Noticed these: Test: how you react to being annoyed. Will you change a No to a yes. How you react to crossed boundaries. (Physical and emotional) Check if you have empathy by telling a victum story Will u join in a lie Answer: Become elusive or analytical.
It's very strange when people are nice to everyone, then talk crap behind their back, or completely change demeanor once everyone else leaves the room... Maybe you are the narc twisting the story to fit your narrative.
he used to ask me this many times after i found out his infidelity just 4 months after the wedding . he asked "why are you so nice to me?" and i answered "not just to you. im nice to everyone, God made me this way" and i think he got disappointed each time i answered that way, hoping i'd say something like "coz i love you so much", or "coz you deserves all the love and kindness"
I wonder if its a guy girl thing. And ive heard this even from girls. I know why im like this. Its cuz I was sheltered and I never really had to fight an outsider intruder. I was always surrounded by women, and fighting them meant politics, not intimidation tactics. Having a good, nice reputation seems to give me an upper hand. If things go down, all teachers will believe I didnt start it. Friends will ask if im okay and care for me. Talk crap about the person that hurt me, because they hurt them too. I dont see a single benefit from being mean to the server, the homeless, or just anyone else. In fact, i do it almost selfishly, a habit Ive gotten into catering to toxic family members, for self preservation. And its that im nice to people because it shuts them up faster and we can all move on with our lives. Being mean starts fights and things go more slowly out of spite and my blood pressure goes up. When Im nice, people give me free things for no reason other than that i brightened their day, quick service, eager to help me. And a stern but polite decline of an offer is always enough to put an end to conversations. But to get back on topic, I too have had guys ask me why I like them. And it seems to be a negative sign. Its often cuz they know themselves or based off previous interactions with humans, it doesnt make sense why someone would be this nice to me. And im not trying to find ill intention in that, but it always ends up leading to incompatibility.
you are 100% correct. ive personally dealt with this with a narcissist.reality doesnt matter to a narcissist. they live their lifes off of fantasy and doesnt matter if you truly love them they will anihilate you ....if you let them
@@AngelEyes-xm7el you need to focus on on yourself and go to an emergency room for treatment. While you are there ask for a social worker for your housing status and use the resources they give you. Focus on YOU. Please. God bless you 🙏🙏. . Focus on yourself right now
@@sonyadunbar3747 i am trying to to get in touch with my brother. My doctor gave me safe havens number . I am scared. Especially after last night. He woke up and ranted for 2 hours because i was on my phone watching u tube videos. He went to bed at 7 pm . Going to get a shower and pray I hear back from my brother. 🙏😞❤️
toddlers grow up, evolve change, develop. Narcs dont. They are like kids except for the growing and personality development part. They are stuck in a time loop, time frozen.
I watched and learned from you for many months. As I started understanding , I started to tell others of my learnings and they looked at me like an alien. What I went through was horrific. He stole my sense of self. I am on the mend. No contact for 8 months. Him and his friends are blocked. Thank you for teaching me my sanity again xx
There's millions of women like you who don't have the identity to know that your being abused. Women seem to subconsciously want abuse and to have narcisist babies, it's a pandemic.
@@Honeypepper.Yes, apathy or downright disbelief, unless, in some people's cases, some folks actually somehow go through it in some part of their lives.
@@aurorincorporated I love your comment. It is good that we NA survivors hold on to our hearts. We are blessed to have valuable and interesting info about the human psyche--the good, the bad, and the ugly. ✌️
@@meme-zv7kw Absolutely. A chronological adult that needs to learn manners and respect is not worth the time of day. Normal people as adults, do not need to be TAUGHT and most others are most likely NARC/Socios. Of course, to let someone know first off what your personal boundaries are is important. After that no reminders are needed unless you are dealing with a very disrespectful emotionally immature person.
AxjkhI7-I have to reply to your comment because I was thinking the same. If that's her in the picture, that's real gift of beauty Raquela has. She can pick and choose any man she wants...I'm getting in line with everyone else. 😊😮
😮 These Narcoparasites are heartless and dangerous when not getting things their way.😢. I got away after 20 years of hell on and off , with my life and dog.
you have to be careful who you mingle with. its literally life and death. and most cause such great amounts of stress that it takes years off your life. everyday were suppose to live life and move forward in positive ways its what creates long lasting life but with narcissist you are between being stagnant and moving backwards and it feels like you wake up with 100 pound bags of concrete strapped to each leg and cant even move
Narcissists are like drugs. They want you to take them so you can keep coming back to do it all over again. They don’t want to make it meaningful, they just want power.
I’m so glad I’m so beyond this crap now. Once healed this is no longer an obsession as when you are still in victim mode. My brain felt like mush after narc abuse. Now if I see a red flag I just accept it. When you know your value (and we all have immeasurable value) you no longer get sideswiped by toxic bs.
I go through that but immediately must always remember what the reality and pain was. Not enough joy to balance that out - ever. Always selfish, self-serving, transactional, and FAKE. The illusion from the get go was NOT the real person under that mask. I love my peaceful time alone.
"If I see a red flag I just ACCEPT it." The hit just right. I'm adding that to my toolbox! Don't be confused or upset or any of the emotions that come with the red flags. In a way that's fighting them. Just accept them. I'm exactly there now. This weekend my new friend lied to me. It was actually a series of lies. Huge red flags. I just got off a call with my friend. I was saying why, feeling confused, not able to make sense of it. He had seemed like a dream come true when I wasn't dreaming of anything! That one sentence has calmed my brain. Just accept it. That's life changing!
Thank you! More understanding of the living hell of life with an evil cruel manipulative monster. This education helps in the healing. I see how he sizes up everyone in minutes for his manipulation. I am 2 years "free" but still he lurks and spreads lies. The trauma is so hard to heal from. Education like this helps.
Inflicting pain on others feeds the narcissists godlike perception of self. That is very elucidating. It helps put cruel behavior in perspective. It can be confusing when you are a victim of cruel conduct but the abuser seems to bear no animosity toward you. It really isn’t about the victim at all; they are just in the path of this force of perverted nature.
@@gins8781 they let their godlike self go and disconnected from their true godly state, to become power hungry controlling monsters unless they go get help and the therapies honestly working for them. They say rarely does that happen though that they go get help. Some are getting therapy and am proud of them.
@@debraarnold5250 I knew one who got court ordered therapy. They took everything they learned in therapy and used it as a weapon to try and inflict more harm on others. Godliness to this individual was only something to be exploited when encountered in others.
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This The Worst Abuse I Ever Suffered From Is Narcissistic Abuse My Life Was Destroyed My Self Confidence And Self Esteem.i Get Hovered Once The Narcissist Has Accomplished Getting What He Wants He Discards Me Cruelly.Having Absolutely Nothing To Do With Me This Goes On For Months.I Will Be So Grateful When I’m Free Of This Horrific Abuse.Narcissistic Abuse Is brutal.. I ACUTALLY LISTENED TO THIS TWICE THANK YOU THIS HAS REALLY HELPED ME.
Watching about twenty of your video's/classes has enabled me to understand and heal. If it wasn't for understanding that I was just a fantasy an object and wasn't real quickly woke me up. Still thinking about him never being intimate with me but with himself. Inlove with his own body. Deep. Thank you, Professor Vaknin
My malignant Narcissist aunt: " I love you. You are the only one I have. Would you help me?" Me: " ok aunty. Also, I want you to gift me a motorbike. I do not have the money to buy it." My aunt "Of course I will. I have lots of money with no heir " ....... I did not see her for 3 months. Lol. I know how to make her discard me. 😂 But like Terminators, " She will be back"
Haha perfect play. When she comes back to ask for help, tell her you'd love to but you promised your services to your elderly neighbor who was kind enough to gift you a motorbike 😂
@@Abhisheksengupta923 Yup! It’s all a game with. However, once we woke up to the reality we’re so damn POWERFUL! I’ve identified multiple Narcs in my family and friends and they stay away from me. Maybe because I don’t feed them anymore. No emotion. The silent treatment is now reciprocated. Damn it’s very quiet and peaceful.☺️ Thank you for sharing your story. They are just Pathetic people!
Brillia t and concise explanation. I suddenly saw myself through his eyes. Currently, i am being re-idealised but i have given him a narc injury of rejection.
Always listen to how a man talks about women , never discourage him, he will show his true colours. I was talking to a pediatrician doctor who pretends to be a nice guy, he told me "all women are the same" and he was trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Blocked him immediately. Wish i had done that with my narcissist ex. Never give your trust to someone immediately. You will more than likely become prey if you believe all the lies and gaslighting. For me , my ex almost enjoyed lying and hiding things. He even said that he is allowed to have second, third worlds with women. He used very confusing language weaponising therapy speak. Looking back it makes me sick my ex lied to me and gaslit me 90% of the relationship. He was constantly lying and when i wouldn't believe him he would abuse me.
I have my oponion on women and I am far from narcissistic. However there are few nice women, for them, I would die for. But todays trend specially among women are kinda narcissistic. It's just hard fact.
@@SherriFlemming Can people really be self-centric, like someone will say something innocent, and then boom, someone you thought was nice just blocks you. lol
@@SherriFlemming i would say that narcissists will convert your attachment style to anxious via manipulation and covert abuse. Even if you are secure before.
Your videos are incredible, I love the way you explain things and I can't get enough of watching your work. I'm very grateful you are willing to share so much information as a professional to us. Thank you for your work, I wish you the best and hope you'll live long, happy and healthy life. Thank you for you!!!
Thank you for breaking down the stages of once you get caught in the trap. I was preyed on and I found out where and how he hunts. I caught him by chance. I decided to play his game. I approached him during his hunt one day and asked him what was he doing parked sitting in his car at the exact spot where we met I said to him oh so this is how you trapped me. He laughed and I laughed but just like me, he was unaware that I did research and I knew exactly what he was doing Let the games begin.😂😂My experience looking back is exactly what you described. I had to laugh because it is so real and so crazy. Even funnier that Narcissist was telling me who he is the entire time but I was clueless. I know he enjoyed my ignorance just like I enjoyed his that day. I never got Trauma Bonded only addicted and hopefully no offense to anyone who did. I just woke up early and left. Ex: I don’t need pic of you your stored in my brain. He always talked badly about past relationships, coworkers, friends. Doesn’t like FaceTime, ect. He would say women stink their vaginas stink. I’m still laughing because I never really questioned him. I didn’t even care. I was caught up in the whole Shared Fantasy he was making me feel so good. However, I was critical and bossy he never complained. But what he had planned for me I beat him to the punch. I Discarded him outta nowhere! Blocked and No Contact. I went through withdrawal and obsession for him for 2 months. Now it’s better no more attachment and minimal thoughts of him now I just Laugh because he’s an Empty Void and Useless. Wasted energy and time. I’m so thankful for the Videos because now I’m aware and wide awake on the lookout for Vampires.
@@CeleryDopey Hi’ Yes the thoughts of that Narcissist continue to intrude upon my thoughts but they don’t last as long as they used too. It’s been almost 4 months and my energy level is restored and I’m feeling really good. I just accept it and keep on about my life. When the thoughts intrude I try and think of something funny about that Narc because he really is so stupid and weak. I used to wonder about some of the weird behavior and now I laugh my ass off because it all makes sense. It’s no longer a puzzle. I have nothing to do with that Narc and I feel like myself with an abundance of energy and life ❤️. If you’re still struggling just stay away from that Mofo Narcissistic nightmare and keep living your life. There’s hope after dealing with an Extremely Toxic and Stupid Person. The truth is we have all the power and Energy and they need it. They need us we don’t need them. To me that’s all I needed to know. So give yourself a break and get rid of the garbage. Good luck ✅
Thank you, this was very enlightning and I am very grateful that you offered this information. It explains the "grooming" and how a "vulnerable person and people pleaser" lands on their radar. I will work on myerlf to be a stronger more authentic version of myself 💜🧘♂️💙
Regarding the four S's, my narcissist ex-partner let it slip one day... he stated that I was an "all rounder". I believe I provided all 4 S's. It still astounds me how they all sing from the same hymn-book. Down to the last detail.
Thank you so much for doing what you're doing to help people understand this disorder and also providing different ways to think about what you're teaching.
Today I was in a meeting with my boss and all the other colleagues.The meeting was scheduled for two hours. The boss explained us for two hours and a half straight how important is to spend time productively and not in the meetings. Half an hour was overtime, unpayed. Sometimes, if you can, is better to simply walk away.
Very informative video, especially with the "self-idealisation" even I did not know that, thanj you Prof Sam to make us realise the complexities of human nature ❤
It occurred to me yesterday that my unique individual, however scary, was actually just another identical cookie cut with the narc cookie cutter. Then today I remembered that as a walking talking checklist of supply, I am too.
Thank you very much for this explanation - very interesting 💡... but 😖 wow, that also hurts a lot to understand, that we were only a mine they could take from whatever they needed... I am angry at myself for not seing it and playing along so many years before I left!
Man. I never stood a chance. But thankfully it was only 5 months. It feels like 5 years and I feel like I've been mentally beat into submission. Finally crawling away.
I like your fingers. They're so cute! Of course your videos are very clear and interesting, but the actul reason I keep coming back is to look at your massively cute fingers/hands. So, thanks for that.
More time is passing by, more clearly I see how I went straight to my ex- spouse narcissist’s trap. It was like getting poisoned every day to keep me in trap until being completely exploited; emotionally, physically, financially drained. He was thinking I will end up on the street; selling my body to survive. Disgusting. I’m here, rebuilding my life.
I know this has nothing to do with this particular video, but I wonder how much research has been done, (if any,) on how to predict when a child is going to develop narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorders when they grow up, and what if anything could be done to prevent it. Did you ever hear of the Framingham study? It was a study on heart disease that was started in the 1950's and is still going today. They carefully studied the diet and lifestyles of a large number of people in Framingham Massachusetts, to see what ended up causing heart disease. It's how doctors found out about the connection between cholesterol and heart disease and that smoking causes lung cancer. I'd LOVE to see a similar study be done, where they meticulously document the behaviors of a large number of kids and the types of interactions they have with their parents and other caregivers, starting from toddlerhood to age 18. And then when they turn 18, (or whatever age researchers deem appropriate,) test them for personality types and also keep track of how their adult relationships end up panning out, both with significant others, their parents, and friends. I feel like there are probably a ton of hidden patterns happening under our noses, when it comes to raising kids, but we can never know what they are, with any certainty, until a study like this gets done. I know a lot of people think they have the answers, but I think there are also a lot of weird correlations, that we would never guess. I realize a study like this would cost a shitload of money and be way harder to get people to participate in, than the Framingham study. But it really needs to be done. Personality disorders need to be looked at as a public health issue, because personality disordered people negatively affect entire families and society as a whole.
Narc kids are always so manipulate the only people who know there is something wrong with them is their direct, chosen victims. I feel that study would be harder than the ones on psychopaths tbh
This just described what I've been continually victimized. I have to make some changes but how? The vulnerability, the compassion, the giving, the empathy is a function of how i was raised.
The way he put all this laid out should be anger inducing enough to want to throw one of these users to the curb without feeling much trauma bonding type pain. A grandiose 🐍 no matter how slick, covert or whiney is not worth wasting a tear over. Yet some of us stick it out for various reasons. Being accused of being disloyal or a cheater or anything negative has some trying harder to prove these evil manipulators wrong. But it's a game to them. Accusations are manipulations.
You describe it like you've been through it. My ex was allegedly diagnosed with what his mum described as a disorder that makes him superior, that he believes everything is his, and he is God like. To which I didn't have a clue what she was on about as she didn't say narcissism. HIs father said he wished he wasn't born yet they still have him in their life, so it didn't make sense. I was asking her about his behaviour and this is when she told me. I would google his behaviour, and my employees would say he was gaslighting me. I didn't have a clue what these words meant. He came out of prison a year before I met him, he had to have counselling there.Probably when he was diagnosed. He got me just as my Uncle died suddenly aged 49. So I was vulnerable. and 8 years later I was a wreck, and my nervous system still is, as I found two more after the breakup, one as a so called new friend and one in a relationship. I quickly realised they target women that are just broken up out of a relationship. This was the hardest learning curve of my life. Your information is the best on the internet, and explained excellently. I'm now trying to heal from it all.
These tests are eye opening. I recently met a musician, I'm an artist, who immedietely tried to get me into bed. And I mean immedietely. I rejected that "proposition" and his response was, "What's wrong with you, you're a creative." WTF? Because I'm a painter/creative that means I'm automatically a promiscuous slut? Yeah no, that never happened and I walked away from this jerk. He also had a huge ego and sense of entitlement. Red flags flying from the first minute.
I watched as he was snubbed by people before he met me (the fool). Thankfully more than 13 years ago for less than a year. Anyway, he obviously didn’t know how to immediately spot fools-he just tried whoever he could get attention from.
Thank you for giving us so vital info prof. I have two questions. Do narcissist are aware of the evaluation process they apply? Do they test people on purpose? and how or where do they learn that they need, the 4 s's?
I started watching yesterday and had to stop because of the physical and emotional pain I was feeling… today I continued and was again suffering immensely. I want to admit that seeing his Minnie Mouse mug made me smile🥹
I only watch Sam Vaknin videos as they are rooted in evidence. I watch them to avoid as much as possible getting caught out again. Because I've watched and learned I've spotted a few along the way and moved right away from them. Saved myself a bunch of strife and misery. I'll keep watching them now and again lest I should forget 😊
I have the oportunity of being in a relationship with a narcisistic women, and doing a recap on the first incounters, i remember clairly numerous times in specific moments, a completely serious and stone face when i was telling a uplifting storie or a lighter kind of a particular situation that happen to me and wanted to share with her, it was like she was telling me "who cares about you", but the strange thing its that later she changes the mood when she was telling her stories. This is only one of the many things i could notice of hee behavior. When we broke up, she went to have sex with many men. Really crazy 🐕
One of your best videos. How to best backtrack from such a connection without stirring anger or problems with the narcissist, especially if there will be ongoing contact you cannot fully cut?
Oh they have no trouble begging for kindness, sympathy and forgiveness! All whilst playing victim to you and your guilty horrific uncaring behaviour… yeah taking care of yourself finally, uh oh, that makes us 🥁 EQUAL! Lookout!!!
Precisely lays out how my brother was latched onto by his vampiric wife. He's a perfect narcissistic victim and is now her servant and speaks her ideas as if they were his own. I really do think the vampire myth is based on narcissistic abuse.
Haha, If I never healed I would have taken it personally, lol. All of this says how actually we are nothing and nobody not only to them, but also as a person. Nevertheless it is true. Only people with Low self esteem are the target and get addicted to "just" another person who basically provides nothing but takes everything. Trauma bonding in its greatest. We all have, or most of us have narcissistic tendencies. 50 shades of great is a good study, except that Christian fell in love with Ana because she has never criticized him but respectfully set boundaries and so he became sort of addicted to her, loving it. Thus he changed. Bonney (don't know how to spell) and Clyde don't have a happy ending. Also great to study her need for love.
I have learned so much about myself being vulnerable to NPDs. Thank you. One question … I provided my ‘intimate’ narcissist with a good bit of money and possessions. What of the four S’s does that fall under?
They show up as an aquantance of a friend you have known of for decades but you are trapped because of finances or disabilities and they just take over. They did this with my disabled dad- I was clearly no different decades later in my long COVID disabilities. Now living in recovery, the narcissist is gone, and will never leave my tooth brush in a common area ever again. Mine was clearly a sadistic narcissist. He loved to say I was easy on the eyes-is I never asked him anything- it just happened.
![Coheed and Cambria - Searching for Tomorrow [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hDsYGLbmadg/mqdefault.jpg)
Noticed these:
Test:
how you react to being annoyed.
Will you change a No to a yes.
How you react to crossed boundaries. (Physical and emotional)
Check if you have empathy by telling a victum story
Will u join in a lie
Answer: Become elusive or analytical.
Even if you "pass"...
You still fail.
Pay attention to these narcissist videos, learn the signs, run like hell.
My ex narc asked me once why I was so nice to people. He said I shouldn't be that way. Must have been a warning 😂
Relatable
I heard same
It's very strange when people are nice to everyone, then talk crap behind their back, or completely change demeanor once everyone else leaves the room... Maybe you are the narc twisting the story to fit your narrative.
he used to ask me this many times after i found out his infidelity just 4 months after the wedding . he asked "why are you so nice to me?"
and i answered "not just to you. im nice to everyone, God made me this way"
and i think he got disappointed each time i answered that way, hoping i'd say something like "coz i love you so much", or "coz you deserves all the love and kindness"
I wonder if its a guy girl thing. And ive heard this even from girls. I know why im like this. Its cuz I was sheltered and I never really had to fight an outsider intruder. I was always surrounded by women, and fighting them meant politics, not intimidation tactics. Having a good, nice reputation seems to give me an upper hand. If things go down, all teachers will believe I didnt start it. Friends will ask if im okay and care for me. Talk crap about the person that hurt me, because they hurt them too.
I dont see a single benefit from being mean to the server, the homeless, or just anyone else. In fact, i do it almost selfishly, a habit Ive gotten into catering to toxic family members, for self preservation. And its that im nice to people because it shuts them up faster and we can all move on with our lives. Being mean starts fights and things go more slowly out of spite and my blood pressure goes up. When Im nice, people give me free things for no reason other than that i brightened their day, quick service, eager to help me. And a stern but polite decline of an offer is always enough to put an end to conversations.
But to get back on topic, I too have had guys ask me why I like them. And it seems to be a negative sign. Its often cuz they know themselves or based off previous interactions with humans, it doesnt make sense why someone would be this nice to me. And im not trying to find ill intention in that, but it always ends up leading to incompatibility.
you are 100% correct. ive personally dealt with this with a narcissist.reality doesnt matter to a narcissist. they live their lifes off of fantasy and doesnt matter if you truly love them they will anihilate you ....if you let them
Toddlers in adult bodies, looking for a mommy.
Oh he calls me mommy. He is 64. I am not his mommy.
@@AngelEyes-xm7el you need to focus on on yourself and go to an emergency room for treatment. While you are there ask for a social worker for your housing status and use the resources they give you. Focus on YOU. Please. God bless you 🙏🙏. . Focus on yourself right now
@@sonyadunbar3747 i am trying to to get in touch with my brother. My doctor gave me safe havens number . I am scared. Especially after last night. He woke up and ranted for 2 hours because i was on my phone watching u tube videos. He went to bed at 7 pm . Going to get a shower and pray I hear back from my brother. 🙏😞❤️
He called me mama and that got my attention!
toddlers grow up, evolve change, develop. Narcs dont. They are like kids except for the growing and personality development part. They are stuck in a time loop, time frozen.
I watched and learned from you for many months. As I started understanding , I started to tell others of my learnings and they looked at me like an alien. What I went through was horrific. He stole my sense of self. I am on the mend. No contact for 8 months. Him and his friends are blocked. Thank you for teaching me my sanity again xx
@@kristentiveron4756 Exactly this!👆
There's millions of women like you who don't have the identity to know that your being abused.
Women seem to subconsciously want abuse and to have narcisist babies, it's a pandemic.
My dear you are not alone. The apathy is RIFE. It's SAD!! 😕
@@Honeypepper.Yes, apathy or downright disbelief, unless, in some people's cases, some folks actually somehow go through it in some part of their lives.
@@aurorincorporated I love your comment. It is good that we NA survivors hold on to our hearts. We are blessed to have valuable and interesting info about the human psyche--the good, the bad, and the ugly. ✌️
Thr narcissist uses people with no boundaries
They trample TF over your boundaries
IMMEDIATELY walk away if anyone test your boundaries
@@meme-zv7kw - Yesss!! No second chances for MANY things anymore!!
@@SherriFlemming -🙏❤️
@@meme-zv7kw Absolutely. A chronological adult that needs to learn manners and respect is not worth the time of day. Normal people as adults, do not need to be TAUGHT and most others are most likely NARC/Socios. Of course, to let someone know first off what your personal boundaries are is important. After that no reminders are needed unless you are dealing with a very disrespectful emotionally immature person.
Love this video. I was not idealized because I confronted him from the beginning, now it all makes sense
if that's you in the picture, well you hit the looks jackpot, good luck navigating the field of options
AxjkhI7-I have to reply to your comment because I was thinking the same. If that's her in the picture, that's real gift of beauty Raquela has. She can pick and choose any man she wants...I'm getting in line with everyone else. 😊😮
😮 These Narcoparasites are heartless and dangerous when not getting things their way.😢. I got away after 20 years of hell on and off , with my life and dog.
They will suck the life out of you
great word - narcoparasites
@@colmwatulikededazio973 with just a small deduction of lifespan maybe by 10 years plus the 20 years
parasites is a good description. They suck out your life.
I am glad you are now free! Blessings
you have to be careful who you mingle with. its literally life and death. and most cause such great amounts of stress that it takes years off your life. everyday were suppose to live life and move forward in positive ways its what creates long lasting life but with narcissist you are between being stagnant and moving backwards and it feels like you wake up with 100 pound bags of concrete strapped to each leg and cant even move
So true 😢
Narcissists are like drugs. They want you to take them so you can keep coming back to do it all over again.
They don’t want to make it meaningful, they just want power.
Thank you for educating about this topic of why I was chosen and what I have to change in myself,so that this sh*t would never happen to me again
I’m so glad I’m so beyond this crap now. Once healed this is no longer an obsession as when you are still in victim mode. My brain felt like mush after narc abuse. Now if I see a red flag I just accept it. When you know your value (and we all have immeasurable value) you no longer get sideswiped by toxic bs.
I go through that but immediately must always remember what the reality and pain was. Not enough joy to balance that out - ever. Always selfish, self-serving, transactional, and FAKE. The illusion from the get go was NOT the real person under that mask. I love my peaceful time alone.
"If I see a red flag I just ACCEPT it."
The hit just right. I'm adding that to my toolbox! Don't be confused or upset or any of the emotions that come with the red flags. In a way that's fighting them. Just accept them.
I'm exactly there now. This weekend my new friend lied to me. It was actually a series of lies. Huge red flags.
I just got off a call with my friend. I was saying why, feeling confused, not able to make sense of it. He had seemed like a dream come true when I wasn't dreaming of anything!
That one sentence has calmed my brain. Just accept it.
That's life changing!
I will never be deceived again thanks to you. Your vocabulary often adds new words to my vocabulary. I am grateful for your edification Prof Sam.
These double as vocab videos too lmao. Saved my life and shows me some sweet words.
Me tooo!! I heard this in a new and deeper way. Something in the root of myself is healed because of this talk
@@yarrowfleury5175 I think it draws attention to the gravity of the situation. It goes from, "oh they're just quirky" to "oh they're just CRAZY".
Thank you! More understanding of the living hell of life with an evil cruel manipulative monster. This education helps in the healing. I see how he sizes up everyone in minutes for his manipulation. I am 2 years "free" but still he lurks and spreads lies. The trauma is so hard to heal from. Education like this helps.
Inflicting pain on others feeds the narcissists godlike perception of self. That is very elucidating. It helps put cruel behavior in perspective. It can be confusing when you are a victim of cruel conduct but the abuser seems to bear no animosity toward you. It really isn’t about the victim at all; they are just in the path of this force of perverted nature.
Sounds like the malignant type with comorbidity with psychopathy.
There is no godlike self in a narcissistic person.
@@debraarnold5250 Certainly not! It’s a misperception of a disordered personality.
@@gins8781 they let their godlike self go and disconnected from their true godly state, to become power hungry controlling monsters unless they go get help and the therapies honestly working for them. They say rarely does that happen though that they go get help. Some are getting therapy and am proud of them.
@@debraarnold5250 I knew one who got court ordered therapy. They took everything they learned in therapy and used it as a weapon to try and inflict more harm on others. Godliness to this individual was only something to be exploited when encountered in others.
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This The Worst Abuse I Ever Suffered From Is Narcissistic Abuse My Life Was Destroyed My Self
Confidence And Self Esteem.i Get Hovered Once The Narcissist Has Accomplished Getting What He Wants He Discards Me Cruelly.Having Absolutely Nothing To Do With Me This Goes On For Months.I Will Be So Grateful When I’m Free Of This Horrific Abuse.Narcissistic Abuse Is brutal.. I ACUTALLY LISTENED TO THIS TWICE THANK YOU THIS HAS REALLY HELPED ME.
Watching about twenty of your video's/classes has enabled me to understand and heal. If it wasn't for understanding that I was just a fantasy an object and wasn't real quickly woke me up. Still thinking about him never being intimate with me but with himself. Inlove with his own body. Deep. Thank you, Professor Vaknin
My malignant Narcissist aunt: " I love you. You are the only one I have. Would you help me?"
Me: " ok aunty. Also, I want you to gift me a motorbike. I do not have the money to buy it."
My aunt "Of course I will. I have lots of money with no heir "
.......
I did not see her for 3 months.
Lol. I know how to make her discard me. 😂
But like Terminators, " She will be back"
Haha perfect play. When she comes back to ask for help, tell her you'd love to but you promised your services to your elderly neighbor who was kind enough to gift you a motorbike 😂
That's the best way going forward with these people.
Get them to discard you.
@@Abhisheksengupta923 Yup! It’s all a game with. However, once we woke up to the reality we’re so damn POWERFUL! I’ve identified multiple Narcs in my family and friends and they stay away from me. Maybe because I don’t feed them anymore. No emotion. The silent treatment is now reciprocated. Damn it’s very quiet and peaceful.☺️ Thank you for sharing your story. They are just Pathetic people!
@@Khaegch-favh😂 smart
I had the same Aunr.
Brillia t and concise explanation. I suddenly saw myself through his eyes. Currently, i am being re-idealised but i have given him a narc injury of rejection.
I was missing him today, this was the perfect thing to watch 😅
We must not miss a monster. Forbid yourself to miss someone who ruins your life !
@@AHope-pp8in thankfully didn’t get to that point. I saw the signs and got away before true damage was done
@@KR-fb7gm I am happy for you. Take care of yourself !
Scary but thank you for teaching us so we can protect ourselves.
Always listen to how a man talks about women , never discourage him, he will show his true colours. I was talking to a pediatrician doctor who pretends to be a nice guy, he told me "all women are the same" and he was trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Blocked him immediately. Wish i had done that with my narcissist ex.
Never give your trust to someone immediately. You will more than likely become prey if you believe all the lies and gaslighting. For me , my ex almost enjoyed lying and hiding things. He even said that he is allowed to have second, third worlds with women. He used very confusing language weaponising therapy speak. Looking back it makes me sick my ex lied to me and gaslit me 90% of the relationship. He was constantly lying and when i wouldn't believe him he would abuse me.
I have my oponion on women and I am far from narcissistic.
However there are few nice women, for them, I would die for.
But todays trend specially among women are kinda narcissistic. It's just hard fact.
@@SherriFlemming Can people really be self-centric, like someone will say something innocent, and then boom, someone you thought was nice just blocks you. lol
@@SherriFlemming Yeah.. well said.
"..... When I wouldn't believe him, he would abuse me."
That right there.
@@SherriFlemming i would say that narcissists will convert your attachment style to anxious via manipulation and covert abuse. Even if you are secure before.
I've never heard the distinction between adoration/validation supply vs. sadistic supply before until this video. So many things I learned.
Congratulations on your new appointment!🎉
Your videos are incredible, I love the way you explain things and I can't get enough of watching your work. I'm very grateful you are willing to share so much information as a professional to us. Thank you for your work, I wish you the best and hope you'll live long, happy and healthy life. Thank you for you!!!
Thank you for breaking down the stages of once you get caught in the trap. I was preyed on and I found out where and how he hunts. I caught him by chance. I decided to play his game. I approached him during his hunt one day and asked him what was he doing parked sitting in his car at the exact spot where we met I said to him oh so this is how you trapped me. He laughed and I laughed but just like me, he was unaware that I did research and I knew exactly what he was doing Let the games begin.😂😂My experience looking back is exactly what you described. I had to laugh because it is so real and so crazy. Even funnier that Narcissist was telling me who he is the entire time but I was clueless. I know he enjoyed my ignorance just like I enjoyed his that day. I never got Trauma Bonded only addicted and hopefully no offense to anyone who did. I just woke up early and left.
Ex: I don’t need pic of you your stored in my brain. He always talked badly about past relationships, coworkers, friends. Doesn’t like FaceTime, ect.
He would say women stink their vaginas stink. I’m still laughing because I never really questioned him. I didn’t even care. I was caught up in the whole Shared Fantasy he was making me feel so good.
However, I was critical and bossy he never complained. But what he had planned for me I beat him to the punch. I Discarded him outta nowhere! Blocked and No Contact. I went through withdrawal and obsession for him for 2 months. Now it’s better no more attachment and minimal thoughts of him now I just Laugh because he’s an Empty Void and Useless. Wasted energy and time. I’m so thankful for the Videos because now I’m aware and wide awake on the lookout for Vampires.
hi, after the withdrawal and obsession for 2 months, how many more months till it start to get better for you?
@@CeleryDopey Hi’ Yes the thoughts of that Narcissist continue to intrude upon my thoughts but they don’t last as long as they used too. It’s been almost 4 months and my energy level is restored and I’m feeling really good. I just accept it and keep on about my life. When the thoughts intrude I try and think of something funny about that Narc because he really is so stupid and weak. I used to wonder about some of the weird behavior and now I laugh my ass off because it all makes sense. It’s no longer a puzzle. I have nothing to do with that Narc and I feel like myself with an abundance of energy and life ❤️. If you’re still struggling just stay away from that Mofo
Narcissistic nightmare and keep living your life. There’s hope after dealing with an Extremely Toxic and Stupid Person. The truth is we have all the power and Energy and they need it. They need us we don’t need them. To me that’s all I needed to know. So give yourself a break and get rid of the garbage.
Good luck ✅
In this channel I feel terrified & amazed, Professor.
Thank you for your work
Thank you Granddad for all your videos, you helped me survive and set myself free, I LOVE YOU
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Narcissists have their eyes wide open, yet can't see.
Keep your eyes wide open and you will see
Thank you, this was very enlightning and I am very grateful that you offered this information. It explains the "grooming" and how a "vulnerable person and people pleaser" lands on their radar. I will work on myerlf to be a stronger more authentic version of myself 💜🧘♂️💙
Regarding the four S's, my narcissist ex-partner let it slip one day... he stated that I was an "all rounder". I believe I provided all 4 S's. It still astounds me how they all sing from the same hymn-book. Down to the last detail.
@@natlee5879 yea their Clowns 🤡
They will say just about anything! I’m still laughing at his stupidity. Just weak and stupid as hell.🚩🚩🚩
It's funny how nature makes the most poisonous insects and snakes bright yellow and black.
because they are all manifestations of the same demon.. same script… all the time, every where …
@@lucyt-c8092 and the same demon is they have not separated from their mother
@@natlee5879 OK! 👍
So good. I appreciate the insight. I'm not chosen! It's mechanical. They'll get along fine. Love it
Thank you for sharing your scientific services to RUclips! This is really an opportunity to learn.
Thanks for clearing the spectrum issue up!
Sir, this was a superb video!
Maybe I don't watch you enough, but for me, this video stands out.
Thank You for making this video!
This video is so spot on, it's almost terrifying. 💯 my ex narc. RUN AWAY FROM THESE CREATURES. They are cold, calculating, and dead on the inside.
Thank you Prof. Vaknin, my radar was broken, and you have educated me on seeing myself and others. Prevention is the best medicine.
Unreal. Prof Vaknin explains it again. Genius.
You’re a Genius 🧠🌟
Very insightful. Makes absolute sense. Thanks very much for this.
Thank you so much for doing what you're doing to help people understand this disorder and also providing different ways to think about what you're teaching.
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The narcissist is not a Partner but my offspring. It’s A Mess mess. I provide Service and safety.
Thank you, Prof. Vaknin.
This is soo bad and heart breaking. But it's better to know than to continue be other's victim. Some of us are totally ideal narc objective 😔
Please Shut up. No one cares about hearing how victim and poor you are. Have some dignity.
Today I was in a meeting with my boss and all the other colleagues.The meeting was scheduled for two hours. The boss explained us for two hours and a half straight how important is to spend time productively and not in the meetings. Half an hour was overtime, unpayed. Sometimes, if you can, is better to simply walk away.
Very informative video, especially with the "self-idealisation" even I did not know that, thanj you Prof Sam to make us realise the complexities of human nature ❤
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It occurred to me yesterday that my unique individual, however scary, was actually just another identical cookie cut with the narc cookie cutter. Then today I remembered that as a walking talking checklist of supply, I am too.
By the way, love the Minnie Mouse coffee mug! Hilarious! 😂
Thank you very much for this explanation - very interesting 💡... but 😖 wow, that also hurts a lot to understand, that we were only a mine they could take from whatever they needed... I am angry at myself for not seing it and playing along so many years before I left!
8:26 “even if you are fugly” *chuckles* hahahahahaaaaaaa sorry I know this is a serious video but I laughed at that 😂
It was my willingness and availability that sucks
Great video as usual, always with accurate information. Thanks for bringing awareness.
Man. I never stood a chance. But thankfully it was only 5 months. It feels like 5 years and I feel like I've been mentally beat into submission. Finally crawling away.
I like your fingers. They're so cute! Of course your videos are very clear and interesting, but the actul reason I keep coming back is to look at your massively cute fingers/hands. So, thanks for that.
More time is passing by, more clearly I see how I went straight to my ex- spouse narcissist’s trap. It was like getting poisoned every day to keep me in trap until being completely exploited; emotionally, physically, financially drained. He was thinking I will end up on the street; selling my body to survive. Disgusting. I’m here, rebuilding my life.
I know this has nothing to do with this particular video, but I wonder how much research has been done, (if any,) on how to predict when a child is going to develop narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorders when they grow up, and what if anything could be done to prevent it. Did you ever hear of the Framingham study? It was a study on heart disease that was started in the 1950's and is still going today. They carefully studied the diet and lifestyles of a large number of people in Framingham Massachusetts, to see what ended up causing heart disease. It's how doctors found out about the connection between cholesterol and heart disease and that smoking causes lung cancer. I'd LOVE to see a similar study be done, where they meticulously document the behaviors of a large number of kids and the types of interactions they have with their parents and other caregivers, starting from toddlerhood to age 18. And then when they turn 18, (or whatever age researchers deem appropriate,) test them for personality types and also keep track of how their adult relationships end up panning out, both with significant others, their parents, and friends. I feel like there are probably a ton of hidden patterns happening under our noses, when it comes to raising kids, but we can never know what they are, with any certainty, until a study like this gets done. I know a lot of people think they have the answers, but I think there are also a lot of weird correlations, that we would never guess. I realize a study like this would cost a shitload of money and be way harder to get people to participate in, than the Framingham study. But it really needs to be done. Personality disorders need to be looked at as a public health issue, because personality disordered people negatively affect entire families and society as a whole.
There are such studies regarding psychopaths, but not narcissists.
Narc kids are always so manipulate the only people who know there is something wrong with them is their direct, chosen victims. I feel that study would be harder than the ones on psychopaths tbh
please add the Romanian language. i don't know english thank you!
Thank you, Professor, for this eye-opening and very necessary presentation.
Thank you so much for all you do.
Sam helps a lot of ppl..
Very well explained! So true🎯💯
This just described what I've been continually victimized. I have to make some changes but how? The vulnerability, the compassion, the giving, the empathy is a function of how i was raised.
The way he put all this laid out should be anger inducing enough to want to throw one of these users to the curb without feeling much trauma bonding type pain.
A grandiose 🐍 no matter how slick, covert or whiney is not worth wasting a tear over. Yet some of us stick it out for various reasons.
Being accused of being disloyal or a cheater or anything negative has some trying harder to prove these evil manipulators wrong. But it's a game to them.
Accusations are manipulations.
Thank you!!!
You describe it like you've been through it. My ex was allegedly diagnosed with what his mum described as a disorder that makes him superior, that he believes everything is his, and he is God like. To which I didn't have a clue what she was on about as she didn't say narcissism. HIs father said he wished he wasn't born yet they still have him in their life, so it didn't make sense. I was asking her about his behaviour and this is when she told me. I would google his behaviour, and my employees would say he was gaslighting me. I didn't have a clue what these words meant. He came out of prison a year before I met him, he had to have counselling there.Probably when he was diagnosed. He got me just as my Uncle died suddenly aged 49. So I was vulnerable. and 8 years later I was a wreck, and my nervous system still is, as I found two more after the breakup, one as a so called new friend and one in a relationship. I quickly realised they target women that are just broken up out of a relationship. This was the hardest learning curve of my life. Your information is the best on the internet, and explained excellently. I'm now trying to heal from it all.
These tests are eye opening. I recently met a musician, I'm an artist, who immedietely tried to get me into bed. And I mean immedietely. I rejected that "proposition" and his response was, "What's wrong with you, you're a creative." WTF? Because I'm a painter/creative that means I'm automatically a promiscuous slut? Yeah no, that never happened and I walked away from this jerk. He also had a huge ego and sense of entitlement. Red flags flying from the first minute.
I watched as he was snubbed by people before he met me (the fool). Thankfully more than 13 years ago for less than a year. Anyway, he obviously didn’t know how to immediately spot fools-he just tried whoever he could get attention from.
Thank you for giving us so vital info prof. I have two questions. Do narcissist are aware of the evaluation process they apply? Do they test people on purpose? and how or where do they learn that they need, the 4 s's?
They are not aware of the appraisal process. Regarding your last question: watch the From Child playlist and search the Mind playlist.
WAWEEE! Dropping some harsh truths there, Professor Vaknin, but it NEEDS to be heard! Thank you, sir.🫡🫡🫡🫡
I started watching yesterday and had to stop because of the physical and emotional pain I was feeling… today I continued and was again suffering immensely. I want to admit that seeing his Minnie Mouse mug made me smile🥹
This made me laugh and gave me clarity. Thank you
What a great presentation
I only watch Sam Vaknin videos as they are rooted in evidence. I watch them to avoid as much as possible getting caught out again. Because I've watched and learned I've spotted a few along the way and moved right away from them. Saved myself a bunch of strife and misery. I'll keep watching them now and again lest I should forget 😊
I have the oportunity of being in a relationship with a narcisistic women, and doing a recap on the first incounters, i remember clairly numerous times in specific moments, a completely serious and stone face when i was telling a uplifting storie or a lighter kind of a particular situation that happen to me and wanted to share with her, it was like she was telling me "who cares about you", but the strange thing its that later she changes the mood when she was telling her stories. This is only one of the many things i could notice of hee behavior. When we broke up, she went to have sex with many men. Really crazy 🐕
Sounds like a borderline to me watch the playlist
One of your best videos. How to best backtrack from such a connection without stirring anger or problems with the narcissist, especially if there will be ongoing contact you cannot fully cut?
Search the playlists.
well that explains why I seem to be a narcisist magnet 😅 do you have any books or videos on setting boundaries you recommend?
Dios mío!, the accuracy!!!💔
Love your speaking voice. Great info too 👍
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Perfect example of how nobody can simply define a narcissist.
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Oh they have no trouble begging for kindness, sympathy and forgiveness! All whilst playing victim to you and your guilty horrific uncaring behaviour… yeah taking care of yourself finally, uh oh, that makes us 🥁 EQUAL! Lookout!!!
Thank you, Sam❤️
Muito bom ouvir um professor falando sobre o assunto. Obrigada
Oh my, a highly narcissistic guy once complimented my maternal qualities... (I have and rather want no children, he meant for himself 😮)
Has narcissistic ever picked the wrong person who was kind and have a good nature
Precisely lays out how my brother was latched onto by his vampiric wife. He's a perfect narcissistic victim and is now her servant and speaks her ideas as if they were his own. I really do think the vampire myth is based on narcissistic abuse.
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So funny coz people will say I’m “petty” for calling out subtle disrespect that I caught and discerned.
Haha, If I never healed I would have taken it personally, lol. All of this says how actually we are nothing and nobody not only to them, but also as a person.
Nevertheless it is true. Only people with Low self esteem are the target and get addicted to "just" another person who basically provides nothing but takes everything. Trauma bonding in its greatest.
We all have, or most of us have narcissistic tendencies. 50 shades of great is a good study, except that Christian fell in love with Ana because she has never criticized him but respectfully set boundaries and so he became sort of addicted to her, loving it. Thus he changed.
Bonney (don't know how to spell) and Clyde don't have a happy ending. Also great to study her need for love.
Brilliant video Sam. Are narcissists typically aware of this process or is it unconscious?
Not unconscious, but not aware either.
@@samvaknin Thank you. That makes a lot of sense.
Narcissist idealizes he/ she regardless ; I do not want attention I don’t seek for complements . Peculiar, I get notice so much .
Sam is so cute! ☺️💕
Damn every sentence feels like a direct blow to my guts yet i am grateful for every single one of them. Mind you, i'm only 3:09 minutes in 😭😭😭😂
Love the cup
I have learned so much about myself being vulnerable to NPDs. Thank you.
One question … I provided my ‘intimate’ narcissist with a good bit of money and possessions. What of the four S’s does that fall under?
Services and safety.
So true, it was 3 times and the 3rd was almost my assasination 😱.
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Very informative
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WHERE IS THEIR SECRET NARC BIBLE, PLEASE??? I need to know.
How did I NOT know about any of this as a person, and they do?
Try my book, “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited”, now in its 10th edition.
Thank you!
They show up as an aquantance of a friend you have known of for decades but you are trapped because of finances or disabilities and they just take over. They did this with my disabled dad- I was clearly no different decades later in my long COVID disabilities. Now living in recovery, the narcissist is gone, and will never leave my tooth brush in a common area ever again. Mine was clearly a sadistic narcissist. He loved to say I was easy on the eyes-is I never asked him anything- it just happened.
Painfully true
Thank you~~