The one thing that has always astonished me is how such an insane person is able to convincingly pull off a mask of sanity and convince almost everyone of their illusion! Its as if they are emotionally insane but cognitively intact so they can scheme and carry out their insanity with an extraordinary callousness, it almost becomes an advantage to them to lack empathy. Scary stuff.
You just described it perfectly. This person I had contact with also had a Master's Degree in Dramatic Arts. And I have three brain injuries. She really destroyed me. I was so clueless.
Envy is the key word here. Most abused and neglected people experience passive aggressiveness, but they know that self love and self observation can help one gain control and confidence. The narc needs recognition and is envious-stay away from envious people. At work, don’t make small talk- don’t share your hobbies….don’t brag or else you’re dead 💀 🔪
I dealt with a mimic. These things have no limits to how far they will go. Although it seems they get away with this, they do not. The energy, intention and motivation behind this is observed by the universe and their energy is returned back to them at least 4 times as strong, if not stronger. I love that the universe keeps a perfect balance. Aka Karma🌎🕊️♾️
Outstanding description of the covert narcissist. They take and take but they will forever remain as the miserable, unhappy creatures that they are without a soul, heart or conscience. I sometimes wonder if the covert narc is ever human. They continue to disintegrate and destroy themselves unfortunately.
I came to this realization about my narc sister, not long after my 'awakening' about her narcissism. She essentially 'mimics' me, and tries to be 'me' in many of my unique, wholeseome qualities and attributes. All while passing everything off as her own ideas or attributes and making me look like the 'villian' in the family. It's so insidious and evil. And, yes, I use the word 'evil' unapologetically.
Dishonest in the extreme. Taking responsibility for nothing. I said to her, after many years, "You are empty and you have filled yourself up with me. Go!"
Yes.. it’s time we start calling it by it’s true name: EVIL. They are indeed the People of The Lie! ( Author M. Scott Peck) It’s a book you must read y’all!
Exactly like my sister, she still steals my identity, my thoughts, my movements, and even regular recipes that I pick up by chance, and she tries to look like me, which is completely unbecoming of her, but she forces herself to do so. She is empty and a thief, how I want her to stay away from me
They steal your ideas-that's so true-one narcissist friend just does not listen to anything I say, but when listens, I know the next thing he will say is what I have already told him as if he has said it himself-if you do not know their games, it can be so confusing and frustrating.
So glad I found this video! A former acquaintance has been copying every aspect of my life for years and stalking me online & in person. They also recently attempted to get close to my romantic partner who they don’t know at all! I finally confronted them and they pretended to have no idea what I was talking about and quickly blocked me 🤣. What a shame. These people are demonic.
Total suspension of reality... he backstabbed me so badly and is completely convinced that it was all okay because I'm the true bad one. Yes, he stole my life... he saw me shine and wanted the spark. He spent 7 years on this project, first idealizing me and yes, I fell in love with myself through his gaze. But the abuse was always there (he painted himself as a BDSM guru and I was young and dumb and let him "teach" me, opening the door to some pretty awful experiences). He crept in and forced me to think like him and agree to his every wish. Sex, supply, and services. I gave and gave and gave. But with the birth of our first child, my world gained new meaning and my purpose to love and protect the child overrode my blind devotion to the narc. Then came the devaluation and eventual discard. All enabled by his mother and toxic family (just watched your video yesterday on pseudomutual and pseudohostile families, we both came from them - but I cut my worst characters off, while he couldn't get away). It's all terribly sad and pathetic. Every day I get stronger and I thank Professor Sam Vaknin. I would not be where I am today without your work guiding me. I wouldn't have even known where to start. He was my "soulmate" and I believed it to my core.
What happens to the covert narcissist that FAILS to steal your identity? That's what happened to my ex best friend. She tried to steal my boyfriend and she FAILED miserably, crashed and burned. So she discarded me harshly, but it was a blessing in disguise because it woke me up to the very sick person that she was.
I don’t think it’s literally stealing a person… but what he’s referring to is “ occupy the victims mind” Sort of a take over of the victim, the spouse, etc. to inject himself, to confuse and control, isolate, break down and capture their persona per se’ … to strip them of themself. I hope both of them are gone and you have really enjoyed being self aware now
The malignant narcs suck the very marrow from your bones before they throw you away without anything. Then, they set about to finish destroying you utterly. They set the shards left on fire and stomps the ashes into the ground.
Great description, sounds exactly like my late husband of 33 years during the last few months of his life. He needed me to take care of him, and I swear he was delusional towards the end, his fantasy and reality gave him quite a reckoning. He found a gold digger in another city and thought he could be with his wh0re during the week and come back to “mommy” on weekends. It’s so sad to realize what happened over 33 years and as sad as it was to watch him die, I’m so much better off now. I finally have peace for the first time in my entire adult life.
I hope my mom has these realizations as her husband passes. Hes awful and she fawns over him destroying all of her other relationships. You are so strong!!!
After I started to step out of the role of Cinderella, my mother no longer called me by my name, but by her sisters. Only by watching your videos could I understand more deeply that narcissism goes beyond what the self-proclaimed experts say. It's a big mess all of this. Their inner word is so chaotic...
Yes my malignant covert narc brother used to befriend all my female friends behind my back and try to turn them against me. He dissuaded me from making certain life choices under the guise of advice but really because he was jealous of the moves I was planning. He also tried to get me fired from a couple of jobs. I never knew this until far too late. He’s actually a monster. I’ve cut him out of my life permanently. And since that time he has gotten so much worse because he can’t use me to regulate his emotions. What was worse then him was my covert mother. I can only describe her as being a black hole who sucks all the life out of those stuck in her orbit. A true soul sucker. A constantly complaining death obsessed person with a mask of helplessness and victimisation. But of course a ‘nice’ person to her friends and strangers. A very brain-scrambling personality to understand. Better to stay away. My brother is her creation.
my brother is 4 and a half years older than me. what is the age gap for you? my brother also has zero friends and has done absolutely nothing for the past 25 years. i mean nothing. never worked one hour at any job in his life. he was a top student til dropped out of college first semester. your post is so close to me i thought i'd see if anything else matches. no one understands what this has done to me. my brother was the most important person in my life.
@@thedelta88oh my goodness. I’m honestly shocked. This is pretty much a complete match 😮 My brother is 3 years older then me. He too is an extremely clever and brilliant person. But he also dropped out of college and no - has never had a job in decades. I wouldn’t say he has friends - no. But because he’s clever and well read, he has the ability to move through acquaintances on a surface level as he can’t sustain any friendships. I suppose he can’t keep the mask up for too long. Hmmmm I’m very curious why they are so similar? 🤔 You are correct that very few understand how utterly confusing and painful this is on such a deep level.
Same here, my brother narc grandiose and a narc mother. Both tried to destroy me and I take ate least 40years of my life to see clearly their disorder. When i start to learn about Narcissism everything makes sense and thanks this i cut both from my life and everything start to goes fine. If you have interaction or live with a Narcissist just cut off the "cancer" from your life or they will contaminate you until you lose your light. They are not human being, they are already dead inside.
That's very interesting the concept of the snapshot. No wonder my inlaws would try to devalue me everytime I showed up as my confident and grounded self. That's not what they want me to to be in order for them to feel superior. You're absolutely right about them trying to steal your identity because they don't think you deserve what is rightfully yours.
I grew up with narca and manipulators. What i learnt during this very painful debilitating phase is that they might actually be genetically disabled as they severely lacks an inner eye and have a constant eye for external world. They fake emotions but never feel or understand them. Everything is exaggerated drama for them because they fear being exposed and find out being empty inside. They really needed to go to a drama or theatee school when they were child. At least it would prevent them from hurting others . You would know at least they are acting.
Yes they are indeed very sad human beings, mentally disabled though look just as the rest thats why when they harm you you take it really personally which not a correct stance.
The problem is after stealing the other ones personality, they push others away from being themselves. (It happened to me with studies and private life and by trying to avoid this sick person, I had to search for other ways to follow my vocation and plans in life). And if you re not fast enough in fulfilling your plans, they will steal you your things in front of you (mostly combined with intense stalking to get to know your plans) and try to live your plans in front of you (also to punish you)
Yes I’m experiencing the stalking part. And what’s weird about it is when they tell people they’re doing that no one blinks an eye. It’s like how do y’all not realize how disturbing that kind of behavior is.
I was briefly married to a covert narc that also believe she is diagnosed as a sociopath or psychopath. She was able to keep her medical history from me during the divorce. She slept with her married attorney to pay her bill and try to gain leverage. What really hit me was realizing during the short term marriage she roofied me and slept with a guy from the wine bar we would frequent. It should have been obvious when it happened but the gaslighting and love bombing threw me off. Took a couple years to realize she drugged me. 6 years later and still hard to believe I fell for her. So many red flags. She gave me credit for uncovering her quicker than any other man in her past.
Professor Vaknin, in addition to the problem of people not attributing to you the authorship of terms and the definitions you coined, I have not seen a single one who is capable of talking about your written material with the slightest ability to reflect the brilliance with which they were produced . It is very satisfying to be able to drink from the original fountain. Thanks a lot!
you’re not alone. For me it was inlaws and brother in law. All set out to destroy me. Seething with envy at my success. I had to go no contact and lay down a boundary. Now the long process of healing. I feel so damaged but refuse to be a victim. Man they did some damage
My ex stole mine as well, even after discarding me she scrambled to use my credit cards and whatever else. Not only did she take material items and money, she took my dreams personality and life experiences. Fully absorbed into the new her. During the marriage her family and friends took advantage of me too. It's really difficult to wrap your head and heart around the wreckage these demons cause, and usually without any consequences.
“Sister in law” except she isn’t my sister nor even known to me. but didn’t stop her from trying desperately to steal everything from me from men to my life work, identity/name, opportunities, communication, privacy, experiences as documented, money, credit, RUclips channel art practice, etc. impersonated me while in the hospital to film porn on my bed dressed as me to profit and defame. told everybody I’m stealing from them, and all kinds of unbelievable harassment and mockery and defamation. While blaming and abusing me daily in my private home. It’s repulsive.
They told everyone in town I’m them and negated my existence in some weird narcissistic ip/id theft narcissistic game. And then to act like they’re me and when I say have a conversation they have one with someone else in front of me. They’re completely insane.
Yip…. This is happening now!…. Passive aggression is the worst. Why can’t some people just say what they think 💭 about you instead of poking and insidiously pulling you down?… isolation at the moment works for me until I get the hell out of it. The awful consequence of these behaviours is NO one believes you. 😬🙃
Omg, the splitting explains why my sister would refuse to acknowledge anything positive I would do or try too for her, my nieces, or anything good in general. It was either the silent treatment, stonewalling, or baiting to provoke negativity from me. When i wouldn't be reactively abusive, she would completely cease the conversation. I said many time it was as if she was fully committed to the negative idea she has of me and doesn't want to see me any other way- I had no idea how fucking spot on I was. Edit to add: I interpreted this as her way of shaming and distorting my own self-image, but it was about maintaining subjective consistency of her delusional, immoral perspective of me. She justified her abusive, inhuman cruelty by convincing herself It was deserving. When I asked if she needed something for my nieces, she wouldn't answer, and this was during the children Tylenol shortage. It made no sense. Wow. It's hard to comprehend how these realizations still shock me almost two years later especially after going through worse damage she's done- abandoned, abused, neglected, and manipulated her nephew directly and indirectly, destroyed his secure relationship with me by demolishing my mental health, created estrangement between our kids and me, alienated, trashed, betrayed, and ostracized me when I had just moved hours away to live besides her after divorce. Forever shell shocked and heartbroken.
In my case they try to imitate what I have and do. Whatever I say about myself they’ll eventually come up with a story that they’ve already done or had that in the past. So annoying, I can barely bring myself to talk when they ‘re around. But even when I stay quiet to avoid volunteering information about myself it's still annoying to watch the grandiose things they say as if they're specialists in every professional field in the world.
Prof I really like the way you mentioned how your work is often stolen. You have a true gift and an exceptional way of explaining everything. Thank you for your like long work. Snapshotting, intraject, object constancy, cognitive dissonance, co-idealisation, somatic, dual mothership bond, I had NEVER heard of these terms! Exceptional work!
OMG I feel absolutely sick now. I've experienced almost everything that's mentioned here. It's terrifying. 😔 Prof. Vaknin, thank You for all these information! You're saving our lives...and sanity. ❤
Im not sure... I have seen Richard Grannon video about healing from narcisstic abuse where he has mentioned about work of prof. Vaknin (Dual Mothership model) and he has stressed - two or tree times - this is Sam Vaknin model.
Ever since I told the covert narc that I was leaving and getting a divorce, they have creepily been starting to copy tons of things i do. I start taking new vitamins, the covert narc does. I start learning a new language, suddenly they are. I start working out, then they do. I start drinking protein shakes, then they do. It goes on and on and on. You really couldn't believe it.
The female narcissist legally stole my identity, & I had to clear my name and she had the audacity to blame me and never apogize, truly pure evil in any ways.
This female narc displays a ‘resume’ of international travel, quite similar to mine. Though I am aware that she has anxiety/stress, and is hardly capable of comfortably driving to the next town alone. I was shocked when she tried desperately to contact me to view her ‘Linked in’ page. I was on ‘No Contact’, for years from her but she eventually (after more than 7 years) found my brothers info, online and ask him (she has never met him), asked him to get the email to me. So I called her and the first thing I said was ‘where is the fire’? as I assumed that it was something in relation to our ‘Doctoral Program. She said that she thought that I was possibly still interested in her……and ….Then she proceeded to tell me about the male professor of whom she had slept with for years as well as her short physical relationship with the professors young son, while the mother/wife is fighting Cancer. She said that the family has since moved out of the state. This was a beautiful woman, and during this ‘face time’ I was so surprised at seeing her now overweight and looking ‘beaten down’. She looked terrible!
@@samvaknin maybe covert narcissists are developmentally frozen in childhood and that child like behavior is what others can’t tolerate when coming from an adult? Empathy, compassion, expertise… perhaps these are all skills they never learned? Or maybe they just choose not to use them
I was fortunate and had a good support system that saw right through her tactics, and on multiple occasions at that. So yes it CAN happen, even if the chances seem bleak. Don’t give up hope!!!
I have been building my own support network outside of my family. I don't tell my family anything about myself. I confide in good friends. It helps a lot.
Yes, i love cyberviking! He just explains your concepts in a different way. He is amazing...and so handsome too! I love that he makes sure the info comes from you as all good teachers should do!
Yes, they seem to sideways slip into their repertoire new concepts you present to the whole. Sometimes within a few days, and in a tiny dose so not to be caught.
My potential son in law covert narc is trying to become my daughter. He’s consumed her so much he even answers direct questions that I ask her. I was saying to my friends it’s so weird, like he wants to be her. And now I know this is actually possible thanks to you Sam.
Yes, it is; my ex-husband was envious of me down to tiny things, such as being able to laugh at myself & my mistakes--which ability, I suppose, was not so insignificant to HIM.
Wow! “You can see it in their face it is stage 4 cancer of the soul “ professor Vaknin your videos are poetry to my ears, and comforting to my heart. I often describe my narcissistic partner as soulless and desolate 😮 p.s. while he is loosing it I take photos, I have noticed his eyeballs turn black 😂
Before I even knew what narcissist was, I described my wife like being a shop window, you would look and the shop window with all those lovely products on display..... so you walk into the shop and it is totally empty, they have no stock.
Thanks for all your hard work. Nobody can replace the man behind the green curtain, and ultimately you can be happy that what you've done has helped people and made a difference in our world. Credit or not, a job well done.
Prof. Sam, I just want to thank you for being fearless and sharing these concepts. I'm 33 and back before social media I would notice people around me would randomly steal, copycat, and mimic in a way that felt very insidious and creepy. Whenever I'd try to speak on it people would always tell me, "no one owns Ideas, take it as flattery." I never felt flattered because it always felt like they were in competition. My mother and grandma were easy to talk to about it becuase they had experienced these same things but didnt have this exact language. Once Social media blew up around 2008 to now I started noticing people would flat out copy paste things I wrote (poems, random thoughts I'd post.) I always try to write in a specific voice and style and I always had a few that would make me scrunch my brow and say, "wait, didnt I just post that yesterday?" I'd bring it up and people would tell me, "these are simply concepts we all think about dont take it personal." I had friends that would copy everything from bands/groups I listened to, style, hairstyle, choice of words, even down to me changing my hair color. I notice with Narcs/cov-narcs if I was around them and got a compliment on anything they would then consume it and make it their whole personality. They're so odd. I used to really enjoy deep conversations and tlaking about dreams and goals but I learned even that is fuel for these people. I've had people flat out walk off with ideas I shared ( I know part of that is my own fault for not following through first) Id share because I used to believe you have to share and partner with people to make things bigger but I learned most hear a good idea and will pretend they came up with it. I've been played a lot in the past but teachings such as this help me protect myself. Ive been independently studying cluster b personality disorders for about 5 years now just through videos, and papers online. I now know that this stufff is intentional and how to stay away from people like this when I can. Thank you for offering clarity and for letting those of us who have been trespassed against that we are not LOONY, and something weird issss happening to us.
I know by heart every single page of your book " Malignant self love", I am referring to you again and again and again, these concepts are your concepts, your are the FATHER in this field, you had the vision, you found the " words", you have our respect. You are simply the best ( a la Τina Turner) and the FIRST. Everyone knows that, have no doubt.
I sometimes wonder: am I the bad guy? But then I think “I actually like to be alone most of the time”. The only “supply” I seek (which is only sometimes) is truly positive conversation. I am almost pathologically averse to putting someone down (maybe a weakness). However, who knows? Maybe I’m not self aware enough. I’m not saying this with any false modesty. I just try to stay vigilant.
@Prof. Sam Vaknin first anyone who would take the time and do 30 minutes of research, would learn that you are the originator of teaching and publicizing and naming exactly what narcissistic abuse is! I have an idea that you are speaking of someone with the initials of RG, but he is totally insignificant! We know and truly appreciate you for being the originator and helping those of us who have suffered from narcissistic abuse to escape the horrors of that existence! Second, you explained to me, why my ex-husband attempted to steal almost $1 million from two relatives that he claims that he loves! When he was applying for fiduciary guardianship of his uncle, his uncles two daughters names were not included! Just as you stated, these people are really not that smart, so he always had me do all of his business paperwork. At the time, I did not know his nieces names. That aggravated me that he did not include them so I waited to see if the court system would find them. After about three months, I called the attorney’s office and informed the secretary that he had two daughters, gave her the probate number and their clients name. I kept watching online and in about two months. I saw my results and I was ecstatic because his two daughters had been found. They started receiving annual “gifts “of $1000. But at the time that his uncle passed the funds had accumulated to over $960,000.00! Of course, he hosted his two cousins when their father died, and I could not believe the acting that he performed! He should have won an Oscar. Thank you for explaining to me how “they“ operate!
Thanks for this video!! There are so many unqualified experts giving advice on narcissism only for monetary gain. They give you general information but never the root cause of narcissism. You’re the best Sam!!!
Please don’t worry about idiotic plagiarists because nobody can offer the wonderful accurate experience, observations and explanations, in such a clear way as you can. If I see them I will certainly scroll on…I have noticed that there are a few people plagiarising Jordan Peterson too…Thank you so very much for the real help that I get from listening to you. I wish that I could not feel sorry for these people in my life…
I noticed that I steal your ideas to shine in real life, although I rarely find someone who grasp your stolen thoughts in my surroundings. but when it comes to virtual reality , especially when I comment on those con artists , I mention your name every time I use the phrases that you've coined. It's like I hate covert narcissists in the virtual world , but I am one of them in real life.
@@samvaknin I do that in real life, with my highschool days friends who had become teacher, and also with my teachers of philosophy in university. It's like a regard your introject inside my mind as a secret weapon that I defend myself with when I try to elevate my self-esteem around them. but when it comes to social media , I always comment against those con artist, and mention your name, and how narcissist really is ; so many times especially on the topic of gaslighting/ lies and confabulations. I think it's the same although I mention your name in virtual reality; is because I want to clarify to the audience whom are watching that con artist that there is a better source of psychology knowledge, and I am better than most of them, or should I say all of them, including the one who's making the video.
I am asking to myself as usual, whether I am a covert narcissist or not. I'd rather ask it to my psychotherapist. Thank you Dr.Vaknin for you enlightening lessons
Sam..i have been listening to you for i think about 10 years..i thank you very much ..for helping me understand millions of Narcs in my life..do not worry..EVERYONE knows..exactly who you are..AND..who wishes they were you..i am extremely grateful to you..for everything i learnt...never stop❤
Dear Sam, Impressed by your lectures on daffodils, I have described my story with my daffodil. I can't believe daffodils are monsters. These are the images that have developed into such a fairy tale. "I enter a beautiful room and see many interesting people there, they are attractive and show interest in me. We talk. Then I notice that they only repeat my words or thoughts. Their phrases are universal. I stop, and so do they. Then I understand that these are mirrors that reflect me and other people entering the room.Mirrors return people to themselves.I am in anxiety and uncertainty looking for the owner of the room.The one who is in reality, and not in the mirror.I am in fear, I feel that I deceived. I'm angry. I see my aggression and ugly grimace in the reflection of the mirrors and disappointed in myself. I would like to look better for the owner of the room. But I'm looking, my hands fall into the void. There is no one. The mirrors disappear. I have to leave, but "I can't. Suddenly, in the farthest and darkest corner I see a boy. This is the real owner of the room. He created a fabulous world of mirrors and rejoiced when more and more status, strong and successful people got into the room. When they were disappointed and left , he easily replaced them with others, because the fabulous room attracts everyone. The boy does not understand that he is already an adult and that he is the owner of the room. He is afraid to go out from behind the mirrors, because he has no friends and even no clothes. He is vulnerable and afraid of being hurt by any person. He almost does not see living people, and is not shown to them, only reflections. And he doesn't see the real me either. It's sad and heartbreaking. I have to leave." And now I'm thinking: am I normal? Or not, if I have such experience and experiences.
The hand writting can expand and grow, when copy is just a copy with wholes, no side notes and hidden pages... You are the source and he is just follen "angel figure". The Mine thing is authentic, lonely path of experiencing, learning and development. On that case must be painful, but how inspiring! You are the history, anyway. With great respect Prof. Sam Vaknin, and wishing you a lot more discoverys! ❤
I became low contact in 2012 and rarely contact my narc mom and golden child sister. But I have noticed that they "took" my hobbies and personality at that time and still act like I did almost 15-10 years ago. I was in my early 20s and go to concerts almost every month, I was obsessed with Disney and traveling because I had not gone anywhere. My narc mom is now obsessed with the Disney movies I loved (she had no interest before) and traveling to Europe every year (even though she has no money and in a lot of debt). And my sister is now the concert fanatic and spends thousands every month on tickets. It does sound odd, but before I was very low contact they both had no interest in any of these activities. It wasn't until I left the situation that they started taking what I liked as their own.
I became a teen mom and a high school drop out. Which was just devastating. I stayed with the babies father, he cheated a bunch of times he blamed youth. I then decided to finally go back to school years later, when I did he decided to stop working and go to school, for exactly what I went to school for. He now has a masters degree and I have a few certificates. I opened up a business last year and he spent every dime I made till the point I could no longer pay for the studio and I was evicted. I’m finally getting ready to leave but everything has been taken from me. My education, my friends, sports that I enjoyed and money. I’m left with nothing 😞 I started dating him when I was 15 in now 42. My life has been utterly destroyed
I watched the video about psychopathic narcissim. Of course, like you said, we can not understand the full depth of it, so questions like "why" are irrelevant. Your clever viewers are still here. 😊
This video perfectly describes my X wife. Thank you for this added clarity. Your descriptions paint in technicolor the black and white image of my train wreck.
My father and sister sexually abused and groomed me. I didn't realize that an aunt had placed the family home in my name so they wouldn't be able to evict me. They lied and stole everything. I'm still too loyal to my family to pursue legal matters. Watts fucking wrong with me.
Dear vaknin, please could you make an eloberated vedio on the working of a somatic narcissist’s mind and shed some light on how does he cope with severe narcissistic injury. Thanks in advance ❤
OHHHH SAM! You sound slightly pissed off sir! Lol I’m going through this right now, she laughs like me uses terms I use and no one laughs and it comes off so fake! She’s normally stand-offish & unfriendly so everyone knows it’s fake but she tries! Good bless her..
I’ve defeated a few, and now I’m wondering if I’m a borderline. I’ve been studying cluster B personality disorders for close to ten years, and your comment was the first to make me wonder. My mother and sister are both borderline, in my humble opinion. I love a shared fantasy, but I’m also fearful-avoidant, so I can back out of the fantasy as easily as I enter. I appreciate your comment.
Prof. Vaknin, Thank you so much. This video, like all your others, is utterly fascinating and rings very true, unlike most of the utter rubbush on this and related topics floating around the cesspool that is the Interenet. My question is this. Would what is often referred to as "Imposter Syndrome" also be a common behavior pattern of the covert narcisist? Rather than "stealing" the envied object's life, might the narc simply "fake it" to the best of their (limited) ability, in a desperate attempt to be as much like their perceived rival as possible? Thank you.
Interesting! And disturbing! My half sister has done all of these things to me. To the point it’s ridiculous and beyond evil. But, I didn’t realize that it was (in her psychotic little mind) literally taking over me. Or, trying to become me.
Mine self diagnosed him with a medical condition I have due to a head injury I sustained 13 years ago, way before I had met him. He went as far as to behave as if I never told him about it and did extensive research about it, then proceeded to expect me to sympathize with him and care for him.
This worries me because my father and sister have done this to me. My sister used to dress me up as a female when I was 11. Dad would sexually assault me in this state. When the police arrived my sister lied and said I was gay. Now she works as a transgender health care worker. As in she now reenacts the abuse she committed innocent patients. Her whole identity is based on things that happened to me. I feel unsafe. They have controlled my money since I was 12. We were abandoned here from a crap middle eastern country.
I'm sorry to hear that man. That really shocked me that family can do something like that. I pray you find the strength to become the person you want to be and beat your demons.
You are always amazing, Professor! A detailed analysis of narscissists sound really fascinating! In reality your lectures helped me to survive,get out of the darkness and become healthy and whole again! And I got a new skill of baking as you advised. Your knowledge is the way to healing for us. With great love from Israel and Canada.
I want to understand the sleeping pattern..when we know there is such a person and this person is harming others over and over the hunt for a new victim...we know the outcome and the harm the victims endure ..yet we cannot do anything and this is the hardest part
Thank you, so much value here, wow. I’m so grateful these hustlers will be brought into the light so we all can see them clearly. Self love is protecting you always. Know that we are loved, beautiful and strong. 🤍🦉🎼👁️🐦⬛♾️🕊️⚖️
how the hell I am snatching every magnificent thought of you without using any of those four defense mechanisms you mentioned ? could a borderline in his secondary psychopathy selfstate be using the same psychodynamics that a covert narcissist has?
Ive seen so many versions of my narc neighbour ,every so often after a collapse when its obvious it hasnt worked we see a chest puffing brandnew person with new drive direction etc ....however the other person errupts out when triggered.. the same person.thats always been underwraps
What about situations where it could be a temporary narcissism as defense? Or part of other personality disorders and it's as if they go through an episode of narcissism when triggered by unresolved trauma? I'm in a predicament right now where it seems like this is the case and it's even more confusing because they disassociated and when I was ready confronted them and it's like a mirror broke. I can't help but be paranoid but it's so different...and I've known narcissists
Pros for the Thief thumbnail The original from 90's truly was a masterpiece (even If you despise video games the story itself was magnificent) They don't make games like these today Thank you for today's video Professor and as always: Take care
The way they come towards you like to kindest moest empathetic person....then they get envious and things get dangerous. Their obsession never ends. The women are the worst
The one thing that has always astonished me is how such an insane person is able to convincingly pull off a mask of sanity and convince almost everyone of their illusion! Its as if they are emotionally insane but cognitively intact so they can scheme and carry out their insanity with an extraordinary callousness, it almost becomes an advantage to them to lack empathy. Scary stuff.
You just described it perfectly. This person I had contact with also had a Master's Degree in Dramatic Arts. And I have three brain injuries. She really destroyed me. I was so clueless.
Envy is the key word here. Most abused and neglected people experience passive aggressiveness, but they know that self love and self observation can help one gain control and confidence. The narc needs recognition and is envious-stay away from envious people. At work, don’t make small talk- don’t share your hobbies….don’t brag or else you’re dead 💀 🔪
💯
Yes exactly
So, profoundly sick that it can only be called psychotic psychopathy. The stealing not only of someones life but their identity and their soul.
Truly demonic it's hard to believe it's a living nightmare
I dealt with a mimic. These things have no limits to how far they will go. Although it seems they get away with this, they do not. The energy, intention and motivation behind this is observed by the universe and their energy is returned back to them at least 4 times as strong, if not stronger. I love that the universe keeps a perfect balance. Aka Karma🌎🕊️♾️
They never get help because they do not have to. This world caters to and rewards their disgusting behavior.
True 😢
Even if they do "get help" they are too emotionally stunted to make use of it
Outstanding description of the covert narcissist. They take and take but they will forever remain as the miserable, unhappy creatures that they are without a soul, heart or conscience. I sometimes wonder if the covert narc is ever human.
They continue to disintegrate and destroy themselves unfortunately.
This is it: they are deeply troubled, but try so hard to appear light and breezy. They can flip to faux empath when required.
They self sabotage sadly and mostly just want to whine. EXTREMELY entitled
It's not unfortunate. What's unfortunate is that they even existed
" he self - supplies by becoming someone else" 😮😮😮🙌🙌🙌
I came to this realization about my narc sister, not long after my 'awakening' about her narcissism. She essentially 'mimics' me, and tries to be 'me' in many of my unique, wholeseome qualities and attributes. All while passing everything off as her own ideas or attributes and making me look like the 'villian' in the family. It's so insidious and evil. And, yes, I use the word 'evil' unapologetically.
Dishonest in the extreme. Taking responsibility for nothing. I said to her, after many years, "You are empty and you have filled yourself up with me. Go!"
Did she discard you , my sister did and smeared me to others
Yes.. it’s time we start calling it by it’s true name: EVIL. They are indeed the People of The Lie! ( Author M. Scott Peck)
It’s a book you must read y’all!
Exactly like my sister, she still steals my identity, my thoughts, my movements, and even regular recipes that I pick up by chance, and she tries to look like me, which is completely unbecoming of her, but she forces herself to do so.
She is empty and a thief, how I want her to stay away from me
@@sallywillis1448 she is so empty , hope she stay away from me
They steal your ideas-that's so true-one narcissist friend just does not listen to anything I say, but when listens, I know the next thing he will say is what I have already told him as if he has said it himself-if you do not know their games, it can be so confusing and frustrating.
So glad I found this video! A former acquaintance has been copying every aspect of my life for years and stalking me online & in person. They also recently attempted to get close to my romantic partner who they don’t know at all! I finally confronted them and they pretended to have no idea what I was talking about and quickly blocked me 🤣. What a shame. These people are demonic.
Had my identity stolen from me multiple occasions by "friends" and ex "boyfriend"s.
“stage 4 cancer of the soul”
Total suspension of reality... he backstabbed me so badly and is completely convinced that it was all okay because I'm the true bad one. Yes, he stole my life... he saw me shine and wanted the spark. He spent 7 years on this project, first idealizing me and yes, I fell in love with myself through his gaze. But the abuse was always there (he painted himself as a BDSM guru and I was young and dumb and let him "teach" me, opening the door to some pretty awful experiences). He crept in and forced me to think like him and agree to his every wish. Sex, supply, and services. I gave and gave and gave. But with the birth of our first child, my world gained new meaning and my purpose to love and protect the child overrode my blind devotion to the narc. Then came the devaluation and eventual discard. All enabled by his mother and toxic family (just watched your video yesterday on pseudomutual and pseudohostile families, we both came from them - but I cut my worst characters off, while he couldn't get away). It's all terribly sad and pathetic. Every day I get stronger and I thank Professor Sam Vaknin. I would not be where I am today without your work guiding me. I wouldn't have even known where to start. He was my "soulmate" and I believed it to my core.
This is my exact, identical, situation! Your comment could be written by me today.
I can't believe it. Some episodes hurts like nothing else.
What happens to the covert narcissist that FAILS to steal your identity? That's what happened to my ex best friend. She tried to steal my boyfriend and she FAILED miserably, crashed and burned. So she discarded me harshly, but it was a blessing in disguise because it woke me up to the very sick person that she was.
just asked the same question.. what happens when they fail ? my ex best friend is just looking more ridiculous trying to do all this .
I don’t think it’s literally stealing a person… but what he’s referring to is “ occupy the victims mind”
Sort of a take over of the victim, the spouse, etc. to inject himself, to confuse and control, isolate, break down and capture their persona per se’ … to strip them of themself.
I hope both of them are gone and you have really enjoyed being self aware now
They move on to the next target, no big deal for them
They go to find a new target
The malignant narcs suck the very marrow from your bones before they throw you away without anything. Then, they set about to finish destroying you utterly. They set the shards left on fire and stomps the ashes into the ground.
Great description, sounds exactly like my late husband of 33 years during the last few months of his life. He needed me to take care of him, and I swear he was delusional towards the end, his fantasy and reality gave him quite a reckoning. He found a gold digger in another city and thought he could be with his wh0re during the week and come back to “mommy” on weekends. It’s so sad to realize what happened over 33 years and as sad as it was to watch him die, I’m so much better off now. I finally have peace for the first time in my entire adult life.
I hope my mom has these realizations as her husband passes. Hes awful and she fawns over him destroying all of her other relationships. You are so strong!!!
@@marciestoddard730 so kind, thank you, it means a lot. Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to see things if they’re not ready. Wish you the best🙏
@@oilselevated4808 trying to learn that currently and I thank you for the reminder and sharing your wisdom:)
After I started to step out of the role of Cinderella, my mother no longer called me by my name, but by her sisters. Only by watching your videos could I understand more deeply that narcissism goes beyond what the self-proclaimed experts say. It's a big mess all of this. Their inner word is so chaotic...
Do you correct her? Or think she might have dementia?
@@nmc1859selective dementia.
Yes my malignant covert narc brother used to befriend all my female friends behind my back and try to turn them against me. He dissuaded me from making certain life choices under the guise of advice but really because he was jealous of the moves I was planning. He also tried to get me fired from a couple of jobs. I never knew this until far too late. He’s actually a monster. I’ve cut him out of my life permanently. And since that time he has gotten so much worse because he can’t use me to regulate his emotions.
What was worse then him was my covert mother. I can only describe her as being a black hole who sucks all the life out of those stuck in her orbit. A true soul sucker. A constantly complaining death obsessed person with a mask of helplessness and victimisation. But of course a ‘nice’ person to her friends and strangers. A very brain-scrambling personality to understand. Better to stay away. My brother is her creation.
my brother is 4 and a half years older than me. what is the age gap for you? my brother also has zero friends and has done absolutely nothing for the past 25 years. i mean nothing. never worked one hour at any job in his life. he was a top student til dropped out of college first semester. your post is so close to me i thought i'd see if anything else matches. no one understands what this has done to me. my brother was the most important person in my life.
@@thedelta88oh my goodness. I’m honestly shocked. This is pretty much a complete match 😮 My brother is 3 years older then me. He too is an extremely clever and brilliant person. But he also dropped out of college and no - has never had a job in decades.
I wouldn’t say he has friends - no. But because he’s clever and well read, he has the ability to move through acquaintances on a surface level as he can’t sustain any friendships. I suppose he can’t keep the mask up for too long.
Hmmmm I’m very curious why they are so similar? 🤔 You are correct that very few understand how utterly confusing and painful this is on such a deep level.
Same here, my brother narc grandiose and a narc mother. Both tried to destroy me and I take ate least 40years of my life to see clearly their disorder. When i start to learn about Narcissism everything makes sense and thanks this i cut both from my life and everything start to goes fine. If you have interaction or live with a Narcissist just cut off the "cancer" from your life or they will contaminate you until you lose your light. They are not human being, they are already dead inside.
That's very interesting the concept of the snapshot. No wonder my inlaws would try to devalue me everytime I showed up as my confident and grounded self. That's not what they want me to to be in order for them to feel superior. You're absolutely right about them trying to steal your identity because they don't think you deserve what is rightfully yours.
Regardless: of what they steal; thefts are still a theft!
I grew up with narca and manipulators. What i learnt during this very painful debilitating phase is that they might actually be genetically disabled as they severely lacks an inner eye and have a constant eye for external world. They fake emotions but never feel or understand them. Everything is exaggerated drama for them because they fear being exposed and find out being empty inside. They really needed to go to a drama or theatee school when they were child. At least it would prevent them from hurting others . You would know at least they are acting.
Yes they are indeed very sad human beings, mentally disabled though look just as the rest thats why when they harm you you take it really personally which not a correct stance.
The problem is after stealing the other ones personality, they push others away from being themselves. (It happened to me with studies and private life and by trying to avoid this sick person, I had to search for other ways to follow my vocation and plans in life). And if you re not fast enough in fulfilling your plans, they will steal you your things in front of you (mostly combined with intense stalking to get to know your plans) and try to live your plans in front of you (also to punish you)
Yes I’m experiencing the stalking part. And what’s weird about it is when they tell people they’re doing that no one blinks an eye. It’s like how do y’all not realize how disturbing that kind of behavior is.
Sounds like Arab Saleh creep
I was briefly married to a covert narc that also believe she is diagnosed as a sociopath or psychopath. She was able to keep her medical history from me during the divorce. She slept with her married attorney to pay her bill and try to gain leverage. What really hit me was realizing during the short term marriage she roofied me and slept with a guy from the wine bar we would frequent. It should have been obvious when it happened but the gaslighting and love bombing threw me off. Took a couple years to realize she drugged me. 6 years later and still hard to believe I fell for her. So many red flags. She gave me credit for uncovering her quicker than any other man in her past.
Professor Vaknin, in addition to the problem of people not attributing to you the authorship of terms and the definitions you coined, I have not seen a single one who is capable of talking about your written material with the slightest ability to reflect the brilliance with which they were produced . It is very satisfying to be able to drink from the original fountain. Thanks a lot!
My brother in law stole my life. It was beyond bizarre. And I had no idea it was happening.....it was insane.
you’re not alone. For me it was inlaws and brother in law. All set out to destroy me. Seething with envy at my success. I had to go no contact and lay down a boundary. Now the long process of healing. I feel so damaged but refuse to be a victim. Man they did some damage
My ex stole mine as well, even after discarding me she scrambled to use my credit cards and whatever else. Not only did she take material items and money, she took my dreams personality and life experiences. Fully absorbed into the new her. During the marriage her family and friends took advantage of me too. It's really difficult to wrap your head and heart around the wreckage these demons cause, and usually without any consequences.
Let him have her, they would level out themselves! God bless!
“Sister in law” except she isn’t my sister nor even known to me. but didn’t stop her from trying desperately to steal everything from me from men to my life work, identity/name, opportunities, communication, privacy, experiences as documented, money, credit, RUclips channel art practice, etc. impersonated me while in the hospital to film porn on my bed dressed as me to profit and defame. told everybody I’m stealing from them, and all kinds of unbelievable harassment and mockery and defamation. While blaming and abusing me daily in my private home. It’s repulsive.
They told everyone in town I’m them and negated my existence in some weird narcissistic ip/id theft narcissistic game. And then to act like they’re me and when I say have a conversation they have one with someone else in front of me. They’re completely insane.
Yip…. This is happening now!…. Passive aggression is the worst. Why can’t some people just say what they think 💭 about you instead of poking and insidiously pulling you down?… isolation at the moment works for me until I get the hell out of it. The awful consequence of these behaviours is NO one believes you. 😬🙃
Yea, lose the relationship, then realise youve lost your family too. Double barrel to the chest. Im going through it now
Omg, the splitting explains why my sister would refuse to acknowledge anything positive I would do or try too for her, my nieces, or anything good in general. It was either the silent treatment, stonewalling, or baiting to provoke negativity from me. When i wouldn't be reactively abusive, she would completely cease the conversation. I said many time it was as if she was fully committed to the negative idea she has of me and doesn't want to see me any other way- I had no idea how fucking spot on I was.
Edit to add:
I interpreted this as her way of shaming and distorting my own self-image, but it was about maintaining subjective consistency of her delusional, immoral perspective of me. She justified her abusive, inhuman cruelty by convincing herself It was deserving. When I asked if she needed something for my nieces, she wouldn't answer, and this was during the children Tylenol shortage. It made no sense.
Wow. It's hard to comprehend how these realizations still shock me almost two years later especially after going through worse damage she's done- abandoned, abused, neglected, and manipulated her nephew directly and indirectly, destroyed his secure relationship with me by demolishing my mental health, created estrangement between our kids and me, alienated, trashed, betrayed, and ostracized me when I had just moved hours away to live besides her after divorce.
Forever shell shocked and heartbroken.
She just doesnt want to face her own fault and inedequacy.
Very well written, thank you.
Finally!
I admitted that my marriage to this cruel monster is now NOTHING BUT A FRAUD
My sister in a nutshell. Wow I'm so glad I found this video. I have to rewind and watch it again.
In my case they try to imitate what I have and do. Whatever I say about myself they’ll eventually come up with a story that they’ve already done or had that in the past. So annoying, I can barely bring myself to talk when they ‘re around. But even when I stay quiet to avoid volunteering information about myself it's still annoying to watch the grandiose things they say as if they're specialists in every professional field in the world.
I often attract friends with mother wounds.
Prof I really like the way you mentioned how your work is often stolen. You have a true gift and an exceptional way of explaining everything. Thank you for your like long work. Snapshotting, intraject, object constancy, cognitive dissonance, co-idealisation, somatic, dual mothership bond, I had NEVER heard of these terms! Exceptional work!
OMG I feel absolutely sick now. I've experienced almost everything that's mentioned here. It's terrifying. 😔
Prof. Vaknin, thank You for all these information! You're saving our lives...and sanity. ❤
I think this was geared 100% at Richard Grannon.
I thought they worked together. I recently saw an older video they made together. Did they have a falling out?
I didn't wanna say it, but thank you 😂
I thought they had partnered in many videos
Im not sure... I have seen Richard Grannon video about healing from narcisstic abuse where he has mentioned about work of prof. Vaknin (Dual Mothership model) and he has stressed - two or tree times - this is Sam Vaknin model.
He's called him out before I believe.
Ever since I told the covert narc that I was leaving and getting a divorce, they have creepily been starting to copy tons of things i do. I start taking new vitamins, the covert narc does. I start learning a new language, suddenly they are. I start working out, then they do. I start drinking protein shakes, then they do. It goes on and on and on. You really couldn't believe it.
😂😂😂
Wtf else can you do but laugh your ass off! Dont you dare ever cry in their presence!!@Zoleka-o1m
The female narcissist legally stole my identity, & I had to clear my name and she had the audacity to blame me and never apogize, truly pure evil in any ways.
This female narc displays a ‘resume’ of international travel, quite similar to mine. Though I am aware that she has anxiety/stress, and is hardly capable of comfortably driving to the next town alone. I was shocked when she tried desperately to contact me to view her ‘Linked in’ page. I was on ‘No Contact’, for years from her but she eventually (after more than 7 years) found my brothers info, online and ask him (she has never met him), asked him to get the email to me. So I called her and the first thing I said was ‘where is the fire’? as I assumed that it was something in relation to our ‘Doctoral Program. She said that she thought that I was possibly still interested in her……and ….Then she proceeded to tell me about the male professor of whom she had slept with for years as well as her short physical relationship with the professors young son, while the mother/wife is fighting Cancer. She said that the family has since moved out of the state. This was a beautiful woman, and during this ‘face time’ I was so surprised at seeing her now overweight and looking ‘beaten down’. She looked terrible!
Do other people eventually catch on to what these covert narcissists are doing to their victims?
Rarely. These coverts fake empathy, compassion, kindness, and “expertise” very convincingly, preying on the gullible masses.
@@samvaknin but it only works at one level, i dont believe they are capable of sustaining, the well "runs dry"
@@samvaknin maybe covert narcissists are developmentally frozen in childhood and that child like behavior is what others can’t tolerate when coming from an adult? Empathy, compassion, expertise… perhaps these are all skills they never learned? Or maybe they just choose not to use them
I was fortunate and had a good support system that saw right through her tactics, and on multiple occasions at that. So yes it CAN happen, even if the chances seem bleak. Don’t give up hope!!!
I have been building my own support network outside of my family. I don't tell my family anything about myself. I confide in good friends. It helps a lot.
Yes, i love cyberviking! He just explains your concepts in a different way. He is amazing...and so handsome too! I love that he makes sure the info comes from you as all good teachers should do!
Yes, they seem to sideways slip into their repertoire new concepts you present to the whole. Sometimes within a few days, and in a tiny dose so not to be caught.
My potential son in law covert narc is trying to become my daughter. He’s consumed her so much he even answers direct questions that I ask her. I was saying to my friends it’s so weird, like he wants to be her. And now I know this is actually possible thanks to you Sam.
Yes, it is; my ex-husband was envious of me down to tiny things, such as being able to laugh at myself & my mistakes--which ability, I suppose, was not so insignificant to HIM.
Men and women, they come from all walks of life! Behave like this 💯
Wow! “You can see it in their face it is stage 4 cancer of the soul “ professor Vaknin your videos are poetry to my ears, and comforting to my heart. I often describe my narcissistic partner as soulless and desolate 😮 p.s. while he is loosing it I take photos, I have noticed his eyeballs turn black 😂
Sickness. I don't laugh at mine but pity him.
They have the spirit of Satan. The first narcissist.
Before I even knew what narcissist was, I described my wife like being a shop window, you would look and the shop window with all those lovely products on display..... so you walk into the shop and it is totally empty, they have no stock.
Thanks for all your hard work. Nobody can replace the man behind the green curtain, and ultimately you can be happy that what you've done has helped people and made a difference in our world. Credit or not, a job well done.
Prof. Sam, I just want to thank you for being fearless and sharing these concepts. I'm 33 and back before social media I would notice people around me would randomly steal, copycat, and mimic in a way that felt very insidious and creepy. Whenever I'd try to speak on it people would always tell me, "no one owns Ideas, take it as flattery." I never felt flattered because it always felt like they were in competition. My mother and grandma were easy to talk to about it becuase they had experienced these same things but didnt have this exact language. Once Social media blew up around 2008 to now I started noticing people would flat out copy paste things I wrote (poems, random thoughts I'd post.) I always try to write in a specific voice and style and I always had a few that would make me scrunch my brow and say, "wait, didnt I just post that yesterday?" I'd bring it up and people would tell me, "these are simply concepts we all think about dont take it personal." I had friends that would copy everything from bands/groups I listened to, style, hairstyle, choice of words, even down to me changing my hair color. I notice with Narcs/cov-narcs if I was around them and got a compliment on anything they would then consume it and make it their whole personality. They're so odd. I used to really enjoy deep conversations and tlaking about dreams and goals but I learned even that is fuel for these people. I've had people flat out walk off with ideas I shared ( I know part of that is my own fault for not following through first) Id share because I used to believe you have to share and partner with people to make things bigger but I learned most hear a good idea and will pretend they came up with it. I've been played a lot in the past but teachings such as this help me protect myself. Ive been independently studying cluster b personality disorders for about 5 years now just through videos, and papers online. I now know that this stufff is intentional and how to stay away from people like this when I can. Thank you for offering clarity and for letting those of us who have been trespassed against that we are not LOONY, and something weird issss happening to us.
@@user-xr3bj2gx4j Thank you for this kind and thoughtful message. You're correct!
I know by heart every single page of your book " Malignant self love", I am referring to you again and again and again, these concepts are your concepts, your are the FATHER in this field, you had the vision, you found the " words", you have our respect. You are simply the best ( a la Τina Turner) and the FIRST. Everyone knows that, have no doubt.
I have so much respect for this comment. I always say it doesnt hurt to share WHERE we get things from. Referencing is not difficult at all.
If I wouldn’t have seen it hard to believe people like this exist.
I sometimes wonder: am I the bad guy? But then I think “I actually like to be alone most of the time”. The only “supply” I seek (which is only sometimes) is truly positive conversation. I am almost pathologically averse to putting someone down (maybe a weakness). However, who knows? Maybe I’m not self aware enough. I’m not saying this with any false modesty. I just try to stay vigilant.
Hello, bro😁🤗
Sad part is if he would have asked kindly I would have given
@Prof. Sam Vaknin first anyone who would take the time and do 30 minutes of research, would learn that you are the originator of teaching and publicizing and naming exactly what narcissistic abuse is! I have an idea that you are speaking of someone with the initials of RG, but he is totally insignificant! We know and truly appreciate you for being the originator and helping those of us who have suffered from narcissistic abuse to escape the horrors of that existence!
Second, you explained to me, why my ex-husband attempted to steal almost $1 million from two relatives that he claims that he loves! When he was applying for fiduciary guardianship of his uncle, his uncles two daughters names were not included! Just as you stated, these people are really not that smart, so he always had me do all of his business paperwork. At the time, I did not know his nieces names. That aggravated me that he did not include them so I waited to see if the court system would find them. After about three months, I called the attorney’s office and informed the secretary that he had two daughters, gave her the probate number and their clients name. I kept watching online and in about two months. I saw my results and I was ecstatic because his two daughters had been found. They started receiving annual “gifts “of $1000. But at the time that his uncle passed the funds had accumulated to over $960,000.00! Of course, he hosted his two cousins when their father died, and I could not believe the acting that he performed! He should have won an Oscar. Thank you for explaining to me how “they“ operate!
Very few people dedicate 3 minutes to research, let alone 30 minutes.
Prof. Vaknin thank you! 💛
Your work is invaluable.
Amen. He is spot on. The voice of god actually in narcissism and the narcissist’s tactics
Thanks for this video!! There are so many unqualified experts giving advice on narcissism only for monetary gain. They give you general information but never the root cause of narcissism. You’re the best Sam!!!
Please don’t worry about idiotic plagiarists because nobody can offer the wonderful accurate experience, observations and explanations, in such a clear way as you can. If I see them I will certainly scroll on…I have noticed that there are a few people plagiarising Jordan Peterson too…Thank you so very much for the real help that I get from listening to you. I wish that I could not feel sorry for these people in my life…
Yes, feeling sorry for them is my rabbit hole. Then I don't protect myself the way I should.
Or they say, "it wouldn't bother me if someone copied all my ideas and identity. I wouldnt think it weird!"
I noticed that I steal your ideas to shine in real life, although I rarely find someone who grasp your stolen thoughts in my surroundings. but when it comes to virtual reality , especially when I comment on those con artists , I mention your name every time I use the phrases that you've coined. It's like I hate covert narcissists in the virtual world , but I am one of them in real life.
That is pretty honest of you to admit.
@@samvaknin
I do that in real life, with my highschool days friends who had become teacher, and also with my teachers of philosophy in university. It's like a regard your introject inside my mind as a secret weapon that I defend myself with when I try to elevate my self-esteem around them. but when it comes to social media , I always comment against those con artist, and mention your name, and how narcissist really is ; so many times especially on the topic of gaslighting/ lies and confabulations.
I think it's the same although I mention your name in virtual reality; is because I want to clarify to the audience whom are watching that con artist that there is a better source of psychology knowledge, and I am better than most of them, or should I say all of them, including the one who's making the video.
@@HafedAbarkanmy secret weapon inside of me is DrRamani😊 I like her explanations too. Some of her words are already engraved into my brain😂
I am asking to myself as usual, whether I am a covert narcissist or not. I'd rather ask it to my psychotherapist. Thank you Dr.Vaknin for you enlightening lessons
Sam..i have been listening to you for i think about 10 years..i thank you very much ..for helping me understand millions of Narcs in my life..do not worry..EVERYONE knows..exactly who you are..AND..who wishes they were you..i am extremely grateful to you..for everything i learnt...never stop❤
Dear Sam, Impressed by your lectures on daffodils, I have described my story with my daffodil. I can't believe daffodils are monsters. These are the images that have developed into such a fairy tale. "I enter a beautiful room and see many interesting people there, they are attractive and show interest in me. We talk. Then I notice that they only repeat my words or thoughts. Their phrases are universal. I stop, and so do they. Then I understand that these are mirrors that reflect me and other people entering the room.Mirrors return people to themselves.I am in anxiety and uncertainty looking for the owner of the room.The one who is in reality, and not in the mirror.I am in fear, I feel that I deceived. I'm angry. I see my aggression and ugly grimace in the reflection of the mirrors and disappointed in myself. I would like to look better for the owner of the room. But I'm looking, my hands fall into the void. There is no one. The mirrors disappear. I have to leave, but "I can't. Suddenly, in the farthest and darkest corner I see a boy. This is the real owner of the room. He created a fabulous world of mirrors and rejoiced when more and more status, strong and successful people got into the room. When they were disappointed and left , he easily replaced them with others, because the fabulous room attracts everyone. The boy does not understand that he is already an adult and that he is the owner of the room. He is afraid to go out from behind the mirrors, because he has no friends and even no clothes. He is vulnerable and afraid of being hurt by any person. He almost does not see living people, and is not shown to them, only reflections. And he doesn't see the real me either. It's sad and heartbreaking. I have to leave." And now I'm thinking: am I normal? Or not, if I have such experience and experiences.
The hand writting can expand and grow, when copy is just a copy with wholes, no side notes and hidden pages...
You are the source and he is just follen "angel figure". The Mine thing is authentic, lonely path of experiencing, learning and development. On that case must be painful, but how inspiring!
You are the history, anyway.
With great respect Prof. Sam Vaknin, and wishing you a lot more discoverys! ❤
I became low contact in 2012 and rarely contact my narc mom and golden child sister. But I have noticed that they "took" my hobbies and personality at that time and still act like I did almost 15-10 years ago. I was in my early 20s and go to concerts almost every month, I was obsessed with Disney and traveling because I had not gone anywhere. My narc mom is now obsessed with the Disney movies I loved (she had no interest before) and traveling to Europe every year (even though she has no money and in a lot of debt). And my sister is now the concert fanatic and spends thousands every month on tickets. It does sound odd, but before I was very low contact they both had no interest in any of these activities. It wasn't until I left the situation that they started taking what I liked as their own.
I became a teen mom and a high school drop out. Which was just devastating. I stayed with the babies father, he cheated a bunch of times he blamed youth. I then decided to finally go back to school years later, when I did he decided to stop working and go to school, for exactly what I went to school for. He now has a masters degree and I have a few certificates. I opened up a business last year and he spent every dime I made till the point I could no longer pay for the studio and I was evicted. I’m finally getting ready to leave but everything has been taken from me. My education, my friends, sports that I enjoyed and money. I’m left with nothing 😞
I started dating him when I was 15 in now 42. My life has been utterly destroyed
Many thanks for these clear words. Your work helps me to manage my life better and accept better the pain I am in and still enjoy life .
I watched the video about psychopathic narcissim. Of course, like you said, we can not understand the full depth of it, so questions like "why" are irrelevant. Your clever viewers are still here. 😊
Love your work. Thank you 🙏
I have watched your videos nonstop for 4 days. I finally feel safe. I'm still listening while writing to you. This video changed my life.
they cannot steal identity or soul. they can only put new mask on, but the shoes of my soul, background and experience will never fit to them
Your thumbnail is from a game called Thief I played as a kid. How fitting for your video
This video perfectly describes my X wife. Thank you for this added clarity. Your descriptions paint in technicolor the black and white image of my train wreck.
Don't worry Sam we know you are the OG!
Im a diagnosed covert narcissist and I totally agree with prof vaknin, 100%
What made you get diagnosed?
My father and sister sexually abused and groomed me. I didn't realize that an aunt had placed the family home in my name so they wouldn't be able to evict me. They lied and stole everything.
I'm still too loyal to my family to pursue legal matters. Watts fucking wrong with me.
CUT THEM OFF
You need to love yourself and put yourselffirst. I support you
Jesus loves you and so does your aunt. Seek Him for help.
Dear vaknin, please could you make an eloberated vedio on the working of a somatic narcissist’s mind and shed some light on how does he cope with severe narcissistic injury. Thanks in advance ❤
Search the channel.
@@samvaknin lol thanks a lot
OHHHH SAM! You sound slightly pissed off sir! Lol I’m going through this right now, she laughs like me uses terms I use and no one laughs and it comes off so fake! She’s normally stand-offish & unfriendly so everyone knows it’s fake but she tries! Good bless her..
This is again spot on! And I totally agree, they need treatment.
And yes, psychosis… They need help!
Again! Reinvent yourself and confuse them.
Only a borderline can defeat a covert narc.
I’ve defeated a few, and now I’m wondering if I’m a borderline. I’ve been studying cluster B personality disorders for close to ten years, and your comment was the first to make me wonder. My mother and sister are both borderline, in my humble opinion. I love a shared fantasy, but I’m also fearful-avoidant, so I can back out of the fantasy as easily as I enter. I appreciate your comment.
What do you mean by defeating them? Theyll always look for a new target, no?
@@maryfrances1307how did you deteated them? What did you do?
@@yuu_miran Not anymore.
@@jesuschristthesecond what do you mean? Can you explain?
How can someone protect themselves from such people? when they try to steal your identity or intelectial property, ideas?😢trying to destroy you?
Prof. Vaknin,
Thank you so much. This video, like all your others, is utterly fascinating and rings very true, unlike most of the utter rubbush on this and related topics floating around the cesspool that is the Interenet.
My question is this. Would what is often referred to as "Imposter Syndrome" also be a common behavior pattern of the covert narcisist? Rather than "stealing" the envied object's life, might the narc simply "fake it" to the best of their (limited) ability, in a desperate attempt to be as much like their perceived rival as possible?
Thank you.
Search the channel for "mimic".
Interesting! And disturbing! My half sister has done all of these things to me. To the point it’s ridiculous and beyond evil. But, I didn’t realize that it was (in her psychotic little mind) literally taking over me. Or, trying to become me.
Mine self diagnosed him with a medical condition I have due to a head injury I sustained 13 years ago, way before I had met him. He went as far as to behave as if I never told him about it and did extensive research about it, then proceeded to expect me to sympathize with him and care for him.
Oh my gosh I tottally understand this I went through similar
Invaluable insight, as always, Professor Vaknin🙏
Wooww i know this person! 😢 love your work mr Vaknin!
This worries me because my father and sister have done this to me. My sister used to dress me up as a female when I was 11. Dad would sexually assault me in this state. When the police arrived my sister lied and said I was gay. Now she works as a transgender health care worker. As in she now reenacts the abuse she committed innocent patients. Her whole identity is based on things that happened to me. I feel unsafe. They have controlled my money since I was 12. We were abandoned here from a crap middle eastern country.
I'm sorry to hear that man. That really shocked me that family can do something like that. I pray you find the strength to become the person you want to be and beat your demons.
A great insightful video and describes the very essence of my experiences with narcissts to a ‘T’.
You are always amazing, Professor!
A detailed analysis of narscissists sound really fascinating!
In reality your lectures helped me to survive,get out of the darkness and become healthy and whole again! And I got a new skill of baking as you advised. Your knowledge is the way to healing for us. With great love from Israel and Canada.
This is going to help me immensely in demonstrating covert abuse in litigation. You just described my life since dissolution. Thank you so much.
This makes so much sense😮
Thanks for the lessons 🙏🙏🙏
I want to understand the sleeping pattern..when we know there is such a person and this person is harming others over and over the hunt for a new victim...we know the outcome and the harm the victims endure ..yet we cannot do anything and this is the hardest part
Thank you, so much value here, wow.
I’m so grateful these hustlers will be brought into the light so we all can see them clearly.
Self love is protecting you always.
Know that we are loved, beautiful and strong. 🤍🦉🎼👁️🐦⬛♾️🕊️⚖️
how the hell I am snatching every magnificent thought of you without using any of those four defense mechanisms you mentioned ? could a borderline in his secondary psychopathy selfstate be using the same psychodynamics that a covert narcissist has?
Yes.
Ive seen so many versions of my narc neighbour ,every so often after a collapse when its obvious it hasnt worked we see a chest puffing brandnew person with new drive direction etc ....however the other person errupts out when triggered.. the same person.thats always been underwraps
What about situations where it could be a temporary narcissism as defense? Or part of other personality disorders and it's as if they go through an episode of narcissism when triggered by unresolved trauma?
I'm in a predicament right now where it seems like this is the case and it's even more confusing because they disassociated and when I was ready confronted them and it's like a mirror broke. I can't help but be paranoid but it's so different...and I've known narcissists
Dissociated. And search the channel.
9:52. At this stage 4 , cancer of the soul. ❤
Giving credit where it is due....
Always.
Sounds like you’re describing “The Talented Mr. Ripley”…with Matt Damon as Tom Ripley…It’s worth seeing, if you haven’t already!!
www.narcissistic-abuse.com/talent.html
👏thank you for your very insightful and excellent review of this fantastic movie!!
Great movie, Matt Damon was brilliant in it.
Yes, you are so right! I have seen the movie more than three times.
Pros for the Thief thumbnail
The original from 90's truly was a masterpiece (even If you despise video games the story itself was magnificent)
They don't make games like these today
Thank you for today's video Professor and as always:
Take care
Prof Vaknin, I always let the other posters know who to attribute credit to for your concepts. It's the academic high road.
The way they come towards you like to kindest moest empathetic person....then they get envious and things get dangerous. Their obsession never ends. The women are the worst
This is genius! 👏 Terrifying and facinating at the same time!
Thank you very much for this video, Pr Vakin. You are a blessing from God.
Vaknin.
Sorry for the mistake.