where a weaker man could have. Then it happened, she was yelling at me over some stupid made up accusations and I asked her to leave my house. As i walked her out the door she turned and said "Never Push Me!" (I did not push hera) she turned around and slapped me once in the face! Wow! This proved to me my hunches were very likely correct. And so she would think twice about doing it again I told her I would call the police next time and file domestic violence charges against her. Amazingly this did not phase her in the least she did not argue the point or show any emotion at the time! Wow! So now I know she obviously provoked these male victims. Near the end of the time with her she began berating me incessantly, sometimes going on for an hour! (I know now she must have found a new supply and wanted to dump me). But at the time I did not know what to do. Nothing I could say would stop her. During these episodes that seemed to occur more often and usually at night I thought it she was having some sort a physiological episode? I also looked up her medication (Vyvanse 70Mg) it shows it can cause agitation. I hugged her once during an especially long episode trying to get her to snap out of it, and stop her delusional accusations of sleeping with a bartender. I did not know what to do until a friend friend told me to check our the FCN videos on RUclips. I ran across Lise and Andrew at Narcdaily and have learned so much. We broke up at least 5 times in the 8 months while we were together. Two weeks after the final breakup and going no contact, she honked her horn. She was behind me (Hoovering) on the street near where I live. I did nothing but look straight ahead. No emotion, though I felt like flipping her off. But I have learned what you both have taught me. That is not what to do anything, because it would show her I have not healed. I will just like to thank you Lise and Andrew from the bottom of my heart! I appreciate you so much. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos! I am still healing, but am getting stronger every day because of you. Thank You!
thanks for sharing - yes, a real narcissist is kind of like a wonder of nature - a near perfect machine that will produce more ecstasy, suffering and subtle agony in you, than you could ever imagine :)
My ex exploited my sense of duty. I was definitely a resource for her. And, I felt bad because I wasn’t that good of a resource. Thanks for the video. You ‘got’ me again! 🙃
Your timeliness of this series on female covert narcissists could not have been better. I recently had my social life destroyed because of a BPD narc ex...
I have heard it acknowledged before; don't get me wrong. Unfortunately, true empaths are rare. It's at the heart of why we undervalue ourselves. Often seen as resilient and strong, we're the most in need of being cared for because we don't show the signs outwardly. So when it seems like there's this person that finally "gets us", it feels like it's heaven sent. It doesn't matter how smart you are, you have to literally train yourself, not to fall for it. Human frailty and all that...✌
Been there, done that. The good news, I can tell them from a distance by now. The last one worked her ass off for 2 years to win me as a partner, only to discover that my answer was no. That's when she couldn't hide her true colours anymore which got a bit unpleasant.
Wow!!!! I can relate to every point except no 9! 😂 she used to come to my sister in laws window when I visited, hoping to see me but I was too shy! She also grilled my ex about me. I was a walkover. This is so accurate it's scary. It's her to a T!!!
Good sooth!!! As a survivor of both overt(parents) and covert(two ex-wives) narcissists, I applaud you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge!❤ May it find the ears and hearts of those still striving to break the hold of these "demon spirits" ! 🙏✌️❤️☀️👑!
I suppose these types of conditions can blend with each other? Everything here resonated with my last experience, until you got to the cheating, and the cold shoulder behavior. But the outbursts, the fawning, and the "you don't love me enough" was all there. Maybe I was just a less-than-ideal target so I never saw that side of it much because she never felt like she got me fully locked in? Either way, after 20 years of not dating, and then having that experience, sure doesn't motivate me to entertain any more relationship experiences. Luckily, I learned the signs at least, so I don't think I'd fall for it again. Great stuff, and love the Bill Burr inserts at the end!
Money and/or appearances were the primary reasons my mother targeted men and why men targeted me with the addition of power. My Father was extremely wealthy, powerful, and classically handsome yet mom still wanted more.
Sad how true that is - Unfortunately I can never go full "no contact" as we have a 6 month old baby that she only let me see once since she was born. I have a good attorney who is fighting for visitation rights but courts are slow and in the meantime she's punishing me by not letting my baby even know I exist - it's clear that she wants me out of the baby's life and would be pleased if I was gone forever, but I WILL NEVER give up - only for my child's sakes and i will never let her ruin my daughter's life with her narcissistic tendencies and abuse. I will be there to provide my daughter with unconditional love and try to balance in some normal parenting alongside the narcissistic tendencies presented by her mother. I just hope I can stay strong enough, because not seeing my 6 months old child and first and only child, is not something easy to cope with. I gotta stay strong for my child so she gets to have somewhat 'normal' and healthy life 😢
This is really helpful material. I exited a bad “romantic” situation a few years ago. She did what she could to make getting her out of my life as expensive and exhausting as possible. While this was going on I was intermittently having conflicts with a frighteningly advanced communal narcissist with some covert components on a more mundane (non-romantic) social issue. I had previous experience working in a clinical mental health setting but never learned all these subtypes of less-obvious narcissism like covert, communal, benign, etc. In the process of learning what the one guy is I naturally stumbled into all this material that applies to her. But it was when another channel mentioned the “savior complex” that I now realize what MY problem is…why I always end up closer to these types of women than with women who are mentally healthy and healthy to be with. It’s a little sad how quickly I’ve learned to steel myself after that but it was quite a drag through the mud I endured. What I don’t like is how so much therapy teaches us to essentially be functional, benign antisocials (or asocials) as the only way to be emotionally safe. Where I am in life I feel there is no reason to even entertain the thought with anyone I meet. I’ve stopped online dating for years at this point. I identify the narcissistic components so quickly now and continue to be reminded of statistics saying modern women are just as narcissistic as men now. What’s left on the market at my age is overwhelmingly damaged goods. There may be some decent women out there but they’re probably all hiding like I am.
I love that you used Bill Burr! My son was about ten when he dealt with his first verbal bully, we watched Bill Burr stand up as a master plan on how to pull apart a premis, how to pull apart what they said as a reflection of them. Mix that with Ryan Renolds ability to make fun of anything he himself just said and you hold the power to make anyone within earshot laugh, the bully loses all power.
This channel is my most preferred for learning about female covert narcissists and how one can protect one's self. As well as learning more about narcissists and narcissism in general. Perhaps two reasons (for choosing to return to your videos) is the neutral tone/attitude and the detailed description. Which (to me) gives a more serious impression than other channels I've stumbled upon. And I did much appreciate the included humor in this one, by combining footage from a Bill Burr stand-up Special near the end of the video. Made me laugh out loud. It also fitted very well within the context of what you were explaining. Thank you for all the useful, attainable information on this topic on your channel. And for making the information through the videos somehow very interesting (at least for me) to take part of.
It means, fight for their honor no matter how much they devalue you...and they make it impossible and throw out a breadcrumb when they sense you're getting sick of it.... It's a game...
They want attention. What are you willing to do to keep me. It never ends. You will never have a moment of peace. Women like this get bored easily. They will dump every responsibility on you and you get next to nothing. Leave quietly and go No Contact.
"A narcissist is someone who wanna make you give up everything just to be their nothing."
Gee -- sounds vaguely familiar.....
🤯
💥🎯
Nailed it
Nice quote 👌
I've been targeted by BPD/NPD women my entire life but I have finally woken up and have developed stronger boundaries so even though I still attract them I get rid of them very quickly now.
I share your pain, man. One can grow cold, distanced and overly defensive because of this. It feel kinda unfair that it's barely possible to simply fall for eachother like two human beings without keeping vigilance. The last time I got trapped, I wasn't even mad at myself. I wanted to go more hostile, but instead I said kind goodbye and simply walked away.
Just the feeling of wasted time and effort was heavy...
@@Nyctaeus I just ended a 3 month relationship 3 weeks ago. She tried to get me to chase her and react emotionally and I absolutely refused. The end result was she was incredibly confused and had massive anxiety bordering on a full blown panic attack. On our last phone call she kept talking about how confused she was and rushed to get off the line. I definitely broke her simply by giving zero emotional reactions to the ending of the relationship. I am concerned about her descending into a very deep depression but have gone full no contact so I have no idea what she is going through at this point. I am pretty convinced she is not doing well. She brought it on herself unfortunately.
@@wmhhealth2018 I've seen similar things before. This looks like Vulnerable Narcissist, just like my last one. As far as I know from specialists like Lise, they are often also depressed and BPD. Her episode by the end looks exactly like what I've seen. Vulnerable Narcissists collapse exactly like that, and she was probably in this state long before you encountered her.
You reacted well. Move along, don't look behind and save yourself. There is nothing you can do, and there is healthy dignity in simply doing so. Unless she decide to seriously attend to therapy, she's beyond redemption. Most cases of this I encountered in my life never go for therapy and simply continue narcissistic cycle.
Most modern XXs have narcissistic and BPD traits. Good luck
@@wmhhealth2018 Sir....how do we fix the part of not attracting them at the first place. Like i am in the same boat. All i have attracted all my life was bpds.... I plucm off the last thorn...now i don't want to attract them at all....how to fix that... Have you seej some video or info ?
Nailed it. She baits, and waits. You are the victim, not her.
Baits n waits is right !!
This old narc bag is the most text book female covert narcissist I've ever seen it's embarrassing to watch like a grade 5 kid in an old bags body..I even saw her going to neighbors on the other side of me so they will think she's nice meanwhile she's threatened me on a few occasions...if she didn't threaten another neighbor in an alcoholic haze one day Noone would know she's a threatening harangueing nut job
" ... and project her own negative qualities and intentions onto you".
@@hardywatkins7737 that's how they tell on their self though. You just have to convince your logical mind that even though you have no proof their projection is all the proof you need as to the bs they're doing behind your back...
Exactly
@@christymckee8133very true
Yep. Exactly. 💯
Projective identification
1. Highly empathic.
2. Buy into her love bombing.
3. someone who will defend her bad behaviour.
4. Obsessed with her.
5. Unwavering loyalty.
6. Some one she can easily confuse.
7. Low self worth
8. Afraid of intense emotions.
9. Financially stable.
10. Some one she can emotionally provoke.
@@TheRealTJErnie that goes for all her relationships. Whether romantic, platonic, even family. They will play puppet master and get off when they're pulling the strings. Thinking everybody is below them and stupid and that they're the smartest person in the room.
@@christymckee8133 exactly.
Tiffany and karen to a T
I hit 5 out of the 10 as for self worth that took alot of work and my life outside of the relationship to become very messed up. I.e. sick family death
@@Kv-pk2st 7 out of 10 myself. I was a great target for her but I wised up very quickly. I am going no contact at the moment and having way more peace in my life. 🙏🏼
I lived with a woman like that for nine years... now I have a normal girl and I had to get used to a normal relationship, quite a shock. I now see those 9 years as a fog or a black hole in my life.
This was too spot on. I know my ex targeted me , cause I didn’t care. It was almost like a challenge for her I believe. I went through all these motions with her. She started off fun and friendly and happy go lucky. I later realized it was all an act, and that she was a truly unhappy depressed individual.
mine actually ADMITTED late in the relationship that in the beginning she was just " trying to be what she wasn't" and that that person never really existed. I was discarded less than 3 weeks after my dog died, after 2 months of me dropping everything and giving him basically hospice care in my home, in her words" I used the time you spent caring for him as a way to get used to being without you".
This behavior happens in friendships too.
Yes
Yes and it sucks
🎯 so many of these channels and videos are focused on romantic relationships. I agree there needs to be more awareness with the issue in work environments and friendships. Those same people who destroy their significant others don’t change at work or with their friends. Same ole manipulations, half truths and gaslighting.
yes but its much easier to get out of a friendship then when you have a marriage and kids but indeed this dynamic is similar and the same tactics still work though I think the esteem gap needs to be even higher
Good observation!
Lise is so spot on. I lived in this exact type of relationship for a year. It is extremely difficult to break, and you might second guess yourself, but I can promise you that 1. No contact is best, 2. Time heals everything, stay patient, and 3. Remember, you were just fine before you met this person, and you’ll be even better after.
Your so right with your comment .Spot on !
You're right. I started to keep a diary of our arguments to make sure I'm not the monster she painted me to be. Now, after we broke up and she tries to appeal to my empathy to drag me back, but I read those diary entries and don't budge... It feels so good when I hear someone else having gone through the same process! Thanks for sharing it!
Well spoken I like number 3 the best unfortunately we think it will never end
What it did in my life is build a wall
My EXACT experience with my undiagnosed ex wife . I'm still experiencing PTSD 2 years later but the good news is I'm away from the abuse, gaslighting and infidelity .I now live in peace 🙏
This is my ex wife...she had no problem dumping me and dating the following week. It took me three years to recover...I was that worn out. I dated for a while and saw a lot of red flags. I stopped dating ten years ago.
Try EMDR therapy , it will help with your PTSD
I love Bill Burr's point at the end: when they start bringing up irrelevant shit and trying to aggrevate you on purpose, iTV means that youve won, and they cant handle that
Basically, you have to be one of the best men, a truly good one. But also unaware and naive. Helps if you're hot too.
And don't know that you are hot
Damn 😰 …makes sense now 😨
Totally 💯
🎯
😔
The better you are the more intense the thrill they got when they take you down
You give. They take. Then they hate you. And you become a pathetic try hard.
Very accurate, yes. I recently came back to Jesus, and He provided me his discernment when I was at my lowest (going through what you described). None of these women are even tempting anymore. I discard them quickly. All of them are flawed from the get-go (especially once you reach a certain age), but I still have all the tools I need to feel them out a little bit longer: to see if there's any redemption for them. There never is, no, but years ago if you asked me if I'd ever be able to date an attractive woman for a while and then break it off with her when she reveals that she is married to her red flags--I would have had to tell you "no." That's no longer the case. And if I don't boot them quickly enough, God always does. His protection is perfect, even if you can't see it all the time.
Vampires.
I would say that every single woman I have dated has done this..I stopped dating ten years ago. I'm done.
They are essentially self centered, rather than truth oriented. If they can’t take advantage of you, you are hurting them. So their sadistic manipulations are justified.
I suddenly feel like my ex-wife targeted me from the very beginning. 😕
My relationship was over the moment I started to work on myself and I put up boundaries.
My neighbor does nothing and says nothing, as soon as you take the bait and try to help her, she cajoles and harangues you. as soon as you do anything, even distance yourself from her she's a victim 😂😂😂😂 right now I'm the worst man on this planet for merely distancing myself from her 😂😂
Sounds like my neighbor!
@@mrsmucha I'm sorry 🤣🤣🤣
This one is a text book narc...u should've seen her face when the final boards went up on my 7 ft Privacy fence 🤣🤣 they don't like boundaries 🤣🤣
Don’t spent time thinking about her….
Oh I have one of those right across the hall. I have done so good but today I heard lies from someone and didn’t accept the lie. Of course someone right away knew who I was talking about without ever having said a name. They were angry at me for calling out the lie and when I said she manipulates people to believe a certain thing. She defended her and got so angry she got up and left. She even said everyone else manipulates. I was stunned. I walked right into that darn trap. Ugh made me feel soooo stupid. How could I let this happen .
@@DMAC1301 these peoples lives are a trap got to totally ignore them without setting them off
After this video I need another one about "how to find non-narcissistic woman"...
😂😂
Manipulate them back ,destroy their ego , and notice how insecure they are ,don't react to them
@@histreasure3189The way she reacts to you communicating your boundaries (lovingly, but firmly) will tell you exactly that. A normal person is happy to find out another's boundaries so he/she knows how to behave around you, while a narcissist sees this only as an impediment in accomplishing her plans she made with your time and energy.
Man you ain’t kidding 😂
Seriously 🤣😭
Thank you, Lise. I really wish this information had been available 30 years ago. I'm so glad it is now for future reference for our younger society. Thank you for all you do and the immense help you provide us.
@@hurricaneaquatics thank you, I appreciate your positive feedback!
@hurricaneaquatics I couldn't agree more, and I wish I had this info for myself, my life would be so much better.
Thank you Lise, your work is so helpful and amazingly clear.
@@empyrean4458totally. Wow. The amount of confusion and ruminating prison hell would have been alleviated with an avalanche of relief
I was with one for 10 years. Wasted the prime of my life and got discarded like I'm a worthless piece of trash.
Your challenge is to not put yourself down about this. Refuse to do that. Get good at providing empathy for yourself.
13 bro. Important thing is YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE. plenty of men, and women... DON'T make it out of these people's fvcked up bizaro world. You lived and you learned, you are better off now.
They are good at making you believe their fantasy world where you are a worthless, but remember stay grounded in real reality where they are sick and that you are someone empathetic and you deserve someone like you, they are beyond saving and only thing that works is no contact and letting go and forgive yourself because you had good intentions and a pure heart
Yes... they call it "loyalty" defending their bad behavior... but the only loyalty they know is towards them.
My loyalty is her punching bag.
Who in the hell doles out unwavering loyalty expecting no such loyalty in return?
My narcissistic ex (we weren’t married) was amazing in the beginning. Experiencing her affection was the emotional equivalent of mainlining heroin.
But eventually she pivoted to devaluation and multiple discards. At the end it was romance to platonic roommates.
I was feeling absolutely sick from the emotional roller coaster ride she took me on. I couldn’t take
Another day so I moved out two days after she brutally broke up with me in front of her kids. She accused me of abandoning her and “throwing (her) in the garbage.”
Someone later told me she might have been testing me. But there’s no way I could keep pursuing someone who was constantly dumping me or saying how inadequate I was.
Were you dating my ex-wife? 😂
@@chrisd6436 my ex was married multiple times, anything is possible! 🤣
I am PhD in this now ...
Bruh 😂 let’s go GANG but I look at narcissism for the male part of the side but all in the same they both do the same thing their literally to do one thing SEX 😂 ipy I been studying for about 2 yrs now straight endless videos of Dr Romani and like 12 other professionals also tons of research online ofc got about 387 notes in my notes folder on my iPhone bout these fools and hella screenshots and I’m still not gonna stop why ? KNOWLEDGE IS POWER shout out to u to man I’m 24 got alot life left wanna stay away from toxic ppl it’s sad what they put their own scapegoat child thru narcissist are the empaths nemesis ❤
Spot on! My mother is a narcissistic person. She was the victim even when I was 5 years old. She brainwashes, manipulates and cannot have one normal day. Took me 43 years to set my no contact boundary. After 2 yrs, her manipulations and her "love" for me have stopped. I stopped giving her the bait and I stopped trying to "reason" with her. It's like grieving for someone who is still alive. I'm finally finding myself. Thank you for your posts. It's reassuring ❤
It took me 43 years as well. Decided to go no contact a week before Mother’s Day this year. Heartbreaking knowing my father has been manipulated for over 50yrs. He’s 83. Sad dynamite. I’m done.
same-- mine was also extremely ab#$ive
My ex wife of 7 years was a textbook covert narcissist. Is it any wonder that She called ME a narcissist early and often in our relationship? Almost as if she had heard it before, had it on the brain, or was otherwise primed to use the term. She switched victim and perp order between us consistently to family friends and therapists for the entirety of our time together and for a time had me convinced I was the sole problem in our marriage. I'm so glad she's left me and is now gone... however two years later and I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to build myself back up to what I was before I met her. It's a long road.
10000000000000% spot on Lise. I wish this on NO MAN. Your videos keep getting better and better. The manipulation and gaslighting was horrible.
It happened to me. They groom you so much in the beginning.
A girl I dated years before I met my recently divorced nex, was/is a narc and I had no idea about these people back then. She was, at times, great to be around. I thought that I had struck gold!
After a couple of drinks, she would like clockwork say “are cheating on me” & “no man can be trusted”. It was exhausting, however, over & over I defended myself. I was in love with her and just blamed it on the drink. The defending, like clockwork also, turned into massive arguments and thinking back, it used to invigorate her! I should have realised she was sadistic, too. She put her foot to the floor when a family of ducks were crossing the road and wiped them all out, little ducklings! She said “that was fun and I want to do it again”. Nut case. She was 22 when that happened.
Run Forrest Run!
Cluster B personality disorders overlap a lot. Basically, the classifications were made to make it a little easier to understand. But it's quite common for people with those disorders to behave like them all over time. I.e., this girl you mentioned was probably a psychopath as well.
Sadistic personality traits require concealment. So for example, she would likely tell others, “It was raining and I didn’t see the duck. I feel awful about hitting it, even though it could have happened to anyone. “
Someone who is basically nobody who needs to use and control you to get a feeling of superiority
I believe my wife to be one. I’m trying to get out of the situation. Starting over is very difficult though, so keep me in your prayers if you read this please.
Hang in there. You got this
Get professional support, if you can afford it. Untangling yourself from her web of lies is risky and complicated. Getting support from an experienced therapist can save your life.
Please muster your courage to get out of that toxic environment for your mental health sake...it is difficult but u must find that courage inside u...good luck bro.
It is difficult the other option is to waste more years of your life make a plan and bail, life's short I wish you well
If she hits even half or 3/4 of these SHE IS. Take your time research formulate a solid plan and make your exit, trust bro if she is she's been planning and formulating and triangulating for a while now so do not feel bad about prepping. here's something you can do in the meantime, look up grayrocking, try that out on her and see how she reacts. Hell yes it's gonna be hard please understand that you may go through some pain and she may ramp up the games as well. But you have the knowledge many men don't so you are better off than some of us, I didn't learn about ANY of this until the dust was settled, I got discarded and entered the dark night of the soul. The potential you got you may be able to avoid the dark night. Best of opportunity to you!
I’m currently living it. I’m trying to detach myself from her manipulating ways. I was devoted to her all while I was mised treated with gaslighting cheating devaluation. She put everyone against me friends family members telling everyone I was crazy. I’m currently seeing a psychologist therapist to deal with this situation I never thought someone could be so cruel and evil. The best thing anyone could do is to walk away and never go back. Thank you for your videos they are very helpful in understanding such a complex situation. Thank you
Paying attention to facial expressions is key, the trademark narc half-smile when they get what they want is something they can’t hide.
Profoundly put! I speak from experience with my Ex-wife. I wish I had realized the gravity of the intentional manipulation
I had been subjected to. Post divorce and with 2 toddlers, I now focus on avoiding the minefields of traps she has laid out before me. Thanks to therapists like Lise Leblanc, that helped me put a "name" on such psychological profiles, I now know how to deal with her and preserve myself for the good of our children.
Do not allow her to shape your children into narcissists. Read about the risk of parental alienation.
Thank you Lise. Sadly, modern dating has been set up to enable this type of behaviour. Things like game playing, pretending to act disinterested just so you don't look too easy and scaring the other person away etc.
It all ends in a Mexican standoff not knowing where each of you stand and constantly walking on eggshells because of knowing that things could end at any moment... It's exhausting and causes good people with good intentions to give up on dating entirely.
I just turned 40 and have lost all interest in wanting to meet someone despite wanting to fulfil my dream of having a family. Having read other men's experiences and compared notes, it seems my situation isn't unique with many men choosing to exit the dating pool entirely.
another country
I gave up on woman 20 yrs.ago,I let my HS SWEETIE come into my life and she was a manipulated from hell. She does have a good side really good,but at 62 years old she does not even realize what she is doing,it's so second nature to her, she has used men her whole life.i felt so abused.
dont forget nofolt divorce
My narc ex is on her 5th marriage since divorcing me. She announced to her current husband that it's not working after 2 years and with that began looking for a town home to live in without him. After being told she doesn't make near enough money to buy property on her own, she called our 30 year old son asking him to co-sign on her behalf and then her 21 year old daughter to do the same. Both turned her down, thank goodness. In the end she announced that she and her current husband weren't divorcing but rather 'taking a break' from each other and HE co-signed for her to live on her own in the town home. Manipulation at its finest.
*Jesus Christ lady! In the past 8 months (after breaking up) i have watched/read over 10 experts books/videos/articles about Female NPD and none of them was so accurate to the point like this video! Jesus, goosebumps!! Daaaaamn...* 🔥
This is the best version for the covert iv heard being the most difficult narcissist to spot let alone for someone else to believe. Thank you
Ended a 5 year toxic relationship with my narc ex 2 months ago and on a No Contact ever since.
This is all true, I lived exactly 💯 like Lise says, I survived it and came out a better person, I didn't lower myself to her level. Tried to really level her up, but only God can do that, by getting those demons out of her. I am doing great since I am not with her.
I am so grateful Lisa, as a male constantly targeted by female covert narcissists, for your content, thank you! ❤️
Also, I now pretend to buy into their love bomb - just for pure fun - but if they sense minimal boundaries, no negative reactions and my awareness, in many cases they just quickly run away and block me 😅
I wanted to thank you for what you do. I’ve been listening to you on and off for almost two years. I was in a mess of a relationship for over 10 years. She dangled the carrot of marriage and a future in front of me all that time. It never happened. Thank God it never happened. My family and friends kept telling me how she was using me and I couldn’t see it. She drained me of every way: financially, emotionally and mentally. I aged tremendously during that time. It took her saying some derogatory things about my daughter to finale me up and snap me out of it. And my relationship with my daughter was strained badly because of her. You nailed every behavior of hers and me the first time I listened to you. And she did all of the things you mentioned here. She’s been completely out of my life now for about two and a half years. I met a wonderful godly woman who had been in a narcissistic and abusive marriage for 23 years. We were married in April last year. We have helped each other to heal a lot. But, your videos have helped me so much to gain insight and understanding into what happened to me. I have been in therapy and it’s been good. Thank you again for what you do.
Thank you so much, Lise, your videos have been instrumental in allowing me to recognise and ultimately escape the most damaging and toxic relationship I've ever been in. Thank you for raising awareness and keeping us all safe, you're a legitimate angel! 👍
This was very well done as usual, but I think point #1 needed more qualification. They don't feel the sense of paranoid persecution from their partners until they switch into the black thinking, which is usually after some type of narcissistic injury, so it is not experienced in the beginning. It normally takes between 3 and 6 months for it to happen - for Mr. Hyde to make his appearance. Some of them, especially the super secret covert type, can go for years before the right narcissistic injury occurs to trigger the chain reaction of pure evil.
"Take a knee and run out the clock" thats definitely how you maintain the peace.
This resonates so much with me. It's taken 10 months to get to the point where I fully realize that she was not the person she made herself out to be and that she targeted me for nefarious reasons. Nothing I did was ever good enough, but she would dangle a carrot often enough to keep me manipulated. I have found freedom and realize that I was not the bad guy, but the victim. Your channel has been a big help. Thank you for your content.
Guys, never chase, you are the price.
Good timing. I needed to hear this. Seeing the red flags. I've been here before. Hoovering, love bombing...drama coming next...
I'm not going to take the bait. Thank you.
Everything said here I’ve experienced. She threatened to leave and did so in a huff, that’s when my freedom began. She tried getting back but I refused to let her in. Lesson learned and very happy to be alone.
I was precisely a target for her and she even admitted this that she came after me. In the beginning I didnt understand true meaning of that statement and it even was kind of compliment and validation for me. Especially with intense love bombing I was experiencing from her. What a naivity that was...
You nailed it Ms. Leblanc !!! … As I have an BONE CHILLING story of a FEMALE NARCISSIST ex, That would SKYROCKET the VIEW RATINGS of ANY PRIME time MAJOR T.V NETWORKS INTERVIEWING platforms, As WELL as SOCIAL MEDIA, And in ALL ACTUALITY, Become a blockbuster HIT movie. As I have LEARNED up CLOSE & PERSONAL … “ That NARCISSISTS are like HORROR movies, “ With ENDLESS sequels. ~TheMindOfRage
That explains almost all my past girlfriends
I never thought a Narc would single me out. How wrong could I be. At least these posts help me understand that it's not all my fault.
100% accurate. I survived 10 years with a female covert narcissist/sociopath. Most people wouldn’t ever believe the things she did to me and my daughter (from a previous marriage) I divorced her 20 years ago. She tried several Hoovers in the first few years, but I didn’t take the bait. Zero contact !
Dr. You helpt so many people make sense of the psychological trap they were in. Thank you for the wonderful content, it is perfectly made!
Please never delete these videos. This one is on the point. These videos help me a lot. ❤
Youve just read the mail of the last 14 yrs of my life!! On the recovery/ healing journey now!
I almost married one. Got out just in time! Now see she would have made my life a living hell!
OH MY GOD!!!
I've been in a relationship for 2.5 years with a covert female narcissist & I had NO IDEA til now!
She broke up with me 8 months ago & I was blaming & punishing myself all along....
I was about to ask her to marry me when she broke up with me & I was COMPLETELY DEVASTATED & MADLY HURT.
I guess that GOD ACTUALLY PROTECTED ME & she left....
That is very cool wall art behind you, the golden tree of life. The content is on point, and is painful to try to 'fix' it for so long, and realising that you are just spinning in circles with someone who needs to keep you confused, appeasing, etc. to be used and drained. There is never enough attention, admiration, etc. that you can give, and there is way less, if any, reciprocation to you. Only complaints, shame, guilt, insults, need to be right, scolding, mind games. If you don't 'believe' a problem or ailment, or mindset she has, then you are attacked and criticised for having your own opinions or thoughts. And sex, beauty, intimacy are withheld and weaponised versus walking in them.
Thank you for making content like this to shine a light and wake up more people to see this toxic behaviour. I didn't know what was wrong for so many years, and I 'thought' it was something that could be fixed. I think Michele Nieves said something like, "you didn't create them, you can't control them, and you can't cure them..."
I haven't run into something that so succinctly and clearly nails describing this so well. Thank you.
Wow, this completely explains everything about my last relationship. Lise, you just listed every single trait she liked about me.
Lise, once again I find myself having to comment on another excellent video. I have little doubt that you have helped thousands of men who have been unwittingly caught in the malignant covert narcissist's trap.
Thank you for the time and effort you put into your videos -it is much appreciated. Brian
I'm ✂️ all the toxic strings and from now on I am not allowing anyone to emotionally manipulate me like this.
Thanks for sharing Lisa.😋💘♎⚖️ The comedy bit was a nice touch 😂
Amazing video you just pretty much summed up my ex. She was all of these reasons you explained. The fact i survived through this is a miracle. No man should EVER go through this. If you suspect your partner is a narcissist leave right away save yourself the headache. This is from personal experience.
After experiencing this I’ve decided to stay single. The reward of another relationship isn’t worth the risk.
Most young and attractive women are like this sadly.
OMG! Thank you - needed this 26 years ago. I wish more was directed to the guys.
#5!!! An old friend played a clever covert loyalty game. I had a nagging anxiety that I could not put my finger on for years. She manipulated friends (enablers) who she used as messengers to deliver rewards and punishment (no fingerprints!)As soon as I stepped away from the friend group, she attempted to test my husband’s loyalty to me. It was something we both could not unsee. Listen carefully to your anxiety! It is a wonderful alert system for toxic people!
#5 This is why they love dogs more than humans because dogs would give them unconditional love at all time.
Yup. And something I’ve never heard mentioned.. they triangulate you with the animal. Always giving the animal emotional attention in your presence and never you
This is 100% true and I was so blind to this for so long. Now that its over I feel drained…emotionally, physically, mentally and dont want to tell my homies or my fam I was getting emotionally abused.
I can't say it enough a lot of these issues are a result of childhood trauma. Empathy, self sacrifice, over dependence, co-dependency, fear of abandonment, etc., are due to being an adult child using survival instincts learned in childhood. This awareness will help in healing and recovery from these types of relationships and hopefully give you the tools to avoid future heartache.
You can’t win. Best to just avoid them.
I got dragged behind 2 cars like this. (Barely) Survived each time. Doing better now.
I had many of these traits and I did keep attracting toxic women, some I do suspect are narcissists. I tried to show I was different from other men they complained about or used to date. Or be there to listen to their problems. I tried to be a good friend or boyfriend. Now I feel I have to be somewhat uncaring, cold, and distant to protect myself and I know many women even find those kinds of traits attractive. Sometimes I feel numb. I feel it's harder to trust women now unless they have certain personality traits.
These were mainly western women who gave me those problems. Most of the foreign women I've talked to didn't give me that kind of drama and liked me for who I was.
Foreign women keep the mask on tighter. Ask the foreign men what they think about women from their country and then you’ll know the truth.
healthy boundary practice & setting consistently changes any toxic environment impact
My FCN had two domestic violence charges she told me in the first week of our meeting (met on Match). Of course she it explained she was the victim I naturally believed her. She was so convincing and since this was in love bombing phase, of course I did. She said she was abused by her ex husband (who she said openly cheated on her) and boyfriend she lived with after her divorce. I saw the pictures and they were gruesome and bloody and her face looked like he beat her with his fists! I met her young college aged son about a month in and he made a strange comment to me, "Never Hit Her". I chuckled as I have never hit a women, the thought never crossed my mind. I know now he was sharing some important information even if it was to protect his mother. I was totally oblivious to what a Narcissist was capable of. As the relationship progressed (it ended with no contact after 8 months), It was probably the 2 or third month I began to question the stories of her being the victim in these domestic violence incidents. ( Both times she spent jail time) Could she have actually provoked these guys? I have to admit though I never hit a women I could see where a weaker man could have. Then it happened, she was yelling at me over some stupid made up accusations and I asked her to leave my house. As i walked her out the door she turned and said "Never Push Me!" (I did not push hera) she turned around and slapped me once in the face! Wow! This proved to me my hunches were very likely correct. And so she would think twice about doing it again I told her I would call the police next time and file domestic violence charges against her. Amazingly this did not phase her in the least she did not argue the point or show any emotion at the time! Wow! So now I know she obviously provoked these male victims. Near the end of the time with her she began berating me incessantly, sometimes going on for an hour! (I know now she must have found a new supply and wanted to dump me). But at the time I did not know what to do. Nothing I could say would stop her. During these episodes that seemed to occur more often and usually at night I thought it she was having some sort a physiological episode? I also looked up her medication (Vyvanse 70Mg) it shows it can cause agitation. I hugged her once during an especially long episode trying to get her to snap out of it, and stop her delusional accusations of sleeping with a bartender. I did not know what to do until a friend friend told me to check our the FCN videos on RUclips. I ran across Lise and Andrew at Narcdaily and have learned so much. We broke up at least 5 times in the 8 months while we were together. Two weeks after the final breakup and going no contact, she honked her horn. She was behind me (Hoovering) on the street near where I live. I did nothing but look straight ahead. No emotion, though I felt like flipping her off. But I have learned what you both have taught me. That is not what to do anything, because it would show her I have not healed. I will just like to thank you Lise and Andrew from the bottom of my heart! I appreciate you so much. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos! I am still healing, but am getting stronger every day because of you. Thank You!
No. 1 is what everyone would like - until the part about 'sole mmission in life to rescue her'
thanks for sharing - yes, a real narcissist is kind of like a wonder of nature - a near perfect machine that will produce more ecstasy, suffering and subtle agony in you, than you could ever imagine :)
My ex exploited my sense of duty. I was definitely a resource for her. And, I felt bad because I wasn’t that good of a resource. Thanks for the video. You ‘got’ me again! 🙃
Lise we love you💛! You are great help for many people,especially men who have been in this situation.
Your timeliness of this series on female covert narcissists could not have been better. I recently had my social life destroyed because of a BPD narc ex...
I have heard it acknowledged before; don't get me wrong. Unfortunately, true empaths are rare. It's at the heart of why we undervalue ourselves. Often seen as resilient and strong, we're the most in need of being cared for because we don't show the signs outwardly. So when it seems like there's this person that finally "gets us", it feels like it's heaven sent. It doesn't matter how smart you are, you have to literally train yourself, not to fall for it. Human frailty and all that...✌
Brilliantly and concisely explained. Thank you, Lisa, your understanding is truly insightful
Been there, done that. The good news, I can tell them from a distance by now. The last one worked her ass off for 2 years to win me as a partner, only to discover that my answer was no. That's when she couldn't hide her true colours anymore which got a bit unpleasant.
Brilliant explanation thank you and have a wonderfull day⭐️🙏🏼
I keep being attracted to these people. I am DONE! No contact
Wow!!!! I can relate to every point except no 9! 😂 she used to come to my sister in laws window when I visited, hoping to see me but I was too shy! She also grilled my ex about me. I was a walkover. This is so accurate it's scary. It's her to a T!!!
These videos have helped me see my relationship history in a totally new light. Hours of therapy over the years never touched on these obvious issues.
Good sooth!!! As a survivor of both overt(parents) and covert(two ex-wives) narcissists, I applaud you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge!❤ May it find the ears and hearts of those still striving to break the hold of these "demon spirits" ! 🙏✌️❤️☀️👑!
This is such valuable content.
I suppose these types of conditions can blend with each other? Everything here resonated with my last experience, until you got to the cheating, and the cold shoulder behavior. But the outbursts, the fawning, and the "you don't love me enough" was all there. Maybe I was just a less-than-ideal target so I never saw that side of it much because she never felt like she got me fully locked in? Either way, after 20 years of not dating, and then having that experience, sure doesn't motivate me to entertain any more relationship experiences. Luckily, I learned the signs at least, so I don't think I'd fall for it again. Great stuff, and love the Bill Burr inserts at the end!
You are so good ma'am... more educative items like this are sure defence to these toxic women out there😂
Money and/or appearances were the primary reasons my mother targeted men and why men targeted me with the addition of power. My Father was extremely wealthy, powerful, and classically handsome yet mom still wanted more.
Terrific Comedy Clip at the End 🤣🤣🤣👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
Sad how true that is - Unfortunately I can never go full "no contact" as we have a 6 month old baby that she only let me see once since she was born. I have a good attorney who is fighting for visitation rights but courts are slow and in the meantime she's punishing me by not letting my baby even know I exist - it's clear that she wants me out of the baby's life and would be pleased if I was gone forever, but I WILL NEVER give up - only for my child's sakes and i will never let her ruin my daughter's life with her narcissistic tendencies and abuse. I will be there to provide my daughter with unconditional love and try to balance in some normal parenting alongside the narcissistic tendencies presented by her mother.
I just hope I can stay strong enough, because not seeing my 6 months old child and first and only child, is not something easy to cope with. I gotta stay strong for my child so she gets to have somewhat 'normal' and healthy life 😢
This is really helpful material. I exited a bad “romantic” situation a few years ago. She did what she could to make getting her out of my life as expensive and exhausting as possible. While this was going on I was intermittently having conflicts with a frighteningly advanced communal narcissist with some covert components on a more mundane (non-romantic) social issue.
I had previous experience working in a clinical mental health setting but never learned all these subtypes of less-obvious narcissism like covert, communal, benign, etc. In the process of learning what the one guy is I naturally stumbled into all this material that applies to her. But it was when another channel mentioned the “savior complex” that I now realize what MY problem is…why I always end up closer to these types of women than with women who are mentally healthy and healthy to be with.
It’s a little sad how quickly I’ve learned to steel myself after that but it was quite a drag through the mud I endured. What I don’t like is how so much therapy teaches us to essentially be functional, benign antisocials (or asocials) as the only way to be emotionally safe. Where I am in life I feel there is no reason to even entertain the thought with anyone I meet. I’ve stopped online dating for years at this point. I identify the narcissistic components so quickly now and continue to be reminded of statistics saying modern women are just as narcissistic as men now. What’s left on the market at my age is overwhelmingly damaged goods. There may be some decent women out there but they’re probably all hiding like I am.
I love that you used Bill Burr! My son was about ten when he dealt with his first verbal bully, we watched Bill Burr stand up as a master plan on how to pull apart a premis, how to pull apart what they said as a reflection of them. Mix that with Ryan Renolds ability to make fun of anything he himself just said and you hold the power to make anyone within earshot laugh, the bully loses all power.
This channel is my most preferred for learning about female covert narcissists and how one can protect one's self. As well as learning more about narcissists and narcissism in general. Perhaps two reasons (for choosing to return to your videos) is the neutral
tone/attitude and the detailed description. Which (to me) gives a more serious impression than other channels I've stumbled upon.
And I did much appreciate the included humor in this one, by combining footage from a Bill Burr stand-up Special near the end of the video. Made me laugh out loud. It also fitted very well within the context of what you were explaining.
Thank you for all the useful, attainable information on this topic on your channel. And for making the information through the videos somehow very interesting (at least for me) to take part of.
You also probably haven’t seen all of the channels who talk about female narcissists and borderline
Wow. I NAILED each and every one of these items. No wonder my life is the way it is right now...
Thank you for being so clear and poignant.
Ive heard a few female narchole "friends" actually say out loud "I want a man to fight for me".
What does that even mean? Fight how and why...
It means, fight for their honor no matter how much they devalue you...and they make it impossible and throw out a breadcrumb when they sense you're getting sick of it.... It's a game...
They want attention. What are you willing to do to keep me. It never ends. You will never have a moment of peace. Women like this get bored easily. They will dump every responsibility on you and you get next to nothing. Leave quietly and go No Contact.