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@@erinm3567 same here...I was told during my nightmare childhood and early youth that my eyes looked like those in an icon...I thought that was a compliment then but now I understand why...the people portrayed in icons all suffered enormously...
A kind friend’s mom once told me that I was so pretty, when I had smiled at her… usually only sadness could be found in my eyes & I still remember this sweet person almost 50 years later ❤️🩹
I don’t even look in a mirror. I shave in the shower, telling myself I’m already wet and soapy. I keep a wash-and-go haircut. Eye contact is something I avoid, even with myself.
I often can't look at myself in the mirror, no idea why ? I had a haircut few yrs back, and I wouldn't look in mirror at the style, anyone know why I feel this way ?
@@andrewrees8749 for me it’s internalized shame. I’m working Codependency Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. I have to” restore the emotional losses of childhood” (CoDA intro) and be my own loving parent (ACA). I’ve gone through years of grief and am starting to come out the other side. It’s not easy work, but it’s better than feeling like sh!t and having no hope.
@@andrewrees8749 I had the same problem ever since adolescence started. I learned it's called toxic shame from childhood neglect, and the only way I've gotten better is healing my inner child and learning to love myself more. It's taken two years for me to get comfortable with it and it completely changed my identity and confidence. I hope you start to heal yourself even though it's really hard if real love wasn't modeled to you. Cheers for everyone who's healing in the comments ❤️❤️🩹
Yep! I see so many young people who need to do this for themselves (they don’t know what they don’t know) and I feel like telling them - you can change it all by getting out of the environment that’s suffocating you - go create the life you want out of the gaze of judgement ❤
I used to know this guy with a troubled past (his father had mental issues) and now that i know i always noticed he had that look in his eyes of a man that never knew safety i hope you're doing better my friend.
I developed a tendency to look at people's eyes when they are smiling. You can smile the widest grin ever, but your eyes will give it away if you are in pain or unhappy.
Being zoned out can be dissociation. I remember people needing to get me to focus… and it’s not until I was 46 that I realized I have Dissociative identity disorder. My brain managed to keep my abuse compartmentalized. Truly fascinating when you think about it.
3 месяца назад+44
The brain does so much to try to protect itself. It is fascinating.
I think it is soooooo interesting, these mind mechanisms!! I had an incident with someone who was fully in denial, and I had engaged for quite some time providing loads of evidence and attempting to walk them through the basic logic. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that they never planned on entertaining any other stance, regardless of the evidence, regardless of the outcomes. This person needed the external world to be a certain way to "be okay," and anything that wasn't in alignment with it, they could rationalize away. They seemed very fully convinced of their story, too. I was in awe, I had never so closely interacted with that phenomenon before, where I was discovering the edges of what they could and could not allow. It was totally wild, I learned a lot, and I would never do it again!! 😂
Our brains are really good at protecting ourselves. It’s amazing how much our body can go through, whether that’s mentally, physically or psychologically.
I can never look people in the eye when talking with them. I’ve had some people accused me of lying because I wouldn’t make eye contact. The one time I talked back to my father, he backhanded me across the face. Anytime I made eye contact with him, he accused me of “plotting against him.” “I know you’re plotting against me, what are you plotting.” Whack! You learn to never make eye contact even in adult life. I’ve learned to become invisible and not make waves. We went to far as to hide to keep from being beaten when we were kids. Most of my childhood was spent trying to keep my little brothers from harm by hiding them. I freeze up and fear when anyone criticizes me, like it’s a pending attack. But this is another reason we don’t make eye contact: to become invisible to our abusers and because it’s a learned behavior that we just can’t stop, even though logically we know the danger is past.
@@cindymccafferty8346 Freeze and fawn response, plus learnedhelplessness. I'm stuck in freeze although I know I can bounce back to fight...It's a sh!tty life having the legacy, curse from our most inmediate ancestors. It's not only that, if we count the huge amount of people surviving poverty and wars. Take care of yourself. You are worthy.
yeaaa there's a lot of false positives I knew it was coming when he talked about the soul. His first point was valid, but his second point hinges on the hopes that people can relate. Sadly, the people With complex traumas aren't aware of most of their behaviors so that might make them even More hyper-vigilant like my npd friend/ex (after 9 years, she thought I was a good contender for her roster... she failed to grasp that I can actually make sense out of all this and I held her accountable without breaking her which was worse... since she isn't completely unaware of what she does [manipulations, lies, deceit etc] but she feels entitled and justified to any and all of the atrocious things without the consequences because of this horrible society we live in... RUclips is, sadly to say, enabling this crap. Nearly None of the Real scientists are on youtube because it's quite a job to make consistent videos. It shouldn't be this way and "production value" requires much more than what people think (not mandatory, but.. yea).
I didn't hear you mention avoiding eye contact out of shame. I used to be afraid people would see my defectiveness and judge me as being bad if I made eye contact.
My aunt, that's a nurse and thinks she's a psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild autism. Yet she knows absolutely nothing about psychiatry and childhood trauma, though experiencing a lot of trauma in her childhood. I know I don't have any form of autism and her mother that raised me also decided I was mentally defective. It's sad these people give a baseless diagnosis of the people they abuse, in order for themselves to feel justified and right in some strange way. I told my aunt that her mother made me ashamed a lot with her fictitious scenarios that she used to claim I was a lying, no good person. I guess she thinks people aren't supposed to react to her that way after her behavior. The one reacting that way must have a mental issue because it couldn't be them.
They told me in kindergarten when the child psychologist started pulling me out of class, that I was the problem, inability to concentrate, inward self harm, too sensitive. I was totally traumatized and shutting down. It was the home not me, but they out it all on me. I can barely make eye contact in conflict situations. Getting better. When I’m centered I can do anything. The mother had the scary eyes and would turn in an instant, never knew what was going to happen. I’m hyper vigilant but know I’m safe now, but don’t trust most people. Doesn’t mean I can’t interact but I let few close, because I feel them a mile away and often known it to connect. However, I can be very open and accepting when I know I won’t be taken advantage of.
It's heartbreaking to look at old pictures of myself from my abusive childhood and abusive marriage. My eyes are completely different now. My posture is different. Everything about me is different. People can heal from a lifetime of all forms of abuse.
I so relate. You can see the progression of how terrible my abusive marriage is -- all you need to do is compare my DL's and passports over the past 10 years. I'm a shell of who I was before I got married.
If you have pictures of your parents and grandparents, check them. You can find awareness about your most guarded family's secrets. You might find out that the crazy ones were the healthiest but burdened.
@@Lyrielonwind you can learn a lot about your family dynamics with old photos and tales but most don't do that cause there's a taboo about judging the dead and buried.
I'm near sighted and some days are too exhausting that I take off my glasses so I don't have to pay attention to anything. The world is blurry and I can just dissociate from it all.
@@krissyaguilar1814 Why aren't you calm at church? If anywhere that's where you should be calm, in the presence of God? Or are you talking about the awkwardness afterwards?
I identify as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I have never had the luxury of being able to look away because of my level of awareness growing up. I've experienced trauma multiple times and it's ongoing. I use eye contact as a way to show that I'm aware of a potential coming perpetrator because negative people tend to think they can get away with being aggressive towards people when we are not looking them in the eyes.
I read a suggestion of looking into the mirror and talking to myself like I am a baby e.g. "you are a beautiful clever baby" . First time I did it I lasted about 10 secs, and started sobbing but have built up to 30 secs now. It has really helped as one habit to move towards self love.
I teach high school and one of my students wasn’t doing well one day and I was talking to her. She was telling me she was depressed and her mom gets mad at her when she brings it up. I was telling her she could talk to me if she felt comfortable and I understood because I have MDD. She said she kind of knew I had depression, she said she could tell there were days that I was sad and didn’t want to be at work. That made me feel awful- I thought I hid it better 💔.
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always Rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is, to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain, sister. after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
As a kid i had the avoidant eyes, they slowly developed into predatory ones as i grew. I think that sadly they tend to scare people a bit because it's so obvious that i see everything all the time, making me seem almost non-human. Sometimes i take pride in my hyper vigilance because it has benefits, but also so many drawbacks....
Education, specifically obtaining a masters degree, was pivotal towards my ability to have the tools in healing myself. I learned how to create a dialogue with my subconscious through learning the language of symbolism, and interpreting through my creations. You can call me, insane, but personally, I think society is insane.
I wish people could understand that people who look most "normal" are not always healthy. My father was an eye doctor and he didn't want to treat my continuous blinking when I was 9 yo because I was as "neurotic" as my poor aunt. I still don't know if he ever realized he married the toxic sister but I saw the same "far away eyes" in three pictures of his mother who died after delivery of my father's youngest brother. My father was the first born and he was 9 years old when his mother died. My grandfather remarried and after I realized about my narcissistic mother's little secret; her malignant narcissism, I realized all my grandparents offsprings married narcissistic couples. Except for one, all of them were males and they all married covert vulnerable malignant narcissistic women who passed the curse to the next generation. In most cases, the first born was the golden child no matter if it was male or female... check your ancestors pictures if you have them because you can find clues about their lives. Very interesting observations from Tim. Thank you 🙏
Very interesting observations! Way to go, doing the digging work, making the connections. I know it is painful work. I keep trying to tell others, there is also a massive amount of relief that comes with it!! I do not think I would have the courage to do the digging and connection work required, if things did not gradually get better as we become more clear. I have been thinking about pulling out the picture albums from my childhood to see if I can narrow down to a specific year when "it" happened. There might be information I could gain by looking closely at my own expressions (and who was around) in those old pictures. I am blocking out a specific memory, and there are people around me who know and are not comfortable speaking with me about it. I have slowly gained information by not revealing to others that the specific incident is totally blocked out in my memory. I did try to ask my mother in a straightforward way, and I was definitely barking up the wrong tree. I made sure it was clear that i wasn't concerned with blame or who did what, i needed to know what I went through, so I can adequately treat the symptoms. The symptoms that *absolutely destroyed* the nice little life I had the audacity to build for myself. My mother will not be giving up any secrets, even if they're mine. 🙄😅
@@Lyrielonwind that is strange! It is longer, I tend to ramble. That might be why? Or perhaps the powers that be are discouraging connection. 😂 I also found patterns by looking at my family tree. I hadn't thought of looking at photo albums for additional information, since my first go through. I am investigating a specific lost memory. So far, I have gathered information from extended family members who do not know that my memory for about ten years of my life (not in a solid chunk, about 3 year average timeframes) is totally blocked out. My mother has pieced together the huge memory gaps that I'm dealing with. When I asked her about if anything major happened to me as a child, she responded by asking me, "what do you know?" Which is suspicious, knowing her. I had framed it in the approach of, I do not want to blame or persecute anyone, I simply want to heal my own issues, so I can be a functional member of society. That didn't change anything, she is not giving up any information. So I pretend that my extended family isnt revealing anything new to me, when they mention something related, and I see if I can steer them in that direction. The albums might give me a better idea of a timeframe!! Something more solid to work with. I have a location and a general incident narrowed down.
@@Lyrielonwind My dad side is the same, narcissist dads then playing victim. My mom's side is bigoted, toxic, unstable, anxious and limiting their kids a lot while stuck in an unhappy marriage. My uncle broke the cycle by having high education and marrying a smart and kind woman. And mom just divorced at 50. Dad's side is the same but I'm happy to see a generation change. They broke the chains, and as their kids we won't follow up their mistakes. it's hard to rewire yourself but all of us did successfully
I'm glad I'm not just weird. I've been working on staying calm and regulated around others. Regular attendance and fellowship at a very kind church has helped over the last 5 years.
I learned this one day talking with a coworker sharing childhood stories of growing up with alcoholics. We both couldn’t look people in the eyes, it wasn’t until then I even realized I COULDN’T do it. I spent years forcing myself to look people in the eyes. These videos are amazing. Everyone one I see more trauma and signs of that trauma in me
I've had a proffesor at a university that kept thinking that I was zoning out while he was talking directly to me (he was looking at my eyes while talking and I was looking at his). Finally I got irrated and I was like I'm here. I am not zoning out. I'm aware of what you're saying. He stopped calling me out. Now I think this is what he saw. The trauma in my eyes. The disconnected look in them that no one else before him payed attention to. He just didn't know what he was seeing. Neither did I. He was like "That's a first time someone is zoning out while I'm talking directly to her."
i had this exact same thing happen to me. staying After school to make up failed credits and she freaked out on me for not paying attention while talking to me even thought i was looking her directly in the eyes. Very confusing and pissed me off completley
I worked in a warehouse when I was a teenager, and one time a coworker about my age asked me what was wrong with my eyes. I had no idea what he was talking about and have always wondered what he saw. Another time, I was in therapy, and my therapist was talking with me about my relationship with women, and suddenly one of my eyes just started twitching uncontrollably. At the very least, it's interesting how it all manifests in a physical form. I wonder what I might look like without it.
Take yourself a selfie after a meditation... maybe a video so you can see better. Record yourself while watching something you like, a sunset for instance. Something which is soothing to you, not while you are watching a football game or... maybe it's a better idea to record yourself in different moods at home. It won't hurt you. We don't know how our backs look like 😂 our closest ones do.
I think eye problems may also be part of trauma. My hyper vigilance has made my eyes constantly over tired. I have been short sighted since I was young and it makes sense because I feel exhausted from examining every detail. Over time I've actually blurred out life beyond 3metres away. It helps prevent a level of overwhelm to just shut life out.
Wow that rings true for me too. I choose not to wear my glasses unless I have to, like while driving or out and about. I even prefer watching TV slightly blurred. It helps me zone out when I don't see every little detail in 4K.
Every video is me , iv never felt so understood in my life . I was misdiagnosed bipolar when I was in the fifth sixth grade I don’t remember which one of my memories of my childhood are so fuzzy and faded . I’m 30 now and I got done being abused being thrown into mental hospitals being told I was psychotic when I wasn’t. So I self educated and I read . I watched professionals, and I’ve learned how to communicate with my psychiatrist and finally got them to see who I was. All due to professionals like him. Thank u
This is all perfectly true!! I’ve been hospitalised in the past with catatonic depression Seeing Speaking & moving are impossible at those times I’m invisible (see through/see past) I don’t matter Who gives a shit I certainly don’t
I find this fascinating because sometimes I can tell a person has been through suffering/pain/trauma when I look into their eyes. But I was hoping there was going to be some visual examples of each of these. Would be interesting to actually see what each of these looks like.
I wear sunglasses every time I leave the house and go into public. I lie and say it’s because my eyes are light sensitive which is absolutely true but the real reason is I can’t look anyone in the eye because my body goes into panic mode because I’m afraid I’ll be hit or get the shit beat out of me that’s what my body tells me. It tells me that it’s dangerous to look anyone in the eyes. 😢
My problem is the not knowing a normal balance. I worry the entire conversation if I'm making too much/ not enough eye contact. Then worry if they are darting around too much. My parents demanded you look at them when they screamed at, cursed, mocked us. You had to show respect by looking at them but not too long. Too long meant you were looking defiant and you'd better get that look off your face.
Let me inspire someone else: I can’t quick laughing bc I do some of these and know ppl who do others. Once you’ve done some shame releasing around these aspects of yourself you’ll become more compassionate, understanding and less hurt by becoming aware of this. Our souls record the traumas until we are ready to heal them. For those of us who may struggle to speak honestly about how we feel, we’re more inclined to express our feelings through our eyes. It’s a really genius part of the survival system however if you’re here… your a CYCLE BREAKER 👏🏽🕊️
Every single one of these is completely true for me. 💯 In fact, I've often wondered if I have ASD because eye contact is so difficult for me. Thank you for highlighting this!
You can have both, and in actuality children in the autism spectrum often go through repeated trauma as children. So keep exploring options and I hope you find your truth
i have asd but was comfortable making eye contact. I’ve been going through a trauma healing journey and i have been trouble making eye contact. Ive heard the people with asd can have trouble with it or may engage in it too intensely. i’m almost sure how much is due to asd and how much it due to trauma. Either progress is possible and don’t give up hope. For asd i recommend looking into fasting for autaphagy and for trauma i recommend grieving and emotional processing therapies for pyshcological integration. Life can be normal. I went thru extreme trauma and had asd but God has carried me thru it and has helped me immensely. Jesus is our biggest helper and friend. Dont go through life alone, God is there and is willing to help you ask for wisdom and seek out a relationship with Him !
I was diagnosed with pdd-nos at 12, an old diagnosis for asd, back in the 90s. I'm convinced that it's not genetic, at least no more than susceptability. Imo, it's early life isolation, particularly social, combined with parents who gaslight us about their emotions. I.e. My mother always told me she was just tired, whenever she went on a passive aggressive tyrade. She kept me isolated, apparently for lack of a babysitter who would do nights while staying awake. I assume it's for lack of a convenient babysitter within the first 3 she tried, knowing her. Compare the symptoms with Failure to Thrive, and you'll find it 1 symptom off.
I am sorry friend, that you experienced this treatment 🤍💝 I am happy that your voice helps bring awareness, healing trauma as well as neurodivergency and CPTSD. 💕 My family was full of not so good experiences, emotionally immature and disregulated adults as well. Sending you lots of positive healing vibes for angels to surround, guide and assist you in your healing journey. 😇✨️🙏✨️😇 @Solscapes.
I’m not necessarily refuting any of this, but these descriptions of eyes & eye contact can be applied to other conditions, as well. Accept it if it resonates, but also consider other possibilities like neurodivergence, health conditions, depression….
Yes, but even neurodivergence, physical (which I'm sure you meant) health conditions and depression are also strongly and understandably linked TO trauma. I was labeled ALL kinds of things and I'm in my 40s..if I was a child now, I'd have even more diagnoses, as we didn't (good thing and bad thing) label every little thing, so they can medicate it and never heal it..... but looking back on the physical and cognitive issues from my childhood were from lack of safety, a lonely childhood, bullied by sibling, never protected or defended, etc...Also B12 deficiencies undetected but it all came from stress. It's all related
I think Neurodivergence is the most commonly discussed cause of avoidant eye-contact so I really appreciate him providing a variety of other causes that are not commonly discussed.
@@wildnregaltv1610 hear hear! I was diagnosed with ADD and autism, even though I tried to explain that my fear of eye contact and social withdrawal (among other things) is caused by childhood trauma. In Sweden, it's rare that psychologists have any knowledge about CPTSD and it's impact on the brain and nervous system. There's nothing wrong with having autism, but it's frustrating to be misdiagnosed and not getting the right treatment.
This makes me think about a participant on a dating show called "love is blind", a few seasons ago. The participant is called Zack (his now wife whom he met there is called Bliss). On the show, another female participant whom he dated as well, couldn't handle his intense stare (or it made her uncomfortable). But he doesn't strike me as a dangerous person. I'll admit that I might be a little biased though, because I'm a huge fan of him and his wife. I think his "stare" might have to do with this phenomenon since he went through a lot before the show.
I most definitely carries into adulthood. Ive had all of these symptoms. Several years ago my right eye started tearing. Just cry outmof one eye. I couldnt recognize the emotion. I couldnt recognize why. Not until after several years of trauma therapy. The amount of severe traumas Ive been keeping hidden is epiic. It was just so strong it manifested as crying in one eye most of the day.
😮 You basically described me in 3 or 4 minutes, especially the eye contact thing and the studying part. I hate catching eye contact especially with some people in my family I'm 25 and no idea how to recover from this and ist pretty scary
What's important to note here is that eye contact issues can also be a result of neurodivergence, like ADHD or autism. Me for example, I have issues looking people in the eye and was very shy as a kid but don't suffer from complex trauma. I would say that neurodivergence can cause it's own challenging experiences but it's not the same as someone with PTSD issues. It seems like neurodivergence and trauma have a lot of symptom overlap because they both are about a dysregulated nervous system.
yeah definetly , another interesting theory is that trauma during early childhood might be causing this symptom, in scatteredmind gabor mate explaining it
My eyes went all wonky, on one hand I had to on the look out for impending violence and rejection and on the other hand I was shamed again and again so my right eye was constantly looking over my shoulder while inner muscle was pulling me down in shame. It's no wonder my spine went wonky too - I developed scoliosis. The eyes are the window to our soul. Our body manifests how we feel within.
I’m still trying to integrate after switching my locus of control, but creativity played a huge role in healing. And reestablishing myself, learning, healthy boundaries, emotional intelligence, healthy communication. And what actual intimacy was. I learned nobody’s coming to save me, and nobody is in my position other than because of my choices. I did not choose to be a victim, but I can choose to empower myself. Take my projections back, and not give my power away. Neurodivergent people are more sensitive due to lack of synaptic, pruning and bottoms of processing
My parents taught my siblings and I . Eye contact when we were children. But since my trauma. My eyes are doing other things lately. Super watery, blurred vision, and constant blinking !
@@michellefaith900 Nervous dysregulation...I guess you also learned how to hold mean eyes without shrinking...I did and it can be useful at times, not always. Try to calm down your sympathetic nervous system. Easier said than done but not impossible. At least we have a knowledge we can regain. Some never had it. Anyway, it depends how you use it, how and with to. Hugs.
@@LyrielonwindWhat do you mean by calming sympathic nervous system? What can we do to even cause that? Can you give me examples please? I thought the sympathetic nervous system works automatically
@@HaHaroni I can feel it. My monster dad pretended he was sorry and he wanted to change but he only lured me further into his game till I was struggling to survive...
@vanessas2363 the NHS tried EMDR therapy which made my CPTSD worse, so I don't bother with therapy as there are just narcissists trying to make money out of poor people like my self.
@@NicholasLampitt I agree, it's an absolute racket isn't it. I have CPTSD too. I'm glad you told me that about EMDR as was going to try it. I'm going to try somatic therapy, movements and stuff. As lot of mine is stuck in my body, I shake a lot. Panic attacks. And night terrors. I dread going to bed each night. My dreams are like horror movies. Was it continuous after you were 2? Or only at 2? (Apologies of that's intrusive, you don't need to answer). I'm in UK. County Durham.
@@NicholasLampitt I also get the most horrendous eczema flare ups, like burns on my body and face. On fire. I've even been hospitalised with it as an emergency. The doctor said to me "I can smell burning flesh". How weird is that? It's disturbing. I'm here if you need a friend. I'm 48. We're same age.
As someone with face blindness I don't look people in the face because I can't tell what I'm looking at. I can tell by people body language or how they sound. The face tells me nothing but that they have the regular eyes,nose, and mouth. I can't even describe what I look like.
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 No they definitely look different. But it's like looking at different types of walls. You know they are different but you don't remember the details on it. You don't recognize the same wall when you see it again, unless it's in the same house. So you memorize the house instead. To me I have a specific blindness. I can't describe how it looks unless I'm looking at it. And unless I had a conversation with a person like 5-10 times I won't recognize their faces when I see them. I kinda learn their faces and it's not automatic for me, yet I can't still describe how it looks. It's just the nose, eyebrows, mouth etc. for me. I can explain that if they have something specific like skin colors, scars, long/short hair or piercings or colored eyes or a mole; after I saw them a few times. For many it's different but that's how it's for me.
Lastly, I will say that this has pushed me to find my vocation. And it will be in a similar field, psychoanalysis, trauma, healing, and or somatic healing. It’s imperative to get this information out, and I think this is where true healing lies. Not in the medical model I was established in. This is not healing, because they don’t consider health not being merely the absence of disease. Many, most people are suffering… Many, most people genuinely dislike themselves and have deep shame. I am fortunate to have connected with people over the years at a vulnerable level, in their homes as a healthcare provider. This with the trauma has allowed me to read the underlying energy, and really harness on my intuition. I wasn’t valuing myself, I was making decisions and perceiving the world based on this. Leading to the same cycles and contributing to the same narrative. New Decisions, would solve internal conflict and give me a greater dimension of perspective. Now I can see other peoples perspectives if I so choose… Including step outside of myself and look at my actions and intentions behind them. Trying to learn to feel the emotions physically rather than logically. As I have learned, these are a roadmap.
Absolutely fascinating presentation, I am very sensitive to others and their body language and I notice every single point you mentioned , this helps me to read what I’m seeing much better and confirms what I’ve thought about those I’ve come across . Great work
I work closely with children at an elementary school and I’ve definitely experienced the studying you, looking you up and down, all around your face while you’re talking to make sure you’re safe. There are a few children I’ve seen do this.
This is fascinating. Definitely describes me. I see it as being completely naked and vulnerable and I really am uncomfortable with it. Dissociation has been a big part of my life and I’m now just waking up to all this.
@@MeganVincent-tl4tgi love the outdoors including traveling and reading books, cooking, gardening and watching movies. I love nature due to my job, I'm an under water welder/ diving operations contracting services. Which is your favorite flower, color and music!?
I have AuDHD and I don’t know what’s what… I zone out, I look for patterns but deep looking at people… and looking around and just going away in the thought… and also I recognize myself in all this..
Ya I am suffering with this... it's really painful, shivering 😭. I hate people, angry at my kids when they don't listen to me. All my trauma response from childhood 😂. Depression and anxiety are very stressful while your parenting, can't shout at 0:55 people even though I want to. However I believe there is a superpower always with me help me 🙏. Let's see how it's going sobriety dangerous.
Thank you so much for this! I really appreciate you discussing the vast possible causes which aren’t spoken on enough. So many automatically assume Neurodivergence💚
The most annoying thing after being told you dont have a head injury is the lack of vision experts or even a referral. I kept saying there is something wrong with my vision. Eye docs told me 2020. I could not hold eye contact. I was so tired of it being told it was emotional. Binocular vision dysfunction. Vision therapy saved my life. Going through that there is so much more to vision that i cant explain you have to feel. It is so overlooked. I think of autism and tourettes after going through that. More research into vision is needed. It changed everything about the world. My heart breaks for all those who see the world that way and how frustrating it is to be told there is nothing wrong or no connection. I think there is
It would be nice to see what healthy, regulated eyes look like. We live in a society where making eye contact can be problematic for people, and intimidating for certain contexts due to half the population looking for ways to be offended. There’s also been a push to ignore and “normalize” mental illness.
Avoiding eye contact is always a sign of trauma, fear, shyness or holding a secret and it is not a trait of lying like media says. You know that the person is holding a secret is when the person who is used to making eye contact with you on a regular basis, suddenly starts avoiding making eye contact. Even then, it is accompanied by other signs like fidgeting, restlessness or stuttering.
I only learnt through therapy how to maintain gaze into someone's eyes as before it never felt safe. I'd do a quick look and occasional check but avoided all other eye contact. As a trainee therapist myself, I have had to work really hard on this hard-wired habit; thankfully, I can do it with calmness now!
Bug eyes mentioned (Bulging eyes) Graves disease immune system attacking the eye tissue and the thyroid. So it’s not necessarily trauma if someone has bulging eyes or staring eyes.!
It's supposed to be in general. I have allergies and my eyes are not always red and I don't scratch my nose because I'm lying 🤥... someone with a little bit of knowledge can see I also scratch my eyes, scalp... you need to get a baseline to see what is usual in one person so you can see what's unusual.
I did have stress due to loosing a loved one to terminal illness prior to my issue … i thought my bad health with Graves’ disease was a lack of nutrition, poverty and cigarettes. And I don’t know the history of the many people with Graves’ disease all trying to get treatment in the waiting room at the hospital so I cannot say why they are suffering with this condition.
At least three teachers at my secondary school figured out that something was wrong - I had the thousand yard stare. Two teachers were ex-military, the third a biology teacher new that something was wrong. Back then it was too late for me but thankfully modern Psychology has progressed to the point where it would be easily detectable?
Every time I passed my high school principal in the hallway and it was just the two of us, he would force me into small talk and would compliment my smile when I finally gave him one. "You have a beautiful smile, you should smile more often!" Something my parents never told me, so it was nice to hear and boosted my confidence.
It’s not with everyone but with people who I know are narcissists, I avoid eye contact with them. One reason is because I can see the hate and darkness, and also because I don’t want to give them any thing nor do I want to give them respect, it shuts them down when you ignore them. Looking at them gives them some form of supply. I used to avoid eye contact because I had a lot of trauma, I went to therapy with a good psychologist after years of trying to get help. Now I don’t have thet issue and can hold eye contact with safe people. But people who make me uncomfortable I avoid eye contact all together and avoid them
You lnow what sucks? When complete stranger can see in your eyes that they are sad, even if at the moment you feel neutral... But family members that saw how you suffered for DECADES from abuse - brush you off And when you muster courage to talk about your trauma - they tell you to get over it (A LOT variations of it)!!! They tell to not dump things on them, because they also had their own problems! Told me that they can read me like a book... I felt all the time that I was hiding things well, so that's why they didn't severity of problems - but then noted down my emotions, aven close to what I was thinking... That kinda killed me😢😢. They knew - just weren't bothered enough to even adress anything!!! Yet always said that they love me!!! What a load of c***!!! When you love someone - you care about their safety, about what they think, what they feel... Not constantly brush them off!!!! Only now I see how superficial our relationship was😢😢...
I can remember as a very young person. We were having Christmas pictures taken. I thought someone please look into my eyes and see what's happening to Me. As an adult it was very hard for Me to make eye contact with any one. Also I couldn't look in to my own eyes, when putting on makeup. Yes the eyes are very telling Thank you ❤
Thanks for bringing this topic up ♥️ Please talk more about this, And how to regulate your nervous system in that regard, I lived almost my whole life with that predatory eyes, I honestly felt safe since i was able to read into people easily and know much more than what they reveal, But then i went through a traumatic relationship with a partner who constantly threaten my personal safety in different ways, Even threatened to make me lose my job and my family, Fear almost took over me. Recently i realized that i started to fear exposing people and looking deep into them, Cuz maybe if i do i'd see their darkness and then them hurting me will be inevitable ! I hope it makes sense
My step- daughter has been struggling with Complex Trauma. Has been seeing a counselor for two years. I’ve learned a lot from your videos!! We are learning that it is a cycle and trying to teach her to overcome this. Every 6 mo or so when things are going well, she self-sabotages and reaches a period of high anxiety. Makes very poor choices. Hurts people but doesn’t understand or feel bad she hurts others. Doesn’t show remorse. She only is upset she is caught. Her eyes are very dark during those moments. We are wondering if she is struggling with something else along with Complex Trauma. We’ve showed her your videos, she either is uninterested or doesn’t seem to understand the language and gets lost. She does not have the ability to self-reflect. What advice do you have to help our 15 year old begin to break that cycle?
Michael Jackson o ce said exactly what This scientist says.. that he didn-t want people to look into his eyes because he didn't want people to access his pain.
I watched this video because when I saw the caption I thought how when I look at social media profile pics I believe I can tell if they had a rough life or a good one and their personality. Also, I watch these kind of videos to learn how to not look like I’ve had a traumatic life.
Superb content. May I politely suggest you should hire a one-time audio engineer to help with your audio/mic settings - the mic is clipping/distorted in your videos. Again, thank you kindly for sharing your valuable knowledge.
It would be really powerful if you could make a video with visual examples for some of these. I think I tend to gaslight myself into thinking I'm not seeing what I'm seeing
my mouth is smiling, but my eyes are not.. i never realized about the lack of eye contact.. that’s very interesting.. hyper vigilant def and also i don’t want that kind of intimate-type connection i associate with eye contact.. i still dissociate.. what great information..
One time I was walking through the mall after I had just moved back to my hometown after failing at life in the big city for a decade. I was about as low as I could feel. It was the holiday season. I don’t even recall why I was at the mall as i am not a mall person. Anyway I was walking out when a man at a lotion stand called out to do his pitch and when I looked at him his face just fell into the most concerned look. He immediately asked me if I was okay and the walked over to me and asked if I needed a hug. I did hug him and then I fell into him and just cried like a baby. He was a hot ass dude too😂. He hugged me so good and told me it would be ok and rubbed my back and I bought like $200 of smelly lotion and soaps I still think I have somewhere around here 15 years later 😂😂😂 Sometimes it’s all over your face. I will never forget that man. I don’t care if he was just trying to make a sale. He didn’t have to take the time to give me contact comfort when I needed it most, but he did and I will be forever grateful.
Wow. I experienced quite a bit of trauma as a young child and I could never understand the sad, zoned-out stare I always saw in my pictures. I constantly looked like I was ill. Also my pale lips and complexion, as well as dark circles under my eyes which I still have at 67.
The predatory stare thing is something I've seen mainly in very abusive people, but other really nice people that are often are in denial or don't remember much. But either way they are like they're trying to break your character with their eyes.
I have had an extremely hard time looking people in the eye for what feels like my whole life. In public I don't even stare ahead of me. I leave my eyes unfocused so I can be more aware of movement and my surroundings. I feel like I have to know what is going on around me at all times. I try to always sit in the corner with my back toward the wall because being approached from behind is one of my biggest triggers. I've accidentally elbowed so many people, including my Mom when it happens. I'm terrified of sudden large sounds, especially people raising their voices, whether positive or negative. My Dad was an explosive person, and you never knew what was going to set him off. We'd do everything to try to placate him, but it was never enough to guarantee that he wouldn't snap. He was abusive, physically, emotionally and sexually. We grew up around a lot of violence, and I feel like my life is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's maddening. And when I was young, even though I wasn't doing it to be rude, but because I didn't feel safe, I'd usually get punished physically for not looking people in the eye. It's a terrible cycle.
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Years ago a stranger in a bar told me I have beautiful but sad eyes. Ever since then I knew my pain was more noticeable to others than I thought.
@@erinm3567 same here...I was told during my nightmare childhood and early youth that my eyes looked like those in an icon...I thought that was a compliment then but now I understand why...the people portrayed in icons all suffered enormously...
A kind friend’s mom once told me that I was so pretty, when I had smiled at her… usually only sadness could be found in my eyes & I still remember this sweet person almost 50 years later ❤️🩹
Same here 😢
A man in a grocery store told me that ....😢 👀
Alcohol will do that to you
I don’t even look in a mirror. I shave in the shower, telling myself I’m already wet and soapy. I keep a wash-and-go haircut. Eye contact is something I avoid, even with myself.
I often can't look at myself in the mirror, no idea why ? I had a haircut few yrs back, and I wouldn't look in mirror at the style, anyone know why I feel this way ?
@@andrewrees8749 for me it’s internalized shame. I’m working Codependency Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. I have to” restore the emotional losses of childhood” (CoDA intro) and be my own loving parent (ACA). I’ve gone through years of grief and am starting to come out the other side. It’s not easy work, but it’s better than feeling like sh!t and having no hope.
Horrific to hear I hope you get the help you desire or deserve to have this eye contact you desire with yourself cheers
Hugs to you
@@andrewrees8749 I had the same problem ever since adolescence started. I learned it's called toxic shame from childhood neglect, and the only way I've gotten better is healing my inner child and learning to love myself more. It's taken two years for me to get comfortable with it and it completely changed my identity and confidence. I hope you start to heal yourself even though it's really hard if real love wasn't modeled to you. Cheers for everyone who's healing in the comments ❤️❤️🩹
Cut ties, move away….and become the person YOU need….that’s what I did. Honestly, I have never regretted it. Built a life for myself, that I love.
I am gonna do in yesterday if Almighty wills...i was bit anxious but your comment comforted me a lot..thanks
That would be dream come true.
Yep!
I see so many young people who need to do this for themselves (they don’t know what they don’t know) and I feel like telling them - you can change it all by getting out of the environment that’s suffocating you - go create the life you want out of the gaze of judgement ❤
Me too! Bliss at last!
You said it❤
I used to know this guy with a troubled past (his father had mental issues) and now that i know i always noticed he had that look in his eyes of a man that never knew safety i hope you're doing better my friend.
@@f34r0r im fine
@@ansuz444 🤣😂
😂😂@@ansuz444
@@ansuz444 LOL
Why don't you ask him
I developed a tendency to look at people's eyes when they are smiling. You can smile the widest grin ever, but your eyes will give it away if you are in pain or unhappy.
Also fake smiles with cold eyes are predators
@@caroleminke6116 wtf… thought I was becoming weird because I thought I was the only one realising it 😂
How do a happy persons eyes look like
@@Jdawn92 they have emotion in them. They have empathy
@@Jdawn92 shiny ✨ full with light and expressive
Being zoned out can be dissociation. I remember people needing to get me to focus… and it’s not until I was 46 that I realized I have Dissociative identity disorder. My brain managed to keep my abuse compartmentalized. Truly fascinating when you think about it.
The brain does so much to try to protect itself. It is fascinating.
I think it is soooooo interesting, these mind mechanisms!! I had an incident with someone who was fully in denial, and I had engaged for quite some time providing loads of evidence and attempting to walk them through the basic logic. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that they never planned on entertaining any other stance, regardless of the evidence, regardless of the outcomes. This person needed the external world to be a certain way to "be okay," and anything that wasn't in alignment with it, they could rationalize away. They seemed very fully convinced of their story, too. I was in awe, I had never so closely interacted with that phenomenon before, where I was discovering the edges of what they could and could not allow. It was totally wild, I learned a lot, and I would never do it again!! 😂
Our brains are really good at protecting ourselves. It’s amazing how much our body can go through, whether that’s mentally, physically or psychologically.
This is often misdiagnosed as ADHD
@@Myatalanta-l4x I wholeheartedly agree!
I can never look people in the eye when talking with them. I’ve had some people accused me of lying because I wouldn’t make eye contact. The one time I talked back to my father, he backhanded me across the face. Anytime I made eye contact with him, he accused me of “plotting against him.” “I know you’re plotting against me, what are you plotting.” Whack! You learn to never make eye contact even in adult life. I’ve learned to become invisible and not make waves. We went to far as to hide to keep from being beaten when we were kids. Most of my childhood was spent trying to keep my little brothers from harm by hiding them. I freeze up and fear when anyone criticizes me, like it’s a pending attack. But this is another reason we don’t make eye contact: to become invisible to our abusers and because it’s a learned behavior that we just can’t stop, even though logically we know the danger is past.
@@cindymccafferty8346
Freeze and fawn response, plus learnedhelplessness. I'm stuck in freeze although I know I can bounce back to fight...It's a sh!tty life having the legacy, curse from our most inmediate ancestors.
It's not only that, if we count the huge amount of people surviving poverty and wars.
Take care of yourself. You are worthy.
yeaaa there's a lot of false positives I knew it was coming when he talked about the soul. His first point was valid, but his second point hinges on the hopes that people can relate. Sadly, the people With complex traumas aren't aware of most of their behaviors so that might make them even More hyper-vigilant like my npd friend/ex (after 9 years, she thought I was a good contender for her roster... she failed to grasp that I can actually make sense out of all this and I held her accountable without breaking her which was worse... since she isn't completely unaware of what she does [manipulations, lies, deceit etc] but she feels entitled and justified to any and all of the atrocious things without the consequences because of this horrible society we live in... RUclips is, sadly to say, enabling this crap. Nearly None of the Real scientists are on youtube because it's quite a job to make consistent videos. It shouldn't be this way and "production value" requires much more than what people think (not mandatory, but.. yea).
I'm so sorry, you and your siblings deserved to have been adored, loved and treated gently
I hope you and siblings are safe now.
Probbably schizophrenic. Had similar talks with my dad, especially during his divorce with mum.
I didn't hear you mention avoiding eye contact out of shame. I used to be afraid people would see my defectiveness and judge me as being bad if I made eye contact.
For me it’s all about the chronic toxic shame.
He did
Reminder!!! Your so-called defects are your beauty. No one is perfect and it's actually our differences and imperfections that give us value.
My aunt, that's a nurse and thinks she's a psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild autism. Yet she knows absolutely nothing about psychiatry and childhood trauma, though experiencing a lot of trauma in her childhood. I know I don't have any form of autism and her mother that raised me also decided I was mentally defective. It's sad these people give a baseless diagnosis of the people they abuse, in order for themselves to feel justified and right in some strange way. I told my aunt that her mother made me ashamed a lot with her fictitious scenarios that she used to claim I was a lying, no good person. I guess she thinks people aren't supposed to react to her that way after her behavior. The one reacting that way must have a mental issue because it couldn't be them.
@babybear19791 It took till adulthood for me to realize I'd been gaslit by my mother my whole life. Classic for an abuser to gaslight the victim.
This makes sense because whenever people look at me, I feel they can see my trauma and I've always wondered why. I usually avoid eye contact.
I make everything to look happy so that people don't see my sadness.
They told me in kindergarten when the child psychologist started pulling me out of class, that I was the problem, inability to concentrate, inward self harm, too sensitive. I was totally traumatized and shutting down. It was the home not me, but they out it all on me. I can barely make eye contact in conflict situations. Getting better. When I’m centered I can do anything. The mother had the scary eyes and would turn in an instant, never knew what was going to happen. I’m hyper vigilant but know I’m safe now, but don’t trust most people. Doesn’t mean I can’t interact but I let few close, because I feel them a mile away and often known it to connect. However, I can be very open and accepting when I know I won’t be taken advantage of.
@@Ursaminor31 can't trust no one but Jesus Christ
We can also find falsehood in the eyes of others and be scared that they will know that we saw it
YES
Yeah. It's scary.
I saw evil in the abusers eyes.
@@annemurphy8074I know exactly what you’re talking about.. what kind of eyes..glad to know I’m not the only one realising it
Yes 😅
It's heartbreaking to look at old pictures of myself from my abusive childhood and abusive marriage. My eyes are completely different now. My posture is different. Everything about me is different. People can heal from a lifetime of all forms of abuse.
@@bbilgers8686 thank you for this!
Had to have my photos taken for a new passport the other day - and was shocked how much trauma still was in my eyes...
I so relate. You can see the progression of how terrible my abusive marriage is -- all you need to do is compare my DL's and passports over the past 10 years. I'm a shell of who I was before I got married.
Gosh it’s so horrific I hope we get the security love plus care we deserve cheers
If you have pictures of your parents and grandparents, check them. You can find awareness about your most guarded family's secrets.
You might find out that the crazy ones were the healthiest but burdened.
@@nickandrews2255 ❤
@@Lyrielonwind you can learn a lot about your family dynamics with old photos and tales but most don't do that cause there's a taboo about judging the dead and buried.
I'm near sighted and some days are too exhausting that I take off my glasses so I don't have to pay attention to anything. The world is blurry and I can just dissociate from it all.
I'll try that one.
@@timu-san
It really does work. I do it all the time when I'm stressed. If you're in public, it especially works.
@@lostgurl1379 thanks :) it never occurred to me, it's easier to zone out if you can't see anyone looking at you.
I used to have to use this trick to go grocery shopping.
@@krissyaguilar1814 Why aren't you calm at church? If anywhere that's where you should be calm, in the presence of God? Or are you talking about the awkwardness afterwards?
I identify as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I have never had the luxury of being able to look away because of my level of awareness growing up. I've experienced trauma multiple times and it's ongoing. I use eye contact as a way to show that I'm aware of a potential coming perpetrator because negative people tend to think they can get away with being aggressive towards people when we are not looking them in the eyes.
My mum often said to me , you dont look well today ! I can tell by your eyes 😢
I suffered with anxiety and other mental health issues, all my life .
You can have both :)
Sorry to hear this, what stealth way to undermine a person. This issue lies within her, not you. You are not "crazy".
Maybe she just cared
sounds like a form of gaslighting
😢💔❤😔 much love
I read a suggestion of looking into the mirror and talking to myself like I am a baby e.g. "you are a beautiful clever baby" . First time I did it I lasted about 10 secs, and started sobbing but have built up to 30 secs now. It has really helped as one habit to move towards self love.
That sounds absolutely unbearable. But probably not a bad idea.
I can do that no problem but I would cringe so hard doing it 😂
I teach high school and one of my students wasn’t doing well one day and I was talking to her. She was telling me she was depressed and her mom gets mad at her when she brings it up. I was telling her she could talk to me if she felt comfortable and I understood because I have MDD. She said she kind of knew I had depression, she said she could tell there were days that I was sad and didn’t want to be at work. That made me feel awful- I thought I hid it better 💔.
Everybody never wants to be at work, she was manipulating you for advantageous benefit.
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always Rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is, to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain, sister. after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
As a kid i had the avoidant eyes, they slowly developed into predatory ones as i grew.
I think that sadly they tend to scare people a bit because it's so obvious that i see everything all the time, making me seem almost non-human.
Sometimes i take pride in my hyper vigilance because it has benefits, but also so many drawbacks....
Keep vigilant, they're all against you till the end.
Education, specifically obtaining a masters degree, was pivotal towards my ability to have the tools in healing myself. I learned how to create a dialogue with my subconscious through learning the language of symbolism, and interpreting through my creations. You can call me, insane, but personally, I think society is insane.
Welcome to chaos 2308
You are perfectly sane.
I have this, and I have used it to keep out of trouble numerous times. It has also been quite effective in getting people to leave me alone.
I wish people could understand that people who look most "normal" are not always healthy.
My father was an eye doctor and he didn't want to treat my continuous blinking when I was 9 yo because I was as "neurotic" as my poor aunt. I still don't know if he ever realized he married the toxic sister but I saw the same "far away eyes" in three pictures of his mother who died after delivery of my father's youngest brother. My father was the first born and he was 9 years old when his mother died.
My grandfather remarried and after I realized about my narcissistic mother's little secret; her malignant narcissism, I realized all my grandparents offsprings married narcissistic couples. Except for one, all of them were males and they all married covert vulnerable malignant narcissistic women who passed the curse to the next generation.
In most cases, the first born was the golden child no matter if it was male or female... check your ancestors pictures if you have them because you can find clues about their lives.
Very interesting observations from Tim. Thank you 🙏
Very interesting observations! Way to go, doing the digging work, making the connections.
I know it is painful work. I keep trying to tell others, there is also a massive amount of relief that comes with it!! I do not think I would have the courage to do the digging and connection work required, if things did not gradually get better as we become more clear.
I have been thinking about pulling out the picture albums from my childhood to see if I can narrow down to a specific year when "it" happened. There might be information I could gain by looking closely at my own expressions (and who was around) in those old pictures.
I am blocking out a specific memory, and there are people around me who know and are not comfortable speaking with me about it. I have slowly gained information by not revealing to others that the specific incident is totally blocked out in my memory.
I did try to ask my mother in a straightforward way, and I was definitely barking up the wrong tree. I made sure it was clear that i wasn't concerned with blame or who did what, i needed to know what I went through, so I can adequately treat the symptoms. The symptoms that *absolutely destroyed* the nice little life I had the audacity to build for myself. My mother will not be giving up any secrets, even if they're mine. 🙄😅
@@PaigeSquared
I can't read your comment. I don't know why. First time this happens to me.
@@Lyrielonwind that is strange! It is longer, I tend to ramble. That might be why? Or perhaps the powers that be are discouraging connection. 😂
I also found patterns by looking at my family tree. I hadn't thought of looking at photo albums for additional information, since my first go through.
I am investigating a specific lost memory. So far, I have gathered information from extended family members who do not know that my memory for about ten years of my life (not in a solid chunk, about 3 year average timeframes) is totally blocked out.
My mother has pieced together the huge memory gaps that I'm dealing with. When I asked her about if anything major happened to me as a child, she responded by asking me, "what do you know?" Which is suspicious, knowing her. I had framed it in the approach of, I do not want to blame or persecute anyone, I simply want to heal my own issues, so I can be a functional member of society. That didn't change anything, she is not giving up any information.
So I pretend that my extended family isnt revealing anything new to me, when they mention something related, and I see if I can steer them in that direction. The albums might give me a better idea of a timeframe!! Something more solid to work with. I have a location and a general incident narrowed down.
@@Lyrielonwind I also praised you on your perseverance and excellent detective skills. 😂🙌🏻🎉
@@Lyrielonwind My dad side is the same, narcissist dads then playing victim. My mom's side is bigoted, toxic, unstable, anxious and limiting their kids a lot while stuck in an unhappy marriage. My uncle broke the cycle by having high education and marrying a smart and kind woman. And mom just divorced at 50. Dad's side is the same but I'm happy to see a generation change. They broke the chains, and as their kids we won't follow up their mistakes. it's hard to rewire yourself but all of us did successfully
I'm glad I'm not just weird. I've been working on staying calm and regulated around others. Regular attendance and fellowship at a very kind church has helped over the last 5 years.
I learned this one day talking with a coworker sharing childhood stories of growing up with alcoholics. We both couldn’t look people in the eyes, it wasn’t until then I even realized I COULDN’T do it. I spent years forcing myself to look people in the eyes.
These videos are amazing. Everyone one I see more trauma and signs of that trauma in me
I have this problem. A lot of the times when I look at people I end up dissociating . It's so uncomfortable. I have been wondering how to heal this.
@@jaimelynnsoul try looking up youtube - noah hines shame deliverance
Tim, you have no idea how much you help people in daily life. Thank you so much for your work. You truly are a blessing. ❤️
I am hyper vigilant😢 grew up with punitive, raging mom.
Yup. I’m sorry you had that too.
I've had a proffesor at a university that kept thinking that I was zoning out while he was talking directly to me (he was looking at my eyes while talking and I was looking at his). Finally I got irrated and I was like I'm here. I am not zoning out. I'm aware of what you're saying. He stopped calling me out.
Now I think this is what he saw. The trauma in my eyes. The disconnected look in them that no one else before him payed attention to. He just didn't know what he was seeing. Neither did I. He was like "That's a first time someone is zoning out while I'm talking directly to her."
i had this exact same thing happen to me. staying After school to make up failed credits and she freaked out on me for not paying attention while talking to me even thought i was looking her directly in the eyes. Very confusing and pissed me off completley
Life saving! Family saving teachings!
I worked in a warehouse when I was a teenager, and one time a coworker about my age asked me what was wrong with my eyes. I had no idea what he was talking about and have always wondered what he saw.
Another time, I was in therapy, and my therapist was talking with me about my relationship with women, and suddenly one of my eyes just started twitching uncontrollably.
At the very least, it's interesting how it all manifests in a physical form. I wonder what I might look like without it.
Take yourself a selfie after a meditation... maybe a video so you can see better. Record yourself while watching something you like, a sunset for instance. Something which is soothing to you, not while you are watching a football game or... maybe it's a better idea to record yourself in different moods at home. It won't hurt you.
We don't know how our backs look like 😂 our closest ones do.
@@moorbilt How do you mean?
Dang the eye contact thing got me tearing up. So true😢.
I think eye problems may also be part of trauma. My hyper vigilance has made my eyes constantly over tired. I have been short sighted since I was young and it makes sense because I feel exhausted from examining every detail. Over time I've actually blurred out life beyond 3metres away. It helps prevent a level of overwhelm to just shut life out.
Same, after I ditched my family the problems went away
Same. I am short sighted too since young and wearing glasses too long overwhelmed me. So I'd rather not most of the time except for reading
That- and looking at screens too long.
Wow that rings true for me too. I choose not to wear my glasses unless I have to, like while driving or out and about. I even prefer watching TV slightly blurred. It helps me zone out when I don't see every little detail in 4K.
@@rhythmandblues_alibithat's probably better for your eyes anyway, glasses degrade the eyes, much to the glee of opticians.
Thank you Tim. From Nigeria. I experience 95% of these but now in a reduced intensity. Love your videos ❤
Every video is me , iv never felt so understood in my life .
I was misdiagnosed bipolar when I was in the fifth sixth grade I don’t remember which one of my memories of my childhood are so fuzzy and faded . I’m 30 now and I got done being abused being thrown into mental hospitals being told I was psychotic when I wasn’t.
So I self educated and I read . I watched professionals, and I’ve learned how to communicate with my psychiatrist and finally got them to see who I was. All due to professionals like him.
Thank u
This is all perfectly true!!
I’ve been hospitalised in the past with catatonic depression
Seeing
Speaking & moving are impossible at those times
I’m invisible (see through/see past)
I don’t matter
Who gives a shit
I certainly don’t
I find this fascinating because sometimes I can tell a person has been through suffering/pain/trauma when I look into their eyes. But I was hoping there was going to be some visual examples of each of these. Would be interesting to actually see what each of these looks like.
I wear sunglasses every time I leave the house and go into public. I lie and say it’s because my eyes are light sensitive which is absolutely true but the real reason is I can’t look anyone in the eye because my body goes into panic mode because I’m afraid I’ll be hit or get the shit beat out of me that’s what my body tells me. It tells me that it’s dangerous to look anyone in the eyes. 😢
I am SO SORRY you suffered so badly, and continue to suffer. My heart goes out to you, Internet stranger.
My problem is the not knowing a normal balance. I worry the entire conversation if I'm making too much/ not enough eye contact. Then worry if they are darting around too much. My parents demanded you look at them when they screamed at, cursed, mocked us. You had to show respect by looking at them but not too long. Too long meant you were looking defiant and you'd better get that look off your face.
Autism?
@@IsidorTheNordicGuythat was my thought as well. Overthinking the structure of social interactions can be a sign a autism.
@@viviane_casellaYeah I recognized it as I myself am autistic. If one can’t stop overthinking it.
@@viviane_casellaAutism is angelic superiority, it's what the catholic church, for instance, used to call saints and sainthood.
Denicat, you described exactly what my father did to me...
Let me inspire someone else: I can’t quick laughing bc I do some of these and know ppl who do others. Once you’ve done some shame releasing around these aspects of yourself you’ll become more compassionate, understanding and less hurt by becoming aware of this. Our souls record the traumas until we are ready to heal them. For those of us who may struggle to speak honestly about how we feel, we’re more inclined to express our feelings through our eyes. It’s a really genius part of the survival system however if you’re here… your a CYCLE BREAKER 👏🏽🕊️
💖💖💖💖
We are deep in thought, probably assessing the situation or ruminating about the last conversation or encounter. We can never trust our judgment.
This gives the saying “The eyes are the windows of the Soul” so much more meaning. Thank you for your insights and wisdom. 🩵
Every single one of these is completely true for me. 💯 In fact, I've often wondered if I have ASD because eye contact is so difficult for me. Thank you for highlighting this!
Me too.
You can have both, and in actuality children in the autism spectrum often go through repeated trauma as children. So keep exploring options and I hope you find your truth
i have asd but was comfortable making eye contact. I’ve been going through a trauma healing journey and i have been trouble making eye contact. Ive heard the people with asd can have trouble with it or may engage in it too intensely. i’m almost sure how much is due to asd and how much it due to trauma. Either progress is possible and don’t give up hope. For asd i recommend looking into fasting for autaphagy and for trauma i recommend grieving and emotional processing therapies for pyshcological integration. Life can be normal. I went thru extreme trauma and had asd but God has carried me thru it and has helped me immensely. Jesus is our biggest helper and friend. Dont go through life alone, God is there and is willing to help you ask for wisdom and seek out a relationship with Him !
I was diagnosed with pdd-nos at 12, an old diagnosis for asd, back in the 90s. I'm convinced that it's not genetic, at least no more than susceptability. Imo, it's early life isolation, particularly social, combined with parents who gaslight us about their emotions.
I.e. My mother always told me she was just tired, whenever she went on a passive aggressive tyrade. She kept me isolated, apparently for lack of a babysitter who would do nights while staying awake. I assume it's for lack of a convenient babysitter within the first 3 she tried, knowing her.
Compare the symptoms with Failure to Thrive, and you'll find it 1 symptom off.
I am sorry friend, that you experienced this treatment 🤍💝 I am happy that your voice helps bring awareness, healing trauma as well as neurodivergency and CPTSD. 💕 My family was full of not so good experiences, emotionally immature and disregulated adults as well. Sending you lots of positive healing vibes for angels to surround, guide and assist you in your healing journey.
😇✨️🙏✨️😇 @Solscapes.
I’m not necessarily refuting any of this, but these descriptions of eyes & eye contact can be applied to other conditions, as well. Accept it if it resonates, but also consider other possibilities like neurodivergence, health conditions, depression….
Yes, but even neurodivergence, physical (which I'm sure you meant) health conditions and depression are also strongly and understandably linked TO trauma. I was labeled ALL kinds of things and I'm in my 40s..if I was a child now, I'd have even more diagnoses, as we didn't (good thing and bad thing) label every little thing, so they can medicate it and never heal it..... but looking back on the physical and cognitive issues from my childhood were from lack of safety, a lonely childhood, bullied by sibling, never protected or defended, etc...Also B12 deficiencies undetected but it all came from stress. It's all related
@queen Love your post. Give it a label and medicate it. 😢
I think Neurodivergence is the most commonly discussed cause of avoidant eye-contact so I really appreciate him providing a variety of other causes that are not commonly discussed.
Everything listed is the result of trauma
@@wildnregaltv1610 hear hear! I was diagnosed with ADD and autism, even though I tried to explain that my fear of eye contact and social withdrawal (among other things) is caused by childhood trauma. In Sweden, it's rare that psychologists have any knowledge about CPTSD and it's impact on the brain and nervous system. There's nothing wrong with having autism, but it's frustrating to be misdiagnosed and not getting the right treatment.
This makes me think about a participant on a dating show called "love is blind", a few seasons ago. The participant is called Zack (his now wife whom he met there is called Bliss). On the show, another female participant whom he dated as well, couldn't handle his intense stare (or it made her uncomfortable). But he doesn't strike me as a dangerous person. I'll admit that I might be a little biased though, because I'm a huge fan of him and his wife. I think his "stare" might have to do with this phenomenon since he went through a lot before the show.
I most definitely carries into adulthood. Ive had all of these symptoms. Several years ago my right eye started tearing. Just cry outmof one eye. I couldnt recognize the emotion. I couldnt recognize why. Not until after several years of trauma therapy. The amount of severe traumas Ive been keeping hidden is epiic. It was just so strong it manifested as crying in one eye most of the day.
I've had lots a trauma,I don't play the victim,ever!I always look whom I speak with in the eyes,it scares most because most aren't genuine!
😮 You basically described me in 3 or 4 minutes, especially the eye contact thing and the studying part.
I hate catching eye contact especially with some people in my family
I'm 25 and no idea how to recover from this and ist pretty scary
True...I am always looking at someone...to decide...weather to see if the person is safe...to talk to...
What's important to note here is that eye contact issues can also be a result of neurodivergence, like ADHD or autism. Me for example, I have issues looking people in the eye and was very shy as a kid but don't suffer from complex trauma. I would say that neurodivergence can cause it's own challenging experiences but it's not the same as someone with PTSD issues. It seems like neurodivergence and trauma have a lot of symptom overlap because they both are about a dysregulated nervous system.
It’s both for me. I have autism and a lot of trauma
yeah definetly , another interesting theory is that trauma during early childhood might be causing this symptom, in scatteredmind gabor mate explaining it
My eyes went all wonky, on one hand I had to on the look out for impending violence and rejection and on the other hand I was shamed again and again so my right eye was constantly looking over my shoulder while inner muscle was pulling me down in shame. It's no wonder my spine went wonky too - I developed scoliosis. The eyes are the window to our soul. Our body manifests how we feel within.
I so relate to this. What has helped? Hang in there, you're a surviving bright spirit.
I’m still trying to integrate after switching my locus of control, but creativity played a huge role in healing. And reestablishing myself, learning, healthy boundaries, emotional intelligence, healthy communication. And what actual intimacy was. I learned nobody’s coming to save me, and nobody is in my position other than because of my choices. I did not choose to be a victim, but I can choose to empower myself. Take my projections back, and not give my power away. Neurodivergent people are more sensitive due to lack of synaptic, pruning and bottoms of processing
My parents taught my siblings and I . Eye contact when we were children. But since my trauma. My eyes are doing other things lately. Super watery, blurred vision, and constant blinking !
@@michellefaith900
Nervous dysregulation...I guess you also learned how to hold mean eyes without shrinking...I did and it can be useful at times, not always. Try to calm down your sympathetic nervous system. Easier said than done but not impossible.
At least we have a knowledge we can regain. Some never had it.
Anyway, it depends how you use it, how and with to. Hugs.
My dad eyes also blinked a lot also not focused absent he is a covert narcissist all humanity is traumatized
@@LyrielonwindWhat do you mean by calming sympathic nervous system? What can we do to even cause that? Can you give me examples please? I thought the sympathetic nervous system works automatically
I became a violent masochist to overcome my abuser.
So I guess I have the intimidating eyes.
So much we've missed.
I don't think you were masochist; you were sick of the abuse but didn't understand the game
@@Lyrielonwind You're correct.
I thought when I defeated him, I won the game.
I had no idea what the game was.
@@HaHaroni I can feel it. My monster dad pretended he was sorry and he wanted to change but he only lured me further into his game till I was struggling to survive...
@@Veronica-wi3tb He may or may not have wanted to change but it sounds like he never stopped putting his needs ahead of yours. I'm so sorry.
I’m 40 now and do these things: no eye contact especially with family, stare into the “void” as I like to say, ect
I was tourtcherd at 2 yrs old, im now 50. This video is extremely accurate ❤
I'm so sorry. That's terrible.
How are you now?
Have you found any therapy that helped?
❤🇬🇧
@vanessas2363 the NHS tried EMDR therapy which made my CPTSD worse, so I don't bother with therapy as there are just narcissists trying to make money out of poor people like my self.
@@NicholasLampitt I agree, it's an absolute racket isn't it.
I have CPTSD too. I'm glad you told me that about EMDR as was going to try it.
I'm going to try somatic therapy, movements and stuff.
As lot of mine is stuck in my body, I shake a lot. Panic attacks. And night terrors.
I dread going to bed each night.
My dreams are like horror movies.
Was it continuous after you were 2? Or only at 2?
(Apologies of that's intrusive, you don't need to answer).
I'm in UK. County Durham.
@@NicholasLampitt I also get the most horrendous eczema flare ups, like burns on my body and face. On fire. I've even been hospitalised with it as an emergency. The doctor said to me "I can smell burning flesh". How weird is that? It's disturbing.
I'm here if you need a friend.
I'm 48. We're same age.
@@vanessas2363friend?
As someone with face blindness I don't look people in the face because I can't tell what I'm looking at. I can tell by people body language or how they sound. The face tells me nothing but that they have the regular eyes,nose, and mouth. I can't even describe what I look like.
Same
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 No they definitely look different. But it's like looking at different types of walls. You know they are different but you don't remember the details on it. You don't recognize the same wall when you see it again, unless it's in the same house. So you memorize the house instead. To me I have a specific blindness. I can't describe how it looks unless I'm looking at it. And unless I had a conversation with a person like 5-10 times I won't recognize their faces when I see them. I kinda learn their faces and it's not automatic for me, yet I can't still describe how it looks. It's just the nose, eyebrows, mouth etc. for me. I can explain that if they have something specific like skin colors, scars, long/short hair or piercings or colored eyes or a mole; after I saw them a few times. For many it's different but that's how it's for me.
Lastly, I will say that this has pushed me to find my vocation. And it will be in a similar field, psychoanalysis, trauma, healing, and or somatic healing. It’s imperative to get this information out, and I think this is where true healing lies. Not in the medical model I was established in. This is not healing, because they don’t consider health not being merely the absence of disease. Many, most people are suffering… Many, most people genuinely dislike themselves and have deep shame. I am fortunate to have connected with people over the years at a vulnerable level, in their homes as a healthcare provider. This with the trauma has allowed me to read the underlying energy, and really harness on my intuition. I wasn’t valuing myself, I was making decisions and perceiving the world based on this. Leading to the same cycles and contributing to the same narrative. New Decisions, would solve internal conflict and give me a greater dimension of perspective. Now I can see other peoples perspectives if I so choose… Including step outside of myself and look at my actions and intentions behind them. Trying to learn to feel the emotions physically rather than logically. As I have learned, these are a roadmap.
Absolutely fascinating presentation, I am very sensitive to others and their body language and I notice every single point you mentioned , this helps me to read what I’m seeing much better and confirms what I’ve thought about those I’ve come across . Great work
i relate so much. i can see it in my pics sometimes and in other ppls pics. recently been reading and thinking about it more 🖤
I work closely with children at an elementary school and I’ve definitely experienced the studying you, looking you up and down, all around your face while you’re talking to make sure you’re safe. There are a few children I’ve seen do this.
Wow, I relate to pretty much everything you've pointed out here, especially trouble with eye contact, the catatonic stare, and sallow eyes.
I had an eye doctor say, wow, you've been through it while examining my eyes.
This is fascinating. Definitely describes me. I see it as being completely naked and vulnerable and I really am uncomfortable with it. Dissociation has been a big part of my life and I’m now just waking up to all this.
Hi Megan, how's your day going with you?
@@Paulohlsson7Hi Paul, I am doing well. Hope you are as well.
@@MeganVincent-tl4tg I'm doing great and thanks for asking, how are you spending your spare time?
@@Paulohlsson7lately I’ve been getting into gardening. Being out in nature really helps with mental health. What about you?
@@MeganVincent-tl4tgi love the outdoors including traveling and reading books, cooking, gardening and watching movies. I love nature due to my job, I'm an under water welder/ diving operations contracting services.
Which is your favorite flower, color and music!?
I appreciate you getting straight to the point.
Ive been dysregulated in my meetings in the ways you described. Im fighting myself from the childhood trauma from my mother.
I have AuDHD and I don’t know what’s what… I zone out, I look for patterns but deep looking at people… and looking around and just going away in the thought… and also I recognize myself in all this..
Veterans administration appointment Friday afternoon..
Love dad
Im going through EMDR therapy for the last 6 months. Its helped immediately and immensely
Ya I am suffering with this... it's really painful, shivering 😭. I hate people, angry at my kids when they don't listen to me. All my trauma response from childhood 😂. Depression and anxiety are very stressful while your parenting, can't shout at 0:55 people even though I want to. However I believe there is a superpower always with me help me 🙏. Let's see how it's going sobriety dangerous.
Thank you so much for this! I really appreciate you discussing the vast possible causes which aren’t spoken on enough. So many automatically assume Neurodivergence💚
The most annoying thing after being told you dont have a head injury is the lack of vision experts or even a referral. I kept saying there is something wrong with my vision. Eye docs told me 2020. I could not hold eye contact. I was so tired of it being told it was emotional. Binocular vision dysfunction. Vision therapy saved my life. Going through that there is so much more to vision that i cant explain you have to feel. It is so overlooked. I think of autism and tourettes after going through that. More research into vision is needed. It changed everything about the world. My heart breaks for all those who see the world that way and how frustrating it is to be told there is nothing wrong or no connection. I think there is
You, Sir, just answered two of my biggest questions. I wish you the best...
It would be nice to see what healthy, regulated eyes look like. We live in a society where making eye contact can be problematic for people, and intimidating for certain contexts due to half the population looking for ways to be offended. There’s also been a push to ignore and “normalize” mental illness.
Avoiding eye contact is always a sign of trauma, fear, shyness or holding a secret and it is not a trait of lying like media says.
You know that the person is holding a secret is when the person who is used to making eye contact with you on a regular basis, suddenly starts avoiding making eye contact. Even then, it is accompanied by other signs like fidgeting, restlessness or stuttering.
I only learnt through therapy how to maintain gaze into someone's eyes as before it never felt safe. I'd do a quick look and occasional check but avoided all other eye contact. As a trainee therapist myself, I have had to work really hard on this hard-wired habit; thankfully, I can do it with calmness now!
This is incredible. Tim, so grateful for this confirmation. It’s like you can look into my soul.
I'll be at the shame event in Lancaster Pennsylvania on Saturday. I hope he talks about this.
Bug eyes mentioned
(Bulging eyes)
Graves disease immune system attacking the eye tissue and the thyroid.
So it’s not necessarily trauma if someone has bulging eyes or staring eyes.!
It's supposed to be in general. I have allergies and my eyes are not always red and I don't scratch my nose because I'm lying 🤥... someone with a little bit of knowledge can see I also scratch my eyes, scalp... you need to get a baseline to see what is usual in one person so you can see what's unusual.
But abuse can cause immune system issues and stress hormones to damage the thyroid and cause Graves
I did have stress due to loosing a loved one to terminal illness prior to my issue … i thought my bad health with Graves’ disease was a lack of nutrition, poverty and cigarettes.
And I don’t know the history of the many people with Graves’ disease all trying to get treatment in the waiting room at the hospital
so I cannot say why they are suffering with this condition.
Most autoimmune diseases are developed due to constant stress.
At least three teachers at my secondary school figured out that something was wrong - I had the thousand yard stare. Two teachers were ex-military, the third a biology teacher new that something was wrong. Back then it was too late for me but thankfully modern Psychology has progressed to the point where it would be easily detectable?
Every time I passed my high school principal in the hallway and it was just the two of us, he would force me into small talk and would compliment my smile when I finally gave him one. "You have a beautiful smile, you should smile more often!" Something my parents never told me, so it was nice to hear and boosted my confidence.
It’s not with everyone but with people who I know are narcissists, I avoid eye contact with them. One reason is because I can see the hate and darkness, and also because I don’t want to give them any thing nor do I want to give them respect, it shuts them down when you ignore them. Looking at them gives them some form of supply.
I used to avoid eye contact because I had a lot of trauma, I went to therapy with a good psychologist after years of trying to get help. Now I don’t have thet issue and can hold eye contact with safe people. But people who make me uncomfortable I avoid eye contact all together and avoid them
You lnow what sucks?
When complete stranger can see in your eyes that they are sad, even if at the moment you feel neutral...
But family members that saw how you suffered for DECADES from abuse - brush you off
And when you muster courage to talk about your trauma - they tell you to get over it (A LOT variations of it)!!! They tell to not dump things on them, because they also had their own problems!
Told me that they can read me like a book... I felt all the time that I was hiding things well, so that's why they didn't severity of problems - but then noted down my emotions, aven close to what I was thinking...
That kinda killed me😢😢. They knew - just weren't bothered enough to even adress anything!!! Yet always said that they love me!!! What a load of c***!!!
When you love someone - you care about their safety, about what they think, what they feel... Not constantly brush them off!!!!
Only now I see how superficial our relationship was😢😢...
Could you do a video on which portray you may be dealing with the dark triad?
I can remember as a very young person. We were having Christmas pictures taken. I thought someone please look into my eyes and see what's happening to Me.
As an adult it was very hard for Me to make eye contact with any one.
Also I couldn't look in to my own eyes, when putting on makeup.
Yes the eyes are very telling
Thank you ❤
Thanks for bringing this topic up ♥️
Please talk more about this, And how to regulate your nervous system in that regard, I lived almost my whole life with that predatory eyes, I honestly felt safe since i was able to read into people easily and know much more than what they reveal, But then i went through a traumatic relationship with a partner who constantly threaten my personal safety in different ways, Even threatened to make me lose my job and my family, Fear almost took over me.
Recently i realized that i started to fear exposing people and looking deep into them, Cuz maybe if i do i'd see their darkness and then them hurting me will be inevitable ! I hope it makes sense
Thank you so much! God bless you.
My step- daughter has been struggling with Complex Trauma. Has been seeing a counselor for two years. I’ve learned a lot from your videos!! We are learning that it is a cycle and trying to teach her to overcome this. Every 6 mo or so when things are going well, she self-sabotages and reaches a period of high anxiety. Makes very poor choices. Hurts people but doesn’t understand or feel bad she hurts others. Doesn’t show remorse. She only is upset she is caught. Her eyes are very dark during those moments. We are wondering if she is struggling with something else along with Complex Trauma. We’ve showed her your videos, she either is uninterested or doesn’t seem to understand the language and gets lost. She does not have the ability to self-reflect. What advice do you have to help our 15 year old begin to break that cycle?
@@kaylabowman9153 Prayers in Jesus Name for deliverance from demons and prayers for mental health
Michael Jackson o ce said exactly what This scientist says.. that he didn-t want people to look into his eyes because he didn't want people to access his pain.
He has also said AW! and HEE HEE and was also quite inquisitive about who was bad during those times of his.
I think he had beautiful eyes
@@azloii9781 No, average or below.
So insightful.
I watched this video because when I saw the caption I thought how when I look at social media profile pics I believe I can tell if they had a rough life or a good one and their personality. Also, I watch these kind of videos to learn how to not look like I’ve had a traumatic life.
Superb content. May I politely suggest you should hire a one-time audio engineer to help with your audio/mic settings - the mic is clipping/distorted in your videos. Again, thank you kindly for sharing your valuable knowledge.
I have all those trauma signs. Its funny because I'm Irish and as a child everyone always complimented me on my 'sallow' skin......!!
It would be really powerful if you could make a video with visual examples for some of these. I think I tend to gaslight myself into thinking I'm not seeing what I'm seeing
my mouth is smiling, but my eyes are not.. i never realized about the lack of eye contact.. that’s very interesting.. hyper vigilant def and also i don’t want that kind of intimate-type connection i associate with eye contact.. i still dissociate.. what great information..
😮best description ever heard
One time I was walking through the mall after I had just moved back to my hometown after failing at life in the big city for a decade.
I was about as low as I could feel. It was the holiday season. I don’t even recall why I was at the mall as i am not a mall person. Anyway I was walking out when a man at a lotion stand called out to do his pitch and when I looked at him his face just fell into the most concerned look. He immediately asked me if I was okay and the walked over to me and asked if I needed a hug. I did hug him and then I fell into him and just cried like a baby.
He was a hot ass dude too😂. He hugged me so good and told me it would be ok and rubbed my back and I bought like $200 of smelly lotion and soaps I still think I have somewhere around here 15 years later 😂😂😂
Sometimes it’s all over your face. I will never forget that man. I don’t care if he was just trying to make a sale. He didn’t have to take the time to give me contact comfort when I needed it most, but he did and I will be forever grateful.
Wow. I experienced quite a bit of trauma as a young child and I could never understand the sad, zoned-out stare I always saw in my pictures. I constantly looked like I was ill. Also my pale lips and complexion, as well as dark circles under my eyes which I still have at 67.
The predatory stare thing is something I've seen mainly in very abusive people, but other really nice people that are often are in denial or don't remember much. But either way they are like they're trying to break your character with their eyes.
I have had an extremely hard time looking people in the eye for what feels like my whole life. In public I don't even stare ahead of me. I leave my eyes unfocused so I can be more aware of movement and my surroundings. I feel like I have to know what is going on around me at all times. I try to always sit in the corner with my back toward the wall because being approached from behind is one of my biggest triggers. I've accidentally elbowed so many people, including my Mom when it happens. I'm terrified of sudden large sounds, especially people raising their voices, whether positive or negative. My Dad was an explosive person, and you never knew what was going to set him off. We'd do everything to try to placate him, but it was never enough to guarantee that he wouldn't snap. He was abusive, physically, emotionally and sexually. We grew up around a lot of violence, and I feel like my life is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's maddening. And when I was young, even though I wasn't doing it to be rude, but because I didn't feel safe, I'd usually get punished physically for not looking people in the eye. It's a terrible cycle.
this guy explained me in the first minute, nice video :) !