Left the narcissist 7 years ago. Blocked him on all social media, and moved 2000 miles away. Then a month ago I got a pop up FB messenger message from him! As soon as I saw that face in the pop up circle, I immediately swiped it away WITHOUT reading the message, and reblocked him. The next day I received 3 hang up calls in a row from him. Now, THAT'S the real narcissist reacting to my rejection of him!
I was looking back over past emails sent by my brother, a malignant narcissist. On ONE day in April, 2018, he sent 48 emails to his ex-wife copying me. At the time they’d been divorced for over 10 years.
He (narc psycho) almost choked the life out of me in 1989. Slowly over the next 4 to 6 months, I put a little money away each pay cheque, and started packing a few bags and 2 small boxes with my important personal effects. I set out down the freeway out of San Diego one morning after he left for work. I drove off in the rickety old jalopy he bought for me. "It is an antique", he told me. He was some cheap! He bought this old wreck of a car shortly after purchasing an expensive brand new Harey Davidson motorcycle for himself. I drove back to Canada with no licence, no registration and no insurance. I got out with my life. All the "stuff" meant very little compared to my life.
You are defining 100% my own mother. Horrendous woman whom everyone who's met believes she is a wonderful human being. Except me! How she hasn't completely, thoroughly, destroyed me, were I religious, I'd consider it a miracle. I was four when she threatened to kill me and then held a butcher knife over my head, and held it there for a while, all the while scaring me by telling me she was going to abandon me, poison me, etc. And so, at 4 years of age, I started to draw and paint and continued doing so for the rest of my life. Today, I'm an artist and very thankful I took art as my refuge. I doubt if I would have survived if I hadn't.
Finally a writer here that actually points out exactly what happened. Majority are just saying the narc ruined their life but no detail. I understand things when it is broken down bit by bit. I know it sucks to have to spell it out but a lot of people need exact examples to know what to look for. When I was around the same age my mother's boyfriend told me not to open the door for her because he locked her out and said if I open the door for her he would 🔪 her throat 😭 that's when I evaporated into video games and sat with the dog all the time.
this is the key to identify a narcissist: "narcissists are incapable of perceiving external objects, they're incapable of conceptualizing the separateness and the externality of objects (...) there is only the internal object, inside his mind, that represents you and he goes on interacting only with the internal object (...)" 08:50 keep this in mind: THEY CAN'T SEE YOU. as soon as someone reacts to you in a way that is incongruent with the happening at hand or says something to you about you that you know has nothing to do with who you are - and if this happens consistenlty - you have a narcissist in front of you. for best results: PLEASE GET TO KNOW YOURSELF so no one can come into your life and start to tell you who you are. what the narcisist says or does has nothing to do with you. it will have to do with you if you interact. this is also why going no contact is the only thing that works. because then they have nothing to interact with. no screen to project.
Thank you. For reminding me that going after my victims rights in a pragmatic manner is healthy. As a victim, I’m often called the psychopath for having a reaction to abuse, (or a non reaction: Depending on what he’s looking for.) and especially now for not obeying and being submissive. I am scared for my life… but I can’t continue to be abused. I can’t.
lots of love and light that you find your way out and into a healthy, beautiful life free from narcissistic abuse!! Stay strong and give yourself lots of self care!!!
My daughter was married to a narcissist for over 10 years . He promised he would ruin her life for ever and goodness me he’s trying in every way he can. Thank god she got away even if he still won’t leave her alone now with threats. And yet somehow he manages to convince everyone he is the victim and a lovely man. I just don’t understand how he does it.
Absolutely no conflict, no communication, you have to disappear from their lives and just hope they find another target. Silence is golden. Become boring. I'm sorry you're going through it.
@@di_decaire Yep. Drowning them in mentally tangible, Full on, "Indifference" from YOU, is their Kryptonite! 🤯 It simply blows their 🤖robotic minds; as they NOW, simply cannot compute the 'simple to YOU only those: where's; how's; whys; and when's, YOU stopped worshiping the ground they walked on! HOW VERY DARE YOU, TO FULLY ESCAPE and cut those marionette strings! HOW VERY DARE YOU, to ACTUALLY WANT, LET ALONE ACHIEVE YOUR OWN LIFE;, MAKE NEW FRIENDS, AND TRY NEW THINGS; GET AND MAINTAIN YOUR OWN, SENSE OF SELF! 🤣😂😅😆😁
This is the best explanation it helps me understand a narcissist perception and why they are dysfunctional, and how the dysfunction manifest, and what it could lead to!!! It’s alarming how diss regulated and delusional they are....Thank you for sharing your
Okay, everything you have explained is happening to me now and for the past 5 years. My boyfriend has been doing everything you are saying and I was convinced it was me for so long. I am completely dependant on him now and chemically dependant on fentynal. Hell, I'm using his phone to watch this vid! Every relationship with friends or family have been ruined and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do I fear he will hurt my family if he hasn't already. All I want is for him to leave me alone and let me be. I tried several times to leave and wishing him the best. Every time he would show up wherever I was and has sabotaged every friendship or person who has tried to help. Thank you so much for you making this video. It helps confirm what my intuition has been screaming at me. Thank you. Im leaving as soon as I can get my next chance.
You described the 23 year marriage nightmare I survived. And the 8 years divorce...Post Divorce. And now. For me and my children. Ongoing. 30 years. I moved out of State. And he only has my POB, in another town. You are describing my situation right now. My Survival . Attorney now enforcing Spousal Support. #TiresPunctured #Theft #AlienationofAffection. The ex steals from women and children and wonders why he doesn't "feel like a man". Vengeful Sneaky Damaged Unhealthy. Knowledge, personal growth and physical distance are my steps to thriving. Strength and peace. ❤
I have never and I mean NEVER in my life witnessed a narcissist as calculated and covert as my ex husband. If there is a high functional, financially successful, collector of material goods and people as appliances --then I married one. It was HELL trying to get out. The Judge knew, even his own attorneys knew and it was a costly lesson. I was a target, fell for the mirroring and required a reset of my life and NO CONTACT. Do you ever feel safe again? Trust again? It's a mind mender.
By 18 years old, I finally distanced myself from the physical, psychological manipulation from a family of narcissists and psychopaths. I turned my focus on work, raising children and stopped being available at all hours to get dumped on. My sanity was at stake. In their mind, I abandoned them and this commentary confirmed my worst suspicions of how dangerous their deep hatred could be. They really believe I am the reason for their loss of control, their failures in life, relationships, etc. Thanks for explaining the dangerous descent into mental illness and deluded thoughts swirling in their minds.
Unfortunately I met a narcissist at age 18 and didn’t know it til almost a decade later. I thought he loved me but he was just a damn good manipulator. I slowed so many red flags to go by, I ignored signs, I made excuses for his behaviour, I thought he would “change” eventually. Nope, he could’ve killed me. His went ballistic after I left him. He tried to use our kids as ammunition in the custody battle. He even offered to release all parental rights from his end so he wouldn’t have to be financially responsible. He stalked me, harassed me, physically hurt me, everything he could do to destroy me….but I had some sort of internal strength. He couldn’t get to me, I would just keep on fighting… He eventually unalived himself which I hate to say it, but it was a blessing for me and my kids. He would’ve killed me and the kids for sure if he were still here.
This is a fantastic description of something that I've had a very difficult time trying to understand. My ex was a covert narc who literally exploded on me verbally, then emotionally, and eventually physically. It was exactly as you said that there was a calm before the storm. I found out that he had done this with previous partners and seemingly thought he was completely justified in every case because they had driven him to it in his mind. I literally told him that I felt he was the type who could accidentally kill someone and possibly would. I was shocked by his words and actions because he was so covert about it all. I actually thought he was cute and shy and childlike in ways. Fast forward and he's shaking me by the shoulders, screaming at me, and calling me a threat to him, and an enemy to him. I never understood the alloplastic defenses that motivated him in his responses to me and others. The calm before the storm went from confusing to horrifying in what I now realize was a psychotic state. I now can see the NPS in others and even myself more clearly. It's frightening to me.
Sam maybe you could help me out. In 2022 I moved because I wanted to get away from my parents. They knew where I lived. They were right down the street and they were constantly stopping by the house, bringing things for my kids even after I thought I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with them. They found me. My dad sent me mail with no return address on it. With no letter in it, it just had a gas card in it and a roadside assistance card in it. No letter and he didn't even put my name on it just my last name. The day before yesterday I actually physically saw him drive by my street. There's no reason for him to be on my street. And he made that clear when he turned left at the stop sign that took him away from the road and anything on it that might be pertinent to his travels. I again went to the police, maybe the third time going there. I do not have a restraining order or no contact order yet. I need more proof. I put up cameras that record. I guess my question is, is he escalating and is he going to become dangerous? He does own a firearm. I do not own any weapons. I did text both of my parents after this drive by and try to make it clearer that I wanted nothing to do with them and to leave me alone. And to stop stalking me and that I would go to the police with proof when I have it if they don't stop. Again i'm just wondering if you think this is gonna become dangerous. I mean it already has, because I am now mentally disabled and on disability. They destroyed me. I was the scapegoat for the whole family and everyone abused me. Sexually and mentally and physically. I escaped though and i'm getting better but this isn't helping. Help.
You sound like you had gone through a lot with your parents. Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts with hopes that strength will help carry on and get through this.
They know your ssn so they probably can easily find your info. Or it’s someone you are talking to that you think isn’t going back telling. Put a pin on your SSN. Also get a P.O. Box and don’t update your license with your new address. That way it won’t be reported on white pages or any people searches.
@Cece-um3ld they already found me though. Sent a stranger to my new house and onto my property Christmas eve and left packages. I took them back and left them at their house in their driveway. I'm upset because I have become hypervigilent again. Being hypervigilent is no good. I don't feel good now. Back to feeling like crap and sleeping like crap. The year and a half they didn't stalk me was so refreshing and I healed so much. Now I'm back at square 1.
My late husband was the unfortunate scapegoat of a whole family of covert and passive narcs, including an ex who went psychopathic and all out to destroy his life when he walked away after fourteen years. All she had to do to get the family on her side was to reinforce their delusions about who he was (the incompetent bogey-man who could do no right; them the saintly, virtuous victims of his alleged incompetence), and get them to attack that delusion. He was a highly intelligent, insightful, gifted person with his own sense of self, and they hated that with a malevolent envy. After he died they tried to replace the space he left with me and to make me the next scapegoat, and the same old tactics started on me: 'you did something (false allegation) and hurt us (we the saintly victims) that you have to account for'. I refused to play the game and so an uncle told me that I was 'attacking his noble family'. I'm glad I blocked him.
Hi Sam. I'm pretty sure that You are describing the state both of my Parents, are currently going through with me. There never was, an ability to reach sane conclusion, or rational behavior, when confronted with problems, in my family. However recently I was bullied by my father, to have no boundaries with my brother. When I refused to comply, he threatened that, it will not work out well for me if I don't. I'm not sure what that means, but it seems like the level of fantasy in my family has dropped off the last cliff, holding to any kind of a level of sanity. I'm not really sure what I should do. I'm not really sure where they sell new families.
The person I took as a partner as he got a little older and sicker ... He had loaded guns throughout the condo... And because he was so ill (stage 4 multiple myeloma) and getting infections, I called an ambulance and would not lie to the doctors... I became the enemy... While he was in the hospital, I told them he couldn't come home... He was there long enough for me to pack and move back cross country... He is in prison for life currently for murdering a housemate in a most cruel and awful way... After the person was dead, he continued to unload the gun into this father's body... I didn't leave my apartment for 10 years in fear he was coming to finish me... I didn't realize he was in prison... inhuman absolutely psychopathic... It was absolutely horrifying. 😕
There is a need of education about this in my country. They don’t understand what’s wrong with this types of people. The victims are all by them selfs.❤
I love the study of psychology. I know narc look at their victim's as objects they possess, own. But to hear this doctor explain it as an avatar 🤯 blows my mind! They have the avatar projection of you in their mind and when you do speak up as your individual real self and it dont match the perceived avatar it throws them off, wow. Makes total sense! They hate healthy boundaries. When you bring that up they go in frantic tizzy and lash out saying your controlling. Communication of wants, needs, expectations of both parties are healthy boundaries that should be vocalized in any relationship. Parents, friends, co-workers, siblings, lovers even strangers. Wow this doctor took me on a roller coaster of some things i've never heard. 💖💜🙏 Thank you!
Accidently after months of no contact I butt dialed my covert narc he texts me " you trying call me ?" ..calls me for the first time after giving me the silent treatment for months I declined his call I text back Sorry bro butt bial. He calls me back and for the first time I declined his call..now his really mad .. narcissist injury!! Hope he finally leaves me in peace ✌🏻
I legitimately fear for my safety from my elder sister. She is textbook Malignant Narcissist and since our parents deaths has done EVERYTHING in her power and reach to destroy me. She has isolated me from the support of extended family, including the love of my only child. No one in my family will talk to me and when my sibling communicates? with me it is text messages with veiled threats, harassment, verbally degrading my character and attacking my very core. She has despised me since my birth and even tried to drown me when i was 2 years old. Had my father not reacted as quickly as he did I would not be here today. She is a very sick person...an RN by training and sadly works in an inpatient mental health unit at the hospital. She is the LAST [person who should be working with mentally vulnerable patients. It makes me postiively sick to my stomach as I pray for those poor patients. She was the "golden child" and was groomed by our aunt from day one. Spoiled,, baby'd, defended, put on a pedestal all of her life. three failed marriages,, swinging door boyfriends, and she uses pets as props to gain attention while the poor animals suffer under her "care". I don't know what to do. I could report her to animal services for neglect/abuse of the animals, the department of health because her home is not fit for animals or humans to occupy because of the filth...its horrific. She is an alcoholic...hard core drunk. cannot go a day without downing at least a dozen or more beers. I honestly don't know how she maintains her job, if she is indeed still working... I suspect or hoped that her supervisor might take disciplinary actions against her for violating patient confidentiality or transference or something-anything! Her drinking in excess and her irrational impulsive acting out behaviors have me looking over my shoulder at all times. She also has a gun permit to conceal carry....I honestly believe she is going to snap and try to kill me. How does one go about getting protection from someone like her??? Because we are siblings I don't think the local authorities will do anything to help me because its a"family" matter etc. She stole from me and I reported it to the police and they did absolutely nothing about it...that was a year ago. So why would they help me be safe from a person with a mental disorder that they have no interest or time to take seriously. ? Until I end of injured or killed? I seriously need some guidance here....because I do believe she will kill me if push comes to shove. I have gone no contact as much as I can but the estate has not been settled yet and until it is completely on the books I will have to deal with her. the attorney is wishy washy and advises me to concede many things to her to "make it go smoothly and not wind up wasting money in court" but I am done bowing to her ridiculous demands and if it completely bankrupts me to publicly expose her sickness in a court of law over our parent's estate... I am at the point where my peace of mind and my life are more important to me than anything material. She has already nearly bankrupted me, her gaslighting has cost me employment in my town. Please help me??? Anyone who has experienced this torment please reach out to me and help me understand how to get away from her!! PLEASE Thank you for reading my comment. God bless all
I wholeheartedly agree. I was in a situation just like this twice in my life. Fortunately I was brought up in a loving and respectful home with two parents who were always there and six siblings. I knew when something was just not right and narrowly escaped both times. They take everyone in and are totally believed at least for a while. And they never change. Ann Rule a favorite author of mine wrote a book about a narcissist and pegged my plight correctly (except in the book, which was a true case, the victim died). Listen up ladies (and possibly even men)!
You are right Dr , they do create drama to make you look bad, even if you leave the narcissists alone you are still not being left alone. They are not right upstairs, downright evil, you cannot reason with them.The best strategy is no contact. The unfortunate thing for me is the narc and me belong to the same circle of friends, clan. I have no choice but to be absent from certain functions when i know she is going to be present. I am too busy to deal with a one screw loose woman.
Can someone who's not a malignant narcissist also have this level of frustration and revenge? This describe someone I know who's always talking about revenge and is easily frustrated when things are not done the way they want, but they don't check off the other 9 traits of NDP.
How long before the narcissist psychopath stops trying to get revenge, is 8 years enough time after escaping in one piece with all children intact, And disappearing.
I thought the common understanding was that all psychopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are psychopaths? This video suggests that narcissists can easily become psychopaths if they receive enough of a narcissistic injury? How common is this?
You thought wrong. Only a fraction of psychopaths are also narcissists and only a fraction of narcissists are also psychopaths. Ignore nonsense by self-styled “experts” online.
Dear, I'm very interested in your view on the way a narcissist thinks. Especially the concept of the external locus of control interests me. Is there any literature available on this?
Just as I've always said just your presence triggers them but when it's a prominent family member you can't just go away so coexisting is a constant battle.
Thank you. This factual, linear breakdown has helped to explain some of the more tumultuous aspects of a recent experience. The information provided here has promoted understanding for me on both sides of the situation and might even allow me to let myself start to forgive and heal from it. Great mix of clinical and contextual.
I was with my dude for 20 yrs 2 kiddos n all. 2024 April I couldn't take it anymore he felt it he knew it then BOOM, silent treatment, Hoover, didn't see him for 2wks. Picked my son up from his house, my son says dads getting married and he did 🤣 Im just enjoying the silence y'all🎉 i feel sorry for ol' girl
there is assumptions first made. narcissist juggles in between possibility and non possibility of set assumption ( imagination or figmentation based on earlier trendz, physocopath, deductive assumptions, a sequence of assumptions over assumption for reason or logical reasoning). you heard from someone in locality that your partner had many relationships in past which she hide from, now your partner is talking to someone in mobile, your assumption will fall like she might be talking to some new partner or may be talking to her earlier partner.
Wow I have been trying to learn this behavior for so long time you have really explained well it's a very thin line between normal behavior to wow .. yes you mentioned history .. wars sometimes were needed . So I guess we all have to be a little narcissist at times ... In order to protect and defend ourselves I don't know but really gave me a lot to think about...these people are scary .. much more then I thought
Married for 33 years with a sociopath. I had to move overseas to stay away. My mind, after gaslighting, love bombing, mental and deep physical abuse, will recover , but believe. Lots of therapy, knowing God is amazing . Will divorce him one day
My soon to be ex with NPD is losing it. I hope that the No Contact Order works. Meanwhile, I think I might need better security because he is SCARING me and I dont want him to know that.
Thank you for this presentation- I think I may have had triggers throughout your lecture because of how my ex boyfriend behaved in our relationship, this was profound and a bit startling for me but elucidating none the less. It has informed me where to be cautious in my dealings with people of this type of nature. Thank you.
My soon to be ex husband,the narcissist, wanted the divorce. He got so upset with me, ran his mouth and now feels he has to stand by that. I’m ok with it, but he drives by my house. He will drive by a block away to try and stay hidden. I’m sure I haven’t caught him every time. One morning I was going out early with my daughter to wait for the school bus. 640 am, there he goes driving by. He is driving me nuts! I know he also drives out of his way as if he is trying to avoid me. Or at least that’s what friends have said. He told me he was ready to take a sledgehammer to everything we have and burn it all to the ground. Because of me asking the court for the kids ride on. Such as my handicap daughter uses the riding lawn mower and wagon to go for rides in due to her wheelchair and my son’s motor bike. Not his kids. He wants to bust up everything? He has a new zero turn. Not like I’m asking for anything he uses. Why is he creeping by my house? Then denying it, when I see him with my own eyes or saying he’s keeping an eye on his investment. I’m not driving by his place he’s staying, my investment? I really need to know if he could do something crazy. I know there is no way to know for sure. But my divorce is final in 5 days and I’m having nightmares. I’m not sure what’s going on in my dream but I’m screaming the worst scream I’ve ever screamed in my life. I’m upset and feel left behind by God. I’m hysterical in the dream.
What is the best way to reverse entrainment If it was done by a retired intelligence officer that had government training to use covert manipulation as a part of his carrer?
@@samvakninI believe my son is married to a covert narcissist. Rarely see my young grandson, another one on the way! My son needs help and isn’t aware! Help!!!!!
Omg i am watching this video in tears i was a victim for many of years i live in fear cause i fear he will come after me and try to kill me even though i have been free from him for 17 years i still look over my shoulder when i leave my house...
@@jennifercooljeo6552 If they have NPD (the clinical definition) then they really cant.. They'll learn to adapt. Fake empathy etc but the truth is that it's a facade. Personality Disorders are rooted in ya, right down to the core. I have BPD - and will for the rest of my life.. seems better then being NPD evil though.
My parents idolised one grandchild , spoilt only that one , told they deserved more than mother giving etc they were special .... that child is totally sociopathic and narcissistic and other grand kids have self esteem issues ...( all adults now)
Also over neglecting them!! because if they loss that love as a child it leaves a void in their hearts and now they have to fill that void with you (supply) and its a never ending cycle. Using everyone up and throwing them away the to get that love and attention that they missed out on!
Yes, that statement was confirming of how children can so easily become narcissist/ic can happen so easily these days with working parents and them having to have other parental influences involved, one is hard and accusing one is encouraging and firm etc there can be so many scenarios.
I honestly just thought that kids who are spoiled just end up privileged big brats. Throwing the victim card out all the time. But now being in it.. wow their tantrums are like bulls in a China store and you do not want to be in their path. I was dumbfounded. Coming out of DV at least I knew how to handle it. Shut up, don't move and just observe. When they get close.. be ready to defend.. like your life counted on it. So happy I'm out of it now. Bc they just get worse, not better. It seems they always have addictions too. To detach from real life and continue living in their fantasy made up world of victimhood.
My ex's mother had him when she was 15. His father abandoned him and his mother didn't raise him, she was too busy with her own life. As a result, his grandparents overcompensated and he knew he was the favourite. He's the most evil person I've ever come across
Exactly true! What is most painfully frustrating to witness is that people are so readily 'taken in' by that pseudo 'niceness' all the while they are being played to satisfy that psychopathic ego...
The best way to handle a narcissist (if you can) is to completely disconnect and have no contact. They will find it unbelievable and wounding, but you won’t know because you are gone. Don’t be curious and don’t look back.
I knew some who led their victim into trouble, pain etc. also, some are literally 😈 worshippers and they are very able to do damage in a short time, and convince you nothing happened. They know how to divide the personality.
3 years ago my ex husband was violently physically attacking me infront of our children. He was yelling at me saying"you better keep your mouth shut and know ur role, before i pull a chris watts on you and those fucking kids" (his kids too) my son called police, got lifetime restraining order and full custody of our children and relocated. He stalked alot until he ended up in jail and we relocated and are in peace
OK, so glad you mentioned that spoiling and idolizing a child are also forms of abuse. I've experienced first hand the vindictive, malignancy of a man/monster who was idolized, pampered and spoiled by his mommy from birth (and sadly, ignored by his father--neglect another form of abuse). He thinks he is god almighty, and worse, turned to religion to be a pillar of the community but in personal life is a vindictive, cruel, sadistic monster. So many say "oh, they were traumatized as a child", when I think..hmmm such "trauma", being raised as if you were a little Lord, catered to by mommy and maids and nannies. But children quickly become monsters. Give an average 2 year old a gun and then try to take his toy.... without boundaries children grow up to be monsters. And yes, that is abuse to not teach a child to think of others.
Agreed! My ex was NEVER told no by his mother and she saved him from suffering consequences of his actions anytime it was in her power to do so. Not only that but they're very codependent (he's currently 38 so it's weird). For years I went to her for assistance in trying to get him to go to some kind of rehab for his drug abuse and it wasn't until the last year that I realized that she needs him to be sick so she feels needed and can rationalize her over involvement in his life. I fully believe she caused him to become a narcissist which was compounded by his abusive drugs. I eventually had to get a restraining order to protect myself and are 2-month-old baby when I left him recently because the physical abuse started again and was becoming more frequent/worse. The judge took away all his parenting time until he completes 30 domestic violent classes & outpatient rehab but I have little hope that it will help. Now I'm having to file for child custody so we have a long-term plan in place and I'm very afraid of what he will do when things aren't going his way. I comfort myself with the fact that I've done everything that is in my ability to protect myself and where I am currently is safe. Hoping he doesn't come after me because I don't know what he's capable of anymore!
That was my ex husband. Worshipped by his mommy. Could not do any wrong in her eyes whatsoever. Dad beat the daylights out of him and his brother. Brother went on to be an abuser and child rapist and my ex is a narcissistic abuser of women and manipulated his kids against me and used them to control me. I got away several years ago. Best decision I ever made
My damaged psyopath abusers also use religion. God was used as a club to beat me with. Somehow relion becomes very convenient. God protect me from your followers😮😮
As someone who is a mental health professional and a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I have never heard a more detailed and accurate account of the cycles the narcissist constantly goes through, and puts those around them through. Thank you for this video, it confirmed exactly what I witnessed but could not find literature on. Excellent video 👍🏻👍🏻
@spilledit in language use when using a singular pronoun the correct pronoun is he. It's not excluding anyone else. It's just the proper use of a singular pronoun.
@hughessignco.7161 that might have been MLA format about 75 years ago. Most narcissists I have come across or heard about first hand, have been fellow women.
They are criminals! They think they're smarter than anybody else, better & entitled to what ever they want no matter who it belongs to. Imagine a club of them, a gang where they all have this in common? Bonded. Protecting each other.. They exist.
@@yamisomad3486..me too they tried killing me in 2015 and was màking an attempt too this past july ...the gang çonvinces through fear gang stalking drugs and monitary things too send people too do there dirty work ...i rebuke the evil plàns of satan in yashuwahs name
Yes they are basically conartist and selfish in an unhealthy way bc i know we all have an ego and human selfish moments to survive in life but we usually still consider others feelings.
This happens. Narcissism is deeply rooted in human nature, and there has been a virtual explosion of it. They will try to rob you of everything that you valued in yourself. They cannot do this alone, they must enlist doctors, lawyers, close friends who can help them, and yes, even your own friends and family. They truly are the evil ones. Realize it. Then move forward and survive.
@@shirley9066 It is frightening, isn’t it? Imagine who could “gang up” on you during, for instance, a divorce proceeding. You would have a really tough go of it.
As a 17 yr old, I saw my narcissist boyfriend spiraling out of control. Alcohol addiction intensified his "control addiction". I knew I couldn't leave him because he was becoming violent. I had to make him believe it was his decision to break up. It worked, and he broke up with me. I had a year of peace. What I couldn't foresee is how it ate at him for a year. Even with him in other girlfriend relationships. His hate to ruin me ate at him. One summer afternoon, he found me as I walked home from my Aunties house and sweetly offered me a car ride back to my home. It was hot out, hadn't seen him in a year, and thought, what can a quick car ride hurt? My inner gut feeling said "don't do it", almost like I heard my inner voice say, "do not get in that car. " I said, "Holy Spirit, is that your voice?" But, I quickly stuffed it down inside because what I felt vs. what I saw didn't match. His face was smiling, and he looked so carefree and so handsome, and his charm swayed me. After all, people can grow up in one year, and they can change. Right? Wrong! I got in the car. He said, "Let's take a ride to the lake, it's only 20 minutes away." As we got closer to the lake, he started speeding. He slammed on the breaks (and I, not wearing my seatbelt in the 1980s) hit my forehead on the dashboard and then slid under the passamger dashboard onto the floor! Suddenly, he grabbed my long hair, pulled my head to the seat of the car, and announced he was going to kill me. He proceeded to tell me how. He said, "If I can't have you, nobody can!" I prayed for police to see his speeding car as he drove thru city streets at break neck speeds running thru red traffic lights. I attempted to jump out at one intersection, but was yanked back in. No police came.😢 I turned my face to the passenger window, started praying silently, then out loud, then I started singing the children's song, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong they are weak, but HE is strong! Yes, Jesus Loves Me...." Then suddenly, the car started to slow, his hold on my hair released. He started crying. From his profile, I saw the tears running down the side of his face. Staring straight ahead, he stopped the car. He let me out of the car. I never showed any emotion to him. I cried once inside my home, I was thanking God for my life and heavenly intervention. I was so damaged from that relationship that it took me a long time to date again and trust anyone. I dove into Psychology classes, in college, in my attempts to understand his personality disorder. As a wiser person, I married a very special man who won my heart. We have been married for 35 years. I have spoken to my kids, family, and friends about narcissists and their modus operandi. About looking for relationship red flags and to never, ever be fooled into thinking you change them. You can't. I appreciated your talk today. It brought up so many experiences with a Narcissistic ex-boyfriend. I share my story as a learning tool for others. If your gut feeling says something is wrong, do not be deceived by what your eyes see.
Thank goodness you got out. I also worked out that I had to let him break up with me. I had been saying no to a lot of things and he was also extremely jealous about me getting a better job. We had long break and came back together as friends.who still cared about each other. Just recently he has been pulling away and finally told me he wants to be alone. When I listen to Sam it makes so much sense
But you did believe what you saw, because he was smiling. That's what they do, they mask their true selves and intentions. They are complete nasty, evil, monsters
Stick with your gut and set boundaries. It works..the moment they see you say the word no, they will leave. Also, pay close attention to those who you say no to and watch how they treat you after..those are the narcs. Run for your life.
“No” frustrated my Narc and he did just what Sam is talking about here. He regrouped and became more subtle and then would act irrationally and shut me up and talk over me when I wanted to discuss anything. He eventually started throwing things at me. Because he couldn’t control me, he denied me a separation when I presented him with one. He started punishing me more and more.. I had to wait until he threw something and hit me and then I called the police got to a CPO and am pursuing divorce!
@@mlou7432again a woman pissing off a man to the point where he had to throw something to shut you up. You said it yourself, he threw things but didn't hit you and then you got an idea to do SOMETHING so he can take that extra step. In other words, like 99% of the cases, it's a woman forcing out narcicistic behaviour on a man by using narcicistic means 😂 you can't make this up!! Have no believe in this sort of women and btw there are mostly female narcs so more often than not YOU are actually the narc you are assigning your ex with. 😂😂
If anyone has experienced a close relationship with a person as described in this video, it's clear as day. I'm embarrassed to admit I spent 33 years with such a person. I was 19 when they sucked me in. Im now 72 and I'm with a loving, caring person with NO narcissistic tendencies. Even though I wasted the majority of my life on that A-Hole I feel very fortunate to have stumbled into the life I'm in now. I just felt the need to share this because this video is so spot on. Textbook as they say. Thank you
@@mistiery5684 I will be honest, I spent the majority of my life with this person and I think that in my case my beginning menopause had some to do with it. I suppose the extra testosterone that occurs or whatever it was, I found the strength to stand up and stop taking it. There was no physical abuse in my case and I think that's important to consider. When you can stand up to a person who intimidates you as opposed to standing up to a person who physically abuses you are two very different situations imo. From the moment you change, the initial realization from the intimidating/verbal abuser that you are done, I'll just say, it's empowering to you and they are so stunned (again, in my case) they can't believe it's happening. He was speechless. I knew he was scared of what would happen next.
I did on my 45th birthday homeless.. best thing I ever did. 😂😂😂 started over in a druggy dump in a tiny box room filled with insects and dirt I remember lying there giggling because I had a plan. Savings investments home exercise good eating new skill set new jobs monk loner stay on track now I’m honed have money very fit strong employed and live in comfort the narc is in America dying off copd illegallyliving with a kkk member in a shack 😂😂😂
I think it matters. Some people can recognize if, they too, hold narcissistic traits. I did. I struggled dealing with a narc.mom and an employer who reflect the same characteristics but then I started to see bits of myself. These talks helped me to pinpoint and work through any ugly narc. tendencies.
@violettabicycletta331 it is happening as we speak. Four 😢 elected officials. And in my hometown. How they got elected? Charmed the citizenry. One is a teacher and knows everything. And she's a teacher. And the other repairs the roof of an African American church and the members vote him in office. The others are same. Smiling 😍 and challenge them? Tgey 😮 get pissed. Their mask falls.
I got chills from watching this video. I clicked on it because of the thumbnail showing the Watts family. My narcissistic ex fiancé wanted to watch American Murder : the Family Next Door the day before he discarded me. Which I thought it was odd because we had watched it a few months earlier and he doesn’t like these kind of shows. I strongly feel it was some kind of threat or him saying “this is what is going to happen to you”. He was physically violent once during the relationship where he showed no remorse, and now I’m understanding he probably went into borderline - psychopathic mode. I’m very happy I didn’t marry this man, I think it could have ended in a tragedy.
My mother loved to read or watch murder mysteries. Her anxiety would build up over days and I'd come home to her icy hard stare, her tightly drawn lips and her stiff robotic posture. I'd know she would erupt at some point and blame me.
I’m over joyed to hear of your self and situational awareness, intuition, discernment and grounding You are alive today because of it Never lose that ☝🏾
My ex Narcissist used to say "jokingly" he hadn't killed me....yet. I even had a cpl nightmares of lying in a dirt hole and him standing above the hole holding the shovel. Also of him trying to strangle me in another nightmare. I feel these were my true fears as well as omens. His eyes were dark and so was his energy. He thought I was stupid years ago being sad for Shanan Watts because he believed Chris Watts was innocent. I'm glad I usually ran from that ex and only wasted a cpl months a year with him But for far too many years!!!! Never had someone make me so sad and mad. Glad I didn't marry mine either! And glad I haven't fallen back to old habits in years and that is all behind me. Happy New Year to all of the Survivors of this NPD abuse. It truly is a beautiful life when we are far away from these sick sorts.
At a certain point in my divorce my lawyer called me in to his office and told me he learned via certain sources that my now ex was asking around to find someone to “hurt” me. I now live three states away, have protection, and know how to use it.
Keep pictures of him. So new friends can Identify him! ( One of my mistakes was wanting to forget him) . If you can, find out if you can get proof, ie; phone recordings, eye witness accounts of his intent. ( I once witnessed my ex. Making a gun pointing jester about wanting to off our son in law! I told him .). Anything you can do to document, document, document! These people don't give up!!
Aside from a pistol and safety training plus target practice I say a trained guard dog and cameras like the ring door cam, cameras in the house and in the car Can never be too safe when it comes to your precious life Have self and situational awareness and never take for granted your intuition and discernment Stay off social media Be careful of who’s in your inner circle Move like Batman
My 1st narcissist blind sided me. Then was murdered a few months after we split. 2nd narcissist almost got into my life, but after going through it once, I started to notice all the red flags still took a few weeks to really understand this is indeed the situation. My 2 cents burn those bridges fast and bright. They say you can't win no win narcissist games, but it's a win if you figure it out and get out before you get invested. Interesting video. I watch these types of videos rarely now, but it's worth it once and a while to retain knowledge.
A narcissist have an interpretation in his mind of who you are, when he talks he is talking to that puppet in his mind that represents you to him, he does not speak with you the person there outside of him in the physical world, and if the real you does not do what his internal representation of you is supposed to do then he must punish you for not complying with his internal image of you. Most of it is going on in the inside of his mind and he can not/will not perceive you as a person or human being. This WILL NOT CHANGE, so if you want your freedom then no matter what get away.
Demonic is how I would sum up that woman labelled mother. Since I was a child I've always felt she would kill me. Now as an adult her obsession creeps me out to the core it truly feels like a predator. Unfortunately narcissism and borderline personality is common in NZ particularly in polynesian culture it is dismissed by the government for funding. DHB's don't get funding so most patients are misdiagnosed as substance abusers.
Dude, sooooo much in common if ever we were to chat. I recently had a supposed “professional” directly disbelieve me about some critical NPD things happening.
i was fostered in nz by a narcissistic mom .. she discarded me once i was an adult .. she fostered me and my sister for the attention it gave her as a savour
My mother wasn't speaking to me when she died. I refused to be her servant 24/7. I wanted my own life. No one was allowed to have their own life. She came first. I was shocked when I went to her house after she died & saw that she had put up a shrine dedicated to me. But everything was from my childhood. Now that I hear what you're saying about the narcissist, I understand what she was doing- my mother wanted everything restored to how life was when I was a child & under her thumb.
I am no contact with my mother but when she was trying to hoover me she kept referring to me when I was a baby . I'm in my late 50s but I have been reduced to an infant and her memories of that.
That's deep... when you have a narcissist parent it's so easy to spot it in others. I didn't have the proper name for it when I was a kid. I secretly called it "the craziness", I still do... when I spot an inclining of "the craziness" in others, I keep my distance. I'm grateful for that gift but it cost me my childhood to develop that gift which now as an adult it's truly a Blessing ❤
Revenge always means that you are not free. So long as your mind and heart are committed to it, you cannot heal. You’re still completely focused on your abuser. I’ve been in some sick relationships, with predatory partners high in narcissism. They took their revenge, for leaving them, and it hurt both me and my children. We have passed through those storms. How would we want to keep thinking of the person who caused it? The best revenge on a narcissist is indifference.
@@MarcJakob1314 Good question, & the fact that they did this to their children is unforgivable. The pain they caused me was bad enough, but I was an adult, and I could navigate through it, and come to a point where I do not care. But you’re right. What they did to our children is unforgivable.
@@bethmoore7722 you are right, as adults we can deal with our stuff and our choices but sitting back watching and seeing the child suffer, and bot being able to do anything is really the opposite for me of indifference. Courts, child protection and police only do so much.
@@MarcJakob1314 I did not sit back in indifference to what was done to my children. There was no abuse that anyone could help with. I got the attorney general to get back child support, but refused to run them down to my kids, because they needed a father. I knew they’d form their own opinions. Emotional abandonment was the thing I couldn’t prevent them from doing. I could not get them to help me keep the house my kids were growing up in, either, so we lost it. If a man is not paying child support, the AG won’t act quickly enough to keep you from losing everything. This is Texas. You may have heard that they don’t care much for women and children here. I did not “sit back.” Again, my indifference is to my exes’ welfare. I don’t care to take revenge, as it’s pointless. I did not neglect to fight for my children, and I know you did not mean to accuse me of that. I’m the only one who ever fought for them.
Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge. During the holidays I noticed the narcissist's behaviors can be worse, so I consider your good talk today as a public service/safety announcement 🙏 From what I have experienced it (relationship) gets worse. They get worse. I gave too many chances. It took me a long time to break out of my denial to see the patterns and escalation. I finally made a plan. I had to leave quickly, quietly, and won't EVER look back like Lot's wife did!
Yes!!! Why is it they screw up EVERY holiday, and for days???! Including your birthday. I reconciled with mine..I really got duped after being no contact for 1 1/2 years.. all a sudden he says God really did a number on him and he's not the same person he was... thank God, you'll see.... he cloaked..I messed up. He is less intense than before, but still the same cycles...attitudes, looks... all. Just in a less intense level, so far, but only remarried since last Sept....I knew on wedding night it was a no go that way, and on way home from honeymoon we were already fighting, he got stupid!!! I was sick with a UTI.... Don't think it will be long, 1st time it was 10 months, it won't be that....
Gavin deBecker in his book "The Gift of Fear" (the chapter on domestic abuse alone is worth the price of the book) had a sign on his desk which said "Do not come here for justice." He explained that safety/escape from toxic people is worth more than seeing them pay for what they did. You wanna be vindicated at the cost of your life or wellbeing? I don't. Believe that justice, karma, whatever will come to abusers some other way. If it isn't safe to fight for them to be punished, just get out and enjoy the rest of your life. They'll be miserable, and you'll be free. That will be your revenge.
I confronted my Narcissist mother and BPD father for their poor parenting and about setting boundaries around my kids. My father raged then went passive aggressive and silent; my mother, on the other hand, fawned during the argument and has been extremely “nice” with lovebombing etc. it’s her that I’m worried about because she’s capable of long term planned revenge and has a sadistic side. Yikes!
I left a review on Amazon and ordered your other 2 books. Your book on Malignant Self Love is the best book I have ever read on narcissists. It was so well set out to cover every apsect of life. I bought it 2010 and it is still the most important book I own. Thank you for all your hard work. It saved me and I really needed saving.
Thank you, it’s really dangerous bc there is no time limit one their revenge and ppl think oh the broke up. But he’s still plotting ,seeing how many of your friends/family forget and forgive and he’ll try relentlessly to twist everyone against you
This is why I refuse to take food offerings from my ex and her family. I also keep a close eye out for being followed. When they found out I had a brain tumor they all begged me to subscribe to their group life insurance policy. My ex ended up leaving after my 4th surgery and I called her out after reading her private journal which noted all of her narcissistic tendencies and shame. When I confronted the truth I witnessed the rage and withdrawal I was immediately discarded. Pray for me and my kids !
🙏 🙏 🙏 May God's presence sustain you, and may God provide, and protect you. I'm sorry for your pain, both physical and spiritual. God will never leave or forsake you. ❤
I unfortunately live with my narcissistic mom due to disability, but in December she cooked stuffed peppers without any prompt from me. I didn't eat it right away even though I accepted it. I put it in the fridge and ate it later. Three bites in and the bite was moldy. It was food she had prepared that day, but it was one stuffed pepper that had mold deep inside the stuffing. When I told her what happened she became irate angry and gaslit me. Weird response to my experience that came off as a guilty response. To cause me harm because revenge and control is what matters most. Not the health safety and well being of her disabled middle aged daughter. This week she started to buy me junk food id never asked for and insisted I eat it even though due to health problems I've specifically have informed her how important it is for me to eat healthier foods that aren't processed. So she actively ignore my wishes tries to poison me and actively sabatoges my efforts to be healthier. And she also ignores my request and boundary to not bring up how my body looks if I'm slimming down or how clothes look on my body because I realized that's all directly linked to me having a binge eating disorder. So is her constantly giving me the mom look at family functions. She'd glare at me to shame me because I'd picked up the habit of turning to food so I didn't have to interact with family members that traumatized me as a child. I was forced to play nice with my abusers and was blamed for what happened to me that I had never asked for and was held down against my will while I screamed and cried no and was told I asked to have knives thrown into the floor at my feet. I didn't ask for that and I didn't get help for that incident even though I started acting out cynically. That was a cry out for help that a normal mom would have recognized, but not my mom I was instead neglected and got a sarcastic quip about being optimistic. I was 27 before I learned the meaning of optimistic. I need to find a way out of this or I'll die. So that's going to happen eventually
@@Sarah-with-an-HSounds so similar to my life too… so sorry you're dealing with this. I packed my car with my belongings and drove to the other side of the country without telling anyone. That was my only way to escape. I was 32 years old at the time. Unfortunately before I knew about narc abuse I decided to come back bc I wanted to "make things right". I had healed & felt better than I ever knew was possible & thought I could somehow make things great between us! Mother & daughter best friends. I imagined all kinds of things like we could go get manicures & pedicures together, we could talk & laugh about everything. It'd be great! Not only did this never happen, but, over time, she has chewed me up & ruined my relationship with any family members & many things I'm trying to forget about & just move on from this Lent, & sadly I'm in a worse mess than before. I am planning another escape except that this time I never come back. She is 85. I am 43. She has had her thumb on me my whole life, but I started going to church & after finding Jesus I feel a freedom & strength like never before. As though it's a DUTY to leave & live a good life. I hope you too can find a way out… Clue #1: Keep ALL plans 100% secret bc a narc has minions everywhere to tell her everthing she needs to know. I learned that the hard way multiple times. Clue #2: Act normal & don't do or say anything out of the ordinary. When she's gone that's when you grab your bags & leave. Otherwise she will use every tactic to stop you whether through mental manipulation or by calling in the minions. Mine uses family AND neighbors as her personal minions! Nevermind to all my belongings… just gotta save what little may be left of my life. Check out Bob Wells RUclips channel… can start out living in a vehicle if need-be. Where there's a will to live, there's a way.💝
They can be really tricky to spot and once you become close enough to them it’s really hard to get out without damage once you realize who and what you are dealing with.
Because of my victim mentality for many years I was in situations where I was intimidated or abused or threatened etc. It wasn't until I stood up for myself that these things changed and I no longer call those experiences to me. It's easy to judge when you're on the outside but once you're inside of a situation like that it takes on a totally different feeling. You can't see the way out because you're so afraid of the what if. Once you stand up for yourself. it doesn't make things perfect, but it is the beginning.
Learn the DARVO technique!!I’ve been there before many moons ago. Work hard on yourself & learn about the tactics these fruit loops use. You’ll get to the point where I am. I see them as nothing but pathetic empty losers.
@@rebeccabrown251 - You’ve got that right!! That’s been the toughest part going through my recovery from severe Narcissistic abuse. When I would “try” to explain some things that I experienced all of my family & friends looked at me like I had 6 eyeballs. I’ve since stopped. It’s been incredibly difficult and frustrating. So, YES… if you haven’t been in this situation before you will NEVER understand. Ever.
I was married to a very cunning narcissist that was groomed by her mother. Unfortunately it didn't work with me... She died of stubbornness but left a legacy of hate in the children. I cut the children off completely. That's after 28 years. Now I am tired and over cautious. I became a hermit... These things do damage you.
Thank you for saying that you became a hermit because of the abuse. I was raised by a narcissist and have an older sister who is also a narcissist. After a lifetime of being attracted to narcissists at 80 years old, I finally know that being reclusive with my two cats is the only way to find peace in my life. I can now look forward to my last years without being so horribly abused. I wish you the same peace.31:19
I make lots of effort to not be a hermit. I finally found and Old Timey Methodist church full of sweet old, old-fashioned (not religious nuts)people and couldnt be happier!
I walked away from a marriage with nothing-not even my car- although he had millions. The shock of trying to survive such a person and having to leave with nothing has affected my life and not easy to recover and thrive.
Its called " femocide" or something close. My judge dropped the restraining order because he had not physically hurt me.... yet . A year later still feel lke looking over my shoulder.
Children too, as male and female N's use the children as weapons to keep you in line, on your knees and under their thumb. my shitty N always used my children to keep me in line. It is no existence, and you are never free of these monsters until YOU stand up to them with all you got, and then? RUN.
I don't take kindly to someone who wants me to fear them. My fear turns to Anger and that turns me into a deadly weapon. It would turn anyone into a weapon. If you want a fight, fight me yourself, don't send anyone else to fight your battle. Only cowards do that. It's been how many years now ? And I'm tired of being in this survival mode. I'm not running and I'm not hiding. Step up.
Mine didn't realize I got full blown ASPD, BPD is not the only diagnosis, my ability to commit vengeful acts is night and day, cause I will go so much further then anyone else, why do narcs think they are god, GodK😂
![[Limbus Company - Teaser] Season5 - Oblivion](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8anKuEeZLeI/mqdefault.jpg)
There seems to be an increase in Narcissist more than ever theses days ❤
Yes, many in US; may be due to lack of parental time and love with the children.
Internet? Immediate self gratification ?
Many things ...
Although the word is being thrown around to much these days. It seems like the littlest thing can be narcissism according to some when it's not.
Trueth more especially they are using dating sites
See 2 Timothy 3. This is because we are in the end times.
Left the narcissist 7 years ago. Blocked him on all social media, and moved 2000 miles away. Then a month ago I got a pop up FB messenger message from him!
As soon as I saw that face in the pop up circle, I immediately swiped it away WITHOUT reading the message, and reblocked him.
The next day I received 3 hang up calls in a row from him. Now, THAT'S the real narcissist reacting to my rejection of him!
They cry forever.😢😂
Stay safe! My friends narc ex husband, followed her around. (for a while)
I left a malignant narc after 21 years back in 2008 - he's still stalking using his little flying monkeys.
You have to do all the activities that he blocked you from
I was looking back over past emails sent by my brother, a malignant narcissist. On ONE day in April, 2018, he sent 48 emails to his ex-wife copying me. At the time they’d been divorced for over 10 years.
He (narc psycho) almost choked the life out of me in 1989. Slowly over the next 4 to 6 months, I put a little money away each pay cheque, and started packing a few bags and 2 small boxes with my important personal effects. I set out down the freeway out of San Diego one morning after he left for work. I drove off in the rickety old jalopy he bought for me. "It is an antique", he told me. He was some cheap! He bought this old wreck of a car shortly after purchasing an expensive brand new Harey Davidson motorcycle for himself. I drove back to Canada with no licence, no registration and no insurance. I got out with my life. All the "stuff" meant very little compared to my life.
Your story very touching, dear. Glad you made it out of there alive. You are a very brave woman. Blessings to you.
You go girl ✊🏼 well done
🙏🏻🕊️🌅
🙏🫶
Good for you.💜
You are defining 100% my own mother. Horrendous woman whom everyone who's met believes she is a wonderful human being. Except me! How she hasn't completely, thoroughly, destroyed me, were I religious, I'd consider it a miracle.
I was four when she threatened to kill me and then held a butcher knife over my head, and held it there for a while, all the while scaring me by telling me she was going to abandon me, poison me, etc. And so, at 4 years of age, I started to draw and paint and continued doing so for the rest of my life. Today, I'm an artist and very thankful I took art as my refuge. I doubt if I would have survived if I hadn't.
Finally a writer here that actually points out exactly what happened. Majority are just saying the narc ruined their life but no detail. I understand things when it is broken down bit by bit. I know it sucks to have to spell it out but a lot of people need exact examples to know what to look for. When I was around the same age my mother's boyfriend told me not to open the door for her because he locked her out and said if I open the door for her he would 🔪 her throat 😭 that's when I evaporated into video games and sat with the dog all the time.
❤❤❤so sorry you were traumatized by the person who is supposed to protect you the most
@@sherlynbrown5270 Thank you. It was good, though painful, to have realized it before it was too late. And I thank art for having helped me.
I’m sorry that happened to you 😔
Same here.
this is the key to identify a narcissist:
"narcissists are incapable of perceiving external objects, they're incapable of conceptualizing the separateness and the externality of objects (...) there is only the internal object, inside his mind, that represents you and he goes on interacting only with the internal object (...)" 08:50
keep this in mind: THEY CAN'T SEE YOU. as soon as someone reacts to you in a way that is incongruent with the happening at hand or says something to you about you that you know has nothing to do with who you are - and if this happens consistenlty - you have a narcissist in front of you. for best results: PLEASE GET TO KNOW YOURSELF so no one can come into your life and start to tell you who you are.
what the narcisist says or does has nothing to do with you. it will have to do with you if you interact. this is also why going no contact is the only thing that works. because then they have nothing to interact with. no screen to project.
Thank you. For reminding me that going after my victims rights in a pragmatic manner is healthy. As a victim, I’m often called the psychopath for having a reaction to abuse, (or a non reaction: Depending on what he’s looking for.) and especially now for not obeying and being submissive. I am scared for my life… but I can’t continue to be abused. I can’t.
Leave
Sometimes all you can bring with you is you
lots of love and light that you find your way out and into a healthy, beautiful life free from narcissistic abuse!! Stay strong and give yourself lots of self care!!!
You learn to hide emotions to survive. It's understandable. I hope you get free soon
@@tanyareneezaccardi7918 Thank you so much for your kind words! I am trying to get away now….. it’s not easy. But I am trying…
My daughter was married to a narcissist for over 10 years . He promised he would ruin her life for ever and goodness me he’s trying in every way he can. Thank god she got away even if he still won’t leave her alone now with threats. And yet somehow he manages to convince everyone he is the victim and a lovely man. I just don’t understand how he does it.
Document everything and get a restraining order.
Absolutely no conflict, no communication, you have to disappear from their lives and just hope they find another target. Silence is golden. Become boring. I'm sorry you're going through it.
Carry a mind changer at all times!
Become boring. Great idea. Better yet become bored with them. They want you obsessed.
@@di_decaire Yep.
Drowning them in mentally tangible, Full on, "Indifference" from YOU, is their Kryptonite! 🤯
It simply blows their 🤖robotic minds; as they NOW,
simply cannot compute the 'simple to YOU only those: where's; how's; whys; and when's, YOU stopped worshiping the ground they walked on!
HOW VERY DARE YOU, TO FULLY ESCAPE and cut those marionette strings! HOW VERY DARE YOU, to ACTUALLY WANT, LET ALONE ACHIEVE YOUR OWN LIFE;, MAKE NEW FRIENDS, AND TRY NEW THINGS; GET AND MAINTAIN YOUR OWN, SENSE OF SELF! 🤣😂😅😆😁
This is the best explanation it helps me understand a narcissist perception and why they are dysfunctional, and how the dysfunction manifest, and what it could lead to!!! It’s alarming how diss regulated and delusional they are....Thank you for sharing your
Okay, everything you have explained is happening to me now and for the past 5 years. My boyfriend has been doing everything you are saying and I was convinced it was me for so long. I am completely dependant on him now and chemically dependant on fentynal. Hell, I'm using his phone to watch this vid! Every relationship with friends or family have been ruined and I'm stuck. I don't know what to do I fear he will hurt my family if he hasn't already. All I want is for him to leave me alone and let me be. I tried several times to leave and wishing him the best. Every time he would show up wherever I was and has sabotaged every friendship or person who has tried to help. Thank you so much for you making this video. It helps confirm what my intuition has been screaming at me. Thank you. Im leaving as soon as I can get my next chance.
If u have 3 narcissist triangulation and ur going on 60 yrs of abuse. U kinda want to eliminate them.
You described the 23 year marriage nightmare I survived. And the 8 years divorce...Post Divorce. And now. For me and my children. Ongoing. 30 years.
I moved out of State. And he only has my POB, in another town. You are describing my situation right now. My Survival .
Attorney now enforcing Spousal Support. #TiresPunctured #Theft #AlienationofAffection. The ex steals from women and children and wonders why he doesn't "feel like a man".
Vengeful Sneaky Damaged Unhealthy.
Knowledge, personal growth and physical distance are my steps to thriving. Strength and peace. ❤
I have never and I mean NEVER in my life witnessed a narcissist as calculated and covert as my ex husband. If there is a high functional, financially successful, collector of material goods and people as appliances --then I married one. It was HELL trying to get out. The Judge knew, even his own attorneys knew and it was a costly lesson. I was a target, fell for the mirroring and required a reset of my life and NO CONTACT. Do you ever feel safe again? Trust again? It's a mind mender.
Your book saved me. I understood what I was dealing with and I got out. Thank you
Please post a review on the Amazon page of my book. Glad I could be of help.
By 18 years old, I finally distanced myself from the physical, psychological manipulation from a family of narcissists and psychopaths. I turned my focus on work, raising children and stopped being available at all hours to get dumped on. My sanity was at stake. In their mind, I abandoned them and this commentary confirmed my worst suspicions of how dangerous their deep hatred could be. They really believe I am the reason for their loss of control, their failures in life, relationships, etc. Thanks for explaining the dangerous descent into mental illness and deluded thoughts swirling in their minds.
Unfortunately I met a narcissist at age 18 and didn’t know it til almost a decade later. I thought he loved me but he was just a damn good manipulator.
I slowed so many red flags to go by, I ignored signs, I made excuses for his behaviour, I thought he would “change” eventually.
Nope, he could’ve killed me. His went ballistic after I left him. He tried to use our kids as ammunition in the custody battle.
He even offered to release all parental rights from his end so he wouldn’t have to be financially responsible.
He stalked me, harassed me, physically hurt me, everything he could do to destroy me….but I had some sort of internal strength. He couldn’t get to me, I would just keep on fighting…
He eventually unalived himself which I hate to say it, but it was a blessing for me and my kids. He would’ve killed me and the kids for sure if he were still here.
Love this guy's sense of humour. Humour is a good thing in life.
This is a fantastic description of something that I've had a very difficult time trying to understand. My ex was a covert narc who literally exploded on me verbally, then emotionally, and eventually physically. It was exactly as you said that there was a calm before the storm. I found out that he had done this with previous partners and seemingly thought he was completely justified in every case because they had driven him to it in his mind. I literally told him that I felt he was the type who could accidentally kill someone and possibly would. I was shocked by his words and actions because he was so covert about it all. I actually thought he was cute and shy and childlike in ways. Fast forward and he's shaking me by the shoulders, screaming at me, and calling me a threat to him, and an enemy to him. I never understood the alloplastic defenses that motivated him in his responses to me and others. The calm before the storm went from confusing to horrifying in what I now realize was a psychotic state. I now can see the NPS in others and even myself more clearly. It's frightening to me.
Sam maybe you could help me out. In 2022 I moved because I wanted to get away from my parents. They knew where I lived. They were right down the street and they were constantly stopping by the house, bringing things for my kids even after I thought I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with them. They found me. My dad sent me mail with no return address on it. With no letter in it, it just had a gas card in it and a roadside assistance card in it. No letter and he didn't even put my name on it just my last name. The day before yesterday I actually physically saw him drive by my street. There's no reason for him to be on my street. And he made that clear when he turned left at the stop sign that took him away from the road and anything on it that might be pertinent to his travels. I again went to the police, maybe the third time going there. I do not have a restraining order or no contact order yet. I need more proof. I put up cameras that record. I guess my question is, is he escalating and is he going to become dangerous? He does own a firearm. I do not own any weapons. I did text both of my parents after this drive by and try to make it clearer that I wanted nothing to do with them and to leave me alone. And to stop stalking me and that I would go to the police with proof when I have it if they don't stop. Again i'm just wondering if you think this is gonna become dangerous. I mean it already has, because I am now mentally disabled and on disability. They destroyed me. I was the scapegoat for the whole family and everyone abused me. Sexually and mentally and physically. I escaped though and i'm getting better but this isn't helping. Help.
You sound like you had gone through a lot with your parents. Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts with hopes that strength will help carry on and get through this.
They know your ssn so they probably can easily find your info. Or it’s someone you are talking to that you think isn’t going back telling. Put a pin on your SSN. Also get a P.O. Box and don’t update your license with your new address. That way it won’t be reported on white pages or any people searches.
@Cece-um3ld they already found me though. Sent a stranger to my new house and onto my property Christmas eve and left packages. I took them back and left them at their house in their driveway. I'm upset because I have become hypervigilent again. Being hypervigilent is no good. I don't feel good now. Back to feeling like crap and sleeping like crap. The year and a half they didn't stalk me was so refreshing and I healed so much. Now I'm back at square 1.
My late husband was the unfortunate scapegoat of a whole family of covert and passive narcs, including an ex who went psychopathic and all out to destroy his life when he walked away after fourteen years. All she had to do to get the family on her side was to reinforce their delusions about who he was (the incompetent bogey-man who could do no right; them the saintly, virtuous victims of his alleged incompetence), and get them to attack that delusion. He was a highly intelligent, insightful, gifted person with his own sense of self, and they hated that with a malevolent envy. After he died they tried to replace the space he left with me and to make me the next scapegoat, and the same old tactics started on me: 'you did something (false allegation) and hurt us (we the saintly victims) that you have to account for'. I refused to play the game and so an uncle told me that I was 'attacking his noble family'. I'm glad I blocked him.
Hi Sam.
I'm pretty sure that You are describing the state both of my Parents, are currently going through with me.
There never was, an ability to reach sane conclusion, or rational behavior, when confronted with problems, in my family. However recently I was bullied by my father, to have no boundaries with my brother. When I refused to comply, he threatened that, it will not work out well for me if I don't. I'm not sure what that means, but it seems like the level of fantasy in my family has dropped off the last cliff, holding to any kind of a level of sanity.
I'm not really sure what I should do. I'm not really sure where they sell new families.
The person I took as a partner as he got a little older and sicker ... He had loaded guns throughout the condo... And because he was so ill (stage 4 multiple myeloma) and getting infections, I called an ambulance and would not lie to the doctors... I became the enemy... While he was in the hospital, I told them he couldn't come home... He was there long enough for me to pack and move back cross country... He is in prison for life currently for murdering a housemate in a most cruel and awful way... After the person was dead, he continued to unload the gun into this father's body... I didn't leave my apartment for 10 years in fear he was coming to finish me... I didn't realize he was in prison... inhuman absolutely psychopathic... It was absolutely horrifying. 😕
Thank GOD and Praise Jesus you are safe!!! I am so sorry you experienced such horror. Jesus can heal you darlin.
@@Manyfires_BurningBrightly Thank You Dear One 🌹I am coming back and getting better every day... ❤️
There is a need of education about this in my country. They don’t understand what’s wrong with this types of people. The victims are all by them selfs.❤
I love the study of psychology. I know narc look at their victim's as objects they possess, own. But to hear this doctor explain it as an avatar 🤯 blows my mind! They have the avatar projection of you in their mind and when you do speak up as your individual real self and it dont match the perceived avatar it throws them off, wow. Makes total sense! They hate healthy boundaries. When you bring that up they go in frantic tizzy and lash out saying your controlling. Communication of wants, needs, expectations of both parties are healthy boundaries that should be vocalized in any relationship. Parents, friends, co-workers, siblings, lovers even strangers. Wow this doctor took me on a roller coaster of some things i've never heard. 💖💜🙏 Thank you!
Accidently after months of no contact I butt dialed my covert narc he texts me " you trying call me ?" ..calls me for the first time after giving me the silent treatment for months I declined his call I text back Sorry bro butt bial. He calls me back and for the first time I declined his call..now his really mad .. narcissist injury!!
Hope he finally leaves me in peace ✌🏻
You did Great on that 36 second explanation of the narcissistic.
I legitimately fear for my safety from my elder sister. She is textbook Malignant Narcissist and since our parents deaths has done EVERYTHING in her power and reach to destroy me. She has isolated me from the support of extended family, including the love of my only child. No one in my family will talk to me and when my sibling communicates? with me it is text messages with veiled threats, harassment, verbally degrading my character and attacking my very core. She has despised me since my birth and even tried to drown me when i was 2 years old. Had my father not reacted as quickly as he did I would not be here today. She is a very sick person...an RN by training and sadly works in an inpatient mental health unit at the hospital. She is the LAST [person who should be working with mentally vulnerable patients. It makes me postiively sick to my stomach as I pray for those poor patients.
She was the "golden child" and was groomed by our aunt from day one. Spoiled,, baby'd, defended, put on a pedestal all of her life. three failed marriages,, swinging door boyfriends, and she uses pets as props to gain attention while the poor animals suffer under her "care". I don't know what to do. I could report her to animal services for neglect/abuse of the animals, the department of health because her home is not fit for animals or humans to occupy because of the filth...its horrific.
She is an alcoholic...hard core drunk. cannot go a day without downing at least a dozen or more beers. I honestly don't know how she maintains her job, if she is indeed still working... I suspect or hoped that her supervisor might take disciplinary actions against her for violating patient confidentiality or transference or something-anything!
Her drinking in excess and her irrational impulsive acting out behaviors have me looking over my shoulder at all times. She also has a gun permit to conceal carry....I honestly believe she is going to snap and try to kill me.
How does one go about getting protection from someone like her??? Because we are siblings I don't think the local authorities will do anything to help me because its a"family" matter etc. She stole from me and I reported it to the police and they did absolutely nothing about it...that was a year ago. So why would they help me be safe from a person with a mental disorder that they have no interest or time to take seriously. ? Until I end of injured or killed?
I seriously need some guidance here....because I do believe she will kill me if push comes to shove. I have gone no contact as much as I can but the estate has not been settled yet and until it is completely on the books I will have to deal with her. the attorney is wishy washy and advises me to concede many things to her to "make it go smoothly and not wind up wasting money in court" but I am done bowing to her ridiculous demands and if it completely bankrupts me to publicly expose her sickness in a court of law over our parent's estate... I am at the point where my peace of mind and my life are more important to me than anything material. She has already nearly bankrupted me, her gaslighting has cost me employment in my town.
Please help me??? Anyone who has experienced this torment please reach out to me and help me understand how to get away from her!! PLEASE Thank you for reading my comment. God bless all
I wholeheartedly agree. I was in a situation just like this twice in my life. Fortunately I was brought up in a loving and respectful home with two parents who were always there and six siblings. I knew when something was just not right and narrowly escaped both times. They take everyone in and are totally believed at least for a while. And they never change. Ann Rule a favorite author of mine wrote a book about a narcissist and pegged my plight correctly (except in the book, which was a true case, the victim died). Listen up ladies (and possibly even men)!
I have been thinking a lot about revenge and worry about it.
I have never had this explained like you . Wow I will binge watch you
Going thru this now I'm so overworked
In my job there's two narcissists... It's awful. They target me because I'm introverted, but I already understood that they are narcissists
You are right Dr , they do create drama to make you look bad, even if you leave the narcissists alone you are still not being left alone. They are not right upstairs, downright evil, you cannot reason with them.The best strategy is no contact.
The unfortunate thing for me is the narc and me belong to the same circle of friends, clan. I have no choice but to be absent from certain functions when i know she is going to be present.
I am too busy to deal with a one screw loose woman.
Can someone who's not a malignant narcissist also have this level of frustration and revenge? This describe someone I know who's always talking about revenge and is easily frustrated when things are not done the way they want, but they don't check off the other 9 traits of NDP.
This applies to all narcissists.
@@samvakninWhat you think, are most of body builders and martial arts friks narcist?
@@thisistheway7529 Probably somatic narcissists, some of them covert.
@@samvaknin Yes, also policeman, religious liders, polititians
@@Hope-zz9eq Yes, but it is also about superiority, ego
How long before the narcissist psychopath stops trying to get revenge, is 8 years enough time after escaping in one piece with all children intact, And disappearing.
I thought the common understanding was that all psychopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are psychopaths? This video suggests that narcissists can easily become psychopaths if they receive enough of a narcissistic injury? How common is this?
I not really,
It’s more a psychopathic state he is describing.
It’s not a permanent trait, it’s a temporary state of being.
You thought wrong. Only a fraction of psychopaths are also narcissists and only a fraction of narcissists are also psychopaths. Ignore nonsense by self-styled “experts” online.
@@samvaknin genuine question: would it be true to say that all psychopaths are narcissistic rather than all psychopaths are narcissists?
@@Nous520 Search the comorbidities playlist.
Narcissist devalue others and think that makes them look special.
Dear, I'm very interested in your view on the way a narcissist thinks. Especially the concept of the external locus of control interests me. Is there any literature available on this?
watch the Mind of the Narcissist playlist.
This explains why my ex is still trying to prove that he is right about my friends....after 10 years...🤣🤣🤣
Just as I've always said just your presence triggers them but when it's a prominent family member you can't just go away so coexisting is a constant battle.
Thank you. This factual, linear breakdown has helped to explain some of the more tumultuous aspects of a recent experience. The information provided here has promoted understanding for me on both sides of the situation and might even allow me to let myself start to forgive and heal from it.
Great mix of clinical and contextual.
I was with my dude for 20 yrs 2 kiddos n all. 2024 April I couldn't take it anymore he felt it he knew it then BOOM, silent treatment, Hoover, didn't see him for 2wks. Picked my son up from his house, my son says dads getting married and he did 🤣 Im just enjoying the silence y'all🎉 i feel sorry for ol' girl
I LIKE IT, YOU COULD ALSO PUT THAT UPON POPULATIONS OF PEOPLE INSTEAD OF A LIFE PARTNER
Very thought provoking and reality check on healthy ways of dealing with narcissistic abuse.
My narc dad this week told me I defiled my family.i had done nothing wrong scapegoat
there is assumptions first made. narcissist juggles in between possibility and non possibility of set assumption ( imagination or figmentation based on earlier trendz, physocopath, deductive assumptions, a sequence of assumptions over assumption for reason or logical reasoning). you heard from someone in locality that your partner had many relationships in past which she hide from, now your partner is talking to someone in mobile, your assumption will fall like she might be talking to some new partner or may be talking to her earlier partner.
Wow I have been trying to learn this behavior for so long time you have really explained well it's a very thin line between normal behavior to wow .. yes you mentioned history .. wars sometimes were needed . So I guess we all have to be a little narcissist at times ... In order to protect and defend ourselves I don't know but really gave me a lot to think about...these people are scary .. much more then I thought
Married for 33 years with a sociopath. I had to move overseas to stay away. My mind, after gaslighting, love bombing, mental and deep physical abuse, will recover , but believe. Lots of therapy, knowing God is amazing . Will divorce him one day
My soon to be ex with NPD is losing it. I hope that the No Contact Order works. Meanwhile, I think I might need better security because he is SCARING me and I dont want him to know that.
Every single word is so accurate 😎
Thank you for this presentation- I think I may have had triggers throughout your lecture because of how my ex boyfriend behaved in our relationship, this was profound and a bit startling for me but elucidating none the less. It has informed me where to be cautious in my dealings with people of this type of nature. Thank you.
He will NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN OR ELSE...I WILL NOT LIVE IN FEAR OR STRESS, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO
HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME REALLY...
My soon to be ex husband,the narcissist, wanted the divorce. He got so upset with me, ran his mouth and now feels he has to stand by that. I’m ok with it, but he drives by my house. He will drive by a block away to try and stay hidden. I’m sure I haven’t caught him every time. One morning I was going out early with my daughter to wait for the school bus. 640 am, there he goes driving by. He is driving me nuts! I know he also drives out of his way as if he is trying to avoid me. Or at least that’s what friends have said. He told me he was ready to take a sledgehammer to everything we have and burn it all to the ground. Because of me asking the court for the kids ride on. Such as my handicap daughter uses the riding lawn mower and wagon to go for rides in due to her wheelchair and my son’s motor bike. Not his kids. He wants to bust up everything? He has a new zero turn. Not like I’m asking for anything he uses. Why is he creeping by my house? Then denying it, when I see him with my own eyes or saying he’s keeping an eye on his investment. I’m not driving by his place he’s staying, my investment? I really need to know if he could do something crazy. I know there is no way to know for sure. But my divorce is final in 5 days and I’m having nightmares. I’m not sure what’s going on in my dream but I’m screaming the worst scream I’ve ever screamed in my life. I’m upset and feel left behind by God. I’m hysterical in the dream.
Thank you Sam . Once again very enlightening !
What is the best way to reverse entrainment If it was done by a retired intelligence officer that had government training to use covert manipulation as a part of his carrer?
Watch the healing and recovery playlist.
Thank you
@@samvakninI believe my son is married to a covert narcissist. Rarely see my young grandson, another one on the way! My son needs help and isn’t aware! Help!!!!!
@@mountain10Doubt it. You’re probably the narcissist but due to the inherent fault in personality will never have the insight to realize this.
Wow! This is a great video filled with knowledge. This is spot on and opens my eyes to everything that has occurred.
That was a brilliant explanation.....thank you....I have witnessed those stages in abusers
Thank you a million times. ❤
Because I soon have to see my Narc bigbrother.
Omg i am watching this video in tears i was a victim for many of years i live in fear cause i fear he will come after me and try to kill me even though i have been free from him for 17 years i still look over my shoulder when i leave my house...
Back in the day they just used to hit these criminals
Thank you for the props. You made me smile while thinking about this topic and that's not easy.
I know you don't read any comments but I have to say you are brilliant! Such depth of analysis.
I read all comments.
When you meet a narcissist, RUN. Very fast. They will never change.
I know right, date the bullies who made them that way.
Or, alternatively, stand your ground. Don’t feed the beast with fear, or else his/her power will only become worse.
They can but not with you in their life. They need to be alone
@@jennifercooljeo6552 If they have NPD (the clinical definition) then they really cant..
They'll learn to adapt. Fake empathy etc but the truth is that it's a facade.
Personality Disorders are rooted in ya, right down to the core. I have BPD - and will for the rest of my life.. seems better then being NPD evil though.
Actually I heard there might be a way… but it’s just heresay… 🤷🏼♀️
They are not only difficult, they are extremly dangerous!!!
They are just shit talkers.
They can't hang when you really bring the fight to their front door.
Yes dangerous and very wicked.
Undetected at that.
Many people don‘t realize that spoiling children and idolizing them is abuse
My parents idolised one grandchild , spoilt only that one , told they deserved more than mother giving etc they were special .... that child is totally sociopathic and narcissistic and other grand kids have self esteem issues ...( all adults now)
Also over neglecting them!! because if they loss that love as a child it leaves a void in their hearts and now they have to fill that void with you (supply) and its a never ending cycle. Using everyone up and throwing them away the to get that love and attention that they missed out on!
Yes, that statement was confirming of how children can so easily become narcissist/ic can happen so easily these days with working parents and them having to have other parental influences involved, one is hard and accusing one is encouraging and firm etc there can be so many scenarios.
I honestly just thought that kids who are spoiled just end up privileged big brats. Throwing the victim card out all the time. But now being in it.. wow their tantrums are like bulls in a China store and you do not want to be in their path. I was dumbfounded. Coming out of DV at least I knew how to handle it. Shut up, don't move and just observe. When they get close.. be ready to defend.. like your life counted on it. So happy I'm out of it now. Bc they just get worse, not better. It seems they always have addictions too. To detach from real life and continue living in their fantasy made up world of victimhood.
My ex's mother had him when she was 15. His father abandoned him and his mother didn't raise him, she was too busy with her own life. As a result, his grandparents overcompensated and he knew he was the favourite. He's the most evil person I've ever come across
Narcissistic can destroy you by damaging your reputation with lies. They sound so real and talk so smooth, people believe them.
Yes 99% of people sided with my evil family and the worst part i am a short men
Word!!!
Exactly true!
What is most painfully frustrating to witness is that people are so readily 'taken in' by that pseudo 'niceness' all the while they are being played to satisfy that psychopathic ego...
Well i've used the brothers said I can sell ice to an eskimo
My Ex Partner ruined my heart+ my soul. Healing takes a long time+ is extreme painful.TY for your videos, they help me much!!💔💓❤️🩹❤️
The fits of rage are just insanity..tell them what's real, they hate it
Every time you catch them in a lie...they go crazy..the narcissist
The problem is that will get you smacked.
Maybe yeah
Telling them the truth makes them go insane.
Amen ❤
The best way to handle a narcissist (if you can) is to completely disconnect and have no contact. They will find it unbelievable and wounding, but you won’t know because you are gone. Don’t be curious and don’t look back.
@@GlenMcDowellFarmno contact still the best option
@@GlenMcDowellFarmYes. If need be, get 👮 involved.
Doesnt work for co-parents unfortunately and especially in liberal country as Sweden where everything is 50/50.
Excellent advice. You have to disconnect from them completely. They are pathological liars, who never stop.
Don't be curious !
Narcissists not necessarily physically abusive but phycologically they are capble of extensive damage
its almost worse. bruises heal fast
Trauma slow. Trauma of any kind
@@NFTeve Not if they are fatal.
You've got that right
I knew some who led their victim into trouble, pain etc. also, some are literally 😈 worshippers and they are very able to do damage in a short time, and convince you nothing happened. They know how to divide the personality.
3 years ago my ex husband was violently physically attacking me infront of our children. He was yelling at me saying"you better keep your mouth shut and know ur role, before i pull a chris watts on you and those fucking kids" (his kids too) my son called police, got lifetime restraining order and full custody of our children and relocated. He stalked alot until he ended up in jail and we relocated and are in peace
Make sure you are in the Address Confidentiality Program.
Happy you are! I'm in Russia, there are no restraining orders here.
Jeezus, lilyflower. That’s horrifying. I’m so glad you got away. You’re really strong for getting yourself and kids to a safer place. Well done. ❤
@@holly3503At this special time of the year I pray you come to know Jesus who loves you. God bless.🙏
So glad you got out. My ex strangled me in front of my son. They will never change. Get out, stay out!! 🍀❤
The “injury” can be as small as you having a good day when they aren’t. It is impossible not to injure their egos at some point.
Their ego's are huge and very fragile.
Omgg same I only get to hqve 1 good day in a week lol now I see it. Asshole
Só right.
Is this really true?
I've had 2 NPD relationships and eventually literally just the sound of you breathing will piss them off ...
OK, so glad you mentioned that spoiling and idolizing a child are also forms of abuse. I've experienced first hand the vindictive, malignancy of a man/monster who was idolized, pampered and spoiled by his mommy from birth (and sadly, ignored by his father--neglect another form of abuse). He thinks he is god almighty, and worse, turned to religion to be a pillar of the community but in personal life is a vindictive, cruel, sadistic monster. So many say "oh, they were traumatized as a child", when I think..hmmm such "trauma", being raised as if you were a little Lord, catered to by mommy and maids and nannies. But children quickly become monsters. Give an average 2 year old a gun and then try to take his toy.... without boundaries children grow up to be monsters. And yes, that is abuse to not teach a child to think of others.
Agreed! My ex was NEVER told no by his mother and she saved him from suffering consequences of his actions anytime it was in her power to do so. Not only that but they're very codependent (he's currently 38 so it's weird). For years I went to her for assistance in trying to get him to go to some kind of rehab for his drug abuse and it wasn't until the last year that I realized that she needs him to be sick so she feels needed and can rationalize her over involvement in his life. I fully believe she caused him to become a narcissist which was compounded by his abusive drugs. I eventually had to get a restraining order to protect myself and are 2-month-old baby when I left him recently because the physical abuse started again and was becoming more frequent/worse. The judge took away all his parenting time until he completes 30 domestic violent classes & outpatient rehab but I have little hope that it will help. Now I'm having to file for child custody so we have a long-term plan in place and I'm very afraid of what he will do when things aren't going his way. I comfort myself with the fact that I've done everything that is in my ability to protect myself and where I am currently is safe. Hoping he doesn't come after me because I don't know what he's capable of anymore!
That was my ex husband. Worshipped by his mommy. Could not do any wrong in her eyes whatsoever. Dad beat the daylights out of him and his brother.
Brother went on to be an abuser and child rapist and my ex is a narcissistic abuser of women and manipulated his kids against me and used them to control me. I got away several years ago. Best decision I ever made
Many damaged, abusive people use religion as their camouflage. Ask me how I know.
My damaged psyopath abusers also use religion. God was used as a club to beat me with.
Somehow relion becomes very convenient. God protect me from your followers😮😮
A frightening vlog.
Wow! That is so strange. I never knew about how they operate on the inside. That helps me to see. Arguing with a narcissist is pointless.
Yup a narcissists victim is their sacrificial lamb including if it's their children
Not just arguing : Communicating turns into what they want you to do & you don't do anything right ,
There's no point they are never wrong, and it's always your fault. Even if it was their mistake.
It explains why nothing I could say could change the fixed narrative/view my ex had of me when he was angry that absolutely was distorted.
As someone who is a mental health professional and a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I have never heard a more detailed and accurate account of the cycles the narcissist constantly goes through, and puts those around them through. Thank you for this video, it confirmed exactly what I witnessed but could not find literature on. Excellent video 👍🏻👍🏻
Been with one 17 years now
@@carmenellis4068 you should not waste your life away close to those monsters. Get out and away before you forget what freedom is.
@@UnrealEntity thank you are 💯 right♥️
The narc creates his own frustrating environment.
What a great point.
Or her own.
Exactly
@spilledit in language use when using a singular pronoun the correct pronoun is he. It's not excluding anyone else. It's just the proper use of a singular pronoun.
@hughessignco.7161 that might have been MLA format about 75 years ago. Most narcissists I have come across or heard about first hand, have been fellow women.
They are criminals! They think they're smarter than anybody else, better & entitled to what ever they want no matter who it belongs to. Imagine a club of them, a gang where they all have this in common? Bonded. Protecting each other.. They exist.
Oh I know I’m going through it right now. 🙏
@@yamisomad3486..me too they tried killing me in 2015 and was màking an attempt too this past july ...the gang çonvinces through fear gang stalking drugs and monitary things too send people too do there dirty work ...i rebuke the evil plàns of satan in yashuwahs name
Yes they are basically conartist and selfish in an unhealthy way bc i know we all have an ego and human selfish moments to survive in life but we usually still consider others feelings.
This happens. Narcissism is deeply rooted in human nature, and there has been a virtual explosion of it. They will try to rob you of everything that you valued in yourself. They cannot do this alone, they must enlist doctors, lawyers, close friends who can help them, and yes, even your own friends and family. They truly are the evil ones. Realize it. Then move forward and survive.
@@shirley9066 It is frightening, isn’t it? Imagine who could “gang up” on you during, for instance, a divorce proceeding. You would have a really tough go of it.
As a 17 yr old, I saw my narcissist boyfriend spiraling out of control. Alcohol addiction intensified his "control addiction". I knew I couldn't leave him because he was becoming violent. I had to make him believe it was his decision to break up.
It worked, and he broke up with me. I had a year of peace.
What I couldn't foresee is how it ate at him for a year. Even with him in other girlfriend relationships. His hate to ruin me ate at him.
One summer afternoon, he found me as I walked home from my Aunties house and sweetly offered me a car ride back to my home. It was hot out, hadn't seen him in a year, and thought, what can a quick car ride hurt?
My inner gut feeling said "don't do it", almost like I heard my inner voice say, "do not get in that car. " I said, "Holy Spirit, is that your voice?" But, I quickly stuffed it down inside because what I felt vs. what I saw didn't match. His face was smiling, and he looked so carefree and so handsome, and his charm swayed me. After all, people can grow up in one year, and they can change. Right?
Wrong!
I got in the car. He said, "Let's take a ride to the lake, it's only 20 minutes away." As we got closer to the lake, he started speeding. He slammed on the breaks (and I, not wearing my seatbelt in the 1980s) hit my forehead on the dashboard and then slid under the passamger dashboard onto the floor! Suddenly, he grabbed my long hair, pulled my head to the seat of the car, and announced he was going to kill me. He proceeded to tell me how.
He said, "If I can't have you, nobody can!"
I prayed for police to see his speeding car as he drove thru city streets at break neck speeds running thru red traffic lights. I attempted to jump out at one intersection, but was yanked back in. No police came.😢
I turned my face to the passenger window, started praying silently, then out loud, then I started singing the children's song, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong they are weak, but HE is strong! Yes, Jesus Loves Me...."
Then suddenly, the car started to slow, his hold on my hair released. He started crying. From his profile, I saw the tears running down the side of his face. Staring straight ahead, he stopped the car. He let me out of the car. I never showed any emotion to him.
I cried once inside my home, I was thanking God for my life and heavenly intervention.
I was so damaged from that relationship that it took me a long time to date again and trust anyone. I dove into Psychology classes, in college, in my attempts to understand his personality disorder.
As a wiser person, I married a very special man who won my heart. We have been married for 35 years.
I have spoken to my kids, family, and friends about narcissists and their modus operandi. About looking for relationship red flags and to never, ever be fooled into thinking you change them. You can't.
I appreciated your talk today. It brought up so many experiences with a Narcissistic ex-boyfriend. I share my story as a learning tool for others.
If your gut feeling says something is wrong, do not be deceived by what your eyes see.
😢👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼❤
Thank goodness you got out. I also worked out that I had to let him break up with me. I had been saying no to a lot of things and he was also extremely jealous about me getting a better job. We had long break and came back together as friends.who still cared about each other. Just recently he has been pulling away and finally told me he wants to be alone. When I listen to Sam it makes so much sense
I hope you turned him in. Glad you survived the horror!!!
But you did believe what you saw, because he was smiling. That's what they do, they mask their true selves and intentions. They are complete nasty, evil, monsters
Lord Jesus saves His children ❤
Stick with your gut and set boundaries. It works..the moment they see you say the word no, they will leave.
Also, pay close attention to those who you say no to and watch how they treat you after..those are the narcs. Run for your life.
Facts
“No” frustrated my Narc and he did just what Sam is talking about here. He regrouped and became more subtle and then would act irrationally and shut me up and talk over me when I wanted to discuss anything. He eventually started throwing things at me. Because he couldn’t control me, he denied me a separation when I presented him with one. He started punishing me more and more.. I had to wait until he threw something and hit me and then I called the police got to a CPO and am pursuing divorce!
@@mlou7432again a woman pissing off a man to the point where he had to throw something to shut you up. You said it yourself, he threw things but didn't hit you and then you got an idea to do SOMETHING so he can take that extra step. In other words, like 99% of the cases, it's a woman forcing out narcicistic behaviour on a man by using narcicistic means 😂 you can't make this up!! Have no believe in this sort of women and btw there are mostly female narcs so more often than not YOU are actually the narc you are assigning your ex with. 😂😂
Some do not respond this way to "no" and boundaries. Some become violent.
They better run for theirs cause at that point its self defense and invasion of my personal space.
they lie, cheat, steal and deceive and are very very dangerous ! No empathy, no regret for damage !!
If anyone has experienced a close relationship with a person as described in this video, it's clear as day.
I'm embarrassed to admit I spent 33 years with such a person. I was 19 when they sucked me in. Im now 72 and I'm with a loving, caring person with NO narcissistic tendencies. Even though I wasted the majority of my life on that A-Hole I feel very fortunate to have stumbled into the life I'm in now. I just felt the need to share this because this video is so spot on. Textbook as they say. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your story. 💜
@@novanoire93 you're very welcome. ❤
So glad you got a chance to heal im 18 years in trying to build the courage to leave
@mistiery5684 I pray for strength for you. Good luck and bless you.
@@mistiery5684 I will be honest, I spent the majority of my life with this person and I think that in my case my beginning menopause had some to do with it. I suppose the extra testosterone that occurs or whatever it was, I found the strength to stand up and stop taking it. There was no physical abuse in my case and I think that's important to consider. When you can stand up to a person who intimidates you as opposed to standing up to a person who physically abuses you are two very different situations imo.
From the moment you change, the initial realization from the intimidating/verbal abuser that you are done, I'll just say, it's empowering to you and they are so stunned (again, in my case) they can't believe it's happening. He was speechless. I knew he was scared of what would happen next.
Who cares why. There's no cure. Just run and don't look back.
😮😅😂😅
Run
I did on my 45th birthday homeless.. best thing I ever did. 😂😂😂 started over in a druggy dump in a tiny box room filled with insects and dirt I remember lying there giggling because I had a plan. Savings investments home exercise good eating new skill set new jobs monk loner stay on track now I’m honed have money very fit strong employed and live in comfort the narc is in America dying off copd illegallyliving with a kkk member in a shack 😂😂😂
Difficult when it's your child
I think it matters. Some people can recognize if, they too, hold narcissistic traits. I did. I struggled dealing with a narc.mom and an employer who reflect the same characteristics but then I started to see bits of myself. These talks helped me to pinpoint and work through any ugly narc. tendencies.
What annoys me the most is how people out there fall under their charm and never realise what they are dealing with !.
@violettabicycletta331 it is happening as we speak. Four 😢 elected officials. And in my hometown. How they got elected? Charmed the citizenry.
One is a teacher and knows everything. And she's a teacher. And the other repairs the roof of an African American church and the members vote him in office. The others are same. Smiling 😍 and challenge them? Tgey 😮 get pissed. Their mask falls.
Not only blind to the nasty behavior but they will defend and protect these crazy people.
That’s how they reel people in
@@doobybro1207 stockholm syndrome
@@NotClosedMinded yup, you nailed it
I got chills from watching this video. I clicked on it because of the thumbnail showing the Watts family. My narcissistic ex fiancé wanted to watch American Murder : the Family Next Door the day before he discarded me. Which I thought it was odd because we had watched it a few months earlier and he doesn’t like these kind of shows. I strongly feel it was some kind of threat or him saying “this is what is going to happen to you”. He was physically violent once during the relationship where he showed no remorse, and now I’m understanding he probably went into borderline - psychopathic mode. I’m very happy I didn’t marry this man, I think it could have ended in a tragedy.
So glad to hear another story where someone got away, even slightly scathed is better than 6 ft under. Gd bless.
My mother loved to read or watch murder mysteries. Her anxiety would build up over days and I'd come home to her icy hard stare, her tightly drawn lips and her stiff robotic posture. I'd know she would erupt at some point and blame me.
I’m over joyed to hear of your self and situational awareness, intuition, discernment and grounding
You are alive today because of it
Never lose that ☝🏾
Me too! Be safe.
My ex Narcissist used to say "jokingly" he hadn't killed me....yet. I even had a cpl nightmares of lying in a dirt hole and him standing above the hole holding the shovel. Also of him trying to strangle me in another nightmare. I feel these were my true fears as well as omens. His eyes were dark and so was his energy. He thought I was stupid years ago being sad for Shanan Watts because he believed Chris Watts was innocent. I'm glad I usually ran from that ex and only wasted a cpl months a year with him But for far too many years!!!! Never had someone make me so sad and mad. Glad I didn't marry mine either! And glad I haven't fallen back to old habits in years and that is all behind me. Happy New Year to all of the Survivors of this NPD abuse. It truly is a beautiful life when we are far away from these sick sorts.
At a certain point in my divorce my lawyer called me in to his office and told me he learned via certain sources that my now ex was asking around to find someone to “hurt” me. I now live three states away, have protection, and know how to use it.
Keep pictures of him. So new friends can Identify him! ( One of my mistakes was wanting to forget him) . If you can, find out if you can get proof, ie; phone recordings, eye witness accounts of his intent. ( I once witnessed my ex. Making a gun pointing jester about wanting to off our son in law! I told him .). Anything you can do to document, document, document! These people don't give up!!
Still. Protecg yourself. Learn combat and firearm. Get your license. They always find a way.
Become an internet
Ghost or grayman
I hope you told the cops
Aside from a pistol and safety training plus target practice
I say a trained guard dog and cameras like the ring door cam, cameras in the house and in the car
Can never be too safe when it comes to your precious life
Have self and situational awareness and never take for granted your intuition and discernment
Stay off social media
Be careful of who’s in your inner circle
Move like Batman
My 1st narcissist blind sided me. Then was murdered a few months after we split. 2nd narcissist almost got into my life, but after going through it once, I started to notice all the red flags still took a few weeks to really understand this is indeed the situation. My 2 cents burn those bridges fast and bright. They say you can't win no win narcissist games, but it's a win if you figure it out and get out before you get invested.
Interesting video. I watch these types of videos rarely now, but it's worth it once and a while to retain knowledge.
That's why he keeps telling me I'm constantly humiliating him when I try to tell him how I feel and how he hurts my feelings.
It's not you.
❤@@Miss_Elaine_
You can’t tell him because he won’t understand
Yes they make you feel like the bad or selfish person for speaking up.
A narcissist have an interpretation in his mind of who you are, when he talks he is talking to that puppet in his mind that represents you to him, he does not speak with you the person there outside of him in the physical world, and if the real you does not do what his internal representation of you is supposed to do then he must punish you for not complying with his internal image of you. Most of it is going on in the inside of his mind and he can not/will not perceive you as a person or human being. This WILL NOT CHANGE, so if you want your freedom then no matter what get away.
Demonic is how I would sum up that woman labelled mother. Since I was a child I've always felt she would kill me. Now as an adult her obsession creeps me out to the core it truly feels like a predator. Unfortunately narcissism and borderline personality is common in NZ particularly in polynesian culture it is dismissed by the government for funding. DHB's don't get funding so most patients are misdiagnosed as substance abusers.
Dude, sooooo much in common if ever we were to chat. I recently had a supposed “professional” directly disbelieve me about some critical NPD things happening.
NZ as in New Zealand?
Bpd and narcissism are 2 completely different things
@@PortlandKennedy They certainly are different, but not completely.
Both fall under cluster B for a reason.
i was fostered in nz by a narcissistic mom .. she discarded me once i was an adult .. she fostered me and my sister for the attention it gave her as a savour
My mother wasn't speaking to me when she died. I refused to be her servant 24/7. I wanted my own life. No one was allowed to have their own life. She came first. I was shocked when I went to her house after she died & saw that she had put up a shrine dedicated to me. But everything was from my childhood. Now that I hear what you're saying about the narcissist, I understand what she was doing- my mother wanted everything restored to how life was when I was a child & under her thumb.
Shrines are their speciality,
I am no contact with my mother but when she was trying to hoover me she kept referring to me when I was a baby .
I'm in my late 50s but I have been reduced to an infant and her memories of that.
That's deep... when you have a narcissist parent it's so easy to spot it in others. I didn't have the proper name for it when I was a kid. I secretly called it "the craziness", I still do... when I spot an inclining of "the craziness" in others, I keep my distance. I'm grateful for that gift but it cost me my childhood to develop that gift which now as an adult it's truly a Blessing ❤
@@winninginlife 💯
Hey could you elaborate on that shine of you dhe had? Like a bunch of photos of you?
Isn't it normal for parents to have photos of their children?
Revenge always means that you are not free. So long as your mind and heart are committed to it, you cannot heal. You’re still completely focused on your abuser. I’ve been in some sick relationships, with predatory partners high in narcissism. They took their revenge, for leaving them, and it hurt both me and my children. We have passed through those storms. How would we want to keep thinking of the person who caused it? The best revenge on a narcissist is indifference.
I'm speechless..
How does one get to indifference when there is a child involved who is being hurt? Beautifully incredible words, thank you!
@@MarcJakob1314 Good question, & the fact that they did this to their children is unforgivable. The pain they caused me was bad enough, but I was an adult, and I could navigate through it, and come to a point where I do not care. But you’re right. What they did to our children is unforgivable.
@@bethmoore7722 you are right, as adults we can deal with our stuff and our choices but sitting back watching and seeing the child suffer, and bot being able to do anything is really the opposite for me of indifference. Courts, child protection and police only do so much.
@@MarcJakob1314 I did not sit back in indifference to what was done to my children. There was no abuse that anyone could help with. I got the attorney general to get back child support, but refused to run them down to my kids, because they needed a father. I knew they’d form their own opinions. Emotional abandonment was the thing I couldn’t prevent them from doing. I could not get them to help me keep the house my kids were growing up in, either, so we lost it. If a man is not paying child support, the AG won’t act quickly enough to keep you from losing everything. This is Texas. You may have heard that they don’t care much for women and children here.
I did not “sit back.” Again, my indifference is to my exes’ welfare. I don’t care to take revenge, as it’s pointless. I did not neglect to fight for my children, and I know you did not mean to accuse me of that. I’m the only one who ever fought for them.
Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge. During the holidays I noticed the narcissist's behaviors can be worse, so I consider your good talk today as a public service/safety announcement 🙏
From what I have experienced it (relationship) gets worse. They get worse. I gave too many chances. It took me a long time to break out of my denial to see the patterns and escalation. I finally made a plan. I had to leave quickly, quietly, and won't EVER look back like Lot's wife did!
In Gods Name 🙏🏽
Yes!!! Why is it they screw up EVERY holiday, and for days???! Including your birthday. I reconciled with mine..I really got duped after being no contact for 1 1/2 years.. all a sudden he says God really did a number on him and he's not the same person he was... thank God, you'll see.... he cloaked..I messed up. He is less intense than before, but still the same cycles...attitudes, looks... all. Just in a less intense level, so far, but only remarried since last Sept....I knew on wedding night it was a no go that way, and on way home from honeymoon we were already fighting, he got stupid!!! I was sick with a UTI.... Don't think it will be long, 1st time it was 10 months, it won't be that....
Gavin deBecker in his book "The Gift of Fear" (the chapter on domestic abuse alone is worth the price of the book) had a sign on his desk which said "Do not come here for justice." He explained that safety/escape from toxic people is worth more than seeing them pay for what they did. You wanna be vindicated at the cost of your life or wellbeing? I don't.
Believe that justice, karma, whatever will come to abusers some other way. If it isn't safe to fight for them to be punished, just get out and enjoy the rest of your life. They'll be miserable, and you'll be free. That will be your revenge.
Great book!
It's an excellent read.
Well said!!! 💜
Yes, each person creates their own future. Let them, forget them.
I confronted my Narcissist mother and BPD father for their poor parenting and about setting boundaries around my kids.
My father raged then went passive aggressive and silent; my mother, on the other hand, fawned during the argument and has been extremely “nice” with lovebombing etc.
it’s her that I’m worried about because she’s capable of long term planned revenge and has a sadistic side. Yikes!
Keep your children far away from them ❣️
Take Care my friend!💚
I don't know the details but if your mother is being loving towards your children, why would you take that away from them.?
Get yourself and your kids to safety. Sending courage and strength your way. ❤
oh hun, you don't understand narc abuse. @@tikster67
I left a review on Amazon and ordered your other 2 books. Your book on Malignant Self Love is the best book I have ever read on narcissists. It was so well set out to cover every apsect of life. I bought it 2010 and it is still the most important book I own.
Thank you for all your hard work. It saved me and I really needed saving.
Much appreciated.
Thank you, it’s really dangerous bc there is no time limit one their revenge and ppl think oh the broke up. But he’s still plotting ,seeing how many of your friends/family forget and forgive and he’ll try relentlessly to twist everyone against you
I agree with you. Narcs will retaliate or seek revenge sooner or later. And, they don't mind being patient while studying you and the situation.
@@Vfretsyeah and they end up dying alone and we all laugh at them 😂
This is why I refuse to take food offerings from my ex and her family. I also keep a close eye out for being followed. When they found out I had a brain tumor they all begged me to subscribe to their group life insurance policy. My ex ended up leaving after my 4th surgery and I called her out after reading her private journal which noted all of her narcissistic tendencies and shame. When I confronted the truth I witnessed the rage and withdrawal I was immediately discarded. Pray for me and my kids !
🙏 🙏 🙏 May God's presence sustain you, and may God provide, and protect you. I'm sorry for your pain, both physical and spiritual. God will never leave or forsake you. ❤
@@Mr60minor🙏🙏🙏
Sending love your way and may God protect you and your family.
I unfortunately live with my narcissistic mom due to disability, but in December she cooked stuffed peppers without any prompt from me. I didn't eat it right away even though I accepted it. I put it in the fridge and ate it later. Three bites in and the bite was moldy. It was food she had prepared that day, but it was one stuffed pepper that had mold deep inside the stuffing. When I told her what happened she became irate angry and gaslit me. Weird response to my experience that came off as a guilty response. To cause me harm because revenge and control is what matters most. Not the health safety and well being of her disabled middle aged daughter. This week she started to buy me junk food id never asked for and insisted I eat it even though due to health problems I've specifically have informed her how important it is for me to eat healthier foods that aren't processed. So she actively ignore my wishes tries to poison me and actively sabatoges my efforts to be healthier. And she also ignores my request and boundary to not bring up how my body looks if I'm slimming down or how clothes look on my body because I realized that's all directly linked to me having a binge eating disorder. So is her constantly giving me the mom look at family functions. She'd glare at me to shame me because I'd picked up the habit of turning to food so I didn't have to interact with family members that traumatized me as a child. I was forced to play nice with my abusers and was blamed for what happened to me that I had never asked for and was held down against my will while I screamed and cried no and was told I asked to have knives thrown into the floor at my feet. I didn't ask for that and I didn't get help for that incident even though I started acting out cynically. That was a cry out for help that a normal mom would have recognized, but not my mom I was instead neglected and got a sarcastic quip about being optimistic. I was 27 before I learned the meaning of optimistic. I need to find a way out of this or I'll die. So that's going to happen eventually
@@Sarah-with-an-HSounds so similar to my life too… so sorry you're dealing with this.
I packed my car with my belongings and drove to the other side of the country without telling anyone. That was my only way to escape. I was 32 years old at the time.
Unfortunately before I knew about narc abuse I decided to come back bc I wanted to "make things right".
I had healed & felt better than I ever knew was possible & thought I could somehow make things great between us! Mother & daughter best friends. I imagined all kinds of things like we could go get manicures & pedicures together, we could talk & laugh about everything. It'd be great!
Not only did this never happen, but, over time, she has chewed me up & ruined my relationship with any family members & many things I'm trying to forget about & just move on from this Lent, & sadly I'm in a worse mess than before.
I am planning another escape except that this time I never come back. She is 85. I am 43. She has had her thumb on me my whole life, but I started going to church & after finding Jesus I feel a freedom & strength like never before. As though it's a DUTY to leave & live a good life.
I hope you too can find a way out…
Clue #1: Keep ALL plans 100% secret bc a narc has minions everywhere to tell her everthing she needs to know.
I learned that the hard way multiple times.
Clue #2: Act normal & don't do or say anything out of the ordinary. When she's gone that's when you grab your bags & leave. Otherwise she will use every tactic to stop you whether through mental manipulation or by calling in the minions. Mine uses family AND neighbors as her personal minions! Nevermind to all my belongings… just gotta save what little may be left of my life.
Check out Bob Wells RUclips channel… can start out living in a vehicle if need-be. Where there's a will to live, there's a way.💝
They can be really tricky to spot and once you become close enough to them it’s really hard to get out without damage once you realize who and what you are dealing with.
Because of my victim mentality for many years I was in situations where I was intimidated or abused or threatened etc. It wasn't until I stood up for myself that these things changed and I no longer call those experiences to me. It's easy to judge when you're on the outside but once you're inside of a situation like that it takes on a totally different feeling. You can't see the way out because you're so afraid of the what if. Once you stand up for yourself. it doesn't make things perfect, but it is the beginning.
👍
Learn the DARVO technique!!I’ve been there before many moons ago. Work hard on yourself & learn about the tactics these fruit loops use. You’ll get to the point where I am. I see them as nothing but pathetic empty losers.
Anybody who hasn't been there, don't know.
@@rebeccabrown251 - You’ve got that right!! That’s been the toughest part going through my recovery from severe Narcissistic abuse. When I would “try” to explain some things that I experienced all of my family & friends looked at me like I had 6 eyeballs. I’ve since stopped. It’s been incredibly difficult and frustrating. So, YES… if you haven’t been in this situation before you will NEVER understand. Ever.
@@NopeNotTodaySatan Amen to THAT
He used to say, often,. " It's all about me ".. I thought he was joking.. He most definitely wasn't.
I was married to a very cunning narcissist that was groomed by her mother. Unfortunately it didn't work with me... She died of stubbornness but left a legacy of hate in the children. I cut the children off completely. That's after 28 years. Now I am tired and over cautious. I became a hermit... These things do damage you.
Thank you for saying that you became a hermit because of the abuse. I was raised by a narcissist and have an older sister who is also a narcissist. After a lifetime of being attracted to narcissists at 80 years old, I finally know that being reclusive with my two cats is the only way to find peace in my life. I can now look forward to my last years without being so horribly abused. I wish you the same peace.31:19
@@FeralCatSanctuary i came to same ealisation at age 40. Just me and my beloved Foxterier
I make lots of effort to not be a hermit. I finally found and Old Timey Methodist church full of sweet old, old-fashioned (not religious nuts)people and couldnt be happier!
the sad part is that i thought was tough enough not to get damaged
@@NFTeve That's what Im looking for. Im glad u found a church home.
The narcissist pulled me through a 4.5 year divorce that was horrific and I am so lucky to be alive now. Thank God 🙏
I walked away from a marriage with nothing-not even my car- although he had millions. The shock of trying to survive such a person and having to leave with nothing has affected my life and not easy to recover and thrive.
We will rise 🙏🏼
3 years. I don’t know how you made it.
It gets better - I promise you. 10 years of hell here.
10 years here, this has been incredibly difficult to overcome.
Is this why so many wives end up dead? I think so.
Its called " femocide" or something close. My judge dropped the restraining order because he had not physically hurt me.... yet . A year later still feel lke looking over my shoulder.
Children too, as male and female N's use the children as weapons to keep you in line, on your knees and under their thumb.
my shitty N always used my children to keep me in line.
It is no existence, and you are never free of these monsters until YOU stand up to them with all you got, and then? RUN.
I suspect so.
I don't take kindly to someone who wants me to fear them. My fear turns to Anger and that turns me into a deadly weapon. It would turn anyone into a weapon. If you want a fight, fight me yourself, don't send anyone else to fight your battle. Only cowards do that. It's been how many years now ? And I'm tired of being in this survival mode. I'm not running and I'm not hiding. Step up.
🤗. ✌🏼❤️🍷
I second that
Mine didn't realize I got full blown ASPD, BPD is not the only diagnosis, my ability to commit vengeful acts is night and day, cause I will go so much further then anyone else, why do narcs think they are god, GodK😂
Careful, rage causes ammunition for them.