3 Unnamed Childhood Trauma Symptoms - CPTSD
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 13 июн 2024
- 3 Unnamed Childhood Trauma Symptoms - CPTSD
Walk through three unnamed but highly impactful childhood trauma symptoms.
6 Unknown Childhood Trauma Triggers Video
• 6 Unknown Childhood Tr...
In this video we cover: perception, dissociation, codependency, shame, mental boundaries, confirming, attachment, highly sensitive person, triggers, survival strategy, therapy, childhood trauma, toxic family systems, boundaries, inner child, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hsp, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:50 Connect With Me
1:25 Three Unnamed Childhood Trauma Symptoms
2:03 Perception Problems
10:43 Compromised Emotional Imbalance
16:10 Compromised Emotional Imbalance - Basic Innate Human Emotions
19:49 Compromised Emotional Imbalance - Basic Innate Human Emotions (C-ptsd)
23:54 Compromised Emotional Imbalance - Basic Innate Human Emotions (C-ptsd) Pt.2
25:03 Vacuum Relational Experience
35:06 Final Thoughts
36:56 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
• Chris Haugen - Ibiza D...
Editing service
www.jamesrara.com/
⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
"Kids gradually accept that they have zero power in making their situation better, and zero faith in the adults helping."
This. This right there.
I described this in the NM Legislature's hearing related to the Omaree Bill that children not only detect that they are powerless but that the agencies like CYFD and related systems don't function and deliver as advertised. As a result, the target participants (parents and kids) get wise to the patterns of failure and go into preservation mode or they play the system as best they can.
And that has future consequences as an adult when one has to react in the workplace to hostility. Trust is hard to achieve with those in power over one..
@EdandBrenda Kelley I'm a retired senior, and I feel powerless when no one listens or takes me seriously.
I had a mother growing up who worked in emerg in hospital and engrained germs and washing my hand into my daily. I can remember coming home after school as a little kid (7-10) going “hi mom!” And I’d be greeted with “wash your hands!”. If I was naucilus as a kid, it was a household issue. My mother would yell at me to get to the toilet rather than console me or make me feel better. It was about her and her issues as an emerge cancer nurse usually having to hold the kidney tray and they vomit from chemo therapy. Her trauma caused my trauma. Generational issues are strong. It’s not kosher
I grew up in this from my mother.
"Emotionally disregulated adults are beyond what a child's nervous system can handle." This sentence just changed my life. Thank you.
This exact thing led to me having a nervous breakdown aged 6 and developing severe OCD. When my parents took me to a therapist (the irony), she told them the answer was being more strict with me. They’ve never validated what happened and put it down to me having a ‘weird’ episode, asking why I was doing this to them - I was 6, I wasn’t doing anything on purpose. Anyway, all this to say, I agree with you. Hearing this is incredibly validating.
Oh, yes. Quite so.
WOW.. amazing..
@@rosie7152 I also developed OCD as a child. Mother has consistently exhibited erratic behavior my entire life. Repeating the same behaviors with grandchildren. Really wish she and my father never had a kid together.
This sentence was like cool water on fire. I will make it change my life.
Just prior to this video I had an encounter with my mom. I told her about some breakthrough thoughts from this morning on how I self-sabotage. Her response was that I should have painted the house this summer.
This is the same method she has used my whole life to put me back in place. She can't stand it when I start feeling better, growing into my own. She never has. I know she had a terrible upbringing herself where the adults pitted her, her siblings and cousins against each other, claiming to their faces that they were useless and incompetent, saying the other kids were fantastic. They cut all the kids down to size by this method. But I'm a single child so my mother have created a situation where she is pitting me against myself.
From my mother: "That never happened. You must have dreamed it." For several years, I was confused about dreams and reality - and felt that I could not trust my feelings AT ALL.
Interesting...thats exactly what mine says too...." That never happened" but i don't stop i say"yes it did "and i offer 3 examples yo which she still denies denies denies.I hope you are no contact....I am no contact and it is so peaceful.
Every time when i tried to say what troubles me in what she done..."its not true, its never happend". Or laughing with disgust on face. And ask "just be normal".
Gaslighting. The loved, go-to tool for almost every narc.
Yep. Every time I tried to tell her how hurt I was when she’d say something incredibly hurtful, shaming, critical or completely inappropriate and not what someone with empathy would say, it would first be screaming “I do everything for this family! How can you say that to me! I did this for you last week!”, as though doing things every parent is required to do for their children excuses abusive behavior but okay. Then it would be the silent treatment for days sometimes weeks and my dad would ask ME to “make it right” like she’s the victim of MY abuse! Scenario 2 was she would be all calm and say, “you misunderstood Me” or “you’re being hormonal” or “I didn’t say that” (she did) or “you heard me wrong” THEN because I’m emotionally dysregulated at that point from the gaslighting, she blows up and starts on the “I do everything for this family!”, silent treatment, emotional parentification when my dad asks me to make her feel better… yep, and on top of that my brother is also a narcissist and was emotionally, psychologically and physically abusing me and often used my moms insecurities of her need to appear perfect and trigger her rage at me. It would come out of nowhere constantly. I lived in a state of fear and actually trauma split my first time when I was 7 because the abuse started as soon as I can remember. Both of them hated my emotional giftedness from the very beginning. I think it’s because I could see them clearly…until my brain was so damaged I couldn’t function in society, high school is when it started badly affecting me because my brother tried to coerce me into committing suicide. I couldn’t finish college, “visited” my first mental hospital and detox by 27, had an ulcer at 26, 4 sleep disorders by teens, toxic abusive relationships and friendships with people I couldn’t say no to to save my life, which was often in danger…I’m 41 now, live a very reclusive life with 4 cats, work from home, hide from the Amazon driver and only go to the grocery store at night when it’s empty. I did learn how to love myself and was able to wake up from the dissociative coma I lived in for 3 decades but I am constantly dissociating all day long, I just can’t not dissociate. Avolition is also something I struggle with, I work from bed most of the time. I really wish I could be angry at my family for everything they did to me but my nature just doesn’t hold onto anger and resentment like that. I’ve always been a forgiving person but also, why should I have to live with toxic feelings like anger and resentment. I had enough of that the first 35 years of my life only it was directed inward. I couldn’t even be angry at my family during that time because I didn’t see the abuse until years after trauma therapy (for something unrelated but related).
Same. I brought up some abuse I had when I was a teen and told my mother about it. I remember her lack of reaction very very well. Decades later I brought it up again and my mom said I never told her about it and that I got other things wrong too about my childhood including being kicked out at 15. She said it was my choice to leave and easier to just let me go. The gaslighting continues 50 years later. Thankfully I’m getting the help I need to see just how truly messed up the dynamics are in my family and always were messed up. No one but me ever talks about it but I’m ok with that now and yes I’ve taken a huge step back from all of them for my own mental health and peace and joy.
Childhood was like 1 longggg gaslighting experience. Nailed it!!
Omg right?? 😢
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
especially when a sibling is on board with them "oh dad was abused too" or "mom came from poverty" basically how dare you only think of yourself!
I had to stop only 8 minutes in because I am an extremely nonfunctional adult who has severe childhood C-PTSD and C-PTSD. But the praise for maturing so quickly and being a little adult hurt, that was me. I was only praised for how grown-up, emotionally intelligent and empathetic, and how much of an “old-soul” I have been from such a young age.
I have been receiving these compliments since about 5th-6th grade, so about 10-11. No child should be forced to grow up or fall behind or be neglected from acting their own age.
PLEASE, let kids be kids. Adulthood crushes us faster than we realize.
I am you ..:(
Same
This!!!
Me too.
Me too :( wish you well
I’ve always been told I “wear my heart on my sleeve” when it comes to children. I work in schools. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I’ll let it eat me up sometimes when I see teachers lack empathy for certain kids. The longest I’m with a particular teacher, the more I see it.
For example, a teacher who doesn’t “like” a FIVE YEAR OLD KID. He annoys her because he’s “stubborn”. No, he’s severely neglected and traumatized!
So I ask, what’s his home life like.
I get a response like… mom and dad both overdosed and died. I think 80 year old great grandma has him now. Been in a few foster homes.
And I’m like, and you’re MAD at him for being too shy when asked a question in front of the class?
I see this ALL THE TIME.
Am I not right for being aggravated at that adult? If you’ve lost all empathy then quit the job.
You are maybe the only adult in a child's life who perceives them with any insight, and love! Absolutely right to be disgusted by the added hatefulness toward a child in pain. The access to a child, in a position of authority, is misused, adding damages. Your ability to see and show kindness, looking the child in the eyes is powerful; could make all the difference. Bless you. These kids need to be respected, period
I severely agree w u
Adults judging kids says everything about the adults.
That sounds really hard and traumatic ❤
You sound like a great person and teacher to ask questions and be alert to kids home life….thank you
Every venture into homes of peers growing up was like entering another dimension. Balanced relationships were profoundly weird to me at the time. As a young person, it's hard to pinpoint what exactly is different if you have no idea how toxic your own home environment is. My parents loved me, and I believe they truly did the best they knew how, but it was still damaging to everyone in the home. It's easy to see now, but I still have to deal with it from an elderly parent. Unintentional abuse is still abuse.
I can completely relate to that feeling. I was raised by two mentally ill parents who showed zero support for me and most of my siblings. My oldest brother who was my mother's favorite is now completely and irreversibly screwed emotionally and relationship wise. I would go visit my friends and their parents were super supportive and loving to them and I didnt know how to process that. It wasnt that I didnt understand the difference it was that it did not compute. I had no personal reference with which to compare it to. Looking back at it I see myself completely in my head trying to make sense of it. Not that I envied them or wished that I had parents like that. It was so foreign to me that I couldnt make sense of it.
I can say with absolute certainty that the abuse I suffered was intentional. Did they understand the consequences of what they were doing? Probably not. But it was deliberate and intentional non the less.
I feel ya, here in it right now 😭
Absolutely! I was exactly the same. I was made very uncomfortable in friends' home and couldn't say why
My defense had always been to be invisible. Having an adult be concerned for me felt creepy and invasive.
@@elonever.2.071, I had to check and make sure I didn't write that post 😂
My mother did the same with my brother. Exactly the same.
When I went to visit school friends, I was shocked at the difference in their mothers and mine. Mine hated me and she could not hide that fact. That's when I found out how messed up my family is.
@@Anna-Rose-
Sorry to hear that. It really sucks to have grown up with parents that are more beast than human. Im 73 and just had myself evaluated because I was weary of picking the wrong partners. I have Complex PTSD from my childhood and subsequent marriages. Fortunately the state I moved to gives free classes to help change the toxic programming I got and it is making a world of difference. I hope you find resolution too.
We are not alone. Most people have some trauma from homegrown a-buse and take it out on their partners. As much as I would like to have a companion I have resolved myself to accepting life is much much better alone. And the more I heal the more sense that makes.
I’m a 44 year old man. For decades I’ve struggled and only recently I’ve begun therapy. He explained to me that a large part of my struggles is due to childhood emotional and mental trauma. When I now think back to my childhood I can seem to remember nothing but negative memories. My therapist said if I don’t want to say out loud some of the things in my head then posting some random RUclips or Reddit comment can help me release if I need it. Seems to help. I get to send my pain out there into the ether and have the shield of anonymity. Channels like this are very helpful to educate myself and help me to process some of those bad memories.
I just want to say thank you for the work you do.
It is a process. Do not forget to be kind to yourself
Amen to that! We do need some place to pour out our thoughts and feelings because they cause dysfunction, my mind overthinks until we just don’t know who we are or what we think. To me, my brain blows a fuse! Flash! No logical thought available, I can’t listen can’t process can’t think!
I sent this to my grown kids now struggling from my parenting, also. And my grandchildren, will too, no doubt.
❤❤❤
After years I'm getting to the other side. Felt, relived do many bad emotions, some eventa still occurring among family but zm coming out to the other side. Going back now to release and enjoy the good stuff. Hang in there. It's worth it. Pass it on.
You’re 10 years ahead of me.. I found writing to my 10 year old self helped me to work on our fears. How it made me who I am! He's 15 now and a runaway Hitchhiked to New Orleans. Ratting the streets of the French Quarter. Hippies and commune living. Was even involved with a under ground News paper Atlantis. 1973 ... Equal Rights is still a thing..
@@tommyselbe1999 that's a really good suggestion! I need to try that with myself... I wish you peace and healing.
"We don't trust our reality, but we need someone to confirm what we're feeling or what we're thinking." Wow... I'm speechless as to how pointedly accurately this describes me in my relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners. I actually teared up at four separate times throughout this video because of how deeply it resonated with me... and I'm a guy who doesn't cry all that much. Thank you.
Although I just heard this video last night. And you wrote this nine days ago. I can tell you we would be best friends in a therapy class. Your message is so honest and truthful that it has been ❤️ felt all the way to Puerto Rico where I am currently living. Thank you, I pray that you keep going and be brave. In your positive new mind transformation. You will achieve you goal slowly however it stays permanent with you. Keep reminding your self that you are you own person and not that of your past. Remember too that now we as adults can make up the childhood neglects by fulling them with adult fun decision. Hypotherical example: as a child a parent would not allow a child to ride his favorite carnival ride, that empty feeling now as and adult still kind of lingers.
What Todo: go back and see if that ride can hold you adult size body. If it is not so busy then get on it and relive your childhood neglects as an now a safe grown adult holding your inner child and saying to your innerslf. Thank you letting me experience this emotional moment.
Part two:
I did this experience with myself at three in the morning one summer back when I was about 33 yrs old. I loved the swing at the park as a child but never could get someone to get me going. I had no parents, so I just sat there with my feet dangling. Then that summer night I got on it and swung like nobody's business. I felt a little silly but my inner tummy was so full of joy... It's like something changed. So when I kept explore more childhood neglects and now as an adult I kept fulling them with the realization that I can do something about it. And I promise the memories and emotional distress are gone. If you get the chance to go back to a therapy class or speak to a professional ask them about this suggestions and see what they tell you. It doesn't always work out for the better in some child hood emotional neglects. This is also a gradual process. Start with easy work to more challenging and down right traumatic experiences. When it comes to physical abuse or sexual abuse these feeling do not get fixed, repair, substituted that easily. That is why speaking to a therapist on a one to therapy session will be the most important thing to your innerslf healing. Please , forgive me for sharing so much on your post. It just something about your written words that sparked something in me to release this, mini thought. Thank you and warm wishes to you.
I agree so much with your description - even now the question that I ask most frequently is, "is it me, or...?" I absolutely do not trust my perceptions of people or situations. I always look for affirmation that I'm not seeing things in a skewed way.
100%
Yes- that one sentence blew my mind too. I had to stop the video and just sit for a loooooong minute to take it in. It was the description of so much of my personal experience that has been nameless and wordless, up until now. Life changing.
Continually saving my parents from each other’s homicidal rage was too much for my nervous system, yes, it was.
Same...🥵
Big hugs for you both 🫂🫂
I'm sorry you had to endure that❤.
How did you deal with it, Tiger?
I can relate to this; hiding knives and potential weapons because they threatened the other “not to go to sleep”. It’s terrifying and no child should ever have to deal with it.
"One parent who rages and the other who dismisses that rage to the point it's normalized." That hits hard. I tend to blame my mother a lot, but I never really considered my dad's role. He often acted as a go between, and he was the one I would go to because he wouldn't get mad, but I never considered how he would always rationalize my mothers behavior and how we would conspire to not tell my mom things that would enrage her.
Also, I never realized how much I suppress my emotions until my super emotional friend was upset about something that seemed silly to me. We talked for hours before we realized that my disconnect was that I simply don't get upset because "tears get you nowhere so I learned not to bother". Heck, I can cry over Marley and Me, but when my grandma died? Nothing. I totally disconnected.
Also, I get called out for getting way too excited about things. I never considered that it was a result of emotional disregulation.
Lastly, that emotional vaccum disconnect. I used to feel that with my mother and it has given me all sorts of trust issues because I no longer trust my judgement. After all, my mother was popular and everyone seemed to like her, so why was she such a monster to me in private? I used to wonder if other people would like her if they saw the "real" her. Now I distrust anyone who's nice to me because I remember how nice my mother was to others.
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
I nearly wept when I found your comment. I felt as if I've written all of it. It is the first time I'm hearing something so similar. It took me so long to understand that homelufe was abnormal. Sometimes I tought I was crazy.My mother is so very social. So caring and funny with her friends&coworkers. She used to rage. Scream. Go on emotional angry tangents that WOULD NOT STOP. Cry and stomp her feet and say that I caused her to loose the will to live. No matter what started it, at the end, I was always sobbing and apologizing and cursing myself for existing. My father (who divorced her and escaped the situation) would never understand why I get so upset. "You know she's like this, she is nuts, it's nothing new, why do you keep getting upset you should'nt care so much!". My grandmother was scared of her daughter-"it's just who she is". And me? Even as an adult, I'm scared of my mother. And even now, hearing her yell makes me feel like the terrified child I was. But other than her? I'm either too emotional-to the point of panic attacks (and usually over the minor things), or I feel numb (still cannot proccess and grieve for grandparents). I cannot trust people. I fear them. I fear that any weakness I show will be used against me. I feel that everyone lies. That everyone cheats. I just fear. The damage that can be done by words, by the parents' conduct, by emotional manipulation is devastating.
@@lina_ru4368 That sucks and I’m truly sorry. I wish I could give you advice or words of support. But I know the truth is it’s not easy. I really hope you are out of that situation and away from your mother. I’ve found distance and the power to walk away has helped me tremendously. Those trust issues sound way too familiar.
If possible, I hope you can find a therapist who can help. I know it’s hard to trust therapists and it may feel like “they’re only paid to pretend to care” or “they don’t really understand MY situation” or the fear that they are judging you. I went through all that and I promise you, there are good ones out there that you can trust. The best ones are really just guides that help you process your emotions and memories because when you dissociate, you don’t actually process. It can be scary to face these emotional memories and trauma, but I would highly recommend EMDR. It’s a therapy that allows you to really explore yourself and it really helped me start to heal. Though clearly I still have much to learn as these videos have proven.
I feel a sense of kinship. This has such a similarity to my experiences. I am so sorry you experienced this. 🫂💕 I know how confusing this feels. Just looking for a safe place when you are small, and never finding one. Sending a hug.
This example is precisely what my life was like growing up, the mother being quick to anger and the father being the confidant in private and then taking my moms side when she would be in the room. Currently in a battle with them and even now, my dad thinks I should “come to him first about everything” because I “know how mom is.” I can’t take the back and forth and feeling like I’m secretive. It leads to more isolated feelings. Now everyone mad.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
For real watching him on RUclips has been the only way I benefitted from therapy. If only more therapists actually knew what they were doing.
It's true; never see a mental heath type person with less than 20 years experience.
Yup, he is the reason I started trying harder in my therapy. I told my therapist about him but didn't get much feedback from her about it.
Agreed. I've learned more from YT then I ever learned sitting with therapists over many years. I think the problem is that when we go to therapy, we spend the majority of the time talking rather than being taught.
Jay Reid, too
I agree. With info I get here & from others on RUclips, I can go to counseling and tell her what I'm learning in my own life, thoughts, perspectives, & pitfalls, which I have most often filtered first thru the lessons I learned from people like PT. In this way, I can maximize my time with the counselor, by having a non-judgmental someone to talk to, ask questions of, & sometimes plan therapy assignments with. I am fully aware that I am usually facilitating the sessions, but sometimes there are times when I'm lost, and then I'm so glad to have someone I know I can trust.
She isn't really interested in learning a lot of new stuff but I have at least turned her on to the terms C-PTSD & emotional flashback and some 12 step stuff. It never ceases to amaze me that the 12 steps are virtually unknown by mental health professionals. Plus, I can't understand how my particular counselor never heard of C-PTSD 😳 in that she works with kids & mothers, but oh well. This lack of informative continuing education falls under a term Pete Walker (author of 'From Surviving to Thriving') uses: "Good Enough" therapist.
We don't need perfect counselors but we do need Good Enough counselors. Accepting that is a good example of moving away from the all or nothing thinking that us C-PTSD 'ers are prone to.
I also want to give my Good Enough counselor credit for teaching me and practicing CBT. Had it not been for that perhaps further healing may have been obstructed.
“JOY or INTEREST in doing things WAS NOT SAFE with an emotionally dysregulated raging parent” = 🤯 Wow!
You could only be happy when they were happy. Your interests could only be their interests.
Plus, muting your joy and muting your interests seems like the perfect set up to lifelong co-dependency.
I too come from a family where only one person’s feelings mattered.
Same! Everything in the house was on eggshells making sure not to upset the one person who mattered but no matter what we did it was never enough.
It makes me feel more failed by past therapists who seemed at a loss towards me and at times even frustrated by my inability to explain why that even though I am at a better place in life Im still unable to feel joy or interests in my hobbies.
@@susanlee8023 ììì
I don't even have any hobbies.
@@charlottetaylor4471 The hobbies I did I have were a combination of faking interest in things my abusers were interested in for the sake of keeping the peace. My dad liked hunting so I liked hunting. My other hobbies I later realized I liked them only because they were a successful distraction from what was happening at home. Once I was out of that environment I suddenly wasn't interested in those hobbies, I had no idea whatsoever what I genuinely did enjoy and like, I felt so empty and made for some puzzling conversation with people who could not relate.
Woah! This hit like a ton of bricks. I'd always felt as if my "joy" ability was stunted. I just don't ever connect with happy. However it takes very little to trigger sorrow and grief. I've sought them out simply to be able to feel something.
When getting a new kitten, I remember crying over the pain I would feel when they died. It was my partner that snapped me of it saying that grieving them is wasting the time that we have now.
Yeah. Mania I can do. Joy seems like doom
This is so familiar. I gravitate to distress, have to fix everything and never feel comfortable about letting myself enjoy just pleasant company and a relaxing conversation.
I've had 1 vacation in a lifelong career and an endless spiral of self-criticism. The harder I worked the more I was dissatisfied and impatient with my performance.
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Grieving is normal and never a waste.
@@taralilarose1
Best comment
I had my UCLA doctoral diploma framed and gave it to my mother. Her response: "But you're still unmarried." I understand why she was the way she was, but am still (at 70!) figuring myself out. Time is getting short. Thank you.
I pray you heal ❤ you deserve it
That is an extraordinary accomplishment! 🩷 you are so worthy of love and acceptance for who you are and what you do. Don’t lose sight of that ✨
My prayers for you. But you know, you still could have another 20yrs! I'm 73 and I don't think it's impossible. I don't know what I'd do without my creativity.. it figures huge.. still so much to do and explore. Better late than never, so am enjoying my own time. All the best for the next couple decades!!
I really feel that too. It doesn't matter what I achieve in my life, my mother will never show me support or affection, either. I have completed several qualifications I think she doesn't even know about. I just stopped telling her about my life after a while.
You went to UCLA and completed a doctoral diploma. That's absolutely wonderful and I am very proud of you! You put in the work and stuck to it, coming out the other side with great knowledge and a huge achievement. Well done!
I got 99.4% on the English exam at the end of highschool. My mother said "they've sent you the wrong result" and took me to the office to get the "right" one. It was the right one and I loudly said so. She never forgave me for getting a very high mark in my favourite subject. When I tried to show him my confirmed results, my father just gave me a look of disgust and left the room. And then they were shocked when I left home early.
Does anyone else feel freaked out when someone actually saids something uplifting or really good about you?? Or when people treat you right and you get these thoughts in the back of your mind that they aren't really a good person or they have ulterior motives? I have major trust issues myself.
Yes. When I see overly nice people like Steven Universe or sometimes in real life than I can't stop feeling weirded out by it. It also bothers me that I am that distrusting of truly nice people.
THIS!!!
Super yup!
Yes. They seem insincere or underhanded or like Pollyannas. I hate it because I crave being around good people. I crave love and kindness.
It’s very normal to have a lot of defenses up. Just try not to assume the worst or best about people too quickly! Most people are somewhere in between the two. Also: if people can be on one side of the end of the spectrum and be a monster, people can also be on the opposite end and be a bit of an angel. Those people are rare but they exist. I speak from experience.
This is an accurate description of my childhood environment with a rage-filled parent. I had to squash my personality early on to protect myself and it had a detrimental effect on my life in early adulthood. Therapy has helped so much, but it is a process. Peace to all my other CPTSDer's out there.
Well said, thanks, and blessings of peace to you. ❤️🙏💞
Much LOVE ❤️
Me too it’s taken years. I still need therapy though
Same here. Physical abuse was bad but the emotional abuse left such scars. To this very dat I suffer from off the hook anxiety. But i am truly a survivor. I have found joy and love and purpose. I spend many hours a week caring ( volunteering) with vulnerable and disadvantaged people. I am able to give in abundance the love and acceptance I never had. Himan resilience is a wonderful thing and love is so healing.
We MUST be siblings!
Shaming a child for just being a child - wow! That shifted something inside. Thank you for saying this.
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
I can absolutely relate! Mom would yell at me as a child - a never-ending stream of anger - I would just shut down. I blocked out hearing and seeing (although I wasn't allowed to close my eyes) - it was like putting on a raincoat against the hail. I actually had to "unlearn" that reaction when I went out into the real world! For the longest time, I thought it was my fault. Until I saw a billboard stating the "Verbal Abuse is also Child Abuse." I had never thought of it that way.
This! My mom actually questioned if I was having absent seizures because I would tune out so completely. The worst was if she realized I wasn't listening because then I would get the "you don't care what I have to say so I might as well not say anything" lecture, followed by the silent treatment.
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
Closing your eyes without closing your eyes... yes. I totally get that.
Dissociation was a way to survive 😢
"We emotionally need our day in court about it." That really resonated with me. Therapists tell me "that was then, this is now," and on paper, sure. I get it, logically, that I'm not the same kind of vulnerable that I was when I was young. But there's this giant wound left over from years of neglect/abuse, and I feel like they're asking me to pretend it's not there. I've been thinking about trying to get into group sessions but I have no idea where to start. The groups advertised in my area seem to all have focuses that don't apply to me.
Same bro. I got a little sister and her dad was my abuser, but I can't tell her that. And so I'm all fucked up and she can't and doesn't even want to know why. It makes you feel like shit. Like your feelings are less importaint, even tho it was you who had to be the object of all that rage and pain. It seem unfair, but that's life. I just hope you can find somebody to talk to about it, bc the John Q doesn't seem to want to have like a CPTSD anonymous or WTF ever. ☮
One thing I figured out is that something hurts as long as it hurts. If it hurts, it hurts. And that pain means that it has not healed. Emotions don't work to deadlines or timetables: ours, a family's, a therapist's, members' of a self-help group, whatever. Imagine if, years after having a broken bone, people told you it was in your head or otherwise invalidated you when you said the bone still hurt. You'd ask them where they got their flippin' medical degree (or at least think that at them), and rightly so. NO ONE ELSE is inside you, able to know what you feel.
One of our society's pathologies is its emphasis on speed. There's a rush to 'forgive', a rush to 'heal', as though they're academic subjects we can do the homework for, take a test, and be done. Nope. And the deeper the wound, of course the longer it takes. Another way deep emotional injury is akin to a physical wound is, it's not going to heal from the outside, in. In fact, crusting over too soon is guaranteed to cause festering and more pain. Certain wounds _must_ be left open to run and drain as they will, tended and monitored all the maddeningly long while.
So, whatever you do, before you talk to anyone else, take a deep breath, claim some space, plant yourself on this Earth, and declare, "I give myself permission to take ALL the time I need to heal _healthily."_
I found out that talk therapy does not do much to heal. It helps it identify pain but any healing I experienced was on my own. For that I need to be home alone and turn attention to my body and most importantly, I need to look at the photograph of little me. I write on a scrap paper whatever thoughts I have ...this peace of paper will be shredded, so there is a free flow...no worries of grammar or punctuation....I was painfully surprised to see the voices of my parents emerged...all the shaming but this time I knew THEY WERE WRONG, not me. I cried for a child I was. The sam day I imagined taking my younger self bye hand I taking responsibility for "her" safety...as if I have now one more child to look after. Best Wishes. Thank you for sharing. I can imagine I hard it is to keep the secret...For many years I was listening to my little sister adoring comments about our uncle, who sexually abused me when I was about 6-7 years old without disclosing my feelings about him....I thought she had a right to enjoy their relationship. But recently, I could not resist. She tried her best to agree "this was not fair" but I could see how she struggled with accepting this information. This is how I realized I need to "tell" my uncle...it is completely irrelevant that he is dead.In fact , now I feel safe. I imagine facing him and telling him how I felt and how I feel now. It was raw and painful and exhausting, but it was also liberating: I got my real voice out of my chest! Be good to yourself. Be kind and protective of yourself and you will heal. One day at the time. Every day. 🙏❤
@@LynxSouth thank you.
@@LynxSouth Well said! Thank you.🫂
Regarding perception: it’s not only red flags you miss. You could perceive everything about them as negative instead of focusing on the good
I'm in my early 20s and this is a habit that has manifested in me rather recently. I often have to stop myself and slow it down a bit and assess things realistically. I never used to be like that.
@@massivegat5087 well I’m forty and only realizing it now so keep doing the work and you’ll be in an amazing place by the time you are my age 😊
we are wired to pay more attention to negative occurrences so we can survive..but some of us only remember the negative..I hated my mum..but this woman made me muffins in the morning..left me a note have a good day and five dollars..and yea that is a false memory I made to
cope with being hated by my mum..
And you could really miss some of the red flags that feel safe and good and normal.
Or, noting the red flags, but negative self talk due to parents, you force yourself to paint the red flags, white.
I was attracted to non empathetic "bad" guys. It caused a lot of suffering. Basically I chose narcissistic men because of being raised by a narcissist mother. I had zero perception of the harm these men would cause. It felt "normal " to me. Subsequently I am alone now and feel much better being that way than being in a relationship.
Snap.
Double snap
Triple snap
Same here
Same! Just started dating again after a couple years off and lots of therapy… met someone I had an instant connection with and instead of being excited I’m holding my breath, waiting to find out he’s another narcissist.
I am 34yrs old and I don't remember being a child. I feel like I have always been an "adult". I was always made to feel like everything was my fault and it was a mistake that I was born (my father loved to tell me that). I remember for the longest time I would tell my "You're a bad person, no one loves you and you make everyone around miserable." Thankfully after being in therapy I haven't had that thought on repeat.
With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on RUclips, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help
I can relate to this. Always being an adult as my mom checked out a d left it to me. Used to have a recurring dream about a huge puzzle I had to put together, pieces so big I could barely hold them. When I put it in tje wrong place a voice would scream at me, No! Wrong!
You have described my physically abusive childhood completely, I was always told that I would never amount to anything, and it was not until I found an occupation that I could excel at that I realised that I COULD do anything that I set my mind to. I am 74, and it took until my 50s before I realised this. I still have flashbacks in some situations, and I don't think it ever really goes away.
No therapist can really know, unless they have gone through it themselves.
Amen! That applies to so so so many things. Like many in the medical field these days (no offense to the medical field)
but I continue to run into those who are lackadaisical, argumentative, dismissive, accusatory and AND opinionated… Not the type opinion you are seeking from a doctor. It’s o.k. to use past experience to help diagnose? However, even with HIPPA, I’ve been told details about a “comparison” case… it feels like instead of comparing my symptoms; they were merely going to go with the first diagnosis as they glanced at me when they walked in. 😢
Then tell why they are right &
I’m wrong. Like they know MY body better than me…
An ER Doctor argued with me about the fact that he believed MY tongue WAS NOT swollen.
It certainly was! I’d spent 2 days trying to keep it out of my teeth! It’s very painful. As I was discharged, he yelled down the hall, I still believe your tongue IS NOT SWOLLEN! 😢
@@mismullis7101 I've been a nurse 30 plus yrs and I will never know your mind or body better than you do.
Thank you Terry you give me hope ❤
@@mightymouse1005 I wish I could find a Doc so attentive…!?!
@@mismullis7101 I find NP (nurse practitioners) and PAs (physicians assistance) more willing to ACUALLY listen.
Grew up from age 1 to 15 in a domestically violent home which included incest, and extreme emotional trauma. I'm now 52 dealing with having been triggered about 3 yrs ago and the walls came crashing down that I had built around anger and fear. Slowly learning how to love myself for the first time in my life... that I've learned ive lived making irrational choices based on disregulated disassociated emotional state.
You are not alone. Went through some shit myself n still trying to get some semblance of stability in my life. 😟😟
💯
I can very much relate to this. Domestic abuse and severe neglect and threats of abandonment. I'm 49 but recently had a triggering event that crashed those same walls of anger and fear. It was in the form of a loving relationship. I couldn't handle her love and I pushed her away.
I realized if I was capable of sabotaging something that wonderful that I needed more help than I ever suspected. I started a lot of therapy 3 months ago and feel it's helping a lot.
Maybe it's time our walls came down. what do you think, Melissa? :)
Sending my love and strength to you Melissa!! I love you!!!
SDA4eva, that made me tear up!! I felt that!! Soo good thank you for being a earth Angel!!
My mother was abused by her mother and she generously passed that down to us. My father brought his own cornucopia of insanity into the stew. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, narcissism, skewed compasses are rampant among 7 children. I'm starting to believe that schizophrenia is a "protective shield" for one of my brothers. Amid the landmines going off in the war zone that was our "home," he powered down and rebooted in safe mode.
You are gifted by having a way with words. I can really relate to your burdens
@@scotnick59 Thank you for your kind words. To cope, among many tools, I had intellectualized and also used comedy. Most recently, this book was eye-opening for me: The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van er Kolk. I hope you find answers and healing for yourself and your loved ones.
There are good solutions while one is a paranoid schizophrenic and realizes that one is a paranoid schizophrenic, attachment disordered, bipolar, autistic mess. Heroin, Cocaine, Legal And Illegal Speed, The Hallucinogens, Weed, Hash And All The Other Good Heavenly Drugs WwWorked For 40+ years FfFor MoppyDavy And tThen tThe Heavenly InPowered And MopPet Strengthened And Soldiers In And OoOn To Eternity. Timothy And Philippians In The New Testament King James Authorized Version
I had to screen shot this! That last sentence!
It’s exactly why I have down my whole life! U have a way with words that just soothes the thought of the trama and u help break it down. I am grateful I found this video!
@@midarock Thanks so much for the splendid compliment! May you always be gifted with Life's kindest blessings.
I liken my experience of childhood trauma as "paper doll syndrome". My siblings and I were the paper dolls in someone else's playtime. We were not allowed to be human beings or have emotions. Only the owner of the paper dolls was allowed to display its feelings as anger and physical abuse. I was the little adult trying to keep my siblings from "causing" us all more abusive outbursts. Sadly, nothing I did or did not do was ever going to change the hell we lived in.
❤❤❤
I so feel this to
For me, it all boils down to me not trusting my view of anything: the world, others, myself. So much work to do. Thank you. 💕
Hi sweet savour, this is also happening to me and it is sooooooo tiring, because I cannot locate if I´m just making up things even for myself. What is it like for you? What do you do when this is happening?
@@criscris2691 I'm probably not the person to ask advice of because I come from a super-abusive background and I really struggle on a daily basis to know if anything I do, think or say is okay. Sorry I'm not more help; having a bad day here. I hope you find your answers. 💕
@@sweetsavour6174 I feel so sorry for you having a bad day. I hope I didn´t trigger any additional bad feeling. In fact, I was not even asking for advice, I was just surprised that someone can feel like me...as I´m completely lost about understanding if the things are wrong or right, appropriate or inappropriate. I´ve never met someone having my same problems. A big hug from my side, tons of love dear Sweet Savour and I hope you can receive all you deserve in this life.
@cris cris I too feel like I cannot trust my view. I constantly say this to my therapist. "I don't know if I'm interpreting their comment correctly." Or "maybe I'm overreacting." My therapist assures me emotions are not right or wrong they are just information. I don't know how to understand this statement because if I'm dysregulated and I'm experiencing extreme feelings of despair and doom over a comment my partner said its like how is that emotion giving me information about my present situation? How do I know my emotions are about what is happening right now versus an emotional flashback. It's just impossible. I'm rambling. Does any of this ring true to you?
@@itsspringtime very much so. I have to check things out with people all the time...never trusting they're telling me the truth about their intended meaning. It sucks. I think the information part, at least how I take it, is it's letting me know I still have work to do.
Man, that bit about parents messing up a kids perception by pretending rage is normal...I struggled a bit with my son, but caught myself. I went back and apologized to my six year old for flying off the handle and scaring him. I told him I shouldn't have reacted that way and yelled at him. I explained what i did wrong, promised to try and do better and reminded him I did love him very much. And I have done much better.
I know I'm making plenty of my own mistakes, but I'm not going to terrify my child the way I was. I still shut down due to that ptsd, and I don't want him to go through the same thing for a reason I can help. I just did what I wish my parents would have done. Been real that they made mistakes. I get now why they made those mistakes, but when my mom tells me a story about how bad her childhood was and all I want to do is scream ''then why did you do that to me?!'' I just hope my efforts with my kiddo aren't going to waste. Or at least that I won't seem unapproachable when he really needs me.
Good job being the one to break the cycle. If life gets too much for you to handle, be sure to ask for help til you get it. Sometimes overwhelming circumstances throw us into rage response even when we are painfully aware what it's like. Despair and extreme 😩 stress can turn a loving parent into a monster if they too experienced childhood trauma.
I want to commend you for apologizing. Apologizing and genuiningly recognizing what you did was wrong is some of the most helpful things you can do when teaching children. Not only as a moral teacher, but as an emotional one. Its explaing that your emotions werent wrong but your actions to those emotions were.
How i wish that my mother ever apologized for all of the things shes done. I know so many abuse survivors and the ones doing the best are the ones whose parents eventually apologized for their actions and were not begging for forgivness. Apologizing right after the fact makes your 10000s of times better than any parents that dont.
It’s so refreshing to read that their are people like me. I struggle with rage and I have had a few moments with my son as well, of just uncontrollable yelling and I’ve had to apologize to my son as well and explain just what you said. I was wrong. That was one thing my mom never did was apologize. She was brutally abused by her mom physically and I’m sure her mom had rage. My mom was very loving though but she had rage BUT she would hardly apologize, I remember just always feeling like everything was my fault. And now I’m catching myself with my son, I’m choosing a different way. It’s been difficult but I hope my son will notice my efforts and I hope I don’t “ruin” him 😢
Continue to work on your self awareness and having integrity in your relationships both with your kid and other adults. Your son will grow up with the perspective that you are human (we all are) - and in many ways that is much better than a kid who puts their parent on a pedestal. Great job!
@@DixeyRay I was talking to someone on cptsd reddit, specifically about they had a dying parent and how they wished that parent would just apologize once, just recognize their behavior before they died, and its really too much to expect from an abusive parent that has rationalized their abuse to themselves. I shared my story about how the death of an abusive parent brings an awkward silence, the abuse is over, when people say "they are in a better place" I kind of get it, maybe a different meaning, but all the weight of being a miserable pos has been lifted from them, finally.
The way you casually say “you’re safe to disagree with me” at the very end- that GOT me! The cherry on top of this illuminative gut punch 😂💛💛💛
After one week of using the herbs on my child I notice eye contact, little speech improvement and response to name which motivates me. After one month is using the herbs my herbs completely improve from ASD and his therapist also confirmed it.
You ca count on him.. ❤ from 🇦🇹
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
My heart absolutely goes out to each and every single one of you out there who has been abused, especially as a child ! I'm so very sorry ! I pray you all get the deep healing you need, as much as can possibly be had in this life. My deepest love goes out to you ALL ! ❤🙏🏽❤
Also wow. Thanks. Same to you, for real.
What a lovely comment.
Me too God Bless each child that has went Thur child hood Trama payday is Coming for people who has done this Children Are God precious Gift . He will Act upon this 🙏🎚️❤️
Thank you so much
@@meritabuff741 ¹is q😢for ⁵9
Thank you Patrick for your inclusion of neurodivergent audience members. It's very tricky for us to know what is baseline/innate and what is trauma-induced and sometimes those things are tightly woven together. It's what eases with healing that usually makes it clear, for me at least.
As more and more of the younger generation of autistic folk are guided through the world with acceptance and support I think we may one day discover what untraumatised autism looks like, because right now I think it's a rare thing, if it even exists at all.
There is a TikTok creator who is an untraumatized autistic woman and she is a sight to behold! 💗
100% agreed
Yes!!!
Thanks for this mention.
Spectrum, female, sex abused since infancy, shamed for adult relationships that did not look like Leave It to Beaver family.
I am happy now but considered hopelessly broken & failed by family of sperm donors (origin).
@@gloriaf4015 what's their name? I'd like to behold too. 😊
I had a crush on a girl who had Asperger's in my University. She came from a supportive family. She didn't strike me as traumatized. She was brutally honest with a heart of gold.
Im so happy that this channel and the crappy childhood fairy are shedding light on this topic. More therapists jumping on board. 🥂 to ending generational cycles
Here’s to breaking the curse!
I work in a K-8th grade setting. My goodness, “Houston, we have a problem.” By that I see teachers who rage at students, causing them to freeze, students who are constantly gaslighting each other, students whose shame regulation is way off for just having a small correction on their paper, teachers who shame an entire class for the poor behavior of a couple of students, teachers gaslighting students and the list goes on. All this culminating in a group of high school students reporting to the school board that they have been constantly bullied for being nonbinary and have never felt safe and supported by their school. Yikes! Lots of work to do.
@@amyhayutin1738 boo.hoo
I'm going to be proud to end the generational chains. ❤
@@amyhayutin1738 Hi Amy! Your point is so well taken. It is indeed a lot!! Have a very blessed day!!! 🤗
My mother told me she knew what my father was doing was wrong..but, she was afraid of him. She never told me exactly what she was talking about. Both parents are gone. I know my father was a Narcissist, an alcoholic, a successful business man with money....but, I thought I was special. He used me as a lil' parent to take care of siblings, etc. I have a feeling it was worse. But, I don't remember. I do know he told people I was emotional, sensitive. I was an A student, won awards, took care of 5 younger siblings, helped parents, no issues at school- yet, it felt like they made me out to have a problem. I went to a shrink once at 15 (a few dizzy spells). The Psychiatrist said, "she's articulate, smart...the parents need help".
I was deemed the worthless child. My sister abused me right along side my parents. As an adult logically I understand yet emotionally it still hurts. It’s challenging to feel self worth for sure. Growing up being blamed and shamed, always put down, physically , emotionally, verbal abuse certainly does a number on a person. Thanks for speaking about this. ✌🏻
Your history is similar to mine My sister was also a bully inaddition to my male parent. My mother enabled his emotional and physical abuse and dished out some of her own -like it was they v the children. My parents are dead now . I cannot grieve my mother because she shouldve stopped him raging thumping and hitting us. I really dont think she was interested. In adulthood, my sister wreaks havoc still. Having suffered trauma/abuse herself she has translated the raging , insulting and gaslighting and devaluing from our childhood to everyone around her, particularly her children .
I agree this post is a very useful exploration of where Ive come from and why I am where I am now: depression anxiety social anxiety mistrust , unable to maintain close relationships, fear isolation self doubt "in a vacuum" with no way to navigate reality. With this post I see how and why my reality may be distorted, and I think it is beyond retrieval.
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
I am now 71, my Sis is 72, and we rarely speak. Being near me gives me great anxiety. She was perfect, I had some issues, thus the worthless child. I was shocked when we talked several years ago, and she still says that I could have controlled myself at 3, when I’d have temper tantrums and bang my head on the floor. Are you kidding me??? She listed everything I did wrong as an elementary kid! She was always perfect, and says I had all the fun! Really? I hold nothing in my heart about anyone in my family. I loved them all, and still do.
Shit man I'm sorry you had too deal with this
I had the experience of a raging abusive step-father. I was about to turn 15 and my mom promised she'd finally leave him; I was thrilled. She arrived to pick me up from school and subsequently told me they reconciled; happiness was replaced by despair and it wasn't much longer before I had a complete nervous breakdown.
My mom left when I was around 13; but, they reconciled. We were gone for a week. Mom was convinced that children were better off with a father. They had a toxic relationship! It definitely would have been better to stay apart for our sake! I cried & begged her not to go back!
That's ABANDONMENT. I GET IT.
my mom had a boyfriend that moved in about 2 months after they met he was molesting me for a year and I hadn't caught on because I was so young and didn't understand when I finally figured it out I had told my mom he was doing it and she said she'll take care of it two weeks later he was still living with us and I approached her and she said it's okay we went to counseling and he admitted it which was obviously a lie because he would have been arrested, I went to the school counselor I was taking from by CPS and placed in receiving home then in foster homes where I was also abused this is only maybe 1% of the bad stuff I went through, everything this guy has said has been spot on good job!
So how did things turn out for you, Karen?
I had to live with a raging, abusive foster-mother! From about 4 years old to 18 years old. I ended up in Topeka Mental Hospital. I'm pretty fine now - all things considered!
I remember walking to school in 3rd grade wishing my parents would divorce . So much anger and hostility, then they both started turning on me to vent about each other or their life. When I finally got the nerve to tell my friends father, I watched my dad and him chit chat about “unruly women, including daughters.” I lost all my hope that day.
That must have hurt so much. I'm sorry you went through that. What a betrayal of your trust.
How terrible 💔 I can't recall any specific instances but I know repeatedly hearing this kind of thing cut me deeply as well.
Here's to working on healing 🥂
How awful for you, @TanjiroKamado. I survived a rageahoic dad and a passive martyr mom. Sixty years on, I have grown, both away from my family and more into a woman that I actually like. I still experience trust issues, but have learned to mostly trust myself at least.
I wished for my parents divorce too. I told my mom I would find a lawyer and sell my clothes n books for the fees. I was 14.
I wished my mother would go away forever, that my father would divorce her and I'd never have to see her again.
While I couldn't "escape" my narcissistic, abusive (single) mother, I distinctly remember the moment and exactly where I stood in the bedroom of the duplex we lived in, and consciously determined, unequivocally, that I HATED my mother. I couldn't define it then, but I fully recognized in that moment that she was toxic, abusive, and a danger to me, and that she didn't love or want me. I was aged 6 or 7. I wanted to say it out loud, but fortunately, I didn't. The dynamics never changed for the balance of the 18 years we were under the same roof. I prompted a reconciliation in the later years of her life after she had "grown up" quite a bit and had long since quit drinking. That was a good move for both of us, but of course the damage was done.
I was 4 when I split off emotionally from her and challenged her on her crap.
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
I split from her as far back as I could remember. As a twin she stated I was HERS while my twin sis was MY DADs. But I remember screaming whenever she held me and finding peace and safety in my fathers arms. Not long ago when old photo albums were discovered, images of my emotional states were apparent from infancy. Needless to say, my views didn't bode well for my future w a narc raging mom who required limitless adulation, worship and power.
Childhood was most often HELL.
My fear and anger at her was never in question, but required my staying silent as I seethe inside. At 12 y old I decided I would never pass this hatred on to another human. At 26 I had a tubal ligation. At 62 I honestly attest this was the most pure, honest, rational and altruistic decision I could have made.
Good wishes and Love to all those with whom this story reads familiar to their own childhoods ❤
Life can improve, if you're willing to do the work 😊
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
so much relatable comments. i was also around 6 or 7 when i realised i hate my mother and that she was in the wrong. I even told some people she isnt my mother. I felt that it was some monster holding me hostage not a mother
My mother was emotionally unregulated from her own cptsd and as a result I ended up being her emotional support system for as long as I can remember being able to hold a conversation. I was the friend she vented to when the was upset or angry, especially with my own father who spent most of my life underway in the navy, but otherwise I remember always being loved and supported in things, never physically abused in any way, and very often got what I wanted. Growing up I knew kids who weren't lucky enough to have both their parents or the parents they did have were restrictive or physically or verbally abusive, and that created a long term perception that my parents were perfect and I was very lucky to grow up with them together and both supporting me, but now as an adult with a short temper that leads to intense rage followed by crippling shame, as an adult who feels responsible for the emotions of every single person I lend an ear to, as an adult who put up with with a miserable 3 year relationship with someone who I was more of a therapist and caretaker to than a partner, learning things like this is a major eye opener
Furthermore a lot of that perceived support was a constant reinforcement from my mother that I was so mature and responsible and immediately good at every single thing I did, which over time resulted in an inability to stick with anything that had a real learning curve because if I'm not good at it right away then I just can't do it, and that folded over into vocal disappointment from her for never committing to or accomplishing anything in the form of "you were so good at [blank] when you were younger why don't you still..." Why haven't you made any progress, why haven't you created anything etc.
Thank you.. i always felt i had such good parents why do i feel lik i hav this trauma .. thank you putting this feeling into words.. now i see what happened exactly..
@@ChatookaMusic mate that’s crazy, you’ve just described exactly what I’ve come to realise about myself recently. Good to see we’re not alone aye, all the best on your journey to a healthy mind and getting control over those emotions. ❤️
If only you knew how much I can relate to this. I’m now 45 and realise how much being parentified by my parents impacted my mental and emotional wellbeing. So much so, I still don’t know how to have reciprocal relationships. I tend to attract emotionally demanding people and/or feel paranoid of being perceived as such. There’s this strong fear of showing vulnerability because I never felt safe to do so around my parents. Not because they were horrible people but more so because I learned from a very young age that they could barely cope with their own problems, why burden them unnecessarily. Now that I’m a mother myself, it would break my heart if my kids would try to protect me by dismissing their needs. Thank you for sharing your story and all the best to you. ❤
@@ChatookaMusic holy shit that's very much the details of my relationship with my late mother and my inability to commit to anything because... That. I've had a couple partners think I would be non committal to the relationship or that I was screwing around on the side where absolutely I was not and I would not... But I had friction because I didn't answer questions about my plans to do or not do something in the near future also and because they had trauma from previous lifetime with family or partners I had two guys suspect just I needed to keep my weekend schedule open in case anyone better called with something more interesting than whatever they were planning? No. But I see how it looks like it could be this. And my mom always brought up the couple of areas I was above average in as a child asking me what made me lose interest in the piano the other languages I spoke etc
This is most Gen-X experience I know, including me. We dealt with life on our own with parents adjusting to the “new normal” of the post-nuclear family. I was expected to be the “mom” of a single father household at the ripe age of 11. My dad had a crush on all my female friends. I finally ran away when I was 16, rescued by my mom, and did a hard re-start on my life. Rebounded on a abusive early marriage. Single for decades until I could even consider a close personal relationship again. Even now, I can’t deal with anyone else’s stresses. I can barely handle my own. I haven’t been able to sleep an entire night undisturbed for decades.
I'm so sorry you had any of this. Stay strong
😢❤
Why does it have to be a generational thing? Why can't it just be a thing some of us had to live and grow up with
We GenXers were not parented. We were treated like adopted pets and either made to perform or completely ignored.
I am so sorry you got stuck with your father. after your parent's divorce. Awarding father's custody is now becoming the norm even if they are pedophiles, practicing addicts or have just been released from prison. I have not seen my daughter since 1997. I doubt very much if she has been able to deal with anything that happened while she was with her father. Glad you were able to get help for yourself. Keep on keeping on. I believe there will come a night where you will sleep well.
It has taken me 49 years of life to figure out that I was raised in a very abusive household. It has affected every relationship that I've ever been in. Emotionally disregulated, narcissistic parents are to blame. I tried to complain to my teachers in elementary school and throughout my young adulthood, but I was shamed and forced to endure them. Now I have had to cut off my father of 85 because he still verbally abuses me....... I'm done with it, now I have to fix myself!
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Oh Gosh that's tough, I have been toying with the idea of cutting off my Mother, but she's got a foothold in with me via my daughter..and has caused alot of grief in my family life..she is damaged.and my ex the same..my daughter only has me..and I'm damaged but aware of it..and mostly emotionally regulated, when not triggered..my daughter is becoming abusive to me now mirroring the behaviours of 2 dominant personalities in her upbringing.
I’m proud of you 😊
growing up, my dad frequently had violent raging outbursts and my mom would always just try to calm him down while I went and ran or hid somewhere, but I was never safe. Most of the time he was drunk when he had these outbursts. He rarely got to me because I always out ran him, or could find a locked door to hide behind. But more than once he broke my door down, or took it off the hinges. I don’t know if his rage was triggered by something or not because sometimes I would just be sitting on the couch or at the kitchen table, and he would start his shit. But I never felt safe at night because that’s when he got drunk and would come in throwing things, breaking things, hollering, and waking everyone up. My mom would usually tell me that this wasn’t normal, and this wasn’t how people were supposed to act, but it happened so often that it became normalized for years. She would threaten to leave him for his drinking and tantrums, but she never did. For at least 3 years she kept giving me false hope that she would leave and we wouldn’t have to be around him, but it never happened. When I got to 10th grade, I got new friends and we would all basically trauma dump and support each other and compare experiences. It turns out I wasn’t the only one. I’m so happy that I decided to sit with the outcast art kids one random spring day.
Zero power as a child has made me hyper responsible about everything. Absolutely everything. When married it was still lonely because basically I literally had another child. He was emotionally13 and never matured. Very clearly noted when my son was 13. He matured past that emotional acting out. My husband did not. I am also an RN so chronically caregiving. I don’t know how to be otherwise, but I notice resentment that builds in me. Even expecting mind reading almost about WHY I am so angry.
I completely understand the feeling of being hypervigilent and responsible
With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on RUclips, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help
Aw that is love. What a sacrifice. Maybe try expressing it to him?
"you're safe to disagree with me" - absolute gold Patrick. Thank you!!!
Ugh, the story about the cop was so relatable. My dad would say I was being ‘defiant’. Sucks when you’re abused and all the adults around you pretend they don’t see it or threaten you more. Thanks for sharing. I learn so much.
I ran away when I was 16, and my father took me to court. He listed “rebellious child” on my paperwork. I never knew of the term CPTSD before this. I’ve discovered the sudden crying jags in elementary through high school were anxiety/panic attacks.
@@nelks1284 squeezing you tight ✨🫂 thanks for sharing & speaking your truth. 💖🕊️✨
I can really relate to that, no where to go to.
I have been so disowned by my dad's side of family for divulging the sexual abuse, they did not even tell me when the aunts and uncles died.....people I loved dearly. Sexual abuse was better than the physical viloence and fear I lived with. I am so alone and want a mate so badly but mate would have to tolerate my C ptsd.
@@voyeurette1 Hopefully you will get the trauma therapy before you get into a relationship,so the cycle isn't repeated. And stay away from those abusive relatives who reinforce tramas.
I was the peacekeeper of the house as a child, so all of this 100% resonates with me and I'm working with my therapist to overcome it. I remember being yelled at a lot as a child for trying to stop the constant arguing and fighting between my mom and dad, and my mom and grandmother. I never realized it was never my job to begin with, but strangely enough, that behavior actually saved my life because it gave me purpose, even though I was unsuccessful 90% of the time.
I've never heard someone describe this the same way that I do. I'm so sorry we share this but happy we're not alone
I met my first “magical unicorn” in third grade. My friend group all found her a bit baffling. We were friends from and early age for a reason. Rather than watch afar in amazement, we made sure she liked us best. All we wanted was to bubble wrap this fairy-like young girl. Who I’m proud to say nine years later we were all crying like fools and hugging one another when we graduated, together. That was one unicorn we were all the better for growing up with.
I recently moved out my narcissistic mother's house. She has been telling lies and trying to get my address even when I expressly told her I didn't wanted to. I noticed it that I react to any loud noises in my apartment in fear of it being her opening the door while enraged, and me getting ready to be screamed at. She also always called me a dirty, dirty lazy b..tch so I believed it. To the point I believed I couldn't mantain or take care of chores and clean my house by my own, and resigning to having a cleaner one every so often. Turns out I can do it by my own and in pretty good. Managing my chronic illness and clean the apartment is pretty easy for me. So yeah I have been proud of myself lately
I don't know you, but I'm proud of you too. Stay strong and keep taking care of yourself!
I'm proud of you too!
thank you! this means a lot to me 😭
You can do this, have you gone no contact with her or any possible flying monkeys too??
Give yourself the first foremost benefit of the doubt, have a power plan, even rehearse if that happened where she found you. what you CAN do in your power. it will help you feel equipped.
Sooo proud of you!!!
I mourn what my life could have been if I had timely help to work through the childhood trauma that I experienced. I encourage you to get the proper help. Peace is so precious and it is never too late to find it.
I could have been a good, productive and perhaps, happy person. I just know it. Not a desperately poor, physically and emotionally unwell screw-up. I can't see any way out. Just waiting. I'm 59 years old now. Not too much longer to go. I so hope and pray that there is some kind of 'Being' out there. That way I can meet up with everybody and everything I love and maybe we can all just love each other and be happy. Not a care in the world. I've never had that. There has got to be another, better place than this. The alternative is simply too much for me to bear.
@@ladywolfwolf Hi lady. Reading your comment made me tear up. At 25 I feel the same way you do at 59. You just described my entire baseline existence to a t. Except for the whole meeting up with loved ones bit because I have nobody. Even my dogs abandoned me. I hope things get better for us.
Me too.
@@ladywolfwolf you took the words right out of my mouth. Wishing you all good things on this side and the other side too.
So if you have a child going thru this what would you tell the caregiver to do /not do. WHAT HELPS TO STAY STABLE. WHAT HELPS WHEN ANGER COME PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO HELP MY CHILD!!!! It's so hard to get into a therapy program that's for TRAMA! Unless you been their it's like no one gets it!!
Beyond what a child's nervous system can handle...I've sometimes said my little circuits were fried as a child...too much when I was too little...thank you for putting it in better words...and thank you for helping all of us who are still hurting to better understand our life experiences in a way that may allow us to heal a little and move forward in better shape ❤
"Circuits were fried". Omg, yes! You put that perfectly! When your circuits are fried, you can't do anything. You have just enough energy to survive the day, and that's it.
To be joyful as a child when you’re around miserable adults, yep! I find I often temper my enthusiasm as an adult around miserable adults, and it took listening to this to realize it. Great talk! Created a lot of clarity. Thank you!
That’s a definite tell tale sign that you were left out, unrecognized, never welcomed with open arms unconditionally, needing to fix others feelings in order to be liked or given “ a pass” into friendship with them. Like constantly needing to earn or prove worthiness every single time. Yes, I was gaslit constantly. Sad. Always judged.
My family had a limited palette of emotions: angry, not that angry, scared, bored and disappointed. I knew. other emotions existed, but I had never seen them in reality
Same. Its a very limited, base level range of emotion and happy to keep it thst way. My famy have happy,
sad (usually with a side of tantrum or what about me) Angry,
tired,
Hungry.
Basically The Sims 1.
Same here
Your parents must’ve had emotionally immature parents also and didn’t know how to break out of the cycle. Congrats for seeking how to break free.
@@AMcDub0708 if you mean my parents, bio father suffered from Peter pan syndrome. Step father had a horrifically abusive and neglectful mother. He raised most of his siblings and treated me like his own from age 1, when he was just 17 himself. His immaturity presented more prominently as he aged ans especially after "The Mother", split split from him.
"The Mother" herself didn't win any prizes in the father department. He was hard working and social, but a chronic gambler and skirt chaser.
As for "the Mothers" mum, she was the most incredible woman I've ever known. There was so much good, love, light inside that woman, she should have had an entire solar system orbiting her.
She was the only other empathy in the family. The only one who felt anything beyond selfish base desires and reactions. How something so vile, came from a woman, who literally ws the inbodiment of unconditional limitless love puzzles me to this day. Though I do imagine it was something akin to that chest bursting scene from Alien, you know the jack in the box like, jump scare as the evil frees itself from its nest. . . Yea, something like that I believe.
Yeh, so they shouldn't have had children. Mentally and emotionally unstable people should not have children, it's child abuse.
The cop thing happened to me with my dad verbatum. they looked at me like i was insane. im sorry you went through that
I am neurodivergent and 69 years old and still remember the systemic psychological abuse in school. My dad was emotionally dysregulated adult threw fits of rage verbally and physically abusive. Basically a monster. My mom was mentally ill, as result of childhood sexual abuse. Between the 2 of them, they did a lot of emotional damage to their children. The Neurotypical educational system did a real number on me. Only because neither one of my parents were available to protect me.
Sounds like my story..no help at home or at school. I am remember the school psychologist mocking me in 3rd grade. He joined in with the other bullies. They just put me in the hallway to cry and I was the problem. Sucks.
I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now as his speech and social skill has improved
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
❤❤❤❤
@@rebeccajohnson2231 Life is a strange paradox. I was my mom I was my dad when I was younger. I was in a closed men's group for 3 and half years at the age of 38, I realize I had to unlearn everything taught to me by my mom by my dad by my brothers and sisters, the educational system and the cherry on top betrayal of Christians who I believed in. It took another 30 years and a automobile accident to understand that clarity of thought, I had all those years ago. My dad threw fits of rage because he didn't have the emotional understanding what it was doing to his family. I'm not excusing his behavior, but I can understand it. He was neurodivergent just like me. When I was in a automobile accident at 65 years old I was momentarily knocked unconscious. It took 4 years of being hyper alert that ultimately helped me see my neurological difference. Only because growing up there was so much shame associated with being born with a neurological difference, I ran away from it. I was just like my dad neurologically only difference I was in an automobile accident. My dad was the only survivor of a explosion in Germany after World War II disarming bombs. The team he was assigned to were disarming a bomb he was sent to the truck to get some tools. He woke up under 2 inches of dirt and there was a 40 foot hole where his team once stood. I think he suffered not only PTSD but having a neurological difference. Just added to the confusion. My dad was always in hyper alert. Any sudden noises a burst of laughter or spilt milk he would go berserk. My mom she was more psychological.
After looking at Aspergers spectrum tests online, I noticed that symptoms of abuse look like some of those symptoms. Not meeting eyes, being isolated, not having friends or being active in school, lack of affect .....
Its confusing af. Is it Aspergers or cPTSD or both?
or bpd???
Traits are shared in many ways bc it's similar mechanisms human brains do. For a diagnosis you need to have various distinct things.
My doctor decided to treat the symptoms rather than get bogged down in what it was or wasn’t. Childhood trauma js definitely present but was presenting similar to ADHD or ASD, so I have an adderall prescription now that was life changing.
I felt emotions. I had never felt joy before, ever. I’m a career classical pianist because it’s the only thing that my parents could “brag” about to random strangers but I’d never felt joy while playing. Apparently normal people enjoy music? Weird. Anyway, on adderall I actually enjoyed playing the piano for the first time ever after nearly 30 years of playing through the torture. It was heartbreaking to realize that I’d been robbed of this emotion that comes automatically for other people.
Don’t forget attachment disorder?
This was so triggering for me. It's weird to hear someone understand what life was like for me and giving my younger version some compassion for getting through it. I tend to tell myself " it wasn't that bad" "I'm making it a big deal" "I'm just wanting attention" but listening to this and the feelings, emotions it's triggering is letting me know " yes it was that bad and you survived and to not get mad at myself when I get depressed/ disassociate.
I hear you x
I think that there is always going to be someone who had it worse than us, but don't forget, this is you, and it was bad. And I guess we can say "at least it wasn't this, or that thing didn't happen", and maybe we should just be thankful it wasn't worse, but still, not downplay it.
Just found this channel.. you are right.. I found it difficult to listen but forced myself to listen. Read the comments and related to what you wrote. I’m glad I’m not the only one. There’s a lot of us. I’m in the twilight zone of my life still struggling but also grateful that I have a very supportive and “normal” husband. My only fear now is that I hope I did not do any damage to my children. I tell them sorry that sometimes my “mother comes out of my mouth”! 😢
Thanks for your comment. Let’s both hang in there.
@@bubbless.9529 Thank you for such a sincere reply. It meant a lot to me. I too worry about the damage to my kids. Damn life is a challenge, eh?
This is the first time I've heard "disgust" on a list. My father came from a dysfunctional home. He felt his father was a real sadist who beat his wife, and his mother was a real masochist. When I was a child, my father's tone dripped of disgust any time he disapproved of my behavior, or was irritated by it. I always wondered why. It took me many years to get over feeling like a little criminal because of it. By then, my daughter was using it -- inadvertently learned, I imagine, from me.
I have never in my life, come across a channel which describes everything and anything about how I feel as a wounded adult. Your wording fits perfectly with everything some of us have been through in life.
I had two *very* similar experiences with the police and my parents when I was a teenager. Each experience depleted what little sense of "this isn't my fault" I had left.
Omg you have described me down to a tea. Physical, sexual, emotional abuse my whole childhood. I am such a broken person still at 50. I lost my twin to suicide. I'm an alcoholic I am bipolar I have complex ptsd, insomnia out of body experiences the list goes on. I've been under psychiatric care 18yrs. My mother supported and participated in the abuse. I went to the police at 30 and my father was convicted with my mother completely supporting him and blaming me. Last year my mother said the wrong twin died. I was in therapy 9yrs but it didn't help I take 8 different medications every day. My health is horrendous. There is so much pain. I have regressed and am barely functioning. I rarely leave the house and now I rarely leave my bed. My father died 4yrs ago and my mother died 5months ago. I honestly thought I would feel free when they died its made me worse. I do forgive them because this abuse is historical, the family cycle. I am intelligent I know the nightmare I went through wasn't my fault but why do I feel bad for sending my father to prison and what I put them through. The last conversation I had with my mother she finally told me she loved me I waited 50yrs to hear that. I am so lost. Sorry for rambling but I don't think its an accident I found this video. Thank you so much xx
Man- some really tough stuff! Im sorry that the people who should have helped you feel safe did these things to you out of their own apparently uncontrollable pain. Terrible terrible stuff you have endured. For your mom to tell you that it should have been you who died? That has to be one of the most hurtful damaging things that a parent can do. Oh my God!
You say you are lost so i had to take a minute to write to you. Without knowing you at all so i realize im taking a leap but It sounds like you need a plan. whether its join a gym or lace up and hit the streets for a short run , clean and polish your sink, or even just getting outside... ANY small "win" of forward movement. You need some wins! If and when you decide on a "Game Day" , throw back your bedsheets in the morning, with purpose get out of bed, and proclaim out loud that Its a new day and that a new sheriff is in town! I say this with love but right now you are buying into the victim role all on your own. Rise to the challenge of getting up and out of that bed. And know its going to not feel good at first. Or it feels good at first but in a month it sucks when it loses its novelty. But on the other side of that is where the gold lies. Creating new patterns and habits. I have had to do this and yes i fall. and i get up and start again. and fall some more. and i get up. I win because i keep getting up. If you dont have any kind of social system in place it will be hard too because no one will be there to validate you and support you and see the changes but you just have to keep lacing up your shoes and continuing with your plan. Re-define yourself even at 50 your allowed to do that! (Im older:) Good Luck to you I hope you find it in yourself to get out of bed
re: ''and what I put them through.'' You put conscienceless people through nothing at all. They require scapegoats to continue
wearing masks of perfection to themselves and others. Deceit is their very breath. At some point, we--the victims--must put on
''new glasses'' to see that we've been robbed of the true people we are. And if we actually were just like them, we'd be all the
things they are. Inside, you've proven you are courageous, protective of their victims, believe in true justice, truthful, and decent.
Our moms must have been ''related.'' I ended up with my mom's ashes. I finally realize that If she couldn't love me while alive,
there's no way she's going to love me now that she's dead. Two siblings are dead now. After reading what you wrote, I think it's
time the larger part of our family and I release her ashes to the place she loved. So thank you for your honesty.
❤
@@mariehosch156 ❤
@@kathleenthurin845 ❤
I had to totally rewire my brain and stay single to take just a few steps to healing from a traumatic life. I was raised in abuse and trauma and than married a very abusive man. I finally chose life and self love .
Thank you for you video
It's nice to have my feelings validated
It helps. I only cried like 18 times watching this.
Awe
In my old age I still experience the hyper emotions (though nothing bad ever surprises me), but over the last 2-3 years, suddenly I’m angry all the time. I don’t express it, but it’s always there.
Maybe magnesium and iodine and bicarbonate might help? The work Dr David Brownstein, Dr Sircus, and Sally K Norton, MPH may help you feel stronger and physically more well.
I have had that experience as well. Just a hatred of all people I see. Went to the dr and he put me on Prozac. I’m not real happy about taking it but it does indeed calm my anger.
My mother would complain to me about how awful her "boyfriend" was (they hadn't even been in a relationship for years, he just lived with us, and she supported him, and treated him like a son, instead of me, her daughter, he emotionally abused both of us) and then when I would complain, she would minimize it, and pretend she didn't know what I was talking about, and say it wasn't that bad. Then we would go out and she'd walk around holding hands with him, it made me feel a suffocating amount of rage, like I was gagged and wanted to scream.
Did we have the same childhood? My mother always prioritized her men over her daughter, even when one was abusing her.
I respect this perspective. Sometimes we dont realize the weight we put on our children's shoulders. Im so sorry.
Same with my mom. She complained a lot about my dad. But never ever left him.
My dad was always going away. He never spent 1 weekend home. My mom is a Covert narcissist. My dad a neglectful narcissist.
I understand your rage, such emotional betrayal is beyond belief; that was also my reality.
I know couples like that I called them " The public showy couple " Facebook is filled with people like those too. They glorify each other on social media but they can't stand each other in reality.
So silly.y
I spent five weeks in a psych hospital following profound depression and a point where I was really drawn to suicide but called my therapist. The big take away was the moment in a group time when I realized I didn’t have my own feelings. My parents told me how to feel and I accommodated. I remember the moment by eyes got big with realization, I signaled to a nurse and ran out of the room. She followed me and I was able to tell her. At first I thought I might forget but after sharing it I knew I never would. In my forties then, seventies now and it is a clear memory and I am still respectful of my feelings and will stand up for them if needed.
As an adult I'm still that lost little girl inside. I'm always trying to please others and am extremely empathetic. I literally know no other way to be. It's hard to shut off. I'm always trying to "rescue" others and trying to "fix" them. It's so emotionally draining.
Millieo you are so right
@@Elizabeth-qu6ib Thank you I think when our soul, spirit needs are not met it makes us empathic. We know what we didn’t get. Maybe this is also true for you but for me finding empathy for the little girl within has been the hardest. It’s been thirty years since the time I wrote about and only in the last year I can sometimes see/feel compassion and support for the alone little girl. Blessings for your heart and soul.
I kindof relate to this. But I'm scared to face that reality, so I've just been pushing it away at every chance :/
"My parents told me how to feel and I accommodated" - So hear this 💛💛
I'm in therapy and sometimes I feel I haven't had the "real" trauma but I grew up in an alcoholic family, I was physically and emotionally bullied in school and that was always downplayed. My mom always said, "It will make you stronger." I was the black sheep: I'm the one who seeks to make a difference in young adults' lives; working in residential facilities. But that's never enough. There are 8 and 9 years between me and my siblings and they have always resented what they perceive as being the favorite child. But thank you for naming the things that hit me so hard: how I much I focus on others perception of me; that desparate need to be liked. You provide much comfort to someone who feels like the messed up person in the family. One question: can trauma cause severe anxiety that never goes away? I'm functional but I have anxiety all day, everyday.
that sounds like the way that multiple "smaller" traumas one after another after another and on top of each other can impact a person or child just as severely as a massive single trauma like a parents death or SA can. especially when these multiple smaller traumas are rarely acknowledged by the victim or others and often aren't given the chance to grieve or process what happened or see a therapist. it's definitely possible for that to result in severe ongoing anxiety! especially since multiple unaddressed traumas were coped with by suppressing and bottling and a lot of fearful people pleasing. so you might have a lot of distress bubbling below the surface you don't know how to face express or deal with. that anxiety doesn't have to be permanent tho you can absolutely escape it with the right therapy and maybe some medication support too
After one week of using the herbs on my child I notice eye contact, little speech improvement and response to name which motivates me. After one month is using the herbs my herbs completely improve from ASD and his therapist also confirmed it.
You ca count on him.. ❤ from 🇦🇹
Sounds a lot like my childhood, I’m 52 now and still struggle with those things that happened 35+ years ago. It was definitely trauma, maybe not as severe as what some people experience. Yes, I’ve had severe anxiety my whole adult life, I still take medication for it. I’d like to get off it due to side effects but I’m not sure it’s an option.
I’ve had similar feelings, totally normal 😊 We are not here to compare traumas. Everyone has their story and all are valid.
My mom always down played how abusive my father was to her and us kids. Later on in my life my dad significantly improved. But my mother became the abusive one. And she downplayed her own abuse. This is definitely why I feel like I have no idea what’s going on ever. I don’t trust myself at all. It helps to know why I struggle with this though. Thank you.
OMG thank you for calling well adjusted people magical unicorns. When I read about attachment styles it said that over 50% of people are safely attached and I just don't know where these people are and it made me feel like more of an outlier. Saying in this case that the 'ideal situation' is actually quite rare, made me feel so comfortable.
Well-adjusted people become friends with, date and marry other well-adjusted people. They don’t like drama
Normies kinda freak me out 😅
Its sad that Im a Magical Unicorn and that its rare.
@@VelveteenRabbit77 very..says more about our society than it does about you
I think they're all farmers, mechanics, and maintenance people. Maybe taxi drivers.
I said to my husband about my family " Am I crazy?" Then I switched. "You know what? You're not crazy and you see it. I can hang my hat on that whether I see correctly or not ". So reassuring when you really have people worthy of trust.
I have created a second family of people whose perception I trust not to take power over me and it saves my life.
That's beautiful Dawn 😍 I hope I find that one day! Right now I'm all alone, but that's ok because it's better to be alone than to be mistreated ❤️
I got stuck at Perception. That is the story of my life! After hearing that I could not even concentrate on anything else so I am saving this video to do 1 step at a time. Thank you so much for doing this service free online. -hugs- I am 75 years old and just beginning to understand myself. Thank you! ♡
I cannot stress enough and say that you have to be one of the top RUclipsr/ psychologist who speaks in a way that people understand and really really get what is going on. You are amazing. May God bless you with many years to do the work that you do.
The most isolated moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly
Worst experience of my life
I question my reality everyday & feel guilty about detaching myself from my family. But when I watch your videos I feel reassured, validated & like I might actually be able to heal from this. Thank you so much, keep up the great work!
Ive experienced that numb or vacuum sensation, which is pretty much linked to depression and disassociation. Would love for you to talk about how CPTSD changes our perception of reality and tools to bring us back to acceptance of reality when it happens.
I wonder if Jennette Mcurdy’s book “I’m glad my Mom Died” would be a helpful read for those who have struggled with parental abuse. I’ve seen her interviews and it seems like she has come to a lot of self understanding and could validate feelings of others who have suffered.
It's excellent 👍 I have to read & re-read due to concentration problems, but it's a great book. Her interview with Drew Barrymore was amazing. ❤️🌹
This is maybe the best video on childhood trauma I have ever seen. I’m crying. I recently found a therapist who I truly believe will be able to help me. She works at the VA hospital, specifically with trauma victims, and on my first visit she dove right into the narcissistic abuse and the abandonment trauma. This week we are discussing the EMDR she is going to take me through. And then the next week, I start the therapy.
I want to show this to her. I’m only at the end of #1, and this man has essentially just described my life, with not one word out of place or irrelevant. Instant subscriber.
Feeling the need for people to understand me and GET me is a large part of the trauma. And I am always sending quality videos to people, knowing most of them don’t care at all. That’s really all I focus on these days. I live in the vacuum.
EMDR changed my life. I hope it helped you!
Can you elaborate on what you mean about sending videos to people, bc I think I do that too.
wanna be video exchanging buddies?
bcz I felt the same and quit sending and began just posting to my FB..where friends unsubscribe from my page bcz of "all negative stuff" I'm posting. turns out those who feel it's negative are the NARCISSISTS! ..it was like I was indirectly calling them out. as soon as they got me isolated the SHTF! .. OMG .. never allow anyone relative to isolate you - I'm sure they're the worst.
EMDR is the BEST!!
Being chill on the outside and on the inside having a fire, leaving my body, extreme anxiety about making mynute mistakes, and coming off as intense without realizing it, constantly being and feeling isolated, afraid to express emotions to parents, all of it describes my life. And it doesn't help when the trauma prevents you from making any friends or supportive groups. I gave up trying to make friends ever since I was stood up by 16 people, we were supposed to have a group dinner
Exactly. Therapists and just people in general just do Not understand that you can have that constant anxiety inside not always on the outside.
Those people. ..like most of the ones I choose, are assholes. 😐 though the pain they cause hurts, we are better off without them.🙄 I'm pretty much a hermit and would rather be alone than with cruel people. Hopefully 1 day we will feel comfortable with healthy good people. ☺
Cyberhuggs
so sorry. Their behavior, not yours, is abnormal. They were bullies, or at least two were, to eadily herd the willing sheep. I bet at least one of them feels bad for doing this. When they have kids of their own, who are victims, it will dawn on them; the harm caused. They will feel remorse then. The best you can do, is thrive like it didn't matter, even though it does, to show them how insignificant their rejction is; in that you make it clear to them that theur approval means nothing to you. Did they discover that you showed up? Did you ever tell even one of them your hurt? Well, I can assure you, things have or will happen to them to cause each of those individuals to reflect. Only the psychos among the 16 will justify their actions. Not all of them are psychos, just weak individuals. You, the recipient of such unkindness, are not weak like them. God bless.
Oh no, that must have been horrible for you! I'm so sorry that happened - I would have been unable to cope. Your strength is truly amazing. Hugs to you.
I’m going to have to break this up into multiple watch sessions because I’m already triggering myself thinking of my life parallels. I think that means you’re pretty spot on. The SA blame example is really what kinda got me just now. I remember when I was 16 I left a letter for my mom (because I was too afraid to say it in person) that I had a sexual encounter with a man in his 30s and that even though I regretted it, I still wanted to come out.
I still remember hearing her footsteps coming down the hall and instantly recognizing her mental state by the spacing, timing, reverberation and volume so I immediately ran into my bathroom and locked the door and she was full on screaming and slamming her hands on the door demanding that I open it and telling me I had AIDS and how hateful and disrespectful I was to everyone around me and how selfish it was for me to “try” to be gay because I would ruin my stepfather’s reputation, and my stepfather’s parents are such kind and good people that they deserve to die with peace and never having to be confronted with embarrassing questions by their friends about having a gay stepgrandson -then she told me if I didn’t open the door she was going to call the police on me and give them a reason to arrest me-and then to my face she repeated everything and then gave me an out to go back in the closet by asking/suggesting “you’re just stupid and gullible and trying to be cool, aren’t you? This gay thing is just because Lady Gaga and bullshit made you think it was hip, wasn’t it?”
And I was so scared that I unfortunately hopped on that train and just wanted everything to be okay again so I said absolutely I’m just stupid and a follower and had this statutory r*pe encounter trying to be trendy. And by the end I was begging not to get an HIV test because I knew protection had been used and I had donated blood well after at school and never get a letter showing that I triggered anything in the viral screener-and never have in any donation since. They do a panel test for all major blood borne viruses including HIV and will discard your batch and notify you if your donation had to be discarded.
That is one of dozens upon dozens of similar moments starting with one from young childhood getting dragged down a flight of stairs through clear up to unspeakably hateful things said to me in my 20s that live rent free in the back of my mind despite years of therapy to help overcome suicidality, nonexistent self image, anxiety, resentment, anger, lifelong depression i can comfortably say started by age 7-8 because i used to pray to God that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning, etc etc etc. But there are some things that are basically physically engrained. Like i am definitely hyper vigilant and always making sure I don’t hear threatening noises (like rapidly and angrily approaching footsteps) and I’m 28 and since that moment in the bathroom I’ve finally realized I’ve become asexual as some sort of maladaptive safety mechanism because I physically cannot stand to be touched or looked at in any intimate capacity. Some engrained shame and sense of danger gets triggered and I lock up and have a full on panic freeze. The most frustrating part is despite having a final equally traumatizing come out to my mom after college where she eventually transitioned from blind rage to “I don’t give a fuck what you do with your romantic life I just don’t want myself or anyone in the family to have to see it” - I still feel so trapped in the past and like i would actually vomit from anxiety if anyone touched me in an even remotely intimate way-and i have just accepted this is how life is and the easiest way to maintain a parental relationship is to just take the shallow apologies I have been able to coax out, rationalize “she did the best she could considering how crappy her own childhood was,” and just don’t even go there because talking about any form of hurt opens the door of “well you weren’t an easy child to raise or love. But I stuck around. No one else would have kept you around. But I did. And you’re so ungrateful and inconsiderate of what you did to justify my upset. Etc etc etc.”
I might try therapy again someday. I just parted ways with a therapist I worked with for the last 4 years and I honestly count it as a win to not have multiple weekly panic attacks and breakdowns anymore where I’d get triggered and be trembling and sobbing for like an hour at a time and still shaking for a good portion of the rest of the day. That’s enough of a win for this era of my life, but at a certain point it almost felt like my sessions were just acknowledging all the mental handicaps I don’t feel like I can ever shake. And instead of trying to talk through them, I think I just need to try to learn how to live around them and accept that this is just how life is going to be.
Edit: going back in. I’m wondering if you’ve got anything on your list that covers this mess:
So my dad died in a mid air collision when I was just shy of 3. My whole life I knew the plane he was flying was struck by another plane that had inappropriately deviated from its flight path, that my dad survived for 13-30 seconds after impact trying to do the emergency protocols, either he or the other pilot said “oh my God” or something to that effect, and then the plane exploded and hurled everyone’s charred bone chips down into the ocean…
As discipline, my mother would invoke the horrible death of my father and tell me “Your father isn’t here anymore. His opportunity to live was TAKEN from him, but YOU-You still have a life! And you owe it to him to live for the life that was stolen from him!”
The context of this was anything I ever did even as young as 3-4 years old had the gravity of my father’s horrific death attached to it and that the driving force of my life was to live the life stolen from my dad. And I realized later in life that despite it being packaged as honorable when she said that, I had internalized so many things destructive to sense of self, value of my own life, and personal autonomy especially as it became clear I was vastly unlike my dad and wanted to live a life that he would not have approved of.
I honestly would have preferred if my mom had just hit me because the words were worse than any mainstream physical punishment and caused incalculable damage to my mind starting at prekindergarten era that I am still trying to cope with over 25 years later. 🫠🫠🫠
I’m so sorry you went through all this. What a miracle to be finding healing. 💛💛💛💛💛
@@comfort-and-joy thank you for your kind words. 💖 I was in a triggered state when I left that comment. Sorry for writing a dramatic mini saga. So cringe rereading it now. 🙈🙊
@michaelcin9494 no worries. It actually told the entire story Inna way that allowed us to see it as of we were you.
On a second note, you do incredible character building in just a couple of paragraphs or so.
It's not cringe at all. Don't betray your words like that. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story I’m so sorry you went through all this
thank you for sharing your story, I wish I could give you a hug🥺 I really hope you can continue your healing journey and find more peace, you deserve it🤍
I grew up a very toxic and emotionally abusive family, primarily from my mother's side. Sick thing is, they were quite proud of their behavior. So much of what you talk about describes them perfectly. It has taken me well over 50 years to realize and see the truth about them.
Sounds like a narcissist
Every single video that I watch of yours is like a breath of fresh air. You've helped me put a name to and understand so many things that I struggle with in such a gentle and non-judgmental way. I also appreciate that you focus more on the thought/emotional/physiological processes of the survivor rather than the abuser in contrast to a lot of other childhood trauma podcasts out there. It's so helpful and so validating. ❤
Not just fresh air but air itself! 🥰
So true. I greatly appreciate that aspect.
I laughed out loud at “I’m on three, you wanna see me on ten??😡”
Great video, thank you as always.
Growing up my parents were the most vicious people I knew. Towards each other. There wasn't a single day that went by where I didn't feel their pain and resentment towards one another. I was in my 20s when my parents were arguing the way they did every day my entire life and I remember being in my room crying my eyes out like I was still that 5 year old bawling behind a door silently begging them to stop when my father came to me and for the first time in my life acknowledged how much it effected me and apologized for putting me through things I didn't ask to be apart of. That meant the world to me and helped me let go of the resentment I felt towards him for subjecting me to all the emotional and mental dysfunction they created. To this day it seems my mother has taken a different route. From what I can tell it seems she's retreated into her own reality in which these things either didn't happen or weren't as volatile as they were. Shes created narratives that never happened in her head as well. Its frustrating but ive basically given up on any resolutionm. My mother wont let herself see the reality of it all, and it only hurts whatever relationship I have with her further when I try and correct things or help her understand things from my perspective and see things for what they were. I talk with her regularly but I haven't seen her in over a year. She doesn't seem to mind being so distant from me but lacking the real connection I always wanted with my mother every day feels so desperate for me because I always feel like any moment could be my last chance to share anything with her and apart of me feels complete agony when I think of all the pain she's carrying and I desperately want to take it away for her.
I'm so so sorry youy're suffering in this horrible no-win situation. I have exactly the same issue and feel the same desperation and agony that I'm powerless to help my mother whom I love beyond all reason even as her denial makes me feel utterly furious and hopeless though I know she has no tools to work through what we experienced. Talking about it would just cause her more pain, which I can't bear and never could, though the evidence of my dysfunctionality is before her eyes every day, because I suddenly stopped functioning and moved home, consumed by terror I couldn't manage after a series of traumatic events. It's an awful situation, moving back to the original scene of the crime in search of safety, because I'm simultaneously protecting her from my paralysis while pretending to still be the trustworthy emotionally mature overachieving 10-year-old I know makes her happy. So again I can't express anything at all of my true self or even the simplest responses, something as trivial as a commercial. It's all about happy happy all the time. The bandwidth of acceptable emotional expression is the width of a hair and the whole situation is a spiral back into madness.
@@HeadinVat i was sure I wasn't the only person experiencing these things but this is the first time I've ever spoken with anyone who can relate. Everyone has their situation, mine is just so specific no ones ever really able to understand. Ill have moments where I'm completely suicidal thinking of my mother her own burdens but at the same time there are just as many moments where I resent the hell out of her for playing the role she has in creating mine. The fact that I can't even attempt to have any sort of open conversation with her about it, just adding onto the laundry lkst of painful memories. Even with all this perspective on things, at the end of the day I still don't know what the hell to do about it and thats the only piece of the puzzle missing for me. I can sit and make sense of all of it. All of it except why I should be left with the burden of just letting it go when as my mother, its more or less her responsibility to make it right and I can't understand why she wouldn't want to.. for as much pain as I've dealt with because the grown ups in my life couldn't get beyond their own issues and consider the children they brought into this world and how they were being effected, I think its reasonable to say I at least deserve acknowledgment. Its like they've caused war within me and just carried on as whatever I feel is worth dog shit. I realized recently that right there is the root of my self esteem problem. My own mother doesn't even value me enough to pay any mind to whatever damage she may be held responsible for. Why the hell would I value myself? But anyway.. not saying im glad to see someone else battling the same demons but it is nice to finally have someone understand how deep the pain really goes. A lot of people always wanna say well it could've been worse, and yeah im greatful it wasn't but that doesn't change the fact that there are so many nights the pain is just too much and I'd rather die than feel that way for one more second. Its like a mental hell of emotional torture.
His herbs have helped my child improve in his speech and social skills using his herbs
I got the herbs after 5days as he said. And got the instructions of use from his too with the package
After one week of using the herbs on my child I notice eye contact, little speech improvement and response to name which motivates me. After one month of using the herbs my child completely improve from ASD and his therapist also confirmed it. He is back to school now and I’m happy 😃
You ca count on him.. ❤ from 🇦🇹
15:31 this exact problem is shown quite beautifully in the film Inside Out and it honestly astonishes me how well they pulled it off. Yeah, Riley had a loving family, but when she disconnected from both Joy AND Sadness, suddenly her entire brain and life was thrown off balance as her remaining emotions literally trip over each other to try and normalize her and even try to parrot what the missing emotions used to get Riley to think or do. Hell, even her emotional "wells" (thinks she enjoys, memories she holds dear, morals and values she has) crumble and destroy themselves because she can't regulate her emotions anymore. she goes completely black and white.
Oh my God, I literally sat in a family session in the hospital and told my parents to get a divorce. I couldn't function in the amount of tension in the house and after they separated it evaporated. What a relief.
The book he mentions, John Bradshaw's Homecoming is a book he has mentioned previously. I read it and am now rereading it. This book has had a profound effect on me and my interpretation of my past. I can't recommend it enough.
I;ve decided to order it. Thanks to both you and Patrick for the recommendation!
I love that but sometimes I feel like I got stuck in the past. Like if I'm trying to learn how I became this way but don't know how to better it
It's also on video & posted on RUclips.
Thank you, looking forward to checking this out.
I learnt plenty from Healing the Shame that Binds You...
‘one long gaslighting experience…’ So accurate.
“Intense? Mofo you haven’t seen intense yet” 😂 that part 🤣 I loooove Patrick! Thank you for being you!! So authentic and intentional… you’re such an Angel and very much appreciated😇💎♥️
This entire episode was a revelation to me. I was gaslit from birth and always felt (or made to feel) awkward, and indeed was rejected by my cousins and bullied by other kids, and overly scrutinized by my parents but never validated. I'm in my 60s and still suffer the after effects despite several rounds of therapy. Each helps a little more. Your videos give me a great, validating framework through which to seek help again and know what to focus on. Thank you.
... im 55 .. currently in therapy .. and i relate to your comment .. i was the scapegoat child.
sending best regards..
Same. My older sister was allowed to beat me up. When I got big enough to successfully fight back we were stopped.
67 here and I'll be damned if I don't fix this before I leave this earth
@@vaudwanhandley9277 that's my view as well. I also want a healthy relationship with with a man and to have a healthy marriage. I want a collection of good friends men and women. I will be a while. But, I will not let "them" control me longer than it takes to heal.
Your comment could have been mine, if I could have found the words. I've been looking for some form of reference framework all my life. These videos are the closest I have ever found.
Talking about triggers to the vacuum response: I am an American living in Scotland and married to a British guy, meaning I have thousands of miles of space from my parents (which suits me!) but not a lot of space from his, who live in the south of England - not *close* but certainly not an unassailable difference. This spring, while visiting us, his parents mentioned that they would like to move to within an hour from us and my immediate intense response was dread and claustrophobia. However, when I had some time to think and reflect, I realised that that reaction was not borne out of who his parents actually are and what our relationship is with them, but was instead coming from a place of trauma. It was such a massive learning moment for me! My husband and I are going to have a discussion with his parents about boundaries and expectations and trauma because transparency in those types of things are so important to me. Plus, I owe it to them to be open about how my initial reactions are not always what I actually want. I am actually looking forward to them moving closer!
Thanks for sharing this lovely story.
Generational Trauma Bonding-CPTSD ( financial-Stalking-Targeting) Thank youuuu!!
You were so so brave to call police at that young age ❤ and I’m so sorry you were put in that position 😢 very proud of you.
My childhood best friend and I know the abusive upbringings we both had and sympathize so deeply but we legit just debated a 15 second interaction with a grocery store employee for a week because we interpreted it in opposite ways. We were both so triggered about it. I'm still triggered about it 😭 and we both simultaneously know how "small" it actually is but cant deny that our emotions around it are huge.
Oh wow I am sorry a 15 interaction with a grocery store employee did this to you. It does not take a long time to ruin someone's day. I wonder what this employee could have done in such a short time.
@@underated17 OR...the employee did nothing wrong, and it was the damaged understanding and response of the poster which ruined the day. That is what abusers of children fail to understand - the abusive action is but for a moment to them, but repeated abuse imprints on a child and thus affects that child for days, months, or even years to come.
A trigger I find in adulthood is people who act like they had perfect parents / childhood. I expect people to have had dysfunction, because afterall, didn’t we all? I also expect people to be vocal about theirs as a way to humanize their experience to others.
My therapist told me my mother's idyllic childhood never happened. My mother would not behave as she did. That was a big eye opener for me.
It can make you feel jealous
It can also make you feel angry and jealous that you haven’t been given a chance to experience that growing up
@@pibkaveronica7622 exactly. I’m struggling with that
Because it's a lie. No one had perfect anything. What they portray, makes it false humility and pride. Trigger for me too because I grew with liars.....and this is a lie
now I can understand why I want to cry and scream when my mom ask if she ever hurted me. I'm used to me being right to think that my dad hurted and traumatized me, quite surprizing that's not only him
I was lucky to have a wonderful loving grandmother who had so much patients with me. I am 52. I am finally healing from my childhood with my mother. But not without the help from a very good therapist. Although I give myself much credit for doing the work on myself. I am super sensitive and am finally comfortable in my own skin. 😊
Working on my C-PTSD over the last seven years I have subconsciously learned to emotionally distinguish between trauma caused by my alcoholic rage-full parent which caused disconnection, overt anxiety and terror, and the trauma caused by my covert narcissist parent where the damage was deliberate, targeted and malicious. Strangely even though the overt rages and unpredictability were terrible and caused awful numbness and seriousness/intensity, the deepest body chilling, shaking terror was caused by the malice which felt (and still feels) very personal. For me it is by far the hardest damage to recover from.
I had the same constellation of parents and agree. My mother’s covert abuse is what damaged me WAY more than my rageaholic drinking father.
@@lisad8524 I have even wondered how much my mother’s behaviour added to my father’s alcoholism. I married a narcissist and was with him for twenty five years. I know what that did to me, and looking back I can see the speedy but gradual eroding of my father’s joy in life until there was only an angry paranoid raging man left.
Thank you I feel the same way. I havent heard many people talk about that malice. I dated a sociopath who tried to damage me psychologically as much as he could over the course of 2yrs. Any insecurity I let him know about, he made worse. He was calm, cool and collected when he made my worst nightmares come true. Seeing that malice in his eyes at the end was horrible. It definitely haunts me more deeply than other abuse I've been through though all abuse is awful. Thank you for your comment❤
This guy's videos are also helpful. They are mostly about scapegoatted children, but he frequently will say, "or as an adult in an abusive relationship".
@@nina-mill it’s that malice that stays with us I think, that makes it feel more personal even though we just happen to be the (current) target. Good luck with your healing and in finding a safe place in your heart where you know you are enough whatever anyone does. ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for your videos. I unfortunately, like many others, cannot afford what you’re giving us. For you to just tell us these things is very generous. In the past, when I was able to afford treatment, it was never this understandable for me. You break it down to a simplicityI can learn and apply to my life. I have gotten much more from this “free” knowledge than any thing I was forced to pay for. Again thank you soooooo much!!
That's what I find. There are no therapists who can work on this level with regard to ACNA. I stopped trying years ago, and the online therapists are so expensive and not covered by insurance. I think it is the fault of the educational system. I had never heard the word narcissist until I was around 45 years old, and I'm 60. I started therapy at the age of 19. Had I known any of this, my life could have been so much better. Instead, I blamed myself for 45 years, even after having a nervous breakdown.
It is sad that in America, the so called greatest nation on Earth, only the rich or the lucky who have good insurance are entitled to health. Everyone else is at the window looking in. Like hungry children.
@@IIcorrinthians519 Your story is similar to mine. Once I figured things out (the word/meaning of narcissist for example) I read and searched for all the information I could find to make sense of how I felt and what I experienced. Once I found the words and realized what I went through had a name, and I wasn't alone, I could then move forward living a life where I was not all the terrible things I'd been told I was, and that I, in fact, am pretty damn awesome :) . I also had somewhat of a nervous breakdown. The way I look at it is that once it all fell to pieces, I could then pick them up and put them where they rightly belonged. Hugs to you
@@sf8137 I"m so tired :( so worn out from the physical side of CPTSD and narcissitic trauma.
@@IIcorrinthians519 yes I can relate to this
Holy. I came here to get a better understanding of a character I am creating for a writing project but I left having a way better understanding of myself. Thank you.
I would definitely be greatful for a more extended video relating to this vid. Thanks so much for yr efforts/time in getting this important info available.