They also try to convince you they have memory problems so when they say something mean to you or do something horrible and you call them out on it then they can say “I don’t remember saying that or doing that.” True story.
Ah yes, the "I never said that" and "I already told you that". If you're dealing with those people. No personal contact if avoidable and if there should be any communication, exclusively over text, so that you have a record of everything that was and wasn't said. And you obviously can't use a chat system that allows changes or deletion of posts afterwards, which is the case in more and more systems. But you can still use the good old e-mail.
gosh, no freaking doubt. this is my mother to a damn T.... a few times i had texts and voicemails and somehow she still argued it... because of course... im craaaazy. then when you say, ok lets look at the texts... "no i wont sink to that level" she always liked to say she had this magical info that would change my entire opinion of two other important figures in my childhood but of course isnt gonna "throw them under the bus" but will happily hang the unknown over my head for a decade haha. man, sure wish i had this info as a child, woulda spent way less time questioning my damn sanity
Make a plan to escape, but do so quietly. Don't give any indication you are planning something. Take your time and do what is best for you. Simply fade away. Keeps you safe and keeps you in control.
During the final stages of our marriage/divorce I took valuables, to me, like books, photos, pictures and left them with friends. The solicitor said do it as a cup of spilled wine, coffee, ruins things but hard to prove. Its the little things. I moved without him knowing I had bought a new house and teenage children came with me ... felt like escaping a war zone .
If someone is trying to control you in a relationship that is not love it is just someone trying to control your life because they have no life of their own to control
You just described my "mother". She was a huge control freak!!!!! Covertly, she made sure I couldn't get financially well off on my own so I was stuck serving her. Her flying monkeys spied on me, sabotaged my employment and even my personal life. She was the "queen" of her home and thought she owned everything in it. When my expensive things disappeared, she lied and blamed the situation on a burglary that did not happen. She had the qualities of a typical politician; she lied, cheated and stole at every chance. Of course, nothing happened to her and she was never brought to justice.
I think that's a great succinct way of covering a lot of bases with that comment. It would probably piss them off if they heard you or me saying that. I love how some control freaks try to flip the script and make it as if we are the ones violating their boundaries out of nowhere... All the sudden they're magically offended by something they weren't before even though you known them for over 10 years.. just looking for more narcissistic fuel to "WIN" is all those cheap shot / setup artists ARE about! (Trying to make themselves the "victims" in a final conflict that never happened that they decided to fabricate... Trying to play hero... They can play "hero" all by themselves because I'm no longer around to be kicked by those types)
After years of not hearing from him, I got a call from an ex. He said he acknowledged he had been a lousy husband and father, praised my handling of raising our son on my own, and apologized for not having been there for my son and me. I had a feeling I knew what he was up to so I just listened and answered any questions with as little information as possible. Not long after, I read on his FB that he had broken up with his girlfriend and was moving in with a friend. Yeah, I dodged a bullet with that phone call.
The best response to narcs is either radio silence or 1 word, yes or no. Anything will be twisted, manipulated & thrown back at you. Not worth the effort to communicate with.
Exactly! Survivors of narcissistic abuse understand how insidious the abuse is. My ex narc is still stalking me 8 years after we broke up…no matter what I do he manages to contact me, and the only way I can be safe is to never respond, and never be alone in public.
When I divorced my ex I got physical custody of my sons..it was difficult to say the least..but we survived. I went from having everything to having nothing...I had to downsize.... No TV...No daily papers or magazines. I cut out any unnecessary things.. We had no entertainment fund... I received a pittance in child support..waited 4 months for the first payment and was never reimbursed..we rode bikes and collected aluminum cans..we went to the library and read books..checked out movies and videos..played games..I told the boys we were a team and they had to help while I worked. It was an education for me and them ...I had to learn to be handyman..plumber.. .mechanic..electrician and nurse..my kids are grown and married..they know how to survive and not to expect someone to take care of them ..they are self-sufficient and able to make it on their own.. .....I spent 10 years raising my children before remarrying...and I have never spent one second regretting it..
Everything this woman is saying is true. Narcissists are evil, evil people. I know, I was once married to a narcissist. It was Hell and Horrible to get away but I was able to break away so I could get my life together and start living a normal life.
Once you are away, don't put anyone else on a pedestal. 🚩 That's what got you into trouble. Observe, and don't compromise even a little. Small compromises add up! Keep your boundaries.
@ Kristen Marie At the very least, DON'T MAKE ANY CONCESSIONS WITH THEM UNTIL YOU ARE SURE THAT THEY ARE NOT A NARCISSIST. OTHERS WILL TO RECIPROCATE WHEN THEY ❤ IN THEIR 💘 and are a narcissist.
@@JoannA-sweetly The "pity play" as one person called it from England. It's funny because later I dissect their stories and I noticed that decades don't match up and things like those. (They've been lying their whole lives!)
Amen to THAT, sister! We can bounce from putting an ex on a pedestal, father, brother, to having to make excuses for them, even we find ourselves enabling them, until we see the light & run towards it. Boundaries & not compromising, you're right, are the most important things we can do to protect ourselves. One:LOVE.
I've been cussed out by many people, during my youth, for DISAGREEING with them. I don't know if they were narcissists or not, but these people would often spit out any kind of verbal insults or shaming tactics toward me for disagreeing with them, not doing what they asked me to do, or not going along with the group if I point out that they were doing something that would get us all into trouble. In spite of all the insults/shaming, I still stayed true to my values and the values taught to me by my parents. That's why I have few friends today.
The best part of realizing the worst one, my eyes opened up and saw there were others in my life. Cutting the first 1 off made it easier to leave the others quietly.
@@JoannA-sweetly It took almost a year for a former friend to finally stop contacting me. I sent him a letter explaining why we couldn't be friends anymore. He left messages on my phone mean and crying saying I was being cold for not being his friend.
Wow! Same here! And after experiencing life without all those narcs, I am so happy and don’t miss any of them. A sister, a nephew ( who is now a niece, lol), a long time friend, we’re cut from my life along with my ex, and was the best thing to happen to me!
Yep Ms Franklin 🙏With Total BLANK Once They Know You Know🙏Then They Hunt ( Sadly) Their Next Victim 😢This One’s Narc Was One’s ( Former ) So Called Daughter.
Everything you say I believe totally. They steal lie and yell and mock you and smear your good name. Fear is the worst. Terrorizing you is their forte.
So am I, it's never happy, thing is I'm easy going easy to get along with, she is a nasty woman who only wants me when she needs something, how about you???
I am being targeted bc Im supporting the father of a child whose mother is a CovNarc… She is absolute evil , I barely know her, yet she and her new supply 25 years older than her psychopath boyfriend have accused my husband and I of abuse bc the father lives in a little house on our farm and is fighting her in court for custody. . She has tried the smear campaign, filed a restraining order , which was denied and has now fabricated the most vile accusation against me and my late husband, attacking us a day after he died . This is evil and a spiritual attack and beyond any evil I have encountered in my life. Talk about kicking you in the gut when you are down…
Kim You are the best narcissistic coach that I've listened to!! I've learned a lot from watching your RUclips channel because I experienced a narcissistic relationship that was tumultuous to say the least!!! To all your subscribers, take it from me and listen to Kim, You do not want to go back again!! I did the second time and it was the worst mistake of my life!! Move on to someone that values you and vice versa! The best experience that comes from a narcisstic relationship or any bad experience is a lesson well learned!! Like the old saying: Fool my once, shame on you!! Fool my twice, shame on me!!!
They are a relative, im actually afraid of them. I tried to overlook it for many years and keep my distance but now children are involved. I get the blame for everything in their past. My phones been hacked. It's all you said they would do and worse. It's all about controlling me and I want to put a restraining order on them, please advise me.
I am a survivor of 6 years of narsistic abuse. It was not until I told my ex I no longer love him or want to be with him that he made his friends see me as the badguy before nearly beating me to death. If u know in ure heart u don't want to be with them make sure u leave before confronting them. I was on the road with my bags and battle wounds could not walk or do much for 3 weeks. Please if u are dealing with a narsisist get out of there. I watch the man who claimed he loved me try to kill me with a crowbar and hammer. I disconnected myself from him and everyone he knows traumatized by what he did to me and my life I have no friends damn near lost my whole family I had to nurse myself all alone 😢 and I'm a good person. To go through that kind of abuse and live through it shows u how strong u truly are and if I can survive it so can u. I'm learning to be happy again and to love myself. But k can't say it's easy but the power of will is amazing. I know I can't put myself in that situation ever again. Because there was no help for me. I had to help me.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through...and I can also relate..you are strong, we are stronger. I've found myself super isolated too and have to leak my wounds all alone . Had not only to deal with that monster but having against the very people I thought were there for me and I'm talking about so called friends and family, toxic family by the way. Be proud of yourself and stay safe❤️❤️
I can sum this up in one sentence after 17 years of experience. "All hell breaks loose"👈👌 From Love Bombing one minute to Gaslighting 5 minutes later then narcissistic rage 2 minutes after that or until they get sympathy from their smear campaign and then simply pick A, B, or C rinse and repeat 😂
That's exactly what he did to me....called my family/friends/people at church....turned our teenage children against me....told them huge lies behind my back, and he was doing a smear campaign for most of our 20 year relationship. You are exactly right about our children....and 22 years after I divorced him, my Adult Children still behave abusive to me with their Dad. For most of the past 22 years, I've done all kinds of kind, caring things for my daughter/her family....and she will run to her Dad and lie about me. She infact, is very Covert like her Dad is, and she returns Evil for all the good I do for her. She is 36 years old and she recently made up a new Rule for me: The Mother has to do what the kids tell her to do. I divorced her dad and remarried 12 years later to a very kind caring, considerate man. They are furious over that. We've been married 12 years, and my Daughter/Son and Ex...try to get between me and my husband. We bought a house and property on a mountain 800 miles from them. They are furious and don't want us to own this place. They've done every thing in the book to convince us, it's a bad idea. i tell her we love it here....and she gets so angry if I love anyone or anything that is not about her. My Son does Overt abuse....he's like a shark, you can see his fins, and he's destructive as can be....to a point where he will get so angry he destroys his own property also. 42 years of the Narc's abuse....NOW, I'M DONE. I don't know or care if I see my adult kids again. They are too much like their Narc Dad. Loving them is setting myself up for abuse....it only enables them.
Exactly what I am going through. My adult son and daughter also started abusing me. I cried n broke my heart. Now I have cut them out of my life. I am at peace.
Damn, I’m sorry that’s happened to you, I can’t imagine how painful it must be for your own kids to treat you like garbage, sounds like they have their fathers narcissistic tendencies. Just horrible how people can treat others that way.
Oh brother, my son is a Narcissist and you described him to a “T” and he’s such a Fantastic “Actor”! NOBODY would believe he’s so Nasty, Manipulative and a Control Freak behind Closed Doors!! I’m So Grateful to have found you! Thank you for Clearly describing his Ugly, Fake relationship with me! Everyone thinks he’s So Fabulous yet he treats me with Utter Disrespect!😢😡
My one and only sibling, my brother has been an utter monster to me for having been born. He tried to kill me on several occasions as a child. Here but for the grace of God go I.
I wish I had heard this 2.5 years ago. I was dating a narcissist for 5 years and I couldn't imagine why everything was miserable. He told me almost everything Kim said verbatim. The only reason he doesn't contact me now is because I changed my number. I also called the police on him, so he knows I'll do it again. But what a detailed explanation of narcissistic behavior. God bless you Kim Saeed. 🙏
This is spot on, don't be their emotional punching bag, observe don't absorb, make a plan to escape, stay grounded, they will try gas lighting you to try to make you think you're going crazy like I didn't do or say that, stay strong minded,if you half to write the things down, once you know you go you get out and you stay out 🙏🦋❤️
My ex is a malignant covert narcissist. Six years after break up and no contact, he and his new supply that he married, right away, moved into my neighborhood that I’ve lived in for 27 years then they proceeded to tell her son who my son is at school so he could start targeting him. He’s a year older. Then he started showing up at our bus stop and that’s how I knew they moved into our neighborhood. I called the school and made them aware and they had the boys sign a no contact contract. One more move from them, and I’m putting a restraining order on them.
I am guilty of that Kim. I remember how charming and sweet he was to me. Those are the things that I remember the most about him. I just can't understand how someone can go from loving you as they claim to completely hating you. It hurts so badly and it really messes with your mind. (I started putting cameras around my house.) Thank you Kim for this video.
Get out before it's too late, if you have any inkling that you are being controlled by another human being. You must be under your own controlled . NO CONTACT !
@@bernitacenteno1326 Thank you for the tip. I already know how to do that thanks. Which is why I am no longer with him. He crossed me and I did make him pay dearly for that. I slammed that door right in his face and now I'm away from him.
@@bernitacenteno1326someone who's just been through hell does not need to be lectured. Especially if they managed to come out of it. Apparently they already practiced what you are preaching.
I was on the receiving end on a female covert narcissist and the discard felt like experiencing the death of a loved one. I have been depressed, sad, sorrowful and whatever through different relationships I have been through. But the trauma bond and breakup and such is the worst agonizing emotional pain I have been through. Total and all encompassing sadness that is like a heavy blanket that was thrown over my entire daily experience day in and day out. It is simply some serious sick f'ing shite. My ruminating mind is awful, after they completely disengaged with me, I was the one who has felt OCD over them, but I am leaving them alone..
I just experienced the discard, and the initial text, I was very happy to hear from her, thank the lord he intervened and literally dropped information in my lap and I got educated. The discard feels like you’re under a spell or potion. I never really cared for this girl but her plan was long and subtle. They use CIA brainwashing techniques. They actually teach one another. Jezebel
It's difficult when children are involve and you are not financially independent things get tough. Thanks for your advice I'm always grateful to come across you on RUclips because anytime I feel like there's no more strength to carry on your video pops up on my screen, you are my angel much love 💖🤩 Kim
Do not remain stagnant. I became a successful father of 3 plus cared for my diabled mother and raised my nephew 11 years. THEN I GOT STUPID AND MARRIED MY NARC 15 YEARS LATER. You can raise yourself up and be independantly successful.
Oh my God! When they can't control you they will try to change other people's perception of you!! Wow so true. I have been thru this So Many times!! Even with my Own Father who is now 96. I do not let my son see him. I truly hope we as a society can help prevent narcissistic behavior by nurturing youth and teaching them young good relationship ways.
It's my one-year anniversary broken free from the narc, this video is accurate and it's amazing to me that I used to be in the middle of all that crap, feels like a lifetime ago. Thanks for the reminder of where I was and will never be again.
Ya my ex he did too tell I sold my house in maple ridge bc he tould everybody it’s his could not put a sign on the lawn thank god my gfriend had it sold in 4 weeks lol I did not relize all his skanks tell they started facebooking me tould them all my house but hey he is all yours I’m not mad so now 19 of you can continue the play I’m out 😂😂😂🤗been 16 months never looked back happy happy times
Wow! When you said a relationship is reciprocal affection and support and the narcissist see's it as servitude that just rang home so true. I'm still trying to determine if my ex is in fact a narcissist but this was a big tick.Thank you.
Just had a blow up with my spouse. The one thing I kept saying was that he did not love me for me, only the things I do for him. He loves WHAT I do, not WHO I am. He finally admitted to it and said, "so what is so wrong with that?" There is no reciprocal affection and support rather just servitude.
So sad, but true. Years later, and after we had not only separated but he had passed on, my son told me that I was referred to as " the warden" by his dad.
@@shilohwoods4516 you just EXACTLY described my narc "father". Only he never admits to anything, he likes to blame me for his own failures. A loser called victor, what an oxymoron!
Thank you so very much Kim I really needed that ❤️ and your right I am getting stronger so people who I have given me to BETTER WATCH OUT!!! I DID MY HOMEWORK A BROKEN 💔 IS NOT WHAT I ENJOY... Kim Seed I appreciate 🙏 people who taught me and so many others it's a long painful process when one doesn't know where to go again Kim Seed I THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️ AND MAY THE UNIVERSE HOLDS YOU TIGHTER THAN YOUR TRUE LOVE SO YOU CAN CONTINUE TO SHARE YOUR STORY SO WE CAN LEARN THAT WOM/MAN KNOW THE SIGNS.
Great advice and wish I had known this stuff years ago. Now I have lost connection with my adult children as a result of the trauma of being abused by my ex over too many years. I have struggled with feeling a failure and have to work hard to keep from giving up. He said I would never win and no one would believe me over him. He silenced me and I was afraid to open up and tell my kids about the abuse. I felt he would tell them I was sick and deluded. He threatened to have me sectioned and it was deeply scary as he is in the medical world and had such power. I still keep silent out of fear. It’s a rotten way to live but I am safe now but still in pain over my kids and how they have suffered over the years too. Please listen to your instincts and if you feel someone is not giving you truth let them go. It’s not worth the pain.
I am living this life. I have a difficult but good husband. Thank God, or I would have given up. I wrote a poem about it. Someone stole my sons away. They stole their minds. They stole their hearts. They took my grandkids , too. God above, He sees and loves. The answer to my prayer, is where? It's some my fault. I know it well. Not tough enough. Tried too hard. Needed Too Much. My heart is broke. My sons' are too. I know they love me. Don't understand respecting Mom is In demand. To choose between their dad and Rod, they think that is their choice. Yet, Rod has only wanted to help and never have much voice. But, everyone must do their part! We all have value, equally. No, not me, no not us. Toss us aside is what will be. I miss them more than I can tell. But, hold this line, I will. Regrets, will they ever have? Their faces, will I ever see? Their judgment is severe. I sacrificed. I gave so much. If they only knew....I Never Ever asked Enough. Someone stole my sons away. They stole my grandkids, too. I have no answers, just so much pain. I don't know what to do.
Everything you said she has recording devices in my houses tracking devices on my car called my pastor and told lies. A month ago she said she is going to ruin me She has threatened to call my HR department to let them know who works for them. It’s crazy!!!! Fortunately we have two houses in different states I’m in one and she is in the other. I put an order of protection against her here where I am staying. This seems to have slowed her garbage down. We have one son together and he is 20 and in Florida at college. I stuck this marriage out until my son left the house. She gets worse with age and blame everything on me. So freeing being away from this mentally Ill person.
Thank you for the videos ! It reminds me how important it is to stay away from my ex narcissist . He definitely tried to control all aspects of my life and almost crushed me financially! He contacted all of my friends and family to try and sabotage me . It has taken years of counselling and my counsellor having to remind me regularly that I was abused by him and that he is a narcissist. The counsellor also always reminds me that my ex cannot be in a healthy relationship. I gave and gave and to my ex whatever I did , wasn’t enough . It’s been a long road to recovery and healing and I know I will never have another relationship as I’m so scared that I will bring another narcissist into my home , life and family and that cannot happen . I won’t live through the abuse again
Yours sounds a lot like mine. I'm taking it one day at a time. My heart breaks knowing I was the only one in the relationship for 8 years. One minute he loved me and the next he was throwing me out. He's still unreasonable and hateful with me and I can't have my belongings or my animals. Now I'm looking at every man as a narcissist and I'm even afraid to be on my front porch alone. Anxiety and PTSD have a good grip on me. He doesn't care. Life goes on like normal for him. Nothing changes at all for him while he turned my world inside out.
Thank you! 23 years and 4 children later I left the husband/narcissist. He is now 67 and still sees his world through 14 years old eyes. We still see each other for birthdays and holidays to play “happy family”. We finally have pretty good boundaries. I’ve been in therapy off and on for many years to become independent. Best to those of you who are tolerating relationships with a narcissist.
This is SO TRUE! My father is a vulnerable narcissist. When I came to this realization and I slowly started to distance myself from him. He launched a smear campaign with any member of the family who will listen to him 😢
Just the family? Usually they talk to everyone, trying to smear you. They don't even care about the fact that they're harming themselves with that, because quite a few people will see through that, even if they're supporters of him.
I'm so lucky in the fact that my narc "father" has alienated all his brothers bar one, who I have no doubt feels sorry for him, also his sister wants nothing to do with him after what he did to my mother and he has nothing to do with my mother's side of my family, so he can't reach me there either. He's a narc because he was spoiled, not because he was abused, which is something I am still finding difficult to understand. I think if I had been spoiled, had what I wanted as well as what I needed (which I didn't get from either parent), I would have turned out a lot better than he did. I wouldn't have these mental health problems either. Narc ex just compounded what my parents did. I will be happy to be alone my whole life if I can just avoid being abused ever again. I think most on here feel that same on that?
My mother and "her 2 daughters" (my 2 sibling sisters) were/are the narcissists. When my dad died, they took over and I feel as though I barely survived. I'm now divorced, thank God, and my ex is a narcissist too. Funny to hear him talk about others he identifies as narcissistic, evil, etc. He's a smoothly controlled, butter-up, gossiping, swaggering type, I have come to see. Ugh... A real social butterfly. Not what makes men feel good about themselves, I can't help but think.. Undignified. Covert, emotionally violent...
Every single thing you said is exactly what I am going through. I have been with this man for 47 years. I finally woke up thanks to a very smart doctor. I have been experimenting with information that I have learned from doctors as well as a book I am studying. After all these years I am finally gaining the upper hand. Thank you for validating the reasons for my actions. It’s quite rewarding after all these years. My health was starting to take the hit so I got help.
I hit bottom. I got to the point I didn’t care about my well being. I never would do suicide because it is against my religious beliefs. I had to find the way to clime out of the dark hole I felt trapped, unloved, lived in fear. My feelings were being used. I felt I couldn’t do anything right. I wish I had the advice of Kim or someone like Kim way back 35 years ago when I was going through this situation. God bless you that you know now it is not anything you did to cause this situation. There is no guilt for any reactions that you were coerced into. - Now, for a long time , I am dealing with my ptsd of being a victim. I raised my children they are grown with families of their own. I am okay and it is a great thing just to be okay. I am blessed with loving families from my children. They understand now what happens to the family when they were children. Children are also victims of a narcissist parent.
More than three years after my ex left me and our boys, I visited my parents and my mother was still singing my ex’s praises. I had to tell her that the person she remembered no longer exists. I understand her point of view because it had been mine, but I learned his whole life is an act.
Wow, the example you used is 100% correct for as court cases and fake apologies. Yet I can say even though my lawyer was wack, she caught that and advocated parenting agreement first. Assets took over a year to settle. I took all debts because I couldn't pay the lawyer. and continue the fight. Yet he stop working through the process , to stop child support. He told my mother " I wouldn't make it without him". Honestly, she acted like she didnt even care " he said it " even though I struggled and continue too. I wish I had created an " exit plan" because he did a 360 when we were divorcing. I am raising my kids in a state where I had no family , it was hard when they were younger but I am making it through. Kim , your video's really educated me because I didnt know what that man was until I start watching your videos- 7 years ago. :) Much respect Shalom
This is a great video! My sister is a narcissist. To long a story for here but she is very calculating and manipulative! Other people think she sweet! 🤣 She also uses intimidation and fear on me. Thanks to therapy and many videos like Kim’s I am better equipped with how to respond or not respond and she is getting worse! Thanks to this video I know why! Thank you Kim! I will stay strong! Hope this helps others! 👍🏼
My sister is too. It has taken me years to get out from under her abuse. She is also calculating, conniving and very manipulative. She is also getting worse as the years go by. It sure was difficult when I didn't understand what she was doing. Now that I know, through therapy and these videos, what she has been doing I have severed the relationship.
Thank you for sharing, it does help! You're doing so well, stay strong & remember, you are worthy, you are not how she treats you, the weakness she demonstrates through conniving against you is hers, not yours. That you put up with her says a lot about you, patient, kind & forgiving. Since 2012 I've had nothing to do with my narc sister that got away with taking the Michael out of me since childhood (but she severely damaged my Nephew). It's been a refreshing relief. For my Nephew it's been 2018 since he's not had owt to do with her. I'm SO proud of the man he has become, in spite of & despite her disgusting treatment of him. He decided to use his pain to make his life & the lives of others better, not worse. It's my sister's loss. I have the utmost faith in him. Love will find a way & love can win! One:LOVE.
Sometimes you have to cut them off unfortunately but it is better for you and your happiness. I have cut off a lot of family and friends but I don’t regret it but it was hard at first but it is was so much healthier and happier for me. If my mother doesn’t calm down she is really the Narcissist in the my life she will be pushed away far far away. I already don’t live with her.
My sister only contacts me if she needs or wants something from me. My twin sister has started doing this too. My heart is broken because we were all such a close family with my brother too. I can’t cut them out of my life completely because they’re my blood,BUT… I’ve made it very clear to them that if they get a hold of me it shouldn’t be because they want to use me to serve them. They’re still human and I love them so much, but now that I’ve set these boundaries with them, they don’t get a hold of me anymore. Who would of thunk 😅
Spot on! He first apologized then this week emailed me repeatedly flipping events around completely. He then started calling me names because I told him he needs to pay all the money he stole from my family.
I’m so grateful to have left the his nightmare situation. I was fortunate enough to not have had children with him. Make no mistake tho, I was completely wrecked after this experience: manipulated, exhausted, hurt, abused etc … One fine day, (after a reprehensible event), I calmly got up & exited/fled. I had hit the wall. What scares me (in hindsight) is I could have easily stayed (b/c I did not understand narcissism and many times believed he was doing his best). I was wildly mistaken. In that moment (when exiting) I did not believe he would ever change. That was the catalyst that propelled me out of there. It was the best decision of my life. I hope others find what they need to make their own best choice/s for themselves💙
Yeah, my direct manager and one of my colleagues are like that. They r so nice in front of all ppl, but when they are with me alone, they are the opposite...
This is all so true. My ex alienated my kids as he couldn’t control me anymore. They are quite evil. Everything is about them not healthy relationships. They are extremely spiteful individuals
Mine has always alienated our kids. Letting them do what they wanted to do. Handing them money whenever or cars. Basically buying them off to keep them under his control.
How does a man that has finally broke free from years of this abuse, find a new relationship that will be real, and not let this happen to him again? How do you really know you can trust someone? That's the million dollar question for me now! (Metaphorically speaking).
I'm afraid to trust anyone ever again with the falsehood he presented and the outright lying. I understand your conundrum because now I feel like people are just out to get things like money.
Don’t let that one person cause to not to trust again. Don’t give them the satisfaction. That would be them still controlling you. You have to learn to listen to your gut. If they start getting way to close way to fast then for me that will be the sign to run. Right or wrong that is going to be a must for me. You will find the right one just don’t rush it. It will happen when it is right.
You don't need a relationship. You need to love yourself and find who you truly are. You don't need someone else to make you happy. Make your own self happy
I escaped my x in 2014-15 (finalized) He cried and lied to my family… it has put a wedge between me and my family because he manipulated his way into their minds. He is evil… I just want to left alone! And shame on my family for disrespecting ME!!! Anyways, how do these narcissistic people get this way? I don’t get it! Is this a curse passed down? Is it a childhood learned behavior? Both? I cried and pleaded with my family, if they actually cared about me they would honor what I want… I am happily re married and he has stood by my side… but I never understood where or how people got like my X…
I don't know any body that the ex husband knows I was isolated for 25 years. He violently discarded me by having me arrested for DV. I also had an order of protection against me. I wasn't able to get into the house. The ex is the now living with the NS. The thing I don't understand how I was taking things out of the house when it was against the oop?? I did what I had to do not to away.
Enlightening content from the first word to the last! Thank you so much for helping us to think through the narcissist’s bag of devastating tricks so we can defend ourselves against these highly toxic people. Looks like we basically shouldn't have high hopes for being happy in a romantic relationship or in a marriage. Failure and misery seem inevitable as these narcissistic types seem to be everywhere.
Mine escalated to attempted murder after l left him , while still in the relationship he cut locked gate and let my horses out on to motorway and busy traffic, then quietly sat at dinner eating what l had made for him , as if nothing had happened, he did this twice , to try to hurt me . As well as trying to run me over and while out hill climbing said you could fall off here no one would know , everything you said about them is so true , thanks for such a great video, Gabrielle
OMG! I hope he never managed to get your horses hurt. Mine also targeted my horses to piss me off but he didn't do anything on that level of psychopathology.
my narc kept coming to my door or calling to talk for hours (I only did to disarm the situation) crying his crocodile eyes out, only to return home to his mistress to talk about when they were going to get married--this went on for MONTHS--more than half a year. there are too many of these evil ones!!
This is very real,they are sick, I am applying gray rock,towards my manager and it's working but they are super nasty. Very real video. She's now acting like the victim 😂😂I hope she finds new supply. The drama and smear campaigns are crazy. But I am finding my strength.just praying for a new job to move on while I am still safe.
Friends spouse did everything you have said before divorce, while spouse was in a new relationship! What’s interesting people around friend are noticing, and the lies are coming out, be patient, go no contact, if children involved be patient, and consistent, use only app for the communication, they are lying all the time, children don’t understand, keep everything simple, but truthful, and have a great support system! They can’t stand it when you grow strong!
Thanks for the Educational podcast on Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse Manipulation Mind Games and tactics used by Narcissists I have set boundaries and I was Married to a Covert Narcissist and worked for a Malignant Grandios Narcissistic Construction Company and was wrongfully terminated and went through a Divorce at the same time and my retirement plan was the same amount as our current credit card debt and I am retired from the Construction industry and their is no contact with anyone including my daughters I have texted my daughters information on Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse Manipulation Mind Games and tactics and they are old enough to make choices and understand what's going on and I have been through the smear campaign and I am educated now on how to deal with Narcissists and I wasn't before I didn't know anything about Narcissism until I went through everything basically Isolated from everyone and that's okay with me they are all Narcissists and my daughters will have to make decisions on their own they are adults now I have to remain single and independent and decide what I am going to for my future. GOD-BLESS.
I totally agree! Sometimes you just have to pretend to buy into their stupidity complete with the reactions they are hoping to trigger from you, especially when it's over nonsense that's so farfetched it's not even funny. Then when you suddenly drop the act and they realize you weren't as stupid as they thought you were, OMG LOOK OUT!!!!! You never make a fool out of a narrcisst!!!!!!
Yes once I learned what I was dealing with it was like taking candy from a child as he was just looked liked a adult but brain function adolescent grown-up. Divorced this child hood trauma.
The ex narc did most of the things you mentioned. We were about to go to court and after ghosting me and being disrespectful towards me, he started communicating again and even sent me a small amount of money towards what he owed me. He most likely thought that I would drop the case. I played along with him, but I went to court. He didn’t show up and I won, but he hasn’t paid another cent back to me. He’s also tried to ruin my reputation and vandalized my car.
Miss Saeed, thank you for all you do for others who have been affected by this disorder. I was the scapegoated blacksheep. I have many narc tendencies. Always a work in progress. God bless you, your channel, and all of your wonderful subscribers. I am now one. Hope everyone reading this is happy, loved, and thriving today. Happy Memorial Day weekend. Also...Thank you and God bless EVERY woman and man who serves/served our once-great nation. Including those that put on a uniform and/or badge and lay their lives on the line for the rest of us and the communities we reside in. Sorry I rambled. Love you ALL💜☺🙏👍
Kim the advice you give can also be applied to probate situations, especially where the Narc becomes the Executor. So everyone remain aware! And thank you so much for your information!
Yes, that is what my narcissist ex did. He came to my house and took purposely set of vase and ashtray my mom bought for me when we shopped together before my wedding. It has a sentimental value for me and he knows. 😢
He has never hoovered or attempted to contact me after his discards. Sure he's been smearing me. It's done and over. Has a lot of narcissistic tendencies but may or may not be a full narcissist! He's still very toxic & I experienced narc abuse and everything else. I no longer care. Am trying to move on with my life.
Hi Mimi, yes...it truly doesn't matter if they've been diagnosed or not (most aren't). Toxic is toxic and it's a good thing you are moving on with your life. Bravo!
That's not just partnerships but also in family relationships......I'm dealing with this with my siblings for years!!! And now they are cut off forever!!!
There are others who've done the same thing and know how you feel....I opted out from my brother/sister for good in December 2015. Had to do the same from my only child in 2014..... it's still painful but going back means going back to the rejection and mental gymnastics. I miss my 3 grandkids very much....😢
I left a narcissist after 29 years. Three weeks later he hung him self. In those 3 weeks before he died he went to everyone that knew us and accused me of things that were total lies. Plus he constantly called me and threatened to put me in jail.
Thank you for this video, I can relate to all the information. The narcissist I am dealing with is different in behaviour every day, I walk on egg shells as he does my head in and I never know what to expect from one day to the next. One day he acts sweet and loving, next day he is negative and unloving, next day again sweet, next day argumentative and it gos on and on…I am currently setting boundaries for myself so I don’t get too emotionally attached and I am educating myself everyday with great videos such as yours 🙏❤️
Nothing is your fault nothing at all they been doing it before and going to be doing it after you it's all a game 🎯 to them that's why they have their family and friends watching this is the new victim 💯
My babymother ran off with my daughter 5 years ago. She turned her against me I had to blocked them both, gotta protect my peace it was driving me insane
Kim you are beautiful inside and out. Your videos have helped me so much over 2years. Its truly helped me understand what the mother of my children actually is. I'm slowly taking my life back and thank you for all the information you've put out. Keep it up plz
They will hate with all of their forces and look for some way to harm you - without their name being ventilated, obviously. Can be one it more bad things they will do. They don’t know but they are evil and don’t accept to lose anything because they live competing with every one. Be extremely careful. Cut all ties.
I have to make decisions about contact with a child narcissistic tendencies as grandchildren are involved. As much as I would miss them dearly, I may have to take care of me first
True true true! Can crush your whole word and make the kids hate or dislike you. They are so nice to your face and say the most rechid things behind your back.
Thank you so much! YOU explain everything to clear, calm & you gave me strength. I have SO much to say, you are AWESOME I understood so much. God bless you & your family
So true!! Even though I shared some points of what I’ve experienced over the years … even from the beginning, his family was encouraging me to stay .. because of the kids… 🙄
I was raised by two narcs...I grew up so helpless and looked for somebody to save me from them but no one showed up...Even my father didn't protect me from them...I suspect my grandmother was also a narc....
He constantly changed what ever he could change.A different car or if we move he could be happy.He was always chasing happiness but never getting there.I could not let him know if I had friends.The worse he called my boss and asked him if he could help with getting me into a facility as I had mental health issues.If I left him he would hurt anyone who helped me.So with a three yr old and 7yr old we were in a shelter.I was lucky I had a good job as I was going to need it just try to get money from him.This was 35 yrs ago and I have a good husband and life.But some thing set me off as I had terrible night mares running scared and trying to get to my husband for safety.It lasted for two yrs and just like it stated it stopped.Why did I end up with a mentally abusive person.It was the way my family treated me.So it was familiar.
I was so blinded by a married man. Who was a gas lighter and liar! I found him out and called the police, he was stalking me. God pity his next woman! He was a complete waste of time!!
My break-up with my ex was actually really peaceful considering I was expecting the worst. Even though it was peaceful, I watched him go through a really bizarre meltdown at the end. There were some things he'd said to me months earlier and insisted at the time that he wasn't joking. All of the sudden he was apologizing for what he said and saying he was only kidding. I'd never even brought it up as an issue since I'd been planning my escape for two years by that point. He said he'd help me move out but on moving day he sat there being all surly. When I said something about it he insisted I never told him what date I was moving out even though I mentioned it several times. He swore up and down that he'd never date anyone again (I didn't care) but he married someone else not even a year later (we were together 15 years and never married). I'm glad we didn't have children together.
@Kim Saeed THANK YOU for this video. You have shone a light into the darkness & I can't imagine anyone not being helped by your insights. Bless you & all you do. One:LOVE.
Great content. Thanks for providing more clarity about what I experienced for years. When my ex-wife (a Covert Narcissist) left me in 2018, she exited by way of a very brutal smear campaign. Left me isolated and alone. It has taken 5 years to get my head to clear up after doing some serious recovering and healing work on my part. It’s still baffling that I got so entangled with a two tornadoes for 32 years (her & her toxic narcissistic mother). Her smear campaign did some serious damage to all of my relationships; I had to grieve the loss of all of my friendships that turned out to be fake; apparently, all of the flying monkeys took her side. This was a difficult journey to heal from; she tried to wipe me out financially in every way. She made sure our 3 adult children supported her. I have not seen them for 5 years. It turns out that she started grooming them when they were young to see me as a father who did not love or care for them. Sucks! I did my best to take care of them. They saw her in action during their childhood years, yet they see me as the pariah. I found out that she would do counter-parenting every time I parented our children properly. Made life difficult for them, since I tried to guide them and teach them properly. She encouraged them to do things that did not make sense, such as drinking alcohol underage (she let them drink when I was not around), she encouraged them to engaging in underage sexual behavior, and other things. This left me being the heavy weight all the time, since I sought to correct their misbehavior. She seemed not to care about the damage she caused to each child. Yet, they seem to support her and see her as a “good” mother. *******
This video is excellent. I have to thank you. I listened a year ago, but now I even got some more out of it. THE TIMING and not just being TOLD IN PERSON is stablizing my thoughts FOR ME, because a viedo, your video doesn't and can't change itself. Very important. It's a go to. If and when I listen to a person LIVE, the next time I hear them speak, it isn't exactly the same thing that they said befor, even if they are honest truthful people.
Thank you so much. I have lived with this illness lifelong from a very ill family. By worldly terms, it s cost me "my life...," I had to spend all my energy and life-efforts just to survive. Thus, career, etc. couldn't happen/was never able to come together, not the least of which was due to much of my family using me as a "whipping boy," and gleefully looking for every opportunity to "kick the stool out from underneath me." I have found a spiritual path that is central to my "recovery," yet it's still an arduous journey. My ex-husband is heavily narcissistic too. I'm sure I have exhibited traits of it as well, but I'm usually only trying to get people to be fair or come together over things... Narcissists won't ever do that. I'm reminded that it's damage and shame that drives this...that's important so I stand a chance of not taking it personally. Narcissistic syndrome has, as it's aim, to crucify, as you pointed out, those most vulnerable." Many lifetimes" for them to come to terms with this, so to speak, I'm thinking...
Yup. She knew my weakness. Too bad it was my therapist. My significant other and I got banned from businesses and filed false reports saying we were dangerous and feared his/her/they life. All from 3000 miles away. I mean who gets banned from a vet or dentist or a wine bar, etc? However, it all created a huge growth period within myself and love unconditionally. I knew when she was lying and being genuine. I believe we mirrored each other in ways that pulled the worst out of both of us. I studied this subject and learned to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, learn assertiveness skills, how to identify and communicate my feelings, keep growing (which makes the situation worse) and more. I got to practice my skills with my significant other because he also has the same traits and I am not Codependent, a people pleaser, he hates I set boundaries
What's weird is narcissists are always trying to hold on to their "relationships". Nobody in this thread has said "the narcissist put me out or left". Not suggesting anyone stay in a warped situation in order to find out; but narcissism sounds like a symptom of child hood trauma--maybe abandonment
Freedom from a narcissist is like openning the curtains to a sunny day.
Yes. Great description. Thank you!
It does feel nice, doesn't it 😎 like rock fell of my chest
Amen!
Love this ❤️
Let the sunshine in.
They also try to convince you they have memory problems so when they say something mean to you or do something horrible and you call them out on it then they can say “I don’t remember saying that or doing that.”
True story.
Ah yes, the "I never said that" and "I already told you that". If you're dealing with those people.
No personal contact if avoidable and if there should be any communication, exclusively over text, so that you have a record of everything that was and wasn't said.
And you obviously can't use a chat system that allows changes or deletion of posts afterwards, which is the case in more and more systems.
But you can still use the good old e-mail.
@@qq84 absolutely! I text so I would have a record of everything then did screenshots and I printed them out.
Isn’t it awful dealing with that??
@@cynthiacalhoun2270 Yes, that's why everyone should go nc as soon as he can.
@@qq84 yes!! I got so much crap for saying my peace calmly and straight to the point then I went no contact…completely!
gosh, no freaking doubt. this is my mother to a damn T.... a few times i had texts and voicemails and somehow she still argued it... because of course... im craaaazy. then when you say, ok lets look at the texts... "no i wont sink to that level" she always liked to say she had this magical info that would change my entire opinion of two other important figures in my childhood but of course isnt gonna "throw them under the bus" but will happily hang the unknown over my head for a decade haha. man, sure wish i had this info as a child, woulda spent way less time questioning my damn sanity
Make a plan to escape, but do so quietly. Don't give any indication you are planning something. Take your time and do what is best for you. Simply fade away. Keeps you safe and keeps you in control.
DONE.. WENT NC last week.. Had it planned for 3 weeks... And this with a "friend"... NOT friend!
Yes, quietly and politely is the way - but this does not mean they won't come after you. They are ruthless.
@@wayneelliott1180 ..they sure will send people like them to contact you, find you...be aware.
Stealth mode!
During the final stages of our marriage/divorce I took valuables, to me, like books, photos, pictures and left them with friends. The solicitor said do it as a cup of spilled wine, coffee, ruins things but hard to prove. Its the little things. I moved without him knowing I had bought a new house and teenage children came with me ... felt like escaping a war zone .
If someone is trying to control you in a relationship that is not love it is just someone trying to control your life because they have no life of their own to control
You just described my "mother". She was a huge control freak!!!!! Covertly, she made sure I couldn't get financially well off on my own so I was stuck serving her. Her flying monkeys spied on me, sabotaged my employment and even my personal life. She was the "queen" of her home and thought she owned everything in it. When my expensive things disappeared, she lied and blamed the situation on a burglary that did not happen. She had the qualities of a typical politician; she lied, cheated and stole at every chance. Of course, nothing happened to her and she was never brought to justice.
I think that's a great succinct way of covering a lot of bases with that comment. It would probably piss them off if they heard you or me saying that.
I love how some control freaks try to flip the script and make it as if we are the ones violating their boundaries out of nowhere... All the sudden they're magically offended by something they weren't before even though you known them for over 10 years.. just looking for more narcissistic fuel to "WIN" is all those cheap shot / setup artists ARE about! (Trying to make themselves the "victims" in a final conflict that never happened that they decided to fabricate... Trying to play hero... They can play "hero" all by themselves because I'm no longer around to be kicked by those types)
Yes your right.
@@Matt-602 EVERY...WORD...YOU...SAID...IS TRUE!
After years of not hearing from him, I got a call from an ex. He said he acknowledged he had been a lousy husband and father, praised my handling of raising our son on my own, and apologized for not having been there for my son and me. I had a feeling I knew what he was up to so I just listened and answered any questions with as little information as possible. Not long after, I read on his FB that he had broken up with his girlfriend and was moving in with a friend. Yeah, I dodged a bullet with that phone call.
Good for you for KNOWING....
Well done 👍 they become so predictable when you’ve learned the way they operate. 👏
With age and experience comes wisdom.
take care lovely one xx
The best response to narcs is either radio silence or 1 word, yes or no. Anything will be twisted, manipulated & thrown back at you. Not worth the effort to communicate with.
Spot On! No one knows unless they've experienced the darkness.
،،،😊😊
The evil one seems to have taken over their conscience. It shows but it is still covert/hidden.
These are the minority. They don’t understand, unless at least they ready THE PHILOSOPHY OF EVIL. Than “maybe”.
Exactly! Survivors of narcissistic abuse understand how insidious the abuse is. My ex narc is still stalking me 8 years after we broke up…no matter what I do he manages to contact me, and the only way I can be safe is to never respond, and never be alone in public.
They make the hsirvraise upmon the bsck of my neck how destruvtibr criminally insane c are they
They hurt you physically, mentally, and emotionally... Get out... Run!!!
When I divorced my ex I got physical custody of my sons..it was difficult to say the least..but we survived.
I went from having everything to having nothing...I had to downsize....
No TV...No daily papers or magazines.
I cut out any unnecessary things..
We had no entertainment fund... I received a pittance in child support..waited 4 months for the first payment and was never reimbursed..we rode bikes and collected aluminum cans..we went to the library and read books..checked out movies and videos..played games..I told the boys we were a team and they had to help while I worked.
It was an education for me and them ...I had to learn to be handyman..plumber..
.mechanic..electrician and nurse..my kids are grown and married..they know how to survive and not to expect someone to take care of them ..they are self-sufficient and able to make it on their own..
.....I spent 10 years raising my children before remarrying...and I have never spent one second regretting it..
I can relate to this sadly. But to this day I know I did the right thing. So did you!
I can relate to this sadly. But to this day I know I did the right thing. So did you!
I can relate to this sadly. But to this day I know I did the right thing. So did you!
I can relate to this sadly. But to this day I know I did the right thing. So did you!
I can relate to this sadly. But to this day I know I did the right thing. So did you!
Everything this woman is saying is true. Narcissists are evil, evil people. I know, I was once married to a narcissist. It was Hell and Horrible to get away but I was able to break away so I could get my life together and start living a normal life.
I say, narcissists are people of the devil bc they are the most evil and uncaring people I have ever seen in my life.
Beelzebub himself would not want those creatures associated with him!
I'm so glad for you, that you could get away & then start again, many can't...
Yes they are the children of Satsn6. So, they can go to hell..
Once you are away, don't put anyone else on a pedestal. 🚩 That's what got you into trouble. Observe, and don't compromise even a little. Small compromises add up! Keep your boundaries.
@ Kristen Marie At the very least, DON'T MAKE ANY CONCESSIONS WITH THEM UNTIL YOU ARE SURE THAT THEY ARE NOT A NARCISSIST. OTHERS WILL TO RECIPROCATE WHEN THEY ❤ IN THEIR 💘 and are a narcissist.
Are NOT A NARCISSIST, I MEANT TO TYPE.....ERROR....CORRECTIONS ON THE LAST ENTRY. THANKS. 😊
Even with friends, watch those boundaries and watch the pity stories…..
@@JoannA-sweetly The "pity play" as one person called it from England. It's funny because later I dissect their stories and I noticed that decades don't match up and things like those. (They've been lying their whole lives!)
Amen to THAT, sister! We can bounce from putting an ex on a pedestal, father, brother, to having to make excuses for them, even we find ourselves enabling them, until we see the light & run towards it. Boundaries & not compromising, you're right, are the most important things we can do to protect ourselves. One:LOVE.
I left my narc without plans. I did it on the spur of the moment. Never went back!!!
I've been cussed out by many people, during my youth, for DISAGREEING with them. I don't know if they were narcissists or not, but these people would often spit out any kind of verbal insults or shaming tactics toward me for disagreeing with them, not doing what they asked me to do, or not going along with the group if I point out that they were doing something that would get us all into trouble. In spite of all the insults/shaming, I still stayed true to my values and the values taught to me by my parents. That's why I have few friends today.
The friends you have are real friends.
This person is to be admired for being true to themself.
The best part of realizing the worst one, my eyes opened up and saw there were others in my life. Cutting the first 1 off made it easier to leave the others quietly.
Same here…. and others trying to creep on me! 😁🤣🎯
@@JoannA-sweetly It took almost a year for a former friend to finally stop contacting me. I sent him a letter explaining why we couldn't be friends anymore. He left messages on my phone mean and crying saying I was being cold for not being his friend.
@@tuffguydoe7937
Yeah, it's always your fault.
@@tuffguydoe7937 If you are so evil and not his friend, he should stop contacting you, because you aren't good for him. ^^
Wow! Same here! And after experiencing life without all those narcs, I am so happy and don’t miss any of them. A sister, a nephew ( who is now a niece, lol), a long time friend, we’re cut from my life along with my ex, and was the best thing to happen to me!
Sometimes you got a fool the fool who think they fooling you 💯
AMEN
Yep Ms Franklin 🙏With Total BLANK Once They Know You Know🙏Then They Hunt ( Sadly) Their Next Victim 😢This One’s Narc Was One’s ( Former ) So Called Daughter.
This is true.. and a great saying! Don’t ever sit back and let anyone make a fool of you. Observe, take note and run.. 🙂
❤
Everything you say I believe totally. They steal lie and yell and mock you and smear your good name. Fear is the worst. Terrorizing you is their forte.
Don't fear them, that's what they want. Better break up contact to anyone who might have listened to them.
And lies are their currency - in that way, they are trillionaires.
You are spot on. Terrorizing, yes.... I know though that, spiritually, they're going to one day engage in the journey of having to
"walking it back"
This is insane, I’m living this right now. Thank you for defining things so clearly.
So am I, it's never happy, thing is I'm easy going easy to get along with, she is a nasty woman who only wants me when she needs something, how about you???
I am being targeted bc Im supporting the father of a child whose mother is a CovNarc… She is absolute evil , I barely know her, yet she and her new supply 25 years older than her psychopath boyfriend have accused my husband and I of abuse bc the father lives in a little house on our farm and is fighting her in court for custody. . She has tried the smear campaign, filed a restraining order , which was denied and has now fabricated the most vile accusation against me and my late husband, attacking us a day after he died . This is evil and a spiritual attack and beyond any evil I have encountered in my life. Talk about kicking you in the gut when you are down…
Yes thank you for providing all these people with content they just want more perhaps stop being philanthropic
GIVE THE PERSON THE BIG BOOT OR YOU WILL BE MISERABLE.
Get away while you can . It will never get better
You right they good actors in front of people they act like angel's but behind closed doors man they real evil
Kim
You are the best narcissistic coach that I've listened to!! I've learned a lot from watching your RUclips channel because I experienced a narcissistic relationship that was tumultuous to say the least!!! To all your subscribers, take it from me and listen to Kim, You do not want to go back again!! I did the second time and it was the worst mistake of my life!! Move on to someone that values you and vice versa! The best experience that comes from a narcisstic relationship or any bad experience is a lesson well learned!!
Like the old saying:
Fool my once, shame on you!!
Fool my twice, shame on me!!!
Thank you so much for your kind words and support,
wheelernathan34. They mean a lot 💛💛💛
@@KimSaeed thank you
i agree. I feel like she is saving my life with all this knowledge. thank you
They are a relative, im actually afraid of them. I tried to overlook it for many years and keep my distance but now children are involved. I get the blame for everything in their past. My phones been hacked. It's all you said they would do and worse. It's all about controlling me and I want to put a restraining order on them, please advise me.
My mother always told me to sit back and observe 🙌
A very wise Mom ! 1) Behavior never lies. & 2)When someone shows you who they are -Believe them.
Agreed 👍Look At All Thee Evidence , Then No Contact Whatsoever 💪🎉Enjoy YOUR Life 🎉
My mom is the main narcissist in my life
What a mind bender she is
I am a survivor of 6 years of narsistic abuse. It was not until I told my ex I no longer love him or want to be with him that he made his friends see me as the badguy before nearly beating me to death. If u know in ure heart u don't want to be with them make sure u leave before confronting them. I was on the road with my bags and battle wounds could not walk or do much for 3 weeks. Please if u are dealing with a narsisist get out of there. I watch the man who claimed he loved me try to kill me with a crowbar and hammer. I disconnected myself from him and everyone he knows traumatized by what he did to me and my life I have no friends damn near lost my whole family I had to nurse myself all alone 😢 and I'm a good person. To go through that kind of abuse and live through it shows u how strong u truly are and if I can survive it so can u. I'm learning to be happy again and to love myself. But k can't say it's easy but the power of will is amazing. I know I can't put myself in that situation ever again. Because there was no help for me. I had to help me.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through...and I can also relate..you are strong, we are stronger. I've found myself super isolated too and have to leak my wounds all alone . Had not only to deal with that monster but having against the very people I thought were there for me and I'm talking about so called friends and family, toxic family by the way. Be proud of yourself and stay safe❤️❤️
And thanks for sharing. It takes a lot of strength 💪
I can sum this up in one sentence after 17 years of experience. "All hell breaks loose"👈👌 From Love Bombing one minute to Gaslighting 5 minutes later then narcissistic rage 2 minutes after that or until they get sympathy from their smear campaign and then simply pick A, B, or C rinse and repeat 😂
You met my ex then?? 😂🤗
@@sharonrose4 Yep they all use the same playbook.
It’s like a broken record! 💩😡
That's exactly what he did to me....called my family/friends/people at church....turned our teenage children against me....told them huge lies behind my back, and he was doing a smear campaign for most of our 20 year relationship. You are exactly right about our children....and 22 years after I divorced him, my Adult Children still behave abusive to me with their Dad. For most of the past 22 years, I've done all kinds of kind, caring things for my daughter/her family....and she will run to her Dad and lie about me. She infact, is very Covert like her Dad is, and she returns Evil for all the good I do for her. She is 36 years old and she recently made up a new Rule for me: The Mother has to do what the kids tell her to do. I divorced her dad and remarried 12 years later to a very kind caring, considerate man. They are furious over that. We've been married 12 years, and my Daughter/Son and Ex...try to get between me and my husband. We bought a house and property on a mountain 800 miles from them. They are furious and don't want us to own this place. They've done every thing in the book to convince us, it's a bad idea. i tell her we love it here....and she gets so angry if I love anyone or anything that is not about her. My Son does Overt abuse....he's like a shark, you can see his fins, and he's destructive as can be....to a point where he will get so angry he destroys his own property also. 42 years of the Narc's abuse....NOW, I'M DONE. I don't know or care if I see my adult kids again. They are too much like their Narc Dad. Loving them is setting myself up for abuse....it only enables them.
You did the right thing.
Exactly what I am going through. My adult son and daughter also started abusing me. I cried n broke my heart. Now I have cut them out of my life. I am at peace.
Damn, I’m sorry that’s happened to you, I can’t imagine how painful it must be for your own kids to treat you like garbage, sounds like they have their fathers narcissistic tendencies. Just horrible how people can treat others that way.
Learned through the generations.
Mind yourself. Live your own life. They are adults.
Hallucinations they just don't care, how are you supposed to know they are hallucinating
Oh brother, my son is a Narcissist and you described him to a “T” and he’s such a Fantastic “Actor”! NOBODY would believe he’s so Nasty, Manipulative and a Control Freak behind Closed Doors!! I’m So Grateful to have found you! Thank you for Clearly describing his Ugly, Fake relationship with me! Everyone thinks he’s So Fabulous yet he treats me with Utter Disrespect!😢😡
Yes, yes, yes, thank you for sharing this...
My one and only sibling, my brother has been an utter monster to me for having been born. He tried to kill me on several occasions as a child. Here but for the grace of God go I.
Where did your son learn that behavior?? Is his father a narcissist??
I wish I had heard this 2.5 years ago. I was dating a narcissist for 5 years and I couldn't imagine why everything was miserable. He told me almost everything Kim said verbatim. The only reason he doesn't contact me now is because I changed my number. I also called the police on him, so he knows I'll do it again. But what a detailed explanation of narcissistic behavior. God bless you Kim Saeed. 🙏
This is spot on, don't be their emotional punching bag, observe don't absorb, make a plan to escape, stay grounded, they will try gas lighting you to try to make you think you're going crazy like I didn't do or say that, stay strong minded,if you half to write the things down, once you know you go you get out and you stay out 🙏🦋❤️
Great advice, Gary 👏👏👏
yes...yes...!
My ex is a malignant covert narcissist. Six years after break up and no contact, he and his new supply that he married, right away, moved into my neighborhood that I’ve lived in for 27 years then they proceeded to tell her son who my son is at school so he could start targeting him. He’s a year older. Then he started showing up at our bus stop and that’s how I knew they moved into our neighborhood. I called the school and made them aware and they had the boys sign a no contact contract. One more move from them, and I’m putting a restraining order on them.
I am guilty of that Kim. I remember how charming and sweet he was to me. Those are the things that I remember the most about him. I just can't understand how someone can go from loving you as they claim to completely hating you. It hurts so badly and it really messes with your mind. (I started putting cameras around my house.) Thank you Kim for this video.
Sending hugs. I know how difficult it is. XO
Get out before it's too late, if you have any inkling that you are being controlled by another human being. You must be under your own controlled . NO CONTACT !
Control your own actions/behavior and the need is to SET BOUNDRIES.
@@bernitacenteno1326 Thank you for the tip. I already know how to do that thanks. Which is why I am no longer with him. He crossed me and I did make him pay dearly for that. I slammed that door right in his face and now I'm away from him.
@@bernitacenteno1326someone who's just been through hell does not need to be lectured. Especially if they managed to come out of it. Apparently they already practiced what you are preaching.
I was on the receiving end on a female covert narcissist and the discard felt like experiencing the death of a loved one. I have been depressed, sad, sorrowful and whatever through different relationships I have been through. But the trauma bond and breakup and such is the worst agonizing emotional pain I have been through. Total and all encompassing sadness that is like a heavy blanket that was thrown over my entire daily experience day in and day out. It is simply some serious sick f'ing shite. My ruminating mind is awful, after they completely disengaged with me, I was the one who has felt OCD over them, but I am leaving them alone..
Hello mate, hope it’s getting easier
Yeap..they just don't care your better off without...💯
I just experienced the discard, and the initial text, I was very happy to hear from her, thank the lord he intervened and literally dropped information in my lap and I got educated. The discard feels like you’re under a spell or potion. I never really cared for this girl but her plan was long and subtle. They use CIA brainwashing techniques. They actually teach one another. Jezebel
God Bless all of you who are freeing yourselves from a narcissist. They were never good or kind enough to see what they had in you 🙏🏻
It's difficult when children are involve and you are not financially independent things get tough. Thanks for your advice I'm always grateful to come across you on RUclips because anytime I feel like there's no more strength to carry on your video pops up on my screen, you are my angel much love 💖🤩 Kim
Do not remain stagnant. I became a successful father of 3 plus cared for my diabled mother and raised my nephew 11 years. THEN I GOT STUPID AND MARRIED MY NARC 15 YEARS LATER.
You can raise yourself up and be independantly successful.
@@dougd936 thanks for sharing
I'm glad to know my videos help you during the low times, Wendy 💜 You'll get there...I was in a similar position once upon a time (づ♥‿♥)づ
Sept îles Québec Canada
💞💞 YOU/ WE GOT THIS 💪🙌❤️😇
Oh my God! When they can't control you they will try to change other people's perception of you!! Wow so true. I have been thru this So Many times!! Even with my Own Father who is now 96. I do not let my son see him. I truly hope we as a society can help prevent narcissistic behavior by nurturing youth and teaching them young good relationship ways.
It's my one-year anniversary broken free from the narc, this video is accurate and it's amazing to me that I used to be in the middle of all that crap, feels like a lifetime ago. Thanks for the reminder of where I was and will never be again.
I'm very glad to know it's your one-year anniversary of freedom :)
They own your entire life....and if you say "No"....they punish you for it. I've owned homes....and they decide they own it, and I don't.
Ya my ex he did too tell I sold my house in maple ridge bc he tould everybody it’s his could not put a sign on the lawn thank god my gfriend had it sold in 4 weeks lol I did not relize all his skanks tell they started facebooking me tould them all my house but hey he is all yours I’m not mad so now 19 of you can continue the play I’m out 😂😂😂🤗been 16 months never looked back happy happy times
19 months 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
One crucial part of my issue is that my husband has always had support from his parents and our pastor!
Wow! When you said a relationship is reciprocal affection and support and the narcissist see's it as servitude that just rang home so true. I'm still trying to determine if my ex is in fact a narcissist but this was a big tick.Thank you.
If you feel sad or worried everyday, analyze your motive for staying put.
Same here.
Just had a blow up with my spouse. The one thing I kept saying was that he did not love me for me, only the things I do for him. He loves WHAT I do, not WHO I am. He finally admitted to it and said, "so what is so wrong with that?" There is no reciprocal affection and support rather just servitude.
So sad, but true. Years later, and after we had not only separated but he had passed on, my son told me that I was referred to as " the warden" by his dad.
@@shilohwoods4516 you just EXACTLY described my narc "father". Only he never admits to anything, he likes to blame me for his own failures. A loser called victor, what an oxymoron!
Your talking about my family, they are rotten to the core and now I'm on to all of them, so no they can never come back into my life..THANK YOU
I'm glad to know you're feeling stronger, Norma 💝
Thank you so very much Kim I really needed that ❤️ and your right I am getting stronger so people who I have given me to BETTER WATCH OUT!!! I DID MY HOMEWORK A BROKEN 💔 IS NOT WHAT I ENJOY... Kim Seed I appreciate 🙏 people who taught me and so many others it's a long painful process when one doesn't know where to go again Kim Seed I THANK YOU SO MUCH ❤️ AND MAY THE UNIVERSE HOLDS YOU TIGHTER THAN YOUR TRUE LOVE SO YOU CAN CONTINUE TO SHARE YOUR STORY SO WE CAN LEARN THAT WOM/MAN KNOW THE SIGNS.
Great advice and wish I had known this stuff years ago. Now I have lost connection with my adult children as a result of the trauma of being abused by my ex over too many years. I have struggled with feeling a failure and have to work hard to keep from giving up. He said I would never win and no one would believe me over him. He silenced me and I was afraid to open up and tell my kids about the abuse. I felt he would tell them I was sick and deluded. He threatened to have me sectioned and it was deeply scary as he is in the medical world and had such power. I still keep silent out of fear. It’s a rotten way to live but I am safe now but still in pain over my kids and how they have suffered over the years too. Please listen to your instincts and if you feel someone is not giving you truth let them go. It’s not worth the pain.
So true I have lost most of my side of the family.
I am living this life. I have a difficult but good husband. Thank God, or I would have given up. I wrote a poem about it.
Someone stole my sons away.
They stole their minds.
They stole their hearts.
They took my grandkids , too.
God above, He sees and loves.
The answer to my prayer,
is where?
It's some my fault. I know it well.
Not tough enough.
Tried too hard.
Needed Too Much.
My heart is broke.
My sons' are too.
I know they love me.
Don't understand
respecting Mom
is In demand.
To choose between their dad and Rod, they think that is their choice.
Yet, Rod has only wanted to help and never have much voice.
But, everyone must do their part! We all have value, equally.
No, not me, no not us.
Toss us aside is what will be.
I miss them more than I can tell. But, hold this line, I will.
Regrets, will they ever have?
Their faces, will I ever see?
Their judgment is severe.
I sacrificed. I gave so much. If they only knew....I Never Ever asked Enough.
Someone stole my sons away. They stole my grandkids, too.
I have no answers, just so much pain. I don't know what to do.
Smear campaign/ triangulation, harrassment and stalking, burglery... wash, rinse, repeat
Everything you said she has recording devices in my houses tracking devices on my car called my pastor and told lies. A month ago she said she is going to ruin me
She has threatened to call my HR department to let them know who works for them. It’s crazy!!!! Fortunately we have two houses in different states
I’m in one and she is in the other. I put an order of protection against her here where I am staying. This seems to have slowed her garbage down. We have one son together and he is 20 and in Florida at college. I stuck this marriage out until my son left the house. She gets worse with age and blame everything on me. So freeing being away from this mentally Ill person.
Thank you for the videos ! It reminds me how important it is to stay away from my ex narcissist . He definitely tried to control all aspects of my life and almost crushed me financially! He contacted all of my friends and family to try and sabotage me .
It has taken years of counselling and my counsellor having to remind me regularly that I was abused by him and that he is a narcissist. The counsellor also always reminds me that my ex cannot be in a healthy relationship. I gave and gave and to my ex whatever I did , wasn’t enough .
It’s been a long road to recovery and healing and I know I will never have another relationship as I’m so scared that I will bring another narcissist into my home , life and family and that cannot happen . I won’t live through the abuse again
Yours sounds a lot like mine. I'm taking it one day at a time. My heart breaks knowing I was the only one in the relationship for 8 years. One minute he loved me and the next he was throwing me out. He's still unreasonable and hateful with me and I can't have my belongings or my animals. Now I'm looking at every man as a narcissist and I'm even afraid to be on my front porch alone. Anxiety and PTSD have a good grip on me. He doesn't care. Life goes on like normal for him. Nothing changes at all for him while he turned my world inside out.
I deal with ptsd from being a victim for many years. Maybe you need to come to the reality that you maybe be suffering from ptsd.
Thank you! 23 years and 4 children later I left the husband/narcissist. He is now 67 and still sees his world through 14 years old eyes. We still see each other for birthdays and holidays to play “happy family”. We finally have pretty good boundaries. I’ve been in therapy off and on for many years to become independent. Best to those of you who are tolerating relationships with a narcissist.
This is SO TRUE! My father is a vulnerable narcissist. When I came to this realization and I slowly started to distance myself from him. He launched a smear campaign with any member of the family who will listen to him 😢
Just the family? Usually they talk to everyone, trying to smear you. They don't even care about the fact that they're harming themselves with that, because quite a few people will see through that, even if they're supporters of him.
Went through the same thing. Distance seems to be the best way to handle it.
I'm so lucky in the fact that my narc "father" has alienated all his brothers bar one, who I have no doubt feels sorry for him, also his sister wants nothing to do with him after what he did to my mother and he has nothing to do with my mother's side of my family, so he can't reach me there either. He's a narc because he was spoiled, not because he was abused, which is something I am still finding difficult to understand. I think if I had been spoiled, had what I wanted as well as what I needed (which I didn't get from either parent), I would have turned out a lot better than he did. I wouldn't have these mental health problems either. Narc ex just compounded what my parents did. I will be happy to be alone my whole life if I can just avoid being abused ever again. I think most on here feel that same on that?
My mother and "her 2 daughters" (my 2 sibling sisters) were/are the narcissists. When my dad died, they took over and I feel as though I barely survived. I'm now divorced, thank God, and my ex is a narcissist too. Funny to hear him talk about others he identifies as narcissistic, evil, etc. He's a smoothly controlled, butter-up, gossiping, swaggering type, I have come to see. Ugh... A real social butterfly. Not what makes men feel good about themselves, I can't help but think.. Undignified. Covert, emotionally violent...
My mother to.
Every single thing you said is exactly what I am going through. I have been with this man for 47 years. I finally woke up thanks to a very smart doctor. I have been experimenting with information that I have learned from doctors as well as a book I am studying. After all these years I am finally gaining the upper hand. Thank you for validating the reasons for my actions. It’s quite rewarding after all these years. My health was starting to take the hit so I got help.
I hit bottom. I got to the point I didn’t care about my well being. I never would do suicide because it is against my religious beliefs. I had to find the way to clime out of the dark hole I felt trapped, unloved, lived in fear. My feelings were being used. I felt I couldn’t do anything right. I wish I had the advice of Kim or someone like Kim way back 35 years ago when I was going through this situation.
God bless you that you know now it is not anything you did to cause this situation. There is no guilt for any reactions that you were coerced into. -
Now, for a long time , I am dealing with my ptsd of being a victim. I raised my children they are grown with families of their own. I am okay and it is a great thing just to be okay. I am blessed with loving families from my children. They understand now what happens to the family when they were children. Children are also victims of a narcissist parent.
More than three years after my ex left me and our boys, I visited my parents and my mother was still singing my ex’s praises. I had to tell her that the person she remembered no longer exists. I understand her point of view because it had been mine, but I learned his whole life is an act.
Wow, the example you used is 100% correct for as court cases and fake apologies. Yet I can say even though my lawyer was wack, she caught that and advocated parenting agreement first. Assets took over a year to settle. I took all debts because I couldn't pay the lawyer. and continue the fight. Yet he stop working through the process , to stop child support. He told my mother " I wouldn't make it without him". Honestly, she acted like she didnt even care " he said it " even though I struggled and continue too. I wish I had created an " exit plan" because he did a 360 when we were divorcing. I am raising my kids in a state where I had no family , it was hard when they were younger but I am making it through. Kim , your video's really educated me because I didnt know what that man was until I start watching your videos- 7 years ago. :) Much respect Shalom
Good luck, stay strong, stay silent. They ALWAYS expose themselves. Look after yourself and your children...
This is a great video! My sister is a narcissist. To long a story for here but she is very calculating and manipulative! Other people think she sweet! 🤣 She also uses intimidation and fear on me. Thanks to therapy and many videos like Kim’s I am better equipped with how to respond or not respond and she is getting worse! Thanks to this video I know why! Thank you Kim! I will stay strong! Hope this helps others! 👍🏼
Mine too 😢
My sister is too. It has taken me years to get out from under her abuse. She is also calculating, conniving and very manipulative. She is also getting worse as the years go by. It sure was difficult when I didn't understand what she was doing. Now that I know, through therapy and these videos, what she has been doing I have severed the relationship.
Thank you for sharing, it does help! You're doing so well, stay strong & remember, you are worthy, you are not how she treats you, the weakness she demonstrates through conniving against you is hers, not yours. That you put up with her says a lot about you, patient, kind & forgiving. Since 2012 I've had nothing to do with my narc sister that got away with taking the Michael out of me since childhood (but she severely damaged my Nephew). It's been a refreshing relief. For my Nephew it's been 2018 since he's not had owt to do with her. I'm SO proud of the man he has become, in spite of & despite her disgusting treatment of him. He decided to use his pain to make his life & the lives of others better, not worse. It's my sister's loss. I have the utmost faith in him. Love will find a way & love can win! One:LOVE.
Sometimes you have to cut them off unfortunately but it is better for you and your happiness. I have cut off a lot of family and friends but I don’t regret it but it was hard at first but it is was so much healthier and happier for me. If my mother doesn’t calm down she is really the Narcissist in the my life she will be pushed away far far away. I already don’t live with her.
My sister only contacts me if she needs or wants something from me. My twin sister has started doing this too. My heart is broken because we were all such a close family with my brother too. I can’t cut them out of my life completely because they’re my blood,BUT… I’ve made it very clear to them that if they get a hold of me it shouldn’t be because they want to use me to serve them. They’re still human and I love them so much, but now that I’ve set these boundaries with them, they don’t get a hold of me anymore. Who would of thunk 😅
Spot on! He first apologized then this week emailed me repeatedly flipping events around completely. He then started calling me names because I told him he needs to pay all the money he stole from my family.
A narcissist will stay with one main supply, if that supply allows all the other things to go on. They prefer a main supply, with many side dishes.
I’m so grateful to have left the his nightmare situation.
I was fortunate enough to not have had children with him.
Make no mistake tho, I was completely wrecked after this experience: manipulated, exhausted, hurt, abused etc …
One fine day, (after a reprehensible event), I calmly got up & exited/fled.
I had hit the wall.
What scares me (in hindsight) is I could have easily stayed (b/c I did not understand narcissism and many times believed he was doing his best).
I was wildly mistaken.
In that moment (when exiting) I did not believe he would ever change. That was the catalyst that propelled me out of there.
It was the best decision of my life.
I hope others find what they need to make their own best choice/s for themselves💙
Yeah, my direct manager and one of my colleagues are like that. They r so nice in front of all ppl, but when they are with me alone, they are the opposite...
This is all so true. My ex alienated my kids as he couldn’t control me anymore. They are quite evil. Everything is about them not healthy relationships. They are extremely spiteful individuals
Mine has always alienated our kids. Letting them do what they wanted to do. Handing them money whenever or cars. Basically buying them off to keep them under his control.
@@SherryC-q9e That's exactly what he did. I'm so sorry
How does a man that has finally broke free from years of this abuse, find a new relationship that will be real, and not let this happen to him again? How do you really know you can trust someone? That's the million dollar question for me now! (Metaphorically speaking).
I'm afraid to trust anyone ever again with the falsehood he presented and the outright lying. I understand your conundrum because now I feel like people are just out to get things like money.
Don’t let that one person cause to not to trust again. Don’t give them the satisfaction. That would be them still controlling you. You have to learn to listen to your gut. If they start getting way to close way to fast then for me that will be the sign to run. Right or wrong that is going to be a must for me. You will find the right one just don’t rush it. It will happen when it is right.
@@michelleheald9108 It was from more than one ex and a couple of close family members also
After 20 years of marriage to a narcissist I feel the same way
You don't need a relationship. You need to love yourself and find who you truly are. You don't need someone else to make you happy. Make your own self happy
I escaped my x in 2014-15 (finalized) He cried and lied to my family… it has put a wedge between me and my family because he manipulated his way into their minds. He is evil… I just want to left alone! And shame on my family for disrespecting ME!!! Anyways, how do these narcissistic people get this way? I don’t get it! Is this a curse passed down? Is it a childhood learned behavior? Both? I cried and pleaded with my family, if they actually cared about me they would honor what I want… I am happily re married and he has stood by my side… but I never understood where or how people got like my X…
I thought I was an indentured servant. That's how I felt when married.
I don't know any body that the ex husband knows
I was isolated for 25 years.
He violently discarded me by having me arrested for DV. I also had an order of protection against me. I wasn't able to get into the house. The ex is the now living with the NS. The thing I don't understand how I was taking things out of the house when it was against the oop?? I did what I had to do not to away.
My ex actually told me my sole purpose was to support his dreams. I asked him what about MY dreams? Silence.
Everything you shared, I went through 15 years of it. Separated 2 years now and healing. Thank you, for sharing.
Enlightening content from the first word to the last! Thank you so much for helping us to think through the narcissist’s bag of devastating tricks so we can defend ourselves against these highly toxic people. Looks like we basically shouldn't have high hopes for being happy in a romantic relationship or in a marriage. Failure and misery seem inevitable as these narcissistic types seem to be everywhere.
Mine escalated to attempted murder after l left him , while still in the relationship he cut locked gate and let my horses out on to motorway and busy traffic, then quietly sat at dinner eating what l had made for him , as if nothing had happened, he did this twice , to try to hurt me . As well as trying to run me over and while out hill climbing said you could fall off here no one would know , everything you said about them is so true , thanks for such a great video, Gabrielle
OMG! I hope he never managed to get your horses hurt. Mine also targeted my horses to piss me off but he didn't do anything on that level of psychopathology.
my narc kept coming to my door or calling to talk for hours (I only did to disarm the situation) crying his crocodile eyes out, only to return home to his mistress to talk about when they were going to get married--this went on for MONTHS--more than half a year. there are too many of these evil ones!!
This is very real,they are sick, I am applying gray rock,towards my manager and it's working but they are super nasty.
Very real video. She's now acting like the victim 😂😂I hope she finds new supply. The drama and smear campaigns are crazy. But I am finding my strength.just praying for a new job to move on while I am still safe.
Friends spouse did everything you have said before divorce, while spouse was in a new relationship! What’s interesting people around friend are noticing, and the lies are coming out, be patient, go no contact, if children involved be patient, and consistent, use only app for the communication, they are lying all the time, children don’t understand, keep everything simple, but truthful, and have a great support system! They can’t stand it when you grow strong!
Thanks for the Educational podcast on Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse Manipulation Mind Games and tactics used by Narcissists I have set boundaries and I was Married to a Covert Narcissist and worked for a Malignant Grandios Narcissistic Construction Company and was wrongfully terminated and went through a Divorce at the same time and my retirement plan was the same amount as our current credit card debt and I am retired from the Construction industry and their is no contact with anyone including my daughters I have texted my daughters information on Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse Manipulation Mind Games and tactics and they are old enough to make choices and understand what's going on and I have been through the smear campaign and I am educated now on how to deal with Narcissists and I wasn't before I didn't know anything about Narcissism until I went through everything basically Isolated from everyone and that's okay with me they are all Narcissists and my daughters will have to make decisions on their own they are adults now I have to remain single and independent and decide what I am going to for my future. GOD-BLESS.
Sometimes it's good to play stupid to see how stupid people really think you are and flip the script on them so you can see how stupid they look 😂
I totally agree! Sometimes you just have to pretend to buy into their stupidity complete with the reactions they are hoping to trigger from you, especially when it's over nonsense that's so farfetched it's not even funny. Then when you suddenly drop the act and they realize you weren't as stupid as they thought you were, OMG LOOK OUT!!!!! You never make a fool out of a narrcisst!!!!!!
You could also keep playing dumb. And plan your escape. Leave ASAP! They don’t change. Don’t listen to their lies.
Yes once I learned what I was dealing with it was like taking candy from a child as he was just looked liked a adult but brain function adolescent grown-up. Divorced this child hood trauma.
The ex narc did most of the things you mentioned. We were about to go to court and after ghosting me and being disrespectful towards me, he started communicating again and even sent me a small amount of money towards what he owed me. He most likely thought that I would drop the case. I played along with him, but I went to court. He didn’t show up and I won, but he hasn’t paid another cent back to me. He’s also tried to ruin my reputation and vandalized my car.
Miss Saeed, thank you for all you do for others who have been affected by this disorder. I was the scapegoated blacksheep. I have many narc tendencies. Always a work in progress. God bless you, your channel, and all of your wonderful subscribers. I am now one. Hope everyone reading this is happy, loved, and thriving today. Happy Memorial Day weekend. Also...Thank you and God bless EVERY woman and man who serves/served our once-great nation. Including those that put on a uniform and/or badge and lay their lives on the line for the rest of us and the communities we reside in. Sorry I rambled. Love you ALL💜☺🙏👍
❤
Kim the advice you give can also be applied to probate situations, especially where the Narc becomes the Executor. So everyone remain aware! And thank you so much for your information!
100% my experience having recently divorced my ex. Every bit of it. They are truly the worst kind of people
Yes, that is what my narcissist ex did. He came to my house and took purposely set of vase and ashtray my mom bought for me when we shopped together before my wedding. It has a sentimental value for me and he knows. 😢
He has never hoovered or attempted to contact me after his discards. Sure he's been smearing me. It's done and over. Has a lot of narcissistic tendencies but may or may not be a full narcissist! He's still very toxic & I experienced narc abuse and everything else. I no longer care. Am trying to move on with my life.
Hi Mimi, yes...it truly doesn't matter if they've been diagnosed or not (most aren't). Toxic is toxic and it's a good thing you are moving on with your life. Bravo!
That's not just partnerships but also in family relationships......I'm dealing with this with my siblings for years!!! And now they are cut off forever!!!
There are others who've done the same thing and know how you feel....I opted out from my brother/sister for good in December 2015.
Had to do the same from my only child in 2014..... it's still painful but going back means going back to the rejection and mental gymnastics.
I miss my 3 grandkids very much....😢
@@allsensesfiring I also had to do the same with my youngest daughter....she no longer allow me contact with her kids
I left a narcissist after 29 years. Three weeks later he hung him self. In those 3 weeks before he died he went to everyone that knew us and accused me of things that were total lies. Plus he constantly called me and threatened to put me in jail.
Thank you for this video, I can relate to all the information. The narcissist I am dealing with is different in behaviour every day, I walk on egg shells as he does my head in and I never know what to expect from one day to the next. One day he acts sweet and loving, next day he is negative and unloving, next day again sweet, next day argumentative and it gos on and on…I am currently setting boundaries for myself so I don’t get too emotionally attached and I am educating myself everyday with great videos such as yours 🙏❤️
You need to leave.....don't waste your life trying to understand and fix the unfixable...
You may be dealing with a narc and split personalities also or a chemical imbalance bi polar
Nothing is your fault nothing at all they been doing it before and going to be doing it after you it's all a game 🎯 to them that's why they have their family and friends watching this is the new victim 💯
Facts 💯
No Contact is the Best healing strategies!!!
I agree, Mary!
Exactly exactly! Word by word ! Is horrible situations with a Narcissistic personality!
My babymother ran off with my daughter 5 years ago. She turned her against me I had to blocked them both, gotta protect my peace it was driving me insane
Kim you are beautiful inside and out. Your videos have helped me so much over 2years. Its truly helped me understand what the mother of my children actually is. I'm slowly taking my life back and thank you for all the information you've put out. Keep it up plz
They will hate with all of their forces and look for some way to harm you - without their name being ventilated, obviously. Can be one it more bad things they will do. They don’t know but they are evil and don’t accept to lose anything because they live competing with every one. Be extremely careful. Cut all ties.
You are so spot on. My twin brother was a N.He would come into my house while I was at work and take things. He had to be always in control of me.
Thank you....your Video is very helpful.
You most definitely right
Still madly infatuated with you kim. Like a million other men who had bad relationships. Beautiful, Articulate and emotionally stable.
That's very sweet, crash n burn. I hope you're doing better these days 💛
@@KimSaeed alot better. Thank you.
I have to make decisions about contact with a child narcissistic tendencies as grandchildren are involved. As much as I would miss them dearly, I may have to take care of me first
True true true! Can crush your whole word and make the kids hate or dislike you. They are so nice to your face and say the most rechid things behind your back.
Hi Jones, how's your day going with you?
They discard and get rid of you right away
It's crazy how uniform the behavior of most narcissists is when it comes to this stuff.
Thank you so much! YOU explain everything to clear, calm & you gave me strength. I have SO much to say, you are AWESOME I understood so much. God bless you & your family
Amen
So true!! Even though I shared some points of what I’ve experienced over the years … even from the beginning, his family was encouraging me to stay .. because of the kids… 🙄
I was raised by two narcs...I grew up so helpless and looked for somebody to save me from them but no one showed up...Even my father didn't protect me from them...I suspect my grandmother was also a narc....
He constantly changed what ever he could change.A different car or if we move he could be happy.He was always chasing happiness but never getting there.I could not let him know if I had friends.The worse he called my boss and asked him if he could help with getting me into a facility as I had mental health issues.If I left him he would hurt anyone who helped me.So with a three yr old and 7yr old we were in a shelter.I was lucky I had a good job as I was going to need it just try to get money from him.This was 35 yrs ago and I have a good husband and life.But some thing set me off as I had terrible night mares running scared and trying to get to my husband for safety.It lasted for two yrs and just like it stated it stopped.Why did I end up with a mentally abusive person.It was the way my family treated me.So it was familiar.
Yep ! PTSD
I was so blinded by a married man. Who was a gas lighter and liar!
I found him out and called the police, he was stalking me.
God pity his next woman!
He was a complete waste of time!!
My break-up with my ex was actually really peaceful considering I was expecting the worst. Even though it was peaceful, I watched him go through a really bizarre meltdown at the end. There were some things he'd said to me months earlier and insisted at the time that he wasn't joking. All of the sudden he was apologizing for what he said and saying he was only kidding. I'd never even brought it up as an issue since I'd been planning my escape for two years by that point. He said he'd help me move out but on moving day he sat there being all surly. When I said something about it he insisted I never told him what date I was moving out even though I mentioned it several times. He swore up and down that he'd never date anyone again (I didn't care) but he married someone else not even a year later (we were together 15 years and never married). I'm glad we didn't have children together.
@Kim Saeed THANK YOU for this video. You have shone a light into the darkness & I can't imagine anyone not being helped by your insights. Bless you & all you do. One:LOVE.
OMG thank you again super informative...it's so accurate, it's alarming
Great content.
Thanks for providing more clarity about what I experienced for years. When my ex-wife (a Covert Narcissist) left me in 2018, she exited by way of a very brutal smear campaign.
Left me isolated and alone. It has taken 5 years to get my head to clear up after doing some serious recovering and healing work on my part.
It’s still baffling that I got so entangled with a two tornadoes for 32 years (her & her toxic narcissistic mother).
Her smear campaign did some serious damage to all of my relationships; I had to grieve the loss of all of my friendships that turned out to be fake; apparently, all of the flying monkeys took her side.
This was a difficult journey to heal from; she tried to wipe me out financially in every way.
She made sure our 3 adult children supported her. I have not seen them for 5 years. It turns out that she started grooming them when they were young to see me as a father who did not love or care for them. Sucks!
I did my best to take care of them. They saw her in action during their childhood years, yet they see me as the pariah. I found out that she would do counter-parenting every time I parented our children properly.
Made life difficult for them, since I tried to guide them and teach them properly. She encouraged them to do things that did not make sense, such as drinking alcohol underage (she let them drink when I was not around), she encouraged them to engaging in underage sexual behavior, and other things. This left me being the heavy weight all the time, since I sought to correct their misbehavior.
She seemed not to care about the damage she caused to each child. Yet, they seem to support her and see her as a “good” mother.
*******
This video is excellent. I have to thank you. I listened a year ago, but now I even got some more out of it. THE TIMING and not just being TOLD IN PERSON is stablizing my thoughts FOR ME, because a viedo, your video doesn't and can't change itself. Very important. It's a go to. If and when I listen to a person LIVE, the next time I hear them speak, it isn't exactly the same thing that they said befor, even if they are honest truthful people.
Thank you so much. I have lived with this illness lifelong from a very ill family. By worldly terms, it s cost me "my life...," I had to spend all my energy and life-efforts just to survive. Thus, career, etc. couldn't happen/was never able to come together, not the least of which was due to much of my family using me as a "whipping boy," and gleefully looking for every opportunity to "kick the stool out from underneath me." I have found a spiritual path that is central to my "recovery," yet it's still an arduous journey. My ex-husband is heavily narcissistic too. I'm sure I have exhibited traits of it as well, but I'm usually only trying to get people to be fair or come together over things... Narcissists won't ever do that. I'm reminded that it's damage and shame that drives this...that's important so I stand a chance of not taking it personally. Narcissistic syndrome has, as it's aim, to crucify, as you pointed out, those most vulnerable." Many lifetimes" for them to come to terms with this, so to speak, I'm thinking...
Every word is true. Thank you for putting this into a video.
Glad it was helpful, Patricia :)
Thanks❤
The way you opened up this video is very interesting. A narc can provoke a spouse into commiting look-a-like behavior.
Yup. She knew my weakness. Too bad it was my therapist. My significant other and I got banned from businesses and filed false reports saying we were dangerous and feared his/her/they life. All from 3000 miles away. I mean who gets banned from a vet or dentist or a wine bar, etc?
However, it all created a huge growth period within myself and love unconditionally. I knew when she was lying and being genuine. I believe we mirrored each other in ways that pulled the worst out of both of us. I studied this subject and learned to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, learn assertiveness skills, how to identify and communicate my feelings, keep growing (which makes the situation worse) and more.
I got to practice my skills with my significant other because he also has the same traits and I am not Codependent, a people pleaser, he hates I set boundaries
This is a great video... everything you said validates my experience. It made me feel less alone in my trauma.
Sending you love and hugs ❤
What's weird is narcissists are always trying to hold on to their "relationships". Nobody in this thread has said "the narcissist put me out or left". Not suggesting anyone stay in a warped situation in order to find out; but narcissism sounds like a symptom of child hood trauma--maybe abandonment