Give Narcissists Taste of Own Medicine: Brainwash, Entrain Them
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- Опубликовано: 3 июн 2024
- Introjection (regression to womb-matrix, infancy): snapshotting installs Trojan Horse in narcissist’s mind
Repetition and entraining:
Grandiosity challenging
Ideational misattribution
Feigned helplessness (savior/rescuer)
Mass psychegenic (cult)
Ego syntonic narrative with survival (positive) adaptation (motivation to introject and assimilate narrative): anxiolytic (separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety)); triumphant-antagonistic (e.g., justice restored, omnipotence affirmed); grandiosity-enhancing and grandiosity-congruent.
Your flying monkeys: peer dynamics and hive mind, the in group or cult personality (outsourcing of cognitive processes and acquiring a social identity): belonging and acceptance (surrogate family), self-worth, modeling, peer pressure, operant conditioning, normative regulation, negative identity, social referents.
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the thing is, normal people cant bring themselves to cause others any discomfort, it doesnt give any comfort to do that.
Exactly, and life is too short to be playing games. Games are childish and show a lack of maturity. Be careful where you get your information from. Not all information is from a honest or reputable source.
It's called survival
@@Confessions089 totally agree, I have had enough trauma without playing games, and as it’s my sister, l prefer to keep her at arms length, I don’t have the ability to think in a twisted way, I also don’t have the mental energy, or time for it.
Exactly what I was thinking
@@AngelicaSecondLife same here, it's a brother, one we have all tried to help for over 4 decades...silence is golden is by far the best motto...imo...the brain damage of it all is their twisted thinking
It’s easier to just leave than play these mind games 😂
😂👌
Not everyone has that option. Especially if they are surrounded by flying monkeys
It is what i feel as well - plus there is a risk of losing control and lose own game… to play you need to be a good player and have energy for it
@@Kimberly-nw4ud I agree... Rather withdraw from the abuse ... But if you can't, don't be a reactive abuser ... Although this is an involuntary reaction, I'm against a premeditated assault to an individual with a natural inclination to harm themselves and others. It could lead to death
So much easier!
Battling a narcissist is exhausting.
This is crazy pants land!! Who the heck wants a child as a life partner? And not only a child, but a child you have to babysit nonstop because they have a penchant for cruelty. I hope anyone considering this pauses, recognizes their worth and makes a clear decision to not be a parent to an abusive ding a ling. You are worth more than being a mother to a ding a ling. You deserve mutual respect, and a relationship that allows you to grow, and be nourished.
Amen! If you get out, stay out!
LOL , haven't heard the phrase ( Ding a Ling ) in a long time.
Not everyone has the choice to leave so it's important to learn how to survive.
It is crazy the partner to the Narc has invested a lot, like the gambeler at the pockies hoping it will change . The longer you play the more you loose ,, and 20 yr's passes and your dead like the through shear exhaustion..
I left, the cost was enormous he was the banker..
@@jbuntine1255I wish i could leave. I'm sick with no way to support myself and no support system. Some people just have no way to leave.
This man is right. Everytime a narcissist came for me I sent for them right back. My daddy taught me how to handle they asses. They are weak. They are insecure and they are powerless when you know how to attack back. That's when they leave you alone. There's not a narcissist I've come across that hasn't gotten a taste of their own medicine. If you don't give it to them back they will keep trying to mess with you they keep coming back. But if you knock them down by playing their game they won't come back. They see you will break their mask every time.
Well said
Exactly. This is what I did. Gave the narc a surprise whammy of her own medicine & have not seen or heard from her since. She disapeared into thin air 😮. I consulted God & asked him what to do or not to do, first of all. That's what he told me to do & it worked wonderfully 😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Stay close
to yourself. Protect yourself.
RUN! No time to waste for stupidity.
Sounds exhausting. Think a divorce will be less painful 😂
Indeed it is. Personal experience here. 23 yrs with one. If you have lost yourself and they are draining you… get out!!
I stopped taking them serious even when they are dangerous 🤣🤣
Yes they are clowns lol
@DaisyCruz-yr3bu It’s actually hilarious if you take a step back and watch the show.
I'm with One since 19teen she a coward when it comes to standing up to other people or dudes they got her running around having sex with young boys in our building STDs brought back she 53 years old and paying them they ran train on her and join they Gang at 53 years old slut they talking about her like a dog I let her it and she walk off like she didn't and she go back and report my where abouts to some lil gangbangers, they live in our building we never had roaches they got roaches now the roaches in our apartment she been in there's and they been in mind when I'm at work,and she leaves work to come back to have sex and turning dates for them I'm getaway on this child molester sneaky devil stacking up my $ now.
It cannot last. You can act as a mother would but it gets tiring quite quickly. With an actual 2 year old you know they will eventually grow up and evolve through different stages of development. Their tantrums, demands etc... is developmentally appropriate. To do what you do what you do with child with an adult who in most cases is supposed to be your partner is draining. It's your entire life. Noone wants to spend their life like this. It will last only for so long. Before you are completely depleted. It's not worth it.
I think the same. It seems like way too much work
Unconditionnal love ...
Agree
@@fattounaishgood towards a child, but a grown person you want a relationship with???? Rather have a functioning adult that is capable of emotional depth.
thankyou, perfectly the argument i tell myself when im dealing with the ex narc. but i do love him. and i am very flawed myself, have intractable bad habits that i fight a losing battle with everyday, yet i want to be loved unconditionally and i want to be able to love that way. like Spike in Buffy the vampire slayer once said, "I may be loves bitch but at least im man enough to admit it"
When mine would act poorly, I would remind him that given all my flaws he had pointed out to me, and how much I wanted to improve myself, it was very important for him to role model good behavior for me.
genius!
So intelligent in so many ways…
At grandson's wedding a number of years ago, the ex-narc decided to offer for me to go ahead of him in the food line. I refused to give him the satisfaction that he was seeking for self-gratification. You see, he was trying to look like the nice guy for the rest of those there. I took that away from him. He never cared to do such an act in the 20+ years we were together. Nope, he was first and foremost and I needed to bow to him. I didn't play into his game. He looked so exasperated.
Well done.
You're the narc btw.
This is how projective identification works.
Humans do like to make little gestures to rebuild trust. You're broken 😂
Use these tips not to deceive, but to counteract when vulnerable. It makes you a survivor. There’s no pleasure in doing this. Only a necessity in times of strife.
Yes, I agree 100%
We cannot pretend we play and don't participate with a crazy person and then think we're not involved in this drama. Because it will cost us out sanity.
The thing is they always ask “well what did I do wrong??” And when you go into explaining WHY their behavior is wrong you’re essentially feeding them by buying into their game. I started replying with “you know what you did. We both know, and I’m not your mommy, I’m not going to explain your own behavior to you, I’m just letting you know that it’s unacceptable here.”
I like this, and journaled it. I edited "I'm just letting you know that it's unacceptable here." To: "I am telling you that it is unacceptable." If they persist or complain, I will just repeat "unacceptable".
Wow I must write this down. Amazing.
I may or may not omit the “not your mom” part depending on the particular person and their pattern of reactivity. I tone down and use a lot less words and give them a lot less to work on, so then when they start gaslighting it seems all the more desperate and pitiable
I completely flipped the script on one recently to the point where he was struggling to really explain what it was that was so wrong with me to the point where they could only point at me and say, “that.” it’s hard not to laugh.
@@adenbuford7396 you get to the point where telling them “it’s unacceptable here.” Isn’t necessary. They feel it by your body language and eye contact that this isn’t the place to play anymore. Just hearing their behavior repeated back to them in a truthful, frank manner is enough for some
Taking notes for psychological warfare defence
lmao
I dated someone similar for a period of three months. When I met him I was blown away by his good looks, charm and intelligence.
He love bombed me at first but then become very authoritative, distant yet possessive.
I quite quickly found out that he had very severe childhood trauma and had experienced every horrible thing under the sun.
After three months I told him that I needed to know where our relationship was going otherwise I’d have to end things. Eventually he confessed that his trauma was so intense that he thinks he resultantly lacks empathy, has ASPD and acts distant because he doesn’t want to hurt or ‘contaminate’ me with his past.
That evening included him absolutely breaking down, becoming angry at me for agreeing that the relationship probably wouldn’t be the best idea then crying like a little boy. It was absolutely horrible to witness this seemingly majestic man crumbling to pieces.
It was difficult to comprehend that he’d said a relationship wouldn’t work but was absolutely shattered when I simply - agreed.
It was as if he wanted me to say: ‘it’s okay we don’t have to be in a relationship, I’ll just take the role of mother, and save you.’
I stughke with chronic illness so I have seen slot of doctors, I noticed that the doctor who appears to be narcissistic have staff that function like robots, their like in a trance, they lack personality, their voices are monotone and you can just tell that they are just an extension of the narcissist. Empathy, compassion is lost and they themselves seem like they are in survival robot mode . Some are so tranced that I have even wondered if they are not human and perhaps an AI robot. It’s very sad 😔
Too many boosters does that
It seems so much worse since the pandemic . Maybe it’s just coincidental?
I work in healthcare and at one point worked under a new manager and OMG she was the LORD of Narcissism , She was out for blood , she had sooo many issues , she treated me sooooo horribly , I needed to be placed on Meds and My MD knew I was being abused and signed me out of work for 6 months and I got paid by the state for disability.Luckily upon my return, my Job was placed in another department working under a different manager , and eventually she was terminated cause she was treating not just myself horribly, she was abusing many people. the ones that are passionate about their jobs and people should be treated with dignity , especially when they are helping an organizations brand and name. Employers really need to respect their workers .
@@user-rm8pj5uo9x soooo true
The best part of being abused by a narcissist is the unique opportunity you are going to have to know who really loves you. I was abused for my mother and her flying monkeys. She almost got me killed. But at the end only the strongest and the ones that really loved me stayed with me, supporting me, they were immune to her manipulation and conspiracies towards me.
For those that at this moment are suffering from the abuse of a narcissist, there is hope and a happy end. Being abused by a narcissist is a cleaning process in your life. Everything is going to be alright and you are going to be free and happy.
My advice would be to flee in the night and never look back. It’s horrendous if kids are involved
When the narcissist realizes you’re manipulating them, there will be hell to pay. Better hide your toothbrush.
Yes. While we were supposed to be having an amazing time in Jamaica I Suspected he put my toothbrush up his butt or in toilet. It just all of a sudden smelled like poo. He set boobie traps and was likely poisoning me too
Have been married 25 years to a narcissist. Experienced devaluation from the first day, extremely controlling behavior. I resisted initially, so it was a very ugly relationship. Then accepted the behaviour since i was coparenting. Then i accepted somemore and did all this just to avoid conflict. He was apparently tamed but the control issue persists. He wants me to feed his ego and simultaneously become a NOBODY. So, this didn't work 😢
That’s a really good way to put it. They grow and you diminish for sure.
I hope you find a way out or a way to grow yourself despite that big greedy grey cloud
Were you coparenting with him during a separation ?
This is extremely valuable information for people who cannot escape a narcissist. Thank you Dr V.
You cannot be yourself around them…. I find it humiliating….. I feel both stupid and too clever. I do nit know how to be cunning ….. I exhausted myself trying to please my now ex husband…
We have three daughters and it is exhausting……
His reality is just that - his reality….. it has nothing to do with sanity….
this sounds so familiar 😣
But how long will one continue living this way...being fake
For ever😂
We live in a dishonest world. Honesty is often punished.
We are capable of self reflection and accountability but this is devalued. False presentation is the norm. Paradigm shifting or revolution is often met with violence.
Why would I want to use trickery and lies with anyone? I have no desire to become a liar in order to control a liar. I have no desire to control anyone other than myself. I am not that kind of a person. I’m not like my mother and don’t intend to act like her.
When I want something from someone I ask them..that is not manipulation. If they say no..move on. Being honest is not manipulation..
👍🏼
Interesting- without being aware of this at the time, I noticed my narcissist's morals began to tank shortly after his mom died. I was so shocked by this 180 that I felt compelled to tell him, just because his mom was gone didn't mean he should stop being the "good man" she raised him to be. At the time I think he took it to heart but it only lasted about 6 months then I became the bad mommy again and he tanked.
Huh?
I admired my narc at the beginning, but it became impossible for me to endure his egocentric and narcissistic behavior. He went to live with his mother (who seems to be a narc too) after he had a severe accident. I don't contact him anymore, I returned all his stuff that he had in my flat. He was unable to love and to receive love. I really tried to let him feel comfortable, but I never got any gratitude. Very toxic !
I realize now this was both my mother and best friend with a number of other similar disorders as well. They discarded me within 2yrs. of each other, it was devastating. Before I understood the toxic nature of these relationships, I just tried to cope knowing none of us are perfect. Through it all I know I did my best to be a good son & good friend. It is heartbreaking that it's not fixable but healing and recovery is most important no matter the cost or loss.
Doesn’t sound like fun. Yikes! I suspect my narc will transform after his mom is gone too. There is no telling. Sky is the limit.
What Sam says about it getting worse with age is also true in my case. Healthy people get healthier throughout life but my mom and friends histrionic and psychopathic behaviors skyrocketed with age to potentially dangerous levels.
My children’s father can’t even look in my face. He literally RUNS every time he is in my presence.
This is so helpful. Because narcissists hate for you to be right, when you affirm their "greatness" they don't know how to handle you. The more I build the narcissist up, the less arrogant he seems to act, at least around me. 👍
You mentioned that "Narcissists have been abandoned as children, neglected, mistreated abused, traumatised". What would be the kindest Method mentioned, to use? I am concerned that I might find these so enjoyable as to go down the slippery slope of sadism!😆
Probably one of the most useful vids on the net.
Sam, you're using your powers for the good of All. Thank you!
GENIUS. I have been doing this subconsciously already. What I say and what I really think are two different realities! Ha. I found this very helpful. Thank you Sam. I am alienated from my daughter and I would like her back from the narcissists cult. Any advice gratefully received.
Same
Me too. I thought as I was talking like his mummy. "Have you got your phone etc etc. I felt he liked it but it was creepy to me.
Narcissists sound a lot like chatgpt 😂 maybe we should converse to them as such
Search the channel for "artificial".
Artifitial@@samvaknin
@@user-fy8ev7bs3f you might want to check a dictionary!
Lol
Good grief it makes me sick to pander to a narc - it would be a full time job which keeps the narc foremost in your mind which is what they want in the first place.
I'm tired just thinking about having to do this again. It feels wrong and fake.
Haha, this is how I treated all board members in my former company.
I used number 2 (Ideational misattribution) to get my ex to move out, although I didn't know what it was called or that that was what I was doing at the time. I knew that if I asked him to move out he would never go and it would cause a massive amount of trouble and also be very dangerous. People commenting on here that this is game playing are missing the point. Game playing is a usually subconscious method of using outdated ways of trying to solve a problem. Tactics used rationally and logically to get yourself to a safe place away from narcissistic abuse are something entirely different.
How did you do it cause I need it very bad now?
@@mirellam2431 My relationship may have had a different dynamic to yours, so it may not apply to your situation eg my ex is a covert narcissist and his supply was always achieved by goading me to be upset or angry . If he could make me cry or get angry/react to what he was saying he was happy. I wanted him to move out as I had had a light bulb moment and everything he was doing finally fell into place. What I did was stop reacting to anything he said and keep every communication with him very much non-committal and lacking any drama at all. I would agree with what he was saying, but again, not in a way that showed any emotion whatsoever and also using the tactic of making things seem to be his idea. What Prof Vaknin says about not sharing any ideas at all is very very important. Whilst I was non-reacting and appearing compliant I was very aware I was in a dangerous situation and went to Women's Aid for help and also went to a lawyer to get advice about legal and financial elements. The whole thing was very stressful, but eventually he came to me one day after 3 months and said 'I want to move out'. I carried on with the facade at that point so that the whole thing didn't backfire and only felt safe that it had all worked when he finally went ie he must continue to believe it was his idea. I hope that explains it in a way that makes sense.
@charliefarlie2884 thank you for reply. My husband is a covert narcissist. He has pulled all kind of tricks on me. From he is going to move out to wanting me to move out. I have a child. I'm still emotionally kind of invested but I'm ready to pull the plug.
Totally relate to this strategy… I’ve been trying it for a year now and I think it’s finally starting to work. Just out of fear of repercussions really, yes you are right. it may take longer but it’s safer if they think it’s their own idea. 😅
Imagine how coparenting after divorce looks like. She sucked life out of me and our daughter…Daughter moved with me and trigger Armagedon against me… from sexual allegations to complain that i write her name with small letter instead of capital…
Another remarkable talk which touches on a field I have great interest: cults. Thank you Sam.
and you realize that many "institutions" are essentially cults.
Thanks Sam your helping us
I left a narc after 5 yrs it’s really draining and stressful to deal with mind games and love bomb from someone that’s supposed to be grown it was hard to let go but I got tired of just being used narcs are reckless and don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves and when the attention is not on them they throw a fit they also hate to be ignored it’s been a month since no contact with my ex nobody deserves my peace and sanity
This confirms a lot of my own wonderings and observations. One of the experiences I’ve had many times over is sharing ideas, goals and concepts, having the response be a very emotional devaluing deflection. Then they go out and do, buy or obtain the very thing I was talking about, that they said was stupid or whatever. They present it to me and everyone with”look at my genius and financial might” as if they came up with it by themselves.
My guess is, what you said, they get a narcissistic injury because they couldn’t think of something like that, then do the overcompensation thing they do and do that thing to the very letter that was said to them? I have gotten so much from being able to hear you elaborate on your ideas or perspectives. I appreciate what you’re doing.
Oh yeah and that so annoying cause they actually think they are smarter then you even though they copy you. I had to get this one Narc “friend” when I noticed she started like mocking me on top of the copying. Gave her some info that she did not know…about her husband. She was of course acting like it was fine. And then rolled out of that situation…on top. The last word is the best word. 😂😂😂😂
This is all so spectacularly fascinating and vast.
Sam watching you over the last 6 months since breaking up with my narcissist partner of 5 years is like putting together the jigsaw puzzle that was our relationship, bit by bit, piece by piece with every vid I watch. Thank You Sam. ❤
It’s not worth it …. I left
What kind of life is this? It's a level of manipulation. Personally, this seems tiring and wrong in some ways. 😫
These people are helpless. They deserve one another. Sad when you see someone you love like this.
I can see how this would be useful if you have to maintain some contact with the narcissist through shared children and family ties etc, but my god, if you don’t have to engage, don’t. How exhausting.
man the truth you know is incredible... helps me a lot even if it is very frightening to look at my own shadow
Agrandosizing! Wow! Interesting. I learned to do this in my teens with my Narcissist mother. But I later labeled it force feeding. Like giving someone exactly what they want but in copious amounts. Their defenses drop and then that’s when I would deliver the “ medicine” so to speak. I would insidiously imply something that challenged their arrogance. It would have to be so gentle, covert, and seemingly naive in delivery. But then you can see them change their behavior or alter their pattern
I learn so much with every video you post. Thank you.
Oh my, sir. You are next level brilliant. Wow! Thank you for sharing it. Subbed!
Thank you Professor for this information. With respect, who on earth wants to go to that amount of manipulating work just to hang onto a dysfunctional day for day person. I could persevere for a while but at the end of the day I would get sick of this false game. I couldn't do it for the rest of my life. I would end up the bigger dysfunctional nutty one. I am referring back to my ex marriage partner. I was always on my toes, careful not to step on his, so exhausting, I prefer normal.
Very affective advise. Thank you.
Sam you are brilliant!
This is genius. Thank you so much. ❤
Thank U Sam for your helpfull Videos !!!! IT Opened my eyes
My story is on my site under new content. The first question I usually get from readers is this : ‘how are you still alive?’ May have been luck may have been destiny. Karma is real. They get their comeuppance eventually.
Thanks so much Sam, this is really valuable information.
Thank You Professor Sam. Only You could give us this fascinating information so clearly. You’re My Hero!! ❤
Dear Prof Sam,
Your work has save so many lives 🙏🏻
Sam, I love you, you are so educated ❤
This might fix my workplace. I can see it. Thank you do much!
Very interesting advice, thank you. Holding statements whilst removing the supply of ‘nectar’
Samis helping us he's helping us to survive until we can get out it takes time to sort yourself your kids your property we all can't uproot and run thank Sam for your insight you know how all us are trying to get out
I'm trying to understand... Is this why when i met him he was capable and intelligent, but now (we're married) he seems to have "lost" his ability to make any decisions, can't answer questions, doesn't know anything?
I feel like I'm drowning here- i don't know who i am anymore and i certainly don't know who he is anymore. It's either him raging/antagonizing or crying/whining or just plain acting like he lost his brain. He used to be completely different, and I used to have hope.
Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.
Sounds like my mom and her supposedly narcissistic partner. He's like a baby who can't do anything without her help. I don't know how he survived before.
Yup.. brainless and boring -- completely helpless except for some stranger they want to impress. I stopped asking questions because he just shrugged his shoulders. He had plenty to say when I didn't want or need his opinion. Lol
Nope.
You're using projective identification. Sounds more like you're destroying him, and playing the victim card. 💀
I can buy the way your framing and implying things and dancing around words.
Do you say "blah blah blah" too? 😭
The more I read the more sick I get and the more I realize just how sick you people are, get fucking help 🥴
Somehow I'm aware of all my bs with no shame. Stop giving off the weight of your burden
Thank you professor Vaknin for the great video and explanation.
I love learning new words with you Professor. Thank you for helping me awaken my mind to knowledge EVERY DAY! 🙌🏼 I don’t like starting my day without you anymore and I am so very appreciative of all that you give.
Sincerely, a woman who is determined to living with different organizations in her mind that are healthy. Have a beautiful day dear Sir!
Thank you.
It's fantastic that we're able to have this insight presented to us. I watched this a second time in order to go over my notes.
Even if we don't study and employ all these strategies it gives incredible insight. To realize that treating my 50-year-old ~140 I.Q. partner more like a 3-year-old than anything else brings peace, is disturbing as hell.
But I for one will follow the good doctor straight into the bowels of hell if it means finding the truth out about how some undeveloped... folks, legitimately _cannot_ love.
Absolutely Spot on, The Description, and Their Attributes 😤😤😤😤🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🗣Even wit The Accent 🔥🔥🔥🗣Incredible Information 💚💚💚💚💚💚
Professor Vaknin, you are brilliant!! 😮🙌💪🏼😁😎. Thank you for giving us these suggestions. As you were saying them, I felt it resound in my mind-Yes!! This could work! 👏🏼🙌😎. I am not a manipulative person, but sometimes these disordered people need to be redirected to give us some relief.
I especially like the one where you said to not come up with the idea on our own, but to attribute it to them instead. Like, “sweetheart last week you said that I should take the vehicle in to be serviced. Actually now that I think about it, maybe I can bring it in tomorrow?” Thereby giving them the idea, but also allowing him the god-like power of asking if I may bring it in tomorrow. 😁💪🏼👍🏼🙌. Now I understand WHY my old ways of communicating did not work. I was passing off MY ideas as MY ideas.🙄. Wrong mindset.
This is wonderful advice dear Sam, I am going give it a try right now!!
I totally agree with this, Dr. Sam thank you for confirming what I’ve been thinking myself. I’ve stopped trying to resolve a relationship with a narcissist, and just accepted the fact that I’m better off being their pseudo mother. And for the most part, they don’t seem to mind they don’t wanna have to make decisions or take on responsibilities. So much for a romantic relationship at 66 years old. I have to be a mother all over again thankfully we live in separate parts of the house..
Don't try to deal or get revenge on a narc, it's futile. Just get away.
Depends what is going on. If you actually desire or love the narcissist, why not? As Sam says, we all ‘manipulate’ people in some way to get what we wish for whether they are psychologically normal or psychologically atypical. That might be as simple as adopting a certain style and appearance for a psychologically normal person we desire, maybe converting to their religion, to getting a hold on the narcissists mind and tailoring our interactions to those which work best for making them ‘stable’ in relation to ourselves. Life is complicated!
@@brentoneccles if you have to put that much mental energy into accommodating the narcissist then you will be chronically unhappy.
Experts on narcissism say they cannot change they don't want to change and if you can and are able to get away from them that is the best thing to do.
I've been with these types for 30 years and I learned my lesson It will drain you It will change you into somebody you don't want to be.
Fascinating. I didn't know what 'entraining' was, and what you suggest is a very useful tip.
Boy! This sounds like American dating coaches' advice for women! I understand now why I attracted a highly narcissist boyfriend. Will stop using these techniques with future prospects, but I will write them down for my next visit to my step father. 😊Thank you, Sam Vaknin!
Haha, so true! hilarious 😂
Its a disease who never End. Leave! RUN for you Life!. Don't waste your Time. Life is very short.
Omg Sam. I stopped one from taking over my life today. -an adopted kid with abandonment trauma whose biomother just tried to open a restaurant in my town after I moved 5 states away. Thank you for your pep talks, I have stood up for myself and my family and my space-peace. Plz delete.
I have been doing this for the past year and it works.
Can you give some examples please
This is brilliant. Thank you
I understand why this important to do. Especially if you can’t leave. You are in charge of small children and or elderly parents.
Very clever. Love it!!!
You are so insightful.
This information is priceless. I was decades in and went on painful journey of awareness finally leaving but not completely as I still interact with him. So clueless was I but this is super helpful bc although I’ve physically left the home I still need the narcissist to fulfill certain aspects. Perfect and timely thank you for helping turn the tables!! lol as you were speaking of getting the friends to become my flying monkeys instead of his I realized that’s exactly what I’ve been doing unknowingly and yes 💯 I’ve seen results of this strategy.
thank you, dr. vaknin! you are so right! this technique works, and it's really not hard to do. sam's advice here is exactly how i keep my narc ex wrapped around my little finger when i want or need something. i'm working on doing the same with my narc sib--it's more of a challenge because they grew up with the narc injury of me being gifted and talented while they were "just" well above average. yeah, i know, well above average is pretty great, and narc sib is in fact a superstar and very successful, but if you're a narc and your kid sib is freakin' brilliant and you need to be smarter than them but just physically can't, it's a constant narc injury. there's so much of this i didn't know as a kid, so there are some old dynamics i've internalized that i need to relearn to use this all properly. narc sib doesn't remember a thing, so that at least is easy.
Most humourous Sam. Thank you.
Woman in abusive relationships have had to do this also. Really sometimes the only way they could survive. Not sure if this is the same. Again just brainstorming.
Grandious 🤓🙂↕️😇 will try it out 🤪 but I‘m happy I have my distancy towards the enemy🤣
Thank you! This disconnected from the mothership now Trojan horse has strategies to survive from the traumatised 3yo ASPD. Brilliant! 41:54
Sam is the greatest!! He saved my life!
This is SO true! 😩😩💯💯💯
This seems to be excellent advice
Thank you Dear Sam Vaknin
Prof. Vaknin casually perfectly on pitch. We demand songs! :D
Thanks, just a bit into your video I recalled this guy at U. Maine advising me, "Start skipping," and I can visualize him doing that in a funny way, making me laugh. (Oh, sorry, I thought you wrote "entertain". Hey, maybe that's better than entraining.)
Invaluable, Sam. 🤛
Yeah he's right. A person who my ex admired the most came to my defense.( His friend was secretly in love with me) My ex was mad and he started cheating on me in front of all his friends.
And Oh my God he couldn't call it quits and kept trying to salvage the situation eventually publicly throwing me under the bus repeatedly I was the main supply so he spent years showing me off and talking me up to his friends so publicly treating me like trash made his friends turn against him. He had a collapse hahaha
Who would have thought that people after children and animals tend to want to protect conventionally attractive naive women with a clean reputation ( especially men ) who would have thought haha. Im a codependent so yeah fawning helplessness is easy.
I look forward to using this info next time Im forced to deal with one. There's an in-law that needs to be checked.
❤ Dr Sam , have you seen the movie "What About Bob?" with Richard Dreyfuss as Bill Murray's new "shrink" . Dreyfus's colleague gets him to take his patient (Murray) by appealing to his ego... hilarity ensues if course. Thank you for the talk, Professor.
The DVD has French language setting!
GREAT VIDEO❤
This is really deep. It reminds me of what Jesus said, be as cunning as snakes and harmless as doves. I really don't know if I have it in me to play any more head games, but it may be the only way to come close to reaching him because he is lost in his fantasy, which I have exited. He just will not accept truth.. I then I ask myself do I really want to reach him? I don't love him anymore and want to be free of his toxicicity. I live in my own bedroom and it seems all his efforts are to either get into my bedroom or get me to come back into his. Insane... The thought of turning his flying monkeys (my own adult children) into mine does intrigue me though. He turned almost all my adult children against me about 8 months ago and now looking back on their childhood, I see he groomed who he could against me long ago.
I accidentally appealed to his grandiosity recently and I see now the outcome manifested itself just as you described. He went against his flying monkeys in difference to me and I just acted like it was nothing because I thought he was trying to flatter me. With your video it clarified his motivations. Interesting.
Thank you Dr. Sam, another pertinent insight and timely video!
P.S. I don't have an option to leave my house, bad health, no money, no place to go. So I concentrate on my healing through watching videos such as these and through an intense prayer life in preparation for what God may have in store for me, which is hopefully not being around him anymore and regaining some semblance of health. If God chooses otherwise I have grown stronger in the Lord and hope to continue. ❤
Thank again for an interesting video. I'm taking notes on this one.
I wasn’t saved at the time, but was implementing that exact scripture which happens to be one of favs now since coming to know Jesus. It’s the art of persuasion or ethically manipulating the manipulator, BUT we aren’t doing anything dirty. We walk away with clean hands and a clean heart. Testimony time: The Lord vindicated me and defeated the Jezebelic narc not once, but twice in court. Jezebel attempted murder by way of strangulation on my daughter and I remained quiet for a week until the next pickup to confront him. Of course he denied it while unraveling at the seams while being recorded on my security camera. I left out that I had physical proof because in their minds it “never happened.” He acquiesced for a year to scream parental alienation again because deep down he knew I must’ve had something and it didn’t serve him well on the first go! Low and behold, he attempted PA again and I answered his 2 page petition with a 28 page counter answer with pictures 2 days before court. He continued the case and 2 days later texted me that he wasn’t going to continue to fight me in court anymore because it was in my favor, and said he never contact me again. He closed with goodbye woman! There’s your proof to be wise like the serpent and innocent like a dove, and base your strategy off Satan’s game. God said, Satan you’ve got 10 seconds on my child, but you’re not allowed to kill her! My story runs parallel to Job and God is so good because my daughter is alive and well and did not suffer any psychological damage. I always spoke life into my daughter because I knew who he was within 3 months, however, only stayed to protect her. She has always been of sound mind and still remains that way. Satan failed his assignment and what was meant for evil, God will turn for your good! I hope this encouraged you to slay that Jezebel demon in the spirit because God is a promise keeper and miracle worker. Love, your sister in Christ! ❤️🙏🏼✝️