Narcissism is just so tragic on so many levels. Don't get me wrong the behaviour is next level awful but the whole NPD picture is tragic to all involved. It's pointless behaviour that never changes.
Never changes is right. While my father is now deceased, both of my parents were still the same despite my being gone for almost 30 years and 14 consecutive years before seeing either one of them. It's just too deeply engrained.
Right? Most of the worst narcissists I've met were always smart, charismatic, and capable but nothing was ever enough. They destroy the very people who want to help them. The damage they do is always so senseless of course they are experts at reframing their behavior as a necessary response to something you absolutely didnt do so people are never wise enough to see it at least not right away. And when you catch them in a lie it splinters into blame shifting, changing the subject and chaos.
The sad thing is that no matter what you do or say, a narcissist will never connect the dots. They will just tell everyone something is wrong with you, doing whatever they can to get “supply” from those that will listen now that you have gone silent. Believe me, silence is golden and the best revenge.
You've truly identified what's been happening to my husband and I. My husband's 51 year old daughter has for 37 years never accepted our marriage. Her mother died in 1985 and we got married in 1987. She has tried to tear our marriage apart and destroy me personally. I'm just now rebuilding my self esteem. Nothing will ever ruin our marriage. God put us together after his wife died. His daughter is 51 and still lives her mother's death every day. Gosh, my husband and I are able to think of all the wonderful things about his former wife. That's how his daughter should have evolved after all these years. Remember all the good things. Stop making up lies and tearing us down to everyone you know. Sorry to wax on.
@@mj3845Interesting age... My 55yr old son has attacked me savagely... Yet I now realize the emotional *stabs* have been longterm. His dad & I married 57yrs now NO contact with him... Sadly I didn't know that this narcissistic behavior was a thing until I searched his behaviour. Now know my mil & film both narcs that I knocked myself out trying to jump higher believing if I tried harder they'd accept me Hilarious Take care of yourself honey 💜🌹
I have found this to be so true. Whenever I'm tempted to set something straight or offer reality checks or some common sense to whatever situation, I tell my self, whatever you offer will be an offering to the temple of chaos.....so it's not worth it.
Horrible people. Their dysfunction is off the charts. I made this mantra up awhile ago to help me stay focused while dealing with a narcissist sibling. “You can’t win with a narcissist. But you can’t lose if you don’t play the game!”
@@lizericsonn9367 Um, every woman I've met since 2008 has tried to do that, and failed. I'm hoping that at least one of the two women now coming on to me aren't going to be like that.
It's like those estranged parents who are shocked their kids won't talk to them anymore. Or shocked their partner left them after all the abuse. They act like victims when the real victim decide they won't take it anymore.
My mother constantly my entire life told me everything I wanted to do would fail miserably, despite me telling her every time it made me feel like killing myself. Finally I stopped telling her anything. Now she complains I'm " secretive" because I never tell her anything. FGS, connect the dots ,woman.
My mother is a master at pretending she wants to 'help', so she can sit in her rescuer martyrdom and then everyone else is ungrateful. When that doesn't work she is passive aggressive and word salad peppered with nasty. I always complied and agreed. Now I'm not doing so, the grudges and venom are seeping out. I'm very ill but in her head im some kind of malingerer
My dad is an overt narc my mom covert and my baby daddy covert I rely on them finically can you imagine lol this video is really helping me why I don't work I have a special needs son
My covert ex husband is an expert at lying and gas lighting and controlling. And boy does he ever have a vindictive side. But I’ve fought like hell to get myself back. And I’m starting to finally like myself again.
That people may have no idea the magnitude of what you just said…I wonder if I did the right thing and I tell others, if you suspect, shut up and run. But I did and so do you, but those who celebrate early will end up realizing, it’s their party and you’ll cry if they want you too. Congrats for overcoming the animosity, depravity, gaslighting, and borderline criminal behavior of the narcissist who is discarded. Luckily, if life is the Game of Thrones, they’d be an uneventful character gone after season 2. You made the finale.
@@genevawhite3178He is. Very clearly grandiose. But let's not kid ourselves that the other team isn't full of Vulnerable and Communal types, who need a guy like Trump, so they can continue their victim charade.
@@genevawhite3178, President Trump is innocent. They have tried everything possible to keep him from being re-elected. Everything. Even the most evil of all acts. You might want to look at what his enemies are trying to do to him. Pure evil…
That's it EXACTLY, they don't really care, they just care that they can't control anymore. They conveniently forget every nasty thing they've said to you and become the consummate victim!
The selective memory is always fun. Had a run in with that recently. This time I didn't miss a beat when she said 'she didn't remember'. I basically said something to the effect that her mental problems are worse than I thought and that I'm too old for toxic drama. I knew she remembered. It was amazing. She spoke, but I could see what she was thinking. It dawned on her that the memory excuse made her look insane. It was a nice moment.
My experience in a nursing home of a female narcissist was hiding cups, little plates and cutlery. Roughly 20 of each hidden in the back of drawers and a cubby hole. I believe she was frustrated on trying to make certain staff members her source. Upon discovering this I piled everything in her lap in her wheelchair and wheeled her to the kitchen. They were shocked and said they had been missing these articles. She never changed expression, batted an eye or apologized. Her only reaction initially was an expression that said " shoot I got caught". She was my mother.
I was once in charge of a school scholarship auction. One mother told others and school officials that I was not letting her participate. I had to explain that I had caught her hiding donation slips and donations, but it was a painful experience because I suffered a lot of disapproval.
Mine didn't walk away despite my indifference. She stalked me relentlessly. Then launched a vicious smear campaign. It continues 5 years later. I haven't acknowledged her at all for four years. Her rage and hate is immeasurable.
Try a woman my husband dated and moved on from, having discovered “a dark side”, 50 years ago! She, two husbands and a somewhat failed career later, is still after me.
@@wayneelliott1180maybe for emotional support and possible evidence if you need to take it to court, but you are right about the other person needing ti.
@@Pookabee they *think* they should be treated as special, uniquely special and amazing, superior to everyone else - that’s where their prideful attitude and entitled attitudes come from 🦋
I’ve realized now that I’ve had narcissists in my life for 60 years and didn’t realize what was going on. I wish I would have learned all this sooner. It may have saved me mountains of grief frustration and anger. One has literally destroyed my family and one has destroyed my in-law family. I’ve seen relationships completely severed because of them. One sister in law had to sever her own relationship with her parents because the the narcissist sister had so convinced their parents of her own delusions. It’s so beyond sad.
I went though all of this when I stood up to the narc family members in my life. Once it became obvious that their lying, gaslighting, projectionism, deflection and general shityness were going to get them called out and even teased by me to their faces, they just gave up. Things went from them coming over and threatening and harassing me to my face to now they will crawl over broken glass to avoid interacting with me anywhere. I'm fine with that. It was their decision, not mine.
@@bradyryan5105 I think mine would have gone there too, but being I am younger and in far better shape I think they knew it would've brought about a life-long deserved beat down they wouldn't have walked away from.
My father gave me brain damage from slapping me as hard as he could for defending myself because my brother strangled me because he didn't like the answer I gave while he was harassing me while I was eating dinner alone.
Not my most recent discard but definitely the most usual reason I was devalued and discarded: I was respecting her boundaries too much. Yes. That. The cognitive dissonance is strong with narcissists. They WILL find a reason.
Wow, that is some backward thinking. How dare you treat her with respect, apparently? 🤦♀️ I’m guessing she didn’t respect your boundaries the same way? That’s been my experience with narcissists who think they understand boundaries-they don’t, especially anyone’s but their own.
My mom is a narcissist. I was the scapegoat. I've since gone no contact. And the people who tell me, "But that's your mom!" are legion. One time at a family gathering she was complaining once again about how bad "I" was and how "I" was always doing something. Her cousin asked why, and then began to ask more and more pertinent questions. And she became more and more uncomfortable because her cousin was getting closer and closer to the truth. It caught her completely off guard. Because she wasn't wanting solutions, she was wanting sympathy.
She, my new work colleague, definitely has tried different tactics, and my verbal and nonverbal communication has remained the same: "It's not going to happen."
This is a good one. I see some signs that the narcissist person is realizing that she doesn't control me - actually hasn't for way longer than she understood. Will be interesting how this video matches up with what I am observing!
I think maybe one way to identify a narcissist is if they shower you with unwanted attention and compliments. They are probably giving you what they think you want because it's what they want.
This video is my recently-deceased neighbor’s eulogy. It was further validated, when another neighbor was told, by the woman cleaning out her apartment, that family hadn’t wanted to be bothered with her, because she was too demanding. Something I’d learned, when she couldn’t make me be her free caregiver, with tactics I was impervious to, including a sudden pattern of package theft. I guess she was surprised to see the police at her door.
That petty little manipulative thieving cow. I can just imagine her victim feigning "I'm the worlds best neighbour that would never steal from anyone" excuses to the Police when they arrived to question her.
@@carpathianken I still consider her a human being, in expediently-declining health. That, in part, her behavior was a cry for help. Still, her approach to me, was textbook narcissistic and I saw a few things I didn’t want to be bothered with, on the heels of going no contact with my narcissistic mother. I feel sorry. Not for behavior I knew to protect myself from. But because, what I garnered from what she told me, when we spoke for a brief period of time, was a life that, in both nature and nurture, of lack thereof, led to a miserable existence and early death. She was 63 when she died. About 6 years older than myself. But looked 10 years older. I’m not at all blind with empathy though. Pretty sure she had full intentions of absolutely turning me into a slave. That during the 3 years before she told me, “I took care of my mother and you can take care of me,” she sat, watched, made decisions for me in her mind, decided that because I was single, no kids, had enough empathy to even walk my cat and maybe race might’ve been a factor, that I had no choice, but to be an appliance. I can only say that she was fortunate, in the fact that I said no. My own mother found out, the hard way, that I do not take abuse. I will walk out on you, like you’re a piece of furniture first.
@@privateprivate8366 I respect your insight into understanding why your neighbour stooped to such lousy behaviour & your willingness to still have a caring view towards her , but I can't help but feel that considering that your neighbour had the ability to alienate her entire family that she must have been a genuinely toxic individual, even in the past. In my experience families generally stick together even through extremely troubling times & will only wash their hands of someone when they perpetually feel used & abused in a parasitic way by them. Sorry to hear that you had to sever all ties with your Mother, of all people we should be able to trust & rely on our own mother to nurture & support us when we're vulnerable & be a decent role model .
@@carpathianken narcissism can be a set of complex perspectives. Much the same as it’s said that one person’s hero, is another person’s terrorist, many see me as the abusive narcissist or at least, an indifferent, disinterested daughter, to a mother who “undoubtedly” loved me. That I both have and deserve the same fate, as my neighbor, which is isolation, because we must be one and the same. Especially as I “appeared” indifferent to her plight. Self preservation and protection can look exactly like that. Difference is, I’m not going after anyone, with nefarious intent. Life is precious, for everyone, even when they don’t feel so, whether for themselves or others. It is painful to have to protect yourself, from a person who, to a point, you can see in 3D and even what life may have been for them, as a child. More so, with your actual parent, who you thought you had a symbiotic relationship with and hoped to be with, through the winter of their life. So, some might say, “Well, your family got rid of you, like your neighbor’s family got rid of her. No, I went no contact from my family, to protect myself and them.
@@privateprivate8366 Could it be that that's what makes a narcissist's impact on us so doubly damaging because the narcissist can create an image to the outside world that they are our & everybody else's hero but in reality they are seemingly evil incarnate because we know their true character & what they're capable of? My psychologist told me that my mother is so toxic that I'm going to have to sever all ties with her. I NEVER considered doing that because the abuse she inflicted on me was lifelong neglect, physical, verbal & then financial abuse & I never knew any different & I stupidly figured families always stick together.(Of which I have no doubt the narcissist knows & they then take full advantage of) When I started earning money she badgered me to pay off her mortgage, which I did (because all her family with equally low standards as hers compelled me to) when I should have been investing in my own future & starting some positive momentum in my own property rather than being her cash cow. I'm like you, I don't have any malicious intent for my mother either but I can't continue to feel like a glutton for punishment so as a protective measure I've removed her from my life.
@4:30. Experienced Narcs will find a way to make their targets choose after love bombing: either them or everyone else (and thus be deprived of their affection). When my mother died, my emotionally devastated father immediately entered into a relationship with an obvious Narcissistic woman (she split the families of her two previous marriages into her few fans and many enemies). When she knew I wasn't buying one second of her BS she immediately manipulated him and we are effectively estranged for the past four years. My brother is willing to tolerate her just pick up whatever scraps of a relationship with our father she is willing to let him have. I warned him a few months after my mother's passing that his choices were going to create a prison for him. She is apparently the warden, and doesn't want visiting hours. Hate is a strong word, but perhaps appropriate in my feelings for her. But also for him on some level. It has been heart-breaking to experience and makes me question everything I have ever thought about him.
Calm, assertive, concise and focused - you capture it so well. I have listened to you saying that phrase several times. You deliver this message with such lovely mellifluous tones. Hard not to be inspired. Number 7 would be paradise on earth, even if short lived.
This is a helpful articulation: Be a person that others can't control or manipulated. I love that. Thank you so much. I would love to know more about authenticity from your perspective. Thank you.
Great video, Darren. Yes, I'd love to hear about authenticity. I struggle with emotional dysregulation, am fairly often not the calm person you talked about - at least not yet. But I highly value honesty and more and more doing the right thing over the easy thing and also being authentic. I suspect these are pretty common values of people recovering after being brought up by a narcissistic parent.
This video is excellent, full of great info and straight to the point. I walked away fro. My Ex Eddie on July after 7 years together I went no contact. I was so sick of his psychological abuse. I never knew why Narcissism was until a few months back but I do now! He is an abuser of women and a predator. It frightens me to think and know as I’ve expressed it, that there are people walking around this Earth with a mask on to manipulate hurt lie cheat and destroy another Human being they profess to Love and care about. They are empty shells void of any kind of healthy emotions. They are vile.
In 1992-1994, as a 30yr old single female, working #2 jobs, living in the country, joined the State Rodeo , my bucket was full. Forced to take in sister, her two boys #4×'s in those 2 yrs, I expressed , 'why am I the only one taking this on'? (I was never asked. Just came home to them all moved in). Was told by another sister,''Stop being so selfish. We all have kids and jobs , you have no one to take care of but yourself'. Forward to 1998, I became pregnant with my son, at 35yrs old, this same sister said to me , ' I hope you are not going to burden us with this baby, we've all raised our kids and onto a new stage in our lives'. I am #7 of #8 kids. Baby of #5 girls. Was shocking to the system then. Now. THANK GOD that all happened, kept my son and I away from them. Ya. Not tight with any of them.
It's always "rules for thee but not for me." I'm glad you got away from them. I keep my kids away from my family of origin also, for the same reason. They exploit everyone they can, even family. :(
A whole family of them run by a ringleader next door to me. Extreme bullies.95% of time i completely ignore and trying to work on the other 5%. It annoys them when they dont get a reaction from me but the no reaction brings me peace inside. 🕊️ Thanks for what you do Darren Magee 💜
Yep, it all lines up with my MIL’s behavior, and I am outside of her control, now that I have gone no-contact. I learn so much from this channel that I use to manage effectively my interactions with her. Thank you!
Had 2 different workshop landlords, (7+ yrs each, as a tenant) they both did the same things... targeted my resources, wasted my time with nonsense, locked me out for imaginary debts, denied me access to my vehicle and equipment and made my possessions vanish.
In narcissistic family’s they use a will as leverage although they have no intention of you being in it just away to own you and take it away if you don’t do everything they want including selling out to evil
Yup. When my mother realized I didn't want anything in the house or her money, she started restricting phone calls to my dying dad. They will do ANYTHING to control someone. Since my dad's death January 27, 2024, we are BOTH no longer co-dependent. I am no-contact with my mother.
"I always thought you would be really fair if we broke up...I never really knew you." aka "I always thought that you would do, think and say exactly what I want and expect you to. Anything that falls below this gold standard is unacceptable."
and then YOU're the bitter one for not wanting to "stay friends" or going no contact. Boio, I'd rather get a restraining order than continue being harassed psychologically that way! This situationship was perhaps worse than the "cult" he assumedly had "saved" me from, but apparently I had to learn the lesson (about narcs and lovebombing/hoovering) either way. And am grateful for it, oh yes. Like honestly: Don't "teach" someone fallacies and critical thinking if you can't deal with them being applied to yourself as well? Lmao!
My sister's husband is divorcing her and this is exactly what I imagine he actually thinks. She is refusing to be absolute doormat without her own thoughts and feelings and he won't tolerate it. Well I hope he's "happy" with his next supply until he isn't. 😡
My only parent is an extreme narc. Ive never been able to express my feelings. Bc they will have a complete mental breakdown as soon as i say "im not being treated poorly anymore". All they hear is "im not living under your control anymore" and THAT is all they care about. Not your feelings or situation. Not your health. Mental and physical. It ALL revolves around Them and what They want. What you want doesnt matter At All.
Hi Darren! Thank you so much for this video! Like a giant light, it shined into all the cracks of my marriage to a man who I only now understand is a vulnerable narcissist. I have to say I've never been so shocked by a man's (crazy) behavior! Yes, terribly self-destructive, sadly, but it takes everyone and everything it can down with it. And you hit the nail on the head, as he absolutely could not control me. I loved him, but not in a 'go ahead and walk all over me' kind of a way. So now I understand why he did all of the things he did, and then decided the best thing would be for him to just kick me out. That was the very best gift he could have ever given me, even if it didn't feel like it at the time. So sorry, I'm chuckling while I'm speaking-- the truth has set me free! Your rendition of 'flying monkeys' cracked me up.😅 You have such a quick sly smile! I'd heard that term and wondered what they are... What I'd like to say to everyone out there is when you start laughing, you know you're healing, and it won't be long now. Don't underestimate yourself. Hurting, betrayed people can make comments that sound depressingly final, but don't let anything negative hem you in. Step by step, spread your wings and fly, and then fly further and further❤. Darren has a real gift for giving us a better understanding which leads to a better way to process our pain and disappointment, which will paint a better picture than the one that's currently floating around in our heads! Also, don't be afraid to talk to God about everything. He loves us immensely! God bless you, Darren!
"Responsible for their own undoing"- Correct. But still think that's "it's" not that bad. In other words, their mentality is, "Yes, but..." or "I know, but..."
Thank you. I have to keep reminding myself every so often of what these people are like. Otherwise, I am caught off guard when I run into a narcissist. If I periodically review how narcissists behave, I tend to be able to spot them. I grew up not knowing what a narcissist was or was like. When I entered adulthood and the workplace, I found out real fast. Ouch!
Great video, thank you!.. I have a DIL that has gone a campaign to target me because I had a great relationship with my son. First she isolated him from his very good childhood friends, then she moved on to me and the rest of my son's side of the family. Her weapons of choice are silent treatment, bullying, withholding of affection, triangulation and social media smear campaigns. Stay Healthy and Authentic everyone!
Yes the smear campaigns begin immediately upon seperation or once you have irreparable difference even amongst siblings . My ex Narcissist wife is still at it 8 years later because I refused to go back with her when one supply after the other dried up!
They can't feel empathy or put themselves into someone else's shoes. They just can't understand what love really is. To them kindness is a weakness except they deep down know what they're doing is wrong.
I guess, that I also need to learn about, being authentic, my authentic self. Yes, the picture keeps getting clearer. Thank you. Look forward to more needful videos ❤
my malignant narc mom threw anybody she could recruit against me, didn't work. if she knew i had communicated with any of my relative, she will visit that relative and start smear campaign on me. Omg, what have i done in my previous life to deserve this? absolutely horrible.
100% agree with authenticity part. Being authentic seems to trigger them and they hate it. They live fake lives based around false masks and selves so they have to try and undermine and disrupt those who have a more authentic sense of self. Easier said than done though. Sometimes introspecting is hard for anyone and takes commitment. I feel we all have parts of ourselves we do not like at times. But the more accepting we become of ourselves the less control they'll have over us and their sabotaging will eventually fail and they'll back off.
Would LOVE to know more about authenticity vs narcissism as I feel this is exact reason my now husband targeted me … I got in the gutter with him and realized I became as bad as he was and stopped engaging when I could feel things headed into crazy land. I try to be pleasant, caring and supportive without any attachment to the outcome and without compromising my own boundaries. He says snarky things about me and I don’t react at all (consider the source!) and get out to do things that are good for me when he can’t participate (hint: caring for companion animals is a wonderful excuse to leave the house!!). I can’t do anything about the constant tension besides try my best to ignore it or escape it. He doesn’t like it but I do it anyway. I am past the point of thinking my good behavior will impact or influence him in any way. It’s my life I’m living and if he’s not a part of it, 🤷♀️
In the uK a few years ago, there was a step-mother and husband/ father who were intentionally poisoning the stepson - he was (6) years old when he died. The step-mother was asked @ trial why? she would do such a thing to a child, she had a litany of how awful the child was. His eating habits, when she fed him, his sleeping habits, his bathroom habits all gave her intense reasons for her absolute hatred of the step-child. She never, ever ackknowledged his murder or that she was the casue of the child's death while the father stood by to let her kill his only son. The manical and intesity of this drama was beyond the pale and horrific. All of the UK stood up for this child after he died. No one was there for the child while he was being poisoned, no one took him out of this home in a small, small way the poor boy got his revenge when this vile woman was sent into prison. The boy paid with his life. Narcissist parents both, but one Narc. off the cahrts in Narc. world.
Yes, psychopathic folks without conscience or remorse, can have narcissistic personality disorder, however I really believe that it is helpful to call such anti social, grotesque behaviour what it is... and that is psychopathy. When they interview these folks, it is so common, that they feel totally justified in killing, stealing, torturing, etc. I looked up the statistics on poisoning in the populations and it is truly mind-blowing. It is such a societal problem. It is a horrific world.
Thanks for expressing that . I am angry that the Israeli government is punishing all Palestinians for what Hamas did. I am glad that all Israeli people do not support that.
Thank you so much for this Darren, An eye opener, Absolutely tremendous, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🌝😘🕊🦄🐉👽🌷🌹☘😍🌚🌟😇🎨🖼👁😆⭐🌈🌌💚❤💛💙💜😃
They live in a fantasy, they don't live in reality. Therefore, everyone around them has to prop up this delusional world of theirs - hence why they hate the truth. If you're authentic then you'll be just fine aka hated
My narcissistic brother can't stand me because he knows he cannot control which makes him angry. Then he manipulates my family into believing it's me not him who is the problem. Sometimes you just have to walk away from the abuse. And the people who accept and make excuses for their behavior.
The abuse name calling violence and aggression increased exponentially… believe me I know I lived it. They treat u like something stuck under their shoe, whilst making sure to exalt everyone else around you and TELL you how much better every one else is in comparison to you
Wow, exactly how I'm treated. I have no friends, and are considered the narcissist. He pushes me to expressing rage to prove how horrible I am to him. My children agree with hiss assessment of me. 😢
My favorite reactions are the dumbfounded, jaw on the floor faces I see when I shut them down. The stuttering. Reading their faces that are desperately trying to find an out and realize they can't. They're busted and out of here.
my ex was a covert type. She did a reverse discard on me. But I reversed the card and made her breakup with me at the last minute. Months later I get a voicemail from the local County Mental Health Services. Seems my ex was reaching out at her rock bottom moment. When I met her she lost her job and stuck it out with her. When I lost my job she walked out on me. So I only assume as to the why she got there but hey .....karma?
I doubt it. Though they will use prolonged silent treatment as manipulation, and equally threaten self-harm, even suicide to coerce people into compliance. They're too full of themselves to actually do it.
If the catalyst is shame: grew up poor for example - saying the "right thing" get him/her to understand reality. "Of course it must have been so difficult growing up with a single mother who had to work two jobs. You were lonely and you wanted to have your mom there to see all your achievements, so I'm sure you understand that I'm not your mom and punishing me by isolating our child doesn't heal your lifetime of pain & disappointment. "
the thing is, there is no understanding! Please be safe, also for the sake of your child, if you go too deep into shame+pain country, you might trigger physicality...
My guess is it won't help, because for that the person would have to accept that at one point in their life they were vulnarable and helpless. Those feelings, I believe, is what they are running from.
The sheep dipping was completely ineffective because she refused to enter or even visit my world. All her flying monkeys flew around in her own flock. She controlled my access to her friends, and I never found any of them to be worth fighting her for. I just went back to my own friends who barely even knew of her existence.
The sad deal for me.. Is how they suck in lots of traumatized adults.. And some know it not. Many adults don't realize how the childhood neglect and abuses made them prone to these life suckers, for pleasure, even more of a low scale neglect and abuse can lead to a loss of a sense of self. Because of our wrong views of attachment and love.
My partner has just completely shut down on me (I filed for divorce and are not engaging apart from issues related to the divorce itself). Sits in the bedroom all days, walk out if I happen to be in the same area as she is, so childish. Suits me fine, I don't have to see / interact with her until she moves out. Source wise I've already been replaced as I already knew many months ago realizing what my partner actually is, recently had a glimpse a text, it revealed enough, poor guy has no idea what he's dealing with.
I suspect my ex was BPD but with strong traits of narcissism... basically I drove her crazy because I was always logical and reasoned in response to her manipulative attempts and her push pull BS. At the end she was trying to convince me that my sense of humor was rude and hurtful and I need therapy. She was withholding affection until she saw "significant changes and improvement" but wanted me to be committed to her while being on the sidelines lol. I was like NOPE no half measures here babe! buh bye! Thank god I recognized what it was and escaped. She really ran the gamut trying to break me down but she failed. When I called her out on her control tactics she turned into an absolute demon. It was nuts, for real.
They will never forget or forgive what they think you did to them! They hurt themselves by imagining the hurt they think you've done to them! They are so manipulative they are a mirror they protect themselves on you
I defeat every narcissist in my life with one simple move. Walk away and never look back 🙏🏾
Sadly, it’s not a defeat by any means. There are plenty of other victims.
Also sadly, some are in powerful positions that create victims of ordinary people.
Sadly not in family we can do this
That's exactly what I did & no regrets whatsoever good for you.
you must not spend much time
Narcissism is just so tragic on so many levels. Don't get me wrong the behaviour is next level awful but the whole NPD picture is tragic to all involved. It's pointless behaviour that never changes.
Never changes is right. While my father is now deceased, both of my parents were still the same despite my being gone for almost 30 years and 14 consecutive years before seeing either one of them. It's just too deeply engrained.
@@jeffreyjackson5229 it's amazing the damage it can do to a family. So much division and lost opportunity.
Right? Most of the worst narcissists I've met were always smart, charismatic, and capable but nothing was ever enough. They destroy the very people who want to help them. The damage they do is always so senseless of course they are experts at reframing their behavior as a necessary response to something you absolutely didnt do so people are never wise enough to see it at least not right away. And when you catch them in a lie it splinters into blame shifting, changing the subject and chaos.
I agree. It’s even a disability. But we still have to get away from them.
Victims don't need to be victims,narcs are realy petulant 6yr olds with no currage stand up to them and they run away.
The sad thing is that no matter what you do or say, a narcissist will never connect the dots. They will just tell everyone something is wrong with you, doing whatever they can to get “supply” from those that will listen now that you have gone silent. Believe me, silence is golden and the best revenge.
You've truly identified what's been happening to my husband and I. My husband's 51 year old daughter has for 37 years never accepted our marriage. Her mother died in 1985 and we got married in 1987. She has tried to tear our marriage apart and destroy me personally. I'm just now rebuilding my self esteem. Nothing will ever ruin our marriage. God put us together after his wife died. His daughter is 51 and still lives her mother's death every day. Gosh, my husband and I are able to think of all the wonderful things about his former wife. That's how his daughter should have evolved after all these years. Remember all the good things. Stop making up lies and tearing us down to everyone you know. Sorry to wax on.
@@mj3845Interesting age... My 55yr old son has attacked me savagely... Yet I now realize the emotional *stabs* have been longterm. His dad & I married 57yrs now NO contact with him... Sadly I didn't know that this narcissistic behavior was a thing until I searched his behaviour. Now know my mil & film both narcs that I knocked myself out trying to jump higher believing if I tried harder they'd accept me
Hilarious
Take care of yourself honey 💜🌹
I have found this to be so true.
Whenever I'm tempted to set something straight or offer reality checks or some common sense to whatever situation, I tell my self, whatever you offer will be an offering to the temple of chaos.....so it's not worth it.
Exactly right ...
😊
Horrible people. Their dysfunction is off the charts. I made this mantra up awhile ago to help me stay focused while dealing with a narcissist sibling. “You can’t win with a narcissist. But you can’t lose if you don’t play the game!”
It's hilarious to watch them crumble when they realise they can't manipulate you. They're open mouthed that someone is impervious to their 'charms'.
no, not always, when they have trapped you somewhere and you let them know you are onto them you may not get out in one peice.
@@lizericsonn9367 Um, every woman I've met since 2008 has tried to do that, and failed. I'm hoping that at least one of the two women now coming on to me aren't going to be like that.
@@lizericsonn9367sounds like you have experience?
@@jeffreyjackson5229 yes
Not to hilarious to some of us, when it’s a son or daughter we love. !
It's like those estranged parents who are shocked their kids won't talk to them anymore. Or shocked their partner left them after all the abuse. They act like victims when the real victim decide they won't take it anymore.
My mother constantly my entire life told me everything I wanted to do would fail miserably, despite me telling her every time it made me feel like killing myself. Finally I stopped telling her anything. Now she complains I'm " secretive" because I never tell her anything. FGS, connect the dots ,woman.
My mother is a master at pretending she wants to 'help', so she can sit in her rescuer martyrdom and then everyone else is ungrateful. When that doesn't work she is passive aggressive and word salad peppered with nasty. I always complied and agreed. Now I'm not doing so, the grudges and venom are seeping out. I'm very ill but in her head im some kind of malingerer
- Ain’t that the truth!
My dad is an overt narc my mom covert and my baby daddy covert I rely on them finically can you imagine lol this video is really helping me why I don't work I have a special needs son
The final curtain for a narcissist is when they can't go back.
Nothing they can do to change the past.
My covert ex husband is an expert at lying and gas lighting and controlling.
And boy does he ever have a vindictive side.
But I’ve fought like hell to get myself back. And I’m starting to finally like myself again.
That people may have no idea the magnitude of what you just said…I wonder if I did the right thing and I tell others, if you suspect, shut up and run. But I did and so do you, but those who celebrate early will end up realizing, it’s their party and you’ll cry if they want you too.
Congrats for overcoming the animosity, depravity, gaslighting, and borderline criminal behavior of the narcissist who is discarded.
Luckily, if life is the Game of Thrones, they’d be an uneventful character gone after season 2. You made the finale.
Be You To Full!!! 🌻
You are probably addicted to this type of relationship because it feels familiar. Please do some healing and get to know yourself.
When they can't control you they try to control how others view you
We are currently having a trial in the US where Trump is shown by his actions to be a narcissist.
@@genevawhite3178He is.
Very clearly grandiose.
But let's not kid ourselves that the other team isn't full of Vulnerable and Communal types, who need a guy like Trump, so they can continue their victim charade.
My real friends see through dad's charade!
@@genevawhite3178, President Trump is innocent. They have tried everything possible to keep him from being re-elected. Everything. Even the most evil of all acts. You might want to look at what his enemies are trying to do to him. Pure evil…
Agony
They're so weak. I truly feel sorry for them. From a safe distance, that is.
I don't like, love, respect or obey my narc dad, he acts entitled to it. (fawning over him, that won't happen!)
Projecting??
It's sad
Authentic people are prey for the narcissist......to be their scapegoat
That's it EXACTLY, they don't really care, they just care that they can't control anymore. They conveniently forget every nasty thing they've said to you and become the consummate victim!
in a sense they can't care due to their sickness
The selective memory is always fun. Had a run in with that recently. This time I didn't miss a beat when she said 'she didn't remember'. I basically said something to the effect that her mental problems are worse than I thought and that I'm too old for toxic drama. I knew she remembered. It was amazing. She spoke, but I could see what she was thinking. It dawned on her that the memory excuse made her look insane. It was a nice moment.
Yes. Beware the Hoover
..."It's often worth discerning, the change in the person and the change in their tactics." 4:46 That is so profound.
My experience in a nursing home of a female narcissist was hiding cups, little plates and cutlery. Roughly 20 of each hidden in the back of drawers and a cubby hole. I believe she was frustrated on trying to make certain staff members her source.
Upon discovering this I piled everything in her lap in her wheelchair and wheeled her to the kitchen. They were shocked and said they had been missing these articles.
She never changed expression, batted an eye or apologized. Her only reaction initially was an expression that said " shoot I got caught".
She was my mother.
That's sad, Sandy. 😥
I was once in charge of a school scholarship auction. One mother told others and school officials that I was not letting her participate. I had to explain that I had caught her hiding donation slips and donations, but it was a painful experience because I suffered a lot of disapproval.
Jesus christ 😂
Mine didn't walk away despite my indifference. She stalked me relentlessly. Then launched a vicious smear campaign. It continues 5 years later. I haven't acknowledged her at all for four years. Her rage and hate is immeasurable.
FINDING A THERAPIST AND TYPE OF 12 STEP PROGRAM CAN HELP US GROW LEARN DEVELOP OURSELVES AND SHARE SUPPORT KINDNESS CARING ACCEPTANCE...
@@dlewis895 I don’t need a therapist. The predator does.
@@wayneelliott1180Well said! I say the same… 💯😁👌🏼
Try a woman my husband dated and moved on from, having discovered “a dark side”, 50 years ago! She, two husbands and a somewhat failed career later, is still after me.
@@wayneelliott1180maybe for emotional support and possible evidence if you need to take it to court, but you are right about the other person needing ti.
"Looking for vulnerabilities"- I saw it immediately when she tried it. I put on my best pokerface and kept it moving.
After I broke the trauma bond I saw it clearly and the mirroring... so creepy
It's unbelievable that they plan everything out they do so minutely..It is extremely scary..
Yes they do, the planning and scheming and layer upon layer of lies to make what they are saying more believable.
Yes!!!!! More authenticity and narc repellent training, please ❤️
You’re a treasure
But he just said that narcissists think their special and deserve to be seen as special. So now I'm confused.
I second this!!
@@Pookabee they *think* they should be treated as special, uniquely special and amazing, superior to everyone else - that’s where their prideful attitude and entitled attitudes come from 🦋
@@Pookabee You're just hearing that wrong. He doesn't mean they actually deserve it; he means they believe they deserve it.
I’ve realized now that I’ve had narcissists in my life for 60 years and didn’t realize what was going on. I wish I would have learned all this sooner. It may have saved me mountains of grief frustration and anger. One has literally destroyed my family and one has destroyed my in-law family. I’ve seen relationships completely severed because of them. One sister in law had to sever her own relationship with her parents because the the narcissist sister had so convinced their parents of her own delusions. It’s so beyond sad.
You're not alone I felt the same in my marriage of 16 years, only after I got out of the relationship did I realise what really happened.
What did he do exactly?
I went though all of this when I stood up to the narc family members in my life. Once it became obvious that their lying, gaslighting, projectionism, deflection and general shityness were going to get them called out and even teased by me to their faces, they just gave up.
Things went from them coming over and threatening and harassing me to my face to now they will crawl over broken glass to avoid interacting with me anywhere. I'm fine with that. It was their decision, not mine.
Your family is better than mine; mine resorts to physical hostility
@@bradyryan5105 I think mine would have gone there too, but being I am younger and in far better shape I think they knew it would've brought about a life-long deserved beat down they wouldn't have walked away from.
My dad needs a lecture from me! I won't waste my time on him. My win!
My father gave me brain damage from slapping me as hard as he could for defending myself because my brother strangled me because he didn't like the answer I gave while he was harassing me while I was eating dinner alone.
Yes please, I'm interested in authenticity as a narc-repellant 🙋♀️
😂 narc repellent 😅😅
Thanks for that, I would've spelled it the same way, now I have learned something.
Good luck with that MISCONCEPTION because they love to target the AUTHENTIC especially until it's almost too late. (That's when the mask comes off)
Not my most recent discard but definitely the most usual reason I was devalued and discarded: I was respecting her boundaries too much. Yes. That. The cognitive dissonance is strong with narcissists. They WILL find a reason.
Wow, that is some backward thinking. How dare you treat her with respect, apparently? 🤦♀️
I’m guessing she didn’t respect your boundaries the same way? That’s been my experience with narcissists who think they understand boundaries-they don’t, especially anyone’s but their own.
😂😂😂 my recent discard was because "I am a great partner, but I didn't make him breakfast after he complained about work related stress"
Narcissists are like roaches, they never chill alone .
My mom is a narcissist. I was the scapegoat. I've since gone no contact. And the people who tell me, "But that's your mom!" are legion. One time at a family gathering she was complaining once again about how bad "I" was and how "I" was always doing something. Her cousin asked why, and then began to ask more and more pertinent questions. And she became more and more uncomfortable because her cousin was getting closer and closer to the truth. It caught her completely off guard. Because she wasn't wanting solutions, she was wanting sympathy.
This is sad. Wish it were better
yes , that's how they are . however, get your healing time in then just send her a card or something just to let her know, she's still your Mom🌻
the sad thing is most people are too shallow and careless to actually lift the hood and see what is really going on, like your cousin...
She thrives off of pity not even sympathy, sympathy requires truth.
I feel bad for narcissistic people. They are truly trapped.
She, my new work colleague, definitely has tried different tactics, and my verbal and nonverbal communication has remained the same: "It's not going to happen."
Same thing was happening at my most recent job. I just walked leaving her high and dry. Not going to be around that.
This is a good one. I see some signs that the narcissist person is realizing that she doesn't control me - actually hasn't for way longer than she understood. Will be interesting how this video matches up with what I am observing!
In other words, narcissistic people are insane, disillusioned, sadly twisted, lost souls. A seriously mentally injured being. 😢
That all may be, but they're still responsible for their behavior, and the harm they do to others.
@@jeanettecook1088 no. They're not. Are you the judge... no.
@jeanettecook1088 no, they're not. They are forgiven. Like everyone else.
No they are NOT forgiven, unless they have excepted Jesus into their lives, and confess their sin! They must except the gift of salvation…..
They must repent ❤
Authenticity and honesty are great tools to overcome narcissistic abuse. Thank you Darren 😊
I think maybe one way to identify a narcissist is if they shower you with unwanted attention and compliments. They are probably giving you what they think you want because it's what they want.
Truth
This video is my recently-deceased neighbor’s eulogy. It was further validated, when another neighbor was told, by the woman cleaning out her apartment, that family hadn’t wanted to be bothered with her, because she was too demanding. Something I’d learned, when she couldn’t make me be her free caregiver, with tactics I was impervious to, including a sudden pattern of package theft. I guess she was surprised to see the police at her door.
That petty little manipulative thieving cow. I can just imagine her victim feigning "I'm the worlds best neighbour that would never steal from anyone" excuses to the Police when they arrived to question her.
@@carpathianken I still consider her a human being, in expediently-declining health. That, in part, her behavior was a cry for help.
Still, her approach to me, was textbook narcissistic and I saw a few things I didn’t want to be bothered with, on the heels of going no contact with my narcissistic mother.
I feel sorry. Not for behavior I knew to protect myself from. But because, what I garnered from what she told me, when we spoke for a brief period of time, was a life that, in both nature and nurture, of lack thereof, led to a miserable existence and early death. She was 63 when she died. About 6 years older than myself. But looked 10 years older.
I’m not at all blind with empathy though. Pretty sure she had full intentions of absolutely turning me into a slave. That during the 3 years before she told me, “I took care of my mother and you can take care of me,” she sat, watched, made decisions for me in her mind, decided that because I was single, no kids, had enough empathy to even walk my cat and maybe race might’ve been a factor, that I had no choice, but to be an appliance. I can only say that she was fortunate, in the fact that I said no. My own mother found out, the hard way, that I do not take abuse. I will walk out on you, like you’re a piece of furniture first.
@@privateprivate8366 I respect your insight into understanding why your neighbour stooped to such lousy behaviour & your willingness to still have a caring view towards her , but I can't help but feel that considering that your neighbour had the ability to alienate her entire family that she must have been a genuinely toxic individual, even in the past. In my experience families generally stick together even through extremely troubling times & will only wash their hands of someone when they perpetually feel used & abused in a parasitic way by them. Sorry to hear that you had to sever all ties with your Mother, of all people we should be able to trust & rely on our own mother to nurture & support us when we're vulnerable & be a decent role model .
@@carpathianken narcissism can be a set of complex perspectives. Much the same as it’s said that one person’s hero, is another person’s terrorist, many see me as the abusive narcissist or at least, an indifferent, disinterested daughter, to a mother who “undoubtedly” loved me. That I both have and deserve the same fate, as my neighbor, which is isolation, because we must be one and the same. Especially as I “appeared” indifferent to her plight. Self preservation and protection can look exactly like that. Difference is, I’m not going after anyone, with nefarious intent. Life is precious, for everyone, even when they don’t feel so, whether for themselves or others. It is painful to have to protect yourself, from a person who, to a point, you can see in 3D and even what life may have been for them, as a child. More so, with your actual parent, who you thought you had a symbiotic relationship with and hoped to be with, through the winter of their life.
So, some might say, “Well, your family got rid of you, like your neighbor’s family got rid of her. No, I went no contact from my family, to protect myself and them.
@@privateprivate8366 Could it be that that's what makes a narcissist's impact on us so doubly damaging because the narcissist can create an image to the outside world that they are our & everybody else's hero but in reality they are seemingly evil incarnate because we know their true character & what they're capable of? My psychologist told me that my mother is so toxic that I'm going to have to sever all ties with her. I NEVER considered doing that because the abuse she inflicted on me was lifelong neglect, physical, verbal & then financial abuse & I never knew any different & I stupidly figured families always stick together.(Of which I have no doubt the narcissist knows & they then take full advantage of) When I started earning money she badgered me to pay off her mortgage, which I did (because all her family with equally low standards as hers compelled me to) when I should have been investing in my own future & starting some positive momentum in my own property rather than being her cash cow. I'm like you, I don't have any malicious intent for my mother either but I can't continue to feel like a glutton for punishment so as a protective measure I've removed her from my life.
Well said. Resisting isn't easy. I like the being authentic. What I may also interpret as being true to oneself.
@4:30.
Experienced Narcs will find a way to make their targets choose after love bombing: either them or everyone else (and thus be deprived of their affection).
When my mother died, my emotionally devastated father immediately entered into a relationship with an obvious Narcissistic woman (she split the families of her two previous marriages into her few fans and many enemies).
When she knew I wasn't buying one second of her BS she immediately manipulated him and we are effectively estranged for the past four years. My brother is willing to tolerate her just pick up whatever scraps of a relationship with our father she is willing to let him have.
I warned him a few months after my mother's passing that his choices were going to create a prison for him. She is apparently the warden, and doesn't want visiting hours.
Hate is a strong word, but perhaps appropriate in my feelings for her. But also for him on some level. It has been heart-breaking to experience and makes me question everything I have ever thought about him.
Calm, assertive, concise and focused - you capture it so well. I have listened to you saying that phrase several times. You deliver this message with such lovely mellifluous tones. Hard not to be inspired. Number 7 would be paradise on earth, even if short lived.
Yes, I would also love to learn more about authenticity and how it repels narcissists!
SELF CARE. SELF PARENTING IS HEALING AND PEACEFUL 12 STEP PROGRAMS ARE GREAT HELP FOR GROWING UP AND HEALING ACCEPTANCE
I'm going to use an analogy of a tortilla chips, salsa and queso; I am authentic. He (Dad, the narcissist) fake!
Just speak the Truth…..
They don’t like it…….
This is a helpful articulation: Be a person that others can't control or manipulated. I love that. Thank you so much. I would love to know more about authenticity from your perspective. Thank you.
I covered it in a live stream recently if you’d find that interesting?
@@DarrenFMagee Thank you so much! I will look for it. Be well.
Great video, Darren. Yes, I'd love to hear about authenticity. I struggle with emotional dysregulation, am fairly often not the calm person you talked about - at least not yet. But I highly value honesty and more and more doing the right thing over the easy thing and also being authentic. I suspect these are pretty common values of people recovering after being brought up by a narcissistic parent.
Yup at least for me.
Very common after being abused
This video is excellent, full of great info and straight to the point.
I walked away fro. My Ex Eddie on July after 7 years together I went no contact. I was so sick of his psychological abuse. I never knew why Narcissism was until a few months back but I do now! He is an abuser of women and a predator. It frightens me to think and know as I’ve expressed it, that there are people walking around this Earth with a mask on to manipulate hurt lie cheat and destroy another Human being they profess to Love and care about. They are empty shells void of any kind of healthy emotions. They are vile.
Don’t ignore red flags. Have iron clad boundaries.
In 1992-1994, as a 30yr old single female, working #2 jobs, living in the country, joined the State Rodeo , my bucket was full. Forced to take in sister, her two boys #4×'s in those 2 yrs, I expressed , 'why am I the only one taking this on'? (I was never asked. Just came home to them all moved in). Was told by another sister,''Stop being so selfish. We all have kids and jobs , you have no one to take care of but yourself'. Forward to 1998, I became pregnant with my son, at 35yrs old, this same sister said to me , ' I hope you are not going to burden us with this baby, we've all raised our kids and onto a new stage in our lives'. I am #7 of #8 kids. Baby of #5 girls. Was shocking to the system then. Now. THANK GOD that all happened, kept my son and I away from them. Ya. Not tight with any of them.
It's always "rules for thee but not for me." I'm glad you got away from them. I keep my kids away from my family of origin also, for the same reason. They exploit everyone they can, even family. :(
Narcissist that I went out with, once I really challenged her, she slung her hook and found someone else.
You dodged a bullet. Congratulations.
A whole family of them run by a ringleader next door to me. Extreme bullies.95% of time i completely ignore and trying to work on the other 5%. It annoys them when they dont get a reaction from me but the no reaction brings me peace inside. 🕊️
Thanks for what you do Darren Magee 💜
Yep, it all lines up with my MIL’s behavior, and I am outside of her control, now that I have gone no-contact. I learn so much from this channel that I use to manage effectively my interactions with her. Thank you!
Had 2 different workshop landlords, (7+ yrs each, as a tenant) they both did the same things... targeted my resources, wasted my time with nonsense, locked me out for imaginary debts, denied me access to my vehicle and equipment and made my possessions vanish.
I’d love to hear more about authenticity and narcs. Fantastic video, thank you!!!
In narcissistic family’s they use a will as leverage although they have no intention of you being in it just away to own you and take it away if you don’t do everything they want including selling out to evil
Yup. When my mother realized I didn't want anything in the house or her money, she started restricting phone calls to my dying dad. They will do ANYTHING to control someone. Since my dad's death January 27, 2024, we are BOTH no longer co-dependent. I am no-contact with my mother.
"I always thought you would be really fair if we broke up...I never really knew you."
aka
"I always thought that you would do, think and say exactly what I want and expect you to. Anything that falls below this gold standard is unacceptable."
and then YOU're the bitter one for not wanting to "stay friends" or going no contact. Boio, I'd rather get a restraining order than continue being harassed psychologically that way! This situationship was perhaps worse than the "cult" he assumedly had "saved" me from, but apparently I had to learn the lesson (about narcs and lovebombing/hoovering) either way. And am grateful for it, oh yes.
Like honestly: Don't "teach" someone fallacies and critical thinking if you can't deal with them being applied to yourself as well? Lmao!
My sister's husband is divorcing her and this is exactly what I imagine he actually thinks. She is refusing to be absolute doormat without her own thoughts and feelings and he won't tolerate it. Well I hope he's "happy" with his next supply until he isn't. 😡
Hopefully the look back and laugh stage isn't too far off. It's usually closer than it seems. @@cassiebennet4262
Authenticity explains why my narcissist insisted on trying to control me.
My only parent is an extreme narc. Ive never been able to express my feelings. Bc they will have a complete mental breakdown as soon as i say "im not being treated poorly anymore". All they hear is "im not living under your control anymore" and THAT is all they care about. Not your feelings or situation. Not your health. Mental and physical. It ALL revolves around Them and what They want. What you want doesnt matter At All.
Hi Darren! Thank you so much for this video! Like a giant light, it shined into all the cracks of my marriage to a man who I only now understand is a vulnerable narcissist. I have to say I've never been so shocked by a man's (crazy) behavior! Yes, terribly self-destructive, sadly, but it takes everyone and everything it can down with it. And you hit the nail on the head, as he absolutely could not control me. I loved him, but not in a 'go ahead and walk all over me' kind of a way. So now I understand why he did all of the things he did, and then decided the best thing would be for him to just kick me out. That was the very best gift he could have ever given me, even if it didn't feel like it at the time. So sorry, I'm chuckling while I'm speaking-- the truth has set me free! Your rendition of 'flying monkeys' cracked me up.😅 You have such a quick sly smile! I'd heard that term and wondered what they are... What I'd like to say to everyone out there is when you start laughing, you know you're healing, and it won't be long now. Don't underestimate yourself. Hurting, betrayed people can make comments that sound depressingly final, but don't let anything negative hem you in. Step by step, spread your wings and fly, and then fly further and further❤. Darren has a real gift for giving us a better understanding which leads to a better way to process our pain and disappointment, which will paint a better picture than the one that's currently floating around in our heads! Also, don't be afraid to talk to God about everything. He loves us immensely! God bless you, Darren!
"Responsible for their own undoing"- Correct. But still think that's "it's" not that bad.
In other words, their mentality is, "Yes, but..." or "I know, but..."
You’re brilliant, generous and kind. Thank you for your lifesaving channel.
❤
I would like to learn more about authenticity! I think I gave mine away to many narcissistic folks in my life’s journey.
Thank you. I have to keep reminding myself every so often of what these people are like. Otherwise, I am caught off guard when I run into a narcissist. If I periodically review how narcissists behave, I tend to be able to spot them. I grew up not knowing what a narcissist was or was like. When I entered adulthood and the workplace, I found out real fast. Ouch!
This guy's a good counselor he's really nice and calm love his voice
Great video, thank you!.. I have a DIL that has gone a campaign to target me because I had a great relationship with my son. First she isolated him from his very good childhood friends, then she moved on to me and the rest of my son's side of the family. Her weapons of choice are silent treatment, bullying, withholding of affection, triangulation and social media smear campaigns. Stay Healthy and Authentic everyone!
I really want to loose the narcissistic characteristics I have
Victims. We need to learn to be authentic. Thanks Darren, that is a piece of the puzzle.
Yes the smear campaigns begin immediately upon seperation or once you have irreparable difference even amongst siblings .
My ex Narcissist wife is still at it 8 years later because I refused to go back with her when one supply after the other dried up!
Hey, thanks Darren, for this video and the other videos on your channel sir.
They can't feel empathy or put themselves into someone else's shoes.
They just can't understand what love really is.
To them kindness is a weakness except they deep down know what they're doing is wrong.
I guess, that I also need to learn about, being authentic, my authentic self. Yes, the picture keeps getting clearer. Thank you. Look forward to more needful videos ❤
my malignant narc mom threw anybody she could recruit against me, didn't work. if she knew i had communicated with any of my relative, she will visit that relative and start smear campaign on me. Omg, what have i done in my previous life to deserve this? absolutely horrible.
100% agree with authenticity part. Being authentic seems to trigger them and they hate it. They live fake lives based around false masks and selves so they have to try and undermine and disrupt those who have a more authentic sense of self.
Easier said than done though. Sometimes introspecting is hard for anyone and takes commitment. I feel we all have parts of ourselves we do not like at times. But the more accepting we become of ourselves the less control they'll have over us and their sabotaging will eventually fail and they'll back off.
Would LOVE to know more about authenticity vs narcissism as I feel this is exact reason my now husband targeted me … I got in the gutter with him and realized I became as bad as he was and stopped engaging when I could feel things headed into crazy land. I try to be pleasant, caring and supportive without any attachment to the outcome and without compromising my own boundaries. He says snarky things about me and I don’t react at all (consider the source!) and get out to do things that are good for me when he can’t participate (hint: caring for companion animals is a wonderful excuse to leave the house!!). I can’t do anything about the constant tension besides try my best to ignore it or escape it. He doesn’t like it but I do it anyway. I am past the point of thinking my good behavior will impact or influence him in any way. It’s my life I’m living and if he’s not a part of it, 🤷♀️
In the uK a few years ago, there was a step-mother and husband/ father who were intentionally poisoning the stepson - he was (6) years old when he died. The step-mother was asked @ trial why? she would do such a thing to a child, she had a litany of how awful the child was. His eating habits, when she fed him, his sleeping habits, his bathroom habits all gave her intense reasons for her absolute hatred of the step-child. She never, ever ackknowledged his murder or that she was the casue of the child's death while the father stood by to let her kill his only son. The manical and intesity of this drama was beyond the pale and horrific. All of the UK stood up for this child after he died. No one was there for the child while he was being poisoned, no one took him out of this home in a small, small way the poor boy got his revenge when this vile woman was sent into prison. The boy paid with his life. Narcissist parents both, but one Narc. off the cahrts in Narc. world.
Yes, psychopathic folks without conscience or remorse, can have narcissistic personality disorder, however I really believe that it is helpful to call such anti social, grotesque behaviour what it is... and that is psychopathy. When they interview these folks, it is so common, that they feel totally justified in killing, stealing, torturing, etc. I looked up the statistics on poisoning in the populations and it is truly mind-blowing. It is such a societal problem. It is a horrific world.
I would really like to see a video on narcissistic next door neighbours , great video Darren thank you 👍
You described it extremely . Knowledge is power xxxxx
Are you sure you are not talking about my narcissist government? Spot on!
Welcome to Israel.
Thanks for expressing that . I am angry that the Israeli government is punishing all Palestinians for what Hamas did. I am glad that all Israeli people do not support that.
Thank you so much for this Darren, An eye opener, Absolutely tremendous, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🌝😘🕊🦄🐉👽🌷🌹☘😍🌚🌟😇🎨🖼👁😆⭐🌈🌌💚❤💛💙💜😃
The nail hit well and truly on the head. Thank you.
Thanks for so much great info. Yes, I would love to have more information on how authenticity can be effective against their manipulation.
As Narc survivor, I'd love to know more about how authenticity helps to get rid of them.
SELF CARE
They live in a fantasy, they don't live in reality. Therefore, everyone around them has to prop up this delusional world of theirs - hence why they hate the truth. If you're authentic then you'll be just fine aka hated
My narcissistic brother can't stand me because he knows he cannot control which makes him angry. Then he manipulates my family into believing it's me not him who is the problem. Sometimes you just have to walk away from the abuse. And the people who accept and make excuses for their behavior.
Such a helpful video - thank you 🙏🏻. You describe my husband’s behaviours so accurately
Thank you for all your advice. Took me 16 years to figure out my ex husband was a narcissist.
Truth equals Authentic
False equals Narcissist
Jesus IS Truth
Satan is The Head Narcissist!
TRUTH ALWAYS WINS😇
Yes would love to hear more about overcoming a narcissist through authenticity!
The abuse name calling violence and aggression increased exponentially… believe me I know I lived it. They treat u like something stuck under their shoe, whilst making sure to exalt everyone else around you and TELL you how much better every one else is in comparison to you
Thank you. Like always, absolutely great video.
"Their sense of self is at stake"- I detected that immediately with her actions after I established my boundaries.
Wow, exactly how I'm treated. I have no friends, and are considered the narcissist. He pushes me to expressing rage to prove how horrible I am to him. My children agree with hiss assessment of me. 😢
They need others more than other need them! Bang on!
My favorite reactions are the dumbfounded, jaw on the floor faces I see when I shut them down. The stuttering. Reading their faces that are desperately trying to find an out and realize they can't. They're busted and out of here.
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Narcissism and Codependency r not Personality Disorders they r Adaptive Relationship Strategies
Dad tells me that he's with others. A private thing(funeral), that only certain people will be there, I am excluded. What a jerk!
Thank you Darren. Your description is Spot on! 😊
Darren, you clearly know my father! 👍 p.s. yes to more on authentic behaviour
Have you ever heard of a (covert?) narcissist going into isolation and/or attempting suicide because they cant stand that they are narcissistic?
They are the worst kind. Every story they tell is of them being a victim or a savior.
Their victims may well contemplate suicide!
yes its for attention
my ex was a covert type. She did a reverse discard on me. But I reversed the card and made her breakup with me at the last minute. Months later I get a voicemail from the local County Mental Health Services. Seems my ex was reaching out at her rock bottom moment. When I met her she lost her job and stuck it out with her. When I lost my job she walked out on me. So I only assume as to the why she got there but hey .....karma?
I doubt it. Though they will use prolonged silent treatment as manipulation, and equally threaten self-harm, even suicide to coerce people into compliance.
They're too full of themselves to actually do it.
They bow down to them. Then they mirror them. Whilst desperately trying to figure out a different approach to regain their control. Poor weak idiots.
Yes, I’d like to know more. Knowledge is power.
They are accusing me of narcissism now while smearing my name 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If the catalyst is shame: grew up poor for example - saying the "right thing" get him/her to understand reality. "Of course it must have been so difficult growing up with a single mother who had to work two jobs. You were lonely and you wanted to have your mom there to see all your achievements, so I'm sure you understand that I'm not your mom and punishing me by isolating our child doesn't heal your lifetime of pain & disappointment. "
the thing is, there is no understanding! Please be safe, also for the sake of your child, if you go too deep into shame+pain country, you might trigger physicality...
My guess is it won't help, because for that the person would have to accept that at one point in their life they were vulnarable and helpless. Those feelings, I believe, is what they are running from.
TALK FOREVER NEVER GETS ANYWHERE NEVER HOPE YOU HEAR THIS AN ESCAPE .ITS ONE WAY THEIR WAY WITH ENDLESS HELL ENDLESS
The sheep dipping was completely ineffective because she refused to enter or even visit my world. All her flying monkeys flew around in her own flock. She controlled my access to her friends, and I never found any of them to be worth fighting her for. I just went back to my own friends who barely even knew of her existence.
The sad deal for me.. Is how they suck in lots of traumatized adults.. And some know it not. Many adults don't realize how the childhood neglect and abuses made them prone to these life suckers, for pleasure, even more of a low scale neglect and abuse can lead to a loss of a sense of self. Because of our wrong views of attachment and love.
Thank you and do they tend to wuth holdsex or physical contact??
My partner has just completely shut down on me (I filed for divorce and are not engaging apart from issues related to the divorce itself).
Sits in the bedroom all days, walk out if I happen to be in the same area as she is, so childish.
Suits me fine, I don't have to see / interact with her until she moves out.
Source wise I've already been replaced as I already knew many months ago realizing what my partner actually is, recently had a glimpse a text, it revealed enough, poor guy has no idea what he's dealing with.
I suspect my ex was BPD but with strong traits of narcissism... basically I drove her crazy because I was always logical and reasoned in response to her manipulative attempts and her push pull BS. At the end she was trying to convince me that my sense of humor was rude and hurtful and I need therapy. She was withholding affection until she saw "significant changes and improvement" but wanted me to be committed to her while being on the sidelines lol. I was like NOPE no half measures here babe! buh bye! Thank god I recognized what it was and escaped. She really ran the gamut trying to break me down but she failed. When I called her out on her control tactics she turned into an absolute demon. It was nuts, for real.
More of these scenario explanations would be awesome! I love this
Excellent teaching video! Thank you very much!
They will never forget or forgive what they think you did to them! They hurt themselves by imagining the hurt they think you've done to them! They are so manipulative they are a mirror they protect themselves on you