No contact is for you not for the dumper. It's for you to heal.. To figure out your own path without them,to improve yourself, to enjoy life again on your own terms, to move on and hopefully one day to be able to forgive and forget.. Create your own happiness and remember time heals all wounds 😉❤️
I come here every night. 2 weeks since breakup & no contact. You are saving me! I feel like we are all best friends hanging out & you’re giving me comfort & sound advice. It means more than I can convey honestly. Thank you so much. Lots of love to you both & everyone else going through a hard time. ❤️ Stronger every day!
I left my borderline wife .... finally had enough of her crap ... instantly went total No Contact ... 14 days of absolute no contact was so effective she was admitted to the Mental Hospital
Ankita Joshi No, but I saw he got back with his ex who I accused him of cheating on me with, he denied it then but my gut was right. I haven’t spoken to him since the day we broke up. I wouldn’t answer if he tried now. I have no feelings any more which feels so good! I will say no contact worked on everyone else in the past.
3 days ago I decided to go No contact after one whole month of begging and pleading him to not leave me. Im amazed how I finally emotionally detached myself! 6 yrs together and it was not easy but im on day 4 and now i see him reaching after he left me! He realized I stopped calling and texting now hes the one calling. Taking my power back!
I feel it’s all about the universe. If you are meant to be together, he will miss you and get back to you to work things out. Otherwise no matter how you change, they will never look back.
My ex left me I was a good dude, guess what I did? Meet a hotter girl that appreciates a good dude. You think a job will take you back after you quit? No !! I’m the Job you left
I really connected with what Craig said. You can't change, the relationship can't change, and their feelings won't change. My ex said these things after the breakup and I could only think "how can these things not change? It was these changes that initially got us to the point of breaking up" Of course we can change. Nothing is permanent. We change together, or apart as we go through life. I think she's seeing this now, as yesterday she reached out saying she is proud of me for getting so much done.
The worst feeling is coming to the realization that they were right for dumping you, that you didn't give them the love or attention or the things they asked you for so long, that you took them for granted, that you were neglectful. I had my reasons to behave this way (I was hurt for a long time for something she did) but to her they are probably not valid. I feel so much regret sometimes all I want to do is turn back time and be the way she wanted me to be. Never thought this loss would feel so deep. 5 months post break up and I still see her somewhat frequently, she initiates contact often, and I know she probably has no hard feelings towards me, but she has probably had a way easier time moving on than me.
Move on, I was depressed beyond belief worrying about all these factors etc, but I promise you, after a few months, maybe a year, you’ll be in a much healthier place, focus on your life and let your ex feel your absence, there’s such better people out there worth your time, friends, family and new love... they will regret it one day 🙂
What if the person that broke up with you was the main problem because they won’t communicate? They shut down and either block you or break up with you. They also get mad and point fingers at you even though you try to be the bigger person and discuss issues as adults?
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Apparently a lot of women think if you don't talk about issues in the relationship it will just go away on its own. NOPE !!!!!!
No contact is so scary because In some way shape or form we all want validation. But we can't always have what we want and I'm trying to take one day at a time
On day 8 of No contact. Broken up for 2 weeks, but since we lived together, couldn't start No Contact right away. I miss him so much. It's weird not knowing anything about how he's doing, after 7 years together. Trying to be strong and watching these videos and reading all of your comments in order to not give in to temptation and text him.
Hey how are you doing now?...how did it all go. Did he ever contact you or apologize. I'm curious bc I'm in the same situation now but a bit worst. She left hating me and not want anything to do with me bc she had a new supply waiting and making her feel like her decision was right so she left me for him and now they're planning marry even though they haven't met but spoke for months. She seems so excited and happy and I'm devastated. I think of her all damn day. I try not to but it's so hard and I cry every day for her and what she did to me bc I would swear ..I would die for her I would do anything for her to be happy. She abused me verbally and mentally and blamed me for everything and every single time we broke up it was my fault or if I bring up her mistakes she wouldn't wanna listen or flip it on to my past mistakes or didn't wanna be with me anymore. She's 23 now we grew up together but I know at that age woman are unsettled and want to explore. I just wish I didn't love her this much I wish I get in my head she's with someone else bc she didn't really love me anymore.
What i can observe from all of these information is that sadly we dont know how to build healthy relationships and we dont have the knowledge to work cooperatively in a team of two, sharing a platform of values principles and other cultural aspects that enforce love, as the pillar of the integrity in the relationship. Thanks.
I couldn’t agree more. My ex never wanted to take responsibility of his part. He kept lying to my face and giving me excuses as to why he did it. My anxiety and neediness grew exponentially after and during this. I see my part and I am working on this. Most definitely will not tolerate lying again in my future relationship, as this is a boundary I am not willing to cross. In the end he left me, telling me I couldn’t change. Even if he never reaches out, I truly hope he at some point sees his part in the breakup. I continue to feel stronger everyday and plan to continue working on myself. Thank you for all your insights!
It’s not always the person who was dumped to make the big changes. My ex was extremely controlling and manipulative. It was when I “changed” and began to stand up for myself that she ended the relationship. I’d love for her to see the light and go back to who she was early on. I’m not going back to being her puppet, even though that is the change she demands.
I really like it when Craig gives advice on his own, however, when Margaret is with him I feel calm, secure and peaceful. I often just listen to their voices and forget to concentrate on the content. Thanks for everything
Great talk coaches. Thank you both. These vids helped me though this time. Its been 4months now. He had alot of anxiexty, needy, insecure, angry, and manipulative. I understand that he needs to grow himself and mature in many aspects. He quickly moved in with someone else. I would believe there is a solution and things take work in both parts to fix. He would try but not be consistent and run when things get hard again. He couldnt handle the outcome of his choices and i feel that he just wanted to start from zero, the easy way, not holding himself accountable for whatever mess he would get himself into. I wish him clarity, self discovery, and bless him with love, understanding, and patience. Im working on my career and sticking with our plan without him.
I'm doing well but every now and then I think about my ex and it hurts alot but watching these vids help me and before I know it I feel better already 😁
We broke up 3 months ago, been in no contact for 2 months and 15 days. Not a peep still, sometimes I feel like the situation is hopeless although I try to keep my mind off of it for the most part.
“Burden” makes perfect sense metaphorically. It simply implies that your partner is weighed down by your dependency. This usage occurs in Ambrose Bierce’s essay “Antepenultimata”, so it should be clear to the American mind. This is a minor point; everything else you say in your videos, which I’ve listened to daily for over three years, is invaluable, and I am profoundly grateful.
I definitely think people can be a burden when they aren’t pulling their own weight when it comes to finances, chores, needs & wants or just being too lazy.
I broke up with a guy who I considered to be a parasite- Didn’t meet any of my needs, no job, no car, wanted me to buy his cigarettes, wanted rides everywhere So I can relate to the “ burden” reason
I had one of those once! He ended up homeless because he was on drugs and would sleep in my car. It got to where I just pitied him, but didn't love him and got tired of buying him booze, food and cigarettes every day for months. I finally walked away and blocked his number. Best decision I could have made. He just got more into drugs but eventually got the help he needed. A couple years later, he tried reaching out. I just wished him well but I'd long since moved on by then. Good for you for walking away! Sometimes it's the hardest decision to make. I just walked away 2 days ago from a 6 year relationship with a guy that just stopped caring for me. He took me for granted and didn't value me above everyone else in his life, even strangers on social media! Just 4 hours after I walked away and said goodbye, he messaged me. I ignored it and still haven't read the whole message but read enough to see he quickly changed his attitude to try to keep me but only for his own ego. I have to get over him before we can even revisit being friends at this point after how badly he treated me and he owes me thousands of dollars. I just want my money back now and won't be willing to invite him back into my life until he starts paying me back the $5,000 he owes me! Only then will I know he cares. Actions always speak louder than words. It hurts, but I know I deserve better! Take care of yourself. These 2 coaches have helped me so much just watching the videos. God bless you. Remember to always know your worth. That's the best advice I can give you. 🙏🏻🌹🙏🏻
Thanks for this. I’m about 1.5 week into NC after being dumped by my GF of 5 years. I’ve started to lose weight, improve fitness, socialise more and try new dress styles. It was a shock, but this video and others like it help me understand. I’m starting to slowly accept I might not hear from them again and I’m starting to accept that it’s over. Very hard though
My ex left me few days ago n I'm still in great pain, I'm a music lover so I thought music could at least eases my mind a bit of this agony, but no, it's the voices of u two consoled me greatly, ur insightful wisdoms and advices helped me thru today, thank you so so much...
So I always said if me and my ex got back together I would update you guys. So my ex left me in November. I watched these videos felt hopeless. Reached out on occasions to him but he was rude and showed no interest. He blocked me on everything including Facebook and phone. He even started dating other ppl. Now here we are in June I called him and apologized for my wrong doings. He didn’t say much and hung up quickly but he later text me a short message. Also he has unblocked me on Facebook. Although all this might mean NOTHING. I’m extremely excited and if given the opportunity will use what I learned in these videos and apply it if given another chance. Regardless of how hopeless it looks there is always a chance. Hang in there guys !!!!
My wife wanted a break because i "hurt" her to much in the past. When it was both of us that always hurt each other but long story short. We still live amd sleep together we're "friends" and we are gettint along very well. She then starts talking to a guy and incouldnt tell her much because we're just friends. So ii followed this video and shes been blowing up my phone today. And i take 10 mins to reply. So far so good
Im stayin strong with no contact im only messaging to check on our kid we have together im gettin my life on track an feelin better about myself everyday still hurts but im even starting to talk to other people its been over a month since the break up i messed up the first 3 weeks back an probably killed my chances if there was one it was a great 3 yrs we had an i did alot of what you said not to do i started watching your videos about a week ago they have helped me on my road to my own success im bettering myself im workin out an about to start a new job soon aswell
I was told I was a burden because I was going through some stress in the past month when the entire relationship was focused around her and her feelings/needs.
For 18 months, I kept wanting and hoping to get back with my ex. I left him after 9 years. I beat myself up, I cried. Took all the blame. Pleaded with the universe, but..I forgot to understand there was a reason why I left the relationship. Yes I still love him with all my heart, but I now know that I do not want the ups and downs..more downs than ups. It wasn't all me. Maybe I will be by myself for the rest of my life, but it's ok..I accept that. But I just do not want to work it out any longer. I miss him, yes I do very much. I wish the very best for him, I hope he finds love..but I'm done..
As this video pints to. That big list of things the dumpee “didn’t do” of course is matched with the reasons why’s, or the issues with the dumper. I know in my instance some of that list apply, but I know there were reasons and my ex has her cross to bare. But I became stuck with a simplistic “I didn’t do this or that. I failed her here and there” and never extended to why, or how or ask what she was doing or not doing that wasn’t netting her her wishes. It took counselling to realise the truth. And it’s always more complex. Often the very things the dumper is aggrieved the dumpee didn’t do, such as marriage or more holidays are entwined with the dumper, they have a horse in the race. They’ve often shot themselves in the foot by the way they’ve been conducting things that would pave the way to these goals happening naturally and with joint energy. It’s easy - because you’ve been dumped - to disappear down the rabbit hole of thinking you did this or that wrong and you need to show and prove this and that because xyz. Yeah, at a basic level. But here’s the thing. That isn’t fixing anything that won’t just end up with a repeat. You fix all that stuff that YOU think you failed the dumper on, get back together and you’ll be in the same dynamic. Because what doesn’t get addressed or acknowledged is the side of the dumper. People aren’t passengers in a rele. Like Queen’s expecting their courtiers to provide. It’s like someone crying to their folks they didn’t give them a sports car. The parents could crack and give the son or daughter their sports car. But you’d still have the same demanding individual. Alternatively the parents could point out the reason their child does have a sports car also lies with them. What work did they do to achieve their goals? After all, things that didn’t happen, marriage etc. Are goals for the dumper too, and goals need work, not passive observation, issuing demands whilst you place all the guilt and heavy lifting on your partner. There really is no hiding in reles. If something you wish is not happening there’s always a complex reason. Prob is few dumpers are prepared to do such self introspection. For too many years I blamed myself but looking back she wasn’t putting the day to day effort in to achieve what she wanted. Our basic day to day rele wasn’t being worked on. By both of us, but it was me who was getting the finger of blame, But she won’t ever see that, she’s just not wired that way. But, I’ve come to realise in NC that it is not one person. I wish they did see the balanced view or did a little self reflection. But you just know they’re blaming you when in NC. Shame. I can’t fix what both of us did and didn’t do. I suppose I’m conflicted as know me changing things is only half the task.
One of the reasons my ex left me is because he thought his bipolar condition was a burden to me... it was not. I told him I would try and I meant it, but he didn't give me a chance and left.
Just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday it’s still fresh i might be in denial right now... I do miss her I will always love her but we just were not aligning in our values and our goals maybe it was a stupid reason for me to break up but I felt like I wasn’t valued in our relationship... keep going
Today is my ex's birthday. I've been in NC since July, decided that I'll remain this way. It's been difficult but I made it and didn't break the silence. And won't do it although I think he expects me to wish him a happy birthday.
I literally took a trip during my exes birthday to avoid messaging him lol. I was miserable the entire day but I made it through. Good for you for being so strong!
This makes me sad because he broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it’s my birthday tomorrow and I’ve been in NC since. Idk if he will reach out and though I shouldn’t expect him too. I have this little hope that he will but I know he’s not going too, and that hurts even more 😔
@@nenuhhS11 I know it's a difficult time for you. I wish you all the best. It's nothing new but time really heals the wound. Keep my fingers crossed 4U.
Lately I struggle with understanding if I'm having a "gut feeling" or simply feeling fear about him moving on. I haven't seen a single thing to indicate that he has moved on, but then again, I haven't seen anything at all. It's been nearly 6 months since the breakup, 3 months since he last spoke to me, and 2 of full NC. He has looked at my Instagram story twice and my LinkedIn once. I have no idea where he is mentally or if he even misses me. We have 2 friends in common and he never asks about me. It's just so bizarre, we were so close and this is the first time in 3 years that we haven't spoken.
Craig, can you please make a video on continuing to focus on memories with your ex when you've created so many new ones? It's been almost 8 months and I've done incredible things, traveling the world and making new great memories with friends and family, yet i'm still sometimes fixated on old memories with my ex. Just wondering why I can't focus on the past 8 months and looking toward the past?
Same thing happening with me It has been 8 month to me after break up she has moved on very easily and I used to keep her like queen but we spend lot's of Time together we went to on vacation twice for month we had beautiful and amazing memories and I still have kept all my picture in phn she has deleted all.. I don't understand I shall I do how should I overcome from this still thinking about her Everyday
I am sure I see halo's around both of your heads Coaches...Thank you so much for your hard work and sharing your boundless relationship knowledge. I look forward to every video you share, you cannot know how much you changed my life. Thank you so much, Rob
Great video, solid information, one of your guy's best! Humm, I suppose the exception are avoidants; if they straight up tell you that they never miss you. They leave and never look back. Quite the experience I would say and I would'nt recommend even to my worst enemy.
She broke up in the beginning of summer and she is all the time in vacations with her family, she didn't and will not think about me or about us. But I will keep seeing your videos because you are amazing and you have so much to teach me.
I hate trying to mind read .... this is the hardest breakup that I had to go through. 2 months after the break up . The only time I’ve heard from her is because of the house we own together. She’s moved out. It wasn’t a good relationship due to me being needy , after finding out she was sexting another guy. So now I think she’s with another guy, or going out meeting new guys etc etc, Guys this is really hard......
My exbf and I are long distance. I have a 19 yr old daughter who is caught up in drugs and left my kids with my a husband. Just this sentance explains the drama and dysfunction I cant seem to escape. I cant save my daughter, her father is a nightmare and the greatest guy I've ever met doesnt want someone tied to this kind of drama. I cant leave my kids yet my exhusband is so toxic Ive had to cut him out of my life completely. Now my daughter is gone too. God help me raise my sons to be healthy and happy people.
I left my ex because he was a burden. Always complaining, whining, negative about everyone and everything everyday, I heard the same thing day-in-day-out. No matter what I did or what I said to encourage him, it was the same thing. It was much worse when he was completely drunk which is when he’s also abusive. It took a toll on me and was taking a toll on me emotionally and mentally. The first couple of months it was okay. The whining, complaining and negativity increased as time went on. He was also a burden because he nagged me almost daily on the 3’rd month and beyond about wanting to know my home address and spend the night. I wasn’t ready for all that. I tried breaking up with him over and over only to love bomb me until I went back to him. I finally broke up with him and blocked him everywhere. I never gave him my address because I knew what his real motives were.
I'm a month into my break up and my gf told me she needed to figure out if she missed me or missed being with "someone" but then continued to tell me that "she wouldn't just miss being with someone" we have hung out twice in the pay month both times had sexual intimacy moments. We were together for a year and half and we were best friends. Had everything in common and just everything was great. But there were some flaws Iv decided to go into no contact now and I'm a week into and she has told me she still loves and misses me and cares for me. But I'm in no contact now and everyday I wake up with no validation of not knowing or convincing myself or questioning myself of they miss me or not and why won't they reach out. I just feel better putting my situation out there you guys are great and I listen to 2 videos a day
Thank you Coach Craig I've been doing no contact and I feel like it's time I talk to my ex about what happened and get it all out. After that I will take time to heal myself and learn to be a better person. Thank you Coach Craig and Coach Margaret
Thank you Craig and Margaret for the helpful videos. It truly comforting to know how you understand the pain and anxiety of no contact. I am the One broken up with and this video describes my situation to the nth degree. I understand things so much more clearly now. Subbed. Thank you again 💖
I'm so thankful for your Videos. I did all the self work and everything recommended and I grew a lot, now thinking that the break up was necessary for me to change my ways and understand. But now I want him to know I changed and how I now understand what he told me before the breakup. But I'm in no contact and its a long distance with no mutual friends. How will he ever know that I changed and that we now have a real chance to be together?!
I'm sorry, I think it's sad that people only like relationships for the rainbows and sunshine but don't wanna ride the storm out. I think the days of 30+ year marriages are over. It's a instant gratification world and people just want likes on FB and to be entertained and spice all the time. I worked a steady job, watched her kids so my girl could work and accomplish her goal career goals and would plan road trips and adventures and date nights and tried to find a balance with all of it and I ended up getting left for the neighbor lol. I'm way better off now and I no longer believe in long term relationships. I'm just going to date, enjoy the ride for while it last and just be ready for the next girl to leave me once she's "bored"
Don’t be a bitch Get some help yes that’s so true !! It’s also true that this became my reality “I’m human” in the end I had to fight for myself and my survival because he didn’t MAKE the time or effort and it was just me giving xx
My ex contacted me around 3 weeks after our breakup (whilst I was doing no contact) to tell me her daughter has health issues and “because I care for her it’s fair I should know” I happen to know she found out about said illness 8 days before notifying me and also I should note that morning I posted a pic of me looking great, and that afternoon I posted about the fact my divorce papers had been received from my previous relationship (marriage) she did say in the message that “it’s why I can’t be anything to anybody at the moment, it’s nothing personal and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you” to which I replied “absolutely kids do and always must come first”. She sent about 16 messages in the conversation and I send around 11. I was very concise in my reply’s and didn’t mention our relationship atall. Is she curious or was it just as simple as her telling me about her daughter, baring in mind I’m unlikely to see her or her daughter ever again anyway based on her dumping me. Many thanks!
Well my ex told me that he was leaving me cause I was a leach and he didn't love me anymore and never did. After 12 years and 3 kids. He wanted me to stay home and be with our kids full time, didn't want me to work, he made good money. But then after awhile he saw me as a leach. I would rather be a burden then a leach. I told him to pack his bags and go if he wanted out that bad.
This is the hardest part. My ex left me after 14 years and broke up with me via text and told me to GET LOST! Then he blocked me so I couldn’t even respond. Talk about stabbing the heart. It’s been three months of no contact and I struggle with wondering how he can pretend I don’t exist. If I had to guess why I was dumped is because we fought in the recent weeks over what I would consider not break up stuff. But hey, to each their own. He isn’t with someone else and if he were, I probably would move on quicker bc then I would know it wasn’t about me. Blocking me would make sense if I was nutzo and stalked him but not the case here. Not to mention, he gave me a loving card for our anniversary one week prior. And spent $100 dollars on me. Who does that and then Dumps you a week later?? It wasn’t even thought thru. Despite all, I love him and forgive him and myself. So even if he never ever ever chooses to contact me, I do feel some peace with this awful breakup. I am still depressed and not over how it ended. No real closure. Wondering how come he doesn’t miss me and doesn’t feel the heart aching too. 🦋
My ex s father leaved her home when she was 13 years old. Her mother worked and she and her sister always grew alone. They also lacked hugs , kisses, validation words and love from their father and mother, never speak to each other when angry. She didnt know how to relate to me because she lacked example of a man in her early life. She wanted to control everything in family life.
Thanks for these videos, Craig and Margaret! I first came across this channel in April because I had just been broken up with and was hoping I could turn that back around. Eventually I met someone new in June and now I'm no longer interested in my ex. Despite that, I still watch your videos regularly; me and the new girl in my life even listen to you guys together. I like how your topics make me want to learn more about myself and my damages. Because I have found someone that I want to keep for good, I now make it a point to continue learning how I can make myself more emotionally and mentally fit. I guess you can say that I'm building myself to be more competent in maintaining relationships. I'm happy that your videos make me want to be a better person overall. Again, thanks for all the work you've been putting into this!
A person is a burden? To put a heavy burden on someone - that is difficult ti bear. A source of great worry or stress. For example, my husband refuse to work- he is a burden because I take full care of him and the children; and he refuse to carry his own load (responsibility).
Thank 😊 🙏 you coach Craig and Margaret for your uplifting words of wisdom and maturity in this insane time where finding a workable relationship seems like pulling teeth 😀
Can you do a video about what to do if your partner is thinking about separation, they've given you 0% effort/chance of saving the marriage and they are talking to a new interest, how to get them back?
I had been seeing this girl since November 2019 things started getting worse during the quarantine, we couldn't meet often. It was mostly calls on the phone for hours which caused the attraction to fade away. In July they asked her to come to work, I asked her to meet me and she kept flaking saying that it's scary to meet during the quarantine. We kept in touch and boom a month later, I find out on one of her post where a guy commented that she left her mask with him. I just unfriended, unfollowed and deleted her number from everywhere. She did not bother to reach out. I am not sure if she's seeing that guy or their friends but it's been 45 days and she hasn't reached out.
I’ve had a hard time figuring out how she could say “we should have been engaged by now” I still see myself marrying you but... it may be Too late and things like that. Can you explain a little more about how that works and what I can do?
Um No that's women for you! No contact! Focus on yourself! Look at it this way... do you want to marry a woman who is impatient and would bolt when she doesn't get her way?! She's high risk dude! Save your money!
It’s interesting to hear Margaret say the needy ones usually get back together. My ex-gf broke up with me after repeated needy behavior from me and she felt smothered. I’ve been doing no contact since she broke up with me 3 weeks ago…really is there hope if I can show her I’m strong enough to stay away?
One of the biggest reasons that my wife left me is because of my mother & her living in our home. I can't set any boundaries with my mom and my wife feels like a guest in her own home. I am now trying to save my marriage and trying to find a place for my mom to stay. I want to do everything I can to save my marriage. Any advise?
I have what I think is a unique situation. My ex has the absolute worse anxiety, I cant imagine people having it worse. So anyways I would walk away during conflict not understanding what she is going through mentally, I know understand due to this wonderful channel. Now when she came to get her stuff she brought people with her just to intimidate me, they never were more than five feet away from me. So I took a restraining order out on her and naturally she requested one back on me. So I had contacted her through social media and liked some pics of us on her page when I realized what I had done, when I was really missing her. So she has me completely blocked on her social media sites. We have court on Thursday and I am dropping my restraining order and she lied on her petition that was denied and I do not expect it to go through. Should I go no contact or should I send her one email, I do have some of her stuff and I am moving by the end of the month so I need her to get her stuff.
This video is very helpful, but it’s been almost 8 months and my ex is still angry and has made no contact with me for 7 months, even though we work together he doesn’t make contact at work either unless he has to, he has shown no signs he misses me or think about me since he left, we lived together and we were together for almost 6 years, he even told a friend he doesn’t think about me 2 months after he left
Well my ex is well and truly settled with the person she left me for, and she's taken down all photos of us together on facebook (I'm not friends with her on there- but there's no 'tag' on any of our photos together). We were together for four years with no obvious signs of problems, but her head was turned by someone else. I still feel devastated and angry with what happened. Especially his influence on her. I need to find someone way of being emotionally uninvolved in her at all. Help!
In my opinion, I don't think a job it's a good analogy for a person, a human being. One is a commercial transaction, the other it is not. Having said that, I always learn from your programs. thank you.
@@spell-caster1h9o8r Thank you! Yes Craig is great! It's been 10 months since my ex gf blindsided me without knowing that there may have been anything wrong that i may have fixed if she had communicated. It took almost 9 months for me to heal and except the breakup, and had to draw my own conclusion, and the pain is finally gone. I'm ready to date again but not in a hurry. If I hear from my ex or not, I no longer really care. I'm no longer waiting for her. Time really does heal! It was a long painful road because I really loved her. Her loss! I'm still in total radio silence No Contact, and will never contact her again.
What are the stages of no contact if they have blocked you? Surely the stages are different because we cannot physically contact anyways and they know that!?
My wife broke up 1 year and 9 months ago. My no-contact was a disaster. Every three months she did some sht to make it react and every time I reacted in anger. Once she took a pic hugging a guy and posted on social media. I thought she was going out with him. I started texting you this and that..🤣🤣 every three months she did something to make me break and every time worked...🤣🤣
My ex has always done this.. Normally takes a few weeks of no contact for her to try baiting me and we always ended up back together. This time we're 3 weeks broken up and no contact and she just put a pic with another guy up.. It's textbook but this time she gets no reaction so will see how far she goes with it now
Honestly I don’t know what to believe anymore, I just recently got dump by my ex I been with for 6 years for someone else and I’m just extremely broken
I feel for you, and so do most people here, as we are all going through difficult times. You have come to the right place. Both Craig and Margaret have taught me so much valuable information. They will soothe your soul as well. Follow their guidance, they know what they are talking about. Good luck to you!
Hey coach I had a question and maybe a video topic you can do? What if your in no contact and your ex reaches out saying they miss you and want to hang out as friends?
Coach has already talked about this. You don't accept friendship, unless that's what you want. You tell your ex to reach out only if they change their mind. Meanwhile you stay in NC until that happens or you move on.
Frustration comes from the two sides of the couple, each part (dumpeer or dumpee) can argue about "the things you didnt give me".... this must be mediated by communication and dialogue but sometimes one part or both can t put "their cards over the table" and come to agreements. Brake ups are done for loose of perspective and lack of cpmpromise of the couple.
I (fearful avoidant) broke up with my ex (anxious preoccupied) of 5 yrs and then 4 months after the breakup she started dating someone. I really want her back. She really wanted to remain friends but I told her I didnt and to call me if she changed her mind. I went into NC after that. What now?
Find someone new. She doesn't want you back. Make your life amazing and find another amazing person to share it with. You will be happier than with the old gf. :)
I seriously want to just hug these 2, they are so cute
Margaret is the sh**. She's really funny; but both are really good on advice.
+2 3 4 8 1 2 2 5 1 1 9 2 2
I agree. Especially Margaret.
🤗🤗
No contact is for you not for the dumper. It's for you to heal.. To figure out your own path without them,to improve yourself, to enjoy life again on your own terms, to move on and hopefully one day to be able to forgive and forget.. Create your own happiness and remember time heals all wounds 😉❤️
Des Eos I’ll Always Love Her.
@@suryaananda108 Every breakup is different.. I hope things go well for you and I hope you get back to her.
Thank you kindly @Des Eos
@@Duhastmage you're welcome I'm glad I could help
I loved your reply. You're cute.
I come here every night. 2 weeks since breakup & no contact. You are saving me! I feel like we are all best friends hanging out & you’re giving me comfort & sound advice. It means more than I can convey honestly. Thank you so much. Lots of love to you both & everyone else going through a hard time. ❤️ Stronger every day!
I left my borderline wife .... finally had enough of her crap ... instantly went total No Contact ... 14 days of absolute no contact was so effective she was admitted to the Mental Hospital
JG I’m completely over him. I wouldn’t respond if he tried. I feel like he isn’t worthy now. Growth is amazing!
@@heatherrussell2634 did he ever come back?
Ankita Joshi No, but I saw he got back with his ex who I accused him of cheating on me with, he denied it then but my gut was right. I haven’t spoken to him since the day we broke up. I wouldn’t answer if he tried now. I have no feelings any more which feels so good! I will say no contact worked on everyone else in the past.
Heather Russell the crazy part is he might not of been dating her at the time but when you’re in the friendship phase it may have just happened.
3 days ago I decided to go No contact after one whole month of begging and pleading him to not leave me. Im amazed how I finally emotionally detached myself! 6 yrs together and it was not easy but im on day 4 and now i see him reaching after he left me! He realized I stopped calling and texting now hes the one calling. Taking my power back!
Michelle N yayyy!!!
Jasmine Fernandez i know!🙏🏼😊
💕
Update?
Update?
I feel it’s all about the universe. If you are meant to be together, he will miss you and get back to you to work things out. Otherwise no matter how you change, they will never look back.
My ex left me I was a good dude, guess what I did? Meet a hotter girl that appreciates a good dude. You think a job will take you back after you quit? No !! I’m the Job you left
My job took me back
LOVE LOVE LOVE your take on it!!! Good for you!!!
Very good way of putting it!
Ex do not come back if they dont love you.
Yes
Its true..
mine only loved me during the love bombing stage because she was a narcissist and as an empath myself,,it was devastating
They dont come back even if they love u sometimes
So i don't have a chance that she come back
I really connected with what Craig said.
You can't change, the relationship can't change, and their feelings won't change.
My ex said these things after the breakup and I could only think "how can these things not change? It was these changes that initially got us to the point of breaking up"
Of course we can change. Nothing is permanent. We change together, or apart as we go through life.
I think she's seeing this now, as yesterday she reached out saying she is proud of me for getting so much done.
update?
.update?
The worst feeling is coming to the realization that they were right for dumping you, that you didn't give them the love or attention or the things they asked you for so long, that you took them for granted, that you were neglectful. I had my reasons to behave this way (I was hurt for a long time for something she did) but to her they are probably not valid. I feel so much regret sometimes all I want to do is turn back time and be the way she wanted me to be. Never thought this loss would feel so deep. 5 months post break up and I still see her somewhat frequently, she initiates contact often, and I know she probably has no hard feelings towards me, but she has probably had a way easier time moving on than me.
My ex called me today and wanted to talk. After 5 months ! Finally let the guard down
congratulation
pls update
Please let us know how it goes! Most people never give an update 😁
Too early too conclude. But the wind has changed direction. It is a start. No crying or physical contact.
@@killerqueen1974 it must be a good feeling when the tables finally turn.
Move on, I was depressed beyond belief worrying about all these factors etc, but I promise you, after a few months, maybe a year, you’ll be in a much healthier place, focus on your life and let your ex feel your absence, there’s such better people out there worth your time, friends, family and new love... they will regret it one day 🙂
I am watching this though I already moved on. Just made it a habit to watch your vids everyday coaches craig and margaret. Love you both.
Y it became a habit 😂
Same here. Lol...just hooked now
Inner Core same! ❤️❤️
Rebound relationship?
@@sarahanngreenwell the word "rebound" are for weak ass people.
For stables it's called moving on.
What if the person that broke up with you was the main problem because they won’t communicate? They shut down and either block you or break up with you. They also get mad and point fingers at you even though you try to be the bigger person and discuss issues as adults?
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Apparently a lot of women think if you don't talk about issues in the relationship it will just go away on its own. NOPE !!!!!!
Thats what happened to me!!
Exact same thing with me too, they suddenly dump you out of no where with no attempt to communicate there was even a problem or allowing you to fix it
Soooo true. They’d rather hit the panic button and abort mission than talk about anything. It’s an avoidant trait!
No contact is so scary because In some way shape or form we all want validation. But we can't always have what we want and I'm trying to take one day at a time
On day 8 of No contact. Broken up for 2 weeks, but since we lived together, couldn't start No Contact right away. I miss him so much. It's weird not knowing anything about how he's doing, after 7 years together. Trying to be strong and watching these videos and reading all of your comments in order to not give in to temptation and text him.
How are you holding up ?
Did he come back?
Hey how are you doing now?...how did it all go. Did he ever contact you or apologize. I'm curious bc I'm in the same situation now but a bit worst. She left hating me and not want anything to do with me bc she had a new supply waiting and making her feel like her decision was right so she left me for him and now they're planning marry even though they haven't met but spoke for months. She seems so excited and happy and I'm devastated. I think of her all damn day. I try not to but it's so hard and I cry every day for her and what she did to me bc I would swear ..I would die for her I would do anything for her to be happy. She abused me verbally and mentally and blamed me for everything and every single time we broke up it was my fault or if I bring up her mistakes she wouldn't wanna listen or flip it on to my past mistakes or didn't wanna be with me anymore. She's 23 now we grew up together but I know at that age woman are unsettled and want to explore. I just wish I didn't love her this much I wish I get in my head she's with someone else bc she didn't really love me anymore.
What i can observe from all of these information is that sadly we dont know how to build healthy relationships and we dont have the knowledge to work cooperatively in a team of two, sharing a platform of values principles and other cultural aspects that enforce love, as the pillar of the integrity in the relationship. Thanks.
I couldn’t agree more. My ex never wanted to take responsibility of his part. He kept lying to my face and giving me excuses as to why he did it. My anxiety and neediness grew exponentially after and during this. I see my part and I am working on this. Most definitely will not tolerate lying again in my future relationship, as this is a boundary I am not willing to cross. In the end he left me, telling me I couldn’t change. Even if he never reaches out, I truly hope he at some point sees his part in the breakup. I continue to feel stronger everyday and plan to continue working on myself. Thank you for all your insights!
Hey, how are things today?
You both are incomplete without each other! My love, prayers and blessings for both of you.
It’s not always the person who was dumped to make the big changes. My ex was extremely controlling and manipulative. It was when I “changed” and began to stand up for myself that she ended the relationship. I’d love for her to see the light and go back to who she was early on. I’m not going back to being her puppet, even though that is the change she demands.
I really like it when Craig gives advice on his own, however, when Margaret is with him I feel calm, secure and peaceful. I often just listen to their voices and forget to concentrate on the content. Thanks for everything
Great talk coaches. Thank you both. These vids helped me though this time. Its been 4months now. He had alot of anxiexty, needy, insecure, angry, and manipulative. I understand that he needs to grow himself and mature in many aspects. He quickly moved in with someone else. I would believe there is a solution and things take work in both parts to fix. He would try but not be consistent and run when things get hard again. He couldnt handle the outcome of his choices and i feel that he just wanted to start from zero, the easy way, not holding himself accountable for whatever mess he would get himself into. I wish him clarity, self discovery, and bless him with love, understanding, and patience. Im working on my career and sticking with our plan without him.
Thats true.
Im im the same boat my ex was like your and he moved on right away I’m heart broken . No accountability im on 3rd month
Did you break up with him for being needy? Or had he broken up with you?
I'm doing well but every now and then I think about my ex and it hurts alot but watching these vids help me and before I know it I feel better already 😁
Day one and I’m determined to better myself and not break 💕
update
You can do it just stay focused & disciplined
I've watched these videos all day everyday for a month
Any update?
We broke up 3 months ago, been in no contact for 2 months and 15 days. Not a peep still, sometimes I feel like the situation is hopeless although I try to keep my mind off of it for the most part.
Update?
Update?
Update?
“Burden” makes perfect sense metaphorically. It simply implies that your partner is weighed down by your dependency. This usage occurs in Ambrose Bierce’s essay “Antepenultimata”, so it should be clear to the American mind. This is a minor point; everything else you say in your videos, which I’ve listened to daily for over three years, is invaluable, and I am profoundly grateful.
I definitely think people can be a burden when they aren’t pulling their own weight when it comes to finances, chores, needs & wants or just being too lazy.
Shelby Hartman absolutely bang on. I lived that.
Sometimes these things are not worked out beforehand and 1 person grows resentful from lack of communication.
I broke up with a guy who I considered to be a parasite-
Didn’t meet any of my needs, no job, no car, wanted me to buy his cigarettes, wanted rides everywhere
So I can relate to the “ burden” reason
I had one of those once! He ended up homeless because he was on drugs and would sleep in my car. It got to where I just pitied him, but didn't love him and got tired of buying him booze, food and cigarettes every day for months. I finally walked away and blocked his number. Best decision I could have made. He just got more into drugs but eventually got the help he needed. A couple years later, he tried reaching out. I just wished him well but I'd long since moved on by then. Good for you for walking away! Sometimes it's the hardest decision to make. I just walked away 2 days ago from a 6 year relationship with a guy that just stopped caring for me. He took me for granted and didn't value me above everyone else in his life, even strangers on social media! Just 4 hours after I walked away and said goodbye, he messaged me. I ignored it and still haven't read the whole message but read enough to see he quickly changed his attitude to try to keep me but only for his own ego. I have to get over him before we can even revisit being friends at this point after how badly he treated me and he owes me thousands of dollars. I just want my money back now and won't be willing to invite him back into my life until he starts paying me back the $5,000 he owes me! Only then will I know he cares. Actions always speak louder than words. It hurts, but I know I deserve better! Take care of yourself. These 2 coaches have helped me so much just watching the videos. God bless you. Remember to always know your worth. That's the best advice I can give you.
🙏🏻🌹🙏🏻
Thanks for this. I’m about 1.5 week into NC after being dumped by my GF of 5 years. I’ve started to lose weight, improve fitness, socialise more and try new dress styles. It was a shock, but this video and others like it help me understand. I’m starting to slowly accept I might not hear from them again and I’m starting to accept that it’s over. Very hard though
My ex left me few days ago n I'm still in great pain, I'm a music lover so I thought music could at least eases my mind a bit of this agony, but no, it's the voices of u two consoled me greatly, ur insightful wisdoms and advices helped me thru today, thank you so so much...
So I always said if me and my ex got back together I would update you guys. So my ex left me in November. I watched these videos felt hopeless. Reached out on occasions to him but he was rude and showed no interest. He blocked me on everything including Facebook and phone. He even started dating other ppl. Now here we are in June I called him and apologized for my wrong doings. He didn’t say much and hung up quickly but he later text me a short message. Also he has unblocked me on Facebook. Although all this might mean NOTHING. I’m extremely excited and if given the opportunity will use what I learned in these videos and apply it if given another chance. Regardless of how hopeless it looks there is always a chance. Hang in there guys !!!!
Hows it going now?
My wife wanted a break because i "hurt" her to much in the past. When it was both of us that always hurt each other but long story short. We still live amd sleep together we're "friends" and we are gettint along very well. She then starts talking to a guy and incouldnt tell her much because we're just friends. So ii followed this video and shes been blowing up my phone today. And i take 10 mins to reply. So far so good
Im stayin strong with no contact im only messaging to check on our kid we have together im gettin my life on track an feelin better about myself everyday still hurts but im even starting to talk to other people its been over a month since the break up i messed up the first 3 weeks back an probably killed my chances if there was one it was a great 3 yrs we had an i did alot of what you said not to do i started watching your videos about a week ago they have helped me on my road to my own success im bettering myself im workin out an about to start a new job soon aswell
I was told I was a burden because I was going through some stress in the past month when the entire relationship was focused around her and her feelings/needs.
He broke up with me to say it was I was too jealous.. but I found out he has been talking to somone for about 3 months now..
Same with my ex he called me jealous and insecure
I loved him but I had to let him go, he was always buzy he said. 1 month No Contact
any updates?
For 18 months, I kept wanting and hoping to get back with my ex. I left him after 9 years. I beat myself up, I cried. Took all the blame. Pleaded with the universe, but..I forgot to understand there was a reason why I left the relationship. Yes I still love him with all my heart, but I now know that I do not want the ups and downs..more downs than ups. It wasn't all me. Maybe I will be by myself for the rest of my life, but it's ok..I accept that. But I just do not want to work it out any longer. I miss him, yes I do very much. I wish the very best for him, I hope he finds love..but I'm done..
As this video pints to.
That big list of things the dumpee “didn’t do” of course is matched with the reasons why’s, or the issues with the dumper. I know in my instance some of that list apply, but I know there were reasons and my ex has her cross to bare. But I became stuck with a simplistic “I didn’t do this or that. I failed her here and there” and never extended to why, or how or ask what she was doing or not doing that wasn’t netting her her wishes. It took counselling to realise the truth. And it’s always more complex. Often the very things the dumper is aggrieved the dumpee didn’t do, such as marriage or more holidays are entwined with the dumper, they have a horse in the race. They’ve often shot themselves in the foot by the way they’ve been conducting things that would pave the way to these goals happening naturally and with joint energy.
It’s easy - because you’ve been dumped - to disappear down the rabbit hole of thinking you did this or that wrong and you need to show and prove this and that because xyz. Yeah, at a basic level. But here’s the thing. That isn’t fixing anything that won’t just end up with a repeat. You fix all that stuff that YOU think you failed the dumper on, get back together and you’ll be in the same dynamic. Because what doesn’t get addressed or acknowledged is the side of the dumper. People aren’t passengers in a rele. Like Queen’s expecting their courtiers to provide.
It’s like someone crying to their folks they didn’t give them a sports car. The parents could crack and give the son or daughter their sports car. But you’d still have the same demanding individual. Alternatively the parents could point out the reason their child does have a sports car also lies with them. What work did they do to achieve their goals? After all, things that didn’t happen, marriage etc. Are goals for the dumper too, and goals need work, not passive observation, issuing demands whilst you place all the guilt and heavy lifting on your partner. There really is no hiding in reles. If something you wish is not happening there’s always a complex reason. Prob is few dumpers are prepared to do such self introspection.
For too many years I blamed myself but looking back she wasn’t putting the day to day effort in to achieve what she wanted. Our basic day to day rele wasn’t being worked on. By both of us, but it was me who was getting the finger of blame, But she won’t ever see that, she’s just not wired that way. But, I’ve come to realise in NC that it is not one person. I wish they did see the balanced view or did a little self reflection. But you just know they’re blaming you when in NC. Shame. I can’t fix what both of us did and didn’t do. I suppose I’m conflicted as know me changing things is only half the task.
One of the reasons my ex left me is because he thought his bipolar condition was a burden to me... it was not. I told him I would try and I meant it, but he didn't give me a chance and left.
I am sorry, one of the reasons why my wife left me.
I'm feeling so much pain, I just miss him so much
Just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday it’s still fresh i might be in denial right now... I do miss her I will always love her but we just were not aligning in our values and our goals maybe it was a stupid reason for me to break up but I felt like I wasn’t valued in our relationship... keep going
Hello dear i know of a person who can help you get your\ ex \back, Manifest any specific person into life within "" "24hrs inbox father right * away *
Today is my ex's birthday. I've been in NC since July, decided that I'll remain this way. It's been difficult but I made it and didn't break the silence. And won't do it although I think he expects me to wish him a happy birthday.
Same here a little while ago, it was very very hard and tempting.
@@rogueee I was tempted too and was really close to reach out to him. Especially that this thought was crossing my mind very often. Wish you luck :)
I literally took a trip during my exes birthday to avoid messaging him lol. I was miserable the entire day but I made it through. Good for you for being so strong!
This makes me sad because he broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it’s my birthday tomorrow and I’ve been in NC since. Idk if he will reach out and though I shouldn’t expect him too. I have this little hope that he will but I know he’s not going too, and that hurts even more 😔
@@nenuhhS11 I know it's a difficult time for you. I wish you all the best. It's nothing new but time really heals the wound. Keep my fingers crossed 4U.
Lately I struggle with understanding if I'm having a "gut feeling" or simply feeling fear about him moving on. I haven't seen a single thing to indicate that he has moved on, but then again, I haven't seen anything at all. It's been nearly 6 months since the breakup, 3 months since he last spoke to me, and 2 of full NC. He has looked at my Instagram story twice and my LinkedIn once. I have no idea where he is mentally or if he even misses me. We have 2 friends in common and he never asks about me. It's just so bizarre, we were so close and this is the first time in 3 years that we haven't spoken.
.Update?
Craig, can you please make a video on continuing to focus on memories with your ex when you've created so many new ones? It's been almost 8 months and I've done incredible things, traveling the world and making new great memories with friends and family, yet i'm still sometimes fixated on old memories with my ex. Just wondering why I can't focus on the past 8 months and looking toward the past?
Same thing happening with me It has been 8 month to me after break up she has moved on very easily and I used to keep her like queen but we spend lot's of Time together we went to on vacation twice for month we had beautiful and amazing memories and I still have kept all my picture in phn she has deleted all.. I don't understand I shall I do how should I overcome from this still thinking about her Everyday
You can only forget the people, not the memories 😢😢😢😢😢😢
I am sure I see halo's around both of your heads Coaches...Thank you so much for your hard work and sharing your boundless relationship knowledge. I look forward to every video you share, you cannot know how much you changed my life. Thank you so much, Rob
Great video, solid information, one of your guy's best! Humm, I suppose the exception are avoidants; if they straight up tell you that they never miss you. They leave and never look back. Quite the experience I would say and I would'nt recommend even to my worst enemy.
my ex is avoidant :(
She broke up in the beginning of summer and she is all the time in vacations with her family, she didn't and will not think about me or about us. But I will keep seeing your videos because you are amazing and you have so much to teach me.
I hate trying to mind read .... this is the hardest breakup that I had to go through. 2 months after the break up . The only time I’ve heard from her is because of the house we own together. She’s moved out. It wasn’t a good relationship due to me being needy , after finding out she was sexting another guy. So now I think she’s with another guy, or going out meeting new guys etc etc, Guys this is really hard......
I've used burden. They lacked any income potential and always needed help. Had to pay for everything. Hence, a burden
These videos, more importantly you two give me hope for my future.
My exbf and I are long distance. I have a 19 yr old daughter who is caught up in drugs and left my kids with my a husband. Just this sentance explains the drama and dysfunction I cant seem to escape. I cant save my daughter, her father is a nightmare and the greatest guy I've ever met doesnt want someone tied to this kind of drama. I cant leave my kids yet my exhusband is so toxic Ive had to cut him out of my life completely. Now my daughter is gone too. God help me raise my sons to be healthy and happy people.
I left my ex because he was a burden. Always complaining, whining, negative about everyone and everything everyday, I heard the same thing day-in-day-out. No matter what I did or what I said to encourage him, it was the same thing. It was much worse when he was completely drunk which is when he’s also abusive. It took a toll on me and was taking a toll on me emotionally and mentally. The first couple of months it was okay. The whining, complaining and negativity increased as time went on. He was also a burden because he nagged me almost daily on the 3’rd month and beyond about wanting to know my home address and spend the night. I wasn’t ready for all that. I tried breaking up with him over and over only to love bomb me until I went back to him. I finally broke up with him and blocked him everywhere. I never gave him my address because I knew what his real motives were.
I had one like that too.
I'm a month into my break up and my gf told me she needed to figure out if she missed me or missed being with "someone" but then continued to tell me that "she wouldn't just miss being with someone" we have hung out twice in the pay month both times had sexual intimacy moments. We were together for a year and half and we were best friends. Had everything in common and just everything was great. But there were some flaws Iv decided to go into no contact now and I'm a week into and she has told me she still loves and misses me and cares for me. But I'm in no contact now and everyday I wake up with no validation of not knowing or convincing myself or questioning myself of they miss me or not and why won't they reach out. I just feel better putting my situation out there you guys are great and I listen to 2 videos a day
Thank you Coach Craig I've been doing no contact and I feel like it's time I talk to my ex about what happened and get it all out. After that I will take time to heal myself and learn to be a better person. Thank you Coach Craig and Coach Margaret
Any update?
Thank you Craig and Margaret for the helpful videos. It truly comforting to know how you understand the pain and anxiety of no contact. I am the One broken up with and this video describes my situation to the nth degree. I understand things so much more clearly now. Subbed. Thank you again 💖
A burden such as illness would cause someone to walk away. Selfishness, immature, petty, unable to have an adult relationship comes to mind.
I'm so thankful for your Videos. I did all the self work and everything recommended and I grew a lot, now thinking that the break up was necessary for me to change my ways and understand. But now I want him to know I changed and how I now understand what he told me before the breakup. But I'm in no contact and its a long distance with no mutual friends. How will he ever know that I changed and that we now have a real chance to be together?!
I'm sorry, I think it's sad that people only like relationships for the rainbows and sunshine but don't wanna ride the storm out. I think the days of 30+ year marriages are over. It's a instant gratification world and people just want likes on FB and to be entertained and spice all the time. I worked a steady job, watched her kids so my girl could work and accomplish her goal career goals and would plan road trips and adventures and date nights and tried to find a balance with all of it and I ended up getting left for the neighbor lol. I'm way better off now and I no longer believe in long term relationships. I'm just going to date, enjoy the ride for while it last and just be ready for the next girl to leave me once she's "bored"
Love you guys❣️.. thank you for being there in for me in this time of grief..😢.. you have helped me tremendously.
My ex left me because he didn’t have time for me which I would say is a burden.
Sensor It that’s strange! you MAKE time for your loved ones, you are human not a pet wth
Don’t be a bitch Get some help yes that’s so true !! It’s also true that this became my reality “I’m human” in the end I had to fight for myself and my survival because he didn’t MAKE the time or effort and it was just me giving xx
And him saying I don’t have the time. 😢
I've been called a burden. My family drama, job issues ect to much to deal with
What if the break up was situational? Angry phone call lead to breaking up
.Update?
he messaged me yesterday after 12 days of breaking up. i replied. hope he gives essential offer . it is driving me nuts
My ex contacted me around 3 weeks after our breakup (whilst I was doing no contact) to tell me her daughter has health issues and “because I care for her it’s fair I should know”
I happen to know she found out about said illness 8 days before notifying me and also I should note that morning I posted a pic of me looking great, and that afternoon I posted about the fact my divorce papers had been received from my previous relationship (marriage)
she did say in the message that “it’s why I can’t be anything to anybody at the moment, it’s nothing personal and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you” to which I replied “absolutely kids do and always must come first”.
She sent about 16 messages in the conversation and I send around 11. I was very concise in my reply’s and didn’t mention our relationship atall.
Is she curious or was it just as simple as her telling me about her daughter, baring in mind I’m unlikely to see her or her daughter ever again anyway based on her dumping me.
Many thanks!
Well my ex told me that he was leaving me cause I was a leach and he didn't love me anymore and never did. After 12 years and 3 kids. He wanted me to stay home and be with our kids full time, didn't want me to work, he made good money. But then after awhile he saw me as a leach. I would rather be a burden then a leach. I told him to pack his bags and go if he wanted out that bad.
This is the hardest part. My ex left me after 14 years and broke up with me via text and told me to GET LOST! Then he blocked me so I couldn’t even respond. Talk about stabbing the heart. It’s been three months of no contact and I struggle with wondering how he can pretend I don’t exist. If I had to guess why I was dumped is because we fought in the recent weeks over what I would consider not break up stuff. But hey, to each their own. He isn’t with someone else and if he were, I probably would move on quicker bc then I would know it wasn’t about me. Blocking me would make sense if I was nutzo and stalked him but not the case here. Not to mention, he gave me a loving card for our anniversary one week prior. And spent $100 dollars on me. Who does that and then Dumps you a week later?? It wasn’t even thought thru. Despite all, I love him and forgive him and myself. So even if he never ever ever chooses to contact me, I do feel some peace with this awful breakup. I am still depressed and not over how it ended. No real closure. Wondering how come he doesn’t miss me and doesn’t feel the heart aching too. 🦋
How do you show your ex that you’ve changed and rethought a lot about the relationship if you’re in no contact? Or without looking weird or pushy
My ex s father leaved her home when she was 13 years old. Her mother worked and she and her sister always grew alone. They also lacked hugs , kisses, validation words and love from their father and mother, never speak to each other when angry. She didnt know how to relate to me because she lacked example of a man in her early life. She wanted to control everything in family life.
This woman has the looks of a relationship expert.
Thanks for these videos, Craig and Margaret! I first came across this channel in April because I had just been broken up with and was hoping I could turn that back around. Eventually I met someone new in June and now I'm no longer interested in my ex. Despite that, I still watch your videos regularly; me and the new girl in my life even listen to you guys together. I like how your topics make me want to learn more about myself and my damages. Because I have found someone that I want to keep for good, I now make it a point to continue learning how I can make myself more emotionally and mentally fit. I guess you can say that I'm building myself to be more competent in maintaining relationships. I'm happy that your videos make me want to be a better person overall. Again, thanks for all the work you've been putting into this!
A person is a burden? To put a heavy burden on someone - that is difficult ti bear. A source of great worry or stress. For example, my husband refuse to work- he is a burden because I take full care of him and the children; and he refuse to carry his own load (responsibility).
I just want a relationship that comes easy…
Did you know that’s what most avoidants believe
Thank 😊 🙏 you coach Craig and Margaret for your uplifting words of wisdom and maturity in this insane time where finding a workable relationship seems like pulling teeth 😀
Can you do a video about what to do if your partner is thinking about separation, they've given you 0% effort/chance of saving the marriage and they are talking to a new interest, how to get them back?
I had been seeing this girl since November 2019 things started getting worse during the quarantine, we couldn't meet often. It was mostly calls on the phone for hours which caused the attraction to fade away. In July they asked her to come to work, I asked her to meet me and she kept flaking saying that it's scary to meet during the quarantine. We kept in touch and boom a month later, I find out on one of her post where a guy commented that she left her mask with him. I just unfriended, unfollowed and deleted her number from everywhere. She did not bother to reach out. I am not sure if she's seeing that guy or their friends but it's been 45 days and she hasn't reached out.
he told me he could not be w someone who liked country music 😂
Wow, how stupid!
and i stayed a while longer!! ahahaha
Lmao wtf. But the underlying issue is deeper i bet.
Lol - Are you ok? Sorry for laughing - it looks like you're making light of the situation. That made my morning btw. :- D
- probably but Country Music is pretty defining. LMAO
I’ve had a hard time figuring out how she could say “we should have been engaged by now” I still see myself marrying you but... it may be Too late and things like that. Can you explain a little more about how that works and what I can do?
Um No that's women for you! No contact! Focus on yourself! Look at it this way... do you want to marry a woman who is impatient and would bolt when she doesn't get her way?! She's high risk dude! Save your money!
Best coach ever
It’s interesting to hear Margaret say the needy ones usually get back together. My ex-gf broke up with me after repeated needy behavior from me and she felt smothered. I’ve been doing no contact since she broke up with me 3 weeks ago…really is there hope if I can show her I’m strong enough to stay away?
One of the biggest reasons that my wife left me is because of my mother & her living in our home. I can't set any boundaries with my mom and my wife feels like a guest in her own home. I am now trying to save my marriage and trying to find a place for my mom to stay. I want to do everything I can to save my marriage. Any advise?
I have what I think is a unique situation. My ex has the absolute worse anxiety, I cant imagine people having it worse. So anyways I would walk away during conflict not understanding what she is going through mentally, I know understand due to this wonderful channel. Now when she came to get her stuff she brought people with her just to intimidate me, they never were more than five feet away from me. So I took a restraining order out on her and naturally she requested one back on me. So I had contacted her through social media and liked some pics of us on her page when I realized what I had done, when I was really missing her. So she has me completely blocked on her social media sites. We have court on Thursday and I am dropping my restraining order and she lied on her petition that was denied and I do not expect it to go through. Should I go no contact or should I send her one email, I do have some of her stuff and I am moving by the end of the month so I need her to get her stuff.
you guys helped me so much. thank you!
What if your girl dumped you and you tried NC but she never stops contacting you almost every single day for some reason except our relationship.
“Every relationship is different”
My anxiety: ⏬⏬⏬⏬⏬
This video is very helpful, but it’s been almost 8 months and my ex is still angry and has made no contact with me for 7 months, even though we work together he doesn’t make contact at work either unless he has to, he has shown no signs he misses me or think about me since he left, we lived together and we were together for almost 6 years, he even told a friend he doesn’t think about me 2 months after he left
Did he come back
Someone can be a burden financially or emotionally
So money more important than love? Condition: they are not going about you being their wallet. Thats gold digging/being a parasite.
I left a job thinking the gas is greener on the other side but ended up back in the job I left and realized I like it more
Well my ex is well and truly settled with the person she left me for, and she's taken down all photos of us together on facebook (I'm not friends with her on there- but there's no 'tag' on any of our photos together). We were together for four years with no obvious signs of problems, but her head was turned by someone else. I still feel devastated and angry with what happened. Especially his influence on her. I need to find someone way of being emotionally uninvolved in her at all. Help!
In my opinion, I don't think a job it's a good analogy for a person, a human being. One is a commercial transaction, the other it is not. Having said that, I always learn from your programs. thank you.
What if they did not communicate with you, so that you would know something was wrong???
@@spell-caster1h9o8r Thank you! Yes Craig is great! It's been 10 months since my ex gf blindsided me without knowing that there may have been anything wrong that i may have fixed if she had communicated. It took almost 9 months for me to heal and except the breakup, and had to draw my own conclusion, and the pain is finally gone. I'm ready to date again but not in a hurry. If I hear from my ex or not, I no longer really care. I'm no longer waiting for her. Time really does heal! It was a long painful road because I really loved her. Her loss! I'm still in total radio silence No Contact, and will never contact her again.
There's also a possibility they don't miss you in their life?
What are the stages of no contact if they have blocked you? Surely the stages are different because we cannot physically contact anyways and they know that!?
My wife broke up 1 year and 9 months ago. My no-contact was a disaster. Every three months she did some sht to make it react and every time I reacted in anger. Once she took a pic hugging a guy and posted on social media. I thought she was going out with him. I started texting you this and that..🤣🤣 every three months she did something to make me break and every time worked...🤣🤣
My ex has always done this..
Normally takes a few weeks of no contact for her to try baiting me and we always ended up back together. This time we're 3 weeks broken up and no contact and she just put a pic with another guy up..
It's textbook but this time she gets no reaction so will see how far she goes with it now
Honestly I don’t know what to believe anymore, I just recently got dump by my ex I been with for 6 years for someone else and I’m just extremely broken
leison saintil that’s very rough , Delete them off all social media , Never going to work out with them 100% guaranteed it won’t work
I feel for you, and so do most people here, as we are all going through difficult times. You have come to the right place. Both Craig and Margaret have taught me so much valuable information. They will soothe your soul as well. Follow their guidance, they know what they are talking about. Good luck to you!
Well even when they contact you it depends what they say. Somethings don"t deserve a reply.
Hey coach I had a question and maybe a video topic you can do? What if your in no contact and your ex reaches out saying they miss you and want to hang out as friends?
Coach has already talked about this. You don't accept friendship, unless that's what you want. You tell your ex to reach out only if they change their mind. Meanwhile you stay in NC until that happens or you move on.
Frustration comes from the two sides of the couple, each part (dumpeer or dumpee) can argue about "the things you didnt give me".... this must be mediated by communication and dialogue but sometimes one part or both can t put "their cards over the table" and come to agreements. Brake ups are done for loose of perspective and lack of cpmpromise of the couple.
What is indirect/direct approach? Is asking mundane questions and giving advice (not asked for) considered indirect/direct ?
I (fearful avoidant) broke up with my ex (anxious preoccupied) of 5 yrs and then 4 months after the breakup she started dating someone. I really want her back. She really wanted to remain friends but I told her I didnt and to call me if she changed her mind. I went into NC after that. What now?
Find someone new. She doesn't want you back. Make your life amazing and find another amazing person to share it with. You will be happier than with the old gf. :)
Do you just want her because she's moved on before you?
Coach Margaret is so cool 😭
Thank you so much Coach Margaret and Coach Craig love u both.