Exposing The Codependency Mind Trick
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- In this episode, Teal Swan exposes the Codependency Mind Trick, when the need for confluence fools a person into thinking that they are being authentic and honest, when really, what they are deciding or saying or doing is simply getting them alignment with someone else.
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Beginning and Ending Song:
Teal Swan Intro by Christian De Raco
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader, Bestselling Author and Speaker. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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”People who develop the relationship adaptation style of codependency decide at a subconscious level that because no one is really concerned for their welfare, benefit and best interests, the best way to survive is to get their own needs met by sacrificing parts of themselves so as to conform to other people’s interests and creating an attuned emotional contract with them, whereby their own needs are manipulatively met in exchange for doing so”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎
wow :O !!!
🤯
Word 💯💥💫
Magnificent!
If it's at a subconscious level it's not really decided...
I’ve never heard my behavior explained so well. Wow! I have a deep sense of relief and a deep sense of I’m fucked at the same time.
I feel exactly the same ❤️
... not just my desire for confluence speaking. Hahaha 🙃
Beautifully put! Me, too.
I feel relieved that she put words to this. I knew I was doing something wrong but couldn’t quite understand why. This makes so much sense now.
Same. I'm really trying to work on this and have noticed I'm becoming myself again, expressing my thoughts and ideas without worry if other people agree or not. I just want to re-remember what it is I like to do.
@@BayouBilly751 😅
As I listened to this video, I realized that I no longer identify with any of these things as a former codependent. I just quit work at a toxic and codependent workplace and have set up boundaries with my enmeshed mother. I am proud of myself for realizing the truth and doing these things at 22 years old ❤
@@miaduana thank you 🫶🏾
Proud of you 🥰
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I'm also 22
Just did the same with my mum at 28. The most freeing, liberating and healing work I have ever done. I was able to achieve so much even under the pressure and living in that past reality and now I'm just so excited to see what I can do without that noose around my neck. I feel like I could go at 100 miles an hour! ❤️ YOU CAN BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Wow I always thought I was a shape-shifter and had a gift for making people comfortable by mirroring them but I am just very codependent LOL
Yeah totally, me too. 😂 This was an eye-opener… but I think with a slight adjustment this awareness of others emotional states can still be a gift. We just take step back, learn to be the mirror. The reflection happens on it’s own instead of me needing to take the shape of the match. We can hold space for their experience and there’s harmony there. Maybe? Anyway, I’m guessing there’s a hidden boon in this weakness. Gotta feel it out. 🙂
I also think there can be a positive side to this. I’m really good at establishing rapport with all different kinds of people and when I was teaching English to foreign students, that really helped me. But it’s not great in one on one relationships, that’s for sure. I can’t do intimacy.
@@karenlien1900 I feel this in myself as well :) we can and will transmute our neurosis into great gifts, otherwise, we wouldn't be watching videos like this one ;)
Social chameleon…
@@ProfessorGothic I don’t “tell people” that I can’t do intimacy because I didn’t even realize it until after I got married. Then I became physically ill and, in retrospect, I’m thinking that perhaps it was partly psychological and partly physical because I did have Epstein-Barr syndrome. If I was aware enough to tell someone that, I wouldn’t enter into a relationship knowing that because it wouldn’t be fair to the other person. You make me sound like not only a coward, but an asshole. I’m neither of those. I actually stepped up to the plate when my husband became ill with Lewy body dementia and Parkinson’s and I took care of him for four years and watched him starve to death in front of me when he could no longer swallow. I let him chase me around the house when he was psychotic and occasionally hit me because Lewy body is a combination of Alzheimer’s, paranoid schizophrenia and Parkinson’s. It broke my heart and I no longer care about life because he was the love of my life. I will carry the regret that our relationship wasn’t all it could be till the day I die, but it was also the best relationship that I’ve ever had and I was able to give him a lot that other people never did. we had something most people only dream about. And for you to call me a coward when you don’t even know me is just such ignorance and meanness that I don’t ever wanna hear from you again. You should not be posting on here. You’re judgemental and again, ignorant. You know nothing about the situation. That’s not what I said at all. Most of the things, in fact probably all of the things that Teal talks about that people do arethings they do unconsciously until they realize it. That’s what shadow work is. You might want to look it up. P. S. And usually when a person has problems with intimacy it’s because they were raised with no one they could trust, or were abused, or in my case, both. I’m a much stronger and braver person than you could even imagine.
We really are in the emotional dark ages. Keep putting these videos out there, Miss Swan! There are those of us in the world who ARE listening!
If you mean needing to be confluent to survive, that was something violently forced more commonly before. Look up the black pedagogy. There was a phrase that is "the silent child is the best child" (peraphrased). If you think we live in more co-dependent times now, your world is probably upside down.
So when was it not dark?
@@jobunny919 way darker back then, now it's ...
Listen to the Music it's been Speaking to Us all along Predicting The Here and Now Go Back in Time and listen to the Music
yes i feel danger when i point out something my family member did wrong to me that angered me. even when i say it in a nice and kind way i still feel this fear kicking in my system with a sense of guilt with it for pointing out something. maybe this is the cause. From now on my boundary is a priority even if it upset others
Teal Swan is so frustrated with us for being stupid. (Ignorant is a nicer concept 🙂) All this hits the nail on the head though. “Confluence regardless the cost” could’ve been my motto. So clear… That I’m reinforcing inauthenticity in others by harmonizing with it. I totally totally do that and I hereby aspire to stop! Great content that we can’t get elsewhere. Thank you!
“Great content that we can’t get elsewhere” 😭😭 absolutely, teal is a gem.
I don't think Teal is "frustrated with us for being stupid." I would like to think she is not that judgemental and certainly doesn't see herself as superior to the human race. It is great to recognize the gifts that healers bring, but let's not put them on a pedestal above us. That is how cults are formed. When we see the other as seeing us as stupid, it is we who are judging ourselves.
We are just emotionally unintelligent.
We have a strong driving force to self- preserve
Teal, if you wrote a book about codependency and boundaries and relationships, I and I'm sure many others would definitely buy that! 🧡❤️💜💙💚💛
I think that its important to note that when describing the difference between how the two feel in your body. Codependents low sense of value in themselves causes us to not associate any type of goodness with our true selves hence the side that is True, (i.e. something about us we can't deny) often feels like nothingness.
thats a good point
Omggg 😲 that's true! I was practicing the exercise but the real truth didn't feel like anything. There was no sensation in my body. Thanks! That really helped
It seems like the people who really need these perspectives aren’t watching these contents 😂🫠
Well, now I finally know that my truth is that I'm a lazy, undisciplined individual, who wants to do nothing really. It feels right, and changing anything about my circumstances is too hard. When people tell me, that I'm meant for self-actualization, it feels like relief, but not solid.
I resonate with this
yeah i just want to chill and be taken care of but that’s so not socially acceptable and my family encourage me to suppress that in myself
Sounds like you are all stuck in infantile mode. Who knows why 🤷🏻♀️ But think how much more rewarding being an adult with free choice of actions is than being an infant and you will understand that something is wrong. You are living a half life out of fear. Maybe because of lack of true support in your growing and learning process.
@@elsagrace3893 I agree with that. I'm in a very unstable enviorment atm but I think once I get out I will thrive again.
@@elsagrace3893 yes. Lack of support in growing/learning process.
yes, its not dependency its survival. to adopt xyz to survive in a family or group. i love this Teal thank you. I needed to hear this.
I think a Teal Sean book about co-dependency is a damn good idea. I’d read the hell out of that. You’re pretty good with words. Thanks, Teal! Love and light. 💕
I would read that book, too!
I have spent my life trying so hard to not be Iulius, and trying to be "Yira", my ideal self, not realizing I was lying to myself about authenticity all along. Authenticity is discovered, not created. Creating identity and improvement toward an ideal self is the next step.
This is painful to listen to. This is what we did as children to survive. Now as adults we have to find people who are willing to look deeper to enter relationship with. To find a compatible person who is willing to explore this stuff has not been easy for me. When you are dating someone that you don't know and there is alot of attraction energy happening people can say and do alot of false stuff to present themselves in a way that makes it appear that they are compatible but then as time goes by you discover that the guy who swore he was so into camping and hiking really in truth loves to sit and watch tv and could care less about the hiking because he just said it and invested hundreds of $ in equipment because he was carried away by sexual chemistry/loneliness. Then there you are sitting in a tent with someone who doesn't have any interest in being there and you feel way more alone being with them than if you had just gone by yourself. I am really curious about the being truthful, not compromising your truth and being respectful of your partner's truth and finding a way to make it mutually fulfilling. Some people are worth the effort to be in relationship with. Some people aren't. Dang, there is so much to learn.
Yeah self love is the only thing that keeps me at peace. I take my time with relationships to be sure that they are loyal or worthy my trust
Im separated now from such a guy who did everything for me while I always felt lonely with his behavior wondering what was wrong with my feelings. Now I know more. Thx to Teal ❤
I feel like I’m somewhere in between codependency and narcissism
This has brought up a crude and painful need to cry in me, but I feel so drained and empty, I can't even manage to do that.
Just sit with the need and accept it and maybe you’ll be able to cry when you’re ready. Don’t pressure yourself. 💕
You present these information and ideas beautifully. Really clear and well organised. Your work will definitely make a difference and be beneficial to anybody listening.
I used to sacrifice my "bad" part of me to create harmony around, letting people doing and saying anything, even if those things are against my boundaries and my personal truth. I keep attracting passive aggressive persons and now i understand why: they sollecitate that part in me that I used to kill 'cause it wants to be alive. It's time to review my priorities and speak my disappointment, even if this creates fractures instead of playing dead and keeping a "good living" wich mantains confluence with others but is totally false. Thanks Teal.
I do this and I hate it. I just have nothing solid to start with or work from. I started suppressing myself a long time ago to get along and avoid the pain of being abandoned for being 'myself'. But when I think about who I am I don't know who I am and deep down further I know no one will like me or will want to be around me.
I don't know how to get to the core truth about myself. It is so hard. So painful.
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/exposing-the-codependency-mind-trick-r533/
✨🤍 Thank you 🤍✨
*KEEP UP THE DIVINE WORK 😇*
Is "SLDD / Self Love Deficiency Disorder" a sufficient "label" or not quite?
Perhaps "Connection Desperation Disorder" would be more accurate?
Or perhaps "Pernicious Attachment Disorder" or "Pernicious Confluence Imperative" "*Alignment Imperative Malignancy*" ...?
Gabor Mate’s new book talks about this too. Prioritizing attachment for authenticity. So important to remain true to ourselves so that we don’t lose ourselves in relationships and chose right.
This is the most eye-opening video (and painful in a lot of ways become of that) on codependency I have seen so far. I am getting closer and closer to unraveling this in my life. What you described about confluence vs an internal truth (and how to discern it), clicked a few more puzzle pieces into place. Very fittingly, I am watching it after just having arrived with my family for Xmas. 😁 Thank you Teal and universe - perfect timing for a very helpful deepening of self-awareness! And happy Xmas to you and everyone here! ❤
and this is why scapegoats get into this rut of isolation and exile. we were NOT ABLE under any circumstances to create confluence. the only way to 'belong' was to BE WHAT DIDNT BELONG. kept like a zoo animal in an enclosure
One day the former scapegoats will recognize it as their strength I'm sure ❤️💪✌️
*@TEAL SWAN I AM A DAY ONE SUBSCRIBER & I'VE GROWN IN SPIRIT WITH THESE VIDEOS, U ELIMINATE & EXPLAIN IT FOR ALL AGES TO OVERSTAND, THANKS FOR YOUR WORDS OF ENLIGHTMENT PLUS WISDOM, KEEP UP THE DIVINE WORK 😇*
*illuminate
Very different style of writing to that of Barack Who's-Sane Obama :)
One thing...if you've never had therapy 😞...hearing this lifestyle is heart wrenching! Because this is Me-- learning and hearing this hurts like hell! Work on me -- Holy Spirit.. thank you for this video 😭😞😢🙏
I am hurting. I hate myself 😢
@@wendyyang4717, take heart. You are not alone. The guilt and shame will only worsen things. I've been having codependency induced panic attacks and depression for weeks now. I know how it is.
this describes my relationship with my family so well that scared me... I will look into it deeply and thoughtfully
Last few sentences hit the house hard. Thanks to Teal I’m getting more and more aware of my behavior and thinking and feeling patterns. Now I started wondering maybe even not being able to fight to end an already ended relationship is also related to this confluence addiction.
Everything in this video is true true true. "Codependence" is painful and sneaky and sometimes even conceals itself as being an "Empath" and probably lots of other things. Worth every effort to escape this horrible way of living.
Great video! I think it can be pretty fun to discover our own personal truths in all the small ways they show up. It's like everyday we can get a clearer and clearer picture of who we really are.
This is so authentic, I have been there, still working some aspects of it. It's a daily awareness. You're wise and hilarious. Thank you. 💯🙏❤️
Treating with suspicion something that brings you confluence is one of the hardest thing to do when you’re in it
Your inner personal truth has to scream it’s pain out in order for you to finally hear it despite that strong need for confluence
I can totally relate to this. I hate liars but I remember when my ex used to lie I used to convince myself it is truth because I couldn't live with the fact that I would have to leave him because I hate liars.
And this happens not just in relationships but in every aspect of life. I try to explain it but I fail, everytime I see someone mindlessly following societal rules/programming and they say they do it because they want to and because it feels right. You know it's not from an authentic place, but they do it anyways. Of course it feels right! It doesn't make resistance with the sh*it you have in your mind and with what society and other people told you to believe! And I experience this too because I think it's a human thing (when someone validates something that feeds my ego and my vanity, for example), but I work on reprogramming myself even if the validation and the external reaffirmation feels good. I'm aware of my shadow and my ego and I don't follow what feels right. I only follow internal wisdom. I love your content ❤
Yep. People didn't care about your needs as a kid so you end up sacrificing parts and losing parts of yourself to get at least some of your needs met. I totally am codependent.
I would never stay in a relationship long term without the desire of a partner to at least try to better understand confluence. It isn't as agency directed as some might assume. But someday it will be easier for most people to find direction and connection
This was very well put together 😊 i always needed harmony between myself and others even if i had to place myself second. But now i live abroad and i am feeling what i want and need instead of listening to others. I just had my first tattoo to celebrate self expression and that i am gonna be friends with myself again 😊
Super excellent video Teal!! Thank you so much for explaining this in depth.
Waw ! I'm so mindblown...It's so exactly that.
I work a lot on this problem of mine and just integrated one part of that just before you published this video.
And your exercise, I needed it so much in my tool box.
Thank you thank you thank you !
Wow I so do this and I can see this
I feel like I’m reverse guilty of this. Like I tell myself I don’t care how others feel because I was true to myself and they can go suck it! Even though I DO care and am hurt but completely unwilling to abandon myself to satisfy someone else. So, I just take the loss and become defensive. Sometimes I’m not sure how it is better, but I wouldn’t change it anyway 🤪
Love you, teal. Please know that people are praying for you and celebrating you.
You’re always outdoing yourself 🙌🙌🙌🙌
This REALLY explains the state of confusion sometimes trying to feel what is the personal truth
*has to Google confluence bc I don’t know what it means* 😂
Omg Katherine not so anonymous haha I seen you on Facebook
This is the what we did as children to survive in the toxic environment.
NEW TEAL VIDEO🎉🎉🎉 so exited to watch. I have codependent behaviors 😣
I have been doing some angelic work in order to see myself. I feel like it is no accident that I am seeing more of your videos.
This video was like a mirror. I'm seeing myself like I never have before
Thank you, Teal Swan
Thank you for this video, Teal.
You're helping me so much in my healing process ❤
Did you literally make this for me?? loll I needed to hear all of this right now
that's real good cover-up here. Still, relationships and constantly evolving with them is your best bet and might be what makes you able to save yourself. Because when you grew up in an environment that caused you to be on the codependent spectrum, than a lot of other traits will most likely come with that, like the inability to really take care of yourself, to really be happy just beeing calm and save, or even developing other goals then confluence.
So if conflunce is what you are seeking most, then it is important to develop the skills that make it possible for you to stay in conflict for a moment of time and still feel yourself. Because only if you are save enough and if you can get enough confluence, then you will be able to develop further and find other highest priority goals, worth striving for and develop real sense of selfworth.
Thank you for putting the attention on where it belongs… taking responsibility for meeting our needs in healthy ways.
I am so grateful that I came across your channel Teal! Your messages are really helping me with my past traumas and hang ups that I still have. So thankful for you and what you do for others!!!
Welcome to Teal's community!♥️ Personally I listen to her lessons for about 5 years, yet still feel like an ant listening to Einstein...she is a Goddess from another planet🙏
To each their own among a collective of the self versus "the other". We are energetic beings that want unity naturally. "To come back home to itself". However, there WILL be a shift or a paradigm in which oneself or the other will resist In such happening. The occurrence in which oneself "attachment styles" is to relate to the other. While confluence just like a river or stream will have codependency within itself between calm and chaos. The symbiotic state of truth. The state of being between where the water meets land. This rolling affect when vibrations bounce off of the surface of the other.
’... and essentially, it’s an exercise in self-hate. Have a good week 🙏.” 😂 Bam 💥
I know! Ouch.
Spot on Teal ❤
Great to see this topic. I’ve been explaining this a lot lately.
just today i noticed that you talk about psychology rather then spirituality. took me years to realize. no idea what to think about that at the moment XD thank you though : )
Can we not just call it "seeking peace"? That sinks in better than a word I've never used before.
No. Because that’s not peace at all.
This might the most important video you have ever created, Ms. Swan. Supremely beautiful
It is the best content which I ever seen about coodependency. Extremely supportive, I started to understand why I feel free after the relationship.
How are even the sounds of your breath so comforting...thank you for all your teachings, they help me so much . You are a blessing
Thanks so much to be so brilliant in all your analysis always!
Someone finally explained why the internet thinks everyone is a narc
Question the personal truth that would stand to give you confluence. Is it authentic?
This is really helping me 🤍thank you so much Teal
So amazing to recognize finally what I was suffering of in every relationship till now: confluence addicted and not knowing more about my adjustment patterns. Wow 🤩 thank you so much for your emotional intelligence. It’s really powerful ❤
Oh wow it’s so easy to betray myself with this confluence thing. Unbelievable. Thank you so much to open my inner eyes to that truth! Love you Teal ❤
I feel relieved that she put words to this. I knew I was doing something wrong but couldn’t quite understand why. This makes so much sense now.
Wow. This has opened my eyes. I feel like someone just pulled a blanket off of my head. Gonna go lie down and rethink years of my life now.
I had a near death experience in 2013. I had no idea about " spirituality " before hand . I found your channel in that time after my NDE and thought I was going crazy. You made ,e not feel crazy, not feel alone. I think you had 5k subs then. Proud to see how you have grown🙏
22:39 Helped me click into place some of what I've learned about Authenticity.
~
People like you more when they trust & respect you, so being truthful about who you are (i.e., risking people disliking you, by not desperately seeking confluence) builds better, safer-feeling relationships. Giving the world what you think you should recieve creates a feedback loop; projecting loving kindness & compassion with those you interact with can encourage others to bring that to their relationships. By witnessing you being authentic without fear, they may find less resistance (i.e., lose excuses to deny) to accepting parts of their identity, further manifesting a world of people who are existing more in alignment.
~
Bit of an essay, but I'm ever so grateful to Teal & the community, and am wishing you all well 💚
Thank GOODNESS for you telling everyone the truth of codependency.... Dear god
I really don’t know when I am doing it till it’s too late! Then I am paralyzed by fear of abandonment or punishment when I am confronted with their dismissal or denial of me and my warns
Love you, Teal. I’d love to hear more ethic names used in your great examples. That’s what I feel are missing in your stories.
this LITERALLY opened my eyes so much! thank you.... its blunt but true
Thank you Swan Teal. I pray you don't inspire any breakup fights that could end with submission, divorce settlement, beatings etc. which the weakest among us can not endure
I am 100% with you
@@weakestman1666 don't shoot the messenger.
Anything that’s not authentic needs to break up.
Saved this video yup! Lmao. Painful sort of laugh. Kind of foxholish. Couldn't help but audibly laugh at 18:50. Definitely playing this in the morning while I do my wall pilates--- if I do them. Ungrounded me so much after watching this that I plugged my passcode into the microwave timer trying to warm up coffee. Lol. Thank you
Totally feel you. Just watched this video and then another one about narcissism and codependency and I feel like my entire universe shifted.
Brilliant! 💫🌟💫
This is gold
I understand. If it is a desire, they will receive it. Honored to serve the will of it has already chosen for us.
I've suffered from multiple traumas and no longer know how to communicate with people so I've decided to solely focus on me. I've given up on wanting to be with anyone while I'm healing. I don't really know if this is healthy but I can't keep friends and have no support system whatsoever. Been in and out of therapy and mental hospitals to the point of being somewhat numb to it all. I don't want to be here. It's too painful and I don't possess the energy to keep fighting. I've tried to end my life a few times and was told I had to live by two spirits I don't even know. I'm sick of this work and it's human inhabitants. I wake up because I have no choice. None of us do. I don't know how helpful this is so I'll watch it again. I'm a sub on your channel because you deliver different perspectives, things I've never heard before. Nothing I've done so far has worked and I feel helpless. Yet I'm still here. Highly figured and hella annoyed. Life is beautiful and disgusting all at the same time. Can't wait to be done with it. Hopeful my next journey won't be so unpleasant.
I want life to get better for you.
@AfricanOneNess
Same girl, been struggling with my mental health for years. But I just got done reading the book, “The World is a Mirror” by Nada Amari and it’s changed my life.
Sending you Love and Light 🙏🏻✨💕
Also, remember that suffering gives rise to wisdom and intuition. Some of the greatest people who ever lived went through so much pain and suffering to become healers, leaders etc.
Never give up hope. Hold on to your light. ✨
teal is a physical spirit guide. every video it’s like you are taking right to me like you know what i need to hear. thank you 🙏🏼
I haven't listened to your videos in a while because I found you speak too fast for me to absorb what you are saying. I very much appreciated the pace in this video and watch the whole thing fully understanding. Thank you.
🦊📝🎑 wow I am early , thank you for this. Genuinely invaluable
Thank you, once again, for your knowledge and wisdom! You're on the leading edge 🌞
A fundamental need is a fundamental right
Thanks, much love. Always on point. ❤
Guenius 🥰 .... I’ve never heard it explained so clearly, thank you!!
You are a genius Teal.
This video solved my whole life, I can't thank you enough
Teal, thank you. ❤
Its somehow what i am dealing with now. ...
Brilliant video. While I've made progress, I still have a way to go. Thank you for the insight.
Both codependency and narcissism are extremely sad ways to develop as a child. Unfortunately this is a lot of how our culture is. We need more education because it's a foundation that needs to be shared!
Btw I have dual thoughts of codependency and authenticity often! It is exhausting, especially now that I'm aware and in therapy.
Teal, I love it when you explain the somatics, that really helps me A LOT!! Thank you😘
1:12 101😊 2:56 confluence.. no matter the cost
It's our dream. Let's dance. I am glad I dance with you. 💘
It’s exhausting and confusing to be in this dynamic with someone
But to truly believe it, you must experience it. And I'm telling you. If we are family, we talk first, then helpl each other, in the intent of outcome desired by all. So it will become more right and wrong as we try.
We love Teal in the EU! And I love her eyes!
I tried but to no avail...