Mine had an elaborate set up and he was definitely thinking about his long term benefits when he was doing it. It was long term goal, with the help of flying monkeys.
@@wardeggerrobertmarius144 You're both technically correct. The issue is between Factor 1 & Factor 2 Psychopathy. Primary Psychopaths (F1) are the more charming, charismatic, manipulative, cold, calculated, & strategic, "white collar crime" types. They have a long-term goal. They don't care who they have to screw over to achieve their objective. They more or less have "planning" but their lack of insight in their 'plans' renders them often fairly ineffective. These 'plans' often have to adapt to accommodate the psychopath's lack of consideration of consequences (i.e. because REALITY doesn't always go as they expected so they have to improvise) Often this means transitioning from one 'plan' to the next, _in the general direction of their long-term goal, but with A LOT of collateral damage and near-misses along the way. Secondary Psychopathy also sometimes referred to as "Sociopaths" tend to be the more reckless, defiant, impulsive, reactive, including violent and/or sadistic. The maximum security prison types. These psychopaths typically have a baseline of Factor 1 traits (lying, manipulative, callous, two-faced, etc) but their impulsivity and recklessness often land them in trouble with the criminal justice system at some point. Most psychopaths have varying degrees of BOTH factor 1 & 2 traits, which is probably why the term "psychopath" is so confusing and misunderstood.
What gets me is this, when you're down and being kicked, the kickers feel utterly justified even to the extent the law doesn't apply to them if it occurs in the workplace where there's strong laws to protect workers form this sort of thing. This goes all the way to physical assault, where when the police become involved they don't press charges because they're in agreement with the attackers that you are just a POS. I've never been able to understand this. This has nothing to do with the narcissist in the workplace just supervisors and office staff.
A lot of times in the long term if you dont engage in a narcissists baiting or smear campaign they will usually trip over their own deception, it is only a matter of time. It is better to carry on and live life. Thank you for sharing
This is so me accept I have people who knows the real me😂😂😂 nor do I look to get revenge and for some reason me not seeking out these people rattles them up …they basically reach out to me for an opportunity to get angry at me for them betraying/mistreating me …I don’t understand it so I don’t give it too much energy like I used to it’s like they were surviving off my reaction to the bs 🤔😂
Don't play the game of the chain of fools. No contact is the only way out never engage in their nonsense keep your sanity and move away and never turn back. That's my advice and it works wonders. No need to get involved in their dirty cunning game for this is poison for your soul.
sometimes you find out in the middle of the road and by accident when is your best friend especially that knows a lot about you and than YOU see how She/he is evil and braging about plot for someone who ends contact with them or do them wrong. than i needed to distance myself more and more just in case so YOU dont step on their foot. than they arent offended as much because they find another "better company " and more interesting to my advantage i didnt then come to their mind that often. they start to only ignore me simply because i did thaz to them , they get offended but not enough to get revenge for anything
The reality is that there are good and bad people in this world. In order for you to navigate and sustain yourself in this world the plan is a huge necessity.
@sonnyborja9375 I was warned by therapists not to talk to neighbors. Be careful out there if you are going no contact from your abusers like I did almost 5 yrs ago. This video is extremely VALIDATING to my experience of being a scapegoat of a toxic dysfunctional family system and then the aftermath of trying to go no contact and having to move and change my phone number several times. Its no joke, stay safe out there!
I hope the board looked into it long and hard? that you had some big proof? you're probably just trying to be brief, but makes it sound like hearsay. "just reported" meaning just very recently? and already so fast his/her licence gone? that easy to get someone de-licenced?
35 yrs ago. Yes it’s very easy when he’s trying to molest your daughter, not keeping records cause he’s not working. Lying to the government. He had to make a deal to keep from going to prison.
Most work places are organized around bullying. Especially workers in healthcare outside of big hospitals, especially mental hospitals, and especially among the women in these settings.
We actually need to spread awareness abt that, bc a Lot of patients are getting Hurt bc of it. Let's call attention to health worker bullying; including Dr's & administration👍🏼
Only issue for me is that smear campaigns are fine for real friends/ fake friends situations. But there are also many people who only know you slightly, they are ‘neutrals’ in a way. And narcissists target these people… ‘turning a neutral into an ally’ - creating enemies for you where before they were just people you knew. This is not harmless.
The deadly silence on your part will be in contrast with the narcissist's barking. There is a possibility that the healthier neutral flying monkeys notice the difference and gradually find out the truth. It is happened for me, albeit after about 6 years. It was not easy but the fruit is so sweet 😊
And you pass them maybe walking in a park or at the store, they just glare and look at you in horror! You know some crazy shit was said to them about you. Their jaws just drop. Happens to me all the time. Current husband doing this! Acting completely normal. Sick and no amount of prayer is helping. Ongoing smear campaign.
My ex is a narc and has 5 flying monkeys. They are my daughters. I raised them myself. Right now they are not talking to me and that is ok with me. They relate my well being to my ex. 40 years later they believe that their father cares about me. He never cared for me or my daughters. My daughters think he is perfect and will not allow me to talk about the narc. Right now I feel happy that I have cut him and cut the girls out of my life. My mother was a narc also and she and my ex were very much alike. I was born to a woman who didn`t want children. I was the first of 12 , 8 of us were raised by her. Most turned out to be narcissists. I have no relationship with any of them either from the lies they were told about me or I refuse to allow a narc in my part of the world. I am a graduate of psychology and would love to know more about the things the narc will do and how I can defend myself against him. I truly thought he was done with me as he remarried right after our separation and moved across country with his wife. I will live my life, if I have to without my daughters, but I love them so much, always have. Can not figure out a way to separate them from the lies he has told them about me. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Welland ON Canada
Yout advice can save lives!!! So many ppl have committed suicide bc of narcissists amd especially if they wage a viscious smear campaign on top of the abuse they inflict in person. Look at rhe highly publicized case of Mica Miller. Its good that ppl are finally understanding the seriousness of what they do amd it almost always includes them breaking the law. They hv no regard for their victims amd no regard for the law
Mica Miller was Murdered, she did not kill herself. But yes so true many many suicides...l wanted to when l was with the Narc.. 33years Praise God lm still here.❤
I honestly believe this is what caused a lot of public shooting situations as well. Its very sad. Especially to push people so hard with mental illnesses, should be prohibited. If you want to help someones get them into treatment or therapy, you dont push them over the edge. Very sick and counter productive.
I worked with my gf, and her mother which still works with me. Some rumor was put out there about my “size” and how long I last. Rumors that I payed no mind but clearly realized that she never put a stop to it, and I have a feeling that the mother is pumping lies and rumors about me. I wonder if I can take legal action even though I have no proof
I have been doing this. Acting grateful and providing the flying monkey fake information, she now sends me their chat history and tells him about the information I provide her.
@@LifestyleMediaGrpit’s lies they tell about you to you’re friends and family and anyone else who listens and believes it. Once they do that those people act differently to you
Narcissists could also operate as a collective/group with the connections to institutions of power. One of the most dangerous forms with an intricate network of flying monkeys.
Start using the record button on your phone for conversations, and on your phone for video. Secure it in your shirt pocket with video on....just a thought Be as cunning as they are, but for the good
Its such a great term to call the narcissist's enabler. Ive see this a lot in my family with many family members being flying monkeys. Mom was the flying monkey for her abusive parents, dad is the flying monkey for the narcissistic mom and brother. Its no wonder I felt like my family was a bit off growing up. Its like a layer cake of enabling. Its probably why Im so honest with myself as an adult. I played many sports and learned many instruments as well. So honesty has always been important in getting better results in life but also in my career as a musician.
I like the part about true friends not believing what the narcs say about the person they recently discarded. My mom just discarded my sister and I don’t believe anything she says about her.
That's if supervisors and managers in workplaces are supportive not part of the smear campaign project to save their name and job,company money and name. Workplaces are becoming more and more dangerous places to be. The more gollable you allow them to see you as, the more information you absorb accessing vital information. Just let them assume whoever you are.
I'm going through a6yr attack at work.I have a dangerous fan. The police, lawyers are now involved. Her threats have changed now to a palpable fear. They lie. They forget the past. They are impulsive. They are at the end of the day dangerous to themselves. I went and is going through an extremely stressful life event. But thanks to Dr. Vaknin, my psychologist,lawyer and so on, I'm learning to turn my fear into power. Good luck everyone. Stay strong.
How can we recover when the smear campaign continues and by your family. In some countries, it's a nightmare to have your parent against you. I don't respond but I cannot get rid of the sadness. What have I done to deserve all these lies, insults, violence, the humiliations. They took away everything I owned and I bounced back and they're still trying to hurt me. I was stupid because I believed my parent would be more kind with age hahaha what was wrong with me? I only gave another chance to someone who didn't deserve it and who broke me.
You have done nothing to deserve it. It is unjust and unfair I'm in a simular situation. The narcissist are envious of you and hate your light. They live in darkness. I now see, that it is a gift to know who is against you. Also their flying monkeys are either the same or blinded by these lies. To have peace I use the word of God. So much truth and love to find there. God loves you, and he created the whole world, and you ❤ Do not seek validation from people, especially not those who treat you badly. Forgive them (for they know not what they do), but don't trust them. Stay away from them and find good people you can trust. You are not alone ❤️
I am in the same boat. I'm so so sad, confused, can't stop ruminating, and can't walk away because my son's is suffering and my grandkids are told so many lies. I'm a truth teller but I have no voice. And I listen to sam and Dr Ramani and YES, what they say makes sense but I'm getting worse over time, not better. I did nothing and I lived my abuser DIL, so trying to wrap your head around it is absolute confusion
You are Not Alone! If we can find the resources to help us, & find a way to Use those resources, that's our way out of families like these. Stay Strong 💙
I didn't know anything about narcissists but I instinctly knew he was trying to get me back. I used the grey rock technique and went no contact, which is the best advice.
Thank you for explaining. My Previous Work Place was hell on Earth. Boss is an overt and his prime flying monkey an covert narc employed in HR. Never expierenced a more evil duo: Mobbing, Bullying, Lying, Micro Management, gossiping, Distrust. As soon as they come to the conclusion that the employee wont fit In, they instantly will lay the person off.
@@mrmcallister The thing is that the decision is not based on the employees performance but upon their complying or non complying with the toxic work culture. Insanely high turnover rates, they take pleasure in Kicking people out, even Top Performers because Management seeks admiration, almost workship and submission to their corporate/personal goals, no critics allowed. From the Managements POV the only reasonable Action - I agree with you.
these people have openly talked about their diagnosis and or having NPD? how many degrees of separation for u to Know a lie vs perceive? or take your pick from your given list keep detailed records for no reason but to protect yourself .
When the narc returns they won’t apologise they just show up all sweet and nice….beware a snake 🐍sheds its skin and comes back as a bigger snake…. The flying monkeys are fooled like everyone they believe nothing is the narcs fault so they come and retrieve you for the narcissist…
All this is true. If you can’t remove yourself from the situation these tactics work. It’s the long game but your reputation will be somewhat better this way. The only one it won’t work on is primary supply.
Do you mean it if the victim is/was the primary supply? Or if the primary supply acts as a flying monkey? Why do you think these dont work in that situation? (And what do you mean by primary supply? Sam says an intimate partner is secondary supply )
@@2hetigDoubtful, it's hard to imagine too many situations where the partner was not primary supply. Who do most people spend most of their time with?? It's their partner
@@2hetig the primary supply is who the narcissistic person chooses. They will obey the narcissistic person most of the time unless they are willing to leave that relationship and cut the bond.
We need to become more purposeful in life and stop thinking we will organically make things happen. You have to be ready prepared and purposeful and play the long game to create a better outcome and avoid giving the narcissist power
Thank you for this empowering video, Mr. Vaknin. A while back, I worked in one particularly toxic workplace that left me scarred for years from the sadistic bullying & smear campaign I received by one very corrupt co-worker. Looking back now on that period, I can see what truly sick & power hungry individuals the co-worker & some of the higher ups who enabled her were. At the time, I didn't know much about this topic of narcissism so I fell for all the traps the corrupt co-worker used to sabotage me. When I compare your assessments from other videos also, I strongly feel she had the triad personality traits. The top tier of evil I now know.
So good. This is how I’ve been relating to the F. M.s. Thank you for validating my innate intuition of how to deal with them. The only difference is, I don’t give them the impression that I’m afraid of them.
I am well into the first stages of this and have been for nearly 6 months when I decided the pain and cruelty as they carried on the work of the narcissist for him was enough. There are 2 main flying monkeys who are a couple (family ties and finances involved). They now believe that I have been firmly put in my place by their actions and that they have taught me a lesson. I'd been wondering how to proceed next and drip feeding false information is a great idea, although that will be quite difficult as they barely communicate. However, I've noticed that since they have started to believe that I'm compliant that they're becoming a bit more open with me. Looking forward to seeing where this goes next.
I love your imaginative use of language. As we live near a troop of real monkeys that come into suburbia from a green belt to find water and food during the dry months. I love your expression of flying monkeys. They really do know how to take advantage of the environment.
Hell no im not doing all that lol its not worth all these games thats not what life and living is about but you wouldnt get it sam.. being a narcissist you all love playing games and get excited with this back and forth sneaky games
It is a lot of work if the narcissist is easy to avoid, like if they are not your parent or supervisor in a job you want to keep. My narcissist is my mother. I lied to my mother about where I live, since Mom kept showing up unexpectedly at my door. Well, she sent my flying monkey sister to show up unexpectedly at my door. My sister told my mother I had moved. I then told my sister I had moved because I couldn't afford the rent, and claimed I had never told Mom I'd had to move, because I feared Mom would worry about me, and I didn't want to worry Mom. My mother has never worried about me in her life. Well, my sister told my mother this lie and, for the first time in my life, I got money instead of grief from my mother! Mom said, "If you had told me you couldn't afford your rent, I would have helped you!"; Total lie from my mother, but she gave me a hundred dollar bill to make it seem true. Was it worth it to lie to Mom's flying monkey? Big yes! Had I been honest that I had only wanted some privacy from my mother's snooping so I could live my own life, I'd have just gotten grief from my mother and lots of spying from my sister.
Very good video. Good descriptions. I have lived in the shadow of narcissism most of my life. Trying to figure things out. My x even turned my mother into a flying monkey. I was so stupid. I didn't even have to pretend. She knew I was being emotionally and physically abused but made it my falt. I lived with shame most of my life. That I was in some way a bad person.
I'm lucky..my boss is nice. Very caring. Very accommodating. I stick up for her too. I say " Wait, You know what you've got. You don't want her to be your manager? Let someone else you don't even know...step in her shoes instead? You know they won't let half of what you guys do, and don't do around here slide like she does. Be careful what you wish for. Calms them down for a long time.
@@carmenm.9522 I've worked for a few very kind bosses in my time. There was only one workplace as I mentioned in another post here where the toxicity, corrupt behaviour, smearing, etc was horrible & unbearable. Yes, there are nice bosses out there if you're lucky to get them.
Time is a scarce commodity. I'll invest it otherwise. I'll take action that's quick and snappy.....that saves my time for more productive activities!! I'll distance myself and cut off all contact with the narcissist and flying monkies.
This is so true...this person went on a smear campaign...in fact, there have been several, yes several smears by several people. I have no friends...never did. The hardest part is i thought better of them...but realize that they were never interested in me...just what i can DO, for them. USERS. The narc, is not of significance to me to waste my time on. The other narc, was harassing me all night, targeted...i dont know who that girl was- i never had a word woth her...never said anything to her, and she went on telling everyone i called ber a bulldyke...lol. ny reportation- i lost jobs...that's ok. Because that person who hired me, and those involved, arent the kind of people i would want to work for...they have no backbone.
Brilliant. Have been searching for positive strategies to deal with narc/ sociopath who rented my factory shed 6 months ago and then made a very low offer to buy. I am 80 years old female, a retired nurse, so he seems to have thought I would be a push over. When I refused to sell at his price he has breeched the conditions of the lease, lived in the shed, not paid rent, sabotaged property and assaulted my daughter and makes false reports to local council and other agencies and he refuses to leave and take his things, Responding to these complaints I am like a cat on hot bricks. My legal bill for court action is mounting, even though I think there is nothing more futile than suing a man with no money. He has smeared my reputation in the community so even the agents want me to walk away for he has salivating buyers. But this has been my investment and income and my children will have nothing. I need to become more strategic. . I can be stoic but I do not like feeling like a helpless and frightened victim. Thanks.
Dealing with similar family. They have no money so nothing to lose. I’m not thrilled spending lots of money but the slander & damage to reputation… they’ve GOT to be Stopped!!!
What my friends and family and I have been going through the last 4 days is insane. Sam, I’ve been watching your videos maybe more than listening to my music. How you describe true life for us strangers you don’t know.. thank you for helping us.
The abusers of my childhood were so violent, it caused trauma induced amnesia. It lasted for about 16 years and they convinced my parents, drs, police that I was crazy. At 16 a psychiatrist abused me psychologically and it triggered a massive amnesia in me. For the next 30 years my abusers got close to all my friends and convinced them I was crazy and that I fantasised about being abused... When Covid came and the masks were mandated, it massively triggered me (Suffocation was one of many torture tactics and there were many ways to suffocate and torture me) and then over a year, i came apart lost in somatic flashbacks, then the memories all came back one day in a horrible way, kind of like a machine gun of memory bullets. It took a year for most of them to come out, day after day. I opened up to a couple of friends but they made me out to be mad, I opened up to others and they also didn't believe me and treat me badly, even telling me "I was mad "and one said when I asked why he didn't believe me "You haven't convinced me enough" Saying it once was enough in my mind, but the he has a T-shirt that says "It's all about me!" I've just come out of another batch memories but now have put all the pieces together and see who has been smear campaigning me, and friends I've know for years I see now how they were trying to trigger me in group situations when my abuser was there- acting on her behalf to prove her "reactive abuse" was my disorder as I was unknowingly being triggered. My family knew about the abuse but chose to hide it and even got a policeman friend to come and give me a lesson as to what it would be like if I sought help again. I've a six" fracture on my skull from that and many broken ribs that went untreated. They have tried to push me over the edge again. I have cut off from everyone I know. It has been hard but for my safety. I've been off work for 9 months now and in therapy. Not sure I will trust anyone again.
Sam, you are great at teaching and explaining the helpful ways to deal with certain people in certain situations and not to lose your face, your sleep, etc. My applause to you! God bless !
This is great. Yes - When you figure out you are dealing with a flying monkey, just know their job is to report back to the narcissist. Plant your ideas accordingly 🤣😏
I always assumed that the term "flying monkey" originated in reference to the winged monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz" that carry out, en masse, the nefarious plans of an adversarial witch. The image of monkeys simply taking over the highest reaches of a structure the way Professor describes it is more apt and more chilling somehow.
Thank you Sam. You are very helpful. My mother was a narcissist and I have attracted both male and female narcissists in my life because of it. I'm currently dealing with a smear campaign from my ex boyfriend which is horrible. Thank you for your advice. Deborah
People make a choice to believe who and what they believe. I don't want anyone in my life that chose to believe lies about me. My xSIL told me about my sis doing that. Lucky for me she never liked my sis. Unfortunately many never told me about it. Sis never cared that she hurt people's feelings it only mattered if she could cause problems between us.
Wonderful video. I have developed some of these techniques having been attacked. But it is good to hear this man lay things out so clearly and articulately. The thing that really helped in my case was the narcissist was full on savior complex mode, constantly virtue signaling, even talking in a "holier than thou" voice always trying to make everyone think she was so great which put me at a serious disadvantage because I am generally quiet and just do my work. So I was completely outnumbered and not the popular one being attacked by this jealous narcissist who smeared me for years. One day though, her narcissist rage came out, and she had a meltdown in front of everyone and the workplace cameras. Everyone saw the mask come off and years of her machinations instantly went down the drain. It was obvious the evil in that person, and all the flying monkeys were like... wait, he never did anything in regards to me but look at her! It was hard to sit there and let her spew her venom and not respond or cuss her out, but I am glad I kept my composure. What this man said about filming and documenting within the bounds of the law is true. I used to think cameras everywhere were too 1984 Orwell, but now I'm glad that attackers behavior can be recorded.
Thank you for the in-depth analysis of these specimens. The ones I know also commit petty crimes and are proud of it. Their flying monkey specific crime was witness intimidation (an extremely stupid thing to do). They came across as psychotic. Quite a sight.
Very very good, on point. Best iv seen about this situation, you are very very good, on point, good words, good outlook, 100% pm point. And exactly what I'm looking for. You have the answeres... Cope, awareness on an army of those, preperation, response. Agents into agents, blimey, yes, double agent, bullseye.
I’d like to coin a phrase Professor. I’d like to call all the people who do the Narcissists bidding “Window Dressers”because without them, the Narcissists would just be naked dummies. 🧐
Have you ever played dumb to someone who plays dumber than you and it escalates until it’s gets so ridiculous that you wonder how the other person can’t remember how smart the two of you used to be?
@@tdesq.2463 thanks for the new term😁 I have heard of “Botton Feeders,” like spiritual omnivorous humans who, like catfish or hogs,have nothing against consuming anybody or anything, but mostly go for whoever or whatever’s bottomed out.
The narcs in my life usually Are Also their own flying monkeys. They come at me direct, when I'm in a hospital or incapacitated & too sick to fight anything. I'm trying to find outside resources/3rd party professional protection, & how to pay for it until I don't need to any longer. Thank you for your interesting, informative videos
it worked, thank you very much -) I gathered so much evidence against the narcissist that it ruined them to the ground and in the face of the public with hard data, screenshots and recordings. It was worth it.
I just don't want to make the effort to manipulate the situation. Playing the so called game before and if someone behaves in a shallow dishonest fashion I don't want to mirror that in dealing with them. It makes me an actor in a sick play. If I do that I change tack after leading them up the garden path I change tack and hold up a mirror to them. You should see their look of shock.
It was so weird what happened to me yesterday and today... it led me to this video. For years, I've known a very mentally backward woman from church and organizations I have been active in. In the same groups, I became friends with a benign narcissist who fancied herself a great singer. This lady constantly turned people off by promoting herself at every opportunity. She is still doing this on social media, etc. and by showing up and grabbing the microphone whenever she has a toe in the door. She moved to another state and stayed somewhat in contact with me and in our last conversation we had a disagreement about something that had transpired at church AFTER she left with her of course, telling me how wrong my perspective was. When that conversation was over, I just reconciled myself to not trying to stay in touch with her anymore (easy since she lives far away). Yesterday, I get a letter from a flying monkey (mentally challenged lady) announcing the fact that it was the Narc's birthday (implying I should contact her). The flying monkey invites me to watch the Narc's TV show which is an online thing I have no interest in watching. The desire for me to contact the Narc was so strong, the lady reiterated the information by leaving a message on my phone with implicit instructions to "call me back". I am angry about this (not being left alone) and called this poor lady back and listened to her promote the Narc, then I told her thank you for the information but I was too busy (with a new church) to get involved with what she wanted me to get involved with. I am absolutely sure there are several folks who want me back in their sphere of influence, but you have to be so careful not to habe their minions put words in your mouth. Happily, it is a benign situation. It is only bothersome, not malignant.
Some narcisdist have a deep hypnotic type of manipulation comparable to a PUSHER craft. Their flying monkeys are like hypnotic tranced and ciercions.but ...short lived Backlashes are apoarent
Good job professor. We need exactly this from You. Exact instructions for how to lead the battle. Because the world is a cruel place because of these people and battle is unavoidable if you dont want to be a slave. We need exact instructions for the battle, similar to the chinese The Art of War.
I lived in a household where as a teenager my mother who had mental health issues became highly suspicious of me and would go through my clothes and would check on my school books. I had a habit to writing to my godmother but my mother would read my letters if she could before I posted them off. Once I wrote a mild comment about my mother which I knew would trigger her and a friend and I wrote a very vivid description of our imagined affairs with dubious men. The truth was I was quite scared of men and could only relate to them as if they were my brothers. My mother who had denied spying on me exposed herself by flying into a rage and told all our relatives and many of her friends that I was immoral and a liar. Of course I did do unwise things but not the things she accused me of. Another time I lived in a smart housing estate and the Home Owners kept sending us complaints about my wild garden which by the way was designed influenced by a well known horticulture expert and was extremely beautiful with many birds and small mamals. I smoked out the disgruntled neighbours by tricking a fake friend admitting to who the people were who objected to our wild garden with its prize winning meadow flowers. When she rather gleefully opened up to me spreading gossip and watching my distress. I told her you know no true friend would talk about me in this way knowing how much I love my garden and how much I suffer from the aggressive stance of the Home Owners association. It's not as if I'm a hoarder or a troublesome person. They simply have decided not to like me. Another time a pastor of a church near me needed to speak to my husband on a business issue. He told me he was a great humanitarian and loved humanity. I pressed him on his huge mansion and asked if it was his. He said it belonged to the church and that they paid for his living expenses. I told him his congregation of relatively poor people must love him very much to afford such a palace. I also told him that it seemed strange to me that people seemed to work for the church as volunteers and that I personally had given a warm coat to a Somali woman shivering in the street who said she worked for this church. I'm sorry but I won't deal with wicked or dishonest people and I feel ashamed that I know how to find nuggets of truth. It makes me distrust humanity.
Here’s a twist for you - I’ve been dealing with a covert narc for over 30 years (only recently discovered what it was) and having just recently gone through the discard phase where he’s moved on to a new supply - did it in a very long drawn out manipulative way leading me to be the one to finally call it by standing up for myself, then I was then made out to be the crazy bad guy and he’s the victim. So I start talking about and sharing my truth and all that I’ve been through only to be called a narcissist by him - his ‘friends’ never question him or ask me my side of the story yet I’m the bad guy. Such a mind f@$&
My flying monkey adult children are not able to resist the financial coercive power and control of their Father. They are forbidden from speaking to their Mother. He's a "Mob Boss". California has DV laws against coercive control (abuse). Can sue for damages if pay an atty. Could get reimbused.😢
The Narcissist in my life is my immediate neighbour. I went no contact approx. 18 months ago. I have a very good relationship with my other neighbours where I've lived in the small community for 20 years. My narc neighbour arrived 7 years ago. Suddenly, one of my neighbours has turned against me, without reason known to me. Is this a smear campaign ? Is it Flying Monkeys? I feel very shaken, their behaviour is intimidating, I feel very vulnerable. The Police are now involved.
You just described the nursing profession, and the ward receptionist has been a flying monkey of the highest order in every single workplace I have seen in 30 years
Sir, this may be a very effective strategy; however, It is too complex for me. I'd rather spend my time thinking about people who really care me about than about people who have shown that they don't. Any mental attention given to a person who doesn't care about me is a waste of time.
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One thing to add: narcissists don't seem to think too far ahead. They have no long game, use that to your advantage.
If he is a covert narcissist... and uses passive aggressive tactics... will be a long time tactic... I don't think the video is about them...
@@wardeggerrobertmarius144 Not reassuring.
Mine had an elaborate set up and he was definitely thinking about his long term benefits when he was doing it. It was long term goal, with the help of flying monkeys.
@@wardeggerrobertmarius144 You're both technically correct. The issue is between Factor 1 & Factor 2 Psychopathy.
Primary Psychopaths (F1) are the more charming, charismatic, manipulative, cold, calculated, & strategic, "white collar crime" types. They have a long-term goal. They don't care who they have to screw over to achieve their objective. They more or less have "planning" but their lack of insight in their 'plans' renders them often fairly ineffective. These 'plans' often have to adapt to accommodate the psychopath's lack of consideration of consequences (i.e. because REALITY doesn't always go as they expected so they have to improvise) Often this means transitioning from one 'plan' to the next, _in the general direction of their long-term goal, but with A LOT of collateral damage and near-misses along the way.
Secondary Psychopathy also sometimes referred to as "Sociopaths" tend to be the more reckless, defiant, impulsive, reactive, including violent and/or sadistic. The maximum security prison types. These psychopaths typically have a baseline of Factor 1 traits (lying, manipulative, callous, two-faced, etc) but their impulsivity and recklessness often land them in trouble with the criminal justice system at some point.
Most psychopaths have varying degrees of BOTH factor 1 & 2 traits, which is probably why the term "psychopath" is so confusing and misunderstood.
I had seen in a video that a covert narc sometimes is changing his state in primary psychopath. For how much time will he stay in that state?
People will kick you when you are down. They think you are a loser but they , in reality, are the real losers.
What gets me is this, when you're down and being kicked, the kickers feel utterly justified even to the extent the law doesn't apply to them if it occurs in the workplace where there's strong laws to protect workers form this sort of thing.
This goes all the way to physical assault, where when the police become involved they don't press charges because they're in agreement with the attackers that you are just a POS.
I've never been able to understand this.
This has nothing to do with the narcissist in the workplace just supervisors and office staff.
They really are. It just seems right now I'm so worn out from all they've done. It's been so painful to go through all of this.
A lot of times in the long term if you dont engage in a narcissists baiting or smear campaign they will usually trip over their own deception, it is only a matter of time. It is better to carry on and live life. Thank you for sharing
A narcissist has no peace; it is better to practice calm and contentment.
It's hard when you live with the problem to though.
That's okay, i have no friends anyway. I know the truth and that's enough. Im enough for myself.
Dont need anyone to believe me.
True. I love being alone. Most people are users anyway.🤣
❤x 27:15
This is so me accept I have people who knows the real me😂😂😂 nor do I look to get revenge and for some reason me not seeking out these people rattles them up …they basically reach out to me for an opportunity to get angry at me for them betraying/mistreating me …I don’t understand it so I don’t give it too much energy like I used to it’s like they were surviving off my reaction to the bs 🤔😂
@@mesalouis8976fact
Birds of the same feather, fly together. Eagles, fly alone.
Don't play the game of the chain of fools. No contact is the only way out never engage in their nonsense keep your sanity and move away and never turn back. That's my advice and it works wonders. No need to get involved in their dirty cunning game for this is poison for your soul.
sometimes you find out in the middle of the road and by accident when is your best friend especially that knows a lot about you and than YOU see how She/he is evil and braging about plot for someone who ends contact with them or do them wrong. than i needed to distance myself more and more just in case so YOU dont step on their foot. than they arent offended as much because they find another "better company " and more interesting to my advantage i didnt then come to their mind that often. they start to only ignore me simply because i did thaz to them , they get offended but not enough to get revenge for anything
How sad to have people in our lives we have to play games with to stay safe from. Good to have a plan but so sad. Thank you professor Vaknin
Same thing i was thinking.
The reality is that there are good and bad people in this world. In order for you to navigate and sustain yourself in this world the plan is a huge necessity.
Just beyond exhausting.
The devil is ever busy...be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove...
be on guard against evil (& people easily steered by evil).
EXACTLY! 👏👏👏👏👏👏 After a smear campaign, I know very well who are my true friends! 💯 Good for me! I am not naive anymore.
Please include neighbors 😂😢😅
@sonnyborja9375
I was warned by therapists not to talk to neighbors. Be careful out there if you are going no contact from your abusers like I did almost 5 yrs ago.
This video is extremely VALIDATING to my experience of being a scapegoat of a toxic dysfunctional family system and then the aftermath of trying to go no contact and having to move and change my phone number several times. Its no joke, stay safe out there!
I just reported the narc to the Board of Professional Regulation. He lost his license to practice.
I hope the board looked into it long and hard? that you had some big proof?
you're probably just trying to be brief, but makes it sound like hearsay. "just reported" meaning just very recently? and already so fast his/her licence gone?
that easy to get someone de-licenced?
35 yrs ago. Yes it’s very easy when he’s trying to molest your daughter, not keeping records cause he’s not working. Lying to the government. He had to make a deal to keep from going to prison.
Yes. It certainly is.
Did you have a psychologist narc who abused you? If so, I did too. Who did you report them to?
Good.
Most work places are organized around bullying. Especially workers in healthcare outside of big hospitals, especially mental hospitals, and especially among the women in these settings.
We actually need to spread awareness abt that, bc a Lot of patients are getting Hurt bc of it. Let's call attention to health worker bullying; including Dr's & administration👍🏼
Only issue for me is that smear campaigns are fine for real friends/ fake friends situations. But there are also many people who only know you slightly, they are ‘neutrals’ in a way. And narcissists target these people… ‘turning a neutral into an ally’ - creating enemies for you where before they were just people you knew. This is not harmless.
I got this on workplace
The deadly silence on your part will be in contrast with the narcissist's barking. There is a possibility that the healthier neutral flying monkeys notice the difference and gradually find out the truth. It is happened for me, albeit after about 6 years. It was not easy but the fruit is so sweet 😊
And you pass them maybe walking in a park or at the store, they just glare and look at you in horror! You know some crazy shit was said to them about you. Their jaws just drop. Happens to me all the time. Current husband doing this! Acting completely normal. Sick and no amount of prayer is helping. Ongoing smear campaign.
My ex is a narc and has 5 flying monkeys. They are my daughters. I raised them myself. Right now they are not talking to me and that is ok with me. They relate my well being to my ex. 40 years later they believe that their father cares about me. He never cared for me or my daughters. My daughters think he is perfect and will not allow me to talk about the narc. Right now I feel happy that I have cut him and cut the girls out of my life.
My mother was a narc also and she and my ex were very much alike. I was born to a woman who didn`t want children. I was the first of 12 , 8 of us were raised by her. Most turned out to be narcissists. I have no relationship with any of them either from the lies they were told about me or I refuse to allow a narc in my part of the world. I am a graduate of psychology and would love to know more about the things the narc will do and how I can defend myself against him. I truly thought he was done with me as he remarried right after our separation and moved across country with his wife.
I will live my life, if I have to without my daughters, but I love them so much, always have. Can not figure out a way to separate them from the lies he has told them about me. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Welland ON Canada
Sir, you just released me and stopped me from responding with futility: "The only response to a smear campaign is NO RESPONSE." Thank you, thank you!
Yout advice can save lives!!! So many ppl have committed suicide bc of narcissists amd especially if they wage a viscious smear campaign on top of the abuse they inflict in person. Look at rhe highly publicized case of Mica Miller. Its good that ppl are finally understanding the seriousness of what they do amd it almost always includes them breaking the law. They hv no regard for their victims amd no regard for the law
Mica Miller was Murdered, she did not kill herself.
But yes so true many many suicides...l wanted to when l was with the Narc.. 33years Praise God lm still here.❤
❤
I honestly believe this is what caused a lot of public shooting situations as well. Its very sad. Especially to push people so hard with mental illnesses, should be prohibited. If you want to help someones get them into treatment or therapy, you dont push them over the edge. Very sick and counter productive.
I worked with my gf, and her mother which still works with me. Some rumor was put out there about my “size” and how long I last. Rumors that I payed no mind but clearly realized that she never put a stop to it, and I have a feeling that the mother is pumping lies and rumors about me. I wonder if I can take legal action even though I have no proof
I have been doing this. Acting grateful and providing the flying monkey fake information, she now sends me their chat history and tells him about the information I provide her.
well done 😂
@@LifestyleMediaGrpit’s lies they tell about you to you’re friends and family and anyone else who listens and believes it. Once they do that those people act differently to you
You are lucky
😂😂😂😂😂
Narcissists could also operate as a collective/group with the connections to institutions of power. One of the most dangerous forms with an intricate network of flying monkeys.
Search the channel for "collective".
Start using the record button on your phone for conversations, and on your phone for video. Secure it in your shirt pocket with video on....just a thought
Be as cunning as they are, but for the good
Its such a great term to call the narcissist's enabler. Ive see this a lot in my family with many family members being flying monkeys. Mom was the flying monkey for her abusive parents, dad is the flying monkey for the narcissistic mom and brother. Its no wonder I felt like my family was a bit off growing up. Its like a layer cake of enabling. Its probably why Im so honest with myself as an adult. I played many sports and learned many instruments as well. So honesty has always been important in getting better results in life but also in my career as a musician.
I like the part about true friends not believing what the narcs say about the person they recently discarded.
My mom just discarded my sister and I don’t believe anything she says about her.
Yup. Good on you.
That's if supervisors and managers in workplaces are supportive not part of the smear campaign project to save their name and job,company money and name. Workplaces are becoming more and more dangerous places to be. The more gollable you allow them to see you as, the more information you absorb accessing vital information. Just let them assume whoever you are.
I'm going through a6yr attack at work.I have a dangerous fan. The police, lawyers are now involved. Her threats have changed now to a palpable fear. They lie. They forget the past. They are impulsive. They are at the end of the day dangerous to themselves. I went and is going through an extremely stressful life event. But thanks to Dr. Vaknin, my psychologist,lawyer and so on, I'm learning to turn my fear into power. Good luck everyone. Stay strong.
Stay strong too!
How can we recover when the smear campaign continues and by your family. In some countries, it's a nightmare to have your parent against you. I don't respond but I cannot get rid of the sadness. What have I done to deserve all these lies, insults, violence, the humiliations. They took away everything I owned and I bounced back and they're still trying to hurt me. I was stupid because I believed my parent would be more kind with age hahaha what was wrong with me? I only gave another chance to someone who didn't deserve it and who broke me.
Read Dr Ramani book ‘Its not you’ straight away. Audio the best, you hear the kind, sensitive, caring narrative of Dr. Ramani herself. Love and light.
You have done nothing to deserve it. It is unjust and unfair I'm in a simular situation. The narcissist are envious of you and hate your light. They live in darkness. I now see, that it is a gift to know who is against you. Also their flying monkeys are either the same or blinded by these lies. To have peace I use the word of God. So much truth and love to find there. God loves you, and he created the whole world, and you ❤ Do not seek validation from people, especially not those who treat you badly. Forgive them (for they know not what they do), but don't trust them. Stay away from them and find good people you can trust. You are not alone ❤️
I am in the same boat. I'm so so sad, confused, can't stop ruminating, and can't walk away because my son's is suffering and my grandkids are told so many lies. I'm a truth teller but I have no voice. And I listen to sam and Dr Ramani and YES, what they say makes sense but I'm getting worse over time, not better. I did nothing and I lived my abuser DIL, so trying to wrap your head around it is absolute confusion
An old Chinese man once said.. it is what it is....
You are Not Alone! If we can find the resources to help us, & find a way to Use those resources, that's our way out of families like these. Stay Strong 💙
I didn't know anything about narcissists but I instinctly knew he was trying to get me back. I used the grey rock technique and went no contact, which is the best advice.
You sound like an emotionally manipulative person tbh
Thank you for explaining. My Previous Work Place was hell on Earth. Boss is an overt and his prime flying monkey an covert narc employed in HR. Never expierenced a more evil duo: Mobbing, Bullying, Lying, Micro Management, gossiping, Distrust. As soon as they come to the conclusion that the employee wont fit In, they instantly will lay the person off.
Sounds like one of my past workplaces......... a hospital..... a place for doing much good yet much bad for many of its workers...
What would be a more appropriate set of actions if management comes to the conclusion that a person is a bad fit for the company?
@@mrmcallister The thing is that the decision is not based on the employees performance but upon their complying or non complying with the toxic work culture. Insanely high turnover rates, they take pleasure in Kicking people out, even Top Performers because Management seeks admiration, almost workship and submission to their corporate/personal goals, no critics allowed. From the Managements POV the only reasonable Action - I agree with you.
don't know if 3 month probation period exists where u are but for any reason can be let go.
these people have openly talked about their diagnosis and or having NPD?
how many degrees of separation for u to Know a lie vs perceive? or take your pick from your given list
keep detailed records for no reason but to protect yourself .
You’re right, Sam! Nonetheless, many victims of narcissistic abuse don’t want anything to do with fake. To survive we have to relearn a lot of things.
Congratulations on being the one to coin the term, Flying Monkeys. It sure applies well.
Before I knew the term was used I called them flying monkeys so that term fits😅😂😂
So true! I don’t give a F what he’s said about me. I don’t talk to anyone who talks to him, anyway. I want to survive!
Useful advice that makes life easier is a gift. Thank you Sam.
They will seemingly, innocently get in your way and have you tripping over them when they see you are busy and distracted with your hands full.
I'm only 6 minutes in and already see the extreme value in this video. Thank you, Professor!!!
Bravo! Finally a practical guide on countering smear campaigns. Dr. Vaknin, please consider further expanding on this topic. 🙏
The actual origin of the term flying monkeys. Not what I was expecting. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, the other description keeps being repeated by other sources. Glad for that clarification.
When the narc returns they won’t apologise they just show up all sweet and nice….beware a snake 🐍sheds its skin and comes back as a bigger snake….
The flying monkeys are fooled like everyone they believe nothing is the narcs fault so they come and retrieve you for the narcissist…
Thank for setting a path. Can't believe this happened to me. THANK YOU
All this is true. If you can’t remove yourself from the situation these tactics work. It’s the long game but your reputation will be somewhat better this way. The only one it won’t work on is primary supply.
Do you mean it if the victim is/was the primary supply? Or if the primary supply acts as a flying monkey? Why do you think these dont work in that situation?
(And what do you mean by primary supply? Sam says an intimate partner is secondary supply )
@@2hetigDoubtful, it's hard to imagine too many situations where the partner was not primary supply. Who do most people spend most of their time with?? It's their partner
@@2hetig the primary supply is who the narcissistic person chooses. They will obey the narcissistic person most of the time unless they are willing to leave that relationship and cut the bond.
Beat them at their own game. Love it!! Thank you Dr. Sam!
We need to become more purposeful in life and stop thinking we will organically make things happen. You have to be ready prepared and purposeful and play the long game to create a better outcome and avoid giving the narcissist power
Thank you!!!! I never even think of being on offensive. This is good info. You know EXACTLY what you are talking about!
Thank you for this empowering video, Mr. Vaknin. A while back, I worked in one particularly toxic workplace that left me scarred for years from the sadistic bullying & smear campaign I received by one very corrupt co-worker. Looking back now on that period, I can see what truly sick & power hungry individuals the co-worker & some of the higher ups who enabled her were. At the time, I didn't know much about this topic of narcissism so I fell for all the traps the corrupt co-worker used to sabotage me. When I compare your assessments from other videos also, I strongly feel she had the triad personality traits. The top tier of evil I now know.
So good. This is how I’ve been relating to the F. M.s. Thank you for validating my innate intuition of how to deal with them. The only difference is, I don’t give them the impression that I’m afraid of them.
PS…. I think it frightens them to think that I am confident and well.
I am well into the first stages of this and have been for nearly 6 months when I decided the pain and cruelty as they carried on the work of the narcissist for him was enough. There are 2 main flying monkeys who are a couple (family ties and finances involved). They now believe that I have been firmly put in my place by their actions and that they have taught me a lesson. I'd been wondering how to proceed next and drip feeding false information is a great idea, although that will be quite difficult as they barely communicate. However, I've noticed that since they have started to believe that I'm compliant that they're becoming a bit more open with me. Looking forward to seeing where this goes next.
I love your imaginative use of language. As we live near a troop of real monkeys that come into suburbia from a green belt to find water and food during the dry months. I love your expression of flying monkeys. They really do know how to take advantage of the environment.
making their 2nd narc supply radioactive by building alliance is a gamechanger
Thank you so much professor. Much needed!
Thank you for this information. Truly golden ✨️
Hell no im not doing all that lol its not worth all these games thats not what life and living is about but you wouldnt get it sam.. being a narcissist you all love playing games and get excited with this back and forth sneaky games
It is a lot of work if the narcissist is easy to avoid, like if they are not your parent or supervisor in a job you want to keep. My narcissist is my mother. I lied to my mother about where I live, since Mom kept showing up unexpectedly at my door. Well, she sent my flying monkey sister to show up unexpectedly at my door. My sister told my mother I had moved. I then told my sister I had moved because I couldn't afford the rent, and claimed I had never told Mom I'd had to move, because I feared Mom would worry about me, and I didn't want to worry Mom.
My mother has never worried about me in her life. Well, my sister told my mother this lie and, for the first time in my life, I got money instead of grief from my mother! Mom said, "If you had told me you couldn't afford your rent, I would have helped you!"; Total lie from my mother, but she gave me a hundred dollar bill to make it seem true. Was it worth it to lie to Mom's flying monkey? Big yes! Had I been honest that I had only wanted some privacy from my mother's snooping so I could live my own life, I'd have just gotten grief from my mother and lots of spying from my sister.
Very good video. Good descriptions. I have lived in the shadow of narcissism most of my life. Trying to figure things out. My x even turned my mother into a flying monkey. I was so stupid. I didn't even have to pretend. She knew I was being emotionally and physically abused but made it my falt.
I lived with shame most of my life. That I was in some way a bad person.
If you have the time and inclination to discuss mob bullying at work, that would be an interesting topic.
As well, is there such a thing as an employer who isn’t narcissistic?
I'm lucky..my boss is nice. Very caring. Very accommodating. I stick up for her too. I say " Wait, You know what you've got. You don't want her to be your manager? Let someone else you don't even know...step in her shoes instead? You know they won't let half of what you guys do, and don't do around here slide like she does. Be careful what you wish for. Calms them down for a long time.
@@carmenm.9522
I've worked for a few very kind bosses in my time. There was only one workplace as I mentioned in another post here where the toxicity, corrupt behaviour, smearing, etc was horrible & unbearable. Yes, there are nice bosses out there if you're lucky to get them.
@@carmenm.9522😂 there are the „good narcs“
Time is a scarce commodity. I'll invest it otherwise. I'll take action that's quick and snappy.....that saves my time for more productive activities!! I'll distance myself and cut off all contact with the narcissist and flying monkies.
flying monkeys are even worse than the Narc
This is so true...this person went on a smear campaign...in fact, there have been several, yes several smears by several people. I have no friends...never did. The hardest part is i thought better of them...but realize that they were never interested in me...just what i can DO, for them. USERS. The narc, is not of significance to me to waste my time on. The other narc, was harassing me all night, targeted...i dont know who that girl was- i never had a word woth her...never said anything to her, and she went on telling everyone i called ber a bulldyke...lol. ny reportation- i lost jobs...that's ok. Because that person who hired me, and those involved, arent the kind of people i would want to work for...they have no backbone.
I have done this recently and it works a treat
What type of false info do you feed them?
@@s.t.6771 anything that is relevant to the situation. You will know what to say when the opportunity arises.
Brilliant. Have been searching for positive strategies to deal with narc/ sociopath who rented my factory shed 6 months ago and then made a very low offer to buy. I am 80 years old female, a retired nurse, so he seems to have thought I would be a push over. When I refused to sell at his price he has breeched the conditions of the lease, lived in the shed, not paid rent, sabotaged property and assaulted my daughter and makes false reports to local council and other agencies and he refuses to leave and take his things, Responding to these complaints I am like a cat on hot bricks. My legal bill for court action is mounting, even though I think there is nothing more futile than suing a man with no money. He has smeared my reputation in the community so even the agents want me to walk away for he has salivating buyers. But this has been my investment and income and my children will have nothing. I need to become more strategic. . I can be stoic but I do not like feeling like a helpless and frightened victim. Thanks.
Dealing with similar family. They have no money so nothing to lose. I’m not thrilled spending lots of money but the slander & damage to reputation… they’ve GOT to be Stopped!!!
What my friends and family and I have been going through the last 4 days is insane. Sam, I’ve been watching your videos maybe more than listening to my music. How you describe true life for us strangers you don’t know.. thank you for helping us.
The abusers of my childhood were so violent, it caused trauma induced amnesia. It lasted for about 16 years and they convinced my parents, drs, police that I was crazy. At 16 a psychiatrist abused me psychologically and it triggered a massive amnesia in me. For the next 30 years my abusers got close to all my friends and convinced them I was crazy and that I fantasised about being abused...
When Covid came and the masks were mandated, it massively triggered me (Suffocation was one of many torture tactics and there were many ways to suffocate and torture me) and then over a year, i came apart lost in somatic flashbacks, then the memories all came back one day in a horrible way, kind of like a machine gun of memory bullets. It took a year for most of them to come out, day after day. I opened up to a couple of friends but they made me out to be mad, I opened up to others and they also didn't believe me and treat me badly, even telling me "I was mad "and one said when I asked why he didn't believe me "You haven't convinced me enough" Saying it once was enough in my mind, but the he has a T-shirt that says "It's all about me!"
I've just come out of another batch memories but now have put all the pieces together and see who has been smear campaigning me, and friends I've know for years I see now how they were trying to trigger me in group situations when my abuser was there- acting on her behalf to prove her "reactive abuse" was my disorder as I was unknowingly being triggered.
My family knew about the abuse but chose to hide it and even got a policeman friend to come and give me a lesson as to what it would be like if I sought help again. I've a six" fracture on my skull from that and many broken ribs that went untreated. They have tried to push me over the edge again.
I have cut off from everyone I know. It has been hard but for my safety. I've been off work for 9 months now and in therapy. Not sure I will trust anyone again.
Sam, you are great at teaching and explaining the helpful ways to deal with certain people in certain situations and not to lose your face, your sleep, etc. My applause to you! God bless !
This is great. Yes - When you figure out you are dealing with a flying monkey, just know their job is to report back to the narcissist. Plant your ideas accordingly 🤣😏
Thank you for your wisdom and support ❤ I’m so grateful for you 🙏🏽
I always assumed that the term "flying monkey" originated in reference to the winged monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz" that carry out, en masse, the nefarious plans of an adversarial witch. The image of monkeys simply taking over the highest reaches of a structure the way Professor describes it is more apt and more chilling somehow.
This seems to entangle you more with the Narc and Fmks instead of vanishing them away, I guess
This is exactly how I defeated a university department and the university itself.
Genius. Thank you for providing such useful information, giving a clear plan of action. Absolutely genius
Thank you Sam. You are very helpful. My mother was a narcissist and I have attracted both male and female narcissists in my life because of it. I'm currently dealing with a smear campaign from my ex boyfriend which is horrible. Thank you for your advice. Deborah
People make a choice to believe who and what they believe. I don't want anyone in my life that chose to believe lies about me. My xSIL told me about my sis doing that. Lucky for me she never liked my sis. Unfortunately many never told me about it. Sis never cared that she hurt people's feelings it only mattered if she could cause problems between us.
Wonderful video. I have developed some of these techniques having been attacked. But it is good to hear this man lay things out so clearly and articulately. The thing that really helped in my case was the narcissist was full on savior complex mode, constantly virtue signaling, even talking in a "holier than thou" voice always trying to make everyone think she was so great which put me at a serious disadvantage because I am generally quiet and just do my work. So I was completely outnumbered and not the popular one being attacked by this jealous narcissist who smeared me for years. One day though, her narcissist rage came out, and she had a meltdown in front of everyone and the workplace cameras. Everyone saw the mask come off and years of her machinations instantly went down the drain. It was obvious the evil in that person, and all the flying monkeys were like... wait, he never did anything in regards to me but look at her! It was hard to sit there and let her spew her venom and not respond or cuss her out, but I am glad I kept my composure. What this man said about filming and documenting within the bounds of the law is true. I used to think cameras everywhere were too 1984 Orwell, but now I'm glad that attackers behavior can be recorded.
Thank you for the in-depth analysis of these specimens. The ones I know also commit petty crimes and are proud of it. Their flying monkey specific crime was witness intimidation (an extremely stupid thing to do). They came across as psychotic. Quite a sight.
This is gold. Thank you professor Vaknin.
Thank you for changing the world for good through your hard work.
Very very good, on point. Best iv seen about this situation, you are very very good, on point, good words, good outlook, 100% pm point. And exactly what I'm looking for. You have the answeres... Cope, awareness on an army of those, preperation, response. Agents into agents, blimey, yes, double agent, bullseye.
I thought it was because of those monkeys that tricked prey into walking into packs of lions . Great video
Only if you have been working there a while. New employees watch out. Or as in US where true friends are almost impossible to find.
I did this when he made up a man for me to talk too on Facebook I played with him and her for a long time.i knew it was him and his lady
I’d like to coin a phrase Professor. I’d like to call all the people who do the Narcissists bidding “Window Dressers”because without them, the Narcissists would just be naked dummies. 🧐
Or... and hear me out here... you could leave the narcissist, and their Cadre of flying monkeys, behind.
Have you ever played dumb to someone who plays dumber than you and it escalates until it’s gets so ridiculous that you wonder how the other person can’t remember how smart the two of you used to be?
@@tdesq.2463 thanks for the new term😁
I have heard of “Botton Feeders,” like spiritual omnivorous humans who, like catfish or hogs,have nothing against consuming anybody or anything, but mostly go for whoever or whatever’s bottomed out.
Thank you for pointing out that this is a criminal offence.
The narcs in my life usually Are Also their own flying monkeys. They come at me direct, when I'm in a hospital or incapacitated & too sick to fight anything. I'm trying to find outside resources/3rd party professional protection, & how to pay for it until I don't need to any longer. Thank you for your interesting, informative videos
Narcissists already love and want to play with you. If we do these things, the narcissist would go crazy with agreat joy.
Narcissists don't love xx
This is a Strategy not necessarily a game coz here the Narcissist will never come back after this
Exceptionally terrific video
it worked, thank you very much -) I gathered so much evidence against the narcissist that it ruined them to the ground and in the face of the public with hard data, screenshots and recordings. It was worth it.
I just don't want to make the effort to manipulate the situation. Playing the so called game before and if someone behaves in a shallow dishonest fashion I don't want to mirror that in dealing with them. It makes me an actor in a sick play. If I do that I change tack after leading them up the garden path I change tack and hold up a mirror to them. You should see their look of shock.
It was so weird what happened to me yesterday and today... it led me to this video. For years, I've known a very mentally backward woman from church and organizations I have been active in. In the same groups, I became friends with a benign narcissist who fancied herself a great singer. This lady constantly turned people off by promoting herself at every opportunity. She is still doing this on social media, etc. and by showing up and grabbing the microphone whenever she has a toe in the door. She moved to another state and stayed somewhat in contact with me and in our last conversation we had a disagreement about something that had transpired at church AFTER she left with her of course, telling me how wrong my perspective was. When that conversation was over, I just reconciled myself to not trying to stay in touch with her anymore (easy since she lives far away). Yesterday, I get a letter from a flying monkey (mentally challenged lady) announcing the fact that it was the Narc's birthday (implying I should contact her). The flying monkey invites me to watch the Narc's TV show which is an online thing I have no interest in watching. The desire for me to contact the Narc was so strong, the lady reiterated the information by leaving a message on my phone with implicit instructions to "call me back". I am angry about this (not being left alone) and called this poor lady back and listened to her promote the Narc, then I told her thank you for the information but I was too busy (with a new church) to get involved with what she wanted me to get involved with. I am absolutely sure there are several folks who want me back in their sphere of influence, but you have to be so careful not to habe their minions put words in your mouth. Happily, it is a benign situation. It is only bothersome, not malignant.
Some narcisdist have a deep hypnotic type of manipulation comparable to a PUSHER craft.
Their flying monkeys are like hypnotic tranced and ciercions.but ...short lived
Backlashes are apoarent
Search the channel for "entrain" and for "voice".
Good job professor. We need exactly this from You. Exact instructions for how to lead the battle. Because the world is a cruel place because of these people and battle is unavoidable if you dont want to be a slave. We need exact instructions for the battle, similar to the chinese The Art of War.
Very good video! Omg this smear campaign is a crazy thing 🙈
Whether or not your patients have the meanness to carry out your advice, they'll at least have you as their thesaurus.
I lived in a household where as a teenager my mother who had mental health issues became highly suspicious of me and would go through my clothes and would check on my school books. I had a habit to writing to my godmother but my mother would read my letters if she could before I posted them off. Once I wrote a mild comment about my mother which I knew would trigger her and a friend and I wrote a very vivid description of our imagined affairs with dubious men. The truth was I was quite scared of men and could only relate to them as if they were my brothers. My mother who had denied spying on me exposed herself by flying into a rage and told all our relatives and many of her friends that I was immoral and a liar. Of course I did do unwise things but not the things she accused me of. Another time I lived in a smart housing estate and the Home Owners kept sending us complaints about my wild garden which by the way was designed influenced by a well known horticulture expert and was extremely beautiful with many birds and small mamals. I smoked out the disgruntled neighbours by tricking a fake friend admitting to who the people were who objected to our wild garden with its prize winning meadow flowers. When she rather gleefully opened up to me spreading gossip and watching my distress. I told her you know no true friend would talk about me in this way knowing how much I love my garden and how much I suffer from the aggressive stance of the Home Owners association. It's not as if I'm a hoarder or a troublesome person. They simply have decided not to like me. Another time a pastor of a church near me needed to speak to my husband on a business issue. He told me he was a great humanitarian and loved humanity. I pressed him on his huge mansion and asked if it was his. He said it belonged to the church and that they paid for his living expenses. I told him his congregation of relatively poor people must love him very much to afford such a palace. I also told him that it seemed strange to me that people seemed to work for the church as volunteers and that I personally had given a warm coat to a Somali woman shivering in the street who said she worked for this church. I'm sorry but I won't deal with wicked or dishonest people and I feel ashamed that I know how to find nuggets of truth. It makes me distrust humanity.
Thank you so much 👍😊
So true 👍🙏
Here’s a twist for you - I’ve been dealing with a covert narc for over 30 years (only recently discovered what it was) and having just recently gone through the discard phase where he’s moved on to a new supply - did it in a very long drawn out manipulative way leading me to be the one to finally call it by standing up for myself, then I was then made out to be the crazy bad guy and he’s the victim. So I start talking about and sharing my truth and all that I’ve been through only to be called a narcissist by him - his ‘friends’ never question him or ask me my side of the story yet I’m the bad guy. Such a mind f@$&
What happens to the Narcissist flying monkeys if their plans wasn't successful to please the narcissist
Intelligent podcast, i agree and totally relate
My flying monkey adult children are not able to resist the financial coercive power and control of their Father. They are forbidden from speaking to their Mother. He's a "Mob Boss". California has DV laws against coercive control (abuse). Can sue for damages if pay an atty. Could get reimbused.😢
wow...this is so on point on what's happening to Trump. Keep up the great work.
The Narcissist in my life is my immediate neighbour. I went no contact approx. 18 months ago. I have a very good relationship with my other neighbours where I've lived in the small community for 20 years. My narc neighbour arrived 7 years ago. Suddenly, one of my neighbours has turned against me, without reason known to me. Is this a smear campaign ? Is it Flying Monkeys? I feel very shaken, their behaviour is intimidating, I feel very vulnerable.
The Police are now involved.
yeah, sounds like flying monkey - they are very aggressive
Thank you for the crystal clear explanation!
I think this tactic works but I just can't do it...I can't even lie if someone asks me if they look fat in their jeans 😅
You just described the nursing profession, and the ward receptionist has been a flying monkey of the highest order in every single workplace I have seen in 30 years
My mom is a narc and and a nurse…interesting.
They miss took my accommodating attitude as gollable to do whenever however to do their jobs.
You are speaking my life story here ....
Sir, this may be a very effective strategy; however, It is too complex for me. I'd rather spend my time thinking about people who really care me about than about people who have shown that they don't. Any mental attention given to a person who doesn't care about me is a waste of time.